>> Hey, leaders, it's Kerry Newhof. I'm on the road this week, and we decided to do something to serve you as podcast listeners. A few months ago, I did a series on pastoring in a partisan age, and with the election right around the corner, we are re-issuing those episodes. I really hope you enjoy, I hope it's helpful, and I hope it's just in time as you lead your congregation and the people you care about through a very, very critical time. >> The art of leadership network. Because of the collapse of common identity rooted in faith, any rejection of my ideas is a rejection of me. Any attack on my ideas is an attack on me. Welcome to the Kerry Newhof Leadership Podcast. Today, a teaching episode and the kickoff to a new seven-part podcast series we're doing called "Pastoring in a Partisan Age." And as usual, I hope this helps you thrive in life and leadership. Well, in this episode, I want to help you figure out how to handle this incredibly delicate situation that every church leader and a whole lot of other leaders are experiencing. I want to help you uncover the hidden reasons your church feels divided and perhaps is divided, and then give you some guidance on how to fix that. I know a lot of pastors that I've talked to feel like they want to disappear this fall and maybe re-emerge after the election. You know, you got burned in 2020 and in many cases in 2016. Why did you get burned? Because you didn't say enough, because you said too much, because you said something with not quite the right emphasis, because you were too vocal or not vocal enough, or you were not partisan enough, or you were too partisan, and a lot of pastors are dreading the next few months of leadership as the U.S. heads into another presidential election. So I wanted to do this series to help. Yes, we'll talk a little bit about the election in the series, but we're really going to go a lot deeper than that. We're going to look at the factors that have made politics and culture so contentious in the last decade or more, and we're going to look at the factors that are making it so difficult to lead right now. So I'm going to kick it off today with a few thoughts on my own, and then all the other episodes, the other episodes in the seven part series, it features some incredible guests. You're going to hear from N.T. Wright, Sharon McMahon, Sharon says so on Instagram, Andy Stanley, Mark Sayers, Ed Stetzer, and Michael Ware. And by the end, hopefully you will have a much better understanding, not just of why this is so explosive, but what is happening in this cultural moment, because the division is not going to go away after November. And I want you to walk away, knowing exactly how to lead people through a very divisive time. I've been working hard on the series for months, and my team and I truly hope it helps. That's my prayer, and I want you to know that my team and I are in your corner during this season. So a couple of notes before we jump into today's content, you can get show notes at karaenuhoff.com/episode670 or in the description of your podcast player. I've also got two fresh additional resources. We really want to be in your corner in this season. The first is a brand new free guide. It's called the Ultimate Guide to Healthy Church Conflict. You can download it. It'll help you have healthier conflict as a church and as a leader. And in the guide, I turn the key insights and concepts you'll hear in this podcast series into actionable steps that make it way easier and less awkward to deal with conflict and divisiveness at your church. So if you want to start leading a more united church, you can download the guide at churchconflictguide.com or just click the link in the description of this episode wherever you happen to be listening. Second is a brand new resource. I'll be releasing as this series wraps up. It's a course called the Art of Navigating Church Conflict. And you guessed it. It's got everything you need to know and do to navigate conflict as a church leader and unite your people around a shared vision and mission it expands. On some of the principles I've shared in this episode, and if you're on my email list, you'll be the first to know when it's released and what bonuses we're offering during lunch week and a whole lot more. Now, before we dive into today's episode, the purpose of this podcast series is educational and informational. A variety of perspectives are represented throughout this series, so play nice in the comments, keep it civil. The goal of the series is to help and to diffuse the conflict that the culture is experiencing. A quick shout out to our podcast partners to today's episode is brought to you by Convoy of Hope. Convoy of Hope wants to help the church embody the compassionate heart of Jesus. Over and over again, Convoy has watched God position his church in the middle of chaos, disaster, and hardship to point people back to him. So Convoy resources and mobilizes congregations of every size to meet needs in their communities, whether it's organizing an event or supporting families in need. Convoy wants to find a way to reignite a love in your congregation for compassion ministry, and that is what the world needs. To learn more and support their work, go to convoy.org/carrie, and today's episode is brought to you by 10 by 10. What if I told you that you can get a personalized assessment of your youth ministry in five minutes? Well, you can, our friends at 10 by 10, care deeply about making faith matter more to the next generation, and they've created a free tool