Yeah, you can call me for a run as well. [MUSIC PLAYING] I like to see your doctor. [MUSIC PLAYING] For Dr. V. [MUSIC PLAYING] OK. [LAUGHTER] Dr. V, are you ready to get in bed with me? I think I'm already in bed with you. But are you ready to be in bed with me? Yes, I am. I'm glad. Everyone, I have Dr. Veruna. They are a sexual health expert. Also a writer right now, a Lewis magazine sex columnist. Yeah. And pretty badass. So thank you so much for coming. Oh my god, thank you for having me. This is so wonderful. OK, so let's start with an easy question. OK. Favorite thing you've written, one silly and one more serious. I don't think that I can say any of the things I've written like silly and not serious because I usually like end on kind of like a serious note. But there was this one article that I wrote for Inverse. And the editors had really wanted it to be like funny and a little like meany. And so it was kind of looking into some of the weird challenges that happened on TikTok. And one of them was this kind of like a rumor that was going around that testicles have taste buds. And so all of these like men were all of these wives were testing it out on their husbands. And so these men, grown men, would dip their testicles. Bear in like-- Insights are liquid. In soy sauce. Someone actually put it in like caramel sauce, which like the texture is just-- That's so sticky. Literally. And then it was so interesting because at the end of those videos they'd be like, oh, I can taste it. And so I-- Were they supposed to guess what they were dipping it in? Exactly. And some actually guessed it. But it might be staged. We don't know. Oh, but also like most of taste comes from smell, right? So like you can smell soy sauce. Yeah. It has pretty a strong smell. That's true. As does caramel. And so I wrote an article about that. And I thought it was really interesting because it was so silly because it's so obvious that there are no taste buds down there like there are on your tongue. But there are-- Because I just hear its people. I know, these are her follicles. It's skin, right? Like it's not even the testicle. It's like the scrotum, the skin. But I ended up finding research that showed that the testes itself so like internally do have taste receptors which are like linked to like fertility. So that was like a silly one because I ended up like doing a lot of research on TikTok and seeing all of these videos of grown men in their cars dipping their testicles. OK, but this is actually interesting. Like where did people get that from, you know? I think someone just saw a study and then just like went with it and you know how TikTok is. They're just like, did you know that testicles have taste buds? Try this. Exactly. And the challenge starts and then everyone wants to do it. Exactly. Yeah, so I thought that was pretty silly. Thank you, silly one. OK, and the serious one? Oh, OK. It was since we're going into that territory. I was working in Planned Parenthood. Last year, I wonder what we weighed was overturned. And on the one year anniversary, I wrote an article like an op-ed for Vogue India where, you know, a lot of like marginalized communities are really like worried about what it's going to look like. Things are not looking good. Like in Alabama, they've just banned IVF treatments because they think embryos are babies. And this is the same estate that has the death penalty and like comes up with new ways to kill people in jail. Like you and have a pro-life. Yeah. Ever. Like they, they are not pro-life, right? And so it's so-- I think that was like a really like heartfelt and serious article because, you know, a lot of Asians already don't have access to abortion or like don't seek abortion. And if they are living in states like Alabama or otherwise, then it's just only going to get worse. So that was one of the most serious articles I've written so far. But that's really cool. Was it-- well, I feel like all your articles are well-researched, but was this particularly well-researched? Actually, no, so-- Yes, and no, more so like there was less reporting involved. OK. So like with the allure articles and everything else, like I do a lot of reporting, so making sure that the sources are accurate and talking to a lot of people. But for the Vogue India, it was more so based on my fear as someone, you know, who does access reproductive health services and like what that's going to look for me and my children and my friends and a lot of people I know who've had abortions and, you know, so like what does it mean for body autonomy? So I think that was definitely more personal. It's more of an essay. Yes. Yeah. That's very interesting that you're a journalist, and that's like one of your favorites. I know. I really do enjoy writing. I think it's just the nerd in me. I really like writing and researching a good topic. OK, so how did you become a luresix columnist? Like what got you here? How are you here? How are you here in bed with me? I will say like pitch yourself. Like I literally say this to every single person. Like I spent a lot of time like underestimating my abilities and saying like, no, that's not going to ever happen for me. I all I literally did. I wrote only one article for "Allure Before." And then I-- Before you became there like-- That's it. Yeah. I just wrote one article like maybe a year and a half ago. And then I was like, you know what? I'm feeling really deluloo right now. I'm going to-- Speak your deluloo. I know literally if you have deluloo or something work, I can't even tell you. Alexa, I like literally wrote this entire email. And I was like pitching myself. And I was like, this is why you need me. I had walked out for the best. And it fucking worked. So yeah. It worked. Yeah, I mean, like we're in the woo woo. Literally, I'm in the second year of the column. So it's interesting because I did medicine as my primary career. And that was something that I-- Was that because your parents wanted you to? I mean, a big part of it was that they wanted me to be-- So I'm interested in science. I've always been a STEM girlie. I think I was definitely more interested in community medicine and public health, which is what I did. So I went to Hopkins to do that. And when I was there, I had a friend who was a journalist. And so seeing him-- And it's really cool. I mean, you literally travel the world and you report on amazing stories. And you're like interviewing people. And you're writing about, I don't know, the Ebola virus. So you're talking about how metal mortality rates are like shit in other countries. So that was something that I had gotten into. So I bought a lot of books. And I was like, how can I be a writer? How can I be a health writer? And so it was just a lot of self-learning, a lot of interest in public health. And now I don't practice medicine. I left my practice in India. My last job was in 2015 delivering children. And I was like, goodbye. I cannot do this for a living. I'm so done with sitting in a clinic right now, waking up at 4 AM to deliver someone else's child. That's for someone else. It's not for me. And so I'm really glad that I pivoted. And now I work in health media and communications. Well, now you're writing about sex parties. I know, literally. Yeah, actually. Because I saw this one article about sex parties. And you're mostly interviewing people, but have you actually gone? Do you go also for research purposes? That's so funny you say that because early last year I had gone, I had applied, or you have to get vetted, right? Because a lot of these places, most of them, you shouldn't. You should be vetted. So Venus Cuffs, a friend of mine, I'm going to plug her name. She hosts a lot of these play parties. And so she was hosting a really cool one here in Brooklyn. So she's New York based. She has these kinds of parties all the time. And so I had convinced two of my friends to go. So they were like a queer couple. And so I meet them at 11 o'clock and I'm like, I bail. P.M.? Yeah, I meet them at 11 p.m. And yeah, literally it starts at like 12 when I