(air whooshing) Major funding for Tele-Hell is provided by Dave's Archives. At Dave's Archives, he personally transfers archives and preserves classic commercials from the 70s, 80s, 90s and 2000s and shares them with you. Don't forget about his Friday Night Live stream on, well, guess when? Go to Dave'sArchives.com, buy RetroSirk on YouTube. Do you love Retro commercials with an original twist? Join the best minds this side of the internet for a dose of nostalgia every week at RetroSirk. Spell with a cue at the end. RetroSirk, where nostalgia is the main attraction. Buy Keir's Nostalgia Corner, a collection of commercial compilations, retro nostalgic things and other random things that come to mind. Look for her on YouTube at K-I-E-R-S Nostalgia Corner and don't forget to check out her live streams early in the week. Buy Kef the Ripper on YouTube. Home to some of the most obscure TV shows you may or may not have heard of, all with original commercials and all not seen since their original air dates. It's Kef the Ripper at K-E-V-R-I-P-Z. And by the very generous benefactors who grace us on our Patreon at patreon.com/telehelppodcast including Ed Beatty Jr., Ronda Farrell, Rick Colecki Jr., Chris Michaud, Meredith Morrissey, Rabbiite, Spare Parts and Neil Weinstein. Thank you. [MUSIC PLAYING] Let's see what the boss has in his fridge. Ah, let's see. I'm going to need some of this. I'm going to need a little bit of that. I wonder where he's hiding the turkey. It's got more than enough for billions of people. There should be some left over it. Oh, hi. How are you? It's been a minute, I know. But don't mind me. I'm just whipping up a snack. It being Thanksgiving and all, you know, food is kind of on my mind a little bit these days because, well, it's not just a food holiday, but sometimes people use food to medicate themselves when they hear of some very unsettling news, whether it be, I don't know, a car needs to be repaired or the person you voted for didn't win or just simply to wash away the cares of the day. That's what this show is all about. This show is all about food and all the many ways that it tries to impress us, but in the end, it ultimately disappoints us. Then we wind up gaining a couple pants sizes because of it. Now, I know what you're thinking. This was going to be something called the telehealth feast of gluttony. And for the most part, it still is. But we kind of have this thing prepared where, or at least in pre-production anyway, where it was just gonna be a parody of the bear. I was gonna be a short-order cook with a short temper. I was gonna yell things at people and then I suddenly realized that we can't afford to bring people on. So we're using this as a plot device instead. But that's okay, because sometimes food is the answer to all of our problems. And also sometimes food can even cause some problems. And with that, we're going to be taking a listen to six mini shows that deal with food and commercials and those times when they really should not have intersected with each other. So, sit back, relax, grab yourself a plate and fill it up with as many leftovers as you can because this is... (buzzing) The telehealth feast of gluttony. (upbeat music) Now, you can't just jump into a meal all by itself unless you're like really, really feeling the blues. You kind of have to start small with these things. Start with a drink. Whether it be nice refreshing soda, whether it be whatever alcohol you have on tap or maybe just a simple glass of water, maybe some orange juice, or when in doubt, how about a can of soda? Now, soda we've covered before in the Pepsi saga, but there have been some other occasions where other brands of sodas try to stick themselves out in front, and that I'm just gonna pour myself some here. (cheering) And we're going to gingerly sip our ginger ale as we take a listen to a time when a certain soda brand try to appeal to a specific demographic. It's a tale of how Dr. Pepper tried to make 10 calories more masculine than ever anticipated. It's a story that we originally told on June 10th, 2022 on our Patreon. Cheers. At the risk of alienating every known gender on the planet, I'll try to be as neutral as possible here when I say that ever since the overall concept of advertising was established, those who sell seem to want to sell to three different audiences. Men, women, and everybody. And in this era of gender fluidity, the lines between all three audiences and countless others continue to both fragment and blur themselves the same time. Advertising towards specific audiences is probably the tightest rope to walk in this day and age because of that. And as such, Madison Avenue continues to contour itself to make sure that everybody's satisfied with both the product being sold and the overall message being presented. For example, carbonated beverages. ♪ People can describe ♪ ♪ Makes me feel good ♪ For many years, whenever you see a commercial for soda on TV, a number of things could be happening, largely that of the youthful, fun variety. But in spite of the implied age limits involved in drinking carbonated sugar water, most soda commercials, past and present, seem to want to appeal to people of all ages, regardless of gender. Or at least that was the case until sometime around the late '70s, early '80s, when specific types of sodas started being marketed to specific types of people. ♪ Tab, coma has a beautiful taste ♪ ♪ So good for beautiful people ♪ ♪ Tab, coma ♪ People were becoming more health-conscious about what it was they were putting into their bodies. So naturally, when diet branded one-calorie sodas started hitting shelves, they promised that it tasted exactly the same as their full-calorie counterparts. But just to be sure they would fly off the shelves, regardless of how the soda tasted, advertisers were none too eager to want to synonymize diet sodas with looking good if you drank it. A notion that, unfortunately, seemed aimed more towards one demographic than the other. Fast forward to the 21st century and suddenly soda companies are tripping all over themselves to want all of their brands to appeal to all of their audiences. Case in point. ♪ You and I are the memories of pepper ♪ ♪ She's a pepper ♪ ♪ Where a pepper ♪ ♪ Would you like to be a pepper too ♪ Through a long, complicated history dating back to the late 1800s, Dr. Pepper was seen as something of a unique alternative to brands like Coke and Pepsi. Even though Dr. Pepper's debut predated Coke by roughly a year and Pepsi's by about 14. Still though, the company managed to survive 137 years and counting by having a soda with a unique taste that could only come from their fabled blend of 23 different flavors. As time went on, different variations on the formula hit store shelves, particularly those of the diet variety. Starting in the 1960s, there was dietetic Dr. Pepper, a brand that had no sugar in its recipe, but because the word dietetic sounded too close to the word diabetic, the soda was initially a flop. But not for long, when the soda would rebrand itself in the late '60s as sugar-free Dr. Pepper. ♪ Well, free Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ Taste that thing but it's not that how ♪ The soda would continue under that name until the late 1980s, when thanks to Diet Coke dominating the marketplace, Dr. Pepper followed suit by replacing sugar-free on its label with the word diet. Eventually over the decades, the soda would become the 10th most popular selling soda in America. Nevertheless, Coca-Cola is, was, and has always been one of the most dominant brands in the world, let alone a dominant soda brand. By the time the current century turned, a new trend was taking place in the world of soda that was actually supposed to be the solution to an ongoing problem that all soda brands had faced for decades. How can they take their already popular diet soda brands and have them appeal to all audiences? Simply put, tinker with the formula a little bit so that the taste of their regular soda is different enough so that they don't repeat the same mistakes that they made in the 1980s. And branded so that it's not aimed towards a specific demographic. Put all of those together and you've got Coke Zero. - So then do you think that we as the Coke brand would have a case against the Coke Zero brand? Because they've infringed upon our taste. - It's a novel theory. ♪ Da, da, da, da, da ♪ - Which despite a slow rollout and a number of rebrandings and reformulations over the years has long since gone to be a durable seller for the Coca-Cola company. Not to be outdone, Pepsi actually came up with its own zero sugar, zero calorie concoction called Pepsi Max years ago in European markets. But after realizing that they didn't want to be upstaged by Coke for the umpteenth time, Pepsi eventually brought Max stateside in 2009. The overall mission of Pepsi was the same as Coke. Introduce a sugar-free brand of soda without resorting to gendered norms. And for the most part, with the exception of rebranding themselves as Pepsi Zero's sugar, the brand is still selling to this day. So with two soda companies putting out two brands with identical mission statements, Dr. Pepper had to do something to make them stick out of the crowd. The plan began in 2010 with a simple formula deviation that resulted in their new diet soda having only 10 calories versus the other two blanking out, the notion being that even the slightest bit of caloric consumption could make all the difference. Also making the difference, the way the soda would present itself. The can design was, well, a can of soda, but it was the outside of the can that would be eye-catching. For starters, in addition to the iconic maroon burgundy color of the Dr. Pepper logo, the can would also be shaded with the unusual choice of a color called gunmetal gray. Think of primer on a 1988 Ford Taurus by Hipper. Questionable color palette, but again, they were looking for something unique that would help them stand out among the competition. But whereas Coke