Let's Get Fired
40- Chuck Fury- Don't show me your D * * K
that's the first question of let's get fired if you ever sexually assaulted someone I were that depends on the if we go by current definitions or the current one is it sexual assault if you have sex with a subordinate and I mean no like somebody you supervise no, I don't think so okay not at work. It's not preferable and people don't look I mean yeah but yeah it's but what what's the old school version. well you that was just acceptable you just you can date your subordinates and you're in theory is what job was where you ever were you ever like if you don't fuck me I'll fire you was that bad no no I was she actually she hit on me and I was like hell yeah let's keep that story defense yeah that's my story and I'm sticking to it yeah. Okay I like the shoes yeah yeah nothing sacred furious for his comedy on the back comedy and touch of your yeah they're new chucks it's my sneaker deal that I gave myself I like this deal was I paid this company called Patriot kicks $80 and they put my name on Patriot kick her sneakers I feel like they exclusively are they the ones who make the Trump shoes I doubt it they're they're from China I guarantee his Chinese are made in China Chinese cup I thought he didn't like China well I mean no he doesn't like the China virus you can say whatever you want you know but when that's cheaper to make something you like yeah yeah he was in China he likes China men there you go change clip that chinks zipper heads that's a pipe basis I'm just waiting for quit Jackie Chan did shout out to him by the way anyways what's going on with Jackie I saw a clip of he's getting older and it's weird I like it yeah I could say that my grandkids are actually have a relation he look half Asian yeah but they're not chinks us their gooks I didn't offend them there we go okay good yeah well do you know do you use chopsticks I do I do I use I used to prefer them on anything it was like it was easier than a fork at one point chopsticks are actually when I learned how to use them like this I just kind of said yeah you pick up anything yeah dude I don't like chopsticks well of course you know I mean I know how to use them but like I prefer dude so this week I went to a friend's house and during my lunch break at work and I brought with me some sushi and I was like in mind if I eat this here and he's like yeah man you want me instead of asking like a fork something you want me to get you some chopsticks well who fuck my head I was like please don't I like I sushi with a fork how do you use you do you don't know how to even how you would even eat sushi would be harder dude are you fucking kidding me sushi with a fork I get from a grocery store it's hard it's the easy job the whole thing no dude fuck that or you should be a fucking hand dude when I go to a restaurant yeah I think you're the chopsticks I have done that it did I did that today you know it doesn't be surprised I was the guy dips Oreos with a fork into I thought that was faggy tree until he told me the meat dude that was brilliant but yeah but I mean there's a with a fork is never finding a trend yeah I'm a fan of forks like we as humans we nailed it when we invented forks it's like subhuman to use sticks to eat your food yay it is no sorry sorry dude you don't have a you know I've been a athlete you know I'm good at hand that coordination not a slob he's gay dude oh my god what are you gonna do your next thing I say you don't use a spoon to eat steak that's not possible but it is you can make it work if you're eating sushi I'm never even considered that you use a steak a steak dude chopsticks you know I did you my hands and mouth hands and teeth dude that's a fork and knife anyway the forks are the best it's cuz you just a fork to cut the steak but a stick with already cut chopsticks would be chopstick would be kind of sick but there's something about it to feel that to stabilize the steak while you cut it though you feel like kind of connect more connected feel like you grab it and you get a good grip on it yeah yeah I'm the man I did it dude I felt sick fork is like for babies dude anyone he's a fucking fork easy I you know rapid fire to fork just don't want to enjoy the food you know what a fucking slob man oh I enjoy sushi I want a savor it's expensive like sushi what's your favorite kind you're kind of sweet dude I would I just love I love a classic California roll there you go yeah what are you California roll okay uh Chuck you like sushi I do I can't eat it anymore though why not because I'm carnivorous now I'm on that carnivore diet cuz plants are trying to kill you in grains or absolute poison so I don't fuck with that rice yeah you know you keep going but maybe once a year I might I it's been more than a year that make carnivore but I keep thinking maybe I will take a yearly free day and sushi sushi and cheesecake would be on that list if I ever was like let me just have one day a year that I fuck up do you ever do you say but have a little cheat day I will cheat yeah Amanda and I've been doing carnivore to cheat day but it does fuck us up I'm today is our cheat day and so today I had sushi and then after this podcast I'm having a slice of pizza well the every day I talked to you it seems like it's your cheat day I don't know that's what I'm scared of the cheat day will become regular that I'd be like I do this every time we talk to me is on Thursdays which is when we typically do our cheat day I don't know dude I just don't see the results of this diet it's working no but I don't say we're saying check you're afraid of dropping off the cliff I'm afraid yeah if I do a cheat day and like okay I'm just gonna do this this calendar year and then be like I can do this two or three and it'd be once a month or once a week and then it'd be like yeah and then all of a sudden I won't be carnival and I'll be back up to almost 300 pounds blood sugars almost dude what if you've been doing it for a year and you're still crazy if you're still cruising yeah you lose the craving pretty other shit when you're not taking free days I had a keto it's like oh yeah after a while like you do kind of say normal the only thing I craved was like texture but now they make like these like low carb tortillas that's like it helps but yeah I figured it's like totally in it like I don't you don't have a reason to break it no not really yeah dude grains are trying to kill us though yeah grains are fucked up we were not involved to eat grains no dude it's the bottom of the food pyramid that's what they told me to eat when I was in high school they're like dude that's the thing you should eat the most of his bread wonder bread and I was like oh yeah we we had the four food groups I remember when a food period can't compare me came out and we don't know what we knew now but everybody that was into nutrition and I was like that shit will kill you and they're like no it's a healthy cereal wait so you knew ahead of everyone else I knew the food pyramid was fucked up the minute you knew you're like red meat is not bad for you I've always known red meat is not bad for you that was more intuitive I don't know like I knew cholesterol was not I don't know why I just I think your body sometimes tell you what I need wait so would you say Cheerios aren't good for your heart I would say Cheerios will fucking yeah they'll kill you though they turn into sugar even if you put no sugar on them the grains turn into sugar instantly what actually causes the plaques is not the the bad quote unquote cholesterol it's when that gets glycogenated which is usually when you're instantly resistant to have let's not talk about see no let's fuck shit out now let's check it's fired this is let's talk about right how it is sexual assault and its racial slurs chuck it's like this has gang activity this is what I love that because like you know you're a hard dude you know I only I would just saw it but you're your wild guy but really