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I grew up very much a people pleaser and so for much through my childhood and my adult life, if somebody that I was talking to, I was around or having a conversation or just whatever, they liked me, I was safe. If they were happy, I was safe. So you end up kind of putting on this song and dance to connect with people and smile and it's not malicious or anything, but you're trying to get safety. It's so childlike, but I'm just explaining it. As soon as that person gives you some kind of okay or smile, you're like, okay, I'm good, right? And so what ends up happening is you get into this weird pattern of bending over backwards or letting people violate your boundaries or letting people just do whatever because you want them to think you're chill and you're cool and you're nice and you know what? It's over, okay? It's fucking over. Because like on one hand, listen, I don't need to make anybody happy to feel safe. I am fucking safe. And then if I'm not safe, then fine. I'm unsafe for a minute and we'll figure it out, okay? Okay. So what I mean by this and when I give these examples, you're going to be like, oh, duh. And I'm like, listen, this is a change for me. So, um, dude, my life has changed a little bit since being single and dying my hair black. I don't know what's going on, but they're here. The boys are here. So a couple of days ago, no, it's like a week ago. I was in Vegas and, um, oh my God, this happened twice. I was in Vegas. The Uber driver picks me up and I cannot believe this happened twice. I'm just going to, I didn't even remember the first story. I'm going to tell the first story now. He picks me up and he's very chatty. He's very nice and like, I can tell he's just somebody that's social and, um, you know, back in my day, if the Uber driver was very, very chatty and I, no matter whether I was not, I would chat with them because I don't want them to think I'm a mean person. But like now my thing is if I want to chat, I will chat because I think the big thing is like anybody that works service, like restaurant or Uber drivers or something, um, it's okay for people to be quiet, but it's not okay for them to not treat you like a human, right? So I, I don't have to, you know, entertain somebody for 30 minutes and they're entertaining me having a whole conversation that neither of us want to have just, you know, to treat them humanely. You can like, I get in, you know, how are you exchange a little? They ask me a question. I asked them a question back. We exchanged some pleasantries and then maybe I'll go quiet on my phone or maybe sometimes I'll talk the whole time, right afterwards. I get dropped off at the place. I leave a little tip. I leave five stars. Boom. I think that's a perfect exchange, right? So in this case, I get into Vegas and the driver, he's very, very chatty and he, I didn't really want to talk because I had just gotten off a flight but it was a short flight and he seemed like a, he just seemed sweet, I guess, um, or, or excited to talk maybe. Um, and, and so, you know, I was like chatting with him a bit and, you know, if, if a dude's about to hit on you sometimes and you're like, you know, exchanging, whatever, they might like shoot their shot, right? And honestly, that's fucking fine, whatever, but I hate when you shoot your shot while I'm in the car and we still have 12 minutes left and we're in traffic. And now, oh my god, I just remembered this. The guy was, he was, I'm, dude, he was like, he was for sure, like kind of like hitting on me a little bit, asking me, oh, you don't have kids, you don't have kids, no husband. And then I'm not kidding. He, I was quiet. And so he was like, um, I'm going to put on some music or let's play some music. And I was like, okay, great. He puts on like Usher or some kind of love song and starts just singing the song at max volume, looking back at me and it's something about, I would do anything for you baby. And I'm like, bro, kill me, kill me. I let him sing his little song, you know, whatever. And like, he's, he's fine. God, I guess I am still like pretty, but I mean, like, I was going to say I guess I am still overly nice, but it's like, what are you, okay, I don't know how to explain this. If you're like asking me if I'm single or like in a relationship and like, oh, when you find out I'm single, like, you know, and then asking me more questions. And then you start to sing a love song to me. You're violating my boundaries. Okay. Like I, my old brain, I feel like my old brain and new brain are kind of fighting here. Old me. It's like, oh, it's harmless. It's not hurting you. Sure. It's not hurting me, but I'm uncomfortable and please stop singing me this song. So anyways, he, you know, he's, oh, and I'm like, okay, whatever. And then we still got like 10 minutes left on the drive and some change because we stuck in traffic. And then he's like, take my number, take my number in case you need to ride again. Like