[Music] Hello everyone and welcome back to another installment of the viral podcast. I'm your host, Chelsea Lien. And I'm your host, Paige Jyn. Jyn, Jyn, Jyn, Jyn, Jyn, Jyn. Hello, and welcome back to another week of the VAR Podcast. Thank you guys for listening, watching. Click in. Click in. Subscribe in. Subscribe and commenting, liking, and thank y'all for helping us take over the world. Even for thinking about us. Yes. 'Cause we're thinking about you too. Yeah, when I'm rubbing one out. You are? Sometimes. What if you were, I'm pissed off, Greg's walking upstairs, and I said, "We're filming, don't be walking upstairs." And you go, "Wait, wait, wait, wait!" The creek. All right, just at the 10 minute timer. Okay, no swari. Well, it's a perfect time to set the 10 minute timer because I got mad at Greg, so I wanted to swear, and so that's a perfect way for me to calm down. Oh, you know what? I was watching commercial the other day. I think it was all state. And they said, "It wasn't no talky." They said, "Less talky." (sighs) I'm like, "Come on, brah." Bro, these commercials be copyin' us. brah, less talky. No, no, yeah. They said, "Less talky, more dancey," or something. Bro. I think they copied us. So many commercials have copied us, it's been unreal. Don't you think, though? Yes. Are you being facetious? No, I'm being real. Don't even know what facetious means. I'm being real. I'm being dead serious. They had to, of where else? Oh, and riff-raff makin' his song, "No Tucky Tucky." Yeah. Oh, and then everybody, oh, and everybody doggin' on Creed and Nickelback. And then here I come sayin', "Y'all are wrong." And the whole world goes, "You know what? You're right, Chelsea. We are wrong." I never knew people were hating on Creed and Nickelback. Oh. I heard more. My era was people hated, like, on Green Day. I never heard of that. No. I think the two most dogged on musical acts have been Nickelback and Creed. And they're two of the best musical acts they own. How could you ever hate on 'em? 'Cause people are dumb and people are sheep and they just follow what everybody else thinks. Guess what? Not us! Yeah. Not us! No. I've never had a Nickelback slander. I've never docked on Creed and I'm not gonna do it. Never. Because we're not those type of people, but-- No, we're not. And either are you. If you are here in your car listening to the viral podcast-- Do the name of the viral podcast? Yes, thank you. Do the name of the viral podcast. Sometimes I think we should have named it something different. Like what? Snoop Lion? Snoop the Snoop Lion pod. I don't know. I just think. 'Cause we had a hard time coming up with a podcast name 'cause it felt like everything had been taken. Everything. We had so many ideas and we'd look it up, taken. Our first thought was, "Let's name it the viral podcast." And then if we can think of anything else, let's just switch it, like, before we-- Yeah. Finalized it, but-- Well, because the viral went with our social media, we did it, we're going viral, so that's why we connected it. Yeah, but we're like, "Come on, it can't just be the viral podcast that's dumb as in." And that's what we went with. So now that I just think, "Men, I don't know, like, we should have named it something different." 'Cause now I think when people see clips, they just think it's a viral podcast clip. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, but it's still just funny, though. Yeah. Viral. And dumb. Viral. Because we're not viral. Our podcast is not viral. That's what's funny. But it is. It is, but they won't let us be viral, viral. Right, right. YouTube. Right, YouTube. The government is trying to hold us back. The G. Yeah. G, you knit, you knit. So anyway, that's my thought. It's this morning. Hello, Maggie. Hello. Maggie's here. Hello. Baba-goo. Baba-goo's here. Baba-goo. Baba-goo, if you could say one thing to the audience, what would it be? What would it be? I would say, "Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here." "Hey. Come here. Hey." "If you listened to the viral podcast, "and maybe you took a break in your back." "Come here. We got something special to tell you." "Come here. We got the episode." "Come here. Come here. Come here." "Hey, if you are a super spreader "and you want to get a friend or maybe your dad "or somebody who listens to the podcast, "just go, "Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here." "Hey, come here, Baba-goo, if somebody tell you." "Come here. Come here. Come here." "I'm going to tell you. Come here. Come here." "Come here. Bring your ear to my lips. Come here." "Come here. Come here. If this is your first time "listen to us, welcome to the show. "If you have watched every single podcast, "we love you. Welcome to the show. "If you only listen occasionally, we love you. "Welcome to the show. Welcome." "MUSKITCH! Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here. Come here." "I'm sorry. All I can think about is "I'm ready. It's creed." That was one of the best concerts out. It was a top five, for sure. Top five, dude. It was a top five. Yes. I'll give him that. ♪ For the night ♪ ♪ Sunday morning ♪ ♪ bringing my hair ♪ We're going to get demonetized. - Yeah. - Okay. - Oh. - Oh, so what you doing now? Well, you got a little DM-ski? - Oh. - What's the DM for the day, honey? What's the DM for the day? Well, let us tell ya. 'Cause one guy made me upset, well, not upset, but he was on Facebook just twiddling his fingers, and he said, "I'm sick of all these stupid pranks." He got upset that I was cheese-willing, cheese-on-grag's head. And I said, "I wish I could get you so bad." (laughing) That's good. That's good. Okay, if you're sick of these stupid pranks, then you start pranking and posting it, and see how easy it is. - And what other content do you want? - Idiot. Well, I got some nice ones. I got a couple of nice ones. You guys ready? - Yeah. Pranks are the best started, and these are real pranks. We don't fake our pranks. - No, we did not-- - Prank was mad. - And we can start pranking more. - Oh, Ashton could chill bubble goo. We need to start pranking more, okay? This one is from a guy named Jack Larsen. - Jack Larsen? - On Facebook, and he says, "I bet you got some good pussy." (laughing) - Send them a pic. - Let's just send them a picture of it. - Please do. - What do you think about this? - Say, "Here it is, let me know." - Here it is, let me know. You think it looks good? - Say, "Your predictions are right, boo-boo." - Yeah, yeah. So I got that one. I thought that was nice. - That's a nice, good one. - And then I got, I have another one. This one is from a guy named Mario, and he says, "I want to pick with Libby holding my dick in her hands while I'll hold up one of her boobs." - Okay, that's a good trade-off. - Oh, I'm not done yet. That was it, I didn't see it. So then, he says, months later, "Tell her message me, I'm in my birthday suit just waiting." And then he says, "I'll drag that pussy." - Don't drag that pussy, dude. - And then a week later, "Yes, I will." - Yes, I will. Damn, he's not forgetting about it. - And then, October 28th, he said, "Can't wait to catch a show. I'd pay to get those boobs rubbed in my face. That'll make my night." Damn, did he go to a show? - It seems like a couple of the people that went through the meet and greet and said, "Hey, I've never touched tits before. Can I touch yours?" - Yeah, we had a guy say that. - I'm trying to get in God a lot, how's that? - Dude, we got God. Yeah, this guy comes. He's like, "I've never touched tits before. Can we touch?" And of course, me and Pedro are like, "Yeah." - And then, he grabs him. And then we leave and I go, "We just got God, you know." "We just got God, dude." - 'Cause Daniel's comes up, jad. And he's like, "This guy came up and said, "Hey, I've never kissed a guy before. It'd be my first time. I'm like, wow." - It was the same guy. He was going around getting everybody. He knows what he's doing. He knows what he's doing. And that's pretty smart. I mean, he asked and he, you know. - Yeah, meet and greet and get and got in us. - So he's kissing Officer Daniels and then grabbing our tits. - Just saved, it's your first time if you ever want anything. - Yeah. - That guy messaged me. - Stop, Maggie. - And told me. - This is my first time sending a deal. (both laughing) He messaged me and told me that he kissed Daniels. - Oh, but he left out that he grabbed our tits? - Mm-hmm. - He goes, "Hey, I'm the guy that kissed Daniels at the show. Well, so I'll see which one was