(upbeat music) - Shall we begin? - Let's get started. - Hey mom, can I have 20 bucks? - I gave you 20 bucks yesterday. (upbeat music) - Futures Academy in Victoria is a different kind of school. We use the individually designed educational achievement plan to build a program for your child based on their needs, strengths and struggles. If your child has had trouble in public school, perhaps developed anxiety or fallen behind in grade levels and achievement, give us a call. Our number is 361-433-0322. You can also check us out on the web at futuresacademyvic.com. I look forward to hearing from you. (upbeat music) - Hey, what's up? - Hello. - Hello, you caught me singing. - What are you doing? - Well, singing. (laughs) I'm also picking a cook supper because that's what I like to do on the weekends. I know it's only 120, but I got all day to do it. - All right. You know, it's not really the weekend. It's Friday afternoon. - Oh crap, it is only Friday, isn't it? (laughs) - What is it feeling? - I know, but I don't know when this show's actually gonna air, but we finished friends giving it school yesterday. And so for me, I'm off like the next 10 days. This is the weekend, this weekend day ever, even though it's Friday. - Okay, so it's feeling real Saturday to you. - Yeah, it's like Saturday round one, and I'm gonna have a whole bunch of them. I'm determined to have no Mondays next week. - Okay, so hello everyone. Welcome to, can I have 20 bucks? If you can't tell, mom and I are recording long distance again today, and I'm sitting outside, so I hope it sounds good. That goes perfect with our episode because today we're gonna talk about self-care and what that really is and what it means to-- - Hold on. - How to do it, 'cause I'm not good at it. - Man, you know, the things that I see that say, well, okay, self-care for starters is putting your dogs outside when you're trying to record a podcast so that it'll market everything. Because those little stresses just mess you up, I've realized from talking to friends that apparently a big part of self-care is just doing what feels good. - Yeah. Even if it's not necessarily good for other people, so like my dog probably doesn't want me to put her outside and leave her alone for an hour, but I want to walk through the house with no dog under me. (laughing) - Well, and you think of self-care as like bubble bath and those things do feel good. - Well, yeah, but that's a fix for like, I'm tired today and I want to unwind before I get ready for bed. You know, a lot of people would add a glass of wine to that or a homework movie or something along those lines. And that's really good for today, in my opinion. That doesn't wash off a month and a half of struggling because you got behind on bills or that kind of thing. It's like those are self-care moments, but I don't think that's what it means on the grand scale. - And that's why I take a bubble bath every day. (laughing) - I know you're happy to do that in your house with a bathtub, you've been on that for so long. - I know, if you don't know, we've recently moved from a two bed, one bath house to how to stand up shower only, to now a three bed, two bath house. And I am living the dream with a bathtub every now. - How about you've got two bathtubs now? - I have a big shower and one bathtub. But I've got bath bombs and bubbles and all the soaps and all the epsom salts and candles. And I recently got a, you know, what is it called? The bridge. - Oh yeah, you were like a bathtub shelf death thing. - Yeah. - Isn't as nice as it looks on the ads because I've thought before that the thing won't sit on my tub, right? It's gonna get wet, nothing's gonna fit on it. Do you like it? - I do like it and I only paid like 20 bucks for it. I use your Amazon so you can find it. (laughing) - Not how many Christmas gifts for me. (laughing) - But it came with like little pieces that go on the edges so that they're non-slip on your tub and they work very well. I mean, I'm pretty risky. I put my iPad on it and watch a movie while I'm in there. So. - Yeah, you are, that's, yeah, that is risky. - Okay, so if that's a daily self-care, I don't know, you said you're not very good at it. I think a lot of us probably do that where you do a moment of self-care because you are doing real self-care. Look, I'm completely burn out and I need 30 minutes. - Let me tell you, if I get 30 minutes, that's not how I'm gonna spend it. (laughing) - How are you gonna spend it doing stuff you need to do? - Yes. - Okay, see, I think we may have stumbled on the problem because I'm in the same way. If I'm away from work and I'm not doing anything else, what am I doing? Working. - Yeah, or, you know, I told you the other day that I have this thing inside of my brain that if there is anything to do, I cannot do anything else until that thing is done. And honestly, I will sit on the couch for a week before I fold the clothes, clean out the pantry, whatever I need to do because like nothing else can be done until that