I'll come pick you up anytime. And I said, okay, do you have a card? Do you have like a business card or a QR code? He said, no, no, no, I don't have a card. Just take my number. And I said, no, I, I, I said, um, I don't even remember. I said, I think I still did it the nice way. I was like, well, hey, I was like, if I call a ride again and you're my driver, then, then it's fate. And I will take your number, which bitch, has anyone else ever done this before? What if I did call a ride and it was him again? I would cancel. Cancel. Cancel. Cancel. Because I sat myself up for that one, but yeah, I, so I kind of like try to nicely dodge out of it. And he's still like pushing, you know, he's still, he's like, take my number. Take my number. He's like, why you don't want an old man's number? Well, no, I don't, I don't, Gregory, I don't want to, I don't want to, um, but, um, I, I simply will not, you know, and so I told him, I said, no, I, I said, I don't, I don't, I don't want, I said, if you had a business card, I would take it. I don't want to exchange personal numbers. And okay, this might sound dumb. That was like a, I, I pushed back a little, I pushed back a little, and then I gave a flat out new. I'm sorry. Then I gave a flat out. No. Like new for me, like, I, I, that's what I'm saying by, I'm not overly nice anymore. In the past, I don't think I would, I, I don't know if I would have like given him the number just to like, make it stop, but you know, I didn't, y'all already know, I love Zokdok. I'm Zokdok's number one fan. I'm not kidding. I, you know, every time I do a promo with them, it also reminds me, do I need to go to the doctor for anything? Cause look, y'all, I got a lot of body parts and so do you and we need to take care of them. Look, here's, here's my little proof here. Your Zokdok appointment is tomorrow September 25th. Yeah, I literally use this application. This past week, I just had to get caught up in some stuff at the doctor. I had a really bad allergic reaction earlier in the week and you know what, it turns out I needed steroids for it. So I went to a doctor that I found through Zokdok and not only was it a great experience, but that's my new primary care physician. Also, I don't know if I'm supposed to stay all of that, but like it's true. And this is a Zokdok promo. If you don't already know what it is, it is a free app or website that you can use to find doctors in your area, five star takes your insurance, open availability for you to come in at your convenience, and it's all right there in the app. Guys, we've needed this for years. I'm tired of calling the doctor's office. I'm tired of looking for who takes my insurance. I'm tired of all of it. And guess what? It is so easy with Zokdok. If you're like me and you get a little bit of like appointment or phone anxiety, this is what you need to use because we all need to go to the doctor. So whether you're looking for a new doctor or you have a favorite and you can book them through Zokdok, you are going to see just how easy it is. No more picking off the phone and sitting there just waiting to see if they got an appointment and then they tell you, okay, we have something in eight months. No, we're done here. So if you guys want to help me out, you can use my code, but reminder, it's free. In fact, this is an optional. Use the code. Just go to zokdok.com/igotnothing. That's zokdok.com/igotnothing with the G on the end. And you can use the website to book your first appointment today or download the app, whichever you prefer. But trust me, you want to be using Zokdok. I sort of listening that like for sure would have been like, fuck this guy, just listen, bear with me. I'm catching up to you. This is a great moment. Let's celebrate it. Lastly, I'm just venting about all these and also I'm not kidding. Like all this happened in the last like week and a half is so frustrating. So then I'm getting, um, this just happened yesterday, pissed me off so bad. I was getting something installed in my house and, uh, the, the dude came to install it and you know, he's chatty, I'm chatting, you know, whatever. And this is like, it's like a two or three hour install. Um, but like every time he's like explaining something to me, he keeps getting really close to me and keep in mind, like we're inside of my home, you know, and he keeps getting really close, but it's still that kind of barrier of he hasn't done anything wrong. It struck me as like, well, let's just let, let's see, let's, let's push some boundaries. You know, let's just see, you know, oh, it's such a clutch off season pickup. Dave, I was worried we'd be bringing back the same team. I meant those blackout motorized shades. Lines.com made it crazy affordable to replace our old blinds. Hard to install. No, it was easy. I installed these and they got some from my mom. She talked to a design consultant for free and scheduled a professional measure and install Hall of Fame Sun. They're the number one online