Jurgita Speaking to the Barcelona "Easy Does It, But Do It" meeting on January 14, 2024
The Daily Reprieve
Barcelona Meeting - Jurgita
[Music] Hello and welcome to the Daily Reprieve, where we provide essays, speaker meetings, workshops, and conferences and podcast format. We are an ad-free podcast. If you enjoy listening, please help us be self-supporting by going to donate.thewreprieve.com and drop a dollar or two into the virtual basket. Please consider donating monthly by clicking the "Donate Monthly" button. However, one-time donations are always welcome. Just click the "Donate Now" button. Now, without further ado, this episode of the Daily Reprieve. [Music] Today, the 14th of February 2024, we're very happy to have with us your Gita Dee from Lithuania, sober since the 24th of October of 2019, and she will be sharing with us today on the topic of her experience, strength, and hope. So, your Gita, you are now on. Would you like me to give you a five-minute warning with that work? I can give you five minutes to go. No, maybe ten minutes, please. Okay, I'll give you the ten minutes. Okay, the floor is yours. Be very welcome. Okay, thank you very much. Thanks, Daniel. I hope you can hear me. Okay, and cool. Thanks. Okay, so, yeah, my name is your Gita, and I'm a sexaholic. I'm very grateful to be at this meeting, and basically, the purpose of this meeting is for me. It's to carry the message for the sexaholics who are still suffering. This is part of my step 12, and part of my service. Yes, so for today's topic, I chose from the recovery continuous one of my favorite books, the same misconnection, and I would like to share, to start my reading, my share with the reading at the page 92, and that's the last choreograph saying, "Thus, the very mechanism of our addiction can come into play between the same members. We can act out our sexaholism with each other without having sex or lust. That's why victory over our dysfunctional relations must become part of the process of recovery. We will never get well without it. We learn to simply stretch through the pain and from experience. The steps and traditions tell us how, and we can win a deeper bond. So, yeah, I can relate a lot with this article and not going very into detail of my addiction. I would like to point out that since I remember myself, since I was a child, I think I was like already, I had inside this kind of dysfunction in terms of relations, and probably the first my relationship which I kind of remember, it was my mom, my mother, and I think unconsciously I put her in the place, yeah, in the place, she was my higher power, and I was very dependent on her, and I think I still am until today and in a way, because I have very complicated relationship with her. So, at the same time, I felt a lot of resentment towards my mom, and I think I kind of trained or I brought this pattern late in my addiction, because the same feelings I had with my with a partner, which I had sexual and romanticness, you know, I would put that person, you know, like, I would admire, you know, I would, you know, that was my way, I don't know, thinking of my behavior, you know, I would kind of, you know, just pray for that person, as if it would be God, and later on, would do the same dysfunction, yeah, with the same sick mind, I don't know how to call it, of course, I came, you know, in a say, with that, with that idea, yeah, but somebody can save me, even in a say, yeah, please say, make me whole, you know, and because I didn't have any idea that, you know, it could be another way. And the first person, which I was very dependent on in a say already in my recovery, it was my sponsor, I literally, I don't know, I kind of, you know, at the same time, I felt that it was, she was like a mom to me as well, you know, and I needed that, her help, you know, and I needed to feel, you know, like kind of security, yes, and to feel safe when, you know, when I started working the steps, yeah, I was like already starting my my, I was sober, but at the same time, I was going through that pain, yeah, I would, I wouldn't say it, I was suffering, but because I was, I already started working the steps, but you know, when I discovered that actually, yeah, my problem is, you know, that I am dependent on people a lot. And the same was in my home group, yeah, with the members of my home group, a group, and all of them, they were, they are men. And so I think I done all the mistakes, which, which are possible to do in our program, you know, like, I couldn't like keep any boundaries. Well, you know, I, I didn't want to keep boundaries, I just, but I realized, yeah, that there are limitations, no, my own limitations. And, and at the same, that's in certain moment, I thought, you know, that