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Don't often say that. Don't often say that. And I'm not sure if I mean it. Morgan? Oh, that's fair. I'm going to be real with you. We'll find out. What's that noise? Hold on. What? Morgan, what did you recognize this song? You were a Blackwater mercenary in Iraq. Keep on rolling. Yeah, you got to keep on rolling, brother. Oh, Blackwater. I don't know what this song is. The Doobie Brothers, man. This is Blackwater. It's what the whole goddamn operation was named after. The Doobie Brothers. That's true. Eric Prince is a big fan. Yeah, huge fan. Here's the chorus, dude. He doesn't look like a dude that would be a fan of Blackwater. The Doobie Brothers. Sure does, dude. That's what this is it. The whole thing in Iraq was over this. I haven't spent much time with Eric, but I don't think he's ever done a drug in his life. He has. I think he's done a lot of drugs, actually. I don't know him either. I think he should. I think he should. Shout out to the Doobie Brothers. We got Morgan Lorett on the show today. Brand new book. Guns, girls, and greed. I was a Blackwater mercenary in Iraq. A lot of people have lied about being in Blackwater, though. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm one of them. I just made it. I made everything up here. Got to make sure. Yeah. Got to make sure. No, I'm 0405. I was in the original Blackwater crew for the State Department, so I had to write a book about it. You had to. Yeah, nobody else said, "Oh, let's talk about it. Let's talk good about it." I'm like, "Let's just give the ground truth." We were fucking crazy. That's just life. What was it? It was absolutely insane. It's like add combat and then high amounts of alcohol intake and see what people do when they don't really have any rules. It sounds like Mongolians. To me. To me. To me. Right. Sure does. Like, what was the, what were they in Game of Thrones, Bob? Oh, uh, Deathracky. Yeah. Yeah. That's who they were modeled after the Mongolians. No, they're right. Just drink, drink, fuck, and kill. Those are the only three things you need to know about. Yeah. Who are you fucking over in Iraq? Look, it was all new. Who was available? You get lonely. You get lonely. Hold the hole? Yeah. We've talked about the donkey on the past. Have you ever tell you that donkey story? No, but I've seen the video. Yeah. Of the guy brushing the donkey? I didn't see the one brushing the donkey, but there's a few out on YouTube where you can see it. Oh, there's a bunch. On YouTube? Oh, yeah. They blur it out? No, 'cause it's in thermal. Yeah. Mostly. So it's like black and white. It looks like, well, it's gray, I guess, more gray and white. Yeah, in my case, the dude groomed and then fucked his donkey every night and then went down to sleep next to it and hey, or whatever the fuck was on the ground there. That was right. Love is love. Yeah, you cuddled. I guarantee it. And he asked me when I told him the story, 'cause it's a story that a lot of people who've been in our position know all too well. He asked who was holding the donkey? No one. No one was holding the donkey. Which implies consent, in my opinion, right? The donkey didn't run away. Yeah. He was there every night. The donkey's got legs that could kick your fucking beanbag right off your body. Sure could. And if he doesn't, I feel like that is consent. Yeah. It's like munch on the housing syndrome, right? The donkey had one child and it was just like, yeah, but proxy. Gypsy Rose kind of went through something like that. Yeah. Who the fuck is Gypsy Rose? Most famous woman in the world right now. Yeah. Even you know who Gypsy is. Who is she? A little sex beast. She's out there. She's got a state side. She sure does. Oh, she killed somebody? Yeah, dude. All right. You guys don't have a state side. You didn't kill. You had my curiosity. Now you have my interest. I think she fucking helped killed him. She didn't kill the mom, but that's me. Oh, you said sex beast? She's a fat retard. Hang on. No, no. We'll get to it. Oh, that's the skinny one. I'm less. The skinny one. Yeah. Okay, so she's a skinny toothless retard? Now, here's where shit gets dark. She's got metal teeth. Anthony, the mom. She's octopussy. What the fuck is this? The mom had the teeth removed, salivatory glands. And what are the, like, tear ducts too? She can't cry or something like that? Salivatory glands. That's what I said. Like salivatory, Dolly? Yeah, that's what I said. Rewind the tape, dude. Salivary. We're not here for that. We're not here for that, guys. We all know what I said. I think it's really important to be precise when you're talking about toothless retard. Okay. Now with this toothless retard, she gets out of prison and starts boning this fat dude and people were making fun of her on the Internet. I believe a veteran or active duty soldier. Correct. Thank you for your service. We're collecting all kinds of poon lately. That fucking, the girl with two heads. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then this bitch. Congratulations. Like, hey, man, you know what? America's paying us back, finally. She got her teeth fixed. She's got her teeth fixed. She's got a nose job over the weekend and they're divorced. Oh, she's available. Apparently correct. Apparently he was hoarding food. That is not a, yeah. He was hoarding food. So she's never met a normal human being in her fucking life, then, is what you're saying. No, no, that's a good pick. It's the best pick of her that you could probably post right there. She's got the body type of a girl that probably is fun to have sex with, to be honest. Maybe. Is that, is that, is that, is she? She's had a, she's had a, it sounds like she's had a difficult time. I'm guessing there's a lot of mommy and daddy issues like that. Oh, I see my family. She's going to work, yeah. Well, she killed the mom. We should, yeah. That's why there's a bit. We should introduce her to Gary. I think she, Gary will be sabbatical. I think so too. She's now single too, so she's out there and available, but is that the talent level that you were working with her? No, that's much better than most of them. Really? Yeah, by, by fucking age, most Iraqi girls are deadlined. Right. Well, he's talking to locals. I mean, I'm just talking about like the military girls. He oversees me. Oh, yeah, it's worse. Like they just, is it that bad? Well, so a backdad 10 is, is a US 4. Yeah. Yeah, so like there's, it, it's like basketball, right? It's like five guys fighting five other guys over one hole, right? Just straight up back in most of them are black. Damn it too. Really? No. It just, basketball makes sense. No, I understand that, but this story keeps getting worse and I was like, of course. Yeah, it makes sense at this point. I mean, they're, I call war pigs. I think, I'd like to think I came up with that before Aussie was talking about. Yeah. That's, the entire song is about, you're talking about fucking in overseas. Ugly girls on tour. Yeah. A hole is a hole. There's a hole heating there, right? Yeah. Exactly. We're going to get into the book today and everything else, but I was serious at the top of the show. There's a lot of people, oddly, that lie about being in black water and everything else. Does it just sound cool? It sounds really cool. It's just a good lie to tell, like, out in the streets to, to chicks and things like that. I think if you're like over 40, it probably sounds cool. If you're younger, like, like, you know, if the 40 year old that used to work for black water is like at the bar with 20 something, they probably don't care. But, you know, black water was all the rage back, back in the day. It was. Yeah. And everybody talks about it. Yeah. Which is like, oh, yeah, fuck you. Yeah, until you guys started fucking lighting up random civilians and shit. Yeah. Retail. Retail. Come on. Come on. Then shit gets wild. Until you get banned from Iraq for six months, come back with a new name. That's my favorite part of all of the air. No, the funny story is that, like, Triple Canopy took over that contract. Literally walked into, to the black one. Now it's the same company, right? You guys are, you guys are all Triple Canopy employees now. Everybody stay. Yeah. For the most part, they just kicked out black water is like an LLC. That's the same way it worked. So the, the security company that I ran in California, one of our clients was the California state lottery, right? So we took over the contract for it and it was the, and all the same people. Like, we didn't change any of the personnel. It was just who manages the contract. And then the title, essentially. Yeah, but who cares about that? Well, in this case, like all you do is, all you do is change shirts. Yeah, that's it. Right. And you keep killing civilians. Yeah. Or whatever comes up, you know. So let's start from the beginning with you personally here. When did you decide to enlist and why? Oh, 1999. There was no wars going on. It was great. They were going to pay for my college and stuff. I was like, why the heck wouldn't I? So I joined the Air Force because my grandfather was in World War II. And he said, hey, go to the Air Force. They have the best food and is intelligent as I am. That was like the driving force of why I should join the military. Like, hey, get out of small town. They have the best food. Yeah. So I joined up and then September 11th happened and it was like, oh. But you're two years in at that point? Oh, yeah. Because that's kind of the dead zone. And that's why I ask everybody who comes on the show of when they, when they joined typically, everybody says 9/11. I wanted to help my country and get in there and get nasty with shit after 9/11. No, he was just trying to get free college. Yeah. That's all you were trying to do. Yeah. And so there was no thought in your mind that, oh, hey, man, the terrorist attack is going to happen. And then I'm going to be involved in some crazy shit like this. No, I mean, look, if George Bush doesn't know about it, I sure as heck didn't. 19 year old Cottonwood, Arizona, just walking around with my shirt button at the top. I don't know. Nirvana was big. Who knows? