VIEWPOINT with Chuck Crismier
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This is viewpoint with attorney and author Chuck Chris Meyer. Viewpoint is a one hour open line talk show confronting the issues of America's heart and home. To express your viewpoint, please call 804-754-1988. That's 804-754- modify 888. And now with today's edition of Viewpoint here is Chuck Chris Meyer. As we launch into a new year, what if you could be a new you for the new year? What if you could be a new you for the new year? That's what we want to talk about here today on Viewpoint. You have heard it said that the greatest gift that a man can give to his children is to love their mother. But what would be the greatest gift that a woman could give to her children? Maybe today will provide an answer to that question. And I trust that it's going to make a huge difference for you, for your marriage, and perhaps even for your children and grandchildren. So welcome to Viewpoint. I'm Chuck Chris Meyer. It's conversation with ever increasing conviction talk that transforms as we launch into the year 2018. Who knows what to expect in the year 2018? But I'll tell you, there are some big things ahead, geopolitically, prophetically, and so on. But how about in your marriage? That's what we want to focus on here today on Viewpoint, our special guest joining us for the Midwest, Nina Rosner, with her book, 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband. Wow, 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband. Now that may come as a very strange subject given the fact that all over our country for the past year, we have been hearing nothing but bad news concerning how men have treated women. Not good, not good at all. So why then would we want to talk about women respecting their husbands when men, seemingly, so many of them anyway, have not respected women? Good question. It's a fair question, but the reality is most of those men were not your husband. They were not your husband. And so today, we're going to talk about something that is very simple but simply profound, very simple but simply profound with our special guest, Nina Rosner. And Nina, it's good to have you back on the program. Chuck, it's great to be here. Thank you so much for having me. Well, it's wonderful to be able to launch a new year with something that can make such a difference, isn't it? Yeah, it really is. And this is something that I believe can make a huge difference. One of the things that we find in the scriptures simply spoken is that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and women are to honor and respect their husbands. The interesting thing is that we tend in our natural beings, husbands tends to honor and respect their wives and wives tend to love their husbands but not respect them. And so we get a lot of confusion and it creates a lot of distortion of our relationship and prevents, I think, a lot of intimacy. What say you? I fully agree with that. And I think our culture has completely lost the meaning of respect, especially between the genders and professional situations as well. That's why we're seeing some of the things we are in the workplace. But what we're missing in our home, which if you look at a culture, you got to boil it all the way down to the smallest diet, which is the family. And whatever is going on in the family, you're going to see represented on a larger scale in any organization, in towns, in government, in the entire country. And it's not good what's happening to America. And I believe it comes right down to the most important diet, which is marriage. No question about it. And it's interesting that God has had marriage on his mind since the creation. The very first relationship that he created was between a male and female. He married them right there in Genesis chapter two. And the next thing that happened in Genesis chapter three verse one is then the serpent. And it's interesting how the deceiver comes in to twist, to morph, to destroy, to upset, to steal the joy that God had intended to bring in that relationship called marriage, isn't it? It really is. And the women's movement, you know, while there's elements of that that have been so necessary from a case standpoint, there's been a whole other aspect to it that has really destroyed the family in America. Yeah. Undermind the very spirit of marriage. Yes. Very much so. Now, you've been married. How long? Almost 27 years. Almost 27 years. And my wife and I have 51 years under our belt. So between the two of us, we might have something of value to say. What do you think? I hope so. Any good that comes out of me is all God, though. Well, I agree with that wholeheartedly. Do you have any children? We have three. And their ages? 22, 18. Oh, I'm sorry, he's 19 now. And 16. All right. That's a boy girl, respectively. And we have three daughters. Their ages are 39 to 45. Wow. Yeah. So we have 10 grandchildren. I don't think you've reached that stage yet. No, we haven't. We're not there. My oldest is married, but yeah, they're not there yet. Yeah. Okay. We're all in a continuing stage of development and relationship. And once a parent, always a parent, it doesn't matter whether your children are of age or whether they have, you have grandchildren, once a parent, always a parent, which means that this matter of love and respect between husbands and wives continues to carry import and impact on to the next generation and in fact, generations to follow, I think. It really does. And the more we see the implementation of technology in our daily life, the more we see women leaving home and spending most of their time in the workplace. I think 40% of the American households, the main breadwinner, main breadwinner, winner is the