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Did you see this man on I-93? Police Blotter Fax Friday | 5.17.24 - The Howie Carr Show Hour 3
Today's podcast is brought to you by Howie's new book Paperboy. To order today, go to HowieCarShow.com and click on "Store." ♪♪♪ Better strap yourself in. It's time for the Howie Car Show. Mr. McCabe, what is an Asian house? The next door, Nevis, to the outfits were Asian. So are you Chinese or Japanese? I've never met them. I don't know their last names. We are La Ocean from Laos. It's a landlocked country in Southeast Asia. I just knew it was an Asian family next door. So are you Chinese or Japanese? Live from the Matthews Brothers Studios. Think your fake eyelashes are messing up with me. Oh, I know she didn't. Miss Crockett. I'm just curious, just to better understand your ruling. If someone on this committee then starts talking about somebody's bleach-blonde, bad-built butch body. How dare you? How dare you? No, no, how dare you? How dare you? No, no, my how dare you. You dare to dare me? How dare you? How dare you? How dare me when I how dare you? Mr. Boogerlips, cut him out. Rump swabs, hacks, and moon bounce beware. It's... ♪♪♪ Howie Car. Eight, four, four, five hundred, forty-two, forty-two. I just was telling you that we've posted as many of the dirty hippies, Nazis from UMass Amherst that have been arraigned in District Court. It's about, I'd say, about 40 to 50 names. And we're just posting them as they're arraigned. We get the list every day depending on, you know, how many they're bringing up. But we're up to date right now and we'll keep posting throughout next week. And 774 asks, percentage of hyphenated names on the list. I'm... See, there are a lot of hyphenated names, but then there are also people that have four names. You know, they're not hyphenated, but they have four names. And I would say if you include those people, it's at least 10%. Or I have at least either hyphenated or four names. And then, you know, everyone's got all these precious names, not just sky, sky Naomi Blue or is it Blue Naomi Sky. You know, they've all got these strange, strange names. I didn't see, you know, not that I'm familiar, but I'm going to guess that there's no members of the football team that have been lugged or the basketball team. 844-542-42. Now another mentions people are coming around to this, what was said on the congressional hearing yesterday with Marjorie Taylor Greene and AOC and Congresswoman Crockett. I thought the term butch was homophobic. Yes, that's what... We've been talking about that all afternoon. Only if a Republican says it. Only if a Republican says it. It's just like if you're an illegal alien, you could do whatever you want in terms of committing crimes unless you assault Nancy Pelosi's husband. In which case, even if you're a gay nudist from the Castro district in San Francisco, which is the gay district, then you're going to get 30 years in prison, like his gay nudist illegal alien attacker got today. Time now for the Trump line. ♪♪ ♪♪ Howie, did you see that movie? Butch, body, and the eyelash kid? [ Laughs ] I hadn't thought of that. Butch, that's a word you don't hear as much anymore. There are not as many people named Butch as there used to be. Yeah, AOC is just jealous because Green won't date her. I don't think AOC is that way, and I'm pretty sure Marjorie Taylor Greene is it that way. Marjorie Taylor Greene, they've been stories about, you know, she used to run around with guys at the gym that she owned and she was married at the time. There have also been stories about her and unconfirmed stories about her and Kevin McCarthy. He got around a lot when he was in the Republican leadership, whether as the minority leader or a speaker of the house. Today's Trump line is brought to you by Rizzo Insurance. When was the last time you had someone audit your insurance to see if you're getting the most coverage for your money? You heard John from New York say if you've got some silver in the house or any kind of precious metals, make sure it's insured 'cause silver's up 31% year to date. So if you need some help with any kind of insurance contact Dan or Paul Rizzo at Rizzoinsurance.com. They've helped me and my staff and they can help you save money too. Get the Rizzo insurance audit at no charge, no obligation. Rizzoinsurance.com. Hey, AOC, Director Patrick