Solutions
Changing habits and beliefs
Hello and welcome to Solutions. This is the 9th episode of our full series of podcasts for Solution Focus Hypnotherapists and I'm Kathy Eland. I'm Trevor Adles and we've both experienced solution-focused hypnotherapists. And this time we're looking at limiting beliefs and helping people change their habits. So Kathy, what is a limiting belief? The limiting belief is a false or negative belief a person holds about themselves. Limiting beliefs about yourself can prevent you from reaching your full potential. They can prevent people even trying to achieve their goals because they don't believe they'll succeed. I have some examples of limiting beliefs. You hear people say that they can't do maths or drive on the motorway or give a presentation or get on a plane. What people say things like "they all think I'm stupid" or "they all hate me". And there are plenty of other examples. Yeah, but like most beliefs, limiting beliefs are hard to change using rational arguments. Yeah, some people suggest that there are three types of limiting beliefs. So type one, beliefs about calls that X causes Y or doing X makes Y happen. Beliefs about meaning when people say X they mean Y or when X happens it means Y. And thirdly there's beliefs about identity. I am an X type of person so I can't do Y. So it's a bit of a chicken and egg situation but what happens is that your client tends to filter out information that doesn't fit with the way of thinking and they only remember things that reinforce what they already believe. That way the model of reality stays consistent. Events and how you think about them are two quite separate things. So how you think, i.e. what limiting beliefs you hold affects both what you can and what you can't do. NLP groups limiting beliefs into three major categories. There's hopelessness, I will never reach my goal under any circumstances. Helplessness, although my goal is achievable, I don't have the ability to achieve it. And finally, worthlessness, I don't deserve to achieve my goal because I'm not good enough. So what can we do to help clients with limiting beliefs? Now NLP suggests using a reframe. A reframe is a simple yet powerful tool for changing attitudes or beliefs. You can have context reframe and content reframing. So context reframing means looking at an event or situation from a different perspective, opening a person's mind to other possibilities. The questions to ask about an event are what else could this mean and in what way could this be positive? One of NLP's presuppositions is every behavior has a positive intention. Therefore you ask something like what other meanings could their behavior have or why did they do that? And content reframing involves changing the meaning a situation house for a person. Again, it's about looking at the bigger picture and discovering the value or usefulness of a behavior by asking the client when or where would this behavior be useful? As a solution focused hypnotherapist, we would look for exceptions. When doesn't it happen? And we would look for strength. How have you coped in the past? Some clients like to use affirmations. They might get themselves to say out loud a number of times each day. I know I can accomplish anything I set my mind to or whatever is appropriate for that particular issue. We would also work to reduce their stress levels and give them the tools, capabilities, confidence to perform the task that their limiting belief currently prevents them from doing. And once they can do it, the limiting belief goes away. Great, and NLP has a number of techniques specifically to address the issue of limiting beliefs. Let's turn our attention to helping people change their behavior or habits. Okay, so each neuron connection in your brain determines how well you know something or how routine a behavior pattern is. For example, when you first drove a car, you almost had no connections, and that meant you had to do a lot of thinking. You had to make a decision about when to change gear, how soon to break before traffic lights, and how close you get to other cars. And yet today you probably don't think about driving. Not only do you now have lots of dendrites connecting cells together, but you also have lots of groups of cells that affect how easily you can drive or play the piano or any of the skills that you have. Yeah, these connections between brain cells make us perform the same behaviors or habits. It's just easier to go along these pathways in our brain. Anything else feels a bit odd. So if we always put the kettle on when we get in, then that's what we're going to continue to do. Or if we always go straight to the fridge and eat something, or go to the drinks cupboard and drink something, then that's what we'll continue to do. Yeah, in fact, the basal ganglia are key players in habit formation. Habits are discrete patterns of behavior that make up large parts of an individual's everyday activities. Basal ganglia runs things on autopilot, freeing up the rest of the brain to concentrate on those things. Breaking habits involves creating new links between neurons, making sure that we have new multi-dendrite connections. That way we