more important to him." - Yep. - So-- - Got it. So we got got twice. - Maybe he just doesn't want all that evidence in one message. - He gonna send another message from another guy. - Yeah. Yeah. Or like DM somebody else. Hey, I touched your guys' tits. - Oh my gosh. That's amazing. - How's the timer looking anyway? - Oh baby girl, we still got a minute and 47 seconds. - Okay. - Why you feel like busting? - Oh, dude, I'm just gonna bust through like the Kool-Aid man when that timer goes off. - When that timer goes off, we are blowing our loads. - Yeah, we are. - Big loads-- - 'Cause I got a load-- - I got a load brewing. - Baby girl. - Creamy load? - It's gonna be an explosive load. - Creamy. - Creamy. - Susan Boyle load. - Susan Boyle. - Boyle, yeah. Yeah. - Do noodles ever, you ever think noodles are like worms? - Never thought that. I think they're noodles. (laughing) - Have you ever been eating them and got grossed out thinking these are like worms? - Never. - No. - I think these are noodles. - Never? - I've done that with them, yeah, ramen noodles and like other foods. I've imagined it being something else and it trips me out and I get grossed out. - No. - Mm-mm, no, no. - Like with mushrooms, I sometimes feel like ooh, it's like S-car go if they're like too cooked and chewy and then I can't eat that texture. - I just eat my food. - You don't. - Ma'am, I do. Look at me. She eats, I eat. - But you're picky too. - I don't think I'm picky. What do I picky us? - Well, you have a expensive palate. I'll say that. You like good food. I ate ramen noodles last night and I ate a piece of toast with an egg on it. Is it the fancy kind that you ordered? - They're not fancy. - They're not. - They're not. - They're not, they're not. - 10, nine, eight, seven. - Let it go off six, five, four, three, two, one. - One, four, four, three, two, one. - Fuck you. - Fuck you. - Hey, if you bitch about somebody having good taste in food, fuck. - Hey. - Fuck you. - If you're wearing sunglasses, fuck you. If you're wearing a bra, fuck you. If you're in your car right now, driving somewhere, fuck you. - Get mugs in your chonies, fuck you. If you have no reason to say fuck you, but you want to say it anyway, say fuck you. - If you can't skim fuck you whisper, fuck you. If you don't eat ass, fuck you. If you don't eat pussy, fuck you. If you don't eat paducey, fuck you. If you don't eat the expensive Asian ramen noodles, fuck you. - Are those Asian ramen noodles called bukaki? - Yeah, yeah, something like that. It's not bukaki, but it's something like that. They're so good. - Boukakey, yeah, what flavor do you get? - So I usually get the chicken. Is it the spicy chicken, but I ordered a variety pack, so I'm venturing out. - Yeah, those ones are the spicy. - Yeah. - Ooh, it's spicy. - Victor's here, dude. - Victor, we're filming Victor. - We're in the middle of a podcast. - Victor, why did you rush to live on TikTok, bro? - This episode is crazy. - Right, no, we're in the middle of filming a podcast. - Just go back out. - Or sit right there and don't talk. - I'd love to watch you guys. - Just don't talk. - Just watch us. - Brett, what are you thinking about tits today? - Oh, I love them. - Would you milk on these? - Yeah. - Oh, dude, you could probably get gallon of milk out of your titties. - Yeah, at least a half gallon. - I was telling the kids this morning, we were talking about breastfeeding, and I go, that was the worst pain. When you're breastfeeding and your tits are so hard. - Did you have to go in the shower and milk them? - All the time I was trying to make them feel better. It hurt. That was some of the worst pain I think I've ever felt. - That's what Rachel said when she had her. She's like, why didn't anybody tell you your tits were gonna hurt this bad? - Right, so I was telling the kids, I was like, man, they get huge, and they're like full of milk, and they leak. Like it's literally like a, like a cow-tit, you know? - Milk drug. - So. - So you just, would you pump 'em? - I would. - When would they hurt just like if the kids aren't hungry, and they're not getting rid of this? - I didn't know what I was doing, and I don't think I pumped enough. - And then whenever I was pregnant with Liv, or after I had Liv, it turned to blood. It was like jelly blood coming out of my tits. - Like a little donut? - Yeah, clots coming out of everyone's face. - So I had to quit breastfeeding her. And then I just like left it. I didn't know you had to keep pumping. - Ooh, it got hard. - I didn't know what I was doing. And nobody was telling me so. - Sad. - I know they need to be more, I guess, is that what they teach you in the kid class? Like when you're having a kid? - Y'all keep saying nobody tells you, but I think there's a million books and a million blogs about this. - Well, you know, I wasn't gonna do that back then. - Back then. - They just come out and say, hey, your tits are gonna fucking hurt. - Yeah, nobody tells you-- - They're probably telling you in a way that just lawyer language that can't even read it. - When you go to give birth, you need to sign a waiver at the hospital saying, hey, your tits are gonna really fucking hurt after this. - And prepare people, tell them what to do, and say, hey, go stand in a hot shower and it caress your titties. - Isn't that what nurses do after you have the baby? They come in and show you how to-- - I never had that. - Yeah, there's like specific nurses that will come in and show you how to breastfeed, tell you what to expect, tell you how to do it. Y'all, you never got that done? - I don't remember that. - Every situation's probably just a little different. - Yeah. - Now, I never could get them to latch, so I always just pumped and put it in the bottle. - To latch, but so weird when they say latch to the-- - I know, latch. - It's crazy that we, as humans, actually have another human sucking on her tip. - And that we come out of another human. - Oh, yeah, it just comes out of a caulk to the vagina. - Oh. - Everything is weird if you think about it. - Oh, dude, it is, it really is. - It is, crazy. - If you deep down, think about what we do, the things we do, the things we say, how we live, how we, whatever, it's weird. - We did come out of a caulk. - We grow up and start sucking on caulk. (laughing) - Stop it! - I mean, I mean, yeah. - That's weird in itself. - I wish we had a shot of Brett over there in his cut corner. It's all dark over there. - Is that a sign, guys? - Maybe if I send a video, Ben could cut it in. - It's actually hilarious. Brett, no tacking. - He's over there saying, "You guys said you would let me know." - Yeah, we didn't. - So, you were live on TikTok. We didn't want to mess up your life. So there's Brett. - Okay. - Well, when you guys get on. - Brett, you don't have a mic, Brett. - Brett, you don't have a mic. They can't hear you, so you gotta be quiet. You gotta be quiet. Okay, I'm going to do a little Have You Heard, and I have some in it. - Have You Heard What? Choke me. - Well, let me tell you. - Let me find the button. - Oh, Lord. - Barbara, find the buttons. - Have You Heard What? - Lord, Jesus. - So cheap. - Got some interesting facts here today. It was probably something I've already heard, so let's see. - Yeah, we've already heard. - Well, let's see. - Guess what? Bet you haven't. - Uh-oh, shit. That's a battle. - I've moved on from news to, like, interesting facts. - Okay, okay. - So, Have You Heard? Polar bears are not actually white. - Yeah. - Hold on. They appear white because their fur is made up of a hollow, transparent, pigment-free hairs which scatter and reflect visible light in much the same way crystals do. Underneath the fur, a polar bear's skin is black which is how the animal appears if photographed with film that's sensitive to ultra-violet light. - So they had the muffle bottoms and boots with the fur. - Whoa, that's crazy. - Yeah. - One April morning in 1897, got my ass eaten. - Maggie, I was literally meant to say I ate someone, page ate my ass. - Got my ass eaten. - Got my ass eaten. - On April, one April morning in 1897, six years before the Wright Brothers' first flight and 50 years before Roswell, a huge cigar-shaped UFO was seen in the skies above Texas. It was first spotted above rooftops in Sacramento, California. From there, the craft traveled to San Francisco where hundreds of people saw it. So this was before there was even airplanes. That's crazy. - Can you imagine, never, can you imagine not even knowing that airplanes could exist and then seeing that