VIEWPOINT with Chuck Crismier
MARRIAGES IN THE BIBLE
This is viewpoint with attorney and author Chuck Chris Meyer. Viewpoint is a one hour talk show confronting the issues of America's heart and home and now with today's edition of Viewpoint here is Chuck Chris Meyer. Who needs marriage? That's the headline. That is the cover story or was the cover story of Time magazine November 29, 2010. Who needs marriage? It said men do more than women and it works better for richer than for poor. Well, I'm not necessarily in agreement with that. And apparently God thinks we need marriage because he performed the first one back in Genesis chapter two and he's going to perform the last one at the end of the book of Revelation with the great marriage supper of the lamb. So he says that he married Israel and he also says that we who follow him through Jesus Christ are the bride of Christ. And if that be true, why do we have so many problems in our marriages? And why do we have so many problems with God himself who ordained marriage and said that he wanted us to be a pure and holy bride without spot or without bring a blemish and he says I'm not coming back for a bride with spot wrinkle or any such thing. Whoa. So let me ask you a question as we roll into today's program, my friend. Does your marriage reflect a marriage without spot wrinkle or any such thing? I dare say it is not because there are two people that are involved and every one of us is a sinner that needs to be saved by grace, which needs that our marriages need to be saved and they need to be saved by grace through faith. That's right. And faith requires action and requires that we be doers of the word and not just here is only. So when charisma magazine a year later said that marriages under siege and the Christianity today, just five years, four years ago, had a cover story concerning vanishing vows, asking the question, can the church say what's left of marriage? We've got to wonder what is going on? Are we defaulting on the very thing that God ordained for the beginning? How about your marriage? Where does it stand? Today on viewpoint, we want to give some hope for lasting marriages because Don Federer, a Jewish man said, if marriage is lost, we lose everything. If marriage is lost, we lose everything. So how could we be in such a default position with regard to marriages? Well, let me just share this with you to bring a message, a little bit of hope before our guest joins us. Years ago, Focus on the Family had a gentleman, HB London, who was the head of pastoral ministries for Focus on the Family, and he sent out a pastor's briefing. And here's what it said in 2002, 22 years ago. Couples who stay in an unhappy marriage and tough it out until things turn around are more likely to be happy five years later than those who decide to divorce. That was according to a new study from the University of Chicago at that time. Of the unhappy partners who entered their marriage, about half were happy five years later. But of unhappy spouses who took a work-it-out approach and stayed together, about two-thirds were happy five years later. That was a study that looked at 5,200 married adults from the National Survey of Families and Households, who found that the most troubled marriages had the biggest turnarounds, with about 80% reporting happiness five years later. Well, we want to find out today on viewpoint why marriages turn around and what we can understand from 17 marriages in the Bible itself. That's right, 17 marriages in the Bible itself, our special guest today is a man who is living out his last name, Lovejoy. Gary Lovejoy is a counselor par excellent 40 years under his belt. He's read a book called marriages in the Bible that the publicists that we have been using for 25 years and who has act as the publicist for every one of my books says this is the very best book on marriage he has ever handled in his 25 years as a publicist. So, that's saying a lot, Gary Lovejoy. Thanks for joining us here on viewpoint from Bend, Oregon. Well, thank you so much for inviting me. Well, this is a big topic. It's big in the mind and heart of God and obviously it's big in the heart of our country. We're seeing the demise of marriage at so many turns, not only because within our marriages so much as disintegrating with divorce, but also we're finding that there are assaults on marriage by breaking apart God's creation ordinance as established right there in Genesis chapter 2. So what you have to say today in this wonderful book, Marriages in the Bible, what do they really tell us is of critical importance. So thanks for joining us. Well, thank you and I look forward to an opportunity to chat about this most important topic because some of the only people on earth are people in marriage, hardly enough. And so we want to explore a little bit about what goes wrong and what can go right. Well the interesting thing is that the only way that we could be married to Christ as a bride of Christ is if we were forgiven, but for some reason we have a hard time forgiving others even though we've been forgiven. Is forgiveness a big part of it? Oh absolutely. And I think that our inability to forgive one another of our mistakes made, we might think of it in terms of mercy, needs to be regularly practiced in a world like shit because we make mistakes every single day, we're human. And if we are not, is your wife consider you human Gary? I think so. Yeah. You think so. Right. No, she sees me as clearly human. So