Trevor’s in Japan with his good friends, Anele Mdoda and Khaya Dlanga. Together they dissect cultural taboos, savor otherworldly grapes, and marvel at toilets. All the while trying to find the balance between society and self.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
I agree with that respectful you guys you guys have been in Japan how long now a week and how much Japanese have you learned all the japanese have learned has been food and I'm saying yeah is my speaking Japanese no I'm in eating it you're listening to what now the podcast where I chat to interesting people about the conversations taking over our world this week we're coming to you from Japan yes the sushi is as incredible as everyone says it is and yes people do rarely line up single file to get on the subway but this trip has made me question a lot of my belief right and not not just about this country but about us as human beings like when should we hang on to what we believe in or who we think we are and when is it time to change if you know anything about me you'll know there's nothing I love more than questioning my own beliefs and getting some of my closest friends to question them with me and to do that I'm joined by two of my oldest dearest friends and best travel buddies the official mascot of the Beyonce fan club anelem daughter all the way from South Africa and another friend of mine for more than a decade the well-read and a little true intelligence kyadlanga he also has the best laugh this is what now with Trevor Noah this episode is presented by Lulu lemon everyone has those moments where they say not today when it comes to fitness I mean I know I do well Lulu lemon restorative gear is made for those days days where you want to max out your rest and not your reps Lulu lemon's new campaign features Odell Beckham Junior and DK Metcalf in their buttery soft breathable restorative wear designed to keep up or kick back with you visit lulu lemon calm for everything you need to bring it tomorrow rest day is the best day happy podcast day this is this is a special episode of the podcast because if you listen to the podcast a lot you'll know that I have my closest friends from South Africa we've been friends for going on 20 years and for my 40th birthday we did a special episode we were just talked about friendship life us being together who we are how we know each other and everything and it was myself Adnéle and Sisue Sisue is not with us on this trip he stayed in Johannesburg to work so we have our other friend who was actually you were standing while we were recording Kaya was in the background laughing and people were asking what is that they're like is that a South African birds the harida there's the sound that's the classic sound so um so yeah so I thought you know what since the people love hearing what's going on in our lives I thought we would bring them into something that we've sort of made a tradition yeah which is our travels by say yes at the very least at the least and I mean what a travel to tell people about because we're now in Japan people well as you see now this podcast has happened with me and you in it yes Japan has also happened with you and I in it that's true this is our second time Kaya is your first time Kaya how has it been for you it has been fantastic right it has been really really good very different culture because we loved yes there have been a number of times when you have been asked to just I don't think we've been asked we've been looked at oh yes oh oh but in Kyoto well you know how our friend told you sir yeah we'll randomly shout out something yes yeah so we were in the room at the bar where at the final bar the final bar yeah yeah yeah yeah and then and then the Lisa goes um yeah they literally Trevor they came up to the table and they didn't say anything they just like kind of put their hands like you know priest oh they were like yeah bring it down please bring it down bring it down do you know what I like about it though yeah it's it's there's no malice yes they come and they do that and he walks right off whereas I think as South Africans we want to square up you know oh yeah you know you're like oh you're giving me the eye I can give you the eye right back you know my favorite thing about being in Japan is that it's one of the last places in the world that I that I feel is its own place for better and worse I will say once I was able to travel the world once we were able to travel I would notice that countries would sort of bleed into each other you'd be in Spain you'd feel like you're sort of in Germany yeah you know what I mean you'd be in Peru and a lot of it might feel like you're in Argentina slash somewhere else yes yes yes you feel the overlaps I think Japan is like you are coming to our home and therefore you'll do the things that we do in our okay so you know that you know I think it is and and that's part of why I wanted to have this conversation is like one of the many things I love about traveling with you guys is that we oftentimes will find a thread between the experience we're having the people we're meeting the places we're in and how it ties into our lives and I felt like in the strangest way Japan almost makes you ask a few larger questions than just you know travel questions and like one of the one of the overarching questions I found Japan kept on making me ask is at what point should you bend to accommodate others and at what point do you say that no this is who I am or this is who we are and this is the way that we're gonna stay because when you travel around Japan when you're in the train cars they tell you to be quiet yeah in an elevator they say please keep