Real Talk
epi 45: GIRL TALK - THE confidence breakdown, crushing 101, my dream MAN?!
hi bestie boooos 💘 !!!! AHHH let's chat i'm so excited to talk to y'all today about these juicy topics HEHEH make sure to sub and turn on post notifs 🤩 AND LEAVE MORE Qs FOR THE NEXT ONE!!!
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- Broadcast on:
- 12 Oct 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
Sephora stores are everywhere you are, so just pop in when you need a brown lip to match your 90s playlist, a confidence boost before your interview, or a last-minute gift for Mom's birthday. There's always a Sephora near you, just pop in. Use our store locator to find your local Sephora or Sephora at Coles. This is what you do when you've just found that statement handbag on eBay and you want to build an entire wardrobe around it. You start selling to keep buying. Yup, on eBay. Over that all-black everything face, list it, and buy all the color. Feeling more vintage than ever? It's out with the new and in with the pre-loved. Next thing you know, you've refreshed your wardrobe basically without spending a dime. Yup, eBay, the place to buy and sell new pre-love vintage and rare fashion. Welcome back to the Real Talk Podcast, I'm your host Nikki Patton and let's get into the chaos. Hey y'all, welcome to or welcome back to Real Talk Podcasts, welcome to the pod you guys. If you're new here, hi, my name is Nikki and we're going to be navigating life together. We're going to be doing everything together, girl. I literally love this podcast. If you're new here, we talk about all things, girl, talk, craziness, unfiltered, advice, every times, literally rants, just like real, real, real life because I feel like social media nowadays is so fake and it's so scripted and everything's just so picture perfect and blah, blah. And yes, that's how it's supposed to be to an extent because like, that's how people want to be on the internet, but it's not real. It's not unfiltered. It's not unstable at all and that's the way I am, okay? I'm a very real, unstable, fun, girly and I just want to keep it real with y'all about life and what to expect and how to deal with things and like be real. So yeah, welcome back to your big sister advice. My name's Nikki and we're going to get into it and really quick, if you don't already, make sure to hit follow on Spotify or whatever you're listening to this on. And if you're on YouTube, make sure to subscribe and I love you guys so much. Let's get into the questions. Today I'm going to be answering a lot of girl talk questions again because I feel like these are the most helpful and it's how we tackle the most amount of topics in one episode. But let me know if you guys want me to do more one topic episodes and I will do that as well. Okay, we're going to get to the question. So oh, let me introduce our guests really quickly. If you're not watching the video version, I'm so sorry. We have Strawberry Boba. Love her. She's so cute. That's her name. Her name is Strawberry Boba. And we have, oh my gosh, we have a new character unlocked. Guys, it was just my birthday on September 26th. And my brother got me this little pink bear and it's literally perfection. Like I could not have asked for a better gift. He knows me so well. It's like my favorite little bear ever and I just love when people like know you really well. It's like so sweet. My beverage of today is an old latte. I got this a couple of hours ago, not going to lie. And it's 5 p.m. now, but oh my God, it hits so good. It hits so good. It is this place, if you guys ever come to LA, you have to try it. It's called Farm Cup Coffee, bro. It's, I got a pistachio maple vanilla salted caramel latte. It didn't come like that. I added a lot of stuff, but like, oh my gosh. It's heaven in a cup. Okay. It's called the lumberjack. It's like one of their fault rings and I'm like really obsessed with it. Also, what else is going on? I'm going home to New Jersey next week, you guys. And I'm really excited if you guys don't know from Jersey and I'm like really excited just to see my family. And the reason I'm going home is literally to experience the fall because in LA, we don't get like real fall. You know, it's all like fake and palm trees. And so I really just want to go home and get out of the city and hang out with my dogs and maybe jump in some leaves, maybe go on some walks, feel the crisp, cool air on my skin, maybe go to a pumpkin patch, maybe go to an apple cidery. I don't know. Just figuring it out. And I think I might visit New York while I'm home and I'm really excited about that. So let me know if you guys want content about that. And I think that's everything. Let's get into the question. Oh, wow. I actually didn't yap for that long this time in the beginning. That was good. Okay. Someone said, how are you so confident? Okay. I think this is a good one to start with because confidence I could talk about for hours and it's such an interesting concept. And a lot of people have different theories on it like fake it till you make it or this and that you have to act a certain way. And I feel like the way that I personally became confident is, and I just want you guys to know that confidence changes on a day to day basis. Okay. Confidence is not something that you all of a sudden just have for life. It changes day to day because day to day you feel different about yourself and you're going through different things and your body looks different and you feel different. And it's just like, confidence is one of those things that is so hard to keep up consistently because it's almost like a muscle. Like you have to train your brain to for the most part, just keep thinking positively about yourself. And it feels silly, but this is why things like affirmations work. This is why the way you talk to yourself, hold on. The way you talk to yourself matters so much with confidence. And I used to think that affirmations were like some sort of joke or like they didn't actually help that much. Like it just feels silly to do them. But holy crap. The whole point of affirmations is to train your brain to think about yourself in a nicer way because that is how you become