have a new habit, a better habit, and the old pathways or habits will gradually decay and be forgotten. Okay, and this is pretty much what army training is designed to do. The new army pathways are created and reinforced in your brain, so that when you are in a stressful situation, you automatically, without needing any thought, go through the strongest dendrite linked pathways and behave accordingly. And you do what the army has trained you to do quickly and accurately. That's why it's so effective. But note, other military training is available. Oh, yes. Here are some suggested techniques for removing unwanted habits and installing new, better ones without all the shouting and press-ups of army training. Okay, and one of the most successful ways of changing a person's behavior is to get them to agree in front of a group of people what they're going to do to make a change. That's kind of the way that Weight Watchers groups works, because no one wants to be seen to be failing in front of others. So ensure your client tells some people that they are working towards changing a habit, and it's good if those people can help and encourage your client. And it's even better if the client can have a friend who is changing the habit at the same time, for example, stopping smoking. And they can use each other for support and motivate themselves, and of course, not let each other down. Yeah, the secret of success is to give up one habit at a time. Stopping smoking, we don't say give up because nobody likes to give up. It smacks of failure to achieve something. It's pretty much Boolean in nature. You either have stopped or you haven't. You're either a non-smoker or a smoker. There is no halfway house. But with other things, there is. If I want to be a marathon runner, it might make sense to begin by running a mile, and then three miles, etc. So when creating some new habits, it works better to succeed with a smaller activity and build up over time to the foreblown habit that's the eventual goal. That way your clients aren't put off by taking on too much in one go. Just like a good idea. And if a client is keen to eat more healthily or start going to the gym, get them to think about the whole thing as a scientific experiment and convince them to run the experiment for four weeks. The reason behind calling it an experiment is that you'll take away the risk of failure. The result of the experiment will be interesting and will inform the next experiment. For example, running 10 miles instead of five or starting a similar experiment again. And the reason for getting the commitment to four weeks is because that's generally how long it takes to get a new behavior pattern embedded. i.e. all those dendrite connections are in place. And in addition, a month isn't too long of a period of time to commit. You've got another 11 of them in a year. Yeah. I like my clients that have clear goals. It can be a useful exercise for them to write down their goal on the sheet of paper and add all the benefits associated with that goal. Just the positives, not all the things they won't be doing anymore. It's a good idea for the client then to look at that list regularly and perhaps add to it from time to time. That way, when their enthusiasm or motivation is flagging, they can remind themselves why they're doing it. With stopping smoking, it can be good to recap on the health benefits of being a non-smoker over those first days when the old habits are still in place. Yeah. And it's important for a new habit to take place much the same time every day. Doing it every day means that the client won't be confused about whether today is a going to the gym day or not. Going at the same time every day sets a trigger. So as the clock turns 12 or, let's say 6pm or whatever, they know they should be in the pool or doing the circuit training or whatever. Yeah, often good habits can hurt to begin with. It's important that people understand that there will be pain. What's causing it and why it will eventually reduce or go away. It's also a good idea to remove any temptations towards restarting those bad habits. So for example, new non-smokers should dispose of any leftover cigarettes. People trying to control their weight need to empty their cupboards of ultra-processed foods, UPFs, and high-calorie foods. And perhaps put in the bin all those menus from local takeaway restaurants. That avoids them having to fight with temptation. But you don't want your clients to feel that they are missing out on anything. If having a drink or a cigarette was the only down time they had in a busy day, then discuss other ways that they can have those periods in a day. That may mean joining a Tai Chi group or taking up meditation or something similar. So the day still includes those periods of time. It can also be useful to write down at the start any perceived obstacles to achieving the goal and a detailed plan of how those obstacles can be overcome. Sounds like a good idea. And it's also a good idea for your clients to keep a log of their successes. It could be the reason that social media was invented so that we can tell the world that we've all run a 5k today in under 30 minutes or whatever it is