your need to be right is so rooted in your ego, it's gonna create relationship issues, and there is psychology and neuroscience behind this. So this is important when you lay down your ego because you don't always need to be right. Let's chat about it. (upbeat music) Hey, everybody and welcome back to the Positivity Experience. It's your girl, Lori, and I'm so excited for this topic. I'm kind of like an ego specialist, ego and attachment. It's a lot of what my entire foundation of my practice is based on is your ego. And we've talked about that, I have so much stuff on ego, but I like to break it down in just how many areas your ego kicks in, right? So I like to talk to you about what it is, your id, your super ego, your ego, yeah, that's great. That's all Freudant, you know, through Sigma and Freud, and it's the, you know, the ego theory. So when you are focusing on that, you can be like, cool, cool, cool. And I think I know where it comes up. So I like to give you a little bit of a breakdown. We're gonna do a lot of ego work, I think over the next year or two, because it's a big piece of it. It's acceptance, it's radical acceptance, it's refusing to accept. And over on the Patreon, there will be a worksheet that is going to challenge you because you're gonna have to lay down your sword and get very honest with yourself. And it will give you some guidance on how to work through it and what that looks like if that is your jam. Hop over to Patreon. Patreon.com/thepositivityexperience. I also wanted to do this topic because here in the United States, we are really close to our Thanksgiving holiday and our holiday season in general. Now, I think everybody has a certain level of a holiday season because where we are, it is Thanksgiving, almost Thanksgiving week, and this creates a lot of problems. Why? Because people definitely feel the need to be right. I'm right because of this, I'm right because of that. You have got to lay down your sword. You will create so much resentment, so much anger within yourself, you will destroy relationships, even the ones that are healthier for you because you need to be right. And again, there's science behind this. Yes, it's trauma, blah, blah, blah. We know that, but there is science behind this. So at least when you can hear that there's science behind most of what we talk about, when you can hear that, you can be a little bit more compassionate with yourself because then you're not like, well, what the hell's wrong with me? Well, maybe it's how you're wired now and we can rewire that. Maybe it's a blah, blah, blah, maybe it's that dopamine treadmill that you're on. So you know the reasons why that is a reason, that is never an excuse ever, right? Your diagnosis is not an excuse, your depression, not an excuse, reason. So I want you to know that going into it because right there if you're like, yeah, but if you yell butted right now, that's your ego. Well, yeah, but not that's your ego. So I want to talk to you about it. So this is the ego trap. There's one of many traps. So think of your ego as like these little landmines. At any given time you can step on it and it can be like, whoa, those are not good. So the desire to be right is one of the most stubborn ego traps and it is absolutely rooted in psychology and neurological processes, okay? So what that does is that keeps us entrenched in our beliefs, okay? This is what I believe, okay? Physics versus emotion. This is what I believe. This is where I, what I align with, okay? The climate of the world regardless of where you are, you see this everywhere. I'm right because of this. I'm right because, well, guess what? You both can be right for yourselves. The problem and the issue comes when you need to win this battle. You will go, you will die on that hill because you need them to see your perspective and no, they do not have to. They can hear it. They can be open to it. They do not have to change it. Now, again, we know a lot of this is rooted in trauma. You weren't listened to as a kid. These things happen. I hear you, but again, reason. And you gotta understand what is happening and you have to take the accountability of your ego. This is what, don't make John take accountability for his ego. That's your ego trying to take John to do that. Your ego kicks in when you feel the need to help someone that you can see where their life could be better and you're inflicting that. That's also ego. I mean, the ego exists everywhere. Like you want the solid part of your ego. I mean, that's part of how we exist as human beings, okay? But that neurological process, it keeps you there and there is a resistance. Oh my God, there are people in your life, okay? That I'm holding a mug that my bestie gave me for coffee. And it's a bronze. It's like bronze. And I could say, oh my gosh, look, I love this bronze mug that Kim gave me. And somebody could be like, oh, it's orange. And I'd be like, well, I mean, no, it's literally bronze. No, that's orange. And then, oh, they will even pull up things on Google. We'll look, see, this is orange. Listen, then it's orange. See, the problem is is people over-defend themselves. I will let you win every single time. You win the fight, I'm gonna win it life. See, your problem is you wanna win all the way around and that is all part of your ego and that is all part of the brain chemistry