was already tired. I don't go to those. Those are too late for me. I go to like the daytime ones. Like I cannot. It's too late. And you also have more energy during the day. Yeah, and then the next day, you're not like fucking tired and sleep deprived, you know? Exactly, yeah. Midnight, no, this, no. Literally. So wait, so they bailed on you? No, I bailed on them. Oh, I don't know. Wait, so you didn't go? So I think it was more of like, I think I was really overthinking this and I think that next time I am going to go, it's just that I'm, so I'm in a monogamous relationship and it's incredibly secure. Like we don't have like, you know, we masturbate. We have, we watch porn, we like engage in our own things. So it isn't like a kind of toxic monogamy or anything like that. And so there was no problem with me going to a sex party. I think it was just, I was worried about the voyeurism part of it. Right? Because I think that's something that a lot of people can go and watch but not engage. But yeah, you can totally just, I love watching. I just like watch people sometimes. It's maybe that's what I should do the next time because I was like, if I'm not participating and I'm just there then, is that creepy? No, it's fine. Especially like, it's kind of, I mean, it makes sense. There's back story to this, but like female, female-presenting people, people don't complain about us. They complain mostly if there's like a man just watching there. I'm like staring at you and you're getting comfortable. Yeah, but like it's, it is accepted. Like as long as you're not like in there, you know, you can totally, I love watching. Okay, that's what I thought. And also like the community. Sometimes, sometimes, and I'm like a slut, but sometimes I didn't, I didn't play with people all every time. But like, I don't have to. Sometimes I just want to be there and talk to people. And it's amazing. That's what they said. So the next morning, I felt so guilty. And so I called them and I was like, what was it? Was it just like a bunch of beds and people were having sex everywhere? And they said no. So I think this is what most play parties look like since I was my first, was that there was like a back section with beds. But you're right about the community aspect because they said that a lot, it was so wholesome because people were coming up to them and it's just a safe community where people can express their kinks. Yeah, and some people, it's like the only place they can fully be themselves. So it's like, yes. They go to every single party. Even if they don't do anything with anyone, they want to see their friends like their chosen family, you know? Oh, I love that. It's super queer friendly and it's super safe. And they have like, I especially Venus, I feel I had felt so drawn to that because I, even like in her messaging and everything was more like, this is what consent looks like. We're going to have like an informed consent talk like at 11 p.m. where like everyone can like everyone. Yes, but to it. At 11 p.m. is very late. Venus, petition to start doing date time parties. And I think she does. I think she does. Like if you check out her newsletter, but the one I went to was too late. Yeah, no. That's very late. 11 p.m. Now I think about it. I'm like, what? I'm sorry to do it. I must lead by 10, that's never happening. Okay, so you're here and you write about all sorts of topics. Would your 15-year-self be like, V, what the fuck are you doing with your life? Or would you be proud with, you know? I think she would be really proud. Also because I grew up in such a sex negative culture. As you can tell from my accent, I'm not from the United States of America. I do not grow up in this system, not that this is incredibly sex positive either. But in India, it's very sex negative. Like you are compulsory heteronormativity. Like, you know, it's like monogamy is pushed on everybody. And so-- Well, arranged marriages are still a very-- My parents had an arranged marriage. Right, so like it's not even-- Our gender-- well, I'm in my whole job. We're like, still people of my age. Okay, same generation. Yeah. People our age are still getting arranged marriages. Like, it's still a thing in India. Exactly, 100%. Yeah, I mean, my brother was talking to someone through an arranged marriage. And like, it is very much like a lot of people are meeting their spouses. I mean, that's such a legit way. It's like almost like kind of like online dating except your parents are-- And so do you have a matchmaker? Exactly. You have a matchmaker, right? And so there was a lot, I don't know if you ever experienced this. But when I was 15, I was such a war with my body. And I was horny all the time. But I felt so bad that I was horny. No, I was horny, but I did act on it. I did have very bad body image though. Like, I feel like that's just like such a-- I don't know why, especially as teenage girls, you're literally just like, what is going on with my body. Well, it's pushed on you. It is-- It's like you have to hate your body. And if you like your body, you're weird. 'Cause-- When you're not insecure, it's terrible. And when your breasts are kind of like coming in, you're just like, oh my god, why? And the buds, I'm so sorry, but when I was in the buds, they're literally, so they're called buds, right? So when you're nipples, so usually when you're a child, your chest is flat, and then the hormones come in and then you have breast development. And then your nipples sort of like bulge out of your skin and they're called buds. Okay, I know what you mean, right? I don't think I ever had that though. But you're too small to wear a bra and so awkward when you wear a D-shirt. And so all I did was wear the baggiest D-shirts and the shirts. But it's like hurt. I remember it hurting when my boots were growing. Right? It was like uncomfortable. I had like my ass crew and all of this. This estrogen was like bam. Wait, so you-- but you didn't like it? 'Cause I feel like in my culture, when you go through puberty, unless you're the first one and then it's like your first one, if you're like within everyone, it's like, finally I'm getting breasts, you know? My tits are going, so it's like celebrated. It's not like, oh my God, no. I mean, I was pretty fortunate that way that I never had dysphoria, you know? Like, I was definitely like very accepting of my body. I was definitely like identified as cis and being like, okay, this is something that I'm comfortable with. You mentioned that, you know, you acted on a lot of it. I never did. I was so afraid that people were going to know that I wasn't a virgin or that I would automatically be a bad person. Well, I wasn't having sex, but I was like, but I wanted to do that too. And then I slowly started at 16 and I was like, I'm just gonna have-- 16 is fine. 16 I think is like, I had no penetrative sex by then. I started pretty late. Like, I think the first time I had sex was like 21, which I think is really helpful in mid-shoring. But anyway, coming back to the question, I really feel like when I think about my 15-year-old self, like she was definitely, really confused and really did not even think that I would be talking about sex or be comfortable. So openly. Yeah, and like, you know, being bisexual and kind of like really interested in like, I think the health equity part, she would have known because I knew I already, I wanted to be in STEM. So there's some, I think there's some kind of surprises, but for the most part, it kind of seems on-- On brand? On brand, yeah. Okay, so tell me about your parents 'cause you did this one reel that I loved in your Instagram about things they've actually said to you about your marriage. And I'm like, no way. Week, how come you haven't given him children as if you owed him, don't let him know that you make more money than him. How come you leave the house without him? Like, what is going on? No, all of this happened last year. No! Do you think it happened like a couple of years ago? No, we've been married for five years, it happened last year. I know, I can't, it's