We Are Douchebags
The Epic Return Of Mike The Accountant From We Are Assholes
Hello guys and welcome to another delayed episode of Weird douchebags. Everything is kind of fucking and weird, but they will get right back on track in a few weeks I hope. Today we have the nasally challenged accountant Mike back on the show along with pay finding out his sexuality, CJ that is too busy fangirling over Mike and Andre, saying nothing of value as always, we hope you enjoy and have a good one. Does it count down whenever? I am recording. Are you recording Andre? Alright, in three, two, one. I wasn't paying attention. Can you do that again? Keep that in please. Yeah, I will. Okay, in three, two, one. You guys club? Yes. Yeah. Okay, good. Welcome to We are douchebags. The show where we are douchebags. I am your host CJ school and my gender pronouns are they, them and identify as race, gender and biggest controversies fluid. Hello, my name is Pave as in pavement. My gender pronouns are concrete because I'm rock hard. And if you weigh over 300 pounds, do not talk to me. I'm Andre. My pronouns are that nigga, and identify as a peanut butter cliff bar. And this week we're joined by the one and only Mike the accountant. Hello there. I'm the husband podcaster that no one wanted to ever hear again, but here I am. Sadly, it's nice to have you on. That was so cute. That was so cute. You said hello there. I mean, I got emoji vibes. He kind of does sound like a nerd emoji. I was going to wait a minute because I thought we were going to get into the things we hate and I'm pretty sure he was going to like diss me when he was doing that. So I was going to wait until then. I think we need to have a moment of silence. We lost a legend recently. Have you guys been paying attention? The guy that killed O.J. Simpson's wife just died and honestly, good riddance. Well, first of all, the glove did not fit. I mean, he must have quit. Exactly. And that's what the first time the government did anything right ever. Because O.J. was like a beacon to men that there was some help in this world. And he lost him too soon. Too soon. He was black too, so he had much more of a likely of a chance to lose that case. Yeah, Andre, do you have any words? Maybe you can say I'm in rhyme. I thought it was not in rap, but I think he used to hope that he died on gun and that he got away with it. That trial was kind of entertaining to read about. Yeah, I was about to say you say that like you were alive watching it. Yeah, it was just about to say if you let me finish. I was just alive during that time. That HBO special about it was real cool. Oh, you were alive back then? During the HBO special that came out like two years ago? No, no, no, like breathe there when you were watching it. Like when it happened. Yeah, it kind of gave me help that maybe one day I could get away with it too. Who'd you kill? Maybe that bitch that keeps like yelling at you through the phone? Like what? Would you kill that bitch that keeps yelling at you through the phone at your job? See, you don't remember it properly. Is all the bitches to type in all caps because it feels like you're yelling at me. And that's every woman who ever works any office job ever because they are retarded and don't know what caps locks is. First of all, Mike, you are right now are sounding like a woman. Like you want us to remember this obscure fucking detail from like three months ago. Like, oh, you don't remember everything. Yeah, you're going to make a reference to a joke. Maybe you should actually make like the proper reference. Otherwise only the fucking reference that you fucking retard. This is why your show is struggling and it has no listeners. It's not struggling. Okay, it's inconsistent. It's a flow. So it's not struggling. Second of all. I don't really have another point, but your first point was new. Um, I'm sorry. I'm sick. Okay. Pave. Yes. That brings me into the thing I hate. I'm sorry. I made fun of you for being sick. Like two times in a row and I called you a pussy because now it happened to me. I really don't give a shit. Okay. What do you hate this week, babe? I hate my dreams. I've this whole week. I've been having. No, he gives a fuck about you. Okay, let me explain. There was a dream right where we got big and we got sent to a panel. Oh, this is like the saddest thing I've ever heard. Hold on. And I remember CJ and Andre sitting next to me and all of a sudden, I remember CJ's head just exploding. Like he got JFK. That's all I remember before I woke up and then that's when I knew we needed to get the show popular so that that dream can come true. I was going to say, I don't think that was a dream. I think that was a vision and the Jews assassinated me for exposing the truth. Could either be the Jews or like, I don't know, a homeless person because you really love to talk shit about them. I don't talk shit about homeless people. Yes. No, never mind. You're right. I don't like poor people. Old people. Black people. It could have been any number of people, honestly. I do talk a lot of shit on this show. But who would be more likely to kill you? Honestly, probably a black person. I think the Jews. I don't think a Jew would pick up a gun. It hurts my own world. Honestly, like gay people. There's some news reports that I would beg to differ. You know what? You're right about that. I don't know. I think you say it. Happy birthday. Happy birthday. That's all I see. It's called X now. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm not a faggot, so okay faggot. Andre, what do you hate? I don't know. I don't really hate anything this week. Again. Dude, again? What the fuck? Nothing's been happening, bro. Bro, get a job. I have a job. I have a job. I was born a job. But nothing happened. I hate your fucking job. I hate your fucking job there. I hate your fucking job there. I hate your fucking job there. I hate your fucking job there. You'd have something to hate. Good one, bro. I mean, I'm not wrong. I'm not wrong. You are wrong. Where do you work? Like KFC or something? Okay. Oh my gosh. That's as much chicken as I want. Did they build that Popeyes yet in your town? They bended that, bro. What about a cane? They bended that too. Like a while ago. Why don't you go work at one of those places? It's kind of small. Yeah, like $15 an hour now. What is that? Yeah. It's like big boy money for you people. Hell no. What is this? It's like crazy. It's like crazy people. It's like crazy people. I hate people. I hate people. Do you even get benefits at your job, Andre? Yeah. I wish I could say the same about this fucking job. Shut the trash up, bro. All I get is like free sushi every like three months. What? You're welcome, by the way. Yeah. Randomized pebuses. I don't know. That's what CJB's paying me. You know, this isn't his contract and he took it. So that's on him. All right. What about you, CJB? What do you hate this week? I already told you what I hate, douchebag. Yeah, but no one was listening to say it again. I hate you. Fucking Mike. That's it. Okay. No reason. Yeah. I don't like his voice. Why not? Sounds like he has like a brain up his nose. What about you, Mike? What do you hate this week? Okay. So I hate like little like passive aggressive bitches who like ask you to do something for them and then you're like, yeah, sure. Yeah, I'll do that for you. And then they're