(upbeat music) - Well again, Miami movies. This week we visit the Mandela effect as we talk about Keiko Vember's second choice exam. I don't know how we missed this one for so long either. Don't ask. We've talked about it for years and so it's nice to finally do the Shaquille Aminio movie, which frankly, kind of sort of, should have been our thesis statement. But in the meantime, it was a blast to do, a blast to record. And frankly, it's always good to hear what you think. So please let us know what you think of it and share and like and do those things, which keep us on the charts. We just did a bunch of scheduling and frankly, we only do this because you encourage us to do it. So thanks. (upbeat music) - Welcome to my OP movies. This week we watched Shazam. Wait, what? What universe is this? 'Cause, 'cause Am, 'cause Am, that's this dimensions version. I'm your host, Nick Hoffman, Riffer and CineProv, and depending on when this releases, check out the Terra Arts Theater for our next show. And on panel we have, - Alex, what's up? - Keiko. - Atlanta author Matthew W. Quinn, who wraps on the head of a pin and, okay, I'll show mercy now and stop. - You wrapped, you rhymed one whole thing? - Wow. - Keiko is suitably impressed. - For Lee. - She's impressed 'cause I'm not a pest. Remember, I am a pest. And that's the rest. - Dude, you get it, Matt. - Hands in the air. - What's up? - You know, one man wrapped battle. He's gonna lose himself in this thing. But yeah, I'm the Atlanta author, Matthew W. Quinn, who will torture everyone with my horrible rapping. But let us continue. - This is true. - Oh, and to those kids from Georgia Tech, who are working on their master's thesis, who interviewed me, hello, I am still here. So, no, it's not a sort of like, they're like, can we listen to your podcast? I'm like, absolutely. The future professor- - She said no. - Can't. - Kid was getting his doctorate or something in AI. And I'm like, you want to listen to my show? I'm just gonna steal my identity. - The Skynet probably already has. - Well, they could do some of the editing if they're gonna steal my voice. - The next GPS voice is gonna be like, "Welcome to your drive, today we're gonna." - Well, after Mr. Beast went down hard, if they're looking for someone else to do everything, I'll be happy to take your millions of dollars. - I look puckish, I'm a white guy with brown hair. What else do you want? - We're talking about Kazam. - Not yet, no. - Or Mr. Beast, I mean, he's just like a total fraud, right? - I don't know, I don't know. - He fell harder than Chex rhymes. - Yeah, he was like the good dude. - It was just, I always got a weird vibe from him, but now he's destroyed everything. - I do, what happened? - Everything. - I know he sold chicken nuggies. - Oh, no, oh, my sweet sweet child. It went from him being like that funny guy who did things where they were like extreme, like it was almost like Chris Angel shit to then going to like one of the people who worked for him was grooming 11 year olds and then went down. He had gotten an Amazon show and they were talking about like treatment that was akin to war criminals. Like he's being sued for like mistreating the people going through his extreme stuff. And then have you even tried that circle stuff that water bottle he owns? It's terrible. - Is that at Zach's piece? They have that at Zach's piece. - He had Mr. Beast burgers too that you could order from places. That was a debacle. - Yeah, it was a Mr. Beast box. - So my honest answer to this is other than relating to people who are groomers, which I don't say I sympathize with them because I don't. - No, I just mean like it's hard to know people's secret lives and just because someone works for you and they're a bad person doesn't mean you're a bad person. However, I get the feeling too that this 20 something or early 30 something who is now worth half a billion dollars made a lot of money really quick and hired on people to do things for him and they turned out to be shitty and now he's going down like the Hindenburg. And so part of it's his fault, but it's also not entirely his fault and it's just sucks because every now and again, they bring down a millennial when we should be going after baby boomers. And that if anything is the moral of all of this, is that Gen X, they don't matter. It's only millennials and boomers and then eventually now all my daughter says is a bra. So we're starting. - Same. - So Shazam, I'm gonna keep doing this. - So Shazam, Alex Plotsenovs, that's sure. - So Max Conner, the Uleaguered young man who goes to school or really just goes out on the street or is on bike or anywhere in the world he goes is stalked by a gang of sort of inner city youth that goes to his school with him. - Oh, no, a bunch of cliches. - They're 18 years old and he's 12. They just sort of rough him up every time. - This is why you don't have middle school and high school in the same school. - I do. - I literally have the same grades. - Yeah. So his mom is dating a firefighter Travis who seems like a decent guy and she wants to get engaged to him. There's some paperwork to clean up 'cause Max's dad knew, hasn't seen him in about 10 years, hasn't signed a few things apparently. So, I mean, everything really kicks off when Max is pursued into a warehouse. I guess the lamp store which has a boombox in it and he's sort of-- - Abandoned. - Right, an abandoned lamp store with a magic boombox in it and he's sort of thrown around and roughed up and I guess he makes the initial wish somehow or the boomb, I don't know what exactly happens to kick this off, but 'cause Kazam materializes at that point. - No, and I would just want to say you highlighted in your little synopsis everything wrong with this movie. There's so much going on, like, it would've been easy enough if this kid was, well, what was the movie we did, "Trading Moms?" "Trading Moms" had a lot of problems. - Which movie's better, Nick? - I would say this only because of the rapping. - I'm going with the damn, I'm going with Disney, absolutely. - But I will say, the nice thing about that, the plot was so simple. They don't like the mom, the mom kind of stern. We're lucky it's not three years later where they called the mom, what a bitch, because anyway, but this involves the Mickey Mouse Mafia. - We haven't gotten to Melick yet. - No, but like, there's the Mafia. His dad is bootlagging albums. The mom, trying to leave him presumably because he's a scumbag. There's no other woman, though, that was, I thought that was what Moon was going to be. Like, the other woman, that's not even there. But there's so much violence and nonsense. There's a gang after him, a gang, which is, we say they're bullies, which they are, but they're also big enough to break into a record studio and steal an album. Like, there's so much else going on other than this whimsical kids movie about a G. - It's the last third of this movie gets super dark. - Yeah, yeah. - The last 20 minutes is a different planet. It's not even a different movie. It's a different studio. Like, in the back of my head, whenever we do a movie like this, a lot of them are just stupid nonsense bullshit. Like, this kid, Matt brought it up over watching this. It's another precocious kid movie. This kid is so goddamn precocious. But unlike, say, Angels in the Outfield, you felt like that was one movie by one script and it was very straightforward. This felt like there was a mafia film that was all rated. - But-- - It's almost like it was spliced. - Yes. - Like, like, whoever played. - Yeah, script sitting around and you're like, what are we gonna do with these things? - Can you shack this up by about 30%? They're like, what does that mean? - 'Cause even-- - She's gonna rap. - A lot of the dialogue that happens that is toward a kid is just so weird and inappropriate and like, it would make sense if it were toward a young adult. - Yes. - Like, you know, like somebody who doesn't know what he's doing, he's like, whatever, a kid in that sense, but not a child. - Well, and it's so funny because like, nothing tells you a bad writer than them saying, like, we're gonna take this genre and change it. No, no, no, no, no. Good writing shouldn't have six genres attached. And that's what this is. It's just like, because like half the time, is he just a precocious kid dealing with a bully? Like, we've done those. Like, there's a Richie Rich movie like that. First kid with Simbad, which we've done, is also like that, like, he's kind of a kid who's just, he just has to deal with these bullies. Like, no, no, no, like, this is outrageous compared to that. So much behind the scenes is like, there's a, at one point, there's a scene where the guy in charge of bootliking albums is getting the shit kicked out of him. And what, the first time that happens, the kid shows up. The other time, he's just blind and thrown through a door and he lands in front of the kid. Which again, if there's an R-rated version, the guy's dead, right? - Well, that's what the guy says. He says he's gonna wake up dead. Like, which also doesn't make sense, but. - Yeah, but the thing is, it doesn't make sense because you're right, it doesn't make sense. But it's also delivered like, that guy is going to wake up dead. If De Niro grabbed you by the scruff and said you're gonna wake up fucking dead, it makes sense. He delivers it as though it's like, the Kroger brand sham wow. He's like, you know what? You could wake up dead. Like, I don't know how to describe it. Other than, how is it, there's a movie. - Is he Italian