TADPOG: Tyler and Dave Play Old Games
Ep. 788 - Hudson Hawk (NES)
You're about to listen to TADPOG. Tyler and Dave play old games. It's a comedy video game podcast. We would like to stress that the host are not experts and are really just very crass commentators. Seriously, this is an explicit podcast that happens to talk about video games sometimes. So please enjoy this pretty okay podcast with Tyler and Dave. (upbeat music) - Hello, Internet. (laughing) 1,800, I'm gonna die, motherfuckers. Welcome to TADPOG. (laughing) - What was that? - What was that? - Who was that? (laughing) - It's weird. - Let me in arno da vincio. (laughing) - Welcome to Tyler and Dave and Ian. - Play old games. This week, I am mad at Ian for making me watch Hudson Hall. (laughing) - I knew you would be. (laughing) - Boy. - I knew you would be. - Oh boy. - For this one. - Hudson Hawk. I don't wanna get into it. So I'll just, I'll save it. I'll save it. - Okay. (laughing) - But before we dive in the movie and the 1991 NES game for the movie. - Yeah. - Yeah. What you guys been going up to? - Well, I feel like I should run (laughing) just leave this thing recording and run for my life. - No, no, no. - And aside from being scared for my life, so I've been watching stuff on TV. I had a long week 'cause like time to sick over the weekend just, and I kinda was, we both had our vaccinations. - And flu shot or COVID. - Fluent COVID. - Double whammy. - And yeah, last year they kinda knocked us both out and it didn't let up this year, but she was already not feeling well when we went to get our vaccinations. So we just kinda had some downtime over the weekend and I'd run with that. And watched stuff on TV. And I, last week I had to go get some cysts cut out of my face. - Hell yeah. - And that was fun. So I've got stitches in my face and I have to go get 'em taken out tomorrow. - How many? - Three, three stitches. - No, three cysts were removed. - Three cysts were removed. - I don't know how many stitches. A lot for what, you know, he did. It seemed like a lot of stitches. But he did a good job 'cause it didn't have any pain afterwards. - That's good. - How were they removed? Are they like? - He cut. - Okay. - He cut my face open and then cut out the cysts. - Yeah. - And then stitched my face back up. - We look handsome, huh? - Thanks. - You do look handsome. - My jawline is gonna be-- - Your plastic surgery went well for you. - Yeah. I had a bump on my jawline from this one and it's gonna be smoothed out again. And the other ones were on my neck. But uh. - My dad also had that done. So you guys can bond over your stitch faces. - It's not the first time I've had to have it done. I just get 'em. It's like you're, they say like a follicle or something will get blocked up. - Yeah. - And it just, from the oil in your face and stuff. I have really oily skin and it's just never, it's not really a whole lot I can do about it and-- - So is it like sun damage sort of stuff? - No, this is like-- - 'Cause that's what my dad-- - It's like they're just like big pimples that will never go away without surgery. So, but they're like underneath the skin. So they look like just lumps. - Yeah. - And most of the time people don't notice them. The first one I had was in my left cheek and it was pretty big. But it sucks because like I always, I opted to have just local anesthetic done. - Yeah. - Instead of getting knocked out. - Oh, you had the option? - Yeah. - Oh wow, brave. - Well, I had done the one before with just local anesthetic but it was only one. Three is a lot, especially considering he had to give me like four shots per cyst in my face to numb it up. - Goddamn. - And then like at one point-- - And you're gonna have that big of a face? - I don't have a very big face. The whole side of my face on my left side was numb from all this, it was like no, it came. But at one point he was going to cut this one out and I was like, I feel that. (laughing) And he's like, "Uh oh." - He's like, "Now, crack me." - He's gonna be a little bit more of a shot. - Well, that was nice that he wasn't like-- - Just go with it, just run with it. - Well, I've had when I had some stuff being cut, they were like, "Does it hurt or can you just feel it?" And it was like, "That's kind of the same thing, right?" I mean, I feel you got it good to be, so it hurt. - Weird, it was weird. - That's such a shitty question. (laughing) - Well, the one here on my jaw was bigger than the others and it was like two, he said, cysts, and he apparently had to cut pretty deep to get them out. So he had to like cauterize this one on the inside. - Oh, I hate that smell, man. - Oh, the smell, the sound. - Oh, it's fucking like, I could feel it. - I could feel it, yeah. - 'Cause he was way deeper than he planned on being, so I could feel the burning of the laser beam that he was using to cut me. All in all, last Tuesday, it was pretty bad. - Yeah, that sounds worth it. - Sounds not great. - It was gross. But it was fine, I did okay, and I'm gonna go get my stitches out tomorrow, we're good. And then I had my shots over the weekend and felt shitty all weekend, and then this Friday, I've got a colonoscopy. Oh, so it was like everything's just getting crammed into one week, you know, but at least after that, hopefully it'll be crammed in there, at least it'll be over with. But while I was on my down time, I watched some stuff. I watched Don D'Don. - Nice. - What's out there? - Yeah, there's three episodes. - Which I can now, I can now not, I feel like it needs to be pronounced. Dun, dun, dun, you know, 'cause it's kind of a horror. - Yeah, yeah. - I really enjoyed that. - Cool, man. - Thanks for the recommendation. - It's on Netflix. - Yes, it is. And I didn't discover that until last night. And when I saw it, I was like, oh, I need to tell Ian that it's on Netflix. - Way ahead of you. They've got a lot of shit now on Netflix. - I know. - I really up their game. - Yeah, I re-upped it last night because I wanted to watch Ron Mil one half. - Okay. - And when I was in there, I was like, oh shit, yeah, Don D'Don. - They've got, Don D'Don, they've got Demon Slayer, my hero academia, all of everything, it's current. So it's pretty sweet that they've got that. - I don't, so let me, you watched Don D'Don on Netflix. - Yes. - Does it do the, does it do the Netflix emblem before the beginning of every episode or does it just do that on Rama one half because it's a Netflix original or whatever? - It does. I think it does it in front of everything. - I hate that, it bugs the shit out of me. - Why? - I don't know, it just kinda, I guess 'cause I'm crunchy roll, I'm just used to it, one episode, just rolling in the next. - Oh, well that, no, no. When I first started it up, it did it, but running one into the next. - Oh, it didn't, yeah, it was doing it for me in between every episode of Rama and I was like, man, this kinda like, this kinda sucks. 'Cause it's just like, yeah, I know I'm watching Netflix. It's all good. - Yeah, 'cause God, I hate to know what network I'm watching when I'm watching something. - There's subtitles, also fucking kinda suck. (laughing) - The ones for, they do, the ones from my hero academia are clearly translated from Japanese, but the English is just, you know, English. Which is not directly translated, obviously, it's more of the, this is the idea of what they're saying. Is if it were in English. - Right. - So it's super different. The ones in Dondedon are not bad. - That's good. - They're not bad. - Good, I'm glad. - The next thing I watched, and I'm almost done with, I started the other day, it's called The Eight Show. - The Eight Show. - Number eight is The Number Eight Show. - Come on. - And the description of the show courtesy of Chat GPT, which is my scrubbing bubbles, it does the work, so I don't have to. The Eight Show on Netflix is a South Korean thriller that revolves around eight debt-ridden participants who enter a mysterious survival game for the chance to win a large sum of money. It's very squid gaming. - I'm about to say it, so you mean squid gaming. - It's clearly they're trying to capitalize on the squid gaming. - A second season of squid game, did that happen? - It's coming. - 'Cause I knew that was later this year. - Okay, a thing that was supposed to happen and I just assumed I missed it. - No, squid game was like, what, four years ago? - Yeah, pandemic-ish. - Yeah, it was. Anyway, the players are confined to different floors of a strange building where they must navigate a set of twisted rules. The longer they stay, the more money they earn, but the competition becomes increasingly brutal. Tensions rise as contestants battle greed, mistrust, and manipulative tactics of those on the upper floors. Again, it's the theme, the debt-ridden downtrodden, and then once they're in the situation that they're in, the ones that have the advantages over the others start to take advantage of the others, and it's a very obvious comment on society and whatnot, but I enjoy the show, it's a fun show, but it's in that same vein of like squid game and- - If you like that style stuff- - That's awesome borderland type of stuff. But it's all in one like building. - Okay. - If that's really your jam, I think you would love the Dangan Rompa games. - Okay. - 'Cause they very much fit that mold. - I got you. - Well, apparently this was based on some web tune that was out a while ago. I didn't look to see like how long ago this web tune was on, but anyway, three and a half stars, we should say, just check it out. - Cool. - Watched. - Alien Romulus. - Yeah, okay. I saw, I've seen that one. - It's a good movie. - You liked it? - You really liked it. For those of you not in the know, another description courtesy of chat GPT, most scrubbing bubbles, it is the work. So I don't have to. Alien Romulus is a sci-fi horror film that takes the Alien franchise back to its terrifying roots. The plot centers around a group of young space colonizers who, while scavenging the remains of derelict space station, come face to face with the universe's most terrifying creatures, the Xenomorphs. As they fight for survival, blah, blah, blah. It's a good movie. I really liked it. The cast was great. I love the fact that young, very young. - I watched that movie and I was like, holy shit, I am ancient because everybody in this movie is. - They're in their 20s. - Like, yeah, and they look even younger than that. - The main girl who plays, Kaylee Spainy, who plays the main character named Rain. - The Rain on Spainy falls mainly. - On mainly on Kaylee. - Yes. - She looks like she's about 15, maybe 12. - Yeah, that's 12. - Yeah, it's like, she's gross. - Yeah, that's crazy. - But I love that the, so this one has an Android in it. Like, they all do. - Yeah. - Has an Android that you can't trust. - More than one. - Yes, it does have more than one Android. And this one, the main one is one named Andy. So I thought, oh boy, an Android named Andy. Like, we haven't had enough of that in our lives here at Tadpog. - Many other functions. - Many other functions. But I thought it was really good. The guy that directed this is the one that directed Evil Dead, the 2013 Evil Dead reboot, which is a really good movie as well. He did a couple of others, not so good movies. Don't breathe and don't breathe too. - Oh, that is not good. - No. - Okay. - I mean, it's not fair. I'll watch them. Don't breathe is pretty good. - Oh, okay. - Don't breathe is pretty good, but it's-- - Don't breathe too. - It's still not breathing. - It's still not breathing. - It's not, take a breath. - The more I watch, don't breathe. The more I dislike it. Like, I immediately, initially I liked it. - Okay. - The more I watch it, the less I like it. 'Cause I don't like the character that's supposed to be the protagonist, antagonist. It's kind of weird how they do him. And then the fact that they made a sequel of it, the sequel sucks. And I don't know, there's nothing particularly wrong with the movies themselves, but just the story wasn't great. The direction was fine. And the cinematography was fine and the effects were great. And like the spookiness of the fact that, 'cause they break into this blind guy's house to rob him because they hear that he has money, and it turns out he's like, apparently superpowers, you know? 