The Manic Candice Podcast
TikTok Ban, My Lawsuit, & Self Help
Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to the Manate Candice podcast. If you grow Candice, back at it again with a brand new episode of the podcast. And today, we're going to discuss my lawsuit, the TikTok ban and self help. So if you haven't been paying attention to my Twitter, which you should, because you would find a lot of information. This song is all over TikTok. It came out yesterday. I'm, I'm like obsessed. It's just like, it's so groovy, you know what I mean? Like, nah, you're done up there. I'm just not, I've listened, hold up. The artist is Tommy Richmond. Anyways, I'm getting sued. Um, well, I'm not sure. That's the thing. I'm still waiting on the papers. I got the threat. Um, and I just want to say, you know, congratulations to the Manate Candice podcast. This is a sign of success. Um, every great celebrity, every great podcaster, Joe Rogan, Tim Dolan, Kanye just, you know, P Diddy. Just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. They all get sued on a daily basis for, for, for any little thing, for any little thing. Raise your hand if you've been mentioned on the Manate Candice podcast. Okay. If you, if you don't see it, what I'm looking at, there's probably about 20 hands raised. And they're not threatening this to me. I'm, I'm being threatened to be sued by this one individual that it's just, it's just really sad. And I just pity, you know, but I'll see you in court. As you can tell, I'm like refraining from saying a lot because I'm going to go to court. Duh. I'm just really annoyed and it's funny. It's funny because it's like, where have you heard ads on this podcast? Like what money are you going to get out of this? It doesn't even matter. So I just want to get into my notes. So how has everybody been? I just want to say thank you for rocking with me and thank you for keeping up with me, even though I haven't been updating the past couple weeks. Not much this month at all. We only had two episodes. I apologize. But the downloads are still there. So thank you so much. I missed you all. I'm sure you missed me. So hold on. I like this song. Like I really like this song. I need Mollie. I love this song. And it's feature. You guys know I love feature. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. I think I need to get tested to see if I'm on the spectrum. I had this thought the other day. I was like, you might be autistic as well. And I'm like, let's add another piece in the salad. You know what I mean? Like what's next? Get to frontia? Like I'm sure that's next. Like that's where things are headed. I'm just kidding. You know, I have been battling mental illness. Well, we all know that. But I've been trying to help myself like really get ahead like get like two steps ahead of my mental illness like and stay there at all times if that's possible. So I'm like, what does it look like? So I've been peeling myself. And what does that look like? So I'll tell you. I've been doing a lot of somatic workouts and what because I have a lot of trauma in my hips because when I was traumatized, my response, because I've been reading books, say, I've been reading books on complex PTSD or childhood PTSD, which is when my traumatic event happened. And I carry a lot of trauma in my hips area. So the right side of my hip is like, there's no range of motion as much. Well, there's not a lot of range of motion is the left side. The left side has a complete range of motion and the like I can do I can move. I can rotate my hips on the left side without any pain on my right side. I can't rotate it because it there's pain. So if I want to turn to the right or turn to the left or walk or bend or pick something up on my right side, I'm going to feel pain. And so I've been doing a lot of somatic exercises and somatic means like having to do with like stretching and like healing your lower back and like your alignment of your spine. I don't know if you just heard that, but or heard that, but that's my neck. And see if I can crack anything else. Yeah. Oh, that was good. Oh, that was good. Okay. Sorry, I had to crack my whole back and my whole neck. It's disgusting, but like, I need to start exercising. So I downloaded this AI app called, I don't know what it's called, but it's like all over TikTok. And so I downloaded it paid for it. And I haven't I used it once took the fitness test bitch. I can't even do a squat. I'm still out of shape. And I don't want to be like skinny and out of shape. Because then like, what's the point? You know what I mean? Like Joe, I was listening to Joe Rogan's podcast last night and he was like, if you can't run away from someone attacking you trying to kill you, like what's the point of being alive? And I was just like, damn, that's true. Like, I, I can't even like, like, I did not yoga. Well, I tried to do this yoga pose called the downward dog where you like put your feet down and your hands down and you like put your butt in the air and your head down. That hurts so bad. And like, I was, I was like trying to breathe and like, everything in my lower back was just cracking. Like, and I feel like all the trauma was just like releasing. But like, it was just cracking. It was just like, it was so painful. So I've been doing a lot of like, stretching exercises that are like really intense. So I call those somatic exercises and I'm doing somatic healing. So a lot of hip healing