- ♪ Welcome to drinking bros, presented by GoSpent.com ♪ - ♪ Sit back, relax, and grab a fucking drink ♪ - ♪ Drink, drink, drink ♪ - Yeah, welcome to Drinking bros, kids. Got a little bonus show for you on a Friday. And by "Little" bonus show, obviously, I mean, "Little." What's up, Lila Hearts? - Hello, I'm so excited to be here. - Welcome back, we're happy to have you. Who should we bring with you here? - Leonardo Johnny. - There we go. - Hello, thanks for having me. - Named after the turtle, or no? - Uh, yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - Yeah, my parents were like, maybe she'll fight crime in this inner city that we're living in. - I'm not convinced they were fighting crime. - I don't think they were either. - I think they may be responsible for 9/11. - The turtles. - Yeah, she looked into it. - You know how building seven went down without actually getting hit by a plane? - I think that they demoed it. - From underneath. - Yeah. - From underneath and also they could hide underneath their shells and then get out of the way. - They wouldn't even get fucked up by it. - You know, I even-- - The other part of it is, why do you think turtles have been so active in American politics lately? Trying to ban straws and shit? - Yep. Mitch McConnell, everything about that? - Yeah. - I have. - He was a turtle that just aged out of his shell. - That's what I think. - Yeah. - Well, I think they actually took his shell 'cause he was an embarrassment. - Wow. - So the turtles. - That's gonna happen here. It's nice to start off with the 9/11 humor today. When we came here, you saw the Hope Solo asshole up there and you were offended by it. - Well, it just was grossed out. I think it was disgusting. - Why don't you like women's assholes? - I don't like any assholes. - It's gonna seem like you're not a feminist. - I don't like any assholes. - At all? - She's definitely not a feminist. - No. - Okay. - I hate assholes and first of all, I think we have an obsession with assholes. That's a CIA scyop. - Really? - Yeah, all of a sudden everybody was eating ass in the middle of the pandemic. Remember? - That's great. - Well, the CDC came out and was telling everybody to wear masks and then they were like, by the way, if you want to eat ass, just make sure you pull your mask down between licks and I was like, all right, Satan's running the CDC. That's what you're saying. - You and I did that show together and we had a hilarious fucking back and forth about it. Remember that? - I think you need to provide more context than she's talking about eating ass and you say we did a show together. - We did a, well, not on air. We didn't need each other's asses, but we talked about the CDC banning fucking ass licking during COVID. - Oh yeah, and don't tell me what to do. - Exactly. - They weren't banning it, they were encouraging it. They were telling everybody how to have safe ass eating technique. - But they still wanted you to wear a mask and we weren't down with that. If you're eating ass anyways, sorry, like. - Well, yeah, that was my whole point. - Well, I think that maybe it's less nefarious and more just guard variety, nanny state bullshit. They were trying to expose you to more poop so your immune system would get better, probably, right? That's the whole point of eating ass, I think. - No, I think that's what, I think it's run by demons and they were trying to get everybody to get ass. - 'Cause I've been wearing a doctor's outfit every time I do it and I fucked up. - No, no, you're fine. - I think I'm right. - She's wrong. - I agree and do you not like to have your ass eaten? Is that what we're going? - I don't like anything involving the ass. - Lila, where do you live on this? - Well, the guy who used to eat my ass out in high school, he grew up to become a used pastor. So I think my ass leads people to Jesus. - Like a portal. - A portal to Christ. - Yeah, like John the Baptist. Your asshole, John the Baptist are like, pretty much the same guy. - Yeah, my ass is out here saving lives, so. - My asshole leads people to Jesus. I hope that's on your headstone, like that's kind of it. How is Lila? - The problem with this one is she's kind of a nihilist, you know what I mean? So she doesn't care if people get led to Jesus. - I guess not. - That's not true at all. - Oh, it's completely true. - Are you married? - No. - Well, there's your answer. - Wait, what does that have to do with this? - Not eating ass doesn't enjoy having her ass eaten, like that takes a lot off the table. - Does it? - Yes. - I don't know. - I'm not sure that's accurate. - I don't know about that. What about anal sex? Is that a no go to? - Come on now, it's just you're not supposed to put your dick in the poop hole, it's disgusting. You're gonna put your dick in the poop hole and then I gotta put it in my mouth, like no. - There's an old story about a person in a flood, right? It's a guy who, it starts raining really hard and he prays to God, please help me. And then he's stuck up on his in the attic and a boat drives by to help him and he's like, oh, no, God will save me. And then the boat goes away and then the water gets higher and he's on the roof of his house now and a helicopter comes by and he goes, no, thanks, God will save me. And then next scene he's drowning and he's like, why didn't God save you? Is God sent you a lot of opportunities? - Yep. - So you're saying my-- - I'm saying, there's a hole that my dick fits in for a fucking reason. - Yeah. - And who do you think you are? - Exactly, and you are not wearing a wedding ring probably for that reason. Do you have like a Jewish mom? - No. - I really enjoy trying to justify anal sex through Christian theology. - Well, no, here's why. 'Cause you have a Jewish vibe to your fun and flirty and all that stuff. (laughs) - Do I look like I'm totally undermining the national currency that my vibe? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's one of those things where you've probably been on a campus or something like that or you could be Italian. It's either Jewish or Italian. - Yeah, Albanian. - Albanian, okay. - Yeah. - No, we're near it. But it's fine. - Albanian is actually really close to Italy. - Totally. - Are you friends with your mom? - Yes. - Okay, did your mom call you and say why aren't she getting married? - No, she knows why. - She does know why. - Yeah, she goes this one, this one's done. - Oh, she says this one's done? - She says, you know what? You just don't date a black guy. Everything will be good. - Oh boy. - Yeah, you gotta stay away from black eyes. - That's what my dad told me. - Yeah. - It is. - He didn't say shit about white dudes though. - No. - I used to tutor, and I tutored this college kid who was gay, and he was, I remember one time he told me he liked a NBA basketball player, and I go, oh, a black guy, he goes, ugh. That's disgusting. I was like, you're fucking gay, bro. You can't be racist and gay. - Yeah, you can't be two things. - It's too much. - Who was his favorite player? Is that a curiosity? - Some white NBA player that he thought was hot. Jerry West. - J.J. Rhettick. - J.J. Rhettick. - J.J. Rhettick. - J.J. Rhettick. - Maybe. - He's gonna now know who I'm talking about. - Yeah, but next time he talks to your mom, say, "Mom, I didn't say the answer." That's because I'm leaving out an entire hole for a man. - My mother would be appalled. - Mortified. - I don't think she would. - She would. She'd be like, what, what, what? The girls are doing this. They're putting things in their bath. What is wrong with these girls? - So that's why you're not doing it, 'cause you don't wanna have the conversation with your mom, which might do you the anal sex in her life, 'cause you can't handle that emotionally. Nobody can. - No. - Nobody can think about their mom getting their butt drilled out. - Yeah, that's-- - That's just like, you can't even conceptualize it. - My mom is one of the last of the Mohicans. - Oh, shit, okay. - She's one of the last women who got married as a virgin. - K-Kos. - Big hos. - Yeah. - Kevin Costner's got a big dick. - Yeah. - Like, seriously, he's been trying to get it on TV for years. - Yeah. No idea what that has to do with this conversation. - Yeah, what does that have to do with anything? - Because last of the Mohicans. Was he not in there? No, you were talking about Daniel Day Lewis. - Yeah, all Indian movies don't look the same. You're talking about dances with wolves, which is close. - Ah, okay. - I mean, we went heartless. - We won pretty handily, so I feel like I could say whatever the fuck I want. - We got all their land and all that shit. So we went hard last night for the NFL Draft, got liquid IV here, and then booze to kind of balance everything out. You guys are in town here for the All Minds Fest, which we're doing as well Saturday nights. You guys are opening up tonight, right? - Yes, and tonight we are performing at the Vulcan, and it's also the chat wrap meetup for Alex Stein. He'll be headlining. - Love Prime Time Stein, '69. He's been on the show before. Big fan of his. Have you met him? - Yeah, he's a great guy. He's real sweet. - Fucking out of control, that guy. - He's actually real sweet off camera, sweetheart. - Oh, yeah. He was here, yeah. We love him. Like, we're huge fans of his. - Yeah. - 'Cause we're doing, I think he's on after us Saturday nights. We got D. Mateo from the Sopranos on the show. We're doing a live show with her, and then Stein is on afterwards with Shane Cashman. Shane was here on Wednesday. Have you guys met Shane? - I have not. - Yes, you have. - It's a fucking best. - Yeah, we did the grifties with him. - Oh, I guess I did. - Big fan of Shane Cashman. So if you're hanging out in real life, pull that guy aside and just ask him about his favorite conspiracy. - All right, we'll do. - I like that. - He is. - He doesn't believe in a fucking rabbit hole. - Oh, you know. I don't either. - Whoa. - Whoa. - Don't believe in clowns. - Yeah, they were invented. That's why you see all the pictures from the old pictures. They have the sky cropped out or it's all just blue. - So crazier than you thought. That's fine. Those are fine. - What about the clouds on other planets? - No anal. - There are no planets. - No anal. No clouds. No planets. - No other planets. It's all an illusion. We live in a holographic universe. - Okay. - Actually, the CIA did release documents that said we live in a holographic universe. That's a trick. - Yeah. - You guys know that. - And I get that. I get that. But I'm a physical being like I can. I'm just a physical touch. - Sure. - That's what your programming is telling you. - Oh, exactly. - Is that why you're always touching yourself? - Every single day. - Every single day. - I gotta make sure I'm real. - Every day. I've got to put two hands on it. - Well, it's kind of a Pinocchio thing for him because he yells I'm a real boy into the mirror eye to eye with himself while he's pounding on. - I'm a real boy. - And over and over again. - I'm a real boy. - Fucking Geppetto, you piece of shit. - And then when I come, I cut the strings off and then I become real after that. - I don't know. - And then he kills an elderly man. - Yeah. - Geppetto. - Geppetto, you little bitch. - You know how many times that guy's been touching kids? - I was going to say Geppetto is a child molester. - Sure. - He made a kid for himself. - He did. - That's what that was. That was the original gay men having babies. - He made a wooden boy. - That's Pete Buttigens. - Right there. - It's the modern day Geppetto. - He's always out there breastfeeding that kid. You know what he is. - It has to be. - He's got a... - He's got a file. - Geppetto file. - I got a conspiracy. Pete Buttigieg is not actually gay. - He looks fucking gay. - He looks fucking gay. - I agree. I fucking agree. I've been saying it. - Thank you. - Really? - He's a CIA agent pretending to be gay. It's part of it. - I just think he's doing it for clout. - No. He's been instructed by the CIA. - We're going to have to check out his asshole probably. - I like that. - Well, actually, we don't know which one's the pusher and which one's the leaker in that relationship. - I