'Cause he kills them all. - He's blind, yeah. - And it's like, he's daredevil. I think the pitch to that movie was, what if some people tried to rob daredevil? (laughing) - I mean, daredevil was a psychopath. - Right. - You know, which, I guess the jury's out as to whether or not daredevil was a psychopath. - More of a psychopath. - I don't think he's sick of it. - Right, not really. - No, don't breathe too, follows the same guy. - Okay. - That you really, really, despite the end of don't breathe, you, for many, many reasons you fucking, the viewer hates the guy, the blind guy. He's a fucking psychopath, like for real. And then they expect you to root for him and don't breathe too. - Okay, they tried to figure it out a little bit. - Yeah, a little bit. It makes it hard, so I don't recommend it. I mean, I, like I always say, check it out, but I don't care for him. And then he also, this Fede Alvarez is the one that directed these movies. He also did a Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. - Which one? - In 2022. - Oh, I didn't see that one. - It wasn't great either. - Yeah. - I didn't hate that one as much as don't breathe too. - The only really good Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie is truly the very first one. - Yeah, it is. They give him a lot of movies that sort of, he does a lot of rebooting, or extra chapters to franchises apparently. And he's good at doing that. I mean, I don't have a problem with what he does. And I thought he did a spectacular job with the Evil Dead reboot, which is really one of my favorite horror movies. I love that movie, and I thought he did an amazing job and had, you know, and here's the thing, with Evil Dead, he had Sam Raimi on board as a producer, advisor, so-and-so-and-so-and-so-and-so, same with Alien Romulus. Ridley Scott was directly involved with the making of this film, so he had the original guy's direction to help him out, make sure it hit on all the right marks, and it did. - I mean, it's really trying to be like a horror movie. - It is straight up a horror movie, and it's so good. And there's so many neat little Easter eggs and callbacks, but not so many that you would have had to have like been a huge fan of the franchise to, you know, like it. You don't have to know all the stuff it's referring to to appreciate the movie for what it is, but it does take place between Alien and Aliens, while, you know, at the end of Alien, we know Sigourney Weaver's character Ripley is in a life pod, heading, trying to head back to civilization to get saved. During that time is when this happens, and the very beginning of the film, this excavation crew, I won't say, like a salvaged ship from Waylon Yutani finds the wreckage of the Nostromo, which has Xenomorph encased in one of its like eggs or whatever, and they bring it back to this lab to be studied. And then this movie takes place when these kids find this lab floating in this face above their planet, they fly up on a ship, and it's that lab, and it had gone to shit because, you know, Xenomorphs. Because the people in the Alien franchise, especially the corporation, the Waylon Yutani Corporation, just can't fucking help itself. Every time we turn around, these fuckers are trying to do something with these aliens, and they believe that humankind has reached its peak, and evolution isn't gonna happen fast enough, so they're basically trying to do like a new year and soon kind of things, from Star Trek, you know, the hybrid cloning, making super humans. - Force, evolution, and virus, and fallout, you know, that thing. - Stuff like that. Yeah, and the theme is exactly the same in all the Alien movies. It never wavers from that Waylon Yutani fucking around with something they shouldn't be fucking around with, and causing other people to die. - I really liked that movie, like a lot, up until a point where if anybody cares, I guess, skip ahead a minute, but do you care, Tyler? - Nope, not one bit. - Okay, I really liked that movie, like I loved it up until the multiple aliens were introduced, and then it was like, fuck, and then I was like, it was still fine, but it was like-- - It goes from horror to action horror when there are multiple-- - No, it's like, really, but it's like-- - It's too much of a callback to Prometheus that's like unnecessary. - Yeah, it did feel unnecessary, 'cause like when we left, I told Nikki, I was like, that's where it kind of like felt, it felt unnecessary, and then she's the one who pointed out, well, they were there so they could do that slow-mo matrix through the acid scene, and I was like, oh yeah, you're right, that's the only reason that there were multiple aliens there was so that there could be that scene where she matrices her way through alien acid spit. - No, that scene of blood. - Right behind. - It's cool, it's a cool scene, but-- - But it was almost like a McGuffin, like they had to do it so that they could-- - So they could do that shot, yeah. - It's hard to naturally set up a good-- - Right, it was cool. - Someone had the idea of weightlessness and alien blood everywhere. - I wouldn't be surprised if like, that was like how the movie's like, that's the kernel, of like, that's like, they built the movie around that scene-- - I built it out. - Right, middle out. - Right, yeah. - But it was, but I liked it, I thought it was really, it's honestly probably my second favorite alien movie. - It's great, it's a great movie, I loved it. I, it's in there, right, it's right there for me with the first two. - Yeah. - I even liked, I liked all of them personally, I mean, they're not all as good as the other ones, but the first two were my favorite and the first one. - I did like Prometheus a whole lot too as well, so-- - I need to rewatch Prometheus. - Yeah, that one's real, there's real heavy, heavy references to Prometheus. - I just, then Prometheus did some stuff that was just kind of, you know, the concept of the movie is interesting and the visuals are very interesting, of course, but there are some things in it where it's just like, how can these people be this stupid, you know what I mean? - It's like they're too fucking stupid to let alone be alive, like let alone be on this ship, right, like-- - It's rough. - Yeah. - It's real rough that they are like, Prometheus is a two hour long series of bad decisions. - Yeah, it really is. - It really is. - It really is. - It was one of the first things that came to mind, like what the fuck are you doing? - Yeah. - I mean, I get, it's like, okay, we don't know these things yet, 'cause it's all take place before-- - But regardless of what these are-- - But we are on another planet, and we really don't know anything about it. Maybe we shouldn't fuck around. Maybe we should be more careful, but not. Then we wouldn't have a movie, I guess. - True. - That's it for me this week. I played a lot of Overwatch. Season 13 kicked in this week. It's the Halloween one I mentioned. My hero academia skins dropped. - Did you get 'em? - I did get them. - Hell yeah. - So we're, I took a break from Overwatch for the last couple of days, so I may be play a little tonight. And at Kaiser Arc, I tried to get you in my group. We talked about playing, I messaged you, and then you never got back to me, so I'm sorry we didn't get to play, but maybe someday soon we will. - And that's it, that's all I got this week. - Cool, man. - I re-up Netflix, as I mentioned earlier. Watch, there are three episodes of "Ronma 1/2" that are out at the time of this recording. That's a remake of an old anime based on an older manga. And it's done by, I think Mappa, I think Studio Mappa's doing. - Oh, okay. - I think they're doing that. - I like Mappa. - I do too, it's good, there were several times where it was like, well, it's so close to the original that it's like, well, I mean, you know, I could just watch the original, but there are some like, there's visual flair to it that's, you know, nice. They kind of did this with Urdu Sayatsura, where it's like they take this, they kind of try to blend like the manga style with like the halftone shading and stuff like that. They kind of blend that with anime, and that's really cool. And then what happened was, since we re-upped Netflix, I was like, oh, let's go, I mean, just fucking do what I like to do on any streaming service and that's just sit there and hit next, next, next, next, and like-- - See what they have. - Just look at the posters and yeah, see what they've got. And then I was like, oh, sweet. I love, I think you should leave with Tim Robinson. So I just watched like a shitload of those last nights. - That is such a fucking hilarious, hilarious show. I love that fucking show. - I've seen the trailers and stuff. - Oh my God. Yeah, that was a nice show to come home and watch, 'cause I was in Memphis this weekend for work at a cadaver lab with the organization that I worked for and I did not stay on my diet at all. - He's so many goddamn dead bodies. - So many dead bodies. I was like, gluttony. - Yeah. (laughing) From full mill out then as brotherhood. - Brotherhood, yeah. - Lost. (laughing) - Yeah, just a little fucking, just a ziggy man going around eating all the dead bodies. (laughing) Yeah, I mean, there's some, I tried to be good though. I tried to like, 'cause like I went to Top's barbecue and didn't get any sides. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I'll fucking splurge a little bit, but not like, go-- - That's where the calories are going. - Go crazy. - The mac and cheese. - Right. - Yeah, as opposed to just like ribs and steak. - Right, yeah. - It's what I've been doing that too. Avoiding sides. - Avoiding sides. - All the time, yeah. - Yeah. There's a good, there's an Indian restaurant there that I like quite a bit. I went last time that I was there. So I had to go back. It's called Golden India. There's a cool pizza place called Aldo's Pizza and I ate there and there's a, like a, I don't know if you call like a fusion Mexican restaurant or what? I had tacos there and they had a lot of tacos at a place called Babaloo. Yeah, it was good. It was a good trip. - It sounds like I better eating towards than the last time that you went. - Yeah, I mean, the last, it's tough. It's tough to like be accountable for what I'm eating and stuff when we travel. But this time. - I think travel is just, that's the ride off. So it's okay. - I guess. Yeah, but I travel enough where it's like I can't be. I can't be going crazy every two or three months. - It was a few days, so it wasn't, you know. - It didn't work. - I didn't play a lot. I didn't, 'cause I was busy. I'm still playing Final Fantasy Legend. I'm probably about halfway through that game. I've got two of the, I assume four orbs. I've had a character permanently die. I could have brought them back for like an insane amount of money. Didn't do it. So, much like you taking a break in Overwatch, man, I have not played much Final Fantasy XIV at all. Today is technically not my Saturday, but it is Saturday for me, 'cause it took today and tomorrow. And I logged in and it was just like, I've played for like 15 minutes, and it was just like, yeah, I'm gonna play. - Sometimes you just not feeling it. - Wasn't feeling it. - Yeah. So, that's pretty much it, man. Other than catching up with Donda Dahn, which I think is great. - Love the grandma and the Donda Dahn. - Yeah. - She's my type of woman. - Yeah, yeah, she's great. - All about the grandma. - Yeah. - Like, she's sexy too. - Yeah. - Like, when she was talking about her grandma and like, I was expecting, me, you know, old, decrepit grandma. No, this is sexy. - Yeah, she's great. And a bad ass. - A little ass. - Complete fucking bad ass. - A weak fucking bad ass to boot. So yeah, it's great. - I love that scene where she's got Turbo Granny in those fucking protective seals with the nails. - Yeah. - And she sets it up, essentially, where like she can't move in or out of them. - Yeah. - Yeah, I love that. - Yeah, that shit is cool. - Yeah. Give me your banana. - I finished, so the, when Brandon Sanderson did his year of Sanderson, his secret projects on Kickstarter, where he wanted to get away from the big publishers and self-published these books. And it was like one of the biggest Kickstarter's ever. - Okay. - 'Cause he wrote four books. Three of them are Cosmere books, which the Cosmere is his big. - Cosmere Kramer. - Inner. - Pretty much. - It's the one where Brandon Sanderson says the N-word. (laughing) - That his, like every book, that's his big interconnected universe. - Okay. - Is like the Cosmere, so each of his series will take place obviously on a different planet, but with his own magic system, but they're all interconnected in certain ways with certain characters. - Okay. - Three Sanderson for the Cosmere, 'cause that's the thing. - Gotcha. - I read the three of the four books that were, and they were "Tress of the Emerald Sea." I'd recommend to, even if you haven't read Sanderson, like it's a fun fucking book. - Yeah. - It was really fun. - What's it called? - "Tress of the Emerald Sea." - Okay. - So it's like a, it's almost like a fairy tale-ish sort of story. A girl who's lived her whole life on an island. The boy she falls in love with is royalty. He has to go off to date at the royal court and he gets kidnapped and lost, and no one cares to find him. So she's like, that's it, I'm leaving, I'm gonna go find him. And she basically joins a crew of pirates and tries to figure out how to go find him. - Okay. - The twist of it being, in this world, the oceans aren't made of water, they're made of spores. - Okay. - That's the magic system in this world, is they're all there like eight different kinds of spores, and once you get them wet, they all have a different magical effect. So she's trying to master all these different kinds of spores to learn the magic and go find him. - Okay. - It was a lot of fun. - All right, cool. - Then Yumi and the Nightmare Painter, it was a real slow