emphasis. I pray I don't need a hip replacement. I think I'm going to go to a professional because there's, I don't want to like the other day I was working, right? And I was like, I understand how people get addicted to muscle relaxers, to painkillers, because of shit like this, because like, we sit in an unnatural position all day. Most of us, those of us who work nine to five, we're sitting in a chair, that's not natural. Sitting in a chair for eight hours a day, 40 hours a week. And then you go home and then like, you sleep for eight hours and I, so you're sitting here, you're, you're in an inactive position for 16 hours a day. So in the other eight hours is spent what scrolling. Oh, God. So I just need to make and more of an effort to exercise. I hate exercise. I hate it. I hate it. But like, the little, the little amount that I've been doing that I've been able to do with my back hurting is just, like, I can see like a little line in my right thigh, like where muscle is like muscle definition. That's what she called it. I can start saying that, starting to see that I'm just like, Oh, it's nice. It's a nice leg. It's a sexy leg. So I've been doing a lot of emotional healing as well. I realized that like, I am not my emotions. And that was kind of a painful thing to realize because you feel so connected to your emotions. You think that they are you. You think that, how do I explain this? Because it, because to say that you are your emotions is like, well, what does that mean? Your emotions are a reaction to an a stimuli or a so like a trigger. You know, people would be like trigger warning, you know, and you see something and then you have a feeling that's not positive. That's why they say trigger warning. You are not your emotions. Because the stimuli that caused your emotion, like it could, it could be false. It could be like you could be watching a movie. And this that that being a stimuli, it's it's a fake setup. You know, there's actors and there's a script and there's cameras and everything and there's a set. But it still affects you in a way because you allow it to. But that just proves to me that you are not your emotions. So I had to detach from my emotions in order to start healing. Where am I healing from? I'm healing from a lot of things. My past. Things that I did to people that I now feel remorse for. Things that people did to me that I realized that I have the right to feel some type of way. Because I was such a people pleaser that I didn't give myself permission to to to just to give myself justice, where it was needed. Like I allowed myself to stay in spaces where I was tolerated because people were too scared to say anything to me to or I don't know because like once I look back at like people I thought were my friends, people I called my best friends, people I thought that I could tell my deepest darker secrets to or just feel comfortable around people and people who to the outside world would say we were friends, like best friends, like I'm talking like high school people, you know, I realize now I'm my big age of 28 that these people didn't fucking like me. Absolutely, absolutely none of them, none of them. Absolutely not. And it took me like a long time to realize that. And like it just hit me, it just hit me out of nowhere. Yes, like I shit you not like three days ago. I'm like they don't, they didn't like you Candace. And that's okay. Because you know who likes me? Me. And that's all that fucking matters. And it's finally at this point where I like myself. I think I am dope and no one can take that away from me. Not even, not even myself because I already think that it's already solidified in my mind. We're listening to light my fire by the doors. It's just seven minutes song. So I apologize if you just don't want to be involved. Hold on, let me text someone really quick. How was your, how was everybody's like, I know we talked about it last episode, but like how was everybody's like energy been since the eclipse? I've been releasing a lot of pain. And it's been painful. But I've been trying my best to mitigate like what, what is me releasing? What is me healing? And what is a manic episode? And what is depression? It's been hard. You know, my medication for my bipolar disorder got lost in the mail. And I went just like 10 days without medication. I got it last night. I got it yesterday and I finally took it at night. And I just feel, I feel so much better. But Thursday this week, I was like at work crying. And I have those days and you're going to have those days too if you're mentally ill. If you don't have a diagnosis and you have days like that, you're probably dealing with some type of mental illness. Sometimes it goes beyond like PMS, if you're a woman or sometimes it goes beyond like a situation. Sometimes you don't need an excuse to feel the way you do if you feel like shit. But to kind of pivot from all of this and to move on to what else I'm healing from, I'm grieving the life that I thought I was going to have as a child. See, when I was a child, I was left alone a lot because I was the only child. So I had, and I still have the most immaculate imagination I ever that I'm willing to put bet like in the world. Like I can imagine anything. Like I could focus on something I can imagine. It's like AI before AI was a thing like the generator like the picture generator where you can like tell it. I want a can you draw me a picture of Jennifer