what you get talking to do I just like I love it because you've always these little like left turns you take and I get very fast it I love to see what you get the passionate about you know I was I was into I get almost religious with the carnivore shit you're good I mean I like it so if you don't know I think you know you sat in with an X episode yeah so we conduct it as if it's a job interview and look right now let's get fired we're looking to hire an honorary wicker oh shit we just wanted we're trying to find out if you would be a good fit for the position what's it after that I don't know cuz that's I don't know what that label because the wiggers are usually fake it real to go like me I'm just always been who I been like dropping in words right on your podcast yeah yeah when I was when I was young like and I was I used to hang out black folks but mostly Paulies who thought they was like it was niggas and bitches like that's how that was just men and women like I had to learn that when I got clean like oh you just can't call everybody exhibit like my wife at the time you've been like hey where's that bitch Robin hmm I'd have been like she's over there cuz that's just how we talked every yeah no not dude it's it's it's how you grow up now when I say bitches it's about far more offensive it's cuz yeah yeah you learned yeah it's cuz they learned you're like no that you're supposed to mean this supposed to be a man supposed to use these words in a hateful manner okay that's fun I like that a lot I think we need someone who's gonna call women bitches well the thing is after you say you're looking for an honorary wigger but after what you're telling us what the carnivore does like we might need nutritionist yeah you might need nutritionist I don't know because it's like if if you're not feeling it because he feels like yeah maybe shifted yeah maybe he should be our nutritionist yeah dude okay you would be the best I feel like a wigger tries to be black and I just that's not even like you just are that's not what I'm even going for it's just yeah it's just people in like I like a lot of white shit I think I said last time my favorite artists are air supplying meatloaf and sticks yeah I got some real I got some whiteness to me but no like my first-star comedy I tried to hide how I talk I thought I knew the secret to any entertainment was turn yourself up to 11 but I thought I can't do this with comedy because if I myself they're gonna think I'm fake so I was being faked so they wouldn't think I would try and do the nerdy white guy loser routine I can my first so you're open Mike is online it is so bad I was trying to do the we're trying to be Jimmy Glasscock on stage pretty much yes so more more like the loser vibe than the homo vibe did he gives but I was trying to do the loser white guy that's been done to death and then after 3 open Mike's COVID hit I didn't know why guys reopened after a month so I set out for 18 and by the time that 18 and I had bomb like I bombed all three mics but I only knew about the last one until I watched the videos back and went oh you suck and then by the time I took the stage again I was like look you don't like the jokes you're telling you don't like you want to be funny but you're not having fun on stage you worried that they gonna hate you if because they don't think you fake if you're just yourself on stage it's like they already hate you so why not just be like fuck it I'm just gonna go up there and be me and then and then it worked it was like oh they knew I was being fake or I'm but you were saying that earlier but like you were talking different I was like did I feel like I knew you wait when you started you know by I guess I didn't know you did it 2019 yeah I was like I'm like Chuck you've always sounded like well in fairness - I thought I was hiding the accent well you it's not as prevalent when I watch those videos but it's still there okay it's like I was I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought wait I don't think you can maybe we're okay wait can you can you kind of give us an impression of what it was oh oh no oh yeah yeah just try to do the voices you were doing I would be like okay it was kind and I could probably hide it but it was like a lot of comics live in their cars they paid their dues you know trying to live their dream I'm not living the dream I'm living the nightmare that was literally one of the bullshit but it wasn't probably that white back and do like I get pulled over I'm yes officer I did not realize I was a way I went past this is a fun I can do that this is a fun experience how about we role play right now I quit in our cops we just told you over yeah yeah okay we just pulled you over I you were speeding and you know you were speeding and you well no you don't do drugs anymore there was a time when I did you're to fucking we're improv you know yeah real okay and you got coke in the trunk okay hell yeah all right um you know why I pulled you over no sir I don't answer questions sir can you open the trunk of the car no I don't get it depends like most of the time I'm just gonna be like cool with the cop because I ain't but I never let them search my car okay I'd be like no you absolutely here's the trick they will play does say I'm gonna search your car now okay you think they give you a directive that okay makes it a question no no don't ever let them search the car okay this isn't really role-playing but now that we are shouldn't pass this is good life a turn into it goes there's to watch YouTube long enough you will see clips of cops getting cop planning fucking if they think you're on dope they gonna bust you for it because they think they write happens but here's the here's the better reason are you the first owner of your car most of us drive used to be you don't know what the fuck somebody stuck in that dash when they got pulled up it's sitting under the seat have you given comedians rights these dope heads you I mean I've literally found drugs in my car that weren't mine because someone it fell out they pocket are under the seat you let them search your car shout out to our own there I think they had it could have I have had maybe that person allegedly with Ellis substances in my car but this was Nick Lucero he's left over yeah now many a time study he said he was straight edge yeah it's only the days like I'm 10 I didn't drink it 10 days and then later that night handed me a shot and we drink yeah he was not drinking I because I was away from the house for about ten days and I wasn't in jail I was house sitting for my daughter but he I started hearing his rumor I was offended because he didn't call me he got in a fight and I was like well he ain't drinking but then found out he started drinking again and eyes on that that makes sense there we go oh I'm trying if he told me about that but wasn't wasn't wasn't with the comic I was a random guy no I usually he's kicking a willard at the pie hole and some dude pushed past their tables and Nick was like what the fuck like he's being any snatch Nick's head off his head and threw it on the floor so Nick got up and started punching him in the face and then they rolled around on the floor for my love to see Nick in a fight yeah I want to know what that I can't Nick does not claim to be a good fighter just but apparently Nick Juan this one he is not a tube of a body like he does not claim to be a good fighter no that's I just would love the noises you make up to get the punch I have not seen it I have not had the pleasure oh man now that's okay okay that was a good role play yeah that was we didn't role play at all good roles not but immediately broke but no you just you always tell me you don't know why they pulled you okay so you don't talk because they say I'm not that I'm not to do this I don't answer questions because that just keeps you there longer and you need to be I would pull that if I had like when a cop's asked for my ID before when I'm just sitting on