huge project is off my plate. - Oh, your perspective is way skewed. - Well, think about who did this to me. - Not me. - No, are there a half you had? - No. (laughing) - Okay, I thought it really was me. We can blame him for whatever since he gave him this. (laughing) - Oh, right under the bus he goes. Okay. (laughing) So you probably really do get that from me. And you know when I heard the other day, I thought this was very profound and relevant to me. Your hobby cannot be work. I was like, what, what do you mean? Building really cool lesson plans and a new website and all that stuff is not a hobby. - That just means you enjoy your job. - That does mean I enjoy my job, but it also means I don't know when to leave it. So I actually asked people here a while back what self-care means to them because, you know, to me it's a bubble bath. To me it's, oh, order dinner in. And I'm like, I ordered dinner in out of desperation, not because, oh, I'll treat myself tonight. Yeah, the concept of treating myself is very weird. - Okay, so before you get to the things people told you, let me go over my chat GPT thing. - Okay, did you ask that GPT what it was? - Yeah, I did, hang on, let me scroll my notes. - Okay. - Okay, so the reason this episode came about is because I've been feeling yuck and you know, I was resting there for a while, but I felt like my soul was still tired. And that's kind of what we're getting at here is you can't do the little things you have to do the things that truly make you rest. And so when I asked GPT what is self-care, they said, it's cheap, it's highest computer. All knowing self-care is the practice of taking intentional actions to preserve or improve one's physical, mental, and emotional well-being. - Okay, all at the same time, do I have to model the same time? - See, that seems just like a lot, man. - I know, because even if that one does not feel like self-care, if I don't like it. - Well, and I only have 30 minutes. (laughing) - That's a lot to accomplish in 30 minutes, I mean, yes. (laughing) - I'd rather just not. - Well, I'd rather sit here doing my procrastativity that's, you know, doing a thing that you do to avoid doing another thing. - Mm-hmm. - 'Cause I've gotten good at those, man. I can fold laundry when I should be cooking supper. And, you know, I can do all sorts of things when I'm supposed to be doing, you know, other stuff, but self-care never comes in. How do you figure, oh, I don't know, maybe, I'm doing it right. - All right, cool. Okay, so save laundry 'til December 29th, okay. (laughing) Is that when your guests are coming in? - That's when you're coming. (laughing) - Self-care gets sick on December 28th. No, I'm kidding. (laughing) - Okay, so what are some things that people told you as self-care? - Man, I don't know. I can't find that post anywhere. And I'm the one that made the post. I've been looking for it since I mentioned it while ago. - Okay, well, I wrote it down. (laughing) - Okay, so what kind of things did you come up with? - Or did they come up with? - Some people, some people mentioned that doing chores and getting things done is their self-care. - Man, I realize that was a thing with me too, because I did comment somewhere in there that, you know, five years ago, someone told me, can you hear the saw? I'm sitting outside now too. Can you hear my neighbor sawing? - I can. - Okay, I'm gonna go inside 'cause that must be very annoying. - Okay, let's take an ad break. - Yeah, let's take an ad break while I figure out what I'm talking about. - Okay. (upbeat music) - Hey, this is Stephanie. You already know that I am the owner and director of Futures Academy here in Victoria, Texas. We serve grades five through 12, and we are a different kind of school for kids who have not found success elsewhere. Or maybe you've been home-schooled or met up with some difficult times in public school, and mom and dad just need a little extra help for a while. - Give us a call, our number is 361-433-0322, and we will let you know how we can help. (upbeat music) - Okay, what was I talking about? (laughing) - Okay, we were talking about, okay, so you mentioned, you made the post on Facebook and you asked people why it is self-care and you got some responses. I wrote those responses down, so no need to worry. - Okay, one of them was getting stuff done. - Doing chores, yes. - Do you feel that that is like cleansing, not cleaning, but cleansing in some way for you, because I do. Like, I feel like I can't do anything else self-care until I've accomplished, you know, living room's gotta be clean, man. You know, I've got dogs, and I've got a vacuum or I just can't settle. So is that part of the dog care? - Right. - I think so, because I feel like when things get chaotic, I'm not as stressed if I already did all the things that I was stressed about earlier. So if I can get the living room clean and the dishwasher loaded and started, then later at dinner time when my husband's getting home and everybody's taking a bath and