Aga Speaking to the Barcelona "Easy Does It, But Do It" meeting on January 17, 2024
The Daily Reprieve
Barcelona Meeting - Aga
[Music] Hello and welcome to the daily reprieve, where we provide essays, speaker meetings, workshops, and conferences and podcast format. We are an ad-free podcast. If you enjoy listening, please help us be self-supporting by going to Donate.thewreprieve.com and drop a dollar or two into the virtual basket. Please consider donating monthly by clicking the Donate monthly button. However, one-time donations are always welcome. Just click the Donate Now button. Now, without further ado, this episode of the daily reprieve. [Music] Okay, today the 17th of January 2024. We're very happy to have with us Aga M from Aidenberg, Scotland, sober in SA since the 12th of January 2021. She will be sharing on the topic of my sponces or gifts. So, Aga, you're now on. You have 25 minutes. You don't have to use it all and I'll let you know when you have five minutes to go. So, the floor is yours. Please be very welcome. Thank you very much, everybody, and thank you, Daniel, and all who are doing service for this meeting. I'm Aga, I'm a sexaholic, sober since the 12th of January 2021. I would like to start with with the prayer, San Francisco prayer, all 11th the prayer. Lord, make me an instrumental of your peace. What there is hatred, let me sow in love, what there is injury, pardon, what there is doubt, fate, what there is despair, hope, where there is darkness, light, and where there is sadness, joy, divine master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it isn't giving that we receive. It is imparting that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life, amen. I started with this prayer because I would like to invite God to this meeting and asking for help, you know, in organization, my star with you. My essay story started in November 2018, when I joined the fellowship, and it was after over 40 years of masturbation, acting with myself, and after like two or three years before I joined fellowship, this problem developed into watching pornography also, and I tried to think with the strangers online and with sex outside marriage. How this happened? I mean, because I saw the problem and I was really unhappy with that, I was very suicidal, I referred myself to counseling when I wanted to ask for help once again, and I believed this time they may help me, and I got a link to the website where I found questions, I answered yes to most of them, and the diagnosis was you're a sexaholic. So I was surprised because I knew I have a problem, but I didn't know it's addiction, and yeah, first years, first three years, I think it was full of like chronic relapsing all the time, and full of, you know, darkness, self-hatred self, will disobedience to my sponsor, but at some point I left fellowship, and I came back after three months, I think, but I know what happened because I wanted to help another female fellow in Edinburgh to come back to home group, but what happened inside me, I have no idea, because we started the women's meeting, the meeting still exists, she stepped back, but I'm still in fellowship, and I do believe it was a God's intervention, for sure, and but for like maybe not immediately, but almost from the beginning, I became sober, and but it was, it was still me, me, me all the time, I mean, my sponsor at the time told me many times that it's negative sobriety, or technical sobriety, which is sobriety without actions of love, and you know, I, I felt that I knew that I received a lot in fellowship, but I wanted to keep everything for myself, I didn't want to share this with anybody, and I really was like, I didn't like people, I wanted to be, you know, on my own, do my recovery in my way, but I don't know, I don't want to focus on, on that, that story, negative story. At some point, I did step, the 12 step workshop twice or three times, and at the very end of, of that workshop, I, I learned that I'm ready to sponsor, and I thought, that's impossible, because, you know, I have nothing to give, and my hands are empty, and, and then I realized that I'm lying to myself, but I knew that this little, you know, I, I can't share this with anyone, I, I just want to keep it to myself, but with baby steps, I started doing service, and I've learned how to share, how to give to others, what they received, and that was possible only because I, I made friendship with other fellows, with old-timers, but I, I also was open for newcomers, and, and it, I started making friends, friendships with, with other people, and one day, uh, you know, I, I become a sponsor, I, I have no idea how that happened, because I, I always was thinking I'm not ready, and, you know, I understood that this little I've got can be everything for somebody who has nothing, and that how, you know, and I still thought at that time that I'm not ready for, for sponsoring, but what somebody told me quite recently, you don't have to be ready, you have to be willing, and becoming a