Who Knew It with Matt Stewart

115 - Alasdair Beckett-King, James Shakeshaft and Dave Warneke

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart is a comedy game show podcast hosted by Australian comedian Matt Stewart. This episode features Alasdair Beckett-King and James Shakeshaft (Loremen Podcast) and Dave Warneke (Do Go On)!

This episode was recorded live in London!

Check out Matt's stand up special: https://youtu.be/cWStRpI-BhE

Support the show via http://patreon.com/dogoonpod and you can submit questions for the show!

See the podcast/Matt live: https://www.mattstewartcomedy.com/

Check out Matt's podcast network: https://dogoonpod.com/

Theme song by Evan Munro-Smith, Logo by @muzdoodles and edited by Connor Schmidt!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Duration:: 1h 20m
Broadcast on:: 25 Nov 2024
Audio Format:: other

Hello, Matt here, letting you know that I've got some shows coming up in Brisbane. We're doing a live, who knew it, and I'm also doing a stand-up show in my show, Ding, at the Caxton Street Festival in the 19th of October. And then I'm going to be in Geelong, working on an hour of new material on the 31st of October at the brewery there. Geez, I'm looking forward to that. Then, of course, I'm flying over with my friends, Jess and Dave, to do a tour of Europe, for Dewgo On, but at the end of that tour, I'm doing three, who knew it shows with stand-up as well. In London on the 17th of November, Leicester on the 21st of November, and Edinburgh on the 23rd of November. Cannot wait to do all of these shows, hopefully we'll see you there. You can find tickets at mattstew@comedy.com. Mattstew@comedy.com. Perfect gifts. We've got 'em at Nordstrom Rack Stores now. Ugg, Nike, Barefoot Dreams, Kate's Fade, New York, and more. Finds everything on their wishlist all in one place. Steve Madden, yes, please. It's perfect. They've reached a score. The greatest gifts of all time? Yeah. Head to your Nordstrom Rack Store to score. Great brands, great prices, the greatest gifts of all time. [MUSIC PLAYING] Well, I don't know who knew with Mattstew at the show. The guest of all the romances on the titular Mattstew neck. Co-host/scorekeeper this week is a beautiful boy. You may know him, but you will soon love him. His name is Dave Hornick. You make him welcome. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Hi, everyone. You nearly described me as a beautiful corpse. Then I remembered you're still alive, just hanging on, isn't he? Look at him. Happy Sunday, everyone. It's so good to be here in London, town. I love it here. Yeah. Listen, this is electric in here. I mean, oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Person photos. You doesn't care at all. Are you in the right place? You just want it in. Well, you're not allowed to leave. So, yeah, Dave, you're also going to introduce that guest. Absolutely. Our first guest-- and you need to go absolutely wild. Don't care about us, but these are our favorite special guests. So we need you to go absolutely wild. Our first guest is comedian and co-host of The Lawman Podcast. Please go wild for James Shechner. Oh! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Oh! [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Hi. Hi. Hi. Good afternoon. Hello. I've got a woo. Yeah. A woo right at the end like I was a ghost. [LAUGHTER] That guy's a ghost. Can everyone see that ghost on the front row? Brilliant. [LAUGHTER] There's a beautiful corpse in the front row. [LAUGHTER] Now, our second guest this week is also a comedian and also co-host of The Lawman Podcast. It's all the chances. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] Hello. Hello. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] So good to have you on. It's embarrassing when you're both on the same podcast by accident. Yes. You both duly guessed on a different podcast. That was awkward. That was fully a coincidence. I didn't even know you knew each other. [LAUGHTER] Now, Alster, you haven't been on before, James has. But you said to me, "We're only just met today." And you said, "Oh, it's so good to be on your podcast." Who knew it with Matt Stewart? And that didn't quite work the same. This is Dave. Can you teach Alster? Yeah. I'm sorry to point this out, but your podcast title doesn't work in an English accent. [LAUGHTER] Who knew it with Matt Stewart? [LAUGHTER] It's like a dog falling off a step. It's not pleasing to the ears. How should it sound? Dave, David, do it really well. Who knew it with Matt Stewart? [CHEERING] And that's subtle. It is subtle. It's very slightly different. Very new it with Matt Stewart. [LAUGHTER] Do I have to say it like that for the whole thing? That's okay. I don't see that sound better to me. [LAUGHTER] I think the worst would be American. Who knew Matt Stewart? [LAUGHTER] Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. Are you an American front row, Nader? [LAUGHTER] Stewart. Stewart. Stewart. Stewart. Stewart. Stewart. You have to work it all in America. Who knew it with Matt Stewart? [CHEERING] Now the dog has died after falling off a step. [LAUGHTER] Who knew it with Matt Stewart? Stewart. You could change your name to Stewart. And then it would work. That's true. Who knew it with Matt Stewart? I think I'll just change it in America. Who knew it and the Force of the Stone. [LAUGHTER] I think that's still available over there. All right, so the way the show works is ask a relatively obscure trivia question. And our contestants, after all, are convincing fake answer. I then read their answers as well as everyone and I have to guess which one is correct. And the first question comes from listener and previous guests on the show, Andy Matthews, from two in the think tank. And his question is, what is a zite pyramid? [LAUGHTER] As I got to the start of the win, I went, oh, I probably should have checked how to say that. [LAUGHTER] What is a zite pyramid? He was blaming on the accent. Yeah, that's an accent. Can you probably say it different from that part? Could you say it in an English accent? So I hear the word? All right. All right. [LAUGHTER] All right. Here we go. Frog and Toad. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is a zite pyramid? [LAUGHTER] Gazer. Yeah. That was good. That was pretty good, I think. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] So while they're writing their answers, I'm going to explain how the scoring works. Here at one point, if your fake answer is guessed by the other contestant, another point, if you correctly guess the answer. And by the way, I'm also playing as the house. [CHEERING] Oh, they hate you. [LAUGHTER] They hate you. They hate you. That's the first time that's happened. [LAUGHTER] The house is beloved everywhere else. [LAUGHTER] But London is full of hate. [LAUGHTER] Anyway, I'll put two of my own fake answers with the help of the question writers for each question. I'll get a point for each one of those that I guess choose. When I say the house, it's not just me. I think of it as all of us. [LAUGHTER] So really, you're booing yourselves. [LAUGHTER] Each of us can go up to two points per round, which seems further probability. Actually, if I was to meet the house. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] And the house always wins. Well, you know, has occasionally won anyway. Because of the unfair advantage to the house, the guests do get triple points in the final round. So that evens things up quite a bit. Has anyone heard this show before? [CHEERING] All right, big cheers. Who has no fucking idea what's going on? [CHEERING] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [INTERPOSING VOICES] The ghosts are back, James. [LAUGHTER] There could have been a bit of crossover there. [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Anyway, our questions come around. Great Patreon supporters. If you submit a question, or if you want to submit a question, sign up on any level by patreon.com/dugoonpod, which is linked in the show. No, it's any Patreon's in. [CHEERING] [CHEERING] [LAUGHTER] That's very well timed. Yeah, that wasn't really nice. [INTERPOSING VOICES] That's going to sound like you edited it, but it won't. [LAUGHTER] They really didn't. Good whoop. Good whooping. In step. I like it. That was fantastic whooping. Have we got the answers in here, Dave? Just checking. We've got our changes in. Oh my god, we're the answers in. Holy shit. The answers are in. Thank god, I don't have to pad with any sort of like qualifying sentences, or make it. Or maybe slowly building up to the reading out of the question while Dave. OK. OK. [LAUGHTER] And I'm glad my-- oh, I'm not on the line. [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] You're on the-- Is everyone got the Wi-Fi password? [LAUGHTER] I was on here, Martin. [INTERPOSING VOICES] Oh, no. I don't trust that. Oh, no. OK. [LAUGHTER] All right. Here we go. [LAUGHTER] That password is benefit. [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [LAUGHTER] I can just read it off yours. [LAUGHTER] [INTERPOSING VOICES] You're all in here for me. All right. Question one. What is a zite paramide? [LAUGHTER] You've said it different every time. [LAUGHTER] I don't want to give any clues. But I remember the house is also playing the game. [INTERPOSING VOICES] A psychotropic extracted from the nethermost glands of the Korean weasel. [LAUGHTER] The nethermost. The nethermost. The nethermost. Yeah, yeah. It doesn't get any netherer than those glands. [LAUGHTER] That's option one. Option two. A sexy new pyramid. [LAUGHTER] Design. [LAUGHTER] Design for pharaoh Ram Aziz II after he asked for something with curves this time. [LAUGHTER] This is believed to be the origin of the modern cone. [LAUGHTER] That's gross. [LAUGHTER] That's gross. That's option two. Option three. A tiny insect, which can swim up your wee wee. [LAUGHTER] It's fine if it does, but it can do it. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] A forerunner of today's bus. This is your fourth option, I think. A forerunner of today's bus. Oh, my God. I've just got my own screen now. [LAUGHTER] Which has way bigger font. [LAUGHTER] So this is about to get even better. A forerunner of today's bus. The zite pyramid was a form of transport, where pedestrians would arrange themselves into a human pyramid. [LAUGHTER] In which the poorest people would be on the bottom. [LAUGHTER] And would crawl forwards. Transporting those in higher social classes. [LAUGHTER] But at speeds of up to tens of meters per hour. [LAUGHTER] That's option four, option five. A German art piece that began construction in 1993 that is scheduled to be completed in the year 3183. Oh. Ooh. Or finally, a millipede where all the legs have fallen off. [LAUGHTER] Bracket's basically a snake. [LAUGHTER] OK. I should say, just because last time you played James. Yes. I think you knew maybe two of the answers already. I did know an answer already. Did you know any of them today? Yeah. Play it real cool. OK. And I thought I played it really cool last time. No, you played it like a real giddy little bitch. [LAUGHTER] I hoped that didn't come out on the recording, but yeah. It was oscillating. I really didn't know what I was going to say when it started. [LAUGHTER] No, I'd rather that immediately. No, it's true, James, because James said we're coming on this podcast. So I listened to that episode. And I was like, are we doing a podcast? No, that's an episode. It's an episode in which you win every single round triumphantly. Yes. And how would you describe his demeanor? [LAUGHTER] Little bitch. [LAUGHTER] Oh, it's a classic GLB. [LAUGHTER] You can let us know, you know, but not until after the answers locked in and you know what the real answer is. OK. I was mean to say-- She went and you were eating the question. I was mean to say this before we were here, but-- [LAUGHTER] No, you're done in front of everyone. I'm still giddy. You're-- Can't stop it. Do you know this one already, James? No, you can't. No, you can't. That's what I'm telling him not to say. Al said, please. Don't answer with words. Tell me with your eyes. [LAUGHTER] Oh, no! [LAUGHTER] He knows this. [LAUGHTER] He seems to know nearly everything. Which is a shockingly knowledgeable man. Makes it really hard to write a quiz for him, to be honest. Are you wearing your earpiece or something? Huh? Someone's talking to you right now, aren't they? They're on to you. They're on to you. Turn the volume down. [LAUGHTER] Al said, do you want to have first crack you? OK. Right. So several of them were had house written all over them, I think. OK. Right. I don't think it's the-- I don't think it's a pyramid of people who carry around. I don't think that form of public transport ever existed. The thing is, I know James quite well, so I'm hearing his voice in all of them. Like, basically a snake is exactly how James would say-- [LAUGHTER] Basically a snake. [LAUGHTER] It's like how an ogre would say. [LAUGHTER] Oh, basically a snake. [LAUGHTER] Aside listening to a mirror. [LAUGHTER] I don't know if this is a fun way to play the game, but I'm going to go with the answer that I think it was least entertaining, which is a German art piece that's going to be completed and I apologize if that was somebody's joke. [LAUGHTER] I think it's a German art piece that will be completed in the year 2020-- All right. 3183, locking that in for Al said. What do you think, James? I really like the idea of a sexy pyramid. A lot. [LAUGHTER] For the game, James. [LAUGHTER] And you're talking about the one where poor people on the bottom, that to you is a very sexy pyramid. Well, how could it not be? No. Yeah, I think with a curve, that does ring a bell that they did do like some-- there was some attempt to sex up pyramids in the Ramesses, putting the Ram in Ramesses, I think it was. I like the one where all the legs fell off. I like the German art thing. That brings about-- I think it's going to be the sexy pyramid, though. I'm going to lock in on a sexy pyramid. Locking in sexy pyramid for James. All right. Here's the other answers. A psychotropic extracted from the nethermost glands of the Korean weasel. I forgot about that. That was Alice there. That was-- as soon as you said that, as you read it aloud, James said-- Nethermost. [LAUGHTER] A word that he knows I would use. [LAUGHTER] Classic ABK nethermost. There's no scientist would say the nethermost glands. [LAUGHTER] The 4/10 today's bus with the poor people on the bottom, that was actually written by Andy Matthews, the question writer. OK, the house. [LAUGHTER] I should say Dave's also putting in answers for no real reason. [LAUGHTER] I've got to do something. [LAUGHTER] It's just a bus city. [LAUGHTER] And his was basically a snake. Yeah. [INTERPOSING VOICES] I try to think. [INTERPOSING VOICES] [INTERPOSING VOICES] You're in my head. [INTERPOSING VOICES] What? A tiny insect which can swim up your wee wee. It's fine if it does. [LAUGHTER] But it can do it. That was James. [LAUGHTER] That was science. [LAUGHTER] Could I just be clear? It's fine if it does, but it can do it. [INTERPOSING VOICES] There you go. OK. OK. Was that one of the ones you thought might have been? I think that was a contender for that could be a real thing. OK. Well, I could. James, you went for a sexy new pyramid, but that was also Andy Matthews, I'm afraid. [INTERPOSING VOICES] So a point for the house, meaning that Alser is correct. It is a German art piece that began construction in 1993, and it's scheduled to be completed in the year 3183. [INTERPOSING VOICES] So a point for the house everybody. [APPLAUSE] [INTERPOSING VOICES] [APPLAUSE] But, wait, am I, am I shake-shafting this by trying to win? Should I? No, no. I've been trying to make it a good time for everyone, because so far I've just been trying to win. No, I think, I think people do enjoy when people play the game. OK. I do think that. All right. So I think you're sponsored. Obviously, you guys are all been quite funny, but my priority is victory. No interest in entertaining anyone. That's often people's first instinct. And I like to watch them when they realize they probably can't win a ban on that. [LAUGHTER] Somewhere around halfway through. So I'll be interested to see if that happens to you. OK. All right. Question number two. I'll quick score check, Dave, if you want to give one. Checking in on the scores. I imagine probably the audience will have been able to do this themselves, but just to give you something to say. One, zero points, James Shakeshaft. But there's a time in the front on one part of the piece. It's Alistair and The House. Ooh. I like that you missed that together. So James got a full on cheer for nothing. [LAUGHTER] And I got a kind of ooh for drawing with The House. What? I guess I'm confused by also putting you with The House. They're trying to boo The House, but I have respect for you at the same time. You could boo for you. [LAUGHTER] And that means a lot. Thank you so much. But I'll give you the props you deserve. I'll run one else to make a king. [CHEERING] Yes, they're thrilled. They're so happy. That is going to make it hard for me to think that some of that applause before was to make. [LAUGHTER] All right. Question number two. This one comes from Tina Coleman from London. You were cheering London. You were cheering London. Is that right? OK. [LAUGHTER] I thought very briefly that you're-- yeah, he was Tina. [LAUGHTER] And then I realized, no, he was cheering for London. [LAUGHTER] You're an odd group of people, actually. [LAUGHTER] Oh, question two. Which of these is the name of a real sea creature? So you're just going to come up with a fake. You don't have to describe it or anything. You just got to come up with the name of a sea creature. While you're writing your answers, I'll tell the audience all about sight pyramide. Which I think is maybe it's German for time pyramide. Any of you speak German? Yes. It is. Thank you. And are my sayingside pyramide, right? [LAUGHTER] Now that I know that it's German for time pyramide, it's probably-- Zate pyramide? Oh. [LAUGHTER] I got the okey-dokey symbol, which has also, I think, been taken over by. [LAUGHTER] So I'm hoping it was the okey-dokey from you. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Got in a wiki. There's Zate pyramide. Oh, I went back to saying it wrong. It's the work of Public Art by Manfred Labor. Which is currently under construction in Wemding, Germany. The town of Wemding dates back to the year 793. And it celebrated its 1200th anniversary, 993. The Zate pyramide was conceived by Manfred Labor. In June of that year, the market's 1200-year period. And to give people a sense of what the time span of 1200 years really means. One block they did make-- I don't know if anyone's picked up this, the small mathematical error they made. One block is scheduled to be placed every 10 years, but they put one down the first year, meaning that it's only going to be 1190 years. [LAUGHTER] Which is pretty funny. It's so long and they're like, "Ah, that's pretty disappointing, actually." I don't think we really got the understanding of 1200 years at all. This time includes the initial block place at the beginning of the project. So far, the blocks have all been concrete, but the material of future blocks may be altered in future generations depending on availability of materials. That's pretty fun. Apparently, concrete will not last very long either, by the way. Nowhere near that long. So yeah, unless they really look after it, which they are planning to at this stage, but who knows what the future holds. It's going to be hard to do that when we're all under water, but all right, I think the answers are coming through now. Here we go. Question number two. [LAUGHTER] And we're in. [LAUGHTER] It's so funny how the internet is not going from there to there. [LAUGHTER] You wouldn't have thought it would take so long for it to get from here to here, but it is. Oh, yeah, very clever. Alistair was having a peak there, Dave. No, I was just looking at that. I was pointing at the laptops and I was like a dog. I was watching your finger. [LAUGHTER] I know, I was showing you this so you could say I didn't even see. For listeners at home. It wasn't because you were cheating in any way. But then Matt did openly accuse me of cheating. [LAUGHTER] I just wanted you to be able to see that. You did just say you're only in it to when you don't care what it takes. Oh, that was a mistake if I then planned to cheat. [LAUGHTER] All right, here's question two. Which of these is the name of a real sea creature? Red-lipped batfish. [LAUGHTER] Slippery-nipped-nosed pike. [LAUGHTER] Deep sea courgette. [LAUGHTER] The succulent Chinese eel. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] [APPLAUSE] [LAUGHTER] The longshoreman's knob. [LAUGHTER] Or pan-fried sea bass. Available downstairs for 20 pounds. [LAUGHTER] Oh yeah, I should also say the venue has sponsored some answers. [LAUGHTER] So it's your crack here, James. What are you thinking? Do you want to hear him again quickly? Yeah, we've got the red-lipped batfish. Yes. Slippery-nipped-nosed pike. There's nothing to do with nipples there, mate. What are you doing? I don't know. I'm seeing nipples where they're on nipples. [LAUGHTER] And then there's the deep sea nipple courgette. [LAUGHTER] Succulent Chinese nipple. Succulent Chinese nipple. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] The longshoreman's nipple. [LAUGHTER] Or the pan-fried sea nipple. [LAUGHTER] Available downstairs for 20 pounds. [LAUGHTER] Oh, I love the idea of a succulent Chinese eel. [LAUGHTER] It died recently. Yeah, may he rest in peace. The man from the video. No. The man from the video. Not the eel. The man from the video. Yeah, not the concept of succulent Chinese meals. They're going strong. I want to vote for the red-lipped batfish. Because I just imagine an end. It looks cool. [LAUGHTER] Insexual. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] All right. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] I'm not looking that into James. [LAUGHTER] Oh, you were really getting into the mind of James today. Oh, some lipstick on a bat. Yeah. Yeah. That's a date for me. [LAUGHTER] That's date night. And then put it under water. Oh, my God. Careful. There's people here. [LAUGHTER] When you said you were getting into James's mind before you saw, you were already backing out of James's mind now. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Yeah. That's what I'm going for. Okay. Red-lipped batfish. What do you think I will see? Oh, I can't pick the same one as James, I feel. You can. You can. But that's not fun. No. But you already said you're not here for fun. I know I'm here to win. And I think it's that one. But I feel like in the spirit of competition, I should choose a different one. It's really up to you. But what if I choose James's? Then he gets an extra point. Yeah. Yeah. He's right. Gosh, that's a good idea. You should do that. All right. Are there any others that asked any, aren't you? What was the slippery nip? I mean, that one did sound a bit like a shot. Slippery nip-nosed pike. Nip-nosed. It's clearly a joke. They all sound like jokes. [SINGING] It could be a longshoreman's knob. It could be a longshoreman's knob. Yeah. But it isn't. OK. I'm sorry. I feel like it ruins the spirit of the game, but I'm going to go with the same one as James, because I also think that it is the red lip. Although, why would a fish be a bass? They wouldn't echo locator, would they? Oh. Can you do that? Hang on. That's what dolphins do, but they're not fish. Oh, yeah. Fine patterns. I knew. You've got to be on that on a walk out there. Oh, my gosh. All right. All right. Can I have the choices one last time? Yep. They are. Dave, do you want to take us through them? The red-lipped batfish. Clearly the correct one. The slippery nip-nosed pike. No, obviously. The deep sea courgette. Excellent. The succulent Chinese ear. Probably not. The longshoreman's knob. It could be. Or the pan-fried sea bass. Available downstairs for just 20. They are all obvious lies apart from the first one, so I'm going to go with the bat. Sorry. All right. Well, here's who wrote the answers. Unless James wrote that one and has chosen it as a brilliant double bluff. Oh. To force me to choose to get a point. No, no, no, no. Oh, you know that. Okay. That's a really confident name. All right. This is who wrote the answers. Pan-fried sea bass. Available downstairs for 20 pounds. That was Dave Wanaki. Yeah. I had to look at them in here. You're doing great stuff on there. You can get the burrata bowl. There's a risotto. A triple stack cheeseburger sounds pretty good. Oh, you were absolutely rubbing in your waffle access to me. Yeah. I'm still having fun. In your way, I'll see. I'm in. Oh, I'm in. I'm in. Oh, what else is there? The longshoreman's knob. Is with it, I'll also show that wasn't true, because I'll say it wrote it. It's good when I liked it. What is it longshoreman? A guy. Ooh. When you're on the shore. Yeah. It can take a while, can't it? So I don't want to get too technical in my answer. But essentially, that's what a longshoreman is. Right. Like a stretched roused about. OK. I do have a follow-up question, but we... Yeah. I was like, "You want Chinese eel?" That was the house. Nice one. Deep sea courgette. That was James. What is a courgette in Australian again? Zucchini. Zucchini, thank you so much. Zucchini. Very Australian word, zucchini, isn't it? Our slippery nip-nosed park, that was Tina. Meaning the correct answer is the red-lipped batfish. We both got it. And it's this. I've got to show it where this looks like. Is it what James is turned on by? Right. Oh, wait. Wow. Is that... Oh, look at the stalks. Yeah. It is incredible. I cannot believe this thing is real. Having seen that, the word "bat" seems almost redundant. The red-lipped thing stands out so much. The reason I think they get the bat thing is, because, you know, like bats can walk on their wings a bit, these things can't swim. So they look at their fin. They're pedestrian fish. Their fins have become kind of like bad legs. So they sort of drag themselves along by their fins. Makes them look like a... Makes them look a bit batty. But the red-lips are ridiculous. So that means a point for both James and Alice, they're there. Congratulations. Let's keep it moving. Here's question number three. This one was written by Rachel Jareth from Nottingham. Are you in tonight, Rachel? Rachel in the front row, this is your question. "The midfoot sisters don't give anything away with your face." Alice there is one of the best English face readers out there. So don't say anything with your face, please. LAUGHTER The midfoot sisters were infamous in Britain in the 1930s. Times, journalists, Ben McIntyre nicknamed them all. There was Diana the Fascist. Jessica, the