The legends are true! Over-building power! The sauce of testing! Yes! The most legendary sauce has arrived! Has McDonald's transformed into the anime world of McDonald's! The greatest flavors unite in all news! Savory chili McDonald's sauce to make your 10-piece with nuggets, fries, and sprites ultra-powerful! Unlock manga comics with every meal and sit down for a new anime short every week only at McDonald's! Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-go! At participating in McDonald's for limited time, we'll supplies last! [Music] Welcome to Drinking Bros! Presented by GhostBed.com! Sit back, relax, and grab a fucking drink! Yeah! Welcome to Drinking Bros! Kids! Cheers, everyone! Having some hard AF Seltzers here. On the old Friday show that we record for Sunday nights, you're welcome! You're welcome out there, Anthony! Aaron Rodgers, R.F.K. Jr. President, VP, 2024. What say you? You all in? Well, that's just, he's only one of the people on the short list. Do you want to hear the rest? Is there? Is there more? Is this a fucking joke? I mean, is this a fucking joke at this point? It's hard to tell, to be honest. Like, it really is. So, Jesse Ventura. Come on. The body? Jesse, the body Ventura's on there? Oh, I was going to say no as the whole guy, but yeah. Tulsi Gabbard is on the list. Well, you said that forever, so... That's what it'll be. Rand Paul, which is... There's absolutely no possibility that's going to happen. You won't do that. Andrew Yang. I remember that. Oh yeah, the Yang Gang. Good dumb Goober, who's like, "Oh, you know what we should do is get people hooked on more government money." Yep. It's a fucking retard. Mike Rowe, who, by the way, politically, is fucking eons away from what R.F.K. Jr. is. So, that is retarded as well. Tony Robbins? No shit. Who I think... TR, dude. Maybe just so Tony Robbins can crush his enemies with his giant fucking hands. Have you seen this guy's hands? I've seen him in real life. He's fucking enormous. Bob, pull up a picture of Tony Robbins' hands. He is fucking enormous, dude. His hands are enormous. His head is enormous. He's very close to Andre the Giant, in my opinion. He is a fucking enormous human being. When you see him in real life, it'll shock your mind how big this dude is, man. And then Tricia Lindsey, who is a civil rights attorney. Look at that picture. His hands are bigger than his goddamn head, dude. I mean, seriously. Look, and he's a big man. He's like 6'5". Dude, I was looking up to him. Like, I was a fucking dwarf. Man, dude, that's wild. Tony Robbins is on his list? Yeah. Mine fuck America into voting it for, I guess. Yeah. And Tricia Lindsey's running for New York State Senate. Okay. I think. Unless, yeah, she is. I've never heard of her before. So what's the thinking here with all these fucks on this short list? That you're just trying to gain attention? Yeah. It's a popularity contest. Okay. Look, he's not a serious person. R.K. Jr. is not a serious person. No. He was an attorney who sued for medical malpractice. So that's why he happened to be good on this one issue of COVID and vaccinations and shit. Right? Because that's his wheelhouse. And every other way, he's a fucking dummy. Yeah. Like everything he says is insane. Bullshit, right? I don't know. So you should expect it to be a total circus. I am now. I thought maybe I'm dumb for thinking this. I thought he was kind of a serious candidate. He was taking this seriously. These choices, though, are from an unserious person. Even to release these names and say, "Hey, this is who I'm thinking about," is fucking embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, Tony Robbins and Aaron Rogers are my running mates. Like, you're not serious about life. I'm sorry. Yeah. I mean, Tony Robbins probably isn't the, I don't know, I don't know much about the guy. Although I know people, I have friends who are friends with him and they like and respect him a lot. They do. That isn't. Okay. I've never been able to figure it out with that guy if it's a grift or what it is, if it's real. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I watched a doc on him one time and somebody brought me to one of his things and I got to meet him a long time ago and there is something magnetic to him. I will say this. In the room, you're like, "All right, this guy has this weird energy and charisma that he could definitely get everybody to drink the Kool-Aid." But I can't tell if he's a real person who believes it or is just trying to make the most amount of money in the world, you know? And I think there's a fine line where shit. I think Delco said this a while back where eventually you become your own bit and that's what I think Tony Robbins is, but I truly have no idea. I know people are inspired and you know, they love them. Yeah. And it's, you know, it's really one of the over the last couple of years, a turn that's happened that is just, it tickles me. It really does is that everyone takes Dr. Phil seriously now, like he's some kind of authority on shit. It's like, no, you were like a trash TV host, man. You're not a real doctor, even. Is he not a doctor? No, man. Hey, Bob, look that up. Is Dr. Phil, does he have a real doctorate degree? - It's fake. - It's fake? - That has to look fake. - Okay. - The doctor Phil AKA Phil McGraw. - Yeah. Phil McGraw-- - McGraw! - Bitch. - Yeah, you fuck. ♪ Try it in a small town ♪ - Uh, he has a PhD in clinical psychology. - Yes! - But he's a doctor. - He is a doctor. You fucking liar, dude. Take it back. Take it back. ♪ Take it back ♪ ♪ Take it back ♪ ♪ Take it back ♪ - He hasn't even all my medical advice from him. - He hasn't had a medical license since 2006. - He didn't need it anymore. When you accomplish so much like that, sometimes you have to walk away from it. You have to let it go, dude. - I also didn't realize he played college football. - Fuck off, did he really? - At Midwestern State University. - No, no, no, at Tulsa. - Tulsa? Damn! - Not for long. He didn't get a degree from there. - No, he didn't. But he got a football scholarship to Tulsa and I guess played but then transferred to get his psychology degree. - If you think I'm gonna run a 15 yard out and get CTE the rest of my life, you got another think coming. - I guess it really is in media just about like name recognition for the most part. - It is. By the way, did you hear Dr. Phil open up his own studios in Dallas? He's got a huge network that's about to launch right now. Look it up, Bob. He just signed somebody fairly big to host their own show. Oh, the guy from the fucking bachelor, the host of the bachelor's on there. He's gonna have his own show. Chris Harrison, yeah. - Yeah, I mean, he's like, Phil's getting a lot of media play now. - Oh, for sure. - Thanks to Rogan. - Rogan. - Which is funny 'cause Rogan did a bit back in the day that just completely destroyed Dr. Phil. - Phil's also, he's making the rounds for some reason 'cause he was also just on Bill Maher. - Yeah, he was on Bill Maher. He's been everywhere and for that reason, by the way, Bob, this media venture is his. So this is his own version of Harpo Productions that's Oprah created and he's got a huge studio down there in Dallas. So he's running everything out of Dallas and it just opened up and he's signing a bunch of people over there. Maybe we can meet with Dr. Phil and he can kind of figure shit out for us. - Yeah, I mean, he seems like an all right dude. He doesn't say stuff that's super objectionable or stupid most of the time. - So who knows? - And going back to what you said about Rogan making fun of him and all that shit? - For years, he made fun of him. - Yes. - And one of Rogan's biggest stand-up specials, he fucking went on like a 10 minute tirade against him and now they're friends or whatever. - Well, here's why. The beauty of Dr. Phil is behind the scenes, he's in on the bit and he loves comedy, he doesn't mind the jokes and he doesn't mind any of it. And I heard he fucking parties. So Bob, look this up, it's gonna be real specific today. He had a house that was for sale and I think he was owned by like Gene Simmons or something like that before him and it was like this crazy fucking medieval house that he sold in Hollywood. - Yeah, Dr. Phil lists bonkers Beverly Hills mansion. - That's it. Pull up the pictures from this fucking thing, dude. It's bananas. This is like the entryway or something. I don't even know what this is. - Yeah, dude, look at this fucking place. - It's a stairway of snakes. - He's got a bar too, look at that bar. - And then Dan, if you'll notice the guns. - The guns. - Firearms in the background. - He's got, dude. - Well, he's a Texas boy, so that sounds good. - But I mean, look at that display case back there. I mean, would you wait a million years of picture this was the inside of Dr. Phil's house? - I mean, it looks like a Persian hunting lodge. - It's awesome. - That's what it looks like to me. So yeah, I mean, he's a rich dude. - I thought Jared would have done this. - He might still, right? This time. He definitely is building a gun case, our gun room right now. Yeah, I just think it's really funny. The turn, when I say the turn, he's never changed. He's always been the same guy, right? That's not what I mean. 