you and your wife could actually have a chapter in your book if you had been listed in the Bible? Well it could. It could. It could. Back in those times maybe that would have been included. Who knows? I know the marriage of two people is the marriage of two family histories, it's the cross-pollination of two sets of interpersonal communication habits, two sets of expectations, two sets of complex resolution styles. So it's complex and so it's not surprising that problems begin to crop up in that because we're actually operating out of oftentimes very different books of instruction in regards to our upbringing. Well my wife and I have been married just short of 58 years now but after 7 or 8 years she came to me one day she said Chuck I don't have any more feelings for you and it scares me and she wasn't angry but we were going through some very tough times because I was in law school in the evening working full time in the day and she was I was putting her through college we didn't have much time for one another so relationship was pretty tough. But thank you to the Holy Spirit and to the Word of God, he began to reveal some things to me right out of his word that changed everything and here we are today talking about marriage and encouraging others will be right back friends, stay tuned. Once upon a time children could pray and read their bibles in school, divorces were practically unknown as was child abuse. In our once great America virginity and chastity were popular virtues and homosexuality was an abomination. So what happened in just one generation? Hi I'm Chuck Chris Mar and I urge you to join me daily on Viewpoint where we discuss the most challenging issues touching our hearts and homes. Could America's moral slide relate to the fourth commandment? Listen to Viewpoint on this radio station or anytime at saveus.org. Again I welcome you back to Viewpoint. Today we're talking about our marriages, what the Bible that is the marriages in the Bible have to say to us about our own marriages, it's a very different approach to that which is commonly used in talking about marriage when we looked at Ephesians 5 for instance of what the Apostle Paul writes concerning marriage. But we were talking Gary about forgiveness and you say in your book asking for forgiveness is important if not more important part of our process if you want to reduce the toxicity of your interactions. Well apparently God thinks the same way and his son Jesus felt the same way because Jesus said if you will not forgive others their trespasses against you neither will your heavenly father forgive you. That's a pretty tough talk for troubled times isn't it? Absolutely and one of the things that really intercedes here is the part of the fact that it's difficult to forgive others because oftentimes we have difficulty forgiving ourselves and that's important as well because if we can't forgive ourselves we can't therefore accept our own humanness and so we think we're inadequate because that low self esteem is one of the most common problems that makes difficulties for marriages because they don't see the fact that they from their very beginning their love ability has been linked not to what other people think but to the fact that they have been created in the image of God and that God has not only created us but he gave his son to die on the cross which means we must have been fairly valuable in his sight. Absolutely absolutely okay so you indicate right up front in your book how easy it is to disown responsibility to work on our marriages and instead to descend into despair about it. You say once you've handed over the reins of positive change to your spouse you forfeited your chances to make a difference in your marriage instead you become a passive though sullen spectator to your marriages demise chronically frustrated that your marriage doesn't make you happy not realizing that you are the one who can make it happy for you that's a that's a pretty challenging statement there and it just goes completely against the viewpoint of our modern culture in a me me me generation that doesn't see responsibility on my part only entitlement. Well that's absolutely true and so many people assume a kind of victim mentality which comes along with that as a helplessness and so they feel like if anybody's going to change my partner has to change and they don't see and I was going to say from something you shared earlier about you and your wife it was cool just to her that she brought the issue up because oftentimes we're not transparent with each other this is one of the problems because people keep their dissatisfaction their happiness their whatever issues are not only do they not forgive they don't even talk about it they don't even divulge it until it reaches critical mass and then it's oftentimes too late. But what I've noticed what I've noticed though Gary is that women and I think you alluded to this in your book that women actually tend to be more aware of these things and do try to bring them up but the man for whatever reason doesn't respond for a very long period of time and that's what happened to us and you know I majored in psychology undergraduate and so I thought I you know we're Christians and I thought that you know my wife was kind of a little bit beyond in her thoughts and her criticism so I would put a wet blanket on it I'd find ways to rationalize this that or the other and this went on for a few years until the point she says you know I just