confident. If your brain is wired to keep picking out negative things about you, it will just keep doing that and it'll make you feel worse and worse and worse about yourself. And at the end of the day, the only person you need to please to be confident is yourself because you're living in your body and you're listening to your mind all day. All you need to do is train your brain. This has nothing to do. This has nothing to do with how other people feel about you and it's completely you. Okay. Even if everyone in the world hated you, if you had confidence, you could withstand that. Okay. So the most important thing is training your brain to see you as this perfect person. Okay. And yes, there's like, you could still want to improve yourself and this and that, but you don't have to be hard on yourself in the process. You can love yourself at every single stage that you're at. So even if you want to change something about yourself, it doesn't mean you have to hate yourself now. A big, a huge thing about confidence is you have to learn how to tune out the noise. There is so much noise in society and school and online and, and all these things where it's like, it makes you want to change yourself 24/7. And especially with social media, we're in an age where like we are surrounded every day with like reasons you should change yourself, flaws that are being pointed out. Like there's always a fix for something, something new that you need to buy to fix something about yourself. And like, let me just tell you, the quicker you learn to tune out all of that noise and just see it as noise, the quicker you will be fully confident. Also blocking out everyone else's opinion by your own because at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. You will never be able to please everybody. Even if you look like, I don't know, a supermodel, people would saw something to say about you. And even the people that we think have no flaws are like absolutely perfect. Like a good example of this is Olivia Rodrigo because everyone loves her, everyone thinks that she has like no flaws, she's so cute, so perfect, whatever. She talks about in her songs how she feels insecure all the time. And it's just like that is such a trip because even the most, even the people that we think are the most quote unquote perfect and meet society standards and this and that, they struggle with being insecure. There's still things that they don't like about themselves and it's like, once that kicks in and you're like, holy crap, this person that I literally look up to and think they're perfect, even they don't like themselves, you realize it has nothing to do with looks and it has nothing to do with fixing any part of you. You can love yourself no matter what you look like, no matter who you are, it just takes training your brain and realizing that you are perfect in your own standards. You don't need to be going around and comparing yourself to other people because as soon as you compare yourself to other people, you will feel insecure, you'll find things to be insecure about and that will literally rob you so much of your confidence. Like I used to be in ruts where I would like scroll on my phone and I would just like look at other people and look at their lives and I was in this deep, deep state like deep within me, I would never say it to other people but deep within me, I had this insecurity of like I'm not doing enough, I don't look like that person, I want my life to be like this person and as soon as you start comparing yourself in different ways to other people, you will start hating yourself more and more and it's just like, it's so hard to not do because we're in this like social media, the whole thing where you're looking at other people's lives every day but the sooner you realize that you just need to tune out the noise and trust your timeline and trust that you are becoming the person you want to be and work towards it, your confidence will slowly come to you okay and I think it's just training how you talk to yourself for the most part because once you get that down, it is so much easier to feel confident because listen, if you don't like the pencil wearing, I don't really care, I like them and it's like once you get into that mindset where it's like, I don't care what anyone says, I'm unfazed, that is when you win, that is literally when you win and you're fully confident because no one can touch you, no one can touch your confidence and that is so important to judge yourself by your own standards and not anyone else's because literally you will never be able to please everybody, it's impossible and it's tiring, it's literally exhausting to try to please everybody, okay, you're not something that needs to be worked on all the time or not a project, you are you, you are human and I'm not saying everything about you is going to be perfect all the time but love yourself at every stage that you're at, okay, that is what's the most important, okay that was a really long rant but I'm really happy that we got into that because honestly I don't think I've done a confidence breakdown in a really long time so I'm happy we covered that, okay, let's move on, okay, someone said how do I make a high school guy like me and how do I know if he likes me, girl, girl, girl, let's chat this one up, let's break this down, if there is confusion, if there is mixed signals, this guy is immature and does not know what he wants and also if he's sometimes interested and sometimes not there's actually like a whole range of interest, okay, there's not black and white he likes you or he doesn't, there's a range of interest so if he's showing you mixed signals it probably means he likes you from like a zero to fifty percent because if he liked you a hundred percent he would not be giving you mixed signals if there's confusion, if there's games, if there's anything where it's just like you're left not knowing how this person feels about you, they don't know how they feel about you and that is the biggest thing that I've learned growing up, having crushes on tons of people and just getting like, I used to literally get obsessive and be like okay this needs to be a fairy tale, okay, like