and Pepsi's efforts for branding a flavor of soda was meant to have a more subtle lean towards male audiences, the advertising of Dr. Pepper's 10-calorie soda would be about as subtle as using a 10 ton weight to swat flies. (dramatic music) - Hey ladies, enjoying the film? - Of course not, because this is our movie. - Dr. Pepper 10 is our soda. It's only 10 manly calories, but with all its 23 flavors of Dr. Pepper, it's what guys want, like this. (dramatic music) - Catchphrase. - So you can keep the romantic comedies and lady drinks. We're good. - Dr. Pepper 10, it's not for women. - This ad, and a number of other ads that followed it, seemed to have gone out of its way to blatantly stay that their product was all but exclusively for men, that women were not allowed to drink it. That dare I say, - Dare, dare. - It almost felt like a war crime if women did drink this brand of soda. At least that's how it's seen in the first commercials for Dr. Pepper 10, the ones that followed, at least, dialed a little back on the testosterone. But the message was pretty much still the same. ♪ There's no such thing as no man's land to me ♪ ♪ Ben just needs a place where he can be ♪ ♪ Wild and free ♪ ♪ Ten ♪ ♪ Calorie ♪ ♪ Aah ♪ (dramatic music) ♪ Doctor Pepper 10 ♪ - Dr. Pepper 10. Manliest low-calorie soda in the history of mankind. Bold flavor. - So as you can imagine, some people were ready to flock to supermarket shelves to try a soda specifically targeted toward a male audience. I'm lying through my teeth. Of course, roll the vindication. - Now Dr. Pepper is getting in the game. On Monday, it released its newest soda, a low-calorie drink for men only called Dr. Pepper 10. - And Dr. Pepper 10 is our soda. It's only 10 manly calorie. - They're really trying to push an idea that in order to be a real man, a man's man, you can't be sensitive, you've got to drink beer, you've got to be into physicality, and if nothing else, you can't tap into that feminine side. - The message is be macho. And according to Gardier, it's striking a chord with men at a time when more women are finding professional success. - If you haven't been able to keep up with them, this is the way that you can. Hark back to when a man was a man. Forget about these women. They're not your competition. Now you can reclaim your territory and be the king of the jungle. - But it doesn't end there. Naturally, after the backlash heightened, the people at Dr. Pepper were none too eager to defend themselves. According to a story from ABC News, quote, "Dave Fleming, the director of marketing for the company, told advertising age in industry publication that he was not out to alienate women and that the goal was to be direct and have fun." Did we have a conversation about how far we wanted to go with this message? - Absolutely, he said in an interview in February of 2010 when the campaign was in testing. But we did the research and it scored well with all men and women. Meanwhile, Jim Treblecock, executive president of marketing for the company, and yes, that really is his name, said that about 40% of people who tried the soda so far are women. The drink was tested and promoted in six markets across the nation before being widely rolled out. Women get the joke. Is this really for men or really for women? Is it a way to start the conversation that can spread and get people engaged in the product? End quote. Who would've guessed that the engagement that the product wound up getting would be the complete and total opposite of what they intended? Maybe if they actually marketed the soda towards all audiences instead of simply saying that the ad tested well with all audiences, Dr. Pepper 10 might still be on shelves today. So where does Dr. Pepper 10 for men assert its masculinity in telehealth? Put on your sportiest smelly anti-perspirant as we go rock climbing without a harness down the nine circles. - Limbaugh lost. - Gluttony. - Raph, heresy. - I wouldn't saw a treachery. - Let's not mince words. Soda is soda, no matter who's drinking it and no matter what the flavor or calorie content of it is. The fact that the advertisers happen to put women in the crosshairs of some of these commercials is pretty much unavoidable. That being said, the backlash to this commercial, though questionably exaggerated, is still valid enough so that the ad pays the boatload of wrath from viewers and women's groups alike. (bell ringing) To further accentuate the backlash, the website mic.com, spelled M-I-C, not Michael, stated that quote, "Dr. Pepper 10's ad "is ultimately a counterproductive advertising tactic "as it offends both sexes and ostracizes buyers. "This ad campaign insults men and women "as it reinforces society's stereotype "of what a real version of a gender is. "It paints women as inferior, "which ostracizes a good portion of their buyers. "And on another level, it also paints men "who don't subscribe to the portrayal of what a man is "as inferior too. "The man in the commercial could be easily described "as a violent chauvinist idiot running around "causing mayhem, and I'm sure that both genders, "not just men, wouldn't like to be represented like that. "The commercial implies that all men act like the man "in the commercial, and if they don't, "then they're not real men. "Not subscribing to their definition of masculinity "makes men. "People identify as individuals, "not as society's stereotype of their gender," end quote. This was pretty evident in the imagery used in the ads. That of shit blowing up in various other tropes that would appeal to the male audience's most basest wants and needs. In other words, this is one of the rare cases when lust goes beyond simple ogling. (bell ringing) Meanwhile, the flack over the ads ultimately spelled doom for the Dr. Pepper 10 brand, which supposedly is still being sold online at regional markets across America. But not on the national level that it once had when the brand debuted in 2011. But since most of the websites that claim to sell them say temporarily unavailable, I'm gonna call their bluff and say the flavor has gone flat in limbo. (bell ringing) Especially when you already have a soda that's selling pretty well among all demographics. Going after one specific audience because you think they're going to spend more, maybe one of the greediest tactics anyone has ever seen when it comes to consumer consumption. (bell ringing) And besides, what good is any brand going to be if it's only going to appeal to half of an audience anyway? (upbeat music) The Dr. Pepper 10 for men ads earn four out of nine circles of telehealth. (bell ringing) But perhaps the most damning thing about these commercials is that they go 100% against what the main product stands for in the first place. (upbeat music) The original "Be a Pepper" campaign was meant to promote not just the soda, but also the idea that it's okay to go off the beaten path a little. To not choose between various status quoes. To highlight individuality. So much so that later on in the 90s and the 2000s, the commercials evolved so that individuality could be emphasized as more of a positive characteristic. ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ So they say the visuality ♪ ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ Sound awesome ♪ ♪ The visuality ♪ ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ So looks individuality ♪ ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ So looks individuality ♪ ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of Dr. Pepper ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ The taste of originality ♪ ♪ So looks individuality ♪ And all because Dr. Pepper itself is a unique brand of soda that goes out of its way to stand out among a crowd of conformity. The fact that they would take that same uniqueness and fragmented to just one demographic, that's just hypocritical. On the plus side, at least all the other Dr. Pepper commercials that have happened past and present are not half as bad as the ones with Justin Guarini in them. ♪ For watching all of my sweet dance moves ♪ ♪ You deserve to swim ♪ ♪ For war, diet, doctor ♪ What? Oh, man. It's been a while since I've had a good soda. I'm kind of surprised that the bosses left his fridge unguarded. Figure everything would be under lock and key. Anyway, you can't just have a drink, but then again, it really depends on how hungry you are. I mean, you start with a drink, but you also move yourself up towards other things, like an appetizer. Let's see what kind of appetizers he's got in the deli crisper. Let's see. We got deviled ham, deviled eggs, devil's food cake. Why would that be in the deli crisper, right? You know, that's the boss. That's kind of what he has to have there, but I think I'm just going to grab a couple of these deviled eggs here, and I'm just going to indulge. Mm. Mm. Oh. Ah, good. I just got stuck. Oh. Now, the right appetizer has set the right mood for what a big meal is. Oh, I'm going to have more eggs. Oh, oh, oh. But sometimes the wrong appetizer can leave a bad taste in your mouth, such as the case when a certain popped potato chip or air popped potato chip tried to introduce itself in a somewhat politically incorrect way. Mm. Oh. Just as, like, just ask what happened with Ashton Kutcher in this story from March 18th of 2022. Oh, man. I've been avoiding these all my life. I wonder why. Oh. Oh. Ladies and gentle demons. Brace yourselves. This one comes fully equipped with... A content warning. We realize that the internet and the world at large can be a very sensitive place sometimes, so much so that it almost seems impossible not to overreact whenever a sensitive subject is brought up, even in the most analytical of terms. This is going to be one of those times because the commercial that we're going to be looking at deals with one of those sensitive subjects and we're giving you fair warning that we're about to take a walk through a minefield. As we present to you a few brief words about cultural appropriation and whitewashing that I'm