the side of the road I've been like is that necessary and if they admit that like no I don't have a reason to ask you for it then I'll be like all right as long as you know I don't have to give this to you how many times have you been to jail none none none no bullshit I got even like in the drunk tank mm-hmm no that's a I've worked in juvenile justice before because I can actually pass it back I went I got arrested as a juvenile but then don't show up on your adult record I got convicted as a juvenile but I did I guess an adult never been to jail I got something cool that you did as a juvenile yeah the shit I got caught for now I'd be like stealing shit what was it broke into it well we broke into a soda machine over the summer and that same summer we robbed a 7-up bottling company down in Glendale one was a felony one was a misdemeanor we had like actually bragged about robbing the 7-up bottling company to some people and we were handing out six packs of soda cuz we had like 306 packs in a bunch of stereos we stole out the trucks and shit like that but when the police came asking questions when they start questioning me I wasn't saying shit but then they were like we already know you broke it cuz they're asking about the soda machine you're like we already know cuz people said you were handing out soda and then I was like oh shit they're on the trail of the 7-up bottling company and they don't know it so then I just confessed to yeah I don't know I'm lying to you and I took the misdemeanor for breaking into the instead of the felony be any I'm thinking right now is if you're a nutritionist I'm in like break room and you're just you're whipping up some food to tell me this whole thing and how much better my day is cuz I'm like don't get in like dinner in a show like yeah now this is going great great interview cuz I'm just I'm just already you can see us in our work environment just having a blast so we're on the right track yeah it's fucking you crazy working like you worked in juvenile justice was I like at a juvie or like you know one of these like schools where they like abuse the kids oh oh yeah both we are we used to fuck them kids up at night the Polynesian kids talk so good like Polynesian counselors would work there and I used to run with a Polynesian gang and so these dudes would come in but all these kids that's locked up is like they nephews and shit you really had to say kids instead of another word there whoa I saw you the settle I saw the breaks hit so we will read the log of what like if the Polynesian kids got in trouble during the day because this day family members we would go to their room and whoop they asked at night cuz I was working to graveyard shift at that time we just fuck them up for for fucking out was Senate juvie this is a Genesis youth center and I hope there is a statute of limitations on I'm sure I'm sure there is yeah how did you know which one can you're gonna fuck up because it'd be in the log that they fucked up that day like oh this dude was snuck in cigarettes or this dude tried to fight one of the staff so then his uncle is there I ain't saying no names Fred Solovy but I might have been one of them but that dude was some on but we would go to the room and yeah we just go in there and fuck them up and then sometimes the some of the kids like to like play fight with us but not play fight like it was a game to us but we come in the room and they would try to ambush us trying to fuck us up and we would fuck them up like one time they had a bag full of booths like work booths and shit and we caught them and then we just fucked them up and one kid out wrestled me once it was embarrassing like yeah he cat Williams he just yeah man he just he beat me and it was like embarrassing and then I used like had to live with that the other staff talking shit to me like man you got one of these kids beat you he didn't fuck me up like he said he wasn't happy actually he out wrestled me and I made some excuse I can't remember what it was but he fucked me up that's the job that Drew wants to do yeah it's a lot of corruption and just applied to the PT test for her corrections job oh you doing like actually adult corrections yeah I could never like I could never because you have to be an actual cop to do that and I could never bring myself to wear that label dude who's going from he does tires right now and it sucks and that we need to go be a correction officer dude that's gonna suck more it is fun it's not a fun like the reason they pay a lot for that yeah yeah that's what everyone keeps saying like I'm telling one my co-workers about it he's like you know they pay well because nobody wants to do it yeah dude this all these jobs that like there's a good pay be like but yeah like oh it seems like it sucked but the pay is good yeah this is the reason dude they're not it's not a job that people are clamoring for like at your high school reunion like what do you do you like a correction officer not gonna be like nice that's a career and you get stuck in it for the rest of your life and you chase that government pension like dude I'm not gonna kick myself because I could have retired if I'd have stuck in it for 20 years but I did 20 years I did two stints yeah but I would way past if I'd have just stayed with it I'd have been retired I could have took the 30 years by now but guess what but they I if you did that you probably wouldn't be here right now probably not and you know look up look at that you know you're drinking a and I was just juvenile they yeah yeah they got it it's even better in the adult system but I couldn't now it's it's yeah so yeah dude uh so that's it's crates that's it I don't really know your job history that much like what did you after that I'm told I've done a lot of stuff actually I I did a lot of years like I left uh actually if youth corrections originally then I changed the juvenile justice I left that I came back I worked in a lot of private facilities I um then I went back to the state for a while worked at Middle Creek and by that point I was more ethical I was still crazy but I was actually I was actually helping the kids by saying that yeah well the first time I when I was working at Genesis I wasn't even clean I was still on dope oh damn so yeah so that was not a good combination but by this point yeah now I'm like five six years clean working at Middle Creek I will say though uh I didn't a lot of years the question this is probably the job interviews for the correction structure I had a interview after my PT test and you would have to be certifiably like retarded to fail like they're like you're at a party and someone offers you marijuana what do you do let's go dude hit that shit and they're like they don't have to like the trick questions no no they don't there was a kid in JJS there was one that um whenever there was a promotion everybody knew the answer because you had somebody on the inside but so you walk into the day room the TV is on there's a fight going on they give you the scenario what's the first thing you do the correct answer is on my way over to what whichever problem is appropriate in the scenario to attack first on my on your way over to that is to turn off the TV because this is a distraction and it creates more chaos and it's something that doesn't slow you down so that was like a trick question one that the police used to ask they put you they would say how many fights have you been in but they would frame it in a way that you thought it was a good that they were looking for you to prove yourself and the only correct answer the only correct answer is zero if you say you have been in any fights as an adult then it used to disqualify you yeah well i will say people who get into fights as adults a little more unhinged than you were trying to say check you got two massive chains on and and choose to say your name i don't get it a lot i don't get in a lot of fights and i do try to avoid them but there was a while when i was