don't think Pete's gay. - Wow, man. - This is great. - Have you seen his face? - We met her for a half hour. I had no idea. - Yeah. - You were this fucked hard crazy and I love it. I absolutely love it. What are the other conspiracies? - You're going to fit in real great this weekend, by the way. - I mean, I have a lot of them. I have a lot. - Go ahead, fire away. - Well, I think there's an ice wall in Antarctica, for sure. - Yes. - Game of Thrones. - Game of Thrones. - I like that. - Game of Thrones. - Delco's playing the other side of the ice wall. - I think there's probably more land they're hiding from us. - I think most people would understand that reference because they've seen the show, Ross. - That's why I'm asking you. I've never seen it. - Everyone on the panel's probably seen the fucking show. - I doubt it. - I bet the majority of the audience has seen the show. - Yeah, they have, but what's the fucking ice wall? - It's a giant ice wall in Game of Thrones. - To keep out the white walkers. - To keep out the white walkers and then also the wild people live on the other side of their buildings. - Yeah, but they moved up there. - They did move there. - Right, they're like the pilgrims. - Yeah. - So there are people outside of the Antarctic ice wall, and those people are actually free. We're the ones who are trapped. - Oh, we are. - I have friends who have been to Antarctica. - They go to a specific part in Antarctica. They're not out in other places. - They always do. You're right. - And that's true. I've seen that in documentaries and interviews. It's always the same fucking place in Antarctica. - Do you think Elon's involved then probably, right? Because he's got satellites in space. - I think so, yeah. For sure. Any of the elites that they put in front of you, they're controlled. - I love all of this. What do you got next? - I mean, I don't know. You got to just pick a topic and let me know. - Do you think that they're reptilians? - No, I think they're demons. - So, because this will go back to-- - So you don't believe in demonic, but you believe in demons. - I believe in demons, yeah. - You do not plan it. - I've got here. - I'm kidding about the demons. - Or clouds. - The clouds are probably fake. - Probably. - Birds. - Birds are real. - Birds are real. - Birds are real. That's a fake one that they're trying to throw you off with. - That's a fake action. - Stolen. - Absolutely. - For sure. Hands down. - This next one. - Ooh. I think they're going to let Trump win because I think he's going to usher in the age of the Antichrist. - That's with Danson. - So, we're on the same page. - Yeah. He thinks they're setting it up so they can fuck it all up and then get it back forever. - Well, I think there are warring factions of elites. That's what I think. And I think the ones that are in control right now really don't like Trump. I don't think they're fake in that and they're trying to keep them because they want to hold their power. And he kind of represents a populist movement that could get out of control. But I think the elites that are putting him up think that he's going to be able to control them and they're in for a sad surprise. - Okay. - Yeah. - I like all of this. - Thank you. - Man, I've no idea. You seem like a normal stand-up comedian at the bar and then underneath it, dude, you're just as wild. - Well, you haven't seen her stand-up before. - Yeah. - It's basically just this. - Is it really? - Is it really? - It's a lot of business. - It's a lot of business. It's a lot about me telling women that feminism was a lie that was pulled on them. It's me roasting weak men for being weak. - You love my wife then. She doesn't believe in feminism. - Yeah. - Yeah. - She's like, she also thinks recycling makes us look poor. - Yes. - Well, we're not really recycling anything. - We're not. Now that is true. So we've confirmed that in three different cities. So Austin, they don't have enough workers here to do it, so they just dump it in with everything else. We'll make it to North Carolina. Do the same thing. - New York City doesn't recycle. - In Los Angeles, too. Yeah. 'Cause there's not enough space. - That's a scam. - It's a total scam. It's also a global warming total scam. Bigger problem is pollution. And the worst countries, the worst offenders of it are the Philippines, China, all these countries. - India. - India. - You got a problem with the Philippines? - Yeah, I do. Actually, I think we should nuke it. - Are you Filipino? - I am Filipino. - Now the guy that does all of our art is Filipino Navy guys. - Yeah, yeah. - This is the best. - We like the ones that are here now. - Well, he's still a manila. - Well, I think he went back voluntarily though. - Yeah, he did. Because it's fucking cheap as shit there. - No. He owns like a mansion over there. - That's great. - Yeah. - It's a single. - Yeah, yeah. - I don't think so. He's got a big family. - Really? - I don't know who always related to who. - Is he looking for a occupy? - They all look exactly the same. - Yeah. - Is that what you're looking for? - No. - You want to get the fuck out of here and end it all? - No. I love America. It's the greatest place. Anyway, once this country falls, there's no place that's going to be safe. - None? - No. - Behind me, that's where it'll be safe. - Yeah. - She's behind Dan. - Just start murdering people. I can't wait for the shit to kick off. - I've done all of the charitable things I can think to do at this point, and now it's just time to fuck murder people. - You're ready to start annihilating? - Yeah. - I think we should start with the... I mean, I can't even say it. - No, I'm sorry. - I'll get arrested. No, I can't. - Oh. - I'll get arrested. - Yeah, I know you're talking about it. - You know. - Yeah. - Is he 82? - Is his age 82? - Oh. - Oh, we're taking out Jimmy Carter's old now. - Jimmy Carter's old now. - Nah, nah, nah, nah. He's not a problem. - All right. - You don't think he is? - No, he doesn't even know where he is. (laughs) - Neither's the president. - That's what I'm talking about. - Same guy. (laughs) - He doesn't even know where he is. - Yeah. - It's not him. - Who are you talking about? - Jimmy Carter. - I'm talking about the people that control him. - Oh. - You don't even know who they are? - We do, yeah. - Nah, Obama's controlled too. (laughs) Are you kidding me? - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - He's the dude. - He's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - I think he's the dude. - He's coming out at some point and running for practice. - That's what I think is. - You know what I mean? - No, I don't think so. I think it's a larger movement that started before Big Mike. They've been transitioning people for at least over 100 years. And they've hidden them within the public sphere so that they kind of have this like sick thing where they like the idea of making people kind of gay without them knowing it. So they've been shocked. - That's, Russia likes that. So who's the "they" in that statement then? - I just saw, one of our listeners sent in a video of "Be Nice to Your Childhood Friends" and then it was two dudes and then the one grew up to be switched to a woman. It was super hot and they were fucking married and making out in this video. - That's disgusting. - That's pretty disgusting. - That's quite wild. - Yeah, you're just gay, bro. - Yeah, that's it. And that's fine. But yeah. - I mean, it's not, but okay. - So who are they? - So I'll go back to a hug. - Well, who are they? - Who are they? - The same elite group of people who have been running shit since the Babylonian period. This is an ancient death cult that has basically controlled-- - Well, they're not very good at it. - Oh, they are. - 'Cause the population's grown a thousand times since then. - Right, but they needed that before 'cause they needed workers, right? Now they don't need them 'cause they have AI and they have technology, they're trying to get rid of us. They just want the planet. And they want enough, they want enough, and they want enough of people that can be controlled, which by the way is not Western Europeans, so that's why they're trying to get rid of them. - God, I love this, dude. I was not expecting to walk into this. This is why this is the greatest job in the world. I've met you two, dude, and you seem totally fucking normal. And then on the inside, it is just hands, it is 90 hamsters on a wheel, dude, just at a dead sprint, just a 4-2-1-40 in your mind. I love it. - The chat wants us to give her some cocaine. - That's fine. - I know. - Just to see where that goes. - I think it's going from last night. I think it's going from last night. - I don't do drugs. Sorry, guys. - All right. - You weren't really asking. - Sorry. What do you think it was in your drink, Cosme? - Yeah. - Yeah. - I've been in there. - You know? - All right. Don't look at the screen here. Lila, obviously, I think you're the most famous little person we've ever had on the show. - Yes, I am. - Like ever, right? - Absolutely. - I worked with a bunch of them, but they've never had any on the show. Brad was supposed to come on once, but he got delayed in L.A. - Brad's always got little problems. - Yeah. - I'm unattended here. Every time he's like, "Ah, I don't think I can get out there." His flight got canceled last time, and I think the whole trip ended because he couldn't make it here. - Who knows? It's like three times we gave him a bottom. - We gave him a bottom. - Yeah. - Yeah, we gave him a bottom here. - Well, technically I'm the most famous person with Spina Bifida you've ever had on the show. - We don't know what that is. - I don't know what that is. - I don't know what that is. - Yeah, we don't see that. We don't see that, whatever that gender or race that you've said is, we don't see it or hear it. - I'm the Spina Bifida baddie, okay? - Yeah. - So let's go, I want to go top 10 little people here of all time, all right? - Okay. - Do you have a list? - Do I? - Yeah, in your mind? - Ork. - Oh, man. - He's my favorite. - All right. - Because of life's too short, do you ever see that? - Ork Davis is coming in number one on this list, by the way. He's three foot six. - He's the guy from Hobbit, but he did a show with Ricky Gervais and Steven Merchant on, it was like BBC three or whatever their HBO is, I can't remember what it is. But it's funny, it's fucking great to watch it. - It's great. - It's like a hit box. - No, it was HBO here. - Was it HBO? - Oh, no. - No, that was Netflix. - That was the one where he was a character. - It was on HBO here. - Yeah, it was on HBO. - Oh, yeah, it was on HBO. Yeah. - Okay, sure, yeah. - It's so fucking funny. It's the best scene from any comedy show I've ever seen is in it, and it's Liam Neeson. So just go life's too short, Liam Neeson, in your free time to watch that. - It's the greatest. - The funniest goddamn thing I've ever seen. - Who do you got at one? - Midge-wise. - Yeah, Midge-wise. - I don't know his name, but he was the little person in "Bruges" with Colin Farrell. - Oh, yeah. - Who is that? - Yeah, the racist one. - I liked it. I loved him. - And that's why. - Who is that? - Probably. - And he used to racist, Western European dude. You're like, yeah. - Bobby, I love him, Bruce. - I didn't care that he was-- - I, I, you're not wrong, I do love him, Bruce. - I know. Who is the, who's the man? - I always forget that actor's name. - I think he's not that famous. - He's not. - I think that's the only thing he did. - He's not that famous. - Yeah. - Jordan Prentice, he's not on this list. - That's too good of a name. - It is. - For a guy to not have achieved some level of success. - I know. - But I guess that wasn't really good news. - You know, when I first watched that movie, I thought it was Peter Dinklage, because all midges look the same. - Well, yeah. - There you go. Hey, Peter Dinklage-- - He actually gets mad about that. - Yes. - The dink is up next. He comes in at number two on this list. - But tell me he doesn't look like Peter Dinklage. - A little bit. - Yeah. - Pull up Peter Dinklage. - A little bit. - Yeah, there we go. - This is my buddy from college, wrote