[MUSIC PLAYING] Live from our studios in Austin, Texas, this is Drinking Bros. Fate News, with Ross Patterson, Dan Holloway, Apogee with the traffic. How do you feel? Good. Yeah? Field reporter, Hot Bop, and Delco Dan with sports. [MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome to Fate News. Yeah, welcome to Drinking Bros. Fate News, everybody. Bringing you the realest, fakest news from over the weekend. Got some real news here to start off the show. Look at this, dude. Oh, yeah. The merch store. These are, I think, Bob Pullup, the site. We're on Patreon right now for our video watchers here, but we got the Michigan Harn AF 4 in 1s. These things fucking were on there. Good job, Brandon. Yeah, so-- There you go, boom. Pop those up on screen. Got the Illinois ones just came in as well. If you guys are in the University of Illinois, please. Actually, those are really good. That blue-- I mean, look, it's their logo, so they figured it out, but-- It's fucking great, dude. Jay did a great job on those. And if you scroll down a little bit, you'll see we have all the flavors. Yeah. I think that's-- oh, no, go right there. I think it's a four-pack of all the current flavors. Oh, no, those are still the old ones. That's cool. Yeah, but we'll have the other two new flavors up there soon. It's not like they're gone forever. They're always back. And we're just swapping them out, making things fun and flirty. For the summer, June, Green Apple will be available. These four-in-ones fucking rock. I put a beer in one of these goddamn things over the weekend. Four hours. Oh, yeah, dude. It stayed cold. No ice, no nothing. Like, you just-- I just put it out of my fucking-- took it out of my fridge, put it in there. Cap screws on it, you're good to go. Huge fan of these things. Brand new to these? Oh, yeah? Yeah, they-- I mean, obviously, they buy the double-walk containers somewhere else, but they print the things that go on there. Yeah, man, big fan, big fan. Way to go. Brand new merch store stocked up on drinkingbrows.com, including snoo, on rats that are so bright. Does this register for you, pun intended register? Can you see this, or is it too bright for the screen? You can't see the black part, really. It's just bright orange. Oh, I love this. I've got a lot of compliments on this hat over the weekend, but on screen, I think it's so bright. Somebody commented-- You can't see it. --on-- there it is. That's what it looks like in real life. It looks good in person. Don't be shit. On camera. Yeah, it's bright. Yeah, it's bright as shit. But it's supposed to be. It keeps you from getting shot in the head by another hunter. When you're hunting, yeah. Somebody about Palestine on one of our shows, the other day, commented, "Palestine is as free as your mom is when your dad is out of town, which is always since he left years ago." That's Mosh 907. That's fucking funny. I was just scrolling through and saw that and felt like I needed to say it all down. Yeah, we'll talk about Palestine later in that raffle offense they've launched. Well, no such thing as Palestine. I thought something happened to Rafael Nadal, and I was super upset, and then I just realized, oh, well, Palestine was getting bombs. And nobody cares about that. No, obviously. No, I didn't care about that. I was like, oh, no. I was like, is fucking Rafael Nadal not playing in Wimbledon? Like, that would have set me. Is he French open? Is he playing in the French open? He backed out of Australia. He is in the French. OK, thank God. He's kind of saving it all for the French. Is that his last go-around bomb? Man, he's close. I know. We'll talk about it on Drinking Bro Sports this afternoon. Isn't he the youngest out of that trifecta? No, Joker's the youngest. Joker's, yeah. What is he, 36? 35? Joker's like 36, yeah. 36, OK. I don't know if Rafa's going to be able to walk here. I think he was 38, I think. Joke Rich is 36. Nadal just-- he'll turn 38 in June. Ha, damn. OK, so he'll turn 38 for Wimbledon, yeah. It's a miracle, man. It's a miracle. Yeah. We'll talk about it later on Drinking Bro's sports join us over there on YouTube after fake news today. You know the rules, kids. We always start off with our favorite memes that you've submitted over the weekend. What do we got first here, Dan? This first one is a couple of comedians. One is a friend of the show, then Cam Patterson, who everybody might know from Kill Tony, where he was talking about not being retarded but like in rocks. And the title of this is A Big Deal About Nothing. OK. This is the American citizenship test. Ask away. What did Marlutha King Jr. do? What? It's one of the questions. What did you say? So you don't say his name. You're like Jesus Christ, dude. You know what a fucking deal you do. If you fall off of civil rights. Actually, it says here, made a big fuss about nothing. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Oh, man. So Cam Patterson, we got to meet him a few weeks ago at Jared's thing. God damn, he's funny as shit, man. He opened up for Uncle Laser. I haven't seen him do stand-ups, so I didn't see that. I don't know if he's-- Oh, you got? Yeah, you might have dipped out. He was my fucking favorite. I don't know how good-- you're saying the stand-ups good, I believe you. But just in general, talking to him on here and there is-- Fuck, he's funny, dude. Some people are just funny, but they can't do comedy. He's naturally funny. He does both really well. Yeah. So that's dope. And then that-- we'll get into that Tom Brady roast, too, on some worse this afternoon. That was really fun. Tony Hinchcliffe went the fuck off. Everybody, it was great all the way around. Surprise brave Brady agrees all that shit. Truthfully, what do we got up next? This next one is called Calk. Calk. Calk. The caption is choosing between White Calk and Black Calk. OK. Calk. To know if White Calk or Black Calk is right for you. Let's talk about it. It's important to know that both will get the job done. But depending on your needs and what you need to fill, one is definitely better than the other. In my case, I will be choosing the Black Calk for the front. If you are working with a large gap or a hole, you will see that this is going to work beautifully. Now, for the back door, my preference is a White Calk. As you can see here, the slit that I need to fill is much smaller. Now, I know some of you may be thinking it's a little excessive to have two different cocks to get the job done. But I am all about the max efficiency and the shortest amount of time. It's also important to have the right size tip for the hole that you need to fill. Even if your cock is well used and pretty beat up like this one, don't worry, it will still work. Now, the Black Calk is fairly new to me, but I did decide to go with a larger tip due to the size of the hole that I am working with today. You're going to want to hold it firmly and apply light pressure to the tip. Then gently rub it into the crease or hole that you are wanting to fill. It can be a little nerve wracking at first, but don't be afraid to really get in there. Head and really work it into the area as any excess mass can be cleaned up at a later time. Once you have filled the hole, you're going to want to take your finger and gently rub along everywhere you have put the cock. I advise that you use a glove for protection. Fortunately, I didn't have one handy and I was eager to get the job done, so I went ahead and went without. I'm not afraid. I think this gives a very smooth finish. Pro tip, you're always going to want to keep a rag around if you're not using a glove. Just to clean the excess mass off of your hands. Sometimes it gets a little sticky when it gets hard. Now that it is hard, I am very satisfied with the result. How to know if White Calk- - That's a great sketch, actually. Is she like a sketch comedian? - What does it say this? - What is it? - What is it, something mom? - The icy mom. - The icy mom, uh-huh, 28,000. You're fucking funny, actually. - It looks like she mostly talks about cogs. - There's a lot of her holding calk there, but the rest of it's kind of thirst trap pictures. - I kind of love her. - Yes, so do I. - Bob, leave your wife, bud. - Yeah, now's the time, Bob. Now's it. What's your, oh my God, scroll down, Bob. I'm sorry, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. - On to eat when I happen to see your question. - That's not what I was trying to do here. - Just wondering if you're a transgender. You have the hugest feet in hand. - Oh, well, I thought you could say the first. - Okay, Bob, you can press pause. Is this a porn star then now that I'm looking at the rest of this feed? I don't know. There's a chick on YouTube who's got huge fake tits, and all she does is do basic around the housework shit. And it's just so average, but she never tips her hand. She never says anything about it. She's just like, here's how to, you know, hang up a picture properly. - When you say tips her hand, do you mean promotes her only fans? - Yes. - Okay. - And she never, and she also doesn't mention anything that she's wearing, just a pair of overalls, no bra and everything else. We might have stumbled into something here with the icy mom, though, that's something we don't know. Scroll up now. I know Bob's getting lost now. - I'm gone. - Yeah, sorry, Bob. - See you guys tomorrow. - I understand it. - Yeah. - I understand it. Scroll up though. Does she have a link tree for an only fans? - Looks like it. Let's see here. - I mean, come on. - Come on, guys. - One of those is the only fans. - No only fans. - What, what are those? - We've got an affiliate link for a bingo game, affiliate. - For a bingo game? What the fuck? - She's a mom. - Yeah. - Uh-huh. - And then