to yourself in a restaurant don't disturb other people even restaurants notice how they don't like serving big groups no as soon as more than four of you know it's a flat panic yeah there's a bar we went to in Tokyo where they straight up said it's an only take two people and we're like what do you mean you only and the bar was empty yeah and they said we only take two people that and so what we did was we all went outside and we came back two by two with Noah's ark look at I tell you this is the irony of like like how logical Japan is we thought because if you did that to me if I owned a bar yeah and I said hey I only take two's no no bigger group and you came in the six if you all came in in drips and drabs I'd be like yo you idiots I know how to count it's the same six get out now they know here they were like you have followed the rule and they looked at us like we cannot do anything to you because you have followed the rule yeah it's almost like you know the TSA thing yeah when you're flying you know airport security yeah they go you're only allowed to bring 3.4 ounces or 100 milliliters so if you can but if you bring three bottles you can bring two liters if you want that you can bring like your whole village worth of shampoo you just willing to break it up they they love they are I mean I remember like when we were crossing there I almost said the Robert hey this is a new traffic light it was red there was no cars on the road who don't you dare and we cross okay and then this car from a distance starts rooting we would have literally be out of sight for that car by the time but it was still a thing he was so offended I like the fact that the rules are not only upheld by officials but by the citizens I feel like that's something I would like for South Africa because I've been dying to make a citizen the race you know if you in America I feel like you'd be one of those people I wear a gun and goes up to other people's cars and stuff and say I'm holding you here to the police come I'm holding you here to the police don't move don't do not do that I feel like you'd be doing absolutely I don't know I okay so okay so here's the thing on the one hand I think it's really beautiful that Japan has this idea of rules and following them and everybody has to do the right thing but there's a downside to it right and you can see which tourist is here on day one and which church is on day seven yeah because day one tourists are like oh my god that's so it's so different oh my god and then day seven tourists like but that doesn't make sense yeah but it doesn't make sense I just don't understand it doesn't make and both are true by the way I'm I believe and I mean as being our second time here as well is that I've never seen a more extremist culture in my life yes and they live a life of two extremes where it's work extremely hard extremely long hours yeah you know way at work you avoid of personality outside of service and then when they let loose and you know then it's you know it's beverages it's drinks this party time it's it's their time they also go so far out that I almost I almost look and I'm like how are you gonna get back to work tomorrow yeah people are folded over yeah like in Tokyo people are so wasted they they have origamied themselves yeah human I saw people like literally heads up by ankles do you know what I mean but but wait great going back with so let me ask you this question I asked this culturally and I also asked this just personally how do you find moments in your life where you go I should actually change this is me but I should change it and then how do you know the difference between the things you should change and the things you shouldn't change because if you travel to Japan you're gonna come to a country where in my opinion you're gonna be shocked at how advanced they are in so many things and then seemingly behind in other so many other things you know what I mean like there's parts of the train station that feel like you're in the year 3,000 and then there's other parts where you're using like a kiosk that feels like it's from 1987 yeah and they have an upgraded it yeah you know what the whole of Japan feels like to me it feels like Star Wars that is that you ever watched I have not but you've seen though that is you know that's not correct that's that's right don't do that again if you watch good old you know you don't you know yeah you were gonna get the eventually yeah but it feels that sort of feels it feels like Star in Star Wars everything everything feels like state of the art they got spaceships they got lightsabers they've got lasers they've got but then like the doors yeah the people like dog they don't have sewer yeah that I'm sorry you don't you think as South Africans we feel at most home in that because we can be in Johannesburg where it is Tokyo and everything is like lightsabers and spaceships and then we are in the Eastern Cape and it's not in the same yeah it's not in the same world okay so all the parts of Japan that thrive in my opinion because of their incessant need to be precise and to be perfectionists I appreciate I go the sushi is flawless mm-hmm the food here can I forget sushi guys Japan yeah makes your food art better than you make it dude you think you've had pasta comes Japan come to Japan come to Japan you've had it you think you've had a grape guys oh great grapes are the great the mango as they say in Japan who she but this is all because of the same thing a farmer in a farmer in Osaka told me on the last night he said to me it was so amazing I said why are your fruit so delicious and he was when we're buying them and he said because in Japan we find the