On this week's episode of "Who's Your Band?" we take a hard turn and talk about Jeff's weekend of baseball blunders. Club Owner and teammate Tom Borowski joins us on the show to talk about embarrassing stories, Lenny Dykstra, the music of Bruce Springsteen, and so much more! Buckle Up for this embarrassingly funny episode!
Who's Your Band?
Baseball Blunders, Comedy and Embarrassing Stories! Who's Your Band? Episode 156
(upbeat music) - Welcome everybody to Who's your Band. I am Jeffy Paul. I am joined as usual with my co-host Sean Morton. How are you, Sean? - Wonderful, Jeffrey. That was a great weekend and gigs. How about yourself? - What kind of gigs did you do? We'll talk about my weekend in a second. - I was on Long Island all weekend. I had two shows. I had one in Patchogue and then one in the Stony Brook Yacht Club. - How was that? - First night was very light. Second night was really good. It was a beautiful, beautiful venue. A older crowd, a lot of money, obviously a yacht club. So not my demographic, normally. - I think I did that gig a few years ago. I mean, I say a few years ago, I'm talking about over 10 years ago with Davin Rosenblatt and Rob Falcone. - It's a nice place though. It's right on the water. It was beautiful nights. - Yeah. - It was good. Good weekend. What about you? - Well, that's the inspiration for this episode here. And before I describe my weekend, I'm gonna bring in our guests right away. This guy, it's a really interesting dude, man. Oh, audience on, 'cause he's not a comedian. He's not an actor. He's not a musician. But he knows everybody. He is involved in anything that's going on. This guy always seems to pop up. This is Tom Barrowski. Tom, welcome to the show. - Good evening, Josh. - So one year, I'm up in Cooperstown. And I'm up there with my friends and Lenny Dijkstra is there. And the first time, he never was really around and he was excited to meet him because 86 Mets, huge Mets fan, and we're all online. We get his autograph, everything, right? The next day, I'm looking at Facebook and Lenny Dijkstra somehow is in Tom Barrowski's house in his pool. Like, how does this happen? I mean, this is like, I'm looking at Facebook and this is one, you'll like this, Sean. (laughs) And this is like during, I think, a big spruce tour. And then there's like a video or a picture's going around. I think it was Bruce on Tom Barrowski's shoulders. And Tom is, Harry, is that true, Tom? Am I remembering correctly? - I sang most of "Hungry Heart" with him and ruined it for about 30,000 people. And I am not sorry at all. - Yeah, I mean, when everything's like these big moments, you know, in 2015, I'm watching a met game, Mets Cubs. Who's like their front and center? Like who they're showing like, you know, reaction shots? Tom Barrowski. So this is who this guy is, all right? And amongst other things that he does as well, I don't know if he wants to get into it, but we could talk about it afterwards. You don't care. But do you ask me about my weekend, right, Sean? - Yes. - Here's my weekend. Humbling is probably like the softest adjective I can use to describe it. - Okay. - All right, so you really start to figure out who you are and how age catches up to you. So Tom says, hey, Jeff, why don't you come and play in this baseball tournament? And I'm like, well, you know, Tom, I play baseball once in the last 46 years, okay? And it kind of hurt me for over a month, literally, like walking, my back, everything. You're like, no, no, this will be good for you. You know, I'm like an idiot, I listen to him, okay? How's the competition? Not bad, not bad, it's easier than Florida, okay? Wrong, wrong, okay? Guys in the minor leagues, intensity, like everyone's in a men's league 'cause the last time they played was 24 hours ago, okay? The first day, I think I may have struck out, if I was up five times, I struck out four of them. And then the last time was, this was the humiliating part, right? And I kind of started to get a clue, okay? I hit it like a ball that was hit pretty good, but I hit it down foul. I'm feeling good about myself, you know? I'm like, I think maybe I have a shot here. Maybe I'll pick it up some point during the weekend. But no, no, no, it happens to me. Inside pitch, okay? It hits me, but it hits the back first, so I don't even get the base, okay? I get a strike, it busts my finger. Okay, look at my hand, look at my finger, okay? It busts my finger, okay? And I think on the next pitch, I strike out, and then I'm unable to play in the tournament. But the team winds up winning the whole thing, okay? Well, I should have been wearing a fucking, a sundress and pom-poms, okay? 'Cause I was a cheerleader on Saturday. That was my weekend. - Oh. (laughs) - Thomas, anything I'm saying even remotely wrong? - I mean, you're about 85% accurate. I think you gave a very, very, I would say, brandy-os version of what you did when you got hit on the hands. I think the pitch was basically right over the plate. You swung at it as hard as you could. Oh, I'm gonna look like a decent swing, except you brought your hands across the plate, and instead of hitting it with the bat, you hit it with your knuckles. I give you a lot of credit for staying in there and finishing the at bat. Steve Lyons, our coach, long-time major leaguer. They call him Psycho, by the way. Steve Psycho Lyons is like, "I think that guy broke his hand." He's like, "How is he even still standing up there?" I could see it swelling from here instantaneously. It was like, stay puffed marshmallow man. Your hands started like growing. And I know you got a little bit of the Henry Rowan-Gartner hand the next day where you couldn't bend your hand, couldn't make a fist, probably couldn't wipe your, I don't know if I could say that, but probably couldn't wipe your rear end for a few days. Hope you got a bidet in your house, or whatever it is you do. But your hand was definitely out of commission. But in a way, you shortened our lineup. So you did help the team in that way. - An interpretation of what that means showing is, me not playing and getting a bat helped our team win. If I earned that. - I understand this, Jeff. I understand it's kind of like if you had a bill off of a show and a show is like an amazing, friggin, life-changing comedy show. - Right, like you have this old-style lineup and like, listen guys, I'm stuck in traffic. Hey, listen, we don't want you getting hurt. You know, whatever time you get here, it's great. If you don't make it, listen, don't worry about it. We'll still pay it, we'll still pay it. Right. - Is anything that ever happened to you? - I've had some weird shit happen. Like my buddy used to always break my chops about going and bringing my glove to baseball games. And, you know, the one time we went and Gee, you threw me a ball and you got really pissed off. So the next time we went to Camden Yards, I didn't want to hear his voice anymore. So I was like, all right, look, you know what? Fine, I'm leaving the glove in the room and we went to right field and we were in batting practice. And I'm like, oh shit, Johnny Damon hit a rocket right towards us. And I'm like, well, I don't need my glove. I put my hand up and I mean, he, I mean, it got me. I mean, my thumb went from like a normal sized thumb to five times the size within five seconds. Like it just shattered, it shattered hurts. - It shattered hurts. - That's why I always hated Johnny Damon even when he was on the front, even when he was a Yankee. I always hated his guts because of that. I mean, I've had some, some weird shit happen, you know? Like, I was making a list before of like all these like embarrassing moments. - Yeah, I mean, I sang in a band for a long time. So like there was, I'll never forget one time, one of the times that I fell off stage, it was a high stage. - It was actually, what's your name, Coleman Green? - Dude, it was bad, it was really bad. - By the way, have you ever seen that video? - Oh, I saved it. - I have it down. - I'm jerked off to that video. Like that's, that's one of my favorite videos of all time. - This comic, he's a sweet guy, right? - Big, I would say, we would just say he's about maybe 390, five, eight, black guy, right? You know, Coleman Green, you know, the prototypical nose guard, if he was a football player, but he does look like a, like a peanut M&M, right? That is his body shape. And there's a video of him like, he's talking, he keeps moving back and it's a really small stage. And he just, like he's taken like the Nestle's plunge, he just falls, you know, feet up in the air, it's hysterical. I think it's like a turtle 'cause he can't