Hi, I'm Chanel, one of the journalists at Meng's Radio. Welcome to the latest edition of Meng's Radio Newscast. So I'm John Knight, I'm Chief Executive of Hospice Isle of Man. And I'm Mary Doyle, Chief Executive of Cruise, Breathe and Support on the Island. Right now, next week, so this is going to air on Monday. So it's the start of National Grief Week, is it National Grief Week? It is National Grief Week, yes. Yeah, so it's the start of National Grief Week. What does this mean for residents on the Isle of Man, as well as each charity? Well, clearly, it's not for me to speak on behalf of Cruise, but I think both Hospice and Cruise are involved in that area of professional work on a daily basis. And what's really lovely for me is that we're going to undertake this initiative together. I think it's good for us to work together for the benefit of families and patients and so forth. And it's also good for the voluntary sector more widely, and I think government to see that charities are increasingly collaborating on events. Would you like to add on Mary? Well, does National Grief Week, the theme this year, Cruise has done it for a couple of years. I'm sure Hospice Isle, but we've worked together on this one. And really what it is, is the theme this year is shining a light. So we'll be doing a kind of social media campaign to open up those conversations, shining a light on thinking about somebody who's bereaved in whatever capacity and how you can help them. How beneficial is it to have both charities actually partnering up together or taking along together and doing the work that you're doing this year? Well, during this week, sorry, we always collaborate. Obviously, I know John quite well and no hospice quite well, and I think it's important that we do work together because ultimately what we're all trying to do is put the client patient at the centre of the service user at the centre of everything we all do. You know, anyone who works in the charitable centre, that's their main objectives to care for the person. So I think shining a light on grief this week in particular will make people think we really do care. We're a very small community and the more we're seen and work together, the better it is for them. Yeah, and of course, the outcomes for the patients or the families is accelerated because of the shared expertise. And I think for the professionals far more than myself at the delivery end of a service like this, it's great that they can share that professionalism and expertise and listen to each other and see different approaches. So for me, that's a real positive. And I understand there's also a coffee morning that's going to take place this on Friday. Thursday. Thursday, sorry. Thursday the 5th of December at the Santandera Work Cafe. We're doing a grief cafe together, hospice and cruise agreement. But in most stress, it's not for people to feel they need to open up or, you know, there won't be, there won't be removantes here from of course, it's more that they come along and find information. We're quite pleased in a way that it's actually been held in some of that's quite corporate because sometimes that audience is quite hard to get to. So we'll be in a private area that people come along, pick up information about both organisations and discreetly take some information away and think, actually maybe I do need support. And a lot of the work around grief is if you don't do something about it, it can cause lifelong problems. So it's important that you shine a light on it and have that conversation and just picking up the leaflet. We won't be giving support, but at least they can say, okay, I've picked a belief that I need to do something about it. Would you like to add on there? I feel like I'm sitting next to somebody far more informed than myself. I mean, I just did say at the beginning that I just became to mention this relatively new group we have called the Social Gents Group and that meets on a Friday. It's for men who have lost their partner within hospice or anticipating the loss of their partner within hospice and Mary and Cruz signpost to us as well. And it is gathering momentum really nicely actually. We've got a wonderful guy called Nick Morehouse who runs it, who's just got that sort of character that supports and encourages those individuals. So yeah, that's a really nice development that's going along as well. And there's a lot of research showing that an adverse aging well, detrimental experience can be if you lose your partner later in life. And it is open to men at the moment, but I think really looking at how you can provide that support. If you do, you know, a widowed quite late in life and the support around it, but I think it's quite a wide age group you have, isn't it, that come along to it. It changes all the time. Yeah, so I think it's really good and we're a small community and ultimately we need to support each other. So I think if you know, we know there's an adverse childhood experience, if you do lose a partner, a significant person in your life as a child, like as a grandparent or a parent or a guardian. So I think having knowing and recognizing that the more we talk to each other, the more we support each other, the better outcomes for the society are. How important is it for people to come forward, you know, not suffering, or sit in their grief alone, come forward? Or have you noticed that more people, your and your are a bit more open to opening up that subject and having those conversations? I think so. From Cruz's point of view, we do a lot of talks in organizations, particularly around traumatic deaths or sudden deaths. And, you know, we do say to people that if you can have that conversation, I hate using the word open up because it always frightens people. We're