The Mortuary Show
The Mortuary Show – LIVE 🔴
Episode 120: The Mortuary Show’s first ever LIVE recorded podcast! Coming to you from Compassion FS Continuing Education Event in Chicago. Michael has some fun with a dozen directors in-between CE lessons. Fun stuff (and by fun we mean decapitation stories, decomp, talking to the dead, etcccccc)
The Mortuary Show makes Continuing Education entertaining!!
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Show Notes:
(07:45) – CE is fun with the Mortuary Show.
(15:32) – Youngies in funeral service.
(21:06) – We make an impact in the community.
(38:08) – “His head was a block down the street.”
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Takeaways
- Everyone in the funeral industry has a unique story to tell.
- Older generations often have humorous and insightful perspectives.
- The method of 'low and slow' is crucial in embalming.
- Decapitation cases are among the most challenging for funeral directors.
- Going independent in the funeral business can be a rewarding decision.
- It's essential to focus on the client and their needs during services.
- Trying new methods in funeral directing can lead to better outcomes.
- Cherishing moments with loved ones is vital in this profession.
- Building relationships with families is a key part of the job.
- Mentorship and community involvement are important for long-term success.
- Broadcast on:
- 15 Oct 2024
- Audio Format:
- other
>> Hello, and welcome to this week's episode of The Mortuary Show. We got a fun one this week, something a little bit different. We went live from a continuing education events, hosted by Compassion of Funeral Service here in Chicago. We talked to a bunch of funeral directors. I asked them a lot of crazy questions. I pretty much drag them and give us a little bit, give us the dirt of their day-to-day job. Really fun one. I'm glad I got to experience the live scenario of the Mortuary Show. >> Give a listen today. It'll be a lot of fun. [MUSIC] >> Want to answer a question? >> Come on. One question, one question. >> Okay, what's again? >> Don't be scared. >> All right, what's your name? >> Rory. >> Rory? >> Yes, sir. >> Rory, what was your favorite job, or favorite day on the job as a funeral director that you ever had? >> If you could pinpoint one. >> That's a good question. >> All right, how about your least favorite day? That's easier. >> Oh, I picked up a guy I got decapitated, man. Middle Roosevelt, tell us about it. >> It was a young lady of what she was feeding and texting. A guy was crossing a street court guy, leaving the VA hospital. In our town, we do like, indigent bodies will help the police and remove bodies off the scene. It's decapitation. >> So what did you guys do then? Was it a cremation or what was it? >> A transport the body to the medical exam notes ago. We just have to do a transport. And a couple of train wrecks, you know, wasn't bad but a decapitation with the worst. >> So were you there on the scene? Like, what was that like, or was it, I mean, was it multiple? I mean, you know what I'm asking, like, is it a couple trips? >> Yeah, well, his body was at one part. I think the head was maybe like a half block away. Yeah, she must have been, you know, pushing it. So, but media was there, things like that. So, but it was probably the toughest thing I had to deal with. >> Good deal, good deal. Well, thank you, appreciate it. >> Appreciate it. Thanks, Rory. >> Come sit on Tuesday, see pricing. >> Yeah, yeah, check it out. Good, all the Tuesday, yeah. >> First question, man. So, like, I know, I was like, I give you a hard one on the first one. I got to give you a little bit easier. >> [INAUDIBLE] >> Oh, yeah? Like, who's going to see, I mean, do you have to hide it? >> Yeah, keep talking. >> Do you have to hide it? So Rory is saying that he's done some celebrity funerals. Do you have to, like, sign a NDA, or can you tell us who it was? >> Well, no, we didn't have to do NDA. Recently, it was Doc Rivers, the coach. We had his mother's funeral. >> No, he didn't. See, he got to meet Doc Rivers. >> Yeah, I did the range with him and everything. >> No, that was cool. >> So, the NBA players coming in, you kind of start gazing a little bit. It was- >> Anyone have noticed that you recognized? >> Uh-huh. >> Yeah, Kevin Garnett, his son at the time, he came. He was a coach of the LA Clippers at the time. So, um, Chris Tall, the Blake Griffith, they all came. It was, like, the old team came. >> I'd be, like, begging for autographs in front of the casket or something. >> Yeah. >> So that was- >> That's cool. >> I had a profile service that I had done recently. >> That's legit? >> Yeah. >> So, all right. >> Love it, thanks. >> Thank you, Anu. >> Don't be nervous, don't be nervous. What's your name? >> Hi, my name is Raven Sapp. >> Nice to meet you, Raven. Okay, are you from Chicago? Where are you from? >> Okay, Chicago's known for a lot of interesting deaths, I would say, being near my whole life. What was one of the more challenging deaths that you ever had to deal with? >> Ooh, one of the most challenging deaths that I ever had to deal with. I would say, as you know, Chicago Winters can be brutal. A gentleman was having a heart attack. And my assumption, of course, is that he was trying to get to a window