retailer of custom window coverings in the world. Lines.com is the goat shop lines.com right now and get up to 45% off select styles. Rules and restrictions may apply and I didn't say anything to him. I just would try to be a little bit less friendly or less engaged. That's why I was doing it instead of like dialing up the friendly to be safe. I was like, let's tone down the friendly, you know, because I'll give you the fucking friendly because I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm happy to talk to you. You know, I'm like, let's be chill, let's be cool. But like if you're like leaning in, like he was like having me look at some paperwork and he was like leaning in like on like we were on a high school date. It was so weird, bro. And then God, this really like bothers me. I know somebody's going to tell me to report this shit, but I'm okay. I'm still maybe, maybe I'm still a nice guy. I don't know. Um, but yeah, then I was a, he was installing this and I started watching a TV show. I started watching that new Menendez Brothers series. And he's like, oh, I just watched this the other day. And then he sat on my couch and started watching the show with me while he said he was waiting for like something to connect. Like I'm just now realizing because like as I was about to the story, I was like, oh, I'm just being a bitch. Get the fuck off my couch. Wait. Hold on. Jesse. Am I trippin or like, okay, yeah, get off my couch, right? Yeah. Okay. Sorry. And, and like you are here to install something, not watch a fucking TV show with me. And I was so uncomfortable and I have like this L shaped couch and he's like on this one side of it. I already hate that. Whatever gets up, does more. I'm still in the couch watching the show with my blanket. And this is like another thing I realized like, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I needed to get like fully dressed for a house install and apparently I do because me being in my like pajamas, it's in my fucking house just made him feel so cozy. So then he comes back and he sits on the couch even closer to me, like trying to explain something. And like, I, at this point, this has been going on for like two hours or so, like I was like, hey, can you back up a little bit bitch, this is not like me, this is not like me. This is not like me. And I know some of you are like, Bose, I can't believe you let this go on for two hours, whatever. Okay. I still think. And I, and I said it very firmly. Hey, can you, can you back up a little bit? I can read this. And he was like, oh, okay, dude, girl, I wish I had done it from the beginning. I tried all my nice tactics, you know, being a little less friendly, making a little less eye contact, trying to display like I am not interested, you know. And God, that was so fucking ridiculous, dude. But yeah, as soon as you say something, they just completely shut down. And you know what, that's also like how I know that this was pushing boundaries because as soon as I said something, everything was all professional, everything was all good. God, that means, it makes me so mad. So anyways, that's what I mean about no more Mr. Nice Bose. It all matter who you are, you up in my grill and I don't want it back up. I might say it nicely two or three times depending on the day, but eventually I will tell you to get away from me. So anyways, we're developing some new skills here. If anyone's had these for years, I congratulate you. It's great. That's wonderful. I'm catching up. But yeah, it feels, I cannot believe, I cannot believe I used to live that way. Like I'm telling you like these like three stories that I just told you that literally happened in the past week and a half. Normally if that had happened to me, I would have just, oh, no big deal, I would have said the most sexist shit ever to myself like, oh, well, that's so nice he's shooting his shot. Like, what the fuck is that? Where did that conditioning come from? Where did that safety come from? Like I feel a sense of disgust at that and you know, on one hand, I want to give some kindness to my former self because it's like my younger self like she didn't know. She wasn't taught how to set those boundaries. In fact, she was taught to let people push her boundaries and do whatever the fuck they want. And that's just not, that's not my MO anymore, it's just not. So yeah, I feel sorry, I feel two sides of the coin, one, I feel, I have some empathy for my younger self, like I'm trying not to be so harsh, but also at the same time, I feel a sense of, I feel a sense of anger and I feel a little bit of a sense of disgust. Disgust is a really unique emotion because have you ever been dating somebody before or maybe as a friend or a family member and they have a certain habit or a thing and you start to feel disgust for that habit. Disgust usually comes up when somebody is exhibiting a pattern of behavior that we used to have and we grew out of and we know how much it was hurting us. So