Get It Off Your Chest: The Funny Side Of Breast Cancer
Sonia Zambakides shares her hilarious stories
(upbeat music) - Hello, hello, hello. And welcome to Get It Off Your Chest, the Fawny Sider Breast Cancer Podcast. My name is Stal Ma, and I'm your host today. I'm your only host today. 'Cause unfortunately, Twinkle Tits, also known as Andrea Molding. She can't make this session today. She's got a few personal commitments. So I'm flying a solo. I do have a guest coming on later. Her name is Sonia Zambakides. She has been a previous guest. I don't know if you remember. This was the girl who had to explain it. She was actually lying on a bed, pop. Well, she had a few stories, but this one in particular did like, but she was lying on a bed. And she was having a wax. And yeah, a meeting, a Zoom call happened while she was in the middle of having a wax. So she had the phone pretty close to her face. As soon as you could see her legs are kimbo and all the wax and all the business that was going on downstairs, she would say. Just before she comes on, I'll tell you any cancer news. Normally, this is a bit where I'm bouncing with our Andrea. I'm taking the piss out of each other, but unfortunately, I haven't got it today. So I'm just gonna give you some quick updates on my cancer news. So good news from me is today, I want to see the prevent breast cancer over in Manchester. They've got the Nightingale Centre out there, and they've asked me to become an ambassador for them, which I'm really, really chuffed about. So watch this space, 'cause we'll hopefully be gonna be raising some money, raising awareness, raising lots of things. Also this week, what else has been happening? Oh, last week I was actually in Woman's Own talking about this lovely podcast. So it was really chuffed about that. And I believe another magazine are interested in doing the story as well, but they're talking about maybe doing it about the killing of Tracy Titmus, the book that I wrote. So watch this space, I'll let you know how that goes and what edition I'll be in. What other cancer news that I've got? I went to go and see my surgeon the other day, the lovely Ram, everybody knows that I fancy him, and he was having a little look at the chest area, and he said, I might qualify for a little freshen up, 'cause basically one is pointing north, and one is pointing south, 'cause one tits only five years old, and the other one's nearly 53 years old. So yeah, I might be having a little freshen up just to even those babies out. Had all my photographs taken. It goes with all the girls and boys out there, who have gone through any breast cancer journey, where you stand there in your jeans, or you could be naked, I don't know, but you're standing there like Wonder Woman with your hands on your hips, looking like you're about to fight to save the world, but in this case, she just hasn't got a bra on. So that's all Mike Hanson news this week, quite a lot actually. So, but just waiting out for Sonya to come in, and here she is now. - You're looking very glamorous. - Oh, I'm nice. - Yes. - Hello, my darling. I'm sitting here with my trousers, half dang, 'cause I've just been robbing my HRT or my leg. - Of course you have. - That's like fuck. This is not good timing. - Of the lessons out there, I've just had a flash of a sexy size. (laughing) - A little ogry stuff with cream. (laughing) - Even hormones. - That's such a difference. - How are you, my darling? - I'm very well, how are you doing? - You're looking gorgeous, as per usual. - Ah, yes, but you look glamorous and gorgeous. I don't look glamorous. - I didn't look glamorous. Yes, they 'cause they did this filming thing yesterday, which was so much fun, and they did make up. - Oh, what's up about, tell us. - So it was a lovely woman who, weirdly, so the same day, I very rarely, I'm so bad on Instagram, I'm so bad on social media, and I should be trying to get all these followers, and I'm useless, absolutely hopeless, totally inconsistent. And then one day, for the first time in months, I went through the stories on Instagram, and that's when I saw your message. And the same day, this other woman, Samantha Bale, had also pushed up her things, they'd been shooting recording for breast cancer survivors, wants to do a pilot, and I was like, oh, cool, 'cause she's awesome. So I was like, yeah, no, I'd love to do that. And we had a talk, and then I went out and did it yesterday, and hung out with her. And this other brilliant, this woman, Louise, who ran the London Marathon, Topless, she's flat, post breast cancer, and she was in the news, and all that kind of, she's brilliant, absolutely brilliant. I put a picture up because of the three of us, all Topless, in ascending order of tattoos, actually. - Perfect. - Yeah, Sam doesn't have very many, and Louise has some, and I obviously have, you know, - And you're like, colored in bouquet, yeah? (laughs) - Someone's done dot-to-dot. (laughs) - So are you gonna be on the tally? - I don't know, we're not sure it's a pilot, and it's, you know, maybe gonna go somewhere, and, you know, let's