like, maybe you should be a little more prepared unlike last time. You know, it's got to like just kind of like a rude shitty thing to say to someone that's like doing something for you, like offering you something, give you something like, you are like lacking, you know, how do you, what do you think about that, CJ? Dude, don't you just hate those type of people? That sounds oddly specific. Did something happen to you at work or something like, yeah, I was not working on it. And for me, I was like taking, I was taking like a shit, oh, looking at my phone and like yeah, classic Andre thing to do. This guy was like, Hey, hey, you should, you should come on my show. I was like, yeah, sure. And then he's like, maybe be a little more prepared this next, next time. Last time. I was like, what the fuck, nigger? That's not how I remember it happening at all. But okay. What's your side of the story? My side of the story is this old washed up like podcaster is living vicariously through his younger, hotter replacements. So he hits me up on discord and he's like, have you guys done an episode of game or gate to you yet? And I was like, no, low. What's going on? Because I don't, I don't know what that is. I'm not caught up on internet drama. I'm a grown man. But you are on my funny, like, kill yourself and you know what I do. Kill yourself again. I have more important things to do. And then he told me what it was. And then, yeah, and then, I don't think I even did. I think I just said you like one screenshot of, you didn't even send me a screenshot. Right. This is what I'm going to do right now. I don't believe you. I'm looking at my deals as well and I could read them words from her. He just left. I think he disconnected. Probably actually doesn't know how to use. Yeah, it doesn't know how to use that. But okay, now that he's gone, I could make up whatever I want about it. So yeah, he was saying that as his young sexier replacements, we should really talk more about like something that he wanted to talk about, but he didn't really have a platform to talk about it anymore. He's in the gym. My Discord crashed. Okay. We thought, we thought, like, I just raised that. Yeah, you got bad because you were getting destroyed in this furious debate. Yeah, I said, I'll let you know how it goes unless you want to come on again since you're so well educated on the topic. Well, now I don't want to talk about it. And then you said you record Friday nights, right? And I was like, yeah, and you said, yeah, I should be free this Friday night. If you want to do it another week, just give me a blah, blah, blah. But as you could see, I didn't ask you to come on the show directly. It was more, more so kind of like, oh, if you want to, like you're thinking about us, I could tell that you want to, you want to like it's your, your podcasting vocals again. So I was more a favor towards you and I was just giving you advice to be more prepared because I'm just a nice guy. No, I was just thinking you guys have been struggling a while and you need like some like, actual content for once and instead of like, instead of like, this guy talking about like his dreams, this other guy, I don't remember what he said, what was kind of boring. And then you, who's kind of just like a skin walker of PJ, but really you're kind of more like Andrew. Okay. So yeah, we'll get into the spreadsheet. I'll continue. Anything else, man? Yeah, I was waiting for you to like continue, but I don't even remember what I was going to say. You completely took the wind out of my sails. Oh, another thing you expect me to have listened to your show before coming on. Yeah, you fucking dumbass, you could have at least listened to the episode you were on. You can pitch the show, you're like, oh, it's kind of just like we are assholes. So like, why do I need to listen to that? I did the show for like two years. Is your spiritual successor? Okay. You wouldn't want to like, you think actors don't want to see the reboots of the movies they were in. I wouldn't. Do you think Toby McGuire is watching an Andrew Garfield in fucking Tom Holland? Yeah, to be fair, Harrison Ford has yet to watch any one of his movies. Exactly. And I'm the Harrison Ford of podcasting. Thank you. I wouldn't say that much. You're the you're the Amy Schumer podcasting. That makes more sense. The Puerto Rican Amy Schumer of podcasting, I'm the Jeffrey Epstein of podcasting. Perfect. Yeah, seem to kill your pedophile. No, no, no, pedophiles pay me to get laid. But you get some on the side. Was it a proven obscene fucking kid? I mean, you wouldn't like if you were in that position, what? I'm not saying I would. I'm saying he like he wouldn't like I doubt he wouldn't. Why would I want to damage the goods? I'm selling. Oh my God. Holy shit. It's like a drug dealer, you don't get any of your goods. That's when it all falls apart. But okay. That's when Tony Montana. It's kind of true. Yeah. See the black guy gets it. Just like in a scarf instance. Yeah. On to the video of the podcast. That is. No, Diddy. Oh, the other black pedophile. Yeah. Did you guys at least do an episode on Diddy's court case? We did straight speak on that. So the other show. It's the other show where I'm not in it. Just just. Yeah. Yeah. The other one that's better than this much better. Honestly, yeah, I've said it over and over again. That show is going to be the one that blows up if any. How many listeners do you have on that? It's the same feed retard. Yeah. But you take the downloads every week, like, how many less downloads a street speaker? Actually, I think that one gets more, but that's not important, babe. Keep editing our show. Okay. Not like I have a choice. Yeah. So what did we talk about last week? Jobs or? Yeah. What was the winner of last week? The podcast. Okay. In a room, yeah. Well, it's my job, asshole, being an editor without pay. It was up next to puppy groomer. Yeah. I guess because it's because I'm a furry so funny, I want to fuck animals, I guess. No, you just want to go. All right, so this week, we're going to be talking about the biggest controversy. Oh, I accidentally spoiled the mystery category. Whoopsies. You do this every episode. Dude, I forget why the fuck don't you guys are my good? You're the one that makes the spreadsheet. Yeah, my bad. Okay. You can just right click and hit hide on the spreadsheet and it'll hide the whole row. Oh, no, because they need to see the score. Okay. Oh, yeah, Vegeta. What do you think of the new spreadsheet that CJ like so-called fixed it, like when you came on? It's disgusting. Like what? No. Why are the medium numbers not yellow? It's supposed to go from green to red. It's so offensive to the fucking eyes, bro. It is so nasty to look at. And mine. Mine. Yeah. Very natural. Yeah, mine. Your shit makes you feel emotions. Yours is like, oh, cool. Exactly. This is professional. Yeah. This is professional. You're an accountant. You probably look at shit like this all day. You know that you don't want to have sore eyes when you're done looking at your fucking spreadsheets. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're doing a show, you do, because you want to be high energy, really focus. You want everything stimulated and your brain all fucked up by the end and you just want to kill yourself. That's how you do a good show. Does this spreadsheet not make you want to kill yourself? Makes me want to go to bed. Well, it's a good thing nobody sees them except for us, huh? Yeah. For some reason. Feel it, you feel the energy radiating from the spreadsheet. No. You know what? Like, fuck you. Your shit is so ugly to look at literally when you showed me. I don't know what I was expecting when you sent us your original spreadsheet, but I was expecting some god tier spreadsheet. Like I thought it was going to change my life because being a listener of we are assholes. Like I had this like picture of my in my mind, like, oh, it probably, I thought it looked like something like this, right? Something professional, nice to look at, very like compact, organized and no, yours is a complete mess. Let me call it one of my spreadsheets and compare fat and stubby, minus long and thick and yours was just like fat and short and gross and like squared off. Nobody liked it. That's why your show failed. This is why our show is going to succeed. I'll be comparing penises for a second. What happened? I said, I thought you were comparing penises for a second. The way you were describing it. This is probably bigger than mine. I mean, he did get raped. He got raped for a reason. That's all I'm going to say. Did you have a suspiciously sized bulge in your pants tonight? You got raped? Probably. I don't remember. You said probably. Okay, so while he pulls up his ugly spreadsheet, I don't remember the Google I use for it. I think it's somewhere in the Discord. If you want to keep scrolling up, if you want to keep scrolling up, if you want to keep scrolling up. Oh, yeah. I found it. Okay. All right. All right. So this week, biggest controversies from least controversial to most controversial. We have D one launch operation, wet back Metro versus Drake Epstein exposed gamergate. The beans incident January six nine 11 black lives matter. And at the top spot, the Israel and Palestine war and up across the top for the attributes. We have yapping intellect reading math trout population, the bronze legacy Kanye home and scottop Twitter hashtag. We are douchebag approval, whack, cry more pussy for any face education, Mike from accounting and anger. Do we have any questions about any of the categories for the week? Can you explain to me the beans incident? So oh my God, his ugly ass spreadsheet. Okay. Yeah. Oh, if you want to talk about my spreadsheet for a second, I have a question about your spreadsheet before you get into the beans incident. So how much like what's like the top like controversy when you don't have like a rank column that like ranks it for you? Are you talking? How much listen, no, tell me that you don't need that, Joker. You're a fucking dumb man. It's numbered, bro, on the left side, it goes from least to most. If you look at the right side of the score, it's in order except for the mystery category, which is excluded, but it's not that hard, man. Your shit is all fucking order, bro. You're doing no puzzles, you're literally causing brain rot. Your she goes, your she goes seven, three, six, one, two, ten, five, nine, yes, what's the issue? How are you? How are you? I'm fucking going to talk shit about my spreadsheet, bro. It's so ugly. Yeah. You look real quick. Andrew's a fat recharge, number one. Andrew's a pedophile, number two. Andrew's a virgin, number three, but all that shit's in the middle of the spreadsheet. It should be at the top. It's taking you forever to find it. Hey, look, look back at my spreadsheet. Are you looking at it? Yeah. No, no, I'm talking to Mike. Oh, yes. Are you looking at my spreadsheet? Yes. What's number four on your spreadsheet? I'm not looking at my spreadsheet. Well, if it's so easy, you should have remembered it. All right. No, I change change change. What are the numbers in yours even moves? Change one of the numbers in mind. Yeah. What number do you want me to change? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make, make Jan six the top one. Make it the top one. Yeah. Just put a hundred in one of the columns. Oh, OK, it doesn't move. So not, not how are you supposed to know what's the top one? Oh, what are you talking about? Yeah. What the computer are you now, what retort? That one. That one, plus he won't. Yeah, but all the colors went away, kind of messed it up. No, because the colors are based on the max and minimum so that we know what we're looking at. It changes in real time. That's right. Yeah. That's how it is. Oh, it's okay. It's already now. Okay. Look, you're ugly ass chart, bro, that like you have one chart over in the corner. Yes. You are asshole shit in the top right. I'll admit I should probably have a we are douchebags somewhere on here, but like there's a fucking map for no reason. What does that correlate to? The GDP, there's not even a GDP attribute. I think that was our number of listeners. So you can see in China was green. So that means we had mostly Chinese. Oh, I'm so happy for you guys. Probably download the download, Mike was fucking bought, bought farming for his ego. In reality, they had five listeners just like us, I mean, to be fair, we have listeners across the world. We have one in Sweden, Japan, Liberia, Albania, Albania, fucking whatever. He reached out to us on Twitter on Instagram. Did you have an Instagram, Mike? No, we weren't pedophiles. We weren't trying to like room underage kids on our social medias. The only reason that you think that it's for underage children is because you're old and you probably still use like fucking Snapchat. Actually, I was just thinking that before I come on the show, I was like, do you Snapchat is dead? I think I should delete it. Yeah, I should because I told you, he's out of the time. But sometimes I still get tits on there. So I was like, I don't want to delete it, but let's get that shit to your ass and pass, bro. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wasn't it? Was it Snapchat or Tinder, the reason that you got your nudes leaked? Sorry if I don't remember before. So I met them on Tinder and they leaked it up. I sent it on Snapchat. I didn't want to go away from a freshly 18-year-old's, right? She wanted the 18-year-old who still hadn't graduated yet, so they're as vulnerable as possible. So we could pick them up from high school? I wanted what April of senior year, that's like perfect age, right before prom. Oh, did you take them to prom as like a 23-year-old man? I won't make a comment on the season complete a bit. Brofucking stuttered, bro. Now that we went spreadsheet for spreadsheet and we proved that mine's better, we definitely won that for sure. Yes. For sure. Mine has more personality. No, it doesn't, bro. Personality years is so corporate, so boring. It's not even, it's like a failure of what corporate should be. The colors are all ugly, like mismatched, like an eyesore. It's not even ranked, it's probably. Why are you talking about this? There's literally a ringtone with that number each one. Yeah, but they're not in order. You have to like, okay. You know how disorientated it is to see like the fucking rose chains as you're doing a show? Changing numbers? Mmm. Mm-hmm. Not bunker. For sure. Listen, whatever helps you sleep at night. Sorry, it was like two years of that. God. I'd probably lose my mind too. Yeah, no wonder you wanted to kill yourself, having to look at this shit, fuck. What is operation wet back? That