when we see other people exhibiting this behavior, especially when they're aware that this is no good for them and they keep doing it, you might feel disgust. And so that's kind of why I feel this disgust for my former self, it's kind of the same as looking at a partner that's doing that, right? Because I'm like, "Oh my God, like, what were you doing and what could have happened to you by sitting here and accommodating these weird people?" And I don't just mean guys, I mean friends, I mean coworkers, I mean anything, you know? I thought that by being friendly and somebody liking me, I would attain a sense of safety. But now in retrospect, I think like, you know, with that guy that was just in my house, like, if I was super friendly with him, would he have pushed a boundary even further? And it also makes me think like, "Man, have I ever, have I been in a situation like that in the past, and I just don't remember being overly nice and then, you know, I don't know." But, look, fuck that dude, fuck that. So I'm really, I'm excited and intrigued by how this new special ability I have that some of you guys have had for the longest time will finally do for me, saying no when my boundaries are pushed past the point, look, I'm still going to have people in my life that push a few boundaries because that's, I don't know, that's the environment that I was raised in. But we will no longer allow people to push it past a certain point because get away from me. And yeah, this is so weird, I'm still, I'm still mad about that. Also, I love how I started this off by saying like, I was going to talk about Lana because I have opinions on that. And then I just go into this whole thing about, you know, boundaries and whatnot, I don't know, maybe it was interesting for you guys. So listen, you guys heard the story about the doctor and it was being crazy. That was an example of me having no boundaries and being overly nice to somebody. So it's like something like that would just like not happen to me now. Well, okay, enough of me losing my mind. Let's get back to our daily dose of pop culture. Also, have you guys noticed that like, these are not like produced episodes where I'm like, let's talk about this. Let's talk about this. Like, no, bro. And just like, I'm so knee deep in all things pop culture, music, internet stuff. And then I just get to come on here and ramble about it. So it was reported this past week that Lana del Rey obtained a license for marriage. Now, I, it is on the county website and the license for marriage has her name on it and her new boyfriend, bitch. Did you see her new boyfriend? This has been a total fiasco. Okay. His name is Jeremy Dupreen. He is an alligator tour guide. Like he's a tour guide in a bayou in Louisiana. And the minute I heard this, I said, I don't like it, but I get it, Lana, because this is the one identity that she hasn't taken on yet and it matches her so good. Now look, I'm not loving Jeremy. Okay. Because I'm like, Lana, what the fuck is this? I'm like, what is this? However, if Lana gets inspired by an alligator wrestling bayou, Louisiana, New Orleans shrimp guide, the album's going to be fire. Okay. Y'all ever had her blues music added by you? She heard that shit and she said, I want that. Now I need to go date a guy like that. She's already dated her Gatsby. She's dated her biker, bad boy. Where are you going to find a man in a swamp from Louisiana? Like it's a, for her, this is, this is like an aesthetic vibe. It's got to be. Now, I will say there's a lot of stuff that's like come out about Jeremy, like him doing, not only like taking some, taking some staunch political sides, but like some of his Facebook posts got leaked and he, he seems like a grandpa on Facebook, like I'm like, what is going on? Like I'm, I'm not a Jeremy fan. And also do we have a photo of him? Listen, if you're listening on Spotify, please look one up. You need to see. You need to see what I'm talking about because I can't go in on this man's appearance. However, what are we doing? Right? Okay. Now, those are my negatives of Jeremy. Can I, can I throw out a, I don't want to say necessarily in defense of Jeremy, but just like a thought, um, do you guys think that Lana del Rey is about to enter a 20, 30, 40 year marriage with this man? I, honest question. Okay. Sure. One year, two year, three years. I feel like this guy is like another aesthetic from one of her songs that she hasn't collected yet. And like, don't get me wrong. I love Lana. I've been, I've been a Lana fan for like over 10 years, right? I remember the first time that I heard video games, um, I was so embarrassed for her during her SNL performance. And I, you know, I've just followed her career over the years. She's just, I love Lana. Okay. But what are we doing? Um, I kind of feel like she's like dating this guy almost as an aesthetic. And this lot dating or marrying or even just getting engaged to Lana del Rey is going to be the highlight of this man's entire