sponsor was again that step of trust, which happened when I returned to fellowship after the, that break. It was jumping into the darkness without like hope that I can survive that, you know, that I'm not gonna smash on the ground, and this jumping to, into unknown was the sign of the step of trust and fate, or my higher power, and everything has been changing since then, and I've heard somebody share quite recently that, and I really like it. It's about very related to this experience, that if I have even little relationship with, with God, there's always a bit of water at the bottom of the well, and this is what really happens to me. I, I can always have more to share with others, even if I still think I got a little, and I could compare the beginning of sponsoring to traveling with little money, with a small bag of belongings, and with wearing like old shoes, full of holes, and you know, damaged. I remember that I've had that many times, and you probably know this as well, that sponsor is not a therapist, not a parent, not a friend, it's somebody who is to, you know, to take the sponsor through the steps, and you know, I'm quite a, maybe not courageous, but easy to conflict person, so I, I couldn't understand that, and I didn't want to allow to accept this, you know, that I can't be a friend with my, with my sponsors, because as a people pleaser, I wanted to make friendships with everybody, no matter what, and you know, but this is a kind of protection, I think, from being too close and, you know, to attach too much, because it's, then it's difficult to, you know, to, to be objective. At the, at the moment, I've got two sponsors, my two precious gifts, I'm really proud of them, and they are so different, the same like people in, in our fellowship, you know, some people can become sober from the very first day with actually no effort, but there is some click, and they just get and big, and stay sober, but some people need, you know, days, weeks, months, or even years, and we, when they call, we always start with the prayer, it's because I want to invite God to our meetings, I want them, I want him to, you know, to be in what we talk to each other about, and also when we finish our calls, we also pray, because I, I want them to, you know, to, to be, you know, light in God's good hands, and praying at the beginning, what I, that really helps, and I all often experience something for like miracles to me, because that happened, especially when, when they were sharing some problems, some difficult time, and I didn't know what to tell them, and I prayed for a second, and suddenly I've had myself saying things, which I had somewhere at the back of my head, but I would never express themselves, you know, allowed, so, so I, I'm, I'm sure that it was the moment when I became God's instrument, and because I allowed him to walk through me, and, you know, I remember the beginning also was that I wanted to feel my power, I said, okay, you can call, at that time, that time this day, this day, I wanted to feel that power, I wanted to share my best, but showing myself rather, I was like a shadow on God, and, but when I've heard these stories, I, I've learned, you know, they once, that reminded me my own pain, and my own trauma from the past, and from that very confident, in a negative way, person, I became a more humble, I think, and today I know that I have to be in the background, this is somebody else who is the most important in that meeting with my sponsors, and, and you know, I, I, I'm really amazed what, watching them, you know, having this recovery, because, you know, they put lots of effort into, into it, and they trust me, they are honest, this is very important in that relationship, they are, they are honest, they, they don't afraid, they are not afraid of me, and, and I think that at some point that friendship just started, you know, think which I wanted to, to have with my sponsors, this just developed, and yes, it works, I think it works both way, I, I give them my time, I give them my experience, transcends hope, my skills, but also, you know, I, I got back, you know, they trust, and they open mind, like they freshness, I don't know how to explain that, but, you know, I, I think that by giving them my suggestions, I, I can share my experience, chunk info, and everything what I've got best, which I received in, in the fellowship, and by allowing them to make independent decisions, of course, not touching class. I, you know, I had them to be responsible for their own life, by taking care of them, and supporting them, I also learn how to take care of myself, people around me, my loved ones, and by all, but also by putting boundaries, I'll help them to, you know, to, especially around the, the time, the length of the, of our calls, the time when we talk, the days of the week, I also encourage them to, to be in touch with other fellows, and to build, like, support their work in moments when they are well, when they feel well, to have those people around themselves