Lopez running down the block? A crazy girl with her hair all crazy. So it will spit it out. But like so so can my mind. My mind can generate images like really fat. Okay, some of them are bragging about me. But like I think that part of my brain developed because I was alone because I had to entertain myself. In my early years, once I started to go to school, that's when I started to get friends and I wasn't so inside my mind. But like at home, I was alone. That's what people don't realize when you're only a child is that you're alone a lot. But your only socialization is at school. Because you have no siblings. You have no like right now I do have siblings. But like when I grew up, there was nobody. So I have I have a great imagination saying all that to say this. But I imagine a life that was very extravagant. Very unrealistic. Very like if I were just to describe it in a short amount of words, it's like equivalent to winning the lottery. Like for my life to turn out how I imagined it. So now I don't feel so bad. Because I think that's because I've done my grieving. Like the other night I was crying and I was like, I feel like I have no purpose. I feel like I have like what am I doing? What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? Am I just working? Am I just paying bills? Am I just working? Waiting to die? Waiting to age? You know? And that reality because it is a reality. It's it's a it's when you look it's sometimes I don't like being smart because you look at things too logically. And you realize, you know, I am just here on borrowed time. You know? And that's the thing that really bothers me about life is we really don't know how long we're going to get here. So we better make the most of it and try not to be a bad person. At least that's my philosophy. Hey, I have a philosophy took years to develop. Because I just a lot of thinking a lot of thinking. I'm I realized that it's a trauma response to think like to for your for your thinking to become your worrying. And I just I just been realizing that everything that I do is a trauma response like keeping my room cluttered is a trauma response. Over eating is a trauma response. I hope that is a good song. You got it. You got it. This is Gwen Stefani. Okay. The girl that you Gen Theres make fun of. This is Gwen Stefani. Oh my god. I asked for this album because this is when she went solo from no doubt. Hold on. Pop trivia. 2000s edition. Okay. So one Christmas, I turned eight years old or I was eight years old. So this was 2003. Christmas. And so she. You guys know who I do. Okay. Back to what I was saying. So Christmas 2003. I asked her this album. My mom buys it for me. Of course. And every track is a hit. It's a hit. It's a hit. She's got Holoback girl on here. She's got luxurious on here. She's got crash. She's got it's it's like this is to me. This was art pop. The before art pop was art pop. It's like that makes sense. Um yeah. I'm gonna paint the album cover because it's so sick. Anyway. L. A. M. B. So get here. ASAP is gonna be a party. Okay. So I've also well back to grieving the life that I imagined that I would have as a child. And it didn't help that everyone just inflated my ego. Everyone said I was the smartest. Everyone said I was you know the prettiest. Everyone I said they didn't say I was the fattest, which was true as I was a little girl. Um people would say like you should be a model like as a little child. Not as a girl. Not as like a eight year old, but I'm talking like three, four, five, two, three, four, five people were like you should. I mean I was even pushed in like auditions for like commercials and like I mean competing against thousands of children for a commercial. They were probably making CP with the art or our audition tapes or something. Like what the because no one no one got a commercial. Nobody got a commercial but everybody showed up and oh we all signed up for lessons. That was the thing. They all sold this out for lessons so I wasn't acting lessons. I was in modeling lessons. I was in like etiquette lessons. I was in all these type of lessons and then like I think I just realized that like the world doesn't like fat girls. So I was just like I will never be a model. I will never be an actress because actresses and models aren't fat. So I just like I just like left that world. So like now I'm healing that. Like I'm healing like because I'm healing just the thought that like people like I guess I'm healing my ego, a broken ego I guess you could say. I would say that I'm healing a broken ego. Because like as a child when you're just praised like that and you're just giving in on top of that you're giving everything you've ever wanted without question. Like you don't have to work for it. Like I was a brat. I was a spoiled fucking brat and like oh god. I was entitled and I thought that life was going to happen for me and I wouldn't have to work for it. And my work ethic because of I would say drugs because of my drug use has suffered ironically. But just like the interruption that I did to my life is what caused a delay in me like how I'm positioned now is how I should should have been positioned when I was 21. I have high expectations for like a 21 year old. No I would say 24. Like how is that how like how financially stable I am now. Like how smart I am at spending. I'm not the smartest like but I was pretty dumb. I was I was really dumb two years ago. I was really really