tree that is growing the best and we cut down the rest and we make sure that that tree the only the water and nutrients because it is doing the best wow and I was like damn that explains why you have the best fruit but at the same time it made me so sad because I went damn that explains why your society is the way it is because you can only be the best because you cut down the rest yeah you get celery men you get people who are in obscurity and then you get a few people in Japan who just are killing it and they are like you know what I mean drinking the tea first walking into the room first you know what I mean and that made me realize is like there is a gift and a curse to everything that you choose in your life you will have the best of something yeah but it's going to come at a cost and so like that thing for me made me really sad and happy and it was it's a it's a it's a conflicted feeling but it's what you and I said to each other in the body at the night what has been the price of your success and feel free to name people as the collateral to you being successful I love that one I love you've got to say that one again anyone listening to this ask yourself this question what has been the cost of your success and feel free to name people as that cost and that price because sometimes your success cost you people around you yeah you know guys can I tell you I think is happening yeah it's a wild theory but also I wish the whole world could adopt Japanese culture with the frickin toilets they have the best toilets in the world okay this is a good moment for a segment we like to call where in the world brought to you by T mobile who can help you experience travel better they have a whole host of travel perks that you'll love whether you're on a day trip or your dream trip and this trip has been a dream because like we've been talking about there are so many things about Japan that are so different from any other place in the world including their toilets take a listen and you'll never think of going to the bathroom the same way again when we talk about a Japanese toilets there are levels of Japanese toilets some Japanese toilets have a little nozzle that pops out under your goods yeah and it sprays up cleans you up sometimes they even dry you a little blow-dried do a whole thing yes but now the ones in Japan are like the best ones like this is like totos at the top these ones when you walk into the room the toilet greets you essentially because it like it opens up for you and then it heats the seats and you sit down and then it's played it sprays like a little air freshener so that you you know what I mean and then so so just so you understand no one else was ever here no one was here so that's so clean yes where you go yeah when you get up yeah as well it then flashes yes it's flashes about you doing anything somebody in Japan was sick and tired of walking into logs right but now there was one morning I woke up a bit queasy and nauseous so obviously I now have to go and kiss the porcelain ball do you know how difficult it is to just have a whole because every time you puking it's flashing in your I have never thought of that yeah I have that never amazing thought of that oh that is so no you you don't know you have to time your because if you put pressure on the seat then once you lift the pressure off it flushes in your face just like I want to switch it off somewhere like you see that's the thing you can't that was where in the world brought to you by T-Mobile who can help you experience travel better with perks like free and flight Wi-Fi so you can watch your favorite movies from 30,000 feet plus you can return your dollar rental car without the hassle of refueling and T-Mobile's got you covered with five gigabytes of high-speed data in 215 plus countries and destinations with go 5G plus or next plans learn more at t-mobile.com/travel qualifying plan required Wi-Fi we're available on select U.S. airlines terms and conditions apply we'll be right back after the short break while we were in Japan I spoke to the Japanese people that I cook cuz like Japanese people speak Japanese yeah which I know sounds like captain obvious is dipped into the podcast but Japanese people speak Japanese yeah and what I mean by that is like you come here speaking English you are not kidding anywhere which is good for them by the way I'm not saying like English should be the thing but like yo when I spoke to the few Japanese people who were bilingual they would say to me almost like like they were hoping nobody was watching them they would look at me and they would be like they'd be like yeah I just I wish Japan was a little that's very I wish it was a little more flexible and I wish Japan wasn't as tight as it is and it's it's weird because everything that has made Japan what it is think about it the technology right your walkmen's yeah well now we don't think of it but that was like the beginning of what we considered portable music today you know your PlayStation your TV your your car's your your air conditioning unit Japan sort of laid the blueprint for everything we use and a lot of their a lot of them being stuck a lot of them you know that that indignation they have for anything that isn't them is why they got to where they got to but now it feels like it's starting to be the thing that unravels their society so now I keep coming back to this idea like what's a thing about yourself that you think is a good thing that you think people think is a bad thing about you your wallet tough question um I think it's a great thing but I'm coming to learn that not entirely is that I I expect like a hundred percent work ethic from everyone