and directed this movie. This is with Christopher Walken as well. I did not remember this guy. - Love Christopher Walken. - I know. - Not a midget, but fun times. - I know. Holy shit, dude. - It's like a cardboard cutout of Peter Dinklage left out behind. - Yeah. It sure does. Didn't have a big part in this movie, by the way, but it's good for him. That movie came out 15 years ago, though, so that's a tough one. Peter Dinklage came in at two. - Nice. - Four foot five. - Number one has to be Vern Troyer. - Well, Vern Troyer came in at three here on this list. - You know what? - Two foot eight. He's two foot eight, by the way. - When he passed away, so many people messaged me and my DMs and said, "I'm so sorry for your loss. We have never even met." - So I texted all my black friends when George Floyd died. - Yeah. - And you said, "Congratulations." - Yeah. - No, he said, "I can't breathe either." - Yeah. - That's what he said. - I had bronchitis at the time. - I couldn't breathe. - And I was like, "I know how he felt." - And so to help him, because he doesn't like to take pills, I did come over to his house, put him on the ground, put my knee on his neck, and then force feed him the pills. - I like that. - He got better. He got better. - As you can see. - Because he wasn't on fentanyl. That's why. - Right. - So, yeah, Tony Cox is coming in at four. I love Tony Cox is great. Remember from Bad Santa? - Oh, yeah. - He would see that, dude. - And me, myself, and Irene. - Yeah. Oh, fuck, dude. - But only briefly. - Just a short appearance. - Yeah. - He had a small role. - Yeah. - He had a small role, nailed it. - Says the little role. - Yeah. - Mailed it. Michael J. Anderson is on this. Pull him up, Bobby. He's three foot seven. - Yeah, it shouldn't take much effort. - Okay. - No, it shouldn't. Michael J. Anderson also won't take up a lot of JPEG space. - Oh, he's a blue blue guy. - Oh, is he really? - I think so, yeah. - Yeah. - Isn't that a guy that played the umpaluma? - Yeah. - Yeah, you're right. You're right. - Wow, I've never seen an old midget. - Well, what's the head? Why is the head that big? - Well, I don't think he planned it that way. - Why didn't know if, you know, as you get older, maybe your head keeps growing? How that works. - If you take HCH, it will. - Oh, it may be some HCHs. - Is he red? - Peyton Manning, for example. - Yeah. Is he all jacked up? - No, does he look all jacked up? I mean, he looks all jacked up. Just not what you're saying. - You can go. - Great one, though. This is a great one. - He looks like a little goblin. - You know, but the actual number one, number one, has to be my best friend, Sassy Cassie. She's the world smallest stripper coming in at two foot ten. - Two foot ten. Okay. So she's not on this list. - But she should be. - We'll get there. We'll get there. We'll get there. Pop her up. - She should be. She is number one. - Look at that little photo, Bob. Pop that up for everybody. - Sassy Cassie. - Oh, look at that little goblin. - She climbs up the stripper pole, like a koala bear. It's the koala bear climb. She's very strong. Yeah, she's got great quads. Very, very quick. What, Dan? She's very strong quads, okay? If you're going to climb up poles all day long, you've got to have very strong quads. - Oh, she got into the minibar. - Oh. Bob, even on fire this week, this is the week of Bob, for sure. - She's number one, and she's the best. She's freaking awesome. - Oh, that's a good one. Next up, oh shit, this is our buddy, Martin Klebe. Martin Klebe was in range 15. - Yeah, he bit Evan's dick off. - He sure did. He was in Pirates of the Caribbean. - I don't know. - Oh, come on, pull up Martin Klebe. What do you even know your own kind, dude? This is fucked up. - I don't know. Okay, we don't all know each other. - You should. There's got to be a club. - That's not what I heard. - Or a secret underground meeting. - Wait, I will say this. Anytime if I ever happen to be in a room and there is another little person there, we do lock eyes. And it's just kind of like that. Yeah. - Well, I mean, you're at the same eye level. - Yeah. - Otherwise, you're still in a dick's all day. - Exactly. You're forced to lock eyes at that point. - Should I put googly eyes on my pants just to be courteous to midge? - I think so. I think so. - 'Cause we've got googly eyes. - We sure do. We got them everywhere. I live in the office. So he was also in Project X. Do you remember he hopped out of the oven and started kicking everybody in the footballs? Yeah. - I forgot. I didn't watch that. I don't think. - Jesus Christ. - He looks cool. - Oh yeah. - No, I was speaking. It's already high school. - Kyrie Irving is all your researching all day long. - Love Kyrie Irving. - I know you do. That's probably who you want to marry in real life and your mom's just like no black eyes. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You're going to convert to Islam. - I converted to Christianity. - Isn't he a fucking Muslim or some shit? - I was. I converted to Christianity. - You weren't too? - Mm-hmm. - After I went down the rabbit hole, I was like, well, I think Jesus is real. So I'm going to go. - Wow. - What makes you think that? - Well, if the elites are sacrificing things to say in an every chance they get, they mock him. I don't know. And then I also did research after that, you know, but that was the first clue that he might be real. If they really hate this guy, you don't hate somebody that's fake. - Ah, that's not true. - What do you hate that's fake? - Name somebody. - That's fake. - Michael J. Fox. - Gay. - Gay. - Yeah. - No. Look, if I'm trying to name something, I mean, what are you talking about the Easter Bunny? - Right. - It's not like a whole, you know, propaganda to make you hate the Easter Bunny. - Not yet. - Nah, that's never going to happen. It's fake. - Well, that's because it's... - For example, they don't make fun of Hinduism. - I do. - You do, but not the... - Not the established thing. - Oh, the elites? Yeah, because Hindus don't have any power. - Not because... - Christianity is the second largest religion in the world still, right? - Yeah. - Or still the largest? - No, it's the largest. - Still the largest. - Yeah, because there's three billion Catholics. - It's one, I think Muslims too, right? - Yeah. - And Islam, I think, is the fastest growing religion. - For sure, yeah. - That's not great. - That's mostly because the Muslim parts of India are the fastest growing parts of the world. - I mean, India is about to overtake China and population. - It's only because they fuck more. Like it's not like people are converting in masses. - Okay, got it, got it, got it. - Yeah, it's because they have more babies. - Oh fuck, Jordan Prentice is on this list. Jordan Prentice. - Oh, the guy from... I don't know his name. - Yeah. - I just know him from... - Inbruges. - That's it? He is on this list. Holy shit. - I say he... - Is he like a fucking beard in this one? This is a clean cut guy. Yeah. Fucking a dude. So he did make the list. - How tall is he? - All right. - In real life, he is four foot one. - And as opposed to which life would he be a different height? - Okay, we all reincarnated, right? I would imagine he came from another little person and then I think he gradually grows. Like for you, I think in your next life, you might be five five. You're not gonna be six feet tall. - No, I'm definitely gonna be six too. - That's not true. - I'm definitely gonna come back in my next life as you. - Well, we're gonna switch places. - You'd be kissing six four then at that point, which would be great and I'd love to see it, but you'd also be in the WNBA probably. - Yes. - I wanna come back as a black dude. - Do you really? - No. - Just so you can experience your own hatred of yourself. - No, no, I just wanna say the N word. - Over, he loves it. - Plots, you can still say it. - Yeah, but it's not the same. It would just be for effect if I'm doing it now. - Yeah, that's true. - You can say the N word. - Who can? - You can. - You can. The N word. - M? - Yep, I'm a real Miga. - Oh yeah, for you, yeah. - Miga. - That's it. - M-I-G-G-A, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - We have no problems saying the word, Medgett. You gave us permission. - Yeah, you guys are good. - You guys call us Biggers, right? - Is that what it is? All of us Biggers? - Yeah, you Biggers. - Yeah, dude. - No, you can say it hard on. - We can say it hard on us. - We're okay with it. - Yeah, we don't care. - You don't have to. - You're amongst friends here. - Okay, Bigger. - It's pretty funny. - Coming out of our mouth, too. - What's up, what's up, Bigger? - What up, Bigger? - Yeah, there you go. Yeah, it's just us Biggers over here. Next up is Jason Acuna. Why does that name sound familiar? - Is that Ronald Acuna's little bird? - I wish. He's white. - Sounds Hawaiian. - Jackass. - It is Jackass. Goddammit, right? - What, many me? - All right. - All right, many me. What the fuck? - That's terrible that I only know. - You didn't even know it was Mexican. - I know. - Or whatever that is. - All I knew was his We-Man. I didn't know his real name all these years. - We-Man. - Oh, shit. - You ever party with We-Man? - I've met We-Man before. - Does he go hard? - At the Comedy Store. He was nice. It was cool. Again, it's like, you know, when I meet somebody and we're at the same height, it's like, we're automatic friends, you know? - I agree. - There's just a connection. We're like, yeah, you get it. - Yeah, you get it. - You're down here with me. - I remember when they said you could catch COVID by farting. - No, no, I don't actually. - They said that. - Well, when I read that, I was like, I need to stay away from elevators. - Yeah, you really do, because you would get COVID right in your eyes and mouth real quick over there. - Well, gas rises. So just lie down on the ground. - Just lie down on the ground. - Just lie down on the ground. - I mean, it's not that far. - When you're getting to an elevator. Next up is Deep Roy. - Oh, this is my friend. - You know Deep Roy? - I know Deep, yes. - His name is Deep. - Deep. - Deep. - That doesn't sound that big. - Wait, you know what? He played all the oompa loompas. - Oh, and the new one? - Yeah, and the new one. And a lot of little people were angry about that because he took so many jobs away. - Well, they were trying to shave off some budget, I think. - He played every single one. Yeah, Deep Roy. - Oh, shit, dude. - He's my friend. - Do you think they call him that? 