Phone Taps
Your Daughter Cursed Out a Priest
Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap. Dear Elvis Duran, my ex-husband and I are in pretty good terms. We have a 12-year-old daughter together, and we're both very involved in her life. My ex would flip out if he got a call from her school to tell him about something I should have told him about first. You know how that is. We've always agreed to be in total and complete communication with each other when it comes to our daughter. This comes to us from Samantha's mom, Samantha, by the way, obviously, has been having troubles in school, according to the call the dad's about to get. Scary Jones calls the dad, Scary plays the priest from the Catholic school Samantha attends, and then Samantha and her mom will take over. This is a mom and a daughter playing a phone tap on dad. We love these phone taps. Hello. Mr. Marshall? Yeah, who's calling? Hi, this is Father McCartill with the Nebraska Civil Church on Staten Island. How are you doing today? All right. We're good for you, Father. You are daughter Samantha. Yeah. She will be suspended, and it will take effect on Monday. Okay. And what is this? What is this for? Are you not in the loop on this? No, I guess our mother is hiding it from me. Well, we were in a prayer, and her cell phone went off. And the ringtone was from that TV show, The Family Guy, which is inappropriate to start with. And that character there, Stewie, started spewing obscenities. It's not allowed to happen here at my house, and she's not allowed to watch that here at my house. Yes. So I reprimanded her for this, and she told me to go, "Oh my God, Lord, please, I did not say that." Okay. I just, I had to tell you that. No. I had to hear that. Right. I mean, this is definitely not the word of the Lord, sir. No. I'm not sure you heard about this. Say it happened immediately, and not from you, of course, but from my ex. There was a spitting incident in the cafeteria. You're familiar with that? No, I'm not. She spat in another girl's face. Right. And that's about as inappropriate as you can get for a kid. This happens a lot when children come from broken homes. You know what? I have too much time and too much effort to invest in my kids to have this happen to them. All right. Anything else I could do, my doors are open to you. All right, very good. I appreciate your call. Thank you. Oh, my God. He's going to kill me. All right. Let's call him back. You speak. Oh, God. Okay. Hello. Hey, what's up? Is there something you need to tell me that you didn't? I don't think so. What's up? Well, there's some incidences in school involving some methods spitting in another kid's face in the school that didn't seem like a big worry. It doesn't strike you as kind of a filthy, disgusting, low life thing to do. What did I do? Something like that from me that your daughter is behaving like a filthy animal, so I had to hear this from a priest. Oh, they called you? A priest called me to tell me that Samantha suspended for a week. For spitting in? No. For telling him to go in front of the whole class in church. I'm sure you would have found out. I sure would have found out. I should have heard it from you immediately. The day it happened, just like the last conversation we had. I don't know why you're getting all high-strung about it. I really know. The day it happened, you should have threw her in the car, drove past here, we should have went right up to the school. That's the way a parent would have handled this. I mean, what'd they say a day? A week. Oh, wait. That's not that bad. What? Your daughter is 12 years old. She got suspended for telling a priest to go fuck himself in church. If you don't think that there is something seriously wrong there, and you don't think that's a problem, then maybe you need some help. Her phone went off in church and it was a stewie from family guy with his routine and his foul language and all. You don't see a problem in that. Your daughter having that on her phone? She's supposed to have it on vibrate or when she's in school. Should she even be listening to that at 12 years old at all? It's just a cartoon. It's a sexually oriented cartoon that a 12-year-old girl is watching. Are you going to destroy this kid's life? I don't see the big deal over it. You don't see the big deal of your 12-year-old daughter telling a priest to go fuck up in church in front of a whole class. You don't see the problem in that. I can guarantee you this. You would be the only one not to see a problem in that. Nobody else would want her to get psychiatric help in you too. Do you want to talk to her? Yes, I certainly do want to talk to her. Hold on. I can't even believe how disgraceful this is. Hello. What did you do in church? Nothing. What did you say to the priest? I didn't say anything. This is the way you act? I guess so. What else? You didn't tell me that. You should have told me. You always get mad at me for like nothing. There are multiple incidences that I heard about. Okay. Like what? What's the incident? A bug went into my mouth. What was I supposed to do? You spit in the girl's face. No. Not even by accident. A bug went in your mouth and that's what you were supposed to do. I would never do that. What are you crazy? You know what, honey? I'm going to give you such a smack. I'll do what I want. I don't have to apologize to you if I don't want to. What do you want? You'll do what you told. Why? Because you're 12 years old. You're not an adult. Yes, I am. I'm going to be in a smart mouth again. She just put the phone down. She's getting all upset. What happened? I mean, I'm sure she's very pleased. She can act like an animal. She can act like a piece of trash and you'll keep it a secret for her and use her buddies forever. Did you punish her? Did you shit her in her room for a couple of days? What did you do to her for this? I figured with the week off, maybe, you know, she could, like, do fun stuff. Are you all right? Why? What's the matter? Are you okay? You. I'm fine. Are you sure? Yeah. You know, maybe she can, I don't know. Go to the zoo or do whatever. Go to the zoo or do whatever. So you do what I told the priest to go [bleep] off and you think she should maybe spend a week off in the zoo? I think she's talking about Elvis Duran in the zoo. You've been phoned tapped. Hey, it's Gary Jones. Are you kidding me? Or do you ever tell the priest that I'm going to wring her neck? My heart, dad, let's chat. You did that to daddy? Yeah. You wicked guys just hung me out to drive. The Elvis Duran phoned tap. This phoned tap was pre-recorded with permission granted by all participants. The Elvis Duran phoned tap only on Elvis Duran in the morning show. (dramatic music)
Samantha goes to a Catholic School and dad isn't too happy about her behavior when he gets a disciplinary call from the priest!