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So zero idea. You're 18 years old and you enlist? I was 19. Yeah. Yeah. I enlisted. I went in, did basic training, AIT. I even joined like the National Guard because I was not, I didn't want to like leave home because I was like a little baby boy. So I came back and September 11th happened. Dude, this is like the coolest story. I was in college and my beeper went off. Shut the fuck up. No, for everybody. Who was the page? Who paged you? My base paged me and said, get your, well, they hit to like 911 and put their number down because that's what you did back then. But that's also 9/11. Oh, double entendre there. So did you know? Hey, is this important? Oh, fuck. It's 9/11 going. He's just telling me what day it is. Just this is a reminder on your, on your beeper. Hey, by the way, today's September 11th. Yeah, no, I assume maybe something was going on with the whole plane thing that I'd been watching on TV. But that didn't stop me. So you were watching it as this, as this went down. Yeah. Because everybody knows where they were. Obviously, I knew where I was. I was in LA and somebody would wake me up because it was very early in the morning in LA at that point. And for you, you get this page and then are you immediately like, oh, fuck, I might have to actually do something about this? A little bit, you know, it's like, oh, something's going on. So what happens when you have like a terrorist attack on US soils? Everybody goes to Defcon 4. Like, it's literally all hands on deck. So everybody got called up from the National Guard. They gave me a big water cooler in Phoenix, September 11th. How does fuck in Arizona? Yeah. And I sat on that and I watched the highway on I-10. I just watched the highway for like a solid 18 hours before they thought, hey, maybe we'll give this guy some like sunscreen. But did they tell you, hey, here's why you're watching this highway because we're worried about terrorist attacks everywhere else? No. Okay. They just watched the highway. They said watch it. So you have like different protocols, right? So for every 300 yards of fence line, you had to have somebody that was posted there. No shit. So it's literally just like, it's in a field manual somewhere that they thought you'd do it. Interesting. It's weird. But I mean, in a situation where central command isn't readily available, it's a good thing to have that kind of thing. It seems tedious and retarded when you're the guy standing there. But it does make sense to some degree to have that shit, to be honest. But I actually, as a civilian, I like to know these stories because when that all unfolded and it was complete chaos, in Los Angeles at that time on the news, there was so many different wild speculations and there was planes heading to LAX and they were going to crash them and everything else. We didn't know what the fuck was going on. It is nice to know that there was a plan, at least in other cities and everywhere else, of like, "Okay, cool. People were watching out for us." On the base, you guys were still fucked. Yeah, like the base was highly secure. So you don't have to sweat that. This was just to protect the base. Yeah. Dude, your ass is like, "Well, bro, hold on." Never mind. All right. So we should keep a scoreboard here today. That's on the loser side of things. That's not part of guns, girls, and greed. I can tell you that. So then afterwards, do they say, "All right, we're heading over to Iraq and you're getting ready and you're actually going to have to get out of the National Guard and do something?" No, no. There was like Afghanistan had kicked off. And then we only had like 10 to 13,000 troops in Afghanistan for the longest time. So we were like going to Oman, Saudi Arabia, all these other areas in the Middle East. Like we would deploy there, come home. And then I actually just had a hernia surgery like early 2003. And we had a group that was over in Jordan. Super secret base in Jordan doesn't exist. But it's where we were like sending people in looking for scuds. And I went to that Jordanian air base and they said, "Hey, we're going into Iraq." And I was like, "Well, come on, of course." George Bush is saying, "We're going into Iraq. We're probably going into Iraq." So we did the Jordanian air base. The Jordanians got called out for having Americans. So they booted us to Kuwait because Kuwait's like, "Fuck Iraq, come on. Bring everybody here." Yeah. So we stayed in Kuwait and then the ground offensive kicked off, like the shock and awe, all hit. I got a newspaper from Kuwait that's just a bunch of squiggly little letters and stuff. But I assume it says like, you know, the Americans have invaded. Yeah. And then you set me some Saddam Hussein dollars here. Yeah. 250. What is that worth? I think they're called fund bucks. Oh, are they? This is what they call them, yeah. He was a big prankster. That's what I heard. A lot of people don't know that about him. Yeah, about Saddam Hussein. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, "I'm going to whip you with an electrical cord." I'm going to cut your head off. I'm going to steal $2 billion worth of currency out of my own bank and flee the country. But instead, he just went into a hole in the ground, which is kind of a weird choice. Now at the time, and we're invading Iraq and all that other shit, are you all in and you think, okay, cool, this is definitely who did this because our president is sending us there? Let me see, we know now that it's Saudi Arabia. But at the time, did you know were you questioning in it or were you all in of like, fuck yeah, America and we're doing the right thing right now? Oh, 100% the right thing. Because, I mean, you're a soldier or an airman at the time and you train to do this job. And any chance you get to actually do the job sounds really cool. Because mostly what you're doing is like sweeping and cutting grass. Yeah. Like you're basically, if you're not actively involved in doing your job, and by the way, for the, for big military, not like soft or anything, I would say it backed me up on this 85% of the time you're doing something other than your job. Maybe more. Yeah. I mean, how many times do you need a tank to roll through downtown Austin, right? Like you're not just taking your tank out. Summer 2020 would have been nice, right? But most times yet, you're correct. That's what, I think civilians, we should posse up, right? I think we need to get rid of the military entirely. And just posse up. And just posse up. Yeah. Whatever it's time. Like, hey, you want, you want to go? Just grab your HOA group. Here's the keys. Here's the keys of the home beam. Yeah. And then you're good to go. I think you're fine on that, right? I mean, Texas is going to secede anyway at some point, right? I would just need to hit like blackland and grab all their tanks or fighter jets or whatever it is. That's what you said last time, yeah. I mean, that's the thing. Yeah. Because I get into these arguments with people all the time about how armed should local police be or should, whatever, right? And part of me agrees that having more shit locally would make it easier to steal in an insurgency situation. So maybe I guess I could be okay with that. On only on that though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. For the rest of it, you're like, nah, we don't really need that. Well, they need it. But does their need outweigh the balance of liberty? Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Boston PD needs to have an MRAP so that they can go and rock and roll the grandma that was over there at September or January 6th. JG 6? The J6 grandma? Yeah. She was feisty, man. You never do what you had. I've actually been corrected on something recently. The thing that we showed a couple of weeks ago was not an MRAP. It's called a Bearcat. Are you familiar with that? I don't even know what that is. I mean, they're all the same thing. But it's way smaller. Yeah. It's like a way smaller version of it. And it's supposedly defensively defensive only. Maybe that's your own. Okay. But either way. Either way, you're going through the middle of this and are you deployed? Are you out there fighting? What are you doing at this point? No. So we started the first aerial supply route. It's a little air base. It's where Jessica Lynch got rescued. And then we sat there. You guys were the first non-state department people in the country, I think, right? We were. So not in the country because you had the ground offensive moving up. Sure. But I mean like in the northern part of the country because originally the 82nd was supposed to jump in from Turkey and Turkey told us to fuck off. We couldn't use their airspace. So I was south. Yeah. And then the 173rd did like a half-assed jump up. That's not real. That's not real. That area was cordoned off by what second ranger, I think, or first ranger, maybe? I don't remember. Well, it's Kurdistan. It's like the Kurds have their entire army and it's the safest place to go. It would be like jumping into Connecticut basically. Oh, perfect. Yeah. Beautiful. It's not even here. I'm sure it was the same over there, you know? A lot of trees. All the seasons were great. The only redeeming factor the ground offensive is it's like so flat when the sun comes up, it takes like the whole horizon and it's absolutely gorgeous. And then once the sun gets past the horizon, the heat hits you in the face and it's all kim gear, right? Because Saddam was going to gas us. He didn't give a moment. So you got all your kim gear on. We had one plate. They only gave us one plate at the time because they were like front or back like we don't have any shit for you guys. You don't want to get shot running away. Yeah. So you put it in the front but you know damn good and well that you're probably going to get shot in the back because I run away as a bitch. Yeah. Yeah. Or if you link up with any kind of Iraqi force at all, the chances of them shooting the enemy versus shooting you in the back. Pretty high. Pretty low. Really? Yeah. So their idea of 360 degree security is just to shoot in every direction. Whatever happens happens at that point. It works for them. Yeah. And so then when do you become a contractor and join Blackwater? So a couple of the guys I was in their National Guard with were like former recon marines and they were like, I'm going to go join Blackwater. Blackwater March '03 had the four guys hanged off the bridge in Fallujah and I was like, dude have fun. Yeah. That sounds like an absolutely insane way to die. And you got to remember some of the history behind this too. So there was one of the original PMCs that's called executive outcomes out of South Africa. And they essentially, a small group of them dropped into Sierra Leone and took over the entire country. And the UN was like, nope. You can't just own a private military and send it in somewhere because you want their diamonds. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. And effectively PMCs were banned from a lot of international activity by the UN ban, whatever ban by the UN means, right? That's, that doesn't actually mean anything. But Blackwater started to ramp up what in '97, '98, something like that and in Kosovo and Bosnia and shit like that, they were doing some contracts but mostly it was protecting diplomats and shit if I'm not mistaken. So they ramped up in like '96 after Columbine because it was a training location. Yeah. That's why they were training police and shit, yeah. And then in '03 they did the Bremer detail. So Paul Bremer that was running Iraq. So they protected him and then the State Department, here's, here's where we fundamentally fucked up in Iraq and everybody can argue with this. But we got rid of the bath party so nobody knew how to run a country. And then what we did is we put in the diplomats and say, Hey, go teach these guys how to like land airplanes and like pump oil and you know, cling garbage cans, like everything that you do as a regular city in the world, like let's teach these guys how to do it. And run a schedule. Yeah. Like seriously, something as, as simple as, how many hours are there in one week? 168. Yeah. That's 24 times seven. The reason I, the reason I know that is because I've written schedules, right? But nobody over there had done it. That small stuff that nobody thinks about, they had no idea how to do any logistics at all basically. Well, that's funny. So looking back on it, are we shocked that it all collapsed or? No, no. Of course it collapsed. So we, our job was essentially to take people from like point A to point B and they didn't want to put a military face on it, right? Because we're no, we're no longer in active combat. We're in like mission. Let's accomplish. Yeah. Recall. Yeah. Sure was. We made it better. Yeah. We won it. You're a fucking problem. We won it. Yeah. It was good. We were fine. I'm thinking to yourself, well, shit, I don't want to be one of the four guys that was fucking hung over the bridge there. Yeah, but they give you like so much money that it kind of makes you forget about it. Well, that's where I was going with it. What was the dollar amount? 