within your ego. When you don't engage is where you gain power back. Let them think whatever they want 'cause they're going to regardless. You could have every factual base got himself, good comes it down and give everybody the facts. Nope, it ain't the facts for them. And to show that people will be super resistant, they're like, nope, I don't see that. I don't believe that at all. And this is where the problem comes because there's no alternative perspective and that can make you miserable. A person can believe what they choose to believe. This is something where I think people really have asked me, how do you not judge? Doesn't everybody judge? I don't judge people. Oh my God, I was the most judging person on the planet as a kid. Oh my God, I would judge everybody for everything. I judge no one. Today I judge no one, I observe. Let's not get that twisted. I observe, I know my core values, I know how I want to live my life. Does this, I'm not emotionally attached to it. It could be my kid, it could be my husband, it could be you, it could be anybody. Is this something that aligns with my purpose, my goals? If the answer is no, then it's no, then I distance from it. I don't need your why. I don't give a shit about your why. At all. I just say, does this align with me? Does this align with me? And if the answer is no, then it's no. Ego says, well, you have to align with me, but you don't. So this is a good tester for your ego. Okay, so we're gonna break down why it is so powerful and how that affects your wellbeing. You're not protecting yourself. Get that completely out of your head. You are not, you are putting yourself in a corner. You are making it very difficult to have a relationship, a long-term relationship that is gonna be sustainable. This also goes into like expectations, right? Expectations are different than non-negotiables and boundaries. The expectation of like, well, you have to do this because this is, I mean, on a silly level, people do that when it comes to the dishwasher. Well, you have to do it this way. Well, why? Well, because this is the right way. No, no, no, that's your way. Well, the documentation says, okay, why are we doing that? If somebody wants to load it, load it because you're looking for the reason to be right. So let's talk about it. The psychology rooted in your ego trap. Yes, that's right. There is psychology behind this, baby. I mean, see, that's a thing. People, again, here's a prime example. People will go, well, that's opinion-based. I only listen to scientists. Okay, well, this is based in neuroscience. Well, I don't know where they got that from. I don't think that's right at all. Moving the goal post. So you're gonna find people who therapy hop. You're gonna find people who do these things. It's all based on cognitive biases, which we're gonna talk about. I also have a podcast on it. End dissonance, which again, have a podcast on that too. People will seek what they seek. So they're like, oh, well, that's opinion-based. That's bullshit. Okay, well, that's science-based, but I don't know where they got that study from. So if you're trying to defend yourself, the more you defend yourself, the guiltier you look, the less you defend yourself, the guiltier you look. So stop. Don't involve yourself in smear campaigns. You never engage with that. Because it's going to stop their, it's not, it might not stop them. It's going to stop their ability to get a rise out of you. At some point, they're not gonna get that reward system. Right? Because if somebody's looking for that reaction, because why, I don't know, people just sometimes do that if they're not secure within themselves, looking for a reaction, looking for a reaction. So if you're constantly debating, they're getting exactly what they want. Their dopamine is like, mm-hmm, yep, look at this. They're reacting, aren't they? They're so sensitive. Now it becomes a whole problem. But what happens if they say to you, let's make it outlandish, okay? Well, I think they got this promotion because they slept with the boss. Right? Oh, it could not be your, listen, sometimes you get favoritism. Let's call that what it is. But, I mean, that's just what it is. But you gotta remember when people don't like things and they feel as though they should have had something that you didn't because they have this and they have their own facts and they have this, all of this. So I would go right back at that and not like, well, what do you mean? I'm not sleeping with a boss. See, I'm a different person because I'm gonna go in and I'll be like, oh, I'll be back. I have to go to the office. Because you're feeding into it. See, they want you to defend yourself. Breathe the life into that. Oh, okay. You're doing this, uh-huh. Believe what you want. It's going to stop that at some point, even though that they may start a domino effect, it will stop that need to be right. And at some point, it's just gonna run out of fuel. If you keep fueling and keep fueling and keep fueling and there's an argument, think about your mom. Think about somebody in holiday season here. And they will swear to you seven days to Saturday why it is wrong if you do not come to Thanksgiving. It is wrong. That is not what we do. We have always done this. That is disrespectful. It is family first 'cause that's their belief. Well, now you're throwing