woman. And I don't have any issue with women working, I've worked. But what is also very true that nobody's talking about is that when you leave the traditional family setting, you're damaging children. And here's why I say that. And I know that sounds really harsh. And I don't mean to disparage people that have to work or single parents or any of that. I know there's a lot of situations out there where that is simply just the only option. However, one thing that our culture, you know, with all this, I need to have this status, I need to have this big screen TV and I drive this car and all that kind of stuff, that kind of pressure that people think is a normal way of living. When you look at a baby for the first few years of his life or her life, the most important job that they have is to learn how to connect and develop trust. And they do that through the release of oxytocin with mom and eye contact. And so one of the most important things that mom's job, the big thing is when she's nursing or feeding, is to make eye contact with baby, because that's where baby learns, the world is a safe place. I can trust somebody. When that does not happen, you see what you see in a lot of children that are in foster care, which is a lot of aggression, inability to connect with people, aggressive relationship, behaviors, narcissism, you know, all those negative things that we don't want to see, controlling behavior, because there's so much fear underlying everything. And so when you look at marriage, you know, we've got to change how we view that and then convince that with mom and baby as well. Well, we're going to talk about that because it has everything to do with how mom looks at her husband and speaks to him. Today on Viewpoint, 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband, my dear, female listeners will be right back. Once upon a time, children couldn't pray and read their Bibles in school. Divorces were practically unknown as was child abuse. And our once great America virginity and chastity were popular virtues and homosexuality was an abomination. So what happened in just one generation? Hi, I'm Chuck Chris Mar and I urge you to join me daily on Viewpoint, where we discuss the most challenging issues touching our hearts and homes. Could America's moral slide relate to the fourth commandment? Listen to Viewpoint on this radio station or anytime at saveus.org. A new you for a new year, ladies, this program is for you men. You can over here. You can eavesdrop on the conversation. You might even join in the amen corner somewhere. But on the other hand, today, ladies, it's between you and our guests, Nina Rosner, 101 ways to respect your husband. And we want to make this simple book available to you today. Your gift of $6 is going to put it in your hands. Anybody can afford that. $6 could very well change your entire marriage, your entire life, and what a blessing that would be to launch into the new year, a new you for the new year. Forget the $6 will put it in your hands, it's on our website, saveus.org, or you can call us at 1-800-SAVE-USA, that's 1-800-SAVE-USA, or write to us at Save America Ministries. The Obox 70879, Richmond, Virginia 2, 3, 2, 5, 5, writing a check, add $5 for postage and handling. We'll get it in your hands 101 ways to respect your husband, even one or two might dramatically change your life providing a new you for the new year. Nina, you have had, you mentioned about the workplace, you mentioned about women in the workplace, and yet you yourself spent two decades in corporate America. You were an administrative assistant, a human resources manager, and a professional trainer. So what gives you the right to tell women that maybe that wasn't quite so good? I love this question. I get it a lot. I'm sure you do. Yeah, I do. So my husband and I spent the first five years of our marriage without children. And the Lord changed my heart at a family life weekend to remember a conference, and I literally threw my birth control pills in the garbage can, and the next month got pregnant. And I was so blessed because I started working when I was 13 years old. My dad owned a couple radio stations in Montana, and I began working. Yeah, and it was amazing. So I had almost a decade of work experience full time, you know, a lot of the time. I worked probably 30 hours during school week, just because it was so much fun and I love being around my dad. And so I had an administrative assistant job, did radio stuff with him. And then when I got out of college, I worked. After I got my graduate degree, I worked for five years while my husband and I did, hey, we're married and traveled and all that kind of stuff. And I worked as a human resources director full time. And then he was traveling a lot, so he was gone. So I also worked in the evening as a trainer for corporations who did evening classes. So you were a busy, busy lady? I was. I was crazy busy. And then when I started having children, I quit my full time corporate job and I kept my training job, but I went really part time. So I did a bunch of research and found out, okay, how many hours should I be away from this baby before it's a problem? What point do I start to mess up the air ability to attach to me? And so we figured that was 10 to 20 hours and I included even just the nap time, the sleep time. So I didn't want to be away from my kid more than 15 to 20 hours a week, whether they are awake or not. And yeah, so it worked out that that's how it went. And I do have this incredible attachment. My kids don't have reactive attachment disorder or bipolar, borderline, any of the depression. I'm not saying that if you do all these things, your kids are going to be perfect, mine or not. Wait a minute, wait a minute, your