when they are unwell, and somebody told me recently that I'm over protecting, that I would like to help people around me, you know, to avoid my mistakes, but mistakes are also moments when, when we learn, when we have a chance, you know, I think that all the moments, everything, what happens to me in negative and positive things are either gifts or lessons, and you probably heard that many times in this fellowship in, in, in meetings. What, what also is said often is that I have to put my oxygen mask first before I have anybody else, and that's, that's really true. And I, I got that experience as well that I, I have to protect myself, and I have to work on my own recovery as well, to be helpful for somebody else. And when I'm hungry, angry, lonely, and tired, I won't be so effective. I won't be so open and so willing to, to give myself to others. And, but when, when I'm happy, when I'm in recovery, my sponsors can benefit from that as well. And that's why I want to, to think and love myself and take care of myself as well. And, you know, when I talk with my sponsors, I try to remind them that I'm not giving them sobriety, that I own, I can only support them. I can take them through the steps. And that the steps, working the steps is there. No, I had them face the past and meet with themselves, with their feelings and emotions, and also to forgive those people who harm them in the past, themselves, and God. But most of all, themselves, because only when we forgive, this is the only way, you know, to, I think, to recovery. Otherwise, there is also always some kind of hatred inside me. And, and also what I want to remember and want to share with my sponsors is that I can't like be like, in recovery today, if I rely only on sobriety, which I had yesterday, which for me means that, you know, I have to live every day, like, if it was the only day of my recovery. And that, you know, sometimes it's one day at a time, but sometimes one hour at a time. And, you know, but it's God who gives me sobriety. It's God who gives them sobriety, my sponsors. And I want to, you know, in every, every time when we talk, I try to share my experience with my higher power, because I think this is the only way to stay, to get and to stay sober, which, and to have this sobriety, which lasts. And, you know, why this relationship is so precious to me, it's because, you know, when I take care of them, when I look after them, I, now, I'm not responsible for them. I mean, I pass the best I've got in myself, but, you know, I live, I do my best, but I live for results to God. But this relationship, it's precious because, you know, if they are tough moments, they show me like areas in my life, which are unhealed, still ill, which needs to be touched, it's love and cured. And I have a chance to, you know, they are less than to me. And I've got a chance to grow and become a better person, better mom, better wife, better friend, better sponsor. And, you know, I'm so happy that I can be with them when they face those feelings and emotions of, you know, because somebody said it's the positive thing about recovery is that I've got my feelings and emotions back, but negative thing in recovery is that I have my feelings and emotions back. And but the beautiful thing is that I can face and leave them without numbing myself anymore. And this is what my sponsor, my sponsor experience as well. You know, it's painful, but at the same time, I'm more, I, we are free of, you know, I, that is my experience that I'm free of myself. I'm free of the, maybe not addiction because addiction will be with me for the rest of my life, but this compulsion, which always is causing, you know, desire to act out. And, you know, we share our gratitude with each other and it's, it's okay. Thank you, Daniel. It shows me, you know, how to notice and be aware of beauty around me, that negative and positive things which happen to me are always for my good, even if I don't see this immediately, you know, it's, it's for my good. And it always something which, which I need, you know, and I wanted to know because some of you are sponsors, some of you maybe think about whether they, whether you are ready or willing to be a sponsor, don't be afraid because as I said, it's willingness, which is necessary. And if, if you don't have this willingness, if when I didn't have this willingness, I just was praying and asking for it. And, and one day it's, you know, I did this step right step and all the abilities I needed were given to me. And, and it's, it's beautiful that what I received and I received a lot from other people in fellowship. I can share that, share that with other people and I can, you know, help my sponsors to become, you know, build like a new generation of sexaholics in, in a recovery, new generation of sponsors in the future. Because this addiction will be, you know, will last for the rest, the rest of the our lives and, you know, and this world probably. So I'm so happy that I, I've got that courage inside me to become a sponsor and because I benefit a lot from that. And yes, and I, I want to thank my sponsors who are here as well for being here for my private sponsor as well. And thank you very much. And for my friends, obviously as well. Thanks. With that, I pass. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you Daniel and thank you so much. I got for your share. I got a lot out of it. And I just had a very quick question, actually, if you're okay with that, which is you talked about setting boundaries around Sponse telecon called. And I remember being really surprised when I started sponsoring and I came across that because I had very few boundaries around time, availability, flashes between family and sponsorship, all that kind of stuff. I just wanted to ask, could you say a little bit more about sort of boundaries around the Sponse telecon calls and Sponse interactions? Okay, so as I said, we've got those boundaries, but obviously when I see that there is a very deep subject or very painful situation, and I know that I, you know, I've got that time. I am trying to be flexible. And if if there is something, you know, my I can, and I know I can leave them on their own with with that problem, I try to encourage them to call somebody else, or leave me a voice message, and I will reply as soon as I can. But as I said, I, I don't want to, you know, I had sponsors in the past who were suicidal. And I know I, you know, I was panicking and I was trying to find some help in in their countries. So I, I try to be flexible if, if necessary. So boundaries, yes. But, you know, I'm still a human being, you know, and I feel they pain and I, I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't leave them as I know that my sponsor wouldn't leave me when I need help. I hope that that helps a bit. Thank you. Thanks for the question, Federico. And next up, Nancy. I am, I got, oh, my gosh, so beautiful to hear your story. And it's so beautiful to be around long enough to watch you grow and change. Oh, my gosh. I can tell that this topic is dear to you, because when I asked you about speaking immediately, you said to me, my sponsors, these are gifts. And I can see it on your face as you were speaking. I want to add to Federico's question and boundaries. Do you set up regular times with your sponsors or to kind of leave it up to them? How do you do that? Yes, we've got a specific time. It's because I do a lot of service, you know, on, on the intergroup level here in the UK. And, and also, you know, I've got job. I've got a family stuff here. So we've got some specific time. Obviously, when there are some events in our lives, you know, from day side or my side, we can, we can change the time. But, you know, this time, which we said, it's like for, you know, some event, which we are looking forward to, you know, and for both of us or three of us. So yes, but I think it's easier to plan everything else around, around recovery, because, you know, we, we, we all have life outside recovery as well outside fellowship. So, and it's healthy to have that life. So not to neglect or abandon one part area of my life. We need those boundaries and those settled time and, and days of the week as well. But as I said, if there are some events which don't allow us to meet on the day or time when we, which we agreed, that's totally fine. Yeah. Thank you. And I need to say this is the most balanced talk I have ever heard in sponsorship. So thank you. Thanks for the question, Nancy. Richard. Thanks, Daniel. Thanks for sharing the meeting. And well, it's amazing to share. It's brilliant, very strong share. And my question to you is, how do you manage both practically and emotionally from sponsoring pigeons through the 12 steps? And then maybe not hearing from them again, after that, when it's more their responsibility to continue the sponsorship after the first pass from the 12 steps. Thank you. That's tricky question. I mean, I, I said in my share that sponsor is not apparent, but I could compare sponsoring to parent to motherhood. And like my children are given to me for some time, they are not my, they don't belong to me. They are given, they are my gifts, the same with my sponsors. So when there is time, you know, when they leave or when they escape home, you know, when they leave home and they live independent life, I just have to let them go. And at the beginning, in, in, in terms of sponsors, I had a few sponsors, a few sponsors who like left, I don't know whether, I think they left fellowship. I had a sponsor who was a teenager, and I had to, following my sponsors suggestion, I just had to tell her that she has to wait until she's 18. So anyway, you know, at the beginning, I was thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm so terrible sponsor, they don't, I couldn't share what I've got best me. But as I said, I do my best, I leave results to God, and I do believe that they are protected. And I do believe that sometimes they may need to hit the rock button and they need to, you know, we all have