get up. (laughs) - We talk about Jeff, can we talk about how you showed up to this tournament? - Yes, go ahead. - We'll go back to it then. - Well, I mean, I just, you know, another thing you left out is you showed up a day late, big timing everybody, everybody's there, we're knee deep into this tournament. You come rolling in late at night, wheeling like an expensive baseball bag that I kind of get the feeling just came from Dick's Sporting Goods, might've still had tags on it. You got sunglasses on, you're waving your hand like Roger Dorn and you're walking, you know, making an impression, everybody's like, oh, take a look at this guy. - Who's this fucking guy, yeah. - You know, I mean, Barrowski has another guy showing up. - Yeah, this guy's a ringer. - So you get to the first game and we give you a shot to play a little second base and early in the game, you get your first opportunity. Maybe even, I might even say it was the first hitter since you entered the game, it's a ground ball right to you. I don't think I remember that going too well for you. I was just telling Steve Lyons, listen, the guy will catch the ball, he'll throw the ball. I'm not sure about him at the plate, but, you know, I've seen him play catch, there's another guy on our team, Joe Gorglión, he works out with him a little bit. You know, he's gonna make, you know, the basic plays. Slow, hit ground ball right to you. Got it in your glove, I was pretty happy about that. You know, you grimaced a little bit, you know, snarled your teeth, dug the ball out of your, out of your brand new mid or whatever it was. I went to throw it a first and threw it about what, 20, 30 feet wide, first base? - I threw a pretty wide, well, here's what happened on that one, all right? - You're a better, you're with it, he said. - Yeah, it was a, it had like a little bit of a spin on it. And I didn't know whether I should feel that with my glove or my bare hand, I bare handed it. That's what it did. And I, and I threw it, like in my head, I still feel like, hey man, I'm 20 something year old, Jeff, I could bare handed it and make the side arm throw. Yeah, I bare handed it, okay, I was afraid I didn't wanna, I didn't wanna like drop the ball, but I didn't, and then I made a completely wide, I think I threw it back to home. That's how wide I think this ball went. - Yeah, it was pretty wide. - Yeah, it was a, it was a, listen, it wasn't a good weekend. It wasn't a good, the only thing that went well for me was I did get kind of a joke out of the finger. And I, that night on Saturday, I was at, laugh it up at Cow's Place. Well, it was, Shawn Moore's gonna be on New Year's Eve, this year of people listening. But yeah, I wound up doing a joke on it right up on top and it went pretty well. So at least the comedy was more. - I debuted a new bit this weekend too, actually for the first time since I'm, after the special is out, I'm gonna be doing a new hour on the road. So I wrote this bit the day before, and it's basically how I messed up a bowl at second. How I, how I swung at a bowl over the plate. But, but what, it's hard. Was the bowl over the plate? I thought it was inside. - It was a strike, no, you're supposed to hit your back. - It was an inside strike. - I'll go with you on that. Since you're a couple years older than me, how our generation, like our age group, has it the worst because we are entirely too old to be woke. And we are entirely too young to be old and crotchety and complain about stuff. But I still have a lot that I wanna complain about, but I'm too young. So now all I'm doing now is saying whatever the fuck I want, but I'm just telling people that I'm autistic. - I would believe they're autistic. - I think I am. - You actually, I'm slightly, but. - Yeah, you have the hair. Okay, that's what, yeah, that's autistic hair. - It's just short. - Nah, I think, I'm looking at hair. - That and comfortable shoes make you autistic. - I have comfortable shoes. I wear, no, I wear expensive. I wear expensive nikes. I don't wear comfortable new balances, you know what I mean? - Yeah, either that is. - That is your lesbian. This is not a sketches house, you know what I mean? Yeah, I mean, it looked like Mike Keegan, but I don't wear the same sneakers, you know what I mean? - I do, but this is a part of you figured you kind of, my friend, you're gonna help me up a little bit again. Was there a second bowl hit to me? - Yeah, so it was an even slower hit ground. - It was not hit slow. - By their nine hitter. And I think that was a gentleman named Larry. The average age on these teams are somewhere, you know, between the late 30s to early 40s. Guys are in good shape. Like Jeff said, ex college players, minor leaguers, some men's league guys. This was their 70 year old man. Might have been someone's dad or granddad. So, I mean, he was, you know, he was really busting it out of the box, but, you know, he wasn't going too quick. Jeff Field did it cleanly. Everyone on our side said stop, plant your feet, and Jeff threw a strike for the first baseman. It was brought to him through his ass out. - By about 30 feet, you know, the defibrillator was ready in case if he actually tried to run. But, but you recorded the out. - Yeah, and I think I may have done like double guns. - You did, you definitely did. - I couldn't have done double guns. - Yeah, I could shoot him a go in there. Tom, so Sean, I don't know if you know this about, Tom is the owner of Black Betty's, okay? You've been there before. - I do not know that. - Yes, okay? Tom is the owner of Black Betty's. You've gone down before and you've done comedy there. Black Betty's is comedy is kind of like, it's kind of like the kumata of the comedy world. It's underground. Nobody's supposed to know about it. We don't talk about it, and if it comes up, you all deny it, all right? - Yeah, but Tom, I love when they post pictures and now there's pictures that are always posted of like the open mics and the shows and stuff. And I've been there and every time I see the posts and my face doesn't make the picture, I'm a little happy. - So Tom would admit to it. - I don't want to admit it either. - Sean, I don't know if you ever went upstairs to like-- - No, Jeff, I've never been-- - I don't know, I don't know. - I have Black Betty's, I never-- - I never told what I live instead. - I live four minutes from there. No, I've never been there, Jeff. - But there's a lot of flesh and lights. I'm for the autistic. The flesh and lights are a problem. You know, it kind of sets them off. You're kind of like one of those gremlins, okay? I don't know if you can handle the upstairs. I never seen you up there. - I'm looking at different lines. - Yes, I'm okay. I'm looking at fried eggs. - Okay, so what was kind of like a weird thing, a embarrassing thing that, I mean, it had to be something embarrassing that has happened at Black Betty that you've been part of. And by the way, for those of you that show what Black Betty does, it's kind of like a rock and roll strip club. Yes. - Well, there was the time we had the ABC, a cop, and a social worker show up asking us where we keep our cages. That wasn't really very pleasant. - Your cages? - Yeah, so, you know, the ABC, you know, they kind of deal a lot with complaints. And usually, I mean, 99% of complaints against places like ours are pretty much bullshit. You know, we add a probably disgruntled employee or some woman's husband or ex-husband or baby daddy or take your pick, you know, makes a phone call and says we have underage girls that were imprisoning on site and forcing them to work there and doing all kinds of crazy shit. Of course, none of that is true. We would charge way extra for that. But, you know, basically, you know, we had everybody show up all at the same time by surprise. Thankfully, I was there, you know, the social worker. I mean, this was in 2021. So the social worker who was a middle-aged Black woman would have crew cut as you may call autistic care, I don't know. But she... - Did she resemble showing it anyway? - It was tough to tell with the mask she had on. That's how I know it was 2021. It's right after the shutdown came to an end. - Do you have a mask that you could put on? - Do I? - Hold his hand here a little bit. - Yeah, put your hand over your face. Just wanna see if you look like an autistic Black woman. Yeah, yeah, I could see it. - He's a little pale, he's a little pale. It's not quite the same look. But, you know, I didn't know what was serious or not. She told me her name was Cherry Bottoms swear to God. And I guess the right answer to that comment was not, is that your stage name? - Did you say that to her? - I did in my head. But... - When Jeff goes to his special club in New York, he's actually called Sloppy Bottoms. I don't know if you knew that or not. - Well, that's what he works at The Manhole. I know that quote. - Yes, yes. A lot of people don't know that about me. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Floppy party about it. - It's a really long story. - I have to, Sean had to interrupt with that awful joke. - I mean, I could wrap that one up pretty quickly. I mean, it was basically, it was open and shut, you know, but we had to cut the music, turn the lights on. I got, you know, a guy in a suit, you know, a cop with a gun and cherry bottoms walking around, asking people questions, asking the girls if they've ever been locked up in a cage. Like ridiculous things, you know? And I had to stand there. I'm like, there is no cages, cherry, no cages. But what about upstairs? You know, I want to go upstairs with the girls alone. And then she asked the cop to come up as if we're gonna like throw her out the window or something. The whole thing was a, you know, a shirad, I should say. It was all a joke, it was all laughable. But there were some things, you know, I probably shouldn't share for, you know, for legalities. But, you know, there were a lot of really rough questions that had asked the girls in front of us. Thankfully, none of the girls had an infamy that day, answered everything the right way and we got them out of there. That was, you know, that wasn't our best day there. You know, we got a couple of embarrassing things. You know, we had the time that we were threatened by, you know, some guy in Iraq, you know, telling us he was gonna, you know, declare in a geod on us. That is a true story. There was no joke here. You know about that one, right? - No, but how's that, but the thing is, how is this embarrassing? - Well, I mean, it happened in front of the internet. - It's awesome. Yeah, it's awesome to keep talking about. - Yeah, these are good things, but it's not embarrassing. - It's not embarrassing that, you know, you have everybody walk in the bar. It's on, you got Sherry Bottoms walking around with a cop, you know, who's, you know, looking to, like, you know, free the little kids from Temple of Doom or whatever he thinks he's doing. You know, you know, they asked my shift manager. - I'm trying to fight with you. You ever have anybody go into like the lap dance room they come out and they have like a big, like milky circle around their fly area and they're walking around and they don't realize it? - I'm going to plead the fed for on this one. (laughing) - I mean, just, some guy just spills in his pants and just continues. Have you ever got, by the way, have you ever gone to and done comedy out in the Midwest, Sean? - Virginia, you, yeah, I mean the West. - I mean, the West, that's more stuff. What's happening? - When you go out there, Tom, there's, they have like clubs like yours, but they'll have like lunch specials, right? So I'm out and I'm doing a weekend with this guy and we're together Thursday through Sunday. So it's one of those type of runs, right? And, you know, we wind up, he's like, "Hey, let's go to lunch. I know I know a place." So we wind up being like, you know, strip club, but you know, it's a nice place. They have a lunch. - You would have to have steak, right? - Yeah, well, we ordered Bergus, you know, he says, "The Bergus here is good." He's wearing just sweatpants. And he goes, "I'll be right back." He goes to get a lap dance. He comes back and he shot a load. He eats his hamburger, he drinks a beer, goes back, gets another lap dance, shoots another load. And I'm like, what do you think? He goes, "The thing is, you're wearing this sweatpants and you don't wear underwear underneath because that's the only thing that's separating you from you and the girl." So it feels more sensual. And he goes, "That's pretty nasty." He goes, "Nah, it's not nasty. You go back to the hotel and you take a shower." - What kind of pills? Oh, as I said, what kind of pills is he taking that he's shooting double loads while eating a hamburger? That's pretty crazy right there. - Yeah, he had a great sex drive, almost emptied this guy. - 25 years ago, we used to go to this bar called A.J.'s in Sea Caucus, which I think is still open. They used to do comedy in the little room to the side of the cold, the blue room, right? But my friend Anthony, we call him squid because he is a little slimy and greasy in Italian. So he's been in squid since high school. He is an aficionado of getting lap dances. That is his thing. And one time we went there, it was me having my friend Joe. And as soon as we walked in, like within five minutes, he's gone, right? And we're not even paying attention. We go to the bar, we're having a drink. It was like, I think it was Monday night football with something, we're having a good time. It's like an hour and 15 minutes later. And we're like, "Fuck squid." And like, we just turn our heads and then all of a sudden we see him like walk and his shirt's all ripped open, his hair's all fucked up. I'm like, "How many lap dances did you get?" - 24. - So Jesus Christ, how many girls did you go with? - Yeah, one, $480 in lap dances from one chick in an hour and 15 minutes. That's a good, let me tell you, that's a good fucking girl, man who can keep a guy going for an hour. - He must have been like wrong, chafed now. - No, he was an animal. He was an absolute animal. Yeah, his bachelor party was just gross. It was back when I think Craigslist had just started because we got married, he got married like 19 years ago, whatever. So I was like, Craigslist was just getting going. And the worst, I mean, I guess there were hookers. I mean, I guess there were hookers. But they did like those-- - Will we have sex for money? - They were just going out of each other, you know what I mean? - It was because they may have been hookers then. Tom, do you remember, I don't know if Tom was there, right? But it was at his place. So there's a comics league, fancy football. I know you're a big fancy football, Sean, Sean. And if you want, and actually I'll try and get you into the league, but we had a draft there. And then Tom was nice, I would provide his three girls. And you know, there had to be at least two felonies committed downstairs in that room. It was insane. My key game was like, you're going to see my key game, right? You just saw him? He's-- - Over the water. - Oh yeah, I mean, he's like the devil just sitting there, making it rain. Larnstellos, Kenny Warren, he's getting lit that shit. Lit that shit, it's like the real black guy from the city. Lit that shit. That became the name of the league. Okay, lit that shit. - Was that the event? Was that the event where one of the naked girls ripped one of the heavier guys shirts off? - Yes. - I wrote him around like a rhino. - Yes, it was-- - I had some nightmares after that. - I think so, I mean, but there were three girls and they were going to town on one. Holy shit, it was great. They still talk about this draft and we tried to get it together so we could have it again there this year, but you know, fucking Keegan, he can't do shit. One more thing about the weekend, okay? - That's one of the like the dooshiest things, okay? So it's the Saturday game and it's the game that's going to put us into the championship if we win. And it was really like out of all like games I've watched that, you know, that's played by guys. It really wasn't one of the most intense games. Real great pitchers duel. One guy out of his mind crazy, he's the pitcher on our team. He's kind of like, he had a UFC mentality. You look like a UFC fighter, okay? Almost got thrown out of the league the day before for fighting with an umpire against this other guy who Tom said was part of a White Sox organization, okay? - Yes. - So I mean that match in zeros, match in zeros and we're in the eighth inning and our guy is clearly getting tired, but man, he is a competitor, you would have to shoot him before you took him out of this game. And they're trying to figure out should they take him out or keep him in? So lions makes the decision goes on, I'm keeping him in. And then off their base, man, this was supposed to be like the Rudy moment, like the bell, like the Rocky moment. Yeah, that thing, thing, right? Like this is going to inspire everybody. He goes, the ball pens calling, but nobody's answering. And I just looked at him. I looked at him, I went, yuck. Oh, that's pretty inspiring, nobody. (laughing) Nobody cared. He just stood there with that fucking dumb saying after