kids are not perfect? No, they're not, but they're great people and I just love them. Hopefully they think about me. Yes, he does. You love them. What did you do? Yes, he does. So, and I don't take credit for their behavior or responsibility. All right. Well, you make a very interesting statement though, you know, and that it was that during your two decades in corporate America and has an administrative assistant and a human crisis as manager that you were never discriminated against. You had your in companies that were completely run by men, but with God's help, you paved a new path for all of the female employees and never once did you have to quote, stand up for your rights by shoving your opinion down somebody else's throat or threatening legal ramifications. Now, that's a pretty strong statement to make because you were in a man's world, but you said, instead, I spoke the man's language of respect. Now that may come as a very mysterious kind of statement to a lot of our listeners here today. What do you mean by that? So in working for my father, I learned very early on that not only did I have the fact that I was a child, basically 13, working with grown up and having to get things done through them, but I was also the boss's daughter. So, you know, I had this relationship thing that I had to work out and have influence. I didn't want to have influence or have people do things for me because they were afraid of my dad. They weren't. They loved and respected him and they gave me a hard time, actually, because I mean they wanted to make me prove my way, basically. So I had to learn to communicate how to win friends and influence people very, very early on. Especially men, huh? Exactly, because that was my main audience, right, because the people I'm working with. But now, wait a minute. We're not talking about manipulating men here, are we? We're not talking about women, the female mystique trying to manipulate men to do what they want. Not at all. Okay. Not at all. So what are we talking about? The principles that are respect-based. Those principles are the ones that work with just basically everyone, honestly. If you treat people with respect, whether they are either gender or your child or your parents, you have a deeper and greater impact in the way that you communicate with them. Please and thank you on steroids, if you will. We should be polite because we're polite people. We should be respectful because we're respectful people. So what we're finding out in the entertainment world, in the political world, in so many other areas, we're finding that over the past 50, 60 years, the culture and its focus has so deteriorated and changed, kind of shifted on its axis, that people do not respond with respect to people. And especially men with women are not responding with respect. In fact, women are not responding to men with respect. We see it parading down the streets with women wearing their vagina caps and so on. That's not my word. Yes. Yeah. Sorry to be so crass about it, but that's exactly what we saw in our own nation's capital. Yeah. It's gross. And who wants to be associated with that? I want to treat myself. I want to respect myself. So there's no way that I would ever want to go participate in that. That is demeaning behavior for my entire gender. There's a way to communicate with other people that command affinity and respect. And if I'm going to have something that's really important to say, I can scream and yell and throw fits like I'm a two-year-old and I can act out, behave unprofessionally, or I can have credibility and garner respect from other people by the way that I command myself, by the way that I interact, by the way that I carry myself with poison, dignity. Thank you very much. So you're suggesting then that even in the marriage relationship, an awful lot of women, even Christian women, are not comporting themselves in that way and indeed are throwing little mini-fits, not respecting their husbands and in the same sense, really not even respecting themselves. Yes. Yes. Yes. And it's not their fault because it really isn't a good model of what these things look like in our culture. You don't see this on TV. Well, this is kind of what your book is about, isn't it? Right. There's a lot of one ways for women to respect their husbands. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And there's two scriptures that really sing out, what does this look like? And one of them is the anger of man does not represent the righteousness of God. True. The glory of God. Okay. So when we are acting out in our anger, we're basically undermining our own credibility, our own dignity. Yes. That is a two-year-old's way of dealing with something. And who's mature is going to do the next thing, which is be quick to listen, slow to speak and even slower to become angry. Because when we're listening, when we're validating somebody else's opinion, whether we agree with it or not, when we're treating that other person with respect, they then feel heard and then we can then have a way of sharing. We open the door for ourselves, basically, sharing our opinion if it's different. Right. Well, a lot of them necessary. Nina, what you may not have known is that I spent 20 years as a trial attorney in Southern California, and 80% of my clientele came for the broader body of Christ. Very interesting. 