that, well, no. It's just Thanksgiving. I mean, I'm thankful and I can see you next week. I'm gonna go to Deep Creek Lake and I'm gonna start my new tradition because that's what you wanna do. And then they're like, well, what do you mean? Why would you do that? So now they're stressed because you're not falling into their belief system on what makes them happy. So now you cause dissonance. They're like, I don't know how to respond to this. It's wrong. Why? You get to do what you want to do that's gonna protect your wellbeing. People don't always know how to deal with that. So the confirmation bias and the cognitive dissonance is a massive piece of your ego. Okay, so confirmation bias, and this is psychology here, and science, is a tendency is just how the human brain works, right? The cognitive bias or confirmation bias, I should say, cognitive dissonance, all the kind of same thing. It's a mental tendency and you're gonna seek out and interpret information that is going to align with your belief system. So the bias reinforces the ego, making it so difficult to see any other viewpoints and your brain itself, right? Because now it's like very tunnel visioned. Your brain goes into this weird sort of, I refuse to see it, right? And so it gets defiant. Your brain gets defiant. Like you start to get defiant internally in your brain. Your inner back comes up and you get defensive and you're rejecting the insights to protect your self-image. Because if you believe a certain thing and then something doesn't align with that in many ways, people are like, oh, I don't understand why you thought everybody should come for Thanksgiving. Well, now the person gets defensive. Well, what do you mean? What do you mean you don't understand? I am their mother, I am their this. So now you're trying to defend yourself as to why that's part of your image. You can just say, well, it's just my belief system. Of course, if that's a case you wouldn't even cause a stink. But your confirmation bias means you see this in politics, you see this in socials. You're going to go towards what confirms that belief, right? So if you don't really want to break up with your boyfriend, but you know it's unhealthy, but you don't know, you just don't really want to because you're in attachment. And yet for some odd reason, first of all, don't ask people. It's that's insecurity, make your own decisions. Let's pretend you ask five people. And four of those people are like, yes, girl. Yes, or I think it's time to go like, okay. And you're like, yeah, I know, I know. And then that fifth person goes, well, I don't know. It looks like he's turned in the corner and you're like, yes, I know. Because deep down inside that's not what you want to do. And that's why you make your own decisions. You make your own decisions. Don't you worry about what other people think about it. 'Cause if you're doing that and now you're constantly chasing happiness, but you're constantly chasing that validation from your ego, for them to go, I understand now why you would go to Deep Creek Lake instead. Yes, because that's emotional maturity and that's not attachment. So for someone to go, okay, no problem. Go have a great time and I'll see you next week. Your relationships are going to be a lot stronger. Who, why? Why would you want to, or anybody for that matter, want to control a person to fit into a narrative that makes you good, but yet causes tension within that relationship? Why? To be right? Well, that's going to cause a lot of tension. People don't have to believe like you do. They don't have to act as you would. So you got to wrap your head around that right now. So what is right for you may not be right for them. And it's not your job or their job to inflict it upon each other. My God, the world does that all the time. And it's not working out so well. So I get wanting to align yourself with people like I love animals. So I'm going to align myself with people who like animals more than I would if someone doesn't like animals. I'm not going to judge you. I'm just not going to align with you. So that's a focus. You're allowed to do that, but don't sit there and like shit on everybody else, okay? Just because things don't make sense to you. That's so, so important because you're protecting a self image of what you believe. You see this in religion, you see it in politics. So you're protecting your self image or you think you're protecting your self image where you're actually not at all. You're creating it way more stress than it needs to be. Now, the cognitive dissonance. And again, go back to the podcast I did on that. And it taught, so think about cognitive dissonance is like where you believe this, but then something challenges it. And you're like, oh my God, what, what? Like you almost don't know how to respond to it. And you can even call this dissonance within yourself. This is how I want to live based on my values and this is how I'm currently living that does not align with it. So then you stress yourself out because you're like, well, I'm not living according to my values, which causes dissonance. But if someone presents to you, and I mean, this is why debating, you know, the debate teams and why legal things, if you can't see another perspective, whether you agree with it or not, that's going to cause you a lot of dissonance because you're not going