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Police Blotter Fax Friday: It's Bananas! | 5.10.24 - The Howie Carr Show Hour 3
This podcast is brought to you by the Eden Pure Thunderstorm. BOGO is back for one week only. Buy one and get one of the Eden Pure Thunderstorm free. Order at EdenPureDeals.com code word "Howie" BOGO. [MUSIC PLAYING] Better strap yourself in. It's time for the Howie Car Show. [LAUGHS] You know, I have family coming in, who I have to let them know to, you know, not come to my graduation. Ceremonies. [LAUGHTER] We are laughing. I mean, I'm a 2020 high school grad, so I wasn't able to walk then. [LAUGHS] And so I'm not able to walk now. Sad. They're sad. Sad. Live from the Matthews Brothers Studios. [MUSIC PLAYING] Stop the hammering. Stop the hammering out there. Who's got a hammer? Just stop. Yes, it's in America, Toba. We must just stop oil. Shut up, old lady. More independent said that they worry about President Biden weakening democracy than Trump. What do you make of this? I am shocked. Love at that shot. Rump swabs, hacks, and moon bats beware. It's Howie Car. 844-542-42. So a couple of textures have asked that. What is the name of these people in Canton? Is it Albert or Mick Albert? Because I've referred to them as both. Or I think Turtle Boy too, probably. But there's the Albert family. That's the main group. And then there's some other ones, sort of the subsidiary group, the McCabes. So they're just basically combined together. Like the people at Wyatt Earp fought at the OK Corral. There were two groups of them, the McClintons or McClintox and another group. So there's the knabs in the Albert. So the shorthand is to call them the Mick Alberts. What interested me too was him talking about-- he's got a story that's going to go up, I guess, on tbdailynose.com, fairly soon, that he's got photographs of Brian Albert, the cop that's on the witness stand, who, again, is calm and collected because that's the training they get in police academy. And meeting in this graveyard with Jennifer McCabe, Jen McCabe, who's probably the key witness, Jen McCabe. That's great, but it's not illegal to meet somebody, right? No, but I just reminded me of-- sometimes people have strange meetings in graveyards. You ever hear of a guy named John Priscolo in Worcester? I've got a feeling I'm about to know a lot more about. He was a state rep in Worcester. I was right. And one time, a while back, he called 911 right after sunset. And he said, this is representative Priscolo. He said, yes, what's your problem? He says, I'm locked inside the graveyard. I didn't know that they shut the gates to the graveyard. And now I'm in my car, and I'm stuck in the graveyard. That's happened to me before. There were many rumors about what he was doing in the graveyard at dusk. Because I don't think he had any relatives and buried in the graveyard, just like McCabe and Albert don't have any relatives buried in the graveyard. I don't think the Priscolo scenario fits here if you've ever seen Jen McCabe, just for starters. But it's interesting that they would be meeting in a graveyard. 844-542-42. Time now for the chump line. [MUSIC PLAYING] What I turn in my son, if he committed a crime. Let me consult President Biden on this one. [LAUGHTER] The smartest man I know. And he didn't interfere in the least when they tried to broom the case. And just like he's not going to try to broom the case, first the gun violations and the false statements, that's June 3 in Wilmington, Delaware. And then the income tax evasion is later in the month in LA. Of course, CNN doesn't need a fat checker. For me, I'm not bad. But my President, President Donald Trump, is as bad as a double flard. No joke. [BEEP] Yeah, there were stories today that they have this guy Daniel Dale at CNN. You've heard us talk about him. He's always fact-checking Donald Trump. He just sits around at the trial. And monitors his appearances when he comes in and out of court, just trying to find him making alleged statements that aren't factual. But yet, on his own network, Biden goes on there on Wednesday night and tells 15 flat-out lies in 17 minutes. And Daniel Dale is on the lamb, kind of like Chloe the dog. He's on the lamb. And he says absolutely nothing. That's why I put that on in Howie's homework today. Go to howiecarshow.com and click on store. You get a link to the New York Post editorial. 