We Are Douchebags
We Are Going To Replace Pave
We're so jacked up on our own egos and so misguided by mainstream marketing. We don't know what the fuck is real. Welcome to We Are Doosh Bags, the show where We Are Doosh Bags. I'm your host, CJ Skly, and my gender pronouns are they, them, and identify as raised gender and hatred fluid. Yo, I'm Andre, my pronouns aren't that nigga and identify as a cool blue Gatoran. You and your drinks, bro. Anyways, anyways, as the listeners may have noticed, we have been slacking lately. We haven't uploaded, and you could blame that all on one person and based on the intro, you might be able to tell who it is. It's the one guy who's not here who's supposed to be here. It's fucking paved. Be jazz nigga. It's always him, isn't it? Always pod dodging, always on vacation, always doing some shit to where he can't record. And he tries to project it onto me. I know, he's always like, "Oh, Andre is always dodging so he can go get grandma pussy." But here, we haven't recorded in like three weeks because of him. Shaking my hand. Like how does he expect us to blow up if he doesn't even show up? At least show up, put in the effort. Put in the effort. Fuck. Okay, so I guess it was supposed to be a good week too. I was actually really excited to record because there's been some news that's been happening lately that actually made me really fucking happy, but then he decided not to show up and I was going to base the whole spreadsheet around it. Why don't you tell me what you hate? I hate technology. Why do you hate technology? Because I feel like I've become too dependent on it. Why is that? I don't know. I take a second, think about it, technologies and almost like every aspect of my life. Yeah, for sure. I think mine too. I don't know. Do you have the tracking hours to see how long you're on your phone per day? Yeah. What's it at? Like eight hours at a average. Mine's at five and a half. It used to be like six hours, six and a half hour, but works low, keeping boring. It's fun. So you've just been chilling on your phone? Yeah. I spend way too much time on Instagram. Instagram is my highest one. I guess today I've been on there for three and a half hours. Looking at brain rot. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Everything else after that is like not too long, like YouTube 40 minutes Chrome 12 minutes. It's literally just Instagram. I should delete it. Yeah. It's all feel about Twitter. But you spend most of your time on Twitter much I used to. I still don't get Twitter. To me, it's not even like my favorite. It's nowhere near my favorite social media. I don't know. You could tell it's Instagram, but maybe it's just because I'm a visual person. But what I hate. You said what? I like to see people tear each other apart online. All I see is racist and I don't know why. But the thing I hate this week is I hate pay if you could tell for not showing up. I hate him because you know, he's always oh my God. He's just annoying fucking annoying fuck. The thing I was supposed to be happy about I was so happy like yesterday when I when I thought we were going to be getting into it is that Drake has finally been torn down from his ivory tower. Yeah, you've been you've been keeping up with all that or no, a little bit. I know that certified love a boy certified pedophile. I feel like it wasn't even close. Of course dude, finally, remember when his meat got leaked and I was like, he can't keep winning. Yeah, it's like God heard me and he sent Kendrick to smite him. You sent to restore the balance. Exactly like this shit. I was so happy like I was kicking my feet, listening to the diss tracks. I was so happy and I was going to make a spreadsheet about like, what was it going to be like most important battles in history or some shit and that was going to be number one. But we can't do that now and it's not like pay what even fucking understand what's going on because he listens to glowrilla. Yeah. What's going on? You said what what's going on, what are you talking about? Let's. Oh, who's Kendrick Lamar Drake, I've never heard of him, he doesn't make furry music. Was he in Five Nights at Freddy's? Well, that game. I only listened to the Undertale OST. Oh, bangers. So yeah, that shit had me actually so fucking happy because I was listening to the fucking diss tracks as soon as they dropped. Like I would see them like in my recommended on YouTube, like 20 minutes after they dropped. So Kendrick was just fucking dropping like firing like a machine gun. I was like, oh my god. She was crazy. I know. Right now I'm just waiting because there's rumors that both of them might be dropping again. I think Drake is the one that most people are like, he's probably going to drop. Yeah. But that's too. So far. So far nothing. So far nothing. Wouldn't be surprising. There's nothing. Yeah, there's no way that Drake can like do anything to redeem himself at this