different ways to either to sobriety, but also to relate closer relationship with God. And it's the same with being ready or willing to be a sponsor. So I don't know whether it's exact answer to your question, but that's all they feel that, you know, for somebody, you know, somebody may need days, weeks or months or years to be willing to do service, to become a sponsor. And there's always good time when it's in God's hands, you know, so that's what came to my mind. When you ask me. And second, thanks for the question, Richard. Next up, Katrin. Thanks, Tanya. And thank you very much, Aga. Katrin, let's edit. I would like just to share back that your share touches me a lot, because I can feel the love that you have for your responses. And I think that you give a lot and that the service you do is also a resemblance for love, for giving to others. And it's very touching to me and encouraging to do the service and to practice the actions of love. And I also have a similar experience that when I sponsor in the beginning, I think I don't know how to do this. And I don't know if I have anything to give. But my experience has been that actually there is a lot of experience. I forgot. But when I share it with my sponsors, it comes back up. And I also wanted to say how much I love that you enjoy or that you have this call set up to enjoy with your sponsor. And all three of you enjoy it. So I mean, your higher power, your sponsor and you. And yeah, thanks. I pass. Thanks, Catherine. You're welcome to comment, Aga, even if there wasn't a specific question. I will think and maybe later. Okay. All right. Okay, Teva, you're up next. Okay, thank you. Thank you, Aga, for your inspiring share. And your share is always inspiring for me. And I'm grateful for being with you here today. I'm listening to you. I'm grateful for hearing your experience, the training that I feel God is talking through you. And yeah, I don't have a specific question, but I'm so grateful for being here today. Yeah, thank you so much. Thank you, Teva. Next up, we've got Jackie. Thank you so much for the meeting. I'm so grateful. Aga, I want to thank you. And I see you on the Women's Act. What's up? Always offering you time. So thank you for that. Jackie, sexaholic. Although my question is when people are looking for a sponsor, do you believe that that sponsor needs to have gone through all 12 steps? I know that some people say they should. And then I also know that some people have said that they're farther along in this step. So I'm wondering what your opinion on that is. Thank you. I'm not sure whether I understood correctly, but about working the steps. I think that, you know, as I said, working the steps is the way of forgiveness. And I think, you know, without like joining the fellowship, getting a sponsor, working the steps, doing service, becoming a sponsor. This is like the main points of, you know, recovery and being, you know, become better, come well, I mean, in recovery. And the same, like, I think that every step prepares me for doing the next step. I can't like do one, two, three, or one, two, and then jump into five, you know, each step is of different, like strength and intent, you know, more intensive. So if it could kill me, even, you know, that's my feeling. And I think I need and I encourage always encourage people to work the steps. Because this is the only way they can say, like, goodbye to the past, you know, I've done some training about trauma recently. And the lady who was running this workshop said this training said, trauma is something that happened in the past. And I don't have to leave that again. So what I have to do now is living with like memories about this trauma. And so it's the same with working the steps that working the steps helped me to, you know, to leave the past behind me. And that's why I think it like, I need to often people who, you know, join the fellowship and are here without the sponsor, without working the steps. Maybe they are some single situations when people become sober, but I don't know, I don't believe it's possible for longer. So I have a feeling that I misunderstood your question. But I do believe that what came to my mind, it may help someone in some way I hope. If it helps, maybe I could paraphrase her question is, would you have a sponsor start sponsoring before they finish the 12 steps or would you were they finished? Yes. I think that first three steps are the most important. So those three steps are like, must be done for me. And actually, one of my sponsors at the moment is a sponsor. And she didn't finish the steps. And I do believe that it's enough when a sponsor is like two steps or one step, maybe one step is not enough, but two steps ahead. And that's this is totally fine. Because otherwise, you know, I don't think that focusing on myself all the time, it's the best idea, you know, by sponsoring others, you know, I can focus on somebody else and share my experience, and hope. So yeah, I don't think finishing all the steps is