40% of my practice was in the area of family law, the rest in general civil-like litigation and so on. What I discovered is this spirit of standing up for my rights, my rights, my rights, my rights was so pervasive, and this is going back into the late 1970s, the 1980s, and up until I ceased practice in 1994, and this was in the Christian community. I found very little willingness to walk in humility, very little willingness to be in mutual submission to one another as the scripture says husbands a wife should be before wives are submit themselves or their husbands. They're supposed to be a mutual submission as unto the Lord. I found very little of that, and so the divorce rate just grew exponentially to the point right now, the last 15 years, the divorce rate in the Bible Belt of America has exceeded the nation as a whole by 50%. Can you imagine that? That's really sad. So this is something that you're addressing Christians primarily here, aren't you? Because the natural man doesn't understand the things in the spirit of God. They're foolish as son to him. They're going to keep screaming my rights, my rights, my rights, my rights. But you're saying, in fact, I'm going to read right here, it says, "So why am I telling women not to stand up for their rights?" Okay, there's the question. Why? We don't have to, and here's why. When I wrap my identity up in the behavior of other people, in the opinions of other people, then I am in a power struggle. I'm trying to get control, I'm trying to win, and instead I need to remember I'm a child of God, and I know who I am, and I take care of my own feelings, and then I behave in a way that represents God greatly. Now you're not talking about ladies laying down like a doormat and letting men run all over them, you're talking about a general attitude, and you say in your book that men are wired to compete and protect, women are wired to connect. I agree, absolutely. In general, that's the pattern, that's the way God created men and women to be complimentary, but not the same. Right, and do I have time to give an example? Yeah, go right ahead. Okay, so your husband comes in, you've been making dinner because you got home from work early, let's say. Let's say you're working, and you come home, you've had a hard day, but you start dinner because you got there before he did, or maybe you're not working, but that's what's going on. He comes through the door, and traffic's been terrible, he's grumpy, and you go over and you say, "Hey, how you doing?" And he says, "And then he lunches into this thing. You know, I work hard all day, and nobody says anything to me when I come home, and you're standing there. And one of the thoughts is, "Okay, I just did." But yeah, you don't go there, and you think, "I've had a hard day, too," but you're listening to him, and he's ranting about his date and whatever. So the feminist that wants to stand up for her rights will go, "Excuse me," but I've had a really, she's going to pay attention to the thought, and she's going to pay attention to her flesh that is, "Me, too, let me say," and I'm not knocking on the "Me, too" movement. Okay, I understand that that has gone on, and I'm not dissing that, but what I am saying is, "I'm better than you because I've had the worst day," kind of thing, and I'm going to speak. And so we then become competing with who's had the worst day when we can--I know, is that stupid? It sounds like awfully childish, but that's the way we are. And so what do we want is we want connection, we want to help him connect with us, we want to help him deal with his stress. So what do you say? We listen, we let him rant about his day and whatever, we put our hand on his shoulder, and we say, "Baby, it sounds like you've had a really rotten day, and traffic was terrible. I mean, we validate his experience." And then when he goes, "Yeah, it was lousy," and he'll say, "Why don't you sit down for a few minutes, and take a load off, read your newspaper, do your thing, and we can talk about 10, 15 minutes." And he'll be like, "Yeah, sure, cool." So he'll go do that, and that'll give him time to get in mentally--get in the now that he's in, which is, "Okay, I'm at home now." And then she can come over and say, "You know, I really need to talk to you. I've had a really difficult day." And the two of them can then be on the same page, because he's been helped to be in him now. All right, friends, the book 101 Ways to Respect Your Husband. This is going to be very encouraging to many of you, a new you for a new year. Six dollars is going to put it in your hands. It's on our website, saveus.org. Call us 1-800-SAVE-USA. I think it's going to be a blessing to you, and it could save your marriage, or at least improve it dramatically. We'll be back. There is so much more about Chuck Chris Meyer and Save America Ministries on our website, saveus.org. For example, on the front page are two great videos, first, an interview and discussion of Chuck's book out of Egypt. Also a great TV interview with Chuck regarding his book, "Seduction of the Saints." Much more videos, a forepastor's only section, and also you can view Chuck's weekly teachings. All at his website, saveus.org, that's saveus.org. Also on Chuck's website, listen to Chuck's viewpoint broadcast, listen to the archives. Maybe you missed a program, check it out at saveus.org. Also, there are some great resources, hospitality information, also information about marriage, divorce, and remarriage, newsletters, articles, prophecy, prayer and revival information. All at saveus.org. So great to be with you as we launch into a new year with expectation and promise and hope. In spite of all of the derogatory things that seem to be taking place everywhere in our world and around us. Our special guest today, Nina Rosner with her book, "One Ways to Respect Your Husband." So ladies, you're the focus today from the position of our special guest, Men. You get to eavesdrop on the conversation, and in your corner of the world, say, "Amen" occasionally. All right, friends, before we go further, let me just remind you that the only way we're able to stay on the