getting dinner ready and the dog's crazy 'cause my husband's home and the baby's hyper and all those things, it's like, okay, well, at least I don't have to clean up before I go to bed, at least not as much. At least the dishes are done so I can cook dinner and get everybody fed and get it loaded again before bed. You know, I can kind of prep myself. - You know what I'm noticing here? Everything that you and I have mentioned that we get stressed out from with the exception of my work is home. How do you find self-care at home when home is what stresses you out? - Are you saying we should run away? - (gasps) - Maybe. Did you have money? I don't have money. - I don't have a job, mother. - I don't have a town to be stressed out more 'cause we don't need any money in the home for self-care. (both laughing) - Okay, but yeah, it is a lot of the things that are just home. Aren't we just bad mothers? - No, we're great mothers, we're terrible to ourselves. - I think this is actually a thing all moms deal with is neglecting themselves for their families. - Mm-hmm. - So another thing that someone mentioned was their job is self-care because they take care of someone else. - Mm. - Me too. - Aren't we doing that too? - Mm-hmm. - Well, in some ways, yes. Because I'm also very empathic and so making other people feel good makes me feel good. But I also heard it's home recently that I hadn't heard before and I'm really shocked with my personality that I haven't heard it before. - Mm-hmm, you too, is compassion fatigue. - Mm-hmm. - Which is caring for those other people so much that you are drained. That is the empty cup that it says you can't pour from. - Yeah. - I think whatever you do that drains you, your self-care either needs to match that or just so completely match your personality. Like, there's plenty of people that go to the gym and pump iron and work out their frustrations and I'm like, oh Lord, no, just kill me. Don't send me to the gym. That's not gonna work out anything. But somebody like me, I really enjoy just sitting around and mindlessly coloring. You get it by age? You tell an active airport person that they have to sit in color for half an hour? They're gonna explode. - Oh yeah. - Hmm. - So maybe it's a combination of the little things, the bubble bath, the five minutes here, the, you know, I'm gonna sit here and eat a pickle for absolutely no reason other than I want a pickle, which I'm doing right now. And it's not a, it's a weird thing. That's not even a treat. But it's, when I'm comfortable, I'm gonna sit down and eat a pickle. - Well, so another thing that someone said was that their hobbies are self-care because they're taking their mind off of things. - Hmm. - And you've mentioned coloring. You remember before I had River, when I was pregnant, I had like a 5,000 piece puzzle on my island counter. - Mm-hmm. - And my husband couldn't wait for me to put that thing up and I missed puzzles. I actually have bought in a few since she was born two and a half years ago and I don't get to do them 'cause where am I gonna do them that she can't get to? And so, you know, that would be-- - You did have that really cool bar. You still have a bar. Can she get up to that? - Well, now she tries to, yes, scale the countertops and yeah, she can see the encouragement. - She can see the countertop now, so she's-- - Ooh. - Yeah, we're not having a good time over here, mother. - I'm so sorry. - So, but puzzles are one thing that I enjoyed too because I'd sit there and just think and think and think and think and think and then I'd just tell Kate a story and he'd be like, "Where the heck did that come from?" And I was like, "Oh, I'm just in my own little world over here." (laughing) - I'm sorry, I've been on a journey for last, I don't know, 80 pieces. - Yeah. (laughing) - Mm. I think being able to truly get away on a vacation is a very beneficial thing. If that's restful for you, but if it's, you know, if you're having to save and you have to have an agenda and you've got to see family that you don't want to see or stay in a hotel, you don't love or things like that, those aren't relaxing either. I'm going to have a nice little getaway is good, but I think for me, it's being able to decide, really, that I'm going to put away what's threatening me out. Yeah. (laughing) - I told you before, I said that's why you never took us on vacation anywhere 'cause it was too stressful for you. I get it now. - 'Cause I'll just take y'all with me. - Yeah, I get it now because last year when we went to Florida, originally we were going to drive and River was like a year old, almost a year and a half. And so I was excited. I was like, yeah, it's going to be a good time. We're going to listen to music and chat the whole way and River's going to sleep most of the time in the car. She's a good car sleeper. It'll be great. And then we decided to fly and I was like, are y'all kidding me? I want out of this family now. (laughing) - And we did have some really great memories in Florida, but