necessary. Yeah. So thank you Daniel for your half. Sure. Thanks, Jackie, for the question. I hope Aga answered it for you. Oh, yes. Yes. Thank you. Sure. I guess I'm up next, Daniel J. Sexholic. Thank you very much, Aga, for your share. And I'm sort of new to sponsoring. So and wow, with the number of hands that have come up, you can tell that this is a very popular topic here. So thank you for sharing with this. My question is, do you require a certain period of sobriety with a sponsor before you start working the steps? That's, and then what happens if you're in the middle of step two or working step three, and then they relapse? How do you work with relapses with your sponsors? I can say from my experience, okay, I don't know whether it works with everyone, but I want to show what I do with my sponsors. So we started working the steps immediately after we started like talking and calling to each other. And in the meantime, when the relapse happens, I, I think that at the very beginning, it was that we, they were, they had to step from the beginning, but but I can't remember really, but now it's that, for example, one of my sponsors is working step five. She had a relapse. I asked her to go back to step one to write inventory, but not from the very beginning of her addiction, but of her life, actually, but from the moment when she finished the first step inventory, previously, our first inventor together. So from that point until now, and we look together, what happened? Where is the, you know, the, the problem and when, where is the place which needs to be healed and touched and, you know, but because maybe there is something that she still wanted to keep it and she still, you know, wanted to, or didn't see that she is powerless over last and her life is unmanageable. So we only go back. It's not like, because that would, you know, that happens to me in the, in the past, when I just after joining, say that I had to go back to step one, step one, step one, and I was reaching step five or eight, maximum, step eight, and I never finished my steps. So this is the first time when I, I'm close to, to finishing, like, I obviously, you know, the workshop, I did all the steps, but as I said, it's only coming back to those few events from, from most recent time. Yeah, thank you, Aga. Claudia. I thank you, Aga, for your share. It's really, really helpful. I needed to hear everything what you shared. That's great. Thank you. You are a channel, channel of, of, by a power. Thank you. Right. I have two sponsors right now, a really very new person in the program. And I right now also in, I'm sober and I'm trying to do my work, but I'm not in such a good shape right now. And I'm often thinking I have nothing to give. So I want to ask you, what are you doing with this thinking you have nothing to give? As I said, thank you, Claudia, for your question. I should say thank you to everybody who asked or shared. As I shared, it's this little I've got can be nothing to, can be everything rather to somebody who has nothing. And, you know, obviously, I've got two others moments as well. And I've got moments when I don't want to pick up the phone, you know, I, because I don't want to spread my, my bad mood, you know, but I do this right step and believe me, I'm not exaggerating, but believe me that every time when that, when I do this right step and I pick up the phone, even if I don't really like, or I speak to them, even if I have, you know, empty head or empty hands. As I said before, there's always something I can give. It's, you know, and always something I can say, this is also the miracle of, of recovery. And I don't remember a moment when I, you know, when I, of course, there are sometimes moments when the pain of my response is too big, and it no, there's no words that could help. So it's better to be to sit together in silence. But that, that intuition will be given to you, if you ask for, for that. And if you, you know, decide and tell your higher power, you know, I want to be your voice, your hands, your mouth, your ears, every time when I've got contact with my sponsor. Yeah. And trust your intuition. Thank you. Thank you, Claudia. We still have about 10 more minutes of time for questions and responses here. So if you're too embarrassed to speak, you can put your question in a chat to the host or co-hosts and we can read it. We'll go with Daniel. We'll get Susie B. And then we'll go with Daniel. Sounds great. Thanks a much. Okay. Okay. Thank you. I'm Susie Sexaholic. Aga, thank you so much for your share. And thank you for the work that you do for essay and especially for essay women. I really appreciate that. And I'm, and I'm, I'm aware of some of your service work. I really enjoyed hearing what you shared. And I especially enjoyed hearing your similar experience to what I have. And that is that when I'm sharing with a sponsor, sometimes God's not just talking through me, but talking to me, I hear myself sharing words that I need to hear. So I think that common experience among