'Cause he has a big dick. - Yeah, it has to, right? Do you know what? Do you ask him? - No, I didn't. - You don't ask him why they call him Deep Roy? - I wonder if like male midgets, you know how female midgets have a big ass. I wonder if male midgets, like all their growth went to their penis. - Oh, dude. So I've worked with quite a few and done movies with- - And he always asked to see their hogs. - Well, no, the first one, 'cause the first one was the first movie and he pulled it out on his own. We were in his room for a fucking party at a hotel. - Between the two of you. - No, there was women in there, whatever. And so he got super drunk. Every midget's super fucking wasted all the time. Why is that? - 'Cause it's just, you know, that's what we get to have. - But it's not a, you guys can't drink because your bodies are so small. - Oh, we can drink. - No, you can't. Every midget gets fucking wasted around me. - Well, they must have a smaller liver. - No. - That's what I think. - No, I think they have the same size. I've seen a lot of them. I can drink a lot. - Okay. - I used to drink a lot. - So he whipped it out. - Bob, do me a favor. - And what was it like? - He got, he stood on the bed and he said, fuck all you guys, like, I know you all think I'm a midget and everything else. It was Ed Ligat tuba, that's his character name. I forget his fucking real name, but anyways, he pulls out his, this fucking, he goes, I've got a bigger dick than all you guys pulled out his fucking dick and balls in this room. I mean, it was men, women, it was a whole party and he had a fucking hog on him. - That's the entire-- - My theory's correct. - My theory's correct. - Ed Ligat tuba. - Yeah. - Smaller body, larger dick. - Matt Goggin, yeah. - Just died. - Let's look up how much blood midgets have, because we've got, like, what, eight pints of blood? - Nine. - Human beings? - Nine. - Is it nine? - Yeah. - Well, I weigh 85 pounds, which is a lot for me. - There's no way you've got the same amount of blood as me. And if you do, I fucking want it. - Yeah, we want some of that blood. - Yeah, I have extra special blood, actually. - Probably, so for children, I'm seeing it's about, like, .7 gallons, 80-pound child, 60,650 milliliters for an adult weighing, like-- - Can we get one more unit of measurement, so I don't know what the fuck's going on, please? - No. - Where are you reading this from? - What are you reading this from? - The worst research I've ever heard. - I like where he's going with this. I understand it. Keep going. How much is a real man in half? (laughter) - One and a half gallons of blood. - There you go. So that's a lot. - And a baby or a child, like toddler's size? - Has a little over half a gallon. - Yeah. - So that's quite a bit of difference. - Three times. - And if-- - We have three times the blood as you do. - So we're still gonna need some of that blood, though. - Or do you want some of ours? - Yeah. - I'll take you. - We'll load you up. - I'll bleed out. I'm ready to bleed out. And that's the top 10 here, guys. There's some old-school ones here that I don't recognize. General Tom Thumb, which seems a little racist, and they've only got a black and white photo of 'em, Bob. Look up General Tom Thumb, three foot four. - What was he a general in? - I think the Civil War. - Oh, shit. Good for him. - Yeah. - He's on the Confederate side. - He looks racist. - Holy shit. That's the general right there. - I can hear a banjo playing in the background. He just rapes somebody. - He sure did. - Right before this picture, you can tell. Look at his face. - Who's one of his slaves? - Yeah. - Well, I mean-- - He's a white. He's white now. - He pulled the Thomas Jefferson, apparently. I don't think that's real anyway. - Do you think there was white people who were trying to go back and be like, "No, I am part black. I want to be a slave." - No. - You don't think there were any state of massacres back then that wanted to get whipped? - Yeah. - They get their jealous of the slave for getting whipped is like, "Oops, you stepped in front of them." - I don't. - Because BDSM back then was kind of frowned upon, but what if you like to get whipped in the bedroom and all that other shit? You don't think anybody flipped? - No, I think they had real problems, so they weren't inventing problems for themselves in the bedroom. - What were the real problems back then? - You know, people just dying of everything. - Yeah. - They drank like the wrong water, they're like, "Well, I guess I'm going to die this afternoon." - Yeah, that happens, dude. - That happens. - So, you know. - Would you ever date a little person? - No. - What? - Sorry. - Wow, dude. - Wow, right in front of your best friends. - I love her, but you know, I got to be honest. - Holy shit. - I'm a height enthusiast. - Are you? - Yeah. - How tall are you? - Five, nine. - Wow. (laughter) - Look at that, dude. Now she's pissed. - Yeah. - Well, I'm four, six. And again, technically, I'm not a little person. I have spina bifida. - No, I understand that. - But I am four, six. I do go to little people of America. I go to the conference. - Yeah. - And I don't know, I'm in this kind of this weird position because it's like, most people with my condition are in wheelchairs, so it's very rare that I can walk. But the first time I went to a little person of America conference, I walked in and this little person walked up to me and she was like, "What kind of spina-- what kind of dwarfism do you have?" Like I wasn't supposed to be here. (laughter) - Well, let me ask you this. Do you go to the spina bifida conference and stunt on people because you're the only one who can walk? Because that's what I would do over like, "Oh, man, what's up really?" - You guys aren't trying hard enough. - Yeah. - Do you park in the handicap space and then make them roll from further out? - I deserve that handicap parking spot. - You sure do. - That's right. - I was married to a little person. - You were? - He was five, seven. (laughter) - Wow. - Oh boy, for a man. - That is tiny. - Yeah, it's such a complex too. I was like, so that's why I never did anybody-- - You look down on him. - Well, you know, I was fine. I was like, "Listen, I fucking married you. You still had a complex." I was like, "You know what? I gotta go 'cause you really have a complex." - How long are you guys married? - About three years. - Three years? And was it over his height? - No, he was just a piece of shit. - Okay. - You could say cunt on the show. - Yeah, we don't reflect. - He was a total cunt. - Yeah, what happened? - He was just manipulative and he was very cotankerous. He could never have peace. You know, he'd always-- - Napoleon. - Yeah, he always started, he had an Napoleon complex. He always had to start a fight and then, like, just fucking, at the end of it, be like, "Why did you start this fight?" - And then get syphilis and go crazy. - Pretty much, yeah. - Or whatever happened. - So then I left him and he was like-- - Any DV or no? - From my end, maybe. - Yeah, I was gonna say, you look like you're the one who's growing close. - That was the thing I said. I said I can't be married to somebody where if we get into domestic dispute, I'm the one who's gonna go to jail. - It is. 'Cause you would probably beat the Christ out of her. - I would have, yeah. - Yeah. - That's why he never tried any of that shit. - No. - He's like, "I'll throw you down the stairs, you little fucking midget." - And your mom approved of that guy? - No. - My whole family didn't like him. They knew. - You said fuck it anyways. - Lila, how tall is your husband? - My husband's five, four. - Five, four. Okay. - But that's like, with me, that's like six, two. - For sure. - Yeah. - And that's a, I think that's a good balance there. 'Cause if he wasn't actual six, two, six, three, it'd be a lot, right? - That'd be weird. - Yeah. - And I would climb up him like a jungle gym. - Yeah. - I've never had sex with. - I won't talk about that. - Well, is it over six feet? - She's only ever been with her husband. - Okay, yeah. Obviously. Obviously. I didn't know if there's your, your first or second marriage, maybe third ones. - Enough of that. And let me ask you this. When you guys play basketball in your driveway, how high is the rim? - Super high. I can jump. - You can't, you've got hops? - Yep. - She's Filipino. - You know what I mean? - Yeah. - She's like a little cricket. - My first instinct is just to start biting ankles. - That's, yeah. I mean, do what, do what you're best at, right? Don't try to be somebody or not. - Yeah. - Like don't, like a dude, for example. Don't try to be a dude. - I'm really good at being a woman, so. - Yeah, you are. How long you guys been married now? - Two years. - Two years. - We got married on 2 22 22 at 2 p.m. in Dallas. - All of that on purpose? - It's not, I mean, kind of it happened, but like we didn't, I wasn't like, I was like, "Oh my God, I want this day." It just kind of happened to be that way. So we're like kind of cool. - We know 22 veteran today killed himself, so thank you for the show. - Yeah, that's nice, because it feels like you did it for Dan over there. - I appreciate it. - She remembered it in her. - Never forget it. - I'm a firearms instructor. - Oh, I see that. Yeah, what type of firearms? - Well, my credentials are, I just sewed this on myself. - Oh, shit. (laughter) - You want to go out in the field here behind our studio and just blast some shit? - Yeah, and I've got a rifle right here. - We should. - And I've got a handgun right here. - Let's do it. - I'm in ass eating an instructor. - No, you're not. - Yeah, I just tell people don't do it. - It's okay. Just you can't. - Rim reaper. (laughter) - Oh, there it is. That's the old rim reaper. Yeah. - I'll put it over my head. - You can take that with you. - Oh, like, beer was fish. - Beer was fish. - She's a small arms instructor. - Ah. - Small arms are like non-machine guns. - Nailed it. - I've shot a really big gun before, like a huge one. - How big? - It was, we had to lay down to shoot it. - Lie down. - Lie down to shoot it. It was huge. - Huge. - Huge. - It was bigger than me. Bigger than my body. - It's like a 50 caliber. - Yeah. And what was the kickback on that for you? - Well, usually they're on a tripod. So. - Well, you've still got to-- - Yeah, you got to steady it. Like, how did you-- - It was so fun. I was, I don't know, it just was like, kind of shook my body a little bit. (laughter) Nice. - I want to see the footage of this. - It's on my Twitter. - Is it really? - Yeah, it really looked like fucking Bugs Bunny. Just like, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. - Yeah, just hopping back and moving around there. - That would be fun, yeah. Well, we do range days down here a lot. You got to hit us up. - Yeah. - I think the next one will be in October. - Leonardo, you ever find enough of any fucking guns? - Of course. - Okay. - Yeah. - And Albania, they were in a civil war for 90 years. - Yeah. - Who's having a bomb? - They've been trying to fight back the Ottomans for the last 100 years now. - It's the Serbs. - But now it's yeah. - Oh, it's the Serbs, yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - All the time, I love it, it's beautiful. - Who's the most famous Albanian you think? - Right now, it's probably Duolipa. - Oh, shit! Delka's a big fan. - But was it John Belushi? Is that the guy who killed himself? - Yes. - Yeah. - Well, his brother's Jim. - EOD. - Yeah. - EOD. - Right. John Belushi was a very famous Albanian. - Yeah. - Eliza Duska. - Eliza Duska. - Eliza Duska. - Kouti, he was a very famous historical figure. Everybody in Europe knows him because he fought off the Ottoman Empire successfully. - No shit. - Mother Teresa. - Mother Teresa was a famous Albanian. - Wow, what did she do, anything? - Yeah, she told people that it was a good thing to be poor. - She did tell me. - And she was anti-women. - No shit! - We had things in common. - Yeah. - I'm gonna say a rosary right now for your sin therapy. - Yeah. - Bob's Catholic. - Both of my balls, my man. - Yeah, stop talking shit about Mother Teresa. - Bob's Catholic, so. - She was a piece of shit. Everybody knows it. - Everybody. Everybody knows Mother Teresa. - Rita Ora. - Rita Ora. - That sounds familiar. - Oh, the singer. - Yeah. - Baby Reggae, she's Albanian. - Baby Reggae? - Yeah. Bambambaklava, what's his name? Look it up, Bambambaklava. - Oh, the wrestler? - No, no, he's a chef. He's Albanian. - Okay. - Very famous. - With Albanians. - Action Bronson. - Action Bronson, thank you. - Oh, yeah. Action Fuck, dude. - I don't know who that is. - Yeah, rapper. He's also a youth cooking show for a while. - Yeah, very funny guy. - I feel like all Albanians know- - Never a fan. - Famous Albanians. - Of course. We sit down and we get an instruction every day from our dads. They're like, "You are Albanian. Let me tell you now where you come from." And then they list all the famous Albanians. Alexander the Great and his mother was Albanian. - Well, the mother was. - The mother. Well, that makes him half Albanian. - Yeah, a little bit. I mean, where were we coming from? - I'm in Macedonia. Fucked in Albanian. You kidding me? - Yeah. - No, well, shit. - Well, first of all, we are the original Allerians, which were the gangster fighters of Europe. So that's why we're still bad asses. The rest of Europe lost its balls and Albanians are still holding it down. So how about you two pipe the fuck down? - Would you ever go back and live there? - Yes. - You would. - I would. If shit went to hell. I mean, it's a beautiful country. - Bob, can you pull up a map just so I can see where this is? - Albania? - Yeah, sure don't know where that is. I've heard a lot about it, which is fun. - Spike Greece. - Is it? - It's north of