to get some fresh air. So he passed away in the window. It was negative degree weather. He had been there for a while, so when we got there, he was pretty much frozen in the window. >> Like hanging over the side? >> Yes. Yes. And it was literally probably like maybe negative five degrees. >> So, did you, this is crazy. So did you find out, like, how we passed, like, was he actually getting fresh air like that is insane? >> I said, that was my assumption. Yeah. Because when we got the death certificate, it's basically that like heart attack. So again, my assumption based off the cause of death. So, yeah. >> Gosh. So, what is, like, what do you do on a day-to-day basis? What is your role, like, at the funeral home? >> Yes. So, I'm actually has my own funeral and mortuary service that I provide. So, I do everything. I do removals. I do, of course, that office, paperwork, funeral arrangements. So, the whole night. >> So, you're Jack of all trades. That's great. What is your favorite aspect of this job? Because there are some highlights and a lot of lowlights, too, so, and the highlights are worth the lowlights. So, what would you say is your favorite part? >> I would just say my favorite part is just having the family, please, through it all, and just providing a level of comfort that I know at that time is hard for them to just have to. >> That's a beautiful thing. What is your goal? So, my last question, what is your goal with, like, your business? Do you have a goal? >> I would just say my goal is to provide personalized care to each and every family, because I know there are a lot of funeral homes. I don't want to be the biggest. I just want to be the best and just not even the best, but just provide a different level of service that I know some providers don't offer. >> So, that's a beautiful thing. Do you want to say the name of your funeral service or do you want to hide that? >> Oh, yeah. I don't mind. It is ravishing hearts mortuary service. >> Yeah. >> Beautiful. Thank you so much. Appreciate it. Nice to meet you. Sarah, how's it going? Can you say your name for our audience? >> Sarah, thanks. Hello. >> Okay, Sarah. We're here with Compassion Funeral Service, big old event. We're talking all things funeral here today. What is your most challenging family that you have ever dealt with? Do you have a family that sticks out that was like, oh, that was a tough one. >> Specifically, each is challenging in its own way. I think figuring out how to overcome those challenges varies from each family. And I mean, we've all got challenging. >> Yeah. >> So, yeah. >> That's for sure. >> So, what do you do on a day-to-day basis then? Are you more behind the scenes? Are you front of the scenes? Are you a little bit of a combination? >> Currently, I'm taking a little hiatus from the funeral industry. >> Jealous? >> Jealous. >> But prior, I was front office, arrangements, a little bit in the bathroom, primarily going out to Abraham Lake National Cemetery. So, just -- >> So, tell us about that. I mean, the national cemeteries are always, you know, a beautiful sight, I would say. But they're also very difficult, as we know, to work with, not specifically, but as far as timing with the families. >> So, tell us a little bit about those experience with Abe Lincoln Cemetery. >> I would say it's probably funerals, not in nicest, but it's very -- it's touching. Like you said, scheduling can be difficult. Families, you know, they want things now, now, now, sometimes. And, you know, just as long as you are good with communication with the family. And, you know, it always ends up working out in my experience with the national cemeteries, so. >> That's huge. I think the communication is the most important thing. I recall one time we had a family that were going down to Abe Lincoln, but they weren't able to get him in for over a month. So, it was such a challenge, so, like, obviously, in the prep room, you're going to want to go a little bit extra than you normally would. And then, on top of it, it's like, okay, are we refrigerating what are we doing to preserve and then making the family understand this whole different aspect, too? >> Yes, I would agree. I mean, ultimately, you know, everything you just said is super important. And, again, the national cemeteries, they just do such a good job of bringing everyone together and, you know, recognizing the service of the veteran. >> Right. That's the most important thing. And it's just beautiful. And it doesn't matter who you are, it'll move you to tears every single time. >> Every time I swear, I'm holding back tears when I'm at that cemeteries, so. >> Wonderful. Thank you so much, Sarah. Great to see you. Oh, thank you. Oh, my God. Appreciate it. Thank you. Okay, great. Don't be. It's easy. It's easy. What's your name? >> Ashley. >> Ashley? Okay. How long have you been a funeral director for? Or in funeral service? >> I graduated in March of 2017. >> 2017? Okay. So you got some years underneath there. Where'd you go to school? >> Washington. >> Me, too. I was 14. So a little bit a couple years apart. So what is your day-to-day role? And I guess what is your favorite thing about being a funeral director? Your number? What the? I would say the most rewarding part is just being able to help families and serve