see. At least, I mean, hopefully not like the last time, which was disaster, so hopefully this will be great, if it goes ahead, but just actually just to connect with them was brilliant, you know, just to get to know people. And I don't spend much time, in fact, that's the first time I've been around other women who are flat. - So you don't know if you're gonna be on the tally? - No, no, no, no idea if it will go somewhere, if it won't, but I mean, you know, it was probably done. And in fact, I spoke to both of them, because I think they'd be great for this show. - Yeah, last time you were on the show, we had to end it, because basically, we've been talking that long, that, you know, so you could tell me a 25-minute show, and we were on for a fortnight, but you just said, "No, I think it's reasonable to me. "This is all about me, surely." - It was reasonable to me. - You're the best, I don't get it. (laughing) - It's just on you and a style show for God's sake. - Exactly, and it was just you and me last time. So it's, I mean, that's it, sorry, Andrea. - Yeah, I'll see. - Yeah, we ended it. And I don't know if we actually put it in the show, but we were talking about basically sex and, you know, no boobs, one boob, and what have you. And you did, you know, hints at the fact that you had a few stories, but, you know, they were for another show. - Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the late night show. (laughing) Your son is gonna tell us all about her sex life, or lack of sex life, or abundant sex life. - Excuse me, like, I just said, or abundant, or so cute, out through your stories. (laughing) - Bear in mind, when we started the podcast, she had the knickers down. (laughing) You're not started, every week like that, no? Well, I know when Sam was telling me about the filming, and I said, you know, I said, oh, there's gonna be makeup and hair, and I said, oh, 'cause I'm used to filming with no clothes on. (laughing) I said to me, that was normal. And then I said, I don't have an only fan site. I'm too old for that, just to be clear. It's normally just sort of topless. I think I made it worse. - I'm dying to know if you're gonna be on the telly. - No, I'll tell you. - No, no, of course I tell you. I was on the telly last year, yeah, on naked education, but I really didn't like it. - I was kinda saying, naked as action, but then I knew it was wrong, naked education. - I mean, wouldn't you love them to do that? Just being for like breast cancer survivors, but it would probably end up in a pity party, wouldn't mention it. - I know, I know. Would you like to shout this poor woman? (laughing) Where they chop the screams, you know what I mean? And we've got the first one, and she's got these massive melons. (laughing) And just fell at all, the girl who ever has walked to you to hear me, switching downstairs. And then the next thing, they dropped you on the screen. And it's a scar. (laughing) Look at so many scars. (laughing) Looks like London underground map. (laughing) Does that do it? Oh, yeah. - And I'll take anything at this point. You know what I mean? You're pity you're sympathy, we're fine. (laughing) We're good. (laughing) We'll take desperation. It would be great to see the area. - It would, wouldn't it? - No, wouldn't it? No, it would be great. Actually, it would be great. - Just what? - You just won. (laughing) I think that to be wanted would be wasted not. - Oh no. Oh my God. I mean, when I had won, it was quite big. You know, that would have been quite funny. - Yeah. I think not worse, but I think that would be more shocking. - It's more shocking, yeah. I think we're seeing a lot more women, you know, who have none. I think that's getting more, thank goodness. I mean, it's wonderful, you know, that we're seeing more of it, but I don't think we see much with one with unibubas. But yes. - Unibubas, did you call them? - Yes, I used to call myself a unibuba. - Yeah. - I was like, oh, any unibubas out there want to go on to naked attraction? (laughing) Dolls are lying, so we don't miss the show. (laughing) So come on, tell us about, yeah, some of your stories with regard to... - Whatever. - It was lots around sort of dating as somebody who's flat. So normally, like the moment I'm in a relationship that's monogamous and have been for a while, with a lovely, lovely guy who travels as much as I do. So it's fantastic, you know, so it totally gets kind of all of that. But this time last year, before we met, I think we met around August, I started sort of about six months before about going back dating again. And normally I'm polyamorous. So I date lots of different people all ethically, all openly, you know, we discuss that. And it's very clear. And I was like, okay, so I'm going to be starting this again as some, you know, so polyamory can get quite misunderstood and just mean people can think lots of different things about it. So you've got that sort of factor when you start dating and I, you know, date throughout. And then you've got the sort of the whole thing of, well, actually, you know, I'm older. I'm very