mafia, like the brand name? - It's the Olive Garden market. - The brand name and these, I guess, Lebanese guys, Malik is Arab for King. Are they like the wish.com mafia? - The A, nailed it. But B, it's not King, we're told. It's Sultan, because it's Sultan's girl. - The Sultan's greatest. - This movie, this movie didn't have even Encyclopedia Britannica. They had the World Book. They had World Book, this is a World Book Encyclopedia movie if there's ever been one. - I mean, it's almost like a Latin came out and was like a culturally, you know, huge thing. And they were like, what do they even eat there? - How can we just sort of get on this kind of thing? - Although, you know what? Clearly, whoever runs Disney film right now saw this and said, you're right. What if we had a black man as the genie? Hey, Will Smith, would you be the genie in Guy Ritchie's Aladdin? Because that's how that happened five years ago. - Guy Ritchie's Aladdin. - I really like that. - And it has the quality that now you guys have experienced Cinderella has where it almost seems like a play. - Well, the live-action Aladdin, I think they actually wear clothes. - I will give you, because I love you, Kiego. I will give you a couple points here. First, it was a fine movie. The interaction-- - The music is good, even the new music. - I agree with you. - I'm pointing at Nick. You guys can see it, but I'm-- - She's accusing me of being Daniel and I will take that criticism for a second. I will say two things I don't like about it. First of all, the first one was fine. You didn't need to remake it to begin with. Second, adding half an hour to a tight 90-minute movie is going to be a cardinal sin for me for a kid's movie. Because the original Aladdin tells the whole story just fine and it's 93 minutes or whatever it is. And this one's more than two hours. - But it's not as bad as the little mermaid. The little mermaid. And again, here's the thing. It's the same thing I felt when I saw that Ghostbusters with Melissa McCarthy. People are going to say, you don't like it because there's women, yeah, no, no. That movie is just not as good. The little mermaid is not nearly as good because they blow it out too far. And if you want to talk about something that never needed to be live action, the problem is live action should be live action. The fucking fish and crab, which they change Sebastian from a lobster to a crab, which more accurate, doesn't fix anything. You're still talking to CGI nonsense, man. If it's going to be animated, let it be animated. - And luckily, they're CGI nonsense in Kazam too, although it's not as much. - You're going to do it. I'm going to smack you. - Oh, good job, man. - Okay, by the way, they announced today as we're speaking, a live action Lilo and Stitch, so you can all fuck yourself. - Oh, there's also a Mufasa, we're doing Mufasa now. - Okay, apparently he's like the adoptive brother of Scar. - Garbage, all garbage. The second, you know what we don't need? Anything else, the most brilliant thing Disney ever did was Lion Kick 1 1/2, which is Rosie Kranz and Guildenstern are dead, but it's the Lion King. - Actually, I would be really happy. - I would be really happy. - Oh, it's the Poob in Timone? - It's the Poob in Timone. - Oh, I never saw it. - I didn't see what it was. - Yeah, I saw Lion King 1 1/2, but I would be really happy if we did Lion King 2. I told you guys about Lion King 2. - We will do it because, again, you're my friend and you show up, but I hate it. It's better than returning Jafar. It's worse than King of Thieves. And we will do it, we will do it, we will do it, because when you do these movies, they're great episodes because I have so many thoughts. - That's their bad. - And unlike Daniel, where he made Candice Leave Crying, I will not, I, you would have... - You were so sensitive after my first, like, true-picked trading mom. You were like, King, are you okay? Are you, are you, are you, how did you... - I've lost so many podcasting crimes. - It was bad, it was bad, no, it's fine, no, I... I think the format is different enough that, like, you know, we can talk about the movie. And also, it didn't hold up for me, you know? So, but this movie, I feel like this movie is fun, even though it's bad, it's fun. - It's funny, 'cause it's bad. - Yes. - I just, I'm not considering, I feel like it's almost, yeah, when we were watching it, I referenced Lifetime. Like, there's a lot of lifetimeiness to it, where the, like, actors who just don't know what to say. Like, the projection is weird. Like, he has his friend with the penis haircut we've talked about before in the '90s, where it's just like, he has like the no side, where it's just parted in the middle. He looks like he's, it's a terrible haircut. - He has about three minutes of screen time in the whole movie. - But does he have any actual lines? He mouths words. - And he says, "Are you okay?" - Nailed it. - Yeah. - We don't even need a take to. Like, there's so much at Alex. There's a rap number with him and the child. - You were gonna do that. - That's actually one of the least bad raps in this movie. - The full rap. - Yeah, the full rap. - With both of 'em. - Yeah, both parts. - Well, you know, there's a lot of talk about Hadoor, and, you know, I guess that was the origin story. - Yeah, it's in a rap sequence. - Yeah, 'cause Zam's origin story about how he became a genie. Apparently, he was a human at one point. - And 3,000 years ago, 1,000 BC, we're told. He was stuck in the desert. He was sinking into the desert, and he, last time we, so, behind the curtain here, most of the time when we do this, we have people watching movies in advance and we caught a couple of the time. But, because it's been the summer, and I haven't really started working yet, I thought, let's watch a few together. This is fun. The last time we did that, Kieko and I, and Think Matt, we watched "Bride of Chucky." - Oh, it was a blast. - It was, Kieko and I were riffing the whole movie. It was delightful. It was delightful. But this feels very similar. - Yeah. - What if there's this, like, the shambalah, like, they're making up before language and Shaq is speaking whatever this nonsense is. And someone's gonna tell me it's a, it's supposed to be a real language. Some Arabic, no, no. What Shaq is doing is, it's not anything. But, here's the thing, we've talked about this before. You get a star actor with charisma. The second Shaq shows up, we're like, fucking a, it's Shaq. - And Gary's a Shaq. - He steals the show. And when he's not on stage, I'm like, when is he coming back? No one in this movie has charisma except for Shaq. Except when the brat shows up and this movie becomes a music video for 10 minutes. And by the way, if MTV, oh no, I will say VH1, if only VH1 was owned by a comic, which owns Nickelodeon. This is a Nickelodeon movie if there's ever been one. VH1 needs to show the rap music video where, what is it, we be genie? Where the two of them are both like dressed up like the Arabic. - Yeah, yeah. - We genie. - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, we're genies, yeah. - We, yeah, we be genie. - We be genie. - We be genie. - We be genies. - Is that what they said? So there I am doing logic, coaching, we be genies. - I think they say we genie. - Because Steve will come. - We genie. - We genie and then it's literally, the lonely islands is more subtle than this because they're like up here, they pan around. There's a giant four post bed with silk and purple. - Yeah. - And Shaq has worn everything from like a parachute pant version of a Velma costume with like the purple pants in the orange shirt to like, this is a vest that he's rocking where Malik is like playing with his nipples. It like kisses him on the boob. Dude, this movie is for children. - I don't remember that part, but I'm glad you brought that up because I think-- - I'm glad I did too. - I think if I had watched this alone, I don't think that I would have caught on to the weirdly inappropriate homorotic-- - Homorotic. - Homorotic, like like focused toward a kid. Like, I don't think I would have caught all of that in this movie. - At one point, they make a joke about shoving a key somewhere sensitive. - Right, okay, so just to describe how we did this, front of the show Lauren was here. It's Matt Gueggo. Alex, we're sitting in this horseshoe set up when my baby's not watching this. And every time something's strange to happen, Gueggo would look from Alex to me just to see how we're reacting. And so, by the end of it, I'm just, at one point I just told everyone, I'm like, if this is the movie that, this could be the one that ends the show. Like, this might break me. This is so absurd, because at one point, Jack is rapping over Debra, and here's the thing. That, he's rapping, he's doing well. But early on, he's reading, his rapping is as though he's on SNL and he's reading cue cards, because he's not flowing to use the phrase. This is what he heard. - He's like, I am Jack. Pause, pause, pause. I'm here, 'cause I threw out my back. Pause, pause, pause. And they're looking around, and we're like, is he gonna rhyme the whole time? And then my blood went cold. Like, is this though? I'm like, I went to the bathroom and just breathed into a paper bag, and like, if it's going to be this the whole time, I might die. - It's not the whole time, but there certainly is a lot of it. - Well, I mean, no, this, like, well-placed rat number, it's intentional. - So, I mean, at this point, in 1996, Jack considered himself, and you know, there were a lot of-- - Was