Yours to Bare/Bear
Episode 7 - “Q&A Edition”
We are halfway into Season 1 and our host Azande wanted to pause and engage with you addressing some burning questions that you may have on her story as she's told it thus far.
Tune in to hear what questions came in from some of the Yours to Bare_Bear family.
- Broadcast on:
- 13 Oct 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
(upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ Goin', look at who you have become ♪ ♪ Baby, you gotta keep goin', ooh ♪ ♪ Rest your weary heart, try your teary eyes ♪ ♪ I know you are scared, turn apart inside ♪ ♪ Inside, inside, inside ♪ ♪ Turnin' away my eyes, oh my ♪ - Hello everybody, welcome back to Yours to Bear. We are on episode seven, can you believe it? We just keep moving on and on and on. I'd like to welcome you all today. Happy Sunday, if you're watching this on Sunday, and I hope you have a good day. Today, I would like to just kinda engage with you. I don't know if you missed it, but I did post a little bit of a clip asking you guys that if you feel that you have questions and there are gaps within the story that I've told so far, I've asked you to just pop your questions for me so that I can go ahead and try and answer as best as I can. Now, I did receive some questions, so this episode, in all honesty, it wasn't really structured in my entire plan for this season, but you know what? We are actually midway to this entire season of Yours to Bear, which is season one. Thank you, and we've done six episodes, so I'm being the seventh one. And just to let you know, the plan is to do around about 12 episode, if 13, then it will be a bonus. But we are halfway through, and I thought, let me take a pause and see how I can engage with you guys so that I make sure that we are all traveling in the same understanding of the story. So that's what we're gonna do today. But before I go on, if you have not done it, please pause this video and go and hit that subscribe button because we need all of those subscriptions from each and every one of you. I also just wanna reflect back on the journey that I've had with this entire thing, man. It obviously hasn't been easy. I'm sure if you can imagine sitting here and trying to reflect back to such old memories, I mean, this happened like 10 years ago, and it's been a journey up till this far. Some of the memories I've tried to kind of bury. So having to do this, I had to go back and confront all those feelings and go open up all those can of worms. So it hasn't been easy. And in a way, I'm seeing how this is just assisting me to confront some of the things about Uazandé, you know? And I think this is what I would like this episode to kind of be for, the purpose of it, that we all kind of just trace back. I know that, for example, episode four, which is where I had to speak about my in-laws, that episode challenged me so much. In a way that I think I wasn't even prepared for how it actually, you know, took me out of my comfort zone, you know? I knew I had to tell stories, share such deep, you know? I would call it secrets. It's things that I've experienced. It's my pain that I've carried over the years, but I've had to kind of put it out there. But speaking about in-laws challenged me so much because these are people that are obviously still alive, you know, and I know that some way, somehow, probably they're gonna watch what I'm doing, what I'm talking about. And I learned something about myself, you know? I learned how over-considerate I become to a point that I kind of don't live freely, if I can put it that way, because the fact that it was so hard for me to tell my truth, you know, tells me how I overcompensate when it comes to other people. And, I mean, for me, obviously, it confronted me in the face, 'cause as I said, even preparing for the episode to shoot it, it was so heavy. After shooting the episode, it was entirely heavy for me to carry that load of, oh my God, will I step on anyone's toe? How will they receive it? And I'm sure, look, I'll show you picked it up, you know? 'Cause some of you came to me and asked me, I mean, you could pick up how, some of the things I was trying to hold back. So, for me, the lesson is, if I trace back, I'm doing the exact same thing I did back then, you know? Even back then, I overcompensated, like, I went, I went the extra mile trying to be a good wife, for specifically, let me point out maybe, like, my mother-in-law. I tried to be a good daughter-in-law for her. I was sympathetic that she had lost the son that was so helpful, you know, in the family for them. I tried to be a good wife and do the right thing and stay the cause of being, oh my God, (speaking in foreign language) to a point that even when my partner had, you know, passed, I stayed trying to continue to revive the relationship between me and them. And it didn't work out, but I had overcompensated. There are things that I could already see that, okay, no, (speaking in foreign language) I'm sorry, you know? People are not receiving it. So, the right word I think is just, you know, when your energy is being reciprocated, and I think that's what was missing there. And when I come back to the now, I look at how I was just still so considerate about, do I not hurt them, you know, when I do this? So, for me, I don't ever wanna be in that position again, where I am kinda just over-considerate of the next person and shying away then from just being my true self, speaking my story the way that I want to do it. It's an everyday learning. I don't think it's something that