15 lies in 17 minutes. Today's Chumpline is brought to you by Jake Rooney's on the curve in Harwichport. Open year round with seasonal favorites for family fun, food, and entertainment. It's Jake Rooney's in Harwichport, the exclusive home of the stone grill dinner, online at jakeroonies.com. Loving. Did you hear that insufferable, Genes cars? Tall tale about walking through the classrooms of BC with his friend? Let me guess. His friend's name was T-bone, or corn pop, or fruit loop. Or maybe it was a composite friend, Genes car having a friend. Most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. I don't want to get him into trouble with his law firm, but you wouldn't know him if I mentioned his name. He's been involved in many high profile cases. I heard during Stormy Daniels testimony, Jeffrey Two of it had to be removed from the courtroom. Taylor's grimacing at that. I thought I was kind of humorous myself. I wasn't grimacing. Joe Biden's support for Israel is Ironclad. Well, I guess in words of Neil Young, Russ never sleeps. Exactly. Good well put. Yeah, Iron-- he says it-- it's not like he said it three years ago. He said it the night before. And the Holocaust remembrance ceremony said the support for Israel was Ironclad. Then he goes on and says, eh, we're not going to give him any weapons to take out the Nazis. I was expecting Brandon's three-word response about a debate with Trump to be don't. Yeah, but you don't believe that, do you? I mean, there's not going to be any debates. Come on. Gee, Halley, I wish they would banish Brandon from the presidency. He really scares me. I'm afraid of him. He is pretty frightening. I mean, he's got a much longer record of abuse of the American people. And by the way, other nations as well than Turtle Boy does. 603, do you think Hunter will fly commercial to California? What's the name of his sugar bro? They call him Kevin-- is it Kevin Morris? I think Kevin Morris. Wow, Brandon doesn't know his own administration's policies. What a surprise. I think though that Congressman Adam Smith-- that's the first time I've ever heard anyone say-- say, I've been assured by a spokesman for the administration that the president's statement does not reflect what the administration really believes. I've never heard that before. I remember Ron Ziegler, when he was representing Richard Nixon, he would say, that statement is no longer operative. But that's a little different than what Congressman Smith said. Say Ed, did you see the anti-Semitic hippies are continuing their quote unquote hunger strikes? You are correct, sir. They're about as principled as Chris Christie's hunger strike. You know, the one that lasted five minutes when his entree arrived late. So Trump's going to have a rally on a beach in New Jersey. Is this the same beach where Chris Christie shut down during a budget impasse in Trenton, and then he was the only one on the beach he looked like a whale? I wonder if it is. Joe Biden said he would turn in his child, and then he would pardon them. Very few of us have such an option, however. That was your last Chumpline message. Thank you for calling Howie Carr. You chump. That's it for today's Chumpline. The Chumpline is the recorded voicemail message service of the Howie Carr show. You can call and leave a message at any time between the hours of 1 and 4 p.m. Eastern time. Chumpline number, if you wish to leave such a message, 844-542-42. That's 844-542-42. Press 2 for the Chumpline. Leave your message. We may or may not play it at this time each weekday. If you didn't hear your message, or you just like there are a second, brand new Chumpline every evening, we have one. It's called Chop Chumps. It's posted around 7 p.m. week nights. And you can get Chop Chumps, which is the second Chumpline of the day where we put all the messages. We didn't have room or time for it just now. Wherever you get your Howie Carr show podcast, Chop Chumps, the second Chumpline of the day. Today's Chumpline is brought to you by Jake Rooney's on the curve in Harwichport. Open year round with seasonal favorites. For family fun, food, and entertainment, it's Jake Rooney's in Harwichport, the exclusive home of the stone grill dinner. Online at jakeroonies.com. - I heard during stormy Daniels testimony, Jeffrey too, but have to be removed from the courtroom. - I'm Howie Carr. - The Howie Carr show. (dramatic music) - The Howie Carr show is back. (upbeat music) Today's poll question is brought to you by Perfect Smiles. Don't be fooled by imposters with similar names. If you're unhappy with your smile, you need to visit Dr. Bruce Houghton in Nashua. Call 1-844-A-Perfect-Smile or visit PerfectSmiles.com. Taylor, what's the poll question? What are the results thus far? - Today's poll question, which you can vote in at HowieCarshow.com, is should the judge have banned Turtle Boy from the courtroom for all the interesting witnesses in the Karen Reed murder trial? Yes, no, it was an outrage. No, but she did Turtle Boy a favor or not sure. - No, but she did Turtle Boy a favor. - 31% say she did him a favor. 