he rapping? - This was the first two albums we were doing. - Yeah, he was, like, really trying to do the athlete-rapper thing, and he considered himself like somewhat serious. And so, I mean, like-- - About lamb drops. - And he was an executive producer on this movie. He couldn't pay for a room of writers to help him put some actual good raps together. I don't get it. - Well, it is so funny you say that, because I get the feeling, like, I don't know how this movie is made, so I'm gonna imagine a room with a guy who was smoking a cigar, and they're like, "We got Jack." - And he's like, "What?" But, like, the scene where he's in the club with the brat, the rap is better, and later on, when he is, what is it, was it Crazy K? What is the rap-- - That was air calling him. - Crazy K? - Oh, oh, oh, oh. - Class K. - Class K. - Class K. - Class K. - Class K. - With a K? - Class K. - With a K, too? - Yes. - Uh-huh. - I think it was in a such title. - Yeah, you're one K away from something awful. But, what I was gonna say is, when he's on stage before he gets called away, that's also better. So, I wonder, at what point, what happened? Because, at first, his rhyming is truly atrocious. So, I wonder if, like, that came later? Like, you know what I mean? Like, if they didn't have to fix the script, like, there's scripts in parts here, it's strange. - Maybe he spent more time, like, with humanity, you know, since he was out of the box. And, he could learn how to really rap. - It's something, like... - That makes a certain amount of sense. - I wish the movie told us any of that, but I'm not gonna argue it. - I don't think that's the case, but... - No. It makes as much sense as anything. Well, what had been great is there's a couple scenes where you're just walking along the sidewalk where he goes, "Hey, you're getting better." - Like, yeah. (laughs) - Well, like, yeah, maybe it's his rap journey. And he started off, you know, he came out of the box. - The Boobox. - The box. - So, I was having a movie about Max, a movie about Kazam, a middle school semi-punk teaches a 3,000 year old genie how to rap. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Better movie. (laughs) - If he was secretly, like, the music teacher, and he's like, "Son, you have potential." What was his name? Hamilton Allenworth. - Jefferson. - Jefferson. - Jefferson. - Allenworth. - Lamb. - Lamb. - Jefferson, the father of our freedom. Allenworth, the guy who first freed his slaves during the, whatever. - He found a community of this algorithm. - The old black community in Kansas, that's right. And then, Lamb, because I like Lamb. - So basically, he admitted to Max's mother who he just walked in on, pretending to be a teacher from his school, that that's not really his name. He just made it up. - Yeah, so. - After one point, waking up in bed with a 12 year old wearing pajamas. - Yeah, oh, I'm glad you came back to that, because I was so primed for the inappropriate, like, weirdness in this movie that at one point, somebody in the movie said, like, it's a scene where somebody is testing a mic, and he's like, one, two, one, two, and he says, bottom, bottom. And I just, like, busted out. - You started giggling. - I mean, look at-- - And I'm like, look at it, look at it. - And nobody else is laughing, and I was like, oh, sorry. - I caught it, but, I think at one point, the kid actually calls-- - In front of this girl. - At one point, I think the kid actually calls Shazam a pervert. - Well, I was gonna say-- - That's the, I didn't remember that. - When he wakes up. - He finds him, when he's way to the bed. Yeah, it's like, when he-- - Oh, yeah. - And then throws a baseball-- - I think you don't man in my childhood room. - Who's like seven feet tall? - Also, when was this in relation to the Michael Jackson? So, while we were discussing this movie, we were talking about-- - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - A lot of Pepsi product, please. - We should talk her with a product, please. - Pepsi product, please. - At least at least two. - At least two. - I'm gonna say three or four times, I think. - I think it's also Pepsi, right? I think it is. I think it is, believe it is. - So, you're saying Sunny B is also Pepsi? - I think so. - I think so. That plays potato, Joe. - Oh, that's right. - I think there's Taco Bell, Max's first wish is a mountain of junk food high to the sky, and they gotta get a weed joke in here somehow. - Well, and you said Taco Bell, I don't think we see any tacos, but we also see-- - There is a taco, or, well, I don't know, maybe it was a burrito. - No, we do. Maybe it's in the sky, but also front of the show. Taco Bell and pizza hut are also now owned together. And so that's all the stacks of pies we get. But that reminds me, my good friend, Miss Giles. Mr. Big Bar is what I told Joe was telling you about. - You said you were gonna tell us what it is 'cause it looks like a turd. - So Mr. Big is, quote, the largest chocolate bar in Canada. It's a Canadian chocolate bar produced by Cadbury, hence the name-- - Oh, they're good. - It's 20 centimetres or eight inches long, which is enough for any of our friends of the show. There is additional varieties called Mr. Chew Big, Mr. Fudge Bar, and Mr. Big with Maple. Okay, it was first produced in Canada in 1979, the bar is common in Canada, but also available in Hungary, Poland, and in some areas in the United States. You might be asking, huh, Canadian advertising called it Mr. Big, so big, they call him Mr. - Eh. - It gets worse. - That's good. - So here's the thing, in 1995, the product was first brought to the United States and they launched an advertising campaign starring basketball player Shaquille O'Neal. - Well, there you go. - A major Mr. Big chocolate bar was manufactured for the Halloween season of the chocolate season. - Oh, the Halloween season. - The Halloween season advertised purely by Shaq. - I mean, Halloween season-- - When you said, quote, it was the only thing that made me wish I was small. Go ahead. - Halloween through Easter is chocolate season, so. - I'm not gonna argue with you. - Yeah, no, I'm right, I know I'm right. - Just when I get into the spelt shape that I'm in, chocolate's there's two appear at my house. - Yeah. - Chocolate season, S-Z-N, it's chocolate season, guys. - I just, I'm sorry, I'm actually crying about this. - That's crazy. I love that. - It brings up the above all of me too. - Wow. Shaq. I mean, Shaq is a good businessman. - He's Mr. Big. - He has been involved in so many things, not just as a spokesman or somehow in 1996, getting an executive producer credit on a movie. - Well, and of course, Uncle Boy, he owns the Krispy Kreme around here and once the asshole that it was father, Papa John Slattery, lost Phil from grace after making a bunch of racial slurs. The guy who owns the most Papa John's franchises now is Shaq here on the Hill. - He owns a bunch of five guys. He owns the Krispy Kreme in Atlanta. One of them, which got burned down a couple years ago. - And he heroically vowed to rebuild it. - And he did, he did this happening. So he's, you know, he did-- - Also, my kids and I have gotten into this tree house building show and he's on an episode of that where he has a like hang out tree house built for his family and he is just as charismatic and charming and like, like lovable. - He's called Matt. - You know what, I was thinking about this today, literally 'cause as we are recording, the Olympics is in the high gear now. - Yes. - Two people from our childhood that were not edgy. I'm not gonna say Shaq was edgy per se, but edgy that have now made good are Shaq and Olympic Snoop Dogg. Just like, he might, God, he's all over the coverage. Snoop Dogg, my God. - Sharming black men who like, if you bought a Snoop Dogg album when you were like in middle school with us, that was, it was a statement you were making. And now he's just, him and Martha Stewart are just fucking hanging out. And then again, Shaq, like, and again, he was never, he was never, I don't know, Rodman. But at the same time, he was this guy who was bigger than life and he had a rap out. No, and now he's just a cuddly teddy. Him and the general, just hanging out. - You're just settling in shirts? And now he's just advertising for everything. He's just a charming motherfucker. I love the guy. - I'll say that in the early 90s when Shaq, and actually there's a reference to this in this movie, he's an LSU grad. I think in Asia Moon, is that her name? - That's like what he lied to the girl. - So when he was at LSU playing basketball, he was like the huge thing. We're talking like 1990, 1991. - '71. - He was just a sensation. So for 35 years, almost, he has been a kind of larger than life guy. And God damn, he looks good in this movie. Like 1996 Shaq, like, this is the Shaq that was like leading fast breaks and running and jumping and doing everything. This is not 325 pound Shaq. This is, he looks good. - He's carrying it well. Like he's charming, he's leaning down and looking at the kid. - He's wearing orange crushed colored butterfly shirts. I mean, like-- - His pants fell down at one point, though. That was kind of weird. - His pants fell down. I'm not sure why they had that. - Maybe, maybe I think this was-- - Put the bombs in the audience. - I think this was the end of like, because this was like, when sagging was cool, sagging, you know, did you guys-- - I, I, I, I, I sagged. - I grew up in-- - That's eye sagged. - You sagged, so I grew up in Alabama, so I, I'm not sure if it like, I had maybe a different experience