that. And he turned up after, he said, yuck. And he knew that this was a stinkaroo and it just stayed in the dugout. Did you see that Tom? - Yeah, I just chose not to acknowledge it. It was better than just walk away, but I'm standing it for a second. - Oh man, I think my life is filled with these type of things. I remember one time, I went to like the movies with this girl. Like I was living in Staten Island and the girls dating lived in Brooklyn and I was in high school. So yeah, I wasn't even driving yet. So like I would get dropped off in Brooklyn and stay at my cousin's house and I would go out with this girl. Do you remember there would be like the midnight movies that, you know, remember? Like it would always be like either the Rocky Horror Show or something like that. You guys remember this? - Sure. - Okay. - Okay, so at this time it was, the song remains the same, right? - Okay. - It says song remains the same. I go to see that with the girl and I'm trying to like, I'm gonna be like the funny guy. You know, like no one's gonna have funny me, right? You know, and it's just me and her and there's a scene in song remains the same where this girl is in a castle and she's beautiful and she's waiting for Robert Plant and Robert Plant is coming on his horse and then there's the girls in the castle and she takes off her, not a top, but like, you know, like a little jacket and she's just wearing like this negligee, you know, but it's like a medieval negligee and she looks really hot and Robert Plant is getting a little closer and then she like comes and she puts a little perfume on and then Robert Plant comes in and he busts open the door, okay? And then he goes there and she falls on the bed and at that moment, this guy in the audience yells, fucker brings out Robert and everybody starts cracking up and I'm like, fuck, I gotta top this guy. So then I yell out, yeah, make pumsies. Oh, nothing, nothing, silence and the girl turns to me and goes, shut up, Jeff. That's embarrassing. That's pretty bad, Jeff. That's pretty bad. Is there a second date? Oh yeah, yeah. Listen, when you have the confidence-- - We're married 40 years now. (laughing) - I then Terry said, (laughing) - That's great. - No, oh man, that was bad. Like I thought, I thought this was like on the tee, man. I thought this was like, you know, easy. I'm gonna slam, I thought this was the funniest line and nothing, just people in the audience like that as a believer, that's the guy who said that. Is that the guy-- - Bombing since before he even started-- - Yeah, even before I started my comedy career, I was bombing. I bombed, ah, that was brutal. That was brutal. I don't know, man. - That's a rough one, Jeff. - Yeah, that is a rough one. Yeah, but it just, all the stuff started coming back to me because of this weekend. Yeah. (laughing) - It was at that rough, you went home with a-- - Yes. - Yeah, you went home with a championship bat, you're a part of the winning team. And how do you get to high five guys? - I didn't, yeah, how do you high five them with my left hand, okay? I couldn't even do it with my right hand. So, already it's okay. And I look like a spaz has some doing it 'cause I'm a dominant righty, okay? I did nothing to earn this bat. And then everyone's taking pictures. Like, I'm telling you, every, this was such a good team. Everybody contributed on this team, except for me and this other guy. - No, it was, do you know, do you know Erika Taglione? - Of course I know Erika. - Okay, his brother was on this team. - Okay. Does he have a horrible to pay as well? - Is he, I don't know if he was horrible. Oh, he went-- - No, the true pay. - Have a horrible to pay as well. - Well, come on, that's, that's a drill, yeah. (laughing) - I'll do that. (laughing) - No, come on. (laughing) - Well, Mark got injured the day before you and wasn't able to go after that. So, Alicia had someone to talk to in the dugout. - Was he, was he really bad paying that? - Uh, I mean-- - Good job going with the first base of the coach. - Ride was probably really stinging after that first day. - What happened to him? - You know, I mean, who can say? I mean, he says he pulled the muscle in one leg but he's maybe limping on the other. I don't know. You know, he said he couldn't go. We weren't complaining. You know, you know, he definitely helped out. He warmed up some pitchers in between innings. He kept you busy in the dugout. - He did. - You know, you know, he was a team guy. You know, I mean, actually he had a couple hits. He had a couple hits the first day. We were winning 11-1. They brought in somebody to, you know, basically mop up and, you know, Mark got some swings in. You know, he, you know, he had a moment or two and then he was out for the rest of the weekend. - Yeah, the sad part is I wasn't even him. - You made that throw. You made that throw. You threw out Larry. - I did. - Didn't have a hard time. - Was it Larry? - Oh, you know what, Mark? You were talking about embarrassing moments. Were you that you were at the game where they threw Mark out of the game? - Yes, yes, that was hysterical. Oh, I don't know if it was hysterical. It was funny for, like, you know, guys playing baseball funny. Yeah. - All right. - I mean, listen, yeah, I'm around professional comedians all the time. I mean, I think our level of what's hysterical is kind of like a little different. And you're all to around John Kirschner and Matt Bridge don't sell. Come on. - Why do you hate John Kirschner for? - I don't like his hat. He's a pro man. He has to wear a baseball hat all the time. - You always wear baseball hats. - I never wear a baseball hat. That's the point I'm playing baseball. - How many times have I seen you wearing a dumb fucking baseball hat on the show? - Never. Never, really? - I never wear a baseball hat. - I'm gonna pull up, there's been about 13 episodes that I can remember of you wearing a dumb baseball hat. - No, no, I'm not. - If you're talking about embarrassing moments, remember when Lenny Dykstra asked to autograph your hat that you're wearing, even though you say you don't wear hats? - Well, you always refused it? - No, well, first of all, was that when we were at filming the Lenny Dykstra short? - Yes, you were filming the short and he asked if he had the marker in his hand, the brim in his other hand, and he's like, "You want me to sign this for you?" And you're like, "No, that's okay." And he's like, "You sure, on the inside?" And you're like, "No, no, I'm good, I'm good. "Don't touch my hat." And you took it and you walked out. - This is why I remember that. - I've never seen that one before. - This is why I remember with the hat. I think in one of the scenes, he had to wear a hat and I had to give him my hat. And he was sweating profusely. And then went to give it back and I was like, "No, that's okay, I didn't take the hat back." - You took the hat back but you refused the autograph. - I don't really meant that. - Well, I asked you about it later. I asked you about it later. I said, "Why don't you have him sign it?" And you were like, "I wear this hat. "I don't want his autograph on it." - Oh, it's probably dinner. Hey, listen, I have a Lenny Dieser baseball, I have a picture, I bought his Dolby book and you sign that, although it did spread something very nice inside of it. No, I mean-- - He'll be booked. - Huh? Yeah, by the way-- - He'll be booked. - Yeah, by the way, Sean, it's actually a good book. I read, it's a good read. - I finished it like I can think in two days. - Good correction. - Oh, Sean, Sean, look at the hat he's wearing. - What was that? - Why do we, that's not a mess hat. - It's an expose hat. - Yeah, why do we think about guys who have expose hats? - I mean, you're trying to show your knowledge of baseball. It's a little edgy, right? - It's an edgy? - It's an edgy hat, too. - It's the funk team, you know, you're showing your knowledge of the game, your depth as a fan. - No, it's not, it doesn't, none of that. Why are you being like politically correct here, Joe? - No, no, no, no, Tom thinks like I deal with this. Okay, we'll go to like a Mets Kansas City game. We went to a game this year, Mets Kansas City. As I'm walking in, okay, Mets are playing the Kansas City Royals. There's a guy, okay, who has to be wearing an expose hat. You know why he's wearing that hat? 