burn, which I don't like slow burn kind of books. It just felt like I was listening and kind of bored for a lot of it. Then he got really good, but I just, I don't like that. He based that off his favorite video game, Final Fantasy 10 in which, 'cause Titus and Yuna both have very different jobs and learn to do it or there's jobs, that was the premise behind it, is there's two characters. - Corporate makes them cross train. - Yeah, exactly, makes them learn each other's jobs, and then it comes together at ahead for the things they actually have in common. It got to be good at the end. - Cool. - And then-- - I need to replay 10. It has been since I played it on the PlayStation 2 when it came out. - I have not played it, it's been that long. - See, I really liked it, and then I got to the end of it, and when I unlocked-- - Let's ball. - Ball, I got to the word that my second play through I like Flits Ball, because I got the Jack shot, and it was totally different. - Oh yeah, I played so much before. - Without Jack shot, fuck Flits Ball. But where you can unlock each other's sphere grids, then everyone became the exact same character, except for Yuna, which at that point then I was like, okay, now I don't like this as much. No one is unique. Everyone is exactly the same. I don't like this. - Did you play 12? - No, well I started too, but I couldn't get into it. - I think 12 was the same way. The only reason I bring it up is because I just reached this the other day, found out that in the, I guess in the 12 remaster that was done, I guess a few years ago. - Yeah, you know it was right, it was remastered. - Yeah, I say a few years ago, but it was probably like five or something like that. - We're not 40s, it's fine. - They, yeah. - There's a few years ago. - They changed it so that you can't, like there are limits on the grid, essentially. - I like that a lot more. - So I don't know if they've done that with the 10 remaster or not. - I would hope so, but. - But yeah, I know what you're saying. One of my favorite things in 10 though, you talking about Yuna is I really liked the summons and how summons were handled in 10, where essentially you control the idle on or whatever they were called in 10. - That's cool. - Yeah, I like that about-- - For round. - The later Breath of Fire games too, whenever you could do that. - Oh yeah, I like the PS1 version, like the Breath of Fire 3. - Yeah, 'cause some, they would just be like, turn to a dragon, one turn done. - Right. - Some of them, then somewhere where you actually turn in, you can control his moves. - I've thought about just skipping ahead to Breath of Fire 3, because I have tried to play one and two several times and it is just, there's such beautiful games with, I mean, they look great, I feel like they sound great, but they are just, for whatever reason, I just get so bored playing them. - Well, if I played them again, I'd have to get some sort of quality of life mods on Emulator. - Yeah. - So, I'm looking to shake recently, and he's playing back through the first Lufia, but he's like, dude, I had to download something to make you move three times faster, and what else did he get? Lower enemy encounters. He's like, it's a different experience now, and it's really fun. - That's one of the great things about the Pixel Remasters for Final Fantasy is you can, there are sliders in the game where it's like, you can increase the amount of gold or gill you get per encounter, and you can mess with all these sliders, you can slide the encounters down, you can increase the amount of experience that you gain. - No, I totally, I'm with you. - Every remaster or remake should have that. - Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna play, once we eventually draw a Lufia, that is how I will play that game. - Yeah. - And that's how I feel about trying to breath a fire one and two, which I would go back and play three. I quit three because I could not handle the enemy encounter rate. - It was too damn high. - It was so, I remember just throwing my controller and being like, God damn, I can't figure out how to walk in this room, because of so many random battles, I just forget where I'm going. - Which direction you go? - It was so-- - I hate that shit. - Stuff like that's so frustrating. - That's why I prefer games now, like Chrono Trigger Earthbound, where you see the enemies. - Yeah. - And it's not just like a sudden fuck, fuck, oh shit. - Man, I had a real moment earlier today where it was like straight up, like I've got the day off and nothing sounded good to play, like nothing. It was just one of those where it was like, fuck man, like, and then I played Final Fantasy Legend. It was fine, but it was like one of those where it's like, it took me a long time to get back to that, because it was like, eh, I drew for a little bit, and it wasn't done a long time. - I'm gonna go through that now. No video game sounds good for me to really play. - There's stuff I wanna play, but I'm just waiting for the price to come down. - Yeah, like Sparky Zero, I would like to blame me. I'm not paying 60 bucks for it. - Yeah. - Now. And then the last, Centers in Project was the Sunlit Man, 'cause he says at the end of Sunlit Man that he wrote, Tress for his wife, Yumi for himself just gets the Final Fantasy 10 reference. - Yumi. - The Sunlit Yumi. - Yumi, Yumi. - Yumi, Yumi. - Yumi. Then he wrote the Sunlit Man for the fans. - Every woman's crazy about a Sunlit Man. (laughing) - To understand it, you have to have read every single Cosmere book, because the, and it does good in it. - That's a good one to start on. - Oh, God, yeah. I cannot imagine trying to make any sense of that. - Okay, I'll do it. (laughing) - 'Cause you, I mean, like I had to look up some of the lingo. It's been so long as I've read of it. - And you're a huge fan. - And I love and I've read every single Cosmere book. - Is Stephen King in it? (laughing) - Like that's the bridge to get in the dark tower, is Stephen King is in this book. (laughing) - But if you're big, if you haven't read the Secret Projects and you're a Sanderson man, the Sunlit Man ties a lot of shit together and it's really interesting. It's set so far in the future too. Like you kind of see like, oh, where is it gonna go to get to this point? - Okay, cool. - Besides that, let's see. - How many books has he written? - A lot. He is by far like, I remember Stephen King and George R.R. Martin have talked about like, they don't understand him in the fact that he can consistently produce so many books of high quality every single year. - Well, Stephen King can understand, and that says a lot because that's the same. - That's the scale where George R.R. Martin at the bottom, King in the middle, Sanderson at the top becomes a production. 'Cause he's got so many series going on and he just, he can produce like 12 high-end books a year in all of these series and time altogether. - Well, fucking books in there. - It's nuts how good that this man's output. I mean, I've pulled 12 out of nowhere, but it feels like, 'cause I know he wrote the four, and then, I know last year he had at least written eight. The four secret projects, his Wind and Truth which is his big, the Stormlight Archive, he said it's his Wheel of Time. It's Cosmere takes place on one planet, it's gonna be like 10 books, and they're all like 40 hours each. He's about to release the fourth one. Fourth one comes out in December, early December. - Cool, that's right around the corner. - No, I'm very excited. And then, let's see, Choco Chica is the horror fan. Loves horror, absolutely, like any time, like I wanna just friendly buy or something, I buy or something horror related. She loves horror movies. - We should talk. - Yeah, we'll let her go see Terrifier 3 this week. - Oh, wow. - Terrifier 3. - I haven't seen that, so how did she like it? - Well, she's 15. - Okay. - So we bought her the tickets, she goes in, we drive away and listen, I go, you don't have to go do our thing. - She calls, I'm terrified. Three. - This is three times more terrifying than I thought it would be. And I need you to come get me. - I appreciate the gesture, but yes, I am terrified. - Well, for the first time that I know of, since-- - She's been part, I didn't have the story, but what the fuck? - Yeah, Anna's 21, Addie's 18, they're both in college, 'cause Anna was on in homecoming court. - Her senior year at Murray State now, she was on homecoming court. - That's not as fucked up, because you reach a certain age and you're like, all right, you're pretty much fucking adult. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, whatever. But then like, yeah, 15, that's crazy, still fast. - Next thing you're gonna tell me is-- - Well, we'll say, I'd tease her about that shit all the time. Like, oh, days after, do you wanna go run for it? Shut up! I don't know, I'll be seat, well, it was the last time we went to Six Flags, we were on the way back and she was like, I bet I could beat you guys to the car. I was like, yeah, that's the chocolate you got, no. I'll tell you, run, it just takes off. But for the first time I've heard of, since the South Park movie, they had people at the doors checking IDs. - Oh, wow. - So, we had just left. - Nah, it sucks. - And they wouldn't let her go see it. So she's like, they gave her money back. She's like, all right, well, let's go see another movie. Let's go see Smile 2, not knowing that that was also rated R. They were also sitting at the door for Smile 2. So whenever they checked her ID and they're like, all right, you're out, kicked her out. - Wow. - And she heard her boyfriend went to the mall until we came back. - That's weird that they were checking IDs at the door. - That is really weird. - I've never, I've never seen that. - I've really not since South Park, 'cause I remember they did that for South Park, bigger, longer, uncut. - I've never encountered that. I don't go to a lot of movies, but when I do, it's like Deadpool, they didn't check IDs in Deadpool. It's also kind of weird, 'cause it's like, you'd think the movie theater would be a little cooler, where it's like, hey, thanks for coming to see this in the theater. - Right. We're kind of a dying medium, so thank you. - Exactly. - And then, like I said, then Anna was on Homecoming Court. We went to do that at Homecoming weekend. And then I saw on TikTok, I was excited about it, 'cause they talked about this last episode of the Penguin being rated as one of the best episodes of television of all time. - Shit, yeah, I gotta watch that. - I think I got like a 9.5 or something out of 10, and you don't see that very often. I started like, Breaking Bad, The Marker, The Sopranos, like that level. - Okay. - So, listen, I watched it, and it wasn't about the Penguin. It's all about Sofia Falcone, which I didn't know she was a big character, The Hangman. I don't know if even the Hangman in his villain's gallery, but it's all about her, and it was just like, listen, I walked away like, God damn, that was really fucking sweet. - Sweet. - That's a fucking good episode to be. - Cool, I'll check that out for sure. I'm trying to get Tanya to sit down and commit to that one so we can watch. Otherwise, I'm gonna give her about a week, and then I'm gonna watch it on my own. - And then I do have some stuff for us to try. - Okay. - Number one. - Doritos. - Doritos, Flamin' Hot. - I haven't had Doritos before. - Tie Red Curry. - Tie Red Curry. - Cool. - You know, you want to partake? - Look at that metallic. - I think I saw these. - Yeah, that's-- - That means it's really hot. - Mm. - Oh boy. - Men's gonna be a spicy meatball. - Yeah, it's very red. - It's a good one. - Very, very red, this chip I pulled out of the bag. - This one is my choice. - Oh my fucking God. - I saw these at the Walmart's. - It doesn't only smell like curry, like a smoky curry. - All right, tie Red Curry. - Hit it. - Go. - Go. - They're sweeter the coconut. - It is sweet. - Drive down that heat. Gotta bet. - Yeah, they're not, these are not spicy. - Not really. - I'm gonna be a little bit on the back. - You know, it's all coconut sweet. That's weird. - I mean, I liked it. - I liked it, it was good. - No, I can't. - But I don't think I could eat many of them. And I think they just put the flame in hot. - I don't know what I would eat that with. - Yeah, exactly. - I don't want that with a sandwich. - Maybe with like some tacos or something. - And my other thing I brought to try. - The crumble 'em up in ramen. - Very, okay. I would do that. If I were in a little crunch with like gelatinous ramen or something. Yeah, okay, I'm with you. - Like a little gelatinous ramen. - It's only available in a large pack level two, but final boss sour strawberry and mango. - Oh. - Oh. - Oh, sake sake now. - Oh, sake sake sake now. (laughing) - To find these at the store, you buy these online as well. - I've bought these online. I'm gonna pull out this slice of mango. That's what I bought it for. - These are level two? - Level two, or only available level two. - I'm good. - Okay. - They're not wet, like the other ones were. - Well, give it some time. (laughing) - Play with it a little bit. - Yeah. - So wait, oh, okay. I got up strawberry. I need a mango too. - Wow. - Okay. - I need a strawberry out of here because I know what the strawberry did like. - I'm gonna eat them together. - There you go. - Yeah, me too. - All right. - Final boss sour level two strawberry mango. - Mouth noises initiate. - Yeah. - That's leathery. - It is. - It is, it's like beef jerky. (laughing) - Very sour beef jerky. - The fruit itself isn't sweet, it's sour. Like, I'm just putting like sour on the outside, but sweet mango fruit, but-- - I think it's 'cause it's so tender. - It would not. Yeah. - Maybe we're getting more coating. - We're getting more coating per square centimeter of fruit. 