500 bucks a day and a 10% bonus. So you're making $5.50 a day, 23 years old and it's like, well, tax free? No. No, you have to pay taxes that if you stay up to 70 K maybe, well, if you're, if you're there for over one half of the year, 330 days. It's 330? Yeah. Damn, that's not the same for like a normal business. Yeah. So then you're considered an ex-patriot if you're there for 330 days out of 365 and then you don't have to pay taxes on your first 85,000. 85,000. Actually, it's higher now. I think it's 105 now, whatever. Yeah. This was 20 years ago. Sure, sure. Inflation. Okay, that makes sense. It is. Yeah. Because my fraternity brother went over there to, you know, he served and then he went back to contract and he just kept doing it because he goes, I can't make this money in the fucking real. It's 304, right, by six to 10, that number was like $2,000 a day. It got crazy. Yeah. Because his said originally when he started and I want to say his was probably 0102 at that point. It was around 100. No, I'm sorry. 0203. It was 100 K tax-free. That was the gig and it was a certain amount of days. I want to say it was 200 or 250 days and then he was just like, dude, I can't make that money in America. Unless I became a lawyer or something because they're going to get tax me on this money that'd be making essentially 150 a year, blah, blah, blah. Well, if he was like a real PMC, he would have had the body to be a stripper. He could have definitely made that kind of cash. I'm just saying. He was bold as the problem. I had the body. Yeah. Didn't have the hair. Johnny sends his bald, bitch. Now. But Johnny sends was always bald. No, no, no, but find a picture of Johnny sends with hair. Are we talking top or bottom here? No, we're talking here on the top. But in the early 2000s, yeah, man, I mean, being bald at that age, not great. Probably not. No. Not great for him. He married super early, obviously. Well, you have to. You have to if you're going to go bald. But yeah, that was the get. So he looks roughly like that. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah. Which one's better? Obviously the one on the right, the bald is better. Although not everybody can pull it off to be fair. Yeah. Shout out Shane Moyer. I, my buddy, who was over there, he kind of looked like, no, he kind of looked like Johnny sends. That's exactly right there. He looked very similar. The American heroes. Both American heroes, obviously. I mean, one more than the other obviously. But with that, you make all this money and you're like, this is worth the risk. Well, when I landed, so when you land in Baghdad, what they do is it's called a corkscrew maneuver. And they have us in this crappy little cargo plane. And if you land like a normal plane would, it's just like a tasty target for an RPG. So you go way up in the air and then you just corkscrew down. And the pilots didn't tell us like when they were actually going to land. So I got my computer on my lap. I'm playing like Minesweeper, you know? I still don't know how to play that game, but like I was trying. Yeah. And then my computer lifted off of my legs and I was like, dude, we're fucking going down. Like this is it. Like I'm not even going to have any cool stories, dude, like I'm just going to burn in right here. Yeah. And as soon as we hit like the trajectory to start like level it off, I was like, oh, thank God, this is this is great. It's fine. I'm going to make my $500 today. It's going to be awesome. And then you can take all of our kid out of this plane and they show up in soft skin vehicles, right? They're telling us, oh, we got all this armor and these hump and these superbons and you guys are all going to be safe. And it's like a pugio, which is like a shitty Toyota. Yeah. It's no bullproof. No bullproof anything, but they had like a metal plate. And the guy's like, if we get shot, you can grab that plate and like put it up by your head. And I was like, fuck, is that going to do like it might stop a bull about the plates going to go through my head. Like what the fuck's going on? Yeah. So like that first, you just got to duct tape the plate to your head. That's it. It's easier. Yeah. And that was your, your welcoming party? That was, that was it. That was like the, the welcome to Baghdad party. And I was like, this is the craziest thing. So we get to the team house where I was telling you that Jordanians found love earlier and gave themselves the anal warts. And there's like beer in the fridge and there's food. And I was like, maybe this won't be so bad. So after day one, it wasn't terrible. Yeah. Yeah. But then as it progresses there, where did shit go wrong? I mean, where do you want me to start? Yeah, all of it. To be honest with you, because you're the, I think you're the first guy we've had from actual Blackwater on the show. We've heard people rumble about it behind the scenes and we're like, oh yeah, and you're like, oh, where are you? It's like saying black ops or something like that here where as I was black ops, you wouldn't understand. And you're like, I was black. You wouldn't get it. But you're the guy with the cool stories and shit. So yeah, but like when you're there to protect people, it's just literally no rules, right? It's get this guy from point A to point B. It could be a US Senator. It could be the like ambassador to Iraq. It could be some low level state department guy and you got to go from point A to point B. And most of the Blackwater guys, not me, were like former special operations dudes and you just owned the road. So I can tell you that an up armored suburban governor is at 98 miles an hour because that's how fast we would get those fuckers up to. Holy shit. Yeah. And if you've ever been because of the weight too, not necessarily a governor, right? Well, I just know that when the pedal was all the way down, you could hit 98 on ground. I mean, those floors are what, on a suburban, I think they're 250 pounds each. And I humbly they're 400 pounds, but I think it's 250 for the up armored suburban, right? God damn it. So that's that's a thousand extra pounds. Yeah. Right. That the fucking vehicle weighs. And that's just the doors. That's like cleaning the glass and everything else. Mm hmm. Yeah. The glass and then the first, some of those suburban or fucking cool, man, they were like James Bond, you could push a button and it would do like an oil slick where it puffed out like, like smoke, like a smoke screen and they had a, they had a, so that shit's real. Yeah, the inspector gadget shit is real where they make certain ones of these to kind of get you out of certain situations. Yeah. And they got, they got like jammers. So we would go to like downtown Baghdad and we'd go to this little marketplace and we'd be parked in traffic and we'd hit the jammer and you'd see all the Iraqis like take their phone from their ear and look at it. No shit. And then they dial it back and then they call, we'd be like, watch this, watch this, watch this. Did you hit the button? All the phones go down. Like it's crazy. The shit that they had it. We didn't need any of that shit. But it's cool though. But it's cool. Yeah. But like if you're trying to get from point A to point B as fast as you possibly can, all you do is control the road, which means if you're on the road and I'm on the road, you're not going to be on the road anymore. So they teach you like pit maneuvers or the black water where you, you know, hit the back of the car, the car swerves off or you just run into it because it won't move out of the way. And I don't know what's going on with the people of Iraq, but like if you honk at them, they won't move. They don't care. And then we have blow horns and we have sirens and it's not like you can't see us coming. And people just be like, and then we'd smash into them and they'd be like, like, yeah. You know I get to ask, right? Which one? You know I get to ask the question. I mean, hit me with it. How many fucking people did you smoke on the road because they didn't get out of the goddamn way? I mean, dude, it was all shooting school, right? So if you hit somebody, it's not like you hung out and were like, hey, how's this guy? I hope that guy's doing okay, but we hit this dude and he hit his steering wheel. And my buddy, I didn't see it but my buddy said it like it looked like chiclets on his fucking dashboard. Like he hit so hard. Yeah. He popped out. Yeah. But to his point about beeping the horn and shit or I guess in this case, it's an air horn. Right. Sometimes I think we moved to digital ones later on, but they're fucking retarded. Like they would get into massive wrecks without us even being involved. Bob, you can probably find a video right now of an Iraqi dudes. And this, it's probably a compilation series riding on bikes or scooters like motorcycles or scooters, slamming into Jersey barriers. Like they're not even there. And this flying head over fucking ass, what would, since you ever figured it out? Like what's with it and why they don't pay attention? So the rumor was that Saddam only let certain people drive when he was in power. So everybody went and pulled their old job off the out check this out right here. Yeah. This is, this is not abnormal at all. Boom. Like what did you think what you were doing there? Exactly. Who was watching? There's two guys on the bike. That's watching the fucking road. That's Ahmed Knievel. Yeah. Ahmed Knievel. That makes sense. Yeah. If you hadn't driven before. Yeah. You would want to do it. I just would not recommend that. This is what it's like to drive in Oakland with all the fobs, the fresh off the boat Asians over there. Yeah. Like the, it's seriously like 50 to 70 year old Asian women who have never driven a car in their lives. And all of a sudden you just take the written driving test and you're out, you're out on the road. You're out on the road, buddy. Good to go. It's goddamn chaos out there all the time. People like drive it down one way streets the wrong way and turn making turns you're not allowed to make. It's awesome. Smart pedestrian wise though. There's you ever have to smoke a pedestrian? No, no. I would, at least in the convoys I was in, we never hit a pedestrian. But like if, if traffic got too, too crazy, like some of the traffic circles, we just pop out of the Humvee and like take our rifles and just sit there and be like, move, move. Like nobody spoke Arabic, but everybody speaks rifle. So when you point your rifle at somebody and you start going like this, they kind of get out of your way or we just drive on the other side of traffic. So you got oncoming traffic and we're just honking at them like, hop out of the way. But I mean, there's videos on, on YouTube of like black water, you could probably pull it up that shows like the convoys that we were running. And it's just. Yeah. This is a black water convoy. Yeah. So the threat for the most part is getting jammed up and then getting caught in an ambush or a Vibid, right, a vehicle born IED. Those are the two things you're really concerned about because we did the same thing. If we were driving up and down, especially an MSR one, go down the wrong way, Bob, go down the wrong way of traffic or fucking just drive over people. I mean, cars, push them out of the way and shit. Yeah. I mean, this was, this was normal driver. You pop your door open, you put your, put your rifle out there and you say, Hey, please, will you move off to the side of the road? Now, one would think just looking at this footage here, it would have been easier just to roll down the window and have the gun out rather than open up the window. Some of the windows don't roll down because of the armor in the door. Right. So this was our home V right here. So you're taking out like, there's no traffic laws. So you just shoot into the fucking, shoot into under the, under the vehicles, you're not trying to hurt anybody, but you know, that one, that one was a hoot. So I mean, this was, this was literally a team I was on right here. Oh, it is. The QRF team. Oh, well, they smoked that fucking Suzuki. I mean, no, he didn't shoot him. He just like drove into the back one and busted his window out. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, he just drove right into the back. So we're going to cross traffic. This guy's like, Oh, they're clearing the road for us. So we hit him. You can see his bumper fly off on the back. Yeah. Yeah. So there's his bumper. The fuck was he thinking? Yeah. And they, Oh, these Americans are clearing the road for me. Yeah. And you have to do this. This is M.C. This is M.C. Stop. Yeah. He'll be able to go home. Holy shit. You guys are flying here. Yeah. So the QRF kind of turned into an escort service, not the sexy ones, but like we would drive the convoys from point A to point B, come back and get another convoy. This was the tunnel of love right here where you have to go under a tunnel. This is one of the cars, dude. I was in the back here. That hurts so bad when we hit that thing. Oh, dude. Yeah. That's the one. That's the one that I think. Especially if you're in the turret, you just get rocked all over the fucking place. Yeah. It was like this little, this little Hispanic guy, dude, and he had like hairless legs and I'd have to like grab his little hairless legs and be like, hang on bro, hang on. They also don't put their power lines at a reasonable height in Iraq. Why not? So I don't know why. I don't know. Well, the buildings are that tall, right? They make them the height of the buildings and the buildings are short, quite a bit shorter than they are here in the States, but I've been closed-lined by so many of those goddamn things. I'm like, wait, wait. And just getting choked out by power lines. As I'm looking at this footage here, which is fucking wild to me, who is in these cars with you? So who are you guys protecting? Who are you guys driving from A to B? So it really just depended, like some days we did the regime crimes liaise on office. So those are the guys that collected evidence for Saddam Hussein in his trials, chemical Ali. So we would have people from like the CIA, the FBI, they would take the Iraqis out, we'd collect evidence from like the gassing and halobja and like the Kurds. And they were based out of A at a conduct right out of triple C.I. Or maybe that was later. Yeah, I have no idea. The central criminal court of Iraq, that's where the judges were on this other side of the green zone right there. Yeah, so we would drive the evidence up to JSS justice, that's where Saddam got hanged. And then we would take that evidence over to the court, we would take people around. So it could be anybody from like, I went to their stock exchange, oh, dude, you should have seen them. I'm sorry. The Iraqi stock exchange. What do they raise that? Yeah. Well, they had a smack of fucking goat on the ass. That's how they open it up every morning. It's like, it was chalkboards, like legit chalkboards, not even like your regular white boards now. It was chalkboards and they would like go over there and I don't know, I don't know any Arabic. So it's just squiggle, squiggle, squiggle. And then somebody would be like, and then they'd squiggle another thing. So with a fucking insane, a piece of chalk and an eraser, you could basically crash the Iraqi economy. And what you just described is old school gambling. That's what they used to. They would wipe the odds on a chalkboard and then rewrite them real quick. And then as soon as the game was over, wipe it and do it and that was their stock exchange. That was their stock exchange. Yeah. I mean, when they say building it from the ground up, I mean, we definitely put it as far down into the ground as we possibly could. And they were like, I guess we better spend the next 10 years building this thing back up. Gross. Yeah. It was like the Marshall Plan, except for it didn't work. Yeah, it didn't work because we had no intention. So I mean, the Marshall Plan was executed on people who already thought like us on Western Europeans, right, for the most part. I guess Japan was a different scenario, but Germany and the rest of the European countries were not. They were more like us, so it was easy. This was like, we were trying to like re-educate them on how the world works. That's not a thing. Good luck. Yeah. That's going to take hundreds. Yeah. Yeah. You can't force anybody to do that. And they have to want to do it as well. Did you ever have any cool celebrities like Carmen Allette or somebody over there? No, I wish, dude. Are you kidding? No. So if you're a celebrity, the military always takes you around. They put you in a black hawk. They give you a flack vest and a helmet. Like, it's always the military because they're getting all these happy snaps with them. They didn't want like the contractors being there and you're like, yeah, they're just hanging out with these muscled up, steroided up dudes who don't have any rules of engaging them. Yeah. Right. Probably aren't the best face of the US diplomacy here, but let's have them hang out with Carmen Allette. Like, it just wasn't going to happen. You never know. I did get to meet Charlie Daniels, which was awesome. Fuck off, dude. The devil went down to Georgia. So did you guard the gold fiddle? Well, dude. 24-karat gold fiddle. No, I just went down there and played the skin flute. That's, yeah. Yeah. Charlie Daniels, you're going to do it every day. Intribute to them, obviously. Yeah. I love a live performance. Did you see him play live up over there? No. So I flew in from the green zone and those cool little helicopters that they just showed. And I drop into the air base and this little PFC, like E3 comes out and he's like, "Hey, how's the hunting?" And I was like, "Uh, what do you mean the hunting, dude?" And he's like, "Yeah, like, how's the hunting?" And I was like, "Dude, I just protect diplomats and shit. I'm not really that cool." And he's like, "Yeah, and I'm all, dude, I was so hungover." And he's like, "You need anything?" I was like, "You have a Gatorade?" Like scuttles in, grabs me, Gatorade brings it back out. It's ice cold. It's amazing. And then he goes, "Hey, Charlie Daniels is right over there." So we got to take our pictures of Charlie Daniels. He had like these little Charlie Daniels dog tags that he gave us. Yeah. Fuck you, dude. Yeah. So I don't know where he was going, but I would have followed him. Probably the hell to fight the devil. Sure he has. He's going to Georgia. Yeah. He's where the devil was. So he had to go fight the devil. Well, he already beat him in Georgia. Now it's Charlie Daniels in charge of hell now. All right. Great if it was. All right. He. I'd be great of O.J. when he passed the other day. He just went down and it was Charlie Daniels saying, "Let's go. Grab a fiddle, brother." Do you really think O.J. is in hell? I mean, look, dude. I know he led a pretty good life. I don't know. I don't know. I think he's an isotoner glove spokesman somewhere. In heaven? Yeah. I don't think you need him in hell. See? Oh, pretty well. Oh, pretty well. Pretty warm down. Yeah. So as this is all going down in black water and you figure out that you can get away with murder, literally, how crazy does it really get? It's fucking insane. Like there's no such thing as GPS back in 2004 in Iraq. Even we had these Garmin GPS's. Remember those old triangle ones that you would like put in your car? We had those and they were like, "Just keep driving around and we'll pull the maps from it and then we'll try to figure out what Baghdad looks like." And even if you had a map of Baghdad, which we had a huge one, you never knew which routes were going to be blocked by Haskell barriers or just random cars at any given time. So it was literally like 12 dudes with an important person get from point A to point B. This is your main route. This is your secondary route. This is your tertiary route. And there's no big army support. So you can't just be like, "Hey, we're kind of in the poop here. Can you help us out?" We just never communicated with the military. So it was just you and the dudes and it comes down to this moral thing. Can you sleep at night if you go and you blast that kid? Probably not. Would anybody know they might, but either way, you want to be able to go home and sleep at night. Well, you did. Yeah. But I'm sure there was guys that you were with who didn't give a fuck, right? You have to put yourself in the paradigm of Blackwater in '04. You had all these dudes that were army rangers, seals that never saw anything in the '90s. Unless you were in Blackhawk down, you didn't really see anything, right? So all these guys got out and they said, "Oh, we can go work for Blackwater or Daincourt or Aegis or any one of these PMCs that are over there at the time and I can get my war on." I mean, I wouldn't say the majority, but a lot of them were like, "This is my chance of getting to war. I trained for it for 10 years before I got out as a Navy SEAL. I'm going back over and I'm going to make a shit ton of money in the process." So dude, there were some crazy motherfuckers over there. But I think that's like in any organization. You're going to have those guys where most are probably going to do the right thing and then there's the one guy that's like, "You know what we should do? We should eat this child." And you're like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa, let's not eat the kid. Let's just--" Did you ask him why? Like, let him make his case. Why he's-- Why he's the child? He didn't say-- He have a reason? He didn't say, "I'm going to eat the child," he said, "Let," so at least he's sharing. I think that's-- Yeah, he's inviting everybody else in. No, I think he just wanted us all to get in trouble at the same time. Oh, got you. Yeah. And then when you guys flipped. Yeah. And then it's like-- And you were all doing it. You got to eat some of this kid, otherwise I don't know you're cool, man. Yeah, man. Fuck you, traitor. I saw you eat the flank stick. Yeah. Where is the flank on a human being? I don't know, but when I first got there, the elections were happening and we were driving around these diplomats with news crews, right, so they could all go and they could take pictures of the free Iraq and everybody's got a blue finger, right? So after you vote, dip your finger in blue ink so you can't vote again. It's really foolproof. We should do this in the US. We don't. Yeah. And then we wouldn't have to worry about all the ballot stuffing. Well, you don't need an ID over here and Maricopa County seems to have it locked in. They'll get you the result three months later, you know. That's my hood. So, yeah. So, yeah. That's why I brought it up, brother. We were just there, so. Morgan, you've been on podcast, you know, we got some sponsors to put this shit wagon on the air. So, for most go sped.com forward slash drinking, bros, 50% off everything in the entire store that is mattresses, pillow sheets, adjustable bases, weighted blankets, mattresses for RVs, all of its 50% off, all of its made in the good old US of a Venus Williams got a new line and a mattress is out as well with those guys. They're everywhere. I feel like go sped is everywhere. I'm seeing them in some of the big boy retailers as well. However, you can't scream at the cashier. I need 50% off by saying drinking, bros, just getting drinking, bros. Nope. Got to check that in. 