Colling. Let me get this straight. You're getting a Lifetime Achievement Award? Either you're terminally ill or else you got celled that makes his doctor to say you're terminally ill. He probably printed a note on the back of your big brown university postcard. You should be getting a Lifetime Achievement Award in fraud. You grifter. We're gonna be fine. I didn't seek out that award. I'm getting a Lifetime Achievement Award from Talkers magazine. That's in about three weeks from now. I'll be taking Friday off to go down to New York to pick up my Lifetime Achievement Award. They can call me anything they want. Dot, dot, dot, as long as they don't call me late for dinner. Brandon declared a landmark day for the convenience industry named Lumberjack. Jacob Brown declared all boards everywhere. Everywhere. She'll be treated as folk or maple. I've got some Biden cuts, but we'll get to them a little bit later. Again, I like to move them around the show in case some people don't like them. And they say how he's playing it at the same time every day. So this is going to be a six o'clock hour for Brandon cuts. I wish I would have been there during the AOC MPB Crockett site. I could have been the referee and sniffed out who was the winner. [LAUGHTER] Yeah. He would have-- I think he-- does he like bleached-- he likes bleached bod there, doesn't he? Yeah, I think he does. That's why that's-- I maybe I'm jumping to conclusions. It seems like Jill might share something in common. Not much, but something in common with Marjorie Taylor Greene. Whose name he always gets wrong, by the way, if you notice that? You know, it's not just illegal alien Democrats getting these phony PPP loans. Marjorie Taylor Greene got one. Yeah, you know what? You know who got the bigger one than Marjorie Taylor Greene by about a margin of 100? Paul Pelosi. The rules have been set for the debate. Everything Trump says will be used to arrest him fast and intrude him. And everything Joe Biden says will be on-- oh, wow, except brilliant. Don't spell facts. The same name, the same. Executive privilege. You can protect yourself from being exposed as being totally senile. Remember when Biden came out and said that he wasn't as bad as the transcript made him out to be? Well, you know, there would be one way to prove that conclusively once and for all, right? At least the videotape. And we can see if somebody's been doctoring the transcript. If it wasn't for drugs plus prescription drugs, there'd be no discussion about the baiting clubs. Yeah, I know they're saying now. Well, you know, Trump's got the expectations so high, or Biden's expectations are so low that he'll be declared the winner. He'll be declared the winner whatever happens. He could fall asleep at the end, topple over and, you know, MSNBC, CNN, and all the rest of state-run media would declare him the winner. They've probably already started working on the stories about how we won. Lovey. Can you believe that Dolt Antony Blinken went to the Ukraine and sang "Keep on Rockin' in the Free World" by Neil Diamond? A true diplomat would have brought in James Taylor, but a loss. Blinken is probably out of sorts since his favorite seafood dining establishment, Red Lobster, is going out of business. Have you ever heard the phrase "K-Mart Kennedy"? "Unny Blinken" is a "K-Mart Kerry." "Unny Blinken." Why don't you go back to the Hamptons, you peasant? Who speaks French better? John Kerry or Anthony Blinken? Anthony Blinken went to high school in Paris. Along with Robert Malley, the accused Iranian operative who was under investigation by Brandon's FBI. I mean, how corrupt do you have to be if you're a Democrat and get investigated by Biden's FBI? And for a brief moment, I was worried that one man alone might have been responsible for the closing of so many Red Lobster restaurants. Chris Krispy Kreme. Chris Krispy Kreme is going to be delivering a commencement address somewhere here today. Tomorrow, I forget where. Not at UMass, I don't think. Where is it? It's at Endicott. Endicott, okay. Hey, yeah, I hear it. It's good for the...where is Endicott, you know? It's good. It's good news for the Endicott House of Pizza. Is that a congressional hearing or a Friday night at a big city waffle house? 