about around like sagging, sagging, sagging. - Sagging, sagging. - You have to say sagging. - Sagging if you're cool. - But like, so, but maybe, but I, I do remember that there was sagging and then there were the people that hated it, right? Like we're just like, oh, sagging, sagging is terrible. So I wonder if-- - People have told you to leave room for Jesus. - Yeah, so I wonder if, if this was at the end of that, where he, like his pants falling down was like, you know-- - If I may offer a, a different suggestion. - If I would, I, let's hear it. - 1992, Bill Clinton runs for president. (laughing) And on MTV, MTV News, someone asked him if he wore boxers or briefs, and you know what? In 1986, when he run for re-election, we know that check wore boxers. I, I think there's also some of that too. Like, the national debate was a conversation about boxers or briefs, and Shaq was wearing boxers. - Oh, yeah, I think. - I mean, because again, I, nowadays-- - Was that a big thing, like, with everybody though? Like, everybody, this boxers or briefs that-- - That's why they asked it, and Clinton, you know, give this kind of like, hmm, you have to find out. - But-- - But what was it? - What was it? - It was a person who asked that, that question, a pretty woman, because I can imagine him like, I'll tell you, no, no, I'll tell you back to the presidential suite, and you'll find out on it. Exclusive interview. - Before Matt makes a joke, it was like a 15 year old, 16 year old, because the whole idea was that it was MTV, so the kids were asking the candidates. And Clinton was supposed to appeal to young people, that's why he appeared on the Cineo Hall, as opposed to, say, George W. Bush, or George H.W. Bush, who was old and daughtering, compared to-- - Wait, so we never found out about Clinton and what he-- - Clinton will use the fact that he wore boxers, essentially, because he was young and cool, and then could play the saxophone, and bet anyone in the audience. - Can play the saxophone. - And play the saxophone. But I do feel like that's part of it. Meanwhile, this episode is sponsored by Mac Weldon, and, or me on these, this episode is sponsored by me on these, with the men's new modal cotton boxer briefs. I see you, my favorite of the nail, the ads where they're just like nuts hanging out in the front, and they're like, (laughs) here's the, we're not gonna be sponsored by anyone. - No, that's a joke. - Me on these, if you're out there somewhere, give our esteemed host a call. - I mean, I could sign up for it. You went seven cents on the dollar? Me on these sponsorship. - No, we're an independent podcast, because I said no to people, and I apologize for that. - Okay, so, - We wouldn't even talk to him. - Well, it's okay, basically he's not. - I have something. - Let's go, let's go. - Okay, so it's not about the movie. So something happened to me today that is- - It's a story time ahead. - It's a Kieko story. Which, I don't know if I told you guys, I've said this before, a Kieko story is a story that seemingly has no end. But actually, there is something relevant in it. - Literally, you're on the right podcast. - Okay, yeah, that's cool. - Star Wars story, a Spike Lee joy. We got a Kieko story. - What my friends call the Kieko story, and usually they start with one time, blah blah blah, like the band camp. Yeah, like that. - You had to cut their breaks, and they're not on the podcast anymore. - Huh? - Nothing. - Oh, okay. Okay, so this is what happened today. This was, this is a genie adjacent. - Oh. - So today, today we saw a magician. - Ooh. - And his name was Adam Stone. And he's one of those, like, mentalist magician kind of people. So the show opened with this really interesting. - And he has a social security number. - Well, actually, no, he did do somebody's phone passcode, like, and he figured it out. - Really? - So, you see, so the one he opened with was he had everybody have a small item that they can hold in one hand, and he had everybody in the audience hold this item in one or the other hand. And he gave a little spiel, and then he said, okay, well, I just said left to you guys, like, three times. So everybody that has it in your left hand, sit down, because I just, like, suggested to you to put it in your left hand. You may not have caught it or whatever. And then whatever, he went through a thing, and then he was eliminating people, and he was giving their tells, and he was saying, this is why I'm eliminating this group, and this is why, anyway, it was really interesting. Kind of cool. But then he, later in the show, asked if anybody hated math. And this was for my husband's work, which I'm not gonna say what it is, but it's a tech industry. And, you know, it was an event for the work. Like a family kind of thing, I don't know what it was, but- - Give your child to work for you today. - Something like that. It was like a festival, I don't know. But so he was like, does anybody hate math? And I was like, cause I hate math. And nobody else really raised their hand, which I thought was interesting, but this is like a tech industry. So maybe they all just do math all the time, and they all love math. Or maybe they were afraid to say that they hated math, cause it's like in their industry, and they didn't wanna like openly say that they hate their job. So I don't know. But anyway, next thing I know, I'm up on the stage. - And there's a rap battle? - No, no, no, no, but then I realized in that moment, I was like, oh crap, he's gonna make me do math. So it got up there. And he was like, well, first of all, just like to give me a little background, tell me why you hate math. And I was like, oh, I grew up in Alabama. And he was like, thank you. That was like very cool. So then he was like, all right. So and the reason I wanna tell you guys the story is because I wanna see, cause you guys are really smart. - Thank you. - And I wanna see, you're welcome, you are. You're super smart. And you too. - Oh, thanks. - And you too. - That's fun, you're fine. - So I wanna see if you guys can tell me what the trick is for this, like how this happened. - Let's see. - Yeah, okay. So here's what he did. So he's like, all right. So he said he's dyslexic and he has this trick to remember numbers. And it's where he kind of closes his eyes and sort of takes a mental image, takes a kind of a picture. And he's like, I'm gonna show you these, whatever, five or six cards with a six digit number on them. And I'm gonna show him to you super fast. And you just take a little click, take a little picture with your eyes, blink, and everyone. And then we're gonna do an activity. And I'm like, all right, cool. I'm like, blacking out. And he's like, you look really nervous. And I was like, I am sorry for you (laughs) for what is about to happen, 'cause I don't think your trick is gonna work. So he showed me these cards with these six digit numbers. And he's like, blink, blink, blink, blink. And it's super fast. And then he handed those cards out to the audience, to individuals and the audience. And then he's like, all right. He goes over to this like, large notepad. And he's like, tell me a one digit number. And I'm like, blacked out. So I'm like, okay. - We're drinking all day. - I tell him a number. No, I haven't been drinking at all. But I'm like, in front of a crowd and I'm also doing math. So I'm essentially having a heart attack. Actually, I should look and see if my Fitbit caught zone minutes because it was intense. So then he's like, all right, give me a one digit number. So I did whatever. I don't remember what I said. He's like, give me a two digit number. I don't remember what I said. He's like, give me a three digit number. And he's having me blink every time. Like, I'm recalling the numbers that he showed me. And so I give him a three digit number and he said, and I think I said like, one oh three. And I was really trying to like visualize a number when I close my eyes, you know, to like see a number. And so I was just saying the first thing that came to mind. So I said, one oh three. And he's like, you're close. He's like, I want you to forget the audience. Like forget, you know, that we're here, try again. And I close my eyes and I'm like, I still see one oh three, but you're telling me it should be different. So I'm gonna say, and he said, do it one at a time. So I said two. And he's like, all right, he writes the two down. And then I'm like, okay, blinking, zero. I want it to be a zero. It was a zero before, I want it to be a zero. He's like, okay, he did it. And then I was like, okay. And then my original was three, but I changed it, I think to four. So then he writes that down. And then he writes down the numbers, the six digit numbers below, he draws a line and he writes down all the six digit numbers that he'd come up with. And he writes them all down on the board and he asks the audience, did they get them all? Did I get them all right? Did I mess any up? Whatever, nobody said anything. So then he starts adding and he adds those numbers together and they equaled the number that I gave him. And so my question is, how did he do that? And I actually have a picture of the board with the numbers because my thought was, well, maybe he just flubbed the math and like, 'cause when you're in that moment and he was doing it super fast, maybe you don't notice that? Like, there's not a nice maker in that fridge, is there? - No. - I don't know what just happened. Something moved in the fridge. - How did he do it? 