I can master like now today, but I'm really grateful for this journey that I've kinda started for myself, because this is, for me, more than it is for the next person, you at home watching, you know? I know that it may assist this and that person, but in the interim, in the process of it all, the person that should come out of this, having gained so much is me, you know? So, tracing back to how far we've come now, I really want to try and step out of that space of just, you know, being afraid to hurt the next person, but at my expense at the cost of my feelings and my truth. And I wanna touch back on me. I did say that I want to go and tap into your thoughts at home and thank you so much to some of you that have come out and asked me the questions, be it whether you send it to me directly on my WhatsApp, be it you shared it on our YouTube, our Instagram, we are really, really, really grateful for it. Tell you what, today I wanna bring back Ghost Lady, some of you named her Ghost Lady from episode one that we had earlier on where she was asking me questions. Obviously, I don't wanna sit here and ask the questions and answer them at the same time, so I'd rather have someone else. So Ghost Lady's coming back to help us. I did tell her that you guys asked for more energy this time, so she says she's gonna try, she promised, let's give her another try and see how it goes. Okay, so here are some of the questions that we got, let's tackle them one by one. - Hey, Azan day. - Hi. - Are you ready to answer the questions? - No, are you ready to ask the questions? - Of course I am, couldn't try to answer. (laughing) - You see, she's winning so far, guys. I've been moving too, I've been moving too. - You know, a couple of these questions are really funny. In fact, (speaks in foreign language) What someone wrote, are you sure you were married for four months and not for two years? What do you have to say about that? - Oh, guys, I can't answer that. I mean, I think I know who asked that question because (speaks in foreign language) but I mean, guys, it was four months. I promise, ask anyone who knows me, who knows us, it was four months, but trust me, I understand where she's coming from. It can look like a 40-year story because yeah, a lot happened in such a short space of time. So four months, I promise, guys, September to February, do the math. Okay, the next one is what is the most valuable lesson that you have learned from this journey of being a widow? - Valuable lesson, widow. There are so many, guys, I promise, I didn't wanna look at these questions early on 'cause I didn't wanna prepare too much or prepare anything. So they're really random for me right now. So bear with me as I try and process and think and answer to the best of my capacity. Valuable lessons in my widowhood journey. There is a lot of lessons and very much valuable in different ways, but number one, for me would be (speaks in foreign language) I'm saying it as a lesson because maybe (speaks in foreign language) with the absence of Christ. I don't know what it would have been like. So I'm glad which I got to work with. I'm gonna go in my entire journey. Two, I think the support structure and (speaks in foreign language) I know if covered support structure (speaks in foreign language) but I'm saying this in the support that you get to choose. Sometimes (speaks in foreign language) so it's either you're just blessed with a family that's gonna support you or maybe you're not in that position of getting the right support structure. But I say that as (speaks in foreign language) you get to choose. So your friends, the people you associate yourself with the environments that you find yourself in. I think that for me was a lesson because (speaks in foreign language) based on the people that I was surrounded with. I've also learned to go to (speaks in foreign language) with the kind of pain that I went through and the level of chaos of (speaks in foreign language) It's so easy to find yourself (speaks in foreign language) your character's tested in so many ways. So if I trace back on so many different environments and places that I've been within this years, within these years, I think I've showed up as (speaks in foreign language) So stay true to (speaks in foreign language) as a person. And I think everything else can flow from there, you know? I don't know if I've answered best because yeah, I hope it's, I don't know if that's what they were looking for, you know in the widowhood journey. But I'm answering based on other and I'm answering on things I think, (speaks in foreign language) yeah, guard, structure, support, and just knowing who you are through the pain, through the hurts, to the healing through every journey of it. - Okay, in one of the previous episodes, you did mention that you didn't even have a chance to confront your late husband. So given a chance to talk to him, what would you ask him? (speaks in foreign language) (laughing) - (speaks in foreign language) - Yeah, it's done. (laughing) I think it's, how could you do this to me? (speaks in foreign language) (laughing) I'm joking, but of course, these are things I've imagined over the years, so many times, (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Guys, it's not that I'm a violent person, okay? I'm a very gentle girl, but that was a lot, you know? (speaks in foreign language) (speaks in foreign language) Obviously, I would want to find out, (speaks in foreign language) I think I would want to know, what was his plan? I don't wanna ask, (speaks in foreign language) Why did you do this? Why did you lie to me? 