not because yeah it was before i know we knew when you're when you're carnivore before comedy it's so funny like carnivore turned to my life where i was like i would get in fights anymore i can understand why you're preaching about this shit but no yeah what made i did if you're like a drug addict that's like yeah it's gonna be a little little off like a little sideways yeah yeah but this is even clean this is like just a few well you know sometimes you got detox for you know yeah and then just keep going and we'll keep finding a excuse don't worry we'll be got you probably didn't have any blood sugars will that day don't worry i don't have a small penis that i was trying to compensate for at all you don't have a small penis are you all right well i do but okay i this is a bad type of humor i get it that's why i got this big chain yeah dude distraction it's yes yeah when i look down at that i like not check this out and i like my jewelry how i like my bitches stainless steel cheap and traffic probation okay shout out to the pages then doing some on stage bits right there i just like that joke sex trafficking who uh what kind of like uh do you think if you got a trafficking like do you think you'd be good at it sex trafficking or just yeah just sex trafficking in general human trafficking i would not be good at you got i believe in i have a conscience i couldn't that would fuck with my head too much that seems to be a big issue but yeah you know that's damn it that's that's one of their trick questions yeah yeah yeah because they ask they ask do you rape and you're like do you like rape and you're like who doesn't you know you got really think before you yeah you know they're like okay what's doing well so far and they're like uh you know do you have friends and you're like yes and they're like you're not gonna get this job like fuck it was the trick question yeah fuck okay um so what's like your favorite job you've ever had comedian oh yeah uh besides like one's like a w two amen you know you know like uh like uh like uh employed yeah yeah isn't you know that's that's your full income man fuck i hate word man my favorite job and we were talking about you probably asked me this last time probably i did a little bit of time is like a lifeguard at raging waters that was cool yeah it won't be anything responsible a lot that juvenile justice shit was cool but it wouldn't be my favorite because it was burnout shit there was a time okay if if you have to be an employee this don't count but i did my full income was playing poker for a little while i like that would be here we go that would but would you do that and you tired did you have to let no i was making about three hundred dollars a month in utah just but then i moved to vegas and did it for a little while very low level shit like if people would ask are you a professional poker player i would usually say semi-pro because it was really i had my bills low enough that i could yeah get by on this little bankroll that i had it still wasn't big enough for the low limits i was playing where were you making off of that oh shit it wouldn't have been more than fifteen hundred in a month my bills were like my rent was i want to say four hundred thousand perampere it was enough can't imagine well well for the right for the right with six hundred but it was cheap i was in paramp it was night county was the one next door oh that's probably why yeah oh yeah nobody want to live in paramp we like did you hustle a lot or did you like ever play anyone like i don't really know how to play this game no not really because you just in a state where it's legal there's tourists and it didn't last long because that's when i got diagnosed like all of a sudden i couldn't i couldn't fucking uh i couldn't wake up in the morning i was just tired all the time yeah and i didn't realize i had diabetes i used to get tested a lot when i was younger because my dad had it uh and his mom had it but um i was like all of a sudden i'm sleeping 16 hours a day and still tired i can't get out to go like um and all the signs were there i'm thirsty drinking all the time i'm pissing like a racehorse all the time and i'm not connecting it i thought i was dying i was like so now i got to spend my bankroll to pay the bills and by the time i was like oh maybe i got diabetes i should have just went to the doctor anyway but i went to the doctor and yeah and then it's like oh yeah diabetes i was like oh yeah dumbass and and then by that point i had to go work your fucking KFC because you got to have an actual bankroll to play poker that's much bigger than what you need to make yeah dude shout out to the colonel you know yeah do you lose a toe no no but i still like uh the bottom of my right foot towards the front is still a little bit numb but all my other neuropathy is gone since going on a carnivore diet carnivore diet did fix more like i used to have this thumb would have this thumb was numb all the time if i wrote with a pen my fingers would go numb i had some numbness in this arm numbness in the other foot that's all those those and this is not as numb as it used to be it just takes a very long time to repair nerve damage and all took was just this is me meat eat meat much as you want every day i like that do like do dairy as well um i have some i've eat a lot more cheese than i used to but yeah yeah i'd like to get some cheese curds i just got cheeses but it's got to be you can't be the american cheese it's got to be the cheese you know it's really hard with no lack of account no lack yeah but no lactose in it because lactose is sugars american cheese isn't real american cheese is highly processed and it's got a lot of lactose and sugar content you know i believe you got this fake cheese you just go with the cheddar no way dude this is real to the sun my wife until she met me never like in her own home ever had cheese that wasn't craft singles oh so like when i introduced her to like gouda it like blew her fucking mind yeah i mean she's from she grew up in central Pennsylvania right yeah they would uh they just have sandwiches sometimes where they just take craft singles put it on bread and then microwave it for a minute oh yeah god your wife's already fired she said she didn't choose to eat that but she's but she still has yeah yeah yeah i would choose a child she tainted she tainted yeah we did that yeah no sugar sandwiches you put a little butter and margarine on the bread throwing some sugar because sometimes that's all you had to eat yeah well that's a little variation catch-ups and variation oh we did yeah we did have the cheese so that's okay cheese in the microwave on to what was it the very america cheese yeah if i'm crafting glock and government cheese sometimes i don't know what kind of cheese that was it was different when you say it though it makes me feel empathy and so i'm like it's you're still good you're still you're still in the hiring path uh what yeah why did why do you think uh god hates gay people because they're faggots there you go straight to the point yes yeah yeah um i don't believe in god so i don't but yeah okay but they are okay gay as fuck i'm not saying i've never done gay shit i'm just saying you literally just showed us your boss i like saying faggot it's yeah it's a good word oh it's a fun word uh faggotry faggotry is a good word i like this no that's so faggotry right there man oh it's a party what's uh what's the gaze that you've done at work um probably show somebody my dick or my bones like another shoe like hello but you said you never sexually assaulted a co-worker i didn't know that don't count of his dudes dudes there you go oh hey go that's the loophole or yeah or if she want to see it if she want to see it that's not yeah you know okay i pulled my dick out at work the what at vivent where i work now in training i didn't know okay like so wait what i didn't know you were supposed to do that it was an act no it was act real acts okay oh no this