Karen Sarmento talks about redefining success, dream and the how shows up and so much more.
As a passionate and dedicated nurse practitioner for more than 18 years and a Proctor Gallagher Certified Mindset Mentor, I specialize in empowering women like you to tap into your true potential. I understand the unique challenges you face because I too have battled some major challenges in my life. I no longer let that define me; It has made me into the woman I am today. I believe that "the woman" is a force of nature. We hold all the power within and I believe we should stand tall together in the pursuit of greatness.
https://karensarmento.com/
www.coachlaurie.com
lacoach@comcast.net
this week's just you award goes to Brenda Reese. She is the host of Forgive Yourself podcast. I listen to a lot of podcasts and I give this award to podcasters who don't say hey everybody or you guys. And the reason is I recognize during COVID I was hearing so many people saying you guys everybody for people who are already feeling alone and isolated or maybe have trauma when the host says you guys and everybody the person who's going through stuff feels like they don't matter. They feel like oh this person is not talking to me. I'm on a mission to help host see that. It's not that they're doing anything wrong but there is 40% of their audience they could be reaching if they decided to just say you just you so Brenda thank you when I listen to your podcast I feel as though you are talking just me so congratulations on the just you award. If you have been thinking we're saying I want to do a podcast but then immediately you think I'm not techy I hate my voice who would listen what would I say if you are a woman over 40 you have to listen and with my course the podpreneur blueprint you can get a podcast up and running within a week if you'd like if you're not techy don't worry I give you options on how to find someone that can help you we are not islands we don't do this alone if not now when because on new years when you make that new resolution this year I'm going to think about this you could be saying this year I did and I have 52 episodes you can do this learn all about podcasting with the podpreneur blueprint system go to www.coachlory.com and get your flash sale today somebody's praying for an answer and you have it will you say yes go to www.coachlory.com that's l-a-u-r-i-e you say the how is none of your business just take a small step and the path gets laid out as you go and that step will throw up it and it will it always does. Has your life your dreams been interrupted good news it is possible to reinvent our lives people are doing it every day and some are brave enough to share the struggles disappointments and challenges if you are looking for a new beginning and do over or to rediscover your passion maybe even find a new one to grab a cup of coffee and let's talk interrupted act two reinventing your legacy with your host coach lory. I am so excited for you to meet Karen Sarmenta she is a nurse practitioner turned life coach and believe me she has walked the walk she has done the journey she has embraced the process and so she knows you can do it too her podcast is called we were meant for more. Karen Sarmento I am so excited to talk with you for so many reasons. Sarmento mentoring is your coaching services you also had a life that was interrupted in fact when I was looking at your webpage and I saw your picture I thought oh I've got the wrong one because this lady said she had been a nurse practitioner for like 20 years and and you look so young I was like there was no way. Thank you for the compliment. Welcome and let's start off with what you're doing now tell us about your coaching and what you love about it. I work with women I tend to work with women that are a little bit later in life and what I was finding in my own career and women that I was working with or encountering is they reach a point where successful you know you have the degree you have the job title but it still feels like something's missing like there's I don't know the fulfillment or the passion or the spark or something something's just missing so I work with those women helping them to figure out what that something is and getting to the bottom of what really lights them up and helping to empower them to actually make a change because it's scary scary to make a change at that stage. It is what I discover I work with like older women I have a friend who says we're seasoned we're not older we're seasoned sometimes it is really hard to make a shift or a change and find a lot of times people will say well I missed it oh no and I am just like no this is just the beginning there's still so much you can do oh totally you didn't miss it no no way what we often miss the little inner voice that's been telling us for a while but it's never too late to hear it and to act on it that darn inner voice I call it the gremlin it's always trying to get us messed up isn't it it is it's always trying to take us out of that comfort zone your life was interrupted because you haven't always been a coach tell us about that about 10 years ago my fiance and the father to my now going to be 19 year old son passed away very unexpectedly in an accident I did not handle that well and my life pretty much spun out of control I was drinking too much I was not present for my son and somebody said to me what you don't fix in yourself you pass along to your child and to me it was gut wrenching because although I was doing the best I could I wasn't showing up for him and he was just my world and he had had this loss too so I started on the the big personal development journey it was just life changing I started to listen to that inner voice and realize that we can do more really we're limitless turned my life around now I'm present I show up strong and so now I'm helping other women do