motherfucker just floating? - Dude, the blimp, think of it. - Yeah, that's crazy. - Blimp's are crazy in itself. - All right, sleep facts. On average, humans sleep three hours less per night than other primates, chimps, monkeys and baboons. Baboons sleep 10 hours a night. - Hmm, 11. - The longest recorded period that a person has gone without sleep is 18 days, 21 hours and 40 minutes. It took place in a rocking chair marathon. By the end, the winner was experiencing paranoia, hallucinations, blurry vision, slurred words, and an inability to concentrate. - Oh my God. - You need that sleep and that shows. - And I've heard that people that do this that stay up for long periods of time to try to beat records, all they need is one night of sleep to be fully back to normal. - That is crazy how beneficial sleep is. - Yeah. - They say if you're sick, sleep, if you got a freakin' cut sleep. - If you need your ass ate, sleep, sleep and then it gets eaten. - Sleeping on them and eatin' on them. - Yeah. - At least 10% of all people sleepwalk at least once in their lives. Men are more likely to sleepwalk than women. - I believe it. - Okay. - I've never, I've never sleptwalk. - No, no, not me. - That you know of. - Well, you're right. - I just know people that slept a walk a lot. - Yeah, you're right. - I used to when it was a little, right? - Yep, yep. - When we sleep, our bodies cool down. Body temperature and sleep are closely related. That's why it's hard to sleep on a hot summer night. We sleep best in moderate tempitude. - Tempitude. - Yeah, I sleep best when it's cold. - I sleep best when I'm gettin' my ass ate. - Oh, yeah. - That was the best sleep I ever had. When you ate my ass a couple of weeks ago. - Wait, what? - Ma'am? - Oh, yeah. - And I slept that whole night. - Yeah. Well, that's because I took a melatonin, stuck it in your butt hole, and it dissolved. - I bet people do that. - Yeah. - Mm-hmm. - You know they do. - One of those ollie vitamins. - Yeah, you know they stick things up there. - Oh, yeah. - Melatonin. - Medicines and things. - Melatonin of the ass. - Melatonin of the ass. - My little niece gave all my other little nieces and nephews melatonin one night. When I was watching 'em, had no clue. They were all just sleepin' on it. - What'd you think it was? Did she know it was melatonin? - She knew. - Yes, she took 'em, and then she gave all my other nieces and nephews them. They were all just sleepin' dude. - Oh, no. - Gotcha. - I was like, "It's not so burning." - Stop. Should we do a little? ♪ La la la la la ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ La la la la ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ Love ♪ ♪ Hey ♪ ♪ La la la ♪ - Hey. - All right, starting with "Hey, Love." ♪ Hey ♪ - I can't stand. Oh, God, I got two here that are really good. I'm gonna read one. - Just save it for the next week, baby girl. - I hate when someone eats a bunch of chips at once. - Oh, God. - What? - Eat one chip at a time. When Greg grabs six chips and puts 'em in his mouth, I just think, "You're not enjoying your chip." - Yeah. - Enjoy one chip at a time. - Yeah. - And just crunchin'. - Yeah. So that bothers me. - Greg eats, not a Greg Rose, but he does eat like every meal is his either first or last. - Bro. - I can't tell. - Bro. - Yeah. - Why is that? 'Cause he only has one other brother. Usually people are like, "Oh, you had a huge family. "You eat fast." But like-- - It's his mom and dad didn't want him to be wasteful. - He hates wasting. - He just, yeah. He eats everything inside. - "Dabrocha shaw." - "Dabrocha shaw." - Okay. - Okay. - You did your hate first. - Hate. - Okay. I hate when the directions start playing over the best part of the song. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. - Yep, that'll do it on your GPS maps. - You almost have to restart the song. - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. You have to rewind it. Absolutely, that's going. - Yeah. - Okay. I love, I don't know if y'all have seen these people, but people on social media who dress up and live their lives like they're in their 70s or 80s. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - And like their whole house is done 80s, they dress every day, they drive a 80s car. They, like 70s or 80s, even 60s, like those people, I follow and I'm so interested in their videos and they do this the coolest thing. - They're like a TikTok time capsule. - Yes. - Mm-hmm. - I'm obsessed. - Yeah, we can just live through them. - I'm obsessed. Oh my God, I follow so many people on TikTok. There's just one girl, I can't remember her name. Like she dresses like, she's like an 80s rock and roll video vixen, there's several I follow. And head to toe, kind of how we did our, our viral podcast photo shoot, she's like that head to toe. - And that takes work. - Oh my. Does she have a full-ass stylist or? - No. - She just does it all herself. - Yeah, whoa. - And she posts every day, out through the day, and I'm like, oh my gosh, that is so cool. - Damn. - I wish. - There's this girl. She has this 70s hair, always dresses in bell bottoms, driving the 70s car, I'm like, that is so cool. - Live in. - I love them. I love them, and I can't get enough of their content. - Where are most of them from, like LA? - No, just all over small towns. - Small towns, okay. - Yeah, it looks dope. - Okay, I love when I think of a memory, just even if it's by myself, and I just start busting out laughing, 'cause shit's just funny, and you can't control it. Even if the people around you don't even know. I all have a whole damn movie set playing in my head, just, I love that type of shit. - Yeah, that's a fun one, and it happens a lot. - Oh, what? - That's a fun one. - You could just be laying there. You said you did it the other night. - On what? - Just you were watching one of our positive talks. - Oh, bro. - And Greg's like, yeah, Chelsea woke me up at 3 a.m. 'cause you saw the laugh. - Oh, bro, I was losing, I was losing my mind. I went, okay, I had to, we had a little mishap on positive talks. If you don't know what we're talking about, it's something that we post on our slits only. Anyway, long story short, we had announced that your character, Debbie Dodson, daughter was pregnant. Well, then we talked about it in a pod, and then people were like, whoa, wait, she's pregnant. I was like, yeah, we'd announced this a couple of episodes ago. And everybody's like, no, you didn't. I'm like, you never said Diane's pregnant. - I'm like, yes, we did. So I went back and watched every video of Positox, and we didn't, Maggie. - What? - But we filmed it, huh? - We filmed the video. - Exactly. - We don't. - We don't know. - We did film it. - I'm positive we did. - I know we did. 'Cause we were, yeah, can you remember? - And I said, I don't wanna be associated with that. - Yeah. - Unwitted. - Yes. - I remember filming that. - Yeah, the full episode. - We can't find it. - We can't find it. So anyway, long story short, Greg was asleep, and this was like freaking three a.m. And I was watching one of the episodes from like four or five episodes ago, and Paige had said, there was a little interaction between me and Paige. I forgot what it was. I have not laughed this way in years. I was laughing so hard. I was bawling. I was screaming. I was laughing so hard. It gave me a massive headache. Wait, you did this right next to Greg at three a.m. I would have been. - Yeah. - And I was like screaming, laughing. And I kept rewinding the part. I kept rewinding the part, watching over, screaming, watching it again, screaming. I need to find it. - It was just Debbie's saying a dumb quote. - Oh my God. It was Debbie, 'cause she says those quotes that make no sense. And she said a quote, and I go, anyway, they don't make no sense, but okay. - That's so funny. - And it was the way she said the quote, like she was so confident, but so dumb. I laughed, Maggie. It's so hard, so hard. So yes, I get what you're saying. - Yeah. - Damn, so the people called us out. - Oh yeah. - There's even a hashtag that I saw on Facebook. It said, who got Diane pregnant and all that. - Bro, if y'all don't know what we're talking about, y'all've seen those clips that we've posted on TikTok. And we do like full mini podcast episodes of positive talks. So y'all gotta go check those out, subscribe. But we've been putting out more episodes and there's a whole storyline now. And Diane, Debbie's daughter got pregnant. We announced it. - We apologize, but we don't know where the hell, where that, no. - We actually miss an episode. - Where is it at? 