a lot of what I remember about it was containing my small child in a huge Airbnb with three floors and nice furniture and sharp furniture and a fireplace. And those things were just so stressful. The best night of that vacation was when we came and I went out by ourselves. - Right. - And the last two weekends, we've gone out just the two of us with friends or whatever. And it's, ah, you know? - Yeah. It's almost like you have to prepare to self-care. And maybe that's where we've gone wrong. Maybe it's too much trouble to get it right. And so we've never done it. Like you actually have to plan it. And when your life isn't particularly planable, you know, because you've got weird work schedules or unpredictable schedules and things like that, maybe it's just hard. - Yeah. - So what are some other things that people said? - I was going to say a while ago before the commercial that I remember commenting on there several years ago after I lost my husband. And you remember this too, when a friend of mine stood there in a, I mean, a breakdown moment. This is a couple of hours later and said if you have to work too much, work too much. And I kind of took that to heart at that moment that even the things that don't normally sound right, if that's what kills you, that's okay. And I think that's part of the reason that my work is my hobby. And I don't necessarily think it's bad except when I need to turn it off and I do that. - So you know, that same person also told me that day and said I felt silly for going to the mall to smell candles at the new bath and body works that just opened with my friends. And she was like, well, go do that. If that's what you want to go. - Do do it. - Then go do it. - Yeah. - And I've remembered that. That is a healing, you know, that was a core memory from that day, you know. - You know what, I will never walk by that store in the mall again and think, no, I don't have time. I'm going to stop and smell a candle every single time from now on. That's really great. - And yeah, I mean, that's what I wanted to do that day. Another thing that was mentioned on that post, your friend Stacia who will soon be on the podcast be on the top of that. - Yay, Stacia. - She said doing things like going over her finances is self-care for her because she needs to take care of those priorities. And that makes me think that reducing possible stress is what's key for her. And I think that that's actually probably what I'm trying to do whenever I have a couple hours and I'm getting work done instead of relaxing, you know. - Yeah, like this, I was really and truly, I joke about the weekend, but it feels like the weekend because my partner's home today and he's formerly not on Friday morning. And so on Friday morning, I get up and do the housework. I really do vacuum that rug so I can sit down on the floor and stretch later when I watch TV. It's the only time I cook. I hardly ever cook during the week. And so I cook on the weekends either for leftovers or just because there's a dish we've been wanting or whatever. And that stuff to me when I say, okay, I get to enjoy this. Even if I have to clean it up later, it really is something I've wanted to do and I need to do and I feel good having done it because he says, babe, that was really good. Or just that little feedback that feeds my soul, even though I have to work for it. I think that's the right thing. - Do you realize that you are so grandmother and granddad? What do you call dinner? And what time are you eating it? - You don't kind of get to be hard time about this too. Dinner is the big meal of the day unless it's on Sunday and then it's both meals, I think. Sunday dinner is whatever time people come over. - You're not calling it supper though, so that's a good sign. - Well, what is supper wrong? - That's grandmother and granddad's stuff. - Whatever, supper is-- - I'm just waiting for y'all to get two recliners to look at the TV, sit next to each other with, you know-- - Let me tell ya, if that lady on Facebook could have delivered yesterday, I would have a couch right now with a recliner on both ends. I can't wait. We want them connected so we can put, you know, the remote and stuff in the middle, but we really want our own space over here. - Okay, so-- - If you're thinking that the goal is to rest your soul, what are you gonna do, you personally? Is it spending your days like this? Are you gonna, I mean, you're joking, but you're not. Are you gonna spend your whole Thanksgiving break? Just cooking, cooking, cooking, or whatever? - No, and I think I'm doing exactly what we were saying with Stacia, that once I get these things out of the way, I can relax. So I can't typically, okay, for this week, I would not be able to enjoy anything else this afternoon or any other time this week if I hadn't vacuumed the carpet. And I know that sounds like a small thing, but I've got a dark green rug, two white dogs that live in the house, and every single day almost, it needs to be vacuumed. So on the