was a CIA operation where they were supposed to deport all the Mexicans, and I put that on there because I thought it's so funny that the government had an actual like program and they called it like operation wet back. So they named it like a slur, though, it'd be like having an operation nigger where they freed all the slaves. Oh, you answered my question about the beans incident. Oh, the beans and, yeah, sorry, we're going spreadsheets or spreadsheets. Yeah. Oh, the beans, why don't you explain that, what that is, Mike? Dude, no. That was like all, every episode's like a blur to me. I'm just wondering if it kept saying beans over over again and getting angry. Okay. So I think it was when Mike was still relatively new to we are assholes, they, they were talking about some shit and Andrew just started saying beans over and over again. And then PJ, the former host of that show got super pissed off and he made it worse and Andrew, being a stubborn little pussy, kept like locked, like locking in and saying beans over and over again. So it ruined the show and I couldn't listen to it my first time around. But after listening to it three or four times, I think it's one of my favorite episodes now. I mean, I couldn't even get to the beans part. It was still hard for me to listen to, but I guess I have to look back to it then. Yeah, you should listen to it like five times while you're playing Minecraft. Now I'm going to do it at the gym. Oh, I wouldn't recommend that. The only episode I really remember is we are retards. We just didn't have down syndrome for 45 minutes. That was a good one. After the third or fourth listen as well, I couldn't listen to that shit my first time. What is the January six? What does that mean? Are you retarded? How about that? Hello? I don't know. What is it? Country, brother. Yeah, wasn't that when I was attacked, Israel or something? Yeah, you fucking dumped shit. Oh, I didn't know that. Okay, I'm going to, we're going to use the spreadsheet here for context clues. I saw Trump. Do, do you remember that? No. When the captain was overrun, my protesters, me and firefighters, that's where the controversy is. I think they were heroes. Andre clearly doesn't. I don't think they were torn up. Why, why? So you think people shouldn't revolve against the government when they steal the election? Is that? I mean, the election wasn't stolen. Do you think, like, they don't cheat on every election? Do you think we've ever had a legal election since, like, the foundation of our country? Are you retarded? I think Trump won legitimately, but that might be it. Dude, dude, dude, dude, shut up. You've got a law. Do you think if you don't cheat, you deserve to be president? Only cheaters. If you're not cheating, you're not trying to be prospective. You have to want it that bad. Yeah. Like, if you really care about, like, this country and the American people, you could do anything to win. So really, if Biden didn't cheat, he shouldn't be president and actually kind of disgusting that if he, if he won the presidency, like, legitimately, Hillary was supposed to win in 2016 because she was cheating too, but she didn't cheat hard enough, so Trump accidentally won, like, legitimately. And that's how you know Hillary wouldn't have been a good fucking president, because if she can't even plan cheating, right, like, what the fuck would she have been able to do this country? No, Trump, no, Trump deserved it. He cheated fair and square. He got the version involved. Mm-hmm. Oh, that's true. I forgot about that. Yeah, Putin was getting all those, uh, on a Facebook box to vote for Trump. Biden also got dead people to vote for him. I thought that's pretty sick. Yeah, see, you have to be that willing and all the illegals that he's bringing over to help him win this time again. This man deserves it. Yeah. He's a true American hero. Absolutely. See now one though, unfortunately, yeah, get her done. I think he's just on a different plane that you guys don't quite understand yet. Yeah, called being an old bastard. No, when he like stumbles over his words, he's speaking in tongues. It's just a heavenly speech that you guys don't quite get. Do you get it? No. Yeah, I actually do. I understand it. That's fine. Well, all I remember from the January 6 incident is that one woman getting popped between the eyes. Yeah. And then those people trying to climb, those, those like fucking, they were, oh, an athletic people trying to climb the walls and just fucking falling down on the ground. Yeah, if it was us, we would have, if it was like five minutes, we would have taken it over. Yeah, for sure. I mean, if I was there, like Congress would be very empty right now. You know, that's all they're saying by every woman over there, they would be complaining. The old ladies, hey, you take what you can get. The trailer trash. See, this is why you guys are lacking in bitches because like you're too picky and kind of just. Oh, yeah, that's true. I am a bit picky with my bitches. I'm not really a fan of gonorrhea fat bitches. So like we're having standards. Yeah. Just close her eyes and put it in there. You'll be fine. Is that what she told you? Yeah. Oh, that kind of reminds me of one pave. When I was exposed really early on in this show that he was supposedly having sex with a woman, but it was actually a tranny and he lied and he was caught up in all these lies about how there was like candlelight and you couldn't see well. But supposedly it was too dark for him to see any very plainly described what actually happened. Do you remember that? I remember it very vividly. Wait. So, so, so your lie was you didn't know they were a tranny at the time. I did not know. Okay. Explain this to me. So, well, a couple drinks, I meet this, um, one of two dreams you can't, you can't tell someone has a penis. No, see, even he knows you're a fucking lightweight, babe. He's never even. I caught him in a liar. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's also a lightweight, just so you know, one beer he's on his ass. Big ass head of his, I don't know how that's possible. Okay. So, yeah, a couple drinks and a man came up to you. Yeah. And, um, you know, I don't really discriminate on appearances. I had a nice smile. Okay. So, yeah. Hey, smile. They had pretty big tits, not going to lie. Nice mustache. If you carry tits, we're doing hairy arms. The hairy arms was kind of a red flag for me, but I didn't really, I was like, ah, she's probably a Mexican, you know, because every Latina has fucking hairy ass arms. So, um, get a little bit more drinks in me. Uh, they take me to, uh, their place. Nice. Wait, so wait, you thought a woman would come up to you? I mean, he's a good looking guy. Yeah. And I wouldn't be surprised. Anyways, they take me home, um, and go to their room at, they turn off all the lights, set up some candles. Yeah. And, wait, that already does, that didn't sketch you out. No, woman's going to put that much effort into like having sex with a man. But you're looking back at it, maybe you're forgetting. Go ahead, CJ. The thing is, is that, uh, so you, you forget that hosts love candles. Yeah. Yeah, but they are going to do the work themselves. They're going to like expect you to do it for them, but I could see where he's coming from thinking like, Oh, this thing already like went through the effort of bringing me