probably, especially was very painful that, that when I realized, you know, that that I'm dependent a lot of my sponsor. And she told me, look, you need to work in as an on or, you know, any program with the co-dependence because it's, you know, just just for your own benefit. And at that time, I already like done, you know, stops like a couple of times, I started doing workshop of my own working with another woman with the steps. But I still kind of, I wasn't that like the same. I could, I would seem, yeah, my behavior, which was like repeating, and I just couldn't go through. Or at least I had that idea, yeah, that I'm still doing the same thing again. And expecting a different result. And then, I know, by the grace of God, I had the opportunity to work traditions with women from Allen on. And I think to hear the experience, you know, because I wouldn't consider myself, you know, like co-dependent. Actually, I was in denial. Yeah, I said, no, no, no, this is not me. Yeah, my arms are falling. That's it. But then yeah, listening to their shares, you know, working traditions together, I started slowly realizing that, that, you know, that actually another, another form of my lust is co-dependence. Yeah, that dependency on people. Yeah. And like, I don't really have, yeah, I'm like my own power or my own, you know, yeah, will to like, to go through, through it. But yeah, working steps and traditions yet at the same time, I would say, yes, I'm still, I think, in the process, I'm not saying, you know, that now, you know, oh, you know, in this program, I know everything that this is the most dangerous thing which can happen, I think, for myself, yeah, if I, if I start saying, like, look, you know, I know everything, that's, that's not okay. That means here that my addiction can hit me anytime. So yeah, I started to realize that my problem actually, it is that misconnection. Yeah, but the sponsor or members of my home groups or other people, you know, they cannot like, I mean, yeah, this is my my, you know, stinking, thinking, yeah. And yeah, so I, what helped me also a lot, and still helping is step 11, yeah, which I'm doing on a daily basis in the morning during the daytime and in the evening. And because I think my job is to ask God yet to give me that power, yet to connect with God, like in conscious way, not like, but yet trying to, so sometimes I was just, I just would sit still, and, and you know, and I would listen, you know, it's not like a voice, but I call it like, you know, yeah, when I was six cents or intuition, and sometimes like it's very, very, I hardly can hear you that voice. But no, but but I know that this is, you know, this is something is starting inside me. And I know that I can trust that that actual power. And yeah, but but also I realized that I need a lot of practice. Yeah, because all my life, yeah, I was looking for the solution, like outside, yeah, you know, with the, with the men which I met, yeah, with all this sexual encounters. And oh, I thought, you know, oh, you know, if I would find that the other, that's what the Royce is saying in a white book, if I would find, like, the right, you know, job, yeah, right. I don't know, people, yeah, then I would be okay. But no, but it never happened to me. And still, you know, in even the program, yeah, of course, yeah, it's for me, it's very important, my relations with others, but but more than that, yeah, for me, now it's, you know, how actually, yeah, yeah, step three, how, how I can, you know, because most of the time, you know, I don't want to do yet to live by God's will will for me. I just want to do it my way. And I know that today, I have this, I gave you my, I allow myself to do mistakes. Yeah, I have the right not to be right. And that's okay, you know, because I know that, you know, I can fix it. Yes. So it's still kind of painful process for me. And yeah, and sometimes, you know, I think that I can stuck, you know, and and I don't know, I don't know sometimes really what to do. And yet on daily basis, yeah, I'm working step 10 and 11 and 12. And yeah, I think that, you know, just being with, you know, or connecting with people, for example, via phone calls on daily basis also allows me to have that feeling, you know, that I'm loved, but that, you know, that people just accept me as they are. And my higher power is accepting me as I am, yeah. And I'm not like bad person. Yeah, because I always have this, you know, I had this idea in my mind that I am bad person, but I'm not bad person. Yeah, I'm sick. But now now I'm in recovery. Yeah, I have the solution. And I don't need yet to go back to my, to my acting out, or even yet, it says recovery continues. Thanks Daniel. Yeah. Yeah, to look for that. Yet to look in another people