Instagram, TikTok. - Well, good for her. For her. - Yeah. - Or a brachano. - All right. - She's just using big fake teddies to sell bingo, which is new. - Sure. Like, she's got that market coordinate. - Looks like it. - Very wholesome. - If you can find a niche and exploit it, you'll be successful at anything in this life. Good for the icy mom. Highly recommend that follow. - Looks like she's an actress. - Actress. - Huh. - Is the word actress in quotations? - Yeah, is it air quotes or? - No, no. Actually, no, I'm sorry. She has an IMDB and I just am a sexist and assumed actress, but apparently she's a visual effects producer. - Oh, wow. - What? - I'm dead serious. On shit like Loki, Ready Player One. - No way. - What? - Dunkirk. - Look, Ready Player One has some of the best VFX of any movie Dunkirk as well, actually. - It's the same person. - Yep. - Come on. - 100% is the same person. - So what has she got? Brain in them teddies? (laughing) - Man. - Bob, you might have to risk it all on me of your wife now. I mean, this is too good to be true. - Yeah, somebody's saying visual effects, does that mean those teddies are AI? - I'm not sure. - I probably need to take another look. Bob, you wanna pull those back up right quick? - Bob, you wanna pull up those pictures real quick. - Lauren Mercano, AKA the icy mom, I mean. - Oh. - She have kids? - Hold on. - Yeah, she has kids. - She does have kids. Are they kids in there? I mean, they're like grown adults. - Okay, even better. So you don't have to raise those goddamn things, Bob. - I think these were, these were shapely and nice. And then the kids kind of did their thing and she got them readjusted. - I did. - Go to the next pick. - I don't need a fucking history lesson, Bob. Let's just. - Go to the next pick. Oh boy. - Which I am a fully support, by the way. I'm all about that. - Yeah. Man. - A.I.T.E.s. Those look real, though. I mean, not real in the conventional sense, real in the non-A.I. sense. - Right, right. - They're very clearly fake titties. - She's down in her most of beach. It looks like good for her. Huh. - All right, well, this is-- - Yeah, go ahead and bookmark that one, Bob. - We're about to take a hard turn here. - Are we? - Yeah, I'm gonna give a follow-up. - This next one's rough. - Okay. - This next one's rough. It's Lego Floyd. - Oh boy. - No, boy. - Yeah. - Yep, I know, I know. - Slice, subscribe to Patreon, kids. - I can't believe you're crying. - Oh, fuck you, son. (upbeat music) - I can't breathe, dude. Holy shit. - Oh, yeah. - God damn it, man. - Okay. Huge fan, again. This is why you subscribe on Patreon. (laughs) - The next one is your favorite basketball player ever. Just say his name. - Kobe Bryant. - Yeah, I would say it. - Kobe. - No, say it like Dave Chappelle would say it. - Kobe! - There we go. - Okay. - Here it is. - Oh, fuck you, dude. God damn it. Why'd they give him an Afro like that? - It's AI creating Pixar movies. They all look weird like that. - All right, he's in a helicopter there with his daughter, Gigi, that sort of thing. - Notice, this is how you know it's a, does it say Pixar? This is how you know it's Pixar Disney because there were fucking six other white people in that fucking helicopter. - You don't see any of those assholes in the helicopter. - 11. - There was 11. I remember not a helicopter. - This one's the only celebrity that's got me, I think, in the last prince and him in the last 10 years, that's it. - I was, I didn't, well actually Norm was rough. - Ah, Norm and Donald. - And Bob Saggad too. - He had cancer. - Yeah, but nobody knew. - No, but that's one of those where you're like, all right, you can live with that more than a helicopter crash. - What about Saggad? He just like slipped and fell in the bathroom or something. - Same, that's like something that's avoidable like that where you're like, "My God, dude." - Shit. - All right, next up, can a nurse do this? - Okay, can a nurse do this? - Bob, you wanna read that? - Yeah. - Pilot makes 100K a year, nurse makes 29K. - That's not true. - But can a nurse do this? (laughing) - So we got 9/11, Kobe. - George Floyd. - George Floyd, the icy mom. I mean, we're... - Now we went after Martin Luther King, Jr. - Martin Luther King, Jr. We're going after all the hits today. - The last one is my favorite of the week. It's queers for Palestine. Bob, read the caption first. - Gay people, it's a rainbow, I can quote it, but gay people meeting the people they're protesting for. - Oh, this is great. What a great sketch. Okay. - You got... - There's no parade over here. - Ooh! (laughing) ♪ You got a friend in me ♪ ♪ You got a friend in me ♪ - It threw him off a roof because that's what those pieces of shit do. - Yeah. Yeah, so I mean, you can say all you want, but if you actually went over there, they throw you off the fucking roof. 'Kay? Just remember that when you're out protesting this weekend. Have fun, kids. And all your universities out there protesting this bull. Shit. All right, let's get to the news, shall we? Maxine Waters, crazy person. Absolute fucking crazy person. Representative Maxine Waters, Democrat out of California, who's gotta be in her, what, 80s, 90s here at this point? - Yeah, I think she's in her. I think she's 81 or something like that. - Okay, she claimed that's a right wing organizations connected to former president and presumptive Republican presidential nominee. Donald Trump have training camps up in the hills preparing to attack if Trump loses the 2024 election during an appearance on MSNBC's "The Sunday Show" with Jonathan Capehart. Trump says that the time interview that he did not seek to overturn or ignore the Constitution's prohibition to a third term said Capehart's. Should the American people believe that? Do you believe that? No, absolutely not. Waters said, and I believe we have the clip here so we can just play it. - Yeah, just play it. - Holy shit, this is nuts. - This is a man who we'd better be careful about. And I tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to ask the Justice Department and I'm gonna ask the president to tell us what they're going to do to protect this country against violence if he loses. I wanna know about all of those right wing organizations that he's connected with who are training up in the hills somewhere and targeting what communities they're going to attack. - What the fuck does that mean? - This is a man who we'd better be careful. - So, Bobby, you can find the other clip too. She goes on to say that he's a racist and that all of his supporters will be only attacking people of other colors. - Oh no, I'll be attacking everyone, actually. - Yeah, I mean, I don't- - Anybody that has supplies or resources I need, look, I've said this four years ago during the BLM bullshit. If you're out, one of those defund the police people and you're out there and you're thinking, it's gonna be a good thing that all this fails and the cops go away, just know that all of your shit is now my shit. Like, it's basically on layaway and I'm gonna come collect it all as soon as I fucking execute you. You know what I mean? I'm just hypothetically speaking. - Hypothetically, if it came to it, obviously. Play this clip, Bob. I know that there are people who are lying with him, who follow him, who are already practicing what their government is going to be under Trump. Not only are they planning on a civil war, if they have to do that, but he's filling it out. - Civil war. - Specifically, how and what they're going to do and how he's gonna get revenge, how he's gonna attack his enemies, all of these things. And when he talks about race, we know, and I'm gonna tell you again today, Donald Trump is a pure racist and I am worried that their attack is going to be on people of color. - She sounds like a snake because she is one. - Yeah. - What a fucking retard first, right? - This is not stupid. - Like, you know who it was? It made a whole fucking movie about a civil war? It was Hollywood. - Yeah. - Known for being super republican, by the way. - Sure. - I mean, they love Trump out there. I don't know if you've seen them recently, but they fucking love him. - They love him, dude. - I haven't seen that movie yet. By the way, our CP said that today. He goes, hey dude, have you seen Civil War, man? It's fucking intense. I haven't seen it yet 'cause they usually take my kids to see it, so. - I think they should see it. Take the baby, too. - He wants to go. - Make it a whole thing. - It's 10 year old ones to go. - Dress them all up and fucking multi-cam and shit. - Yeah. - Right? - Put the pain on it. - Yeah, everything. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - No, he wanted to see, 'cause we usually go to the movies every weekend. I'm gonna see Fall Guy this weekend, so. - Isn't he good? - I saw that. Didn't do well in the box office. - It's okay, it's okay. - It doesn't seem like it would be good. - It's one of those things where does anybody remember that TV show? I was a kid, but. - I mean, I remember Lee Majors. - Yeah. - But as the $6 million man, not as a fucking stunt man. - As a stunt man, yeah. So I remember that vaguely the truck and the thing, yeah. - The no, no, no, no sound, that's all I remember. - But it also had nothing to do with the Fall Guy, so. - No. - Kinda weird. - Well, what are you gonna do? - Yeah, it wasn't bad, it just kinda, yeah, whatever. But as far as Maxine Waters is concerned here, this is the same woman who told you to go up to people in restaurants, harass them, attack them in their face, and now she's claiming that the other side is definitely going to do this, and then target people of color. - It's what James Lindsay. - If they lose the election. - It's what James Lindsay calls the iron law of woke projection, I've mentioned it before. But anything these cunts are saying about everybody else doing, they're definitely either currently doing or planning to do. - Yeah. - Every single time. - So obviously the blowback has been intense and she made these statements and people are questioning why they continue to put these people on the air. It's MSNBC, right? So they're the same people that put on, is that Maddo's channel, Rachel Maddo? - Yeah, yeah, that guy's been saying weird shit like that forever. But this is their fucking dumb, dumb narrative. It's like, "Oh, why it's a premises "or the biggest threat to America?" You know, I think Ken Zinger said that the other day. On Twitter, he was like, "Oh, everybody's trying "to say this or that, but I agree still "that white supremacist Cristio Fashis "are still the greatest threat to America." I'm like, "Oh, well show me all the damage they've done." - Yeah. - Right? 