'Cause I am. - 'Cause I am. - Oh, you're trying to tie it back to the movie, I get it. - No, it's on your hand. - No, so I don't get how he did it. And then I thought, well, maybe one of those six digit numbers is fake and the individuals wouldn't know how many were handed out and maybe there's one that he can just adjust the number slightly. - I have a question. Do you remember what the numbers added up to? - I have a picture of it. - Was it always 30? - No, it was like a million and something. - Wait, added up to, okay. - Yeah. - No, what I would guess is something has to do with those, the numbers always add up the same amount. - The top number is the number that I gave him, one, two, three, zero, two, zero, four. And then the other numbers are supposedly the numbers on the cards that he had me look at and that he handed out to the crowd. - The weird one to me is the last one, which starts with a zero. - I... - And so that's what I'm thinking. Maybe that one is fake. - I think all those numbers add up to the same amount and that's how it was always gonna end up the same. - But how did I give him that number? - I'm telling you, it might not matter the number you gave him because they always end up the same, but it sounds more like a mentalist. When we were kids, there was a guy named Jonathan Edwards, not the right vice president who screwed everything up, but he was a psychic who would read people's mind by what they do called cold calling, where using your mind, it's really easy to manipulate doing certain things by asking questions. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I 100% believe that's like what is going on. - Yeah, that's what it is. I think he's just encouraging you to give numbers because it's the same way, okay, so a million years ago, I used to work in a movie theater, where Shaq showed up. - Did you do magic on people in the movie theater? - No, but there was a night digital passcode on one of the doors, and I was told the code, which now doesn't matter because the door doesn't exist anymore, but it was two, five, eight, five, five, two, and he was like, look, here's the thing, people always dot on the middle and then do the corners. So try down the middle and then do the corners because people always naturally look for the same number sequences. That's why when they tell you, and you're a child, hello children, to do a say, a pin number for the first time, think of something for your past to do it, because otherwise you're just going to do something that's very predictable, people look for number in patterns. I bet you there's some number pattern that's there that I just don't know, because that's what it seems like. - Jack wraps with the brat in this movie. - Yeah. - Go ahead, Hugo. - I don't know, it just blew my mind. I'm like, how did he do it? - That means he's a good mentalist. I'm not going to say anything bad about the person who did it because it seems like you left thinking about it, so you wanted to record it all? - No, I put it up on the wall. - Oh, so now there's a Stranger Things wall in your house where there's just numbers and letters. - Yes, yeah, yeah. - Very good. - But anyway, I don't know, it's very cool, though. - I'm impressed. - I feel like we should spend a little bit of time talking about-- - The movie where she-- - No, Shazam. - Shazam. - Shazam. - Shazam. - Yeah. - Not Kazam, Shazam. - Yeah, Shazam. - Okay, thank you, yeah. I think we should talk about that. - I mean, the guy from, what was that? - No. - Levi. - Yeah, Zachary, Levi. - The guy that's in Harold and the Purple Crayon. - That movie that's doing so well-- - Which apparently did poorly, and I saw you. - Do you really like, we really liked it. - We really liked it. - They're loved, like bad movies. This is my Opio movies, it's podcast videos. (laughing) - You're left to like bad movies, is that a slogan? Do we have a slogan? I guess it's putting your past on trial. - Something like that, it's been years. - You're, I think you're allowed to like bad movies is better. (laughing) - You're allowed to like bad movies, good. That's good. - That's what my therapist told me. - Yeah. - I mean, I don't know, what do you want to tell about this small kid who's like being beat up by-- - Some 20-year-olds. - One kid who looks like young M&M. - Yeah. - And the other one that has a very cute crochet shirt. - You don't. It's like the Nirvana like stretched out crochet. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like oversized, which is so in now, which is crazy. - Well, and like, there's like, they either have the greased back hair or like the backwards hats. And there's one kid has like a backwards like cabbie hat like you just like, it's the 90s. - Yeah, and the one kid has the like shaved eyebrows. - The edges and do is eyebrows, which is, it's sharp. That's a sharp look. I don't even know where to go. - I don't know. I don't have notes on this. - Yeah, they started out by bullying him and trying to get the key to supply closet. And by the end of it, they're breaking into a mafia front club to steal master tapes. - Those are some ambitious bullies. I mean, they really, they really went for it. - And that leads to Max's dad getting the crap kicked out of them by Malik's thugs. - I thought they were, I thought they made bootleg movies. - They were doing bootleg music and CDs at one point. - Because it's like the great market CD. - That's like a great chain of beating. - Malik and his guys beat on his dad and his dad is beating on this musician who wants out, who doesn't want to get involved in criminal behavior. Again, a kid's movie where people get beaten up by monsters. - Traditionally, all the time. Yeah, it's kind of weird. I also have to say, this is sort of weird. 'Cause I remembered this movie. Like I showed this movie to my kids like last year. - Really? - Yeah, yeah, because I liked the movie. But I think I, okay, well, I don't know if you guys know that I didn't really have like a dad. - You've mentioned it. - So, I was like, when I was watching it with my kids, I was like, oh, I think I was like, I think I liked it because the kid got like a magic, you know, parent, like got to wish and have a parent. So that was kind of an interesting (laughs) - Yeah, who, yeah, who, there's something I noticed. Max wishes that his dad, who's basically in "Hawk to the Mob" and is apparently wanted by the police too. Can you have a second chance? So later in the movie, Shaq proceeds to go full Shaq-Fu. Yes, there's actually a video game called Shaq-Fu. And it proceeds to beat up-- - Oh, that's a real thing. - Either beat up onto the gangsters to death or knock them unconscious and leave them in a burning building. And then finally, fold up Malik, the gang boss into a human screaming basketball and slam Dunkham down an air shaft. - Absolute hands down and a burning building. A burning building, yeah. Shaq is just down the trash chute. - He slams the dust. - Dones him. - He goes the dust. - Yeah, yeah. Little boy got his wish because between the mafia being all pretty much dead and his dad doing some time in jail, his dad's not a part of the life anymore. - Did Space Jam come out before this? - Uh, yeah, 95, right? - Is it like that? - Yes, yeah, it's been right around the same thing. - Yeah, that's what I was thinking is like-- - This is what happens to Wayne Knight, right? With the turn of into a basketball, the bad guys turn into a basketball slam Dunkham. - Well, I was just kind of thinking of a basketball star kind of being in a movie. - Oh, yeah, I mentioned that Shaq brutally beats the gangsters to death after Malik throws Max down an elevator shaft and apparently kills him. - Yeah, when that started happening, I was like Shaq Fu, hell yeah. I mean, we needed more in that stuff. Like Shaq high-kicking, you know, low-level gangsters. - I don't think so. I think my favorite thing, like I feel like my favorite sort of moment in the movie was Shaq being goofy in his room and just riffing and just-- - Kicking the kid out of bed is good, but the weepy genie music video whatever is out of this world. - Out of this world, good? Is that what you're saying? - Well, I will say, so we talked about this while we were watching it. The problem with this movie is in some ways, it's almost too mellow. Like the plot is absurd. There's mafia, as Matt said, there's about to be sodomized. - They don't say that when they talk about you, we're gonna unlock some males with this key for something gross. - One under a hold of this key. - I can't believe I missed that. I was so like into the audience. - I thought they were gonna show him down his throat, but Matt immediately went for the ass, which is what Matt is here for, but-- - Sorry, Nick, I'll leave that to you. - By my point being, the movie is all over the place. I wish it was more over the top all the time. The idea that he only turns someone into a ball at the end, there needs to be more. Like the check, you can find the bottom, so to find. But do more of it. Like the silliness needs to be this, 'cause so much of it is like a lifetime movie where the kid wants to find his dad, but his dad apparently is in the mafia? - Yeah, it is a weirdly spliced, very serious movie, alternating a silly goofy kids movie. Like that's the problem. With an obnoxious bratty kid. - You're not rooting for that kid. I mean, you know, he's sort of-- - Well, he's-- - He's got a shitty life. - He's his life sucks, you know. - But like his mom is getting married. - He's a good guy, yeah. - Why does that stop? - That's cool. - But you guys got the problem, right? Where's he a cool dude? Like what would