Communist. Unity, the Hitler lover. Nancy, the novelist. Deborah the Duchess. But what did he name, Pamela? What was Pamela's nickname? I'm sorry. One of them was the Fascist, and like a third one was the Hitler lover. It was like, "We're not clearly distinguishing our minds here." And then Deborah was just the dutch. One of them loves Hitler, but isn't political about it. LAUGHTER Just likes his vibes. He's just a cool guy, not interested in Fascist and adore. She would often say, "He just seems like a good guy to have a beer with." There's a kind of guy I've never chat to. As long as we don't get into politics. LAUGHTER So you just need the nickname. What was the Pamela? Pamela. Pamela. So while you're writing your answers, I'll let the audience know a bit more about the red-lipped batfish. This is according to Helen Pilcher, writing for the BBC. The red-lipped batfish flaunts its outrageous scallop power with all the charisma of a 1980s goth frontman. LAUGHTER I've been in England too long. I would say front man. Because you make all words weird. I just said... Frontman, which you wouldn't say. Absolutely not, no. LAUGHTER We would say front man. Yeah. Frontman. Jesus. But you'd say footman, right? Yes. Yeah, we would say footman. I think that's what I did. LAUGHTER Man, this is the world's worst superhero. LAUGHTER No one knows exactly why the batfish sports its signature look. But it may help to attract mates worth it. LAUGHTER I think James has proved that. LAUGHTER The red-lipped batfish lives at depths of up to 75 metres in the water surrounding the Galapagos Islands where it is adapted to life. It has adapted to life as a bottom dweller. Living and feeding on the same seafloor. LAUGHTER It's not distracting me. I'm trying to write an answer here. Oppers is attracted. LAUGHTER Another fish also sports a flashy appendage. LAUGHTER So we're all on the top of its head. LAUGHTER Which is called an illicium, which contains a chemical admitting lure that's thought to help attract the small fish and invertebrates and James's on which it feeds. LAUGHTER This fish is enigmatic. It's eccentric. And with no known predators, we should be able to enjoy its Instagram-worthy pout for some time to come. They look ridiculous. LAUGHTER And use their anal fins to walk along the bottom of the sea because they're bad at swimming. Mmm. So anal fins? Anal fins? Where's my skin? LAUGHTER Just why is it going? Anal fins? You're an anal fan. You're a anal fan. LAUGHTER I don't think I've got the big lips in there. I'm going to take it here as well. Yes. The fish has a little one. The answers are in. The question number three. The Memphis sisters were infamous in Britain in the 1930s. Journalists bend McIntyre, nickname them all. Don't know the fascists, et cetera. What did they call, or what did he call Pamela? The quiet one. LAUGHTER The original Spider-Man. LAUGHTER The generous lover. LAUGHTER The unobtrusive, the unobtrusive poultry connoisseur. LAUGHTER The human torch. LAUGHTER Or the one to avoid getting stuck talking to at a party. LAUGHTER Which is amazing when her sister is a fascist. LAUGHTER He'd still pick the fascists. LAUGHTER All right. Back to you all, sir. We've got the quiet one. The original Spider-Man. The generous lover. The unobtrusive poultry connoisseur. LAUGHTER The human torch. LAUGHTER Or the one to avoid getting stuck talking to at a party. LAUGHTER All right. Yeah. The last one is, obviously, it's two of them a fascist. At least two of them. One of them a fascist, one of them likes Hitler. LAUGHTER No, no. It loves Hitler. LAUGHTER I think the unobtrusive poultry connoisseur is, I think that's a shakeshaft original. LAUGHTER If it's not, I will tell Hitler my best friend about it. LAUGHTER To the recording. LAUGHTER Please don't take that out of context. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I think it's probably, in the Netherlands, it probably isn't a generous lover. I think you probably wouldn't put that in a newspaper. So I think the correct answer is the quiet one. The quiet one. Although, maybe if the one who likes Hitler have been a bit quieter about it. LAUGHTER Yeah, imagine what the quiet one's hiding. LAUGHTER Yeah, they say you've always got to look out for the quiet ones. And she's over against a fascist in a hit. LAUGHTER Wow. I... Mmm. See, there's the original Spider-Man and the Human Torch, which are two superheroes, which makes me think that the real one is the peak behind the curtains of my mind here, not like with the batfish. LAUGHTER The real one is one of them too, and someone's sort of played off, maybe the house has played off that. So I'm going to go with the Human Torch, because perhaps she could light up a room, but also perhaps she had the power to control it. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER OK. These are the answers. The one to avoid getting stuck talking to at a party. That was Dave Wernicke. Yes. Very good. Sorry, am I the one to get to a win? LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER You're all you know. LAUGHTER I think it was more of the Hitler level. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER The generous lover. That was the house. The original Spider-Man. That was James. Oh. Wait a minute. You did the original Spider-Man. LAUGHTER I forgot. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I said it quite early and they don't really distract you from the batfish. She has appendages. LAUGHTER Which is also a type of super hair, I presume. LAUGHTER Alice there went for the quiet one, but that was Rachel. OK, the house. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER You got me, Rachel. LAUGHTER The Human Torch. James went for that. That was Alice there. LAUGHTER Whoa. So you do. I went for that because I thought you would think it was something Dave would write. LAUGHTER Which I now realise makes no sense at all. LAUGHTER That's worked. And you chose it. Inceptions beyond inceptions. LAUGHTER That means now I've got the correct answer. She is the unobtrusive poultry connoisseur. LAUGHTER That's the best one. LAUGHTER What? LAUGHTER I thought that was a change after original. LAUGHTER Wow. Maybe I wrote the article. My gosh. The unobtrusive. LAUGHTER Because I hate it when poultry connoisseurs are showy about it. LAUGHTER I prefer unobtrusive. LAUGHTER She may well have also been the one to avoid getting stuck talking to to be honest. LAUGHTER It sounds like she was quiet about her poetry connoisseur. LAUGHTER So maybe in a way I was right. LAUGHTER I'd also say she could light up the coop. LAUGHTER So maybe I was also, no. LAUGHTER That wasn't. That's a point for the house and a point for Alistair there. Do you want to give us a quick score? Maybe I'll ask them the questions so you can tell us what they're writing. So question number four comes from Abel Brace Girdle. From London. Are you in today? Abel! LAUGHTER Yeah. APPLAUSE Yeah. Also, Chris reacts to the number. Yup. LAUGHTER Abel's question is what is a quirky fact about the Dutch football manager, Martin Joel. Martin Joel. Martin Joel. Martin Joel. Martin Joel. What is a quirky fact about the Dutch football manager, Martin Joel? Dave, do you want to give us a score update? Checking the scores. There has been a bit of movement currently on one point. It's James. APPLAUSE On two points, it's the house. LAUGHTER Oh, there wasn't smattering in there. Yeah. That's not really nice. Some people... Thank you so much. A few people are doing wasks. LAUGHTER But out in front. On three points, it's Alistair! APPLAUSE Yes! Yes! APPLAUSE While they're still running their answers, I'll tell you the listeners a little bit more about the Miffords. This is called a Rachel. The Mifford family were well known in the 1930s. They were celebrated in a time scandalous figures, most notably due to Diana and Unity's association with Hitler and Diana's marriage to the fascist leader Oswald Molesly. And he mostly fans in? That don't. He sounds evil. Oh, I don't. Have you heard of him? No. He was literally the fascist. He was wrong. He died on the exact day I was born. Oh, my God! Welcome back, Oswald Mottie! LAUGHTER APPLAUSE I know the colour of my shirt is black. Oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. Oh, dear, oh, dear. No, he's a horrible, horrible man. Yeah, all right. I would say it, very such. According to the BBC, Pamela, although she shunned the limelight, married the millionaire scientist Derek Jackson, and she mowed it around Europe alone and became one of the first women to be a transatlantic passenger on a transatlantic... LAUGHTER I'll read it as I started there because it's probably way more impressive. But she became one of the first women to be a transatlantic passenger flight. LAUGHTER Her sense of adventure was balanced with a quite domesticity. And she was happy at home in her kitchen garden and tending to her animals. All right, while you're still running your answers, let's