to know how to respond to it. And that's mental discomfort. It's going to be mental discomfort when you're not willing to see another perspective that your side has to always be right. Okay, and this is so important because what's going to happen is when you're holding a conflicted belief, you don't know how to process that because your ego is like, what the hell is happening here? So then you automatically did get defensive. You're like, well, I know. Okay, I don't know if you've ever experienced this. You say something to somebody. Or let's say somebody says to you, "You know what, I'm going to loan you my lawnmower." And I'm gonna loan you my lawnmower tomorrow. And you're like, love that, okay. And then, you know, the person says to you the next day, says, "Hey, you know what? "I do want to loan you the lawnmower, "but I need to loan you a different lawnmower "because I have to use this lawnmower "because this lawnmower is going to be better for my yard." But you wanted that lawnmower, but they just presented a new opportunity to you by saying, I'm going to give you this one. Well, that's not what you wanted. You believe that you should have the John Deere. That's your belief system. I need the John Deere 'cause you establish that. That's cool. I know you have like three lawnmowers, but I need the John Deere, okay. But this is what you need. That's your expectation. I present you another equally capable lawnmower and you don't know how to respond to it because you're like, that's not what I wanted. Well, that's your ego. Well, I know, but the John Deere cuts better. And then I break out this book because it's a new thing. It's like Husqvarna. And I'm like, well, look, you know what? Now, first of all, I wouldn't even go down that road. I'd be like, well, you can borrow this one or not. But let's say I am and I bring out this Husqvarna review. I'm like, well, here you go. I mean, that's fine, but here's the review. It even says it's better than John Deere. Nope, it is not. You're not willing to look at it. You're not willing to read it. You're not willing to accept it because you believe that John Deere tractors are the only one that can cut your yard correctly. But that's not true because you're not looking at the Husqvarna that has better readings, that is proven and has multiple reviews that says it's better than a John Deere. And they have the same exact yard. No, you're going to go on Reddit and you're going to go on all of the sites and you're going to find two, three, 10, 12 negative reviews and see, like see, they even said that John Deere's better. Okay, but I use both and this one will cut your yard better. You're not willing to see it because you're not open to that perspective. Why are you, you want to be right that bad that you got to have that one. And I'm like, well, no, I'm using the John Deere because it's the mulchy one. That's the only one that has the mulch thing to it. I'm not using it because it's better. It just has a different thing that I need for something because then that person may say, really? Well, why you want to give me the Husqvarna? If it's so much better, why are you using John Deere? Again, this would never be a conversation in real life with me ever. But if that's the case, and let's say I was like, well, yeah, because it's got the the mulcher, the Husqvarna doesn't have the mulcher yet. They're going to build that in another time. Uh huh, because John Deere's better. My God. So now they're confirming that bias. So that's an ego right there in like real time of something simple like a lawnmower. It could be anything. Don't you have those people who are constantly like, there's always this like, I'm going to go back, no, that's wrong. Well, yeah, I really like to use this makeup. I like, you know, the neck, urban decay naked. Ah, I don't know why you use that. This one's so much better. Oh, well, I like this one for my body. Nope, you don't. What? What do you mean? So this is where that causes contention. So that dissonance is when someone challenges your belief and you hold it so strong that it creates significant discomfort and then you're trying to reconcile that in your head, right? You're trying to reconcile it. But then you double down on your ego 'cause first you're like, okay, well, maybe Husqvarna, no, the Husqvarna cannot be better. I don't believe that. So at first you kind of like, well, maybe and it's like, no, I cannot. So you're going to do that even if it sacrifices your personal growth, even if it sacrifices your relationships because once you start doing that, people are not going to want to be around you, okay? Each person is going to have this belief system. Are you willing to listen to other perspectives? If you're not, then you're just going to stay in your ego and it's going to create a problem. These are the same people who six months later says, "Hey, might lawnmares in the shop?" Six months later. Can I borrow, and I have three, three meter cycles. I have three lawnmares. Hey, do you think I can borrow your Husqvarna? Oh, sure, why? I mean, I went, again, I'd be like, sure. But they say to you, man, I was reading the Husqvarna, cuts a lot better than John Deere. And you're like, what? Like, yeah, I had this conversation with you six months ago, but they have to do it on their own terms, right? Because now their ego says, well, I