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So, like, we're driving around and this little kid, maybe seven, eight years old, like, is waving at us, and he's so happy, and I'd say like four months later is when you start having the Shias that were doing the kill squads, going through Iraq, and it got nasty in '04, like it just got so nasty because the Shias were pissed off because Saddam Hussein was a Sunni, and he just, like, iron fisted everybody. And 83% of the country is Shia, and Saddam's Sunni, and he dominated that place for, what, 25, 30 years or so. So they're like, it's time for retribution, and we're driving down the road, maybe four or five months later, and this kid starts going like he's shooting at us with a shotgun, I was like, wow, this is turning bad fast, like, this is not that good. No. Yeah. And then how quickly did it ramp up to where you were like, this is fucking dangerous. Oh, 405 was, like, fucked. So I would say, like, the second day I was there, the green zone's got a river, right, right on it. So on the other side of the river, they would drive these trucks, they would lob mortars and rockets at us, and then drive off. So every morning, that was kind of like your wake-up call. So we're sitting in this big circus tent, we don't even have rooms yet, and, like, one rocket hits, and, like, everybody kind of sits up and looks at each other. But nobody runs, because you don't want to be the pussy, right? You don't want to be the dude that's like, oh, I'm gonna run out the door, this is scary. So the next one hits, it's a little bit closer, and everybody's like, and then the third one hits, and it's close enough to, like, shake your guts in, like, the tent and everything else. One guy stands up, dude, runs out to, like, the barriers, so he doesn't die. He had a lot to live for, we think. We have no idea. You didn't ask him later? No, but everybody just went after him, because once you break the seal, it's like, you drink, and you break the seal, like, the first pussy out, like, everybody else has carte blanche. Yeah, because then you have the pussy, and you're like, well, fuck you, we did this because of you. Yeah. You caused this. Yeah, I think the guy had a lot of, it says he had a lot of tickets on his Dave and Buster's card. Well, so. He had a lot to live for. Yes, he did. Anytime. There's a lot of great items there. Anytime, like, a new shop. Officers showed up. They would be the jumpy one, right? So Mortar's land, like, when, and we were 800 meters from Sadar's city, so we got Mortar 350 days out of the 400, we were there, I think, something like that. Jared knows the actual number, I care what he does, but every time a new lieutenant would show up, they would dive, looking head over their hands. And we would make fun of them. Like that's not a normal thing to do. When you hear fucking rockets and shit coming at you, we're like, oh, fucking queer, what are you doing? And then we would go on to say that various clothing that we were wearing had more time in combat than them. It's so fucking stupid. Yeah. It's like the lowest level of hazing possible. But yeah, once the one dummy does that, I think everybody secretly was waiting on the one guy. Yeah. So you can cover so you can all take cover without being the bitch. Of course. Right. Yeah. So at a certain point, like, you know, obviously this is day two for you. Was there a thought where, you know, young dude, you're probably like, man, I'm not going to survive this? Yeah. No, that was like every morning when I woke up, right? So the first time a Mortar hits, you're like, holy shit, what's going on? And then by, I would say the first three weeks and you keep getting Mortar, like you just grab your flakfest if you want and roll over. And then after that, it's like, dude, if it's going to hit me, it's going to hit me. Like. Something you can do. Yeah. So I think you just come to the slow realization of like, yeah, it's all luck. It's all chance at this point, right? If an IED blows up while we're driving, yeah, they weren't really aiming for me. It's just kind of, I was just in a bad place at the wrong time. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. So a lot of, I think a lot of people personalize it like, oh, they were shooting Mortars at me. Like they were like, hey, Morgan's probably over there in that tent. I think we get Morgan. They couldn't care less. They're just trying for something or somebody is hoping. So that's an interesting way to look at it because you're right. It's set up wherever it is and they don't give a fuck who it is. It's not like they know you personally. Well, if it is you, then fuck you, but yeah, it's probably the group as a whole, right? Like if I can bring down somebody from Blackwater, great. If it's somebody else, well, you know, tough shit, it was just a bad day. Well, there's all these, there was these rumors like, okay, the terrorists are targeting Blackwater employees. So we all have to have nicknames. They're like, I'm going to call myself chainsaw and I'm going to call myself Rocky. You should have gone. I'm going to call myself. I'm like, dude, you should have. I like chainsaw. No, you should have gone with Drildo. Drildo. Drildo is sweet. Dude, we've got one back then. Yeah. Well, nice. We've got a drill though. It's a butt drill. It's a butt drill though too. It's a butt drill though. The old school, 1936, I believe. Oh, I saw that. Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful, Drildo. We'll let you sniff it afterwards. They don't, they don't make them like that anymore. Damn. That's what it's America right now. We don't do anything like we used to. We don't smoke anymore. We need to make it great again. I think we need to bring, not November. We need to bring back smoking. We need to bring back drinking and driving, not driving, but drinking and driving. Six inside. Drinking and driving still goes on in Texas. Yeah. The dirty secret is those 24 ounces. That's why. Is it 45% of beer sales are those tall boys and they go right in the fucking, dead serious right in the center cup holder and that's. So, so we're like, when you're at a stop sign here and like a stop like truck drivers, for example, like you like chug it and the next, the guy next to you like raises his at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And he's an off duty cop. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And he's drinking too. Yeah. So you're good there. Now, as this progresses, you start to get used to it. You start to get used to some of the power you have. Yeah. It's probably like the Stanford experiment. Oh, dude. Like you're treated like a God by the military people because they don't know that I'm not like cool. I'm just an Air Force dude that lucked out. They knew the right people at the right time to get into black water. So they treat you like your bad ass. You could walk around with your weapon and always hot, right? You could always have a round in the chamber if you want because we have like this little badge. And my badge looks like like I just gotten in and it was so hot and sweaty. Like I think my eyeballs were sweating. It was that hot and they took my picture and this is your death picture, right? Like, like when you die, they're going to show this picture at the State Department funeral that they give to you where they don't give a fuck. What was yours? Did you create it for the camera? And I can probably find a picture of it, but no, I mean it just gave me the look. Yeah. Go ahead. Camera on him, please. There you go. Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah, not quite. I mean, I didn't have this in front of me, but it's almost like a doofy from not another teen movie. No, or scary movie. Scary movie. Yeah. One more time on that face. Camera on him. Yeah. That's a doofy face right there. Yeah. I said no disturbing me when I'm cleaning my room. Yeah. That's when he was fucking the vacuum cleaner. Very similar. Well, yeah. So you get there, you get your picture taken, and you think, well, I guess I'm just going to die here, or I'm just going to make enough money to go home, and then I don't ever have to work again. You know, I'm a boy trash kid from Arizona. But were you really doing that, or were you using all that money to buy a Ford Raptor? Yeah, stop. No, it wasn't a Ford Raptor. It was a fucking land. It was a land Rover. Oh, yeah. What was it back in the day? Yeah. It was a Land Rover. Land Rover. It depends on what service you're on. If you're Army and Marine, usually it's like, it depends on car or truck as well, right? It used to be Raptor, or for the Navy Seals, all the Land Rovers for some reason. I don't know why. No shit. Because it's an aquatic vehicle, what do they say? Because it's pretentious in British. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yes, that might be it. They're nice, though. I like them. What'd you buy? I had the disco, like the 2004 Land Rover Discovery. There you go. I mean, it was nice, but it would like leak oil all the time. Yeah. It was the crappiest vehicle I could ever own. Yeah, but that's a good thing, though, because if it's not leaking oil, you know it's out of oil. That's how you can sell it, right? So at least it was oil in the vehicle. Yeah. And then how long did you end up staying in? Dude, I did it for like 18 months and started in Baghdad, went to Al-Hila. That's a picture that's up right there. So like everything from like growing up in the church is in Iraq. Like the tower of Babel, the hanging gardens of Babylon, like that's all down there in Al-Hila. Mm-hmm. Up north, I went up to Kirk Cook. I had like where Shadrach, Meshach, and Bendigo were thrown into the furnace, which is just a place where there's so much oil that the natural gas comes off of the ground and you can light it on fire. And that's how they would like dry their clothes and shit back then. Holy shit. You remember the oil fields being on fire back there, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's... It was one of the most famous images they showed on the news. Yeah. There's a certain concentration of that where it pushes all the natural gas up the service, basically. Wow. Pop this pick up and zoom in on it, Bob. Yeah. Those MSR's. Because you look totally different now. Obstacle. Yeah. What year was this? This was... This had to be late '04. Yeah. 