be good is if that kid who has the bowl cup that doesn't get a line, or it says-- - He has one line. - You all right, dude? - Yeah. - If he was being bullied worse, and so he stood up-- - Trying to-- - To protect his friend. Like if there was a redeeming moment for this kid, it would be better, but instead, everyone else redeems themselves to the kid. Like Travis only gets his respect because he saves the kid's life. That's bullshit, like the kid never apologizes for being a jackass either, right? Like you think he goes, "I was wrong, thank you." Like, you know, or maybe, what was his name, Nick? I just assume every asshole-- - Who ever? - The dad, what's the dad's name, Nick? - No, it was Nick. - Yeah, he's an asshole. - You're Nick Mateo. - It's like, it's, it's say-- - What an asshole. - If Travis, if Travis stops Nick from hitting the mom or something, right, 'cause like the mom was getting chewed out by Nick at one point, if Travis stood up for her, it would be better. Like, anything, no one is a good character at this. - Yeah, but I feel like those are going more toward the serious aspect. And I feel like what makes this movie good is its goofiness and its silliness. - Right. - I want more of that. - It would have been very easy to make this a good, fun movie. - Yeah, didn't make for TV, whatever. - You don't have to have all that stuff about like, you know, a kid being thrown to an elevator shoot. - Still murdered in an elevator shoot. - I mean, you don't have to have that. He could have just been getting bullied and Shaq steps in and is his, you know, good. - I wonder if maybe they did film a lot of this stuff. Like, because we talked about this, we were like that, that friend kid. - Right, he's like making faces at him in the door in the beginning. - I'm sure there's like 35 minutes of, you know, films that would just, like, on the cutting room floor. - And then the bully can't kiss. - And this kid doesn't-- - The bully leaves the movie for good hour. - Because it just disappear. - He's barely in it. You know, okay, so previous episode, Richie Rich. Have you seen Richie Rich? - I watched it in theaters. - Yeah, absolutely. I saw that in theaters. - The background of this is like John Larricut kills the parents because he's the, like, second in line for the corporation and wants to take over Richie Rich's money. That's what it is. The dad is Edward Herman, Richie Rich himself is McCully Colkin. But the whole thing is that McCully Colkin, Richie Rich, wants friends. That movie, describing it sounds very complicated, but baseline, it's very simple and, more importantly, it's silly and over the top. Because nothing matters in that movie 'cause he's richer than God. His house is the Biltmore Estate in Asheville. He has the McDonald's inside the house just for him, right? Like, but it turns out that his, the butler pays people to be friends with him. Like, because in the end, it's a kid's movie, so it needs to be about relationships that these kids understand. The mafia showing up is not something because I understand. - No. - We need more time with the friends, but like, with Travis, get all trapped. Like, this movie is all over the place. I don't know what to tell you. Like, and it's so funny too 'cause the kid is clearly in to rap because the brat is shows up and his dad is apparently. We don't understand what's going on with the dad and the mafia. - I think the club is a mafia front. - Yes, but why do they have the brats albums? Are they also recording? - Money laundering. - But are they producing the albums? I don't know. Like, it's very strange because they clearly-- - They're just bad guys. Like, they just, they're like-- - And they want a counterfeit stuff. That's basically it, right? - You wouldn't steal a movie. You wouldn't steal a car. - You wouldn't steal a car, yeah. - Sure. - Yeah, I think the club is the front for a counterfeit event. - The front for the brat? - A counterfeit event. - A counterfeit event. - A counterfeiting of what? Tell us. - Tell us. - It is to me, man. - Albums. - 'Cause there's a master tape of a concert and they're trying to make a bunch of albums of it. - We will take down the Grateful Dead by mastering these albums. - So they have real albums, like the brat, but she's not the brat in this-- - I think we're really thinking. - In the movie, who is she? She's, it's like something weird. Like, um. - It is. They give her name even though she's dressed like the brat for the music video for the brat. - So, so this person has real albums, but they did a concert in this club and they record it and they're gonna sell it and that's their-- - As a bootleg. - But, how is it a bootleg if it's, never, I don't-- - No, because artists back then, you had to give permission to sell the club. - So they're selling it without studio permission-- - That's-- - Or the art, and probably the studio. - That's what it's supposed to be. Because like, okay, so funny enough, this is something that's changing at the time, because Grateful Dead had first really hated the fact that people recorded them and then they glommed on to the idea. And by 1995, the year before this came out, Fish was one of the biggest bands in the country, and the whole idea was that not only did they play a different set each time, but they had a section for people recording their music. And websites like nugs.net, which I know sounds like it, but you could buy albums that were their concerts and people would, like Mr. Science Theater, exchange the tapes. That was something that was changing in the industry at the time. And bands like Dave Matthew's band. - They absolutely encourage that. Fugazi is one that they have an entire online archive of live shows that are just recorded by people, so. - And so if you like a band like that, I'm sorry, you might never find the concert you're looking for, 'cause there's hundreds of them online. But that's where the industry was changing, because remember, the whole plot of this mafia part, the mafia part doesn't exist anymore, because by 1999, 2000 people owned CD burners. And so the idea that back then they were copying albums was like the CD burner technology cost thousands of dollars. Although I will say, I'm sure all of you remember this, by the time I was in middle school, I had a tape deck attached to my sound system, like a little boom bomb. - Oh, tell ya. - And you could like listen around here, the top 40 station when we were kids was starting before. - Perhaps, represent. - And when it started to play the song you like, you would just hit record and you would record the tape off. - You would wait for your song. - And my name is Nick, so I would have Nick mixes. But I still have all of them going back to ninth grade, because thanks to Spotify, you can do that. But I used to have the tapes, and you would learn the first chord of that guitar, or that bass, or that opening drum riff, so you knew exactly when to record Eagle Eye Cherry. The first song that-- - See you tonight. - Inside the break of Don, yeah, Matt. - On other things, I've said this, but the first song I ever downloaded on Napster was saved tonight by Eagle Eye Cherry. - Wow. - Which is a banger, every listen to it lately, it's a great song. - It really is. - It's a good one. I feel like I downloaded like three googoo dolls songs at like 4.1 kilobytes per second. - Half an hour by song. - You were just like sitting there, like, come on, man. - And meanwhile, no one can call your house. - That's right, that's right. It was like Christmas present at one point for us to get a second phone lines that I could be online all the time. AOL chat rooms. That's right, Xenials who are listening. Spotify, where you could listen to something in like high fidelity in real time, no, no, no. To download an entire album might take a week, like truly. I had a girlfriend in high school and she knew I was into music, which means nothing in real times. But for a, I think a Christmas gift, VH1, because the Millennium was coming, had made the 100 greatest rock songs of all time and she made me like downloaded all those MP3 'cause she had DSL, my friends. - Oh, yeah, you were working at much more than five kilobytes per second. - Wait, what does DSL mean? 