Greece. - What was that first pick you pulled up? That looked nice there. - What? I'm sure it's just pick the camo. So here's Albania right here just across the sea from Italy. - Yeah, where's Texas? - And there's Italy. (laughter) - I'm gonna talk about this. Put it on Texas. - All right, see right there. Who's your borders? Who do we got? - We got, we got Montenegro, I think, at the top. - And Croatia. - And Croatia. - Is it Negros? - And then on the bottom is Greece, right? - Yeah, Greece, Greece. - North Macedonia. - Yeah. So a lot of those lands bordering around Albania are actually Albanian territory that are still occupied 95% by Albanians, but because of after World War I, the League of Nations went in and was like, we're gonna arbitrarily divide these borders. And they took a lot of the Albanian land and put in these other countries, which has led to crazy amounts of strife over there. - No shit. - And again, the United Nations, 'cause the League of Nations was the precursor to the United Nations fucking shit up all the time. - Okay. Bob, let's see some places over there. What are we talking about here? What's a... - Well, it's on the Adriatic, right? - Right. So give me a beach house there. Is there a Zillow for Albania? - Yeah. - I just want to look at some prices. - Yeah, I've looked at... - It's like really nice. - I've looked at property there. There and Croatia and Trieste. - Pretty affordable. - The first pick you told that. - It's all done. - Oh, Bob, look beautiful. - I've seen it in Croatia. - Yeah, I've seen it in Croatia. - There are animals here. - Is that a thing on Airbnb? - Yeah. - Airbnb of fucking place in Albania? - That's wild. Yeah, fine. Let's see an ocean view. What's that one? - Pretty affordable. - 155 bucks on the beach. - Shut the fuck up. Wow, dude. - He has an entire home in Saran, Albania. - Saran is a beautiful place in Albania. Probably one of the most beautiful in the south of Albania. - Look at that. - And then the north of Albania has mountains and Alps. - $50 a night? - Yeah. - That's gorgeous. God damn it. I had no idea. What's the weather like while you're there? - It looks tropical. - Yeah, it's pretty warm climate all year round. Sometimes it does snow in the winter, but generally it's just a little rainy and kind of like here, it gets a little dreary and rainy. - Okay. - Not crazy hot, although in August it gets very, very hot and everybody's at the beach. - Yeah, and the reason I ask is nobody really comes back and says, "Oh, I just spent my summer in Albania." - That's true. - Why is that? - They should. It looks beautiful. - I mean, a lot of people go to Dubrovnik and it's 120 miles north. - Dubrovnik is actually a really popular spot with like yacht week and shit like that. - I've been looking at properties around the coast in Dubrovnik and they're pretty inexpensive for what it is. - No shit. - But Dubrovnik is more expensive than that. - It's way more expensive. - Yeah. - But even that is not that expensive. I'm talking about like 3000 to 5000 square foot places from like half a mill to a mill and a half, which is pretty for waterfront on the edge of that. - Yeah, it's ridiculous. - It's beautiful. - Europeans look at Croatia like we look at Cancun. - It's a little tacky. - Oh, do they? - It's kind of tacky. - Isn't that where Joel's wife is from? - No, she makes fun of-- - She's from the Czech Republic. - She makes fun of people that go to Croatia. - Well, that's because she's landlocked and jealous. - Yeah, I agree. - I'm looking at these photos now and I want to end, I just don't know why nobody's ever talked about it. - I turned 20 in Croatia, I celebrated. - People talk about-- - I think not. - That's all the time I trust is Italy technically, but that's also occupied territory. - Yeah, I mean, look, you always hear about Italy and Greece. I never hear about Albania. I had no idea, dude. I thought it was going to be one of those gray, cold places with a lot of concrete. - I don't even want to go to Greece. I just want to fly a helicopter over and see all this stuff, but I don't want to be near Greek people. - Why? - Really? - Because they're fucking poor. What do you mean? - Yes. - I don't let poor people-- - You know why they're poor though, right? - Because their economy is bullshit. - You know why though? Do you know what happened? - They were in currency all the time. They depended-- - What would play in their country? - Germany, mostly. - It was Goldman Sachs. They went in and they made predatory loans. - Well, I mean recently, but that was through the loans were from capital from the German government. They were loaning out money after '08 after the housing worker crash fucked up the world economy. Yeah, they fucking-- - But they gave them crazy predatory loans that they could never pay off. - Yeah. We did that here in America, too. - Yeah. - It's called arm loans. Those were a blast. - Well, no, we were at college loans as well, but that's kind of-- - Well, it starts with student loans, and then you want to buy a house, and you're like, "All right, I'm making a decent living." - Yeah. - Hey. - That house you want to get. How about an arm loan? What's that? It's a very small interest rate that just keeps increasing every two to four years. - Yeah. - And then boom, people get buried in it, and there's nothing you can do at that point. You're stuck in a condo. - That should be illegal. - I didn't know shit, but it's going on. So that's what's happening to Greece as well. - No, Greece was different. They made these predatory loans to the government. And it was pretty much a way for Goldman Sachs to come in and buy Greece very sneakily. So they knew the loans that they were giving them could never be paid off because they're just paying interest. They're not even touching the loans. - This is one of the things Francis Foster was talking about when he was here about why having the euro as the dominant currency all around there doesn't make a lot of sense. - Yeah, it's really bad. - Like Spain, as Spain's economy struggles, even Ireland now, but Spain and Greece especially, and they depend on tourism and stuff like that. It's the same amount of money being spent there for like, if somebody leaves at the time before Brexit, if somebody left London and brought euros down there, they expect more for their money, right? But it's the same currency everywhere. Like if I go down to Mexico somewhere and spend 500 bucks in America, that's like a fucking month worth of salary from somebody. But that's not how it works in the EU because they use the same currency everywhere. So it's like the whole thing is it's not resilient anymore because if you have places that are tourism dominant, that's how they make their money, it doesn't make sense for them to have the same, their currency to be the same value as people who live in cities. It can't be like that, right? That's how it works. - So how long can these guys hang on before this all fucking crash? - Well, they're just going to keep printing money globally until there's a central-brained digital currency. - Yeah. - Global CB, and then they will own us completely, so. - Yeah, but they still got to come to my house and take it. - Yeah. - Because I can grow my own food and then I've got guns, so good fucking luck. - Yeah. That's what. So maybe you got to get a man like that. - You know. - Is that what you're looking for? - I don't really look. - Are there still alpha dudes in Albania? I feel like after World War II, after World War II, most of the alphas in Europe were kind of dead. - No. They're still there. - They still beat their wives. - Good for them. - Well. - Is that something you want to be a part of? - No. - Sexually. - No. - We got to ask obviously, okay? We got to ask. I'm going to go to the next conspiracy for you, this TikTok thing. - Let's do it. You know why TikTok's getting taken down, don't you? - That's something I'm about to ask you. - It's because TikTok is spreading the truth about the Israel-Palestine conflict, and it's turning a lot of the young kids anti-Israel, and our government is Zionist-occupied, and so therefore they cannot have that. And so they're pretending it's about China spying on them, which it's not. It's that they don't want a narrative that goes against, because if you don't realize our politicians are all bought and paid for by Israel, then you're not paying attention. - My wife has a similar thing where she didn't go specifically to Israel. She said the news in general that so many young people are using, and Bob had brought this up a long time ago, our producer, that so many young kids are using, TikTok is news now. - Yes. - So that's where they're getting their news, and that's where a lot of journalists are going now to make news. And so when they go out to report on these places and everything else, and they're there, it's the one app that isn't controlled by a Facebook or a Elon Musk or somebody else, where they can kind of throttle the content that they're getting as far as what news they're seeing on a daily basis. - Well, it's not just geopolitics, the trad wife trend started and flourished on TikTok as well, traditional wife, like women leaving the workforce to go eat moms again, is big over there. And for whatever reason, China doesn't censor that part, you kind of think they would, but there's no way to fucking justify it maybe, I guess, I don't know. But I don't think it's Israel specifically. I think it's just the military industrial complex, and Israel is the easiest pawn on earth right now. You can, like if you're talking about throwing a pebble into a pawn and getting some ripple from that, there's nowhere where you get more efficient activity than Israel, or the Middle East in general, right? So all we have to do is keep, if these dichols and the globalists and the U.S. military industrial complex, all they need to do to assure they're going to be rich forever is just to keep supporting Israel, and it'll never go away. That money train will never end ever. What is the number one recipient of foreign aid from the U.S.? Prescribed foreign aid, it's Israel, technically, but it's not, that's not even close to how it actually works out. All the protests that happened in 2020 with BLM totally encouraged the minute the students at university start protesting Palestine, the cops come out. So it happened in University of Texas, happened in Ohio State last night. Columbia University in New York? Yep. Michigan. Did Michigan do anything, Bob, or no, to leave that alone, University of Michigan? I think, I don't Minnesota cleared theirs out pretty quickly. UT Austin did the same thing they did when those, remember those cuts in 2020 tried to build a jazz chop here, and they rode them out of town on fucking horseback, they kind of did that. I like that. Two nights ago here. And I'm not necessarily pro Palestine, I think, I mean, I think- So there's no such thing as Palestine, it's how good to be pro it, right? Yeah. There's a bunch of Christians in Palestine that people don't realize are getting also ethnically genocided. So while we're over here going, oh, right, you're killing the Muslims, it's like, actually the OG Christians, the ones who were the descendants of following Christ, are in Israel. Assyrian. There's a lot of them. Yeah. I mean, that's what, so that, but there's no such thing as Palestine. That whole area was either Jordan or Syria, right? When did they rope it off for Palestine? 48. 