so-- How do you handle those questions? Like, what do you reply? I just, you know, it's so, I should validate my parents and I, you know, it's funny because I'm always just like guys, just chill. It's just a relax, it's a real, but I feel, you know, I really do, and I had an honest conversation with my parents the other day when I went to India in January and I said like, I hope that you are able to let us go because I'm 33 and my brother's 31. You guys don't have to worry about it. I've always been that parental mode. And I started to think of my parents as like, not my parents, but as like, people, right? And so like, they have sexual desires, they have romantic desires. And the sad part is that they were never given that space to experience it. And so to them, it's like such a normal thing for my mom to just, because my mom did that throughout her relationship with my dad, where as soon as they got married in, within a year they had me, which was like very common. Like she was pulled out of college to get married. And she never felt like she had an identity outside of my dad. She had to travel with him. It was like whatever happened with the patriarch of the family was what happened to everybody else. And so I think it's interesting for her to look at me and be like, 'cause last year I went to Spain. After I left my job at Planned Parenthood, I was like, I'm just gonna go to Spain. My sister's going, like I didn't even, it's not even like I went alone. I went there to see my sister, and like I joined her trip with her friends. And my mom was like, next time I have to talk to you. Next time you're not traveling alone without William. What is this? What is wrong with you guys? Why are you doing this without him? You should always travel with him together as a couple. Isn't that like, you can't have friends. Like, it's like this toxic thinking that your partner has to be your whole world. And you cannot have relationships outside of it 'cause they need to fulfill all of your needs. Which is impossible and ridiculous. And you talk about this. You talk about prioritizing your platonic friendships, platonic partners. How are you doing this? How are you still putting them in front? You're still engaging with your friends. You're still building these friendships. Yeah, I don't want to ever think that my romantic relationship is the most important thing in my life. We are bound legally. I don't have a legal document with anybody else. We do jointly file taxes. It's possible that we might form an embryo in the future. It might become a person. I don't know. These are things that you could do with your platonic friends or your friendships or whatever. But I'd really, something that I've started to crave a lot is friendships. And really thinking about how it's often my default or if you're in a relationship, your default is like, "I'm gonna stay home." Or, "I have to spend the weekend with my spouse." Or, "I have to do this." Yeah, you owe them all of your free time. It's what we're taught. Yeah. I love talking about prioritizing friendships on the podcast because I think we don't really think about it often and it's so important. It is so important. Like now, I used to, so that thinking is still within me a little bit, especially as an Indian with a mom who's a little like, you know, still trying to like cultivate values of like, homeliness and like, you are the wife. Yeah, exactly. But you have to be a feminist too. And it's like, well, I'm just not sure that those two, not that I can't be a feminist in a housewife, but the kind of housewife they want me to be is someone that upholds a patriarchy that like sits in her place. Which is impossible for me to follow. No, you're opinionated. I'm so opinionated. I mean, they should have known that, but it's interesting because I often feel like that default is like, like even this weekend I'm making plans. And I, my first thought, Alexa was, am I spending too much time away from my husband? Am I spending enough time with him? And then I was like, no, Friday night is our designated date night. So like, we are going to catch up every night we have dinner together. And so like, I can have dinner with my girlfriends. Like, I can go and do things by myself. And so it's definitely a lot of like re-writing that's crypto than myself. And like, making plans to go see my girlfriends. Making plans to like, go to new events and meet people. That's why I like have become a yes person. Like, if you ask me something right now in this part of my life, I will say yes. Yeah, it's like that's really beyond the podcast. Yeah, yup, I'm there. I'm literally there. You tell me where to come home and it's so about here. But it's great 'cause you, even if that is still within you, 'cause I still have some beliefs that are, you know, deep in me, but I challenged. I'm like, okay, why am I thinking this? And then, you know, you're still making decisions based on that you're, you know, analyzing it. Yeah, yeah. So it's good. I talk about that a lot in therapy that I'm definitely, I overthink a lot. So, okay, it's good and bad at the same time. (laughing) In this case, it's good. Yeah. Your brand is a lot about being bisexual. Mm-hmm. But not only being bisexual is being comfortable. Yeah. Coming out as bisexual when you're in a monogamous relationship. Yeah. So like, you have a husband and you were like, honestly, I am bi. Yeah. And you talk about it all the time and how you, your journey with becoming comfortable. Yeah. You know, like, and bi enough, even though you are married to a man. Yeah. So how could, 'cause a lot of people are in monogamous relationships and they're like, wait, I am bi, does that mean I have to go out and explore to call myself, bi? Or like, do we have to break up? Or how can I be affirmed in my identity, you know, in a monogamous relationship? So tell me a bit about it. I think I focus, I think I focus definitely on the bisexual part, but I think the bisexual part is just an entry way, right? Because I think maybe you've realized this as well in your work that a lot of people aren't given the tools to accurately, not even accurately, just to kind of explore their sexuality in a safe way, right? And sexuality can manifest in so many different ways. Like we often think it's through sex, which is very valid. Like you can confirm or deny what your interests are when you put theory into practice. But in a lot of cases, it can be through art, it can be through clothing, it can be through like community. It's just so many different things, but a lot of us weren't given those spaces. And then you, when you leave your adolescence and you go into this phase, which is almost like, I find something so troubling about the idea of marriage, which now I talk to my husband and I was like, you know, if it weren't for like the whole green card thing and everything that we needed to do, I don't think that we would have ever gotten married on paper. Because to me, it almost seems like such an oppressive ideology that a lot of people think that their life completely changes after they get married. And it shouldn't, it's just a piece of paper. Literally, like, okay, so you want to like declare your love, you want to sign that piece of paper. But it's almost as if you're entering this new world with all of these like made-up rules that-- - Unless you didn't live together before, which you should-- - Yeah. - Should live together before you get married, please. Nothing should change besides like your tax status or something. - But literally, actually, yes, you are legally bound to the government, you can't like engage in polygamy and you can't evade your taxes. But it is, so all of these things that I was hearing about being married is like, and I think it really comes with those tenants of compulsory monogamy or toxic heteronormativity, right? Where again, you are everything to your spouse, exploring yourself and continuing to enrich your life in whatever sexual or non-sexual ways is bad, that's deviant, you're cheating on your spouse. And there are all of these