go for a quick break. MUSIC The holidays are all about sharing with family. Meals, couches, stories, grandma's secret pecan pie recipe. And now you can also share a cart with Instacart's family carts. Everyone can add what they want to one group cart from wherever they are, so you don't have to go from room to room to find out who wants cranberry sauce, or whether you should get mini marshmallows for the yams or collecting votes for sugar cookies versus shortbread. Just share a cart, and then share the meals and the moments. Download the Instacart app and get delivery in as fast as 30 minutes. Plus, enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply. MUSIC MUSIC OK, and we're back. Here is question number four. What is a quirky factor about the Dutch football manager Martin Yeol? Or Joel? Option one. His mother invented the bendy straw. Ooh! Option two. He ate it. LAUGHTER He ate it? I'll put it in English. He ate melted with the bar before each game for good luck. Is that the same word as eight or is that a different word? I don't know, I say eight, I think it's a posh so then thing to say at. It's not I think it's not posh. It's not posh. Yeah, it's not eight. If we say eight. Right. Yeah, it's all up. Yeah, I'll always put bar. Yeah, but I'll always put bar. I'll always put my word. Here, I'll always put bar. Option three. His brothers are named Dick and cock. LAUGHTER Is that a C-H or anything at least? No. It's not like cock. Cock y'all, I could believe that as a name. Option four. His nickname at primary school was Brickface Bastard. LAUGHTER And that was even though he was quite nice. Ooh, ironic. Option five. Joel's hatred of all things Scotland led him to throw, led to him throwing any Caledonian cutramoles he encountered into a ditch, which came to be known as Martin Joel's. Martin Joel's Tuttonhole. LAUGHTER Well finally, he only eats bananas. LAUGHTER It's for anyone. Yeah, it's bananas. LAUGHTER Well, back to you, James. They got the Bendy Straw invention, melted whisper bar. Yes. Dick and cock, Brickface Bastard. BFA. The Martin Joel's Tuttonhole. LAUGHTER Lovely. Do you know who Martin Joel is? No. Can you picture him? I think he managed Spurs or something. He looks like the thing. LAUGHTER So that makes me think Brickface Bastard might be it, because his face looks like a fist. LAUGHTER Oh, he's offside of might have been Footman. He's Fisthead and Footman. Yes. We're riding a big hit today. LAUGHTER That's ours. I think I'll say him. He's copyright. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God, he does. Yeah. It looks like the thing from the thing. Yeah, yeah. LAUGHTER Not the thing. Not the thing. Not the thing. Different. Yes. Whoa. The body of the Mifford sister. LAUGHTER So, BFB sounds good. Eighted Whisper. Melted, though, seems pointless, because you're losing the best bit about a whisper when you do that, aren't you? Which is the tiny bubbles. LAUGHTER And then... It is a quirky fact, remember James? Martin Yell's "Tarnhole" is lovely. LAUGHTER Only his bananas. Mmm. Or whispers. You would die. Whispers. Whispers. Melted whispers. He hated melted whispers. LAUGHTER OK. Yep. All right. LAUGHTER I'll say what you see. Well, I'm very grateful to James for negotiating himself away from the obviously correct answer. I think in the spirit of trying not to win this one, so I'm going to go with Brickface Bastards. LAUGHTER Because I just saw a picture of him and I had never seen someone a little more of a Brickface Bastards. LAUGHTER And this guy, I had no idea who he was. You knew what he looked like, James. We googled him when you were a nurse. I really did not. Yeah. This guy has the face of a bastard who is a brick. If that isn't his nickname before this podcast, it will be. LAUGHTER All right. He's right. He answers. He only eats bananas. That was Dave. Oh, that was good, Dave. His mother invented the bendy straw, also Dave. LAUGHTER What's going on up here? LAUGHTER Come on. Your old starting hole. That was Alistair. That's lovely. Alistair. You went for Brickface Bastards. If this isn't true, if James has played me, I'm going to be- James has played. LAUGHTER James! What are you doing? You're so good at this game! If you go back to the big, if you really wanted a podcast, all the clues were there. LAUGHTER He reeled me in. Maybe we should Google a picture of him. LAUGHTER It's like a Brickface Bastards. So anyway, you must have written that one and then tricked me. Is this a trick player? LAUGHTER AHHH! AHHH! Diabolical stuff. LAUGHTER James, you went for, and you said it was wrong, and then you blocked in Melted Whispebar. That was the house. AHH! I wrote that with Neil. Like, honestly, I wrote the words without no more going. I thought you were double bluffing with the Aitid. Well, I think this is my new technique. LAUGHTER I'm not going to try ever again. What was true? In any facet of my life. LAUGHTER So the correct answer is his brother's in hand, Dick and cock. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE All right. Well, we're up to the penultimate question here. We might even finish on time, which is amazing. Can you believe that? This one comes from Rachel from London. You're in tonight? Rachel! Oh! We had an A-Rachel from London. Have you submitted any questions? LAUGHTER And you had one of those. I mean, there's some chance. LAUGHTER How many Rachels could be in London? Honestly. I mean, we've already had another question from Rachel today, but all right. Let's see Rachel. Did you write a question about Jean Baptiste Lully? Yes! Yes! APPLAUSE All right. Rachel from London, sending this question. How did French Italian composer Jean Baptiste Lully die in 1687? Dave, do you want to give us a score update? Yes. So the house didn't get one there even though that no one got it. Not the house didn't get a point there. No. You've played this game 50 times. Just triple checking. Just triple checking. I've only had to score it once before. Oh, no. Two points. We've had a bit of movement. James Shakeshaft! APPLAUSE APPLAUSE The house got eight points because James picked the house. Absolutely. So that means there are two people on three points and we're going to introduce them separately so there's no confusion as to who's being born. Yeah, that's really important. One three points. I can both get our individual. Yes, I can. Three points for the house. APPLAUSE And also on three points. Remember, this is equal first. It's Alison Beckett King! APPLAUSE Whoa, he's still doing okay with him. He thought the list for Shakeshaft can be too. LAUGHTER Well, they're still writing their answers about Jean Baptiste. Here's some more info about Yole and his brothers from a 2005 article in The Guardian. It seems the only thing to have truly riled Yole during his time at Tottenham is the way in which certain papers mocked the fact his two brothers and aimed cock at him. LAUGHTER This is a quote from Yole. My poor brothers. One has to go around and introduce himself as Cornelius to everyone now. It's stupid. Cock is just a nickname in Holland. A short version of his name. I mean, what's funny about that? LAUGHTER This should have called him Corn. Yeah. Cock. It's his name. And my brother's name is Dick. This is normal in Holland. LAUGHTER He shrugs as if to dismiss this perceived English puerility? Sure. How does he feel about his own nickname? Yole loves. I asked my wife about that. I said, "Do you think I look like Tony Soprano?" LAUGHTER And she said she didn't. And I was glad. Because he's not really a good looking man. LAUGHTER He pauses. Then again, I suppose that all women say nice things to you if you ask them questions like that. LAUGHTER That's the sort of insight that got him to the top of the game. The answer to question number five. How did French Italian composer Jean Baptiste Lully? It's such a posh start to the name and then Lully. How did he die in 1687? He choked on a plum. While swallowing it whole, attempting to impress a local street urchin. LAUGHTER That's option one, option two. He died while attempting to become the first man to compose an opera in mid-air. LAUGHTER Before his plane crashed. LAUGHTER Yeah, big wall there. LAUGHTER Big wall. What is wrong with people in London? You talk from this town, are you? No. No. Yeah. I am a bitch. Actually, that adds up. Yeah. We heard about your fish proclivities. LAUGHTER He sleeps with the fish. LAUGHTER As a Simpsons joke. That's a Simpsons joke. We are millennial men. If remembering Simpsons jokes isn't funny, we've got nothing. LAUGHTER Option three. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER He was beheaded by Louis XIV for being too good at dancing. LAUGHTER Option four. That comes after three. Whilst searching for inspiration for his opera about woodland animals in the forest, he was mistaken for a stag and shot dead with a crossbow. LAUGHTER Put it up a little. LAUGHTER Option five. He died after accidentally stabbing himself with the stick he used to conduct his orchestra. LAUGHTER Oh, yeah. LAUGHTER Well, finally, he only ate bananas. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE If it is the bananas one, that is so well played. LAUGHTER I believe we are. Who are we up to? I can't remember, Dave. Who are we up to first? James? James? Yeah. Right. So what have we got? We've got... Took our plum. Mid-air. Yep. Beheaded for being too good at dancing. We're going to dance a shot with a crossbow in the woods. Yep. Oh, stabbing himself? Oh, stabbing himself more. I'm eating bananas. I'm down to stabbing himself with a thing. With the thing. Because he got an infection. What was his date again? Of death? A day in 1687. So I'm guessing it's not an aeroplane. LAUGHTER APPLAUSE LAUGHTER It could be. It could be. It really could be. It could be. It could be. I was really hoping you hadn't spotted that at this time. LAUGHTER I noticed I was going to keep quiet. Don't give anything away. Someone asked me, this week if I was dyslexic, actually. And I fully read the year as 1867, but that's still before. LAUGHTER That's still still. LAUGHTER Anyway, I mean, I don't know. I'm not saying I wrote that one. LAUGHTER I don't. I'm crying. Train. Plane. Fuck. LAUGHTER Are you changing it to a train? Yes. LAUGHTER First man to compose an opera in mid-air, his train crashed. LAUGHTER That's changed that one. I'm losing apologies. So you got the plum, you got the plane crash, you got beheaded for dancing. A second for a stag. Stabbing himself were only eight bananas. I won. I'm really between the beheading and the stabbing himself. Because he could have gotten a bad infection and died. But you also get a bad infection from being beheaded and dying. LAUGHTER So I would love to believe that someone got killed for being too good at dancing, although it is a warning from history for me. LAUGHTER So, yeah, let's go for that. Let's go for the lock-in on dancing. All right, lock-in kind of changed. What do you think else did? Ah, okay. Right. Well, I thought it was being mistaken for a stag. But that one seems so obviously the right answer. The fact that James didn't go for it makes me now think that James wrote it. Oh. Because I got burned in the last round. Oh, I also got to go first. I now remember. Let's go for a stag. Let's get where we googled what stags look like. LAUGHTER Now, similarly, are they two half French, half Italian men? What I like about that story is that the unnamed hunter has played a role in it, because we know what he claims to have thought he was shooting. He wasn't shot in a hunting accident. He was shot because he was mistaken for a stag. And to me, that has the ring of truth about it. And so I think it's that one. I don't think it's stabbing himself with a thing. I'm gambling that that's James's one, and he was trying to trick me with the same ruse. So I'm going to go with the hunter. Hunter? All right, lock on that in. Shot day with a crossbow. Shot day with an end. But I went and picked up an end. The crossbow's exist. Oh, no! Maybe he got hit by a small aeroplane. LAUGHTER What is an aeroplane? What is an aeroplane? If not a small aeroplane. LAUGHTER It's an aeroplane for ants. You can have a line of ants on the shaft. So... LAUGHTER Of the aeroplane. LAUGHTER Come on. Here are the answers. He checked on a plumb while trying to impress the local street urchin. That was ours there. No one thought that was plausible. LAUGHTER I liked it. The one about the plane crush. LAUGHTER I'm afraid that was the house. LAUGHTER You're on the at bananas. That was Dave Warner Key. Yup. LAUGHTER Then James went for a beheaded for dancing too good. That was actually right to like the house. LAUGHTER Yeah! LAUGHTER Very good work. Very good work. Remember when you're going to the house? You're going Rachel. Actually, you're going to Rachel's. LAUGHTER Halistair went for "Chock Dead" with a crossbow. That was James. No! LAUGHTER No! You double bluffed me. When am I allowed to act like you did a little witch? LAUGHTER I think the time is getting really close. How are you doing this? You're so good at this game. LAUGHTER That means you were almost correct James. It was. He accidentally stabbed himself with the stick he used to conduct his orchestra. And you were right. It did get infected. The minim fraction. You had it all the way there. It had better have got infected rather than just go right the way through. LAUGHTER Hal acts down. Deep, can it go? LAUGHTER Well, that's a great question. I think the B.G. has read a song about that eventually. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER All right. LAUGHTER And then the producer was like... Instead of... That stick through your body. Whether it was love. LAUGHTER That's their process. I watched the doc on them really fascinating stuff. LAUGHTER They wrote a lot of like rizzly murder songs and their producers always said, "What could we change handgun to love?" LAUGHTER Their first song was about mining accident. Oh my god. Really? Yeah. They were inspired by the famous Welsh... The tragic land slipping in Wales. That was the first B.G. songs. And then exactly that happened, people were like, "We don't like this. Could you do some fun songs, please?" Yeah. And the rest is history. Because it's just true. And usually they were writing songs about people dying. And then their big hit was all about... LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER LAUGHTER All right. Final question today. LAUGHTER You could die of night fever. LAUGHTER It's real. People joke about it, but it is real. LAUGHTER All right. Final question. Final question. Come from another Londoner. Is Bernie White in tonight? Yeah! LAUGHTER Yeah! This is awesome. Behind us here, right? Behind us here, right? Behind us here, right? I'm sorry. Are you Bernie White? Bernie White. Yes, that makes sense. LAUGHTER Like Bernie White is a guy who runs a bookies. LAUGHTER And is like twice your height. Bernie White. Spot on. Yes. I would say I'll say he's sitting down. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER I'm sorry. I don't see chairs. LAUGHTER LAUGHTER All right. Bernie's question is, we always finish with a film synopsis. So this will be a longest answer, like a short paragraph, probably. OK. And the question is, what is the synopsis of the 2023 film, The Carpenter? What is the synopsis of the 2023 film, The Carpenter? Well, your right answer is being written here's more info about Jean Baptiste. This is according to Maddie Shaw Roberts writing for classic FM.com. The 17th century composer Jean Baptiste Lully was a violin virtuoso and master of French Baroque music. A favourite of Louis the, it's in Roman numerals if you're wondering why I'm pausing here. A favourite of Louis the 14th. Lully spent most of his career composing in his court. Basketball assume. Writing. [LAUGHTER] Trios, operas and ballets as music master of the royal family. Lully, it is remembered, loved to compose music that could be danced to. As many conductors did at this time, the Italian boy and Maestro would conduct his work using a large wooden conducting staff in lieu of today's lighter wand-like baton. One evening, he was conducting a performance of TDM, a work-- LAUGHTER Is that actually TDM? Is that where they're? Today-um. Today-um. You know German and whatever this is. Latin. Ooh. Of course it is. [LAUGHTER] A beautiful language, beautiful language. So he was conducting a performance of TDM, a work he'd composed to celebrate Louis the 14th's recovery from surgery. Rather ironically, this was the night Lully accidentally struck his own form. He accidentally struck his own foot with the staff. Gangrene infected Lully's leg after the accident, but he refused to have his leg amputated to prevent the infection spreading. He wanted to be able to dance. And to Lully, the joy of dancing eclipsed any concerns of potentially fatal gangrene. But, as doctors predicted, it soon spread through his body and eventually killed him. Lully is a fascinating figure in our music history. Unlike many of his contemporaries, Lully died a rich and successful composer after years of chumming it up with Louis XIV. As a young teenager, Lully was sent to Paris where his gifts for dancing violin and guitar earned him the moniker Baptiste. Young Louis XIV spotted the young man, and in 1653, Lully had been made a royal composer for instrumental music. When Lully XIV ascended to the throne, he made Lully superintendent of the royal music and music master of the royal family. That's pretty sick. Imagine getting that with a title. That's beautiful. Yeah, take that. You want to be a music master of the royal family? Yeah. You guys got a position vacant here? I'm going to give it to you. That's yours to keep me out, though. Thank you. In the King's court, while school assumed, Lully wrote trios and dances and even enjoyed a long collaboration with the playwright Mo Yu. Mo Yu. Is that the one on? Yeah. Yeah. That's