one so you know i lived in my car for a long time so when i took this job i had not been out of my car for very long and i didn't have roommate yet so i was living now so basically like i was in the habit of just pulling my dick out like if i'm in my car it's below the i'm chilling at night and uh my fucking uh like you got a little urethra itch or something you just pull your dick out and scratch it like or at night i just like i have a big old gallon jug in the car i just piss in that and then dump it out in the morning and so i'm at work and like everybody's in there but while they're on cubicles having this training but the room is full and my dick started itching so i just backed and i wasn't thinking and i was wearing like sweat type pins and i just i just pulled my dick out and i'm like scratching it and then i realized and i realized holy shit i'm in a room full of people with my dick out and i put it away and i looked around and nobody saw well and i was like on camera too that's it like because everybody's at day desk on the cam but everybody there's a whole nobody cuz like now i'll be fired by the end of the day like it would have been a year and a month ago man all right statue limitations have passed yeah well well that that's fucking crazy dude i but i wasn't like thinking it was just i was so used to being able to pull my dick out crazier whenever i was so once again just a great defense right there i can't i can't be i can't i wouldn't even i even i was doing it like it's crazy one thing when a guy like just like you know i'm gonna flash everyone pulls his dick out what's i've been known to do here we go that is literally what i'm known for but it's crazy here that he's just like i didn't know i was doing it yeah i didn't i really didn't how could i know that how could i know that i'm in a public setting around me because i'm at home i live in a hotel at the time and i'm like yeah just pull the dick out if what about just like scratching through like the the pants no because like if it's down in a base of the wreath or you've got to get in there and dig it that what about put your hand into your pants i don't know i was wearing sweats to complex popped it out dude this i mean sweats make it even easier i know but it was just i probably just i don't have a good yeah i don't have a good ex but i probably just like having my dick out but yeah i mean obviously i just pulled it out and like i said when you live in your car especially like you just you get like i got to where i could piss into a bottle driving down a freeway at 70 and make eye contact with the dude that's that's that's that's the tip is be your pissing in a bottle like you know i used to take in my dick out regularly because i was not interacting with society okay like when i do it when i interact with society that's intentional because i think it's funny you're like one of those like you're like uh you're like an uncontacted tribe that's like being entered into society you're you're you have no idea the social cues and i'm always struggled with those anyway but yeah okay no okay we're starting to starting to tiptoe into autism and and i like this i don't like autism as but that's what they call it now but no when i was i got diagnosed also younger wasn't even called asperger's yet but it was like missus social cues takes everything literally doesn't understand irony i had to learn to look people in the eye like that's a habit now but i had to learn it um so i would miss shit if it's something that i don't pick up on it intuitively it's uh that's okay i mean but you do intuitively pick up and point you take out in public and i that's it's funny yeah like i know i'm not supposed to do that one now and it wasn't accident work but i do do it on purpose if you told them you had autism you might get away might get away with that and then i'll say you you could be like my eyes are up here yeah i used to hell yeah i used to call it autism on stage but then so many comics fake it and it became so hack i was like now i'm gonna do this name one comic i might be faking when i rail against uh i would but i don't want to ruin any friendships he knows who he is he knows his name he actually does a joke about diagnosing himself on and he's like any like pot any i grew up in a religious faith right the dude who fakes it yeah he may be used to masturbate with his dad i don't that's fun yeah but he maybe he's mentioned social cues too maybe a lot of all this all these two it could be but i just present with Weinstein was like i did i did i didn't even know i was doing it yeah i didn't even know i was raping those bitches i just yeah i'm sorry so i do with my house you know so who is uh the faggiest comedian in utah the faggiest fucking not a film worse guy actually film war wasn't that faggie no he wasn't no he was these ones dudes were like are you yeah if you were to show me like when him and sam uh dan tono were doing i think together and been like one of those dudes is gay and one of those dudes is bisexual but mostly straight i'd have been like sam is gay and scott is not bisexual he's 100 straight like just looking at the pictures but that's beside who's the faggiest comic in all of utah jesus christ big question um glasscock you're in the running yeah burke herald you're in the running honestly shitting on jimmy is my favorite it's right and kind of that's and you're in the running just because you look like a delicious twink um uh that's a burkehald yeah burkehos in that running because a lot of the newer comics that the good ones are strangely effeminate like yeah what's what's up devin m key devin m key is devin m key devin m key's in the he knows he's in the running for that though okay yeah no these are all friends of mine though i love all these guys yeah but we're party but okay so i i don't think on drea counts like andres andrea andres is because that's a trans woman now right like that wouldn't but it depends on how you yeah apply that but andrea oh nichlucero had i just thought he was calling andres andrea nichlucero had a cold line about it he used to say no she ever wanted money that you've never seen scuff no more and andrea in the same room with the same side oh dude i could be i you know i just i just put those dots together and yeah nobody's gonna know what the fuck we're talking about this outside of the utah comedy scene yeah okay um it probably turned it off when i showed my nuts don't worry dude you know i know that's what i do we might that's gonna be the highest the most you can't cut that out you gotta put like a daughter a bar blur or something youtube won't give a fuck yeah i don't care care about this shit all right dude uh who do you think is uh who's gonna win this election what do you like donald trump is i'm gonna those two different questions donald trump is gonna win this election he's gonna as long as they're not able to uh do some corrupt shit and put him in jail or keep him off ballots which doesn't look like it's gonna happen that is not to say i'm a trump supporter so you're like i like Joe Biden no it's gonna win no i'm a Biden hater i don't like i'm not gonna vote for either one of them dudes but if you put a gun to my head and said you have to vote for one uh i vote for donald trump without even thinking but there there's some shit i mean the grab by the pussy that's cool i like that there you go that's that's right you pull your dick out at work why and i have but yeah but yours yeah you're of the variations on i've grabbed many female comedians who i won't say i had consent before the fact what i did after okay so let's see they were okay they were okay with it and yeah shot on chayenne once i was not chayenne calling no common this shot on grace because it was a group chat it wasn't like one i won the con did text me one time and said dude can you please stop sending pictures of your penis to my girlfriend and i was like dude i've never done that and he was like that group chat world