'Cause I don't think, (speaks in foreign language) on the state of mind as I am now, right? I don't think I would have asked the good to, why did you do that? And how could you, 'cause, (speaks in foreign language) I think I would have wanted to find out who's okay. (speaks in foreign language) You know, with me, what was the plan? How long were the lives gonna last? Do you think, like, what was gonna happen when I found out that, I mean, yes, immortal you had rather returned it, (laughs) and it wasn't stolen, like, what was the plan, you know? So (speaks in foreign language) You know, the way that he did to protect himself and make me stay, I just wonder, when the lives do come out, like, what's the plan? 'Cause for me, I feel like, (speaks in foreign language) I compromise on what we had, 'cause if somebody puts you in a position of betraying you, causing you pain, that might cause you to leave them, (speaks in foreign language) is gambling with you, gambling with what you share and what you're trying to build, 'cause, yes, you can simply just walk away and say, I'm not part of this. So what was his plan, I think, would have been, and I would have wanted an apology, I would have wanted to hear him say he was sorry for everything that he, I mean, put me through. - Yeah. Okay, on to the next one. Given the fact that in early 20s, that's when most people discover themselves, do you ever feel like you lost yourself during the journey? As someone who was married at a very young age, do you feel that you lost yourself and finding, who are Zande in the 20s? How has it been dealing with that and how do you overcome it? - That's a good question. Thank you to whoever asked it. Did I ever feel like, that was a lengthy question, so it's, did I feel like I lost myself in the process? - Yes, in your early 20s, 'cause you're married, not 22, so you didn't get a chance to discover yourself who will open you up. - I would be lying if I say, yes, yes. So the answer is yes. I do feel like I was, you know, tested in such a way, you're good. I don't think one likes to get a Zande, but I was confused in general, Jay. I think I was, my life was operating in confusion, you're good. What is this? (speaking in foreign language) And yes, to it taking away from discovering myself, yes. You know, it caused me, I'm at delays, I'm at speed hums, I'm a ningy, you know. And it shifted the focus, yeah, me. You know, there's a, there's a thing, oh, I am the borrowed, I said, I love her by the way. I think it was in one of her interviews, she answered, or she shared that, so often we are required, or we make a show up in strength. Like yes, for (speaking in foreign language) No, you're so strong. I don't know how many times I've heard that line, and I'm fine, Jay people, and I'm not saying, don't say it guys, but yeah, it's true. (speaking in foreign language) And my element is strength, yeah, boy. But what do I end up? When you're showing up in strength, you're not showing up in power, because (speaking in foreign language) 'Cause it's strength, it's sugar from a position of pain, you know, you're tested, and instead of crumbling to the pain, you then rise above the pain, and that's you showing up strength. But in showing up in power, I think it's just a different state of mind and position, and I think that's what was taken away, (speaking in foreign language) I couldn't show up in my true authentic self as Andy, you know, understanding who I am, the qualities that I have, the talents that I had, you know, it took forever for me to then start tapping into obesity. I wanna nurture this talent. I wanna, you know, take care of, I wanna fight for my dreams, but my state of mind has been survival mode, and that's where the strength comes in with you're just surviving, you're just surviving. So it took away from me, you know, understanding who I was Andy, and trying to, you know, bloom in my character, but it did not change. I don't know what the first one said, but I think I've always showed up as, what did she say in the first time? In the first line? (speaking in foreign language) No, I'm here. We're talking about being robbed of your early twenties. Yeah, yeah. What's, how did you deal with it? Okay. And if you have overcome it. Okay. (speaking in foreign language) But I think I'm in a better state. I think when you overcome it, it's a bit of a process. (speaking in foreign language) It's done and dusted. I've, you know, I've learned everything, but it's still a process for me, but I've come a long way. And I have started understanding of what we see. That's something of the past, and I can choose who I wanna be right now. (speaking in foreign language) Huh? Because I feel like we are somehow still holding back and being technical and trying to. (speaking in foreign language) Not even. It's getting heated now. (speaking in foreign language) Did your in-laws know about your husband's HIV status? Oh, that's what you mean. I think so. I can't be 100%, but (speaking in foreign language) I mean, (speaking in foreign language) I'll tell you why though. Indirectly with my husband, like (speaking in foreign language) I mean, (speaking in foreign language) So it came to my sister's attention (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) My husband, they were not friends, but they lived in the same neighborhood, you know. But somewhere in the conversation (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Also in Seoul, we understand (speaking in foreign language) I think (speaking in foreign language) I don't know how serious was it. But if that happened and somebody outside and knew about it, (speaking in foreign language) I think (speaking in foreign language) Yeah, as much as I don't think (speaking in foreign language) So I really think, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) So after finding out all that you did about your husband, do you think you'd still be married to him? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) And guys, it's a solid, I don't know. I don't, you're 10 years late, right? (speaking in foreign language) I don't know, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) At that time, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) to show up for him and I couldn't confront. (speaking in foreign language) Maybe immediately I would have said, no, you know, this is get divorced. I can't do this. (laughing) I mean, you lied to me. So you're capable of being a liar. So what life are we going to build? But (speaking in foreign language) because I'm a contributing factor. I mean, at that time, if voice, (speaking in foreign language) would have still meant something for me. I think (speaking in foreign language) and I'm, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) put it in a position where it kept dynamic. I end up staying. But now, (speaking in foreign language) I don't know, because I don't mean it, guys. I'm so sorry. I can't answer. I don't know. He was a father of my kids, maybe. Oh, I don't know. I'm full to come get any. (speaking in foreign language) Yeah. - Okay. (speaking in foreign language) You stated that your husband loved you and yet to still betrayed you. So how did that affect your future relationships? Like your trust issues? How were you able to overcome inter-wood seed? Men can still lie to you. (speaking in foreign language) And how is moving forward, what relationship? - Hi. (speaking in foreign language) (laughs) It is a good question. And the answer is it definitely affected me. Um, that call of words. I think it changed in narrative of what I understood love to be. Um, yeah, because it was so confusing, (speaking in foreign language) the same person, I think. (speaking in foreign language) It was so confusing. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) It's not you. (laughs) You're asking on behalf of. (laughs) - Uh, because this is a man that loved me so much and meaning like experience a look. I know what I felt. I know what it felt like to be loved by him. (speaking in foreign language) I would end up behind the scenes. We are both, but because of that betrayal, it was so hard for me to say, (speaking in foreign language) can hurt you, but it's still love. You know, it's really confusing and it really did affect, um, my understanding of love, my dating experiences. And I think it took one particular dating experience. I don't get excited. (laughs) I'm not getting into it today. (laughs) In Dabra. (laughs) So I think I will cover it though. Probably in the upcoming episode, I think that's the way I get into it. But it took one particular dating experience that triggered that, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Because as much as Gwen's got differently love, it was kinda like, it triggered the same feeling of me trying to question, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (laughs) - Okay, this is, I can understand the question, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) It's just that, (speaking in foreign language) (laughs) (speaking in foreign language) And I'm supposed to always go at (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - No, it's not me. (speaking in foreign language) Anyway, (laughs) (speaking in foreign language) So it's always, you know, unclipping. And I just simply have to go and fix it, (speaking in foreign language) Yeah, (speaking in foreign language) But it's my bracelet guys, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) In the conversation at hand. (speaking in foreign language) Okay, (speaking in foreign language) (laughs) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) But it was a gift, (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, (speaking in foreign language) But it was the biggest mistake. And if you had to redo, what would you do better? - Way, mistake, way, like. - In your marriage, (speaking in foreign language) I assume maybe after the passing of your husband, whatsoever, any mistakes now or there was anything that you would go back and do it better. - You know, okay. Thank you for the question, to ever ask it. You know, now I'm doing this entire storytelling. I sat down with myself and as I was listening to myself, I was like, where did I go wrong? 