'Cause we were talking on an earlier episode about the road to Damascus bullshit. That's not what I mean. I just mean, it's funny that a dude that's been, he's like the reverse Jerry Springer, right? - Yes. - And then there's TV for a while and now he's getting serious. Jerry Springer, for those of you that don't remember was the mayor of Cincinnati. He was the mayor of a major U.S. city. And then he got arrested. I don't remember what it was for. - Yeah, a check to a prostitute. - I wrote a personal check to a hunter. - He wrote a personal check to a prostitute. And I believe it was from the campaign or something like that. Bob, go through the rest of this house. There's some other wild shit in here. - I like it that it's like, Maury Povich is gonna run for governor or some shit. I mean, Dr. Oz in the last election. - I know. - Like, what qualifies him to do anything? - Little sex wing right there. - 'Cause here's the point I'm making is, this is all a fucking silly. We live in the Hunger Games now and this is the capital. - It's great. Show that sex swing at the door there from Dr. Phil's house. You'd tell me he doesn't fuck. Dr. Phil fucks. - That's just an S here. That's a sex swing. - Zoom in, is that a fucking clown painting on the wall? - Is that a cat? - With a huge clown nose on it? - It says fuck. - It says fuck. - No, it's a cat. - And it says, the cat has fuck written on its chest? - Yes, yes. - Dr. Phil has no taste. - Dr. Phil parties, dude. - Who gave this man money? - This is the guy who fucking parties. This is what you should do with your money. This actually makes me like him more. Keep going through this fucking house. It's so goddamn wild. Look at how much neon there is. - There's like no rhyme or reason to anything. - Look at that, look at that pool table. - Why do you need a rhyme or reason to be? - I like a theme. I like to stick to a theme. - The theme is rich. - I'm rich. - The theme, no, it's, have you ever been to a hunting lodge before? - Yeah, yeah. - Like a real hunting lodge. - A real one, yeah. - There's some things that clash with that. - This looks like a fucking Persian dude got into hunting. - On acid. - Oh, look at how much-- - That's what it looks like to me. - What's lit up in that case there to the left wine? Look at that, damn, you would love this place. - What are those dolls in there? - It's a Batman and Joker, but they're like mice or something? - I think I'm gonna have to make friends with this guy. - No, dude. - You fucking party bro. - Wait, does he still own this place? - No, he sold it. - Oh, well, who owns it now? That's who I need to be talking to. - Well, I'm sure they changed it. I don't know if this decor came, maybe the guy asked for it furnished, but keep going through these photos. - Can you imagine you're the fucking real estate agent and the people are looking at it and they're like, don't change a thing. - Nothing, right? - It's perfect. - I'll ask him how much for everything. - I mean, look at this. (laughing) - Well, that's just a cloud couch. - Oh, I love a cloud couch though. - Yeah, they're nice. For media rooms, it's the best. 'Cause all that, there's the L-shaped fucking sectional, but all those things in the middle, those three or four different things in the middle all pop out. It's fucking dope. If you've got a big media room, that's the best thing to have in here. - This like little doll on the right has a Dr. Phil mustache. - Why not? - Yeah, I don't know if that's like an anime thing. What is that? - If you were rich enough though, when you paint your own mustache onto a cat, if you could. - Oh, I would have slaves. (laughing) - And they would look just like, remember when the fucking bum fights guy? Bob, pull that up. That's, I would have servants, not slaves obviously, 'cause that's not legal anymore. - Well, it's just the term. - Yeah, but I would have a staff and they would all be forced to look like me. If I had such a distinct look, like I think Chuck Liddell should do that. He should hire people and they all look like many Chuck Liddell's. You know how fucking confusing that would be for people? Like if you were the Amazon driver in Chuck's neighborhood, in LA, right? And you just drove to his house and was like, knocked on the door to hand it so he's got a signed fort and it's a guy that's obviously 25 years old, but he looks exactly like Chuck. You're like, wait a minute, what the fuck is going on here? - Oh, that'd be great. Look at this guy. Is you popping him on screen? (laughing) He walked out like this and Dr. Phil was stunned. - Oh. - Yeah, is there video? I don't know who it is. - There is. - Hi, are we on YouTube today? - We can't play on YouTube, but there is video, I've seen it. It's so fucking funny. We go through the rest of that house, Bob, because it gets wilder down there. - I actually, that's it. - Oh, is that where it cuts out? - Yeah, yeah. - But looking through these photos here, Dr. Phil clearly parties, fucks, and has a good time being Dr. Phil. - I mean, based on what I'm seeing, there's some psychotropic drugs involved. - Yeah. - Right? - Yeah. - I don't think, is that a ring camera? Or a ring light? - A ring light. - So this room appears to be Star Wars themed. You've got Vayne painting. - Oh, shit, yeah. - And then Obi-Wan's little saying hello to that. - Did he buy it like this? - No, you gotta decorate that. - I think Gene Simmons owned it before him. So maybe, partially, a lot of this was Gene Simmons. - The stuff? The stuff is Dr. Phil's. - Yeah, well it is now 'cause he bought it. So, like how long can you leave the room looking like that before it becomes your problem? - I don't know. - But he was, his studio was right by my house, so I used to see him like fucking four days a week driving out. He drove this Corvette that said Dr. Phil. It had a vanity plate that said Dr. Phil. So like that's, everything you're seeing is him, dude, in real life. And I kind of like, he kind of reminds me of the Dr. version of Guy Fieri, where you're just leaning into it. And I enjoy that about him. - I bet he's got a hog on him too. - Oh, I bet she does. - To go bald that early and to stick with it and then also grow a mustache, I feel like he's probably got a hog on him. That's like, there's some confidence behind that whole look. - Because he never shaved the rest of it. Like he's kept that bozo ring forever. I agree with you. You only keep a bozo ring your entire life if you've got a fucking huge penis and you're rich. - A huge Texas penis. - I don't know. This looks like a guy who doesn't make a single sound when he's having sex. - Oh, look at that. - Like he's just quietly. - Was that him in college? - Yeah, it's him in college. - What a beast. - Man, that hairline is already retreating. - Rapidly he's 19 years old right there. - Man, he looks like he's 35 in that picture. - Well, people did back then though. - That's right. - Yeah, I like him. - Yeah. - I like him. I know a bunch of people who know and work with him. Some friends might have been on his show and shit over the years. - Really? What'd they say? - They said he was awesome. - Okay. - He was fucking funny and talked a lot of shit. Didn't mind if you talked shit, but he would engage with you. I mean, I don't know. Seems all right. Of all the fucking, like I heard Maury Povitch is super dope too. - Yeah. - But I don't know, man. Like when you talk about net contribution to society, I think maybe Phil's got some work to do to make up for the sins of the past. - Nah, I think he's good. - It's like that whole, the week they parroted him with Cartman on South Park, like, "Uh-uh, I think what I want." And whatever, that's like, that's pretty much what that show was for a pretty good while. So yeah, I think maybe he's trying to buy his way into heaven now. - Well. - Which, you know, look, we all make mistakes. - We sure do. - We sure do. - I'm not gonna judge him. - Not all of us make a career out of those mistakes. - No, but this, I think this commercial was a mistake that popped up here. - No, this is great, so. - This is fucking nuts bro. - I don't know what you know about marketing, right? But big events, evergreen stuff, stuff that people, quote-unquote, never forget, for example, are really good devices to use in marketing. So this Indian company that makes concrete made this advertisement. And it's basically saying the World Trade Center concrete had it been made from Indian concrete, or the World Trade Center had it been made from Indian concrete, it had been fine. And then they made a little animation to support that fact. - They sure did. Go ahead and play this here, Bob, for the people. Is there volume on the thing? - Yeah, there's definitely volume. - All right, play it. (singing in foreign language) - So for the audio listeners, it's a plane that looks like it's crashing into the World Trade Center towers. Bouncing off perfectly, and then taking a right hand turn and getting away from the building. - Yeah, I mean, what company made the plane? Because Boeing can't keep theirs in the air right now. - No. - I don't care how durable the concrete is, it should cause the plane some issues and it isn't. So I'm curious about that. - I am too, Boeing just had another issue the other day here. I mean, that's five in one week in the past week for these fucking guys on another United flight, by the way. So looking forward to that. - Now, to be fair, India has a long history of really not giving a shit about anything. This is a Hitler-themed restaurant? - No way. Oh, look at that. It's called the Hitler Cross. That's fun. What kind of food is it, Bob, German? - I would bet you would imagine so. - Mm. - What if it's bagels and locks? - Could you imagine? (laughing) - Be funny to me. - Let's see the real sign. Is that a real fucking restaurant? - Yeah. - Yeah, Schnitzel and potato pan. - Where is it? - It was somewhere in India. I just remember seeing this a while back. I'll look up some details about it. - I mean, they've got the fucking Schwashtica on that goddamn thing, dude. - India is shameless. - Yeah, they don't give a shit. - Well, who's gonna do something? - There's a lot of people going in and out of that restaurant. The food must be good. - Within the next five years, India will be the largest by population country on Earth. It'll surpass China pretty soon. - Not shocking. Is there gas stoves in there, Bob? I mean, they're also gonna reclaim their symbol, right? - Take it back. - Take it back. - Yeah, take it back. Was it really a Hindu symbol before? All right. All right. I'm glad you glossed over that gas joke, too. - What was this? - Does it still exist, this thing? Or do they tear this down? - It's called the Cross Cafe now. Well, no, you let the gas joke linger. Yes. (laughing) - There it is. Nailed it. Good for them, though. Good for them. I saw a fucked up story. I don't know if you can pull this up, dude. This, this one, man. This one kept me up last night and I hate it and I don't know who allowed them to do this or whatever. There was a guy who had fucking polio and they kept him inside of an iron lung for years. Show this footage here. This is fucked. Absolutely fucked. - This is why our insurance premiums are so high. - I guess, man. I don't know what happens here. So