the same and so before you became a coach what was your career ah so I'm a nurse practitioner by trade I've been a nurse practitioner for 20 plus years and to be honest I love that job I still do it part time but it's changed so much that you don't always feel like you have the ability to make the impact that I once felt like I was making in that role I do love that job because I get to work with people and help people in a different capacity but with mentoring and coaching I just get to do the real hands-on and really feel like I make a difference thank you for sharing that about your partner that is so hard grief is is so difficult and we're going to a time of grieving in our family and I'm just noticing how everyone grieves differently there's not really a formula for that except that you walk through it and I I give you kudos for stepping up and for realizing oh I can be different because when we're so mired in pain and suffering it's really hard to pull out of it and to to actually even realize we can make a difference or actually realize that how we are grieving is affecting other people you said it's spot on and everybody grieves differently I know when you're in it you think you're doing all right almost like yeah doing the best I can but I didn't realize until I got out of it wow how in the weeds I really was I was fortunate I have a really good support system who really called me out on it and really stepped up and kind of pushed me through because it would have been easy to stay in that place and change is hard and you can't see your way out of it sometimes there's a interview I did with she was a former dentist and she lost her drill finger she she had some sort of thing that happened and so she lost her job and her identity but before that her son had chosen suicide he was 19 and after that her husband who had been very healthy had a heart attack and passed away and she said I think he died of a broken heart and then she lost her career she said a neighbor stepped up and said listen you've got two kids at home you need to pay attention and she was so mad at him she said how could he be so mean but that was her wake-up call she wrote a book but before she wrote it she decided I need to understand more about death so she became a death doula and since that she's been helping people in her niece was diagnosed with terminal cancer so they had a slumber party they wrote all the letters to all the kids and just made it a beautiful thing and I just thought way to take this horrible hard thing and use it to help others that is so powerful and that's often how it's done because there can be purpose in such pain or the message from your mess because at the time it does feel like you're a mess and you couldn't possibly have anything to offer to anybody else but that sort of mess really and it's often those major life-changing moments that turn things upside down to be put back together differently that's where the magic is I love that and what I saw on your website that I absolutely love because I feel like the word success really inhibits a lot of us it inhibited me because like you said we go through something and we feel like maybe we're a failure or we have nothing to offer for instance when I went through a divorce and then I thought who am I to stand up and tell people to make their life better as a coach but I love what you say about redefining what success means for you I feel so strongly about that because I always thought success meant the job the job title the financial state but really success is whatever makes you happy or lights you up or gives you purpose for me I'm getting success in relationships having all those pieces fall into place because you're showing up as an authentic version of yourself success is just that it means something different to everybody and that can be the job title it can be whatever it means to to each person but I don't think often we recognize that there's certain things that so I think for me that I think that I don't really understand so success the word comes up I don't think about what is success I don't question that's what I love about coaching as we ask the question and so something stopping someone might be their idea of success yet they don't even understand that's what's stopping them it's so true who am I to do x y and z and that's that voice that constantly comes up who am I to do that I've had as you said a divorce or I had a drinking problem or I couldn't possibly but I actually turn that around because I feel like it's that exact mess that has now qualified us to help somebody else who's in that place and I don't know who said it but it has always resonated with me we are most qualified to help the person we used to be so there you're already qualified because you came out of it now you can take somebody else out of it yeah seriously when when I'm going through something I don't want to talk to somebody who has the formula I want to talk to somebody who's been there done that yes they done it so you have a podcast now can you tell us the name of it and what kind of things you talk about yeah so my podcast is called we are meant for more it really is based on this exact topic that we are meant for more than where we are right now that that inner voice that I keep speaking of when we listen to it it's actually trying to tell us something and that we are capable and that we are limitless and we can really do whatever we put our minds to when we talk about that inner voice how do we counter that oh and you know what that's such a great question it first starts with awareness so you're actually hearing the inner voice because it's been there I believe it's been there all our lives but we're so conditioned and with this belief system that's sort of been programmed within us over the course of our lifetimes whether it's through our upbringing culture friends