basically a listening service, so you can come in and things you couldn't say to your family or friends. You can be very open with one of our bereavement volunteers. But suppressing that, I don't think that's really good. And you might mentally be fine, but actually physically, you know, stressed, you're not sleeping, you're not eating properly, you're maybe using, you know, alcohol or anything that's not maybe exercising. So I think being open, and I think since COVID people are more open, certainly our waiting list is always really busy. We have a lot of bereavement volunteers, but we do day on day, get children, young people and adult referrals. So it does show that actually talking about it does help. And I see it myself. I don't like John. I don't service deliver. But you can see that people are that little bit lighter when they've had a couple of sessions. And I really would think that the feedback we get that it is very beneficial. So just come along. Yeah, I would just add that, of course, it's not, it's not a million miles away from the natural logic of trust and rapport and communication relationships and so on that for those individuals having people around them or an individual that they feel that they can trust and they can relate to and want to speak to is is the most important thing. And that's popping in on a Friday to see the social gents group. You can see that change in week on week where they've got to know each other. And yes, they want to talk about their loss, but then they start talking about what they can do together and almost progressing on. John, if I can keep you on that social gents group, you know, is it more difficult for men to open up as opposed to women? Well, I mean, leading me down a tricky path. Be very afraid, John. I saw two individuals in the last year at hospice, both obviously gentlemen who clearly were hugely affected by the loss of their wife and not just emotionally, but in the practical skills of everyday life as well. And I have to say, I'd put myself in that, you know, the ability to make a meal and keep the house clean and have an orderly way of life. I guess, and again, it's it's wrong to generalize, but I suppose many men will have been out pursuing a career and a lot of that is fallen by the wayside. So, yeah, I was really affected by seeing two individuals whose whose world fell apart. But it is encouraging to see that more men are coming out to these social groups. In terms of the work that you do, so I know cruise, cruise bereavement steps in towards the end after a person has passed. Hospice used there with the family, you know, leading up to that, please tell me if I'm wording it wrong here, but you're kind of throughout with that family. Does it kind of help them like the support that you give that family members? Does it help them through their grief? Yes, absolutely. And again, I would be completely false sitting here not to recognize that Mary Doyle next to me was, you know, part of the backbone of hospice for more years. And I can remember those. She's very well, very old. Very welcome to comment. But that is a lot of the reflection and feedback that I see either, you know, in a card or an email or verbally in the corridor is, again, it's that relationship. It's that sense of being held in the arms of an organization where nothing is too much and people are accessible and considerate and knowledgeable because they've sadly they've seen death many, many times. Hospice is a wonderful organization, wonderful charity. And as you say, if somebody goes through that journey at hospice and the support they give them, I would actually say that I don't know the figures, but they probably may not need support afterwards because they've been handheld and looked after throughout their journey, sadly, with hospice. But, you know, it's a wonderful charity, does a great job. And that's why I think it's important we work together because really you can have people that, you know, someone dies at hospice, but then actually they may need a little bit of support afterwards. So it's kind of a perfect fit for both organizations to recognize. I think just go back to one point you said about young men. They are opening up more. We do a lot through different organizations to make sure we do reach them. And I think they realize that it is good for them to talk. It's just maybe done in a different, slightly different way. Whereas, you know, we're not being stereotypical here, but we'll, you know, ladies will chat to their friends quite a bit. Men maybe find it a bit harder to open up. But I do think if they reach out, it's not a sign of weakness. It's a sign that actually you're recognizing that you do that support of me and listen to is a good thing. And no emotion is abnormal, no matter what you feel, whether you're angry, sad, bitter, and it may not be something that you actually feel, but you may be an expression of your behavior. So you're more angering, you're driving or something like that. So I think reaching out for help and the whole point of grief awareness week is to shine a light on it and say to people pop down, have a coffee with us, have a bit of a chat, pick up a leaflet and reach out. Right. Let's say someone that's going through grief is listening to this interview at the moment. What would be your message to them? Well, obviously we're, well, not obviously, but Cruz is a self-referral. We do regularly get people trying to refer other people. And that doesn't actually work because the president of silence needs to be invested in talking to somebody. So they just fill in the online referral. We will have details all that on Thursday at the grief cafe, but just don't sit there alone. We're going into quite a hard time in the island with weather and it's