55% say it was an outrage. 6% say yes, he should have been banned. 8% say they're not sure. - All right, 844-542-42. You know who hates Turtle Boy almost as much as the Norfolk County District Attorney's Office and the state police and the judge, Auntie Bev? That's the Boston Globe. They're not doing a bad job covering this, just feeding what a moment to moment basis, but the headline says nothing about Turtle Boy. I mean, he's the lead today. You got to lead and use headlines the breaking the biggest news of the day. And what people are talking about is Turtle Boy being banned. I mean, it's just one day. It wouldn't kill them to go with the real news, but-- - What was their lead? - It was a chaotic day, says Brian Albert. - So they got it in there without getting it in there. - But they were talking about January 29th, 2022. They were, it's just buried, it's buried in there. And, you know, the Herald that leads with it. I mean, it's the obvious lead. I'm sure the TV stations are all leading with it. 844-542-42. No matter how much you hate a guy, you got to go with what's happening, I think, unless you're the Globe, I guess. But I guess John Henry doesn't care. He's losing 20, 30 million a year. What the hell does he, what's his concern? It's his trophy wife's play thing. Nick, you're next with Howie Carr, go ahead, Nick. - Hey, Howie, a little bit of history here. I do not like Judge Canell. Why? 'Cause she has a stench of one developed Patrick on her. He picked her up. He also picked the judge. Remember, two NSCs, he all just got murdered by a bank robber committed to bank robberies, and some local little magistrate judge, Patrick picked. May sure that that guy who spent some time in jail, she strategically let him out so the ICE couldn't get a hold of him. So within two weeks, that's when he murdered those two people. Thank you to all Patrick. Mars, he's no good either. He made sure that this case with Canell here in Weymouth, with Immanuel Lopes, 2018, that bum murdered a cop, and he murdered a neighbor in that neighborhood. What she's doing is she got convicted, she's dragging out his sentence, hoping time will go by. He'll end up in Bridgewater and EZ Street. It looks like he's all he brings to you. - Oh, yeah, no, they all do that. Like Chisholm up in Essex County, who killed the teacher. And then they send him to prison, and now it turns out that he, as a juvenile, this guy named Chisholm, and he just moved up here from parts unknown, and he kills this poor teacher who's 23, and then he goes to prison. They got him in prison, and he almost kills one of his counselors in prison. And they basically gave him no extra time. I mean, they just got to keep these people in prison. And you know the story about the, what Nick's talking about is this judge, who, there was this guy, he was an illegal alien. He robbed two banks in Boston, and he was from Africa. And they said, well, if we keep him in, if we send him to prison on federal wraps, he'll be deported when he finishes his sentence. So he did seven months for two violent bank robberies. One of the tellers said it was the most violent bank robbery she'd ever been involved in. She was more scared with this one. They let the guy go. He gets out of prison and he kills two legal immigrants. Anesthesiologist, they were. They lived together in Andrew Square in South Boston. And you know how bad that case was? I remember I covered it. Deval Patrick was, he ran such a pitiful administration. He, he meant to appoint some Wokester. And here she had some name like Joan Smith. So there were two Joan Smiths who'd applied to be judges. He appointed the wrong one. So as a makeup call, he appointed the second Joan Smith, or whatever the hell her name was. I can't remember it now. And so I called up the DA's office, 'cause I wanted to rip the, rip the judge who'd let this, let this, this African thug go to kill the two anesthesiologists in, in South Boston. And they couldn't tell me. Because they could, they were, they were broom in so many of these cases. This wasn't even Rachel Rollins. This was Dan Connolly. They were broom in so many cases for illegal aliens. They didn't even know which of the Joan Smith or Anne Smiths had broom this case. It took them three days to figure it out. I mean, that's how bad the justice system is in Massachusetts and just about everywhere else. I mean, it's the same thing in York County in Maine that the, you know, right on the border. They, they don't want to prosecute this, this illegal alien who, who killed the woman from Albion, 53 years old, driving erratically unlicensed, unregistered, uninsured car. Oh, oh, we don't want to, we don't want to prosecute him because he'll be deported. You want him in the country? I guarantee he's on welfare. He's a criminal. He killed an American and you want to keep him in the country. 