around me all the time okay and I can never understand why I don't mind if you fail I just mind that you didn't even try or that you didn't apply yourself and and I and I and I said that at work especially with my TV production and radio and because my immediate team kind of gets it and I and I may have assembled them like that actually you know but the the more trickles down where as you you go into another department that kind of feeds my department right and as soon as both are dropped on that side I I struggle to let you get away with that and then I'm like why aren't he hit rolling no no no yeah and I don't know how I was I was raised in that work ethic where I kind of expected from everyone else and and with other people is just like chap it's impossible for me to be here at 10 at night for rehearsal so that's something you think is good I think is fantastic yes I think it's fantastic also for the greats our product and the bottom line and we all important we all we running after this bottom line and I live in it guys if we all want bonuses we all have to bonus work type of vibe you know and I've I've learned it's not like you know has anyone ever said anything to you about it or only recently what does someone say someone but I wasn't in the meeting my team came to tell me they're like hey when somebody threatened to take you to HR wow yes and I was like let's go to HR and honestly I definitely definitely understand and believe that the all I get I have to change you know something about he has to change the but how do you know what the thing is so in this instance if you wrote this down on paper for me and you said I believe that people should give a hundred percent I would say that that's good now the people around you are like no it's a little too intense so how do you know that that's because most things if you think about life and what's been invented great things that have been created advancements in science or technology or even the world it's oftentimes been a person who was relentless and didn't want anything less than do you know what I mean half the people who got on ships and circumnavigated the globe and like you know drew maps I don't think those people were part time but also what you need to realize is that not everyone can be like that because can you imagine if you have a lot of ships in the ocean and no one back home and it would not make sense and it would not make sense but we would have all discovered America what about you then do you wish you could relax on well so I'm not so rigid on well ironically the thing that I'm too relaxed about is being relaxed so mine is the other way around so mine taking a break no no on the opposite like I am too relaxed I'm always like sometimes I'm a little too zen about everything time things happening or not happening thing I'm like yo man and I do think it's something that it became a coping mechanism because of ADHD like you know I'm pretty certain my mom had it I had it so if you grow up in a house and a family where things can't happen when they're supposed to happen one of two things will happen to you you're gonna live in a constant state of anxiety or you're gonna chill out and I was like yeah chill out yes I'm at school late because my mom dropped me off late but I would get to school every day and at some point I'm used to it yeah yeah you know what you you get stressed going to the airport but yeah you're gonna fly it's like all these things so my thing is I'm a little too relaxed which I think is a great quality because I'll never stress anybody out but then I'm so relaxed that I stress everybody else I understand you would cause me absolutely yeah so I'm so I am so so so relaxed that I stress everybody but also it's because you say so you always say no but we'll solve it and that's the thing and for you you always say like maybe like I'm stressed to see me stress a kindness and because the whole thing is I enjoyed this because you see a puzzle there's a puzzle a puzzle to be solved oh no right we are not at this point yeah you don't you don't we're not no we're not gonna do that yes I think you can get it right the first time please do so no no but I I'm all about getting it right the first time but I'm also like you that when the what the first time when is that time is like yeah this and as I said this is something I wish to change about myself because I see the effect that it has on the world around me because y'all y'all are all stressed about because then there's chaos around it's like yes that is what is this is the eye of the storm car I am the eye of the storm and then everything else I'm sorry you just to say what do you mean this is this is the same as I saw your geography sorry excuse me did you not digiography this is I did two million numbers I know the tornado tornado guys you know okay Kyle what about you you know it's so crazy I think for me it's um the it's a terrible thing where and I always say like you know your great gift is also quite a great curse if you're not very aware of it yes so even I said that yeah so if if you are let's say I grade communicator you're able to communicate very well yeah express yourself pretty well you fall into the trap of not only trying to find the truth by trying to win right so trying to win an argument rather than what is the truth I don't know if I'm making any sense so I think for me unpack well so what I mean for me is I will sometimes speak to myself certain things and convince myself of a thing that I know is not true right oh so you're a liar to myself yes and I think a lot of the time where you know that something can be detrimental to me but I will convince myself wait