yet. Of course, I can ask for help. And that is that is fine. But I realized that, you know, I can really rely on the on my higher power of God of my understanding. And it starts inside of me. Yeah, so yeah, I'm very grateful for this program. And you know, the way I am, I am tragic in this program. And for all the pain which I'm going through. And for all the good experiences which which I have in this program for the service I do. Yeah, for my sponsors. Yeah, this is like completely new life for me. And I'm very grateful for my home group. Yeah. And when we gather together face to face. And for all the online groups. Yeah, because now we have opportunity to join like on any time, yeah, all around the world. Yeah, so I'm very grateful for for all this. And yeah, I think I will leave you there. Now, there is time for sure and questions. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Daniel. Thank you. And that's how to question your data. You said that you, to paraphrase you, you learn not to rely on other people of your higher power, but you rely on your higher power for the engineering your higher power as well. How do you receive this question? How do you understand what your higher power as well for you is? Thank you. Yeah, thanks, Kathy, for your question. So just double check. So how do I understand what is my... I mean, can you translate for... We have a code and a model. Yeah, you're Gita, did you get the question? How do you hear your higher power? How do you receive your instructions? I think, was that it, Kathy? How does it... Okay. Okay, thanks, Daniel. Thanks, Kathy. Well, yeah, I'm still in a practice thing. I'm not an expert. I'm afraid. Yeah. But at least I'm trying. I think, I'm practicing on daily basis, I do meditation, I do it every morning. Then I'm trying to do the daytime as well. So basically, my meditation is just to stay still. And even I wouldn't say that I'm listening, or, you know, it's not even a voice. It's more like a sense, sense or feeling, which, you know, I usually, I'm trying to sense, you know, where is my heart area? Because, you know, I usually think a lot. Yeah, I'm an overthinker, thinking, thinking, thinking, yeah, and then so I need to come down. Yeah, and just, you know, in my, where is my heart? Yeah, just sometimes it can be feeling, sometimes it can be thought or idea, or not necessary. But yeah, as I said, I'm practicing sometimes I put my timer, you know, like three minutes or five minutes. Yeah, because for me, it's very difficult to stay still, yeah, in general, because, you know, I have that monkey, my mind, always jumping and, you know, doing this and that, or starting doing something, you know, and then. So basically, that's what I'm trying to, to at least practice, and not always I'm not, you know, that's what the bills, yeah, set in 12 steps until traditions, yeah, when he, I don't remember which tradition it is that story, when he, he fought, yeah, then he got that job offered to work in a hospital, he thought this is God's voice, yeah, and he's talking to him, but that's what was not, yeah. So that's why I need to call somebody sometimes here to double check, because, you know, I can be, you know, mislead it. Yeah, I, or, but now also I'm not, I'm trying not to be afraid to do a mistake. Yeah, you know, I might thought it's my higher power, or my God talking to me, but actually it's not, but that's okay. I can do a mistake, and, you know, during my step 11 in the evening, you know, I can see, you know, that that's, that's, that's not okay. You know, I was wrong. Yeah, so to admit that, yeah, next day, you know, I can fix it. So basically, yeah, I hope I answer a question. Thanks, thanks. Thanks, Kathy, for the question, Yogita, for the answer. Nancy, your hand is up. Yeah, so Yogita, thank you so much for sharing, and I love hearing so seldom. I love hearing a talk on dependency relationships. Our white book, gosh, it at least happens many times, and probably more, uses the word, we, we dependency relationships, as it does, sexual acting out. And in the poem, it says, fill me up, make me whole. There's that part on, I forget page, the plug of your soul is dangling in, we have to plug in somewhere. The definition of lust being taking something natural, turning into unnatural. So how do you know the difference? We're naturally made for connection. I mean, we are made to be connected between a natural connection and an unnatural one, and just in terms of a regular relationship, where you're turning a person into a higher power. I don't even know if it's possible to answer that question, but that's what I'm asking. Okay, Nancy, thanks, thanks for your question. Oh, how do I know? No, I think, yeah, I, I, I, I, dear to say, yeah, but with the time