called the relational discipleship inventory, and that provides a full report on your ministry strengths and some areas for growth in just five minutes. Best of all, the inventory allows you to compare your results and your impact over time, ensuring that you and your youth ministry remained aligned with the goal of transformative Jesus-focused engagement to get your free relational discipleship inventory. Visit 10 by 10.org/RDI today. That's T-E-N-X-1-0.org/RDI today. So now, to today's teaching, I am firmly convinced that one of the reasons this season and the topic of politics is so difficult is because we frame the issue too narrowly. We think it's about politics. It's about a lot more than that. So what this series is about is, yes, the election and how to lead people in a partisan age, but it is not a series on Trump versus Harris or JD Vance versus Tim Walz. These are the presenting issues, but the real issue, the real tension runs deeper than that. And that's why we're diving into the issues under the issues. And I want to focus on three reasons in this episode that the conflict you're facing as a leader is so inflamed right now. My guests are going to give their own take on the sources of today's division, but when you look at things, I see three reasons why your church and the people you're trying to reach are having such a hard time right now and why you're having so much difficulty speaking into any of it. So what are the reasons? Reason number one, 95% of conflict in the church has nothing to do with the church. Reason number two, belief has become tied to identity in this cultural moment. And reason three, we're out of practice at community as relationships have declined. So to my mind, these are three of the issues behind the issues. And once you understand them, it becomes a whole lot easier to navigate what you're trying to navigate with the people that you lead. So let's start with reason number one. 95% of the conflict in the church has nothing to do with the church. Well, on its face, church conflict always seems to be about something in the church, right? A member complains about the preaching, a worship leader, or the budget, or maybe you have a staff member who isn't giving their best or the sound guy becomes super difficult to work with on a Sunday morning. There's conflict. How is that not about the church? Well, as a leader, it can leave you wondering what's going on. Like, why are all these people so angry, so difficult, so lethargic, so whatever. And in my early ministry days, I started to notice a pattern. Complaints against the church often had a little to do with the church. Yeah, they were upset about the music for sure or the direction, but there were deeper issues at play and dig a little bit deeper and get to know people better. You discover that the people who are complaining are struggling at work or maybe their marriage is under stress or perhaps they're battling addiction, depression, or anxiety. And think about the aggressive sound guy, right? Maybe he's worried about losing his job due to company layoffs or the lethargic staff member that used to be so good and now is just kind of phoning it in is you find out she's concerned that her 14 year old who was recently cut from the football team is smoking weed. So, you know, when you add global misery, social media and unprecedented stress into the mix, people are deeply, deeply struggling. No wonder they're agitated. And so what happens? Well, the church becomes an easy target. If you think about road rage for a moment on the highway road rage isn't really about what's happening on the highway and church rage isn't really about what's happening on the church. You know, the guy who cut you off in traffic might be dealing with some catastrophic loss in his life. It just showed up on the highway. This leads to the key point. 95% of church problems have nothing to do with the church. Recently, if you're a regular listener to this podcast, I asked William Yuri a world like renowned negotiator, one of the best on the planet on it. I tested this theory with him and I said, what do you think? 95% of the problems in the church have nothing to do with the church. Is that right? He goes, absolutely. When he's negotiating right with literally presidents and prime ministers, sometimes it's other things that are driving the presenting issue. And think about our current culture. In our current culture, people feel disempowered. They see all the problems in the world. They see all the problems with the culture, but they feel powerless against them. Now, that translates into the ballot box. And that's why it's so inflamed there. But when someone who attends your church is agitated or feels broken or is in despair or they're struggling because they can't make rent or their mortgage payment or they're worried they're going to lose their job or interest rates are too high, it becomes all too easy to take those frustrations out at the church. So that leaves you with this problem. Well, okay, that might be true. But what do I do? Right? What do I do? Well, the antidote to this is empathy. Now, if you start to empathize with the people who are upset with you, it doesn't make the anger disappear instantaneously, but it helps you empathize with what they're really going through and take it less personally. Even understanding that the problem lies elsewhere is going to help you empathize, be more patient, and respond in a kinder way. And together then, you can begin to address the real issue. Well, let's talk about your