'Cause we kind of have some receipts for the other guys. It's about $2 billion. Let's make a payment. - That's it. - Start, at least make a payment plan. - The only one that I can think of is the Tiki torches, right? - Ah, yeah. - The kids in the Tiki torches. It's the Home Depot Tiki torch. That's all I can remember. But with Maddo, she won't air any of Trump's speeches, any Trump footage. She says that-- - We have a responsibility not to promote misinformation from Donald Trump. - Right, and so if you're gonna stick to that, this is blatant misinformation on MSNBC. So why would you put somebody like this on the air? If you're not gonna do it both ways there, who gives a shit at the end of the day? - I'm looking, let's see. So Maxine Waters was on the House Financial Committee for a long time. I'm trying to figure out what all committee she's on. But-- - She's made a boatload of money. - Yeah, if you're a member or-- - Congress. - Yeah, being on House Finance, you're gonna make a boatload of money. But being a member of Congress, as she is, and you have this information, why don't you go to the FBI? - Yeah. - And say, hey, there are people training in the woods that are aligned with Donald Trump, and they said they're gonna come down into the cities and take them over if he doesn't win. Okay, cool, prove it. - Give them the locations. - Prove it, bitch. - Let the FBI do their job. If that's what you genuinely think is happening, that you're willing to go on national television and say it is. - Yeah, but she's 85, right? So she doesn't know where she is. All she knows is when am I going to Roscoe's next? You know what I mean? - When am I gonna get wigged up and go to Roscoe's? - Go to Roscoe's, I need them chickens, I need them waffles, I need them now. - She's getting what she's wigged up, dude. But look at her financial portfolio of how much money she's made in Congress, it will alter your mind. So even somebody this dumb can still get rich off of Americans every single day. It's fucking wild. Next up-- - They're like social strippers. - Yeah. - That's what they are. They're social-only fans, people. They've been capitalizing on public attention for a lot longer. So that's the same group of people. - Yeah. Congratulations, guys. Next up, Boeing is at it again. A second Boeing whistleblower has died under mysterious circumstances, just two months. After another one allegedly shot himself in the head. And the attorneys for both men hope their deaths don't scare away at least 10 more whistleblowers who want the company to clean up its act. Joshua Dean, 45, a former quality auditor at Spirit Aerosystems, which assembles fuselage sections for Boeing died Tuesday morning from a fast-growing mystery infection. Uh-huh, there he is right there on screen. Barnett, who had worked for Boeing for 32 years, was found dead in his Dodge Ram truck. Holding a silver pistol in his hand in the parking lot of a South Carolina hotel after he failed to show up for the second part of his testimony for a bombshell lawsuit against the company. And now you got Joshua Dean, 45 here, who's also dead. And at the same time last month, Boeing said it lost $355 million on falling revenue in the first quarter. Another sign of the crisis gripping the aircraft's manufacturer as it faces increasing scrutiny over the safety of its planes and accusations of shoddy work from a growing number of surviving whistleblowers. It was announced abruptly in March that Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun would step down by the end of the year in a move widely seen as a reaction to the ongoing safety crisis. Brian Knowles, a Charleston, South Carolina attorney who represented both Barnett and Dean, hopes their deaths were not in vain. Quote, these men were heroes. So are all the whistleblowers. They love the company and wanted to help the company do better. They didn't speak outs to be aggravating or for fame. They're just raising concerns because people's lives are at stake. Now you and I know a bunch of people. And I also like stake. Everybody knows that. You had it at Olive Garden. I sure did, yeah. Yeah. But you and I have some friends that have worked for Boeing. And to be honest with you, they've all said the same things about Boeing. They loved working for the company. Some of them still work there. That they love working for Boeing. It is a great company. They enjoy it and everything else. And they're sad to see what has happened to this company. Well, they're probably-- These deaths are very fucking bizarre. Yeah, they're also probably not thrilled with being associated with people falling out of fucking airplanes. Mm-hmm. I wouldn't be. I mean, if you work to the company, I'm sure that this is probably true for a lot of people that work at Boeing. Because I assume most of the people that work at Boeing are probably conservative, to be honest, right? For the most part, yeah. Most of their, not the admin people with the workers. Yeah, yeah. Because most blue collar people are in these areas where they're assembled. I think most of Lockheed's manufacturing takes place in South Carolina, I think, in that area. So probably more repubed. Oh, Boeing's in Charleston as well. So I'm sure there's quite a few repubes. Not that a democratic person or a Democrat wouldn't necessarily care about people dying unnecessarily, but I don't know, man. I feel like if it were me, I wouldn't want to be associated with that. Like, hey, don't you work for Boeing? Like, yeah, like, you want to do something about those doors? And so, like, OK, I work on the wings, but then they haven't been falling off. Yeah, it's a strange one. Because I talked to my buddy, one of my buddies who worked at Boeing maybe two weeks ago, and I was asking him about all this shit. And he says the same thing, look, man, as far as companies and corporations go, working for them and benefits and everything else, it's the last-- there's a handful of corporations that are still left where you go to work every day, you do the job, you're proud to do the job, and then you got great benefits, retirement package, all that other shit. But he also said, these are coming from higher up people. So, like, overlooking certain aspects to jam out these planes to the world, and, you know, jack up the stock and everything else, like, it's beyond your control at a certain point. Well, you also have to wonder how much DEI hiring is affecting this, right? I know that's a catch-all for any problem anybody has. Like, oh, they're probably hired a fucking gay, retarded midget or whatever. And he's trans and black as well. That's probably true as well, to be honest. I'm sure that that's part of it. It's like, hey, why is Chippy chewing on the door? Put the goddamn door on me. Just put the fucking door on me. Because that one door was missing four bolts out of it. I don't know how many total bolts there are, but four seems like a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot for when you're going 600 goddamn miles per hour, fucking five miles up in the air. It's a lot. And we won't say who it is, but-- Well, it's Chippy. Our other friend who works at Boeing, you and me, personal, you know, what he was talking about. Yeah, with the DEI hiring, that hired that trans person who fucking turned him in for saying what he said. You know, I don't know how they're going to correct this here. Well, I can tell you I make the fucking planes better. I can tell you how to correct it. Hire people who are qualified for the fucking job. No, we don't do it anymore. That's a good place to start. Nobody works, and we don't hire people that are actually qualified for their jobs. That's not how it works anymore. Sorry. Even in that fucking Tom Brady thing last night, Dana White got up there, and he said, dude, you're only giving me-- Netflix is giving me 60 seconds. I'd fly out for 60 seconds. And he goes, my name is Dana. Is that not trans enough for you? I mean, it crushed the line crush last night, but really fucking funny here. I don't think they're getting rid of any of these fucking workers or any of this bullshitting. Since we-- so Ian Crossland's episode went out today. A lot of good feedback. Everybody loves him. He's funny. Love that guy. Smart, craziest shit. I mean, he's a great-- In a good focus way, though. Yeah, yeah. I enjoy him as a person. But on the conspiratorial side of this, there's a lot of people in Congress in the military industrial complex, including people in the military or former secretaries of defense that make a fuckload of money off of the products that Boeing and Lockheed provide to the United States government. They make a lot of money off of that. And you just can't convince me that random whistleblowers are fucking dying. Two in a row. One before the second time that I'm supposed to