'Cause the episode they're talking about, where I talk about it, I go, well, we need a baby update. I would never say that without being announced. - Yeah, and we don't know. I even said like, we have to ask Maggie 'cause we're not going insane, right? - Am I losing my mind? So we're missing the episode of positive talks, but either way, Diane's pregnant, so. - So we'll be looking for that episode and we'll be looking for Diane's baby 'cause we still don't know who it is. - Baby, Daddy. - And we're looking for him, so. - So let us know if you see him, let us know if you see him. - You know, staying motivated and eating healthy is really hard, especially during the holidays. That's why it's key to still get your daily nutrition, baby. You know what helps put the shrimps to sleep. A-G-1. What I love about A-G-1 is it's just one scoop and eight ounces of water and down the hatch. Another awesome perk is you don't have to take 40 vitamins and pill cases with you around while you're traveling. So this year, try A-G-1 for yourself. It's the perfect time to start a new healthy habit. That's why I've been partnering with A-G-1 for so long. And A-G-1 is offering new subscribers a free $76 gift when you sign up. 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It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter off of code viral at checkout. That's viral V-I-R-A-L at adam and Nev.com. This is exclusive offer specific to this podcast. Be sure to use this code viral to get your discount. 100% free shipping and get it fast with the rush processing code viral. Do we know what it looks like? No. Do we know his name? No. But if you see him, please let us know. Please let us know. Oh my gosh, so funny. Oh my God. - You smell? You smell this, huh? - Maggie. - Can you smell it out? We're all that beautiful bean footage. - Hey, honey. So recently, I have a problem of drinking too much and pissing the bed. So I bought me and my old lady a new bed. Do you think it's fucked up that she makes me sleep on the floor? I think it is. Oh yeah. - Well, you'll be pissing on the floor too. - Brother, I'm having a hard time. I'm putting myself in your shoes. If Greg pissed the bed all the time and we got a new bed, guess what? I'd put that piss bed in the garage. He'd be sleeping in there. You can sleep in the piss bed. - Or get a mattress cover. If you just bought a new bed 'cause you can't stop pissing, you would think, let's get a mattress cover and a diaper. - I was about to say wear a diaper. - Yeah, depends. She is dumb if y'all get a brand new bed and she lets you piss it in again, like ruin the other one. - But also, I hope you're not just pissing on carpet. - Well, he says he gets, he said he drinks and then goes to bed and then pisses. - But now his wife's making him sleep on the floor, so it's like, huh. - Bro, if I saw a beer in your hand, I'd be like, you got your diaper on? - Yeah, go put your pull up on. - You're not drinking unless you put your pull up on and you're not going to bed. No, I don't blame it. If you're pissing in my bed, you're sleeping on the floor. - That's a lot of piss. - You're sleeping on a pout. If you have to get a new bed. - Coming from a man. - That's a full grown ass piss. - That's a lot of piss. - Gallons. - It probably seeps through the bed and drips in the carpet. - And stink. You can't get rid of piss smell very easy. - No, I don't think she's mean. I think she's being nice to you. - Let your sleep in the floor beside her. - Either stop drinking if you can't control your whole or end if you want to sleep in the bed. - Right. - Or pull up on that pull up and hop in the bed. - Hey, you got to do better, man. You do got to do better. - You know what I mean? - There's nothing wrong with people that piss the bed, but if it becomes an issue. - Put a pot pad down. - Come on. - Do things to help the situation. It don't seem like you're doing that. It seems like you're going straight back into bed and she's thinking the same thing's gonna happen to this new bed that happened to the old one. - If I rolled over and a grown man's piss or anybody's piss, I would be not so happy. - Yeah. I have pissed the bed, it's been, I don't think I've been an adult. I've been like, I can't try to remember. - Not recently. - No, but you've rolled over in the dog shit and stuff. - I've done, and I remember you were upset. - Yeah, I was upset about that. Yeah. - So a lot of piss, no. - So honey's just get you one of those little palette pads and palette's fine. I've slept on a million pallets before. Although people in the Northwestern, wait. - Yeah, Northwestern, they call it something different from pallets. So we call it pallets. Like you're gonna sleep on the floor, make yourself a palette. - Yeah. - Don't they call it something different? - A box spring? - No, they call it like, I can't remember. - I've only known it as a palette. - Yeah, we'll get back to that one. - Remember you had that friend from Boston and we said, oh, make a palette and she's like, what's that? - Jamie. - Yeah. - And we're like, just sleep on the floor. She's like, like make a little bed. And we're like, yeah. She's like, oh, we just caught, that's what it was, a little bed. - I know, we call it pallet. She goes, I've never heard that. - I like, lift up a bundle? - Never heard that either. - Bundle, little bed. - I mean, she just said little bed. - Little bed. - Yeah. - It says another word for pallet. Wodge, cluster, load. - What? - Oh, they're thinking of like a palette of things. - They're thinking of, yeah. - A skid. - Yeah, that's a mark. - Marky in my ass. - Marky in my ass. - Yeah, so let us know what, what, everybody calls it. Is it a palette? That's what we always call it. - Is it a clef? - I don't know, not about that. - Hmm. - I don't know. - Okay. - So, all right, well, thank you for calling in and hey, just do better, man. - Yeah, I do, but a little bit better. - Yeah, you just gotta do better, man. That's it. - Love you. - Love you. - Hey, honey. So, just wanted to tell you that 10 years ago, I was in my boyfriend's bedroom, which is ground level. - You know, it's in the basement, so it's ground level. And his dad was driving by a mole and lawn and his blinds are wide open. And his dad was watching me completely suck the soul out of his son. And he bare ass in the air. I was absolutely sucking him off, flobbier than shit. And yeah, and he waved as he was mowing lawn. He drove by and waved. And later that night, we all had to have dinner together. So, also fuck Mary Till, Alan Jackson, George Strait and Tim McGrost. Love you, honey. Bye. Two. - I love that she just threw in the fuck Mary killin' there. - Suckin' the soul out of his son. - Do you think he saw him? - Yeah. - Yeah, 'cause he waved. Why else would he wave if he didn't see? - What if he just saw the son? - Well, that's true. It's bright out there. He's mowing, it's loud. He probably just saw the son and waved. Or she's thinkin' no, he saw ass up. Suckin' on that thing. - Was he laying down or standing up? - Yeah, you're right. - Oh, he saw. - He saw, let's just say he saw. - Okay, he saw. - And then they had to go eat dinner like nothing happened. - Well? - I mean, what would you really say? Like, hey, when I was out there mowing the lawn, I saw you mowing my, I don't know. - No, he was probably like, hey, Martha, guess what I saw today. Martha, Martha, guess what your son was doing? - So would you-- - So would you bring it up? - So would you bring it up? - No, you're not gonna bring it up. No, if you were the dad, no. You wouldn't bring it up. 