glad already exists. Takes a lot of pressure off of me. The desire to play demographic dress-up runs surprisingly deep. America has supposedly evolved past issues of racial characters in movies, TV, etc. But even with racism now officially over, some Americans just can't seem to let go of their obsession with dressing up in offensive outfits. Which, by no natural segue whatsoever, brings us to a small independent snack company called Hopchips. Founded in 2007, Popchips was a simple idea. Take the potato chip, use high pressure and temperatures to puff them up the same way the Quaker Company would do for their edible drink coasters known as rice cakes, and boom, instant healthy snack. As is the case with most startups, Hopchips would take their time in gaining success within a crowded marketplace. Slowly but surely, they eventually gained enough credibility that the company would later be named one of the 20 most promising companies of 2011 by Forbes magazine. One year later, thanks to social media, and in particular, one person's presence there, Hopchips would attain the highest level of fame it would achieve to that point. - There's a rabbit stuck in a tree, and I want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs. (crowd cheering) - Actor, producer, guy who punks people, 21st century racon tour, and lovable monk Ashton Kutcher has managed to maintain his career long after playing equally lovable monk, Michael Kelso, on that '70s show. In between various movies, marrying his TV co-star, and pinch hitting for Charlie Sheen, Kutcher would use his celebrity status to do what's known in the business as "influencing." A fancy way of saying that you like something to a crowd of masses in the hopes that said masses will wind up following suit and help rake in incredibly large uncalled for profits for the thing that's being endorsed. In 2012, Kutcher's following on social media was pretty strong. 11 million followers on Twitter's strong, plus 13 million on Facebook. To put that in perspective, the Twitter number has grown to 17 million as of 2022 and 18 million on his Facebook. Meanwhile, back in 2012, Kutcher used his influence and his celebrity status in addition to becoming one of the company's financial partners to put the then-butting pop chips company into the stratosphere simply by gushing over how good the product was. Long story short, Kutcher plus 13 million followers equals a lot of this. So much so that the next logical step was for pop chips and Kutcher to expand their advertising reach in the hopes of selling even more snacks to the growing masses. So, in 2012, Kutcher, pop chips, and an up-and-coming advertising agency known as ZamBessie got together to come up with a way to let more people know about this miracle product. The combined parties put together an estimated $1.5 million for an ad campaign that, like many, had the best of intentions. According to the New York Times, quote, the underpinning of the campaign is the love that pop chips customers have for the brand. So, the campaign has a dating theme and is being called worldwide lovers, end quote. The campaign would be your typical blitz between outdoor billboards, internet videos, and especially TV commercials. The characters Kutcher would be playing were a motley crew of international voices, including a German made to look like Carl Lagerfeld, Google him, a British stoner, a mild-mannered American biker, and a bally-wood movie producer. Now, for those who think we may be jumping the gun just a little bit, let's not mince words, we are. Pretty much everything you could think of just by us mentioning Ashton Kutcher playing a bally-wood producer is more than justified, and we haven't even pushed the play button yet. But before we do, I feel the need to repeat the bullet points just to be sure that we're on the same page. Ashton Kutcher and pop chips plunked down $1.5 million to put together an ad campaign where the hopes of getting more people to consume low-calorie potato crisps all banked on Kutcher portraying four international figures, one of which is highly questionable. Seeing this out loud, there was no possible way that this could have been a good idea, both to raise brand awareness and the commercial on the whole. But to make sure that we ease ourselves into this, we're going to feature all the other accents separately before we address the sacred cow in the room. Let's start things off with the British stoner, who I think was supposed to be a parody of that other pop cultural touchstone of 2012, Russell Brand. But I think that might just be a coincidence. I'm Nigel, and I'm seeking higher planes of consciousness, higher planes of consciousness. I'm an extraordinary lover. (laughing) I can also, without even looking, tell you whether you have an any or an outy belly button. I want to ravage you. Monkeys plus robots. Okay, that was slightly amusing. Let's move on to the Carl Lagerfeld cosplay. Money creates taste, and I have lots of both. Okay, go away, James. So who am I? I am Darr. So my whole life is detail, higher, lower, details, good. I'm sorry, I was holding my bed to look skinnier. This is poo-poo. Poo-poo is okay, they are kosher. She only eats kosher. A questionable voice, but still not offensive, and at least he didn't scream at the top of his lungs, like Steve Carell doing as a German saying nice things, on to the American of the group. Probably one of the more well-behaved members of Hell's Angels. My name is Swordfish, I'm looking for something hot and spicy. How would I describe me? I love poetry. I like 'em things, but you know, brownware counts. And for the most part, those three don't really say or do anything that would raise any red flags. The voices themselves are kind of debatable in terms of authenticity, but then again, it is Ashton Kutcher. Unfortunately, authenticity pretty much flies out the window. The second we see Kutcher did himself in brown body paint and use a voice that would make one wish that a poo from The Simpsons returned to the show with open arms. We put this off long enough. Bro lit. - I'm Raj, I'm a Bollywood producer. I'm looking for the most delicious thing on the planet, like Kardashian hot. I would give that dog a bone. Yes, I was in a milking contest and I wanted, huh? I like snooky. Yes. In an effort to wipe the slate clean, the ad wraps up with Kutcher as himself coming on to pretty much downplay all of the characters that he just portrayed, not just the highly questionable one. You're waiting rooms like a freak show. Are we all in the same category? Life is short, strike a match at worldwidelovers.com. The backlash this ad got once it was unleashed on social media was almost instantaneous. And of those who complained, Hassan Minaj, an actual humorist of Indian descent, called Kutcher to the carpet. Number one, white dude in brown face. Why? Number two, not even funny. Even the Metro PCS guys are like, "Holy sh*t come up!" Number three, the references don't even make sense. I did this film that is very similar to milk. We called it coolade. Okay, look, maybe Popchips consciously didn't want to offend minorities. But subconsciously, they knew they could get away with clowning Indians and Asians. Because that's the way it is now. They wouldn't do that with any other ethnicity. And you know that Asians and Indians are the new clownable minority. We're dickless, docile, just people that have accents and fix computers. Well, guess what? We're not. We're dope, we're awesome, we're in rap groups, we're leading men, we're killing it right now, and you are pulling us back. So fuck you, suck my brown. "Holy sh*t come up!" And that was just the comedic side of things. The news sphere turned out to use a little harsher lighting on the subject. Everyone from Time Magazine to The New York Times pretty much tore the spot a new chip hole. But among the reviews and the backlash, one particular user who the news people cited was a critic named Anil Dash, who sums up the ad this way in part. Quote, "Don't watch it. It's a hack need, unfunny advertisement featuring Kutcher in brown face talking about his romantic options, with the entire punchline being that he's doing it in a fake Indian outfit and voice. That's it, there's seriously no other gag. I think we can attack the process by which these broken racist exploitative parts on our culture are created. Right now, you're making the world worse. Not just for me or a billion other Indian people, but for my son, who I'm hoping never has to grow up with people putting on fake Indian accents in order to mock him. I think the people behind this pop chips ad are not racist. I just think they made a racist ad because they're so steeped in our culture's racism that they didn't even realize that they were doing it." End quote. Anil goes on to list all the hypothetical ways that the spot could have been handled better. Things like keeping the ad up online on the condition that the company explained themselves afterwards. Have those involved from behind the scenes to in front of the camera, apologize for their role in the ad. Have the media admit their blindness when it came to the ad's content? End changed the way companies respond to the constant stream of racist and sexist advertising campaigns that they launch in the media. All in all, the only noteworthy apology that seems to have been made was the one that pop chips CEO Keith Belling did on the website's public blog, which conveniently enough no longer exists. Even if you were to dig through the way back machine. Long story short, they got shamed. And despite still being around today, the ad will remain a constant black mark in an otherwise successful independent snack company. So, where does pop chips' international faux pas package itself in telehealth? The chip making process may involve high pressure and temperature, which should also mean it's about to get popped up in the nine circles. - Limbaugh lost, gluttony, re-rath heresy. - Violence! (upbeat music) - The obvious one for this week was all