social media that we've stopped questioning our thoughts and we've just kind of embraced a set of belief systems and just go through the motions but when you actually start to question your thoughts and have an awareness of your day to day life why do I do certain things or why am I doing that or why am I not doing something that I'm feeling a little little calling to do so I definitely think it starts with an awareness and then when you start to listen to that really getting clear on what is that little inner whisper suggesting to me paying attention to the things that light you up and the things that drain you and kind of proceeding as such eliminating some of the things maybe that really are draining that we've done because we felt we should and when you start to figure out the things that do light you up and maybe that you have a bigger calling you really start listening because I feel that we get those intuitive nudges and the guidance along the way so when you take one little step forward I think you get the next step and the steps are kind of delivered along the way that's so good so will you talk a little more about should because anyone who knows me if we're having dinner then they say should they go sorry I said should like I am so against should so let's hear what you have to say about it no I feel the same there's been so many shoulds throughout life and they're they have to be questioned when even when you do I love I love that's like the standard you can't say that I agree with you completely there's so many things that we do out of obligation or because it's the next right thing or you know I was always the people pleaser I'm still working on that one but there were so many shoulds they don't always they don't serve you no I had a client whose grandma was failing and she was the responsible one in the family so she was doing everything for grandma and nobody in the family was stepping up which we know sometimes that happens but she was taking on everything and so her friend said hey I really like your grandma how bad if I go shop for her or take her shopping she's like oh no no I need to do that like she had this guilt and burden and she goes come on just let me go with her one so let me just lift your load a little so friend went took grandma's shopping they had a fabulous time they came home put the groceries away made dinner and played cards and her friend had such a wonderful time she goes you know I'd like to do this a couple times a month you'll let me and she was like um uh like she had such a hard time letting go of that and we had to do a lot of work of letting go of the guilt because when she was doing the thing she was being mean to grandma because she didn't want to do the shopping so she was like oh we got a hurry you know all of that by relieving that she grandma was getting someone who actually loved and enjoyed being with her but it is interesting how we so should on ourselves that we don't release things that are right there in front of us right and there was an opportunity to release it but it's like self-imposed I should I should see look I'm saying I should be the one to do it and it's my responsibility and I'm not letting someone else and nobody wins right none none of the people in and when I started to recognize the should I had a friend who just she just couldn't get on board with that she said but you you know there are things that we should do and I always said I understand that but when we're doing it out of obligation we get an attitude and it's kind of like in the bible it talks about tithing and when I went to coaching school they talked about tithing because that wasn't a Christian coaching school but it's the idea of giving back and when we're giving back with joy everybody benefits when we're giving back begrudgingly and as a single mom I don't know if you experience this but I'd have girlfriends and say you need to go help my friend get her some wood for her wood stove but they were trying to watch the football game but wife said no you need to do this now so guess who they're mad at me so yeah I'm getting wood and that's awesome I'm grateful but I'm also getting a really yucky attitude and I just do not have the wood or do it myself yes because with that comes resentment and then when things are done with resentment everybody feels it and then nobody's happy Karen we talked about all of this stuff in coaching reframing I think you mentioned that and the shoulds and success what is it that you really want people to know what inspired you to start a podcast so that you could get the word out it was because I feel like our limitations are somewhat self-imposed and although we don't even realize it we've capped off our abilities we've capped off what we're capable of and that I think is all comes back to your self-image so I think when you can expand that expand your self-image and really see yourself in a different way you start to show up differently and you start to accomplish different so our self-image is really the thermostat so we can't outperform our self-image so if the self-image sets us here we're not going to outperform that we're not going to outdo it and we've set that that boundary we can change all of that how do we change that thermostat how do we change that setting that we're stuck at yeah so starting with the being aware of it recognizing it and then getting crystal clear on who do I need to be to accomplish greater and I actually wrote it all out how do I need to show up how would she walk how would she talk how would she enter a room how would she handle conflict it's just everything getting crystal clear on it like I said I wrote it all down on paper who I needed to be and it was pretty lengthy and I would read it back and I would just start showing up as that person it's actually it's actually kind of fun and it can be kind of funny but you