'Cause that would mortify the son and the son's girlfriend. - You could play with him a little bit, just say suck a lot at the table. Like, do these mashed potatoes suck? (laughing) - Suck, that'd be even worse, I think. Just bring it up. And if Martha says something about her day, they're like, oh, that sucks. - That sucks. - And they just make eye contact with them. - Every time you say sucks. - And I'm almost scared. I'm like, you know what else sucks, Martha? And then they'll get all scared and it's being like, these green beans, bitch. - These green beans. - And then really suck on your spoon and your fork. Like, and if there's like any chicken or-- - Just suck on it. - Just suck on it. - Yeah, anything that's in cock-shaped suck on it. - Now we'll probably do something like that. - Yeah, just like that. - But I'm not gonna say, I saw her slawing on his knob while I wouldn't do that. - Could you imagine a grown-ass dad at a table just acting like he's sucking on a chicken with like a cock? - That would be fucking funny. - That would be so funny. - I would honestly like, well not like that, but that would be funny. - I would like it. Gosh dude. - That's a good one. Okay, fuck Mary Kill, this is a good one. This is a good one. - Alan Jackson. - Alan Jackson, and in editing, can we pop up pictures of these three guys? - Ben! - Alan Jackson, George Strait, Tim McGraw, fuck Mary Kill. Okay. - Wait, what era? '90s? - Any, any, any. - There you want because-- Because these men were hot in the '90s and now, even hotter now, I feel like so too. - I think so too. - I want a daddy. - There's something about Tim McGraw. - Oh God, yes, there he is. - I'm gonna fuck, hmm, what's Alan Jackson? I'm gonna fuck Alan Jackson. - Okay, that's a good one. - I'm gonna marry Tim. - Okay, 'cause he got the island money. - Oh, he's an island boy. - He's got an island. - Private island. - But he sold the island. - Yeah. - And you're killing George Strait? - Oh, dude. - Gone. - What? - Don't say gone. - George is king, dude. - George is, he was just at the ACMs and he's like, how old is he? - It's like '68. - Is he? Let me look, he is. - 72. - 72. - He's in his 70s now? - And I'm telling you that, man. It's, there's a reason why people say it. I mean, he's gorgeous. Even at 72 years old, he's fucking hot. Okay, I'm going to fuck Tim McGraw. I want him to bend me over on that private island. And I'm gonna go, "Oh, Tim, oh, Tim, oh, oh, Tim." - I got to marry George Strait. 'Cause I would want to see him every day. I would want to just drool over him every day. And I would want to suck him off every day. - You think George Strait can make people turn gay? what do you mean men oh I bet oh yeah oh yeah people love him oh okay and and I got to kill Alan Jackson and I love Alan Jackson Alan Jackson's dying for me too and he's and I think Alan Jackson's hot yeah I love Alan Jackson music but Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon. Jugon Casino with the season's offerings. You'll unwrap everything you wished for. From table games and jackpots to slots at the top of everyone's list. Jingle Bell's power is robin' aim, my ass. Draft Kings is offering a warm welcome to new players with $100 instantly in Casino credits, with just a $10 wager. Plus, everyone can get in on the action with a holiday reward every week. So sign up with Code Viral because the holiday cheer is here. Only on Draft Kings Casino. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-Gambler. In Connecticut, help is available for a problem gambling called 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly. 21 Plus. Physically, present in Connecticut. Michigan, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, West Virginia only. Void in Ontario. Eligibility. Accessions apply. New customers only opt-in required. Casino credits are non-withdrawable and expire in 160 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com/promos. You know what, though? About Tim McGraw? What? He seems so stiff. That's how you know he has a hard cock. And I hate talking that way about Tim McGraw, but I also love it. Because I think Tim McGraw would listen to this podcast and enjoy it. I really do. Yeah, hey, Faith, did you hear him saying my cock is hard to do? Right. Right. If Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are listening to this podcast right now, comment below. Comment below please if that's you. Yeah. Oh, fuck. That'd be so cool. Dude, that would be awesome. Tim's checking in. Bro, I would lose my fucking mind if they listened. Last time we said that, Chad Kroger's commented. Remember? We're like, "Hey, Chad Kroger. If you're here, put present." And he did. You did. You did. Bro. Bro. Bro. Life's crazy. Bro. We can talk to celebrities on with our fingertips, dude. Like sometimes I'll just comment back to Tom Brady's stories, because I think it's so funny. I hate to just act like you're his friend. Yeah. And Tom Brady's the only person I do it to. Why? Why? Why? Why? Because it's so funny, dude. Tom Brady. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine if he replies and y'all start talking and y'all end up like getting married and stuff. Oh, dude. I'll get that gizelle from him. If you marry Tom Brady, he's got a lot of kids, huh? That'd be fine. You're great with kids. Oh, yeah. And he got that T.B. Monte, dude. What's that? That Tom Brady made. Oh. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does. He's daddy, though. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Okay. That was a good one. Okay. Well, thank you for calling in, honey. Thank you for that story. Thank you for the great fuckmarry kill. Thank you. Love you. Hey, I was just calling. I've been listening to y'all show for about the last hour with my co-worker, and I just keep hearing all these wiener stories. And I just wanted to share that my normal, my wiener is normal, and I feel like that's pretty rare for your listeners, just want to know that we are out there. Sorry if that's boring, but my shit is normal. Oh, yeah. This guy's dick is absolutely not normal. And what's normal? If he had to call in, he called in to tell us it's normal. That means it's the exact opposite. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Listen to our pod, anyway, I don't even know what he's talking about, by the way. Yeah, I know. When have we, like, what gives us the impression that all of our male followers have weird dicks? I don't know. We must have said something. I think it was the two-hole guy, maybe. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. So now he's, he heard it. I was like, I got to call in. I got to call in. He's like, sorry if this is boring. And tell them my dick is normal. What is normal? Yeah, what is normal? He's just thinking it's a straight, one of those straight dicks. With one hole. Yeah, even that can get so a little weird sometimes if the dicks too, too straight. If the dicks too straight, that's not normal. Mm-mm. Because things curve. Mm-mm. But then it could be one of those banana dicks. Oh, man. Wish we had a picture of it. Don't call in and tell us your dick is normal without the, without that a picture. Do you think those boomerang dicks are a little crazy? Boomerang. Yeah, I wouldn't want a boomerang dick. Well, isn't that good to get your G spot? If it's to the side though, if it goes up maybe, but not to the side. I know. Sometimes I look at it. It's like damn, that thing's going to play horseshoes with my helmet. Because what you're going to do, see, I disagree because your vagina hole is so tight that when that dick goes in, it's straightening up. It's not in there like this. Your vagina, your vagina hole canal does not bend like that. We need to see on an X-ray. I wonder if it does. It doesn't. No. Because that's what the whole, they like that. They're like, oh yeah, I hit the G spot. It's got to dig into the wall a little bit. I mean, it's curving. It's got to dig into the wall. It's a curve ball. I don't think it's digging digging, but it's, it's no, it's maybe scraping, scraping the walls. Come to me. Hey, come on, let's scrape my wall. Let's come here. It ain't going completely straight when it gets in that hole. I think it's straightening up. It'd be cool if it could dig the clots out. Oh, shit. Just a hook. Let's say, come here. Come here. Just reached up in there and grabbed it and pulled it out. Oh, I'd say, come here. I need you to visit me every 28 days. Come here. Come here. Come here. I think it's straightening up quite a bit. I do. Let us know. If you have a banana caulk, let us know if it straightens up when it gets into the hole, or if it just plays horseshoes with the. It can't. You're voting. But what if you, and it depends on the vagina, what if it's a big old loose hole? That fucker's staying curved. It depends on how loose it is and how curved it is, and I think that's a rare occurrence. Dude. But your vaginal canal cannot just shape, shape shift. But the dick's giving a reach around almost. I feel like it would, I feel like you can definitely tell a difference if you get a, if you get a boomerang or if you get a straight, probably a slight difference, but it's not in there paying attention to one side of the wall and not the other. I don't know man. I think it is. I think it is. I disagree. Okay. Let us know what everybody thinks down in the comments, because. Unless you have a, the tiniest, thinnest, pencil