fucking dumb. I mean like I've had I'm talking overdraft fees. I'm talking like I'm talking like couldn't afford anything because everything was being spent on like things that didn't matter and things that were um very disposable like marijuana. Um moving on from the grieving. I'm healing how I view and interact in relationships because I think I am the problem half the time in relationships like I look back and I justify why a friendship ended or why a relationship ended or like a romantic one. Um and I sometimes I can't justify it because it's my fault and like sometimes and then I'm stuck there wishing like I wish I could fix it. I wish I could go talk to this person. I wish I could say hello but I can't because I did this. Um so I'm I'm not just healing how bad I feel about it. Like the remorse part. I'm just healing the root of the cause of the problem. Okay well how do you interact in relationships that's causing you to have them end in the first place. So I how I'm doing this you guys is like self-help books and I think like that. Um I'm healing my inner critic. I'm healing my need for external validation. I'm healing the way I talk to myself with negative thoughts. Um all of this work the past I would say two months um or three months it's like February I would say no two months it's April. Um it's resulted in a decrease in the consumption of marijuana. Like my overall consumption is it has decreased like at least like 25% like a good 35 to 35% a decrease. Um I'm not my overeating has decreased because I would like soothe myself with like excess and like excess food you know. Um and I had this really really bad creative block that is finally coming undone because I have a painting that I started last night. I'm gonna go and finish once I upload this episode. Um hold on you guys need to hear this. That was like so deep. Anyway we're almost done here guys. I miss you so much. Marijuana is a crutch for me so I'm glad that like me healing myself is like you know and me healing myself is like all instinctual. I don't have anyone telling me what to do. I'm just kind of winging it. I'm buying books. I can share with you what books I'm buying and in like a future episode or maybe I can break break it down or like all the books all my self-help books or like something like that. Um thank you for listening. I was gonna get into like something else but we hit our 30-minute mark. I really missed you guys. I really promise I'm gonna try harder not to be away from me. Um but this is the season of the witch. It's the season of the mania, season of depression at least for me. So just help me hang in there and pray for me you know send me good vibes and thank you for listening. Please share this episode with your friend family and your followers and I bid you would do. Bye-bye. She said we can work without the perks. Get it? Get it? Okay just me? Okay. All right. Bye. Oh I realized we didn't talk about the TikTok band. So really really quick. Really really quick. Um the TikTok band isn't about safety or control. It's about money. No American company can can share any money from it or profit any money from it. Um because it's an app based in Singapore owned by a Chinese company called ByteDance. Um politicians want to own it and profit off the shares. They want because like they would be the first ones to be able to buy. Like like if they if TikTok sells to the US which means to a US company which like the government would have like control of the company or would have some type of like stake in the company or they would regulate the company to make them give them money or make or sell to members of like Congress or something. Like like for example Nancy Pelosi she's famous for this. She's absolutely famous for like pumping and dumping stocks and making millions of dollars like on a weekend because she pumped to stop pumping up the stock. Allegedly allegedly don't want fucking Nancy Pelosi in her husband fucking coming after me. Oh my god all these lawsuits can't take it. It's just me and my vibrator against the world you guys. But yeah the TikTok man it's about money. Um and if it's the most popular app and it's keeping Americans on their phone for average of 90 minutes a day just on TikTok. Of course they would want to invest in that not only control it but they would want to profit off of the ad revenue. They would want to profit off of your creative fees. Um people who make money that there's a fee that goes to TikTok. People make a lot of money on TikTok just have just think how much commission TikTok makes off of their creators and the US is getting none of that. So just food for thought. Um and one point that I want to make too is that there's going to be the next new and popular social media platform and whatever that's going to be it's currently being formulated right now. I guarantee that it's the it's the races on but like whatever it's going to be you're going to have a chance to like go viral. You know what I mean? You're going to have a chance to like be famous or be whatever famous whatever the name of the app is. You know so think about it that way and start making content to post and like you know if that's your thing if that's what you want to do like get ready because you're gonna have a chance to be popular because it's like a race. Anyway that's all I had. Thank you for listening and I will catch you on the next episode in the I'm the man at Kenneth's podcast. Bye bye.