of my sobriety, and I hope we recovery, you know, my, I have that kind of, you know, feeling that my mind is more like open. Yeah, my heart is like more pure. Let's put this way and sometimes some, most of the time, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. That's what they said. I'm doing mistakes, a lot of mistakes, you know, step 10 and 11. Yeah, it's like my, on my daily basis. Oh, dear, yeah, many, many times. And, but sometimes, you know, I have that feeling, then it's like, I feel like very relaxed. Yeah, if I am, I'm talking with that person, I'm thinking about that person. Yeah, and if sometimes, you know, not necessary, and I say it can be anybody to work, or, you know, or my family member. And then I have that feeling, you know, I don't know, I believe, yeah, but this is my higher power, talking through that person with me. So, I don't know. And then that's it. No, just as simple as that. If I notice that, that's fine. Yeah, it's, you know, sometimes, yeah, I just go with the flow. Hope to answer a question. Thanks, man. Yeah, sounds good. It's not complicated. Keep it simple. Thanks, let's see for the question. Next up is Juan Carlos. Hi, Jugita. Good to see you here. Nice to listen to your speech. Yeah, wow, it's wonderful. You know, I have listened a lot of hope, so solution, and also trust in your high power through your wars. You know, you have jumped into the solution that I appreciate a lot, not focusing on the past. But you know, I, because I have my, my beverage come from the past, I would like to ask you, how did you do regret of your past? Because, you know, sometimes I feel overwhelmed from what I did. Today, just happening with my wife, I had a mistake, and I need to amend when she is coming in a few, in a few minutes. So, I wanted to ask you, do you regret of your past? Or how can you accept your past? That's it, my question. Thank you. Yeah, thanks, Juan Carlos. A very good question. Do I regret my past? Yes, of course I do, you know, that's why I'm in a saying. I think, you know, if I, you know, would fully accept myself, I would need a say in 12 steps and 12 traditions, you know, I would be enlightened. Yeah, and that's it, bye bye. But I am not. And there are things which I regret, and I know that I cannot undo it. Like, yeah, for example, there was, I would say I had a chance yet to get married. And, but you know, I, I, I pushed that person away. I left him. But at that moment, I didn't realize, yeah, I was an addict. And I, I chose my addiction instead of, of being in relationships and getting married. And I do regret that. And until today, you know, yeah, of course, I do a lot. But I don't know that that's my way, you know, I cannot go back and undo no things which I, which I done. At that time, yeah, when I was in my active addiction. But today, of course, I'm asking, you know, God, please, every day, every day I'm asking, please, yeah, it leaves me from resentment, yeah, from from anger, from, you know, from anything, I cannot control it. And yeah, and for today, like, for example, my parents, yeah, yeah, step nine, it's on on my daily basis for my parents. And this is also like a party, a part of my deal in, in the same program. I just, I just know I just called them, I listened to them, you know, I'm asking, yeah, God, give me patience because I'm very impatient person. Yeah. And yeah, just, so about accept, yeah, acceptance, I think it's also a big topic. Yeah, it could be another speaker here for the whole topic. Sometimes, yeah, and I'm having a good day, see, and I feel like in good spiritual condition, yeah, I have that feeling, you know, of acceptance, you know, and everything, I'm relaxed, everything was nice and easy. But of course, I have this, you know, that, you know, I just, I just, I hate to know myself. And even like today, sometimes I do, you know, I cannot accept, you know, even though if I understand, yeah, but deep inside, there is, you know, that addict, yeah, me, which, you know, would say, oh, you know, you, this and that. So yeah, probably the only way is just to practice, step 10, yeah, for me to say, you know, I was wrong. In the beginning, it was mission impossible, yeah, even even being in the program. I couldn't, I couldn't walk to my home group and say, guys, you know, I was wrong, you know, but then one day, no, I, I, you know, yeah, because what choices I have, either, you know, I can live and, and, and the unknown, I would say if I would avoid a step nine, that is leading me back to addiction. Yeah, that's it. That's, you know, I'm going to, to, to, to slip. And another way is yet to do something new, which I never done, like to say, yes, I was wrong. Yeah, this is also part of, to accept, yet to accept the things that I can