delighted to be older, particularly given the alternative. But you know, there's that aspect that you're sort of bringing into it. I travel all the time. I'm not necessarily very available. And then you've got the, well, I've got no tits. So there's quite a lot to sort of get through, just mean dating sites. And I wasn't sure. And actually, I mean, on the non funny side, it was amazing. I met the most incredible people, like really cool people. And I had this like sort of, I had this kind of cut and paste thing that I would put to where I'd say, look, you know, if we, I mean, not at the beginning, do you know what I mean? But if we connected and we started chatting and, you know, there was something good there, I would say, look, just so, you know, you know, I'm a cancer survivor, I chose to not have any reconstruction to have my breasts removed. It's not a pity thing. This is an empowered choice. And I'm very, very happy with my body. And in fact, I love the way that I look. However, you don't have to. And that's completely okay. If this is not for you, absolutely fine. Just mean, you're under no obligation. And mostly the responses were really positive. It was kind of like, oh, okay, you know, and you know, when somebody's sort of, you know, messing or not, but they, I mean, there were one or two. I mean, there was one person who obviously didn't know how to say this isn't for me. So it was trying to sort of, you know, have conversations. And I knew I could tell from the way, the bedroom when we were talking that he freaked the shit out of him, he was probably, you know, God knows. I mean, he probably thought he was gonna be shagging a man or something, you know. And it's, you know, there's a lot of that and sort of, which, I mean, excellent if you wanted to, but clearly it was, you know, a very big about it. It went along and I went to meet him and I had a pair of my boobs in my bag, my fake boobs, which I, which I, well, this is like, you've gone to the first days. You've got your boobs in your bag and the barely in. And I mean, I don't use them at all. I never use boobs. I got them all when I had them. It's actually been, I've never used them. I think I, you know, I told Story the last time about, you know, when I tried to use one, it went everywhere. It just went up on my shoulder and down at my stomach. Didn't you go in the field and it was like, that was swimming to me. It was like, it was me and my, and nobody knew until I had to introduce them to my boobs and it was like, yeah. So I still had them. At this point, I think I've thrown them all out now, but I still had some of them. And I had the very brightly colored knitted knockers ones, which are great, you know, that these women make. So I knew, and it was uncomfortable. And I thought, I mean, come on, we're not kids here. Do you know what I mean? We're sort of, we're in our 40s and 50s. You want to really be able to get it together to kind of say, this is not coming. It's that halfway through, I just brought them out. And I said, look, I've actually brought a pair. (laughing) It was so mean. It was so mean, but it was so good. - Is this before or after the main course? - I knew we weren't gonna shag. The guy was like, no, absolutely not, just him. He was totally freaked out. So this is why I did it. I was like, I mean, way before that, there was no way. It was like, and I said, look, I'm great. It makes you feel more comfortable. There are some boobs here, you know what I mean? And there will be boobs involved in our dynamic, if you like, you know? - That's absolutely safe. - You don't have to bury a gin and tonic to feel me knockers. (laughing) - I shouldn't. (laughing) Feel free, such a way in fact, do what you want with them. It's absolutely fine. Whatever your thing is, I'm good. You can take them away off you go. So that was the end of that one. And then there was, you know, the classic, which, I mean, it's a lie and it's not even relevant, only just to date it. I was talking about it yesterday. You know, this kind of, I might have said it before, but you know, somebody's sort of going, I'm really sad, you've lost your boobs, you know, and I'm not gonna say enough. - Why are they sad? - Well, they're not gonna turn off under the fucking sofa, are they? (laughing) Which is what I say. (laughing) I'm not, I'm not expecting them. - You can stop being sad when I find them. (laughing) - Why are you sad? (laughing) - You know, it's bizarre, isn't it? - No, I hate that. - And it's awful. It's, I've got also the term lost. I mean, it's ridiculous. Like, lost is careless. (laughing) - No more. - It's ridiculous. - Yeah, no, no. I don't expect them when I'm hoovering. I mean, I found my right one. (laughing) Fantastic. - That's sort of like one to go for. (laughing) - Little nipple stiffer now at the end of the interview. (laughing) Now, it's absolutely ridiculous. - Have you had people knock you back at the first stage where you've said that, you know, overtaxed? - So I've had people who have backed away, but then you never know with online dating. I mean, that happens