like flagrant ideologies out there which I just like disagree with. And so I use my bisexuality, and especially as someone who was a late-comer, right, because I did not even know what these words were. A lot of people don't even know what sex was, how to have sex, whether they're interested in having sex with different types of people and genders. And then you kind of discover it when you're in a safe space and for many people that might be a marriage or otherwise. And I use my bisexuality kind of as like a window into that world to talk about the issues that hey, you're kind of the same person as you were before. Your partner does not define who you are. And it's just like that one dimensional thinking that I'm trying to break. And so yeah, a lot of my content is definitely like more bisexual forward for the single reason that the bisexual plus umbrella just is so amazing and so diverse and everyone should just continue. Like even if you're 80, like think about it, like what are your pronouns? Like what kind of clothes do you like to wear? Who do you wanna fuck? Like think about those things because you should challenge your beliefs people. Okay, so your advice for people that are in a monogamous relationship and realize that they are by is to find other spaces besides sex to explore that. So art, community, have queer friends, even if you're not here, have queer friends. And kinky friends, they could be the same, but they're not the same. Yeah, just open your horizons. Like what is your expression, right? And it also should depend solely on who you are as a person. Like I think the way that you would explore your sexuality would be very different from the way that I explore my sexuality. Like I'm pretty like socially anxious and a little like introverted sometimes. And so for me, like having a one-on-one conversation with someone who's queer and just talking about queerness is so affirming. For someone else and the people that I've interviewed for a lawyer are like, I opened my marriage 'cause I needed to have sex and I wanted to have sex. And that was something that we were okay with that, like swinging lifestyle or, you know, whatever going to a sex party. And so it really is a form and relate your sexuality to your personality. I think that's the best way to explore. - For me, sex is very important, but you are like a fashion person. So you use fashion a lot to express yourself. - Yeah. - I am not a fashion person. - I'm a hoodie person. - How dare you say that? - You're hoodie is a street. - I'm a street cute. - Street fashion, you know? - I love that. Yes. - Thank you. But no, yeah, sex for me is very important. Which is why I love non-monogamy, you know, I have the freedom to explore all of this. - Exactly. And that's still so valid and not, one of the people I had also interviewed for the threesome article at the lawyer, one of them had very much said like, I came out as bisexual, I needed to open my marriage. I wanted to and that was something that their spouse was okay with. So like, yeah, I just determined what's important to you. - Yeah, okay, and you also talk a lot about people think they need to start dating, you know, the same gender or a different gender to prove their orientation or identity. But dating should be about finding out what you like and dislike in people, not about affirming who you are. - Exactly. - So. - Exactly. - Nail on the head, I don't even need to go. Like, I don't even need to add anything to this. - You're like, yes, that's what I said. (laughing) - Yes, what I like so said. - It's so true though, because I don't-- - Yeah, you just said your partner doesn't define who you are. - They don't at all. - So like, just because if you're a girl and you wanna date another girl, a woman, and if you do, that doesn't mean, yes, you're a lesbian or bi, you know? It's, did you like her? - Yeah. - Did you look fun? Like, you know, what did you, what are you looking for? Like, you could have called yourself that label before, or even if you didn't like it, you can still call yourself whatever, you know? - Exactly. - So. - Labels are literally just labels, and this is what I tell people all the time, because I often get questions in my DMs that like, "Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, "am I bi? "Do you think I'm bi?" And it's like, it's not a diagnosis. It's not a diagnosis. - Yeah. - Like, I have not created like a chart, or like a criteria-- - A checklist. - Yeah, or a checklist to tell you, like, you make that determination for yourself, but the reason that so many people struggle to do that is because they think that in order to be bisexual, they have to aid, date everybody on the spectrum. B, they have to be single, and I don't know what C is, but you know, everything else to do with, you have to be confused, or you're just like, kind of like trying to have sex with everyone at the same time. And I was like, none of those things are true. Like, you can be bisexual if you had zero sex. - Also because bisexuality means it's so broad that it means something different for everyone. So if your label is constricting you, then don't use that label. - No, only if it's affirming and like, expansive and makes you feel part of a community, then yeah, for sure, I love bisexual because I love the bisexual community. - Yeah. - So, and I feel so comfortable in that label. - They're so cute. - I love us. - I love my people. But if you're like, okay, actually, you know, I don't like to buy, I like Ben, or you know what, I'm, I don't know yet. And it's perfectly fine if you don't know. Just, you know, keep exploring, keep not, keep getting to know yourself. - Yeah, and I think like even the label's straight, I think it was. - I, first of all, I hate the word straight. Like, what do you mean? So we're like, Ben, we're like... - Yeah, we're Ben. - Crooked, I mean, I am kind of crooked, but like, what do you mean you're straight? Like, what does that even mean? - I was joking about this with someone, and I said, never, your default should never be to assume that someone is straight. It should be to assume that everyone is queer and sexually expansive. - Yeah. - And you kind of break those ideals within yourself and are able to tell yourself as well that like, you are sexually expansive as a being. And honestly, labels don't entirely capture who we are as people. - I love assuming people are not straight. And when they are, I just, I do get disappointed though. I'm like, oh, okay, I wouldn't have able, I wouldn't have been able to tell at all. (laughing) - I'm like, oh, okay. - Okay, fine. - Okay, it's still such a thing to not feel by enough. Even that if I'm dating more men than women, for example, I am like, oh my God, am I by enough? And I am out there doing all the things. And I cannot even imagine, well, I can't, but it must be even harder when you don't have that freedom, that liberty to be like, I'm so by. Like, that takes so much inner work because everyone around you is telling you that you're not enough. - So how can we get better at this? How can we feel enough? - What I really enjoy when I study about public health and equity is understanding that there are many factors of influence. And so, yes, you can make individual choices, but there are a lot of environmental and interpersonal, interpersonal and systemic factors that are making it harder for you to come out as bisexual and accept yourself. So firstly, be kind on yourself. Like, you can really tell yourself, like, why am I not coming out as by and living my best life? It's because the systems around you have not set you up for success. Like, a lot of people fear for their safety. A lot of people have, you know, been in situations where, like, by women have higher rates of, they suffer from higher rates of domestic violence and sexual assault. - Depression anxiety, too. - Exactly. Like, and a lot of that comes from coming out to their partner and facing that, you know, intimate partner violence. And so it isn't always, like, conducive or easy for someone to say that. For most