the wrath that the spot received from various Indian and South Asian anti-defamation groups. (bell ringing) Sidebar, I honestly could not believe just how many people commented on the YouTube video that quote, "It wasn't bad racist. "People should just lighten up." Considering their YouTube comments, I wouldn't exactly take what they say at face value. The impression and especially the brown face should not have been done in the first place and you'd be foolish to think otherwise. All the backlash, however, would not have existed were it not for all parties involved pulling up $1.5 million to get the campaign launched, one that pop chips was hoping would result in more customers gluttonously eating their snacks, resulting in the raking in of more money to hopefully topple their nearest competitors. And who says startup companies aren't just a little bit greedy. (bell ringing) Perhaps the most surprising thing about all of this is that Ashton Kutcher actually got out of this incident relatively unscathed, which we'll talk a little bit more about in the wrap-up, but otherwise, there had to have been easier ways to pop this chip. The pop chips dating add earns three out of nine circles of tele-hell. (bell ringing) In the midst of what we now know is cancel culture today, it also kind of surprised me that Ashton Kutcher still managed to have a career after the incident. Then again, it's been 10 years and he seems to be doing just fine. He's distanced himself from pop chips shortly after it happened, but his career never went down the tubes because of it. Hell, he invested in a number of startups whenever he appeared on Shark Tank, and he and his wife, Mila Kunis, are currently raising funds to help out Ukraine. So it's not like he's a monster or anything, hold it. (screaming) Whatever you do, do not Google Ashton Kutcher, comma Mila Kunis, comma Danny Masterson, comma defense of. There's far too many cans of worms to unpack with that, but let's just say that it's not a good time to be Ashton Kutcher right now. Anyway, back to the wrap. (record scratching) I'd like to think that he eventually realized the errors of his ways from the pop chips add. Either that or he's working overtime to make sure that karma stays on his side, lest he actually turns out like his most popular character in real life. - I'm sneaking your garage, grab the tools, where it'll never never, okay, but you gotta be really quiet. - Come on, it's me we're talking about 'em, like a cat. (screaming) - Oh man, I love those duffled eggs, and I even love the fact that because I'm already dead, I technically don't feel hungry, nor do I feel full. I can go for another bite. And now that we've had the appetizers, let's see what other courses we can raid from this fridge here, and. Oh, a Philly cheesesteak. I haven't had one of these in forever. Oh, down the hatch. (grunting) Oh, a slope, yeah. Oh, now I know how shaggy and scooby fell whenever they try to eat a sandwich. Sandwiches are a good meal. A quick substitute for whatever the main course can be, but it's always good to. Oh man. It's always good to have a backup plan just in case the meal falls through, so that's where sandwiches come in. Pieces of bread, pieces of meat, pieces of toppings and all that stuff, and you got yourself a meal. (grunting) Now, sometimes the meal is one thing. But you got to be able to get the message of the meal across to whoever's going to be eating it. And what do I mean by the message of the meal? Well, that's something that Subway sandwich shops learn the hard way in this story from November 19th of 2021. And now I'm going to finish this. (grunting) Yeah, I could use more whiz. Choose whiz that is. A little while ago, we told the story of how an up-and-coming young sandwich franchise used a combination of dust mites and Dr. Moreau's DNA splicing to create whatever the hell this was. ♪ We love you, son ♪ ♪ Sip it ♪ So it only seems fair that we now need to give its major opponents some equal time if an ad campaign that, not unlike its former spokesperson, raised a flag or two. But first, some history. Like many businesses, the Subway sandwich franchise started out locally. In 1965, a then-17-year-old named Fred Deluca, his mother Carmella, and family friend, an honest-to-god nuclear physicist named Peter Buck teamed up to start a holding company known as Doctors Associates, a company that helped create what was first known as Heath's Super Submarines, a sandwich shop based in Bridgeport, Connecticut. Three years later, the name of the shop changed to Subway sandwiches, and the success of the initial shop was enough so that a dozen additional shops popped up around Connecticut. By the mid-1970s, Subway began franchising the shops nationwide, soon to be worldwide by the turn of this century, and all because people were looking for alternatives to what had become all too common by that point, far too many fast food stores making most of the country gain a vast waistband. In the beginning, Subway sandwiches were made fresh with fresh ingredients, and most often right in front of the customers that make them, thus ensuring that quality control was being maintained. But even though the franchise had been growing rapidly throughout the '80s and '90s, that growth seemed to have taken place under the radar. It wouldn't be until much later in the '90s when Subway would ramp up their advertising game thanks to a few key product placements, largely in movie tie-ins involving various SNL stars of the day. Get a cone heads collector cup with a mass quantities meal deal at Subway, the place where fresh is the taste. - Lots of flies last. - This fresh, delicious, tasty, meaty, jerky-filled cold-cut combo. - Hey, happy. Can I have one of those? - Coming right up. Talk about a whole 'n' one. - But it wouldn't be until roughly the year 2000 when Subway's fortunes kept on trending upward thanks to somebody that will now cause me to hit this button for the first time ever. (screaming) Because Satan knows this, like many other elephants in the room, is a difficult thing to bring up, but it's still necessary to do in light of the rest of this story. - Jared Fogle. - And no, we're not gonna be playing any clips involving him because it's bad enough that I'm in hell, downloading any commercials that he did would probably make me an accessory to sex crimes on top of it. But in brief, Subway discovered Fogle in 2000 after hearing that his diet of Subway, in addition to walking to his local shop every day, helped him lose nearly 250 pounds. He became the company's first major spokesperson for about 15 years. Then he did some stuff that got him locked up in prison for the next 15 years. And that's all we're gonna say about him. And if Chris Hansen shows up at any time in the next few minutes, nobody's home. Unrelated to Fogle. During that initial 15-year period, say the year 2001, Subway introduced one of their more memorable slogans. E. Fresh, continuing to emphasize the difference in ingredients compared to their major competitors. Two years after introducing the slogan, Subway's next step in the campaign was one of those classic, it looked good on paper kind of ideas. According to a 2003 article in the New York Times, the campaign, to be created by Minneapolis-based ad firm, Fallon Worldwide, the sandwich chain was looking for a way to convey to people that they could eat their sandwiches one minute and then be able to consume something less healthy than next. Those that did wound up doing so under the declaration that, quote, "It's okay, I had Subway," end quote. Which, saying that out loud sounds slightly hypocritical considering that Subway's MO from day one is to be the healthy alternative to fast food joints. Then again, maybe Subway's food was so healthy that eating anywhere else later in the day won't be as frowned upon, or at least, that was the main intention of the ads. The overall execution of them was another story. Upon somebody in the commercial declaring that, "It's okay, they had Subway," that was taken as a cue to another person in the room when somebody said it that they could pretty much get away with anything, as long as they've had Subway earlier in the day. This resulted in a somewhat cross-signalled message that spanned throughout the campaign, the most infamous of which was this ad, where a husband finds his wife cheating on her diet. - Wow, somebody's letting go today. - It's okay, I had Subway for lunch. - Which is then followed immediately by the husband wearing a cheerleader outfit and washing a car to the tune of Tony Basil's Mickey. You heard me. - It's okay, I had Subway. - Subway, good, so you don't always have to be. - Another spot in the campaign, which, unfortunately, we can only find a copy that aired in Australia, features a guy who bears a striking resemblance to Dennis Reynolds of Philadelphia. He sees his girlfriend power down a box of cookies because, you guessed it, she had Subway the day before. - I'm a little nervous about meeting your family. Did you just eat that entire box of cookies? - It's okay, we had Subway last night. - We cut to the two of them at a family birthday party where, thanks to the mistaken interpretation, the star of that '80s show has a surprise for grandpa. - All right, you're gonna get your grandpa. (screaming) - It's okay, I had to Subway. - There were other spots in the campaign that we, unfortunately, couldn't find. But according to the Times article, they mentioned moments like an uptight executive pretending to be leading a diva and a husband revealing to his wife that he's a stripper, both because other people ate a healthy lunch and they misinterpreted that as signals to do things that border on seemingly petty crimes and indecency. Bizarrely enough, the most tame of the ads of the campaign feature none other than Fogle himself eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. As a couple of passers-by question why he's there in the first place, possibly without a tracking bracelet of some kind, but nothing