48. Okay. And then who made up that name? Um, somebody referred to Palestinians in like the first century. Syria, Palestine, or whatever you say it in Latin, yeah. The first time Palestine, that name was applied was under, uh, Hadrian, maybe. Yeah. But those people who are called Palestinians have always been there. Yeah. But they're Arab. They're not, there's, they're not a special version of Arab. They're just Jordanians for the most, almost all of them are Jordanians. Sure. But the Israelis that are in there are all Eastern European Jews who are like, ah, I'm native to this land. You're like, you can't even be in the sun for more than five minutes. That's not true. Most of them are Middle Eastern Jews. They mostly came from the Middle East. There's not a lot of European Jews there. There is a lot of European Jews. All their ones. So there's like, is of the area, there's like 16 million there and 16 million Jews here in America as well. I think it's like, pretty, yeah. And I doubt there are many left in Europe. I don't know why you would stick around in Europe if you were a Jew. No. Now you probably want to hop on it. Maybe, sir, for someplace like that so you can get your hands on those diamonds. Yeah. So do you pay attention? Like are you in on this selection? Do you like Trump? I would be Trump over Biden, of course, any day. I like Trump better than I've liked anybody. I don't like what he did with the vaccine pushing that shit. However, I do. I don't know. I'm a little bit conspiratorial in that sense that I think a lot of what Trump does, whether he did it intentionally or do I do think it's intentional? I think he's a lot smarter than people give him credit for a lot of what he does might seem like it's one thing and then it ends up having a totally different effect. So him pushing the vaccine actually had the impact of people really researching vaccines and learning about vaccine harm. So I don't know if that was intentional, but I kind of like to believe conspiracy. So I'm like, he's a time traveler. He knows what he's doing. I have so I said this before in the past and disagrees with me on this, but I think when that many people are panicking and freaked out and all this other shit, you want to give them something to make them feel safe. And in this case, it was the vaccine or you can be a fucking man and it's like you get you always have options. You could be a little bitch and capitulate to fucking midget like Anthony Fauci, right? Well, if Fauci is taller than her, okay? Well, we have so many beta males in this country who are so vocal, you know, and it's just like, you know, if you're going to, if you're going to talk about repealing the 19th, which is huge, you got to repeal it for the beta males to did I say, if you can't fight, you can't vote. That's it. How would you do that then? Is there a con? Is there like a PT before it? Yeah. Well, people like to think that the Spartans would send their young men at 12 or 13 depending on the season out to the woods to kill a wolf, right? You seen 300? Uh-huh. Well, what they really did was kill a slave, right? As far as Europeans go, I believe the Spartans were the first ever, actually, they may be the first ever on Earth to have race-based slavery, right? They didn't like the Carthaginians because they were colored. Yeah. Darkers. Darkers. It was around the time where... That's internalized races. Yeah. It was around the time when the Greeks started to realize that people that were around the fields more had darker skin, right? That's when the caste system for them began and I guess it was always like that in China. Okay. Right. China, Japan. But what they actually did was they would fucking release a malnourished slave into the woods and the child would go hunt and kill him. Oh, my gosh. Shut the fuck up. Holy shit. Shall we bring that back? And then, you know, when the child came back, would probably get butt-fucked by all the other adult males. Come on, man. Yeah. As well. Really? Yeah. That's real. The F kids constantly. Shut the fuck up. It's not the why. Why kids? What kids? So, all the stories that people tell about the Spartans actually are a whole other group of people, Thebeans. Right. Interesting. I didn't know that. Like, so, the Spartans definitely fought at Thermopylae, but it was more like 30,000 and not 300. Okay. Right. 300, though, is a nice, fun round-over. It is. Yeah, we don't want to say that. What movie is going to take off? It's like 30,000. It wouldn't be a movie. Yeah. Well, that sounds like an army. Sure does. Yeah. The 300 sounds more fun. Yeah. And we can just kids, either. Like, the Greeks and the Romans both have, like, unique boys servants and stuff. What is that? What is that? That means they would find an orphan boy when he was five or six-year-old, cut his dick and balls off, and he was their slave for the rest of the life. They're fucked slave. They're fucked slave. Yeah. That's why. Now you guys understand why it's like sex. Why cut the dick off, though? To make him keep, like, it's like a lady boy. Yeah. It's not gay. Well, actually, wouldn't they cut the balls off? Yeah. Not the dick. I don't want the dick. But they're definitely castrated. They cut the balls so that they couldn't get the testosterone. Jesus Christ. Yeah. So what do they do? All your ancient Roman and Greek heroes absolutely blasted, lady boy asshole. Hey, Bob. That's why I have none. Like, none. I think we actually might have some audio of that. No. Well, we're on Patreon. Yeah. If you want to play it for home real quick. That's too adult, man. Anytime we're having a conversation about anything weird, I say, I think we have some audio of that. We have a whole play that audio clip that's allegedly P. Diddy fucking Meek Mill. And it's a rock. I know. I haven't seen it. It's cool. You probably don't want to. I want to hear it. You said it's so funny. It's funny. It is hilarious. It gets me. You guys want to hear a funny story. Hold on. Hold on. Okay. You're going to play this? Yeah. Yo, do you want to hear it? Pop on the headphones. There you go. I'm going to take mine off. Oh my God. Yeah, dude. Now you're scarred for life. I'm already scarred for life. Now you're in that club. Excuse me. I'm going to go throw up. Yeah. Congratulations. I do that probably three, four times a show, I guess. Oh, dear God. That sounds so violent. Yeah. That's exactly what I said. Exactly what I said. But that sounds like he's screaming stop, right? Is anything... No. Everyone sounds like they're having fun, man. No, it's not, Bob. It does not seem like they're having fun. They are having fun. You're not having fun. One guy is having fun. The other guy is not having fun. It's not great. Dude, that's really... I feel like I've been raped. Yeah. Mentally? Yeah. Shit, we just got me toot for the first time. Did we really live on air? God damn it. Well, Harvey got out. We'll get out. That's so disgusting. 200 episodes, dude. This is the first time somebody said we got me toot on air. I feel like I'm going to throw up. That's so good. Yeah, you should. You should. It's generally how I feel about gay sex. Play it again. What a piece of shit. Yeah, but as far as history goes, so I check out after 200 years just for all this shit. Like, I don't know why. So Bob, because this is where my mind goes, and this is why all this gets dark for me. Who did the surgeries to cut off the dick and balls? It's not like they had some surgery. What do you mean surgery? They would just burn them off. That's what I'm saying. They just take a hot knife and... Yeah. That's even more horrific. I know. Yeah, nobody said it was a good practice, Ross, but I understand it. God. Damn it. Well, they're still doing it now. There was one. So my favorite story about... I can make a dream of chrome. I don't know why people are killing children. Yeah. It's unnecessary. Well, it's because of the evil. They like the evil. Bob, what was your favorite story about it? Nero, his wife died, and he was very upset, and he didn't want to take another woman, so he found this young slave who looked like his wife had him castrated, and that guy had to spend the rest of his life getting... Pretending to be his ex-wife. He was basically doing what Homeboy did in Tropic Thunder, where he was playing simple Jack forever. You know what I mean? But in this case, anal sex with a man. Yeah. You know Nero, I think, wanted to be an actor or some kind of entertainer, and it was a mark of the end times, and they actually think Nero was the original Antichrist. Yeah, because actors were seen as such like the first scum. Yeah. Yeah, so at that time... I still feel that way. But at that time, in the Roman Empire, right, that was the mark of the fall, that your emperor wanted to be what was once considered the lowest thing. Wow. So it shows you now, too, right, because our highest accolade is to be a celebrity, and that's like, actually, those are the scum of the universe. And Nero would also host parties and use Christians as torches for the light. Yeah, so that's why they think he was the first Antichrist. What else do you... Whoa! How do you human torture guy? I mean, you just put oil on them. You wrapped them in cloth and then put the oil on them and let them on fire. How long would that last? It's all night, baby. It's always a party. No way. The body wouldn't last. Well, I guess, yeah. It takes long time for a body to burn. They would die within what? Half long. Pretty quick, yeah. No, no, no, half. You suffocate. You suffocate, yeah, before... It's more the theatrics. Yeah, he's a... Dude, that sounds brutal. Yeah. By the way, all that stuff, all that fucking boyhole stuff, considered straight at the time. Yeah. Come on. You're topping, you were straight. Yeah, it's not gay unless you're like fucking in a relationship or something. Yeah. Otherwise, it's... Also, if your dog saw you topping, he'd still respect you. But if he sees you bottoming, that's it. Interesting. Dan's got two dogs. I have three. Yeah. Oh, you did it. Do they still respect you? Oh, yeah. So you've never let them watch? Who are you saying? No, no, no. No, no, no. You can't have them in the desert. I actually make them watch. Yeah. Because why wouldn't I? Speaking of ways, there's a crazy story about a fucking dog today, man. Jesus Christ. Air Bud? Is he back? No, no, this is where... Like Jesus, he came back. So you know Christy Nome? Ah, yeah. The one thing that's-- The governor. She banged her dog. She banged her dog. Well, close, yeah. So she was banging Trump's guy, Lewandowski, married, obviously that blew up the relationship and everything else. She's on the short list for VP. She's got a book coming out and in this book, this is an excerpt today, she talks about killing her fucking dog who was 14 months old just because she hated the goddamn thing. Nice. She blew his brain's out. I like her heads up for her for vice president. She blew the dog's brains out. The theory is... Did she eat it after? I don't know. Look, the story just popped up. Leave the Filipino shit back where he ate them, okay? I would eat a dog. That is what Manny Pacchio, that's why Manny Pacchio got away from his father. They cooked the family dog. The theory is she doesn't want to be Trump's VP. Well, that's a good way to piss off everybody. Yeah. But she doesn't want to outright... She doesn't want to turn him down, so she's just trying to make herself less attractive. I don't think she's on the list, to be honest with you. She should just tell him about all the eminent domain shit where she's been stealing fucking North Dakotans property and giving it to her friends who donated her campaign. That'd be good enough. Yeah, you can't have someone who is fucking your highest assistant or whatever the fuck you call it in the Trump White House. You can't have her in there, so that doesn't make any sense. I don't understand why that would even be an issue. So she's a cricket, I guess the dog's name was Cricket, she's a Christ. That's where she made a mistake. Yeah, that's a fucking terrible name for a dog. Don't give us the name of the dog. Cricket was a wirehair pointer about 14 months old, said the dog was a female and had an aggressive personality and needed to be trained to use for hunting pheasants. She a fucking big hunter, I guess? Typical woman. It can be the only one in the room. Okay. She didn't like a female dog. So as the story goes, Cricket was, they were out during a hunt and she killed it one day during a hunt. This dog right here? Yeah, this is Cricket. Well, that's a cute dog. It is a cute dog, actually. Yeah, it's a pointer, so there's wirehair, German shorthair, there's a bunch of different varieties. So I remember Carl Evansold dog. Oh yeah, yeah. He was a GSB. What are the chances she's just making this up? Why would you do it for an autobiography? It's in her autobiography. It's