844, 542, 42. I'm Howie Carr. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) Looking to give a mom in your life the gift of peace and quiet this Mother's Day? Maybe you can't help mom run away from all her responsibilities, but at least you can help her tune them out with a brand new pair of Raycon earbuds. Raycon's everyday earbuds are the perfect way to tune out all the noise around you and tune in to something great. Their audio quality rivals all the big audio brands you know and love, at a price you'll love even more. With custom gel tips for a comfortable in-air fit, eight hours of play time and a 32 hour total battery life, Raycons are perfect for all they list. Raycon everyday earbuds also come with three customizable sound profiles, noise isolation and awareness mode. Maybe that explains the tens of thousands of five star reviews. Now get 20% off your Raycon order plus free shipping when you go to byraycon.com/howling. That's 20% off and free shipping at byraycon.com/howling byraycon.com/howling. (upbeat music) Live from the Matthews Brothers Studios. 844-542-42844-542-442, it's that time of the week. Police plot our facts Friday. (upbeat music) - Why do you still read the newspaper? I like to keep up on local news, like the police plotter. - Whenever the laws of any state are broken, a duly authorized organization swings into action. - A fact, a fact is coming through, oh yeah, a fact. - Here's the kind of adventure you've been waiting to hear. - Our boiled action and mystery. - So stand by for trouble and suspense. - Stand by for adventure. (upbeat music) - You know how it works all week long. We ask you to send in funny stories or items that you see online, or it could even be in your daily or weekly newspaper if you still get a dead tree edition. There's some police departments have a police log or police plotter that they do themselves. Most likely, more likely though, it'll be something that the local paper picked up or the local wire TV station, just about the police department arresting someone or having a weird experience. And it could be from anywhere. And all we ask is that you, if you see something funny, just you can just email it to us and we will take a look at it. The address to email, any entries for police plotter facts is policeplotter@howiecarshow.com. - Let's go, our way home. - Policeplotter@howiecarshow.com. And at this time every Friday, we read all the winning entries, all the best entries of the week and the two best entries of the week in our opinion receive a nice gift. What do they get this week Taylor? - This week they'll get a better support than deport T-shirts. - All right. And all of you call them. - Better deport than support. - Yeah. - All I said was the Massachusetts version. - All our T-shirts and everything else is available at howiecarshow.com, click on store. Great stuff, always available. All right, so these are the runners up Taylor, right? - These are the runners up, they don't win a thing. Villager ordered into anger management after throwing salami at women. - Villager, another villager? - Another villager in the news. - What was his native state? Do they have that, or they stopped that as geographical profile finally? - It seems they may have stopped that. - Oh, that's terrible. - Patrick Thomas Heilig, 57 years old, has been allowed to enter into a pretrial intervention contract that could enable him to escape prosecution on charges of battery and resisting arrest if he lives up to the terms of the contract. He must complete 12 hours of anger management and must have only peaceful contact with a woman he attacked. The woman fled on the night of New Year's Eve to a nearby home in the village. - Must have only peaceful contact? - Only peaceful contact, not mostly peaceful contact. Only peaceful contact. The woman fled on the night of New Year's Eve to a nearby home in the village of Liberty Park after 57 year old Patrick Thomas Heilig threw a piece of salami at her and struck her on the left cheek according to an arrest report. - She wanted pepperoni. - Is there a, I thought you