'Cause that's really sour. - That's tasty. - It is good, but thank you. - But at homecoming weekend, I took the box of the rest of the sour up there to have Melissa's dad try eight, all three levels, unfucking phase. - Yeah. - He's like, that's sour. All right, all right, thanks. - You need any more of these? - Maybe like two more. I did lick my fingers so much I'd use my pinky and-- - We were into this COVID bubbles, it's fun. - Got 'em. Thanks, Tyler. Yeah, thanks, man. - Oh, welcome. I will have something on the way next week, especially special for us to try. - Yeah, cool. I have an idea of something I'm gonna bring for y'all to try as well. - It was on both only murders in the building, and then, 'cause Melissa and I watched that-- - Is it a dip? - It's not a dip, but it was on only murders, and then we started watching Frasier in the same food, but it's also in Frasier. So if I got on Amazon and I bought some-- - Okay. - That's like, I want her to try it, then I'm taking them to show, and we'll try it. - I'm caught up on only murders, and I should know this, but I don't. - Well, you guys wanna-- - Yeah, let's just rip the Band-Aid off and get this over with. - Get it over with. - I'm not sorry that I had you guys watch this movie. - Me neither. - Me neither. - I'm not sorry. - It's a cult classic, and I have always loved it, even though-- - The room is also a cult classic. - Yeah, I've always loved it, but because of how silly it is, but I will admit that on this re-watch, I started to think, "Uh-oh." I was not as good as I remember. - I, my problem with it was that I was so bored watching this movie, and it was like, there's a lot of stuff going on in it, and I would be entertained, and then I would be, like, there'd be a stretch, where it's just like, where I would just be bored. - Get on with it. - Yeah, and I don't know, I think it's-- - If they had gotten on with it, it would have been about a 30-minute, like YouTube short. - That would have been so great, if this movie had been like 60 minutes long, because like, there are some funny moments in this movie. There is a A moment that I laughed out loud, like, and it is probably not a moment where most people laugh out loud. There is a part in this movie where a dog is launched from a castle window. - That is the funniest part of this movie. - And I laughed so fucking hard, because it was like a Conan skit when he, like, drops really-- - It really was. - Like, a body off of a fridge or something. - Well, I do have a tadpog totals list for his rock, so I'll do that, and then I've got a few brief facts about the movie, and then we can get into it. So this week I have tadpog totals for the 1991 Bruce Willis movie, Hudson Hawk, starring Andy McDowell. - Did not expect Andy McDowell, didn't know. - Andy McDowell. - Always appreciate Prime Andy McDowell. - And this was Prime Andy McDowell, for sure. - Andy Iello is in this movie. We've got Senator Bernhard and Richard E. Grant, who, as I mentioned, played the witch hunter in Warlock, the movie we recently launched. - Oh, okay. - All right, so tadpog totals list for Hudson Hawk. One, Leonardo da Vinci Lab that looks like a precursor to Willy Wonka's factory. Steampunk before Steampunk was cool. One Mona Lisa model with terrible teeth. One prison guard with even worse teeth. Uncountable instances of scripted buddy banter that tries and fails to not sound like scripted buddy banter. - Oh, man, the dialogue. - It's bad, several running. Hudson Hawk just wants a fucking cappuccino jokes that never land. Skateboard based cat burglary featuring skateboards that I definitely made fun of when I was younger. - Sharkboards? - They're like Balterra skateboards from Walmart or something like that. Fat guard, chair crushing, improbable heist timing using the running times of specific recordings of classic songs. Walkman based, safe cracking. One annoying overpowered butler with folding swords hidden in his sleeves. Copius candy bar promotion disguised as clever villain naming, one exploding auctioneer, syringe. (laughing) syringe, foo, gurney, surfing, ambulance, foo, porta potty, dragging, three bunny ball balls, stuffed elephant tossing, one non-speaking David Caruso, one Vatican subway system slash postal service, one cocked, he's none, two Mr. Ed references, one pope watching Mr. Ed dubbed an Italian. (laughing) - I laughed at that. - That was funny. (laughing) - I don't know if it was supposed to be funny, but I-- - Street light sitting, garbage truck surfing, one Vatican none with the South Carolina Southern accent proving you can take the actress out of South Carolina but you can't take the South Carolina out of the actress, one Danny Iello that can't decide whether he's mad or jovial, twin murder, exploding snickers, subsonic dog alerting Annie McDowell imitating dolphins. - My dogs literally both set up with their ears pricked up when she was doing the dolphin thing. - That is, it was so, I did the same thing, I'm not a dog, I was like, what is going on? - I remember that and all my dogs, both my dogs were just, and maybe even the bunny rabbit were just like, what the fuck is that? One sped up slapping and kicking scene starring James Coburn as an unconvincing martial arts guy, one molten lead covered Minerva Mayflower, one electrocuted Darwin Mayflower, one beheaded butler, one airborne bunny, the dog. - Hell yeah. - One sitcom slash 80s action TV show, everything's gonna be okay, freeze frame moment at the end. - Freeze frame. - Wizz and Sage is acting brilliant, thank you awards to Bruce Willis as Hudson Hawk for saying, what's Nintendo? And if the Mario, he says Mario, brothers weren't-- - He would. - Jersey's third largest crime family, I'd say kiss my ass, instead I'll say slurp my butt. And-- (laughing) - What have you said that? - I guess we can see who, okay. - I want them to be your catchphrase from that. - Slurp my butt. - This game can slurp my butt. - This game can say the line, Ian. (laughing) - Continuing with Bruce Willis is acting brilliant, thank you awards. And I guess we can see who wears the penis in this family. (laughing) And I guess she won't be attending that hat convention in July after a guy gets beheaded. - Did the hat say that yeah? - Richard E. Grant has started with Mayflower for saying, "Now I've got myself a new goal, world domination." And I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career, I'll kill your friends, your family, and that bitch you took to the prom. - Sandra Bernhardt is a Minerva Mayflower for saying, "You cease to amaze me, thief." And big boys don't cry eye-eye. James Coburn is George Kaplan for saying, "I miss Rome, I did my first bare-handed strangulation here." - Yeah. - And like, I laughed at that. - That was funny. - Andrew Briniarski is butter finger for saying, "Read my lips, Frenchy, steak burger." And to be in Paris and in love when they're in Rome. And finally, want me to rape him? - That's what I thought he said. I was like, "Wait a minute." - I don't know. Three stars was insane. - When did he say that? - They're sitting in the car, watching him at the cafe after he falls out of the garbage truck and he's, they're watching him and he just, he's like, they're saying something like, they're not doing anything. And then he, he just, out of the blue goes, one meter brave home and they both look at him like you might expect they would look at him and then they hand him, you know, green eggs and ham to read. Some facts about this movie. - Can I add one onto your totals? - Yeah. - One Bruce Willis almost coming with a dog. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That was a joke. He was joking. - He's been in prison for 10 years, Dave. I don't know. - Oh, that's the only action he got. - He's getting cocked between that. - Between that and not getting the fucking cappuccino that he wanted. - That's true. - This is the last movie ever produced by Tristar Pictures. Remember, you know, the logo with the horse running and the dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. This is the last movie ever done by Tristar. And it's because of how badly this movie did that Tristar failed. Sony Columbia acquired them. Well, Sony acquired them and Columbia Pictures, which is also failing. So they're the reason you don't see that cool horse opening anymore. It flopped, it flopped so bad that it-- - Did I say it flopped? - It flopped, actually. - It flopped. - It flopped so bad it flopped. - They made up a new word, flopped, which prompted the headline, "Huck Cooks Tristar's Goose." (laughing) And this is why we don't get, this is why we did not get the SNES version of this game because it was canceled due to the movie's poor reception. They were on like a $67 million budget for this movie, and they made a grand total. I want to say of like eight to 17 million. - Oh, but for like any McDowell's parents, we can see it. (laughing) - Yeah, eight 50. Weirdly, well, first of all, the guy that narrates at the beginning is the same, that narrates the story at the beginning of the end is the same dude that narrated the Bullwinkle Show, the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show. - Okay. - Weirdly, this terrible, strange, and hard to understand movie was directed by the same people that directed Heathers, which is one of my all-time favorites. - Oh my God. - That makes me sad a little bit. (laughing) - Heathers is a good movie. - Heathers is good, got a loved one known a writer, and the thing is, why that was Bruce Willis's fault? 'Cause he was constantly demanding script rewrites and changes and things that put more focus on him and his awesome self. - Well, I feel like-- - He's super douchey in this movie. - Oh yeah. - Like, not likable at all. - It felt like almost sort of a vehicle, just for him to sing. - Yeah. - But you know, that's what he wanted was to be Bruno, the jazz musician, like it felt like, I'm just gonna twist this around so I can sing as much as possible. - But it was the singing, and then the bad jokes, 1-800, I'm gonna fucking die. - Yep. - You know, there was a lot of shit in there. And the thing is, at that time, he was such a big deal because of moonlighting, and then die hard, and you know, I mean-- - He is such a, he, he is best in roles where he is like, put upon. - Yeah. - Like, that's when he is likable. - Absolutely. - He's not like, 'cause he's put upon in fifth element, and I feel like he's likable in that movie. But when he is not, when he is just, when he is the antagonizer, not the antagonist, he just comes off as super fucking douchey. And it's like, there wasn't a moment in this movie that I liked him, and I don't have a problem with Bruce Willis. - No, I don't need a lot of movies, but like-- - Yeah, me too. - He is unfucking bearable in this movie. - It's tough, and it's because he had such a huge hand in writing the script in this movie that he-- - Was he a fan of Nintendo with all the Nintendo references? - Yeah, there's like three Nintendo references in it where he asks Annie MacDowell-- - Would you play Nintendo with me? - Would you play the Nintendo with me? - Now that we beat the Mario Brothers? - It is like, is it because of the video game tie-in? 