times, it's just like, yeah, I like this, admitting it to themselves, which honestly should be enough. And there has been a lot of stigma in the past. Like, I think I saw some discourse on Twitter at some point that said, it was incredibly transphobic, but they said, we should cut the T from LGB. And then someone was like, let's just cut the B, too, because, like, they don't know what they're doing. And we only want, like, monosexual queers who know exactly who they are on the spectrum. And I think that is so upsetting and invalidating to a lot. - Like, within the queer community, bisexuals are, like, oppressed. And you're like, we're on the same side, like-- - Literally. - Yeah, I mean, and there's just so many terms that come up, right? - You have bi-raigia, you have bifobia, but then you also have, like, this false idea of bisexual privilege, which is just the hetero privilege that you could choose to be heterosexual. - Exactly, so the heterosexual privilege thing, like, that's another debate, but the bisexual privilege is what you said. It's the idea that you can kind of, like, flip on a dime. - You choose. - Yeah, you can just choose and be like, I'm straight today. I guess I'm gay today, and it's like, no, I'm not gay or straight. - I'm bisexual. What the hell are you talking about? - Yeah, okay, but how can we be more compassionate when we are not feeling enough? 'Cause it is a lot about, like, being kind to yourself. - It is definitely about being kind to yourself and also finding activities that affirm you. And I really do think that if you are a person that needs a lot of external validation, having a group of people around you who affirm everything about your bisexuality is so important. And you can tell, you don't need to give them kind of, like, a memo or anything. Like, they are-- - They've heard me once a day. - But even if you wanna say that, I mean-- - If you need it, if you need it, yeah. - You should ask for it, right? And the people that love you and accept you will do that. Like, I have friends that text me, but I was in a bar once, and it was early January 2023. And I was, it was a gay bar in Williamsburg, and I was talking to someone and I was like, yeah, I'm bisexual, and they're like, no, you're not bisexual, you're gay. And so they kept saying it over and over again, and my friend really stepped in and was like, stop it. They're bisexual, right? And so it was so affirming for me to hear that someone is sticking up for me, and that person just, like, immediately quieted down, and it was just like, for me, it was just amazing. And I think that's why, like, community is so, so, so important. - We are friends, I'm telling you. - They really, my queer friends changed my life. Like, I went to my first pride as a closeted person, but then as I was talking to my queer friends, you know, going with them to gay bars, like, tagging along with them, you kind of really build that confidence. And I think that's why I found such immense success, and also, like, just a sense of, like, belonging with the bisexual support groups that I host. Like, I'm literally hosting one on Sunday. It's so, I'll tell you, the setup is so easy. Like, all I do is I email people last Sunday of the month, show up for an hour at 11 a.m. - Oh, it's in person? - No, it's online, because we have people from all around the world. - So, Dr. V hosts free bisexual support groups for anyone that doesn't feel bad enough, it's curious, it's exploring, needs, reassurance. - Yeah. - I've yet to attend, but it sounds like an amazing support group, like, great community. - I mean, and it's like anyone who is bi-plus, and we make it very strict where, like, bisexual people do have their own certain set of problems that they wanna talk about in a situation where they're not needing to educate other allies or having to talk about how their bisexualness, like, relates to being gay or lesbian. And those are very unique experiences. And it's just about being seen, honestly. - Yeah, and even that, just that makes a world of a difference. - There was a study that I had, like, also cited on my page where bisexual women are less likely to have a community or, like, a forming community. And so, there is such a lack of bisexual spaces. They are really hard for people to get into, or, to be really honest, a lot of them are white, right? And so, like, I find such a sense of pride in this group because we have everyone from, like, India to the US to the UK, Scotland, someone, like, signed in from Egypt. And so, this, I really think that, like, being able to affirm how our bisexualness, like, shows up in our lives, not just as, like, queer people, but also as brown people, right? And, like, living in these cultures where you don't have space at all to, like, affirm yourself. It can be, I mean, if you're able to ask for help and seek that out, that's really the biggest thing. - And people always ask me, like, I live in a small town. You talk about building a community. How can I build one? I'm, like, start online. - Yeah. - That's how I started, yeah. And I literally have to come to New York. I am privileged, and I can do so, but I have to come to New York to see my people. - Yeah. - Because, like, back home, I have online, and online keeps doing my life when I'm there, you know? - Yeah. - So, do what you can. And there are spaces, you just have to find them, but we do need more, for sure. - No, I agree with you. Like, that online, I mean, we have the gift of the internet. - It's 24. - Like, yeah! Like, everything's online. - Everything is online, like, find it out. Just do your own research, I guess. But for the most part, hopefully, things should show up. A lot of people actually use Instagram. So, I would say, like, if you're starting out, I think Instagram is great. A lot of, even if you're type of bisexual in the search bar. - Yeah. - Just consuming content, queer content, it affirms you. - And those creators, like myself, are, like, hosting groups like this. Even if you're, like, I don't want to go to whatever, like, meet up pages, and you're not able to vet who is doing it, going through the source, I think, is a good way. - Yeah, that is good. I want to ask you, 'cause you cited a study that a lot of bi people live in silence, and they think that's better than coming out, 'cause, you know, they live in their bi privilege, but it was proven that there are some benefits to coming out as well. - Yes. - So, what kind of benefits are we talking about? - I mean, there's just, like, improved quality of life, right? I mean, it's a lot of people who are in the closet have several health issues. So, you have, like, joint pain, muscle pain, fatigue, depression, anxiety, chronic pain was apparently higher in people who are closeted, and bisexuals who are closeted. And so, really, you know, even if it's to yourself, just accepting it. - Yes, and, yeah, 'cause sometimes you're not safe to come out, or-- - You're not at all, yeah, or you're, like, in a relationship and you're not really sure, but even if you're like, okay, I have to tell someone, like, finding one person, like, I told my brother in the beginning, that's it. Like, I told my brother, and I felt so, I felt so good. - He was so supportive, I read, I saw one of your reels, and he was like, that was so brave of you, and he was so nice. (laughs) I mean, but that's a thing, right? Like, at that point, I was, like, refusing to accept it, but then, like, telling someone, and even just them saying, that's really good for you. - But that, the way he reacted was probably, you know, a tipping point for you, 'cause if he had been shitty about it, that would have made a whole difference. So, like, you have to be careful, you know, who you tell, and how, 'cause that first encounter, you know, it can change everything. - It does. So, that is something we have to keep in mind, for sure. - I feel like I'm a case study in, like, coming out, because, honestly, Alexa, like, I look at pictures of myself from, like, when I was definitely closeted, when I was, like, making out with