were quoting a song lyric. - Yes, we have no pepperoni. We only have salami today. - Heilig told the woman I threw it at you to get your attention. When deputies arrived at the home, the location of which was redacted from the arrest report, they found Heilig who was completely belligerent. Deputies attempted to place him into a patrol car, but Heilig who stands six foot two, weighs 240 pounds. - He's about the size of Brian Albert. - Claimed he was too large to fit in the vehicle. A larger, what did they show up with a golf cart? A larger Chevy Tahoe model squad car was summoned to the scene, but Heilig continued to refuse to get in. He used his dead weight attempt to prevent deputies from putting him in the vehicle. - Was this a cold cut, cold case? - I think so, it sounds like it. Florida fishermen inches from death after falling into shark infested water at Bahama's Marina. - Marlin Wakeman, his name's Marlin. - When Wakeman, 24, was that the-- - He's got a nautical, I don't know if he's got a nautical background, but he's certainly got a nautical name. - Sure does. 24 years old, he was at the Flying Fish Marina in Long Island on April 26th when he tried to jump the docked boat he was working on. Wakeman told NBC News that he was, this is Long Island Bahamas, not New York. He was always kind of thought about his fear of falling into the water. Me and my buddies were talking about like, "Man, if you fell in here like you are done, you're not even gonna have a second to really react," Wakeman said Thursday. "The waters around the marina are a feeding frenzy for at least 20 sharks at any moment due to fishermen dumping fish carcasses in the water." The young fisherman noted the water is so heavily overrun with Caribbean reef sharks that a person can walk on their heads almost. He slipped off the dock and into the waters as the underwater predators attacked, biting him twice. "When I ended up in the water, I pretty much knew what was gonna happen," he recalled. "And when he bit me, I knew what was going on. There wasn't a second of doubt in my mind." Wakeman recalled that, a first shark surprise. - You know, you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to put one by Marlon Wakeman. I pretty much knew what was going on. I was in shark infested waters, water, man. And suddenly I felt something sharp on my leg. - You don't really feel the teeth going in. He said, noting that the second bite felt more like a punch. I'm just really lucky his head didn't shake or hold on for a while. So he pulled himself out of the water and onto his boat once the second shark released him from its jaws. - Why would he try to, with knowing the sharks in the water, why would he try to jump like that? - I mean, he slipped, that was it. He slipped off the, those docks get wet around water, but you should have been more careful. - By the way, 781 says I transported that African thug who killed the two doctors in Southie to court years ago. He had absolutely no remorse whatsoever. The only good thing to come out of it was he has to wear a colostomy bag for the rest of his life due to being shot by the Boston Police Department. Didn't they sentence him to like 364 days so he wouldn't get deported? - I think it was seven months. Usually it's 360, that's a, they put him on, I think the state deal is seven months and the federal deal is 364 days to keep him from being deported. And he was just, he was just remorseless. And a lot of these people, a lot of these illegal aliens are totally remorseless and they give them one break after another and all they do is they sense weakness, like a dog or like an Arab terrorist with a... - Speed bump. - Yeah, it's just ridiculous. - All right, our next runner-up target thief used self-checkout to steal over $60,000 in items over 120 visits to the same store. This is Aziz a great... - This is what I mean. This is exactly the problem. - With self-checkout? - No, with just, with never punishing anybody. - Well, you've admitted before on this very segment that you've taken advantage of the self-checkout system. - I was one time I was trying several times perhaps. I was trying to buy sumo oranges which are much more expensive than regular oranges and I somehow hit the wrong button and paid for navel. I paid for navel oranges which are maybe like one-fourth the price of the sumos. But that was just an accident. - An accident every single time? - You know, so... - A recurring accident, if you will. - I wasn't wearing my glasses a few times or someone was bothering me. - I see, I see. 43-year-old Aziza Graves for that is indeed her name, visited