'Cause he wants to show, hey man, I know a little bit more about baseball than the common guy. You, pedestrian fans, they don't know baseball like me. Expose, some people say, what is that? I say Montreal Expose. I know about this thing. - Maybe I got the fucking hat and Montreal, and we all got Montreal tattoos. So I got a fucking Expose tattoo on top of all of it. Maybe your analysis is a little fucking too deep, Jeff. - No. - I bet I was just a fucking guy's weekend. I spent $45 on a fucking dumb Expose. - Yeah, let's talk about what you want real analysis. Here's your analysis. You're a big fat drunken guy with your friends. You went to a tattoo parlor, and all of you, and you're drunk and stupid, and it would be really hysterical if you got Expo tattoos. - No, they would go out with these. - No, they all got Montreal tattoos, like some of them got Maple Leafs, some of them got a-- - That's not Montreal, that's Toronto. Whoever got that is just a-- - I got Canadian shit, I got Canadian shit, like the Maple Leafs. - That's what I would have gotten. I would have gotten-- - Well, 'cause yeah, 'cause you're half of a fanook, you know what I mean? But I figured I love baseball, let me at least get the freaking Expos logo. As my contributions, everybody getting the Montreal tattoo. That's the reason why I got it. - So, because you have this Expos tattoo, did you wind up studying the Expos a little bit? Like, you have to know about the Expos. - I did like the Expos growing up. I mean, they were around when I was growing up, 'cause I loved Andre Dawson, I loved Tim Raines, 'cause I was one of those kids who loved individual players as well as not just my-- - What was Raines' first name? - Tim Raines. - Okay. - Not Rock. - Exactly. - Yeah, right, the guy who wants to be the show off, the guy who wears like the Monocs, the Kansas City Monocs had at a game. Hey, man, I'm progressive, yeah. I wear a Negro lee cast, too. Yeah, he'll call Tim Raines Rock Raines. I never call him Rock Raines. - That's awful. - Yeah, that's awful. Also, do you ever want to show porn stars? - Of course. - Yeah, Corey is never referred to as big hosts, only in the opening. You know, that blunts. - Is that show still on the air? Is this like it's still on the air? - I don't want the air. - I'll tell you the other show that I like, the guy died today. Did you see that, Jeff? Who's the John Aimee? - The American Pickers guy. - No, I never watched that show. - Order one, Frank. - Hey, Joe. - Frank Fritz, 60 years old, so young, so young. - 60? - 60. - It's a poison, 'cause he looks so healthy. - What do you, I don't know who this guy is. - Tommy Snarky, I like him. - Oh, Thomas Snarky. - I like it, it's good. - Tom may not be displaying it now, but he, Tom is funny. You know, this is the thing also with Tom. I want him to be in the Tom Xfancy Football League, too, because he does get up and he'll do comedy. And if Tom learns the art of editing, he could actually be funny and get up and be able to do comedy. You could, you could. He has funny stories, he genuinely loves comedy, which is, I think, a key requirement of this. I think Tom could be funny. And there are guys in the league who I think Tom probably gets up more than, you know? We gotta get you on a real show. Would you do that, Tom? - I think I would. I mean, you know, I mean, I've gone on boomer and carton. I've gone on, you know, half the ESPN shows. I think I can handle any of the Jeff Paul shows. I think I'll be okay. - I don't know if you can handle any of the Jeff Paul shows or anything yet. (laughing) I was on Howard Stern. You know, Howard Stern. - That's not doing stand up. - Oh, I'll bet it's easy. I got stories. I'll tell you, you were talking about hookers before. I'll tell my hooker worse his story. - See, everyone likes a good hooker story. - Hooker horses. - Hooker horses? - Yeah, 'cause it's gambling. There's hookers, something for everybody. It's like the Princess Bride. - See, that's the humor right there. That's the joke. It's like the Princess Bride. (laughing) - You don't know about hooker horses? I never told you about that. - No, you never did. - You never did. I think, Sean is also being, he's not being very a genius right now. And what do you mean by that? He has an embarrassing story that he's told on this show. And Tom, what do you think about this? Okay, you know, you met Sean Morton tonight, right? - Okay. - Okay, so Sean Morton goes to a concert and he doesn't have very good seats, but he wants-- - No, no, no, no, this is not an embarrassing story. This is a fucking work of genius, okay? This is not embarrassing. I was not embarrassed at all at one bit. This is, okay, I will tell the story again for Tom. You tell me, tell Tom this, and do not leave it 'cause I will, I will. - I will not leave one part of it out 'cause it's like-- - I am like, right now I am like Dana Besh. I am going to fact check you. Go ahead. - Oh, I am in my 48 years. This is quite possibly top three of greatest things I've ever pulled off in my entire life, okay? - Well, my dear friend was-- - My dear friend was a DJ on a radio station and he had extra tickets for Metallica. So we all go down to Giant Stadium. He hands us four tickets. I bring a good friend of mine who's also a comedian, Joe Fernandez, and he hands us four tickets. Now I'm going to sit with Joe and my friend's sister-in-law and his best friend. We look second to last row from the top. No big deal, we're in the place. We got it for free, we're good. Now mind you, in the parking lot before, completely inebriated. I am fucked up beyond all recognition, okay? Get inside, now Joe does not drink and the girls are just stoned, I believe. So, we get up, they were watching the show and we are high up. The girls say, you know, we have to go to the bathroom. So I go, Joe, let's be gentlemen. Let's take them down with us. Let's go down with them, whatever. We walk all the way down as we walk down. We look over to the right and I see guest services is right at the very bottom of the section. I go, guys, follow me. I walk up and I go, hi. And the girls can I help you? I go, can we get some better seats? And she goes, what's the matter? So I go, look, I don't wanna make a big deal about it, but a pretty famous comedian. And these seats are really, really high up. Plus it's my friend's birthday. She pulls out her license and she goes here and shows it and it was a legit birthday. And the girl goes, you give me some tickets? And I said, I will. And she goes, hold on. And she goes and gives me four tickets and she goes, here you go, happy birthday. And we look down, got from the second to last row in the 300 section to side of the stage 14th row, right next to the pyro. Just by saying that I am a pretty famous fucking comedian. - And to that girl's disappointment, those tickets for Comedy Night at Blackbuddy's Map Bridge Stone Presents. (laughing) - That's funny shit. - Yes, that was that embarrassing story, Thomas Parker Genius. - Come on, I'm a pretty famous comedian. - I don't see the embarrassment there, it worked out. - Nice about her. - I don't see the embarrassment, he didn't dig that before him. - How does this zero, how does this fucking zero have the nerve in public say I'm a pretty famous comedian? How does it happen? - If it, you know, it's a ballsy move and I'll tell you why because it has to work when you put that out there. If that doesn't come through, you're gonna look, you're gonna look real bad. How do you walk away from that services then? - But here's the worst part about it. If it was just my friends, I could have gotten away with it, if it backfired. I had a comedian with me. So there was a comic witness. Do you realize what I would have gone through my entire life as a comedian? Had that not gone the way that I wanted it to go? - That's very true, that's very true. - I would have been called Shawnee Metallica, my entire, the rest of my fucking career or some sort of Metallica reference the whole time. - I think Shawnee Metallica would have been a good nickname for you. - Shawnee Metallica, it's a good name, I dig it. - I gotta say though, Shawn is probably the best person to go to a concert with. He really does, he is a concert aficionado. He knows the fucking inns and outs of going to a concert. You know, it's kind of like the way you would do like your tailgate time. Like you really seem to have that like on lockdown. That's the way Shawnee is like, he knows where to park. He knows the right time to get there, the exact place to talk about time in the concert to leave. When you went to Metallica, it was jam-packed. We park basically in the fucking stadium, okay? We tailgated a little bit and we left, we were at, okay, we were out of there on the road, like on the highway, what would you say, five, 10 minutes? - 10 minutes. - Yeah. - That was insane. - I need to hear about this. - And man, I can get the hell out of there. - I've