when you've got boobs or not. You know what I mean? Like, people can disappear, you know, and they kind of nobody outright said, which one person, which I had so much respect for did say, honestly, not for me. - No, no. - And I don't know. Thank goodness. You know, totally, totally fair enough. You know what I mean? It's like, I mean, I put it out there for that exact reason. - Yeah. - I would rather know, you know, this is, 'cause I'm not gonna pretend, am I? You know, 'cause it's funny, 'cause some people are sort of saying to me, but you know, why are you telling them? Because I think they might notice. - Yeah. - It was really quite odd, like, you know, a few people sort of said, but, you know, you don't need to tell them. - Well, you do, because, you know, when it goes in for the grove, then it's really my action. It's a knock at the stars. But he might be bumbling and fumbling and they're looking for something that doesn't exist. - Exactly. - 'Cause I have more than anything. - No, it's so precise. - Okay, let's face it. Oh, man, they all head north, don't they? - No, they do. - I mean, it's the first, and it's quite funny because it's, you know, in sort of, you know, romantic, not really romantic, is it? But in those moments, for polite term, it does happen. I can feel, you know, hands sort of automatically, 'cause obviously it's a lifetime, isn't it? - Yeah, yeah. - You know, for kind of going, and then, and actually that area, I don't know about you, but I know you're not flat, but that area is really sensitive to me. And so I don't know whether there's still breast tissue left, or, you know, I'm not sure. - But it's super sensitive, particularly on the cancer side, not less so on the other side. But I do notice that you can see the sort of, and there's a couple of seconds of, I don't know what to do with my hand now, (laughing) I just grabbed him here. (laughing) - I don't know, it just feels bad. - It's just not waving at you, doing the YMCA. I need to be talking with my hands. It feels a bit too soon to go south. (laughing) - Been in bed 10 minutes. Normally I spend five foot on the north. So watch a legit hand. (laughing) - Simon, they have opened his eyes and pattern his tummy. (laughing) - Honestly, but just imagine, they're just like, "Shoot, don't do what to do." - Exactly, and it's not, they don't mind the no boom. It's just literally on the practical social levels. Just me and the kind of, "This is what I always do." And now I can't, and I don't even like that though. I like the shaking hands I did. Just me and the stage, we'll just stop and shake hands. (laughing) That gives me something to do with my hands and my hands. - Shaking hands. - It's doing a floor, you baby. (laughing) - Oh, flicking out, that's amazing. - So you've always told them, you've never given anybody a surprise, or at the beginning did you ever not tell people, and no, no, it's just so obvious, isn't it? Just me, it's just not something you can hide at all. I think some people, when I did notice, and there was one or two people, we wouldn't have clicked whether I had five ticks, just me and it was very obvious we weren't gonna click. But we'd be going out, and we'd be chatting, and it was summertime, and it was fun, and it was all nice. But there was this huge sort of level of discomfort about talking about it, 'cause you don't talk, you know the way, but you don't talk about cancer, and you don't talk about, so I would go on at length. I mean, I would describe my surgeries, I would talk in great detail about all of it. I mean, could you grow up? Could you absolutely grow up, and can we have a conversation? 'Cause you knew before I came. Just me and you knew this was the situation, and it's kind of, it's not there, so I would, and I would really, really, really have a good point. - Do you think I found that made people more comfortable? - No. - You don't have to buy the time you've finished, you know, thinking, okay, well you're pretty cool about it, so let's start about it, that never happened. - No, because what I found is they were cool from the beginning. - Do you just mean the get, I mean, it's, you know, and I mean, my partner now, I mean, never an intent to get involved in this serious relationship, or, you know, anything sort of committed, but we just clicked in that way. But I mean, I remember, you know, I said he said it to him, and he didn't reply. And then I sort of said, I said, just, can you reply? You should mean, is this a problem? And whatever he said, but why would I reply? Because there's nothing to say. There's, you're you, you know, you're just you. That's what's important, not what body parts you do or don't have. And that really, I mean, he was quite exceptional, do you know what I mean, in that sense. But generally speaking, I mean, a lot of, a lot of times I go dating 600, a lot of the people I was dating, all hundreds of them. And... (laughing) - There's a word for people like you. So tired. (laughing) Do you remember when you're not used to saying about people lying flat on the back all the time? You're lying