'Cause there were like, how many times did I see the Sony logo in this movie? You know what I mean? And it's like, in the span of like, I swear to you, in a span of one minute, I saw the Sony logo three times. - Huge product placement. And the Nintendo thing, I think they just wanted to make that a pop culture reference. - Oh, and also with the Mario Brothers, sorry, Mario Brothers, there's another reference to the Mario Brothers in the fact that I've got the power, that was like a big song from the Mario Brothers movie. - Oh, that's what I thought. - And it's in Hudson Hogg, when they walk into the-- - This is when the bird is late upon the conference table singing it. - I got the power. - It's really funny, actually. - And then they walk into the building that has the McCracken County M logo. (laughing) It looks exactly like it. - I am. - I know who designed that. I'm gonna, I've tipped into the cinema message and be like, hey, did you get that from Hudson Hogg? (laughing) - I absolutely thought that Sandra Bernhardt and Richard E. Grant stole the show and this movie. I thought they were the best part of it. - I like when he gets excited. - And Darwin may flower. - And he does this thing with his tongue. Like, he is fucking-- - He's nuts. - Coked out. (laughing) Like, I don't know if he is on the actor-wise, but like-- - Oh, he had to. - But I mean, he is fucking manage. - But you gotta think, too. It's funny how quickly he changes personas considering that this movie came out right after Warlock. I mean, this, I think this was right after he was in that. He was in this. - God, I forgot he was in Warlock. - Yeah, and so it's like, it's just crazy. I just thought that their characters were really great. - God, that is so weird. It's so different. - He's like one of the Disney actors trying to distance himself from the other role, right? - Yeah. (laughing) - There was some really good actors in this movie that were given really shitty lines to read. - Yeah, the dialogue, dude. - The dialogue is horrible. - Oh, my God. - The Almond Joy. Every line that Almond Joy, the Black woman, the CIA woman speaks, is awful. It's terribly written and couldn't be delivered properly by like, you know, a Shakespearean-trained actor. It's just terrible. There's no good way to put it. And you can tell that she just didn't have it in her to try to deliver her lines more effectively, because you said no old CIA, no CIA jokes. It's just like-- - Almond Joy, get it? - Yeah, candy bars, get it. - I was so confused in the auction house whenever like, why is he eating a butter finger like that? The logo turned out to be a sideways. - Hey, nobody better lay a finger on my butter finger. - That was zangief, by the way. Phil put pointed that out on the display. It is, yeah, the guy who played butter finger played zangief in the movie. - I got you stamps, Mr. Hawk. - Yeah, I like that. - I didn't like that. - It is, it is, too. - Yeah, yeah. - I was confused in that until, you know, the next scene. And I was confused in the very beginning when you're getting all the, you know, Vinci shit. - I know, yeah. - Like, I was like, what? What the fuck is going on in the movie? - Yeah, and at the end I was like, and then there's another genius, this thief. - I was like, is he a diss, is that, I think, is he a descendant of Leonardo da Vinci? And this is like, so I had no idea. - Yeah, just the wrong place, wrong time kind of guy. Got busted out of jail. Danny Iello was, some of the dialogue between him and Danny Iello was funny, but you could tell just how ridiculously scripted it was. - Yeah, and it was like, written to be like, snappy and like, and it is, I don't know what the problem is. I don't know if it was the writing or the delivery or both. - It was a little bit about it. - It was, dude, it was, I was fucking cringing. I mean, it was like, ugh. - It felt like proto Gilmore Girls. - Yeah. - Like Marty McFly is like, you might know like this, but your kids are gonna like it and Gilmore Girls. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause it was, yeah, just like you had the fast West Wing. - West Wing, yeah, you know. - Yeah, they were trying to do that. - Yeah, it did. - That kind of-- - If your writing's not fun, then it just-- - I feel like that writing could have worked if it had, like, I don't know what the problem was if it had been acted better. Bruce Willis is bad in this movie. - He is bad in this movie. - Bad, I think that, I think that just bleeds over on top of everyone else because he wanted to make sure everyone knew he was the leading man. Don't fucking step on my toes. Don't get in my way. And you know, you can kind of tell that he and Danny Iolo are actually probably friends in real life and-- - I thought that interaction by the end of the movie was much better than it was in the beginning. - Absolutely. - When Hudson Hot gets out of jail first and they're like, that's when they're doing that, like Gilmore Girls style dialogue, that is just like, there's pauses between them talking, you know, and it's like, it doesn't work. - They're waiting for the response from the other-- - Yeah, it's like, okay, his line's done. Okay, now I say my line. And that, that, that, you know, it's like-- - They're not acting together. They're reciting their lines at each other. - At each other, yeah. - And you're right because by the end, like when they get paralyzed. - Right. - That's funny. - That shit is so funny. - That's a funny scene. - You could tell they start getting better at their job in this movie and they start having more interactions with one another that are genuine. And it's like, maybe y'all should have with, even though you were probably frustrated at how long you've been shooting and all these long days and everything else and you're just not taking it as seriously. Now that you're not taking it seriously, it's working. Go back and shoot a couple of these scenes while you're in this frame of mind so that you can get that, get that, capture that same thing here. - Those need to have been, yeah, those should have been reached out. - You should have, they're not all of that. - They're really, they're really bad. - You could tell they were on a time budget for sure and they had to hurry up and get to Rome 'cause these were all shot on, these were, every one of these scenes were shot on location. - And that's cool. I mean, there were a lot of cool shots. - Really cool stuff. I liked the Vatican stuff. I thought, even though it was silly as fuck this story, whenever they get into sort of that DaVinci Code-type Vatican. - Or whatever Jesus lights up. - What I don't know. - What she's, she's, so Andy McDowell is like, - So quick, yes Father. - Yes Father, I don't know what to do here. Report upstairs. (laughing) Curse of it is lighting up. The first time I saw that, I was like-- - Lower the cone of silence. - And see, that shit is funny. - Yeah. - But it's like, it's hard to laugh at because some, there are parts of this movie where it like, it feels like it's, they're trying to be serious. And I think that's Bruce Willis. Like, I feel like that's him. And it's like, it runs counter to a lot of the silliness in this, in this movie. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's, and like the Leonardo DaVinci stuff, like you were talking about Tyler in the beginning, like that is serious. - It has. - It's, it's, it's-- - You're gonna cut something that had no reason to exist. Like, there's no-- - Yeah, 'cause we did, there's no real reason to happen. - It's just the McGuffin, it's just that Leonardo DaVinci invents this fucking crystal that pieces together that turns people into, or turns things into gold or bronze. - Well, if it didn't even happen, they still explained everything throughout the movie. - Right. - So you didn't even have to happen. - You didn't even need that establishing scene because it, they tell you what is going on. - Yeah, yep. - And you know, Leonardo's castle could have still been part of the deal. - Right. - So we've gotten introduced to the machine that turned things into gold, just naturally throughout the course of the movie. - Right, we don't get to go into the waiting water scene that gets cut, but we get fucking, Leonardo DaVinci rides that. - It's weird, and like bad prosthetics, that's the other thing. It's like, yeah, I know when they made this movie, they probably didn't intend on people watching it on a, in 4K, but like Leonardo DaVinci was like, come on, like, come on. It's like horrible. - I can see the glue. - The glue on the bigger dash is weird, yeah. - It's bad. - I was like, who is that? I thought maybe it was somebody else in the movie and that they were really like taking the silly to the next level, but no. - No, it's played completely straight. - It's just bad. - Like straight, yeah. - Well, it's like in 30 Rock, whatever. Oh, put, put Lemon on the high definition. - Oh, right, yeah. (laughing) - This movie has a, despite its flaws, it has a very special place in my heart. It hit me, I guess, just the right time when I first saw it and I've always loved it. - If you saw it as a teenage boy, man, this is a fucking teenage boy movie. - Early twenties, but, you know, in that zone. - When you're in your frat boy zone, yeah. Like, if I'd been in high school or a college and I'd been like, fucking all about partying and drinking and they said, write a movie, this is the movie I probably would have written. - This, or Van Wilder. - Yeah. - If I were to watch this with like five other people and we were all like not super sloppy drunk, but like drunk enough, this, and we're all talking, this could have been a good movie. - Sure. - But because I was putting all of my fucking focus on watching it, it was, it was, it was, it was pretty miserable. - I want to stone rip tracks of this. - Yeah. Well, it's also like, it was also sad because it was like, there are parts of this movie where it's like, fuck, that was really good. And it's like, the really good parts are just overwhelmed by all this like, really, it's like this stuff that just falls flat. So it's like, when so much in this movie falls flat that when something funny happens in it, I question whether it's intentional. - Right. - And that is kind of like, that's not a good spot to be. I felt like it reminded me a lot of clue in a way where it's like, I felt like it was, like I wouldn't be surprised if they were like, yeah, we were inspired by clue. - I would, you know, you'd think if it, I get what you're saying there and it just went wrong. It was like clue went wrong. - Right. It's like clue meets the mask, kind of. - Okay, yeah. - 'Cause like, there's a scene like later on in the movie where like, James Coburn, who's great in this movie, by the way, I thought he was, I thought he was fantastic in this movie. And Bruce Willis are like, Kung Fu fighting. And like, there's a scene where Bruce Willis is like, he's like fucking the mask where he's like, like bending back and forth. - After James Coburn stops kicking him, he still keeps bending up and down and up and down. - Right, yeah. - I mean, it's like, can you imagine the mask with a different actor? - No. - I feel like if anybody else had been the mask, you would have gotten something like this. - They wanted Robin Williams, you know, for the mask. - I can, well, okay. Somebody, somebody, I better say, who else. - And they did it for a lot less money with Jim Carrey. - They made the right choice. - Yep. - I mean, if Kevin James had been the mask, it would have been the equivalent to Hudson Hall. - I don't know, man. I'd fucking make that movie out of watch it right now. I mean, 'cause like, just for like the, what the fuck is he gonna do with the actor of it? Paul, what if it's Paul Blart? The character Paul Blart gets the mask. - Oh, that, yeah, that's a movie. Paul, he trips into a fountain in an abandoned mall and finds the mask. - And for some reason, Patrick Warburton's in the movie. Like, I'm sold. He's Patrick Warburton's the villain. (laughing) - Yeah, so-- - Trade mark, trade mark, trade mark, trade mark. (laughing) - I never expect anyone that I recommend this movie to like it. I know that the odds are you're not gonna like it. But I do think this is a good one to have in your repertoire. - I'm glad I watched this scene. - I didn't like it, but yes, I agree. Because this is a great talking point. You can always make Hudson Hawk a great talking point. Do you ever want to point out something that you really hate about Bruce Willis? - There you go. I've given you an hour and a half of material of Bruce Willis-- - To the four hours we already-- - Yeah, but for me, it's this guilty pleasure kind of thing. And you're either gonna like it or you're not, but it's good that you've seen it. - I'm glad to have it as a reference point. - For whatever, right, for whatever reasoning, for whatever reasons you may ever need to call on Hudson Hawk, it's there for you now, and I'm not sorry that I gave you that. - Did you know that this movie received three Razi Awards? - Yes, I did. - Worst director, worst screenplay, and worst picture. - Yep. - It was nominated for worst actor, Bruce Willis, worst supporting actor, Richard E. Grant, and worst supporting actress, Sandra Burnham. - Bullshit on the Richard E. Grant and Sandra Burnham. That's great with you. - I agree with you. Yeah. - Bullshit and horseshit. - But Bruce Willis, I need to see who won that year because he is very bad in this movie. - He is, he is. I'd like to see a remake of Hudson Hawk, please. - How about a Hudson Hawk, the animated series? - Ooh, that would work too. - Hudson Rock. - So what's the rock? - Rock. - It's The Rock and Kevin Hart. - Oh boy. - With Zinde. - I thought you were gonna say Rock Hudson. - Rock Hudson could be, well, he's dead. - Yeah. - It was like it'd be James Coburn's character, but. - We could CG him, man. - Yeah. I'm sure someone's got the life rights to his face to be able to AI him into this movie. - He'll be in the public domain via before long. (laughing) - That's probably a thing, right? 'Cause you know, like what happens? - Yeah, he's different with people. - Well, I thought that too, just now, but then it's like what happens when they put Genghis Khan in like a movie or like Mark Twain even. 