sponsors, I certainly hope it is. And I loved hearing, hearing you talk about that. I wonder if you want to say anything about how when you first start working with a new person. Thank you. Do you have a list of expectations that you share with them or commit to them? Thank you. Thank you very much for your question. I think, and for your share, you know, the, the only expectation I've got or maybe the most important is honesty. Because without that, you know, I, I don't think, because this is also my experience, as long as I couldn't be honest in small things, I couldn't be honest and reliable in big things. And that's what they always try to, to tell my sponsors. Also, you know, some effort every single day is better than, you know, once a week for an hour or two. So I asked them to, you know, to, to do a little bit every day. But they, there was some moment when one of my sponsors had exams at school at uni. And so yeah, I know this is her future. Okay. And I, not a lot, because I don't say orders to her. But I suggested that she may focus more on studying at that time and do her best in recovery stuff. And I can trust, when they are honest, I can trust them as well, when that they put lots of effort and they do their best in, in, you know, the, the recovery. What are those gratitude lists? Because it's, you know, it's something I also ask them to do every day, because we are not in touch like every day. I mean, the phone calls. So I would like to be in touch and to know what happens in their lives through gratitude lists. And, and obviously they also know that even if there is no day of the week or time of our call, they always know that, you know, they can call me, they can call me or they can leave a voice message or send me a message and contact with other, with other fellows. At this stage, you know, mostly with women, one of the sponsors is doing service. So doing service and being touched with, with men as well is, is fine. But, you know, obviously not sharing to private things. And because I know from my experience, it's obviously they, they, they alive and they experience may be different. But, you know, I sometimes I think I may be to protective that I want to them to, you know, avoid my mistakes. But and I think that with time being when, you know, I become, I'm sponsor for sponsoring for longer, my priorities may be an expectations change. So I don't know whether it's right or not, but that's my experience. So thanks again for your question. Yeah, thank you. Thanks, Susie, for the question. We have Daniel and then Mosha, and then we'll see if we have any time left after that. If we don't, we still have the parking lot after after the meeting. And I believe Aga's agreed to spend a few minutes with us in the parking lot. So Daniel, go ahead. Yeah, thanks so much, Daniel. I appreciate that. Yeah, I'm a huge believer in sponsorship, you know, build W. Had he really worked the steps before he started sponsoring people that seemed to be a solution coming out of town's hospital in the big book, he just had to find another alcoholic to help. So I'm a huge, huge believer in sponsoring as soon as possible. And my question for you, practically, how do you help sponsors work through the steps? What are some specific things that stand out here for that? Thank you. Thank you for your question. I remember when we started working together, I asked them whether they would like to work the steps for this first time, like in a quick way, according to, you know, the workshop, which I had a couple of times since I joined SA or longer away, according to the big book, as I was led by my last, my previous sponsor. And at the moment, we are working steps in a quick way. And as soon as they finish it, we can start from the beginning or from step two, you know, in a deeper, more intensive way. But how, you know, I try to remember that it's not my job. Okay, I can support them. I can share what I've learned from my sponsors and from the big book and from all the literature I've read. But it's it's them who has to do their job. And, you know, I try, even if there's something not really right or I led them to be themselves and, you know, to do them to do those steps they way. But I'm only supporter and I'm, and you can show the signs on the road. I can't, you know, drive this, do this journey for them, you know, so. And I see this willingness in them, you know, it's it's nothing. It's not that they feel forced to work the steps because they trust me that it really helps and it works because it work in my life. Yeah. Thanks. But I hope that helped. Thanks so much. Yeah, no, I appreciate it. Thank you. Thanks, Daniel, for the question. Mosha. Yes, I have a question. So we had a couple of times in our meeting here, which I have a nice size meeting of 40 people. But it's almost all men. And there's a woman that walks in. I don't have a woman in the number of a woman to give her. So it happened a couple months ago, a woman walks in two weeks in a row, somebody sent her just to the