like home to its place, like, it's trying to have a nice night. Maybe it would light some candles. Like I might be. No, but from his perspective right now, he still thinks this is a woman. So that's where I like the disconnects. Hmm. It's happening. It felt like one. So like, once I, once I see the dam, set it up the candle, oh yeah, that's a man. Okay. They don't want, they don't want you to smell the anal. So they're setting up the candle. Exactly. I thought they were queefing, but thinking back at it was probably something else. Oh god. Okay. Maybe the candles were lit up for a reason. Did you get shit, dude? Uh, rather not say, so you found out, isn't it? No, I mean, I had a, it wasn't the Rachel, I had a condom. So I kind of just took it off and threw, I didn't really look at it once I was done. Maybe. Hmm. Are you thought it was a woman and you use a condom? Yeah. Are you retarded? That's not like for the bros. Oh, for the bros. Well, it ended up working out, didn't it? You know what the kids did give me the condom. So that was kind of weird too. Oh yeah. A woman never has a condom on her ever. I should have had another red flag. Yeah, but it was a great night and they kicked me out of the house straight after that. Ew. How'd you find out though? I found them on Tinder and then I saw a trans flag. Wait, wait, so wait, you, you didn't find out during the sex? No, I did not. I didn't know for like the longest. Wait, wait, how were you having sex where you didn't see the, see the penis at all? It was dark, man. I'm going to say you didn't see the penis. Yeah, but what, what you're having sex, you're not like touching down there? No. What? Why would he care? He's there to nut and that's it. Yeah. Wait, so, wait. Fuck the other person. But you didn't feel like their balls like bounce on you when you fucked them? No. I don't know. They were really tiny. You know what I'm paying attention to. It's a small detail. All right. Something about this story isn't added up. There's a lot of like weird details like I just don't believe. I think he's, no, no, no, here's what's happening. You know how like your mind will like leave out details from traumatic events? That's what this is. Was it really not traumatic? He felt the balls bouncing against his like pelvis area, but he just, he blocked it out. He doesn't want to remember that he only wants to remember the tight hole. Maybe I was just too drunk. I think what it is he, he wanted to tell the story on the podcast, but didn't want to seem like a faggot for fucking a man that could also be it. I mean, who's the real faggot? The guy fucking a trans or the guy getting raped by a woman. I don't think the guy fucking a tranny. Yeah, I'm going to have to side with Mike. This might be the one time ever, but yeah, you're a pretty big faggot for that, bro. Sorry. Oh, well. I guess I'm going to have to change my bio on Instagram from straight to body. That would actually be pretty funny. You probably get more girls hitting you up if you did that. No, you wouldn't bro. Stop fucking lying to him. Oh, no. It's up. Are you guys live in a dude? You guys live in a college town or near near a college town? I would say so. Would you call where I live a college ton or no? I mean, we have a college here, but I don't know if I'd call it a college top. No, I wouldn't call it where you're at a college town. No. Oh, no. I swear to God, like every college bitch I've ever like gone out with is like, let's go to the lesbian or gay bar. They really love bye guys. No, they don't. Yeah, they only say that to try. They try to seem like woke, but if they're married a dude and he's like, oh, I'm bye by the way, they would feel so disgusting. I'm not talking about marriage. I'm talking about like, no, okay, for fucking even that, I don't know, like getting fucks by a dude who's had his back blown up. I feel like that wouldn't turn a grill on. No, you just lie and say you're the top always. Oh, you know from experience, they want a man who can dominate another man. How did they blow you into that? They wouldn't believe you though. You got the twink filled and do you still have long hair? Yes. I mean, they could probably see you as a trans yourself. No, they're really into me. Every chick with a nose ring always compliments my hair. I was thinking about growing my hair out too, but I don't know. My hair used to be really long and luscious, but we need to get back into the spreadsheet, the heart of this show. You've been yapping for too long. You've been yapping for too long. You've been yapping for too long. Fairly even talk about... Yeah. Sound familiar, Mike? Mmm. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, okay. Can you explain to me gamergate, um, Vegeta? I don't really want to anymore. Sorry. Okay, we could change that to, uh, we could change this to... See, the only reason I want to talk about it is because I want to do like a whole speech about alluding to Israel versus Palestine, and... But then the punchline being, I'm talking about gamergate, and that was kind of gonna be the joke, but CJ had to talk about Israel Palestine already in the podcast, so it was kind of just like, oh, it's not really funny anymore. Fuck that bitch joke, bro. You could still... You could still do it. No, it's not. It's passed. Okay, man. Yeah. That's fine. I changed gamergate to a spreadsheet gate, because that's a big controversy that we talked about for like 10 minutes. Where is the intellect up to 15? To 15? Yeah. But... I mean, I guess you're right in terms of like, my side of this, but he's so fucking retarded that he brings it down that much. Aw, shit. So that's a good question about the intellect attribute. So like, what, from like, who's perspective is it from, like... This would be like a good combination of both of them. Like, I'm super smart. You not so much. So you bring it down, like, a lot. What did you get on your SATs? Mike. I don't remember. It's fucking me, CJ. Oh, what's the max score on your SAT? Shut up. Shut the fuck up, Andre. You're so lame, bro. All right. Sorry. I got a... I got a 1,600. Wow. Perfect. Yeah. I actually got a 1,600. I actually got a 1,600. You got a 2,000. I actually got... I actually got a 2,600. You got a 2,000. I actually got... I said 1,600. Silly me. I got that on one portion. I actually got a 3,000, so... You know. How much that did for you? Yeah. You know, I took an IQ test one time and I got a 90, so I'd say I'm pretty fucking well educated. Yeah, that's an A. For sure. Yeah, that's an A. I want to go to Epstein Exposed to know what about his legacy. Yeah. I feel like... Was LeBron on the list? No. I thought he... Should have like... He could have been. So he was probably on the list, but I think that he probably blacklisted his name because it was like the height of black lives matters and they didn't want to like bring any heat on like the black race at the time because there's like a lot of stuff going on. So like, he probably did rape a bunch of kids, but they just kind of like crossed that out on like the reports, you know. Do you know how big he was and still is? There's no way that he wasn't on that list. Now, you can't be as famous as him and not like rape like at least like 200 children. At least he's clean. Your sunshine? Yeah. I'm pretty sure like every million you make you have to rape a child. So let's look at LeBron's