had to figure this out for me, like I know. Meanwhile, everything you just said six months ago was the exact same thing, but you were dumb as hell then. And now they've come to that realization. So their ego goes, what do you mean? Like I know you mentioned it, but I really did a lot of research on it. Okay, I don't care what you did. I told you the same freaking thing. This is where fights start. Well, I said it first, and I said it first, problems. Ego and ego. Two egos fighting each other, nobody's gonna win. Nobody's gonna win that ego game. Just wrap your head around that now. So letting someone be right is not giving in. It's not, it's protecting your peace. Now, of course, if it's like legal and there's accusations of legal stuff, then you take it to the legal channel. But if it's just image-based and all of that. And then now this Husqvarna neighbor has gone to another neighbor and said, how they discovered this. And now your ego goes, well, that's not true. They didn't discover this. I told them about that. So what? So what? Is it that important that you told them about a lawn mower? Just whatever. You're taking life so serious because your ego gets triggered by their ego. So this is why when you're in arguments with somebody, no one's really listening. No one's listening. You're trying to prove a point and they're trying to prove a point. And no one's listening. And even when they do, they're like, yeah, I'll listen to you, that's fine. Even if somebody's like, sure, I'll listen to you. And you go on and I, meanwhile, the person's like, this is a waste of time. I don't care. This person doesn't know what they're talking about. Sure, I'll listen, no big deal. So just because somebody is listening doesn't mean that they're hearing you. And this is gonna be an important test for your ego. Why can't you lay your ego down? Why do you have to be right? Okay, now these biases themselves, 'cause you're gonna have those, are creating shortcuts in your brain. This is how this works, it becomes a habit. So when you have these biases, it creates the shortcut in your brain. And it uses this to reduce any complexity in your mind, any complexity at all. But it traps you in cycles, 'cause it will trap you in a cycle. So your brain goes, you know what? Shortcut, too much information, don't care. Only wanna say it from my perspective, it's safe for me. So there is neuroscience behind that. Like it's how your brain works. It's all part of how your brain works and how your brain functions. So when you understand that, you can start to rewire it. You can say, wow, I really wanna tell this person and I wanna show this person. And I had a video on my ring doorbell when I told him this. So now you decide you're gonna go spend 16 hours trying to get this to prove a point. So you've wasted 16 hours in your day to be like, see, for the person to go, okay, you're right. Okay, and then what? What did you gain from that? That's insecurity. Okay, when your ego kicks in, oh boy, insecurity is at its highest level, brain chemistry. Let's talk about your brain chemistry. We talked about it last week and that's dopamine. Dopamine is always gonna be a thing. We're gonna talk about dopamine a lot. And we talked about your dopamine reward center. This also comes in heavily when it comes to your ego. So winning an argument to prove ourselves right, there is this thing that says, ha, ha, ha, yeah, baby, I'm right. There is a dopamine release. There's an actual chemical that does get released by it. Yup. So it creates the habit because you need to constantly be right. So if you take the dopamine science with the insecurity and ego and match those things together, we got one hell of a storm, one hell of a storm. So that's called a habit loop. So when you have a habit loop, when you're in a habit loop, it's just that. So if you're ever like, my God, why do I keep doing the same dumb shit? Because it's a habit. We have to create habits, right? You create a loop. It's a shortcut. It's a mine shortcut. So if you're constantly getting this dopamine high from being right, you're constantly getting this dopamine high, then, and sometimes even your insecurity can kick in, right? So now let's say you had this conversation and that person goes, oh man, my bad, you're right. Huh, you totally did say that, right? So now for whatever reason, we've had this big discussion. And now you can't even accept that. You're like, well, I think you should tell Mandy. What? Yeah, you told Mandy that you invented this idea. What? So you need everyone to see that you're right. It's one of the biggest ego traps that you're gonna ever have in your life. Why are you so resistant to being misunderstood? 