a weird story to drop in her autobiography. Well, if it's what he's saying that she doesn't want to be Trump's VP, but she doesn't want to outright deny him. Usually books are, you're signed so far in advance, like it's not an overnight thing. Does she regret doing it? Yeah, so she says, yeah, let's get the inside scoop there. She says it was difficult, messy, and ugly, but it just simply needed to be done. Okay, so she's letting you know that she can kill a couple of migrants if they make their way up. I'm looking Hillary Clinton. But dogs instead of babies? Why? Oh boy. So she would take cricket on a pheasant hunt with the older dogs. She hoped to calm the young dog down and then began to teach it how to behave. Unfortunately, cricket ruined the hunts going out of her mind with excitement. This is all quotes in the book, out of her mind with excitement, chasing all these birds and having the time of her life. Wow. She says it was happy before it went. Correct. No, she was calling cricket and then using an electronic collar to attempt to bring her under control, then on the way home from the hunts, stopped by and escaped. She was going to drop it off to a local family, dog escaped the truck, and attacked the family's chickens. And she had to fucking, she had to put the dog down. Usually what you'll do is give the dog to someone. Well, she tried to. She tried to. No, she didn't try. It sounds like she did and then the dog got crazy. It sounds like her little fucking posh white woman hunt didn't go well one time. And she lost it. And her high fence fucking pheasant. She lost it. And she was just like, no, I will not be inconvenienced by another life and she took that life. Yeah. That's what really happened. Right. Because she's a cunt. Well, isn't it crazy how we get more upset about a dog dying than people? Yeah, I've killed plenty of both and to be honest, I never fucking even broke a sweat with people. Yeah. Dogs though, he's got an issue. He's a hardened criminal in here, hard, hardened. Well, here's the, here's the wild thing as this story goes on here in the book. No one says cricket was the picture of joy, but quote, I hated that dog. I had to snuff her out and it was untrainable, dangerous to anyone. She came in contact with and less than worthless. There's no way that a fucking pointer is dangerous. Look at that dog. Pop it up one more time, Bob. A vicious, a vicious killer. That looks like a vicious fucking killer who needs to be put down. If my cat starts getting out of hand now, I know I have recourse. Oh, you have a cat too? Yeah. You're never getting married again. God. I mean, you're really trying. Aren't you? You know, I'm trying, but it's not stopping anything. So, you know. I don't think it's going to happen. Yeah. You got to get it. How many cats? Just one. And their names are biscuit, muffin, and cupcake, just in case I want to eat them. You got two cats too? I thought that was more of an Asian thing. Yeah, I did too. We eat cats and dogs. Okay, I do. So, if worse came to worst, and you guys were hungry, would you kill the cats and eat them? Hell yeah. I mean, obviously. I'd start with muffin, because he's the one that I don't like them. No, I would kill the animals and then myself. Really? Mm-hmm. Come on. Come on. Really? I think he just wants a reason to kill himself. I don't need any. Yeah, no. I've got one. Twenty-two a day, actually. So... He's got a chalkboard with the number... That's actually really sweet that you love your dog so much. Yeah, it's not their job to sacrifice me. It's the opposite, right? Well, that's... 'Cause they're in my charge. But he keeps a calendar at home, so if it's at twenty-one, he'll consider it at the end of the night. Yeah, yeah. But then... He has to reach the number. I mean, it's gotten down to like eleven, forty-five at night. And then finally, another one comes to him like, "Thank God, that guy killed himself." Yeah. So then it'll just be on fine at home. One more day for me. Yep. You know? It doesn't have to be you. It doesn't have to be. I mean, I guess... You could add to the number. No, 'cause then it throws off the numbers. No, you can't kill yourself. I'm gonna tell you right now. If you kill yourself, you have to come back as a person with Down syndrome and you know... That would be awesome. Shut the fuck up, dude. You know how dope that would be? I'm dead-ass. That's what happens. Fuck yeah, dude. That would be... So you're telling me all my friends that killed themselves are just walking around as retards then? Yes. Maybe that's why Down syndrome people are so happy. Yeah. Yeah. Because if you kill yourself, you're dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil in your mind. There's a lot going on, so you blast your brains out. And then you come back as a person with Down syndrome, which is amazing because people with Down syndrome are the most happiest people on earth, right? They don't care about your job or your shoes, they're just happy to see you now and you've got to learn to live in the present moment because every moment is a gift and who lives in the present moment more than a person with Down syndrome. To be honest, I wasn't even considering killing myself until you said that. No, he is. And that's like... Now I'm definitely going to do it at some point, even if it's on my death bed, I'm going to be like, "Hey, I got it. Boom!" Yeah. Nice show back up. Loving grilled cheese sandwiches. Yeah. Because I mean, there was a friend of mine from high school with me, I was like, "Hey dude, listen to the show. I wish you wouldn't say the word retards so much." And I was like, "Look, if they're more happier than we are, like, we're the ones who are fucking miserable every goddamn day, so like maybe we're the ones doing it incorrectly. I'd never heard this theory though that if you commit suicide, you come back with Down syndrome." Well, that's because it's retarded. Maybe. No, it's real. It's real. Trust me bro. I side with Lila here. Yeah. Side with Lila. I don't think reincarnation's real. That's not even a conspiracy though. It's just something you don't believe in. I don't believe it's real. Don't. Oh my god dude, what's the date like with you? What is it? How do you... When you go to the Olive Garden, we're going to the Olive Garden today. When you go to the Olive Garden with a nice gentleman, how do you even start a conversation? The first thing I figure out is whether they believe in the moon landing and if they say, "Yes, the date's over." We have no common ground. I really did go on a date with a guy and he told me that he thought the moon landing was real and I was like, "Yeah, this is never going to work out." He shot the fucking dude. Yeah. Never going to work out. So we had a, what's his name, Jacob Chansley, the fucking QAnon shaman on the show? Yes. And he thinks that the moon is a superstructure. You know that theory? I've heard that theory. It's like aliens built it and it's hollow or whatever the fuck. So where do we get the footage from the moon? Oh, we faked it. Oh yeah. We faked it inside of a studio. Do you think so too? If you play the moon footage back on double speed, it just looks like they're walking normally. If we've gone to the moon, how come we haven't just gone there all the time? Thank you. Why have we, and we have better cameras now. We could go there. How come we can just go there on vacation? Yeah. Do you guys know the answer? Why NASA says we didn't go back? No. Do you know? I think it was a fun thing. Yeah. It was a budget issue. Okay. Nope. They say we lost the technology. That's not true. We use the three, we use Newton's laws of motion. We didn't even have modern physics today. But they said... That's from the 16 hours. That's what they say though. You can pull it up. The NASA scientist says we lost the technology. We don't have it anymore. So that's why you know it was bullshit. What technology? There's no technology. The moon barely has gravity. It's like you just land on it. Right. But that's what they said. I don't believe that. Okay. Well, look it up. No, I'm not saying they didn't say that. People say all sorts of weird things. Yeah. Yeah. And you, in particular, have said so much weird shit within the show here. I just can't imagine. I just want to also say that it's heavy. Oh yeah. There's no changing your minds. Pretty much. Yeah. I mean, it's almost like you're the conspiracist version of a Muslim, where it's just like... There's no fundamental... Fundamentalist conspiracy. It's kind of what it is. I know what it is. Where it's not changing your minds. Well... So the moon guy. You go out with him. Yeah. And he says, "Hey, the moon landing is real." Yeah. He says it's fake. Yeah. Just walk out of the restaurant at that point. Um, no. It wasn't going to be rude. I wasn't going to be rude. I wasn't going to be rude. I gave him a couple more chances. And then by the third day, he still hadn't tried to kiss me. And I was like, "All right, well, not only did you not believe in the moon, but you're also gay." So... Yeah. So I broke it off and then he wouldn't leave me alone for like two months. This is what I'm always talking about. The taming of the shrew is the ultimate guide to male/female relationships. Mm. Yeah. It is. It just is. You're asking me to explain? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, women don't belong in any kind of masculine role, but still feel the existential need to protect themselves. And when a man isn't there to show them they're protected, they will act out. That's what the shrew is. Mm. That's what the story is about from Shakespeare. And it sounds like you've been acting out a lot. Yeah. You need to get fucking smacked up a little bit. You really? Trust me. I got smacked up plenty of my childhood. I'm good. Yeah, but that's black. Yeah. But nobody took over as an adult. Yes. Yes. And that was your issue. Like the need doesn't go away. Would you stop eating too? Yeah. No. No. No. No, you're saying like, you know, you've got to have that. It's the fear of that backhand. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Just a little wrap on the beak. You want to get shot. You should definitely put your hands on me. I don't think it's fear though. That's not the emotion, women experience when they need to get hit. It's not fear. They don't fear. They welcome it. Are you married? No. Oh, interesting. Talking a lot of smack over there. Let me tell you how to handle a woman. I think the two of you guys should go out one night. Do you believe in the moon landing? I have no idea. I guess the better question is, do I believe that government would fake something like that? And the answer is obviously yes, because they faked COVID, right? I think the government totally would fake it. I just... There's a new movie that... It's a lot. I don't think we're smart enough for that. Yes, they are. We're not smart enough to go to the moon. There's a new movie that's coming out actually with Scarlett Johansson. And they pretty much are doing the revelation of method in there because in that movie, it's about everything that went into the moon landing, and then they realize they're not going to make it, so they bring this woman in to fake it, to set up a whole studio. Oh, she's in the thing? She's in the thing. You can look it up Scarlett Johansson moon landing movie, and you're just like, oh, they're just basically telling you what they did. It's insane. Yeah. That's really funny. And at the end of it, she even goes, we should have had Kubrick direct it, which is the big conspiracy. I'm working on a book about it. Yeah, that's funny. When you go back and watch space Odyssey, have you seen that movie? 2001? I believe so. I don't know. Was it Robert DeVole? No, it was Kubrick directed it. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes. And when you watch it, because they've got a new HD version now, that's incredible, right? They remastered and all that other shit. The only thing shitty about it was the monkey costumes at the beginning, which lasts for like 15 minutes. Skip through that bullshit. Yes. I remember that. The moon in the space shots and everything else were just as amazing as anything that's been put out today. And it's incredible. And that movie came out, well, they shot it two years before the moon landing. So out of the realm of possibility, I just don't go down that road that much. And then because I believe in Buzz Aldrin, and I believe he fucks hard. The chat saying that Channing Tatum plays a scientist in this movie. He doesn't. You know it's legit. Come on. Buzz, bring this up. He doesn't even, he doesn't even play magic mic anymore. He can't do math. The name is Fly Me To The Moon. Fly Me To The Moon. Well, you know, after they did the hit and figures movie where they had a bunch of black ladies solving math problems, they were like, oh, they'll believe Channing Tatum does math. I kind of think the two of you guys have been playing together. The more and more you keep talking is the more and more I believe that you guys might be meant for each other. I always wonder why people aren't offended by Wakanda, right? Because it's not true. It's an allegedly marginalized minority, right, throughout all of human history. Allegedly. I believe this bullshit. Yeah. But no, that's not true. They're actually the most technologically advanced people of all time forever. He was Chang's, bitch. Yeah, they are. Oh, man. Everybody was black. That's very weird. Like your group making a fucking slam dunk contest and expecting everybody to believe it's real. Yeah. That's hilarious. Yeah. I mean, a million slam dunk contests will be dope, but shit though. What are you talking about, man? When the European colonias went over and robbed Africa of all of their resources, yes, the people hadn't invented a wheel yet. Yes, they were still living in huts, but they were getting there. They were getting there. Is there a trailer for this movie, Bob? I just saw you pull it up. Is this like this? Is this coming out soon? Yeah. It was on whatever that last page was, I caught it out of the corner of my eye there. We're on Patreon today. It's a bonus show. Fuck it. Play the goddamn trailer. Let's see it. Is this it? Yeah. All right. Yeah. Shit. Fly me to the moon. Is it about faking the moon, lady? Hey, John. Been gold. Miss. You're on fire. Very original. No, I do not want to stop, drop, and roll with you. You're on fire. Oh my gosh. Alcohol and flames. They like each other. Cool, dude. Kelly Jones. Oh, God. That's so bad. He's never been good. Public support for the moon mission is rock bottom. Every day, something is breaking. You know what he doesn't believe in the moon, man. And we're dead. Again. We're blowing up. The space program is a bloated man. Massive, me, a barking specialist, and you are the very best. What do you have to do this? Shit. That's what I'm saying. You know, for a fact, he doesn't believe in the moon. No, he doesn't. I'm joking. Are they going to address the fact that half of the people in this are not in this? Yes. Or how's that going to work? It's not working, man. You're not going to let us smoke it. Not to you. Operation Paperclip. Men are going to be bigger than the Beatles. Who is that? For me, that's a very personal. He's got my name. You told me that your guys don't do interviews, so I had to hire new guys. I'm here for the Justin. Who's he? You. You're a juicy part. 60 missions in Korea. I flew 52 missions in Korea. I flew 52 missions in Korea. How's that? What? Bit. That's good. We'll be watching. We can't afford to lose to the Russians. We need to shoot back up version of the moon landing. You mean to fake it? Wow. No one can ever know what we're doing. I cannot accept them if they will shoot you. What is my budget? Oh, four. I know a lot more about the moon than I know about you. Give me gold, no gold for launch. If you faked this mission, every single thing that we have sacrificed will have been for nothing. You know you couldn't have made it to this day without me. One, two, three, two, one. My Armstrong is a widey little bitch. We have to recast. I think we should have gotten good work. What I say. Oh, this is great. We're literally running about this now. Holy shit. They really couldn't have found somebody. This is a really good idea. Yes. But they put Channing Tatum as the lead male. So you need a worldwide box office star. He's never good. It's just, he's bankable. Well, if you're going to spend the budgets, he's supposed to be an astronaut. I know, dude. Come on, bro. I'm with you. Just get fucking Tom Hardy. Goddamn it, man. Because it's a really great concept. It's a really great trailer. When you're lead, is that stiff? Holy shit. Yeah. Well, you know, if they're going to have a straight white man saving the day, he's got to be gay. Well, Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy gay. Yeah. He talks about taking another man in his mouth. And then they shut down his fucking, his publicist is like, whoa, no more interviews for you. That's why he does not do press at all. Wow. Because he's cool. He's just like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. Like, yeah. That doesn't sound that cool. That doesn't sound cool. Sounds pretty gay. Yeah. But he said it. He goes, dude, I'm in the theater. And it was like, he looked at the interviewer like they were crazy. He was a heroin addict. Yeah. He was like, I'm in the theater. Like, yeah, I was sucking dick. People suck my dick. Yeah. Oh my god. Man, you're gross out by a lot. All right. That's disgusting. Well, I think it's hilarious. That's love. Two dudes fucking each other. That's not love. It is love. Bob, do you want to pull up broke back for her real quick and then I'm kidding. Oh, god. That was the way that was the beginning of the then popularizing gayness for everyone. Not the beginning. Well, they really took it to another level with that movie. Yeah. Queen pretty much started that. But I'm kidding. Harvey Milk. Harvey Milk did. You know, fucking teenage boys. Yeah. He did that soon. That's their hero. Yeah, I did that too. All right, kids. Now, as a point in the show, we get to the drinking bro of the week, which is someone who has inspired you. It helps you become the person you are today. Leonardo. Who do you want to give that to? Oh, the drinking bro of the week. Yeah. Or a bro at could be a girl. Shit. Can you come back to me? I got to think about that. Yeah. Let's go with Lila first. I'm going to say my dad. There you go. My dad is the drinking bro of the week. It's been so awesome. We just recently retired and he's been going to a lot of comedy shows with me as the best laugh. And he definitely loves to drink whiskey. You guys would love him. He served 20 years in the military. And I like to think that I just sustained the injuries he was supposed to have. Sometimes it skips a generation. I do say that. Yeah. And when I'm walking around in the military base, people are always like, "Thank you for your service." And I'm like, "You're welcome." Yeah. Did you tell them? No, I just walk with a limp. They think I got injured. Like, I just go with that. Sweet, dude. Yeah. Do you give like a salute? Yeah. Yeah. Just make the noise. Where did you grow up? Where was your dad in the military? In Hawaii. So he was either Marine or Army? He was Navy. Navy. Navy. What do you do? Worked in submarines? He faked the moon landing. Sure did. Sure did. That's so weird. I'm literally writing about this right now. What's your drinking bro of the week? Shit. You piece of shit. Come on, dude. You know. Shit. My grandma is the drinking bro of the week. Yeah. My grandma FaceTime's me every day. From Albania? Nope. She's in New York with my family. She FaceTime's me just to ask me if I have cooked the beans she gave me on my last trip and made the bean soup. And I'm like... Does she give you beans? What kind of beans are there? She gave me dry white beans and smoked beef and told me this is how you make a nice bean soup. Okay. So when you finally get a husband, you can let him bang you in the butt. Well, you're not going to let him bang you in the butt, so make him a bean soup. You're getting a lot of mixed signals here. Yeah. This doesn't sound great because we found you a nice suitor here and you're not doing yourself any favors with bean soup. Well, you can have bean soup, but you can't have my butthole. Yeah, but then you're-- Shit's not over the house. Well, that's why you can't have my butthole, so... Well, I don't see how that translates. Yeah, me neither. Some people don't care. Some people are into that. Yeah. That's disgusting. Yeah. That a Spanish progressive politician last week. Oh, God. He was eating his own poop. Progressive. That's what progressive means. You eat your own poop. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. It's us. I told you, the whole thing is a perversion. It's a demonic perversion and it's meant to drive us to humiliate ourselves. What whole thing? What you mean? The ass eating. I see that. I don't know. Because my ass led someone to Jesus, so I don't know about it. Well, there you go. See? But it turned it all around, you know? Yep. It was probably visited by demons after that. No, it sure isn't. Give it a shot one night. No thanks. That's all for us. You know what they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Exactly. The road is your asshole. Your asshole. That's what it is. I'm going to pass on that. Thank you very much. Thank you. Have you given it a shot? No thanks. Okay. Yeah. Well, let's keep it out of it. If you're not open to new experiences, that's on you. Maybe that's what taming the truth is about. We should make a modern version where the guy's just trying to convince her to do anal the whole time. The whole time. No, first of all. You're going to love it. You're going to love it. If we were supposed to do that, okay. People that bottoms after I think about 10 years, it's probably less than that, of bottoming have to wear adult diapers for the rest of their life because their anal sphinx doesn't work anymore. Well, it's not like you're doing it every day, unless you're gay. Well, it's just not supposed to be that way, so. Well, we don't know. Okay. We do know. I mean, haven't given it a shot. Playing sports, you get injured too. Exactly. So just jot that down. Yeah. And then if you get injured a ton, you might get drafted by the Falcons in the first round. Yeah. Yeah. Last night was fucking brutal. You can stop tagging me and all that Michael Penic shit. I'm all done. I feel the same way. We're just franchising the history of the NFL, along with the Cleveland Browns. We appreciate you guys being here. Thank you. Tell everybody where they can find you tonight. Tonight we'll be at the Vulcan. Yes. I'm hosting for Alex Stein's comedy show and you will see Leonardo Joni there. So come hang out and we're so excited for the chat wrap meetup. Yeah. He's there who's a listener and you want to ask her about her butthole. Yeah. Feel free. Erick. Don't ask me about my butthole unless you want to get knocked out. Do it. Do it. Erick is there as well. There's a bunch of people tonight. No. Oh yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because we're on tomorrow night's bill. So we'll be there tomorrow night. You can get tickets for it at the Vulcans websites. We go on at six. I think Alex is going on afterwards at seven Shane Cashman for a lot of stuff. There's a panel on election integrity with I think that destiny guy is going to be there so he's just going to get lit the fuck up with everybody and then there's some other things afterwards. I heard Alex Jones and I stopped by. He's definitely going to be there but Rosie and me stop by as well. We'll see. Oh sure. It'll be great. It'll be great. So join us. Big fans. Congratulations on your tours. I follow you on Twitter. Your Twitter is exploded, you're everywhere it seems like and your very large presence. Large presence for a small body. Yeah. Yeah. Proud of you. And only getting bigger. Only getting bigger. Thanks for tuning in kids. Go to iTunes. Rate the show five star. Leave a quick review. Also head on over to Spotify. It's just a five star and you can walk away. For Dan Thudadam, the Hollywood M Ross Patterson, this is the Drinking Bros Hotcast. Good night everyone. [Music] [Music]