why I knew him. Mully air. And he would write incidental music for his plays. What does that mean? Incidental. Yeah, there's a little incident coming down the front of the stage. [Singing] You know? Yeah. Lully also had a rather scandalous private life and had multiple affairs with both men and women, women too. Whoa. The King was offended by the encounters. Oh, pretty offensive. Having affairs with women. Considering a composer or a dear friend, though, he always forgave him. Isn't that beautiful? Another question. What is the synopsis of the 2023 film, The Carpenter? When we... [Laughter] That's a pretty good start. Oh, the great pronunciation alarm. [Laughter] When we drew the woodpecker, realises his creations can come to life, he starts carving himself numerous woodland friends. Whilst out on an adventure, he and his friends find that their home forest is being destroyed by deforestation. Can he and his new friends find a way to stop the lumber farm? It's option one, option two. Christopher Walken plays an aging single father carpenter. [Laughter] Who lacks inspiration? A single father carpenter. That was really fun to say. He discovers his daughter's drug stash and decides to try them. [Laughter] Follow the carpenter as he explores his workmanship, befriending a saw and making enemies with a chair. [Laughter] I want that film, too, right? Yeah. However, I mean, you'd be able to do a pretty good walking run. How would he befriend a chair? How would that sound? You sit on the old... [Laughter] I'm not told. You sit on you. Is that when you talk to people when you're making friends? Yeah. I sit on you. I feel bad. [Laughter] My ass. [Laughter] On your face, too. We should be friends. [Laughter] I think I might have sworn to make a move. [Laughter] That's option two, option three. Rex Langdon, a teenage widdler, moves to the Minnesota town of Bunt, where woodworking is outlawed. He sets up a woodshop, speak easy. [Laughter] Before calling in love with the mares daughter, a closet-laid enthusiast named Hyacinth Lady Garden. [Laughter] That was all the time, that one. All right, that's option three, option four. After the death of his father, the now orphaned Viking, Oren, becomes a carpenter's apprentice to Jesus. [Laughter] His experience training is a carpenter with Jesus, as his mentor changes his lifestyle. But will this translate to his fighting? [Laughter] I think we also are going there. [Laughter] Option five, Jesus prequel. [Laughter] A young carpenter's apprentice from Nazareth is plagued by visions of a better world. This, after a series of fallings out with a gang of street tufts, ends in tragedy the young Jesus learns the error of his ways and finds a new path in life. [Laughter] Well finally, a superhero film where the original Spider-Man, the human torch, a foot man and Pamela, the unobtrusive poultry connoisseur, must combine forces to take back, to take on the evil brick-faced bastard. [Laughter] There's your options there. I think I'll search your question. Okay, is it my go first? All right, okay. I remember, this is a triple point, so it's still truly on. It's a triple point. So the pressure is really on. I better not pick James' for this one. Right. Okay. I really like the Viking Jesus one. I really like the way there's a Viking in it. Because that's impossible. [Laughter] And also, the story doesn't seem really interested in the fact that Jesus is there. [Laughter] He's like, "Yeah, don't forget about him. Tell me more about that Viking." [Laughter] I really like that. I don't think it's a real film. What were the others? Would we drive the woodpecker? I like that because that's sort of a Pygmalion, a bird Pygmalion, creating its own creations and then, yeah, but I don't think that's a film. So, no. Christopher Walken getting high. Ooh. I don't know if it's just James' impression. Wait a minute. Did you change that? I did. Could James have created that one? In order to set up an hilarious impression and win me around. [Laughter] Yeah. My synopsis said, "Ask James." [Laughter] I can very nearly read that bit out. [Laughter] Of Arnold Schwarzenegger. I think that one is, of all those films, that's the one I would watch. Ooh. So, I'm going to go with Christopher Walken is a carpenter who gets high and makes friends with a chair, if I recall correctly, and the more I say it, the less plausible it sounds. No, he makes enemies with a chair. Oh, enemies with a chair. Yeah, definitely that one then. He befriended a saw. Yeah, reasonable. You're right. But you can't see chairs. I don't see chairs. [Laughter] Which makes them quite a... You've been more dangerous to do. What a nasty, extremely vulnerable. Come on up, anywhere. I think it's the Christopher Walken one. All right, locking that in for us there, that leaves you, James. This could change everything. This could change everything. Oh, nothing at all. I could get so goody. Now, the Jesus makes the nor we... No, it makes the Viking. Viking, that's the one. I like that crossover of those two worlds. I like the... What was it? Woodrow the... Wood... What was he? Woodrow. Woodrow. Woodrow the woodpecker. Woodrow the woodpecker. So, witty woodpecker. Yeah. [Laughter] His catchphrase is... [Laughter] It's clearly distinct legally. Yes, that sounds legally distinct. The one with the spe... I like a wiggling speakeasy, but I think that you would easily be like, "Where's all this sawdust coming from?" All right. You just burned some toast. Excellent. Wuffed it through. When they come in and all the tables flip over, that would be obvious that you were really good at wiggling because you made tables that could flip over like that. [Laughter] So, witty woodpecker. No, you're saying there's such confidence. That one sounds way more plausible than Christopher Walken. [Laughter] I would love to see that film. But I'm choosing... No, I'm choosing the one I would watch. Yeah. And also it's too late to change. It's not too late. It's not too late. It's not too late. No, I'm sticking with it, Christopher Walken. All right. Here we go. He's ready. He'll just jazz. Superhero film where the original Spider-Man human torch, footman, etc. That was Dave Wanaki. [Laughter] That might... Is that shocked you? [Laughter] The random speech was there, actually. [Laughter] The Jesus prequel. That was James. That was James. Oh. Beautiful. So when do you think Vikings... No, it was... Oh, no. Oh, Jesus. You were the Viking Jesus. No, I'm not Viking Jesus. It could be the Viking Jesus. I thought it was him. I thought we were thinking the same thing. I forgot about the Jesus prequel. Because it was Jesus prequel. And then I thought, well, we'd both say Jesus stuff. Because we both actually brought you here to tell you a real story. [Laughter] But James, I'm like, I haven't take drugs. [Laughter] Oh, you've got like Christopher Walker. [Laughter] So then we had Rex Langdon, the teenage Whitlar. The way I moved, where woodworking was outlawed. That was Al Stear. That was good. That was really great. I haven't actually seen the film "Footloose." Is that the film? Yeah. I thought I would write a woodworking version of what I imagined that I'm from tonight. [Laughter] James went for "Witty the Woodpecker." That was actually written by Bernie. [Laughter] That was a classic birdie. [Applause] Email Pixar. You're on to a winner. Al Stear went for Christopher Walken High. That was written by Bernie as well. [Laughter] Oh, no. Not an Italian guy. Email Pixar again. [Laughter] And that means the correct answer was the orphaned Viking. [Laughter] And the Viking being just a psychic. [Laughter] How can it be mainly about the Viking? [Laughter] Yeah. Well, I'll read a couple of quick snippets of some reviews here. Not enough proper reviews to have a score on Ron Tomatoes. But audience score gives it 83%. [Laughter] That's the audience on "Rotten Tomatoes." Well, I think it's also specifically the faith-based movie audience. [Laughter] It's like one of those Christian films. Oh, so you can have Jesus in it, and that's not a big deal. No, I think that's so easy for all of them. Yeah, so I've got a snippet from a review that liked it by Alan. [Laughter] And Jay, how do you pronounce it? Probably. I don't care. Who writes, "I give my props to the carpenter for combining Jesus and MMA." [Laughter] [Laughter] Whereas Vincent Manchimi for GQ didn't like it writing, not merely as tasteless as one would hope for a Jesus didn't tap the movie. [Laughter] It's less like, "What if Jesus taught MMA?" and more like, "What if Jesus was the wise auntie in a hallmark rom-com?" [Laughter] But apparently there were complaints that there was not enough Jesus in too much fight scenes. [Laughter] All right Dave, do you want to give us the final score check? I have a funny feeling that someone might have helped me win that game. [Laughter] When you remember, the house is all of us, okay? All right, here we go. [Laughter] And it wasn't triple points for the