them. I didn't have such a good experience, but I lost a loved one, and that kind of motivated me and drove me to pursue this industry. Originally, I was going to do health care. So it really changed my perspective, and that's how I kind of wound up here. >> That's a beautiful thing. And I think that's the heart that you need to have going into things. So are you able to help a lot of families that you stay? Are you more front of the office? Are you behind the scenes? A little bit of a mix? >> I actually pretty much like needing families running services. That's like my more upright kind of thing. But we do try to space it out at the firm that I work at to try to get everybody in rotation. >> That's a beautiful thing. So give me one example of a different or a fun service that you had at FERF family. Have you done anything exotic over the years? Exotic? That's a funny word to describe it. >> I would say no. We are pretty much kind of the more traditional families will bring in things of their loved ones, like, you know, momentous and things like that. I try to tell families, like, you know, you can be creative, bring different things in if you don't want to guess all other things. I had one family sign, the individual loved to be on the river, so they brought like rocks and they sign, and then they displayed that last FERF jar. So yeah, different things. Yeah. So nice, I think it's just that personalized touch that does everything. What would be one piece of advice, let's say someone's coming to mortuary school or considering it? What is a piece of advice that you give to a young field and director? >> I think with like any job that you pursue, you're going to have your ups and downs, right? But I would say hands on for sure is the way to go. Like, I am not a textbook person. I learned on the job hands on. So start. It's the only way. So get into the funeral home, like, if you're thinking about it, start as a way to get in their hands on just to get that experience to know if that's what you're wanting to pursue. Because once you're kind of in the program, it's kind of hard to like, you know, leave it if you don't find yourself that you're loving it. So yeah. >> So test the waters. Well, first, yeah. >> I did. Especially because I was on the fence, like back and forth between nursing and that. And then I got in there and I was like, I love it. And that's how I just kept going. >> Beautiful thing. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. Great to meet you. >> You're a good one. >> You too. >> How I work. >> How I work. >> How I work in that. >> I work in the story. >> Six years. >> Yeah. >> That's good. >> Yeah. >> Still. >> Literally haven't seen you since worst. >> Yeah. It's crazy. Really. You want to talk? Come on. It's easy. You're talking me one-on-one. What's going on? All right. Tell us who you are. My name is William Hamilton. Okay. What are you? And you work for Compassion who's hosting this event here today. >> I do. So do you do a lot of removals then? A lot of transfers? >> Yeah. I do. You know, some nights it's maybe three. Some nights it's a dozen, you know. What was the most you've ever done in the day? Like 24-hour stretch. >> 24-hour stretch? I'd say. A dozen. >> Wow. So that means you're literally on the hour pretty much every hour is running around. Is there a part that you enjoy about it that's not, you know, the aspects of actually removal like, like driving around or getting to have some peace alone or is anything like that? You know, I think anybody who has spent time driving around or doing trade work and admit road time goes by a little bit faster. It's a little bit more peaceful. >> I agree. I agree. Like I was just dropping off yesterday some cremated remains. I was running all over the city and just sometimes when you have that alone time you can take a breath like it's a beautiful thing. >> What was one of the most challenging or the most challenging transfers you've ever had? I haven't done so many that had a head song. >> I'd say the most challenging was probably there was a gentleman of 500 pounds in second floor apartment. So it took a small team. I mean, you know, I count as two just on my own, so but it still took a few of us. >> What did you guys do then to get them out of there? >> We put them on sort of a plastic carry sled and we just, you know, as I always say, you know, with as much dignity as we can muster, but you know, that passed a certain point. It's just you got to do it. >> Yeah, you just have to do like whatever it takes to get through. So how many people did it take? >> It took five of us. >> It was the feel like what do you do like in that situation with the family then? Like how do you tastefully tell them or do you just ask them, you know, please go to the side room or what is the process usually like? >> Well, in that case, it was very merciful because it was actually police. All there wasn't. But on the cases where I have had to move an obese case, you know, you just try to, I peek my head out of the door and I just try to be honest with them and be careful. But most of the time they get it. They know. >> Well, thank you so much for joining. Appreciate it. Have a good day. Thanks so much. >> Yeah, come here. Come be on the show with me. Seriously, come be honest