'Cause until you're willing to get there, you're gonna stay stuck and you will not find that happiness journey that we talked about last week. So Andrew Newberg, he's a neuroscience scientist. So, I mean, I think he kinda knows what the hell he's talking about. So dopamine itself, it reinforces any behavior that's gonna give it that dopamine hit. Okay, so it's that feel good, I feel good. So it's gonna lock you into this cycle. Need to be right, need to be right, need to be right. Craving validation, craving validation is a dopamine hit. So it's not just insecurity from neuroscience, you're seeking this hit. So you have two issues going on. Trauma insecurity, I guess that's three. Trauma insecurity and science. That's a thing. And then your ego goes, "Hell," to the yeah. So you're chasing things, you're doing these things and it creates this big level. So this is called, this also hijacks your ego. Okay, that's exactly what it does. So it hijacks it and it drives your habits to keep you locked into that cycle. Okay, even at the experience of your own growth and at relationships, and then you'll convince yourself, my sister's so overreactive. Oh my God, she doesn't know anything because you refuse to see her perspective. You're allowed, you're allowed to hear a different perspective and not change your mind. Yes, you are. You are allowed to see things from a different perspective without a bias. You don't get to go, okay, fine, that's cool. I'll look at this perspective, I think it's stupid. That's not, you're not open to it then. Then you're not open to it. That perspective is individual to each person. Okay, there's a perspective, it sounds silly, but I think I really would have been a meteorologist, like I love the weather so much. If a meteorologist says partly cloudy or says partly sunny, I don't know how they determine this, but partly sunny, partly cloudy. And you and your mind say, no, it's partly cloudy. It's not, I mean, I don't know why this would be a thing, but I'm just using it. That's not partly sunny, it's partly cloudy because you've determined it's partly cloudy. Now mind you, this is a meteorologist and you're like, well, that's dumb. Like, I guess it's partly sunny. It's like you're not even willing to hear it. You're going into battle with needing to be right about everything. Oh, I like your truck. Oh, you mean my SUV? Well, yeah, you're, you know, your truck or whatever. It's an SUV, okay. You know, going back to my bronze cup. It's my bronze cup, it's orange, okay, it's orange. And then they don't like that. Then they're like, oh, well, that's condescending. What do you mean? Why are you agreeing with me? Oh, because you wanna fight. I'm not gonna give you a fight. Okay, let them be right, baby. You will win at life. You will have protection within yourself. And then you can determine what level you want them in your life in the first place. So your brain goes into fight or flight. This is just how your brain works. And that's your lovely amygdala. Your lovely amygdala houses fear. Oh my God, I'm fear and I'm in danger. And it's the emotional reaction. So this is where when you're responding out of emotion versus reaction, this is amygdala base. It's this little part in your brain. This little teeny tiny thing that causes so much havoc. And it's part of the brain that's responsible for reinforcing those emotional responses and reactions. So if your brain goes, oh, Lordy Marcy, we are in trouble. And we respond a certain way. And then our dopamine receptors kick in. So you see how this works. Oh my gosh, fight or flight, fear, freeze, fawn. Here I am. Holy shit, I gotta protect myself. Intern you're adrenaline kicks in. Intern there's a certain level of serotonin and dopamine that also it happens. And we create this thing. It's a thing. So now you're at a heightened, you're at a heightened sense. And you're not even looking at a rational thought. Nope, you don't give a shit. No, no, that's gonna challenge it. That's gonna cause dissonance. It creates defensiveness. A lot. Because now you're like, oh my God, I don't know what to do it. 'Cause you feel like I'm under attack. Everything is not an attack. And if two people need to be right, then two people need to separate. Maybe these people don't need to hang out together. Let the one person win, let whatever needs to happen, let it happen. And this is actually called amygdala hijack. That's right, you're amygdala gets hijacked. This is a psychological term that they use in psychology. A amygdala hijack. Okay, and that's when your emotions take over any rational thought. Any rational thought, you're like, okay, well that's what? And you're maybe like, there's no. Oh, no way, no how. Even if you have the facts in front of you, even if it isn't somebody else presenting it, if it's something you believe in, you read it from a web MD sort of, I mean, a web MD is fine. But not anywhere else on Google, don't just Google shit. Or you see us a study in neuroscience and it challenges it. Then you're defensive within yourself about how people are stupid and you're not even arguing with anybody. 'Cause you're amygdala was like, uh-uh, mm-mm, no. And rational, rationality goes right out. And it creates a lack of ability to any open-mindedness or curiosity. If you can't live curious, you will live trapped. If you can't live curious, you will never find peace. You should always be curious in your growth, right? Cost, the cost of needing to be right on your mental health is crazy. Needing to be right isn't, again, dopamine hit quick fast. It impacts relationships. Nobody wants to be in a relationship with somebody who always wants to be right. Okay, it definitely betrays trust. Nobody's gonna have empathy 'cause they're like, what the hell? And then their emotional intimacy. People don't wanna share shit with you because you're always trying to fix things. You're always trying to say how they're wrong. They're wrong, you're wrong, that's wrong, that's this, that nobody's gonna open up to you, why would they? Because you're not a safe space. Okay, this is so important. And if you're not open to other people's insights, regardless of how you see it, it's gonna create a very isolated lonely feeling. You will end up quite lonely, quite lonely. And I mean, you're in control of this. Okay, there's an impact on your anxiety, your stress, your mental health. Yes, some of that's chemical, uh-huh, we know this. Sometimes chicken and the egg, which created which first, insecurity, trauma, amygdala, fear response, dissonance, bias, they can all be true. There could be a multiple duality here. 