don't have any more feelings right now and it scares me. Well yes I think women are usually socialized to be more emotionally aware than men and so they're more likely to perceive problems earlier in a relationship. Women are actually also tend to be better communicators than men and so are more likely to talk about the problems they perceive and because men are less likely to have emotional awareness to see as clearly the problems and the communication skills to talk about them this can lead women oftentimes to feel very lonely and they're embarrassed to feel if their knees are not being met but what happens sometimes instead of bringing it up like your wife did they will resort to criticizing their husbands and constantly hasstling them and so forth and so the men start feeling a lack of respect and what happens is that it goes to the heart of their sense of adequacy for men it's a sense of adequacy it's important for women's sense of intimacy and so when their sense of intimacy is destroyed or damaged in some way then they're feeling increasingly lonely and neglected and so then they will oftentimes lash out and when they lash out they do it in such a way that directly triggers his sense of inaccuracy and that's why they'll often come in and the man will say something like I never do anything right no matter what I say it's not right I can never ever please my wife and so forth so what is he saying he's saying I feel inadequate in my marriage and then she's saying she's saying I feel so lonely in my marriage and all I have to do is in fact if I'm working with a couple and I ask the wife do you mean you're feeling lonely in your marriage and as soon as I say that they start crying because because when I say that it taps into exactly what they're feeling yeah they're feeling incredibly lonely and many of them wanted to feel companionship as part of the reason they marry and yet there's some of the lonely and people on the planet well my wife says today she says I just want to be with you I just want to be with you and you know I'm glad that she wants to be with me and and so there's a tension between what I have to do and her wanting to be with me and so we have to understand the needs of both sides one party one author years ago talked about love and respect you've rephrased that in a different slightly different way but the wife says I can't get no love and the husband says I can't get no respect yeah yeah it's a tough it's a tough game and then you look at some of these marriages in the Bible and of course the first one you deal with would happen to be Abraham and Sarah and and that's a tough thing to deal with because God called Abraham his friend and the great man of faith the one who gave us he was the the father of faith both for Jews and for Christians and here he is not exactly a perfect husband to put it mildly yeah he's an interesting character very complex character because when it came to his faith in God it was he's unmovable I mean he he he was asked to go into a land he was unfamiliar with to to settle in in a land that may have been quite hostile have to establish a way of making living and so forth he was able to take a lot of risks in that regard but when it came to domestic affairs it was an entirely different story for Abraham because he pawned out as you know he called pawned up his wife not once but twice yeah in order to save his own skin well he didn't exactly lie he just tell the whole truth well right of course that's the reason why when I would call a witness to the stand for 20 years in law practice I would say I the clerk of the court would say now do you raise your right hand you now promised to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God so Abraham told the truth but he just didn't tell the whole truth and that was yes she is my sister but what he didn't say is she's also my wife now how could that be a lot of people don't know about Abraham tell us how that could possibly be well you know in that day they they married oftentimes married relatives within families just partially population but but in this situation what's so interesting about the story of Abraham and Sarah is both of those experience nothing is mentioned the Bible is absolutely silent about what she was feeling but she had to be feeling betrayed by her husband she had to be feeling like I'm I'm I can be negotiated away yeah and that there's a medicine security in that and we actually see what she was feeling later on because later on when she couldn't have a child and so hey she gives the Hagar her handmaid to Abraham's yet she becomes pregnant and then Hagar begins to harass Sarah over and over and over and it's all going on under right underneath Abraham's nose you knew he knew about it he didn't want to be involved and finally one of the angriest exchanges in all the Bible occurs where after Hagar had his male and then she's still giving her a hard time then she goes to Abraham and basically says do something about this she's haslamic constantly and what is his response his response was take care of it yourself and go ahead and do whatever you want with her he didn't want anything to do with it well it's because she was Hagar was Sarah's handmaid so in us in that sense it was her problem but there's a deeper issue here it seems to me and that is that Sarah got impatient with Abraham's impatience concerning God fulfilling his promise that he would have a son and so it goes on for years and years and years and