978, driving by what used to be the roadway motel. A bunch of illegal Haitians were getting off the Mart bus, shopping bags in hand. All looked very healthy, more men than women. Just grit my teeth and grit my teeth, same with the Super 8 and Gardener. Don't forget about us up here in northern central Massachusetts. I won't. Just keep the dispatches coming down to me. I don't like to write, but I feel like obligated to write a lot about the flop houses, wherever they are. Joe Biden said he was once arrested with Arnold Palmer. I don't know what to make of what happened this morning with that top golfer. It seems like he should have stopped, but on the other hand, did they really have to take him in? I mean, was he really a threat to the community? I don't think so. That was your last chumpline message. Thank you for calling Howie Carr. You chump. He says it's a big misunderstanding, the golfer. All right. I'm not a big golf fan. When I first saw the headline this morning, I said, "Who?" I don't know. All right. That's it for the Chumpline today. The Chumpline is the recorded voicemail message service of the Howie Carr show. You can call and leave a message at any hour of the day as long as it's between 1 and 4 p.m. Eastern time. The Chumpline number, if you'd like to leave such a message, 844-542-844-542-442-442. Press 2 for the Chumpline. Leave your message. We may or may not play it at this time each weekday. If you didn't hear your message or you'd just like to hear a second brand new Chumpline of the day, we have one. It's called "Chomp Chumps." It's posted every evening around 7 p.m. wherever you get your Howie Carr show podcasts. It's where we put all the messages we didn't have room or time for just now. Chomp Chumps, the second Chumpline of the day. Every weeknight we post Chomp Chumps. Today's Chumpline is brought to you by Rizzo Insurance. When was the last time you had someone audit your insurance to see if you're getting the most coverage for your money? Contact Dan or Paul Rizzo at Rizzoinsurance.com. They have helped me and my staff and they can help you save money too. Get the Rizzo Insurance Audit at no charge, no obligation. Rizzoinsurance.com. Howie, did you see that movie "Butch Body" in the eyelash kid? I'm Howie Carr. Howie Carr will be right back. The Howie Carr show is back. Back to the future. 844-542-42. Go to howiecarshow.com. You can see the list of all the dirty hippies from UMass Amherst that have been arraigned so far. It's a lengthy process. It'll probably be going on through most of next week, but we're up to date. Everybody that's been arraigned as of this morning is on that list. While you're there, you can also check out our cheap bastard deal with ready-wise. It's a great cheap bastard deal. The ready-wise, 84 serving breakfast and entree grab and go bucket. It's a $210 value for just $105, $105. Limit three per customer, please. Also, Father's Day special. Get paper boy and you get a free T-shirt, a mystery T-shirt. One of our T-shirts just send in the size and we'll pick what you get, but it's a free T-shirt when you order paper boy. It's a great father's day gift. Harvard University, slammed by Republican House Committee for not addressing "explosion of virulent antisemitism" is if Harvard University cares about the House Republicans. They only care about people like Bill Ackman, the big contributors who have cut them off without a dime. 844, 542, 42. Bruce from the Mets is sad about the arrest of Scott Schaeffler. Schaeffler. Schaeffler. Scotty, Schaeffler. I'm crushed. He says, "Golf is all I have left. The only sport I watch now, the rest are all gone." I've had five holes in one, by the way. What are you, Joe Biden? Are you Joe Biden or Kim Jong Un with the holes in one? Bruce, I know you like to play golf. Bruce used to live in Boca. I wonder if he knows that apartment complex, whether it's just sold today for $139 million. That's good for property values. Anyway, today's poll question is brought to you by Eden Rafferty, Attorneys at Law. To see what happened to my leg, and it isn't pretty, while having cryo perform to restore hyper wellness, go to EdenRafferty.com. That's EdenRafferty.com. Matt's on the board now, as Jared prepares for police blotter facts Friday. Matt, what is the poll question? What are the results thus far? Should RFK Jr. be allowed to take part in the June 27th debate, if there is one? Yes, no, or not sure? Yes, he should be allowed to take part in the debate. Yes, as 82%, no, as 13%, not sure as 5%. All