his name is polio, Paul. They're calling him polio, Paul. For alliteration sake, right? - Yes. Yeah. So he spent 72 years inside of an iron lung and then he died. - Oh, it was 72. I thought it was 70. So he was six when he got polio and he's just been in this thing the whole time. - For 72 years. And he died at the age of 78 yesterday. And, oh, God. There you go. That's, that's, that's the guy. - Well, no. - What do you, what do you think he's doing with his hands? - Pull up the article in the New York Post 'cause they've got video of him inside talking. I didn't, I didn't press play. I wanna hear him talk. - I just, just take it in. - I can't, I don't wanna keep staring at the guy. I wanna hear him talk and shit. - Why is there a play with a fork and knife on it? - They're feeding him. They've got somebody. Look, he doesn't have-- - I thought they just cruelly left it there for him. - He doesn't have arms or legs. And so somebody has to feed and do all this stuff from every single day. - Well, he has arms and legs. - I know I understand that, but why does he have to live inside of that fucking thing? - To live. - Or he dies outside of it? - I think once you get dependent on it, you're, you're stuck with it, essentially. - God damn it, man. Why would you wanna live 72 years in that fucking thing is just a head, just a fucking head? And what would you do all day long, man? - Well, you can't see his hands. My guess is-- - Can you jack off with polio? - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. - My guess is it fucks your legs up, not your arms, bud. So my guess is the inside of that chamber looks like a Jackson Pollock painting. - Oh, God. - There's this splattered seaman everywhere. - Well, honestly, at this point, it might just be a metal twinkie. - There's probably stalactites and slagmites now, right, you would think. - All right, there's the video, yeah. - Okay, so I haven't heard this. Oh, God, play it. Play it. - My name is Paul Kellen Zander. They call me the man of the iron lung. - Oh, my God. - Get a better skincare routine, my God. - Oh, it's got polio. Parallelized from the neck down, I was contracting polio at age six. I was restricted to a massive iron lung in order to breathe. The machine was invented in 1928, and it's not been manufactured since the, oh, that's why. They've never made another one since 1960s. - Yeah, the polio vaccine kind of negated a need for it. - Oh, they fucking shave 'em every day, too? Let 'em grow a beard. - Well, they might have to bring it back with all these moms taking their kids off the polio vaccine. - God. - I don't think we still get polio vaccines. - Wait, hang on, this is an organizer of a GoFundMe originally set up to pay for his medical expenses. Why? It looks like he's already been paid for here. I mean, who's paying for that? The rest of his, who paid for 76 years for this guy to live in a fucking iron tube? - I think he might've been doing all right, 'cause I just wanna read this quote from the article. - Okay. - That is the most 2024 sentence I've ever read. - Oh, boy. - A cause of death has not been officially disclosed, but Alexander was hospitalized late last month after testing positive for COVID-19 according to his social media manager. - Come on, man. - Come the fuck on. And who is his social media man? How do you live in a fucking iron tube where you can't move? It's just your head outside of a giant fucking tube. Who called him and was just like, man, get me polio Paul on the phone. I wanna rep all of his socials. He can't do anything. It's just his head, man. - 338,000 followers on TikTok. - Oh my God. Are you fucking kidding me? - Not anymore, bitch. (laughing) - It's over. - Oh, here we go. He answers a lot of questions, like this important one. Hey, Paul, if you don't mind me asking, how do you go to the bathroom? - Yeah. - Let's hear the answer. - I wanna watch. - So do I. - Yeah. (indistinct chatter) - Going to the bathroom? (indistinct chatter) - What are you doing that happens, she said? (indistinct chatter) - No way. (indistinct chatter) - Okay, press pause, Bob. - This is the worst shit I've ever seen. - This is what haunted my fucking dreams last night. - So what he was saying in his answer was, 'cause obviously he's in a fucking iron lung, and it's hard to hear, 'cause this thing's pumping oxygen in there, is that she unlocks the iron lung for him to get out and piss. And then for shit, they put a bedpan in there, and then she changes it. So who is this woman to him then? Because when you go in there at six, it's not as if you've got a wife at that point. - Right, it has to be like a sister or something, right? - Wow, God, but would you wanna do that the rest of your life? Hey, I gotta go take care of my brother, polio, Paul, every fucking day. - I don't know, people buy dogs, walk around after him and pick their shit up. - Yeah. - I'm not your boy, Paul, maybe he's fucking funny. - No, there was no comedy in that bit right there. - How much is he getting paid off these socials? - Hey, now that they're banned, maybe he died because they're banning TikTok, and he was just like, fuck it, I got nothing else to live for. - Dude, he only has like 10 videos, and he's got 338,000 followers. - You know, Bob, it's hard to do a bunch of fun dances when you're locked inside of an iron lung, and it's just your head that is peeking out the top of it. One would imagine he can't come up with that much creative content, and I'm using heavy air force. - Oh, here's a video of what he did about Gaza. - Shut the fuck up. - I'm fucking with you. - Oh, God, that would've been the best, dude, if he's given commentary on the world. - Here's what I-- - C-spire, C-spire. - The pro-Palestine, people should fucking protest his funeral. - Just kick his iron lung over. - Do you just roll him down the thing, down the hill, and so he'll fucking grave? - Bring everyone together, too. Bring what was-- Oh, Westboro Baptist chair. - Yeah, yeah. - You just know you launch him towards Jerusalem and let the iron dome take out the iron lung. - Oh, my God. - Why not? Go metal with it. This isn't even the dumbest shit I've seen today, by the way. - Come on, this was awful when I saw this last night. - Awful. - It's cringy, it's weird. Like, it's fucking-- - Would you wanna do this though? - No, kill yourself. - Yes, kill yourself. - I mean, you know, if, I don't know, I've never been in that situation. I've never had a terminal disease. Although, is it a terminal disease when you can live with it for 70 fucking years? - No. - I mean, life is a terminal disease in that case, right? - Yeah. - 72 years living that thing. - Go to NYC Mayor on Twitter. I want you to see something. - Okay. - Just like, this dude, like, de Blasio is dumb. Remember him stuffing French fries in his mouth, like, oh, I'm delicious. I'm gonna fucking get French fries. - Yeah. - Get a COVID shot. He's a weirdo fucking dummy, or whatever. This is the dumbest thing I've ever seen any mayor of New York say in my entire life. It is the one about Port of Prince. - Okay. - It's all text, there's no one. - Okay. - Is it on his personal account? - No, it's on NYC Mayor. - NYC Mayor. - Well, New York City, the Port of Prince of America, we feel the pain of our Haitian neighbors, feel as the situation grows dire, to the people of Haiti and our own Haitian community here in New York City, know that we stand with you today and always. - Now, you've lived in New York. - Oh, sure have. I've spent quite a bit of time there myself. I have lots of friends who currently live in New York. I have never in my life heard New York City referred to as the anything of America. Because it's the best city in the fucking world or it was until recently. Certainly nobody's ever said New York City is the Port of Prince of America. What the fuck does that even mean? - Holy shit, dude. - I mean, that's legendary. That's legendary. I don't know, he should retire now because you can't do any better than that. - Port of Prince is the capital of Haiti, but I guess he's maybe saying this to the capital of the U.S. I don't know. - Port of Prince is a fucking shit. - Oh, it's a shit hole. Haiti is a fucking shit hole. We're seeing it now. Grab a tire, okay? Roll it down the street and have some fun, some laughs there. What a fucking moron, dude. I mean, just like the city on fire at this point. - I enjoyed it. I gotta be honest, like, if we're gonna do this, let's fucking do it, man. - Yeah. - Let's go full retard on everything we've got going on. - Nothing seems real. - And that at least people will know, like it'll save a lot of time. People will know not to take anything seriously. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't take any of this seriously. Like, why go out of your way to even tweet this? Is there Haitians in New York City? Yes, there is. Is it your entire population? No, no, and there's no reason to compare it to that. The other thing too, Eric, is you got a migrant problem right now. You're pretty much just inviting all those Haitians who are about to flee that fucking place. Right up to your city, home boy. 