years and Abraham doesn't have a son and he's probably complaining what's going on so Sarah says finally just go into my handling this get it all over with go in there and have your son so it was a cut it was a custom in that day it was called primary secondary what where it was an obligation within the culture that if you couldn't provide an air that you would have to provide a hand maiden or someone that was your servant to your husband in order to have to have make sure that he can have an air yeah having an air was extremely important it was that was that biblical with that was that was God's will was no absolutely not yeah this is one of the reasons why but the thing that's interesting about her is that she didn't all of her anger has been building up all this time now was unleashed against Hagar and she began to abuse Hagar and Hagar then ran for life of course then Abraham had to run and retrieve her all that could have been saved if he all he had to do is say to Hagar did he have the authority in the relationship all he had to say is Hagar stop abusing my wife and protect it that was a major problem between Abraham in other words you're saying that Abraham did what you're saying is that Abraham didn't protect Sarah and that's one of the responsibilities of a husband absolutely in fact I've seen examples of that today where for example a couple comes in let's say we're just using devil husband the husband has a very almost symbiotic relationship with his parents and they're they're very connected parents don't want to let go of him and he gets married and they and they intrude into the marriage and and they may even put the wife down because they see her as kind of competition for his attention and so they they have a kind of a visit to her and the wife says to her husband you know protect me you know I don't want to go to the family get together because they don't treat him well and he'll say things like oh don't worry about it it's no problem just let it roll off your back they don't really mean it and so forth and so he refuses to confront his parents about it or whoever is in his family doing that he doesn't protect his wife and that is one of the first things that really if that is going on it's deadly to a marriage absolutely deadly absolutely you know what Gary as you're recalling this I'm thinking of a particular couple right now in which for over 20 years that has been exactly the situation and very very destructive how does someone either a wife or a husband endure and the Bible does say God said for this cause shall a man leave his father and his mother and cleave unto his wife and the truth shall be one flesh that's the reason isn't it exactly you nailed it that's exactly right that that passage was given for the own purpose of a completely separating from the man's the painting from him and joining to your wife because that's where the joining comes in it is what God has joined together let not let not man put a thunder and that man couldn't be the family can be the mother and father who won't let go of their son or daughter and allow them to really live independently and what happens is that you get a triangulation in the marriage and that is just suffocates the marriage it just does and the brink of divorce when that exactly it just suffocates a marriage and wow need we say more it just suffocates a marriage and then you got a Abraham's son Isaac the son of promise and he actually had some of the same problems as his father like father like son and deceived lied with regard to his his wife Rebecca tell us about it right I mean he's the same thing with king of them like which a like was the same person that Abraham did and I can only imagine what the king must have thought about this really wow they don't stick up for their wives that's for sure well not only that but it just about cost of bimilek his life and as a king his his country so friends their consequences to these things here's the book marriages in the bible 18 dollars and put it here it's on our website save us dot org don't miss it there is so much more about Chuck Chris Meyer and save America ministries on our website save us dot org for example under the marriage section God has marriage on his mind Chuck has some great resources to strengthen your marriage first off a fact sheet on the state of the marital union a fact sheet on the state of ministry marriage and morals save us dot org marriage divorce and remarriage what does the bible really teach about this find all of this at save us dot org also a letter to pastors the hosea project save us dot org and many more resources to strengthen your marriage it's all on Chuck's website save us dot org again you can listen to Chuck's viewpoint broadcast live and archive save America ministries website at save us dot org be God has marriage on his mind in fact he has your marriage on his mind believe it or not you may think that's not true but it is true and the angels of heaven actually are cheering you on to be a godly example of what it means to be the smallest microcosm of the church a husband a wife and the Holy Spirit he's cheering you on God wants you to succeed but you and I have to be doers of the word and not just here is only in other words if we're going to live godly marriages by faith that means we have to do something like Jesus brother said James the doers of the word and not here is only deceiving your own selves now before we go on with our special guest Gary Lovejoy Dr. Gary