they're trying to achieve. Publicizing success really boosts their esteem and keeps them on track. And tell your clients to give themselves rewards for their achievements. They don't have to be big rewards, but there should be rewards. Bad news, obesity is catching. If you spend time with obese people, you are, statistically, more likely to become obese. Therefore, if a client's trying to lose weight, they should spend as much time as possible with thin people who eat correctly. If they want to get fit, they will spend time with people who regularly go to the gym or go jogging at lunchtime. You get the idea. Yeah, the idea. If they feel they're having trouble continuing with their new habit, maybe the thought of going to the gym is not a happy one today, perhaps. There is always the "but" technique they start by saying, "I can't do whatever it is that the goal is." And then I'd "but" by working hard at it, I will. They can use any variant on this sentence, but the important thing is the word "but" because it closes off the negative thought and only the positive goal-orientated thought remains. Remind clients that what they say to themselves really affects what they cannot, cannot do. So get them into their left prefrontal cortex and saying positive things to themselves about their performance and how they are doing. Now, during transport, you can get your client to visualize themselves performing their new habit. They can pitch themselves in the future performing the new habit, even if they are surrounded by things that would lead to their current habit. And if, at the end of the four weeks, they're still eating too much or failing to get to the gym most days, then remind them it's only an experiment. And they can decide on a date to start the next experiment where all the obstacles that they fail to overcome can be included in the plan, along with strategies to overcome them. And with more trance-work enhancing their self-esteem, they'll be in a better position to achieve their overall goal. You can tell them that there's no such thing as failure, only feedback. And what else do we need to tell you? Well, firstly, goals should be smart. That's specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound. It's also important to plan for what you want to achieve, identify any obstacles that you'll meet and identify ways around them. Charles Duhigg, author of The Power of Habit, suggests that rather than setting a far-off goal, e.g. running a marathon, it's better to set an immediate goal that you can start straight away. So your marathon goal might begin with a goal of running half a mile every Monday morning and building on that. Yeah, Duhigg suggests breaking down a new habit into three parts - a queue, a routine and a reward. For running, a queue could be just putting on a person's running kit, even if to begin with, they don't go running. And then they get a reward, which helps their brain to establish their behavior, and these small steps can then build up to running a marathon. Implementation intentions is a technique that uses an "if-then" structure. So a road solution might be to run half a mile a Monday morning. The implementation intention will be, "If it's Sunday night, then I will set my alarm 30 minutes earlier so that I have time to run." The rule is to identify the situations related to the queue in order to find the "ifs" and link them to appropriate responses to make them "thens." A study by Chris Armitage, professor of health psychology at the University of Manchester, found that 15% of smokers who formed implementation intentions stopped smoking, compared with 2% of those who did not. It's interesting. And one of the obstacles that people face, for example, with running a marathon, is that running a mile may be okay, but they still have to run 25 miles more. A study in 2012, published in the Journal of Consumer Research, found that focusing on the smaller number in reaching a goal kept people more motivated. So instead of looking at the big number left to get to the goal, look at what's already been achieved. Later on, when that goal number is much smaller, focus on what little remains to achieve the goal. Yeah, good idea. It's interesting to note that a study by Marion Fournier, a lecturer at the University of Nice, Sophia Antipolis, found simple habits formed more quickly in the morning than in the evening. Researchers believe this may be to do with levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which tends to be highest when we wake up. Apparently cortisol elevation changes the mechanisms in our brain, blocking the prefrontal cortex, resulting in a behaviour becoming habitual. That is really interesting. And Gabriella Ottingen, professor of psychology at New York University, an author of "Rethinking, Positive Thinking" inside the new science of motivation, suggests that people shouldn't daydream about their future success because they'll have less actual success. She suggests that it's better to look at what obstacles are in the way of how to get over them. Ottingen calls this technique "woop" or "wish outcome obstacle plan" and they stand for "wish". That's what do you want? Outcome. What would the ideal