girls, and I was, like, very confused about who I was, I had, like, disordered eating. Like, I think at that time, I would definitely been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I was depressed, I was definitely, like, dabbling in a lot of substances, you know, there was definitely some substance use disorder happening at that point. And then, around, I think, like, 27, was it really where I could tell the difference? Like, if you look at pictures of me now, versus then, you're like, she has gotten new life. Like, it's almost as if the confidence-- - The spike. - It has, you know, like, I'm not saying that depression has completely, like, gone off, or, like, but it almost feels like I know myself, right? And so, if you're-- - You're comfortable in your skin, you're accepted. - Yeah. - Literally, quite literally. So, if you are able, and it all starts, it all started with me kind of admitting it to myself, because I remember that, because I was, like, walking around DC, calling my friend, and being, like, I'm bi, I think I'm bi, it's happening. Like, it's like, I'm literally breaking out of the egg, and I'm, like, being reborn right now. But I could really, you know, like, up until that point, I was just, like, not happy at all. - For lay bloomers, too, it's like-- - Yes. - You question everything, 'cause I'm also a lay bloomer, and I'm like, you, 'cause you have liked men your whole life, and you start questioning, like, but I really like men, and then you're, like, am I really, wait, do I just love making out with my friends, you know? (laughing) Like, that was, as if that was so straight of me, you know, loving making out with my friends. I would wait for, I would always wanna go out with the friends that I would make out with, so that we could make out, like, and I can't-- - That's so real fine, like, you really, like, making out your gay, I'm sorry, you're fine. - I know, but I thought you were so straight of me, you know? That's how the lulu, in the bad way, that's how the lulu people, by people are, like, so hard. And you're, like, in your mid-20s, and you're, like, could I really like women, and then you feel, like-- - Yeah. - Like, you're a teenager all over again, 'cause it's, like, a new fountain thing, and you're a gay, and you don't know how to talk to women, and all the things, so, I mean, it's magic, and it's beautiful, but it's also terrifying. - It's incredibly terrifying, because you're, like, am I doing this for attention? Am I, like, lying to myself? Am I just, like, what's wrong with me? Am I trying to, like-- - And there's no check list, there's no way to fucking know, (laughing) but for sure, if you love making out with your friends, you're probably a little gay. - I don't wanna use this this time to, like, I was gonna make a wriggle about it, but I think this is a good kind of segue to it, yeah. But, so, I think people get confused with the difference between finding someone attractive, and being attracted to someone. - For sure, 'cause that's also thing, 'cause I always adored admired women, and, like, you're perfect, I love you. God is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, but I didn't know that was also attraction. - If you wanted to have sex with them, or you wanted to date them, or you wanted to be with them. 'Cause also, I would compare the way men are typically attracted to women, and I was like, I don't feel that, you know, I don't feel that, like, primal, raw need that most women are. It's more of a worship kind of vibe, and, like, that's how I express my sexuality with women. I'm, like, princess treatment for all my girls. Like, you are my world, and I will take care of you, you know? And with men, I'm like, what the fuck do you want, you know? So, like-- - Why are you here? Who are you? - Who are you, you know? But I, so, that's why I didn't know it was actually bisexuality. 'Cause I thought it was so straight, so common to adored women, and not be attracted to them, but I so was. Yeah, I mean, that's up to you to tell, right, to make that decision, but that you're attracted to them or not. - That's a hard one. - It's a really hard one. I get a lot of DMs that are like, I think that there are some actresses that are, like, really beautiful in my body. - Or I watch lesbian porn in my body, and it's like, no, not necessarily. It depends, you wanna act on it, you know? 'Cause, like, so many straight women watch lesbian porn. I mean, the highest-- - More-- - The highest viewage in lesbian porn is straight women. So, like, no, you're not bi. Just because you watch lesbian porn, but maybe, like, keep exploring, you know? - And I feel like with the lesbian porn as well, it isn't so much like, maybe there's, like, some tenderness to that that you're also craving as someone, right? - And you also want that done to you, too, maybe. - Yeah, I know. - I think it's more the oral sex that you're, like, envisioning happening to you. - Right, 'cause it's not regular heterosexual porn that is just penetration, you know? - Exactly. - So, it can be a number of things, but yeah, it's hard to figure it out, and be like, which one is it? - Yeah, that's some deep introspection, you need to do. - Yeah, for sure. Let's compare sex in your 20s versus sex in your 30s, 'cause a lot of people think, you know, you're peeking in your 20s, you have to do everything in your 20s, and then, like, everything goes downhill, and you're, like, a grandpa, and, you know, you just die or something. But 30s and 40s are the new 20s, so-- - Yes. - Tell me if that's compare whatever you're comfortable with, your sex in your 20s versus your 30s. Like, body-wise, orgasm-wise, confidence-wise, everything. - Yeah, it's so-- - Performance-wise, you know. - Are you a millennial? - I'm in the middle, I'm 97, and it depends on the author that you quote. - I grew up with millennials though. - You did? - Yeah. - And did you? - But I have some gensy traits. - Did you ever watch sex in the city? - Yes. - Okay. - But the movies. - The movies? - Barely any episodes. - Well, I guess the movies are kind of, like, maybe, like, some waterfall. - I get the vibe. Yeah, you get the vibe. - I get the vibe. But there was some problematic elements on sex in the city, but I really enjoy that show for the singular reason is that they really do show that women above a certain age enjoy sex. And I really love Samantha's character so much, 'cause, you know, she's going through HRT when she's going through menopause, but then she wants to fuck. Like, she's horny as ever. She's dating, she's having a great time, and I still find it surprising that despite having such amazing, like, representation in that sense in the media, and also, like, looking at a lot of women who are also leading amazing lives, sexual lives, is the idea that we think that our sexuality diminishes A, at a certain age, and B, after we get married. Like, you're just like a starfish, and you're not really-- - You have to do everything before you get married, and then you can get married, and, like-- - That's it. You're gonna be boring, or you're just like, "This is gonna be the same." - Yeah, exactly. - You can't be kinky if you're married. Like, have you heard of Swingers? Swingers have the most fucking fun, and they're all like-- - We talk about that all the time. - Yeah, they're like, in their 40s, they're fucking vibing. I know for a fact, like, 50s and 60s, they're like, and for the lower column, I really think it's changed my perspective, as well, as, like, really interviewing people who are, like, 60s, late 60s, saying, like, I love masturbating, I have sex toys. - Yeah, well, I gave my 85-year-old grandma a sex toy, and we talk about sex all the time, and like, she uses it, you know, like, and I used to think, 'cause that's what they teach is like sex, after your 50, you know, that's gross. You don't wanna even imagine your parents having sex, like, and now I think about myself, and like, when I'm 50, I'm hoping I'm having a mind-blowing sex until, like, fucking drop this. - We better be, we better be, I'm