like a net worth. I'm pretty sure he's a million years. That's a lot of kids. Oh, no. Oh, 1.8 billion. Oh, dude. I don't even want to think about him. 1,100 kids. What do you have to say for your people? He's not representing us. He's got it like the poster boy of like black people. Black people. Yeah. Yeah. That's George Floyd. He needs to take a character. No, he was George Floyd's idol. So that that's like a lot, you know, baby. LeBron was probably his idol. So if he was actually on the list, if it comes out years later that he was on the list, they blacked him out. How would that affect his legacy? I feel like he would um, you think it would run his legacy? Yeah. You really think like people would care? Like Kobe raped a woman, I think. Like that's funny. Like his legacy is doing just fine. You said it's funny. Is that actually confirmed though? I heard about that. I'm pretty sure it was. Wasn't there like a court case where he settled? Yeah. But you just got to settle that. You're not going to want to fight that like if you're like a million or like here's like a million bucks, just shut the fuck up for the rest of your life. So what? Okay. But that was a. Oh, actually, I think she was like 17 when it happened to so she was a minor. I think it might not affect LeBron's legacy at all. Well, makes you think that well, if Kobe could get away with it, if Kobe could get away with it, why wouldn't LeBron? Well, the only way I see LeBron getting away with it is if he died in a helicopter crash the same way Kobe did and then everyone would just like just forgive it. Oh my God. It's so sad. Everyone pray for him. Yeah. Like in his daughter as well. Oh, I'm pretty sure when when Kobe died, everyone did bring up how you raped a girl though. That's true. That's real. That's real. That's how I found out about it. I didn't even know about it till after he died. Like when he died, they're like, but remember he's a rapist. So honestly, this could be pretty neutral and you can go down to a five. Might not affect his legacy, it might. We're just going to have to wait and see until like all that all of the documents come out or just some of them. I think it was only some. I'm pretty sure it was just like a scyop like the theme documents is like the only one I saw was like, oh, yeah, Stephen Hawking raped a bunch of kids like, yeah, sure. The guy who couldn't even like move any part of his body like the velocity kid. Yeah. Probably was fake in it. We already talked about that. It was like a like a mech suit. So he was more efficiently able to rape kids. Hmm. No, it's funny to think about. Yeah, dude, what a rape kid so bad he like engineered a fucking mech suit, living just here. And everything, every other part of his life who was just in the wheelchair, like a little fucking retard sped just like it's so that when it came out, nobody would know or like nobody would suspect it. Yeah. Like, mad at me that like the six children coming out before Hawking said like, Stephen Hawking's raked me like, shut up retard, like they haven't been a lineup. And like, can you point out the man who did this to you? He puts out the guy in the fucking wheelchair is like, get the fuck out of the scientist. This brilliant man. No. Are you pointing at the right place? He's like, I invented black holes. You think he's going to rape a kid? Come on. He's literally the Einstein of our generation. He would never. It's so sad that Einstein of our generation is like a fucking retarded guy at a wheelchair. I think you're right. That just proves how low the bar is now. I mean, if Stephen Hawking did that, do you feel the grassy Tyson did something worse? I mean, he's fully capable of walking on his own, so he can do so much more worse. But no, you fucking retard, actually you're wrong. Never mind. We said that he made the mech suit to be the most possible, like, efficient child rapist out there. No, the grassy Tyson doesn't have one of those. So he would never compete. No, he'd just start talking nonsense about physics, but I wanted to go to 9/11. I'm sorry. What are you going to say? I was just going to say he had a cameo in regular shows, so he probably got a couple kids from that. Was he the basketball guy? Yeah. No, no, no. Yeah, he was. There was an episode where it was like one of the, he was himself. They were like having a Halloween episode, and they went through spaghettification because they went through a black hole, and then he ate them as spaghetti, and he said, "Happy Halloween." So he probably got some kids from that. He was like, "I'm the guy from a regular show, do you want to come over?" That's a reason why. What did you say you wanted to go to, Pete? I wanted to go to 9/11 for what, "Cry More Pussy"? Oh, yeah. Why is it only out of three? Because that was a tragedy in American history, and I think we shouldn't mock it by telling people to cry more pussy. I think you should go up. Think you're wrong. I think the only reason it should possibly go up is if you want to tell the terrorists who crashed into the building, when I cry more pussy because their heroes are dead. But all the tragic victims who died in the due to that to jump off the building to kill themselves so they wouldn't die of horrific death, I think it's pretty fucked up that you're trying to mock that right now. I thought Charlie Sheen said it was fake. Like when he first saw that on the news live, he said it looked fake. I believe him. I thought it looked fake. So you think the towers are still there? I mean, I've never been to New York, so I can't really say. You're right. I've never been to New York either. They might still be standing there to this day. I've been to New York, and I'm pretty sure they're still there. I saw a couple of talks on each other. Oh shit. Crying for no fucking reason. That would put it up to a 20 then. Yeah. Also. Who's that comedian on SNL? You can't remember his name. His dad died at 9/11. The guy who fucked saw the auditions. What's his name? Pete Davidson. Yeah. That's literally his comedy. All he does is cry about his dead dad. Make that make that make that like a 35 fuck that faggot. I can't. It's cop out at 20. It's impossible. I could try. You're not going to beat that or no, just make it make it 2,000 because like that ugly guy. It's not a lot of fuck women hotter than me. Okay. So you're just doing it out of jealousy. He's probably got a giant dick, man. Honestly, I could see it. Like no homo. That shit is probably a mess. No homo. It's always the tall, like skinny white dudes that look like they smoke a pack a day with retarded tattoo and they look like a fucking middle school like desk like he's got a big dick for sure. Yeah. That looks like they were born with fetal alcohol syndrome. He's also got some fat n***er loops not going to lie. Why'd you say that? Oh, you and Mike say it, but I can't say it. Yeah, but when I say it is out of hatred, but when you say it, it kind of just feels weird, you know, it's because I know you're going to edit your own out, but you're probably going to make me say it like three or four times. Nigger. Nigger. Okay. I'll let it in. So you're not being like true to the sport. Yeah. You're right. The hard arm just saying bigger, by the way. Shut the fuck up pussy. So what was the scyop in Black Lives Matter? Oh, that was the biggest scyop in history. So they made a bunch of money