with me. We'll be fine. >> All right, let's do it. All right. Who do we have here today? >> I'm Brooke Benjamin. >> Jeff Wallaway. >> Wait, let me see my company name. >> Inclusive funeral care. >> Oh. >> Parkside Chappelles and cremation services. >> Oh, okay. All right. So do we have a rivalry here? Is it a friendship? >> Oh. >> Friendship. >> We're all in it together. >> Yes, right. >> The idea. There's enough to come by. >> Come by. >> You never know when you're going to need help. >> Absolutely. That's true. >> All your pre needs when you. >> Well, all right. That's fair. It's an easy transaction. See, we're facilitating on the mortuary show here today. All right. What you each to say, your, your bar story, your bar story, a funeral service. So let's say you go to a party, someone hears that you're in funeral service, everyone's got that one story. What's your one story? >> We're dying to get in. >> I mean, the story that we tell them. >> The story that you would tell a friend, let's say they want to be like, oh, a crazy story or a crazy family or a situation that you had to deal with. >> Yeah, crazy, you know, but that. >> I'm not in the business of humiliating people, especially not myself, but I will say that people are endlessly and boundlessly fascinating. And if you don't laugh, you will cry, but I'm not going to let loose on any of my anecdotes. And there are a lot of them. >> I concur with it. >> I will say older people are funny. >> Oh, yeah. >> Something that younger people don't realize is that people in their 70s and 80s have been around the block. My grandmother used to say to me, you kids think you invented sex because older people have had lives and you need to ask people questions and they will tell you sometimes everything about them and people are funny and fascinating. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I agree with it. Older people are much more fun to deal with than the, what is it? Axers or? >> Sure. >> You're Generation X. I hate to break this to you. How old are you? >> I'm 62. I'll be 62. >> I'm a baby. I'm a baby. >> I'm a baby. >> Yeah. How about you? >> Gen X. >> Gen X. >> Oh, yes. >> All right. So what is a question that you would ask your family? So you're trying to get some more information out of them, trying to encourage them to talk and learn a little bit maybe about them or their loved one. What's something that you would ask to get them talking? >> I start with what did they do for work or were they busy raising a family, which is work. I'm to understand. I've opted out of it myself. But what did they do for work? Because in America, we tend to -- I mean, that's how we identify. What do you do with this third of your life? We sleep. >> Who are you? >> We work. >> I'm a funeral director. >> And we do other. What did they do for work? And then all sorts of information tumbles out. >> Just to kind of break the ice with them. A lot of times the families I have a connection with, because it's either second or third generation, they have served -- I came from a neighborhood in Chicago, and we talk about all times. >> How about this question? Where did you go to heist? >> Yeah. >> Right. Where did your parents -- >> Or what, you know, I was born and raised Catholic, so a lot of them, which -- you know, centered around churches, you know, so in the neighborhoods, and back in the arts of Chicago. Well, that's originally. So it's, like, behind the stack here, it's at Chicago, but it's now pretty much delighted, you know, where if you're in a homeless place. >> What's the Catholic Church there that the Kennedy's built around? Is it stance-as-law? Or -- >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. That's in work, apart. >> But he just danced away. >> Yeah. She -- >> State sound. State of slop. >> State of slop. Yeah. That's my high school, she came and took us -- it was like, it's 77. >> Oh, here, I'll tell you a story. I had a memorial service for a lovely woman who worked for the merchandise smart here. They can't see how awesome I am. They worked for the merchandise smart. She worked for the merchandise smart, and she was very dedicated and devoted to her job and to her mission as the executive secretary to the family that owned the merchandise smart. >> Yeah. >> One of the Kennedy's wives lost her wedding ring at 4th Presbyterian Church during this memorial service, so it was a hunt -- a scavenger hunt for -- yeah. >> Did they find it? >> That I don't remember, but I did go back and look. I didn't find it, so I don't know if they did, but, you know, people are people no matter where you go. So it doesn't even matter if there's history to your family's name, and we all have history, but whether there's wealth or some sort of ability to drop someone's name, there were all people. >> Right. Right. So both of you, you have your own businesses. How did you start it, or what came to be when you wanted to go start your own business where you in funeral service before, is it something that was just a passion or calling for you? >> I was born and raised in a funeral home, lived above the funeral home all my life, decided to go to a mortuary school, and then ended up buying a business from my dad. I hung my own single about two years ago, went into partnership with a preexisting