wacky winds up happening afterward. What wasn't wacky was the backlash and criticism the spots wound up getting. Yes, in spite of the fact that the ads were still bizarrely funny in their own right, the ads themselves prompted more questions than out and out complaints from those who watched them. Thus, narrowly avoiding our umptie views of the think of the children line. In fact, while researching this subject, we came across something in the dust bin of the internet. Bizarrely enough, it was a Star Wars message board entry from boards.theforce.net that posted in their off-topic section. The subject? Who should star in the next "it's okay I had Subway ads?" The responses were about as inspired as they were products of the era. With suggestions ranging from George Lucas to George W. Bush to what was incidentally the most popular answer given, Michael Jackson. And we dare not re-enact what the commenters said, but trust me, we would go to the actual hell for repeating any of them. Meanwhile, in the real world, Subway may have actually seen this kinda sorta backlash coming. Just a few months after the "it's okay" campaign launched and confused people, the chain put out this one-minute follow-up explaining where the confusion may have been in trying to understand the main message of the campaign. And to guarantee that the message would get across, Subway did no less than put this ad during the same big football game where the most famous fabric rip in recorded history wound up taking place. (coughs) - For some of you may have gotten the wrong idea about Subway. - Hey, it's okay, it's in Subway. - No, what we meant was if you eat a good low-fat diet of Subway, it's okay to occasionally eat bad, not be bad. - Oh, so you, Kelly and Memphis, stop spilling on bad tippers and you, boy and Mike, stop trying to bring that fair heart. - And Lance, stop using puppies to meet girls. - No, not that either. I'm sorry, Wang Chung, no uniture. - So remember people, delicious low-fat Subway sandwiches and for your low-carb course, the new Atkins-friendly chicken bacon dance wrap and turkey and bacon milk wrap. They help make up for eating bad, and not being bad, somewhat good, so you don't always have to be. - And while we commend a major business of any kind to not only backtrack themselves, but actually apologize for a misleading ad, albeit in a roundabout way, the damage had still been inflicted, which brings us to the nine circles. - Limbaugh, lost, gluttony, ref, heresy, violence, so much, retry. (upbeat music) - The rationale behind these ads sounded good on paper. According to one food service insider being interviewed in the New York Times article, quote, "Subway has hit the sweet spot by doing a balancing act between selling taste and selling food that's better for you. I don't think they should stray too far from that. A turkey sandwich at Subway may be better than a burger, and if you put cheese and mail on it, it could be pretty tasty," end quote. And while I'm sure that we're plenty of ways to convey that message, aside from what Subway ultimately decided to do, using probably one of the more misguided attempts to use sex to sell, thanks to male cheerleaders, male strippers, and Lady Gadaiba enthusiasts severely warping the power of lust to sell a sandwich. A power which ultimately caused viewers to complain, though not 100% in a wrathful way, but loud enough so that they then had to make a second commercial explaining themselves. And with Subway at that time being the second most popular fast food chain in the world behind only McDonald's, perhaps they felt a little too eager, dare I say, greedy to get over the hump of sandwich supremacy. Sandwiches that their health conscious consumers would hope to keep consuming in increasingly gluttonous ways. Though not so much in about 15 years when somebody at Subway checked the search history on their infamous spokesperson. But that's another story for another place, possibly a true crime podcast instead. The It's Okay, I Had Subway Campaign of 2003 earns four out of nine circles of telehealth. (bell ringing) Something that a lot of these advertisers have in common is that it wouldn't be the first or the last time that they would flirt with controversy. But while the questionably misunderstood ad campaign is one thing, it's another when the advertising in question is patently false. (groaning) Ah, I'm almost full. Ugh, almost. Let's see, I'm still having found the turkeys, so let's see what else is here. (explosions) Ooh, ah! I've seen a fire in a fridge before, so that means we've come across the spicy foods. Yeah, I do like spicy foods. I mean, not all at once, because there's only so much punishment that my ass and my toilet can take at the same time. Everything in moderation, of course. Mm. Oh. Ah, yeah. Mm. Now, the thing about spicy food and, well, food in general, is that sometimes you need to know the right audience to cater to, no pun intended, but it comes to catering your meal. You never know who's gonna show up at a given dinner, whether it be, you know, people from one part of the world or from a different state or a different country or whatever. You gotta be sure that the thing that you serve is not only gonna be appealing to those that you invite, Mm. But also, also something that you hope won't offend most of the crowd. And that's another thing that was learned the hard way, only this time by our good friends, well, not really good friends, but our familiar acquaintance, Burger King. Check this story out from November 25th, 2022. I gotta get some Pepto now. Feels like forever since we visited the home of a Whopper. ♪ Oh, hold the people over ♪ ♪ And especially on and down ♪ ♪ I feel like all we ever give ♪ ♪ That you let them turn in your way ♪ Years ago, Burger King was the subject of our first ever mini-soad, one where we spoke about the time where an advertising agency that they hired concocted an ill-conceived character meant to be the figurehead of an even more ill-conceived contest. ♪ Aren't you hungry for Burger King? ♪ But for the most part, BK ultimately recovered from the Herb debacle of the 1980s to continue being America's backup burger choice to this very day. This would be done largely through a series of special offers over the years that would, at the very least, be seen as unique among its other competitors. Who among us remember the brief time in the 90s when they tried to make their stores feel more like a restaurant with table-side service and pre-meal popcorn? - Yeah. - Dinner baskets, it's about that time. - Chicken, steak, whopper, true. - Coming in with a basket? - All right. - So where for you? - Working for me. - It's your way. - Right away. - I love this. - Or how about the time when they teamed up with Xbox to actually offer exclusive single-level video games for a low-dough price? - When hunger strikes, it's up to you to strike back. Hide, creep, sneak, sneak, cue. Three ninety-nine, only at Burger King. - Of course, gimmicks only have so much staying power. The one true mark of BK success is, was, and would continue to be the new and existing items that they would have on their menu from time to time. One such item came along in 2009 in the hopes of lowering customers away from another fast-food giant that was hoarding in on their business without ever selling a single burger, at least that we know of. (speaking in foreign language) The story of Taco Bell is one for another time and place. But suffice to say, it's held its own over the years as an alternative to the tried and true of fast food everywhere. So naturally, BK tried to siphon off of Taco Bell's success by making an adjustment to its world-famous whopper, which, to be fair, BK has done numerous times in numerous flavors, but never quite like this. They would take an existing whopper and add to it a second patty. One made with taco-coated chili con carne and topped with cheese, jalapenos, and cajun mayonnaise. Put them all together and you've got the 1,000 calorie monstrosity known as the Texican Whopper. A name that, now that I'm saying it out loud, sounds like it should have been sold at BK's whose locations also happen to be inside Texaco gas stations. But I digress. As a test run, roll out of the burger began slowly in BK's European markets. Sure enough, the burger was a hit out of a gate and it was ready to roll out to American shores. But before it did, people needed to know that something new was coming to the BK menu. So BK enlisted the help of advertising agency Crispin Porter and Bogusky to try and encapsulate what this sandwich was going to represent. Built as the combination between Beef from the West and Tacos from south of the border, the ad agency thought it would be a smart idea to team up a stereotypical cowboy with an even more stereotypical Mexican wrestler or Luchador as they're sometimes known. But just to add a little humor insurance, the Luchador happened to be a little person. The commercial starts with an ad in a newspaper catching the attention of our cowboy and his accompanying horse. As he is greeted by the Luchador, we then see the three of them helping each other out in various household tasks. The wrestler opening a jar, the cowboy lifting the wrestler when he's cleaning a high spot on a window and even the horse joining in when looking envelopes while the cowboy and wrestler mail out autographed pictures. The key message being projected. - Brought together by destiny. People said it never worked. But somehow, one plus one equals three. The Texican Whopper, the taste of Texas with a little spicy Mexican. To understand it, you must try it. - The result? Probably one of the funniest commercials I've ever seen. But before you go raising flags, I certainly would not classify this as a guilty pleasure commercial because in order for the commercial to be truly effective, it would have had to have convinced me to actually want to buy the burger in the first place. It was still a somewhat amusing visual for what was being presented. But you