right, by the way, by an amazing coincidence, the day that I'm going to get the Lifetime Achievement Award from Talkers magazine, Chris Christie is going to get the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Pepperoni Pizza Association of America for service above and beyond, way beyond the call of duty. 844-542-42. Officer Mark wanted to know if we have any statements for many of the mothers of the filthy hippies at UMass Amherst. He's a good boy, a very good boy. He's a good non-binary, a very good gender fluid, bisexual poet, who splits his time between Bozeman, Montana and Amherst, Massachusetts, and sets up food for us, and works with plants, not growing plants, but with plants. All right, 844-500-4242. Let's just, I'm enjoying the cat fight sound. I'm going to play just a little bit more of the cat fight. Cut six. I'm trying to get clarification. Look at Calm Down, Calm Down. No, no, no, no, because this is what I'm going to do. I'm trying to get your attention. Hey, you're not wrecking us. I can't hear you with your yelling. Calm down. No, please, calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. You're out of control. Let's check in. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. We're getting money from Obama's stash. 919 says, "Scottie, the one guy who didn't say, 'Do you know who I am while being arrested?' He's a good boy." Yeah, like I said, I never heard of the guy until today, but he seemed like he was OK. He seemed better than Marjorie Taylor Greene, Congresswoman Crockett, or AOC. I'm Howie Carr. Live from the Matthews Brothers Studios. Before we do police plotter facts Friday, we have another statement from Congresswoman Crockett. You've got Obama phone? Yes, everybody in Cleveland low minority got Obama phone. Keep Obama in president, you know? He gave us a phone? He gave you a phone. How do you give you a phone? You're tying up, you're on full steps. You're on social security. You got low income. You're disability. Hey, I'm boys. OK, what's wrong with Romney again? Romney. He sucks. Hey. And so does Marjorie Taylor Greene. That was Congresswoman Crockett. She just sounded like the Obama phone lady. All right, it's that time of the week. It's time for police plotter facts Friday. Why do you still read the newspaper? I like to keep up on local news, like the police plotter. Whenever the laws of any state are broken, a duly authorized organization swings into action. A fact! A fact is coming through! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Here's the kind of adventure you've been waiting to hear. Hard-boiled action and mystery. So stand by for trouble and suspense. Stand by for adventure. Yes, it's time for police plotter facts Friday. All week long, we ask you to send in funny stories or items that you see from your local daily or weekly newspaper. And more and more, of course, it's on just what you see on the internet. But if you see a funny story, a humorous story, a weird story involving the police from wherever, send it to police blotter@howakarshow.com/policeblotter@howakarshow.com. And at this time, every Friday, we read the best entries of the week. And before we talk about what happens with the winners, you probably, if you're on social media, you see I'm wearing a strange cap. Very stylish. It's a laser cap. That almost looks like a backwards French beret or something. That's right. This is because police blotter facts Friday is brought to you by Northeast hair restoration. Go to the rumble cam or Twitter or Facebook, wherever you see the show on social media. And you can see me wearing the laser cap. And I think you can see the little red, the little red laser. Really impresses Roscoe when I'm wearing a night on the couch and he's looking up at me. If you book a hair restoration right now in May or June, you too will get this cap. It's valued at $3,000. And this cap, I got a great procedure from Dr. D. Stefano. But this is going to help fill it in. And it's the red laser. I wear it three times a week and it's an amazing thing. And it takes three or four months, but I already, it's making me feel like I'm getting more hair again. But anyway, if you book a hair restoration in May or June, you too will get this cap. And it's valued at $3,000. Contact Northeast hair restoration at pfehair.com or call 1-800-208-HARE. 1-800-208-HAIR. Okay. Taylor isn't around today, so Jared is