Lovejoy I want to share the words from a producer well actually not producer PR guy Don Otis he is the the head guy for veritas communications veritas means truth truth communications we've dealt with him for 25 years concerning with this program and many of the books that we bring before you and also with regard to our own books he is the real deal he is a true godly man and here's what he has to say about this particular book remember Don Otis does not write promotions of particular books in the endorsements but he did with this book here's what he said protecting your marriage for the assault on his integrity and loyalty is paramount to preserving it at no other time in history a marriage has been redefined misunderstood degraded maligned abandoned put to the test in many cases they fail even those in the Bible while we all want happy and fulfilling marriages many of us don't know how to go about it happiness it seems is a byproduct of putting your spouse above yourself this practice is often ridiculed by those who elevate self interest above sacrifice but Dr. Lovejoy reminds us the unexamined life is simply not an option if you want a satisfying marriage as a publicist says Don I have read many dozens of marriage books this is the best if you're serious about creating a marriage that thrives I encourage you to read this book if you know someone who is struggling read this book as he reminds us marriage is a commitment born on the wings of a love that embraces the whole person warts and all well you know I don't want to admit that I have any warts Gary and I'm not out to look for your warts but I'm sure that your wife is discovered a few and so as you were looking at the situations different lives marriages in the Bible did you find any of your own warts oh yeah oh yeah oh did they kind of scream at you yeah yeah really one of the things interesting about the marriages the Bible is that as all marriages they have some timeless characters to take character to it and when they talk about some of the issues that are going on between them those are issues that are still going on today and couples absolutely they may be several thousand years ago that these particular relationships occurred but they have aspects of their relationships that are just as current today and yes and they cover a wide variety but yes there are many things and of course what you were talking about just a moment ago about the rarity shall we say of the selflessness and marriage we are oftentimes too wedded to what we want and what we think and what we think is right that we don't really listen and we're often encouraged in scripture to be slow to speak and long to listen and we don't and we do usually do just the opposite we speak first and then and and dominate rather than trying to listen to what that our partners were saying to us and and oftentimes what they're saying giving you a major clues to what will make a difference in the marriage you have broken down these 17 marriages into a number of different categories here let me just recite some of them the humility of happiness patriarchal marriages heartless marriages problem centered marriages tender marriages maturing marriages righteous marriages and then you got a whole chapter because kind of does a reiteration like giving a final argument to a jury concerning marriages and it no wonder my friend don Otis the publicists think so highly of this particular book and it's very practical and it gives us insight and that's oftentimes what's missing we hear what you call didactic instruction concerning marriage but not so much insight from the actual marriages themselves in the scripture so you think they're there to give us some some hope and some direction Gary oh absolutely I you know when I when I wrote this book I motivated you so because all the books I read marriage deal with very good principles and then passage is back them up but but none of them really actually refer back to the actual marriages and and so I'm not back through and studied them and I began to realize that God had written a great deal of the detail of marriages and I had to ask myself why would he do that why would he spend the time to describe these marriages in the detail that he did and the reason I came to inclusion is I looked through them is that he was telling us what works and what doesn't work in marriage this one we talked about bad marriages good marriages ugly marriages and yet he pulls out things in his description that tell us what to do and what not to do in relationship it's like a jigsaw puzzle put it all together and that's what the last chapter is all about putting it all together and God has provided us a blueprint of how to have a half a successful long long term marriage and by learning from the marriages of the Bible and that's why he took the time to be to write commentary to put give us contrary on the these marriages that's interesting about it commentary on marriages through the very lives of though these characters real people in the Bible the book friend marriages in the Bible what do they tell us what do they tell you what will they tell you when you get a copy of the book eighteen dollars will put it in your hands it's on our website savers.org savers.org you can give us a call at 1-800-SAVE USA 1-800-SAVE USA or write to us at SAVE America Ministries PMONK 7 0 8 7 9 Richmond Virginia 2 3 2 5 5 ready a check at five dollars for postage and handling all right now there's no way we're going to