know that we wouldn't cover something down here if there wasn't any trouble brewing. Sure enough, there was enough trouble with this ad to make at least one country go. (speaking in foreign language) I would now like to quote, in part, the story that news monolith Reuters reported in regards to the controversy that this commercial caused. And I quote, "Fast food giant burger king apologized "on Tuesday for an advertisement featuring "a squat Mexican draped in his country's flag "next to a tall American cowboy "and said it would change the campaign." Mexico's ambassador to Spain wrote a letter complaining to Burger King and requested the ad campaign be discontinued. Burger King said the ads were meant to show a mixture of influences from the southwestern United States and Mexico, not to poke fun at Mexican culture, but said it would replace them as soon as commercially possible. Burger King Corporation has made the decision to revise the Texican Whopper advertising out of respect for the Mexican culture and its people. The main complaint being that the wrestler in question was inappropriately displaying the Mexican flag whose image is protected under national law, end quote. Or at least the ad was revived in most of the world. Some parts of Europe still manage to have a little bit more fun with it as this commercial from the Netherlands shows us. We see a different cowboy looking even more ridiculous than its American equivalent trying to earn a spot on an American I/O-esque program. How does the combination of Texas beef and tacos combine this time? "Hello." (speaking in foreign language) If only I spoke Dutch. Anyway, where does the Texican Whopper commercial find itself embroiled in the flames of tele-hell? As the Taco Bell Chihuahua might have said, (speaking in foreign language) Like I said, I happen to find this commercial amusing, but no matter how good BK's intentions were, they still somehow managed to offend an entire country. So much so that the ad was ultimately removed and you can't ask for a more powerful form of rap than mad. (bell ringing) As is the case whenever a questionable commercial is made, there's also the question of just how far the advertiser was willing to go in order to squeeze out a buck or two from the gluttonous consumers who were willing to subject themselves to a burger topped with a taco patty. (bell ringing) Hopefully resulting in BK being able to line their profits a little more securely in the never-ending greed-related quest to outdo the golden arches in terms of sales. (bell ringing) And all for a sandwich that, as of this recording, no longer exists. Sure, there are other BK burgers out there with Texas themes, but in spite of how popular it was everywhere else in the world, the Texican Whopper has been in limbo ever since the sandwich debuted and subsequently went away in 2009. (bell ringing) Maybe if it was marketed some other way, it'd still be on the menu right now. (speaking in foreign language) (speaking in foreign language) I said some other way. (upbeat music) The Burger King Texican Whopper earns four out of nine circles of telehealth. (bell ringing) And unfortunately, this would not be the last time that BK would have the best of intentions when it came to marketing their meals. (upbeat music) But why bump people out before the holidays? (groaning) Still haven't found that turkey. Oh, whoa. Okay, he's there. Maybe now's the time to pace ourselves just a little bit. Oh, man, alive. (sighing) Maybe I should have done this from the gluttony floor after all, instead of the boss's office. Ah, anyway, where am I, turkey, turkey, turkey? It's gotta be in here somewhere and... Now, I guess I'm still in the mood for more meat. I mean, I do see a couple burgers here and there and also see, oh, hold on, this one's in Tupperware. It expires November 1985 and it's a burger. And it's, I guess it's been preserved. I don't see any mold on it or anything, but... Now, I can't think of a better way to segue into this one than to say that this was our first ever mini show that we did some five years ago. It's the tale of Burger King and Herb from July 14th, 2019. Hang on, I gotta just put this back here, just in case it emits some sort of... (groaning) Foul, odor, this shouldn't stay left over. Ugh. Ever since the infancy of wireless communication, the easiest way to get the point across was through advertising. ♪ Mio, mio, mio, mio, mio ♪ ♪ Sometimes you feel like I'm out ♪ ♪ I want my day ♪ ♪ Cold canning, coated popcorn ♪ ♪ In a bed of mine ♪ ♪ Stronger than dirt ♪ ♪ And stuff ♪ ♪ I've been different ♪ ♪ I've been this department ♪ ♪ Things go better with Coca-Cola ♪ ♪ Things go better with Coca-Cola ♪ ♪ Right around me ♪ ♪ The San Francisco treat ♪ Many decades could be considered by some to be of a golden age of advertising. For the purposes of this story, we travel to the mid-1980s. Capitalism reached one of its many-favored pitches, and just about everybody that could make a buck did so by advertising themselves with full force. The recession of the early part of the decade came to an end, and consumer confidence was at an all-time high, thanks in very small parts of various commercials capturing the country's attention. It didn't matter if it was a car, or a can of soda. Advertising had a major apex in the 1980s with one memorable campaign after another. ♪ You're placed on a kiss ♪ ♪ Ten million strong and growing ♪ ♪ Two scoops of hump-ducy raisins ♪ ♪ In chaos, raisin' bread ♪ ♪ Cold grey pound ♪ ♪ And feet that drive into a sky ♪ ♪ Cold, yeah, die, and cold ♪ ♪ Just for the taste of it ♪ Perhaps the most telling barometer of the impact of '80s advertising was just how well one aspect of everyday life was doing among the masses. That of the fast food industry. For brevity's sake, we're only talking about the big three. ♪ That's why you're crazy ♪ ♪ I just pay you ♪ ♪ You want something better ♪ ♪ You're when this kind of people ♪ ♪ Weren't you hungry for burdening milk ♪ ♪ Good time for the great taste ♪ ♪ Of McDonald's ♪ ♪ It's a good time for the great taste ♪ ♪ Got it, I can't fight ♪ Since the dawn of time, a certain golden arch, clown mascot and burger factory, has been the worldwide dominator of fast food. Not only coming up with memorable ad campaigns, but also continuing to innovate the creation of new sandwiches and meals to add to their inexpensively expansive menu. ♪ I'm talking what about the people on the hot side ♪ ♪ And the hot stays hot ♪ ♪ The big D.L.T. ♪ ♪ Hot, hot ♪ ♪ Quick medicine tomato on the cuckoo ♪ Of course, despite their domination, they're not the only game in town. In the 1980s, their competitors realized they were sick of playing the also-ran when it came to where people wanted fries with that. In 1984, the arches experienced their first major threat to having their heels being nipped at. When a certain upstart fast food chain from Dublin, Ohio asked one simple question. Hey, where's the thing? I don't think there's anybody back there. You want something better. Your wind is kind of people. So ubiquitous was this commercial and its subsequent follow-ups that a presidential candidate actually used the phrase to take down one of his political rivals. When I hear your new ideas, I'm reminded of that ad. Where's the beef? Yeah. (laughing) It wasn't enough for one fast food redhead to topple another, but at least being a comfortable second for a little while wasn't too bad. But as usual, we're not here to talk about success. This story is about that other fast food place that also perennially tries to nip at its competitors' heels. Realizing the success that one of the competing fast food places suddenly had thanks to a memorable ad campaign, this place had the urge to fight fire with fire, which stands to reason, considering their cooking process involved flame-broiled grilling. But thanks to the campaign they came up with, they would soon find themselves embroiled with a whopper of a flame, the flames of Teller Hill. In 1985, Burger King was at one of its low points in terms of overall sales. In the days of such campaigns as "have it your way and aren't you hungry" seemed to have faded into time. Realizing that they wouldn't stand for an upstart like Wendy's stealing what little thunder they had, B.K. decided to reach for the big guns of Madison Avenue. Early that year, B.K. consulted the prestigious J. Walter Thompson Agency. That's why you always leave a note. No, that's J. Walter Thompson. Not J. Walter Weatherman. Anyway, this was a company that had been around since the 1860s, and has been responsible for advertising such brands as Kelloggs, Nestle, Ford, and countless dozens of others. B.K. was looking for their own version of Ronald McDonald and Clara Peller. The result, a man named Herb. At this time, Burger King begins a nationwide search for one man, his name. Is Herb. We don't know much about Herb. When the commercials debuted in November of 1985, there was as much mystery around them as there was confusion. Who was Herb? Why was Herb? And perhaps most importantly, why would B.K. pit their hopes on an unknown character who claimed to have never eaten one of their burgers in his life? Madison Avenue can be an odd place to walk through, but B.K. had their plan. Herb was the centerpiece of a hybrid contest and discount promotion they would formally launch a few months later, the sum of which was that the actor who played Herb, John Melnick, would appear at various B.K. stores across the country, decked out in the finest of nerd attire-- high pants, cornering glasses, loud jacket, the works. The first person in each store to spot Herb would instantly win $5,000 cash and then be entered into a grand prize drawing for $1 million. On the discount side of things, B.K. subsequently launched the "I'm Not Herb" campaign, where people would get a whopper for only $0.99. If they tell the cashier, "I'm Not Herb." And if their name happened to be Herb, but they still wanted the discount, they would have to tell them, "I'm Not The Herb You're