weekend, I do it really well, I move the furniture, yada, yada. So now that space is open, clean, finished, and ready. So when I decide that, hey, Casey really needs to be brushed in a nails trimmed, I can plop down on the floor my black yoga pants and trimmer nails, because that's a thing that needs to be done too. And I think that relief helps. So yeah, I'm gonna be trimming the dog's nails. I have a sewing machine that I need to repair for work. I've thought that I would probably do some painting. So there's a hobby I have painting, but it's like, I don't have a painting studio, so do you know how much work it is to drag all the painting out? - And that's a hobby you got into like in the last few years in your grief journey, really. - Yeah, that was a grief hobby for me for sure. And I've wondered, is it over? Like, have I, has it served what it needs to serve? Has that piece of self-care run its course and it's time to move on? Because you think you have other hobbies? I made candles, I crochet, I sew. - Yeah, you've always done stuff like that. - Yeah, but that's me one day, if I had any hobbies that did not produce a product, like he's a gamer, a tabletop gamer, a video gamer, a go-out, a yard and play games, but there's no product. You do it for the sake of enjoying it. And I don't. I do now, I listen to music now, I'll play games with him, but that's not something I always did. - That was interesting. - And I've enjoyed that. That's self-care for us for a long time. But when we're stressed, it's, I've got to come after dealing with parents and difficult students and challenges all day. I've got to come on and talk to you and play a game. No, thanks. I'm good. - Yeah, that's understandable too. And you've kind of always been like that. You need the silence at the end of the day. - Yeah, I definitely need to recoup. I'll also tell you, spending time with people gives me a high, like an emotional high, because their energy becomes my energy and path. But when it's over, I really need to rest. And that may be a nap, I don't have to feel guilty about. - Yeah. - Sometimes that, sometimes today's self-care really is enough. - Yeah, it's so funny because, you know, my husband is such an introvert and I'm an extrovert and I can be, you know, fighting with him in the car on the way to wherever and get out and be like, "Hey, y'all, how's it going? So excited to be here, whatever." And he's like, "What the heck?" He's like, "What are you?" He's like, "What are you, first of all?" And also, I can go all night. And by 10 o'clock, he's grabbing my bag, eyeing me going, "All right, I'll see you at the car." (laughs) And, you know, that kind of office so early and we kind of clash that way where I'm going, I'm not ready. You know, that's how I ended up at your house, the night of my 24th birthday when he had to go home and go to work. - What's the night? - And I wanted to stay out on the night. - I said, "Somebody take me into my mom's." (laughs) - I'm saying to her, "Call some girlfriends dumping you off on the porch, basically." - Yeah, but I didn't see anybody for five days after that because I needed to recoup from the night-- - Because I picked five days worth of energy, having fun. - Yeah, you know, I was with people all night out in public and going to different places and, you know, even without a child, that was stressful. I mean-- - Well, I was gonna say that was under the influence, but-- - Right. - Take aside that, I'm still having to GPS to the next place and let my partner know where I'm going and all those things that still a lot of energy, even if it was a chill night. - But you do love that. - I do. - That sounds like a lot of stress to me and I'll be like, "No, man, I'll come get you and you call me." But you're a lot more, okay, let's do all the things. Let's get everybody in touch and let's talk to everybody and go everywhere and-- - When you're on, that is you, like you're glowing and hopping and that's your energy at its best, I think. - Very much, and I'm always that way this past week and even when I was out with my sister-in-law and her new girlfriend and my husband, me and my sister-in-law's new partner were going, now let's keep going. - And my husband and his sister were gone, now y'all are done, we're done. - Nope, you're going home right now, give the card. - And just because like, yeah, we could have just been social butterflies all night long. - Yeah, that's so funny. - Oh, God. - Somebody mentioned, I remember on that thread, somebody said their self-care is not killing people and he was joking, you know, he was, he ended up saying, "I listen to music" or I'd, you know, vial in my head or whatever. But I think that restraint is possibly also what I need self-care from. So being able to let go sometimes really does it. Come home and tell him, "Bubba, I need to say a lot of ugly words." And he'll be like, "Okay, and mute the TV." And I just say all the horrible things that I would never say to anybody else because that venting feels