disrupt the neural pathways and you kind of you just shock the system almost but you start doing things differently and your norm starts to change your behaviors start to change and the little things that were once scary and so outside the comfort zone start to become not so uncomfortable and it's recognizing I'm not doing that because it's scary and I'm going to do it anyway because on the other side of that is is the greater version of you the improved self-image the thermostat set at a different level I love that and I think especially with it seems like with older women seasoned women it's really easy and many of us are boomers right so we were taught to be quiet we were taught to not speak our word and then we've learned we've learned we have a voice and that's what that's what I do with my coaching and my podcast training is to help women have a voice whether they ever put it on a podcast if they tell their stories and record it and leave it on their phone their family will have it when they're gone anyone who's walked through grief knows how much you want that voice back how much you want to hear the voice of your loved one having that voice I think for older women especially having somebody walk beside them encourage them and help them through the process and I'm a do-it-yourself kind of girl I always think I can figure this out but I've really learned how important it is to be in community and do this with other women it's such a beautiful process and then we reach back and we say hey you can come with me because I've taken three steps and you're just trying to take one yeah you only need to be with somebody that's just a step or two ahead and that's forward movement and that piece of community and the accountability starts to hold you to a different standard because you start to become more of the company you keep and you start to see a different way of doing things and then when people see you do it or when you see someone do it it's you might think maybe and it's still so scary but I always tell people hire a coach just hire a coach because they're going to see you for who you are they're going to encourage you where your family might be saying they don't want you to embarrass them they don't want you to fail so they might respond negatively out of love but it keeps that cap you were talking about that cap that limitation on and so when we have a community of women that are doing this and that give us the courage and the strength and wisdom we can kind of set the family aside and go well I hope I don't embarrass you but here we go and almost like I'll show you but not in your face it's like you know I may be old ageism I may be older but you know the lady that talks about the party in your purse that a podcast is a party in your purse she started her podcast at 60 wow that's awesome I love that one of the things I saw on your webpage I believe is something about that we are worthy and I was thinking about that this morning because I hear this a lot you're worthy you deserve it and I can tell you I can tell my clients you are worthy and I believe it with everything in me but it has been a process for me to embrace that and say wait a minute I am worthy how do we get past that where we believe it for everyone else but ourselves right and worthiness is so crucial and so many people do struggle with that and it's a process so it doesn't change overnight it's questioning the beliefs and questioning well why not me and why hmm maybe I do deserve that and I do deserve better and really changing the belief system because we will not soar to a level of greatness or a limitless possibilities unless we feel we're worthy of it because we'll just never believe we can have it deserve it or do it and it's a process to never give up to be in the community and to be willing to do the work be willing to do the work on yourself be willing to be accountable for the results you have right now because ultimately we're responsible for what our life looks like accountability is just huge accountability for where I am now and for where I'm going and being committed to the process of creating better I love that that it's a process because would it just be great if we're just healed overnight also what I hear a lot because I work with a lot of people in recovery coming out of drugs and alcohol and recovery coach trainer I've heard some people say like oh I just went to church and God healed me and I think that's beautiful and wonderful but I also know sometimes healing really takes the process because it's almost like that why lottery winners lose that a lot of them lose the money right away because they haven't had that learning experience of how to deal with a lot of money even with worthiness it's a process and as we feel more worthy we act more worthy but I don't want to be arrogant can you talk about the difference between confidence worthiness and then the disbelief of arrogance yes it's often confidence can be mistaken for someone who's boastful or full of themselves but really worthiness is I just did a podcast episode on confidence being quiet it doesn't have to be boastful or be at the expense of somebody else making someone else feel small so it's just such a level of comfort within who you are that you don't have to be loud your presence doesn't have to make others feel small it's just an inner knowing I too wish it happened overnight but it doesn't but when you're willing to do the work it's so worth it and with that worthiness comes just an inner confidence and it isn't about being arrogant because arrogance doesn't feel good to be around you can feel that then I think you can feel the energy of someone who just knows their worth knows who they are without making anybody else feel less than so in almost every marketing class almost every business class I've ever taken what boils down to the first thing like of