'Cause I guarantee it, wheelchair. We'll put them on a fucking bus and drop them off in Times Square. Just for saying this fucking. - Do you remember those little army men back in the day, the plastic greenhouse? - Yeah, love 'em. - With the little parachute on 'em. - Kids still love 'em. - I think we should, this is what we should be doing in Texas, right? Who's laughing back there? I haven't even gotten to the fucking joke yet. - Oh, it'll be great. - Actually, as you were saying that, Dan pulled out a little green army, man. - Oh, shit, you got one, there it is right there. - So you remember the ones that you could put the parachute on and you balled off and you throw it? - My kids still love 'em, yeah. - This is, we just set up camps, FEMA camps, right, at the border, and everybody gets a parachute. And then they stand in line, like they're at fucking six flags or some shit. And they walk up to them to a large platform, right? - Yeah. - And they just catapult them into a different state. You parachute, you land wherever the fuck you want, right? - And then you're there. - That's it. That's it for you. - Where you land is where you are. - And if you're in Oklahoma or Louisiana or Missouri or Arkansas or any of these close states around here and you don't like it, that's fine. - Yeah. - That's fine, just build your own catapult. - That's all you gotta do. - Catch 'em out of the air. - Yeah. - And then put 'em on your catapult and keep launching 'em until they get to Canada. - And then we're all done with them there. I think that's the only thing we can do here because that's that Haiti-sitch, by the way, you know those fuckers are gonna try to get into the US, half the goddamn country. I mean, people are just walking through the streets, eating people and firing off guns. So like, yeah, dude, half that country's trying to get the fuck out of there right now. So, yeah, they're coming to a city near you. I can guarantee that very, very soon. If you love Haiti, Eric, well, they'll be there. They'll be there soon enough. Holy shit. Do we ever get Coney, by the way? Coney 2012, did we ever do? - I think he, the story is he died somewhere during some kind of fucking military operation, but I've never seen any evidence of that. - Yeah, he is listed as still alive. - Really? - The word on the street from the intel community is he's dead. - Okay. - But that doesn't mean anything 'cause they say Ben Lan's dead too and he's not. I saw him at a coffee shop the other day. - Yeah, you saw him at a local place. 'Cause he goes, he supports local. He wasn't at a Starbucks or a black rifle car. - No, no, he thinks globally, but. - Yeah, but he's drinking locally. What's that coffee shop up by us, Bob? - Moon tower. - Yeah. What's it called? - Mazama's in downtown drip. - That's a, Summer Moon. - Summer Moon, yeah. - And I think that's, 'cause they're pricey over there at Summer Moon, so I think he would be there. I think he's got an element of class to him, so. Pinky up, you know, as he's drinking over there. I see him as a tea guy too, not necessarily coffee. - Yeah. - Ben Lan. - Another thing to keep an eye on is the Japanese. - Why? - So they have this company, Space One. It's a competitor to, what is it, Blue Horizon? - Oh, yeah, yeah. - It's SpaceX. They tried to launch yesterday their Kairos rocket, 59 foot, four stage rocket. It blew up, but they're coming for us. - You think so? - Right, yeah. - What do they wanna do? - Get us back, man. - Oh, for Oppenheimer? - Yeah, we nuked him twice. - Finish the job. - We nuked him twice, and then we made movies about it. - We sure did. That one best picture. It was the best picture winner, and I'm amped about that. It's playing there right now. You know that, right? - Yeah. - It's in Oppenheimer's in theaters. I don't know how it's doing. Is there a box office for Japan? Bob, can you look that up and see if there's a box office number for how well it's doing over there? - I wonder if they played it in China, 'cause China hates Japan. - Yeah, they would. - Asian, by the way. Now, they should probably, at this point, let it go. - Right, right. - 'Cause it's been a while since Imperial Japan was even a thing, but Japan fucked up the rest of Asia, like for a while, for a thousand years. - Jesus Christ. - They whipped their ass. They were fucking, some of the most heinous and brute, like the shit that, like the Trail of Tears and some of the other bullshit that's gone on here, even the Holocaust, I mean, I wouldn't say it pales in comparison, but the Japanese were fucking brutal. I mean, it's more like Aztec culture, like mutilating people, cutting their heads off, fucking all kinds of crazy bullshit. - It was, we talk about it on South Chris real time, they were probably every bit as evil, if not more so, than the Nazis were. But the Nazis, they get credit for two things, in my opinion, that puts them over for us over the top one. They're killing white people, which is more interesting to us, than Asians killing Asians. - You don't do that. - Yeah. - You don't kill white people. - And the other thing was, the Japanese, like Dan said, they were like Aztec or Mongolia, like they did it the old way. They kind of just were old way brutal. The Germans were like-- - Maybe it seems less savage because of the technology. That's not a bad point. - The Germans were so dystopian in doing it, that it was more jarring. - The Germans wanted to be efficient about killing people. I don't think the Mongols or the Aztecs for sure, they had a four day period that fucking temple in Mexico City, they sacrificed like 80,000 people in four days. - Right shit. - Yeah, holy shit indeed, right? But it was like, I think the brutality of it, it's almost like comparing World War I to World War II. The technological increase makes it seem less brutal than it was, but the deaths are the same, I guess. - Japanese generals had competitions with how many heads they could take with the sword. Was it one failed swoop or did you have to keep shopping? - Yeah, to cap it. So they had-- - Well, if you're good at it, it's one swoop. - Yeah, I just, I wouldn't want them to miss and be like, ah shit, I'm gonna take another swing. - Early war, noble shit. We did an episode on this didn't we? Early war in Japan, noble shit. They had a Sami Sosa Mark Maguire-esque daily newspaper update of who got more heads the day before. - No shit. - Yeah. - Between these two dudes. - You can't be mad at it. You know, if you're going for records, like-- - Yeah, save to war. - Yeah, you gotta be the best at what you do every day. - Yeah, I would say this, if you just, if you ever, ever have anyone tell you that Japan didn't, was undeserving of being nuked or whatever, just having Wikipedia the Manila massacre and that's all you need to read. - Okay, I'm all in on that, dude. - How hard should I expect to get? - Yeah. - You vary. - I mean, 'cause I'm getting bummed up already. - I'm like, is it gonna pop through the skin? Like, what are we looking at here? - I mean, if your taste is what I'm imagining, it's you're gonna, you're gonna-- - What was like-- - Fill up an iron lump with-- - Shish kebab toddlers and all that fun stuff. - Oh, okay. - Cutting off boobs while you have sex with women type of thing. - God damn it. And you're still able to come? - Yeah, they didn't have a problem. Shit. - I'd have a problem with that. I'd have a problem with that. Yeah, would you wrap up your dick in an iron lung then? Wrap it up with what? - I mean, put the iron lung over it and out to preserve it. - Oh, you mean like a hyperbaric chamber for your cock? - If it was dying. Like, let's say you got two erect bone goes to the skin and then you had to put an iron lung on it to save it. - I already do cupping. I get hard and I start sucking suctioning, whatever the fuck that thing is, all over my dick. - Sure, you put that down there. - Then I'll do acupuncture, right? - You have to. - But for that, you don't necessarily need to be hard. It does help, I'll say. - But if it doesn't work, you might as well cut it off and serve it to a couple people to eat. - I agree. Before you do that, you use manscaped if they're on. We learned that on Wednesday. - Yeah, we learned that on the last week's episode there. I wanna ask you about this fucking Gallup poll that just came out, says nearly 30% of Gen Z women identify as LGBTQ. - Goddamn, is that real? - It's never a good idea to pay attention to anybody. This is the identify as something. That's not a serious person. You can just move along from that. So what they should have said is that 30% of these women are fucking morons and then just end it right there. That should be the entire article. - What is it? I mean, is it? - One sentence. - If you're just hooking up with chicks for funsies here and there, is that? - That's not even part of it. It's not a behavioral thing anymore. It has nothing to do with that. - Is your thinking? - No, it's not even, I guess. Yeah, but it's more like just like, what words do I have to say to get myself into this affected class so I can get some social currency? That's all it is. - So I have a friend who is a gag and she has said many times to me that she thinks it's like the new goth or emo. - Oh, where you're just doing it to do it? - Yeah, you're just kind of like, yeah, I'm different, man. I'm not like everyone else. I'm fucking clear. - And then does your friend say, well, let me lick your pussy and find out. - Yeah, man, they're like, well, hold on a minute, hold on a minute. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - I don't think most of these people are real anyway. There's a study that came out a couple of years ago that like 30 to 50% of the population doesn't have an inner monologue. - What's that mean? You don't have thoughts? - You don't have thoughts? - They just can't, they don't have a voice inside their head. - That's crazy. - Yeah. - I've got too many voices inside my head. - They're fucking. - Demons is what I call it. - They're fucking droids though. They don't have an original thought inside their head. - Probably not. - Yeah, I mean, look, this was an NBC news. This is the percentage of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer adults in the US continues to increase reaching an all-time high of 7.6% in 2023. - Queer doesn't even mean anything though. Like it doesn't really mean anything. All it means is what the word means, which is abnormal in some way. So you get to think of yourself as either sex gender or sexually abnormal in some way. Like, oh, I'm kind of unique in this way. And that makes you, that literally by these people's definition makes you queer. - Yeah, 'cause it's retarded. - This goes on to say, almost 30% of Gen Z women identify as LGBTQ, mostly as bisexual. That's where a lot of the growth seems to be happening. - Look, if more women are bisexual now, then great. - Yeah. Nobody's complaining about that. - Sure. - As a matter of fact, we have a conversation about that this morning where somebody's, somebody's, it was a story about a guy's girlfriend or something. Bob, what happened? - Yes, so a guy came home and found his girlfriend getting down with her best friend, who was a lady. - Okay. - And he was like, yo, I gotta start penetrating you both. But he did it with a knife 50 times. - Well, that's not great. I thought it was gonna be a fun story, Bob, when he says he's gonna penetrate