get to all seventeen of these we've talked about Abraham we've talked about Isaac and his spouse give us another one that really stands out to you well I think they this is actually two marriages in tandem with each other Jacob and Leah and Jacob and Rachel and Leah the story of Jacob and Leah's marriage is probably one of the saddest marriages in all the Bible well it really is and it really is distressing when you read the story and you can hardly fault Jacob in a sense because she was not the one that he had chosen and she was foisted upon him deceptively right it was it was Laban her yeah who had betrayed his daughter and but yeah you wrote it true Jacob never loved Leah he loved he was in love with Rachel and I think that one of the things that that comes out of that is talking you paint God was very gentle with Leah but it was through Leah's progeny that the Messiah came so and Judah was from Leah and Judah became the head of the 12 tribes of Israel so so he did reward her shall we say for her part but what she was trying to do is at one point she was having babies and Rachel was barren and so she was having babies in no love and Rachel had a love but no baby and so and and Leah would have changed would have switched places with Rachel in a heartbeat she wanted love and all through her life she was she a probably the most lonely woman in all scripture and she yearned at it but but like you said it was not Jacob's fault he was in love with Rachel but what it illustrates is how important it is when you're dating to make sure that the relationship is truly one of love if you don't if you're not careful if you just marry basically because of the fatuation instead of and and you're excited about the moment and the whirlwind relationship and you get married and then you begin to realize that it was really love that was drawing your relationship it was maybe the excitement at the moment or whatever it was that drew you to it and that was often then that relationship is under heavy heavy duress and it was likely will not survive so what's really important is in about marriage is is what you do before you get married the cultivation of the relationship and how you I do a lot of premarish counseling so I I take a look at what are the issues that may impede the happiness of this relation before they start kind of preventative therapy which is is a lot of fun to do because you're preventing divorces that way but but it's surprising how many times people are see red flag but they don't do anything about it in fact when I'm dealing in marriage counseling I'll sometimes ask the spouse did you see any of these things before you got married and 99 times out of 100 they say yes I said well then when you saw those things what did you think about them then like maybe she noticed her boyfriend was kind of selfish but she just let it go you know and so what did you think about that she so I thought it wasn't important or I'd change him was to get married yeah well speaking of the I change him thing that brings up another whole issue and that is the idea the biblical command to not be unequally yoked together yeah and we're told don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers and it's not just for marriage it's in business it's in all kinds of relationships but now we're talking about marriage how many wives or husbands will say and I've heard it over the years well yeah I know that they're not really following the Lord but that's eventually going to change not likely we'll be right back after this friends our special guests Gary love joy marriages in the mind what did they say to us have you ever considered what the early church was like many people are developing a heart longing for greater fulfillment in our practices as Christians a recent study showed 53,000 people a week are leaving the back door of America's churches in frustration what is going on why has there not been even a 1% gain among followers of Christ in the last 25 years could it be that God is seeking to restore first century Christianity for the 21st century Jesus said I'll build my church is Christ by his spirit stirring to prepare the church for the 21st century the early church prayed together and broke bread from house to house they were family and it was said by all who observed behold how they love one another incredible but the same can be found right now go to save us dot org and click sell church we can revive first century Christianity for the 21st century it's about people not programs it's about a body not a building that's save us dot org click sell church God never commanded us to marry as an evangelistic tool he said don't be unequally yoked together because he knows what's likely to happen so do we have any illustrations of that Gary in the Bible well actually the interesting thing about this is that of course that that was true I think with the relationship with Boaz and Ruth I'm not not about this I'm sorry with I'm going to think of remember which one was but the Hosea and Gomer yeah that's a different situation because God that's the only place in scripture where God actually commanded a man to marry someone inside the faith right and he was illustrating something with the relationship between God and is right but in any case but one of the problems in the early church was that many women who had married and they were they were non-Christian marriages they were great followers and following Greek gods and especially women were attracted