'Cause Mark Twain's not like that long ago. - No, give me, give me. - Abraham Lincoln. - Rock Hudson goes in the public domain. Immediately, horror people grab hold of it. So it's Rock Hudson reanimated and stalks all the descendants of Ronald Reagan and murders the war. (laughing) - I think you're onto something. - We're not passing AIDS legislation. - Trademark, trademark, trademark. - He gives them AIDS, hear me out? (laughing) - They're like super fast murder, right? - Yeah. - 15 minutes, sir. (laughing) - They just time-lapse. (laughing) Stop animation. - Yeah, clades on top of it. - It's... (laughing) - Practical effects. - It's like the arc of the covenant. (laughing) - But for AIDS. (laughing) - Stamped that, put it on a shirt. Like an arc of the covenant, but for AIDS. (laughing) - Thanks for listening, everybody. (laughing) - How about that NES game? - How about it? - How much the long play of this one? - I put it onto YouTube and your video game nerd did Hudson. (laughing) - I do, I've played it too. We have an email? - Yeah, we do have an email. - Well, let's start with that. I like starting with that. - Brad writes, Brad from Arizona has written us an email subject titled Hudson Hawk. - I like husband Hawk. - I don't have achievements. (laughing) That's gonna be one of mine, no one take it. (laughing) - Happy belated birthday, Dave. - Thank you. - I am hosting, I'm hoisting a fort full of Dave style chicken in your honor. - Hell yeah. - Here's a comment on Hudson Hawk. - We have a Dave style chicken shirt. - Yeah. - I know you haven't interrupted you but this is what you would be giving money if we do this. - I'm not angry, this is-- - I'm not angry, this is-- - Start to have all your comments. - All right. - Yeah, sure, start to have all your comments. Oh, I'm by Dave style chicken shirt. Here's a comment on Hudson Hawk on YouTube movies. By @KevinLanigan. One month ago. I don't know when this clip was taken. The screen clip was taken but if this was a month ago, Hudson Hawk is still bringing him in. (laughing) I know Hudson Hawk personally, or rather the real guy the movie is based on. Totally down to earth, real nice guy. Fun fact, in real life he actually hates cappuccinos. He was very mad about this being added to his character for the movie. (snoring) I thought it would make him seem a little, he said he thought it would make him seem a little fruity. I know that's not PC language but you gotta remember he's a Jersey guy from a different time. I say we cut him some slack. - Also who gives a shit if your character, like that's a sign that you're not a good actor, right? Where it's like, well, I don't like cappuccino. So clearly my character's not gonna like it. (laughing) - Yep, yep, yep. Also I shoot bombs out of a gun all the time and my character does in the movie as well. (laughing) - Kevin, we've never known this even happened if you hadn't posted it here. This is from Brad now. How about you cut him some slack? (laughing) I don't know what game you were all playing because it looks like an SNES version. Wasn't the works but got canceled, that is true. Here is a blurb about the in-development game from the writer winter, sorry, 1991 issue of game players, Nintendo Guide, Hudson Hawk. When Sony Image Soft brings the movie Hudson Hawk to Super NES, it may be the first example of a game that sells more copies than the movie did tickets. (laughing) The Bruce Willis movie sank without a trace last May, but this story of not quite reformed cat burglar is an original idea in the video game market. You must steal through three levels of action avoiding traps as you attempt to pilfer some valuable artifacts, explore tunnels, crawl through air shafts and crack open safes in this dead of night adventure. Brad continues, but there was an NES game way back before SNES was released. This isn't really a review, but this is from the June 1991 EGM. Manufacturer Image Soft for Nintendo, Cartresize One Meg. At the time it says number of levels, N.A. (laughing) - That's a good sign. - Available fall 1991. Play the world's greatest cat burglar, Eddie Hawkins, also known as Hudson Hawk, just got out of prison after serving a long 10-year sentence. He's vowed to give up his illegal profession as the world's greatest cat burglar. That was until ultra-rich and mega-trendy Darwin and Minerva Mayflower forced him out of retirement. We needed the best thief in the business to steal three Leonardo da Vinci artifacts. If the Hawkman refuses to work for the Mayflowers, they will kill Hawk's best friend. With his back against the wall, Hawk accepts the new mission, which sends him around the world and search for three artifacts. What Hawks doesn't know, however, is that these priceless objects, when combined together, are extremely lethal, as in goodbye civilized world, Hawk eventually discovers this reality with the help of Anna Broglie. With this newfound knowledge, not only does Hawk have to track down the necessary artifacts to save his friend, but also put a stop to the Mayflower's evil scheme. In Sony image soft Hudson Hawk for the Nintendo, you play Bruce Willis' character, Hudson Hawk, searching for the artifacts while avoiding the police, the Mayflowers and other dangerous traps. You'll also have to deal with jumping across ravines and buildings throughout your quest. So there was a whole bunch of information about the movie and then a paragraph about the (laughing) on the opposite-- - Let's see if we can emulate that. - Brad continues, on the opposite page in this magazine is a contest. There has never been a time in my life where I knew 100 people to invite to a movie. Also a VHS copy of the movie is a higher tier prize than the NES and Game Boy games. So it's a Hudson Hawk contest, over $3,800 in prizes. How would you like to be one of the first people to see Bruce Willis' new movie Hudson Hawk? How would you like to have the entire movie theater to yourself and a hundred of your friends? (laughing) - You did it anyway. (laughing) - That would have actually boosted its attendance. How would you like to own the new Nintendo Super NES and how about owning every title that Sony image soft has ever produced for the new Super NES? The 8-bit Nintendo and the Game Boy. - Hell yeah. - That's a lot of stuff, isn't it? And all this could be yours if you're the grand prize winner in the ultimate movie to game tie-in sweepstakes. Sony image soft and try star pictures incorporated are offering you a chance to win this ultimate prize of a lifetime. If you enter your name in the Hudson Hawk sweepstakes. - How do we do it? - So we got to send in something. - No, is there a phone number we can call? - No. - Bummer. - So the five first prizes, five winners received first prize. A VHS copy of the movie Hudson Hawk. - Hell yeah. - When it comes available. 15 winners received second prize, a copy of Sony image soft Hudson Hawk game for both Nintendo 8-bit and Game Boy. - Hell yeah. - Also received copies of the official movie posters. - Oh. (laughing) - 25 winners will receive third prize. A $25 gift certificate by Sony image soft. Redeemable any cap-tron world of Nintendo store towards the purchase of any image soft game. (laughing) - Okay. - So you can send your name, address, age and phone number to Hudson Hawk sweepstakes. Take care of electronic gaming monthly, 1920 Highland Avenue, sweet 222, Lombard, Illinois, 60148. So everyone enter that contest. Even though it does say entries for the grand prize must be received by June 30th, 1991. (laughing) - Where is that? - I hadn't yet graduated high school, by the time the sweepstakes ended. So that's how old this is. - I hadn't yet turned eight. - Brad continues. Until next week, Brad from Arizona. Thanks, Brad. - Thank you, Brad. - So we have the email. - Good ol' Ocean. - Good ol' Ocean. - Good ol' Ocean. - Never disappoints. - Never, not once. They make great quality products for gaming consoles. As is evidenced by Jurassic Park for the SNES. In 1991, they did Hudson Hawk, and I gotta say, I liked it better than the movie. - The game was better than the movie. And it followed the general plot of the movie. - But I didn't like it better than the movie by much. - I'm gonna say, I don't know. - I thought about you a lot, Tyler, when I played this video game, because you do not like stealth games, and this is a platforming stealth game. - Yep, where you gotta be real fast, and throw baseball is just right. - Yeah, but the sprites are small, so another reason I thought of you. - Appropriately sized. - 'Cause these are very appropriate for an NES game where it's like you have-- - Big head Mega Man. - Bruce Willis, who looks like he is from River City, Ransom. (laughing) - And here it takes off his sunglasses. - Oh, actually he does. Once there is in the music, or in the Rutherford auction house, there is one of the enemies is a guy with a camera, and if he-- - Oh yes, I saw that. - Flash goes off, like his Bruce Willis is like, sunglasses come off and his eyes get real bad and shit. (laughing) - Some of the little animations were kind of funny. - Yeah, I only played this game to the point where I kept getting caught by the dog and thrown off the roof at the very beginning. - That's the very beginning, yeah. - And I got to the next building over and got killed by another dog. - The wiener dog. - I got tired of it real quick. - Oh yeah. - So I just turned on the long way. - Oh, why'd you get to the next section after that? 'Cause that's where I quit saying like, fuck this shit. - Which section did you quit? - The laser camp was. - Oh, I did that. - It's like right after that. - Yeah, I was like, I got everything I need. I got-- - I got in that building and got killed by the laser cameras and it's like, yeah, fuck this. - I died and I saved, stayed right. That's where I got to that level. I did it so many goddamn times. I would bounce off the ramp back into the lasers and die and start over. It's like, okay. - You get to jump like a little bit. - A little bit. - That was like the first thing I noticed in the game was like, what, you jump like the height of your character. - Yeah, it hurts. - It's so-- - It hurts. - It's a very crusty, super fun. - Yes. - 'Cause you, well, in that game, you can't jump. - And Snow White, 'cause I hate games where you have to speed up to jump further as a mechanic. - Yeah, but you've also got to like stack boxes and move around and get to higher places. - Kind of sort, like, 'cause they set it up on that rooftop, like when I was playing it, I was like, oh, man, this is gonna be like Chippendale Rescue Rangers, 'cause it's like you're gonna have to use crates and shit that I didn't finish the game. But as far as I can tell, that never comes into play again. I don't-- - There's another couple of spots where it does, but not nearly as much as you'd think that it would, if it being so prominent right there. - 'Cause it's like a puzzle-like kind of thing in the beginning, where you gotta put one crate on an elevator and then ride it up and push it. - But yeah, you can't ride it setting on the crate, so you have to push it just enough onto the left so you can also stamp aside it and then go-- - So I was like, oh, okay, it's gonna be one of those games. This is gonna be a puzzle platformer. And then like, the rest of it that I played, which I didn't get to the end of the auction house, this game is difficult. I played it for a while. - Well, it was very difficult. And then I just kind of got to the point where it's like, well, I got tired of dying and continuing and then having to start from the very beginning. So it was kind of one of those where it's like, it's just not gonna happen for me. - Well, level two, like watching, then your video game nerd play. - Which isn't the very-- - Level two, he was like, fuck this, because like, there are so many spots where you fall in a hole throughout the entire course of the level and you go right about the beginning. - Right. - Including at the very, very end, there is a hard jump. And if you fail, back to the very beginning and it's all shoots and ladders and shit throughout the whole thing, like, holy fuck. - It was frustrating to watch. I watched courtesy of World of Long Plays. - They have a short long play. - It's 20 minutes. - Watch, I was surprised, 'cause-- - You should deny it, too. - Something that I like to do is when I get fed up, play in a game for the show, is I like to go to World of Long Plays and be like, how far did I get? - Right. - You know? - And it's like, I went, I was like, oh, I almost got halfway, right? This is a short fucking game, if you know exactly how to do everything. And like, you're not surprised by shit. That's what, the problem I had was like, you would move from like one screen to another because it doesn't scroll smoothly, like Mario Brothers. It's like Zelda style, where it's like, okay, we're done with this screen. - Transition? - We're gonna-- - Right. - Yeah, next slide, please. - Star wide? - Yeah. And it's like, there's so many points in the game where the screen would transition and there's something that gets you immediately. Like, if you're not expecting it, it's gonna get you. Like, a guy with a gun, shoot you, and