Mervat Speaking to the Barcelona "Easy Does It, But Do It" meeting on December 12, 2023
The Daily Reprieve
Barcelona Meeting - Mervat
[Music] Hello and welcome to the Daily Reprieve, where we provide essays, speaker meetings, workshops, and conferences and podcast format. We are an ad-free podcast. If you enjoy listening, please help us be self-supporting by going to Donate.thewreprieve.com and drop a dollar or two into the virtual basket. Please consider donating monthly by clicking the Donate monthly button. However, one-time donations are always welcome. Just click the Donate Now button. Now, without further ado, this episode of the Daily Reprieve. [Music] Okay. Today, the 20th of December, 2023, we're very happy to have with us Mervat, from Egypt, sober since 1 November, 2017. She will be sharing on the topic of how I escaped the Lust Valley. I would like to let everyone know that Mervat will be translated by Amir in Arabic, and they will also share the screen today for those who don't understand English or Arabic and would like to read along. So Mervat, you are now on. You have a total of 40 minutes, which includes the translation. You can use all that time or less, however you feel. Be very welcome. Okay, just let me know what I'm reading quickly, okay? I always gave the Lust Valley. My name is Mervat, and I'm recovering sex-holic, or to be more precise, less toxic from Egypt. I walked through the valley of the shadow of death, or simply lost, since I was four-year-old child. My full-throttle sexual acting out started when I was 18 years old. I lived in the Lust Valley for more than three decades, not knowing the wages I had to pay my life. It was a miracle that I found SA because all I wanted was to live. When I joined SA, my mind was not able to comprehend the new recovery language, the labs, recovery, sobriety. My goal was not to confess, as all I wanted was to live my life under his care. But recovery is full of surprise, and I had to change my attitude. I want to share 12 experiences that I have had in this beautiful journey, and I hope you'll find them beneficial for your own recovery. Experience one, confession. As the Fellowship is a group of men and women sharing their experience, strength, and hope, I thought I had to dump it all out. However, I did not follow my desire to tell it all, and asked the question, "Should I share simplicity to get some lust? Is that the purpose of a Fellowship, or am I mistaken?" The answer I heard, this is a relapse. I was happy, because I learned that life in the Fellowship is not like life in the Lust Valley. I learned how to confess to others without restoring to lust. Experience two, honesty. During the first 18 months in SA, I attended the meetings and shared as well, even though I didn't have a sponsor back then. That helped me to quit my lust patterns one after another, however, that did not resolve my issue. As I got introduced to its sites, I went through self-delusion by celebrating recovery, while my online acting out was progressing in every possible direction. My sickness blinded me from understanding the sobriety definition, but by the grace of God, I came to the sobriety definition. I declared that I am not sober, as I am still drinking lust, and I did not really leave that Lust Valley. I declared defeat. Back to square, one helped with me to take a deep breath, and I started focusing on how I should live my life day in, day out with the sobriety definition. That was not easy. I acted out again. It was a steep learning care for me. I had to do a three colon inventory after each relapse to understand the pattern, what I did wrong, and what the next right action is. It worked. God sent messages through these inventories to learn how to quit my patterns one by one. Experience three, working the steps when I joined SA, there were no females available to sponsor me. So, I started working with a male sponsor. Working the steps uncovered my hard power to me, and told me how to let go. But I had to take some extreme measures to protect that newly formed relationship. I stopped riding a car or a bus if that caused any lust in me. Actually, I had to look for a long distance. I did not stay alone, and I attended meetings even when I was walking in the street. I learned how to let go, and finally able to stay away from the lost valley, and finally away from us. Experience four, surrender. Surrender is my weapon that helps me not to give, not to give in to any form of lust that can drive me to acting out. Working the steps has helped me to see lust my old enemy weak. I learned it never to give up. Experience five acceptance. I work at the first step with my sponsor with absolute honesty. In that step, I left the where I was wrong column empty because I wanted the message of God to come through my sponsor's words. I need to listen to my sponsor more than I took because I could not understand my part. I'm grateful for my sponsor who took my hand through that column and explained my part. And I accepted, and I accepted that I have to pray and surrender. Of course, I had to make many direct and indirect amends, but I said yes without hesitation. I was experiencing a new happiness and a new freedom, and I did not want to lose that. Experience six, being respectful toward my triggers, my attitude toward my triggers needed a lot of work, how I dressed, how I sat on the bus, how I tied my shoes, how I took to others. All that was an arsenal of seduction mechanics to attract others to the lost valley. Now, I know better. I have completely changed my attitude including walking and talking. I have zero tolerance for any form of my lust, and that strong attitude has been off. One day, after a couple of years in sobriety, I received a text on my cell phone from an unknown number. I forgot that I am an addict. I let go of surrendering, and I opened the door for lust again. I thought that my calendar sobriety would protect me from drifting off. Things got evolving, and one thing led to another, until I faced the readable question. Am I acting out or not? That was like a wake-up