dick that's curved, but if you have a decent size girth, it's going to fill the hole. You get what I'm saying? But if you have a, a dick that's this thin, sure, you're going to get a hook in there. Well, you're wrong. You're wrong. I don't think so. You can't debate because dude, when that dick gets hard as a banana shape, it's state like, have you ever scraped in that wall? Have you ever had a shape shifter? Not, not like it, not a hook. Yeah. You ain't never had a hook. Oh, hook and ladder. You'll be caught, dude. Like a fish. Really? Oh, you'll be coming out there like a, you can fill it, dude. You can fill it, scraping up on one side of the wall and not the other. I think so. Yeah. Scrapers. Scrapers. If you're a scraper out there or you've been with a scraper, let us know. Let us know on both ends. Yeah. If you have the scraper and if you've received, we will be reading comments and I'm serious because I really want to know this too. I do too. This is a debate. I need to know. I want to know if you're scraper. If you are a scraper. If you are a scraper. If you are a scraper. If you are a scraper. And I want to know from both ends, from the scraper and the one getting scraped. From the scraper and the one that's been scraped. Yeah. Hey. You scared Gary. Stop it. No, it's like from the scraper and the one that's been scraped. I can't. Don't ever say that. Why is that so funny? Dude, if you have a banana dick, just call it scraper and we know. Scrapers. You don't need to say I have a banana that just saves scraper here. Okay. I think it's extreme. We need to make merch to scraper. Yeah. When he's scraper sharks, yeah, every word, you know if you're scraper if you are a scraper. Yeah. Yeah. Who even sings that one again? Oh my God. Oh my God. That got me. Listen. That got me. I think you're wrong. Yeah. Well, if we're talking about extreme scraper, I think you're right. I think if it's a slight bend, I think it can straighten up. Oh, dude. If it's a full bend, it's a bend and snap. It could snap. The people are going to let us know. Yes, I will. Get back to us. But you do what I'm saying? If there's a slide. No, I get it. It straightens up. If you have a full blown, just rock solid hook, that could be scary for some. That could be scary. I could understand it's scraping the walls. Okay. Sun. I can see that. Okay. Thinking about scraper, I'm thinking of a skyscraper. Did you see the TikTok of all those people stuck on the ride? No. That's not very far. I'm pretty sure. Uh-uh. Yeah. They got stuck on the ride for over two hours. Upside down? Uh, sideways. Horizontal. Oh, my gosh. Like, all of them lean in when it rock with it. And some of them, you know, I don't know if it was for maybe a little insurance, but or not. But some of them had to be wheel-chaired off. They're probably numb, though. No, I bet it was legit. You were upside down for two hours. In a... I feel like I would pass. Yes. I couldn't tell because some of the people just got right off, started walking, and then some of the people just chilled. Yeah. Uh, yeah, just a helicopter was going around for two hours filming home, and they're all waving, and... I want to know if you scrape. If you... Scrape. I'm sorry. The whole time you're talking, that's all I can tell you about is the song. I know. What if you say... I want to get scraped tonight? I want to get scraped. I want you to scrape me tonight. I can't listen. I'm going to pass out. I'm going to pass out. If your husband or boyfriend does not listen to the pod and you're hearing this, go tell him, "I want to get scraped tonight." Do you see what he says? Yes. Do you have a scraper? Do you squate my walls? Come in. Squate my walls. Come in. I've shown for you to scrape. The whole time you were talking, and not to be sensitive to those people that were left in the thing. Oh, no problem. They were just horizontal for two hours on a ride. But the whole time you were talking, I just kept saying, "I don't want to be scared." Well, we could change it to them, I guess. I want you to scrape me. All right. You don't even know if you're late. Oh, Jesus Christ. Your legs were numb. Yeah. All right. Well, thank you for calling in, honey. Oh, but what if you had to pee or poop and you were on that ride? I think I could hold it. I could hold it for two hours. Yeah. For two hours. You can hold it. If it's piss, I would probably piss if I was hurting and needed to go that bad. I'm pissing. I'll just say, here comes a little bit of rain. Hot jies. Huh? It's a bit to walk around in the piss pants. But you're not staying on a ride for two hours stuck and then getting off and going to hop on another ride. Also, what took them two hours? Oh, so they went up there with a crane. So they tried to call the ambulance and stuff. They were on their way, but not Spery Farm called them and said, "Hey, don't come. We can do this on our own." So then they-- Huh? Oh, yeah. If I was the person on there, I'd be calling. Get here now. People were trying to get their phones and stuff out of their pockets and they were saying, "It's really dangerous. People are trying to get their phones out to film now and call loved ones." But they put a crane up there and then tied a rope and just manually were pulling the ride down. Oh, my gosh. Wow. So that's how they got them down. Yeah. They pulled them out. Oh, my God. It looked very unsafe, but they did it. All right. Well, thank you for calling in, and thank you for calling in, letting us know you have a normal wiener. During Torah, I did not want to smell like a taco stand or Brad Pitt. And what saved me was Lumi. Lumi is a whole body deodorant, safe to use anywhere on your body, pits, under boob, thigh folds, creases, belly buttons, buck crags, vulvas, feet, and the yiddies. You name it. Created by an OBGYN who saw firsthand how normal B.O. was being misdiagnosed and mistreated, Lumi is clinically proven to block odor all day and control odor for up to 72 hours. If you don't want your taco to smell like a ground beef seasoned taco, you can slap some Lumi on it. Personally, I use unscented, but you can choose from a variety of fresh bright scents like clean tangerine, lavender sage, or toasted coconut. The mill. Put Lumi on your own pits for bibicles. Lumi's starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant wipes, and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% all Lumi products with our exclusive code. And if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off their starter pack. Use code VIRALPOD for 15% off your first purchase at LumiDeodorant.com. As code VIRALPOD at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T dot com, please support our show and tell them we sent you smell fresher, stay dryer, and boost your confidence from head to toe with Lumi. But you got to be a scraper. Yeah, I'm doing all that from them. I know. Alright. Hey honey, it's on my way home from work here. I just want to say I love you guys, I love y'all's podcast. Y'all make me laugh every single day. Anyways, I know you guys are in the comedy field, the comedians field, especially you Chelsea would go and stand up in your shows, but I'm curious, is there a comedian out there that a lot of people love, a lot of people find funny, but you guys don't really find funny, like is there a comedian that you guys think is overrated, isn't funny, or you just don't like? I'm curious, and I would love to know y'all's answers. Bye! Well, wow, this may be a cheesy answer, but it's an answer from my heart and soul. Comedy is so extremely subjective. Like I think comedy is the most subjective form of art there is, really. And there's something for everybody, and then there's something for everybody, for sure, and then also not everyone's for everyone. And comedy is such a thing where I'm like, even if I don't enjoy that person, or that, show, or even if I don't enjoy that in my head, that doesn't mean it's not funny. That just means it's not for me. If I'm not their target audience, that's not for me. But a million other people, it could bring so much joy and happiness. So I don't ever dog on anything that brings another person joy or happiness, and I know how hard comedy can be, so I would never dog on another comedian. I've never thought that person sucks, I just think not for me, for someone else. So that's my answer on that, and that is from my heart and fucking soul. That's cute. You! You're the bad! You're the bad! You're the bad! You're the bad! You're the bad! We'll say it. You don't say it? Yeah. You really