flat on your front now, aren't you? (laughing) You're so ambidextrous. (laughing) (laughing) - I have no ends to my talents. (laughing) - All these hundreds of men. - Well, I can't even remember what I was saying now. - I need to go to all hundreds. (laughing) - So yeah, so come on. What are the any other experiences? Have you ever had that look of shock? - I don't think so, because I would be really clear. Do you know what I mean, before we met. Because I wouldn't want that look. Do you know what I mean? I wouldn't be able to handle that. I mean, it's kind of if, you know, where do you go with that? - I do, you know, I'm trying to think sort of that. There was one, actually, who was, he was one of the first people when I was just back into the sort of the whole rhythm of dating, and he, yes, actually, I forgot about him. He had no idea what to do. So he thought he was really cool with it. I think he just thought he was really cool. Full stop, and he's not. - I don't think he wanted him. - Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like, bless him. - Yeah. - And he really wasn't, and I think I'm, you know, very obviously larger than life and out there, and just me living life in all of these ways. And I think he loved that whole concept. And we're sort of going, well, that's, I think he was much more like, well, it's okay. She doesn't have boobs. I can make up for it, but he literally didn't know what to do. As in, physically didn't know what to do with me. Without. - He just happened. (laughs) - Oh my God. - Your whole sexual repertoire relies on this. - On tits. - That's really sad, isn't it? - It really was, you know, and it was, and I was like, I'm not helping you out. (laughs) You don't, you don't relax. You figure your shit out. (laughs) This is really not for me. - Yeah, by the time I've finished with you, you won't think it's so cool anymore, will ya? - Well, I don't think you did. I mean, it was one of those that sort of didn't necessarily end. But it's true, you know, the whole thing. And I was like, I mean, you've got to figure this out. I don't know what to do here. Do you know what I mean? I mean, I know exactly what to do. But you don't, and couldn't, you know, couldn't get his head around it at all, and couldn't physically. And it did show, you know, this kind of whole, and if the whole thing I sort of promote all the time about, you know, boobs, and you don't have to be, you don't need boobs to be feminine, you don't need boobs to be sexual, you don't need boobs to be attractive, but it does show how much store people put on them. - Yeah. - Can I ask, I mean, if you don't answer, it's fine. 'Cause it is deeply personal, but that very first time-- - We talked about shaking people's hands. - Hello, yeah. - That very first time you were about to shag somebody, were you scared? - Yeah, I was. - The very first time, the first couple of times, I told people, you know, I had my sort of, my bit, which eventually became the cut and paste thing, but you know, I had my bit, I felt physically sick. I was like, are they going to reject me on this? And it wasn't them, as in, you know, barely knew them, that wasn't the point. But was I going to be rejected as a woman? - Yeah. - Because of this. So, you know, twice, I was like, ugh, I really, really felt it. But funny enough, there was one person, I was really, really nervous about. And it's because I really liked them. You know, I really liked them. And I was like, oh, this one will hurt. You know, if you can't handle this, it will hurt. I mean, he was absolutely fine. And it was not an issue in the slightest. You know, and even because originally, I was thinking maybe I should be dating to the bisexual men who are much more comfortable with the male form. And I thought, hang on. I do, I mean, I'll date bisexual men. That's not an issue. But what I mean is I don't necessarily need to target that. - And did you ever miss them? - The first couple of times. You know, feeling that? - I do, yeah. - I think you needed them at first. You know what I mean? - Do you still do sometimes? - Do you? - Yeah, no, I do sometimes. I do absolutely because, like I say, I mean, I think I'm quite lucky in the sense of the sensation around that area. And do you know what? I hadn't even twitted. And it was one of... So I ended up with sort of two or three regular partners, you know, that I was seeing for a while before I met my current monogamous partner. And one of them, it was whatever he did, and I reacted, I mean, really sort of, as if they were boots, Jewish men on my chest. - Yeah, yeah. - And he was like, oh my God, had you realized that? And I said, no, never. 