air is through the gifts of God's people. And here, for 22 and a half years, we have been confronting the deepest issues of America's heart and home from God's eternal perspective. There is no deeper issue than that having to do with our marriages. God has marriage on his mind from the very beginning of creation until the end of the book. And all of God's relationship with Israel was predicated on the marriage relationship. His relationship with the church is based upon marriage and everything. All of history and prophecy will become congruent in the ultimate marriage supper of the lamb, where the true followers of Jesus Christ are received, having been previously betrothed, and now the marriage is consummated, the great wedding supper of the lamb, and the rest will be beauty. But for now, you and I live in a world that is not always so beautiful. And our special guest today says that women inadvertently often set off the competition and defend my turf responses in their husbands, well, not just their husbands, but in men in general, and it creates a lot of problems out there. She also says that in her own marriage, things didn't work too well. She asked the question, has constantly standing up for your rights been working? Has the frequent defense for yourself brought you more intimacy and closeness? You said Nina, it didn't work too well for you for the first 10 years of your marriage. I think we've all had to learn through some rough and tumble experiences that the ways of the flesh don't work. It's very true, and this applies also so much in every relationship in our life. You know, you've spent those first two years worth of worst, because I was doing the, let me just tell you what's wrong with you saying. Yes. All right. Yes. Because I didn't know how to do conflict. I mean, who goes into marriage knowing how to do conflict, and we're given those opportunities on a daily basis once you move in with somebody, right? So the conflicts would come, and I didn't handle them right. And then the training job that I have surprisingly enough reminded me of a number of things that I used to do with the people I worked with when I was younger, and so I started interacting completely differently. You know, there was a lot of years where I felt like I'm giving up something, I'm losing something. But that feeling of being taken advantage of, because I'm choosing to respect first, that is a lie and a myth that the culture promulgates. So, you know, I had a situation at work one time where this guy was just very, very angry about something somebody else had done, and it was one of his employees, and he told me, "Go fire him. I'm sick of this, and he's just mad." And I couldn't get him to listen to me. I tried, because I was arguing with him. But when I stopped, and when I went, "Wait a minute. I need to do what I know I'm supposed to do," I took a step into that, and I listened, and then I validated him. And I said, "So what you're telling me is that, you know, this is how you feel, and I didn't agree with any of it, but I validated his perspective." And then he calmed down, and he said, "Yeah, that's exactly how I feel." And I said, "Are you open to me speaking something a little different into that?" And I asked permission, basically, to give him a different perspective. All right. Which, in other words, you respected him as the employer, but you did this in such a way that it didn't demean his position. Right. You're giving... Yeah. Okay. Yeah. So I honored him and asked permission to share my opinion, and then I asked the question. I said, "Is this the same guy whose wife is an ICU, the kidney failure?" And he went, "Oh, and he stayed till three in the morning to work on this thing, and I'm angry about that. Wow. Can you send him flowers?" So he went from, "Yeah, go down there, fire the guy, to let's send him flowers." And so, versus me getting angry and interacting with that in an angry way, or the opposite of that, which is avoiding the conflict altogether, through respect, good human relations skills, then I'm able to have influence in a relationship where I wouldn't otherwise. And that's where this... Let me shove my opinion, my voice, stand up for my rights, down your throat, saying, "Yeah, it just doesn't work. It doesn't work for women. It doesn't work for men. It does. It does. It doesn't work." Right. Competition arguing doesn't work. True. And the scriptures do say, very explicitly, "Husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the church. Wives submit yourselves to your husbands as unto the Lord, which requires implicitly respect and honor of the husband." Now... Yeah, and we need to be told that because women don't interact with each other in the same way. It's not disrespectful for us to interrupt each other and speak over each other while we're talking that's participative communication. You do that with a man, he's going to feel like you're trying to take over the conversation. Uh-huh. So he's going to shut down. Yeah, and there's a lot of little things like that that women just don't know, but we treat our husbands like our girlfriends. Like we can argue with our girlfriends, and as long as we're not mean-spirited and calling names and all that, I mean, all the same conflict rules apply, we can still argue and disagree, and it's not a problem. When the way you go about disagreeing with respect in a workplace or with your husband is completely different. And if we want the intimacy that we long for, we need to be able to validate the opinion even when he's upset with us, even when we're the problem in his mind. And you need a deep relationship with the Lord to be able to see him the way that God does, because otherwise we're going to take that personally instead