business, and I've got the best business partner in the world, man, is he great, but he had no cases. He was doing all trade work, and then I came on, and now we have all the cases, because I've lived here my whole life, have tentacles into different communities, but it's the best thing that I have ever done with my life was to go independent. At the age of 52, I got this courage to do what I wish I'd been able to do it 15 years earlier. It's a challenge. All right, my last question for you. For someone that is starting out in their career, a funeral service, what is one piece of advice you would have for someone? >> Cover up your tattoos. >> Yes. >> It's not about the creepy crawlies, it's not about what happens to our bodies after we're done using them, although there is certainly talent, you've got to focus on who that individual was. So I think it's not who just died, it's who's lived, that's actually our tagline, so find out who your client is and who your family is, and try to find some common ground. >> Right, and take care of people. >> We're almost pathologically hardwired in this industry. In the service of others, that's your job. It's not about you, the director, it's about your client. >> Beautiful. Thank you both so much. >> Oh, yes, of course. You earned it so much. >> What's your last name? >> Oh, yeah, I've seen you around, we're sorry. >> So, yes. [inaudible] >> Okay. >> Okay. >> Let's do it. Let's do it. Yeah, you look great. What's your name? >> Melisha Porter. >> Melisha, nice to meet you. Are you a funeral director? What are you doing? >> Correct, you're in embalming. >> Which one do you like more? Directing or embalming? >> I would say embalming, nobody's talking back. >> You don't have to deal with people. >> No. >> Everything is whatever you want to do. >> Yeah. That's right. So, what do you do when you're in the prep room? Are you listening to music? Are you listening to the mortuary show? Are you listening to books? Or do you just enjoy your thoughts? >> It's going to sound morbid. I talk to the deceased. >> What? >> I talk to the deceased. >> What do you say to them? >> Pretty much I explain my procedure. So, I let them know that, okay, Mrs. so-and-so, I'm going to wash you down right now. This is what we doing now. I have to do it this way, especially when I'm massaging or flexing the muscles. I tell them this is what I'm doing. I'm not trying to be aggressive. Relax, relax. You know, I do that. And then if I run into any difficulties, then me and them starts to really talk. Like, I know in life you would start swearing at them. No, no, no, no. I don't do that. I believe in spirits. I don't want that problem. So, I usually tell them like, okay, why is your being difficult? I need mom and dad or children to look at you and see that we did a great job and that you're at peace. So, relax. Give me something. Give me some expressions. Come on. Live a little. Oh, what a good way to do it. Oh, they're going to cooperate. Yeah. Yeah, at least. Yeah. But it tends to keep me at ease and it keeps me kind of patient when I'm doing the involvement process. I don't rush. I just take my time. Pull away. Come back. So, it's a soul. I think one of the things with that is it makes you more present in that moment where you're focusing on what you're actually doing and that's just a beautiful thing. And I think you're able to get in touch with who they were as a person or like the situation that what the reason you're doing it for. And you can kind of feel the love from the family, transferring to them and them to them. To their family. So, when you're in that process or in that moment, you can then let them know like, okay, everything is well. So, when you're going back to talk to the family, you say, well, come on, my dad or child, let's say, peace, everything, you could just, you could feel the love in the room. And so, yeah. That's a beautiful thing. I'll have to take that trick. That's really nice. I am. Yes, I am. I just been bombing myself plenty actually back in the day. Not as much anymore, but I have done probably a thousand cases, something like that. Yeah. That's right. I'm going to health care field for about 13 years required to do a CNA. My best thing was hospice care and I used to be in transition. Biddle. Yes. During the postmortem care. So at the CNA, I did EMT dialysis, yeah, and then the crazy part is I'm a veteran. So. Thank you for your service. Thank you. I did a lot. I did a lot. And when I was in the service, I wasn't even in health care. I took the test to be a corpsman, but ended up having to be my little military police. So it's all right. You've had like four full lives already. I mean, why come to here? I mean, I guess it's the natural, natural transition, but health care is a passion. And I saw a quote yesterday. I was at an Indiana continuing education because I'm licensed in Indiana. So you just sponsor on from one of the other every day? Yes. Indeed. But it said funeral service is not a job that I have that is not a job that I do is a passion that I have. And that resonated so deeply to me because it's a passion because before I did any health care, I was taking care of my grandfather, who was diabetic, blind and an amputee. So and I was 1213 doing this. So caring for people, that's just