course they teach you about how to do business how to do social media but they always say work on yourself first I have really learned and that's I became a coach in 1999 when everyone thought it was like woo woo but I learned to do the work on myself because how can I help somebody else if I'm not doing the work on myself if I'm not feeling worthy how can I help somebody else feel worthy and isn't that what we want we want to help the next person rise up to their brilliance and in relationships too when people say well my partner he just doesn't get it or he's not doing x y and z but it's still I always say it comes back to you like how are you showing up and the more you show up that's you start to attract that into your life it's hard to almost realize but what you become or how you start showing up is what you attract so the stronger you are the more worthy you feel the more you attract that person experience into your life when I was running a day center for homeless women they would say to me oh do I have kick me written on my forehead because like everything was going wrong and I would just hug them and I'd say yes yes you do because you don't love yourself you don't think you're worthy you've done that's how it shows up that is how it shows up and then it does feel like that for the person oh this is if it's gonna happen it's gonna happen to me but yes yeah it's like the law of attraction and reverse mm-hmm yes Karen this has been so great I just think about when I was a struggling single mom and I was looking for a mentor it was really before the internet I couldn't find anyone to help me and I didn't have really access to other people I had email we could write letters but now we have this access and your coaching is a mentoring so if somebody wants to work with you how do they find you probably easiest on my website karensarmento.com or right on facebook I've got my youtube channel so there's a lot of free information there but my contact information is all on my webpage and definitely listen to Karen's podcast it's called we are meant for more isn't that the truth it it absolutely is the possibilities are limitless how did you come up with that name tossed around it was actually a big limitation for me starting the podcast because I was stuck on the name that was like the big but I then I just kept it simple because that's what's something I found myself saying which is we're meant for more there's got to be more there's got to be more and it wasn't even a more financial more or a specific more it's just it's got to be more pizzazz more passion or something purpose so yeah the more I started saying I'm like well there it is that's the title we're meant for more I love it well thank you so much and before we go one last thing after all that we've talked about because it's I especially love talking about coaching because it's still life-changing and I always tell people higher a coach if you can't afford a coach do almost every coach has a free console call and so I always say higher a coach so what would you say to the person who maybe didn't realize they're stuck and now they're going wait maybe I'm stuck maybe I was met for more what would you say to them I would say yes if you're getting that intuitive hit or that little whisper or that nudge you are meant for more because you're hearing that for a reason because that's what you're feeling that's what you're thinking so the message is meant for you you are meant for more and even just start to look around and at the possibility of hiring a mentor I'll never be without a mentor ever again because it just keeps me going forward keeps me accountable to myself getting some community free communities I have a free Facebook group of women where there's much pre-material good energy in there that you can start to expose yourself to the concepts and even that to start propelling forward and like you said take the baby step start looking into it I had a coach who would always say reduce it to the ridiculous it's like take that baby step do the one little thing you need to do and then like you said the the rest shows up yep let me say the how is none of your business just take the small step and the path gets laid out as you go the next step will show up it and it will it always does I love that and I've experienced it I've experienced looking at the whole big picture and saying I can't because or I don't have the money or I don't have that and then when I let go of all that and I just start thinking about it being aware of it moving in that direction then doors just start to open things I would never maybe have even noticed before exactly that's huge may not even noticed it before it's a simple person you ran into that leads to something else an experience or something and I love it that you said you would never be without a mentor because I've always said when I was in college I was taking some psychology courses and the professor always said Dr. Glenn Basie he always said a good counselor is well counseled and I would say a good coach is well coached and when I've reached out to a coach to work with them I always say do you have a coach and often they'll say no and I don't hire them I don't want to hire a coach that isn't coachable right and who isn't constantly moving forward or evolving yeah we're energy we're always in motion so if we're not moving forward chances are we're moving backwards we're certainly stagnant if yeah I feel like we need that little that accountability Karen thank you so much oh thank you for having me your podcast is amazing I love the concepts and the topics and you're amazing if you love this podcast here's a big ask will you share with your friends and family subscribe give us a review and a five star rating so that others looking to reinvent their lives will be able to get the help they're looking for thank you in advance