'Cause I knew the area was sensitive, but never, I'd never realized it was a sexual sensitivity. So that was quite amazing. But then that's a bit weird because it's kind of, you sort of then miss your boobs more. Do you know what I mean? - Look, I was gonna say, I wondered if that's like that itchy foot when you've had your leg amputated type thing, do you know what I mean? - Yeah, that's true. - The sensation of like something being there. And you are feeling something. It's not quite the same 'cause that, that what I'm talking about is like a ghostly sense. - The phantom, yeah, the phantom. - But no, I know I do. I kind of understand what you mean. I mean, I'm the other way. So I've got no sensation there whatsoever. - Have you got reconstruction? - So I've been reconstructed. And I think obviously that skin sparing has, there's no nerves in it as such. So, you know, good half of me chest and you know, some of me shoulder, I can't really, I can't feel at all. - Yeah, my husband's still like, you know, as a play around there, but yeah, it's not, not certain that, you know, I'm basically getting there. - So there's like no feeling at all? - Not really, no, no. Sometimes, you know, fingers will go a certain way. Like, you know, it may be under the rib cage. I can feel it around there, but yeah, no, there's nothing, nothing at all. I can feel it's weird. You can feel the implant moving inside your body, but I think that's against my breast wall where the nerves are, which is obviously where your nerves are. So I can kind of feel that, but the hand itself, no? No, you can't feel it. It's bizarre. - It must be really weird. - Yeah, it took, to be honest with you, it took, I would say, about three years for my brain to, I don't know, it's not ignore it or accept it. I don't even know what it is, but I couldn't even lie on me front. You know, that feeling, the only feeling half the bed, you know, it was really bizarre in my head. And my brain just couldn't cope with it. - Well, we don't do one even. - Yeah. - Do you know what I mean? Both of yours were like that. Probably it would have been fine. - Yeah. - But we don't do one even. - Yeah, yeah. - But it must be really odd. - Yeah, but it did, you know, I remember talking to me, said, do you know what I was saying? Oh yeah, you know, it'll only take a few months and you'll get used to it. But I would say it was about three years before I found, you know, found myself one day. It was actually on holiday and I was lying on me front and I've been lying on me front for a good, say, 15 minutes. And then realized I hadn't been bothered by it and then going to to my husband. And so I look at me lying on me front and I'm okay about it because I don't know. It used to, like I said, it was like we brain caught the processor. - Yeah. - The way like I am with fizzy water. We brain got the processor. - You pour it on your chest or it's just general. (laughing) - So yeah, so, you know, the fact that you've got some sensation there is, what would you class that as a bit of a blessing? - No, I think so, because one of my things about, I mean, there was many reasons I didn't choose reconstruction, some of them just physical and medical and whatever, but was the fact of no sensation. I was good, but what am I going to do with like two things on my chest that I can't feel? I think that that would, I personally would have found that really difficult, I think, because it's kind of, yeah. I mean, that was my big thing, but it was that it's what you're talking about. I was like, oh, I don't know. I don't know. - I could literally take a kick in the test and would not feel it. There you go. - Oh, how fascinating. - I know. - I've seen them. Let us know if you can feel on your tips. (laughing) - You can tell us all about feeling your tips. (laughing) - We don't want to know about feeling other people. That's where we draw the lines. (laughing) No stories, less so, thanks. (laughing) - So the guy out, he's all gorgeous, is he? And he's quite accepting of it, yeah. - It's not even quite. I mean, it's just, it's not a, I mean, it was quite funny because the first, I mean, he is gorgeous, he's absolutely gorgeous actually. Really, really attractive. Which, like I say, I mean, it's the mind first, but it's very nice to have both as well. But it was quite funny because the first time, our first date actually was in Amsterdam, which is where his base is. And I sort of arrived in, and first of all was, but a little bit worried that he was a serial killer. (laughing) It's always a slight consideration. (laughing) - We'll have that worry darling. (laughing) - I mean, you'd be going, we'll go for my tip first, 'cause I won't be listening. - That's it, yeah. - If you're going to stab me, when you stab me on my left side, please, have I, I won't feed it? (laughing) - I'll just feel them say, ow, if it makes you feel that. - Yes, you know, I'll sob, I'll beg you to stop, we're all good. (laughing) - That you can even chop it off, we're fine. (laughing) - That would be what happened to me, you know. Walking down the path, walking the dog, some stupid bastard would probably stab me in tears. - I like to see it now, and it goes, that's the best you've got. (laughing) - Covered in bludged. (laughing) - Ow. (laughing) - So, sorry, come on, you just say, you feel like-- - Yeah, so, no, I arrived, and we'd met for lunch, and then this was like, let's meet for sort of a couple of days. I was like, okay, great, let's do it. And he was kind of going