that's the service that we have to pay to live here on this earth. That's what I think you have to be there for one another because everybody at one point or another will have to look out for the next man. So you might as well just get involved with it now. That's why you have to teach your children how to be considerate of others. But you never know who got to bring you that glass of ice water. You never know. I love that. That's a great line. Have you ever so you're talking to these people in the prep room? Have you ever had one of your coworkers walking and be like, what are you doing in there? I get quiet when I hear them walking up. So I just start whispering in their ear or just say it in my head because I just feel the spirit and know how to read. So I just like I just started saying things in my head so that yeah, or we'll pause the conversation. I'll give them the look like yes, all is over. What is what is what is more challenging working in hospice or being a funeral director? Um, hospice because the family think they're prepared for their love one to go. But when the transition actually takes place and you can't call them back. You can't see the eyes open the smile, the reactions to the certain stimulus, the stimuli that it just is stone cold. Yeah. And you can do everything you can to say I'm there for you. I'm here for you. But no one can actually feel what you're feeling. That's, that's, that's real hard. Well, my dad passed in 2018, I had to do my dad. So I was his only child and only daughter. So here I am as a daughter and the funeral director. And that was the roughest time and you can never prepare yourself. You cannot prepare yourself. Even when you have the hospice team working with you and stuff, when someone you love passed away, all the memories flood you. It floods you because you at a point like, okay, it's over. I can't, I can't get these times back. The time they call and I sent it to voicemail, man, I should have picked up. I should have said this. It's rough. Yeah. So hospice would definitely be the rough one. Yeah. And that just gives you perspective, I think, so that every day, when, when you're in this field that we're in, it gives you that mentality that you have to think about your family. Think about your friends. That's the best thing about this industry. When you get a cat, you get a case saying when you sit with a family, you go home and you pour extra love into yours because it reminds you that cherish every moment. Don't try to beat the clock down working and you missing all of the life that's right there in front of you. It makes you do it. So yeah. My drop. That's it. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh, don't worry. Don't worry. We're just having a conversation. What's your name? Diana. Diana, how long have you been in the funeral service for? So I started when I was 16, I went, I would work after high school and then I took a like six month break when I went to community college and then COVID hit and I started with a funeral home that I'm currently at. And I've been technically full time besides when I went to worship. Good for you. What were you doing when you were 16 at the funeral home and why? So I would like help answer the phones. I'd work visitations, her striver, just kind of miscellaneous cleaning. I do a lot of like just opening doors and greeting people and just kind of helping. I didn't do night transfers, but just would come and help and hand instruments when need be. And I've always wanted to do it, but it just started young and I was like, might as well get into it now. And instead of working just to job it like subway or something. Yeah, it gives you a little bit more experience and then get to try it out to make sure it's something you want to do. That was a big thing for me. And when I started where I was at, we would get a lot of like students and programs that would come in and just say like, what do you recommend? And it's always go to a funeral home before you go to mortuary school because it is an eye opener. And that's why I'm glad I did because I started in the role at the bottom of the totem pole. You know, you were opening doors and cleaning and now I'm a licensed director and I do more. And so it's like nice to kind of be in that chain and I've grown and it gives you like much more respect for the people that are the starting out and the newbies that don't know what to do. So yeah. I'm with you and it's I've heard other reverse side of the situation where people want to stick it to people on the lower level. But I love that mentality where it's like, hey, you've been here before, you put yourself in their shoes just like you would with any other family or just it's someone that's working for you and together. And it's all part of the bigger system, I'd say. And one thing that my mentor, he was my sponsor that he's the general manager that always told me is I will never tell someone to do something that I have not ever done and would never do myself. So now that I've been licensed a few years, I'm like, there's apprentices and I'm like, trust me, I've been through it, I've done it and it's like the biggest thing. I mean, I knew what it was like to be at the bottom of the totem pole and now I'm kind of in that middle ground, but we're all still