go back to testimony. There's no fucking way. There's no way that that happened. Oh, you got a mysterious illness. Like, yeah, so did everybody that's fucked over Putin for the last 10 years. Yeah. And then the guy who blew his brains out here, allegedly, his best friend was just like, dude, I've known him for seven years. I've never seen anything that would indicate that he would take his own life. Then again, he did say I didn't know anybody who would commit suicide. So maybe you don't see designs. I don't know. Everybody's confused at that one, too. We'll never have the real answer, unfortunately. So do better Boeing, and we'll see what happens with the rest of these whistleblowers. I mean, we're still going to fly in their planes. You know what choice? So buckle up is all I can say. Yeah. Maybe we should. Maybe Elon should start making planes. Start his own airline. He might. He's got a spaceship. No, why not? We'll see. Next up, Biden and pro-Palestine. President Joe Biden has been docked for months by pro-Palestinian protesters, calling him genocide Joe. I like that. And some of the groups, so do I. If people called me genocide Joe, I'd be like, you're goddamn right. Yeah, that's a fun one, isn't it? Genocide Dan? Yeah. Well, some of them have got something-- Maybe a dictator Dan. He's got to start with a D, and then go into it. For alliteration, yeah. Mystic Dan, you know. But some of the groups behind the demonstrations receive financial backing from philanthropists, pushing hard for his reelection. You don't say. You don't say. The donors include some of the biggest names in democratic circles, obviously George Soros, Rockefeller, Pritzker, according to Politico. Two of the organizers supporting the protest at Columbia University and on other campus are Jewish voice for peace. And if not now, I don't know what if not now is forgive me. Then when? OK, great. Is that the rest of their company name? I don't know. Both are supported by the Tides Foundation, which is ceded by Democratic megadoner George Soros, and was previously supported by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Is that true, too? Jesus Christ, man. In it, it turns supports for numerous small nonprofits that work for social change. Soros declined to comment. Of course, he did the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which is previously funded the Tides Foundation. And other groups said it no longer has active grants to the Tides. It also does not support Jewish voice for peace. Or if not now. Another notable Democratic donor whose philanthropy has helped fund the protest movement is David Rockefeller Jr, who sits on the board of the Rockefeller Brothers Fund in 2022. The fund gave 300,000 to the Tides Foundation, according to nonprofit tax forms. Tides has given nearly half a million dollars over the past five years to Jewish voice for peace, which explicitly describes itself as anti-Zionist. Several other groups involved pro-Palestinian protests are backed by a foundation funded by Susan and Nick Pritzker, heir to the Hyatt Hotel Empire and supporters of Biden and numerous other Democratic campaigns, including 6,600 to the Biden victory fund a few months ago and more than 300,000-- - Oh, damn. - During his 2020 campaign. - 300 fucking grand, dude. I wish I just had that line around. - So this is why we always talk about this bullshit, about these fucking gay lords that have resist and a fist in their Twitter bio, but they believe all the stuff that the people in charge believe. - Uh-huh. - Someone's like they're being paid. - Yeah, I was doing a show with an author and professor this morning who's talking about how weird it is that while the Obama's were in office, they said that our mission here is to speak truth to power. It's like, you're the president of the United States. You are the power. - You're the power. - You fucking dummy. And we talked again about that Nate Silver thing where he kind of analyzed the pro-mask people, pro-mask and pro-vaccine people, are the same, like literally down to the person the same group that are pro Hamas. - Yeah. - Right? But those two things are unrelated. They have nothing to do with each other. It's not like being BLM in Hamas 'cause then you could say oppressor versus a press bullshit. It's mask in Hamas. Like what the fuck? Those two things have absolutely nothing to do with one another. And then you find out, oh, this is all just being messaged and seeded and funded from the same eight assholes, right? - Yeah. - They're trying to like basically soft overthrow the government. That's really what they're doing. They wanna have control over the government. So they wanna get their people in and they wanna get any messaging or ideology that would fight back against that made taboo or made illegal. - And then this one, this Palestinian Israel crisis that's going on right now, it's an interesting one for Democrats because both sides are Democrats. - Yeah, so like, there's nowhere to go on that one. It's not like you're gonna see any conservative people out of these fucking things. - No, I mean, to me, this is like the political version of that lemon party picture. It's just three old dudes sucking each other's dicks. You know what I mean? - It is, but the problem with it is, as this continues on, you know, colleges are gonna get, at least universities are gonna get lucky because school's out here in like three weeks for most of them. - Bob, God damn it, did I need to see that today? - Well, you did not need to see it. - Son of a bitch. - He called, he certainly didn't need to see it full-screen. - He gave the cue. - Yeah, I called it into existence. - Oh. - I have that power by the way, I can create things. You wanna hear me create a sound? - Yeah, I got it. - Bob? - Nope. - Nope. Bob's too late on that one here. God damn it, man. That is, when it's full-screen like this, I mean, you can really see in there. - Yeah, damn it got stuck. - It's weird that the other dude isn't hard. - Well, you don't get hard when you kiss other dudes. - These can't, there's something there. - Maybe, it's hard to say. - It's not great. - Is he real gay though? Or was he just there to kiss the other guy? - Well, we've had this discussion, is it gay or to suck a dick or to kiss a man? I think it's gay or to kiss a man. - No, I'd kiss the man, I would not suck this guy. - I'm not kissing a dude. - I wouldn't suck his dick. - Well, then I guess we'll just have to kill ourselves. - Yeah, I mean, we're gonna do. But no, as this goes on and gets closer to the election, everything else with Palestine and Israel, it's all a democratic problem right now. Nothing on the conservative side. We're like, all right, cool. - Well, they definitely wanna pull the rip cord on all this shit so they can get back to abortion, right? 'Cause that's the winning issue for them. It's the only one to have right now. The economy's fucked, like everything's fucked. Abortion's the only thing they got right now. And this is eating up, this dude sucking that other dude's dick is just eating up all the headlines, you know what I mean? - It is. - Eating them up, gobbling them up. - And swallowing. - I think he swallows, Bob. Can you play that audio? - No, he did. - No, he played that audio? - Come on. (laughs) - Was it just a picture? Was there ever video of this? - I don't know, why don't you zoom in? It looked like that guy already came. So maybe that's-- - He may have, yeah, there does need to be something coming out of there. I wonder if, or what I wonder about is the fourth guy in the room. Who took the picture? - Who was it? - Whatever it was a girl. - And maybe in Barack Obama. Could've been Maxine Waters. - Could've been. - She's up in them hills. - Yeah. - I'll take pictures. - Take pictures. - Taking those pics. But yeah, look, they're gonna have to figure the fuck out. We'll put this story next, fuck it. - Well, people have concerns about this because the Rockefeller Fund is a big fund. The Tide Fund is a big fund. We all know George Soros is always up to no good. But usually there's a limit, right, to the bullshit that they'll pull. Funding Jewish Voice for Peace. They blamed the October 7th attacks on the US and Israel. Yeah, you guys were asking for it. - Yeah. - And then the Rockefellers gave them money and Soros gave them money. It's like, all right, well. - 'Cause we got some breaking news here. - Real? So this Rafa offense started here. I gotta get that off the screen. I've got to be able to see the monitors and shit. - Is it for real? - It's frozen, it's frozen, it's frozen. - I gotta be able to see it. - He's on with tech support now. - At a certain point, I gotta be able to see the monitors here. - He's on with tech support. - So interesting turn of events here. This Rafa offense was launched by Israel and they dropped leaflets going out to everybody who was in that region in Palestine and told them to get out 'cause they were gonna start bombing. - And there's also something about, I think AOC was bitching this morning on Twitter about the Biden administration holding back a new shipment of weapons that were headed to Israel. - Yes. - Or asking them to or something like that. I don't remember, I know, no, I'm sorry. It was Mike Johnson bitching about them not sending the weapons. She was saying she appreciated or whatever. - Correct. - But yeah, it's because of this Rafa offensive. - Now again, well, hang on. So you've got this Rafa offensive. You can play this clip here 'cause they went fucking bombs away and said, hey, we're gonna start nuking everybody over there. Play this clip and then I'll get to the breaking news that just happened right now regarding this. (dramatic music) So I mean, I just start torturing everything here. Obviously all the videos that went on this morning with people dead and the babies and everything else believe what you wanna believe on social media. But as of four minutes ago, Hamas allegedly has accepted a ceasefire proposal. But Israel said it was unacceptable. How long has this been going on here with regarding a ceasefire? 