'Cause I think it's impossible to be faultless as a (speaking in foreign language) And (speaking in foreign language) maybe where were my shortfalls, you know, because I can't tell a story way. I'm the victim all the way, you understand? Surely there's a part where I missed or something I didn't do, (speaking in foreign language) or whatever. And as I was just trying to reflect on that, I had such a special moment and encounter just recently with my daughter-in-law. I mentioned her earlier on here in the week conversation need. I had a such a beautiful encounter with her because one, I'm so grateful for you all to be. I think it is kind of confronting (speaking in foreign language) and I really do believe (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) But with that encounter with (speaking in foreign language) Firstly, I had not seen her, I think in nine years, like face-to-face, (speaking in foreign language) And my heart has always kind of been close to her. (speaking in foreign language) for whatever circumstances, yeah, well. And when we shared that moment, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) It was such a special moment for me because (speaking in foreign language) Yeah, I couldn't say my so many things, yeah, but, 'cause she got to tell me, I'm a feelings like (speaking in foreign language) and, yo, my heart is broken. She cried, basically, she cried her heart out and she was telling me how we experienced the same thing but in different ways. But just to highlight and go back to Umbozo. She highlighted how, at that time, she was just watching everything happen. She didn't know (speaking in foreign language) 'cause (speaking in foreign language) She told me her experience with, this is what happened, that's what happened, that's what happened, you know. And it was so painful, (speaking in foreign language) because, why (speaking in foreign language) So when (speaking in foreign language) because when (speaking in foreign language) into (speaking in foreign language) In a way, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) So, (speaking in foreign language) So, it didn't happen, (speaking in foreign language) And with that, she shared with me how, she always thought I'd come back for her, you know. She said, I thought she'd come back just to say hi, just to see me, you know. And the most devastating part was when she shared with me, (speaking in foreign language) Wait, (speaking in foreign language) how it hurt her that she couldn't fulfill the last thing she promised to Babu Aik, you know. She told me that (speaking in foreign language) on that day of the incident, or to when she was crying for him, grabbing him, (speaking in foreign language) Bandile, take care of your brother and sister, you know. I don't know that. It was like the first time it goes and it broke my heart, you know. 'Cause she said, (speaking in foreign language) to be robbed of the opportunity to fulfill (speaking in foreign language) You know, the last thing he asked me to do and I couldn't do it. So, I'm getting her to, she felt like I had blocked her. And I think the truth is, I think I did, you know. Because (speaking in foreign language) to stay as wounded with the family and I could feel (speaking in foreign language) when I did eventually give up and pull back, now pull up back from everyone (speaking in foreign language) you know. And I really was convinced (speaking in foreign language) your (speaking in foreign language) as much as I've always loved her and kind of always, you know, I've called for every birthday. I think she, (speaking in foreign language) which you'd call for every birthday, but that was it, you know. I would have wanted you to, to call a bit more, you know. And it's so sad that (speaking in foreign language) she was gravitating towards staying connected to us and I made the mistake of (speaking in foreign language) you know, and I thought (speaking in foreign language) because of the way up, (speaking in foreign language) you know. I just thought, should I'm not welcomed and I wasn't going to push too much, (speaking in foreign language) and yeah, (speaking in foreign language) it really did hurt to learn that. And I was so grateful (speaking in foreign language) because I didn't know (speaking in foreign language) Leo opportunity, I didn't know what she was longing to stay connected to us, you know. And that was a mistake, that was a shortfall on my side. It's one mistake that is vivid in my memory right now. Yeah. - Okay, but just a follow-up question on what you just expressed right now. - Yeah. - Now that you realize that that was one of the mistakes I was trying to pull away from her when she needed you, you've met, you're going to keep in contact now. (speaking in foreign language) - It's a big yes. I think for one day (speaking in foreign language) completely (speaking in foreign language) and I mentioned how supportive he's been going (speaking in foreign language) and (speaking in foreign language) being the big sister. He's always been in (speaking in foreign language) even when she finished, 'cause at that time (speaking in foreign language) she just started to grade eight, so high school. So I've got the high school, I've kind of always been in the back end, symphony, varsity, or (speaking in foreign language) because okay, I was active in that. He always reached out to me to help (speaking in foreign language) So it's a yes because I've always wanted to. Now (speaking in foreign language) she's always wanted to be with us as well. For me (speaking in foreign language) because now it gives us an opportunity. I do think, I don't know, I don't want to speak too much on her because I mean this is my space and I want her to be comfortable as she watches everything, you know. But I really do hope (speaking in foreign language) even though (speaking in foreign language) release her to having the relationship with us, you know. Release her fully as (speaking in foreign language) because there shouldn't be any animosity you would see if she's supporting (speaking in foreign language) or (speaking in foreign language) it shouldn't be in the way she's made to feel like (speaking in foreign language) I think (speaking in foreign language) a bit of a burden, (speaking in foreign language) I want to, 100%. I'd love to, I don't have to be her mother, her stepmother, but right now