be wrong. But, you know, I'm doing mistakes. And yeah, and especially I would, with, with my family members, it's, yeah, with my mom or dad. Yeah, you mentioned your wife. So yeah, I don't have the experience with, you know, like spouse, but I do believe he would, with our very closest, yeah, people, it can be the most challenging job. Yeah, I would say, or, and yet we're in the program. So we can, yeah, it works if you work at them. Okay, thanks. Bye for answering. Indeed. Thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you, Juan Carlos. Next up, Omar. Yeah, thank you, Daniel. Thank you, Greta, for sure. You mentioned the relationship with your mother, and I totally related this. And, yeah, for me, my mother is, yeah, trying to control everything in my life, my, the lives of my father and my siblings. And when we were young, it was, you know, it's good because she, she owns the best for us, but we, we're older now. She still do this. And I have acted out a lot that was because of this, because I resent it. And it make me angry. And I wanted to change her, you know, to change her attitude, but I can't. I accepted that. And I trying to, lately, to make boundaries and to try to change her, just accepted. And it was working, but she still give me the feeling that not a good son, that I didn't do as she wants, you know, yes, I wish. And so how, how to accept that to accept that she, she won't be okay with my boundaries. So sorry, the question was how to accept that he, how for you to accept that she's not going to change her in your bubble? No, how, how to accept that she is not willing to accept the boundaries I made, because if there is no boundaries, the resentment come back and yeah. Well, yeah, I'm not the expert with boundaries, but I know my own limitations. Yeah, I just, probably it's the same thing, but I name it in different way. For example, yeah, I can relate what you're saying. So I will give you an example, what I do, yeah, sometimes like I'm in very bad spiritual condition, yeah. And I would go to visit my parents, yeah. And of course, my mom is there, yeah. And you know, it happened to me many times, you know, and I would enter the house, you know, and my mom would say, Oh, hello, how are you? And after that, you know, I feel, you know, inside of me, you just know that resentment. So, you know, big and I just cannot handle, yeah. Just the way how she said, how are you? She just said, how are you? Yeah, nothing happened. And I already am resentfully at overstir, because there's something wrong with me. So what I do, it happened, you know, that sometimes I say, look, you know, I'm really sorry, you know, but I just have to go now. Yeah, because I cannot sometimes I just need to go for a walk and come back, yeah, to pray. And yeah, because I cannot do like do it on my own. Yeah, I need to ask God, please give me the power. Yeah, because, you know, please, yeah, help me to get rid of this resentment or whatever, you know, I might call you my sponsor, because yeah, she knows me very well and all my story and for somebody in the program. Yeah, but so basically, yes, sometimes it's not helping, you know, then I would come back and say, look, look, you know, today, you know, I have to leave and that's it. Because yeah, I have limitations. There is my mom is not going to change. Yeah, that's impossible. And you know, and myself as well. So for me, it's, I don't know, it's just, of course, not every yes is, well, not always you can leave, you know, or it might happen during, you know, sometimes we have like family gathering, yeah, and that resentment might come as well, you know. So I don't know, just, you know, what I'm trying to do, just, of course, you know, just to usually pray, yeah, if I am in the room and, you know, I can sit with my eyes, but I, you know, I would pray, yeah, silently for myself. Yeah, and later, obviously, you know, I would analyze, yeah, what happened in my, I would my do step four, yeah, like full, yeah, to see the, you know, what's really happening. So, yeah, I do believe, yeah, it's only higher power can solve this problems than, but not myself. But yet, yeah, today I have, yeah, and today I have that possibility yet to make choices and not to, let's say, yeah, not to act out because, yeah, because me too, I, I, and I was resentful towards my mom, I would go and act out, yeah, that was the path. So for me today, it's very important, yet to analyze and try to, to break that path. And yeah, at some point, at least to try, keep trying, keep trying. And so, I tell miracle happens. Yeah, I hope I answered the question. Bye. Yeah, thank you very much. Okay. Thank you. Thanks so much for the question. Marina, you're up next. Hello. Thank you, Yorkita, for your speech. I