'Cause Hamas said that it was right now. You can turn that off. That it is agreed to a three phase deal for a ceasefire and hostages for prisoners swap. Although an Israeli official said the deal was not acceptable to Israel because terms have been softened. The United States, which alongside Qatar and Egypt, has played a mediation role in these talks, said it was studying the Hamas response and would discuss it with the Middle East allies. I was unaware that the US was involved in potentially negotiating a ceasefire. Did you know about this? Yeah, Blinken's been involved in this. And I believe, I believe the head of the CIA went to Qatar this morning to continue talks. Remember that the leader of Hamas lives in Qatar and has since 2012. Okay. Which is weird. Yeah, that is weird. Why the fucking isn't he there with his people? Well, why isn't he getting the skin peeled off somewhere? Right. It's a real question, but. He's attending Texas A&M guitar. Oh, is that where he is? He's gonna become an old man down from Dallas. Gig 'em, gig 'em. He finally, he was the first one to the first student. Yeah, to accept it when it's good. Yeah, I don't know what he's doing there, but it's fucking weird. Yeah, the US and a couple of the country have been working on a ceasefire proposal. Qatar, Egypt, allegedly. And the phase one includes a 42 day ceasefire period. Hamas releases 33 Israeli hostages in return for Israel releasing Palestinians from Israeli jails. Israel partially withdraws troops from Gaza and allows free movements of Palestinians from south to north Gaza. Phase two would be another 42 day period that features an agreement to restore a sustainable calm to Gaza, language that an official briefed in the talks that Hamas and Israel had agreed in order to take discussion of a permanent ceasefire off the table. The complete withdrawal of most Israeli troops from Gaza, Hamas releases Israeli reservists and some soldiers in return for Israel releasing Palestinians from jail. Fuck that, I wouldn't take that deal if I was Israel. So why so they can fucking regroup and attack you again? No, kill everybody. That's what it seems like. Anybody that has any kind of relationship with Hamas fucking's gotta go. And then the final phase of this is phase three, the completion of exchanging bodies and starting the implementation of reconstruction according to the plan overseen by Qatar, Egypt, and the United Nations ending the complete blockade on the Gaza Strip. Hmm, get fucked. Now Israel said its military was gonna continue to strike Rafa, but it would keep talking to mediators to try to figure it out. How many days now have those hostages been? I mean, it's shit since October 7th. You're looking at fucking eight months, right? Yep. God damn. How many are left, Bob? Do we know that? Wasn't it a 142 or? 132 hostages in captivity, 128 abducted on October 7th. Four other hostages, I guess we're captured before that. Okay. It's 212 days. That's as of three days ago, yeah. And allegedly, and forgive me, this is all coming in right now. Biden has pushed Netanyahu to not attack Rafa and the White House said, what the fuck does he have any say in this for? Other than he's given him money. I mean, yeah. He's, I mean, I guess you could call, let's say Biden the sugar daddy, right? And his, his sugar baby is on vacation. She's trying to start a fight with somebody at the bar right now. But you're not there. So what are you gonna do? 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That is dietsmoke.com/db today to lock in your summer bliss. Diet Smoke, your partner in finding the perfect THC product. Cheers to Diet Smoke. And now back to the show. - Like you can threaten to cut off money from them, which they're withholding it right now. And that's why Mike Johnson, 'cause if you pay close attention, you can hear the sound of Mike Johnson choking on Israel's dick right now. - Oh yeah. - If you put your ear up to a seashell, I think you can hear it. Yeah, there's still well over 100 hostages. There's still quite a few Americans in there. We've done jack shit. - Yeah. - I mean, why do we have tier one units that are counter-terrorists in hostage rescue, if not for this fucking exact situation? You know what I mean? But Biden and all these leftists are fucking cowards, so. Like I can tell you this, I'm friends with quite a few tier one operators and they would be glad to go over there and fuck some shit up and get our people back without blinking, they would do that. But we're not going to, not until Trump gets back, unfortunately. - All right, fuck man. That's a wild turn of events here, but yeah, look, it's a fucking terrorist attack on a country, however they respond is how they're gonna fucking respond. No one would tell us what to do. Why the fuck does Netanyahu care unless he needs money or weapons or whatever. - If it were me. - Other than that, who gives a shit? - If it were me, let's map this onto our region. Let's say, let's say Mexicans were Muslims, right? Just for the sake of argument. And they attacked Texas and killed fucking 1500 people or whatever and raped a bunch of women. I would drive down there and fuel trucks and spray peg blood and diesel fuel on them and then start throwing matches at them. Fuck them, you know what I mean? - And no one else would tell us any differently, so. - They might say something, but, you know, they can talk to the hand. - Yeah. - So. - That's what kids say now, right? - Yeah, they sure do. - They sure do. Next up, is there a possible Wall Street crash? We'll see. One of Wall Street's most bearish skeptics told business insider last month and he thinks the worst market crash since 1929 is coming. - By the way, this guy's basically the Delco of Wall Street guys. So take this for what it's worth. I'm not trying to create a panic here. - No, he hates everything. He's been saying this for years. - He's miserable and he hates everything. - Everything. - Chief investment officer of universal investments is known for being a permabaire when it comes to the stock market outlook. And Spitznagel told Bloomberg and-- - You gotta be careful saying that one. - Sure do. - You wanna try it again? - Spitznagel. - Oh boy. - It's close. - It's very close there. Very close. I'm on fucking crazy edge right now, dude. Told Bloomberg in an earlier interview that we're witnessing the greatest credit bubble in human history. Now that's true. - That is definitely true, yeah. - That's true. - Not just a credit bubble for people but for the country as well. - Correct, yeah. - And Spitznagel's main advice to everyday investors is not to chase the market but rather to build a portfolio that can withstand the impact if the market crashes. If you share Spitznagel's incredibly bearish view on the states of the U.S. economy, here's how you can prepare your portfolio. In an interview with New York Magazine's intelligence last year, Spitznagel. Like in the Fed's constant monetary intervention to a forest fire suppression, you went on to say when you suppressed it enough, it gets to the point where you can no longer afford to have any fires burn because they would be too big and too intense. That's where the U.S. economy is at according to the hedge fund manager. - Headfudge, I actually like headfudge. - Headfudge. - Headfudge fund manager. - And his name is the N word. - I like how I could say Spitznagel nine times throughout this piece but not hedge funds. Look, the market is due for something. It's at record highs but the weird part about this market is it's fueled by only rich people. Everybody else, normies. I think the stat that I read was like 90% of everybody who owns stocks in the United States right now has an income of over $300,000 or something crazy like that but we're due for all of it to come crashing down here. And with media the way it is, AI and the takeover that's gonna happen in a bunch of these industries, record inflation, gas prices, food prices, all that other shit, there's gonna be a breaking point. The other thing too is interest rates are so high. People can't really buy houses. The ones that are like for Austin for example. So the ones that are selling here are over a million dollars. They're all in cash and they're all luxury houses from other rich people who are getting rich off the market right now. But that's about it. Something's gotta give. What are you gonna say about? - Is that not including 401Ks? I just looked this up just to be sure. There's 70 million active participants in 401Ks. - They're talking about individual stock trades. - Yeah, not mutuals and shit like that. - No. - But that would benefit, the high stock market would benefit those people, correct? - Yes, everybody would afford 401K if it stays. - To some degree though, right? Because the point of having index funds and mixed mutuals is that their peaks and valleys are pretty muted, right? Like you're trying to find something stable over time. Not something that fluctuates wildly. So people that own Apple stock, right, as a unit instead of as a fund will benefit quite a bit more than somebody that just has a 401K, for sure. Now, if the bottom falls out, everybody's kind of fucked. - Right, 'cause here's the thing with a 401K buy. Have you ever worked in a company with a 401K? - Yeah, I've had 401Ks before. - Okay, so most of them, you have to leave it in there until you retire. So you can't touch it and that's