she's a 20, she just turned 23 in September 4. She's a big girl, you know. And I got to see you, good tea. It's not about me and her. It's about her and her siblings and the relationship that they should have. I've always prayed, even (speaking in foreign language) I've always prayed (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) I find it a courage (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) because as it stands, she's the only sibling they have, you know. So I want them to have a good relationship. Yes, and that is very important. So moving on, outside of your family's support, what other means of help did you get to help you through this period? Okay. Ining, and I think in a way, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Before I started the support structure, I think I did touch on the fact that there were a lot of pillars, but I mentioned church. I had a lot of support from Ivan Jalam. I will cover an episode speaking on just the color and faith and I think I would want to bring them in an unpack it more day. But the church really supported me. So (speaking in foreign language) as a church supporting me, but me being in an environment, (speaking in foreign language) helped me because obviously it meant a good team. I stay listening to the word, hearing the word and what it speaks and what it says about my life. And then (speaking in foreign language) I have such solid friends, like really, really, really solid friends. And there are many moments which I can trace back. In a way, I was down and out there here. I have two best friends. In fact, shout out to (speaking in foreign language) People that know me know that we are a little tribe in Yana. So I'm mentioning them in particular because these are people that have been like always here. Even in Khalebi, Khalebi will just drive. If she calls me and she hears, (speaking in foreign language) she would just, you know, make her way from German to Richard's Bay to just give me flowers, give me a hard drive back. I've got friends where we've stopped the car and we pray, you know, (speaking in foreign language) So I can remember moments in between way, (speaking in foreign language) I went to therapy probably two years after my husband passed, two years, two years, three years. I think I can't recall properly, but I went to therapy and my therapist really moved me from one place to another in terms of my healing journey. (speaking in foreign language) I have a life coach and I'm coaching. I love her, she knows. I have a life coach. I recently, recently being, I think you program me. I'm like two years back from now. She's also really, so therapists, the figures and sevens are, then a life coach begins another, you know? So, (speaking in foreign language) I hope I know, my kids, my children, were really such a source of stability, you know? In a way, they just always, they grounded me. If that's the right word, yeah, yeah, yeah. My kids really always grounded me. And (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) before anything else, you know? (speaking in foreign language) But family, friends, church, therapy, my children. And yeah, my life coach, if I can. Ooh, okay. The next one, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Kind of. Okay. All right, okay, so you know how people are always looking for financial security, 'cause even men these days are. (speaking in foreign language) Basically, the question is, what has been do I quote me to? When your life was stable, sevens are, and your life was on track, do you think if (speaking in foreign language) in that position, (speaking in foreign language) or (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Securing the future. (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) How, guys, I think a little, it's a question. You know what? I think I want to say, I choose to say no. I don't think that was the case. Highlight that I choose to say no. 'Cause I want to believe that he loved me, you know? I want to believe that, (laughing) okay, guys, let's be honest. (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) I think I want to say (speaking in foreign language) you know? (laughing) No, to say (speaking in foreign language) and we want to know who does it to, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Favorite was upon him. 'Cause in a way, (speaking in foreign language) when I met him, my life was taking off. My life was taking off. So, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) In a way, (speaking in foreign language) before shard, because back to law, four months, versus 40 years, the marriage was four months, but obviously, I thought we had a relationship before that. So, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) I do think quite a bit later, but I also want to believe that, yeah, I want to be in the future. That's what you do, guys, when you choose a partner anywhere, right? You kind of see good to my future will be okay. Yeah. Yeah. - When he resigned from work, did you fully understand his reason for all the resigners? (speaking in foreign language) - Yeah, yeah. Not only understand because I think I'm also a person (speaking in foreign language) I believe that yes, in a way, y'all can see that in your life to push you, elevate you, somewhere. (speaking in foreign language) I don't believe in dreams. So, (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) And ladies, so, I believed him. I believed he had dreams. I believed a good team. He wanted to do easy into. Did I understand all of them? Or maybe