going to be handling police blotter facts Friday. And at this time, we read the best entries of the week, in our opinion, and the two best entries of the week get a nice prize. What do they get this week, Jared? This week, they will get a mystery t-shirt depending on our inventory. Because right now, if you go to Howie Carr's show, you click on store, you can get the Father's Day special. It's a signed copy of Paperboy and a free mystery t-shirt. So the prize is for today's winner depends on inventory. But whether it's by American support, America, go will go broke, the Trump mugshot, make gas cheap again. Let's go Brandon. Let's go Brandon. Any number of Howie Carr shirts recently or from the way back may end up at your door. All right. So these are the runners. They don't get a prize. They do not win. A lot of villages today, Howie, just FYI. Uh-oh. Golf cart driver taken into custody. Of course. That's the giveaway. Golf cart driver taken into custody at teaser points at PJs. Don't chase me, bro. Don't chase me, bro. I can't do it. At a PJs wholesale club. Uh, this was Joshua Stephen Mitchell, 26 of Wildwood. He was a wild and crazy guy from Wildwood. And not Wildwood, New Jersey either. No. He was driving a Tanya Mahal golf cart on Buenos Aires Boulevard at 11.39 p.m. Not a lot of T times then. Kind of a giveaway. Um, he stole the golf cart. He stopped in the parking lot of a Publix at Spanish Plains Plaza, but ran across highway 441 and headed for BJ's wholesale club. A deputy pointed to Taser at Mitchell, who finally surrendered and was handcuffed. Said he was having difficulty breathing, which I guess is the, the go-to now of the police are with you. But, uh- So the Publix was closed and they tried to get to BJs and I assumed they were closed to 11.39. Yes. Um, yeah. So he was transported by ambulance to the villages, the UF Health Villages Hospital. Staffers say they found he had a U syringe tied around his male genitalia and the syringe contained a substance which tested positive for fentanyl. A U syringe tied around his male genitalia. Well, that was a novel place to hide it. Gotta be an easier way to get out. Alright, this, uh, this one comes to us from 508 says, "Please put your foot in a bucket of water." I didn't come here to be made sport of it and by the way, it's battery operated. And someone says you can get them cheaper online. Yeah, yeah, you can, but this is the top of the line model. This is the, uh, this is the, the Rolls Royce laser caps. Yeah, I mean, if I'm putting something laser-y on my head, I want to make sure it's the real deal. I don't want to order my laser cap from Wish, you know, uh, alright, this takes us to... It's like getting a butt injection in Somerville. You know, you saw what happened there, could be fatal. Go ahead. Our world tour takes us now to St. Louis, where police launched an investigation after an officer was caught on video lighting a cigar while straddling a handcuffed suspect. I saw that story today. I think that guy should get policeman of the week. Job well done. It's a carback style. It was a victory. All right. So the officer was at Markey Lounge on Locust Street, where you... Markey Lounge. Markey Lounge. Doesn't say if it was a gentleman. The first shot is on the house and after that you have to use your own bullets. It's kind of like a canton spot. So uh, Reverend Roderick Burton, Law and Order Chair for the St. Louis Metropolitan Clergy Coalition, told the first four. When officers make these type of decisions, it communicates with the community that they're not serious. So he's a... I disagree totally. The video originally posted on the Instagram channel, Voice of the People News, shows the officer produces a cigar and the lighter from his pocket while straddling a suspect lying on his back in handcuffs. When a lighter fails to ignite, the officer proceeds to use a lighter, that another policeman hands him. Oh. So there were two of them involved. This is great. Yeah. This, you know, how they have like certain equipment, like, you know, they have their guns in the car or they have, you know, field test kits, apparently there's a cigar box at the same place. So of course, if he'd been lighting a bone, a weed, a weed, that would be okay, right? But it's a cigar is demeaning to the newly incarcerated. Yes. The suspect apparently said he can't let a cigar, so he's taking it out on