center office. She never came back. I happened recently again, another woman walks in. But if you have a meeting with all men and a woman walks in, it's obviously not a men's only meeting, but it's just happens to be that's the way it is locally. What do you recommend to be able to encourage the woman not to scare her off? And at the same time, just to be able to give her the resource in a way that hopefully she'll actually follow through. She's a newcomer coming in, obviously probably a little scared, et cetera. I hope my question is understood. Thank you very much. And you know what, my first sponsor is in SSA was a man. And I really wanted to keep him from myself because he was the only person who I know well, but I was encouraged to find a female sponsor at some point. And I know that it's not for good for, especially for working the steps together, because at some point they are very sensitive, already attached during working the steps and you know, working with the opposite gender would lead to acting out together. But you know, encouraging women, it's, you know, what happened to me very often is that my, you know, my fellow asked me whether they could share my phone with somebody else, with females. So it's good to have this network of people who know, you know, women and among women who know men who could sponsor. And also there is a WhatsApp group for people offering sponsorship. And also for example, you know, sometimes somebody asked me for sponsoring them. And I know now I can't take more sponsors, but I always try to find a sponsor or, you know, to ask around a woman who might know whether they are available. From my point of view, it's good to have a sponsor from a similar, you know, or almost, you know, and not maybe the same, but similar time zone because, you know, big time difference can be very difficult. But I wouldn't recommend that man sponsor woman and woman sponsor man. I know that sometimes it happens. But yeah, I think it's good to know people around in fellowship to recommend somebody who, yeah, good sponsor. I hold that trap. Thanks, Masha. I just like all through, are you recommending basically the dish that let's say if I want to be of service in this regard to have one, obviously, hopefully an all-timers number woman sponsor, a woman lady that I could be able to just give out in case another woman walks in. Is that what you're recommending? Yeah, yeah. And also what I always do is I, before I give somebody this number, I ask that person first whether they agree. Sometimes I've got, you know, agreement from some of the women, you can always give my number to another female. But yeah, I do recommend that to have that network to know woman as well, you know, because it's, you know, in life, we have to, you know, live with men with women, women with men, and it's impossible to avoid that. So having only, knowing only, and being in touch only with women, it's not only with men, you know, I think it's good to have contact with woman and know somebody who can sponsor if there is a lady in your group. Yeah. Thanks, Moshe, for the question. We're out of time for sharing, but perhaps in the parking lot, we might continue the same theme because there is also a question in the chat if Aga or other women are willing to share their contact for the purpose of handing out to women who join a meeting. So that came up in the chat. So perhaps in the parking lot, we could talk about that. And I know there's also a pamphlet. S.A. is also for women that's available that we should all have at our meetings. So any last comments, Aga, and we'll go ahead and close. Yes, I wanted to thank, I think, thank you to everybody who shared their thoughts and feelings after this share and also for all the questions. Yeah, that shows my limits as well. But you know, it's amazing with in the meetings that I feel always that I belong to fellowship and that I'm not apart, apart from fellowship, but I'm apart, I belong. And it's my family. Thanks. You're muted. Thanks, Aga. Richard is holding up that essay. Yes, yes. Okay, this pamphlet. I think that I remember also some link wandering around the fellowship in the women's group with all the resources. I don't really, I don't remember this link now, but I can find it for you much or if you want. Okay, yeah, we'll talk in the parking lot about that more informally. It sounds like an important topic tonight. So thank you very much, Aga, for your share. This has been a wonderful meeting and obviously a topic a lot of people are interested in. I would like to thank you for listening to this episode of The Daily Reprieve, the best source for experience, strength, and hope for essay members. Please subscribe to this podcast to be alerted of new episodes. Please show your support by donating to The Daily Reprieve by going to donate.thedailyreprieve.com and choosing either monthly donations or a one-time donation by clicking donate now. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for the next episode of The Daily Reprieve.