Phone Taps
Get Rid of your Scary Infested Turkey
Alright, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird-shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the partition. - Guardesian? - It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So, how about a Closmapolitan? Or a mistletoe margarita? - I'm thirsty. - Watch. I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength, and… - Wow. It's beginning to feel more seasonal in here already. If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly, in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off. - 'Tis the season to be… jolly-er. Add some holiday flavor to every celebration, with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker, Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. - Yes, you heard me, shake your phone and get $50 off. - Don't delay. - I have a way to make your morning more efficient. You can get caught up on the news in about seven minutes. That is my promise to you as the host of the seven podcast from The Washington Post. And in that time, I will run down seven stories, everything from the most important headlines to fascinating new information you might miss otherwise. My name's Hannah Jewell, go follow the seven right now, wherever you're listening. And we will get you caught up. It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre-based stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeartChristmas and North Pole Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeart Radio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming. - Don't answer the phone, Elvis Duran, the Elvis Duran phone tap. - Here, Elvis Duran, I've got an idea for a phone tap. My husband thought it'd be great to buy a real turkey for the kids to have as a pet. Our pet turkey lives in the yard and out on the back deck and when it rains, we let him into the laundry room to sleep because you know, turkeys will look up and drown. Anyway, some of our neighbors have been complaining about our pet turkey, especially when it sings in the morning. My husband loves animals. In fact, he feeds all the neighborhood cats and raccoons and possums and they all come to our house. Recently, my daughter and I were told by our dermatologist that the skin rashes we've developed might be scabies. Even though we can't prove it, we think it could be from the turkey. Why don't you call my husband and tell him that you're a concerned neighbor and parent and tell him you don't want your kids getting scabies from his turkey. My husband's a wise-ass, it could be a fun phone tap. Alright, this comes to us from Christine. Christine's going to start the call and then Dave Brody will call as the concerned neighbor. Here we go, today's phone tap. - Hello. - Peter. - Yeah, Ben. - I'm modified and I'm freaking out. I can't breathe. Somebody from school called my cell phone and this guy was screaming at me, cursing. - About what? - About the turkey and the scabies. I told you this was going to happen. - That right now. Give me his number. - No. - I don't have his number. - Alright, when he really calls me, I'll speak with him and I'll see if you want to scream at me. - I'm coming right down there. - Don't listen to me. I'll speak with him. - You can't listen. Goodbye. - Very good. - Goodbye. - That was fantastic. - Yeah. - Alright, here we go. You ready? - Is this Peter? - Yes it is. - This is Anthony. - Alright, listen to me. You don't call up and you don't scream and curse at my wife. Do you understand me? - You're going to stick your turkey on me. - I'll come and stick myself on you. You understand? That's disrespectful. I would never scream or curse at your wife, ever. - No, you wouldn't. My wife's got class. She doesn't have a turkey. - If I like you, you act like an ass. - No, no, I'm trying to... I'm trying to be a good guy here. - You're trying to be a good guy? That screaming and cursing at my wife is being a good guy, is being a gentleman, is being a man. What'd you say to her? - I asked her about the turkey. I said your kid's got scabies. - My kid never had scabies. - Your kid's got scabies now? - My kid never had scabies. - Well she's got like rashes on her, the teacher. - She has eczema. This same eczema I have on my arms. - Listen, we don't need that in this neighborhood, all right? - You don't need this in this neighborhood? - Darkies are for Thanksgiving. Not for pets. - Okay. Okay, what do you... The turkey, please? - Don't worry about who I am. - Okay, I know I'm hearing about who you are because you got my number and you talk to me, and you talk to me like you're a little bit of a wise guy. I don't like that. - Your kid's coming to school with all turkey diseases. - A turkey disease. What diseases do turkeys carry? What do you know about anything? - You got scabies babies. - Well no, it's an empathy, what do you know about any kind of animal at all? - What I know you know. - What's your expertise? - I'm a normal man. I got a dog. - You're a normal man? You don't say I'm a normal man. You sound like a normal idiot. - You got a freaking turkey in your house in Brooklyn, that's what I hear. - The turkey's out of the house. The turkey lives outside. - Your daughter told my daughter that turkey comes inside sometimes. She's when it rains. - The turkey does not come in the house. The turkey came in for Thanksgiving and that was it. - Oh, that's pretty cool. Don't you think bringing a turkey in while you're eating turkey? - You're a known nothing, small-minded putt. Tell me what you know about a turkey. - Here's what I know about turkeys. Four hours at 350 degrees. - And you're calling me up and you're going all kinds of nuts and you're a (beep) jerk laugh and you don't know anything about what you're talking about. - I googled scabies. I googled turkey. - I googled scabies. - That's right. - That's pretty good. You're googled something. - You can get all kinds of diseases from turkey poop. - You're reaching now and I tell you what, if you had any balls, you would say that to me in person. You're scared. You're nobody. I just happened to have a pet turkey in my backyard. Big (beep) deal. I have more important things to do with my life than to deal with a schmuck like you. - You want to know who I am? - Yeah. - My name's Dave Brody. You've just been phoned out. - Oh, yeah. (beep) - Come on. - It got to Dave. - You. - I'll get you. Actually, I got even with you. I married you. And that's the best revenge. - The Elvis Duran phone tab. - This phone tab was prerecorded with permission granted by all participants. - The Elvis Duran phone tab, only on Elvis Duran in the morning show. - All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird-shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Bartetian. - Bartetian? - It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a Closmapolitan or a mistletoe margarita? - I'm thirsty. - Watch. I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength, and... - Wow. It's beginning to feel more seasonal in here already. - If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartetian, because Bartetian crafts every cocktail perfectly, and as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off. - 'Tis the season to be jolly-er. - Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartetian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay. - I don't know if you know this, but when you don't have time to read the Washington Post, you can listen to it. Almost every article has a listening option. And right now, you can become a Washington Post subscriber for just $0.50 a week. It's an incredible deal. Stay on top of what's happening by signing up at WashingtonPost.com/Pod. It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku channel, your home for free and premium TV, is giving you access to holiday music and genre-based stations from iHeart all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeartChristmas and North Pole Radio, The Roku channel is available on all Roku devices, web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs, and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iHeart Radio on the Roku channel. Happy streaming!
Peter has a pet turkey, and is starting to cause some controversy around the neighborhood!