the same. We've all been through it all and we all had to start somewhere. So starting at a young age and then still still doing it. So how do you like dealing with families and being in the prep room? What's your preference and yeah. So I am mainly upfront, I would prefer to meet families, take funerals out out of my group last year. I met the most amount of families and I was an apprentice for half the year because the state of Illinois took six months to get me my license. So yes. And it was, I know it took forever and I would call, but I'll go on the back if I need to, but I'd prefer to be upfront, but I still love it. I still enjoy doing it every day and technically when you look at it, you do something different every day. That was a big thing for me, but I still really enjoy it and I still get all the questions of you're too young to be here and what are you doing and you look like you just graduated high school, but I still really like it. What do you say? What do you say to those families that you talk about how young you are? I say everyone is in a different point of life and starts at a different point of life and I started when I was 16 and I kind of just grew up pretty quick and I knew what I wanted and I didn't want to waste time to do it. And now I get to have a stable career at the age of 23 and I'm married and bought a house and there's not something many people get to say that they could do it and I had that between the ages of 20 and 23 and you might as well start, start well you can. Don't wait. I did not want to wait. I wanted to go to worship and I wanted to experience it and have fun and that was a big thing. I mean, you get that experience like from being in field of service is like, let's, let's do life. I mean, you're further than I am in life and I'm 10 years older than you. Well, and that was a big thing too is, you know, the being so young, you're invincible. Nothing's ever going to happen to you. I'm going to live until I'm 95. Yeah. And then it was one of those where it's like, why waste time, why wait? What am I doing? Like, let's just get into it. Let's enjoy it and let's start now and you never know where your 401K is going to take you. So let's just get into it. Do you think you're going to do it forever? I know you're, I know you're still like getting started and it would be a long, long career for you. So do you think? I would say yes, because I still enjoy it. I'm now starting to learn about our work and home balance. And that has been a big thing going, especially into a marriage. And I have a very supportive spouse. He's very appreciative of everything that I do. And I am with him. And so I would say, yes, I have a director that I work with. He just hit 52 years and he's a big inspiration. He's still involved in just his community outreach with people. So it's like, I want that one day. I want to be that person that all you took care of my mom 20 years ago. And now you're taking care of my spouse 20 years later. And it's just like, I remember you and you're very big in the community. And so I would like to kind of be into that role as well. I think it's so good to have that level of mentorship and to find that balance. I think it takes quite some time for most human doctors to get it down because a lot of us who are going home right out of the bat and then you tend to burn yourself out. So thank you so much for coming. Appreciate it. I came to say his name, yeah, he had a job and I was like, now you have to come on the pot. All right. What's your name? Cliff Laird. All right, Cliff. You were in acquaintance. I would say, Ben Schmidt, who's been on the podcast a couple of times. What is the story about Ben that people wouldn't know in the industry since he calls himself so well known? He didn't always know everything that he teaches. No. He started with us as a student when he was just getting into the business and as he started growing and now he's author of a two book. Yeah. Is it two now? Done. I'm not sure. But yeah, no, he's used to not be as talking to him, used to be a little more quiet and shy. Well, I mean, that's good. So you taught him everything, you know? I didn't. I didn't. He was a teacher of mine at school, but my family firm, he learned a couple of things that he probably teaches. Not everything because he's taught us some stuff as well. Sure. Yeah. I think it's good to be spreading the knowledge everyone learning from each other. What's one takeaway that you've learned over your years, that if you know a director might want to know, so are you more in the prep room set of things? Are you front office? You have mixed. Mixed. Family firms will do everything. That's one suggestion, like someone just getting started. What is the tip you would have for them? Don't be afraid to try something new. Don't stick. Don't stick to what somebody says is the only way to do something. There's more than one way to peel an orange. That's a huge thing. Jack Adams just spoke here and he is the biggest proponent of that is being aggressive, especially in the prep room. When people are just getting started, I feel like there's a tendency to be a little bit timid. And the only way you're going to improve is just by trying things, I'd say. Definitely, because I guarantee you, Jack has still learned