fucking life. Okay. Right now when she's taking him around these events and the paparazzi's flash and everything and he's dressed up in this nice suit and she's got him all cleaned up. This is the highlight of his life. This is it and this man wants it and believes it's going to be forever hope for the best for you to, you know, I don't see it. I just don't see it. Me personally. I don't see it. And one thing that kind of like bums me out is that like, you know, if they divorce, I don't think it's going to be Jeremy divorcing Lana. I think it's going to be Lana divorcing Jeremy. And when anybody recover after dating Lana del Rey and now you're back in the bayou waiting for the nine AM tour, like I'm so fucking serious, you know? So like, I, okay. So all of that to say, I hate this all around. Like I hate it. I'm a Lana fan. I don't like your new fiance or husband. And like, if you've been, if you've been here for a minute, you know, she's, she's been engaged like a few times or like, oh, she's dating this person in the series. I have never seen a, a, a, a, what is it? I have never seen an application for a marriage. Okay. I've never seen her girl this far and I'm looking at Jeremy like, what are we doing now? Okay. Let me play a little devil's advocate for a second. Maybe this is her big one. Maybe she's dated a bunch of guys and finally knows what she wants. And it's all him. In which case I still hate this, like I hate it, like Lana, can you please date some, wait, let's think about this for a second as a lot of fans. Okay. Would you rather, okay. She could go date some, I don't know, hot pop guy that we're, or maybe older, like 40 year old, 50 year old, like business guy, she's not going to get any inspiration from that from the album. Okay. She's not, she's going to feel safe and protected. And we all know that we do not do our best work when we feel safe and protected. I do my best work when I'm losing my fucking mind. Okay. So let's just be real, like we would get another like mini Gatsby type of like situation, if even that, wait, no, she could, if she were in that relationship and she stays in it for like five years or so, we could get like the sad housewife arc album. But would that one be good? At Sierra discover great deals on top brand workout gear, like high quality bikes, which might lead to another discovery. Getting back in the saddle isn't always comfortable. Good news is Sierra has massage guns, and shave wipes too. Discover top brands at unexpectedly low prices. Sierra, let's get moving. Objectively. Okay. So we have the possible sad housewife album. It could be good. It could be good. Beverly Hills housewife, you know, but if Lana's with Jeremy, we get the Lana blues by the buy you album and you know it's going to hit. You know it. You know it. What what kind of instruments they be playing in that? I don't know. Leaves on the swamp. I don't know what it's going to sound like, but I know it's going to be fire. Sometimes I remember one time I was talking to one of my music friends and she meant this so seriously, like she was talking about not being able to like create feeling really uninspired and she was like laying on my couch and she literally goes, I need a man to break my heart so I can write a new album and that's what it hit me. I was like, oh my God, that there are some musicians, there are some musicians and some artists that seek out unique experiences just so they can take them in, right? Because a lot of people they create art out of your childhood, your childhood trauma, whatever happened to you, whatever, right? They create a lot of art after that, but then what happens after that musician or that actor or whatever, they've already put out like two or three albums or several movies where they've already kind of like gotten through that. They're like, I need a new trauma. I need a new one to inspire me. I am not kidding. There are some artists and musicians that will accidentally seek out new experiences that kind of inspire them. I guess I won't say traumatize them, but inspire them and it gives them new depth, right? Dude, this, I think, should I even say this? Hold on, wait, I say that all the time. No, I'm not going to say this because that is crazy of me. I cannot believe I did that, okay, so one of my wonderful assistant's jobs, sorry, I was just texting, I go to a lot of music shows or sorry, I go to a lot of concerts, okay? I just like it. That's my thing. There's a weird al tour that just got announced and so I told her I was like, I need to just secure these weird al tickets when they go on sale at 10 a.m. She's like, on it, on it. Weird al tickets secured. I'm like, yes. Also, you guys that know who Weird Al is, you know I'm a Weird Al girl, right? Like I want, I want you to picture this, okay? I think this is going to make some things click into perspective for some of you. If you don't know who Weird Al is, he's a parody musician, one of the most famous of all time, okay? He is