both of them. - Yeah, well, he did, but he did it wrong. - Would that make you angry? - I would-- - No. - No, no, no. - No. - I think we've all been involved in those-- - Even if it did, even if it did, not enough for jail. - No. I think we've all been involved in those stitches and every single time I was not mad at it. - Yeah, man. I'm mad at it going down. - It's, that's really bizarre to me, to be honest. Like, I don't get it. - Dan, then we got some sponsors that put this shit wagon on the air. First and foremost, go to spad.com/drinkingbroze. They sayin' fitta ya hot. I want 'em to love me like Leylo Pot 50% off everything in the entire store. Mattress sheets, adjustable bases, pillows, mattresses for RVs. All of it is 50% off. They got a new Venus Williams collection in there. They got a full bed that massages you from head to toe in there. That's available right now. All of it is 50% off on gosped.com/drinkingbroze. My God, man. Gosped, all of their mattresses are made in the good old U.S. of A. I can't stress enough how important it is to get a great night's sleep every single night's. And this is the company to do it. We've been with them for years. Gigantic fan of all of their products. I have the sheets, the pillows, the adjustable bases and the mattresses in every single room of my house. Should I have put the adjustable base in the guest room for guests to sleep on? No. I feel like they take advantage of it and me. And I also feel like they don't deserve it. So I shouldn't have done that, but 'cause I still want to feel like I have power over them. So I'll leave that up to you what you want to do in your guest rooms, but I did it anyways. All you got to do is type in the promo code drinkingbroze to check out for 50% off. And guess what? Kids, you can put the fucking as many items in the car as you want, dude. 100, 200, 300 items, doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if you're opening up a hotel room. I mean, a whole fucking hotel service there. Put everything in there, 50% off. Plus, when you check out, you're gonna see a three-year pay-as-you-go program. No interest as long as you have decent credit over there. Pop that in and you're good to go over there. Everything, 50% off, stretch it out over three years at gosped.com/drinkingbroze. Maybe today's the day you buy a brand new bedroom set. Next up, we've got the perfect gene. Dan threw the perfect genes on the show. Come on now. I'm a big fan. Huge, dude. Huge. So they were new to me over here. I didn't know much about the perfect gene. And I love them. And I also love their copy here. The perfect gene team gave me this whole script to read. And I'm literally reading it word for word right now, including the sentence. That said, I actually tried the gene and it is fucking awesome. But is now, is this still the script or is it still me? You'll never know, Danthony. Today's sponsor, the perfect gene, finally solved all of your denim difficulties. Make great looking, perfect fitting genes that are as comfortable as sweatpants. Dude, try them. Fucking amazing. Did you get yours? - Yeah, I did. And just a note on them. So they have all sorts of different shit. Denim, like blue jeans, looking stuff, other other styles and things like that. They are made of synthetic material that stretches around. So if you have like big musculo legs and shit like that, like the dudes in our audience do for the most part, they fit a lot better than normal pants. Like if you get rigid jeans and stuff like that, I just don't like them. I feel like leg prisons to me. That's why I wear joggers all the time. These feel as comfortable as joggers, but they look like denim so you can wear them out and stuff like that without looking like a hobo. - Yeah, and they have the thick option too. So if you're a thick boy or a short king out there. - Yeah, they come in a couple of different styles. Go check them out. One thing to know for sure and they note this on the website when you go look in the product descriptions and stuff. But for most of them, they run like a size small. I typically wear a 34 waist and I got a 33 and they fit perfectly. - Okay, cool. - And it like kind of, even with a concealed carry. - Yeah. - So I love these things. I'm gonna, they sent us some, but I'm gonna go buy some more now. - Same dude, I'm a big fan. I wanted to try them out. Obviously we tried every sponsor before they're, they're on the show and they're fantastic. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls and uncomfortable jeans by going to theperfectgene.nyc. Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges. When you use the code drinkingbros15 at checkout. That's 15% off for new customers at theperfectgene.nyc with promo code drinkingbros15. After you purchase, they'll ask you about where you heard about them. Please support our show and some that we sent you over here. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene. God damn it. Next up we got firstform.com/drinkingbros. You know I'm gonna talk to you about those micro factors, dog, have to. Best in the biz over there. If you're like me and hate ordering vitamins off the internet and all that other shits and then reordering and everything else. Firstform makes it super easy for you over there. Put in a nice little cardboard box. It's beautiful actually since right next to my desk. Pops open, spits you out a nice little plastic pouch. You can rip that open and take all the essentials and you're good to go for the day. It's got the antioxidants, the coke you tens, the multivitamins, the fruits and veggies, the probiotics and the EFA's in there. All of it is great to get your heart pumping, blood flowing in that gut moving throughout the day because let's face it. We all don't eat the way we want to or work out the way we want to every single day. However, we should be taking vitamins every single day. So while we've partnered up with firstform.com/drinkingbros and they gave us our own little fancy URL to promote. Because we love their products, their veterans, they support veterans and let's face it. You're buying vitamins every day. You might as well buy them from a company that supports you guys out there. Also, while you're there, check out the rest of their items, dude. Best energy drinks in the biz in my opinion and those breakfast protein sticks, dude. I know I've said it a million times and I'll say it a million more. The jam, those breakfast sausages are amazing over there. Go to firstform.com/drinkingbros today and you're going to get free shipping on orders over $75. Last but not least, we get a hard AF Seltzer.com. We're live in Tennessee, Florida, Georgia, North Carolina, Alabama in Ohio right now, Texas. Man, we're on fire here. 58 GBs, we're in Kroger's down there in Houston. Every single total one in the state. Every single total one in southeast. And in North Carolina, I want to stress this. We're only available there in the Wilmington area in outer banks. We're not in the eastern part of the state there. It's two different distributors. But if you go to those brew-throughs up in outer banks, we're in every single one of those and that total wine's there in Wilmington. As long as, as well as all the brunches out there, every single brunches restaurant carries us. Whiskey Creek Trail carries us there. And a lot of people are out raging for March Madness now that the brackets are out and I'm sure in Ohio. It'll be at Standard Hall or Pint House in short North or Urban Myers Pint House in Dublin, Ohio, drinking these. Go to the store locator there or just visit a grocery store. Shit, we're on the Piglet Wiggles in Alabama. Visit a grocery store and check us out there. Find the store locator on hard AF Seltzer.com. Type in your city or zip and it'll take you to the closest location nearest you or we still ship right to your house at hardAF Seltzer.com. Support us and support the show. I'm with Delco on this. I think everybody wants to have this group or this thing that says I'm special or I'm different and you're not. And again, if you come up to me and say that, I would challenge you to eat pussy in front of me. Like I wanna see that and then I'll believe you. And then also suck dick. If it's mostly bisexual, like great. Go down on your friend and then suck my dick. - I mean at least ask a couple of questions first, right? - Yeah. - It's like you walk in and you see your girlfriend or a wife fucking a girl, they're scissoring or whatever people do. I have no idea what these people do. Ask a couple of questions first, get to the root. You know what I mean? Like hey, can I still be involved in this? And if the answer's yes, put your knife and gun away. - Yeah. - 'Cause you just want a goddamn lottery. You're out of your fucking mind. - Like how did the girl not play this off right though? Like oh yeah, this is for you too. - Yeah dude, like I'm doing this for you Paul or whatever the name is, sorry that I'm going back to polio Paul. - We got started early. - Yeah. - We warming up for ourselves for you. - Couldn't wait till you got there. Don't really understand that at all. Where was this at? - I wasn't like Arkansas or something stupid like this. - I was just gonna say Arkansas. - I was gonna say every time I say something negative about Arkansas I get like three or four listeners. Arkansas is a great state. I was like, ah, okay. Okay, man, that's fucking crazy. By the way, do you hear Christina Bob join the Republican, the RNC? Is that true? Can you confirm that? - Yep. - Really? - No shit dude. - All right. - Yeah, she's like their head of election security, I believe. - Fuck yeah dude. - Something like that. I think that's the title is something like that. I can't remember exactly what it is. She's a great person in real life. So I root for her and she rocks dude. That's awesome. That's awesome. Speaking of the election coming up here, this is not gonna fucking fly. I can tell you this, former White House press, foreign press chief says that Biden's media handlers must let Joe be Joe out there and to beat Donald Trump. No, I wouldn't let him say two goddamn words if I were him. That's the worst advice of all time. - Yeah. - I mean, what does that mean? Like pump and pull the drugs again? - No, so he got mouthy, oh not mouthy. I mean, it's just him. He got mouthy the other day where they were like, what's the secret to your marriage and with Jill and everything? It's just good sex and she was fucking pissed off about it. Obviously, but he's a dirt bag. Sniffs kids and all that other shit. Like yeah, I mean, what would you expect when you were gonna get out of him, you know? It's like, was I shocked when Trump said you can grab him by the pussy? No, no one wasn't, man. It's somebody who fucking parties, bro. - He does not party. - Well, maybe back in the day. - No. - Did he never drink? Never do drugs. - It's been all fucking diet pills. - Could you imagine not drinking and doing drugs your entire life? - No, what a boring life that would be. - Were you talking about Trump? - Yeah. - Oh yeah, I was pretty sure Biden drank. I don't know if he sold it. - Biden, yeah, but Trump. - I think you might be right. - I don't think he has. - He says he's never drank before. I mean, if you can believe him or not, I don't know. - I actually do believe him. - Yeah, I do too. I do too. 