off of it. You didn't see the kind of was the big scandal. Well, it was two things. It was two scyops in one. For one, they made a bunch of money off of it. Like the lady who started it, she bought a giant ass mansion in L.A. and then the second part of it is they tricked people into thinking that Black people's lives actually mattered. So it was a two for one special. I think I think you're also forgetting like Black Lives Matter was created to cover for LeBron James, like, rampant child molestation. Oh, how could I have forgotten about that when you're so right? It came out at the exact same time that he was about to be exposed for the child molestation. You're right. Yeah, it was like weeks before the Epstein list came out. That's when George Floyd got fucking raped by that police officer or whatever happened. Yeah, LeBron heard that it was going to happen. So he sent that cop to like go kill him. Did any stores around you during the Black Lives Matter movement like get looted? No, no suburbs. After that whole shit happened, the target nearby me, I talk about this all the time on the show. They put up the fucking glass shit around the deodorant soap and stuff like that. So Black people can't steal anymore and it really pisses me off because you have to call and attend it any time you want to get any of that stuff now. Maybe just move to like a less poor area. That's the thing. It wasn't a poor area. Right? It was a nice-- But you said like there's black people around there. No, the black people moved in and they ruined everything. So now I have to go to the target like 15 minutes away on the freeway to get shit without being annoyed. It's so fucking annoying because the employees don't walk by you. They see you standing there pushing the fucking button and they don't fucking help you. But the employees are black too, so that's probably why I fuck them. I didn't realize Target hired black people. That was kind of like Chick-fil-A where they just hired like up and E white people. It's like the affirmative action for Target. They hire like black people and like single moms now. Oh damn, Target has fallen down. Yeah, for sure. All right, we got about four minutes left. Do you want to go to the mystery category? We can go into the mystery category. So the mystery category for this week is the Apping Incident of 2024, aka having nugget as a guest on We Are Deached bags. I know that you and Andre have really strong feelings about this pay of do you see anything right off the bat that looks wrong? I think the intellect should go all the way down to negative 20. Nothing that nugget had said had made any sense to me whatsoever. It was just like she was talking about pussy. So who invited a woman to be a guest on the podcast? Who the fuck do you think? Okay, can we change the biggest controversy is allowing us, UJ, to guess or book guests on your show? I can't change it. I don't have editing privileges. Which one should we switch out? I think we should switch out. The one launch. Okay, yeah, that's fair. I mean, it was a huge controversy back in the day, but it's kind of like played out by now. What'd you say allowing CJ to book guests on the show? Is that applied to you as well? So I think the gapping category should be a 20 because, you know, everyone who was listening to it was probably talking and all your social media gapping about how shitty of a host PJ or CJ is for allowing a woman to come on the show like, what would happen? I have a woman on your show. You fucking faggot. No. Yeah, you did. Wait, did we? Maybe. Yeah, you did. You fucking piece of shit. When? It was after you left. It was after you left, but it's still in your fucking feet. Oh, so it's still cows. Wait, which episode is that? I'm going to delete that right now. You're talking to me. You think so shit? I'm going to screenshot it. Wait, wait, who was the woman they had on my show? The title of the episode is there was a girl on the show. What the fuck? Tyler's fiance. I'm deleting it. I'm deleting that. Yeah, but I have a screenshot it, so it's forever now. So and relax. We're haunted. So I think intellect should be 20 because anyone who listened to that show can realize that was like a bad like move to like hire a woman on the show. It's definitely like a 200 IQ genius. That's pretty good. Everyone who knows how to read a book would have read that like women are kind of inferior. They can't lift weights. They can't really do anything. They bleed out of the vagina. Actually, that's not fucking true. You're talking to a college educated man here. And in my anthropology 102 textbook, it barely clearly said that there was no difference between men and women. You know, anthropology is just like a fake science made up by women. Always it conveniently to help your argument. Yeah. What is anthropology or yeah, let's study cultures. Only women give a fuck about that gay shit like who gives a fuck. I just want like fucking science and drugs. Look, you didn't see me, but I just rolled my eyes when you said that. Yeah. Okay. Math. You're clearly you're not part of the culture. So you wouldn't understand. Okay. Math. You can't do math. Negative 20. No, no. Anyone. No, anyone would know that women can't read just negative 20. No math. No math. Math should be 20 because anyone who could like count like download numbers would know that you you don't want a woman on the show because that just fucking plummets your downloads. Yeah. So it would be negative because we got negative listens that episode. So you wouldn't have to. No, but we're talking about the people who are like mad at the controversy. So it was actually 20. Oh, no. Trout pop. Okay. Fine. Leave it at zero. Trout population. There was way too much discussing pussy on the show, 20. That's the argument I was going to make. Okay. LeBron's legacy. Mm. He raped a bunch of underage girls, just like nugget was rated and then the who's right podcast favorite when she was underage. Oh, God. I'm going to, I'm not going to speak about that. That is kind of crazy. Kanye, Kanye loves women 20. I feel like he would hate nugget. I feel like he would despise nugget. You're right. He would hate nugget. Yeah. You would hate her so much. I hate a raper. He wouldn't let her talk. So he would hate her. That was a negative 20 home it. That was a 20 home it because she's a fucking hoe. That was a 20 sign up that was CJ just trying to like cancel the show and just end it to fuck with you guys because he hates you. Honestly, yeah, Twitter hashtag, that's a zero. There have been no hashtags involving nugget being on weirdoosh bags. I mean, I can make a tweet right now. No, you shouldn't, we're in the middle of the show. Get off your fucking phone. I'm doing it right now. No, bro, we're recording. Don't you have to fucking go eat her some shit? Don't you want it to end soon? So you have less to edit. No, I hate before I came on this time. Oh, damn it. All right. We are we are douche bags approval. That should be out of 20 because every single person on the show agreed that I should book guests. Pave specifically, I remember him telling me I should reach out to people to get on the show. So I didn't say that. I told you to fucking to promote the show. That is promoting the show. Having fucking random ass people on, no offense to Jita, but having random ass people on the show isn't promoting it. Yeah, it