'Cause DSL would be well. - It really is, who likes subscriber line? It means rex subscriber line, but it was just, it was about 10 times faster than regular internet, that's what that meant. It meant she had faster internet than us. - Yeah, so she had DSL. - She had a DSL. - Did you guys ever have crossed wires? Like, phone wires? - No. - Oh, I must say, I did an Alabama thing. - No, no, you mean, or if you would actually-- - Well, like when you pick up the phone and you hear somebody else having a conversation-- - Yes, because it's the same phone. - Yeah, if my parents were the phone upstairs, I'd pick up the phone downstairs. - No, no, no, no, no, not within your house, other houses. - Oh, you mean like a line that was on like street. - Yeah, I used to have that and I used to get some really juicy conversations. - I understand that is-- - Not a party line, you mean like literally-- - No, like you would pick up the phone to make a call and you would hear people talking already and you'd be like, "Oh, what did Dorothy do to you?" Like-- - And you're like my sweet summer chair. - But the thing was I wasn't sure if I had to be quiet or not, so I would be quiet. - You'd just keep gasping. You'd be clutching your pearls the whole time. - Yeah, Dorothy got up to some stuff. I mean, I can imagine clicking those shoes together, leaving on. We don't even need movies anymore, we could just talk. - I'm trying. - I mean, Shaq. - So I've been thinking the entire time, there's the music, the ultimate showdown of Ultimate Destiny. And like, he opened up a can of Shaq food. Aaron Carter came out of the blue. - That's how he beat Shaq. - That's right. - Because maybe I should find a playthrough of Shaq food and post it in the Myopia Facebook group. - The album Shaq food came out in like 1993 and then we just Shaq, just like the Millennium, we've been living in the world of Shaq food since then. - Yeah, in case those of you who didn't, there's a Sega Genesis game called Shaq food, which is basically Shaq doing Mortal Kombat. - And is it Mortal Kombat? - It's more like, it's a side-scrolling fighting game. - I can't do. - It's a rip off, but it's a fight. I have to go check, I thought it was a fighting game. - I don't remember, I thought it was a side-scrolling game. - But yeah, Shaq versus like an evil mummy or something. - Oh man, that is a fighting game. - Yeah, where you just play Shaq and fight various monsters. - You can get it on Xbox One apparently. A legendary born Shaq food, the legendary born, now in Switch. - Oh, there you go. - Nick, I dare you to do it. - Well, I dare you to play it. - I'll play it, I don't know. Now it's a new game, but the original one came out in 1984, the year after his album. Shaq food was met with responses from critics upon release, though since it had been considered one of the worst video games ever made. - My goodness, Shaq has had some bad (laughs) luck. - But I'll tell you what though, it lets you know how charming he must be because he keeps getting second chances. - Well, what would make a video game that bad? - Dude, I don't know, man. - This is a concept, it's so absurd. It's like the movie, the golden child or Eddie Murphy has to save the Buddha from a demon or something. - I actually really like that movie. - Swap out that plot with Shaq doing martial arts. And you have Shaq food. - Eddie Murphy, I don't think Eddie Murphy does he do martial arts in the movie? - No, but I'm saying it's just Shaq food. He's fighting, that's why he's fighting people. - Yeah. - Just look up like a super cut of Charles Barkley making fun of Shaq for this movie. It's like, you can find like a 25 minute super cut of Charles Barkley clowning on Shaq for this ridiculous film. And that's fun. - You remind me though, is he the best basketball player to a doctor? Shaq? - No, Kareem Abdul Jabbar. - He actually did come on, he did actual Kung food. - What was he doing? - He did the airplane. - What about that? - Hey, yeah, yeah. What about Bill Walden up and down the corner? - What about playing me this episode, double down, or whatever it was, where it's got Dennis Rodman. - And playing against Jung Klushman then. - Fighting terrorists or something. - You're a crazy Belgian, and you are a black man. - Yeah, that's pretty much double down. No, that's not a great movie. - Well, though Rodman brings it, he's better than, I mean, I think the worst is Larry Bird in Space Jam. - Oh, he's so, and then wouldn't he is. - But aren't they, and Space Jam, aren't they playing themselves? - They are. - Yeah, it's not good. - He's trying to play golf against Bill Murray. Muxy Bogues is not, Patrick Ewing is in it too. He's one of the guys. - Yeah. - Also not good, but they don't have anything to do. I do realize when we were watching this, I was like, Charles Barkley would be much worse than Shaq in this. I like, I like Charles Barkley, but Charles Barkley. - How about Sinbad, how would he be in this? - Oh no, he's in that movie, Shazam, right? (laughing) - So there's a show that's long since over. - Which is same 'cause I liked it very much. Same guys associated with Gravity Falls, but it's called Inside Out. And at one point, the dimensions are being split apart, everything's falling apart. And the only way we know what's reality is whether or not it's Kazam versus Shazam. And a guy has a tattoo on his back that it's Shazam. - That's actually in the show? - It's in the show, it's a very funny show. - I will recommend Inside Job, which is very funny. - Oh, we watched it that far. - We watched it the first episode of that. - Yeah, some very good voice actors in that. - No. - But anyway, at the end it turns out that Shaq gives Shaq gives a second chance to the kid. The kid is Max, right? - Yeah, in this movie, yes. (laughing) - So Francis Capra, not Frank Capra. - No relation, apparently. - Like a legacy kid. - He did go on to do other things. - He did, he did go on a few, right? - He also has, I think he has face tattoos now. - Oh my God. - Well, then another child's star gone wrong. - I don't know if he's gone wrong. I just know he has face tattoos. - Yeah, he does have face tattoos. - Like tears? - Oh, he killed, well, did he kill anyone? - I don't know. - Is that what that means? - You know who directed this movie? - He has two tears. - I think he mentioned this. A guy named Paul Michael Glaser, asked your parents because he played Starsky in the original Starsky and Hutch. - Oh, wow. - He also directed one of my favorite movies of all time, so I'll throw that out there. Arnold Schwarzenegger's the running man. He directed the running man. - Oh, you were talking about that last time. - From running man to-- - That is ridiculous movie. - From running man to-- - I watched it, I watched it a couple months ago that movie is insane. So from running man to kazam, that is quite a drop. - Well, I think after a while he just became a gun for hire. I assume he got paid well to make. 'Cause again, I love that movie, Running Man. It's not exactly Shakespeare, like it's stupid, and it's fun, but doesn't make it a great job. - It's got Jesse Ventura in it, which is awesome. Running Man was enjoyable because it was good, 'cause Sam is enjoyable because it's bad. - Correct. - So the guy you mentioned is Frank Francis Capra. Has in fact been in stuff. He's excellent in SLC Punk and Bronx Tale. He's also in Crank. But by the time he's Crank, in 2006, Crank, he's a character called Warehouse Hood Leader. So he doesn't even get a character's name. - Well, it was-- - Still hanging out where it was-- - Bronx Tale, he had to be like six years old in a Bronx Tale. - Yeah, he plays the main character at age nine. So there you go. - Okay. Wow. - I don't know, like he's a kid actor. I assume he still shows up in stuff still, but more where I assume he has the job like a person, 'cause sometimes these kid actors work out. Unfortunately, with that mullet, he just didn't get it. - I don't think it's really a mullet. - No, it's not. It's a disaster. I mean, but at the end, he's like trying to talk to his dad, and he's like, "I don't know, I don't know." And he's like, "This is a different movie, man. "We have a genie who's trying to get his freedom." It was like-- - It also, you know, he apparently does somehow. - But that's the problem, Matt, you nailed it right there. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The kid should give the gen his freedom. - Yes. - That's why Aladdin got right. Like, the whole thing about Aladdin was he was a street putt. He's very like David Copperfield. Like, he steals because he needs to. But at the end, he could have anything he wants, and he chooses to think of other people first. The kid never thinks about anyone else. - No. - Yeah. - But, okay, let's unpack this, because the reason he gets his freedom is because he makes a wish for the kid. - Stuff like the pro I mean. - Shaq has a character arc. The kid does not. - The kid does not. - The main character is not the protagonist. - Well, I think the kid makes a wish for the tape to save his dad from the mafia goons. And later, then later wishes for his dad to have a second chance, which basically means he goes to jail. - I mean-- - As opposed to being murdered, I suppose. - Well, he-- - Like him. - And Shaq kills the entire mafia. But like, I don't know, man. - A lighter too in the script would have made this feel like a story. - I mean, and like, if it's anything, because like, does the kid's relationship change? Like, he never calls Travis dad. There's not a girl that he could be his girlfriend. We never even see friend again. You know what I mean, like, he doesn't have a character arc. He makes faces through the classroom door at the very beginning. And then he asks him if he's okay at the top of the stairs. - He's not gonna make it right now. - Well, then friend dies in that fire and they play, "Don't you forget about me as he walks out of the credits." Like, I don't know, man. Like, show me something that the character has evolved in anyway. Shaq changes because he becomes-- - You're right, right, right. - He essentially sacrifices himself to help the kid. - Yep. - And kills, and ends the mafia, which is great. - That's good, you know? - I'm gonna turn you into a living basketball. - Yeah. - And he held up his campaign promise, so Shaq forgot it. But like, otherwise, like, the mom, so the mom sleeps through half the movie. She wakes up like, "Where were you?" I was like-- - She's got a little sandwich next to her and everything. - You've been gone for three days, son. Like-- - You and hanging out with your deadbeat dad at a club. - At a club? You've been hanging out with a rapper named Shaquille O'Neal. - It's class K. - Class K. - Oh, that's right. I do like some of Shaq's. Do you think I could pull off a vest, Keiko? With as many sequences as I check. - No. - Only one way to find out. - I do have a regular vest. I got