i was like oh yeah sorry bro there we go well so this is an interesting point in the interview where now we've really realized that you have a you just have a you have a hard time not showing your dick it you you it's funny you want us to look at it you want it you want it so funny you want us to see it once again makes for an exciting adventure into the break room when you're handing us we're handing us some steak or some meat and you're like now how about some of this meat you know a little hot dog and a little hot dog action like a hosco hot dog yeah and uh so like where it is an interesting precipice now we're at where it's like is this is this good for the workplace yeah i oh none this is needed for the workplace but we have a different kind of workplace fun for the workplace this is a fun is definitely fun oh yeah no because especially if we have like uh we have like a guest and you're like go go go snack go go snack and uh imagine though we have a staff and we have fucking Sydney even better she and Chuck good mix but she's not even fully hired no she's uh yeah we gave her an internship no i so it's the one that the um Jimmy Glass cock fucked up on no they were they were considering on a date with each other yeah yeah and then i didn't want to ruin the upcoming episode but uh she uh we still have to ask her we're trying to get her on uh it's gonna be great maybe you can be the judge you know but she hasn't seen my penis yet i'm pretty i'm pretty underline underline yes yeah underline most most the comics have kai mats and this is a beautiful story he was doing one of his early open mics i can't remember what name he was going by back then it was before he was kai it was something else mats because it was his real he has both yeah first middle name yes yes no first middle name he was using the other one at that time kai is a much better name that's not important to the story sorry but he i was on deck and he was on stage doing some bit about nobody's ever sent him a dick pic and i was on deck man and i was like man i got on the mic and i was like bro check your instagram and i was not lying i was not lying bro there was a i did not know this dude from adam but i knew his name and how to find him on insta there was a dick pic i said i think we were following each other on insta anyway just because we were in the same circle but there was a dick pic in his dms by the time he got got off that stage so as a brand new open miker he was doing like bit about no no one's ever sent me a dick pic yeah and you're like i gotta send one to him right now especially because i was taking the stage next and i needed to say that and have it be true it was no i mean it did don't we do it really no other option no you're like did and because i was known for this by this point in time i was known for like pulling out my nuts being naked at parties sending dick pics to comics that is such a funny it's such a funny social pressure you have for yourself we're like i have to do this guy it's just all right i have and they know i'm gonna they expect it i'll be trying to slow down a little bit lately yeah because um here's that one to keep oh no don't don't i i i got it like don't tempt me there cuz i want to come up that relationship dude you want it you want an opportunity presented itself where i thought he would think it was funny i'm like yeah dude i was gonna open for right hamilton oh wait oh you shit yeah i but yeah i was known for that but i'm trying to slow down because um you're changing gears well because fury is not my real last name no what yeah as shocking as this may be fuck but i feel like chuk fury now my last name is coals and i was gonna be chuk coals now there's just be chuk coals that's how people call me and i started to realize like i started something seemed wrong so i set it fast a few times i was like oh i'll eventually become chuckles the comedian chuck coals yeah fuck that so then i was like well now i get to choose a really cool last name it's so funny i'll be like chuckles just show me his penis yeah yeah and what's funny now comics will still call me chuckles not unrelated to chuckles is maybe chuckles how you doing it'd be like motherfucker fucking bitch yeah but but instead i want to actually change it for real because it's just like i got debit cards that say chuck fury on them now okay i don't know how to work the system but you can't be on the sex offender registry and change your name can't do it and so i'm like this is like no bullshit i'm like i don't want to accidentally send a dick pic to the wrong person i'm gonna pull him i get naked at the wrong party and and then suddenly be on that registry for some shit that was perfectly innocent well i'm not even it really is the is the best way but i know i really have that thought like don't anyone talk about not wanting to be in the register no purely just because then i can't change my name because i got a theory because you got to be at your current address for a year and i've been almost there for a year and it's like i can really do this now and you shouldn't know this was information about this shouldn't like we know too i'm so much about this well about the specifics of big i don't want to accidentally end up on on the registry for something shit that was just good clean fun was having fun officer yeah i i mean for some shit that's not malicious or it's not really i'm not really it's not really sexual it's just funny to me this is winking at them yeah it's just very funny to me to just show it down but yeah i did occur to me i'm like i'm trying to slow down with it okay no it took away new era yeah new era so what's um you like well this is me fucking a chick though i couldn't have been anyone dude i gotta be there so i don't even know it's not that's not a comic this uh okay okay so um don't worry dude uh it's nice we're keeping up camera that's uh there we go dude you've never seen the penis drew or have you he doesn't watch porn yeah i know my penis this no i haven't seen it well i dressed it it wasn't why i dressed it okay well you got it that's the full penis right there yeah dude okay i liked hey thank you hey you and chick look in at those it's cool so my favorite i have some that are just the penis now dude you have a whole catalog i like the word i got one word i just like imagine like we're walking into like a shop and it's like your it's like your well penis photo shop you're like well how can you know i don't know like something like tasteful but like oriental and like oh yeah right over here i got i got a couple over here you want to like you looking for like like we want it wet or dry like well you know i'm a like duck sauce like guy right here like it's like almost it's like a at the darker portlandia sketch but i like that so drew hit him with another question so this is the trust though because i'm worried about getting on read but i still showed it to you because i know it's just about so it's actually a way of showing like uh it's showing your trust and love yes it is like it's showing like you know like i i love you so much i trust you i love you so much that i'm going to show you my dick i know you'll see my penis you won't freak out yeah yeah you're like i will not end up on the registry or the attack yeah that's actually it's actually heartwarming yeah we think about it yeah because it's like like uh i couldn't i would be uncomfortable walking around doing that you know it was just anyone but i know i could show you yeah and you'd be like thanks i would actually yeah be like that's cool yeah that's so cool these are some other comics that have just go say some of them impressive yeah oh i'm sure dude some of them are impressive that you don't want to be impressive because you're like the rest of your body's kind of scary sometimes dude having a huge dick but this is is actually terrifying i ain't saying i seen his dick but i seen his dick Michael Davis i was supposed to say Michael Davis i know that