to Christ ministry and they became believers now they were unequally yoked and that was a common problem in the early church that's why they brought it to Paul that possible what do we do our husbands don't believe in Christ we do and Paul said stay with them Paul said stay with them do not divorce them on the other hand if they will not live with you then let them go you're not under bondage to keep the marriage going because all that does is create more animosity but he did not give permission to remarry no place did he ever do that that is contrary to the entire Bible from the beginning to the end and it has been completely misconstrued by Christian leadership and led to so many problems today yeah you're you're right that's exactly what happened but we don't have any illustrations specifically of those marriages in your book do we no no it wasn't because they focused most of these marriages or marriages had some significance to with empty history and most of them maybe the conditions were were problematic partly because of cultural customs of the day like when they had multiple lives but nonetheless the specific of what you're talking about because as I said the closest that you come to that would be the Jose and Gomer relationship but that was and that had to do with the problem infidelity but eventually he won her over that's the beauty of that particular yeah but that was God's command that he married her for a reason and so that's completely different than somebody going out and intentionally marrying someone that was not a believer without God's specific instruction so that I will think this about the about Jose Jose I wanted to quit God said no I want you to go back and I want you to win her heart no and other what he was demonstrating one of the principle of the marriage he's demonstrating is marriage takes a lot of work even when your spouse is involved in problematic behavior and it's going to take a lot of effort lot of work but you pursue her don't stop and that was it was a lustrous in fact that God pursues up even though we were continuing to sin when we were yes sinners you mean yes while we write and while we were Mr. Barsten that's when he yeah when we sought to rescue us and and and so the Jose-Gomer relationship mirrors that but it also mirrors the idea that in marriage once in marriage you work at you work hard it's like marriage you know God's love for us is indescructible but our love for him and for one another to not indescructible that's why that's why Jesus said no man can take you out of the father's hand except you nobody else can take you out of the father's hand but you can that's what we get that's what we misconstrue all the time and this whole marriage issue is illustrative of that now speaking of this unequal yoking how about Ahab and Jezebel or Ahab's and his wife well a has a devil neither or believers and but their marriage is a perfect example of a of a woman who was a very godmaddy very domineering and admit was very weak and very dependent so she wore the pants and the family big time absolutely she did and he she never one of the problems that was missing in that relationship was respect she had no respect for Ahab she thought Ahab was a weakly he was normal she would have divorced him but the reason that she didn't divorce him is because he was the king and that gave her power and so she stayed with him for that reason only because that she he had the power of the throne but but he was a weakly one of the best examples that was when he was yearning for the vineyard next door neighbor vineyard and he just and he wouldn't sell it to him and so he went home and spoke and Jezebel comes in and says what are you doing why are you sitting there and she says and he said well he won't sell me a vineyard so she solicited murder on his behalf yeah well then let me take care of and that was that was a microcosm of their whole marriage yeah that was the way they operated and it was a very thick marriage and but the whole relationship was thick and as was Ahab so he was one of the worst kings of Israel but yeah you see that kind of domineering weak kind of relationship and that happens in relationship and when that happens there has to be if it if it lasts at all it usually doesn't last long enough because there's not enough respect to keep it together but if it does last is because they have some secondary source of reinforcement together like power perks in position you know okay how about how about Jesus and excuse me Joseph and Mary would you say there well one of the things that is so powerful there I titled that the transparency of kindness Joseph when he first learned that that Mary was was pregnant he could have easily just that it's gone into a rage and and said how dare you you know how dare you violate our our betrogal yeah and but he didn't do that in fact he was he was going over his mind how can I do this in a way that will bring will not bring ill repute to my my dear Mary but then God but then God by his spirit spoke directly into Joseph's life to tell him no don't put her away don't do that there's a reason why she is a pregnant and it's not because she was unfaithful right and so what and and he was following custom of that time but true but he didn't want to bless her though he really didn't want to right but he felt like he had to and and like you said God intervened in that situation but what's so interesting is that even though he felt like he had to he was trying to devise