literally I'm cringing because I used to be so interested in these guys who didn't have an interest in me and I feel like that's where we need to stop ourselves, okay, if you have a crush, stop putting them on a pedestal, okay, if you want to get someone to like you, do your own thing, exist, maybe initiate a little bit if you want to because I would always initiate it with my crushes but like you don't need to do anything past that, if a person likes you and they notice you and they know you exist, they will make it known if they like you, okay, especially like just like guys are so immature at that age it's like black or white, if he likes you he will like pursue and be a good guy and show that to you and not want to make you confused, so that's my advice, you don't need to change anything about yourself or do anything specific, you just be you girl, okay, someone said what is your favorite part about being in a podcast, aww, I think, hi Destiny, I think my favorite part is just being able to talk to you guys in a much more intimate way, I think that with short form videos and like all my like little things that I make like my videos that are less than a minute and all that stuff, it's hard for me to really connect with you guys and I feel like for the first time like on social media I feel like I actually have a family with you guys, I feel the same way with like Snapchat and Instagram and like I love our fans on there but I just feel like the podcast is so unique and so special because we're like going through real life scenarios that you guys are going through and it makes me feel like I'm going through life with you, also I've always wanted to like answer questions about your guys' lives in like real time and it's hard with shorter videos because I feel like I have to like condense what I'm saying or like make it generic and apply to everybody, but when I'm on the podcast and you guys are sending in your scenarios and what you're actually going through like in the moment, I'm like okay we have time to break this down, let's go through it together and if it doesn't like watching a podcast is so special because I talk about multiple topics in every episode so it's like there's going to be one thing that you relate to at the end of the day and I feel like podcasts are also just such a good reminder because you can keep them on in the background and it's just like a good reminder especially with the topics I'm talking about to keep your mindset positive and the way you should be talking yourself because it's so easy to forget how to treat yourself and I feel like this podcast is such a good reminder of how to talk to yourself, how to love yourself and and keep it going and not just love yourself for like a minute but like to actually over time change your mindset and I just love you guys so much and I want you to thrive and I want you to learn from my mistakes and I just love that we feel so close because like the people that fall the pod like I get the best messages from you guys and it's just so special so I think that's by far my favorite part ever since I started making videos I've always dreamed about having a community and having a family and and people that genuinely like keep coming back and watching the videos and you guys have each other you guys have me it's like a whole family of best moves and I freaking love you guys and I that's honestly just like my dream and why I love doing this and honestly why I think the podcast is like so special to me so I love you guys so much and yeah if you're not following by the way just the follow button okay I also love how like raw and unfiltered this is like if I'm going through something you guys will know because it's just like right here in your face like literally I went through a breakup this year I was like a little it was like a situation ship breakup but I went through a breakup this year and I filmed the podcast like the next week about it and like it's just like I can't get away from you guys y'all know what's going on at all times so yeah oh someone said one of your favorite Gracie Abrams songs guys I just went to Nashville to see Gracie Abrams live and it was so much fun I went with Snapchat and my roommate and it was like literally the most fun ever we got to see Gracie and role model and I love them both my favorite Gracie songs I have been a Gracie fans it's like 2021 like pretty early on so I've been here for like a hot minute and I think the first song that I found by her was probably 21 wait that's actually so funny because it was 2021 but um yeah I think the first song I found by her was 21 that was a really good one and then feels like and then I miss you I'm sorry and I honestly think that no matter like how much new music she comes out with those are like my OG favorites I think I just dropped strawberry boba on the floor okay we're picking her up I feel bad okay I think that no matter how much new music she comes out with like those ones are just so special to me and oh my gosh also I just found out something really interesting so if you are a fan of Gracie Abrams and you know the song feels like literally I always thought that was about like relationships and I was like I'm not happy in a relationship so whatever like the songs cute but I can't relate and then I found out in her concert she was talking about how she wrote that song about her roommate and it's about roommates and I just think that's really cute and sweet and special anyway fun fact yeah okay next anyway comment down below your favorite Gracie songs because I want to know which ones you guys like okay anyway next oh Bella this is a good question Bella said what do you look for in a partner girl I'm at the point where I'm like I don't even know if I want a relationship and I haven't been like that in like so long but I'm just like at the point where I'm like do I even want a relationship right now like I don't know I fell into like a very deep love bombing this year and that was fun while it lasted but then it wasn't and I don't know if I want a relationship but what I'm looking for in a partner is oh my god I actually wrote this down the other day should I find it I think I actually