it's like, fuck. Or like, a jet of gas shooting out of like, where you're climbing a ladder. And it's like, oh, okay, well that killed me immediately. - Yeah, thanks for not giving me the chance to fucking live. - Right, exactly, and it's one of those where it's like, you just have to, the game expects you to memorize, okay, when the screen transitions, there's gonna be that thing that's gonna kill you. - And that sucks. - And that sucks. - Also known as the best programming. - Right. - It's the best. - Yeah, it's pretty, it's bad game design. - I played the Game Boy version as well. - I'm glad you did, I wanted to try it out. - It's about the same. - I mean, really, it felt a little better, honestly, than the NES one. I still didn't get much, I got a lot farther in the Game Boy version than I did in the NES version somehow. - I didn't mind the music. - You know, I didn't mind it either. - I thought the sound effects were better than the movie sound effects, where you get the weird broing and shit. - You fucking balling pins, clacking together, yeah. - Oh yeah, we're even slapping our heads together and it makes the ball look good. - Nicky and I like that, we looked at each other, when that happened, like we looked at each other like, are they just doing this now? - Yeah, I've been recently. - Bruce Willis said in post, it'd be really funny if you guys did that, put that in. - And also, the way that that shot is so weird, because the way they land, they land in no way where Bruce Willis could like, 'cause the scene transitions, the shot changes and he's just like, all of a sudden, the people are really close together. (laughing) That was another one of those moments where it was like, did they do this on purpose? And it was supposed to be funny? Or was it something that wasn't, like, you know what I mean? - That's a one good take if somebody said fuck, so they had to put the bowling pin noise over it. (laughing) - Some of this stuff was so random, like when he's being pulled along behind the ambulance. - And the girl's in the convertible, or like, are you gonna die, Mister? It's like, why was that even necessary? - Right. - Yeah. - But the game was the game. - There's like, what, two levels? It's like the Rutherford auction house and then the Vatican, which by the way, I thought it was hilarious that you're introduced to Andy McDowell's character in the movie at the Rutherford auction house, because she is there to verify the authenticity of a horse statue. - Which was never real. - Right. She's never real. And then we see her next giving a tour, and I'm like, do they just like, they're like, you tour guide. (laughing) Now we need you to go to New York or New Jersey. I'm gonna learn this. And verify this horse statue. You cool with that tour guide? (laughing) - She's a sister tour guide. - She's a nun at the Vatican. She does what they tell her to do. - Yes. - Right. - Yeah. - Well, I tell her not to fool around, and she fooled around. - Okay. When she kisses Bruce Willis, the first time, like I was like, that didn't look like a movie kiss. Like-- - She was getting a little something. - Like that looked, I swear to you, I saw a tongue. (laughing) - He probably required it of her. - Yeah, it's in the contract. - One of the things that actually I didn't mention. - Intimacy coordinate. - To me wants to watch. Where the hell is the Intimacy coordinate? (laughing) - One of the things I didn't mention, the at the end, sort of close to the end, real close to the end, is that when they're having the fight, the battle at Leonardo's castle, which is on top of a mountain. - Right. - They locked Danny ILO into a limo. - Uh-huh. - And it explodes, and goes over the cliff and explodes. And so then after the machine that makes the gold, they blow it up and kill Minerva and Darwin. - Oh, like their death scenes? - That was great. - That was great. - Were they covered in gold? That was great. (laughing) - I'm so sorry, excuse me. They fly off on the, off, we're using Leonardo's plane, you know, glider. - Looks like a hawk. - It looks like a hawk. - It transforms into a hawk in the beginning of the minute. - It does. (laughing) - And so, did they go to the little village nearby? - Danny ILO's five-tone ride's up. On a mule, and he's like covered in soot and smoking. And he's like, "Wait, how are you still alive?" He's like, "Airbags." He's like, "What about the fire? "There's a sprinkler system in the back. "Can you fucking believe it?" (laughing) - The best part of that to me was when Bruce Willis goes, "Yeah, that's probably what happened." (laughing) He's like, "The most naturally funny thing" he said in the entire movie. - Yeah, that's probably what happened. And then he just does his little, you know, freeze frame in the movie hands. I loved that shit. - He hates cappuccino so much he throws it over his shoulder. At the end of the movie. (laughing) I just wanna let you guys know, I'm not gay. And he throws it over his shoulder. (laughing) - Not enough knockout serum. - Well, he actually makes a reference in the movie to not that I was kissing any guys in jail. (laughing) - I like to think this whole movie was like Bruce Willis was like, "All right, I got a lot of changes "and make to let everybody know I'm not gay." (laughing) - First and foremost. - I'm gonna go to a bunch of Diddy parties in a few years and he doesn't put that out there now. - My tuxedo definitely doesn't make me look gay. (laughing) - Yeah, there's something else that came to mind that I blanked on. Oh, David Caruso. I actually really liked David Caruso in this movie. He didn't speak a word, he liked KitKat. - I feel like KitKat was the only good character. - Yeah, he like came the whole fucking thing. - KitKat is like an arrested development character. (laughing) - It really is. I liked him in that. - Yeah, I liked KitKat. - I wish that the candy bars had been in the movie or sorry, in the game. - Yeah. - 'Cause like. - And colored appropriately. - Yeah. - Even in the game. - Yeah, even if they're not like boss fights or anything, just seeing them like in the background or something. - Eating candy bars. - Right. - It would have been fine. - Instead of like the security guards that we got. - They were diseases before that. They'd be chlamydia for a year. (laughing) - Come on. (laughing) - How much do you guys have any achievements? - Yeah, I have a couple. That's four actually. Some of which are probably gonna overlap. That's fine. 'Cause we are like-minded, podcasting hosts. Professionals. Professionals. My first achievement is bunny, ball ball. And to get bunny, ball ball, you get dragged off the rooftop at the very beginning by the dog minimum of three times. - Is the dog half real, half animatronic? By the way. - In the movie? - Yeah. 'Cause the way its mouth moved and its legs moved. - No, I think those are just that way. (laughing) My next achievement is for this cat burglar, nine lives may just not be enough. (laughing) To get that, you get zapped by the security camera laser and lose a hugger of lives. (laughing) My next achievement was, that was a tagline from the movie, by the way. Also, another tagline for the movie. Catch the excitement, catch the laughter, catch the hawk. (laughing) Play both the game boy. (laughing) To get these, you play both the game boy and NES version of this game. - Nice. - And then my last achievement for Hudson Hawk is, I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with. And to earn, I can't think of anyone I'd rather play Nintendo with. Play Hudson Hawk for your weekly podcast about old video games with two good friends and talk about it. (laughing) - Oh, that was a sweet one. (laughing) That was my favorite one. - Mm. - I have a couple that I came up with while we were recording, so they're super good. And well thought out. First achievement is, a fish won't do anything but swim in a brook. (laughing) That's Bruce Willis singing it. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You did good. - Thank you. - We'll be right on the move. - Three minutes, six seconds. - Three minutes. - Yeah, they kind of don't do anything with that after the first part of the movie, do they? - No, they do it one more time when they're shooting the bombs on the castle. - Oh yeah, you're right. - You're right. - But that's it. Just that one other time. - They make such a big deal about him being like a savant for like the track length of songs. - Yeah. - Every time someone mentions a song in the movie he says how long it is. - Or not even just songs, what do Houston singing the National Anthem at the Super Bowl? Two minutes, 70 seconds. - Right, which is a, you know, a charming trait. (laughing) Bruce Willis is like, all right, I have autism but I'm not gay. (laughing) - I'm not the gay artist. (laughing) - In order to unlock a fish won't do anything but swim in a brook, you read the instruction book because a fish can't do that. That's a lyric in the song. You see, that a fish can't read a book. (laughing) My next achievement is husband hawk. - Mm. - In order to unlock husband hawk. - Husband hawk. (laughing) Yeah, as you were. In order to unlock husband hawk, you drink a cappuccino in play husband hawk. (laughing) I wrote husband hawks, I'm just gonna go with it. (laughing) Hudson hawk, and my last achievement is Hudson Mohawk. In order to unlock Hudson Mohawk, you stop playing this game and switch to a weirdly better game Mohawk and Headphone. - Oh my God. (laughing) - Surprisingly a better game. - Yeah, not quite much. - Not quite much, but I won't argue with that. Mohawk and Headphone Jack is better than Hudson hawk. - Welcome to that brand-new sentence. (laughing) - That's it, that's all I have. ♪ You could be swinging on a star ♪ - Oh boy. - Yeah. - Why did his career as Bruno not take him home? - I don't know, 'cause you know, what was that one he did? Shit, I'll use it at some point in the show. Maybe I'll do a bumper. - I've got three building on yours, Dave. - Husbandry Hawk. - Oh! - Get knocked off by one of those birds that looks like it's stuffed. - Oh my God, it's like, I couldn't figure out on that. Like, sometimes I would hit the owl and it would knock me off. - I know, man. - And I thought, well, maybe it's like when it's eyes are wide open. - Right, I thought the same thing. - You can't go under it, but when he closes his eyes, you can't. Nope, it would still knock me off. And then sometimes I could just go right past him. - Dude, I think-- - No rhyme or reason. - This is gonna sound crazy, but there is like a single fucking white pixel that like, I think represents the owl's claw. And that's the only thing I could figure out. It goes down like right before it moves. It's so fucking stupid. - To owl. - I will knock you off the fucking owl line. - I mean, I feel so goddamn fine. - My next one is wienerd. - Hell yeah. - Get wienerd. - Hell yeah. - When the wiener dog bites you to death. - Yeah. - You start a little bird. - Yeah, I start a little bird. - Yeah, I guess I go catch it, no I'm dead. It doesn't drag me off like the rutweiler does. The wiener dog kills you after three seconds. My last one, rookie of the year, because the way he throws baseball is like the float it in rookie of the year. Days 20 dogs and kill 10 birds with your floater baseball pitch. - Can you kill the birds? - Yep. - Oh fuck. I wish I'd have known that. I would have gotten across those wires a lot easier. - Yeah, you could throw the baseballs while you're hanging on the clothesline. - Oh yeah, yeah. - You could do that. - I'm off. - Fuck, I didn't know that. What I discovered is if you just go fast at the beginning, you can just bypass those birds, yeah. - Well, even the dogs, because there are so many tables you have to jump on when you try to throw the baseball, it just bounces off the tables. - On top of the table. - And they fucking get you and drag you off. - Yeah. - That's all I got. - Cool, cool. - Well, what do you think Flopsy Jr. has to say about husband hawk? - This has gotta be, I'm gonna say probably pretty low. - It's a really late BS game. - Yeah. - Nighty one, that's short. - Late in a failure of a game like-- - And it's based on a movie that flopped hard, flopped hard, flopped, flopped even. - Flomped. - Flomped even. - Like I wanna say one and a half stars and I almost wanna, a very uncommon game. - I also think it's probably-- - Being that-- - Either uncommon or very uncommon. But I don't know, it is a movie tie in. I know the movie didn't do well, but it, I feel like they probably ordered, you know what I mean? They probably like manufactured the games right. - Right. - Yeah. - So I don't know. - I'd say it in the minimum, it's uncommon. As far as the, you said, what did you say? You thought it weren't-- - One and a half stars. - I think they're gonna be more generous than that. - I think two. - Two. - Two to two and a half for me. - I think two and a half. - You think two and a half? - Yep, and the reason is because it is late, it is a later game. I know it doesn't look, it doesn't look great, but it looks pretty good. It looks pretty good for an NES game. Especially compared