wanted to know because you said that you, your sponsor, told you that you should go to ethanol or that you're also codependent. And then you worked also the steps if I understood it correctly. How was it for you to be in different steps in the different programs? Because that is also kind of challenging for me. Thank you. Yeah, thanks, Marina. Yeah, to be honest, I didn't work steps with, with codependent, but we work traditions. I work traditions with the, with the group of women. And yeah, I have a sponsor for traditions. So it's like, yeah, a different person. Basically, yeah, we've been using could, to be honest, we've been using all a books. Yeah, and that's, you know, I would say yeah, because to be honest, I know I've done like essay traditions, yeah, purely. So basically it was a traditions. But yet I would say even in traditions, it helped me to see even my step work, yeah, because everything is related in this program. And you know, even to see how my steps are, I'd say, I saw, you know, even my steps, I started working in, or living, yeah, but in different angle. Yeah, it gave me like, you know, I would say like, I know how to say more wide perspective, probably, you know, if it doesn't make sense. So yeah, and you know, just to listen to their shares, you know, I don't know how they accept it. But I said, yeah, that my problem is not, well, I have, for example, my sister, yeah, she is alcoholic. So basically, you know, I still have that in my family, yeah, kind of like my relative is, yeah, my sister is alcoholic. So no, but obviously I don't live with her yet. So, but yet, yeah, again, you know, they accepted me and, you know, and just know to be with them and listen to them, you know, most of the time I just would sit and listen, yeah, it was, it was wonderful yet to get that experience to absorb it. And you know, and yet again, I do appreciate that a lot. And I think our experience in 12 steps is just amazing, you know, I hope I answer a question. Thanks. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, thanks, Marina, for the question. The floor is still open if you have a question. We have probably 10 or 12 more minutes, you're good. I guess I'll jump in. I'm Daniel J. sexaholic. I'll ask a question. And I've asked this before of other speakers, I'm always interested in your perspective. I'm married, but I do occasionally have sponsors who are single. And I also saw in a WhatsApp group today a question about how soon in recovery should I think about getting into a relationship, you know. So do you have any experience sponsoring a single people or maybe you have personal experience with sober dating and sponsoring single people that whole subject? Thanks. Thanks, Daniel. Yeah, very good question. Well, yeah, I will start from myself. I don't have experience with sober dating not yet, even if I am four years sober. However, what I'm trying to do in this program, especially in the city, I try to communicate a lot with men, yeah, starting from my whole group face-to-face, where I feel safe, you know, at my workplace. And the only thing, yeah, I can share that, you know, like last summer I met with my ex-colic from my previous job. Yeah, we went for a coffee, we went for a walk. It was not dating. We just, you know, met to have some, to grab some coffee. And basically, yeah, I'm very grateful. Yeah, for this, because now it's my experience, I can share, you know, because we went for a walk, we had to talk. Obviously, you know, I prayed, you know, during our walk, I prayed for him because, you know, I felt that temptation, obviously, I did. And, you know, everything is new for me. I don't know. Sometimes, yeah, how to behave or how to respond. Yeah, but, you know, I mean, I managed to, yeah, I came back, I called my sponsor and I said, look, you know, everything is okay. And yeah, I have my, my sponsors, they are single. And, well, you know, but basically, none of them yet, they started, or even, they haven't asked me to go for dating. So I don't have like, really, let's say, depends on, but we discussed things. Yeah, we at least, like, I don't have like any, how to say a script or, you know, like look after, but then yet, yeah, in my opinion, at least one year of sobriety, but this is my personal opinion, because I, as I said, I met with the man outside as, say, face to face, being like, almost four years sober, you know, say, and, you know, I felt like comfortable, yeah. And I really feel, yeah, that comfortable. We have with my high power with, yeah, with good spiritual condition. So, yeah, I don't know, really depends on person, depends on situation, because again, everyone is different. For example, I know I cannot go for online dating, yeah, because that was my acting out. Yeah, that's