job loss. Hey, do you need help with your marriage? We can get in your corner. And you know what the good news is, pastors? You're great at this, right? This is what you do. This is what you were trained for. You were trained to listen, to understand, to empathize, and to pray with people. So when you start drilling down on the real issue, the issue behind the issue, empathizing with your opponents can turn an adversary into an ally. So maybe 95% of the problems in the church really do have nothing to do with the church. Now, the second reason is that belief has become tied to identity in our culture. One factor beneath our divided polarized culture is the issue of identity. It keeps coming up over and over and over again. Identity basically asks this question, who am I, right? And this question asks since people were, you know, on the planet, has become more pressing as America and the West quickly become secularized. And what we've done in the last 100 years or so is abandon millennia of Christendom. And so for a long time, for centuries upon centuries, our identity was rooted in faith and that has collapsed. And what's happening now is our identity is looking to attach itself to something. And believe it or not, this tension also surfaces in church conflict. You know, sometimes your identity will attach to your work or your success or to your children. We see that, right? My kids have got to be successful. My kids have got to be number one in sports. My kids are the best in the world, right? Your identity, your need for meaning, your validation. If it's not rooted in Christ, it's going to go attach itself to something else and it can be devastating. The late Tim Keller and a gospel coalition article summarized what's happened as Western culture secularized. He says, and I'm paraphrasing in the past, people got their identity from serving God, from family, from neighborhood and nation. And so identity was formed by discovering what family and neighbors expected, receiving feedback about behavior, rearranging your lives to get validation from the community. And of course, it was rooted in God. But in our mobile, individualistic, therapeutic and technologically driven culture, we have become detached from face to face communities. And in a secular society, God and faith no longer shape identity. So that's what Keller says. And he's right. Our identity seeks attachment elsewhere. Many people have attached their identities to their positions and ideas on various issues. And this is fairly recent, right? But now a lot of people are saying, you know, I am what I think, all right, it's become a bit of a mantra. They're not saying that out loud, but that's what they really believe because if you think about it, if your identity is what you think on an issue that you're smart on an issue, why did people cling to their views on masks, vaccines, politics, social issues so passionately? See, partisanship has risen as Christianity declined. Thus, identity now attaches to sexuality. That's why sexuality is such a big issue in our culture. It ties to social status, to voting preferences, to everything from conspiracy theories. No, I really believe this to climate change and more. And everybody's got a new vehemence around it without a common identity in faith, rejecting ideas feels like rejecting the person. Criticizing a position feels personal. So because of the collapse of common identity rooted in faith, any rejection of my ideas is a rejection of me. Any attack on my ideas is an attack on me. See how that's changed in our culture? And if you're looking for a recipe to escalate conflict, this is it. Criticize my position, you criticize me. And that is why conflict feels so personal in this generation because if your identity is anchored to your position on an issue, to them, it is personal. And you might say, well, I'm sorry, aren't we dealing with Christians here? Right? I mean, they believe their identity is in Christ. So like, what's the issue? Well, theologically, yes, but culturally, identity rooted in sexuality or belief is really widespread. And most Christians have succumbed to it by default. They've been spiritually formed by the culture more than they've been spiritually formed by faith. So you got to understand that some people are really deeply tied to their positions and feeling like giving up would be akin to dying. And that's what happens when identity attaches to belief. You challenge my belief, you challenge me. So what do you do about it? Well, the antidote is to help people reclaim their true identity in Christ. And again, pastors, church leaders, you're in a unique position to help them realize that you're closer to being on the same page and that their identity is secure in Christ. So the world might be raging right now with partisan arguments and polarized opinions and tribalization. But Jesus said to Christians among you, it will be different. So Tim Keller asks this question, could some Christians being known for their love on the internet? Could they help rebuild new public discourse spaces presenting faith confidently while listening to critics humbly? As you navigate today's entrenched conflict, you know, my answer is, I hope so. And now a quick word from one of our partners. Today's episode is brought to you by preaching cheat sheet. A recent study showed that 46% of pastors say one of their biggest struggles is feeling like attendees don't absorb or use what they preach. Did you hear that? 46% of pastors feel that way. Look, I get it. Okay, we've all been