good and now I've got it off my chest. - I'm gonna tell your teachers about this. - They know, I say it to them too sometimes. - Yeah, just kidding. (laughing) - We love them. Down at Teachers Academy in Victoria. - And yeah, where we have non-traditional students who are, well, I guess they're traditional students, non-traditional education, but we're teaching things that they need to know, including self-care. And we've told them to, in a moment, now we're not teaching it on a grand scale, but if you need to get up and walk around, if you need to take a walk around the building, signal me, I gotta go. And I understand, and we do. So I think managing yourself in a moment-to-moment basis is probably a really good self-care too. Don't let yourself get to that point where you need like a nine-day bubble bath to cure what ails you. - And honestly, I think Teachers Academy is really good about that because y'all have things like fidget toys, sensory things. - Yeah, the chill room. Yeah, because a lot of the things that cause kids all that stress and need for mental health days is bells in the public school, changing classrooms all the way across campus, and things like that, you know, bright lights in classrooms and things like that. - And fresh. - Yeah, and so being able to just minimize that so that we can just learn. (upbeat music) - Hey, this is Stephanie. You already know that I am the owner and director of the Futures Academy here in Victoria, Texas. We serve grades five through 12, and we are a different kind of school for kids who have not found success elsewhere. Or maybe you've been home-schooled or met up with some difficult times in public school, and mom and dad just need a little extra help for a while. Give us a call. Our number is 361-433-0322, and we will let you know how we can help. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - So I did take the break and go find that thread just so we could actually refer to it. One of them, and I thought this is really relevant because this is from a young woman who's like 18 years old, maybe 19, and she said not responding to text. Just permission to say no. And it's permission we give ourselves. Honestly, very few people in the world care if you don't respond to a text immediately. Why do we feel the obligation to do it? - I've actually, I love this, and mom, you're bad about this, because you will respond. And that recently, when you said to me, I feel like I have to text you back. I didn't text you back because I was like, - I know. - You don't, and you shouldn't feel like that just 'cause I'm your daughter. I get it, 'cause of all your children. I get it. - I know, but oddly enough, you're the worst. You're the one I feel most obligated to respond to. - It's 'cause you love me the most. - Yes. - 'Cause you involved me into the most projects. - Well, here's the thing. I've heard that before. People say, you know, I think the internet has made us feel like we are entitled to everyone's time. And it used to be that you didn't call someone's house after seven p.m. Or even after five p.m. Because they're having dinner with their families. - Yeah. Yeah. And now it's almost the opposite. You can't call 'em until eight thirty because they're busy. - Or it's okay to send an email or text at 1030. - Right. - You know, that's the norm. And I think in some places, that's fine. And it's dependent on your relationship. Obviously, if you text your teachers at 10 o'clock, they know they don't have to respond until morning or whatever. - Right. - In fact, I usually start that with, please don't answer this till tomorrow. - Exactly. So I mean, you give that, but I think our access to everyone all the time is, has created that, the, that, whatever it is. And so I think that it's kind of starting to turn around that people are saying, no, I'm not replying after six o'clock. I'm not at work. - Yeah, and I guess part of the reason that's hard for me is because my job doesn't extend past four o'clock. And a lot of people's do. You, I mean, you know, if you're a manager of almost any kind, you don't always get to ignore the phone. - Yeah. - So you have to create times where you do ignore the phone. I told, I have the group text with you three kids that I told the other night, I'm signing off for the weekend or night or whatever it was that, please don't text me because I don't have the strengths to ignore you. - And y'all wondered that and y'all understand that. But, you know, that doesn't work when I've got 40 students that don't remember how to conjugate the sentence or I'm kidding, that's not a thing. - No, but your parents do text you and say, you know, my kid will be out tomorrow. And it's like for you to respond. And so you do and, you know, that's fine. But it's also okay to say I wasn't in work mode. I, you know, I was cooking dinner, cleaning my house, taking a shower, getting ready to prepare for your child's absence tomorrow. - Right. - You know. - So the same girl, Stacey Marie that will be here