'Cause there is a duality. Okay, so when you're in that and you're paying attention to it, you're gonna fall into avoiding and or creating challenging traps. Sometimes people want to be right so bad. They will seek shit out, hello? Have you been on social media? People feel so important on social media to respond to a, I mean, to create a comment. If you don't like it, just scroll by. Oh, you can't scroll by because you need to be heard. Why? 'Cause I need to be right about how you're stupid. I need to be right about how you're right. Well, why do, what? People are just gonna block you and keep it going. Like you don't have to make a thing, but that's what you're gonna find in any kind of social media outcome. And it's gonna trap you in that cycle to be validated. I need validation, I need validation, you don't. So here's a good, and we'll go deeper on the Patreon, but here's a good prompt to ask yourself and when you're journaling or sitting with yourself, why do I need to be right? Why? Why do you need to be right? What am I trying to protect or avoid? What am I trying to protect with myself? What am I trying to avoid? Another one, why can't I accept that people are not me? They don't have, and don't do that martyr thing. Well, they don't have a heart like me, don't, we ain't doing that. People are different and you gotta let go of the outcome. Release attachments of being right. I'm gonna have this talk with them. Talk about this on there. I'm, no, I'm gonna be right. What? So that's kind of the wrap on your ego trap on being right. You are creating a lot of issues by lack of acceptance that other people have. Different belief systems, different perspectives. You don't have to love them, you don't have to like them, but they exist. Just 'cause people don't do as you would or say what you'd say does not make them wrong. Let people win the day, focus on your own growth. If someone wants to be right all the time and then they need to be right, that's their insecurity. Don't take that on as a personal attack. Distance from it. It doesn't make you a weak person. It doesn't mean any of those things. That's your ego. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. And then nobody's winning 'cause there's nothing to win. Stop trying to win. There's no winning. But if we're gonna use winning, you're winning at life when you're not engaging in all of this. It's not serving you. It is not protecting you. Distance from what does not serve you. Does it align with your core values? Yes or no? Yes? Great. No? Great. Take action. But people have a right to feel how they feel and see things how they see. It's not the truth, but it's their truth. So focus on your why. Why can't you accept it? What are you trying to protect or inflict on other people? And why are you refusing to accept it? Because shit's gonna be what it is, whether you like it or not. I don't care that you don't like that their perspective is this. It doesn't matter. In psychology, it doesn't matter. If you don't like it, it doesn't mean that it's not real to somebody else or that the situation isn't right to them. So it's gonna ask you, and listen to my ego desk series on YouTube. It's a little older, but it's still your ego desk series. It talks about how to work through your ego on a higher level. And we'll go into your ego more 'cause your ego's always presenting itself in multiple ways. Your ego prevents you from having radical acceptance. And again, regardless, if you like it or you hate it, it is what it is. If you cannot adopt that, you've gotta ask why. If your mom isn't going to ever see your perspective of why you're gonna go to Deep Creek Lake and you keep trying to make it make sense, it's not a her issue now, it's a you issue. They'd be misunderstood, be made fun of, be whatever. You're never gonna see them to, you're never gonna get them to see that perspective. Accept that. And so you're allowing yourself to step back, observe relationships that serve you, listen to other people, be willing to have an emotional maturity, that's emotional maturity, an intellectual intelligence. That's where that comes from. Why do you feel less than if somebody doesn't validate you? Why do you need their validation? And why do you feel entitled to validate somebody else? Those are really good questions and it's gonna help start to reframe for you where you still need to work. And then focus on working there. But you gotta be willing to hear what you don't wanna hear. You gotta be willing to do the work that's difficult. You gotta be willing to be challenged. You gotta be willing to see things that may have you change your perspective. And that is how you can get out of that ego trap. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)