the target at the Stonestown Gallery in San Francisco 120 times between October 3rd of 2020 and November 16th of 2021. During her elaborate scheme, it's not that elaborate. Graves picked items from the shelves before she headed straight to the self-checkout counter. - This crime wave happened three years ago and they're only getting around to convicting her now. - I guess so, yeah. She went to the self-checkout counter, scanned her items and paid a nominal amount such as a single coin or bill before exiting the store. A Graves was arrested in November 2021 after investigators in the San Francisco Police Department followed her inside and around the store twice. After leaving the store with stolen items, the thief would go to the city's United Nations Plaza less than a mile from City Hall, where she sold the items to vendors of stolen property. She subsequently began... - Where did the San Francisco PD lug those guys to? - Retail theft continues to have a major impact on San Fran businesses said police. She was rigidly charged with eight felony counts of grand theft and 120 misdemeanor counts of petty theft. She phases up to three years in state prison. Again, not a very elaborate scheme. - Right, that's gonna really happen to someone named Aziza. What's her last name? - Graves. - Aziza Graves, okay. - Another runner up vacationers land in jail after fight over golf cart and Disney tickets. Ladies from Missouri, vacationing in Florida were arrested at a home in the villages after a fight. Officers were called at about 11 a.m. Monday to a home on Rudell Way in the village of Citrus Grove, where 28-year-old Gina Leah Danforth of Fenton, Missouri. - Danforth in Missouri? There was a senator named John Danforth from Missouri. I wonder if she's any relation. - Quite possibly. And 31-year-old Katherine Northrop of St. Peter's, Missouri. Any relation to any politicians there? - Yeah, I'm not familiar with that name. - They were staying while vacationing in Florida. The women were both reportedly upset over a golf cart and tickets to Disney World. The ladies' fracas-- - Who isn't? - Included screaming, spitting, pushing, punching, and hair pulling. A real cat fight. The report noted the altercation occurred within the residence with numerous occupants inside. Northrop suffered scratches on her neck, elbow, and stomach. Danforth was transported by ambulance. She wanted to be seen because she was not feeling well. And that's all, there's not much detail in that story as to golf cart and tickets to Disney World. Why that was so upsetting. - I was reading an alumni report from Deerfield Academy last night. And one of my classmates, Taylor, retired? You know where he moved? - The villages? - He did, yes. - Will we be reading about him soon? - No, because he's dead. - Oh, okay. - I don't know, it's a lot of violence in the villages. I don't know what happened to him. - Have we read about him before? - No, we haven't. - All right, we'll do one more runner-up before we take a break. Young bull breaks out in search of bananas at neighbor's house. This is in Mansfield, Texas. A Texas woman who lives-- - In search of a bowls-y bananas? - They'll eat anything, I guess. A Texas woman who lives next door to some young bulls has learned an important lesson about not feeding farm animals after one of the bulls broke through a fence to find her. LaToya Keeling had been occasionally feeding the two young bulls who lived next to her bananas through a barbed wire fence in her yard. But she didn't expect what happened Wednesday night. They remember that banana, Keeling said, he'll come. He'll act like he eating the leaves, but he'll be looking into the house like, I know your home, come give me a banana. What are the bulls who climbed through the fence? What about 8 p.m. and had about-- - Gotta give this guy his own TV show. - I think it's a she. Headed up to Keeling's house in search of her and a banana tree. Keeling caught him looking through her window, a peeping bull. I saw a silhouette outside and I was like, I know he didn't get up here. - That sounds like a lot of bull. I'll anticipate all the tweets and the texts, I mean. - He walked up to the window and piqued his eyeball in there like, I know y'all home. - Unfortunately-- - I know these are good quotes. They gotta be real. - Unfortunately neither, Keeling or the bull knew how to get him back to his pasture. She called the police his non-emergency line and officers were able to guide the bull back despite the animal nudging them and resisting arrest. Don't feed young bulls bananas, they're like cats, they'll come back, Keeling said. - Do cats like bananas? - I've never known a cat to like a banana. 