'Cause it was cold, I remember, I was thinking, man... Is that paraclete? I don't... That was... There was a big sign at like the gates of Babylon, and that's what I'm standing in front of. Okay, so no Diddy on this one, but you do look like a badass here. Like, I get it. I get the hype of it. What do you mean no Diddy? It's our version of no homo. It's the new... Oh, yeah. We're not doing no homo anymore. Bob? Now it's no Diddy. We're not doing that anymore. Yeah. God damn it, dude. Nope. That's the... No. That's the audio allegedly. He was a little... Bob, you were late on it this time. You were late on it, okay? Does that count? Is that Justin Bieber? Is that him in the background? Well... Maybe it could be... That is suspected right now, but we don't have any audio on it. So, TBD. But, again, no Diddy, you look cool in that. I get it. I'd call you out there, and I was, you know, an E3 or whatever. I would be like, "Oh shit, yeah, this guy looks like he fucked shit up back in the day." Yeah. Yeah, no. And the steroids. Was that on purpose? Well, it's on purpose for your own mind, right? Like a bullet doesn't care how buff I am or if I look, you know, scary. It doesn't. But the people do, and that's what I always wondered too, are you doing droids? Are you growing the beard and being like, "Man, I've seen everything. Fuck, fuck everyone." No, you're doing it because everybody else is doing it and everybody wants it. It has to look equally cool. Got it. Got it. Got it. So, is everybody there, just kind of, hey dude, sharing needles and shit like that? We only shared needles for heroin, like for steroids, yeah, we were very clean on steroids. Heroines, same needle. You could get anything, you could go out to the marketplace within the green zone and go get steroids. No shit. You could win for all, yeah. You could get whatever you wanted. So, some of them would just go out and buy it. It was all from Germany too, if I recall correctly. That's you, the good shit. There was some fucking dude, these two brothers that owned a candy store down the street from us, Candy Factory, right? We went in, somebody told us it was a bomb making facility and we had ISR flying around like, "There's nobody coming in and out of this place." So we just drove down there one day, went into the building and no, it was just two dudes that were steroided out of their fucking mind. They'd shut the candy factory down, they just had like a jam in there. It's just two brothers. And they were like, "Hey," he was like, "Hey, Mista, you want to try to sell me shit?" I'm like, looking at it, I'm like, "This is a German flag on the side of this, where are you getting this?" They don't give a fuck over there. I like it though. Yeah. Oh yeah, it was good steroids. But they got into that oil stuff too. What is that oil that you inject and ready? Oh yeah. Fuck dude. I don't remember the name of it. I never, I never got to do the cool shit like that, but I understand it. I think we've actually got a video of some of it, Bob, if you want to put that up on the screen right quick. Yeah. That. This is where some dudes shoved a giant cucumber up his ass. This is called, "What goes up doesn't come down, man." So this guy shoved a giant cucumber up his ass and now they're having to remove it's surgery. Yeah, didn't need to see that at all. Look how big it is. Look how big it is. Yeah. Look how big it is. That's what. Look how big it is. Wow. Didn't need to see that too. Big as hell. So he should have put a dollar bill next to that, to show it. 'Cause I don't know how long that instrument is, but he'll put a dollar bill next to see what that's against. A dollar bill is exactly six inches. It's supposed to be anyways. So you end up there for 18 months. Well, I'm sorry. Could you? Nope. Can you stop? Yeah. I don't think the audience can see it. No, they can't. No. No, they don't need to. I just want you to describe it for him. Those are intestines. Oh, good. It's what appears to be a 14-inch cucumber being removed from a man's ass. So here's the, don't put anything up your ass that doesn't have a handle on it. I agree. Right. I think that's safe. Or one of those pull taps. Yeah, but what if it comes off? I don't trust that either. Yeah. Because you're going into a fucking wet hole. Sure are. Sure. I don't know. I think you have to have like a rope. To pull that out. Yeah. Because, well, because even if you've got a handle, if a handle go, the handle could go in too if it's the same cucumber. Shane would probably do it the best. It'd be like starting a lawn mower, right? Honey, some, oh, I fell on this thing. A bike chain. A bike chain is small enough that you would trust. Yeah, yeah, I would say so. Sturdy enough. You also don't want to prolapse your butt, right? Because either you're going to have to go to the hospital with that too, right? Yeah. You're trying to avoid the hospital when you put stuff in your butt. That's what I'm told. Yeah. Now, back to your real life here. You're saying that that's not me. You're saying that that's not me. Whatever it could be. We'll get to it. After 18 months, what makes you want to get out of there? Well, I got fired. Yeah. Yeah. Over what? Well, I got fired twice. The first time, as you saw in the video, when we hit a car, it's a bongo truck. These things are made out of, like, Kryptonite, like Superman is going to hit these things like that. It's like a 1950s Buick. It's all shocking. All shocking. Yeah. Superman is going to die hitting that thing. So it's the Humvee, but we hit it so hard that it bent the frame on the Humvee. Oh, shit. And we had all this up armor that we had on the Humvee. Because what you do, we had alcohol. We go over to, like, KBR Army bases and say, "Hey, I got a bottle of Jack. Do you guys have any up armor?" So up armor is the stuff you put on the armor that you already have on your Humvee. This gives you, like, an extra bit of armor. Oh, great. Yeah. So I went over there and I started taking the up armor off because we were supposed to get a new Humvee, and KBR got all mad and was like, "You're stealing our stuff?" And I was like, "No." And they're, "Well, you're using our tools." And I was like, "I am using our tools." And I was like, "I was a dick." I mean, you saw the picture of me. I looked like an asshole. You do look like an asshole. So I told you. Yeah. Not current you. Well, yeah. I mean, that's debatable. Yeah. But they fired me for that. Okay. Yeah. They said, "You guys are not at fault. But KBR are still mad, so you're fired." So in Blackwater fashion, when you get fired, they just move you to a new site because nobody knows who the heck Morgan is, right? Nobody gives a crap. The State Department, I don't know who was it. Colin Powell at the time was not like, "Oh, Morgan got fired." Now, he was too busy lying in front of the UN about fucking anthrax. Well, he didn't have time to keep dragging you. No. And it makes sense because you're right. Just thinking about what would be over there, you're like, "Hey, just moving to another unit. Nobody's going to fucking know." Yeah. And he's not ever sent to another team where you're like, "Well, the city is going to be pissed." He does have a pretty good cross over, though. Yeah, I'm sure you do. But not Hall of Fame. Not statue-worthy. No. I'm more of like a Grace and Allen crossover for you, but... Not dead. I'm like at the Nerchick or whatever the heck that guy's name is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The guy named his white, too. Yeah. I wasn't going to give you a black guy. Oh, no. I mean, Grace and Allen, though, he's got skills, like, 41% from threes this year. Holy shit. Great three points. Seven of the great season. That's for him. So, you've fired there and then you get moved to another unit and then how did you get fired the next time? Well, after I spent, I think, seven months up in Kirk Hook, I got wasted. And then I went into the U.S. Embassy up there and I was looking in the mirror, apparently. This is allegedly because I don't remember it and this I was blacked out and I beat the shit out of the bathroom in the U.S. Embassy. So, you know... No, it's a victimless crime. Well, I want to think it was like a walk hard where he grabs all the sinks and flings them off and the water goes everywhere. It probably wasn't even that cool. I probably just broke the mirror. And then they fired me again for that. But... I'm sorry. Are you just stealing valor here? From walk hard? No. From Martin Sheen. Yeah. Oh, is that... Oh, is this was why... Charlie's out in a jungle get stronger while I'm here getting me to... Well, I'm sure you watched this before heading over there. Every day. I think it was on repeat. Look at that. Charlie Sheen on OBM in a fucking random hotel in Vietnam is pretty dope. Yeah, this is a great scene, by the way. It happened in between the skips there, buddy. He punches out the mirror. Yeah, he punches out the mirror and the swing there. There you go. So, is that what you did? You punched a mirror? Yeah, I punched a mirror. I don't remember doing it, but the next day I pulled some shards of the mirror out of my knuckles. Oh, you did? I'm pretty sure it was me. Could've been somebody else. Could've been planted. I have no idea. So, yeah, that was exactly how I looked. Except I was naked. Let's be honest here. Were you really buccnaked? No, I wasn't. That definitely would've been part of it, all right, man. You can't do this shit naked. We don't care if you punch a mirror like Martin Sheen, just don't do it buccnaked in front of everyone. But the shards. I would've been picking shards out of places I wouldn't have wanted to. Probably not. Probably not. And so, second firing, are you truly gone at this point? And do they just ship you back home? Well, I was right at the end of my contract. So I went home and I was like, "Ah, I'm probably done with this stuff." But then it just always happens where somebody calls you up and says, "Hey, do you want to come over and do this or do you want to come over and do that?" And I'll be, I got this Labrador Retriever when I got home and I just couldn't go back. Because of the dog. Because of the dog, you know? But how did you financially support the dog? Well, I lived off of my savings and then I hooked on the side. Okay. Yeah, I made like $7 a day. But that's all we needed for dog food and I just ate it with her. And that's fine. Yeah. Oh, that's fine. Did you ever go back at all to contracting or anything else up to that or were you done for good? I was done. I joined the Army ROTC at that point because I was going to college. I was like, "This is what normal people do. They go to college." Right? And I was like, "I'm going to get a really good degree like criminal justice because that's really marketable outside. But I don't want to be a cop. So join the ROTC, I was going to go fly helicopters and the Army's like, "That's a 7 1/2 year contract to fly helicopters." And I was like, "I don't want to be in the Army that bad." So I was an Intel guy. I was an Intel guy for the Army for about 3 1/2 years on active duty. Went back to Iraq, got stationed at the exact same place where we were running for Black Water up at Jason's distance. No fucking way. Yeah. It was absolutely awful. So when you saw, did you see any of the old guys that you used to work with? No. Thank God. That would have been humbling. Yeah. They were like, "Yeah, what the fuck are you doing?" I'm like sitting there as like a second lieutenant, first lieutenant, and I'm like, "Yeah, no, I'm making a solid 80,000 now guys. I feel really good about myself." That would have been wild. Yeah. Well, it was humbling that I was sitting there making so much less money at the exact same spot that I was hanging out at. And we couldn't have beer. So... Did you regret it? No. No, not even a little bit. Like, a lot of guys got caught in that loop where you make all your money and then you come home and you buy, I don't know, a Land Rover or whatever. And then they go back for six months and then they come back and there's a Harley and there's a Cadillac and then they bought a house and it's like they have to keep going back. I had saved up enough money at that point and I was like, "Look, it's grown up time." Right? And I was an asshole. Every relationship that I had, family, friends, I was just such a dick at that point. I was like, "I just can't be a dick for the rest of my life." Yeah. It makes sense. And my fraternity brother that I was telling you about earlier, I got to a certain point for him where he was like, "All right, if I stashed enough away from my kid's college and I reach X amount of dollars, then I'm getting the fuck out of here and I'm all done." The problem is you got to stay alive for that many years or whatever you're doing. Well, your friend is smarter than me. That's what I tell people if they want a contract. Set a goal. I'm going to pay off my house. I'm going to pay for college. I'm going to do something and then have a reason to get out. That's what he did. Yeah. Yeah. Now, you just stay in forever. Well, with you, you got a dog, but you don't have a wife or kids. I did have a wife. What