is. Yeah, I told him to go on fart mouth and he was like, I'm too shy and scared. Yeah, I did say that actually. I was fucking, I had no idea why you wanted me to go on who's right. I was like, what the fuck is this dude planning? Why does he want to embarrass me? And I wonder who's trying to come on your show because I thought it'd be funny. Reverse. Yeah. But that shit. Yeah, I was like, why the fuck is he helping me out? It was more to fuck with Doug and Anthony. No, for sure. I knew that. I knew that going in, but I was like, he has an angle for me too. Well, what would my angle? I wasn't going to be on the show or do anything. I just thought it'd be funny if Doug and Anthony came on your show. Well, I think the true angle that happened, oh, hold up, I just got a Twitter notification. Oh, cool. Oh, yeah. One like on your tweet. Had the most annoying woman on the podcast, eyes rolling emoji eyes rolling emoji hashtag nugget. We have to do that show to shout out to my Twitter. So we could change that to a one because we got one hashtag about it. Oh, why I cry more pussy? Yeah, you guys should cry more about that education 15. She educated us. Mike from accounting. She was talking about fucking blood. We didn't even talk about Mike from accounting. This was going to be a really funny category because it was going to be about that one dude Mike who like works in the accounting department, who's really weird and nobody really likes talking to him. Oh my God, guys, did you hear that nugget was on the show and they shouldn't be allowed to book us anymore? So I feel like he would do the type of dude to do some annoying shit like that when someone's trying to work. So that would be a 20. Is that your best Vegeta impression? You do. Oh, that's actually true. I never thought about it. Like that was that on purpose? No. Did the podcast like help you though and your accounting career? No. Did you put it? Did you put it on your resume? That spreadsheet that you had? Yeah, I've laid every spreadsheet I ever made for we are having a look and see what I can do for your company. And they're like, wow, this shit is so fucking ugly. Let's not hire this guy. Okay, but anyways, let's finish this off. Anger? Uh, 17. Yeah. No, 20. I'm going to be real. I got pretty annoyed as well, especially at the very end when she invalidated your feelings. Yeah. Oh, looks like it's still lost in the biggest controversy. Oh, no, what the fuck? This is so good. This can't be the top controversy. We need to fudge the numbers a bit. Andre, treat about nugget. Why is education at 20? Because anytime that you like try to talk to somebody about like the complex history of everything, they tell you to educate yourself. So I figured you have to be pretty educated. Why the fuck do you talk about the complex history of Israel and Palestine? I feel like that's just the most faggy thing in the world. Well, I wouldn't want to, but like, oh, you got to know, like, oh, the sand people like raped a bunch of people at a music festival. And now the super Jews are that would kill everyone in the country just because they can get away with it because of the Holocaust. That's why you let them get away with it, because white people feel bad about the Holocaust. Oh, my God. I have to shit so bad. I'm just going to agree with whatever you guys say so we can end this. What do you, what do you want at that? Negative 20. Okay. Negative 20. And can we go ahead and just make, um, and allow CJ to book gas, we just make reading in 20 real quick and then go ahead and make good problems like you see a 20 now because math are 20 real quick. So we get on the show. You just make like three columns of 20. I think the show can end. I think, uh, the beans incident was pretty fucking horrifying. You were literally reading bean facts on the show. That's a 20 and reading a Kanye would probably go on a fucking rant about beans for an hour. Some sounds like a very Kanye thing to do. That should give me brain rot. So that was definitely a side off. Yeah. Had to be some kind of side. Twitter hashtag. I'm pretty sure you guys referred to somebody tweeting about it the next week. So we'll say a 15. Oh, wait, I have a question. When did LeBron go to the Lakers? Was it two years ago? Like exactly when the beans episode dropped. Oh, shit. How do you make that connection? No. Just figure that out. Oh, fuck. Yeah. You. Ooh. You're so smart. You're so smart, babe. This is how we have you on thinking outside the box. Okay. Okay. So it looks like the winner for this week, the most controversial event in human history is the beans incident of whatever the episode was uploaded on. We are assholes. And look at that. We didn't even need to go looking for what was number one. It was just automatically put on. Oh, yeah. Wow. Crazy. It's in order. Yeah. Yeah. You don't. Yeah. Your brain's just like not engaged while you're doing the show. I get it. What are you talking about? Bro. Your shit is so fucking ugly. It has to turn itself off to even fucking look at it because if it processed ugly, all those ugly ass. I see your little mouse. That's so cute clicking on a random box. If it had to process all those ugly ass colors, it would fucking like it would kill itself. Whereas my nice neutral colors, cute little pictures that give context to the show, the beautiful charts, little show notes, including racial slurs for white people. Every ADHD friendly. Yeah. Why is it still there? Why is it still there? I was too lazy to remove it. It's been on like every spreadsheet for like, when did we do that? So like yeah, something like that. Why wouldn't it even matter? The fucking listeners don't even can't even look at the spreadsheet. Is just something I'm noticing. Yeah. Oh, cry more black man. God. Crying faggot. Lift on from the white cry more pussy category. So you guys can't really talk about there anymore. My bad. Yeah. Pay you fucking maxing that how to do it. Alright. Thank you guys for listening to Albanian guy or wherever you're from, I'll probably have you on next week. I really want to talk to you. I want to hear your funny little accent. Did you say that about the Swedish dude? Yeah, but the Swedish dude never reached out to me. PewDiePie was too busy, I think. Did you guys watch the recent PewDiePie video to see if he shouted this out or no? No. No. No. Okay. I didn't realize that was a joke. I thought you actually legit me ask. Did you watch the recent PewDiePie video? What is this? 2012? I didn't even know you sounded so offended by it too. No? What the fuck? What? Oh, I like Digimon. I don't like PewDiePie. How do you like Digimon? That's so funny. All right, well, thank you guys for listening to weirdish. Digimon posted a video 12 days ago that got 2.4 million views. What the fuck? Anyway, I think he fell off or you're saying he still got it. He still, he still, people still watch him. Who's watching him? If you look at the like subscriber ratio, it's like a horrific fall off. But what are they like? How old the people are like, is this still like kids or is it like dirty old guys trying to like relive their youth? That's an interesting question on it. I feel like it's a bunch of Redditors. I'll set pedophiles. Yeah. Type shit. Okay. Yeah. All right. Thank you guys for listening. That's when we are Juice Bags for the last time. Signing off. Goodbye. Bye. Bye. Peace.