me as he was being put into the vehicle. By the way, someone said, "I just look like a member of the 1950 Alumni Swim Team at UNC Chapel Hill. I didn't come here to be made sport of, and neither did the Alumni team." Back to Florida, back to Wildwood. It's a wild and crazy area. And last weekend, it was Wildwood, New Jersey, this weekend, Wildwood, Florida. Yeah. This suspect found sipping beer stolen from a cooler at Dollar General. What kind of beer do they have at Dollar General? It does not say, but I'm assuming they don't have, let's say, Stella Artois at the Dollar General. Clerk of the Dollar General on Main Street called law enforcement when it's a suspect later identified as 69-year-old Bill Howard Die. Great southern name. Of Wildwood entered the store about 7 a.m. Tuesday, and sipped two, oh, it was Bud Ice. 7 a.m. 7 a.m. Tuesday, and sipped two Bud Ice 16-ounce beer cans, according to whatever they're here for a rest report. 7 a.m. Yep. Bud Ice, it's not just for breakfast anymore. Yeah. So he walked into the store, grabbed a couple of Bud Ice. This is at 7 a.m. You know, hair of the dog, I guess, I don't know what just, there we go. This one, this is kind of crazy. This is in Pennsylvania, porch pirate snatches package from homeowners' hands seconds after it's delivered. So... Aren't you supposed to scout out the places where there's nobody home? Isn't that what you do? I thought that's the way it works. Yeah. You don't chase them out anymore. You have so many more delivery trucks to choose from now, to follow around. It's not like the old days when there'd be like one or two in every town. Now there's, now they're on everywhere. Yeah, they're on everywhere. Yeah. So this is in Montgomery County, Pennsylvania. The victim identified only as Henry, was retrieving the package containing six iPhones for his family when a thief can be seen running up to Henry's door, past the Amazon driver, and grabbed the package as the homeowner bent over to pick it up, yanked the package away from Henry and runs off towards a light sedan with tinted windows that was waiting for him at the edge of the property. This sounds like that story about the BC student who was lionized by the globe in March and then he was arrested on Monday for stealing $25,000 worth of bags from up the prue. He did the same thing. He runs out and they tosses it to the allegedly tosses it to a car full of local thugs. Yeah, the suspect is still at large, but he is wearing a black guest shirt, a black Philadelphia Phillies baseball hat at the time. He's not wearing a laser cap though. No, he is. Not the only one wearing a laser cap. All right. So this one's kind of local. I mean, everybody in the Boston area is familiar with the Alston Christmas when everybody moves out at the end of the year and they just leave everything and people go take it out. This is actually Brighton burglary, a burglar carrying a Dunkin Donuts and McDonald's orders swipes youth hockey jerseys from a Brighton residence according to the police. So this unidentified man holding a Dunkin Donuts bag broke into a residence in Brighton early Tuesday and stole youth hockey jerseys worth hundreds of dollars. But there's a twist surveillance video shows the man walking in again an hour later this time carrying a McDonald's bag where he stole more hockey. But it said early though, how early 12 12 a.m. Donuts was open at 12 at midnight. They must have a 24 hour Dunkins around Brighton. Okay. Yeah, he's wearing a McDonald's bag. So do we have pictures of all these guys? By the way, where can we see the pictures? The pictures will be up at HowieCarshow.com. It's not the best quality for the printout, but you can see the man who is described as Hispanic or Middle Eastern, middle aged about five feet, six inches to five feet, nine inches and about 180 to 220 pounds, a lot of water from there. Yes. It's like a weather forecast between zero and 82 inches of snow. Former guy says the man drinking a beer at a Dollar General was a buck private. All right. So we'll do one more before the break here. A quick one. Naked man stops I 93 traffic police say 93 sorts in this area. Yep. It is in this area near exit 15 on I 93 and around 4 15 on Sunday, a massager that states police received several calls about a man in the travel lanes without any clothing troopers found the man laying in the lanes of the southbound