there. But if you feel this way more often than not, I would love to help. I have a free 10 step preaching cheat sheet that outlines you guessed at 10 simple steps to help you get the most out of your sermon prep. Each step ensures that your sermon and delivery are clear. In other words, you're ready to go before you get into the pulpit. You don't sit there at lunch going, "Ah, you know, could have done this. Could have done that." Get that done first. Over 30,000 pastors have downloaded copy to help with their sermon prep. It's something I still use to this day even after decades of preaching. I love filling out each of the steps as I write my sermon. And then I sit down to review the message the night before and I can go in with reasonable confidence that this message is going to land or at least that I have done my best. So I'd love to get a copy for you for free. If you want to be more confident on Sunday mornings, visit preaching cheat sheet.com. That's preaching cheat sheet.com to download your copy for free. And now, back to the conversation. So here's an idea, practical idea. If you're going to do a series during the election, a series on identity might be a really good idea. You probably don't want to tackle the election head on. I think that's a fool's errand. But if you tackle the issue beneath the issue, that can be very helpful. If you help people see, "Hey, our identity is attaching itself in so many areas. It's to our economics, our success, the money in the bank, our sexuality, our beliefs, conspiracy theories, all this stuff." But it's really, really rooted in Christ. To root or reroot people's identity in Christ could be a wonderful approach. It'll help defuse the conflict. And long beyond the election, this is exactly the message people need to hear. If it's a discipleship crisis, you can help people find their way out of it. That leads us to reason number three, the third reason people are out of practice in community because relationships have declined. If you look at why conflict is so inflamed in the church, one answer is simply that we're all out of practice at community. And we're out of practice because we're simply not practicing how to live life with other humans anymore, especially other humans we disagree with. The culprit is the rise in isolation and loneliness in the last 20 to 30 years. As you probably know, nearly half of all Americans report feeling lonely and the U.S. Surgeon General has declared an epidemic of loneliness. And he says, it's got serious health implications. Loneliness impacts mortality as much as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Now, why is this? Well, God designed us for relationship. But this generation has fallen out of healthy, sustained relationships. So when it comes to conflict, we don't know how to handle it well because we're just out of practice. We don't do it anymore. British evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar said that for thousands of years, people lived in small communities of about 200 people. This is just a fact, right? And so think about it, you're raised, you spend your whole life in a village with 200 people or less. And what do you learn? Well, everybody's got to get along. And this changed drastically in the last century. And social media in the last two decades alone has deepened the isolation and loneliness. Authors like Jonathan Heights, Scott Galloway and Gene Twingy have shown the devastating impact of social media on teen and adolescent mental health. And, you know, we don't live in those tight communities anymore where you really have to get along with everyone in your village if you're going to survive. For church leaders, this means that people don't know how to navigate conflict. Back to New York University professor Jonathan Haidt, he points out that overprotective parents and socially alienating technology have left young adults with almost no conflict management skills. As a result, their response to ideas that make them feel unsafe is to hope those ideas or the people saying those ideas go away. So Haidt identifies three concerning trends in the next generation, trend number one, fragility. Like the immune system, people actually need adversity to develop. Facing challenges equips us to handle life. And it also boosts your confidence like, I can do this, right? Second challenge he sees, the trend he sees is trust in feelings. Operating on feelings can lead to illogical behaviors. Now, feelings are real, but they often don't reflect reality. Feeling hurt doesn't mean the other person intended to harm them. And the third trend he sees is that young people view life as a battle between good and evil. This black and white thinking, which has been influenced by political polarization, removes the space for nuanced and critical thinking. So if this is true about our culture, the question becomes, what do you do? What do you do as a leader? What do you do as a pastor? Well, if the church should excel at anything, we should excel at relationships, which are the antidote to being out of practice by elevating community and pursuing rich group and volunteer experiences, encouraging connection, you'll naturally improve people's ability to handle conflict healthily. So if you think about it, you have a natural incubator for deeper loving community in your small groups and on your serving teams, right? The church is one of the few places left in our stratified culture where people of truly diverse backgrounds gather together regularly and in community. And ultimately, healthy