a way to make it to do it in such a way that would not bring her into disrepute and have her ruin the rest of her life right and I was so taken by the tenderness that that takes that he was thinking not of himself he was thinking entirely of her and that's that that was the kind of stuff was thinking that that animated their whole marriage and when they did get married and undoubtedly that was not lost on Mary Mary knew that that what was to follow was most likely going to be divorced she didn't even understand herself right so she kept she she thought that how could possibly Joseph understand it if I don't understand it and and so and yet she was probably overwhelmed by his tenderness all through it he never once accused her of anything and I thought that was I thought that was pretty significant because that was the basis upon which they built their relationship and and that tenderness last built a dynamic in their marriage in their family that was to have enormous impact and undoubtedly provide the perfect environment for raising the young son Jesus well Queen Esther this is a very interesting picture there where she was taken into a King's household not specifically by her own will but she was taken in because of her great beauty and something else that the King saw in her and chose her above all the other women when he divorced his spouse Queen Vashtai but as a result she dealt with the King in a very unusual way such that it then lured to the salvation of all her for people here she was a Jewish woman married to a Persian and God used her how did that happen yeah that was quickly yeah in that situation she was cultivated by the the man who's in charge of the harem and and he saw in her something unique and so he especially prepared her so that when she went into to the king he was especially pressed with her more than a and she was becoming became queen and what was interesting though was her reaction when when the issue about her payment evil intent to destroy her people and she decided she was going to go into the king and that and usually you had to be called on the king you couldn't do it you couldn't initiate yourself because the other was there's a death penalty right there was a death penalty and she said and she was prepared to die for this but when she did she went in and she was the way she approached him was so graceful and it was so and he was overwhelmed by that yeah and he was and he respected her for that well in here to the salvation of her people and I got to cut you short because we're right at the end of the program here but Gary it's so great to be able to make your acquaintance here about this serious kingdom issue marriages in the bible the whole kingdom of God is based upon marriage from the beginning of the book to the end of the book and that's why it's right critical and when Jesus has this grand embrace of his bride without spot rinker any such thing at the great wedding supper of the land we want to be ready we want to be a pure together men and women then become the bride of Christ and we want to be humble before him we want to be pure and holy before him because the scripture says without holy there's no man will see the Lord that includes women to no woman no no one will see the Lord so this is a critical issue I think and we want to get it right don't we absolutely we do well thanks so much for bringing the issue to us and friends the book is marriages in the bible what they do tell us and as my friend and publicist Don Otis has said of all the books on marriage that he has reviewed and he's reviewed many and sent them to us for hearing here on this program he says this is the best one that is a high kudos Gary you got to accept that that's a high kudos don't get pride over it though remember humility to be called with humility for God resist the proud and gives Christian a humble all right friends humility is something that God calls us to in our marriages as well so get a copy of the book eighteen dollars we'll put it in your hands it's on our website save us dot o-r-g save us dot org give us a call at one eight hundred save us a it's one eight hundred save us a or write to us at save America ministries p o box seven oh eight seven nine Richmond Virginia two three two five five writing a check at five dollars for postage and handling now what kind of a marriage do you have a heartless marriage a problem centered marriage tender marriage maturing marriage righteous marriage whatever it happens to be it's in this book friends be encouraged somebody might just be getting married this book is for you somebody might have been married for a few years and maybe there's some struggles this book is for you some might have been married twenty thirty or forty years and this book is still for you it really is so I want you to be encouraged that's what we did this program for here today Gary wants you to be encouraged marriages of the Bible what do they tell us what do they tell you become a partner friend singer kiss my faith to save American ministries do it today don't delight God bless to be a blessing you've been listening to viewpoint with Chuck Chris Meyer viewpoint is supported by the faithful gifts of our listeners let me urge you to become a partner with Chuck as a voice to the church declaring vision for the nation join us again next time on viewpoint as we confront the issues of America's heart and home the world. a lot of love. 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