can't. And honestly, I like watching people who aren't even for me, just to see other types of comedy, or I think it's just fun. Yeah. I would go watch, what is it, when people just go do improv? Yeah, like improv. Open mic night. Open mic. I would love to just go watch people do open mic nights, and anyone. I love it. And I will say, I do like a little bit of everything when it comes to comedy. A lot of people only really like one, you know, they like either, they like clean comedy. They don't like raunchy. So they don't watch the raunchy movies, the raunchy standup, and vice versa. And people like this type and that type and that type. I kind of do like a little bit of everything, but if there's a movie, a comedy movie out, that people are loving, that I just didn't think was that funny, I'm not going to be like, that movie sucks, that actor sucks, that comedian sucks, it just wasn't for me. Oh yeah, we'd be doing movie reviews if we were. Yeah. And I know this caller wanted, and some of y'all listening want an answer for me to name a comedian, but I seriously cannot, because I don't really think anybody sucks. They just are for their audience. You know what I mean? I mean, I've had people come up, I have literally had people come up to me after a show or DM me after a show and say, Chelsea, I have seen, and they've named all the biggest comedians in the world. I've seen this person, this person, this person, this person. Your comedy set was a million times funnier than all those people combined. I laughed harder at your comedy set than I ever have at any other comedian. And then I've also had people come up to me, well, messes me after, and go, didn't laugh one time at your comedy show. So it's not for, it's not for, and I'm not hurt by that, honestly, because it's not for you then. And also you can't let any comment get in your head either, because it's like, although they can stick out so much more, but you just can't, because it's truly not for everyone. And I don't, I think comedy gets the most, what's it called, criticism, criticism. Because people, because that's the thing, people think you need to be laughing your ass off the entire show. And people think if I'm not laughing at you, then you're not funny. Exactly. That's not true. Nope. I'm just, you know what I'm saying? Oh. Just because I don't laugh at this person stand up doesn't mean they're not funny. Yeah. It just means you didn't laugh that time, but yeah, so give it, even give people a second chance, you know, chance, chance, because yes, and I will say this, when it comes to comedy, stand up movies, just joking around, I love the stupid shit, if it's stupid, if it's stupid, it's so funny to me. And I've seen comments on some of my stuff, they go, this is so dumb, and I go, yeah, that's why it's funny, because it's so fucking stupid. Yeah. And I will say some comedy, I feel like that I don't enjoy as much as when it's too set up. Okay. Like joke, I don't do well with that and I don't do well with jokes that take a long time to get out. To get to. I have to have a quick, witty jokes, I would say more for myself, but I still love and think it's so cool. People could even tell a long joke and it's cool people can even keep up with them. Yeah. For sure. Do you have a hard time keeping up with long jokes? No, it depends. It depends. It depends on the part. It totally depends. I enjoy a lot of them, so it totally depends. Yeah. For real. So, but I'll tell you what, I haven't watched Stepbrothers in years and I'm due. Dude, we keep saying that. I know, I'm due for a movie night to watch Stepbrothers. Let's do it. Let's watch it when I call over this week. Okay. Stepbrothers. We watch that? Mm-hmm. Easy. Stepbrothers. Stepbrothers. Yeah, just click. Click. We'll take that. Right. Make us popcorn. Right. You don't even like popcorn, but dude, mallow, oh, it's mallow. The marshmallow popcorn. Uh-huh. 'Cause I hate marshmallows too. I hope I know, but that sounds like mower's spear. Like the hard caramel popcorn. Uh-huh. I'm not eating that. Oh, what if it comes with the cheese? The cheese is okay. Did you like getting those? What? Should we go somewhere for dinner or should we order in? Go get taco and cheese sticks, maybe. Or do you want to go somewhere? 'Cause I'm hungry right now. Ooh. Well, shoot. I maybe go. Wait. We don't have anything, huh? Just be thinking about it. Okay. Be thinking about where we should go. What should we do? Think about it. Think about it. Oh, okay. Okay. All right. Well, thank you for calling in, honey. Love you. Love you. Hi. Um, I was calling about just listening to your podcast and you guys were talking about blue balls, which I've heard, at least Brett talked about before, and I believe that blue balls is a myth, similar to how like blue waffle is a myth. Um, I could be wrong because I really don't feel like googling it right now. But growing up, I would always hear boys in high school tell their girlfriends, "Man, you got to get me off my blue balls." And I think it was always a thing men would say, or boys would say, to get off, that like to make girls feel bad, and that kind of things like something Brett would do with him saying that women should have more empathy for men with blue balls. You guys can Google it, but I feel like I've researched it before, and that men do not have painful balls when they don't come, because you also have to think about the men that are on like, I said in her eyes, like antidepressants, who, which make it very difficult for people to climb that, because those men don't come, but they can still have a healthy sex life by having sex. Um, I also could be wrong, but I just wanted to mention that because I always hated when men and boys would say that to girls growing up to make them feel bad, and to getting them off. Okay, love you guys. Bye. Love you, honey. Oh. Imagine if women were like that. I'll blow you head balls. I'll blow you pussy. I have to come right now. Oh, yeah. You think I'm right now? Come here. Oh, dudes, I love it. Come here. I love blue pussy. Come here. Look at my blue pussy. I don't know. I think it's real. I think it. What was that? Your phone's on. Who's calling you? It's a text. All right. I don't think it's all for many. It's Lola. Oh. I don't think so many men would be saying I have blue balls. And plus men squirt out of their dicks. So I think that's why they could get backed up and clogged, filled up. Well, think about Mackie Wargo talking about when she was breastfeeding. If she didn't milk it, it was painful. I think it's the same thing. Same thing. Yeah. Yes, exactly. So I think it's definitely real. Now, she said something about men being on antidepressants, that they don't, they don't have, they, it alters their brains where they don't, you know, have sex or whatever. Yeah. Or it's hard for the heart or whatever. Yeah. They're not in the same ball bracket. They're not in the same ball bracket as those who are not on the antidepressants. So why don't you think that needs to be even counting? That's like separate. Yeah. We're going to execute that. Yeah, that's separate. But yeah, I, I think blue balls are definitely real. And blue waffles definitely real Google it. It's a infected vagina. It doesn't like, it's not looks like a blue waffle. And I don't think blue balls actually actually look blue. Now that I don't know. Dude, it's damn near cold. I'm about ready to turn blue. You're freezing in here? Oh, I feel great. Yeah. So I wonder what it feels like though, probably just the pressure like Maggie's saying. Yeah. Oh, just pain, built up pain. Yeah. Need to not. And if you've never milked titties or whatever, I guess the next thing would be maybe a blister that needs popped. Yeah. Yeah. A boil, a pussy boil. Is it? Yeah. So. Yeah. I would agree with that. That's why they always are, I don't say always, but that's why maybe they're cheating a little bit more than women maybe, and because they need to go get that hankering out. They're jacking off, they're, they're always yanking. Not necessarily why that's why they're cheating because they could just go jack off or go whatever. Oh, yeah. But I think that's kind of what, I think that's maybe like the excuse. Yeah, like the, once they're dick, it's hard, they're brain just, they just get tunneled dick. And all they can think about is fucking, that's what I'm thinking. If you guys catch her drift, we're not saying all men are just cheaters, but I get what you're saying. Yeah. I think it just is so easy for them. Right. They