call, and it was America. I called my sponsor, and I explained everything with complete honesty. We agreed that it was a Porsche slip, and I should not do it again. Since then, I don't respond to an unknown number. Experience seven, personal defects. Early on, I was playing with the victim role, and I tolerated all my personal defects as I saw them as my right. They were a false higher power that controlled me, and drove me to acting out, by the grace of God, and the steps six and seven, I have become grateful for my defects. Those defects are actually a message that helps me to remember God and continue living by day by surrendering to God. The personal defect has transformed from a tool of lust to a message from God to remind me of him and how much he loves me. Experience eight financial harms. My lust does not have any boundary, and it does not limit itself to sex. It takes the shape of anything I experience in my life. Driven by my financial insecurity, I harmed others financially. What made it even harder was that it was not hidden. It went public. Like a colx, I had to pay my debts, and I did. I also made several direct and indirect amends. I'm grateful for taking these strong steps as it taught me how to live free of any form of acting out I fell into. The promise has materialized. I can look the world in the eye and stand free. Experience nine, the way of amends. I learned it from my sponsor how to make amends, and I have started to make them innocently. I learned it from my sponsor how to make amends for those who harmed me through prayer. I had to drop that heavy resentment from my shoulder, as it will eventually drive me to our relapse. I learned that an honest amends under God's care is the antidote of acting out and the strongest manifestation of the recovery freedom. Experience 10, joy through amends and service. Through service work and amends, I learned how to surrender and pray every moment to live free of my defense. Actually, surrendering and accepting my resentment toward my boss helped me to work harder to practice actions of love toward him. What joy. Experience 11, living with God one moment at a time. I have met that when I was traveling through the lost valley I used to us God. Why did you let go of me? But when I came so by working the steps, I realized that God loves me unconditionally. My heart and mind were attacked, were attached to lust, regardless of what my mouth said. But working the steps helped my mind and heart to reject lust and surrender at the same time. God held me into the reality that God was actually giving me what I want. I want a lust. So I found the lost valley, the valley of the shadow of this. I became tired. I became tired, my condition, yet by joining the fellowship, working with my sponsor and helping others, I have become happy, joyous and free. I learned how to live with God one moment at a time by surrendering, lessening amends and service. Experienced 12, service by the grace of God for God. By the grace of God, I'm home. I'm finally safe. Service is the greatest enemy of acting out and the protection shield for the recovery. The service has kept me from my weakness thoughts and most importantly, my lust. This helped me a lot to live with God. Whenever my sobriety is threatened by feelings or emotion, I run to service so I can keep living with God. The men and women in SA have transformed it from a tool of lust to a tool of recovery. God's message for me. I am Mervat, a proud recovering six-holic and sexually sober since November 1, 2017, rising from the lost valley, the valley of the shadow of death to become alive through honestly surrendering to God. Mervat, Egypt. Thank you for listening. Thank you, Mervat. Oh my gosh. So crony am I ranking? Oh, my gosh. Tranny, a movie. Thank you. So, Mervat. Thank you so much, Mervat. Okay. We could probably stop screen sharing. What do you think? I'm here. Okay, great. Thank you. So, Mervat, thank you very, very much for sharing. We appreciate your willingness to come to this meeting to serve and share your experience, strength and hope with us. So, now we open the Q&A portion of the meeting. A reminder, we are still recording. In sharing, we avoid explicit sexual descriptions, sexually abusive language and specific places or circumstances. We try to end in the solution. We do not interrupt others and do not discuss. I'll go ahead and time the people asking the questions. And you will be limited to one minute to ask the question. But Mervat, your responses will not be timed. You can take as much time as you like. And Amir, I don't know if you'd like to translate a little bit of that to Mervat. Okay. I was translated to both Arabic speakers at Mervat. So, everyone understands the equal conscious. Okay. And Amir, one more thing. If folks would like to, they could put something into the chat as well as a question. And they could send it to you in Arabic or to one of our co-hosts as in English. Okay. We already have some hands up, so we'll start with Nancy. My name is Nancy Sextaholic. This share was amazing. Thank you so much for all those who are serving, especially in both languages. I hate to, I don't like to compare, but this is one of the best shares I've ever heard. Points are stuck out. Lust is not limited to sex. Absolute honesty. Zero tolerance for lust. I liked what you said about a very questionable situation talking with your sponsor. Okay, it's a partial slip, but do not do it again. Nancy, can we say go into any lengths? You drove, I drive miles. Yes, you drive miles. The question, the question, you talked about three columns when you act out. Can you please say the names of those three columns? Thank you. Can you try to recap the first part of the share? Then the question, is it a very difficult to do? I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question. I think it's a very difficult question, but I think it's a very difficult question. Okay. She thanks you. She's saying thank you Nancy for her question. So the three columns, the first column is the problem, how the relapse happened. The second