mother fucker i've seen his god a hog my god he got a hug i know but as he's fucking he was like i'm sorry it's happening uh just shout Michael Davis who just looks traumatized yeah i'm like i don't know where i think seeing my penis is the gayest thing he's ever done it's it isn't who might be the straightest dude i ever met uh well maybe the most Did he really can't he really can't handle it yeah dude i'm keeping my composure i'm sure yeah dude dude we're just talking about dicks dude come on have fun with us show us your penis man it's a safe space you don't like us you're friends with us uh dude that was the thing in high school like uh like in like football and stuff like dude why don't you shower with us because you're gay and like that was a good who no reverse guard yeah that was yeah that was always the thing it was like you're gay like so are you did you share with them now i only showered once in high school in like the high school showers team how was it uh exciting no no it was horrific dude there was like i don't know what your high school is like but there was like so much like borderline sexual assault in our locker rooms like as a freshman when i played like football as a freshman i remember like going into the locker rooms like i just don't want any seniors to hit me with their dick like that was yeah because that was just like rampant like there'd be like upperclassmen they would grab underclassmen while like they're naked and start humping them and i remember one time this kid was getting hummed by like five dudes in the shower and then he's escaped he breaks out and he's like crawling out and another guy the guy one of the guys who was assaultium comes out from the showers like no you don't and grabs him by his leg and drags him back into the shower and i was just sitting at my locker and just saw this dude get dragged back into the shower dude it's beautiful he's like dude football football's pretty crazy man what the fuck's going on in these teams it's not happening at your high school like this no idea i was uh i was doing swim team man and uh right before our swim practice there would be geriatric uh old men changing in the locker room and one of the dudes ball sack literally was touching his ankle that's what we were that's what we were looking at i did swim team believe it or not i just went team in football i tried doing both at the same time one year it was fucking real you said you were a lifeguard yeah now was that recent or no no i was like 16 some shit like i would like to see chucking alizal instead of throwing like the little like buoy you just you just dive in you're like oh i'll float um now it's exciting man uh so yeah Drew you don't dad didn't excite you you wanted to see those dicks okay all right we used to just like we get naked in the locker room we get real close to a dude to make him uncomfortable we never actually humped on him yeah dude i thought it was funny to make it is it's pretty funny the guy's like he's so funny we're just hoping this guy naked it's because it's like fighting for his life to get away from us yeah i think it's so funny dude like yeah now we can tell him how gay he is that we like he just let it happen fucking dumbass dude he never so he's telling me you never had scout camp showed you dick to another guy and he showed you your dick in the shower you never did that no not once you never did no gay shit when you were younger no no single time it's almost it's almost like more of a red flag i know i like the more the more people i meet as an adult that have those stories and i don't makes me everybody did gay shit when i was a kid everybody yeah because it just dude you just you just figuring shit out and you're did you just yeah no it's not i'm i'm just i'm actually just kind of like more more weird about i don't know how i feel about you anymore so you need you know willing to explore yeah now dude my first experience like the high school locker room and i was terrified of getting like slapped in the face by a cock that was scary about that oh that's a little scary why oh if you give a kiss dude yeah give me a kiss give a little tug oh did that flinch i didn't flinch that's some big limb dick too to be able to slap someone in the face with i don't i don't have i don't i don't have limb dick like that i can't i like cop like hold on let me hold on yeah i can't have a cop so i'll go do it yeah dude we had this guy um in my high school that had like fucking dick that went to his knee yeah and uh those are awesome he slapped a kid in my face with his dick and the kid had a dick mark across his face is that's pretty cool that's that's kind of horrific being the kid walking around school with the dick print on your face all day he's leaning to it oh it's my dad it's my dad's it's yeah so you like trump i think he's hilarious but now i'm not a trump supporter i'd like there's i don't want people to know i actually have okay i want this you're running you're running for president what's uh what do you oh it's like your three or three points you're running on and arky and arkism and no fucking loss i know i would be very like um libertarian but not in the capitalist sense i'm more like uh um kind of uh venous project type uh it's the venous project it's more like venous it's more like uh it's it's more like uh resource based economy where things are just you have the technology we do have the technology to automate most mundane jobs we have the technology for people to base to do the star trek cashless society where people are just provided with their needs they do what they want to do what they love and i am absolutely convinced 90 of people would not sit home on they couch and do nothing if presented with the opportunity to pursue but what you love because did they ever ever been in that position where you don't have shit to do you're just at home just chilling you know boring it gets boring so fast and like sometimes i'll be like itching to be like dude i can't wait to go back to work because like at least it's like it makes the day a little more exciting well like some of the days where like you know you're just not doing anything it's like yeah it's not fun right yeah so okay relate to that so what's a conspiracy theory that you believe in i believe um 9/11 at minimum we knew that she was gonna happen and let it happen but i believed that we had a lot to do with that i'm convinced it was an inside job the fucking fighter just happened to be playing doing a war game on that exact same scenario that exact same day the first time they'd ever done it so they didn't know to actually respond when they got the call because they thought it was part of the simulation fucking all the Jews knew not to come into work that day yeah fucking Jews god damn it there's so much like that i thought it was some bullshit i had a friend telling me that he's like just watch this movie and i'm watching this documentary on all and i'm like how did i forget all the shit like i'm watching shit remember and shit that i saw that day but the media has repeated so much shit and i'm like how did i forget about all the people that said there were explosions coming from inside the building before it fell like i remember seeing those interviews that day like how did yeah how did i forget that building seven fucking falls without getting hit yeah and i didn't even notice at the time but there's literal footage you can't find on youtube anymore but you can still find it on ducta go of the bbc reporting that building seven had fallen a half an hour before it happened and they didn't know what it was it's literally in the background while they're reporting that it had fallen okay but yeah yeah we had it's just like fucking the incident that got us into Vietnam we staged that it's it's not even conspiracy theory anymore we let Pearl Harbor happen so that we could enter world war two we knew they were going to do it and let that happen so that we can enter it's like