point. I think with what was the newest one that Kendrick had not like us, the one that's actually a banger. Yeah. With that, I think it pretty much ended him on gun like you're being called a pedophile and the song is so catchy and goes hard. Like, how do you exactly you can't recover from that on gun and then everyone's roasting him for for his response to that track where we're like in the comments. It's like the entire dish track was just no, I'm way too famous to be a pedophile. Yeah, that should make no sound. Yeah. But speaking of famous pedophiles today for our spreadsheet, I don't even want to go over what we talked about last week because I don't remember wasn't wasn't the last one we talked about with like, oh, we had to make up spreadsheet, wasn't it? Yeah. Wasn't that what we did? Oh, that's the other thing that fucking pissed me off. He lost the audio for that. What he did, which is why we haven't uploaded it. Yeah. I think he only like 20 minutes of audio was good from that episode and the rest got lost to history and I told him to send me the whatever we had and like we'd work with that. Like I just uploaded it and he never sent it. Yeah. Maybe because he was out of town where he can't know. I don't know. He said that he was able to edit it or he told me when he was in town. Like he was working on it. So I don't know. It's delicious sauce. But yeah, and then he I asked him if he'd be able to to edit this because he's coming back to town for like a week and he said he'd be able to edit it. So he has no excuses, but famous pedophiles were talking about reasons I hate pave. So from bottom to top, oops, I always forget that it's from bottom to top. He voted for Biden. He's a furry. He's a pod dodger. He's a crybaby. He's a no job having leech. He's caged up. He constantly has povoments and sends povims. He's a faggot. He's gay. And the number one reason I hate him is that he's a redhead and for the attributes for this week, we have speech, intellect, reading, math, anger, resentment, forgiveness, wrestling, drunkenness, globalism, first law of motion, down's aggression, hatred and greed. So do we have any questions about well, not we. Do you have any questions about any of the reasons that I hate him, Andre? No, it's all pretty standard in balance. Okay. Okay. Good. Good. What about for the for the attributes up at the top? Um, what does it mean by first law motion? I had a feeling that you'd ask that. So the first law of motion is that an object at rest remains at rest and an object in motion remains in motion at a constant speed and in straight line, unless acted on by an unbalanced force. Yeah. So basically, what does that mean? These are how likely pay this to stay like those things, unless someone else acts on it and like tries to change him. Yeah. So that makes sense. Yeah. So voted, bided and furry being so low, yeah, cause those are things that he might be able to change on his own without like someone else having to step in. Understandable. Yeah. You know what down's aggression is? Yeah. It's like, it's like retort rage, right? Essentially. Yeah. That's so that's how likely a person with Down syndrome is to attack him for these things. Oh, okay. That's not at all. Yeah. Alright. Um, yeah. That's all good. Understand. Yeah, do you, uh, I mean, the people can't see the spreadsheet, but pretty much everything is at 20, except for forgiveness and the first law of motion. There's a couple that aren't 20, but I think it's pretty accurate. Yeah. I'm trying to see what I could tweak here. I feel like you can raise the forgiveness for caged up by just a couple of numbers. Do we know what caged up means? Does the audience know the Lord behind that his aunt specifically? Have we not talked about it on the show? So Pave's on, if Pave doesn't edit this out, caged up means I'm sorry, Pave's on. He wears a chastity cage and he's been caged up for the last few years of his life. Yeah. So how could you, how could you fit? How could you like forgive a man for being caged up? There's no greater sign of weakness. Out of pity, I guess. Out of pity? I feel like, I mean, you pity him so bad, you're like, no, it's just in your nature. It's just you. I forgive you. You're right. What could we put it up? What could we put it up? Like, like a seven or six, like a seven, we'll do a seven, I'm feeling generous today since Drake got bodied by Kendrick. I feel like crybaby forgiveness should go down even more. No, you're right because he's constantly being, oh, you don't pay me. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. How am I going to pay you when you don't show up? Exactly. What are we, what are we thinking? Like negative 15. Negative 15. Honestly. Negative 20. Fuck it. Negative. Yeah, that's fucking a little losing the losing audio's not showing up going on a vacation without informing your superiors and you want me to pay you? No, not happening. That's why the reason forgiveness for pod dodger is so low too because he's constantly a pod dodger. He's missed probably like 20% of all episodes that we've recorded for this show. That's a lot of these. Or we've had to reschedule because of him. I'd say he has the most open schedule out of us and we've had to redo everything because of him the most. How does that make sense? I don't know. We're just into the Twilight Zone or something. How do you talk shit about you for not fucking talking? He can't talk when he's not here. True. Talking more than him this episode. That's for sure. For damn sure. Wonder why. Okay. Oh. Fuck. Fucking moron bro. So we're 15 minutes in usually by the time we have like five minutes left we would go into the mystery category. Are we ready to go into the mystery category? Yeah. Let's see it. I wonder what it is. So the number one. The number one reason that I hate Pave is because he's or the mystery category for why I hate him is because he's a pedophile. Drake Jr. What? Drake Jr. Drake Jr. exactly. That's why I did the transition of speaking of pedophiles because he's Drake Jr. We should make a diss track. We should make a diss track. Do you want to write something right now? Let me look up not like us lyrics. Do some remixing. Yeah. Hold up. Hang on I have to find some shit that would be like like easy. Let's do the meet the grams. I like that instrumental better. Meet the grams. Okay. Meet the grams lyrics and then I'm just talking to his family. Yeah. So dear Adonis. So that is dear Adonis. That's four syllables. So dear Paves on tea. That's four syllables. So are you ready to write this down? Yeah. Let me open some shit up. Okay. So dear Paves on tea. I'm sorry that that man is your father. Let me be honest. How many syllables is that? I'm sorry that that man is your father. So that's 10 already. Let's me be honest. So that's 15. I'm so I'm sorry that that man is your nephew. Let me be honest. So that's 15. It takes a man to be a man. Your dad is not responsive. It takes a man to be a man and Pave is not responsive. We're just going to reference the gym in the most generic way possible. I look at him. I look at him in which your grandpa would award war a condom. So since it's Paves on, that would make his grandpa her dad, right? Yeah. Okay. I look at him in which your father would award a condom. Yeah. It'd be like sister or brother. Is it on his mom's side, dog? I think so. Or is dad's sister or something? Dad should have worn a condom. Okay. I look at him and wish his daddy would award a condom. That way it's just like clear of any familial like ties. It's just straight up his daddy. I'm sorry that you got to grow up and then stand behind him. So for this, I'm sorry that you watched him grow up. Hold up. I'm sorry that you got to grow up. I'm sorry that you watched him grow up. Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry you watched him grow up and then stood behind him. This could stay the same life is hard. I know the challenge is always going to beat us home. Hmm. Sometimes our parents make mistakes that affect us until we grow. Sometimes our nephews make mistakes that affect us until we grow. Hey, you're a good aunt that give good leadership. And then this bar right here. Let me be your mentor since your daddy don't teach you shit. Let me be your nephew since you're hmm. Let me be your nephew since. I think I like to let me be your nephew since instead of your daddy, let me be your nephew and since you're furry won't ever be shit to some heat right here. You got to go straight for 10, do you think so? Yeah. Okay. You want to go ahead and wrap it out like what we have so far? Oh, yeah, I got to fix this one. What do we put for the life is hard part? I think we just kept it the exact same, didn't we? Okay. All right, go ahead and wrap it in then we can wrap things up, you know what I'm saying. All right, you're your paves auntie. I'm sorry that that man is your nephew. Let me be honest. It takes a man to be a man and pave is not responsive. I look at him, wish his daddy wore a condom. I'm sorry that you wash them or sit behind him. Life is hard and life is always going to beat us home. Sometimes our nephews make mistakes that affect us. Hey, you're a good aunt and it gives good leadership. Let me be your nephew since your nephew is an on shit. Bars. Thank you. That's fucking bars. Okay. Now that we finished that with the flow on that song, it was pretty simple. I don't remember, but I think I think we did it good enough. And oh, what do you know? The number one reason we hate pave is because he's a red head, ah, thank you guys for listening to this less than stellar episode of We Are Doosh bags. If you want us to do more freestyle wraps, let us know. Give me 1,000. 1,000. Yup. Okay. That's reasonable. Peace. All right. Thank you guys for listening. Check out our shit. Goodbye. Later. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.