kind of the beauty of it. - Some of them you can? - It's a myth. - That's a myth. I've cashed mine out twice. - You can't, but you pay a heavy fucking penalty. - You pay a heavy-- - You pay a heavy penalty, so I'll take, let's just take General Electric, big company, all those guys with 401K and stock-- - Not a real general buy, right. - Not a real general. - Not a real general. - And also they can't take the money out to a certain age. So it depends on how big the company is and what their rules and requirements are. People, a lot of people right now are trying to race towards retirement to cash out while it's at its eyes right now before it does crash. But the problem is with trying to predict this shit and with Spitsnagle here, this guy's been saying this for years and years and years. Do I think a market crash will happen? Yes, do I think it will be as bad as 1929? No, I don't see it. A change in presidents would do us all very, very fucking good here coming up in November, but I don't see a crash like 1929. So if you're at home right now and you're listening to this and you alluded to it earlier, I wouldn't panic over a 1929 crash. That's fucking crazy, but you know, a pandemic would, yeah. - Sure, well we may be, if you map this from generation to generation, maybe Trump is the FDR character and maybe we get a new deal, right? Here's the new deal. Fuck you. - Yeah. Go to fucking work, you lazy bitch. That's the new deal. Oh, you don't like that? Get the fuck out of the country. That's a new deal. - Yeah, fuck you. What if he just did that? He held up one of those things and he just said, fuck you. - Well, I mean, on South Park, when they fucking satirized Trump's campaign, his campaign slogan was fuck 'em all to death. - No shit. - Which I appreciated. - Yeah, I like that. - I enjoyed that very much actually. - I like that. Also some breaking news here. The US soldiers just been detained in Russia. Officials said the soldier who was stationed in Korea and traveled to Russia on his own is accused of stealing from a woman over there. US soldier detained in Russia last week by a US Army spokesperson. Been stationed in South Korea, traveled to Russia on his own and not on official business. According to four US officials, the soldier is accused of stealing from a woman and the soldier was detained on May 2nd. US Army spokesperson Cynthia O. Smith said in his statements, right now they're being held on charges of criminal misconduct. - Yeah, so why would the US government and State Department and DOD specifically, those two agencies specifically, why the fuck? Why the fuck would you let an active duty soldier go to fucking Russia right now? - I don't know. I've been told before by state, 'cause I wanted to travel to Russia like no. 'Cause the security clearance isn't shit, right? They're like, no, you're not doing that. So you could get by, it's the same way you could with Cuba back in there. You can get by it. I could go to Canada first and then go over there 'cause Russia will still accept an American passport, but only for this reason, 'cause they wanna fucking kidnap your ass. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? Why the fuck would you even let him go there in the first place? - Well, the reason I wanted to ask you about this is I'm surprised that they would let you in unless they were gonna kidnap you. And then did no one tell him? Hey, dude, there's a war going on. - Well, I kind of feel like if you're in the military and then you're also deployed, maybe you know. Maybe you know there's a war going on, motherfucker. - What the fuck? - I don't know, that's real dumb, though. That's real dumb. I mean, I feel bad for the kid, whoever it is. So do I, but why are you going to Russia, bro? Like, some shit's going on for a couple of years now. - It's like I went to Iran and they got super pissed, dude. I don't know what the fucking deal was. What the hell's the matter with you? - Next up, Columbia cancels graduation year shit. - So much for that fucking $8, $90,000 a year in tuition. - Yeah. - You little bitch. - Damn, dude. - We're gonna graduate on Zoom this year. - Fuckin' Jeffrey Tubin's gonna show up and hang his dong out. - Wow, dude. Columbia University announced today that it is canceling its university-wide commencement ceremony in exchange for a series of smaller events. A university official tells Fox News that security concerns in the wake of the recent anti-Israel protest on campus was one of the main reasons in deciding to cancel a larger event. Our deans and other colleagues who work directly with our students. I've been discussing plans with student leaders and most importantly, listening. Thank God. Based on their feedback, we have decided to make the centerpiece of our commencement activities our class days and school level ceremonies where students are honored individually alongside their peers, rather than the university-wide ceremony that is scheduled for May 15th. - Man, you know these parents are fucking pissed. - I would fucking-- - They spent-- - Go nuclear. - Oh my God, they spent fucking-- - 400K total for four years. - Yeah, if you include the housing for the third and fourth year at least, 'cause nobody stays in the dorms for four years, right? So, 400 grand, probably more, actually, with all the other expenses, flights and blah, blah, blah. - God damn it. - And supplies and shit. And there you go. Here's your fucking certificate. You went to University of Phoenix online. Motherfucker, congratulations. Here's your fucking paper degree in the mail. - Man, there's even, I think, DeRi University even has a ceremony. - That's wild as hell. I mean, you remember, I think it was Bob, correct me if I'm wrong, maybe you tracked on this. I think it was Princeton students. Princeton, I think it was Princeton Columbia and Harvard students sued during the lockdown bullshit because they were like, why am I still paying full tuition for an online degree? You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like, for me, this happens and I sue Columbia University for fucking not fulfilling their goddamn obligation. - Yes, for sure. - Princeton was sued November 22nd, 2020 when this story was written. So, yeah, yeah, basically during COVID because they were like, fuck this, but I've been on campus. - I mean, that's wild. - Wow. - To pay $90,000 a year for what is essentially an online degree. Or if you're a Jewish person, pay $90,000 a year to get fucking harassed all the time. - Oh, did you see this story from, I think New York Magazine about the protesters or whatever? - Yeah. - Let me find this fucking, hold on, I'm just like, I'm gonna find the clip of it, like the clipping, it's fucking crazy. - Yeah, pop it up here. Man, as a parent, I am so pissed. None of these Ivy Leagues, I like to me, that's just not an option anymore. It's like going to Ivy Leagues school. - No, it's too much. It's too much. - It's too much money and you're not-- - Not just the money, like the totality of all this stuff is fucking dumb. - Yeah, dude. What's the education and everything else? - While Bob's looking for that, we do have an update on our brethren down at UNC, those fraternity brothers. They were bombarded, it's a really great story, by the way. They were bombarded with so much love and money and all support and all that other stuff that's, they shut down the go fund me after it got past a half million dollars. The head of the fraternity released a statement and said, "Hey guys, we appreciate all this money. "However, we feel like this money could go to better causes, "we can certainly throw a fine fucking party "for a half million dollars for Christ's sake." We're all good. Donate to something else. We need to study for finals because graduation's coming up here and we thank you for everything that you guys have done and we'll party after the school years over, which is very mature. I would have fucking said, "No, let's jack it up, "let's go, let's see if we can get-- - We're all buying fucking Mustangs, dude. - Let's see if we can get Springsteen to show 'em. - Did we get contact info for those dicks? 'Cause I had a couple of people reach out to me that want to send them stuff. - Well, that's the thing. So right now, as of now, they're not taking any-- - No, I mean like T-shirts. - Donations, shit like that. No, not money. - Yeah, it's online. Their address is online, if you can send anything you want. - Yeah, to the fraternity house at UNCHB, pretty easy to find. This is the line, so it's this girl who goes, who is part of the protest, she goes to Columbia. My parents had been sending all these messages, "Please leave, you can't afford to be there. "I'm really close to my family," so it was heartbreaking, then the family went on to say, "There's other students there who have so much money, "and that's not you, and I've worked so hard at so many jobs "for you to go to this school, and now you're throwing it all away, "and this is not going to matter, you being there, "you being outside doesn't make a difference, "but I ask myself, what am I willing to give up?" - Other people stuff. That's what she's giving up, is other people stuff. You stupid bitch. God damn it, dude, imagine you're fucking, you go to your kid, right? And you just bought him a fucking bag of candy or something, and he's just firing him off onto the ground. He's like, "You know what, Dad, it's worth it for me." - Yeah. - To throw this shit you bought me on the ground. Fuck you, Dad. Fuck you forever. That's basically what this stupid bitch is saying. God, what a piece of shit. - God. - Did they name the woman in here? Can we shame her, please? Who's being interviewed here? - I did not read the whole story 'cause it was pay walled. I'll