a serious sucker vest. - You are quite tall, so maybe. I don't know. - Thank you. (laughing) You're so kind. Endorsement. Maybe, I don't know. - Also, there's this thing that happens when Shaq gets called where he feels like his hearing aid is rupturing or all of a sudden his earpods. - Yeah, yeah. - He starts squealing, like his hearing aid is turned up to us. - This is-- - It's really a wee. - He also does it right before Max, like, whatever, this is part of the mythology of this world where Max calls to him when he's in trouble. And I guess he's being water boarded by the mafia. And he calls to Shaq, well, Shaq is on a date with Asia. And he appears in his glass of water. - Dude, you look like you're on something that doesn't make-- - No, there's just no trying to figure out what that is. - Yeah, that's kind of the point where you're like, okay, this movie can just do whatever it wants. And, you know, you just-- - No, and like, sometimes, and early on, he asks for a Jaguar XKs. - Yeah, XK-E. - XK-E? - Yeah, it's not clear if he ever gets it. - And you're the only-- - No, we never get it. - Jack can't do it. - A cat. - I thought it was gonna be misunderstanding, like a Jack wire. - 100% that would make a lot of sense. - It would be funny. - Yes. - It would make the movie a comedy. - Actually, hey. - Is that one as magical dysfunction? - No, spoiler, spoiler about Harold and the purple crayon, but they do do that in Harold and the purple crayon. - That reminds us of our sponsor, Blue Cheer. Are you having magical dysfunction? (laughing) - Go watch Harold and the purple crayon. Just go watch it. - So you're gonna save this movie for fail, and you know, a game stop. - Consider renting for Harold and the purple crayon for free on Tubi or whatever. - Let's save Harold and purple crayon. Those people saved game stop. - Yeah, the meme stock buyers. - And I'm not gonna say Kieko's rock about the movie. She has a good taste in films I've enjoyed for that. (laughing) - But apparently America disagrees because no one's apparently made less than $10 million for this weekend. So again, consider, if you want to see her recommendation, consider, say, targets $10 cent-bin or streaming for free on like a taxi cab. - I don't know. - Crackle TV. - It's on it, it's on it. - It's a crackle production. - It's on a DVD on a shelf in Nick Mateo's office. (laughing) - That's awesome. - When he's beating up the poor cracker, who owns, but at one point he gets thrown through a CD rack and the blank media goes there and I'm like, no blank media. I was literally thinking the other day, I'm like, can you burn 4K Blu-rays? That was two hours of my life. I'm like, should I buy a 4K burner? I'm like, no, I can just stream this to it. - Oh God, help me. I'm so poor. Can you, can you give me movies? Anyone listening can get me movies. - Get me more than movies. - We're so close to talking as long as it's moving as well. (laughing) - Oh, good. - No one's gonna be here sweating and just like, editing this like-- - I'm sure this is gonna be really fun for him. - Yeah. - No. (laughing) - That's not. - Oh God, help me. Any final thoughts, you wanna do this? Alex, what do you like? - I mean, I think they could have made this a more sort of enjoyable, just chack-a-be-and-goofy and, you know, befriending a weird little kid movie. I don't know. The rap, God, I mean, I was just saying, while we were watching this, the rhyming and the raps were so lazily written, come on. I mean, you could have like just three non-rappers in a room writing rhymes that were better than what we saw on screen from Jack. And Jack, at this point, he's not only the executive producer, but he like thinks he has a serious rap career and he's putting out those lines, I mean, if he's wrapping those lines on screen, this is horrible. Come on, put 10 minutes into it, guys, come on. - I'll go next just 'cause I want someone else, and I wanna build off Alex, but like, God damn. Get one SNL writer to make jokes too. - Right, like you don't have to pay that much to write someone to write a joke person, a lyric person, anything. 'Cause the other thing too is, I wanna say, I would guess, I would guess, the rhyming was either more or less in the script, because at one point the kid says stop rhyming, then the rhymes go away for like 35 minutes. They sort of appear and they reappear. 'Cause at first he's rhyming the whole time, which again, makes me think they watched Aladdin because when the genie shows up, the first thing we get is the musical number. But then it goes away 'cause the kid goes, can you stop doing that? The script goes, thank God, it's because we were out of rhymes to begin with. But like, as the rest of it goes on, shacks the beat improves and the pacing improves, but the rhymes don't get better. The lyrics are terrible. Okay, so my final thoughts before we cut to the other two. This movie needs to be seen with people. Now the old cliche format, and they might say the same thing, I don't know, you have to see it once. I agree, you need to see this one once, but you can't watch this alone. This is one where you've had your like delta eight gummy or you've had a beer, because you need to see this to believe it. Because so much of this is just like, ambient spaces on a backlot, there's, again, the serious threat of violence against these, this isn't like a puckish like, ooh, I'll get you, no, no, we're gonna shove this key. I thought that you wrote, man immediately went rectal. Either way, there's orps, this isn't involved. And then he's like. So many more or five. Gang mafia beat downs and the protagonist is actually straight up killed at one point. Dude, the kid is thrown through a thing through like a elevator chef. The dad is bound and gagged and presumably beaten to death, kids movie. I don't know what to tell you, this is absurd. Don't watch it because you wanna see your, you know what, we should share a movie with the children. No, no, no, no, no, this is for zenials who have broken their will to live. And you know what, then you'll watch a charming commercial where Shaq is with the general, and they'll be like, this guy, he can rap. And they're like, you know what, he has four rap albums on Spotify. Whoo, Gekko, how are you? - I'm crying. - Thank you. - I'm with you guys. I know at Nick what you said, watch it with people. That's exactly what I was gonna say. Like, yes, this movie is bad, like, it sucks. You know, it helps if you watch it as a kid, I did. And then I tried to show it to my kids and they actually liked it. But you're gonna watch a lot more of this. - It was also weird, you know. But watching it with a group of adults was really fun. I have to say, it was a lot of fun. It, there are bad movies that are just bad and they're not fun, and there are bad movies that are fun, and this is a fun one. That's it. - As I mentioned earlier, this movie is entertaining because it is just so bad. I suppose, you know, watch it with your friends. It's for Mystery Science Theater 3000 it. 'Cause that part is fun. And, of course, Shaq beats a shit out of a bunch of gangsters. - And children. - Well, they try and beat on him first. It's like, some of my middle school pungs try to beat on a seven foot tall man. Yeah, that was weird. - That's why middle schoolers don't mess with me anymore. - Yeah. - Any more. - Any more. You know, I grew up, there I am tall, bold, fat. - Okay, so thank you everyone for listening, tuning in. We will continue Cake of the Month next week as we do Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella previous episode, or we've already recorded that one. It was actually very, it was a good episode. I thought it was a lot of fun. - He's really important. He's trying to make me feel better. No, that was a good one. Everybody like that one. - No, no, no, I think. - Yeah. - Yeah, Shaq did. Here, love it. - Awesome. - Well, your month is our, so traditionally, November has been like the Family Movies Month, right? Yeah, so it's November, we're halfway through November. This episode's coming out the week before Thanksgiving, so there you go. So stay tuned next week, in the future, we're gonna put more movies from your past on trial. But in the meantime, thanks for listening, because we are rapidly approaching our 500th episode. It's 486, I think. And so thanks for doing everything you do to keep us on the charts, keep us internationally interesting. And for those Russian bots who have stopped listening, we don't miss you, we're fine. We're gonna thank you for the real people who listen. Thank you. - Thanks everyone. - We're out. (upbeat music) - "Viovia Movies" is a podcast production of "Dude Letter Podcasting" and is produced by Nick Hoffman. It is edited by Neurotranet and Daniel Suddis and is hosted by Nick Hoffman, with production assistants by Matthew Quinn, Daniel Suddis and Neurotranet. The theme song is "Surf Shimi" by Kevin McCloud from uncomtech.com. License under the Creative Commons by attribution for license, creative commons/licenses by /4pono. Thanks. (upbeat music)
This week on Myopia Movies, we learn the value of a good sound system. We continue Keiko-vember by diving into the 90s fever dream that is Kazaam. You know, the movie you might’ve confused with Shazam starring Sinbad—if your childhood wasn't this cool. Kazaam is Shaquille O’Neal’s genie extravaganza, blending hip-hop magic and nonsense.
How will Kazaam hold up?
Host: Keiko
Panel: Nic, Matthew, Alex
Directed by Paul Michael GlaserStarring: Shaquille O'Neal, Francis Capra, Ally Walker, James Acheson, and Mother Love