'Cause I think he just has someone to do with his father. - His brother died of alcoholism. - Is that what it was? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, man, it would be a weird life not being able to drink or ever do drugs. - Well, he's got the ability to do it. He's chooses not to for whatever reason. I don't know why. Maybe it's because his dad died from whatever the fuck. And I guess if it's pathological for you like that and you don't do it, even if later on that kind of went away or whatever the fuck or however you would say that, what are you just gonna start drinking in your 60s? Probably not, right? Like if you never developed a, like there's a lot of people who didn't drink as kids, like teenagers or whatever and they just never develop a taste for it and don't drink, right? - Yeah, that's true. - I think that's weird, but-- - I do too, man. Somebody, we keep getting tagged in these fucking posts and you can pull up this photo, Bob. We keep getting tagged in these posts from white claw. So white claw is making an unalcoholic version of their hard seltzer, which is just seltzer at that point. So what the fuck are we doing? I mean, it's just seltzer water at that point. It should be, you know, 30 cents here. And it comes in this purple case. So if you type in non-alcoholic white claw there, you'll see what it is. And they were like, oh, it's got, you know, no carbs and sugars and everything else. And you're like, cool. It has no booze. Nothing. It's got nothing in it. It's a purple case, Bob. - But Bud Light did it too, it's Bud Light's zero, right? - Right there. Bud zero or whatever. - Non-alcoholic drinks have become like kind of big in the last couple of years. Non-alcoholic beer, people are drinking a lot. - Where do you see that? - Because I don't see this in real life. - I see it on social media. First off, if you've noticed in the booze section, is the non-alcoholic beers have like tripled? - Yeah, absolutely. - Well, I noticed it during January, yeah. And when I was there and I was like, but nobody's buying them. Like I'm like, who is it? - Because everyone in Hollywood's sober now. - You know, I don't know, but it's like, I would just go and get a can of Waterloo. What's the difference, I guess? - This is just the new fad. That's all this is. Like you hear all these fucking trad dudes in conservative media these days talking about this shit. Like, oh, you should stop. Hey, to be honest, the Proud Boys did this. Like don't drink, don't jerk off. Don't, no, no poor, no booze. - Right. - It was like, and it was kind of a fucking joke. - It was a joke, yeah. - Now there are people out there, it's like, oh, fuck, and you shouldn't, you didn't even, even, and a lot of it comes from Huberman because the data is correct. That even like three drinks a week on a regular basis will have an effect on your health. There's no question about that. I'm not arguing against that science. But, so will stress, right? Like, you're gonna die from something. - Yeah. - And I've, there are too many people that we've watched drink for fucking 80 years and be fine. So shut the fuck up, right? And if you, like this sobriety kick going on now, I hate that, it's fucking dumb. If something has so much control over you that you can't be near it, then it still has control over you, right? Like you haven't solved the problem. That's why they always relapse, always. - Mm-hmm. - What were you gonna say? - Hear me out. - Okay. - Hard AF, non-alcoholic, it still has four percent. - That reminds me of this joke from Parks and Rec. - Shout outs and stuff. - No, no, no, that was really funny though. A child size is 128, it's a gallon. Or no, no, I'm sorry, it's five gallons 'cause it liquefied it's the size of an average child. No, it's the one where Ron was doing the, the office barbecue in the park. And he's like, "What do you have to drink?" He's like, "A beer." He's like, "All right, what about the kid?" He goes, "Put some water in the beer." (laughing) Fuck are we talking about here? - Yeah, hard AF is four percent. Yeah, that's not enough help. - Exactly, four percent it would be. Then we'd just be a high noon there at that point. And then Dollar Tree, dude, RIP to Dollar Tree, they're shutting down a thousand stores here 'cause of inflation. It's no longer a dollar. - A Taco Bell closed down is so important to this week. - Yeah. - Or some shit. - Well, they're closing down all the drive throughs there. I'm sorry, the dining options. So you can only drive through it there, but nobody's going to Dollar Tree because most of the items are tree dollars now. Nailed it. But that sucks, man. For all those people out there who love the Dollar Tree, I used to roll in there and buy a bunch of weird shit all the time. There was one by my house, there's nothing out here. We don't have any of that shit out here, by the way, Bob. Nothing. We don't have a fucking Walmart or a Target Dollar Tree. - I do live across the street actually from, I believe a family dollar. - Do you really? - Yeah. - So it's still, you got one out there, what do I buy about there? - Dollar Generals are everywhere. - Or maybe it's Dollar General. It's the yellow one. - Yeah, that's Dollar General. - Oh, shit. Is it still a dollar there? - I mean, it's- - I'll roll out there. - It's grim. Like everything costs a dollar inside. - Why, what's grim about that? - What's grim about the store? - Yeah. - Oh, man. I don't know. - Have you been in one? - I'm not. Well, we used to go to one in Wilmington all the time, but it smells like feet. - Okay. - Oh, shit. You know what? We had one right across the street and that's probably the last time I went. We used to buy all kinds of shit there. - For a lot of small towns, especially in Texas, like you get to West Texas. It's the only option to buy groceries. - Oklahoma too. - Yeah. - Driving through Oklahoma and shit. Fucking all Dollar Generals. Yeah, I don't know. All the aisles are way narrower than a normal grocery store, which is ironic given the average size of the customer. - Sure. - It feels like they have a ton of name brand stuff there, but it feels like it all came from stores where they couldn't sell it. And it's like a day before it's expiring. - It's got a dent in the can. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's freezer section is extremely suspect to me. Like I feel like they only use old cadaver freezers for their pizzas. - Those pizzas are good. Those little tatino's, dude. Those tatino pizzas, I bought fuck. - Here's how I know the marketing propaganda machines working on you, Bob. The shit in those freezers is just as poisonous as shit in the freezers at HGB. Shouldn't buy anything from either one of those places. - Come on. Maybe yes, but not from the freezer. - Oh, the freezer section of it, okay. But yeah, you can throw me some little tatinos in there all the time. So there was one right across the street from our Wilmington office. We used to get all kinds of shit there all the time, man. I would see the wildest people in there. Holy shit. It was always, you gotta carry when walking in there for sure. That just because of the location of us. But out by where you live, you're fine over there. I'll pop into that dollar general there. Is the general still working there? Is he the manager? - Yes, yes, the manager does wear. - We got demoted though, I think. - Did he? - Yeah, he's a lieutenant colonel now. Doesn't really roll off the tongue the same, lieutenant colonel tree or dollar lieutenant colonel. - I'm down, but I'm sure. Have you guys been there in a pinch? - I have. - Yeah. - When there was one in this, basically the same parking lot that we were in, I would go in and get an energy drink. - I did, I would go there all the time. - Or gum or something, but not food. - Yeah, I got food in there. I got, I'm not kidding, I got Totino's pizzas in there. I got little Totino's pizzas in there. - I mean, that's just MSG. It's fine. - Don't care. - I don't think MSG is that bad for you. It's the other stuff, like BHA. There's a lot of endocrine disruptors in there. - Okay. - What are you gonna do, man? - Nothing, man. - There's endocrine disruptors on receipts as well, which is why anytime anybody tries to hand me a receipt, I'm like, no, man. - Yeah. - Do you want to have a receipt with that? Like, no, I'm good, it was $7. - I said this the other day, but there's times you do want to clear out the system and just kind of fucking blow it out, or you're just like, all right, cool. Like, I get to go to Los Angeles, so I went to Panda Express last night. I knew exactly what I was getting into. Now, mind you, wife and kids are gone, so it's just me and the house. So I can just really take my time in there and fucking blow it out. I got the-- - Oh, you went to the Panda Express? - Yeah. - That's weird to me. - I mean, I didn't even sign, I got it to go. So they have a drive-through, which is shocking to me. Any Chinese joint that has a drive-through, I don't know that you should trust it all that much, but again, I knew what I was getting into, so I got that walnut shrimp and I got the fried rice, and then I got the chicken egg rolls and then the hot, spicy