outcome be? What would your life look like when you hit your goal? Another obstacle. You know yourself. What will try to stop you? What has sidelined you before? And plan. How will you get around it? Similarly, Gretchen Rubin, the author of "Better Than Before" suggests it's crucial to avoid listening to the excuses that make our habits falter, such as the false choice loophole. For example, you can't go for a run tomorrow because you have to do X. Recognising them in advance makes them less powerful and when you realise you're doing it, you're much more likely to resist. And should your plan be flexible or rigid? In a 2015 study, researchers paid two groups of people to go to the gym for a month. Group one was paid if they started a workout within a two-hour window they chose in advance. The second group was paid whenever they went to the gym. The result after a month was that group two was more likely to stick with the gym habit, so be flexible with your new habit. But in contrast, Professor Neil Levy at the University of Oxford suggests making detailed resolutions is important. For example, I'll go to the gym on Tuesday afternoons and Saturday mornings, and that is more likely to be successful than simply saying, I'll just go to the gym more. Yeah, it's not tricky then. For a plan change to be successful, it needs to be as easy as possible. The study showed that people who travelled eight kilometres to a gym went once a month, was people who travelled six kilometres went five or more times a month. That two kilometres makes the difference between having a good exercise habit and not. That is how our habitual mind works. It has to be easy. Yes, people who believe that we all are born with a limited set amount of self-control that cannot be changed and also have little belief in their own capabilities to carry out those goals. Now, this is what psychologists refer to as low self-efficacy, and these naturally did worse at achieving their goals. These people would say things like, I can't stop myself eating all this chocolate. I inherited the chocolate gene from mum. Yes, people with high self-efficacy attribute failure to insufficient effort, while individuals with low self-efficacy attribute failure to lack of ability. Higher self-efficacy generally is correlated with the greater likelihood of achieving one's goals. The research also found that people who are made to believe that self-control is a fixed or limited resource that can't change, will also set fewer goals and will give them up sooner regardless of the level of self-efficacy. Leaving on from that, they found plan changes were successful when people believe that self-control is an unlimited resource that people can access and make use of. The more a person believes in their own capabilities, high self-efficacy, the more likely they are to succeed in keeping their resolutions. All right, and Miller and Marlott at 1998 suggested the following ways to be successful with a plan change. First one, have a strong initial commitment to make a change. Secondly, have coping strategies to deal with problems that will come up. Finally, keep track of your progress, the more monitoring you do and the more feedback you get, the better you will do. William Fishback found that only enjoyment predicted the long-term persistence of a plan change. People don't stick to their plan to attain their goal just because achieving it is important to them. What really matters is how much pleasure they take from their initial efforts to start a new way of behaving. And people should write down a detailed plan for the new way of behaving and keep to it. This allows them to consider what strategies to use when facing any sort of obstacle, difficulty or even resistance. I'm looking to advise a client if one day they do have a drink, a bar of chocolate or a cigarette. Is that the end of the life of their plan change? I was getting them to imagine the most wonderful bowl of fruit. It's an enormous bowl of fresh fruit with every fruit imaginable. One day, as they look at it, they notice there's one strawberry which just got the tiniest amount of blue mold showing. I then asked clients what they would do. Would they throw away the whole bowl of fruit or just the single moldy strawberry? The answer I hope is just the strawberry. It's a way of overcoming all or nothing thinking. One blip, one bar of chocolate or one drink, doesn't mean that all the previous effort, the bowl of fruit, needs to be thrown away. They can continue with their resolution. Everyone is ups and downs. Clients can expect to revert to the old habits when pushed back into their emotional brain, but they can recover from these lapses and get back on track. Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that those who set New Year's resolutions are 10 times more likely to actually change their behaviour than people who don't make the resolutions. Interesting. Well, I hope you found all this super useful. Next time, we'll be looking at why people are how they are, how they have adapted their behaviour. Until then it's goodbye from me, Kathieland. That is goodbye from me, Trevor Eddles. So hopefully we will see you next time. Yeah, bye. Bye.