never, I've never, you know, met life. That could be 45 minutes easy getting out of that parking lot. - Oh yeah, let's go. - No joke. - Even with Starland. Even with Starland, you can get gnarled up for 10, 15 minutes going out of there. I'm out of there, I don't give a shit about the last song. I look at the set list, yeah, I've heard this song 67 times, let's get out of here. And you're on the rear on the road for the friggin bands, even off the stage. - Oh, wait. - But even when we would go to Starland, you know, and Tom, you got to come with us one time. I, we actually show a new met Joe Goglione. He was the guy, I took the dirty honey. - Okay. - Yeah, I remember that. - Yeah, that was a great show. Yeah, so even a dirty honey jam-packed, you know, you can't move in there. We had a great spot. Zack Wild, great spot, you know, that was really good. - Next month, I'm thinking, Jeff, you're going to get a ticket and come to see Steel Panther with me. That's what I think it's going to happen. - Yeah, Steel Panther, man, they're still around, huh? - And it's great show. It's great show, man. - Do they do, do they do covers only? Or are they just completely, like- - Oh, it's all original. - Oh, really original. But it's all like a kind of like a, kind of like a- - It's like weird. - It's like homage to '80s and other. - Yeah, it's all '80s metal, but it's kind of like Weird Al meets '80s metal where they make like the spoof songs, but it's all done with like, you know, hard rock and metal. - Yeah, I don't know if like spoof songs. - Why you don't wanna hear it Al Yankovic guy? - I met with it Al Yankovic. I think he was like the nicest guy in the world. Really very nice, signed something nice for me too. I didn't even ask him, he did it. It was really very cool, dude. But I mean- - It's a Weird Al's autograph, not letting him die. - Sure, I had that. - I mean, letting Dijkstra autographs I'm gonna have to have, and how much is it gonna really be worth? Not that I would sell it, but still. - So it's just about money to you, Jeff. - No, it's not. - It's about. - Again, I have the book Nails, which time was the ghost writer for? Were you the ghost writer or did you actually get an author credit? - I got an author credit on the inside. We were bumped, I was bumped off the front cover because I successfully got a quote from Stephen King. There was maybe a pseudo embarrassing story that led up to that, which I tell in the book with a byline towards the back of the book, as in afterward, we were trying to get his favorite author from when he was in prison, John Grisham, to write a little something for the book. And did I tell you that story? Did you read it? - No, Pals, come on. - So during the book tour, he was living in my house. And we were making appointments. We were going on the air. We were, we got yelled out by the commissioner's office. That's a different story for another day. - If you remember, it was a big deal. Lenny's book winds up being, I think, a number one. - We were bestseller for more than two months. - And I remember that was for a couple weeks was like a huge thing. He was on Stern. He was on the morning shows. He was on ESPN. I mean, but it was a real big thing. And I got a thank you for this. Before he even went on Stern, he came on mining Kevin Goatee's dopey podcast that we used to do at Broadway Comedy Club. The only thing is we had a, you know, wait, I think three days until Stern interview aired before we could release the podcast. - Yes. Yeah. So I mean, yeah, they brought us, they brought us out on ESPN's campus. And Bristol, Connecticut, we went on every show over a day and a half that ESPN had. It was pretty cool. A lot of embarrassing moments for him there, but the one for me is, you know, he tells me we're going to meet John Grisham. You know, we're going to talk to him about the foreword or whatever. I'm like, this is pretty cool. I mean, you know, I've read a couple of Grisham books, figured, you know, it'd be pretty cool. - Everybody read the firm. - Of course, you know, I mean, better than the movie version, that's for sure. But so we're driving out the Charlotte's film. - He was the keynote speaker of my wife's graduation film. That's cool. - Really, he left the house for that. That's shocking. He's the reclupsist guy. - Yeah, but he's also a southerner. And she graduated from Mississippi State. - Well, I mean, I don't want to give too much information, but we, you know, to get to his house, it's not easy. It's not like, you know, take exit, you know, 16 and make a right on this street and a left on that street. - What's his address? - This man lives out where the Unabomber lives. He lives out in the middle of fucking nowhere. And when I say the middle of fucking nowhere, thank God, I have a lot of different vehicles. Thank God, I took the off-road Jeep. I thought it'd be comfortable. There was no road where on dirt paths, I'm driving in between trees. This is not like an exaggeration. I mean, there was no way to get to this tract of land. You know, we, GPS was not working 'cause I had no signal. Lenny Dyke, this is a true story. Lenny Dyke sure takes out like this portable satellite internet thing that at the time he paid for so that he had internet service anywhere. I had to connect to his little portable hotspot. That was getting deemed down from the satellite so that I had GPS because we're driving through like the fucking forest. Like in Charlottesville, Virginia, I'm like, I'm like, Lenny, this can't be right. He's like, trust me, bro. - He's going right this down here. - John Grissom, Charlottesville, Virginia. It's all in the book. I mean, there's an else. I mean, anybody could buy it. So in any ways, after like this long trip out, thank God it was during the day, during, you know, during the night, there was-- - No, you're in pitch blackness, right? - Oh yeah, it would have been terrible. - Was it even a road? - Not a road. There were dirt paths that, you know, maybe like, maybe a small farm vehicle or like a very, very small man might be able to, I mean, it wasn't a road. It was definitely a, I'd call it a private path. Well, we're miles, miles off the main road. I mean, he was out there. This man, I think he owned hundreds of acres. And so we finally get up to these big gates and there's a house behind it. I can see up on an L. I said, okay, great, we're at his house. I said, what times are appointment? And he looks at me and he says, what are you talking about appointment? - Funny, you're fucking with me, right? He goes, no, he goes, we don't have an appointment. He's like, we're here, we're just gonna Pearl Harbor him. We're just gonna, you know, we're gonna knock on the door. I brought a copy of the book, I got this, I got, I'm like, you're really fucking with me right now. We're gonna get arrested. You can't just, this guy is living out in the middle of nowhere for a reason. You know, and letting scales the fence, I don't really want to get too much into that. - He jumps over the fence? - Yeah, yeah, he opens it from the inside, tells me to drive through. You know, I figured you know what, we're both in it now. I mean, I figured you're fucking, so at this point, I hit the gas, I drive on up. I don't even know if there's people there. I don't know if it's even really John Grisham's house. I'm like, fuck it, you know. - He could have killed you and no one would have found you for probably weeks. - Ever, I mean, this, you know, they could have shot us with a rifle, you know, they could have buried us out there. Nobody would have ever found us, isn't it? You know, we wound up talking to a guy named Travis, who was like a caretaker there. And, you know, he wouldn't have ever-- - If you want to see John Grisham, young man, you're gonna have to do a little Grisham to me. - He had a little bit of freak show in him, if you've seen that movie. He was wearing overalls. He didn't have the face to match him, but he had basically everything else. - You didn't have the exploding puss spoils? - No, he didn't have that, but he had the Doc Brown hair and overalls. And I'm pretty sure this guy hadn't showered in a week. I mean, I don't know what he does for John Grisham, but he called himself a caretaker. I mean, it was a pretty rough, you know, it was a pretty rough experience. Grisham was a little shook. - Well, you got to see Dr. John Grisham? - Very briefly, I don't think he appreciated us rolling up on him like that. - Get the fuck off my property. Was that the extent of the conversation? - Didn't do that. - But he took a copy of the book manuscript. He, you know, when he offered to sign a couple