of going, "Okay, he doesn't know what is really going on here," or the way he sees it is totally different than mine, but it's still valid because he sees it. That's his experience. Well, we're not seeing him the way God does. We discredit his own experience, which is totally disrespectful. A fascinating illustration just came to me. It may be shocking to some folk, maybe even to you, I don't know. But just a couple, a month or so ago, a promotional piece came to me from a well-known evangelical pastor promoting his new book, and here's what he said in promoting that book. I love Jesus, but I don't much like his dad. Now, let me tell you what that said to me. This pastor thinks Jesus is a woman. He does not like Father God, and that's where our culture is today. We despise Father God. We don't respect Father God because he has authority. But we think Jesus is more like a woman. That's an interesting perspective. I've not thought about it like that. Yeah. Well, that's why the word obey is the most hated word in the church today. A four-letter word. We think somehow it defiles Jesus. No, Jesus obeyed. He respected the Father. Well, he even argued with God the night before a little bit, not really argued, but he got back with it. He pleaded with it. Yeah, he was like, "Please, I don't want to do this thing." Yeah. But nevertheless, Father, what you want, what has to happen, I'm willing. Yeah. Yeah. Now, if you translate that into the husband-wife relationship, which in reality, the marriage relationship is an earth-bound expression of the relationship between Christ and His Church. So if we don't have respect and honor for the Lord and His Word, and we kind of disrespect the Father, that's going to translate into our disrespect of a husband's authority in the home, isn't it? Yeah, I believe that because you can't, and I think that disrespect of the Lord, the lack of reverence, damages what the Holy Spirit, you know, can squelch the Spirit's work in our life. And I think that's one of the ways that we do that. So I can't possibly know how to interact in the moment that I'm in if I've squelched the Holy Spirit. I can't have that strength. I can't be grateful. I can't see what's true right, pure admirable phrase worthy. I cannot think like God if I do not have the Spirit active in me and by being disrespectful and reverent, I think that causes that. You know, we say here regularly on this program called viewpoint, by the way, that viewpoint determines destiny. And it's true no matter where you look, our viewpoint concerning marriage, a woman's viewpoint concerning how to respond to her husband, a husband's viewpoint as to how to respond to his wife before the Lord. These things are determining our destiny, aren't they? Yeah, they really are. And you know, there's so much difference of and debate about, well, what does that mean? Does that mean the wife is a slave and, you know, and honestly, things work out great when the husband is pursuing God like crazy and cherishing his wife and yeah, respecting her as well, loving her well. You've got two people that can sit down and talk about things and connect. And there's a lack of competition on both parts, you know, but that makes it easy. What makes it hard is if you're in a church where, or if your own beliefs are such that you feel like you're less than and you're not valuable and to God, you know, all right, we're going to be right back with Nina Rosner after this break to talk about a few ways to respect your husband, friends, 101 ways she has in her book, $6 is going to put the book in your hands. It's on our website, save us.org, save us.org, give us a call at 1-800-SA-USA. We'll be right back. Have you ever considered what the early church was like? Many people are developing a heart longing for a greater fulfillment in our practices as Christians. A recent study showed 53,000 people a week are leaving the back door of America's churches in frustration. What is going on? Why has there not been even a 1% gain among followers of Christ in the last 25 years? Could it be that God is seeking to restore first century Christianity for the 21st century? Jesus said, I'll build my church. Is Christ by His Spirit stirring to prepare the church for the 21st century? The early church prayed together and broke bread from house to house. They were family and it was said by all who observed, "Behold how they love one another." Incredible. But the same can be found right now. Go to save us.org and click sell church. We can revive first century Christianity for the 21st century. It's about people, not programs. It's about a body, not a building. It's save us.org. Click sell church. I'm just flicking my way through your book, Nina. Some of these 100 in ways to show respect to your husband and they're so practical. So practical. These are gleaned from your own 27 years of experience, aren't they? Yeah, a lot of them come from that. A lot of them are basic human relation skills that the culture doesn't teach and respect skills that women, we don't even have a clue about, and things that we don't know about what we're communicating with men. Now I'm looking here, never criticize him in front of people he works with or in front of your kids. That is about as demeaning and disrespectful as you can get, I think. I agree with that. I've seen men in companies lose respect from the people they work with by how their wife treats them. I can feel the pain of that. I have to admit, I have to admit that my wife, Kathy, goes out of her way to try to live in a respectful fashion with me, knowing my imperfections, and I increasingly knowing them. But she goes out of her way to really try to deal honorably and respectfully. It makes a huge difference. It really does. The