on another episode who said that it's taking care of necessities like doing her finances and stuff, she also said it's actually literal physical self-care. It's, you know, I take this time to do the big conditioning mask on my hair this weekend and, you know, soak in the bubble bath with all the oils and exfoliate and get my nails done and all those things where I feel finished and pretty and maybe worthy of this break. - I think that was really good too. - Yeah. - That's the one dude that said, we'll say illegal substances and waffles. And I suppose there's a place for that too. I'm not condoning it necessarily. But if, if a medical-- - That's how you listen to me in Colorado. - Yeah, he actually does. But if a medical escape is necessary, that's not a failure. If you need medicine to help you make that break, that is okay. And I'm really not talking about doing drugs. I do mean medical. - Yeah. And I was gonna say, obviously not substance abuse is not what we're saying, but-- - Right. - I mean, even something for anxiety. I mean, you know, I take something for anxiety every single night before I go to bed because I have a serious fear of waking up and something being wrong. - Right. - You know? And so something that helps me go to sleep every night is my little cocktail pill, pills, prescribed by my doctor. - Also known as Benadryl. No, I'm kidding. You took my hand out there that was basically Benadryl and I'm like, that doesn't do anything to make you sleep through your problems. - It is an antihistamine because I was breastfeeding. But here's the thing, I did go to my doctor and say I'm having these problems. And, you know, I've took care of that. And wouldn't you say I've been a lot better since? - You definitely have. And for one reason, it's because you have those reserves. You aren't running on completely empty all the time. Even when you are well overextended, at least you've rested tonight, at least you are perceiving things accurately. You know, when your emotions are a crazy wreck, you're not gonna do anything else well. And so that matters too. I think we have to think long-term for self-care. It's, yeah, a bubble bath today is good, but arranging your life so maybe you don't need as many bubble baths is probably the best self-care you can give yourself. - Another thing I wanna say too is that I have a good support system. I have a really good husband who literally worked 21 hours one day last week and came home and still dealt with the baby while I cooked dinner and loaded the dishwasher and did all the things he dealt with bath time. He still had to go to bed at 6.30 that night to be up early in the morning or whatever, but he came home and still did his part. And so it wasn't all on me. He still gave me time so that I could take a shower and scroll on my phone for a little bit before I have to get back at it, you know? And being able to have that also helps too. And also the last two weekends we went out and his mom watched our child. So that helps too to have that support system that can kind of go, okay, I got it for now. - Yeah, me too. - Do what you need to do. - Maybe we'll talk about this on an episode soon too, but I just went through a really big burnout where, I mean, I don't own business and I'm literally looking for a job that I can do if I can just escape. And that's not where I wanna be. And part of that was a whole nother situation, but- - I do love my job. I have no intention of closing the school. Love you guys. I was just having a moment. - But, sorry for what I said when I was dramatic. (laughing) - I did take that right back to my teachers because those are my best friends. And say, ladies, here's where I'm at. And I don't know what else to do. And let me tell you, they surrounded me in a way that I have never had in my life. To tell me, oh, no, you're not. Get your butt back in that office and we're going to help. And I didn't expect it. I mean, if you had asked me how they would have responded, that's what I would have told you. But to actually have it happen and someone say, "70, let's take some weight off so you can relax and do it." You know, not just call me sometime, but they were right there going, "Give me a job right now that you don't wanna do "so that I can help." - Mm-hmm, hand me some responsibility. - Yeah. - You know, we've mentioned before that you opened the school two weeks after Dad passed away. - Yeah. - And the morning that he died, you had already had scheduled teacher training or whatever it was that y'all were doing that day, a meeting or whatever. - Right. - And so everyone got there and it was the same thing. They did the same thing. We still have a few of those same teachers here and some of them not, but same. I mean, you've kept that same community of futures this whole time. - You know, and what was fascinating about that, the woman we've talked about is Laura and who said the wonderful things, who had also lost her husband. And she and I had known each other vaguely for three or four years 'cause our sons were best friends, but we didn't really know each other. And Mr. Elkill had come to work for me and she didn't know me from Adam. She had known me like two weeks. That was true of most of them that I've known them a short time. You know, they don't have to be lifelong friends or, you know, your deepest confidants to go, "Hey, I'm struggling and somebody be willing to help." - Mm-hmm. - You do have to be willing to ask. We wouldn't have had that if you and I hadn't driven up there that morning. You do have to take that step on your own. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. And the same thing, if you wouldn't have taken it back to your teachers, you know, you wouldn't have gotten out of that 'cause you are coming out of the burnout. - Very much. - I think after Thanksgiving break, you'll be excited again. - Oh yeah, I'm gonna be back on my game after that. Yeah. - What were you about saying? What are some things, what? - So what are we gonna do, you and me in the next 10 days while I'm hoping to come visit and you're making plans for the holidays and I'm off of school and don't have a ton of work to do? What are we gonna do these next 10 or 12 days to take care of ourselves, you and me? We need to hold each other accountable for this. - Okay, well, right now I'm thinking I need to scrub the crock pot in my sink and I need to clean out my garage. - Do you know that it rinsed the crock pot out and it'll go in the dishwasher just fine? - Well, dishwashers are so small in this house, but see, it's one thing after another, what a mess. (both laughing) - Giant, put the dishwasher in the crock pot. That one doesn't work, put the crock pot in the dishwasher. I don't care if it's the only thing in there, it will be done. - I will, I will put it in there, I will wash it, it'll get done today. - Isn't that a bizarre thing? - I'm gonna do it. - I've started putting pots and pans in the dishwasher and I feel guilty because I feel like it's a waste of space. You're not supposed to run the dishwasher until it's full. - I'll run the dishwasher three or four times too if I need to. - That's exactly what I heard. So let me tell you this story that I heard and then we can probably end on this. So, a couple of years ago, I heard a story of a woman who was talking to a counselor and she was saying, I just feel like I could never get anything done. Like, I have to wash the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher and that takes double top. And the therapist said, why are you doing that? And she said, because if I just put the dishes in there without scrubbing them up really good, they don't get clean and you have to run it again. And she said, then run it again. Man, how enlightening is that? I'm not going to pee. - I heard that one too. - Mm-hmm, and that's why I do that. That's why I said, I'll run it three or four times. And my husband, when our baby was a newborn and there were double the dishes 'cause we were washing bottles and things like that all the time, I told him that and he was like, you what? I was like, yeah. (laughs) Until they're clean and I can just put them away. - That's right, I'll pay that dishwasher a good salary to do its job. (laughs) - I wish we could have brought it with us. (laughs) Okay, so this episode's getting pretty long so we'll leave y'all with that. I do also want to mention mom, we haven't talked about it again since, but it's our Brace for Impact Parent Expo that is March 1st, 2025. - Yes, from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. We'll have different speakers and different booths of all different kinds that can help answer the problems that all parents are struggling with. The most commonly asked questions from newborn to adulthood. We're gonna have all the answers for you that day, we hope. So if y'all are interested in being involved, please message me, you can find me on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, you can find all of our podcast pages everywhere. Don't forget to like, subscribe, comment wherever you listen. - And it won't be ready by the time this podcast is out, but within a week or two, we will have bfivictoria.com. That is up and running where you can also find the forms if you are interested in being a vendor, if you would like to be a speaker or if you would like to set up a booth or if you just want more information about attending or volunteering, all of that will be available on our website as well. - Yes, coming soon. So also follow our social media pages to be on lookout for that. - All right, y'all have a good Thanksgiving, we'll see you next week. - Okay, bye. - All right, bye-bye. - Hey, small business owners, thanks for listening to our podcast. Can we use 20 bucks? That will get you a 30 second commercial on our podcast along with a mention on our post and a link in our show notes. If you're interested, give Cheyenne a call at 361-550-2325. Thanks for listening. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music)