yeah our governments so if we like didn't let Pearl Harbor happen though then like really just let Hitler kill those Jews who you say that like it's a bad thing like no i do not believe like just why i gotta say fucked up shit all the time hey no i like it no i'm not saying the result was not beneficial but who knows how that would we probably entered anyway i mean japan was gonna come for us but they didn't have to let it happen they could have been like hey we're gonna fuck you up we know you're coming we could have just the american people are gullible they could have told the truth and we to believe that hey japan's about to bomb us we need to go fuck them up dude uh okay so we're towards we're at the end of the interview i'm just bringing this up now because when you were talking about 9/11 like i was just imagining like like i'm like holding my tray of food and i'm like trying to be like all right thanks and you just keep going off about 9/11 and i'm like dude like yeah i'm out of all the people you've interviewed i've never pictured anyone actually working at our office more than you i've never picked i've never had an image in my head of like being at work and you're like you're there helping me out and yeah i'm like second i see us today i'll have to fire him no no but you know with your co-ownerships i'll i'll be back on dude this is back on dude you just refire him every day i'm firing him yeah if you were actually my boss though like i know enough not to show it to Keith Stubbs because the man puts me in a position to make a lot of money but well for my level that's that but yeah what i'm sorry but so if Drew was my boss i probably wanted to show him my penis unless i thought it was going to be really extra fun like i might show my current boss my penis because i think he would laugh but i think he might be genuinely gay so i don't want him to get the wrong idea because he's not my type it's so funny showing his dick you're like no it wasn't i wasn't trying to like fuck you you know i just do just showing you my dick dude don't be weird about it and he'll be gay about it man he'll be gay about it dude i don't want to fuck me i'm just showing my penis dude it was all time uh no that dude Drew can't fire you don't worry you just you just show me whatever every day i walk in you just give me a little like you dap me up and then i go down and see it and i'm like thanks and i'm like actually good i could be good that could be good because get in to get in the building then uh he gets out of his system right then yeah yeah it does seem like we have to we have to like you know get it out it's so you're feeling like you're feeling just chill the rest of the day you're like i already showed you my dick i'm good how am i supposed to go do clean comedy after this fuck you osmores for having a clean mic well hey just uh i mean no they just figure it out it'll help you along yeah i do think you're just slammed on tires our nutritionist i do like the 9/11 uh did a did a plane hit the pentagon um something hit the pentagon i i'm not convinced it was the plane no i think it may have been a missile but if it was a plane it was a plane that we sent or let go there like you know d but oh and also there was a press conference scheduled for that day 40 plus uh high ranking government officials and/or family members but i've seen some of the interviews they this was before the government was just like yeah you two UFOs are a thing they was a press conference scheduled this day where 40 people were going to come out and be like yeah ufo is a real aliens are real blah blah blah on 9/11 that press conference still happened and got no coverage there we go because 9/11 happened that was probably unrelated but it's still very no i i like that though they're probably like hey we can shut this ufo thing down at the same time dude i would like it though because remember now they're just saying how aliens exist and they're they see UFOs and everyone's like who fucking cares dude because they know they keep like showing us this and now it's like it's like why are you showing this this but like what are you trying to hide dude yeah um i don't know so yeah i slammed on tire um what country would you nuke jesus you asked me this last time why am i not prepared for this or just this ponder it just think about a country you know yeah just think like when you're like oh you see this country on a map all the gods are stripped yeah we just that's not really not i would say israel just don't like killing picks like i don't like killing innocent people and those people are innocent they governments not i don't see how it goes it's like you know whatever the fuck nik said the smallest country in the world i just nuke ambassadors because vatican oh vatican's yeah actually yeah i don't yeah vatican city that's that is an actual country that you said really if you want to get a micron easier if you want to get a bonus you pick a country that's not white pick a country that's not white um how about all of africa except for south africa we just go as dark as possible as course of a region isn't quite constant north africa north africa you know but all the countries that aren't north africa or the country of south africa well north africa is not country no but northern africa is where there's a lot of you know like uh in dendu types and and habeez and shit like that right well we get we can do what we can do all of africa you just yeah we do that okay okay the conga i'm not racist or not democratic or public of the conga or just not afraid of going there like uh you're not going to go there porch monkey is the best racial slur i had forgot about that one the last time i was on here okay that is just so funny that yeah and and then the clerks to a movie where dude is to have you seen that where he's taken it back he didn't know porch monkey was racist uh yeah i wanted psyches in it okay you got to see clerks too just for the porch monkey okay it's it's very it's awesome i can't one day i'm in the me kevin smith like dude you know what got me to watch clerks too porch monkey what do you think i am some kind of porch monkey and any made a t-shirt with tape that said porch monkey and on the back it said i'm taking it back dude uh yeah where can the people find you um they can find me at furiouscomedy.com with links to all my social media which are usually just chukfuri comedy but i think facebook and youtube might be just chukfuri i don't know but furiouscomedy.com has the links if you search chukfuri on google without e if you spell it with a y and not a yy mind's the first name okay and it has all but if you spell it with a y you get some canadian politician his name chukfuri and fuck him he's not the real he doesn't even spell it right he doesn't even spell it right well maybe he does blackface but i don't know about that but he's still cool because he uh he was exposing ufo shit back in the day before it was cool for governments to do that boom there we go chukfuri shout out trailblazer thanks for coming out dude yeah but this was uh this was fun yeah you learned a lot and i did regret not showing my nuts the last time i was here so i was like i gotta i gotta get it this time i put that regrets it's the worst when you go home and you're like i should i gotta pull my nuts off i know yeah i know the feeling when i was like i should have shown them my penis and then i didn't do it i know dude i know you're you're want to you just dazzling blue eyes you wanted to show us yeah no dude well i wanted to have sex with that chicken just because she didn't want to and and i still didn't force the issue like yeah i can't live with her grip like no you can't do it it's like you just say hey it might be great that's what you wanted a little rape joke there for you yeah okay well if you were monetized you're not anymore well yeah we're uh got a certain threshold on youtube for your monetize sponsored by go fund me um anyways bye see ya thank you