other night I was at a holiday party with my husband's company, and I was watching couples interact, and that kind of thing is to bring your spouse thing. One of the men was sampling a whole lot of food, and the guys were starting to make fun of him and give him a hard time and all of that. The wife, she was just beautiful and amazing. Every time somebody would say something teasingly, she would say something positive about her husband. She didn't join in, and I've seen this too, where she's like, "Oh, yeah, I see what he does at home," that never showed up in her. I thought, "What an a steaming woman." Every time she did that, he looked at her and he just loved her to pieces. I think we get in the way of the love we're seeking. We destroy the opportunity for the intimacy we want so much, when we demand our way. I want to bring something up along that line. How many times have I overheard women? For instance, they're out to lunch, and I'm using that in a real sense. They're really out to lunch, having lunch together. Maybe they're out to lunch too, but they're having lunch together, and you overhear them talking about their husbands and demeaning, mocking. You ought to see what my husband does, that kind of thing. That's a terrible kind of disrespect, isn't it? It really is, because what we don't realize is that we're betraying someone when we're doing that. We're betraying the most important relationship in our life, other than our relationship with God. That betrayal may or may not show up overtly, but what happens is we then think even less of him, because we're around people that are promoting that and supporting that. We become like the five people we spend the most time with. Choose to expose ourselves to, and so that's one of the things that we tell women. You don't do that. If you're going to say something, say something respectful about the man that you married. In doing so, you can be a tightest woman. You can set an example for others to follow, and it's respectful behavior. When you're working full time, if you have a problem with another employee, you don't go talk about the employee to everybody in the building. You go to that person, and this is biblical, isn't it, Matthew? Exactly. You have a spirit of, "Okay, I am a complete mess myself. I am not perfect. I've sinned all this." You look at what's before, go confront the person that you have the problem with. It's all this stuff about forgiveness and being aware of our own sin, and pointing the finger and three back. That kind of stuff, lengths in our own eye. We go deal with the person we have the problem with, versus spreading rumors or spreading intimate information that does not belong out there. It's disrespectful. Bottom line. Don't be disagreeable in the way you share a different opinion. Being overly emotional gets to the way of what you're saying and demonstrates a lack of self-control on your part and really comes across as disrespect. Yeah, women, one of the things that we need to know is that when we're with our girlfriend, we can be as emotive as we like, and it's easy for us to do that. We feed off of each other. It's fun. We cry. We laugh. We get upset about something, and then when we're around men, they don't know what to do with that. If you look at the way that men's brains are wired, they're different than ours are. They spend a lot of time, not all of them, but about 85% are more linear and systematic and all of that. The emotion thing gets in the way of seeing what is actually going on here, what to be communicated, that kind of stuff. And so, on a good side, we can ask them a question, "How are you feeling about this?" And oftentimes, they don't know, and we can help them process through those kinds of things. One thing that helps them hear what it is that we're saying is to have our emotions under control. And the only way to do that is through deep connection with God because self-control is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. We have to have that first to be able to connect at the level that we want to. It's mature behavior, too. Right. You talk about recognizing acts of generosity. Yes. So often, a man will do something, and a woman will have an expectation about it, and it won't go the way that she thinks it should go, or it will be a little different than she wanted. And instead of being thankful and appreciative of what it is he's done, and recognizing that's his character of generosity being shown here will criticize it. And what that does is it removes the opportunity, the chance that he's motivated to go do something like that again, because he just took a risk and did not get affirmed for it. And so we need to stop looking for perfection, and this Hollywood, you know, you complete me, you know, perfect example of romance, and go, "Okay, if I want more romance from this man, if I want more of giving and all of that, I need to love him where he's at, receive what he gives, because that's a gift from God, and just encourage him. And I'll get more of those things, but it's loving to receive love from someone else. Judgment, to refuse it, reject it, or evaluate it." I think a husband that feels continually respected by his wife is much more likely to open up with the kind of intimacy that she desires, not just sex, but the kind of intimacy and connectedness that she desires. Yes, respect creates, and this is really at the core of respect, is to create an environment where it's safe to be who you are, flaws and all, disagreements and all, but to a safe environment to communicate about what's really going on. And we make it safe by allowing other opinions to be there without judging them, you know, even if we disagree with them. I'm going to bring, speaking of disagreeing, I'm