Football Function
Grim Wagers: Week 6
- Hey Amazon Prime members. Why pay more for groceries when you can save big on thousands of items at Amazon Fresh? Shop Prime exclusive deals and save up to 50% on weekly grocery favorites. Plus save 10% on Amazon brands. Like our new brand, Amazon Saver. 365 by Whole Foods Market, a plenty and more. Come back for new deals rotating every week. Don't miss out on savings. Shop Prime exclusive deals at Amazon Fresh. Select varieties. (upbeat music) There's only one feeling like the traditions of baseball. From creating memories with your family, to the joy of being with fellow fans. The taste of your first hot dog of the season and the excitement of catching your first foul ball. Baseball brings communities together. And as your hometown bank, we support the hometown team. We're proud to be the official bank of the Colorado Rockies. Bank of Colorado, there's only one. Member FDIC. (upbeat music) - All I think about is and welcome to this week's "Groom Wetters" with me, Michael 21, the "Groom River." And I'm gonna hang my head in shame again because week five, I did not get a winner. So, to change my look this week, I have brought in some outside help of my voice of reason, the person who keeps me on track. And that is my wife Claire, Mrs. Riffer. Say hello, Claire. - How do you model this? - So, the reason I brought Claire in this week is my room has been absolute shite, five weeks, no wins on course for an absolute disaster of the season. So, I brought Claire in this week to make the bets and hopefully change my look around. You ready for that, Claire? - Aye. - Yeah, right. Let's see how we get on it. (laughing) So, the first game we are gonna cover today is the game that's in London. And it's a 2.30 kickoff. It's at half seven, something in the US. And that is between the Jacksonville Jaguars and the Chicago Bears. So, we're gonna put a bet builder on this game, especially with Claire being a Jags fan. Then, you know, we're expecting that she's gonna pick this correct. Is that right, Claire? - I'm gonna give it a go. - Good, do you know, even if you just get one off, you know, at least then you're on par with me. So, for these bets, what would you like to go for, Claire? - So, what I'm gonna go for is a travisette end. - Yeah. - Of a 43.5 bushing yard. - You like travisette end, don't you? - Yeah, so I'm gonna go for travisette end. - Yeah. - Also, if you'm just going to touch jam. - Yeah, that's how much you like him. - Because I'm a Jags fan, I'm gonna go to Jags 2 win. - Yep. - And I'm also gonna go for 10 big speed all the 40.5 bushing yard. - So, you expect in a very rushing game from the Jags and what will that give you? That will give you a return, an odds of, what does it say, your odds? - So, it's a 13 to 2. So, you put one reefer book on that and you will get a return of seven and a half reefer books. Next game we're gonna look at is the six slash 12 o'clock kickoffs, depending on what time zone you're in. And we're just gonna put a clear parlor on this of teams to win. So, Claire, for the first game, we've got the Arizona Cardinals versus the Green Bear Packers. So, do you think it's gonna win that? - I'm gonna go for Packers. - Packers? Next game we've got the Browns and the Eagles. - I'm gonna go for the Eagles on that one. - It's a very few. - Originally, I was gonna go for Browns but thinking about a change man. - It's a very hard one to call this. This will be the one that gives you the one off because the buff doing those shiders each of us. - Go for Eagles. - Go for Eagles. Next game we've got is the Texans and the Patriots. - Go for Texans. - Go for Texans. Next game we've got the Colts and the Titans. - Definitely the Titans. - Definitely the Titans. Next game we've got is the Buccaneers and the Saints. - Buccaneers. - Buccaneers. And the next game of that is the commanders and the Ravens. - Ravens. - Ravens. So, that gives you a sixfold and that gives you an odds of seven to one. So, your one reefer book will give you a return of seven reefer books. - There we go. I've got my reefer book on. - There we go. - There we are. - The next bet we're gonna look at is the nine o'clock slash three o'clock kickoffs. And we're, as usual, whenever we do this type of bet, we pick the team and then we put a hook. The hook that we're gonna put on this week is we're just gonna pick a player to go over or under Russian or receiving the odds. So, Claire. For the first game of the Chargers versus the Broncos, who do you think is gonna win that? - Broncos to win. - Broncos to win. And for your hook. - So, I'm gonna go out to Ontario Williams over 48.5 Russian yards. - 48.5 Russian yards. Very good. I like the sound of that. Steelers versus Raiders. Steelers versus Raiders M. - It's it. - Oh, yeah, I've come to Steelers and Brock Bowers, or with 49.5, we're seeing that. - Brock Bowers, my non-fire. Expect that to come in. Atlanta Falcons versus the Carolina Panthers. No, this is CM's team, this Carolina Panthers. - Right. So. - And it's also Michael Ritter's team. The main El Capitane of the podcast. So, this is a football function rivalry game, this. - Oh, so it's an important one. - Well, it's not outside the football function, but in the football function podcast, it is, yeah. - It's a clean thing. (laughing) - So, I'm gonna go out for it. I'm going for Falcons to win. - Yeah. And I am gonna go for, I mean, Marid down El Muni. - Down El Muni. - Oh, so, I'm looking for CM. I'm thinking that the Atlanta Falcons are gonna win that. - And I feel bad going against CM. - Yeah. Well, the next, the next game is the Lions versus the Cowboys. - I'm gonna go for the Cowboys and CD 1, or 85.5 this evening. - Okay, good. And that will give you a return of 123.5 reefer books. So, if you put one reefer book on that, you will get a return of 123.5 reefer books. - Or just only put 11 on the box, you can't believe it. - No, just put one on. - Yeah, I'm gonna do a bit of a job. - Ah, I did, yeah. What would, what was the return for 11? 