problem is about how did she reach to that? So why didn't she not share, for example, or how she dropped the action. By the way, she said she was doing the three column before working the steps. So let's just point to add that to add. And the third column is what would she have done if she wants to prevent the relapse. So she learned how to stop her acting out patterns this way by listing them and what went wrong and the collective action. She thanks you for a question I've been here with her. Okay. So, okay. We are done with the first question, Daniel. Okay. I was going to remind our English speakers to please keep it brief and pause to give Amir a little bit of a chance to do a translation. Sorry. I see Nancy chuckling too. No problem, Nancy. Okay. Next hand up. I see is Zacharilla Postman. So the first question is, how did she get the first question? I think she's going to be here. I think she's going to be here. I think she's going to be here. So, the first question has two parts. The first part is talking about the obsessive thinking. Thank you. So, I will be going to obsessive thinking. So, the first question is obsessive thinking and the second question was about how to stop relapsing and maintain my sobriety. For the first part, she deals with the with the urge of the desire by surrendering and explicitly sharing with my spouse. For the first part, she deals with the with the urge of the desire by surrendering and explicitly sharing with my sponsor. So, I'm the second about her. I want to protect my sobriety or stay sober. When I, when I have engines, I don't share saying, I want to act out. I don't say that. I saw the prior saying, God, keep me sober. And I take actions by doing service in a meeting and a meeting, sharing. And also, I do actions of love and prayers. I have a question in the chat in Arabic. I'm not sure if there's something in English. I have a couple of them. Go ahead, Amir. I don't have anything yet. Okay. So, okay, give me a sec. Yeah. So, I didn't, a matter of fact, came at a level of selling figure on most people that is an amount of money. Oh, I have a lot of money. I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. So, my question to me is that how do I offer surrender an idea that's controlling for years with my addiction. And most of my reductions are because of it, which is, I can't sleep without a reduction. I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I have a lot of money in my life. And I also keep myself away from any lustful thoughts or lustful actions before sleep. I have to stay away from lust before sleep. That's somebody of the share. Thank you. Amir, are you there? Yes, I'm there. No more questions from Arabic or English. Okay. Mohammed, Elle, did you had your hand up earlier? Mohammed, I don't know if you still have a question? Yeah, thank you. I still have a question. If you have a question, do you have a question? If you don't have a question, do you have a question? If you don't have a question, do you have a question? If you have a question, do you have a question? Okay. So the question is, what does she mean by living in recovery or sobriety? Does that mean not return? And resorting to the acting out pataras? What is that? What is that? Well, maybe she's back. Maybe that's Alana? I don't know if you have a question, but I don't know if you have a question. I don't know if you have a question. I don't know if you have a question, but I don't know if you have a question. She said she starts in the morning when she wakes up by surrendering her life to God. She prays throughout the day she surrenders everything and everything and every idea, moment by moment. She keeps in touch with service, with sharing, with working with the spouses, with meetings. And she said also, just like I was committed to lust, now I'm committed to recovery. Last was asking me to do simple stuff. So I used to do them. And recovery now is asking me also to do simple stuff. So I'm doing them. And in the beginning, she said she applies, she lives through the 12 steps through her day, day by day. Thank you. I have two questions in the chat and Arabic, not sure if you received anything in English. A moment, just to make sure there are people who already asked, and I have a question in the chat from people who already asked, and I have people did not ask. So, what is the group conscious on this or what's the norm here? Well, normally we wait until everyone gets a chance to ask a question, and then we can open it up to people who have already asked questions. Let me ask if is there a question in English to any of the co hosts yet. I haven't received one. Okay. So go ahead Amir with with your questions. Okay. Because the speaker here, the one who opened the mind already asked once, and I already received a text that someone asked one. So I will go first with the person who did not ask before. Perfect. Okay. So, I learned that the denominator, they connect to colors and enjoy did that, when the character of detective in a secret, I'll call it a summer. So, I did, then he had it. I'm a social director. So, what do you feel like with our team today? So, the question to me, but did the program help you to overcome self-loathing, and you learned how to embrace yourself and hard times. And the second question is, did you deal with a with a sports or was way increased the shame with you. And how did you deal with that. I mean, I do this in a very bad one. I love you. I love you. Thank you. She's saying working the steps helped helped helped had a lot to overcome shame, especially when it comes to step four, because she learned how to overcome overcome the shame during the sharing with her sponsor and a step for that, that happened, that helped her a lot. Thank you very much. So, for the second part about the question, she said on the contrary, how can I feel ashamed? My last pattern is acting out with men. And I have to overcome shame to work with them. And I'm grateful that I works with my sponsor. And I was able to, to be honest. And during the beginnings, my sponsor was my higher power before I have a gut of my understanding. And now I have a gut of my understanding. So, which helped me. There is another question in Arabic, unless you have some question English. Yeah. Go ahead, Amir. In fact, the time I'm at my antique house, I will have a lot of love. So, the question is, how do you deal with relapse or weakness moments? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - So when the moment of video happens, I immediately go and try to understand what's happened, what's my part and what's my mistake, if you need. And I immediately go and start working my program by going to meetings, either formal and formal meetings. I try to meet other people, I start sharing. And I read either the big book or the white book and I keep doing actions until I'm finished. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - Thank you. Did you have another question in your chat there Emir? - Okay, go ahead with that. - Quick one, just for timing, Manar, where should I stop just to make sure that I'm on time? How many people do we have? - We have about 12 or 18 more minutes for questions and answers. - So roughly three questions, three to four questions roughly. - Okay. - Yeah, excellent, thank you. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) So the question is, how can I deal with, I don't know, pride, yes, okay, with the pride feelings in the correct way. Sometimes I receive shares from a person who most of probably erupts and I feel that I'm better. Also, is it better for me not to receive shares in the beginning or it's normal? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (laughing) Okay, let's take one of the raised hands, okay, and to the person who experienced the question, because nobody did not really get the point. Who was raising his hands here? - That looks like Salma with the hand up. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) You said when you joined, there were no females. (speaking in foreign language) How did you do your accountability? (speaking in foreign language) And do you have one now? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - So, I do have an accountability circle from day one, and this accountability circle is formed of me. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) She said, now I also have accountability circle. I surrender and I share. Yeah, I always share with them. (speaking in foreign language) - If I don't find my sponsor of accountability circle available, I share with my higher power, because I know my high power loves me. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, so, for the newcomer who shares with others, she said, if you share, if someone shares with you, don't give them feedback. And if you share, don't ask for a feedback. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - Okay, so this is, this is a question was sent in a text form and he's just reiterating that he feels like he's superior when he has sobriety more than others. And how does he deal with this? And the second part also, is it recommended for, for the beginnings to receive shares or not or it's normal? (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - The beginning, and the beginning when I was in the fellowship, I did not receive any, I did not receive any share that is either explicit or that contains any relapse, even when I started to build up sobriety. (speaking in foreign language) - So even if I build up sobriety, if it's in the beginning, I will not have something to transmit. So I will not be able to help, maybe the impact of my words would be heavier around him than a lot of us, so I just don't give me luck. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - So the recommendation is not to receive any share until there is a good period of sobriety, otherwise there is a risk where someone will take their, will be proud of their recovery and they will take it for granted. I think we have room for one more question, correct, Daniel? - I think we can get in Mayna, and then after that, we'll have to start closing the meeting. We can take some time after the meeting for those who haven't gotten the opportunity to speak, if you're willing to stick around. Okay, so Mayna? - I'm available, I'm available. - Great. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - So the question is, when do I know I can give a feedback to someone, and the second question is, when do I know I'm ready to sponsor, so about more than 60 days, and I am working still six and seven, for the remainder. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) - So in her experience, she started to give feedback after step five. She said that after step five, you can give feedback, feedback because now you start knowing your personal effects and also you know the amends that you need to do. For being able to sponsor, you should attend to your sponsor, he'll be able to tell you better because he knows you better. There is no asset rule in the fellowship. Some people start after step three, some other star starts after step nine. Thank you. Okay. That's the answer. Yeah. Sakhariya, maybe we can wait until after the meeting for your question. I see your hand is still up. So after the meeting, maybe we can talk about his question, but our time is over now for questions and answers. So thank you very, very much, Miravat. This has been a fantastic meeting. And I also have to thank Amir for your translation duties. I know those are difficult, so wonderful job. And also Rechman for the reading of Miravat's share, so much appreciated. So I will go ahead and stop the recording. I would like to thank you for listening to this episode of The Daily Reprieve, the best source for experience, strength, and hope for SA members. Please subscribe to this podcast to be alerted of new episodes. Please show your support by donating to The Daily Reprieve by going to donate.thedayreprebe.com and choosing either monthly donations or a one-time donation by clicking donate now. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for the next episode of The Daily Reprieve. [Music]