mustard, and I was prepared. Like, I had stretched, I did all my calisthenics, everything before I ate the meal, 'cause I knew it was a 15-minute egg timer there of like, I'm gonna be sprinting to the bathroom, just blowing it out, and it did not disappoint there. Absolute paint job on that fucking porcelain downstairs, and it's just to clear out the system, but I also enjoyed the taste of it. Like, I did enjoy the meal, so I don't wanna shit on Panda Express. - It's chemicals that were designed in a lab to taste good. - They were great. - To trick your brain into thinking it's food. - It's great, dude, it was so good. It was so fucking good, that walnut shrimp, and to the point where, 'cause they got that orange chicken too, and that's also just a diarrhea maker, you know? Made sure the plunger was in that bathroom, you know? And a poop axe was next to it, just in case, but it was like a fucking salad shooter coming out, you know, just everywhere. It was a trick, it could've been a twister, the new remake of Twister. - I feel like we need to make a butthole suppressor. - Like silence it? - Yeah, it's like some, not the noise. - Okay. - Like, just to focus all the energy down, so it doesn't get up underneath the toilet seat. It's so annoying having to clean that shit. - I know. - 'Cause you're reaching parts of the bowl that shouldn't be there. - Yeah, right, yeah, yeah. - 'Cause you gotta wipe it down, otherwise, when somebody comes in and sees you shitting, like an aggressive shit like that, when it's in different parts of the bowl, so high up, then you're a fucking disgusting human being. - Yeah, somebody did that to one of our Airbnb's one time. It was a woman that did a job. Yeah, it's like, my concern is if we make this device and it focuses all the energy into two specific of a location, it's gonna start cutting through the porcelain. Like a laser, right? A turd laser. And that's not great. 'Cause then a plunger's not gonna help you. - No, it's gonna penetrate that porcelain, dude. It's gonna crack up. I told you about Jared's girlfriend, right? I walk into the bathroom. - Oh, yeah. - And our women's room over here is, it's a two door in there and that's it, right? It's a women's room. The men's room has the urinal and the toilet. Somebody was in there after the show. I'll usually go and piss in there after the show and she sprinted in there and sat down next to me. Now I'm in the stall and I can't really move out of there 'cause I don't want it to be creepy. Like, oh man, maybe I'm trying to look in there or anything else and just absolutely unleashed. - Sure. - A fucking cat five in that toilet, dude. And then. - A turdicane is what that is. See, that's the problem. The concentrated energy of your asshole is powerful, man. It's powerful not only physically, but socially as well. You know what I mean? How many people out there carried nicknames? Probably not so much anymore these days, but kids who grew up when I did in the 80s and when you did in the 1940s. You make one bathroom related mistake and you carry that nickname into adulthood sometimes. - You do. - You know what I mean? Very dangerous. - And so here's what I did 'cause I'm a gentleman, right? So I feel bad at this point. - All you can do is sit down next to her and taking even louder shit. - No, it wasn't that 'cause I didn't have to shit. So what I did was I had pissed and then I just put the lid down and then I sat on it until she was done, cleaned herself up and then walked out of there. 'Cause I didn't want her to know that I was in there 'cause that would be an embarrassing thing, obviously. She doesn't listen to this show. So it was in a fucking matter. But that would be an embarrassing thing to just absolutely obliterate a toilet in front of your best friends. And then the other part too is when we were, after the show ended for the next show, 'cause we record three or four a day here, I walked back in there, there was pills all over the floor. Now, you and I do the same thing every time we see pills. - Yeah, look 'em up on the internet to see if they're opiates. And then if they are, I take 'em. - Yes, every single time. - Every single time. So I screen-shotted it, pulled it up and 'cause it was a small white pill and I was like, "Oh shit, maybe these are oxies. "Maybe there's something fun, right?" It weren't, they were diarrhea pills, dude. And they're prescribed by a doctor. See, these weren't like over-the-counter. - So maybe she's a crony. - She might be a crowns bro, dude. And we don't know, we don't know. I don't even know if Jared's still dating her, so it doesn't really matter anyways. But she might have been a crowns bro. Did you ever have to take tiny white pills like that? - Up the ass, yeah. - Was it a crack tool? So that's maybe why they were on the floor. - Yeah, what do you think she's trying to drop 'em in, like a marshmallow and she missed a couple of times? She's trying to pop 'em in her butthole. - Or you get a little too antsy up there and then all of a sudden it's a rush of diarrhea. It's like the Nile River pouring out of there and there's no going back. Once it hits the dunes and the sands, you gotta warn the villagers 'cause there's about to be a fucking mud bath in there. And it got intense, but as a friend and as a best friend, I sat there, I pulled my shirt up over my nose and I endured it for a good five to eight minutes, let her leave and then didn't let her know. And then what I did was I walked out the front door and then entered through the side so it looked like I was just coming into work for the first time and she reached out to shake my hand and said, "Hey, I'm, it's nice to meet you "and I gave her a fist bump." 'Cause I didn't, you know? I didn't wanna be that close to-- - What if you smelled her hand? - Well, here's the thing, I thought, 'cause you know when you take a real fucking stinker dude that it sometimes attaches to your clothing where you're like, "God damn it dude, "I can smell this in my clothes." I didn't wanna get that close to her in case that happened either, so I gave her that Howie Mandel fist bump. - That's why if I'm on a long road trip and I've been farting the whole way, I'll get out and stretch first before I go see anybody. (laughing) - Go to a Dollar Tree and for breeze yourself, do a little bit before you go in there, yeah. - Yeah. - You gotta air that out dude and play life as a highway by Tommy Cox, Tommy Cochran. Let's get that out of there, holy shit, man. Look, that's what we do for friendship. But I did, I was a bro though, and I told him afterwards. I said, "Hey ma'am, I just wanna let you know." Homegirl was back there duke and out her fucking brain, so if shit gets wild in the bedroom later and you smell that, I at least wanted to know that as a bro, I gave you a heads up on that, you know? - That, I mean, that's not a problem for me. As long as it's-- - That's what he said! - As long as it's clean before I put my wiener in there. - That's what he said. - He goes to, he goes to, he goes, look at how hot she is. He goes, fuck. She's in there shittin' all day, and I was like, all right. Cool man, I just wanted to give you a heads up as a bro though, you know? I don't wanna leave you hangin' out there. In case you got in the bedroom, clothes started comin' off and you're like, what's that stink, dude, what is that? I wanna let you know, there was a fuckin' turdicane in there. What would you call it, a turdnado? - A turdicane. - A turdicane? - Yeah. - A turdnado. - Well, watch out for turdnados. - Yeah, 'cause it's wet. - Turdnados are not really wetness associated with turdnado. - So you might create a turdnado though, if you put that fuckin' butthole suppressor on. That's my concern about this. A lot of times, we think we're gonna outsmart nature and then we create an even bigger problem than existed before. Like gain a function research, for example, and then we fuckin' give the whole world a goddamn disease. Just leave it alone. Like, let God sort out the buttholes. - I mean, let God sort out the buttholes. - Look, life finds a way. - It does, dude. Pop up that picture of polio, Paul again. God damn it, dude. Why would you live like this? I just don't understand it, man. I mean, I absolutely don't fuckin' understand it. - Would you rather eat that Japanese chef's cooked wiener or suck this guy's living dick? (laughing) Is there a dick hatch on this thing? - Yeah, I see four holes down. I see four hatches over there. - Is there a cock hatch? - It's weird how it's the shape of a human head. (laughing) - Bon appetit, I'm eatin' that fuckin' balls and cooked wiener. - Wait, so what's the option here? I get a jack? - You either blow this guy's living dick or you eat the Japanese guy's set off dick. It's already cooked and you don't cook dick. - Is it cooked? - I'd eat the dick. - I'd eat the dick too. - Instead of like, there's nothin' gay about that, that's just food. Could you imagine the smell inside of that fuckin' chamber, dude? - I assume it smells like shit and semen, just like a gay man's apartment. - Yeah. - Also, how many living people could say they ate a dick, a human dick? - It's true. - Barbecue? - Yeah, they got some Haiti. - I mean, if you're gonna cannibalize somebody, you should go dick first, I think. Start with the best part, obviously. - You gotta think the ass cheek too. - I don't know, that muscle gets used a lot though, so it's probably gonna be really tough. - Like a pulled pork, I would imagine. - There's a lot of fat on the ass. - Well, if you go slow and low, cook it slow and low, yeah, 205 for about six hours, I think it would be fine, right? Make sure you brine it overnight and apple cider vinegar and salt and shit like that, but I don't know, man. - Throw it on a Hawaiian roll. - Sure, and just get loose with it there, but the stink inside that fuckin' chamber. - The stink inside, that's the name of your sex tape. - Or, that's the name of the documentary, the stink inside, pop this. - This guy's talking about everything. - Let's pop this picture up one more time though. I really wanna remind the audience of what this guy would live through for 70 fucking years, dude. God damn it. - He probably doesn't even smell it anymore. - No, after 70 years you're used to it. - You would think so, yeah. 