of things for him, unlike Jeffrey Paul, Grisham took the autographs that thank you. - That's what John Grisham is, no Jeffrey Paul. - He's not, he's not. He, you know, he has, you know, I'm not even gonna go there. But I'll just say that, you know, he won't tell us. - Yes, Alan, charisma, money. I think I'll keep going. Good looks. - Good looks. - Good looks, you know, he's in his shape, yeah. - Yeah, he has a caretaker named Travis. I mean, all kinds of stuff. But he, you know, he waved us. He took the autographs. Yeah, you know, he asked a few questions, like, the extent of how did you find me? What are you doing here? It was a little embarrassing. I was glad there was no law enforcement involved and he took the book, but we never heard from him again. We did not get the full word. And, you know, when he said he, we wanted to go after Stephen King next. I set it up behind his back and let him think he was surprising Stephen King. But really I had an appointment with his personal assistant. So, you know, what do you think that was a win? - No, no, no. - So before we wrap this up, okay. This show is called "Who's your Band?" And I don't know if we talked even a smidge of music yet. Your favorite artist, Springsteen? - I guess I would say that. I mean, I'm not a crazy fan. I mean, I like all kinds of music, but I've seen Bruce in concert, probably more than anyone else. I've probably seen Bruce seven or eight times. - That's pretty big. I mean, that's a big investment. You know, going to see Springsteen that many times. How did you wind up getting, first of all, favorite album by Springsteen? - Probably Born to Run. - We talk about this all the time on this show. And I think we say Springsteen had the best three album run of any artist. - Yeah, I have no question about it. - Born to Run, "Dock This On The Edge of Town," "The River." You know, besides the Beatles, is there a Bandai or an artist that has put out, you know, three amazing out in a row? Not, not, Jana-- - I'll say "Progems" first band. If you have the first three programs, you're going to put it against those three. - Yeah, absolutely. - You are on drugs. The first album-- - No, on the second album. - I'm not bad. - The third album, it's good, but it's not the river. - Staying is a good one, you fucking moke. Jesus Christ. No one. - The thing about Springsteen is, he has one of the most misunderstood songs of all time with, you know, Born in the USA. - Yes. - Most people think that's a very patriotic song. It's, you know, it's been a couple of foreign Olympics. You know, they played it, you know, for U.S. when athletes won, not understanding it, you know, it's essentially, you know, a mockery against the country. You know, he's lamenting that he was born in the USA. It was an anti-war, anti-Vietnam song. And, you know, people tend to think it's patriotic because of the chorus, and it's just, it's just not something that mainstream, well, especially now that it's been lost to a generation, you know, people don't understand it. So, I always found that interesting. - Do you have a favorite Springsteen song? - See, I would probably want to pick something a little bit, you know, it's a little bit less mainstream. I mean, he has a ton of hits, you know, maybe something like "Brillianthe Skies". That's kind of a clever song or? - That's not even an E Street band song, I don't think. I think that's a, that's a sort of a solo album, isn't it? - I don't know. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, it's a little bit later. How about "Tent Avenue" frees out? - Oh, okay, you can't go wrong with that. That's a great song. That's a great in concert song. Yeah, I mean, for me, when it comes to Springsteen, I still think "Prove it All Night" never gets old. The live version from "Phoenix" and "78" when the album, when that song just was coming out of "The Darkness", oh my God, man. The prelude leading up to it is just beautiful. Yeah, it really is amazing. I still think "The River" is still like, like, you know, like "Storyteller Songs"? That's a great storyteller song. - I think you'd be more of a Tom Jod kind of guy than with the guitar and all of that. - I do like Tom Jod, but I also started liking some of his latest stuff. And like, do you know the song "Living in the Future"? - Yes. - A great, great song, man. Off of "Magic", what a great song that is. Yeah. - He's got a lot of good stuff, man. From the last 15 years, it was unnoticed, it really does. But he's had some really, really amazing songs in the last 10, 15 years that people don't give enough credit to. - Yeah, you went to that big concert that's here in C-song. - Here now, Festival. Yeah, that was one of the 30,000 Mongoloids standing on a fucking beach, watching Springsteen for three hours. - But I mean, I've looked back. - I saw the picture. I saw it. - I know the other funny. - Go ahead, Tom. - Go ahead. - Well, I was gonna say, there's a, you know, I'm just thinking of, you know, random pop culture references. There's actually a song by another popular artist to see if you can get it, that the chorus and the title is about Bruce Springsteen, but more so about him being misunderstood and mistook for being Bruce Springsteen. From the '80s, another '80s artist. - Oh, yeah, I know, don't give me a hint. I know it already. Stop it. Is it Rick Springfield? - Yes. - Yeah. Come on. - Holy Bruce. - Yeah, listen, do you know what show you're on? You're on who's just hanging in? - They both have a song in human touch. A lot of similarities and Springfield wrote a song about a girl he was about to bang. And he was about to get it in and she called him Bruce. - Yeah, that's right. - I bet he did it anyway. - Nah, that's great, that's a good story. That is, and also to bring a full circle, Sean Morton has a guitar signed by Rick Springfield. - Rick Springfield. - Yes, I do. - He's the worst host on '80s on '80s on '80s, by the way. You don't wanna take a nap, just put him on. Oh my God. - You don't think he tells you stories? - Yeah, he's like the guy on the radio and reservoir dogs. - You know, just speaking monotone. - This year's song reminds me of where I was food shopping in 1982, and I used to hear this song in the grocery store with my son. - Yeah, it'll just keep going on and on. It's like, Rick, shut the fuck up, hit a song, bro. - That is actually a pretty good impression. It is like, he'll tell these stories that go nowhere. He'll be like, I remember in 1987, we were with men at work, and Alan Hay went up to me, I went up to him and said, "Hey." And he goes, "That's my last name." And now, he has that men down under. - Okay, well, you realize you're talking about yourself on every episode of this fucking podcast in the last four and a half years too, right? - What does that mean? - That you ask shitty questions and you contribute nothing to the show. - What are you, are you fucking out of your mind? I will come over there and throw hot coffee in your face right now, are you nuts? - Someone's man, you're still working tonight. - No, no, no, I got to go see the gym after this. (laughing) - Just after this. - I think it's gonna be a good session time because Tom, that's one, right? - They did, they pulled it out. Game one, eight four. - This is amazing. - Dream big. - This is the magic ear, wouldn't you say? - Wide open, so I'd say dream big. - Right now. - Hey, I'm social media, Jeff, I don't know if you saw it or not. - What's up, right? - With the Mets making the playoffs this year, the Tri-State White Trash Noise Level is roughly 68% lower than normal. - Yes, I saw that, I chose to ignore it. (laughing) - No, but Tom, were you ranking this Mets year right now? I mean, 86 and 69 are the two golden years. - Of course. - Well, you figure they have 11 playoff years, right? They've been around 62 years, not so bad, 11 times in the postseason in 62 years, the problem is-- - Better than the Jets percentage. - It's better than the Jets percentage, I mean, Jesus Christ. I mean, they've been in one Super Bowl and people were watching it on a 12 inch screen, black and white, you know, with Howdy Duty coming on after it. I mean, that's not even said-- - It was Heidi. Heidi, that was a big guy-- - Well, they switched to Heidi. That was later on, much later on, they switched to Heidi, but I mean, brutal, absolutely brutal. 