one of the few people that has had a hit every decade for five decades. I believe it's five. Every single one. What is it? 80s, 90s, 2000s, and 2010s. Maybe it's four, maybe it's four because I know the last one, I think the last one was white and nerdy. No, maybe he had another one, so maybe five. But I mean, even 40 years of being like a number one, like in the top charts. Crazy. Weird Al, I love him, okay? Now if you know who Weird Al is and you've been watching me for a while, I want you to picture this. Weird Al was a five-year-old that loved Weird Al, those are the only albums I collected. I think I had Backstreet Boys and Weird Al Yankovic. I was a super computer nerd that played Warcraft 2 on a CD-ROM, okay? I was destined to be a fucking Twitch streamer. The site wasn't even created yet and I was already live, okay? Who the fuck is calling me? Oh my God, wait, I'm answering this. You guys are getting a chaotic episode today. Bitch, don't say anything crazy. You're on speakerphone. I'm on my podcast. Oh God, thank you for the warning. Jesus Christ, I was about to incriminate myself sadly. What were you about to say? Hey, do you want me to cut that out? That part doesn't matter. Okay, I'll talk to you later. I, you know, I love doing this podcast. I just have to say that, you know, part of it is that I only have to release it every two weeks. So you guys get, okay, listen, I'm gonna tell you something right now. Okay, I'm, we're all over the place today. I don't even know if I should say this. I'm gonna do it. I don't give a shit. When you have a podcast and you work with the network, they're like, hey, you should do this podcast every single week. And I've been asked, oh, which, when are we going to start doing this weekly or whatever, right? The reason that they want you to do that is so that they can put more ads on it and then you fall is here. And you know what that means? It's time to shift our wardrobe from summer to fall. And look, I know you got a couple of shirts and pants that you already like, but what's better than refreshing your wardrobe with timeless pieces that are not going to break the bank. Listen, when I shop at Quinn's, I know that I'm not going way above my budget. I can pick out everything I want from $50 cashmere sweaters, where are you going to find $50 cashmere to the washable silk tops? Y'all know I love them. I used to work at a law firm. I don't have the time to get them dry cleaned. I want to put it in the washing machine. Quinn's has got them. They've got pants for every occasion, whether it's dress up, dress down, whatever. And the best part, Quinn's items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. And it's still top quality. The way they do it is by partnering with some of the top factories and then Quinn's is able to kind of cut out the middleman and then just pass those savings along back to the consumer. They figured out a different business model, but they keep the clothes quality. I've always just been a big believer on when you buy quality pieces, they last longer. Okay? You don't want your shirt coming out of the wash after two or three runs and you can't wear it again. It's not going to happen with Quinn's. These are quality things. And hey, don't let the price fool you because I'm telling you, scroll to the website right now. You can say, oh girl, I can get this and this and this and this and this, yes, you can. You can have whatever you want. So just go to quince.com/ign and you'll get free shipping on your order and 365 days for returns. That's crazy. That's quince.com/ign for free shipping and 365 days of returns. But the reason they do that is so they can put more ads on it. So if you do more episodes, they run more ads, right? And so, you know, it's always like, hey, do more, do more, more, more. And you know what, I don't want to do this podcast every single week because when it's up happening is I would have to get a producer and they would have to put together topics for me week over week and then everything gets robotic, right? Like this, this little show right here is the most raw and real outlet that I have these days, okay? Like, you know, I don't, yeah. So I like doing it every two weeks because do you know how this show is produced? This is why some of the episodes are bad sometimes, bitch, okay? Because over the course of 13 days, I pull out the notes out of my phone and I write down weird ideas I have and that I want to talk about, okay? So that's what it is. It's organically produced. And then in turn, you get topics that I care about, that I'm passionate about, that I can, I don't know, that I'm actually plugged into. Am I thinking too much? Let me see if I got another topic to close this out. Let's check out the old doc. Okay, I'm also starting one other little personal journey, the next couple of weeks. Dude, which is, okay, this is going to sound a lot, I'm going to try to put in some effort into my appearance. I know some of you're going to