get that little tingling. Yeah. They'm all strokey. Right. And then they fucking the rest is sticky again. Oh shit. You got to mock sticky, slinging around town, slinging around town, they'll stick it in anything too. Look, guys are going to be so mad, whoa, I have blue balls right now. I have blue balls right now and I won't stick it in anything. Okay, then when I'm talking about you, sir, chill thinking about blue, these blue polarized glasses. Tell them, tell them. We walk into Walmart thinking, you know, you go to that Walmart rack, you're trying on those glasses thinking, oh, this is 397 if that I go check out and I only have five items at Walmart thinking it's going to be 30 bucks. Yeah. It's $106 and I'm tripping Beth is trying to help me go through my bag and we're trying to see what the problem is. These glasses, I thought we're going to be four bucks. We're like $35. Yeah. What? At Walmart. Walmart. They're like 37 or something. Yeah. Dude, I was like the inflation station for baby girl. Yeah. We had to go in and get something and she had wanted sunglasses, I go get you a pair while we're here. Go pick out a pair. Yeah. Same. I'm thinking like seven, nine, nine, maybe. Shit. Maybe in the nineties. Yeah. You don't expect Walmart, they weren't even locked up. That seemed expensive to me. It's expensive, dude. The Walmart, everything's locked up now. I had to go get so many people to unlock stuff for me. And then you have to check it out right there. I had to check out like four different times. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh dude. Because they won't let you take it. Yeah. Wow. Annoying. Unbelievable. What is the most you would spend on a pair of sunglasses? Let's say if these sunglasses were like beautiful, your dream pair, they made you look cool like you. You know what? I'm going to splurge and give me a pair of sunglasses. What's the most you would spend? For myself. Yes. I've bought expensive ones for somebody else but for yourself. I would probably do, I would really, really, really have to love them. I think I would do 1500. Whoa. That's way more than I thought. Holy shit. And I would get even that back piece so they'd never fall off the. Coming from the most frugal person I know, I was not expecting that. I would really, they might even have to be prescription like. Okay. Because I lose glasses, I scrape up like that's why I bought these cheap Walmart ones. Maggie, what about you? My limit would be $100 and I just bought my, the pair that I always wear. I just ordered them and got them in the mail and they were $100. You wear glasses a lot. I do and I keep up with them and I've had the same ones for years and they're scratched to shit. And I finally got a new pair splurged and it was $100 and I was freaking out about that. But I get my money's worth. Yes, you do. Yeah. Maybe it should be the splurger. Yes, you do. I would not spend more than $500. Really? Yeah. That would be my, my tab down. And I've only done that. I've done that twice in my life. All those classes we looked at in the mall the other day. Oh, yeah. They were all 1000. Well, I was going to say. Remember the Prada ones? They were $500 and I was like, damn, I would probably drop $500 on those. But I can't do it. Yeah. My mind won't let me. That's the thing. I never will. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I mean, I'm mad about these $40. I know you're bad about the $40 and yeah said $1,500. You splurged and bought some really nice glasses and then your car got broken into and they all got stolen. Yep. That was right after you bought those, you had like two or three pair in there. I don't, two cheap ones, but one, one is a pair. I think they were like, I think they were like 400. They were a lot and because here's, I don't wear sunglasses a lot because they always look stupid on my face. I can't find a pair that fits good on my face. So I found this pair. I looked so, I was like, holy crap, you were happy about this. I look good in these and they got stolen out of my car in Los Angeles. They'll be taken. People be taken. They must look good on them too. So they scored. Yeah, they scored big time on that. Oh, I was so mad and I can't remember the brand I remembered and I looked up to get a replacement and they, I didn't see them online. It's hard to think with glasses on. Really? Oh, for sure. It knew setting. See, I feel like I can, I'm thinking good right now. They throw me off. Really? Bad. Yeah, so let us know what glasses you have in the comments, but let us know what glasses you have. We have one more call. Okay. One more call. Let's call here. Hey, honey, so I want to let y'all know I'm very thankful I get to listen to you guys every Tuesday. Local mailman in Southern Illinois here, but I had to let you guys know one of my first day last night since my divorce and I let you guys know it went absolutely amazing. And I want to let you guys know first, do you guys rock? I love y'all. Oh, yeah, damn, he let us know. This was so sweet. Yeah. That was so sweet. Thank you so much for that. Thank you for listening to the podcast and supporting us and thank you for being a cool mailman. Shout out to the mailman and women out there slinging mail, slinging it and tossing it and walking it. Thank you. And the fact that he said I wanted to tell you guys first, I feel like we are his sisters. Oh, hey, honey's crying here. Hey, honey's sisters here. I hope you have another amazing date with her and I hope it goes well and and thank you for calling in. you made our whole fucking day new with that. - That was sweet. - That was very sweet. - Oh my gosh, do you feel like he's a relative dude? - I know. - I love you, dad. - Listen to us while you're on your route and I love you, dad. - I love you. - I love you. - I love you. - I love you. - I love you. - Just a fucking dog's dude, just delivering milk. Try not to have your ankles bit at it. - Yeah, I have this right here. - Yeah, look at it. - Gary would never buy an ankle though. - Oh, one from Tor. One of the guys was like, oh yeah. He came up to me and was like, usually we like to keep the dogs in the green room and then he went up to Greg and told him and Greg's like, oh, I'm sorry, man. Did he buy you? Gary. - Gary's never bitten anyone. - And Gary's like the smallest thing and the guy was like a bigger dude and just having Greg the giant. Like, oh, I'm so sorry, man. Did he buy you? - Did he buy you? - That lives right in my head. - Like doing the most, all the time. - Doing the most always. - But low-key punkin' the dude. - Yeah, I know. Low-key punkin' the dude. - Hey, attack you, man. - Do the other side. - Are you okay, man? - Yeah. - That's funny. - That's funny. - Oh my gosh. - The fact that he said I need Gary in the green room. - Yeah, and that didn't happen. We rent the space so Gary-- - Big for real. - Gary can be where he wants to be and he was. - It always throws the vibe off a little when they just say anything like that. - Yeah, no, 99% of the venues are love Gary and are obsessed with Gary. And this guy, I think, was just like, just did not like dogs. - Well, guess what? Gary's walking around anyway. - Gary's a showman. - It's his showman. He's a human. He's not even a dog. - It's Gary's show. - Yeah, it's not his show. - Uh-uh. - Mm-mm. - He's not a girl. - He's not a girl. - I go, "He's fine. Commute a mama." And he's sitting my lap. - Yeah, get out of here. - Yeah, get the hell out of here. - Yeah, well, we love you guys. Thank you for another week. I thank you for just being here and being there. And don't forget to check out the viralpodcast.co for monthly merch drops. - Yes. - Yes, Christmas. - Get it in now for Christmas. Get your, if you have a rock fucker in your life, if you have a munch stick in your life, or if you want to buy something for yourself for Christmas, get your orders in now, the viral podcast.co! - And tell your spouses and girlfriends and boyfriends and say, "Hey, hint at 'em, say, "Hey, Camille." Do you see the swedow? - Swedow. - Send 'em the link, send 'em the link. - Love you guys, our phone number is four, four, two, seven, seven, seven, three, three, three, one. - No, always remember that you are doin' great. - You're lookin' good. - And fuck what everybody else thinks. ♪ Get ready, ready ♪ ♪ We're goin' by ♪ - Yeah. ♪ December ♪ - Fuck me. ♪ I don't know ♪ ♪ Get ready ♪ - Oh, there we go. ♪ We're goin' viral ♪ - Oh, you're scraping my wall, a scraper. - Put my hand in a dick. - Woo! Scrapers. ♪ Scrapers ♪ ♪ Scrapers ♪