wrote this down in my notes in my little journal wait I'm gonna get my journal oh my gosh I'm stretching I literally wrote this out of my journal the other day okay okay the first word on here is hot okay hot sorry sorry hot funny pretty eyes compassionate I think I love pretty eyes anyway being compassionate it's really important to me especially if you're nice to like animals like that's a really big thing for me um I freaking love animals and people that just like are like oh yeah he's cute huh and then they move on like no if you're not like into animals like me like we cannot date I'm sorry I love animals um simp level I think that it is so oh my gosh I will scream to you guys I think that it is so special when you meet someone who can be like a simp for you and not be unapologetically in love with you I think that that is really really special um and I think that's like downplayed a lot nowadays like everyone's like oh you can't be simping and this and that like no the right guy should literally be obsessed with you and if they're not acting like that they're not the one oh my gosh you know many girls I've seen date guys and it's just like clearly they're not obsessed like they're in the relationship and they're doing the things and I'm sure that when they're alone it's great and whatever but it's just like it's so clear from an outside perspective when you're seeing two people date like oh he's not in love like it's crazy and when you start dating someone in your in the relationship it's just like you get blinded by it you start putting up with more things that you shouldn't and like I just literally want someone who is just fully obsessed I see so many couples nowadays where they're not obsessed with each other they're just dating or like or like friends that have been like oh I like him but I'm not going to marry him why are you dating literally why are you dating what's the point you're literally just building up a heartbreak which is crazy to me um so yeah any coffee oh I never finished the list hold on what else do I want um beautiful smile um fun in spontaneous holy crap I've dated so many guys who are just like boring city snor- snoo city um like I they just never matched my fun levels you know I almost had matched my freak but then I that's weird um they I've dated guys who just never matched me in like my energy way and I used to think that was normal but now I'm realizing like no you don't need to settle ever your dream person is out there and if you feel like you should start settling goodbye you shouldn't even date like I am just so content on my own right now I don't even think I need a relationship and for once in my life I'm just like very fulfilled and content and happy without one like I have a full life I have a very busy schedule and I have really amazing friends and like I don't feel like I'm missing anything and I think that's at the point where you can date I feel like if you feel like there's things missing in your life you shouldn't be dating because you're gonna start filling what you think you're missing with a person and that's just not healthy like if you're doing that you should not be dating at all um you should only date if your life feels full on its own okay you cannot be looking for your other half and this and that because that is just not healthy you need to be a full person on your own content on your own and then when you least expect it your dream person will show up and that's where I'm at I just have this full trust in the universe that like I will meet the right person at the right time and there's nothing I can do about that and if I'm meant to be single right now I'm so excited for it because this chapter is just like experiencing new things and doing things out of my comfort zone and saying yes to everything that I want to with no restrictions and I think that that's really beautiful so if you are single and you're feeling bad about it don't don't anyway that is why I think it's kind of fun to be single and yeah that's where I'm at wait the question was what do you look for in a partner and I just went off about being single that was like not the question anyway more things I want someone who sings it's not a must but I do like singing and I feel like I've fallen for a lot of musicians which is kind of funny um and then goofy and smart I think if you take yourself too seriously I get the ick and if you're not smart I get the ick I really like smart people those are my things right now I probably have more standards in a list on my phone somewhere um I love making standards lists I highly recommend if you have never made a standards list you need to get on it right now literally get out your notes out type in every quality that you want in a partner in your dream partner in your dream whoever type out what you want to see at him because literally I swear it does something like manifesting but also it keeps you reminded when you have a new crush you can go back to your standards list and be like oh wait is he meeting bullet number three is he meeting bullet number one number two number three like you can literally check if this person's meeting your standards so it's really important to have them right now and know what your standards are before you start dating and before you crush on people all right y'all I think I'm gonna end up on here I love you guys so much and thank you so much for listening today thank you for spending time with me and hang out with me and I love you guys so so much I love hanging out with y'all and make sure you're following the pod make sure you subscribe make sure you follow me on snapchat and instagram and tiktok it's just niki_podden and I love you guys so so much and I love this fam and I can't wait to grow this podcast into like so many people's we just have like a giant family and I love you guys and if you're not already if you haven't already send the pod to your group chat send it to your girls and make sure that they follow too because we we are so real on here and I hope you guys can learn from my lessons and I love you guys so much I will always be here for you and yeah maybe need anything mmm what I will talk to you in the next one