Looking For." Marking one of the lamest variants of the Jedi mind trick known to mankind. And what if your name happens to be Herb? Just saying, "I'm Not The Herb You're Looking For." Remember, he's on the drawings you're looking for. These are the droids we're looking for. The initial curiosity of who Herb was lasted from November 1985 until January 1986, when he made his face known to millions of people in this commercial that aired during that year's Super Bowl. Sometimes sooner, this man could walk into your light and make you a millionaire. It was at that point that the contest formally launched. Now that people knew what Herb looked like, it would obviously be easier to spot him. And for the most part, a number of people across the country did, but did it do anything to be K's luggage sales? The home of the whopper dropped about 40% of their profits in 1986, thanks in no small part to the confusion of the promotion, but that's not the only problem Herb inflicted onto the public. The campaign led to controversy in early 1986, when a 15-year-old boy spotted Herb at a BK restaurant in rural Alabama and believed that he had won $5,000. Because he was under the age of 16, the minimum age for participating in the promotion, the prize money was given to the boy's older friend, who was with him at the time. Burger King defended the decision, stating that the restriction was intended to dissuade students from skipping school to search for Herb. The boy's parents complained to state representatives. The matter was then brought before the full state senate, which passed a resolution condemning Burger King's actions as consumer fraud. The million-dollar winner was eventually crowned, a man from Louisville, Kentucky won the prize when all was said and done. From there, Herb went from being a Madison Avenue curiosity to a bigger 1986 punchline than the New England Patriots against the Chicago Bears. To further cement the punchline status, Herb's last public appearance was as a guest timekeeper at the WWE's WrestleMania 2. And boy, I wish I was joking about that. And now someone I have died to meet, the timekeeper, Herb! And know your ears do not deceive you. That was indeed Joan Rivers introducing Herb. Incidentally, Herb was also joined by NBA legend, Gerald Dawkins, famed jazz singer-cab Callaway, and Watergate aficionado G. Gordon Liddy. The 80s were a strange time. So where does Herb fit in to the flame-broiled fires of telehealth? Well, remember what the nine circles are. - Limbaugh lost, what may we, wrath, heresy, violence, so much, treachery. - And listen, well, let's get the obvious one out of the way first. The contest winner in Alabama, who got screwed out of his winnings despite his age. We already mentioned that this was a case of consumer fraud, so the fraud circle is all but a given. Meanwhile, BK paid the Thompson agency $40 million to put together this campaign. Compared to the nearly $100 million the arches were put up for an entire year's worth of advertising. Proving the old expression, you get what you pay for. So perhaps the greed circle might count because BK was trying to pinch as many pennies as they could instead of splurging in a campaign people might actually remember. And of course, since fast food is involved, BK used this promotion to attempt to get more people to consume more of their burgers. Sounds like lightning to me? Burger King's herb campaign earns three circles of telehealth. (bell ringing) The herb campaign, while positive in its initial curiosity, turned out to be one of the greatest advertising flops of the 1980s. BK was clearly, but not obviously jealous of the advertising output that their competitors were putting out. And they thought to themselves, anything they could do, we can do better. I thought they clearly blew up in their faces thanks to the weak sales that year. And all because they thought a nerd with glasses might be more appealing than a pair of fast food redheads. And it wouldn't be the last time their advertising efforts got grilled. - I love this place. - But that's another commercial of the damned for another day. (dramatic music) - Okay, I'm just about at peak capacity when it comes to food. I did see a devil's food cake earlier, so I do all myself a dessert. Let's see here. (plastic crinkling) Lucky he put it in the rain wrap this time. Or would that be Satan wrap? For our final story, this story is about pizza. Man, he had so many eggs to this. Anyway, this story is about pizza and an unconventional way to have sold pizza. So now it's time for another leftover as we listen to our second ever mini-soad, which originally happened on July 28th, 2019, the tale of Domino's pizza and bad ending. - Well, I'm, I got to find the guy's recipe book. This is too good. - Oh. - The late 1990s and the first 21 months of the 2000s were a unique time in the world of advertising. As much as there were still commercials that made their points in matter-of-fact ways, most everybody chose to do things in not-so-settle ones. ♪ But I'm crazy ♪ ♪ Having to lunch and have some bamboo with me ♪ ♪ What goes up? ♪ ♪ Try to get it, try to get it, try to get the burger ♪ ♪ Must come down ♪ ♪ All of the Amazon's gots ♪ ♪ It must kiss the light ♪ ♪ Just let it cool, boy ♪ ♪ Real cool ♪ - Of course, sometimes advertising was less about being hip or hot and really more about being goofy or silly, especially when the first .com boom took place. But no matter if it was a new website or a new way to sell soup, the turn of the century was special in the sense that people could throw practically any idea against the wall and nobody would be ridiculed for it, or at least not 100% of the time, which brings us to Domino's Pizza. In the early 1960s, Domino's Pizza was created as one of the first national restaurants that had the capability to deliver food to one's home within 30 minutes or less, a rarity at that time for any restaurant, let alone for pizza. Over time, the company grew from its roots in the suburbs of Michigan to nationwide and internationally over the course of a few decades, but they didn't expand just on word of mouth alone. By the late 1980s, Domino's experienced superstardom in the fast food world, thanks in part to an unusual mascot, a clay-animated humanoid wearing a one-piece costume with built-in rabbit ears. This creature's sole purpose for existing was to ruin pizzas through various forms of wily coyote-esque weaponry. This creature was simply known as the "noide." "A noide hates hot-quality pizza." "He loves to make your hot pizza ice cold." By all accounts and purposes, the noide was one of those ideas that could only come from somebody's fever dream, when in reality, it actually came from the mind of noted clay-mation maestro Will Vinton. May he rest in peace. Sometimes the reasons behind success are calculated. Sometimes it's a completely random happenstance. In the case of the noide, it was a little bit of both, becoming Domino's first major mascot and marketing ploy that actually helped increase their sales in the late 80s, all the while nipping up the heels of their direct competitor, Pizza Hut. By the dawn of the new millennium, Domino's was becoming observant of the advertising trend that silly sells, and that their next ad campaign had to be bigger than their previous efforts, perhaps even overshadowing the noide. Of course, Domino's would learn something important in this next endeavor, especially when it turned out that the idea was less a half-baked one, but more of a thing that wound up getting burnt inside the wood-fire-break-of-in. Oh, tell-a-hell. Domino's spared no expense in order to get their next great advertising gimmick off the ground. They hired the relatively new Deutsch Incorporated Agency, a company that, as of press time, has done immersive campaigns for the likes of Taco Bell, Snapple Beverages, Bush Beer, and Dr. Pepper. Those commercials were American Idol Season 1 runner-up Justin Guarini tries his best Steven Tyler impression, "You deserve the sweet water for diet, Dr. Pepper." No need to thank them personally. Along with Deutsch, Domino's also teamed up with Tennessee-based creative workshop Animax Designs to help develop the pizza chain's next mascot. And to further show that they meant business, Domino's went one step beyond and recruited none other than the Jim Henson company to fully flesh out the idea. For all the firepower that Domino's had up their sleeve, this had to be a good idea. Right... Well, remember this and remember it well. The bigger the endeavor, the more likely that endeavor is doomed to fail without the right care. That being said, let us reintroduce ourselves to Bad Andy. And Andy! Andy! Not even Bad Andy. Domino's Bad Andy Good Pizza. If you saw the thumbnail to this episode, no explanation is necessary. For the rest of us, Bad Andy was a plush doll of indeterminate species origin, possibly a cross between a monkey and a bear, according to some. He was hell-bent on creating mischief at the nonspecific Domino's pizza store where he worked, along with his human work associates. Bad Andy was best described by some as an impish monosyllabic anti-hero that was part curious George and part Dennis the Menace. One blog entry even went as far to compare him to rock icon Iggy Pop, which we're going to call BS on because as you'll hear in a moment, Andy didn't really have a lust for life. But rather, a knack for annoyance while trying to get the point across that the pizza Andy was responsible for was good, in spite of his antics. Bad Andy made his television debut in May of 2000, in a commercial simply called the Domino's crew, where we meet the ragtag team of Anthony, the order taker, Carla, the pizza maker, Charlie, the manager, Jeff, the delivery driver, and of course, Bad Andy, seen in various mischief-making scenes to come in future installments. For now, though, the first commercial is a straightforward scene of Charlie telling his crew to make pizzas the proper way and never to take shortcuts, like, say, for