try to-- - That's fine, that's fine. - I'm not trying to fucking get involved. - Taligenser. - That's New York Times Magazine, so yeah. - Oh, gotcha, gotcha. - So is that a stage, Bob, in the middle of those fucking tents in that picture? Was that what that was? Was that supposed to be their graduation stage? - Okay, her name's Laura. I don't think they, I don't think they identified her behind, beyond her last name. - Laura and she goes to-- - What university? - Columbia. - Columbia. Laura, you're a fucking cunt. (laughing) Go marinatein' that for a while, bitch. - Man, so hey, Bob, that picture right there, pop that up. Was that where they were supposed to have the ceremony on that stage? - That's not a stage, okay. - It's just a bigger, like-- - Oh, damn. - Little tailgating tent. - Gotcha. - Because they are tailgating life, so they may as well have a tailgating tent. - Why not, dude? Why not? And imagine lookin' back at your college years. This is how it ended. No graduation, and then half of these fucking dummies are protesting something that they're unwilling to go over and actually fight for in real life. What a fucking waste of money, time, and intelligence. Jesus Christ, man. - I'd be so goddamn angry if this was my kid's. - Yeah, but then again, if it was your kid at UNC holding the flag up, you would be super proud, right? - Yeah. - But the Ivy League seems to be hopelessly fucked. - That's what I'm saying. I, there's zero desire to be like, go to Yale, go to fucking Harvard, or any of these places, why? You can see all this shit happening on a fucking day-to-day basis. They're only saving grace, and I'll say this again, is graduations coming up. - So there's no reason to be on campus anymore. - Yeah, I guess. I mean, but then, is this shit gonna pour out into the cities now, right? Like, are we gonna see this? - In New York? - Yeah. I mean, not just New York, but whenever these twats go back where they came from. - You know, I wonder, man. - It's gonna stretch this pestilence out across the entire country again. - Because typically, man, if you're there for, let's say, like, it's a summer program or whatever, you've gotta pay extra tuition to stay in the dorms. - Yeah. - If you're going to summer school or everything else, usually, though, you're out of there. So like, at graduation, you're out of there and out of the dorms and off the campus. So there's no excuse if you're showing up to fucking protests, not like you're currently a student. - Yeah. - Summer classes aren't big, man. I took one summer, summer classes at school. Barely anybody does it. - It's like a couple hundred people, yeah. But then again, these are the same people who locked themselves inside of a building that didn't belong to them and demanded a humanitarian aid. - Yeah. - In the form of pizza and dental dams. (both laugh) - You gotta have a dental dam. If you're eating pussy and pizza. - Yeah, yeah. Certainly, you don't wanna get any pepperoni up in her vagina. - You sure don't. - 'Cause that's not good for anybody. - So I understand that demand, but they didn't ask for condoms. - No need. - No need. - No need for that. But nobody there can get an erection. - Yeah. - There's not enough testosterone in that fucking camp to get an erection, I promise you that. - There's no pulling out for Palestine. You gotta leave it in there and cream, cream pie for Palestine. - Yeah, if you pulled out for Palestine, would you say boom at the end? - Boom, bitch. You know what I mean? It's like my dick just clacked one off. - I think a cream pie for Palestine, that like that you could probably support. - Well, you don't wanna make more of those fuckers. - No, you sure don't. - No need. - But on a college campus. - I'm not going to fuck it. - Here's what I'll do. - If you guys are on, if you're at one of these campuses and you get pregnant, I will abort the kid for you because nobody wants you to have that kid. Sorry. Look, I hate to be rough, but you know, you're a useless human being. Fuck it, don't multiply shit. - Where are you going? Are you going down a flight of stairs? Are you pulling up with hangers? - I don't know, I saw a bunch of people over the weekend walking around with code hangers for some reason. I don't know if it was a coincidence or if there's something going on in Austin. - Could have been a thrift store sale. You never know. I don't wanna roll it out. - Can Simon shop? - Yeah, don't wanna roll it out. - Don't wanna roll it out. - Fuck it, why not? - Next up, APAC, all politicians are cunts. A New Hampshire lawmaker who opposed a child marriage band argued that teens are of a ripe fertile age. Jesus Christ, Republican states, representative Jess Edwards said last week that a bill banning marriage for people under 18 would make abortion more appealing for young people. If we continually restrict the freedom of marriage as a legitimate social option, when we do this to people who are of a ripe fertile age and may have a pregnancy and a baby involved, we are not in fact making abortion a much more desirable alternative when marriage might be the right solution for some freedom-loving couples. - Oh, don't try to fucking make it a freedom-loving thing. - What the fuck? Like, oh, these 16-year-old delibertarian let 'em get married. - Is this Jess? - This dude is the new Roy Moore, I think. - This is the guy-- - Anybody that refers to-- - Dude, huh? - Anybody that refers to young women as ripe and fertile needs to go to jail probably, right? I mean, I think maybe we'll find the crime if you just look into his hard drive somewhere. - This is some Drake ship. - There we go. - This is some Drake ship. - Thank you, Mr. Speaker. Thank you for taking my questions. - Is that a comment, infantry badge on his lapel? - Do you agree with the point of view that if we continually restrict the freedom of marriage as a legitimate social option, when we do this to people who are of fertile, ripe, fertile age and may have a pregnancy and a baby involved, are we not in fact making abortion a much more desirable alternative when marriage might be the right solution for some freedom-loving couple? - Oh, that's a-- - Thank you, Mr. Speaker. - That's a medical badge. - Okay. - You can go ahead and launch this guy into the sun. - Yeah, man. I mean, look, this is a pedophile. - Here's where I'll go with this. The government shouldn't be involved in the marriage business anyways, for sure. But it is, and trying to make the argument that the ripe and fertile 14 to 16 year olds need to be left to their own devices, that seems like maybe a weird hill to die on. There's a lot going on in the world right now. - Sure is. - Like, you know what, it's really stuck in my crawl? Is it 16 year olds ain't fucking, man. That's what's, like, come on, dude. Find something else. Find literally anything else to fucking bitch about. - Here's my meme, "When a ripe girl move on to the block." - Yeah. - A ripe girl. - Look it. - Oh my God. - Make a meme. Just make it. - Yeah. - Just make it. - People don't know who this is though. It's the probably, his name is Jess too. Jesus Christ. - Wow. - Go back to another picture of him. It's, 'cause he's got a beard now. This is even worse. Like, this picture right here. Like, this is a guy that knows about young men or women. - Hey, if anybody knows what ripe is, it's me. You understand? You're dropping fertile. - Oh, that's, it was an EFMB or it's a combat, or combat action badge, I think. - So he's a veteran this guy? - Yeah. He retired from the army, I think. - Come on. - Had a ripe fertile age or, do we know what age you got out of it? - Well, here's the thing. - 2009. - This is part one, right? So part one is at a ripe fertile age. And then it's like, oh yeah, I guess, you know, teenagers have kids throughout history, whatever. Then he's, but then like part two later comes. He's like, well, you know men are always fertile. - Yeah. - You know, it's really just the women they have. - Yeah, he's not talking about young and fertile men. - No. - Or ripe and fertile young men, because yeah, you can, I mean, Al Pacino and De Niro just had kids in their 80s. - Yeah. I mean, this is who's really women here. Who's ripe and fertile? - Hey, would you say you're ripe and fertile? She's horrified by the question. Which is a normal response to that. - I think to Jess, she'd be on the back now. - Oh yeah, you're definitely aged out of his fucking age group. This guy's like... - Above 16, 17, toss is what this guy is. New Hampshire is the latest state to take steps towards banning child marriage. Last month, Virginia became the 12th state to ban it with no exceptions. If New Hampshire's bill becomes a law, it would leave Maine as the only state in the northeast of the United States that allows marriage below the age of 18. - Is that surprising that Maine is one of the states? - I never think about Maine until somebody brings it up. - I don't wanna think about it. Let's move on. - I don't either. I don't either. - Let's move on. Fuck Maine. - So currently, Maine permits 16 and 17 year olds to marry with written consent from their parents. - I kind of thought we were moving on from Maine. - Man, dude. - 16 and 17 with consent from parents? - Yeah, that's fine. - 16 years old. - There are some people who... - Just know. - No, you know. - No, no, no, no. There are some people who that's the best it's ever gonna get for them, right? So you guys will all lock it down. You know, high school quarterback. Look, at all you high school quarterbacks out there, you're gonna be selling cars five years from now. So you may as well marry that hot girl you're with. 