going to bring up a subject here that can be pretty sensitive to some. One of the greatest areas of conflict that I have witnessed over the years, even in Christian homes, is women who come against their husbands for disciplining their children. In fact, we have a classic example of this in the entertainment world. The more I have read and heard about it with two very famous actors and actresses, Brad Pitts and Angelina Jolie, apparently, Brad Pitts felt that the kids were just radically undisciplined and Angelina Jolie went ballistic when he tried to discipline the kids and that separated them. And I have seen this continually in so-called Christian marriages, where a woman will attack her husband for, you know, being firm with a child or so on, because she somehow thinks that's unkind. What say you? To me, that's disrespectful. Well, golly, you know, it's highly destructive. And you create an environment in your home where the kids don't feel safe. Because if mom and dad do not agree, then now there's the foundation that's wobbly. Yeah, they don't respect their father because now he can't discipline. They don't respect their mother because she refuses to discipline and so they have no respect. And they don't respect God either. Right. And it's not a good environment and it is damaging for children. You know, when we disagree with how something is being handled or if our husband is angry and, you know, whatever, and who hasn't been angry at a kid for doing something, he raised jeans. I mean, you raised three teenagers. You get those, right? Oh my word. There's a reason why we don't eat our young, you know, but the animals do, it's hard. Yeah. So sometimes dad will lose it with the kids and it's not always dad, by the way. Right. Mom, the best bet, the best thing mom or dad could do in either situation is just to walk into that, put a hand on a shoulder and say, hey, do you mind? Can we take a few minutes and let's talk about this? And then they leave and they go discuss their difference of opinion someplace else. And then they come back and, you know, if dad was dealing with the situation, he deals with it, mom deals with it, and then when the kid comes to mom and goes, well, dad's not fair. You know, she listens to all of that, validates the kid's opinion and then says, now, I want to, I want to help you understand where your father's coming from. Let's talk about that. Okay. So she's going to give respect to his viewpoint on the matter. Yes. Absolutely. And, you know, there's a balance, men, men, if we need their influence in the home, if you look at the data on criminal behavior and wayward youth, the number one thing that keeps that from happening is that dad in the home and his presence is, and it's not just he's there, you know, physically, it's there, he's emotionally, emotionally, and it's so important. Well, again, what you did not know is that my new book, Hearts of the Fathers, has gone to press as we speak and will come out at the end of this month and hearts of the fathers leaving a legacy that lasts. And that is a tremendous influence there in the home and in the nation as a whole. Now here's another difficult one, potentially, you say one of the biggest issues women face is falling into the trap of mothering or enabling or rescuing their husbands. What do you mean? Well, okay, so, yeah, so we treat it, how many times have you heard, oh, I've got three kids and one of them is my husband. You know, that's a, oh, yeah, okay. So there's that, and then she treats him like he's incompetent, meanwhile, at work, he's getting lots of respect. So what's that do for his opinion about, you know, if you're doing that, you know, so he's an adult, we need to treat him as an adult. And sometimes women will be so controlling and I hate to, yeah, girls, I'm saying it's controlling behavior. If you look up what's controlling behavior, you know, getting in and fixing everything, making everything go perfect, you know, you need to allow people to fail sometimes. And you know, there's, there's times in a marriage, times in an apparently situation where, you know, what is going on isn't working and there's disagreement and it's not your relationship. And so, you know, if your husband's having issue with, you know, one of your sons and everything he's doing is making it worse and you're trying to help, you know, are you trying to help in a way that's controlling, are you trying to help in a way that demeans your husband to the kid, or, you know, if your husband doesn't want to, you know, hear help, he's, you know, bent on that, which, who hasn't been, you know, this is how I'm going to do it. Get out of the way, shut up. Right, right. I'm right. You know, I can't see past that. Well, viewpoint still determines destiny and today we're talking with about ways to respect your husband. Probably the next time around, we'll talk about ways to love your wife. It's both. And here's a new you for the new year. My lady friends, a new year, a new you for a new year. What a helpful and encouraging book, $6 is going to put it in your hands. Give us a call 1-800-SAVE USA, right to us at Save America Ministries. It's on our website, saveus.org. Urgent to become a partner, don't wait for the other guy to do it, he's not doing it. You shoulder the plow with us and help us start out the new year in the black. God bless, be a blessing and respect your husband. You've been listening to Viewpoint with Chuck Chris Meyer. Viewpoint is supported by the faithful gifts of our listeners. Let me urge you to become a partner with Chuck as a voice to the church declaring vision for the nation. Join us again next time on Viewpoint as we confront the issues of America's heart and home. of the world. of the world.