sorry. - Yeah, no, and we will. And studies show that women, they're most satisfying sex years are in their 50s, actually, or late 40s, and like, so no, sex doesn't end when you're, you know, 29 and a half, but I wanna talk about your experience, like, what changes have you noticed? - Oh my God, so many changes, I'm like looking back at the sex that I used to have in my 20s. Like, granted, in my 30s, I've only had sex with like, one person, but it, in my 20s, you know, when I was definitely, like, very sexually active, I found that in a lot of cases, I never advocated for myself. Like, they would finish. - Were you just performing? - Literally, like, it was the orgasms that are like, literally not even orgasms, they were just like, moans, like, performative moans, you know what I'm talking about, and like, just penetration, like, no focus on oral sex. Once they came, sex was done, or, like, I've been in, like, really upsetting situations where the guy was like, like, in the middle of sex, I'd be like, "Oh, I'm not feeling this anymore," and they'd be like-- - I don't like this, yeah. - They'd be like, "Can you at least finish me off?" Like, I started, and like, I have blue balls. - And you're like, where's my pleasure? Like, where's my orgasms? - Yeah, like, you're literally just laying there, like, a pillow, and he's like, fucking, like, an inanimate object, like, is that attractive to a lot of you? Like, and I feel, I'm really hoping, I feel like this is why I talk about it. It's like, if you're in your 20s, like, you are going to stumble a lot, a lot of the sex you're gonna have is bad, but that's maybe a good thing, because then you're realizing, I fucking hate that shit. - You know what you don't like. - You know what you don't like. It's not gonna be amazing right off the bat at all. Like, you're gonna, like, be completely confused by sex. I think that's when a lot of people discover what kinks they're into, you know, what kind of, like, fetishes they're into, you know, whether they're into any type of, like, a role play. So, I think 20s is usually experimental. It was for me, and I definitely think in my 30s, I was like, if I'm not having, not just an orgasm. Like, if I'm not feeling-- - My expression, in general. - Yeah, if I'm not feeling comfortable in my body right now, which I think is the most important. 'Cause, like, I have the courage now, even with my husband, if we're having sex, we'll be like, I'm not feeling this. - Let's just stop. - Let's stop and go to bed, this is-- - It's hard, 'cause a lot of the times, you're like, I'll just suck it up for a few minutes so that they can come. But, like, if you're not having fun, you can fucking stop, and that is fine, and they have to respect it, it is 'cause you, whenever you say no, it's fucking over, you know? - It's over. - So, that's very important. And while I do think you experiment a lot in your 20s, I always say to never stop exploring, that is one of the times that I use the word never, 'cause even if you're doing the same act, you can do them in an infinite amount of ways, endless. So, never stop exploring. A lot of people are like, yeah, but sex just gets boring, you do it, you know, the routine. No, there's so much to do. - There's so much to them, yeah. - And if you start doing new things, you'll learn about other things, and doing it in another way, and all everything. So, don't stop exploring. And then you become more confident, you advocate for yourself, you know what to ask for. - All of that, yeah. - And I just think sex just should get always better. And you also stop giving a fuck, not that I'm 30, but you stop giving a fuck about what people think. And to, if you ask for what you want, and people say, no, you're like, okay, next person, like someone else is gonna give it to you. I'm not gonna wait 'til my time, 'cause I think someone, to give me what I want, like go, goodbye, you come over, you know? - Yeah, and masturbation, too. I think like, continue to masturbate, because that only improves body image, dental, self-image, confidence, regardless of your relationship status master. - Regardless, I think your age as well, it's just so, I really wish for people that they are able to play with themselves. That at any age, you are allowed to play with yourself. You are allowed to find pleasure in your own body. - It's your home. It's the only one you're getting in this life. - That's so cool. - Enjoy it, love it. - Yeah. - Oh my God, I love that. That's very nice. - Okay, and you speak about, and we just talked about it, but I wanna talk about more. Not, yeah, not coming. - Yeah. - And still thinking sex was amazing, 'cause for me, coming is not my main goal necessarily. I can have the best time, amazing sex and outcome. Well, if I want an orgasm, I should get one, 'cause whoever wants one should get one. But if I don't want one, if I'm fine, or I can't, 'cause I'm in my head or whatever, I can still have mind-blowing sex. And I want to normalize that, 'cause yeah, I love orgasms, they're great. You should, you know, for everyone, but they're not necessary for me to have really good sex. - Ochasms are pretty overrated, if I can be honest with you. You shouldn't focus so much on the destination, and what ends up happening is that we get so impatient and in our head, and we're like, I have to reach the tip of that mountain, and then that's kind of the marker of good sex. But it's like, okay, what if I completely removed the idea of an orgasm? What does sex look like for you then? - Yes, but when you do that, you still have to, 'cause there's extremes, like, you can be like, "Oh, I don't have to come," and then no one cares about your pleasure, and you're, you know, 'cause everything should be pleasurable. - Oh, yeah, 100%. - Yeah, like still advocate for your pleasure, have the most amount of fun, but like, if you don't come, it's not the end of the world. - It's not. - It's really not. - 'Cause some people have so much fun, and they're like, yeah, but I didn't come, and I'm like, okay, so what? Like, you had so much fun. You can then get yourself off, or whatever, or you didn't come, you know, it's fine. - I mean, whatever you're engaging in at that point, right? Maybe you're watching porn together, maybe you're like playing around with toys, maybe it's just like penetrative sex, whatever it is. The reason I say I have like, is if you take out an orgasm outside of like sex, and you're just having sex, it really allows you again, like what you mentioned is like to advocate for other things that you want. Because maybe in our minds, we are only taught that orgasms are it. Like, I have to learn how to have an orgasm in that sex, and it's like, well, what if I remove that, and then what would it look like to you? Like, how would you use this time to like, actually explore what you like? That isn't gonna get you an orgasm. That's just gonna be fun. And I think play is just such an amazing term, because I really do think like playing. Yeah, just getting rid of that like stress, because for me also, I'm just like, I don't wanna orgasm every time I have sex. I don't know if that's like a, a lot of people think that's weird, but I'm like, I don't really find a need to do that, because I just wanna connect to the person. I wanna have deep conversations, which is something that I'm really like, I think I'm maybe a little demmy, because that was how I discovered it. Like to say like, if I take out the orgasm factor out of it, I'm realizing that a deep emotional conversation, like intimate touches and cuddling and lying next together. It's just so amazing. That's so interesting. For me, it's more about fun. Sex is, has to be fun. So if I'm in the middle of anything, I should be like, oh my God, this is so fun. Yeah. Instead of like, it doesn't, it can also be playful, which is fun, but like it can be kinky, it can be aggressive, it can be all sorts of things, but it has to be fun for me. For you, it has to be deep and connected. It has to be deep, yeah. So you know, so find out what's most important for you. And if it