844-542, 42. I'm Howie Carr. - Want more from The Howie Carr Show? - Yes, always. - Watch Howie Live at rumble.com/The Howie Carr Show. He's not just another pretty face. - He's an extraordinarily good looking man. - He's Howie Carr. - That's a little bit of a bromance going on there. (dramatic music) - He's Howie Carr, and he's back. - Oh, yes! ♪ We know God is the banana ♪ ♪ We know God is the banana today ♪ - Louis Prima. Limerick Guy says feeding that bull bananas led to a bunch of trouble for all ladies. Speaking of the shoplifter at Targets in San Francisco, Officer Mark says the shoplifter is appealing her a conviction like Donald Trump. She's claiming she's a victim of targeted prosecution. All right, you got any runners up or are we going straight to the winners? - I think we can do one runner up. This is a good guy with a gun story. Want to be jewel-theif oiled by gun-wielding Army vet store owner. Would-be thieves plans for a jewelry heist were thwarted Saturday night when he was chased out of the Nebraska store at gunpoint by the owner and on his toes, U.S. Army vet. Garrett Petticard told K.E.T.V. I typically carry a firearm on my waist even after hours. It's just one of those things. Keys, wallet, firearm. Petticord was burning the midnight oil in the back of Sidrony Jewelers in Omaha when he noticed a commotion on his surveillance screens. The thrilling footage shows the burglar dressed head to toe in black, hurl a rock through the shop's window and crawl through the broken glass expecting to be alone. That's when Petticard loudly stormed into the showroom with his gun-drawn catching the thief standing over a case with some of his most valuable pieces inside. Caught literally in the act, the jewel thief was almost comically holding the tool over the glass. Petticard recalled a hilarious moment that was captured by his security footage. Hey, mother, Blaper, Petticard, shouted. Drawing the man's eyes toward the barrel of the gun, a sight scary enough to send him scrambling back through the shattered window. He fled the scene. That was a funny picture of the hammer raised over the glass case. It was like a cartoon. And here are our winners. Jail for man in pink dildo domestic attack. An ex-con has been convicted of-- Is this in Sutton, Massachusetts? I don't think so. An ex-con has been convicted of attacking his girlfriend with a pink dildo after she derided him as less than a man in need of Viagra. Steve Nerden, 38 years old, pleaded no contest for an eight. That's his name? Nerden. Nerden, I wonder what his nickname was in my store. And you are D-I-N. Pleated no contest to a domestic battery charge. Nerden was adjudicated guilty by a county court judge, sentenced to eight months in jail. Following his January first arrest, Nerden was freed from custody after posting $2,500. What a trouble on New Year's Eve and New Year's. I wonder why. The victim told cops she was arguing with Nerden about their relationship when she declared that he needed an erectile dysfunction medication to address his sexual shortcomings. Nerden, she said, became irate and retrieved. The sex toy from a bedroom shelf and shoved the item into her mouth. He also punched her in the eye, the woman said. When questioned by cops, Nerden claimed not to recall wielding the dildo. And our final story of the night, our last winner, cops arrested alleged thief who couldn't drive stick shift. This is something you're always laughing about. Oh, I always love this store. Love stories like this. Colorado's Boulder Police Department alleged Monday that a car theft had been thwarted because the thief did not know how to drive with a stick shift. Police tweeted that they were alerted to the incident by a report that a truck had crashed into a fire hydrant and arrested a female suspect after speaking to witnesses. The suspect was charged with second degree motor vehicle theft. The keys were still inside the truck, and she saw them and decided to steal it. When she couldn't figure out how to drive the truck's manual transmission, she jumped out and tried to leave the area on foot. That's the good news story. They couldn't steal a stick shift. The bad news story sometimes is it's a carjacking, and the guy can't do it, the thug. And he stands up shooting the guy that was driving it. Oh, that's too bad. That's happened. I've read that story. Ask him to drive for you. Yeah, it never worked. Carjackans don't work that way. Thank you, Taylor. We'll be right back on How We Car. (upbeat music) (gavel bangs)