like watch this and be like, oh, Bose, you look fine or whatever. Yeah, because I like, you know, I'll try to like put on some makeup before I get on stream or like, you guys know I'm like always talking about, oh, I got a trainer and I need to go in weekly or something like that. I do a lot of those things because I am on camera. And part of my job is to look presentable, you know, bitch, and I say that where I just have like a little bit of foundation on, I have sunglasses and a hat on today looking like a Wu Tang member. But when I was younger, I was like fully convinced that I was like the most ugliest, like most hideous, most horrendous person that is like ever I'll walk this earth. I don't know. One more kids, we come up with stupid ideas and then we have to untangle them later, right? I've looked at pictures of myself, I was a cute kid. I have no idea why I thought that about myself and that's really sad. But unfortunately, I had come to this conclusion and so I don't know if anyone else will relate to this. This is something I barely even talked about in therapy, but it's very real is I could not look at myself for a very long time. I had some, I don't know, I don't know what it was. In fact, if anyone has this, like leave a comment with it. I'm going to talk to my therapist about it because it's kind of, I've moved past it, I'm like, what was that? I could not look at myself in the mirror without like breaking down because I didn't like what I looked like. And so with that, it also became, when I would put on makeup, I would almost kind of disassociate while I was like putting my makeup on. It was very strange. I also couldn't look at myself in like certain lighting. It would really upset me. I don't know what the fuck happened to me when I was a kid, but it was really messed up. And so some of those pieces have just fallen away. I'm like, wait, what? Like that's, you know, I don't know, I'll have to talk to somebody about it. But I am starting a journey of looking at myself and intentionally taking care of my appearance. I remember I had a conversation with Sage when she was on the pod a while ago, and I was so impressed of how she gets up and puts on her makeup. Does her hair super cute? She cares about what her appearance looks like enough to put time and effort into it. And I want that for myself. But for some reason, I had convinced myself over the years, don't look at it. Don't look at it. It's too painful. Focus on your business or focus on your personality or focus on this, this, this, this, this. Okay. I've done that. I want to feel pretty. I want to be able to look at myself. I want to take some time to get ready in the morning. I want to like go get some fucking beauty procedures and like, you know, nothing crazy, but just, I want to feel confident. And I want to look at myself and I want to take care of myself the way that other people do because I think really the baseline of it was for so long. I had convinced myself that it didn't matter. And you know, it does. And I think also, you know, as, as women, it can make us feel a little, it can make us feel more feminine. It can make us feel more or anybody can feel more feminine and just putting on some makeup for the day and feeling confident walking outside. And yeah, I, I think it's going to take some time because I did, I, I made this decision like a week ago and then I still walked out of the house like this for the pod. Okay. So bear with me. Um, but I'm really going to try and also maybe it's that breakup energy too. All right. I'm like, once, um, yeah. So yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to work on like trying to get healthy. I'm going to 2x my skincare routine every day. I'm going to like, I'm going to try to like have a little easy makeup look that I can put on when I leave the house. So I'm like feeling good, you know, I'm going to be trying all these things. And if anybody resonates with that strange issue that I just mentioned, and also this isn't a, oh, poor me moment, bitch, is it ever really that? I'm just trying to connect with you. So if anyone else has been to that before, um, I don't know, the, tell me your thoughts, tell me your feelings, tell me whatever. And, uh, I'm actually going to talk to my therapist about this. And if I come up with anything good, I'll let you know, um, but hey, sorry, the episodes have been a little jumbled the past couple of weeks. They usually are supposed to come out on Tuesdays. We might change the day. I'm not sure. But the past couple of weeks, I've just kind of been up and down with traveling, mood, just everything really sorting out my life. And so, um, I'm like, yeah, let's get the episodes out, but they might be a little late. Uh, I promise we'll wrangle it back in here soon. Just yeah, thanks for being patient with me. Um, you guys are the best. You guys are one of the best parts of the iceberg per what? The other episode, uh, I love my pod listeners. I'll see you guys next time.