cold and it's bleak. And, you know, I do worry about people. Obviously, Cruz has evolved in a suicide prevention strategy. And we work with Ali Von Diami, we work with quite a few other people around that arena. Obviously, every death is important, but you just, you know, don't sit there thinking, you know, maybe I should. And even if you have one session and think, actually, what I'm going through is completely normal. That's absolutely fine. But don't sit there alone. I've been at a couple of services where the grief has been, particularly the Somaland, one really sits in my mind, which was 50 years ago. We were at the anniversary. And people were still struggling with that. So it's important to not leave at 50 years, reach out and get some help. And we had six bereavement volunteers at one of the service at all sex. We're busy. So people, you know, 50, why wait 50 years? Because that might impact the rest of your life in a negative way. So reach out and get that help and come along on Thursday. But if you need any details, it's on Cruz's website. Right. John, what would be your message to someone listening to this interview? I think it is just echoing that, really. It's that first step that people may be concerned that they seem to be, I don't know, in some way, I don't know, weak or needy or whatever, you know, those difficult words are. But, and my experience would be that once people do take that first step, they very quickly recognize there's a group of other people who have experienced very similar situation and are waiting there going back to the arms around them saying, you know, come and be part of what we're doing. So yeah, it's, it's difficult, but I think it's challenging people to say, I will do something about it today. It's shining a light on it, basically. Working up that strength to, you know, actually make that call and say, actually, I need help. Yeah. And it's not, I often think that it's not, you know, literally opening up and talking to people is not difficult. And we also do crews doing a lot of different types of support. So with our children, young people, service, we do mindfulness, we do tapping, we do go into different activities and actually people talk organically then. So you're not feeling you have to sit in a chair and it's not mastermind. You don't have to open up and talk about it. So there's lots of different ways of exploring your grief, you know, whether that's through walking or exercising or the gentle social club or doing something. So you don't feel like you're under that pressure. I think that's all. But death is part of life. None of us are going to escape it. So it's kind of shining a lighter and saying, drop in and find out about what we do. You want to go on to wear bright for cruise day? Yes, basically we, it's a yearly event. We've done it for a number of years and we're just asking people to wear bright for crews and just think about reflecting people. And I think it's, it is part of grief awareness week. So it's just nice to wear something to show solidarity and shine a light on, on grief awareness and just say, so whatever you want to do, we have a number of organisations taking part in it and some of the schools. So if anyone just wants to find out more information, it's all on our website. On which day is Friday the 6th of December. Right. And now I know over the years we've spoken about wear dress bright for cruise day. Over the years, have you noticed more and more people coming out with their bright colours, asking others about the bright colours? Have you noticed more interest around it? I think to a degree, but we're a really small charity. So it's trying to and death isn't really a subject people like to talk about. So anyone who's been touched by us will get involved in it and I've definitely found that on the organisations that've signed up. So I think doing a radio interview like this might shine, more of a light on it and people might actually wear, wear bright on Friday and think about they're actually selling solidarity with people that have sadly tied and lost on their, their bereavement. There is a day, um, visit, I've checked the same day or different, where a number of buildings around the Isle of Man are lighting up. So we're, again, very close to the clock. Yeah, very close to the clock. Very lucky at hospice that we have lights that go different colours. So there's a unity of a number of buildings, Isle and Wide, that will be lit up in purple. Yes, thank you. Tell me a little bit about that. So on Thursday, it's actually, um, the lady from hospice that sorted this out, she wrote to a number of organisations. So I don't actually have the definite list, but I know it's Thursday at six o'clock and it's part of the National Grief Awareness Week of the Grief Trust in the UK. They're going orange, but I don't know why. I think, well, because probably both charities have a purple branding. So, but it, she has cut quite a few. Beyond both, um, social media feeds and websites saying which ones are doing it and we're very grateful. I think there's about four or five, um, I'm busy with the get lots of requests. So, but I think there's four or five that are actually getting involved and doing it and it's just showing that. It's also, um, you know, this week is, um, Baby Loss, the Baby Loss Awareness Week and the Starlight, so Cruz is attending that tomorrow night as well. So there's a lot going on. We're always very busy. Thank you for making it to the end of the Manx Radio Newscast. You are obviously someone with exquisite taste. May I politely suggest you might want to subscribe to this and a wide range of Manx Radio podcasts at your favourite podcast provider. So our best bits will magically appear on your smartphone. Thank you. (gentle music)