to the early NES games. - I could go for two stars, or do you say two and a half? - That's, I think two and a half. I think two or two and a half, either way. I'm good with either way. But I'm leaning more two and a half. - Do you guys feel strongly that it's two and a half? - Two and a half is good for me. - Two and a half, where do we fall in the rarity? Very uncommon or uncommon? - I think uncommon is probably more likely here. - Two and a half uncommon. - Two and a half uncommon. According to Flopsy Jr. AKA the NES, the guide to, hold on, I gotta open it. (laughing) I'm not used to not having a book book. Hatress, you know, that's the thing. Hatress. - Hatress. - Hatress. - Hatress. - Hat, hat, hat, wrists. - I've heard of that. - Hat, wrist, what do you think it is? Tetris with hats? You're right. - Hat-based Tetris. - Hat-based Tetris, that is exactly what it is. - All right, Hudson Hawk, right next to a game called Hot Slots. - Ooh, I do like missing Hot Slots. - Let me show you a screenshot from, the title screen says, the title screen, the name of the game is Hot Slots. The title screen says Hot Slots. - Better. Yeah, there's your title screen. - Damn, it is a Hot Slots. - Is that one of the porn games? - It is a, I don't know how pornographic it is, but it is at least maximum level. - Maximum level porn, okay. - All right, well, according to Flopsy Jr. and I already got to the page, I'm not gonna do the whole title, but that contrary, courtesy of Big Dick, Pi Baker, Chris Vaughn, Hudson Hawk, availability, common. - What? - I would not have thought that. - They did order a lot. - Three and a half star, Rooney's. - That seems high. - Yeah. - They were very generous. - Does seem high. So this is a recommend from Flopsy Jr. Not a recommend from Dave. - Yeah, I'd say from all of Ted. - Ted Pogg, not a recommend. - Yeah, I mean, they're probably grating on a curve. (laughing) But yeah, three and a half stars. - Well, we're off our game this week 'cause it's an NES. - It's NES, yeah, that's what it is. - Mm-hmm. The reflections on this one are from JE. - Tom Edwards. - Yes, Tom Lord. Who says, "Ocean were the pioneers of movie tie-ins "back in the '80s and early '90s "on the home computers with classics such as Robocop "and The Great Escape." There's a great escape video game. That seems like a weird one to do. - Apparently, yeah. - The transition between computer and consoles proved to be a tricky one for the company with mixed results. Hudson Hawk plays like an easier version of the Addams family which is a credit to it, considering there are so many Duff filmlet titles floating around the murky depths of the NES library. Throwing a ball as the main form of attack is quite weak, but at least there isn't any, collect the musical notes to complete the robbery in attempt to mimic Bruce Willis's singing while burglarizing in the actual film. - Kinda actually shocked that that wasn't a theme. - Collect the Bruno CD's. - Yeah. - Okay. - That's it. That's two-game high. That is two-game high. - Just two-game high. - Too good of a rating. How much do you think this game goes for if you were to buy it loose, armed with the knowledge that we just got here, that it's a good video game firstly, but it is a good video game. - Based on a really good movie. - Uh-huh, and that it is common. - Four dollars, four dollars. - Six dollars and seven cents. - Actual, retail value of Hudson Hawk for the Nintendo Entertainment System, loose on average, according to pricecharting.com. The time of this recording is $17.99. - I know what I've got. I know what I've got. - $17.99, I know what I've got. - Now, before Bruce Willis died, there's five dollars. (laughing) - If you take a knife and open up the cartridge, you cut the cartridge open and pull out a Leonardo da Vinci crystal on it. (laughing) And get two more. - Get two more dollars? - Dollars, or you get two more copies of the game and then you can make gold from lead. - I loved when they pulled the crystal out of the Codex. (laughing) - The Game Boy games, when you cut 'em up when they just have cash, like chipmunks. - Yeah, like the dolls and the pigmunks. Yeah, the diamond dolls. Yup. Okay, what are we gonna do next? Are we done? - We're done. - Beards. - Beards and glasses. - Beards and glasses. - Tyler. - Yes, Dave. - If beard, why beard? - I would give it the beard, the optic blast beard from whenever Cyclops blows up Magneto's head when he reverses the poles. - Yeah, like the auctioneer's head exploding. - Yup, that's exactly what Cyclops does. - Several people exploded in this movie. - Yes. Oh, is the tennis ball cannon explained at all? - Why it's just there? - Which is a weird-- - It's a caliber at Leonardo Vincien's machine in his lab. - Weird thing that Darwin Mayflower would have. - That tracks, but it felt very like-- - Our dog goes nowhere up at his tennis ball machine. - You were right. - His high powered tennis ball machine that launches an MLB levels of velocity. - You mean to tell me that dog has not been thrown out of the window by this cannon before? (laughing) - Well they didn't say bunny ball first. - That's true, that's true. Tyler, if you were to give this game a pair of glasses, what kind of glasses and why glasses? - I would give it a monocle from Die Hard 2 whenever the icicle impales the guy in the eye. - Hell yeah. Cool. - Very cool. - Ice cold, it's icicle. - All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. Now ladies. - Yeah. - Well, I like the idea that you threw out last week, Dave, or not last week, but just the other day. 'Cause this is not on the list. This is not on the list I've been using. They missed it, which is time cop. - Time cop. - The Jean-Claude Van Damme movie time. - Hell yeah, I've seen time cop a bunch of times, y'all. - We get to watch time cop. - Which, and if it's a Jean-Claude Van Damme jam, Van Damme jam, I'd love to have Phil on it if he could make it. - I'm down. - Can do it. If Phil can do it, I can do it. I have the, I've got the power. ♪ Van Damme Van Damme ♪ ♪ Van Damme ♪ ♪ Van Damme ♪ (laughing) - All right, that sounds good to me. - Cool. - Thanks for listening, everybody. You made it somehow. - Yeah. (laughing) - We made it. - Make sure that everybody can find the show on iTunes, not SoundCloud, not Stitcher, but Spotify, YouTube, Google Play, all over the goddamn place. Lots of shit going on, but most importantly, there's that Patreon. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah, patreon.com/ tadpog equals money please. - Money please. - If you'd like to give us money, that's where you'd do it. And with that money, you will get access to our bonus content, our full dark tower book club series, some actual plays that Tyler did. - And most importantly, make us fucking happy. - And most importantly, make us happy. We love to see that money coming in. And it's really nice of y'all to do that, especially in this economy. Even a couple of dollars a month is important. And it means a lot that you would give us that money. We have a list of people who like to have their names read on the show every week, apparently. And we call them our executive producers. And I'm gonna read that list to you right now because they donate $20 or more per month to our show. And at the very least, I'm gonna read their names. They were here, I might give hugs and kisses as well. - Hell yeah. - Especially to cubicle monkey, Gamebug Prime Nathan Eaton, pinball, airplane, archmage, Chris Edler. Sorry you couldn't be on this episode. Eric Pope Sandwich comes in as wife, Jeff Miners. Congratulations. - Hell yeah. - Hell yeah. - 3/5 Joey Webster, Sandwich Pope, Phil Hawkins. Louisville correspondent, Princess Consuela, banana hammock, flavor trick, Taryn Doll, who went to the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony this past weekend. I'm so jealous. - That's, yeah, that's cool. - That would be a lot of ideas. - She said it was a lot of fun. - I believe, yeah. - Yeah, I was. - This year, Tonya and I were watching other things and didn't realize it was on. - It reminds me. - It comes on Disney now. - Disney Plus? - And so we usually see the commercials for it on HBO when it was coming on HBO. - Yeah. - But we miss it now because we don't watch Disney Plus that much. So it was frustrating that we missed it, but we'll watch it. - And you saying her name reminds me, I haven't had said pussy at all this episode. - No, that's really good. 'Cause saying pussy too many times can really get her fired up. - Put a bad taste in your mouth. - Yeah. - Or a good one, I guess, depending. - Is it okay, Taryn, that you're synonymous with pussy for the podcast? (laughing) - Continuing with the list of executive producers, Canadian Turbo Nerd, Thomas, and we have a new executive producer. - Hell yeah. - For the first time in a long time. - Hell yeah. - I had it a brand new, we never before seen it. - We gained one, as opposed to the least one. - We gained one. And this is a brand new person who's never been leaving before. - We got one! - We got one! - Tref Ditri, thank you so much. I'm sorry if I mispronounced in your name, but thank you so much for being coming our newest executive producer. - Oh, welcome. - Welcome, and enjoy the bonus content, and you're getting your name read every single week, as long as you keep doing that. So, you wanna be like Tref Ditri? You can, give us $20 or more. We'll read your name. Whatever name you give us, it doesn't even have to be your name. - It can't be, it can't be-- - Bondo was a sponsor for all. - That's true. Those Taco Johns. - That's true. It can't be anything you want. Most things, though. - Not cool enough. - Yeah. - Well, within, yeah. I mean, within the boundaries of taste. - Yeah. - That's our taste. - That's what we're all about. - That's what we're all about here. - You still got it pretty wide. - As long as one of us here is okay with it. We'll say it. That person will say it. - Thanks. - So donate $20, send it in, see if we say it. - And if we don't, we're still keeping your money. - Yeah. - The sample, read it in court. - Yeah. Fuck, yeah. Hey, there you go. Let's push the envelope. - Thanks also to Brad from Arizona for writing us in a nice email about Hudson Hawk. I look forward to, if you want, there's no obligation here. But Brad, if you do one for time cop, that would be pretty cool. - Yeah. - And that's it. - That's all I got for the Money Please section of the show. - All right. - Our theme song is moves, but sing more drive into that track in front of the charts@tapvog.com. How do you guys want to close it out? Like Bruce Willis singing in line? - Yep. - So until next time. - Tropical, Capricorn. (upbeat music) (air whooshing) - Tadpog is hosted and produced by Tyler Holland, Dave Moore, and Ian Chandler. New episodes publish Wednesdays each week and are available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, anywhere else podcasts are hosted. Have a question or comment for the hosts? Call us at 270-883-255-5 and leave us a voicemail. If we like it, we'll play it on the show and respond. Want to send us something? You can do that at Tadpog Studios, care of Nicole Nance, PO Box 3785, Paducah, Kentucky 4202. If you absolutely must send us a food item, please use caution and good judgment when doing so. Tasty snacks, look or smell funky, or our pastor expiration date by the time we get to them, we'll be thrown away. Bonus content is available at patreon.com/tagpog with a minimum donation of $1 per month. You can join in on the conversation by visiting our discord at vint.ly/tagpogdiscord. Registration is free and we'd love to see there. Thanks for listening and if you haven't already, don't forget to subscribe to our show so you don't miss an episode. Now, where did I put that stinger? Oh, here it is. Mm, and now, dramatic reading. A painful tale of remorse. She broke my dick! Getting it on with Stacey, I swear this really happened. I pulled my trick maneuver. That's when I heard it snapping. She broke my dick. Oh, she goddamn broke my dick. Ever since I met her, my life's been on the rocks. Cold-eyes, packs and heating pads and band-aids for my... If I'm reading this correctly, gay hog. Gay hog? Gay hog? (laughing) She broke my dick. Oh, she goddamn broke my dick. She broke my dick. Christ, she goddamn broke my dick. She broke my dick. She broke my dick. Yeah, so this is it. She goddamn broke my dick. Main vein, shot with cortisol and ice pack for the rest. It hurts so damn much, but I do it again. Why couldn't have I just left her unsatisfied? So what was the title of this song? I broke my dick. She broke my dick by all. By all? By all. I was doing scrolling the other day in TikTok and I saw a guy who clearly ripped you off and is doing dramatic readings of songs the way you do it. I hope it's the comedian. I hope it's the hell yeah, comedian. (laughing) I don't think it is. In which case, it's a fair equivalent exchange thing. But he's nowhere near as good as you've got. Thank you. You needed to start doing it for TikTok 'cause he had a lot of people following him. I didn't bother to look at his other stuff. 'Cause I was mad.