relationships are the antidote to the challenge of being out of practice by elevating community, by really making sure that people mix. They don't just sit in a row, but they gather in circles, they serve together, and you have rich volunteer and group experiences. And by encouraging connection of people with different backgrounds, you're going to naturally increase people's ability to handle conflict healthily. Now, I get it. The culture isn't making it any easier. We're all out of practice and you're like, I'm a little bit nervous about that. But we can complain about that reality or we can grab a towel and serve a generation that needs to be introduced to the amazing relationships God invites us into, including a relationship with himself and others. So where does this leave us as church leaders? One of the key tasks of leadership is to unite people around a common cause. After all, that's what leaders do. A divided culture needs a united church and a divided nation needs a united people. And that is the role leaders play. And my guess is deep down, you wish your church, organization, or company were more united. And while leadership has always been hard, this particular moment seems especially hard. Now, you can do a series and I would encourage you to do something that gets to the issue under the issue. But if you really want to lead well in the next few months, what can you do? Here's my suggestion. If you really want to model the things we're talking about, not just in this episode, but in the series, start with the core. Start with your core people. It is really difficult to bring about unity from the fringes or among a crowd. That's true whether you lead 200 people or 20,000 people to try to unite the crowd is very difficult. Instead, start by uniting your core group of leaders. You definitely lead everybody, but you really, the health of that center core, determines the health of everyone in the organization. And the good news is the core of any organization, the core of leadership is usually pretty small. For me as a leader, that's usually been my senior staff and your board. My board, it's probably the same for you. No matter how large or small your church is, unity at the top has a way of filtering through the entire organization. The good news is when you unite your core, when you get those 10 to 12 top people together running in the same direction, it becomes remarkably easier to unite the crowd. For example, how would you do that? Well, you might play them in this podcast. Now, obviously, that's not going to solve all your problems, but your core team, if they start to realize, "Oh, this is what's at stake here." These three reasons we talked about are driving some of the conflict at our church. And it's a difficult time. And we can see everything that people are carrying. And we need to put that towel across our arms and we need to start serving people and loving people. And that can be a great starting point. You see, uniting your senior team is a little bit like uniting your marriage as a couple. You can break up a fight between the kids for a few minutes. But if you and your spouse are constantly arguing, makes it really hard to have a peaceful home. When mom and dad are okay, the kids are usually okay. When mom and dad are not okay, when they're not united, well, that becomes really difficult for the whole family and everybody picks up on it. I've always looked at it this way. If you're united at the top, you tend to be united at the bottom. If you're divided at the top as a church, you tend to be divided at the bottom. Unity spreads, so does division. So that's one way you can get started. Now, we've got six interviews lined up with some of the leading experts who are going to help you understand a lot of the other issues in play. I've just covered three and they're going to offer more practical strategies on what to do and what not to do in the next season. Pastoring in a partisan age is difficult, but you're called to it and I want to help. Just a quick reminder, this podcast series comes with a brand new free guide. If you want to go even deeper into the material and the guide, I turn the key insights and concepts into actionable steps you can take to have healthier conflict at your church and unite your people. You can download the guide at churchconflictguide.com or by clicking the link in the description to this episode, wherever you happen to be listening. Now, convoy of hope, want you to check them out. They resource and mobilize congregations of all sizes to meet the needs in their communities, learn more and support their work at convoy.org/carry. And don't forget, you can get a personalized assessment of your youth ministry in five minutes. So to complete your free relational discipleship inventory, visit 10 by 10.org/RDI today. Thank you so much for watching or listening. If you found this helpful, please share this with your team and your friends, text them the link, share it on social with the people who follow you. And when you do that, this helps the show grow and we get to get the best guests. Now, in addition to having Andy Stanley, NT Wright, Sharon McMahon, Mark Sayers and others, in on this series, we also have coming up on the podcast, Jim Collins, Malcolm Gladwell, Seth Godin, and a whole lot more. If you subscribe, you never miss a thing. And thank you so much for sharing this episode. And hey, during our time together today, I really hope this episode helps you identify and break a leadership barrier you're facing. [MUSIC]