instance, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy, Andy! [screaming] We would like to apologize for making this joke, but considering the subject is somebody or someone named Andy, how the hell could we not make that joke? Anyway, moving on. At first glance, nothing was really out of the ordinary there, except for the fact that a sock puppet was inexplicably working with the crew of a pizza shop. For all intents and purposes, this was simply a setup piece for what was to come later in the campaign. Going in no particular order, Andy's first mishap took place when he was trying to mass-produce a number of pizzas using a color copy machine. Andy! Hey, I know we're home, Izzy, but we still make all of our pizzas by hand. Hilarity ensues when Andy copies his face of the end of the spot. Domino's bad end. Good pizza. Next up, Andy is caught using the power cords that help charge up the heaters that are placed inside heatwave bags. For the sake of using his own, various electronic devices. Andy, those sockets are only supposed to be used for dominoes heatwave bags. Hilarity ensues again when Andy overloads the power on his massaging chair, causing a blackout. Andy, are you listening to me? Turn this stuff off! You happy now, Andy? Domino's bad end. Good pizza. Next up, the crew is wondering where all of the heating cores for the heatwave bags have gone. Cut to a back room, turns steam room. Andy, we can't deliver hot pizzas without these cores. Hilarity ensues once more, as Andy is getting a massage at the end. Domino's bad end. Good pizza. Follow that one with Andy being accosted by two police officers when he doesn't quite grasp the concept of buy one, get one, freeze. Is there a problem, sir? Yeah! This guy! He pays for one thing. And then he takes two! Andy, two times Tuesday's for pizza. Hilarity ensues still another time, when the depths of Andy's petty larceny turns into grand theft with the discovery of two monster trucks in the parking lot, presumably stolen by Andy. Hey, sir, there's no real damage, Tom. Mm-hmm. Domino's bad Andy. Good pizza. And yet another commercial still, Andy is seen tempting the delivery driver with something that I affectionately call... ...and win-win-win hand of temptation. Andy, you startled me. No more. Domino's, we hand stretched out for quality crust. Don't be tempted to take him short enough. I don't think so, Andy. Hilarity ensues yet again, again, when Andy sneaks up on the driver while he's in the shower. Think of Norman Bates and Psycho, basically. Andy. Domino's. Bad Andy. Good pizza. Your spot is actually the campaign's shortest, a 15 second ab where Andy is seen rearranging the letters on a menu. Huh? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Hilarity ensues still yet another time when the sign goes from large or medium pizza any crust, as today's special, to big man trousers, spelt with a Z. Now, I guess you had to be there. Finally, in perhaps the best known spot of the campaign, Andy is caught faking sick by sticking a thermometer inside one of Domino's heatwave bags used to keep pizza hot upon delivery. So? Too sick to make deliveries, huh? We have to give them credit for this one. Seeing Andy mimic the paint he was in was actually kind of cute. Uh-huh. 170. Uh-huh. That's hot. Domino's. Bad Andy. Good pizza. What wasn't cute, however, was the public's reaction to the commercials, with a gamut of opinions ranging from, "Huh?" to, "Why?" to... Viewers simply didn't understand the correlation between a rambunctious puppet and pizza being delivered in 30 minutes or less. But even more telling, critics in the advertising world were just about ready to nail the coffin's shut. In particular, a New York magazine piece from July 2000 seemed to go out of its way to give bad Andy the kind of evisceration that's normally reserved for John Stewart or John Oliver to give. To sum up, the magazine said, and we quote, "Andy's continued employment at Domino's raises troubling questions." If he can prance around undetected long enough to unplug all the heatwave hot bags, what's keeping him from, say, licking the pepperoni, or peeing in the tomato sauce? In other words, just how bad is bad Andy? And does Domino's liability insurance cover puppet sabotage? End quote. Well, it's a valid point. Why would a character go out of its way to sabotage the hardworking people of the pizza store? Just as valid would be the notion that people would want to get their pizzas from Domino's to begin with if there was a remote possibility of some of their employees acting Andy-like. Coincidentally, several years after the Bad Andy campaign ended, a viral video made the rounds where several Domino's employees were caught on camera doing terrible, horrible, unspeakable things to the pizzas they were making. One employee sticks cheese up his nose, later even wiping himself with a sponge and he was for dishes, all to a running play-by-play from his seemingly delighted co-worker. Michael is such a great star. Yes, he is. Because of this incident, it's now company practice for all of Domino's kitchens to be equipped with video cameras to ensure that any and all pizzas that are made there are done so properly. Even as recently as 2019, they've also instituted an AI-powered camera to ensure that customer orders are correct upon delivery. Fortunately, Bad Andy had nothing to do with his incident as he made his final appearance in early 2001, when his badness was tamed somewhat by dropping a simple "free" banner over a billboard for the chain's new synestics. Thanks for calling Domino. I want those three synestics. Andy says they're free. Well, if Andy says so, now... Domino's always delivers. So, where do the contents of Jim Henson's recycling bin fit into the oven-baked goodness of tele-hell? Let's preheat our nine circles about a million degrees. Mimble lost, gluttony, re-rath, heresy, I would so much treachery! As is the case whenever fast food is involved, people are going out of their way to make sure the population at large will consume more of their product thanks to an untested gimmick. So, at the very least, gluttony is this pizza's crust. Topping the pizza is a sense that a company would be willing to try something different in order to boost its sales. When in actuality, the campaign garnered only a 2% increase in sales in the year 2000, still trailing behind Pizza Hut. With the Bad Andy campaign costing Domino's roughly $20 million in advertising, when that money could have been used to make certain improvements behind the scenes. It turns out to be this pizza's sauce. But second to all of that, let's also not lose sight of the fact that this character was the accidental byproduct of a major crime thanks to the noise incident of 1989. Sprinkled with the fact that Bad Andy's MO was to create chaos wherever he went, that's more than enough proof of the violent circle being the cheese that tops this pizza. Bad Andy earns three out of nine circles of tele-hell. The character officially went extinct in March of 2001. And with its end, Domino's learned that it was easier to get to the point when it came to their advertising. Gone were the cheesy gimmicks. In came more direct approaches, including their most recent campaign that saw a number of locations getting a major overhaul. This is what's driving us. This is what's lit the fire under us. This is what's making us want to get better. It's been crazy down here. We had our best chef. It was thanks to the advertising approach and the aforementioned innovations in technology that Domino's Pizza actually outpaced arch-rival Pizza Hut in sales for the first time ever in 2018. And with over 9,000 total franchises around the world and counting, it's fortunate for Domino's that Bad Andy turned out to be nothing more than a food-induced bad dream. We are we! We are we! We are we! We are we! We are we! We are we! Foot into my body, but let's just say that it's been fun even human food again. Our next special will be in December. And I honestly don't know what this show is trying to prove this whole time, other than it being an excuse to play clips. Hang on. I got to try and swallow this. Almost there. Okay, I got it. Whoa. I think we need a wheelbarrow to cart my stomach out of here. But again it's been many in eternity since I've had actual human food. This was fun. But now I need to walk this off and thankfully everybody's out of town for the holiday weekend, so by the time I walk back from here in the boss's office to my little hidey hole upstairs, I may have burnt this off. We'll see you next month. And happy Thanksgiving everybody. And please eat responsibly. Oh god, I got so much cramping going on right now. It's insane. Telahil was written, produced, edited, and narrated by me, Justin Hart. All clips used in this program are protected under the Fair Use Doctor, the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, and all clips used come courtesy of their respective companies and owners. Some of the music used in this program comes courtesy of YouTube and their Audio Library service. Telahil is production of Horton Road and is distributed by Libsyn. We have reason to believe that the world may soon be calm in actual living hell in the next few months, if not few years from now. Fortunately our social media feeds are as close as we're going to get to having Heaven on Earth. So please, if you have Facebook, Blue Sky or, yes, even X, follow us at Telahil Podcast. Feel free to chip into future episodes by giving us a couple coins at our Patreon, also at Telahil Podcast. Like, comment, rate, subscribe, or if you hear this show, particularly Apple, Pandora, Spotify, iHeartRadio, and even our YouTube page, all of which will be either at Telahil Podcast or at Telahil. One way or another, you'll get there. And of course, if you heard something that you didn't quite agree with us on, you're more than welcome to lay it into us at our complaint line, Telahil Podcast at gmail.com. ♪♪ ♪ Another great show ♪ ♪ From order mode ♪ (gentle music)