'Cause it's not gonna go well for you once you get out of there. - Yeah, I minded and it worked out. They've been married for fucking ever, dude. And yeah, so it works. - I actually think there is some data that shows people that get married younger and stay together longer, which will make sense. - I've got two friends. - But it's also the divorce rate for people who are conventionally married in the United States something like 56% right now, I think. And then it goes higher and higher with second, third, and fourth marriages. For people in arranged marriages, the divorce rate is 6%. - No shit. - That's right. - Maybe the Indians are doing it right then. - Engines. - Well, I'm talking about fucking dots, man. - Not the feathers, maybe they do that too? I don't know. - I actually don't think women have any rights. - Or should. I mean, they do-- - Holy shit. - According to the Constitution. - We've been fighting against it, but. - On this show, yeah. - For years now, but on this show. - We've made very little progress, if I'm being honest. - Yeah. - Exactly. All right, now it's time for the drinking, bro, of the week. We've got a bunch of submissions here. Now these came in physical copies. So we always read these out here 'cause we're always getting invited to weddings, which we don't do. - No. - So I just don't, you don't even have to waste the time where you appreciate it, but you don't have to waste the time. - Well, I like the card, you know, it's nice. - I like the card. I'm looking at this loving couple right now. - So, are they hot? - Can't tell 'cause it's blurred out. - Oh, that's weird. - He's picking her up though. - Oh, so she's not fat. - No, that's good. - Looks like she's a kind ass, you know? - A kind ass, yeah, that's. - A very ripe infertile ass on your wife, Kyle. - Sorry, Kyle, Brittany. Okay, I love you guys. I don't know, I don't know. - So this is Kyle Proul-Hiri, damn it, Kyle. - P-R-U-L-H-I-E-R-E. - Wait, hang on, spell it again. - P-R-U-L-H-I-E-R-E. Kyle, this is first. - Proulier is how I would say that. - Proulier. - Proulier, that's L-H-I-E-R-E is French, yeah. - But his name is Kyle. - Yeah, but, you know. - What's the French last name? - Look, he's drinking fucking wine and mozzarella to drink, and he's punching holes in drywall. - I would've gone with Pierre Proulier. - Proulier, yeah, whatever, whatever it is. And he's marrying Brittany McIntyre. Lovely couple is getting married on August 24th here up in Oregon, up in Oregon. Congratulations to you guys, Kyle and Brittany, but definitely not going, but we love you. We love you. - Yeah, enjoy your wedding. - Yeah. - Oh, shit, drinking bro just sent me up. We got a meeting with him on Wednesday about distribution in Oregon. - Oh, wow. - Yeah. - Oregon. - Oregon, man. And I was like, yeah. And he goes, look, besides Seattle, there's a bunch of fucking fun-loving partiers up there. I've never been-- - Those are two different states, bud. - I remember our, is it? - Portland. - Portland's not in Oregon? - Portland is. Seattle, what you said. - Oh, Seattle, sorry. - It's in Washington. - But the same, it's the same state twice with the same issue. - I've never been to either. - Literally the same issue. One bullshit city with a bunch of assholes in it. And the rest of the state's okay. - And to bring a full circle, Portland, also in Maine. - Yeah, listen, this is the third time I've said this. I thought we had moved on for Maine. - For Maine, yeah, for good. - No more. - The lobsters has all been-- - We're about to ban Maine from the show entirely. - Yeah, next up, this is Rachel and Michael. No picture, so I can't tell you. I can tell you, Kyle and Brittany fuck, though. - Oh, yeah. - Like, for real. - I mean, he said, he picked her up. They're in a wheelbarrow position. That's what's happening. - Yeah. I mean, Kyle and Brittany definitely fuck from this photo. - Do you think that's a power move to send out of, like when you send out your wedding invite, it's a picture of YouTube fucking? - It'd be great, wouldn't it? - Or at least simulated. Like, you've got her hair wrapped up in your hand and she's bent over and she's just looking over her shoulder. But it's all black and white, it's tasteful. - Very tasteful. - It's very tasteful. - Very tasteful. This one is drinking brother week is Rachel and Michael. They've invited us to join their wedding celebration on April 27th. We even checked the mail in a while. I'm sorry. - Yeah. - So you guys got married about 10 days ago. Congratulations. - To be honest, if you send us mail and it's not like a check, probably throw it away. - No, if it's a card, we open it. - It'll be, I'll just be getting around to it, obviously. We're looking for checks. You want to send checks to the studio? - Yeah. - Feel free or just cash or drugs? - Drugs, yeah. - Where do these guys get married? They got married in Kingsport, Tennessee. - I don't know where that is. Congratulations. I don't either. - Let's look at that. - I don't either there. But congratulations to you guys. No picture. I can't tell you if they're hot and they fuck, but Brittany and Kyle definitely both. - Brittany and Kyle sounds like, to be honest, domestic violence to me. - Well, maybe. You gotta get married for us to figure it out. - Just saying. Just based on the names alone, that sounds like something's going down. - All right. And last but not least here. What do we kill? Is this drugs? Oh my God. - This was. - Oh my fucking God. - You could thank me for this. By the way, close it and see your stops. - Are you kidding me, dude? - I didn't send it. - Yeah, I closed it and it stopped. - Oh, good. Okay. So there's a version. - Did you guys know this was coming? - No, but I've been loved. - Yeah. So this is one of those cards where you can record your own message. Remember a couple of weeks ago I said to do this. - Oh my God. - I do. The fact that it got here this quickly. - However, you're lucky. He couldn't find one. By the way, for those of you that didn't hear what just happened, that was the name. - I will play it. Now, because this guy went out of his way, I will fucking play this. - Yeah. - So he says, "Hey, Ross and Dan, love the show, you guys. "Please enjoy being close. "As a token of my appreciation. "Cheers, this is Nate in Iowa." - No such thing as Iowa, obviously. - No, but he says, "You can find him in Twitter "at the free Speacher R1." Pull him up, dude. This is great. So I opened this up, and if you couldn't hear it, I'll play it for you here. It's a black, it's just a solid black card. Looks like Jay-Z's album. I wasn't expecting anything. I opened it up, and here's what it says. (dramatic music) - Now, if you're new to this show, that's the sound of Meek Mill getting fucked by P. Diddy. Allegedly. - Oh my God, dude. - Now, you fucking, we just talked about this at the top of the show. I was like, nope, all good, Bob couldn't find it. And then I get fucking trolled by the goddamn audience sending in a tripwire card. - Well, the good news is they weren't able to find the card that won't shut off no matter what you do, right? There's one that even if you close it, it still goes. - Oh, he's got a picture here. Let's see. - Did he print out a meme like "Map Quest?" - The free speech R1 is his username here. And it says, "The toughest rooster in letter Kenny." - Yeah. - There you got him? - Yeah. - Okay. What's his real name? Does it have all of his shit on there? - Nah. - Okay. - I'm a big, hey, I-- - This feels like a-- - This is awesome. - This sort of account that needs to remain anonymous. - Yeah. (laughing) - Why? - Well, because of shit, like he just sent you. (laughing) Fuck. God damn, that was great. I mean, holy shit. What are the chances? That was the last card I fucking opened, and it's that. (laughing) Fuck me, man. What are we doing in this world? - Well, you were just listening to Black Dudes have sex. - I sure will. - And I don't know why. - What are we doing, though, that people are sending this into the fucking office? - Well, that's, we don't need to look too deep here. I ask people to do it. - I know you did. - Or at least told them that they could, which is essentially the same thing. - That is fucking pure insanity, man. Holy shit. - What are you gonna do, man? - Yeah. I mean, look, we started off pretty nice here with Kyle and Brittany, who fuck. - For sure, yeah. - Might be involved in some domestic violence later on in their life, to a mist wedding of Rachel and Michael, and then make Mill and Diddy just fucking each other in an audio card, which is really nice. - Look, man. - Cheers. - This is America. - Cheers. - Sure is. We appreciate you tuning in, kids. Go to iTunes, rate the show a five star and leave a quick review. Also, head on over to Spotify. It's just a five star and you can walk away. All right, I got a new fucking sign off here for this goddamn shit. So now that Rogan is back on iTunes, he's got, obviously he's the biggest show in the world. He's got a million goddamn episodes on there. Chart wise now, they'll bump you up if you have reviews and ratings and all that shit. And it's like, now you're doing it for that as well. Fuckin' Rogan, dude. Is it, I mean, you're rich enough. You know what I'm saying? No reason, no reason to take over 90 slots with all your shows over there, Rogan. Come on, Rogues for Christ's sakes. So yeah, rate and review the show 'cause it helps bump it up the charts as well. And that's important. Advertisers care about it, all that shit. Please just go and fucking do it. Spotify's just a five star. That's it. Let's go and throw it away. Throw your fucking bone off the window. Appreciate it, sooner than end. For damn it, damn it, all the way. I'm Ross Patterson. This is "Drinking Bro's Fake News." Good night. (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (rock music) (upbeat music)