1200 or something? - Yeah. - Yeah, well, if it comes in, you'd probably wish you put 11 on. Next bet we're gonna look at is a prime time bet that is, it's including both New York teams. So, this is the New York prime time bet that we're gonna put on. And the first game is the Sunday night prime time game of the Cincinnati Bengals versus the New York Giants. And what we'll do, we'll do this as a double bet builder and, well, yeah, basically add them both together, so clear for the New York Giants versus Cincinnati Bengals. Who do you think's gonna win that? - I'm gonna go New York on all of these. - You're going for a full New York double? - Full New York, yeah. - Full New York double. So, for the hook on both of these, we'll go for touchdown scorers. Who do you think will score a touchdown in the play? - Sorry, I'm just wrong in the concentrate 'cause we're one Robbie's hand. He's snarling, I feel the rabbit, Hanuman's fucking stove open. - They do this every time. I'm gonna, I'll just pause it for a second. Right, they're fucking quieting down now. So, you're going for a New York double and the hook on these two is going to be a touchdown scorer. So, for the Cincinnati Bengals game versus the Giants, bangles, instead of bangles. Yeah, like somewhere on your wrist. Who do you think will score for the jingley bracelets? - So, for, so even though I've gone for Giants to win, I've gone for Geometry S, to score a touchdown for the bangles. - Yeah, that's quite wise. Next game, you've obviously gone for the Jets to win 'cause you've gone for a New York double over the Bills. Now, the Jets have just sacked their coach. So, and they are returning from last week where they're played in London. So, they're gonna be jet lagged and... - This ones are very good then, does it? - No, but whenever anyone sucks a coach, the game after, they always bring it out and they always put a game in and get the win. So, I have got confidence that the Jets are gonna win this as well. But, are you gonna go for your goals, Cora? - I kind of will, sir. - Get it Wilson, to score a touchdown. And that will give you a return of 31 to one. So, you put your one reefer book on that and you will get a return of 31 reefer books, if it comes in. So, last bet is going to be our Rags to Riches or Plum Crazy Better the Wake, depending on what the odds come out at. And, what we're gonna do is, we're gonna go through every game, which I think gives us a 13-fold. I think it's 13 games. And, we're gonna go on rather spread plus or minus or total over and under on all of them and see what comes out on this. So, for the first game, Claire, we've got the Jags. Do you wanna go for a spread or a total? - Spread. - Spread plus one on Jags? - This one. - Spread plus one on Jags. Cardinals versus Packers, spread or over and under? - Over 47. - Over 47? Browns versus Eagles, spread or over? - Over, five and one. - No, no. - Oh, that's the wrong one. Which one are we looking at? - Eagles. - Eagles. - Oh, something. Under 42.5. - Under 42.5, the Texans versus Patriots. Yep. - Minus 6.5. - Minus 6.5. The Colts versus the Titans. - Minus 2.5. - What's Minus 2.5 on the Titans? The Buccaneers and the Saints. - Over 42. - Over 42 in the game. And the Commanders and the Ravens. - Over 52. - Over 52. The Chargers and the Broncos. - Plus three. - Plus three on the spread on the Broncos. The Steelers and the Raiders. - Over 36.5. - Over 36.5. The Falcons and the Panthers. - Minus 6. - Minus 6 on the Falcons. That means CM. That means the Falcons are gonna absolutely stonk the Panthers. - Son of a CM. (laughing) - The Lions and the Cowboys. - Over 52.5. - Over 52.5. - The Jingly Bangles and the Giants. - Under 47. - Under 47. And the Bills and the Jets. - Bills and the Jets. - Have you lost it? - No. - It's there. There they are. - Over 41. - Over 41. Over 41. And that will give you a return of, a return of 4,119 to 1. So this is a plum crazy bet of the week, not a rags to riches bet of the week. And yeah, one Riffer book will give you 4,119 Riffer books back. - And there's my Riffer book first. - Well done. - There we go. Well done. See ya. There you go. You know, I did your first, pop to charity, first podcast. And yeah, how did you enjoy it? - See if we get any better books back. - Well, I've done absolutely shite. So even if you just get one win, then you know, you've done better than I've done all season. And that's the thing that if you actually do get this win, then you're gonna have to come back every week because it's like, it's what I need to get my season round. - Well, it's good crack, I'll see what happens. - Yeah. - So much. - No, it's here. So I think we've, you know, 'cause it's been a way for a couple of days, last few days, been back meeting family. And yeah, so it's just back. I haven't