side, lying, lying, God, how many times do I have to correct these damn reporters? Yeah. Doesn't say who this I don't have a name on this one to call out for the reporter, but the troopers detained the man and put him in a cruiser EMS was called to the scene. Man was found to be calm, but bleeding from his knees and feet. He was brought to a local hospital by the EMS. He slipped on a patch of ice and he had a beverage in his left hand. Oh, I guess this was in the fall river area. So that's. I 93 in fall river. That can't be right. No. Oh, he matches the appearance of a man. Okay. Yeah. All right. Bruce from the Met says that silly. That silly laser being or beanie makes you look like the late grade Neil part drummer from the great band rush. Very stylish. I'm not a I'm not a big rush fan. I'll take your word for it. Bruce from the Mets. All right. That's we'll be right back with the winners of police blotter facts Friday. And again, check out it check out Northeast hair restoration. If you book a hair restoration in May or June, you too can get this cap. It's valued at $3,000. It's it helps helps your hair come back even after the restoration, but it's a free cap when you get to order the restoration. Contact them today at pfe hair.com or call 1-800-208-HARE. 1-800-208-H-A-I-R I'm Howie Car. Become a Howie Car Show super fan. Subscribe to Howie's newsletter and you'll get the latest news, columns, cheap faster deals and other special offers from the Howie Car Show. Just enter your name and email at howiecarshow.com. He's Howie Car and he's back. 339 says, are you writing a racing bicycle home tonight? I didn't come here to be made sport up with my laser cap. I love my laser cap. All right. You got to run her one runner up and then our two winners, Naples, Florida woman unlawfully enters home hugs resident, then jumps in the pool. Naples, Florida woman is under arrest for me. So what was unlawful about that? She unlawfully entered the residence and the suspect later identified as Natalie Lynn Slavick entered the residence without permission, gave an unwanted hug to a resident that made herself at home by sitting in a chair in the living room, rested on a bed for several minutes, then proceeded to jump in the pool all before leaving the. Did she mix herself a drink before she left? Not at the house, apparently, but I'm sure she did before that. She was on state probation for a 2020 offense, resisting an officer with violence. She operates a social media company, Natalie knows Naples, but apparently she did not know the homeowner. Natalie. Oh my god. Guilty guilty guilty. Yikes. All right. Stay on the other coast. Natalie. Come over near me. All right. These are our two winners. A man busted for battery with soiled diaper. Whoa. There's that a deadly or a dangerous weapon could be both. So after responding to a reported domestic battery in St. Petersburg, Florida, cops gave this account of the incident. The defendant threw a diaper at the victim, striking him in the center of his torso. The diaper contained urine and other feces. I don't know what other feces is. But apparently the confrontation began when Daniel- So it was the second degree assault. Damien cast an 18 beginning arguing with his brother, who is paralyzed, but ambulatory by using his body. Oh, so it was an adult diaper. Oh, Lord. Yeah. So I don't know how many feces have been in that diaper, but all right, it depends. And here's our other winner, Florida. No shock. This is in Ponce de Leon, Florida, man high on drugs, bites chunk out of deputies head at Florida EDM music fest. Yikes. According to the Holmes County Sheriff's Office, deputy was on foot patrol at the solfest 2024 in vortex. The solfest. The solfest. It was attacked by James Michael Anderson. They say Anderson, a vortex brings volunteer was under the influence of drugs, including PCP, LSD, ketamine, and mushrooms. And he decided to go cannibal at the time and there's a lot of this cannibal stuff going on. Yeah. He pulled the Uncle Bozy on this poor deputy. Oh, yeah, according, according to HSHC, S O Ponce de Leon, he was searching for the fountain of youth, not the fountain of cannibals. I suppose, you know, if you eat to stay young, all right. Thank you. Jared, thanks for filling in for everybody. And we will be right back with some cuts from Brandon pandering to black people today. I'm Howie Cut. (dramatic music)