where I started acting out. Yeah, basically. So I know that this is my limitation, your boundaries, or whatever, you mean, you name it. But then, yeah, as he said, but usually, yeah, I, what, what I tell my sponsors, you know, that's, you know, that, yeah, but I think, yeah, for me as a sexaholic is very important to learn how to communicate, yeah, with opposite sex, with men without lust, yeah, with without obviously lust and sex, yeah, both, because the, that's, yeah, did I think the, the issue, I hope I answered your question. Thanks. Thanks, Jurgita. I appreciate it. Yeah, even though I'm married, I look back at my wife and I have conversations and, and we both agree that both of us needed probably at least five years of sobriety before we got into our, unfortunately, we didn't do it that way because we were both dysfunctional. So we're still having to work through that. But anyway, thanks for your wisdom. Kathy S, you're up next. Thank you, Daniel. It relates to the previous question. I'm the only woman in my home group. The others are all men. When I can do meetings, often in the minority, there might be one or two women, maybe four women, and 25 men. So you have any experience to share on that subject? Yeah, thanks, Kathy. Well, yeah, me too. I, I am the only one woman in, in, in my home group. Yeah, all men, then I'm doing service in SA as well. Yeah, and Daniel can witness I am the only woman in, in, then I do service. Yeah, well, you know, the same applies for all areas in my life. Yeah, if I feel, you know, temptation towards any member, even during the meeting, I would pray, you know, I would cause, you know, for me, for me, the key, yeah, and this program is practice. Yeah, I need to practice and practice a lot, you know, praying. I do sometimes I'm writing, like inventory about the situation. If I really have like, you know, strong, it can be strong feelings toward that person in the group. Yeah, of course, I, you know, I would do like inventory of step 10, including reality, step four. Yeah, going through my fears, you know, because most of the time, yeah, it's like, I'm, I'm, we are full of fears. And I don't know, yeah, just practice, practice for me. It's, yeah, and of course, yeah, I, and I go every first day in face to face meeting. Yeah, just to be with the, I don't know just learning how to live, because I don't know how to, you know, I never lived there for 27 years, I've been acting out, you know, living in the sex and lust. And yeah, that was my way of living. And today everything is new for me, and sometimes I don't know. But yeah, but yeah, I have my sponsor, I have literature, I know, yeah, there are many things, you know, I'm writing diary, yeah, as well. For me, it's very like a powerful tool, yeah, which I can use. Yeah. And there's a set, you know, doesn't matter, even if, if I made a mistake, you know, if I am aware, yeah, but that was a mistake, which I done, you know, even in my home group or any group, I can, you know, I can say, look, I was wrong. And yeah, just, I don't know, like, for example, during conventions, yeah, also, it can be very tempting, yeah, temptation is there, but that's what, for example, during in Poland, yeah, I would take a policy, I would go back to my room, yeah, to pray, to meditate a bit, yeah, at least for 10, 15 minutes, you know, I need that space now for myself yet to connect with higher power and can be physical, physically, like literally need a space. Also, I have experience when, for example, there was a moment in my home group, when I felt very strong temptation, I would stand up, you know, during the meeting and, you know, just, I would walk away and pray, yeah, pray for that person and come back. And then it's working, you know, and then it's just getting easier and easier. So yeah, I hope I answer your question. Thanks. Thank you. Thank you, Kathy. Margo, you did have your hand up, but we really only have one or two minutes left. Would you prefer to wait for the parking lot? Oh, wait, but I think Yogita already answered my question. So thanks. Okay, wonderful. All right, back to the script. Okay, thank you very much, Yogita. This has been a fantastic meeting. We really appreciate you being here and doing service. So thank you very much. I would like to thank you for listening to this episode of the Daily Reprieve, the best source for experience, strength, and hope for essay members. Please subscribe to this podcast to be alerted of new episodes. Please show your support by donating to the Daily Reprieve, by going to donate dot the DailyReprieve dot com and choosing either monthly donations or a one-time donation by clicking donate now. Thank you for listening and stay tuned for the next episode of the Daily Reprieve. [Music]