11 playoff runs in 62 years would be considered very, you know, very respectable if they didn't have the team and the Bronx across town. So that's really the problem. But I think where they finish will determine. I mean, there's one interesting thing, I don't wanna jinx it, but it's the Buck Showalter factor. You know what that is, right? - Yes, he'll bring teams, okay? But he's a lot like Moses, so he'll take you there, but Joshua will take you into Israel. - Yeah, so I mean, to clarify for people who aren't down with your Bible references, every time Buck Showalter gets fired, the next year, the team wins the World Series. You know, it's kind of like that bad Dane Cook movie. You like comics, you know, like every time he dated a girl, like, you know, every time she banged them, they got married, the next guy they dated. I can't even believe, actually, you know what? We were talking about embarrassing moments. It's pretty embarrassing, I remember that movie. Let's just edit that part out of this fucking podcast. I never saw it. - You know, you're mad at shit. - Son of a bitch. - Son of a bitch. - Now Adam, Adam, you make sure, okay, the first clip that we do on Real, okay? That is it, that's, and I want, I want in red letters, Tom Barrowski, and then Flashy, Tom Barrowski. - I'm one of the four guys that saw that movie. I don't know why, I hope I was on a date. But anyway, I'll just tell you, every year after Buck Showalter gets fired, it started, you know, with the Yankees and the Diamondbacks, the next year, the team wins the World Series. So Buck Showalter got fired last year. This year, the Mets are in the playoffs and, you know, who knows, maybe it'll be three for three. And that'll be something of what legends are made of. And if they do go deep in the playoffs, you know, this could be a top five, top three season. You never know. They have a hell of a lineup. Fishing's a little shaky. They have a hell of a lineup. - You know how you have your lock of the week, Jeff? - Yes, I do. - I am going to, I'm going to make a prediction here, Jeffrey. I'm just saying, my prediction is, Doug Peterson and the Jacksonville Jaguars, should they lose this weekend, will be fired as the head coach and be replaced by Bill Belichick. - That, let me tell you something, that happens. He does want to come back into, that would be a good landing spot from. They do have a quarterback, okay, who they're definitely not getting enough out of. They have talent on defense, but you know, they just look like they kind of like gave up. That wouldn't be a terrible landing spot for them. - This comes true. I am taking over Jeff's lock of the week for the week after. That's what I'm saying. It's going to be Shawnee's pick of the week. - And they, they could lose, they're going to play in the Colts. But the, they usually play as well against the Colts. - Doug Peterson, Jeff, you want to know where I know him from? - I have no idea where you would know him from. - I mean, I haven't seen him in 20 plus years, but- - Wait, hold on a second, I was going to say, why aren't you related to an offensive or defensive coordinator in the NFL? - Well, yeah, that's separately. I'm going to, I'm going to see him when he comes to town soon. My cousin, Lou Anne-Roumo, he's lowest than me, but he's the DC, the defensive coordinator, the Bengals. That has nothing to do with Doug Peterson, no. He's just my cousin. - Doug Peterson was a quarterback in the World League of American Football. Remember for what team? Probably have no clue. - Who was, who was the, was there a New York team in there? - Yes, the New York, New Jersey, Knights. - I had- - I had a giant stadium. - I had season tickets to that. They played four games, yeah. - Yeah, some of those guys, you know, lingered around and, you know, when you played in giant stadium, you had access to a lot of people in that era. He played for the Frankfurt Galaxy. - No, we played for the New York team. - Did he? - He was season ticket older, and you don't even remember watching it. - I don't remember that, you see, you think I remember anyone on that stupid team? It was, it was- - After a hand, like a hard hammer, these are all their quarterbacks. I have a photographic memory. Doug Peterson was maybe their last quarterback. Don't think he did very well. They had, you know, that league had a lot of guys who, you know, couldn't, you know, couldn't cut it in the NFL or went back to the NFL. Doug Peterson, you know, we hung around, started coaching. And, you know, now he's a head coach over there, at least until maybe next week. But, you know, I met a lot of people. Yeah, I mean, during my soccer days in giant stadium, my, a lot of people passed through there. There were a lot of alumni, a lot of football players, a lot of baseball players, even. You know, I got to meet a lot. That's how I met Harbaugh, Jim Harbaugh, I hung out with him. There's a lot of cool stuff. I got, I mean, you know, it's a good thing. You know, I'm not telling any Warren Taylor stories on this show. I don't want to get, I don't want to get in any trouble. But, you know, I mean, I have, you know, I have stories for days about some of those guys. That's another thing, Sean, right? I'm sorry I cut your face, Tom. But because I know you would be a little too humble to say. So you see these pictures that pop up. And Tom will have these parties in his backyard. By the way, great, great party backyard, okay? And he'll have Charlie Hayes. I think there's a collective group of people, Charlie Hayes from the Yankees, Lawrence Taylor, okay. Kevin Mitchell, Lenny Dijkstra, right? Good. They'll all be hanging out in his backyard. It's not even a backyard. It's like it's like a Bronco barbecue going on back there. (laughing) It's like you expect like Cat Williams a sloppy white to be showing up any time soon. (laughing) I thought I was sitting there and slapping, yeah, I had to go slappy white. (laughing) I was trying to think like the real most urban comic that I could think of. (laughing) - There's a lot of, there's a lot of big names fast through it. We've got a lot of people out. You know, my wife loves Kevin Mitchell. She gives them hugs and kisses, even though he was, you know, gang banger in San Diego. You know, I've seen some things, man. I've seen some shit. - Open nice guy. He did a solid, you know. Sean, do you know Harris Stenton? - Yeah, we had one on the show. - Yeah, Harris is a really good comedian. He toured with Tracy Morgan. He's always on the road with Dean Edwards now. Great guy, great guy. Played minor league ball. We should get him to play in one of these leagues time. You would love him, okay? - Really, really good guy. His father's favorite baseball player was Kevin Mitchell. And when we were up in Cooperstown. - Oh, and I remember this, I remember. - Yeah, Harris, Anthony goes, hey, any chance you can get Kevin Mitchell to just do a video for my dad. He just retired, you know, and that's his favorite player. So I went up to Mitchell. I asked him to do the video. Couldn't have been nicer. Couldn't have been better. - He gave a great video. I sent it to Harris and it made his father's date. You know, so I always thought that was a very cool thing that Mitchell did, you know. And listen man, people are different when they young. This is my wrap up. This is my Jerry Springer moment here. You know, people, when they're younger, they do foolish things, but when they get older, they change and they wizin' up. - I wish you were like Springer right now. (laughing) - We can't talk that. Guys, thank you so much for coming on. Michelle, I know like, we had to pull you away for the last couple of innings of the Met game. So that's a big deal. I must be a good friend of his, to prevent to do that for me. Sean, where you gonna be? What's going on with you? - What do I got coming up? I'm just gonna plug New Year's Eve. We got a gig coming up October, what, 17th, I think it is. We're in the Lambertville station in Lambertville. - That's right. - New Jersey, where did I? And then I'm just gonna plug New Year's Eve. Yeah, New Year's Eve. I'm headlining left for the comedy club in Bikipsey, New York. My second time headlining New Year's Eve there. And it's, they bring in 400, 500 people that night. So it's gonna be a nice show. - Cal is the best. I was just up there on Saturday. Okay, so this Thursday night, I am at Catcher Eyes in Star with Mike Moreno. And then the following weekend, I will be there for the whole weekend at catch with the legendary Bob Nelson. And like Sean said, I'll be over at the Lambertville station and I'm headlining what's named Tommy's basement. And so October, all over Jersey, guys, follow me on Jeffy Paul Comic on Instagram and Facebook and all the cool shit. And keep following, keep subscribing. And we appreciate it. We'll catch you later, guys. Take care, everybody. - Later. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)