'Cause people live in like, do you remember Jinkum? - Jinkum? - Which one is Jinkum? - Bob, you know what I'm talking about. - I do not. - J-E-N, as in November. - Yeah. - J-E-M, one word, Jinkum. Go ahead and navigate to that and read what it is. - Come on, man. - But, another, well, I'll tell you what else it was called after he explained. - Read, read the definite, read the. - Read the, say, inhalant and hallucinogen created from fermented human waste. - Whoa, dude. - Find some photos of people doing it, 'cause it is real. - Oh shit. - So you would shit into a fuckin' jar. - Okay. - And then put a balloon on top of it, so when it off-gasps, it captures the gas and then you inhale the gas to get high. - Yeah, so here's. - It's also, it's also called butt hash. - Come on, man. And this is a kid doing this right here? - Yeah, he's huffin' his own shit. - Hey, it's organic. That's a level I could never go to. - It's organic. It's fuckin', your carbon footprint is very low. It doesn't support the cartels. - Oh, you know? Like that's the only reason that I've cut back on my cocaine uses, 'cause I don't want to support the car just too much. - No, I understand that. And that's, look at those, those are borgs full of shit. And then where do you inhale though, Bob? - Into your lungs, that's how inhaling works. - No, I know, but what's the, I see the rubber balloon on top of the straw. - So you pull the balloon off and then you fuckin' - Yeah. - No way. - Like helium. - Yeah. - Have you really never heard of this? - No. - How have you gone your entire adult life without hearing about this? - I do. - There's a huge meme back in there. - Bro, I-- - And I think it started the, maybe there's an urban dictionary on this or something or a Wikipedia entry. Maybe, which would be hilarious if there's a Wikipedia, but I think it started in some like West African country where they were next to a dump and people were getting high from the fumes so they started doing it on purpose. - No shit. - I think so, yeah. I don't remember exactly. - There's a picture, Bob, put this up on the screen. Is the guy, it just says attic there and he's, an addict of smelling his own shit. - Jenkam ruins lives, dude. (laughing) - Jenkam ruins lives. - Have you never heard of Jenkam before this? - No, no, no. - Delco? - No, it's a no from Delco too, man. Yeah. - I can't believe you guys missed us. - I'm pissed that I don't know about this. Like, I'm angry at myself right now. - Shit dude. - I am definitely. - What's the, what's the, what's the derivative here? Where's this from? - The term Jenkam evolved from a popular glue brand known as Jenkam. Sniffing this glue was particular to children in South Africa, but later we came a major trend amongst the Zambians as well. - Oh, the Zambian, that's not West Africa at all. - Yeah, so it looks like that's, I guess where it came from. Jenkam in America. Oh, here's a, can we play this or no? - Yeah, I would imagine it's old, right? - Yeah, that's old. - Go ahead. - Play it. Are they gonna ding us for Jenkam? That's our shit video. - Look at this guy. - There is a shocking heads up for parents about teen drug use. One Florida Sheriff's Department warns there's a new way for your kids to get high. - Of course it's from Florida. - As Fox News Journal reports, they're using raw sewage. (laughing) - The Washington Post, the Drudge Report, an inside edition are all talking about Jenkam. - It could be toxic in, in harmony. - The bulletin describes Jenkam as gas produced by raw sewage that's allowed to ferment. Pictures show young people who appear to be breathing in Jenkam. When we mentioned this new concoction to people on the street here in Jacksonville, not only had they never heard of it before, but they said they didn't want to get anywhere near it. - It sounds horrible. Yeah, I couldn't imagine doing something like that. - Honestly, they need to find something better to do with their life. Seriously, 'cause that's just insane. I can't imagine anybody doing something like that. - Sounds pretty sick to me. (laughing) - I think you would ever consider? - Never. - This confidential internal document from Collier County was leaked by someone inside the Sheriff's Office. Deputies say it's no big deal because all the information in the memo is available on the internet and there wasn't enough concern to warn parents about Jenkam when the memo was written back in September. - We had no known information that this actually occurred in Collier County. - But he says what is known is that students are talking about it and parents need to be aware. - So it was just toxic and it's handled as a biohazard. - We weren't able to confirm tonight if Jenkam is a problem for law enforcement in our area. Cops are calling it Jenkam or the human waste drug but parents need to be aware that kids are calling it by the more popular slang term butt hash. Jack Miller, that's 30 minutes. - Yes, fucking butt hash. Fuck off, this guy said this live on air. Butt hash. (laughing) - Here's the serious journalist who out on the streets, butt hash, in his segment with butt hash. - For everybody, wait a second, Jenkam sauce. (laughing) - From Popeyes. - Yeah, make sense. - Jenkam sauce from Popeyes. - For people who think that America has just gone to shit the last five years, it's been going to shit for some time, just to be clear. And a lot of it has happened in Florida. Do you remember when Florida, like before everybody only cared about fucking gay-ass politics bullshit, Florida was the joke? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Right? Even before the Florida man meme, it's like, oh, Florida, okay, yeah. 'Cause all the dumb shit in the world happened in Florida. People trying to rob liquor stores with a goddamn alligator, it's a better place. Or that crocodile drug that was like literally eating people's skin. - Oh, yeah, fuck. - And now there's a new one that's fucking people up too, also in Florida, like what the fuck is going on down there? - It just starts in Florida. - It's hot. And so you're willing to experiment more. - We're just trendy, we're, we get ahead of the curve. - You are. I like how you're identifying that as your home state. - Yeah, I'm Florida Dan. - Yeah, I get it, I get it. You'll, is that where you're going to end up at the end of this I think? - Thousand percent. - Yeah, yeah. All right, I get it. I understand it's holy Christ, man. Every show, I can't believe we get worse and worse, but we do. Let's get to the drinking, bro, of the week. Go to drinkingbrows.com and submit. If you're over there, bobpullupdrinkabrows.com. The merch store is live and well, shit, man. The yard signs are almost sold out, or maybe sold out right now. I don't have the screen in front of me here, but we got the Creech 2024 shirts up, hoodies, hats, hard AF seltzer merch. It is loaded in there. Crime corners in there. The drinking bro's foam hat. That's my fave there. Oh, did he call it Ross's drinking bro's foam? That is my favorite hat. I like it. I just shot it out to fucking. Oh boy, for doing that. - I think we've got some black ones coming out as well. And that. And then there's a new-- - Goose juice. - There's a new shirt. If you go to a new apparel or sort by a new to old and the apparel section. - Fuck yeah, dude. - Right there, the gray one. - Yep. - Top left. It's a guillotine and it says all enemies foreign to domestic. Just to let people know that you, you know, aren't a fan of politicians. - Yeah. And you can chop off heads. - Wow. - Super soft butter soft tees over there, dude. Load up at drinking bros.com. And then while you're there, you can submit for drinking bro of the week and we will read it live on air. It comes to our email here. - Yeah, as you recall, we announced the winner of the Olive Garden contest on Thursday. The next contest is you have between March 17th and April 1st to sign up for the bro box. If you're, and this includes people who are already signed up. It isn't just for new people to everybody. If you're signed up for the April bro box by April 1st, you go into another drawing and that's for free tickets to the minds.com conference here in Austin. - Yeah, it's gonna be awesome. - Which I'll be speaking at. - You'll be speaking at Temple. A bunch of people will be there at the Vulcan and looking forward to that. Today's drinking bros submission was Robert Neesley. I hope I didn't pronounce that wrong. Probably did. From Florida, ironically. Yeah, what did the chance? Give him a round of applause. There you go. Or a damn horn, whatever. - I feel like we need to sell it back to the Spain's. I saw Spanish. - Do you think so? - Yeah, see how they can do with it. - All right. Listeners, since 2019 is nominating Tracy Neesley, who's living after 17 years of being in the infantry and law enforcement and putting up with my shit for 22 years, raising our wonderful demon spawn with little to no help. She finally had the opportunity to finish her degree in accounting and she kicked the shit out of it. We are all so proud of her and can't wait to see what she does next. I love you. You were amazing. She's so awesome that even she knows we drinking bros and parentheses there are all dirt bags. She said the next time we drive from Florida to California, we're going to stop by the studio and rage in Austin. Please do, we're here. We got plenty of hard AF seltzer for you guys and we usually give out merch whenever you come through. We get hats and all that fun stuff at the front. And plus, we love seeing you here in person and we like to bring you up on camera in person to give out your drinking bro of the week if you in or around the area of Austin pop on it. We'd love to see you guys. In the meantime, if you're at home and can't make it here, you can still contribute. Go to I'd soon's rate the show of five star and leave a quick review. Also head on over to Spotify. It's just a five star and you can walk away. It's all the fucking advertisers care about. Just do it, all right? We're close. We're close to 10,000, aren't you? It's not too close. Hey, we're dancing and dancing. All the way, I'm Ross Patterson. This is the drinking bros podcast. Good night, everyone. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