really had time to have a crack with her about stuff, but yeah, I'll tell you. Anything interesting happened while you were away? - Just talking to Steve and I wouldn't even know where to start. - See, where we're from, where we're from is a bit backwards. Yeah, it's not the most normal of places, to be fair. But yeah, it's a lot of stupid stuff happening in Kumbra. - I don't even know where to start, there was that much? - Yeah, I had a weird experience on Friday when you were back, when you were away. I haven't had chance to tell you because your phone's been dead for a few days and stuff, but I was there, you know, waiting for the train on the way back from work. And you know, impressed in train station, Robert's fucking snoring again. Oh, she is. You know, impressed in train station, there's a sign that says, "Don't stand too close to the edge or you might get sucked off." You know, don't threaten me with a good time. But, so whenever I'm stood at that train station, the express goes past, the express train goes past really fast. And when it does, you know, the draft or whatever you want to call it off, it does make you like lose your balance a little bit because it's a bit ring. So I was stood there, I'm Friday, and I see in the train coming. And as I looked up, I noticed there was a bag of dog shit on the edge of the platform. And I've noticed this a few times, there's some dirty bastard at Humphrey Park. It walks down with the dog and they let the dog have a shit on the end of the platform. And the pig, that's what they do. And they pick it up and they put it in a little plastic bag and they just drop it on the end of the platform. So I'm stood there waiting for this train, bracing myself to be sucked off. And I say this bit of dog shit, this bag of dog shit. And I was sitting there thinking to myself, wouldn't it be funny if this bag of dog shit got sucked off and flew into the train as it went past. But no, that didn't happen. The train flew past and this bag of dog shit flew up in the air and flew towards us. The train, so that sign is the biggest load of shit that you don't get sucked off at all. You get blew off. The train actually flew a bag of dog shit at us while I was stood on the train station. - Oh, it's not what you need. - Not when you've had a full day of work, no? - No. - Yeah, definitely not what you want at all. - No, I'm just thinking one of the things in my hotel was I mean, I'm 75 and they're close to the gym. And one of the, one of the North is this that was written by the other with the gym. He doesn't really tolerate a lot, does he? There was quite often there's some of the really everywhere that often being put away properly. So he'd written in the North and these were pretty much his exact words. If you can't lift the heavy weights, then you need to go the gym down the road for folks to hook up the gym down the road. (laughing) - Good old company, they don't tolerate anything. Yeah, I think that's actually anything else. - Oh, do you think we done plotted it? - I think we did. - I think we're done. We're pushing up to 17 minutes. Yeah, we're about right, we're about normal. Yeah, so next week, we'll see what happens. We'll see what happens with these bets. See if Claire was my lucky charm and see if we can get some wins. At the minute we are watching the Tennessee Oklahoma game. Is it 73, I think you'd said? - Yeah, one that's again as branded as one of his best rivalry games in college football. And hopefully it's gonna be an amazing game. So before we do go, Claire, would you like to say a big shout out to anybody? - Yeah, I would too, seeing him. Massive thank you to seeing him for introducing us to college football. It's absolutely-- - He's been singing the operas, his last few episodes. - Well, absolutely, love him, the College Football. Yeah, you're obviously a legend for introducing us to it. I think watching College Football soon, I think it's on tonight, isn't it? - We're watching it now. - There's no sound on my phone. - No, there's no sound. No, we've just got it on in the background, we're no sound, yeah. Yeah, we're literally gonna go and sit and watch it after, like, now. - Yeah, pure applause, so after the one. - Well, no inspirational gambling courts this week, apart from Campbell safe. When the phone stops, stop, don't chase your bets. Do you know any gambling courts, Claire? - No. - No, that's all we've got. So. (laughing) Right, we'll just leave it at that. So be nice to everybody and, you know, like I said, peace is free, and step back. - Hey Amazon Prime members. Why pay more for groceries when you can save big on thousands of items at Amazon Fresh? Shop Prime exclusive deals and save up to 50% on weekly grocery favorites. Plus save 10% on Amazon brands, like our new brand Amazon Saver. 365 by Whole Foods Market, a plenty and more. Come back for new deals rotating every week. Don't miss out on savings. Shop Prime exclusive deals at Amazon Fresh. Select varieties. - There's only one feeling like the traditions of baseball, from creating memories with your family, to the joy of being with fellow fans, the taste of your first hot dog of the season, and the excitement of catching your first foul ball. - Baseball brings communities together, and as your hometown bank, we support the hometown team. We're proud to be the official bank of the Colorado Rockies. Bank of Colorado, there's only one member FDIC.