happened to her? Well, you have to get rid of the first one to find the one you actually like, so my current wife is pretty awesome. I'm not going to lie to you. I know you didn't say that one, my wife or so. Yeah. Way above my head now, but yeah, we're like 24. You don't ever introduce Jesse as your first wife? No. No, I don't. I don't. I waited long enough where I was like, I was positive, where I was like, all right, cool. I'm not doing this again. This is it. This is the last one. That sounds like you're settling. No, it's not at all. No, I'm just not. I'm just trying to get in trouble. She's amazing. No, like I'm great, but that was the, seriously, that was the choice that I made personally where I was like, all right, if I'm going to do this, this is the person, whatever happens, you know, fights, all the other stuff, we'll figure it the fuck out and then get through it. And hopefully you married for the right reasons and everything else. What was the first marriage over? Was that more or less like, I want somebody here because I'm lonely overseas and I've got somebody to talk to. I mean, I could make a thousand excuses why it happened. I was 24 years old, making a ton of money, hopped up on steroids. You got married to 24? Yeah. I was like, I was all emotional when I came home on steroids because like when that estrogen kicks in, you're like, I've never been more in love. So when I got home, like within a year, it was kind of Splitsville. But I still have dog and I couldn't keep going overseas with the dog. I didn't know who to give the dog to and I loved her death. Yeah. So I was like, I mean, as stupid as it sounds, like it was literally me and this dog, like I'm crying and the dog's like trying to get pet and I'm like, oh, she loves me. And really, she just probably wanted to treat, but at the end of the day, it could have been anybody else. It didn't have to be you. Where's the, where's the girls coming in this in your book title, Guns, Girls and Greed? So Dan and I were talking about this. You have so much downtime when you are in a combat zone, like it's not like Jason Bourne, right? You're not getting into a fight every three minutes. So you sit there and you just start talking about stuff. In contractors, special operations guys love hookers. I heard so many amazing hooker stories. There's no such thing. Like you never hear good ones. You hear the bad ones that you think are hilarious, but like that's all you talk about, right? Well, you talk about the guns you're using, the money you're making and the girls, either the one back at home or the one you're going to stop by in Amsterdam and have, or the one you're going to have in Amsterdam before you find the one back at home. And poop. We talk a lot about poop. Yeah. You have to do that. Makes sense. Yeah. Makes sense. With the prostitutes, were they Iraqi or from some other place? No. So you could, I mean, it was hard to find a prostitute in Iraq, I would assume. I have no idea. I'm not a whore buyer. It's just never been Mikey. You never bought a whore. Never bought a whore. Has not been my, you know, you do look like a whore buyer. No offense. Well, I mean, especially old you, like show that picture of old him again, that's a whore buyer right there. That's yeah. I mean, that's, look at that guy. Dude, we started a fucking whore buyer. Well, he might be a seller, actually. Yeah. Either way. Yeah. But he's obviously test the merch before it goes out to gen pop. So we stopped in Amsterdam on the way home and the guy that I'm with is like, let's go to the red light district. And I'm like, all right, dude, the red light district is just up to sea. Whether or not you buy a whore or not, it's just up to sea. Like, women standing there, window, like dancing in bikinis and stuff. And we're walking and he just like stops dead in his tracks. And he looks over and there's this girl like a white bikini. And the only thing I know about buying whores is you never buy the hottest whore because they have an attitude. This is what I learned with all these guys. Sure. In black water. But he stops. He's going to bang the hottest whore. I go to a strip club and it's Amsterdam. So like the dollars are coins. Like do you just like flick coins at the strippers? I have no idea what to do. So I have a beer and I'm waiting for him and it's like maybe 10 minutes later. I'm like, something went wrong. I got to hear the story. So this is what happened is he went in there and was like, all right. And he's like, so she puts a condom on and she's blowing me. And I'm like, okay, now it's time. So I lay her down, take off her bottoms, but she doesn't take her top off. And I'm like, take off your top. And she's like, that's 10 more yoros. Like he's doing the accent at this point. It's spectacular. Yeah. And I was like, all right. And he's like, fuck this whore. I'm not paying you 10 more euros. He's like, I keep going. I keep going. And like she's like, he's like, all right. I'm going to flip her over. And I'm going to do her dog style and try to do that. She's like, that's 10 more yoros. And he's like, no, no, like I'm paying you. You're the whore. And she says, I'm no whore. I'm no whore. She's like, no, I'm paying you for sex. Like I'm inside of you right now and paying you for this. Like you are the definition of a whore. And she's like, I'm no whore. I push that button. Apparently, there's buttons in these rooms where they can push it and security comes in and kicks out the john. Oh, like a panic room. That thing. Yeah. That's nice. And she and he's got like a Rolex watch, of course, because special operations dudes along with the vehicles they drive, very, very specialized in which watches they have based on what they do. So she's like, I'll have them come in and I'll take, I don't know what accent I have right now. Is that Asian? I'm going with it. It's great either way. It's greater the way for this story. I come in. They'll take your watch. And he's like, he's like, fuck this. And he's like, I stood up, I took the condom off and I threw it in her face and I called her a whore. And I was like, that is the best hooker store I've ever heard in my life, dude. This is amazing. So we have a couple of beers and then we're walking around and he's wasted and he bumps into like this Jamaican guy, like didn't see him in the alley and like three other Jamaican guys come out of the alley and just start beating the live and shit out of us, which is great. And he's a Navy SEAL. So he's like, I got this guy by the arm and I'm on a Navy SEAL, broke his arm in half and then this other guy just sucks me in the face. Sorry, I moved away. But yeah, just sucks me in the face. And I look at him and his eye is already swollen, like rocky, like cut me, man. Like within 30 seconds of being hit, it's already like swollen shut like this. And I just can't stop laughing and he's like, stop laughing, dude, dude, like what happened to you? And I was like, I lost my John Deere hat. And he's like, let's go get it. I'm like, I'm not going back over there. That's where those dudes are. So the next day we ended up flying into Jordan and going to Petra and he's like, every picture of him, he has his glasses on because his dude, his eye was so fucked up. And I was like, this is a fitting story for buying hookers in Amsterdam. Like it's just, it couldn't have gone well. There's just no way. But you can get hookers in Jordan, you can get them in Amsterdam, I mean, you can get them in Uzbekistan. How are they? And Uzbekistan and Jordan. Good, good. They're imports. They're imports. Oh, they are. Yeah, they're all sex trafficked. Yeah. Oh, God. Yeah. Eastern European women from last part. I didn't need to hear the last part. You know, you could have let us live in a world where they were just working to help their families. No. And they were all sex traffic workers. That's right. Yeah. And that's why the Tate brothers, I believe. Oh, Andrew Tate? Yeah. And his gay little brother. Allegedly. Yeah. Allegedly. He's arrested again for it, so we'll see. He's still tweeting in jail. Is he really? I mean, he must have his phone with him because he's talking shit. No, shit. He was like, oh, dude, he tweeted something retarded yesterday. It was like, and I don't follow anything because he's the dumbest person on earth. But it was something like, oh, you guys are having all these white dudes are upset that they're getting replaced, but they're not out there having kids. I heard some dude talking about how he's got five kids, like what? Every year? Shut the fuck up, dude. You're a fucking predator sex trafficker. And you look like a snake. He has no chin. People love him, dude. I don't know why. People, all the end cell dudes on the internet love him. Love him. Absolutely love him. It's funny how all he talks about is going out there and getting laid as a dude, but all the people that follow him have never been laid. Yeah, never, right? Yes. So once you're all done with that and everything else, how do you assimilate back into real life? You don't. I mean, that's just how it goes. Are you just bored? You're bored, but you're also like on high alert for everything. Everything is like high alert and you go from like I went from zero to a hundred, like something could happen and I'd be fine. And then the next thing, you know, it's like I'm getting ready to fight somebody. Like, I mean, this is pretty embarrassing, but there was like a parking guard at the community college I was in and he wrote me a ticket for not stopping him to stop saying, ah, look, dude, I stopped. Like, let's be honest here. Just between us. Totally stopped. Did you stop? It wasn't a rolling stop. I stopped. That was my story. Okay. So I walked out and I see this ticket and he's standing by the car and I'm literally like screaming at this kid trying to get into his face to fight this guy and he's like 19 years old at the community college. Guarantee he goes there. He's a student. This is his part time job and I'm like, you know, 210 pounds and just vicious looking and I'm like screaming in his face. So they called the cops and they pulled me out of class like the next day, but no, shit. Yeah. It was like, ah, yeah, I'm pretty embarrassed. I'm sorry. Like it was just a dick, dude. Like, and the reason I ask is like, I'll take Dan, for example, I think the reason why Dan is the way he is is because after doing all the cool shit over there, you come back and nothing's really that exciting. What way? Doesn't really matter what it is. What way am I? You've got to put the camera on him. This face is your face everywhere we go. It doesn't matter if we're at the masters, the world series, the biggest, whatever the biggest event we go to on the planet, that's it. And that's it only. The only time I ever see you smile or like relieved is when we're in a stadium of like 110,000 people. This is true. And they all lose at the last second in every life. Like all the souls get sucked out of their bodies. It's like green mile. It goes into him. It's like the reverse shake my hair balls like all the bees are coming out, but they're going inside of Dan here. And that's the only way I see you excited. And that's the only way that I think you can probably describe it once you see all that shit and then you come back to fucking Austin or whatever you are, it's got to be boring as hell. You just don't stress out about stuff. Like something happens and it's like, whatever, it's not that big of a deal. Like it's very even keel for the most part. There's no, there's like, it drives people crazy, but like, you know, the world could be ending and it's like, yeah, that's how he is like, yeah, we'll figure it out. Like, yeah. That's how he is. Like we won't. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. You're the exact same way. You never get heated at a fucking, you know, HOA meeting or anything else. No, I will end your fucking life. It's like, oh my gosh, the sun's lost. Yeah. Whatever. Like, you just never get too high, never get too low. And if it does happen, like that's when, that's when it's serious business. Like, okay. Yeah. And what are you doing real life now? I just work a day job, man. I'm on the IT side, so I don't really have to talk to people very much, which is nice. Kind of zooms and shit like that. Zooms, you know, regular meetings. I say, hey, guys, we need this to be built and it needs to go out at this day and this time. And when they don't get it done, everybody freaks out around me and I'm like, like, we'll figure it out. Well, obviously, this isn't that big of a deal. But with the books and being an author and all that other stuff, do they know people around you that you work with, that this is what you did? Some of them do. Most of them have no idea. And then if they Google me, they're like, oh, that makes sense. That's why Morgan doesn't lose his mind over stuff. Really? Yeah, I've heard that like three or four times where people are like, oh, now it makes sense. Morgan's just going to figure it out. It's not a big deal. Yeah. So looking back at all black water and all that other shit, the trials that have gone on and everything else justified, not justified. I mean, the reputation of black water is definitely justified. There was a lot of good stuff that black water did. There's a lot of bad stuff that black water did. And really, I wrote the book because I'm tired of hearing politicians write about stuff and in generals that never were on the ground. So it's like a ground perspective of the book. It's not like, and then on our left flank, we had third battalion, second Marine, like whatever it is. Like that's not what it is. I hate that shit. Yeah. It's not interesting for an audience. Yeah. Yeah. So mine's like literally, it starts and you're sitting next to me and it's a real time like we're going through everything together as you're reading it. Because there's, I mean history is written by the victors, right? But usually the victors are like politicians or journalists that have never actually experienced it. So I was like, yeah, I'll write a book. Why the hell not? Yeah. It just kind of snowballed from there. And what was the worst story in there that you told of black water? Because you said there was good and bad. What was the worst one you think to come out of black water? I mean, it's my perspective. So like at the end of the day, I wasn't Mr. Square. I don't know what the heck happened there. It's not my gig. But the way that we ran rough shot over the, the populace and Baghdad probably didn't win us a whole lot of hearts. It probably didn't make the military's life a whole lot easier while they were over there. We didn't do ourselves any favors either, to be honest. I mean, how do you not raise an entire generation or country then just to fucking hate the U.S.? Fuck them. No, I ran. I ran was like, hey, Iraq, we're going to send some missiles over and Iraq's like, do it, bro. Do it. Yeah. Like they don't, there's no way they like this over there. Zero shot. Yeah. And no way we give a fuck about them. Because Dan and I talk about this on the show all the time, whatever happens in the Middle East. It's like, let's just, let's stay the fuck out of it at this point. Yeah, but we freed the shit out of them and gave them like trillions of dollars. So are they? Are they? Are they doing? Are they flourishing? Yeah. Technically, we gave Raytheon and General Dynamics and Halliburton and Lockheed and Boeing and Blackwater. Yeah. Out of me. I mean. Some people can't be dine core. We gave them trillions of dollars. A lot of people. A lot of people have said, man, we probably should have left Saddam in power because they don't, they don't know what the fuck to do without somebody being there to tell them what to do every fucking day. Oh, it's like when you're watching the Avengers and you're like, I kind of, Dan, I was kind of has a thing going on, right? Like, like that's what I feel about Saddam is like, yeah, like he's a dick and he's an asshole, but like he really ran the place well, like it was nice and clean. Dicks also fuck assholes, Gary. Yeah. Yeah. Sure do. You're looking back on it as a, as a whole here and then we'll let you get out of here after this. Should it have existed? Blackwater had you. Yeah. We didn't have the State Department didn't have the DSS personnel to do what they were doing. Well, and now what you're seeing is contractors are being used everywhere. It's easier, right? You don't have to train somebody up that for six to eight months to be part of the FBI, the CIA, the DIA, you name it. You can just bring in contractors. Who was that, who was that girl that like sold all the secrets? Her name is like anniversary happy or whatever. I can't even remember. They did a movie on it. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The chick from Georgia. Yeah. It's like charity winner. Charity winner, I think it was. Yeah. So I mean, they're doing it everywhere. And the start of the Iraq war started the promulgation of contractors in its current state. So they were a necessary evil. If it wasn't Blackwater, it was going to be somebody else. It was going to be Triple Canopy, Aegis, it was going to be whoever the heck could man that, right? But now it's just become such a line item in the government's budget that they just throw contractors at everything. So the job had to be done, but now I think there's like the slippery slope where they're using contractors to move kids on the US border, illegal children, and they're just moving them across the country. Yeah. MVM Inc is the company that does that. Yeah. We've seen it in real life. Yeah. Dan was actually the one who pointed it out to me because I didn't know it existed. But then when you see it and somebody tells you about it, you're like, "Oh, yeah. That guy looks like he was a fucking, he was a contractor." Like that's what it looks like. Well, what happens, there's no accountability for the agency that hires the contractor. So it's really convenient for the State Department to say, "Oh, that was the bad black water guys," or DHS say, "Oh, that was bad in the other guys." They didn't do their paperwork, this kid got sold into sex slavery. That makes sense. If it's that convenient, why would they change their rules? Right. So it's just going to get worse. We have contractors in the Ukraine, we have them in Israel, we have them in Syria, anywhere where there's any kind of conflict. There's contractors there that are training people. Right? So it's not going to end. Yeah. Well, happy ending today. Yeah. Leave on a positive note. We always do on this show. We also try to at least. We have this thing called Drinking Bro the Week, which is someone who has inspired you or helps you become the person you are today. Who would you like to give the Drinking Bro the Week to? So while I was on the main network, there's a dude named Davey Jacobs, which is an awesome guy. Always supportive. Yeah. I just want to give him a shout out, but it's got to be my wife. My wife is freaking amazing and she's way, way hotter than I am. So I don't know what I did to deserve her. I think Davey might be in here actually. Yeah. Davey might be in the show. We know Davey's usually in the show. Oh, yeah. We always see him. Yeah. So Davey, Davey's a great guy, but I got to give it to my wife because Gachi puts up with me. Can you imagine? I can't. How many years? Oh God, we're at like 12, man. Yeah, same. Yeah, same. Yeah, he is in here. And you just out of his last name, people didn't know he was a fucking Jew. Oh, look at that. Davey. Sorry, Davey. We're all pro Palestine over here, but yeah, I actually have been protesting in my own home. Yeah, he has. I just been standing in the doorway with my dogs and trying to get outside with a free Palestine flag. He does it every single morning and does do your dogs go out there or do you scare them and they crap in the house and it doesn't work? It's not working well. Yeah. Yeah. I'll say that. Not working well. Yeah, the Israeli government is washing and then obviously they'll free Palestine. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. Well, Palestine needs to be a real fucking place first and it isn't. Yeah. Yeah, but it's Texarkana, real place. Hard to say. It's a fun nickname. Yeah, that's what I'm saying like a fun nickname. I don't like it. I don't think it exists. Yeah. If it does exist, let's get rid of it. Exactly. The book is called Guns Girls Greed. I was a blackwater mercenary in Iraq and boom, here it is. It is available now. You're awesome, man. This was a fucking amazing show. Usually when it just flies by like this and you don't even know you're on a podcast for the day, like these are our favorites and you're cool as shit, man. So best of luck with everything and thanks for being here. Can you write that somewhere and then I'll hand it to my wife so she. Yeah. Yeah. Ross says I'm cool as shit. I don't want to just sketch my dick out on your book and then give it back. Obviously we're going to have to, that's going to be multiple pages. Yeah. Fair. Yeah. But you can give that to her. And it's almost like a scratch and sniff, you know? So tracing. You're going to trace. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody asked me to do that one time. That's why I brought it up. That's how you, that's how I tried to draw a turkey in middle school and I got in a lot of trouble for that. It's instead of your hands. Yeah. It's your cock around it. It's your ball sack. Yeah. But what I said was this is a turkey that was in Vietnam and got blown up. So what are you not? You don't support the fucking troops, you fucking bitch. I'm just, it makes sense that you join the army then because I'm a piece of shit. If that was, you were like, this is my educated, uh, retort to your, your turkey. No matter how many times I went to college, I just couldn't get it out of me. No. You know? No. Just a total piece of shit. And same with you, Morgan. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're a guy facade, but underneath, you're a horrific human being. Jonathan says it's a quad turkey. Yeah. Just a turkey and a fucking wheelchair. That'd be a great one, dude. That'd be a great one, dude. I can't wait for Thanksgiving. Yeah. I know. Yeah. Wait. So they wheel out that turkey in the wheelchair. A very retarded Thanksgiving. Yeah. A Greg Abbott Thanksgiving. We're in Texas since we're coming down here. He can't walk. He got, but he, I know, I still roll. Doesn't, he, well, he doesn't stand for the anthem though. No, he can't. He can't stand for everything. The later and later this gets the darker and darker. Yeah. We appreciate being here. Buy the book. It is out everywhere. Amazon's the easiest, always to get the book. Be delivered to your house in under 48 hours. Great guy, Morgan. Thanks again for being here. Go to iTunes, rate the show a five star, leave a quick review. Also head on over to Spotify. It's just a five star and walk away for day of the day of the day, in the hallway. I'm Ross Patterson. This is the drinking bro's podcast, good night of the day. Tune into the Behind the Wings podcast as we delve into the groundbreaking advancements that have shaped the aerospace industry. From the riveting rivalries of early aviation, to secret Air Force training programs, the sky is not the limit, it's just the beginning. Listen to the Behind the Wings podcast today. (upbeat music)