house spontaneous, I said, look, I said, I once flew from Kenya, where I was living to Ireland for a date. I mean, I do spontaneously. - Oh God, I'll just be with you for a shot. (laughing) - Honestly, really desperate. - Huge. (laughing) - That's not an against Irish people, but hey, yeah. - Oh no, I kept marrying them, I mean, that's fine, but I mean, I didn't marry this one, but I mean, it was, yeah, yeah, that's how desperate I was. And continued to be, I mean, I don't hire my general desperation, and so yes, no, so I arrived there, and I was like, okay, cool, you know, and I love that. I love travel, and I love spontaneity, and you know, all of that for this stuff. But then on the wall, I think he's got probably four different paintings of women's breasts. I mean, not just their breasts attached to the women as well. (laughing) Not a free place to be breast. But it was funny because it obviously, like while I registered them, it didn't bother me. Do you know what I mean? In the sense that I didn't twig, okay, he's, and it was only quite recently when he said it to me, said something about the paintings, I said, oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it wasn't. Yeah, no, because he's not. Do you know what I mean? It's so not, there's nothing, and you know, you know, you can feel from somebody. Oh, God, yeah. I mean, it's in second, can't you? Do you know what I mean? And if there's something like the guy where I brought the book to, you can tell if there's a connection, and there's a, it's not even like a physical connection. You just know. You just know. I don't know. No, no, completely, and it's just not. And I was a mentor, but the funny thing is, it's like, I'm more comfortable with no boobs than I was when I have boobs. I'm more comfortable in my body. And I think it's because you've got to accept your body. And I think whatever, whether it's reconstruction, whether it's like, you know, whatever has changed so much that you've got to work really hard to accept it, haven't you? I wonder if that's because it's very unlikely that whoever you've gone with has, you know, had a similar body to you, though they've experienced a similar body on yours, because when you, you know, with boobs, you sat there thinking, am I boobs big enough? Are they smaller? Are they pey enough? Are they close enough? Are they whatever? Do you know what I mean? And you're just not thinking about all, you know, the ghost tits of that man's past, and how your tits compared, you know what I mean? Yeah. So I wonder if there's a bit of that where you're just like, well, you've never had anything like this before. And this is the way it is. And it puts your head in a different space. Completely different space. I think that's a really good point, actually, because nobody... So you still worry about your arse? I do still worry about my arse, yeah. It's because you can compare your arse toward the people. Yeah. Yeah. It's really true, actually, isn't it? Yeah, I've never thought about this. It's been great talking to you again. You've just been an absolute dream, you always are. It's been lovely to talk to you as well. You've just been all this lovely effervescent energy, which is just absolutely beautiful. Insanity, I think, is the word you're looking for. Insanity, oh, well, that's me all over. That's why I probably love you. Too crazy, it's together. It's like walking away with a cuckoo's nest. Well, you look after you out. We're in Ireland, it's great to see you. So lovely to connect with you again. Take care, bye. Bye, bye. Bye, bye-bye. So that was Sonia Zambikidi's. It wasn't she a fabulous guest. Love to be around the state, and I'm sure there are a fair few of our listeners out there who can relate to Sonia. I'm talking about her, you know, her initial fears with, you know, going to bed with her partners and what have you. And about her honesty, not about her jumping on the plane from Kenya or to Ireland. I mean, Christ, my husband lived about three miles away from me and not to cross the river, to come and date me. And he carried on like he was Freddie Laker, juts that and all over the place. Some would need a lie down to get over it. So, yeah, so round of applause for our Sonia. We're thinkers actually, our first repeat guest. So, yeah, we're really pleased to have her back on the show. Well, it's that time in night where we've going to have to lock up Titty Towers. I think Hamilton Brown, the third, has already left. So it's down to me to finish the show. If you want to contact us, you can contact us through Facebook and through Instagram. And if you want to come on as a guest, don't forget, you can write to us at stories@tittytours.com. You don't need to come on the show if you don't want to, if you're feeling a bit shy, we can read out your story for you. And if you want to change your name, that's perfectly fine as well. We just want to hear all those funny stories. But until next time, until the next show, when hopefully Twinkle Tits, Andrea will be back with me. Stay healthy, everybody. Bye. (upbeat music) (upbeat music)