Ip plan, was it clear, clear, clear? No. (speaking in foreign language) So Ip plan on getting a good solid, but (speaking in foreign language) with the ambition that he had and the mindset that he had, (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, now we're going to a more tricky one. - Guys, I thought this episode was gonna be fun. (laughing) And he hadn't been saying that. - When his family moved in with your family, did you at any point feel burdened, or was he, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Like, (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) (buzzing) - Yeah, I'm human. Yeah, of course. Yeah, it was a lot, because if (speaking in foreign language) So, (speaking in foreign language) you know, take up money, (speaking in foreign language) you know, (speaking in foreign language) you know, and so at that point, in a way, I was trying to do that (speaking in foreign language) And for me, I think (speaking in foreign language) yes, but not for a lifetime, but (speaking in foreign language) that's what became a bit of a tricky situation. A burden, (speaking in foreign language) like it is. (laughing) That's what made it a bit of a burden, 'cause when I received it, (speaking in foreign language) obviously, (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, let's move forward. - Yeah. - And please answer this one, truthfully, and... (speaking in foreign language) Are you in a relationship right now? And are there any plans, wedding bells, and (speaking in foreign language) in the future? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - No, no, no, please answer the question. (speaking in foreign language) And I am in a very serious relationship with him, very committed every day to me and him, and yeah, and it's good, and the plan is to be Jehovah forever. That's the hour, wedding bells, God is everlasting. (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) Please answer the question truthfully and get to the point. (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) Are you in a relationship right now, and are there any plans, and I'm awaiting bells, (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) (speaking in foreign language) Guys, I mean, guys, come on. I mean, (laughing) which is? Can I pass? Guys, we are not passing, sorry. (speaking in foreign language) Jesus is God, Jesus is life. Like, I'm a very, look at me, I'm a very loved girl, like I'm so loved, like I'm fast-king in love. Yeah, (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) I think this is gonna be our last question. - Okay. - From your experience of being married, you know, and knowing all that you know, all that you have been through, what would you advise (speaking in foreign language) who is planning to get married, amen. ( Pause) - Take your time, I guess. Like, take your time with things. Firstly, I would say, (speaking in foreign language) Take time to figure yourself out, define what life you want to live, what your plans are, who you are, how you wanna raise your children, like (speaking in foreign language) and I'm not gonna say don't rush into marriage 'cause, and I mean, I think (speaking in foreign language) and I don't wanna limit it into saying (speaking in foreign language) 'cause I think I know myself personally some couples that are young, got married young, but they're happy, you know. Oh, look at these things, you're happy. 'Cause in this life, you learn. But I would really say, I don't think it has too much to do with age, yes, in my case, I was so young. And (speaking in foreign language) So I would just say, take your time before, certainly in choosing a partner, know who you are, know what you want, and take your time getting to know the person because as you get to know them, (speaking in foreign language) whether they resemble the things or so you find out till about yourself and you've established about yourself, then you know if they fit into the puzzle, the pieces that you're trying to piece together, we have a ball name being gone. So just, I think it's time, more than anything, just give yourself time. Give yourself time. I would have done that, you know. (speaking in foreign language) Yeah. (speaking in foreign language) Okay, we've come to the end of our questions. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) Thank you. - Do I look in love? - You do, you look happy. - Then I am happy, then I'm in love. What more do you want from me? (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) Guys, thank you so much. Thank you so much for tuning in with my time with my ghost lady. She tested me there a bit, but it's okay. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And thank you for asking the questions, you know, that made and created this episode. Thank you so much for watching. As you are watching now, again, guys, please, please, please, I need you guys to hit that subscribe button. I realize that so many of you join my story, watch it, and you engage with me. And what you also do is you go engage with me personally, please engage with me on the platforms that I'm on, and also just like and comment and subscribe. But thank you so much for watching episode seven. I think we'll see you on the bloop side. (popping) ♪ 'Cause look at how far you have come ♪ ♪ And look at all that you are going ♪ ♪ Look at who you have become ♪ ♪ Baby, you gotta keep going ♪ ♪ Oh, oh ♪ ♪ Rest your weary heart ♪ ♪ Try your teary eyes ♪ ♪ I know you are scarred ♪ ♪ Toned apart inside ♪ ♪ Inside, inside, inside ♪ ♪ That I'm so am I ♪