house. No, it was not. And you didn't need it, okay. [Laughter] Finishing on three points apiece. It's both of the law! [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] Equal seconds, Dave. [Applause] [Applause] So for things, how come our house gets trapped? [Laughter] That means we've tried our best, we've tried our best. One of the day on a whopping six points, it's the house! [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] [Applause] Oh, my! [Applause] [Applause] Thanks, Lordman. Oh, my God. What an honor to have you both here. Where can people find you? If they don't know your podcast, they're gonna give us a quick, a quick, um, spiel. That's about what me, Dave, have been. I'm not actually filling in for ours there. Took two of us to fill your shoes. Yeah. And we learned about some sort of a mystery pig from memory. I think there was some mystery pigs. I think we'd learned about some crazy fish from Glasgow. Oh, yeah. And some monk hiding a ring in a fish or something. I can't remember. It's like St. Mungo. St. Mungo. Like, local mythology. Yes, yes. It's a podcast about local legends and obscure curiosities from... Days of your... Oh, yeah. I like your Mothman t-shirt, but I really like that a lot. [Laughter] Fully figure. It was on, I reckon. Oh, my God. Come on, come on. I'll put clothes on today. How embarrassing. You can't just find people and go, "Mothman." You can't be doing that. Just decided we'd ghost. [Laughter] Yeah, so please check it out. Fantastic show, Dave. Book Cheats happening at the moment. That's right. Book Cheat is in the middle of a new season. So check it out. We're in the book, so you don't have to. Thank you so much. And we're both about to film our sand up hours in Melbourne. That's right. If you can come to the stupid old studios in Melbourne in December. [Laughter] I hope this will be there. [Laughter] I am also talking to the people at home. [Laughter] Yeah, we are filming them back to back on a lovely Friday night in December. December 13th, I believe. Lucky for some. [Laughter] Oh, fuck. [Laughter] It's Friday the 13th. Oh, my gosh. I was wondering why we got the shoot. You're so cheap. [Laughter] Spooky. In that gig, will the door people be all women? Oh, yes. [Laughter] All women. The master. The kitchen. Everything. Taking jobs to three or four women that night. [Laughter] [Laughter] I'm actually applauding. [Laughter] We're the hero. We are, um, don't say no, but I'm going to be doing shows in Leicester. And, uh, Edinburgh if anyone in the room is, is, came for a train ride. [Laughter] That's slightly more lucky than me. [Laughter] And, uh, there's going to be even more women on those lineups. So, um... [Laughter] I feel like I'm making it worse. [Laughter] Uh, anyway, thanks so much for listening. Please give us a five star review until your friends, if you think you know anyone who might enjoy it. Anyway, cheers to the law man for joining us. Cheers for Dave, to be the sidekick. And cheers for tuning in to who you are in that show. Now you know what I've been meant to show it. Goodbye. [Applause] [Music] All right, I've got, I've got one of the answers here. Oh, that's so good. Because I've finished talking about the anal... ...fins. Um, what else have we got here, Ben? Sky, gay, uh, gay, uh... Oh, Helen Pilcher wrote that article. It was a tea drinking biscuit nibbling, science and comedy writer with a PhD in cell biology. Let me know when you're ready. Oh, was she called... Oh, was her son named Pilcherd? Yeah. Sorry, what? Was she called Helen Pilcherd? Helen? She's a held-upser fish. She's a fish? She's a fish? [Laughter] She was inside the town called Ben. [Laughter] I mean, that should have been at the top of the choir. Tea drink is, that's great. But a fish who drinks tea, now I'm listening. [Music] Uh, so, um, I think that means those ghosts... ...from before, I don't know, could have been some of your followers in the party. [Laughter] Maybe they were asking who they should, um... [Laughter] ...terorizes who. They wanted you to point to commies or something. I don't know. Who? Probably edit that out. Yeah. [Laughter] That was me feeling, because I forgot to write house answers for the next question. [Laughter] And writing and thinking and talking three different things at once. Apparently, isn't something I can do. [Laughter] I can't keep talking, I'll just write some stuff. Yeah, Dave, you're going to write three fake episodes? [Laughter] Oh my God, Dave. You've done it. Uh, and I'll keep talking then. [Laughter] [Music] What? Oh, is that me? [Laughter] No, no, they might be an ad now. Oh, an ad? Depending on when you're listening or whatever, but it'll be edited in. Oh, okay. We can keep going. Dave's just really... [Laughter] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Casper mattresses. Yeah, what do you think about Casper mattresses? They do not work away moisture like the socks. I will say that. But you can fit more socks in a fridge than a mattress or something. Don't the mattresses come in a fridge or something? [Laughter] I was 10 people saying what's independent. [Laughter] It's like Christmas. Didn't they used to say that Casper mattresses ever? It came in a box the size of a mini fridge. Like 20 years ago. No, not in an actual fridge. That's a good point now. That's very, very keen. They really stopped shipping them in fridges after they were looking at their spreadsheets being like, "We are spending a lot on fridges." [Laughter] But the mattress is almost costing more than we're making on mattresses. The free fridge you get when you buy the mattress. [Laughter] I wonder if you'll be able to tell the one that I wrote with two seconds of thought. All right. [Music] He does look like Tony Soprano. I thought so too. I really thought so. His wife was fucking lying. She's a liar. She's a liar. She's a liar. Yeah. And if she was your teller, is she here? [Laughter] No, it just looks like Tony Soprano. How brutal is wealth? He's saying that in public. Tony Soprano was alive at that point. [Laughter] No, it's all of them in the actor. I don't know. I haven't watched to the end. I assume he's still doing well. The character Tony Soprano, he's in a pretty safe business. He works in disposal management, so waste management. So no one here has seen the Soprano's ever. [Laughter] He's a mafia guy. [Laughter] But the front is waste management. So what I was saying there is that I was making the joke that I didn't understand. The front was just the front. [Laughter] And I missed the full context of the show, which is now entirely dedicated to his work in the underworld. [Laughter] So that was the joke I was going for. [Laughter] And that was my essay explaining it. [Laughter] So I'd be edited out for sure. [Laughter] Maybe clipped at the end. Does anyone listen to the end of the episodes? [Cheering] Well, that bit will be there. [Laughter] Or in the bin, depending on how generous Connor is feeling. Depending on how you manage this waste. [Laughter] Waste management. Oh, that's nice. Did that make any sense? [Laughter] He said some of the words that got said earlier. Oh, yeah, yeah. You told me how to put it in the bin. I do get it now. [Music] Oh, and I will appreciate everyone noticing the diverse lineup today. We have two red bits. [Laughter] And two brown bits, so. Thank you. Thank you. Just about. [Laughter] I didn't book these shows, but I'm a feminist. [Laughter] Giles from Gideon, if you have any complaints. [Laughter] Send them his way. Thanks so much to Giles as well for putting this on the ground. [Laughter] And you will notice that we did have a woman working the door. [Laughter] That's a really sweet end to that. But there is, as the saying goes, there are no hearts in London. [Laughter] What did I make that up just saying I forget? I've lost them entirely. [Laughter] Not sure if it had it, but there's nothing left. So, are you... [Laughter] He's entered the crowd work stage. [Laughter] Just as while I was waiting for the last couple of... I was just wondering, do you stink? Why are there two... [Laughter] I'm so sorry for that. Oh, I'm just... I was lashing out. [Laughter] The audience have turned on me. You've been nothing but lovely. [Laughter] If anything, I wish you would stay and the rest would go. [Laughter] Oh, gotcha. Later. Later, you will stay and the rest will go. [Laughter] If someone looked forward to, alright. [Laughter] I'm really tired. [Laughter] [Applause] [Applause] Come on, come on, come on. Don't forget to have a Sunday. [Applause] Come on, come on, come on. [Music] [Music] To remind you that 60% of sales on Amazon come from independent sellers, Farmer Bob of Princeton Popcorn... Howdy. ...will read 60% of this ad. Fire away, Bob. Small business owners like myself... ...are growing their businesses faster on Amazon. By getting help with things like shipping. Shop Small Business on Amazon. Especially Princeton Popcorn. Amazon. Everyday Better. (upbeat music)