is orgasms, then that, you know, that's fine. That's your top priority. But I want it to be, I don't want you feel bad just because you didn't come. You know? Feel bad if they didn't give a fuck about your pleasure. But don't feel bad if you had so much fun and you didn't come. Yeah. And also if you're finding that you chronically have struggling to have an orgasm, then that's something that you might need to evaluate with your doctor. Yes, no, or tell us, you know, sometimes. Yeah, sometimes. Of course, yeah. Okay, let's finish off with a, would you rather? Oh, okay. So would you rather give someone their bet, the best sex of their lives, like give someone that experience. Okay. Or be given that experience by someone. Give it to someone. Why? Because a lot of, I think that I've had the privileges and the resources to explore what good sex looks like, right? And I feel like I have the tools to make it happen at any point that I want to. But I don't think that's a reality for a lot of people. But like you said, like a lot of people are at war with their bodies. They haven't connected with themselves. They haven't really been given the tools to understand what it is they like, what it is they don't like. Because they're spending so much time in shame and guilt. Because society tells them that that's what they should feel. So if I can give all of you some really good sex, please have it. Because that really make you feel confident and like really, really, really love yourself. - A giver, we have a giver here. - I hear my giver. - I also have such a giver. It's hard for me to receive actually. - Oh my God, me too. - Have you gotten more comfortable within like with time? - No, it's really hard for me to like have someone like prioritizing me. - Like chill and receive. - Yeah. - It's really hard. I'm like, okay. - Wrap it up. - Wrap it up so much. - Yeah, thank you. Like can we like flip the script? - Yeah, for oral, for example. The other person has to be obsessed with giving me oral. That they wanted more. They mean like, okay, now, if I know that you love it, then I'm like, okay fine. 'Cause you're enjoying it as much as I am. But if someone's just like down there and just like, because I'm like, nah, this is something else. - Exactly. Oh my God, I'm exact. - Yeah, your want to give should be more than my want to. - To receive the same. - Yeah, you have to be obsessed with it. If not, I can't. And like when I go down on people, I try to be just as eager, you know? 'Cause you don't want someone to just like, do the thing. You want them to enjoy being there. So I don't know. - This is controversial. I'm actually not that into foreplay. - Mm-hmm. - And I go straight to the deed. I actually put more emphasis on the intimate part, which is something that I've realized. And it's just like, a lot of people aren't used to that idea of just talking and holding, maybe demisexuals up. Maybe I'm like really demisexual guys. I'm coming out on the podcast. - Yeah, I think that's true because, yeah. - It sounds like, it is also a spectrum. You know, you have to find out where you are on the spectrum. - It's so like, I cannot be impulsive or spontaneous. Like I really have to feel like connection with the person. And the deeper we are, and the more like intellectually stimulating conversations. - Maybe Sapio. I might be a Sapio too, oh my God. - Yeah, the more I learn about myself, see? - Never stop exploring. - Never stop it. - Okay, wait, last thing. You talked about being comfortable in your body in that you're more comfortable now than ever before. And I saw it on your page too. 'Cause we talk a lot about body hair, and you know, they're having a moment, but you were talking about facial hair. And I feel like no one fucking talks about that. So how have you become more comfortable with your facial hair? - I just want you to fuck, honestly. So I had PCOS and through like medication and a bunch of like lifestyle behaviors that somehow managed to disappear. But I was on spinal act on, I was like taking a lot of medication for it. And again, I think as an Indian, you're just subject to so much of like ridicule and like racist comments that, you know, we're hairy and we're sweaty and we're smelly. And like one part of it is just like, I'm just gonna fucking own it. Like, I don't know. Like if I'm not feeling ashamed by whatever it is that you're saying, then it has no power or value. And I'm also just not gonna spend a lot of time or effort trying to do it. I think that if you wanted to do it and like when I was young, I was definitely like shaving my mustache. And yeah, if I had a daughter or whoever, a child who wanted to do it, I'd be like, yeah, sure, that's, you know, that's your choice that you're doing with your body. I've just gone to a point where I'm like, yeah, I have sideburns. Yeah, I have hair on my face. Yeah, I have a mustache. What else is new? Like, is that what you wanna talk about? - It's just acceptance, right? Like if you own it, no, nothing anyone says matters. - Like it's so, also, I think that hair also is just such a bigger topic to talk about like infantilizing women and the idea of like perfection. And I just reject, I reject that so much. Like I do wanna do laser hair removal because my hair is so thick that it causes acne. And so-- - Like in grounds. - Yeah, exactly. - And painful. So I'm like, okay, maybe I need to consider it. But if they didn't, it was fine. I just, I would just be like, but I've gone to that point, right? And I feel like, but it's still a sense of insecurity for a lot of people because the beauty standards are a woman who is hairless. - Bear, just completely bear. - Xeno. - And who else is bear naturally, children, so. - Weird? Like tell me that's not-- - I have such a weird-- - I have such a weird relationship with it. If someone is only like, I only like bear women and like I will, I'm disgusted by hair, I'm like, get the fuck away from me. - That's a danger. - Oh my God, red flag. - Yeah, I'm like, no. It's just hard, 'cause like, I remove my body hair, patriarchy won that battle. I like smooth, I like how it feels, et cetera. - It's really nice, though, to shave, yeah. - Yeah. So like, I like it, and I understand if I think it's my preference, but I would never tell someone else what to do with their body hair. So like, that's where I draw the line. - I think there was an episode in how I met your mother when Robin has a date and she anticipates having sex with the person, and then she's like, in the restaurant bathroom, you know, she pays the waitress to go buy a razor, and then she like uses a bunch of like wax strips, and then she's in there for so long that her date leaves, and then it's like, and then she's like disheveled, like she like lost, I don't know, she like something happened to her and I'm like, girl, if that person is not gonna have sex with you because you don't have shaved legs, we have like one millimeter of hair leg. Yeah, like what are you, like hair? - That's not the person that you should be having sex so that's really gross. - I think that's where, just how you know, if you're usually shaved and you don't shave for a few days, how they react, like that'll tell you a lot of things that you have to know. Like if they are disgusted by a little bit, it's not like we all, it's just so much, this is another episode, like I'm just gonna stop. - There are some amazing body hair activists that I can put you onto. - Yeah, yeah, we really have like, they do activism through their body, they have a lot of just hair, they have like a lot of under-arm hair, so. - Yeah, I actually do wanna have an episode about this. Okay, so who do you think I should have on the podcast? Venus cuffs? - You should definitely have Venus cuffs. - Okay, anyone else? - Top of mind? No one that I can think of right now except Venus, but maybe I can think about someone. - Yeah, just DM me. - Yeah, definitely DM me, I'll be like, this person needs to be in bed with you. - Dr. V, thank you so much. Are you ready to turn off the lights? Yes, let's do it.