things in the last five years. Even over almost 60 years now of experience, he still can learn new things. Yeah, it's a beautiful thing. What's your favorite thing about being a female director? Making a family feel more at ease with doing a viewing and being relieved that the pain and suffering is old. I mean, I feel like everyone's speaking from the heart there for sure. What is your least favorite thing about being a female director? Also probably dealing with families, because every family has dynamics. Everybody grieves differently and sometimes it gets taken out on you inadvertently, but hardest hardest, also the best part is, yeah, I mean, it's the give take. You fight through the hard times for those good times, you know, we just had a family this week that we're helping that was going through a tough time. And you could tell they were trying to take it, trying to take it on someone. And then you just got to meet that, put yourself in their shoes and meet it with over amount of kindness, over amount of communication. And I think that's the best way to overcome that thing. Definitely. But at the same time, maybe limit the overkindness because sometimes too much can be too much for them as well. So love smushing them. Got to balance it. Got to balance. Alright. Last question for you. What is, what was your craziest story that you've ever had as a female director? So if you're at a party and someone asked you, oh, you're a female director, you know, what was something crazy that happened to you? What's that story for you? The craziest thing? Probably all got one in there. I know you got one probably being an apprentice that I had probably five years ago. I won't say his name. If he sees us, I'll know who I'm talking about. I warned him before he went into the house because I'd gone in already that it was not the most pleasant situation we're going to walk into. They were it was a hoarder house and it was not clean at all. And he was not in the house for more than 10 seconds and was gagging nonstop. And I told him, just go to the car, I'll have the I'll have the police officer help me and police officer help me and he never he tapped out and and yeah, and he let's let's say he's he's no longer in this profession. I always give him a nice question is that is he done after that? Oh, that's too good. Well, thank you so much for taking the time. Appreciate it. You should come alive from invention center dash of film. What's your name, sir? Mark said, what? I saw. How are you? Good to be a man. I want to ask you, what was your craziest day ever, you know, so that been like one of the days of my first week, I was doing a conservation accident, actually wasn't even licensed here. I was kind of wondering if this is something I want to do, so I met this lady on the west out of Chicago. She had a couple of cases, so she caught me up and met it over there. It's like, you ready, I said, no, I guess I got to find out today. So the two first cases that I would get oversized and it's tough for us to get in the second way. It was like back to back. I was saying that I was baby. So it was kind of this is shocker, but that kind of my introduction to it, like a really big old beast, you know, person, well, I'd be like, well, subscribe, you know, I think I'm gonna challenge you personally, I'll probably tune you to 30, maybe 30 on high end eight. So you've got, you got some hours. Yeah. What is one trick? Oh, not a week. I'm sorry. That's in a month. I was like, I'm not going to. I'm not going to be a week. I'm never going to know. All right. Get this. I did lie. That's a lot. Yeah. You just one little tip that you've got. What's one little trick? Did you lose that? Some of my gets. Like an embalming. Yeah. No, no, that's like the demons cage or you get that you want to go low and get that swelling down. Sure. I learned that that's the best method. No, it's low. You know, now you're fluid mixed up a lot of those people use better Epsom sauce to the tank. You know, you know, get that fluid out the body or league bar or something like that. But yeah, low and slow. Yeah. That's that's the best advice I can give you. Yeah. What would you say? I mean, what would you say? My wrong. Am I right? No, you know, I love it. I love that. I like it's the exact opposite scenario. Biggest fan of team actants. The more moisture about it, like, I feel like that old school stuff, the rigid, you know, I'm like, no, we want to have a little more natural. So I'm like, give me as much as you might from the zeros. Well, let me actually, it's like, so like I said, sometimes I would use the old school record I would use. So if I don't have any garden or I think low stuff like that, that's not the machine. Yeah. I'm going to net in that, like a something match. Oh, all right. So you don't want to put the soft directly into the tank because that'll screw down like this. Yeah. Yeah. So like in cases like that, I love to make too. Yeah. Like I will still add a look to the neck into the tank. God. I see my parents with one of the things that I'll sit on, but if I'm by the life, it's worked. I'm still, I'm still through. Cheering. Oh, yeah. That's kind of dope. But yeah, that's my thing. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Appreciate. Thank you. (upbeat music)