for why why are you doing this like are you doing this to appease others or are you doing this what do you think why are you doing that to safeguard yourself I think it is often that is true it is often to kind of safeguard yourself against what you think are potential terrible pitfalls right but a lot of the times those pitfalls I imagined because it's a son that will happen right so you I will convince myself that I'm trying to think you know what you know that go I don't think that goal will like me right but she's oh interesting but she has given me all the sign in the world okay but I will keep telling myself that you know what I think she's just in something nice guy okay okay I call this I call this projection oh yeah oh that's what I call it yeah exactly oh yeah you know as a defense mechanism I think some people they don't they project themselves yeah I think to that is anybody else from rejecting them yes and then they go oh you probably would have you probably would have canceled on me anyway well you didn't seem like they probably wouldn't have been serious and then it's like you're doing that so wait so you think the good because you're so good at formulating an argument yes the downside is that you're good at formulating it against yourself myself yes wow but then this seems like something you know you should change yes but the thing is that's that is the worst thing where you know that there's something you you should change and you know it yes but then you don't change it that is that's probably the hardest that yeah that is the worst thing I think for me for a person to know because what about themselves yes you know I think yeah and I wonder how much of this because you know how they were at the Japanese culture they brought so much technology I think say 80s 90s yeah during that time and I wouldn't say that they stopped advancing but I think because the population there's such an old group of people yeah right at the top and so and that because the society is about hierarchy so if you hold that that's fascinating the decisions are made by really older people that's true and therefore even though they were though they were the guys were leading the revolution of technology that's actually very true in the in the 80s and the 90s they're old now and they say yeah but that's not how things are done this is not this is not why we did this isn't that what especially you and police and you guys always say the most dangerous thing anyone can ever say in a company is we've always done it like this yeah we've always done it this way and so with Japan I just feel that we've always done it this way thing and you know I think the old people yeah you don't want to go into a country and tell them do you know guys just relax you know but oh I have to ask you guys take a chill bill what about don't you guys wait did you say it in that accent as well don't you think that there's a I found that there's actually quite a fundamental difference between Tokyo and Kyoto and Osaka and Osaka in terms of the people themselves I remember at a bar in Kyoto we got there and there was a guy that I mean I haven't had like a a random Japanese person just come to me and strike a conversation they don't do that but at this bar I don't know if you record this guy this guy with this silky hair oh yeah and we kept touching his heart right you said can I touch your hair and I was like wow and then he went like this I was like you as a black woman went to a Japanese man and you said can I please touch your hair whatever they rolled over in their graves and they started clapping they were like we made it y'all we made it guys his hair was glowing it was glowing but you know I was crazy about that guy so I asked him when he checked now he's chatting you have this great conversation yeah wait and I was like what an extra virgin Japanese guy yes and I asked him what he's from he's from Kobe and this says that in Kobe that they are a lot more friendly a lot more open than other Japanese city here's how I understand it yeah from from what we heard from like you know the tour guides and some of the people I guess we really studied Japan they said the one thing that's you know synonymous in Japanese culture regardless of where you are is that people are considerate of others when you're in the countryside of Japan you need to worry less about other people's space because you have more office you got more space you can laugh louder you can move that you can be more because you're in Osaka this space you can have a good time you're close you get I'm saying even though Osaka is a big city but it's like it and Osaka finding up is called like the rebel area of Japan because they do the things the other way around yeah apparently all the comedians come from this yes 80 percent of Japan's comedians comes from Osaka we felt at home when we were there yes yes we just walk around but but but I think it's that Japanese people have gone when there are millions of us living together catching a train walking upstairs riding escalators shopping we all have to be more considerate of each other it's like living in in a complex or in a state in South Africa yeah yeah that's true that's very sweet I call it it's called a complex because it's complex living there are 800 of us driving in and out of these four gates right right so that's why the rules are so and I mean if you're one person like yeah but guys this rules don't make sense why why can I only have four friends here but imagine if all 800 of you decided to invite as many people as you want that's the thing there would be mayhem so that kind of makes sense so now you see what you just said there that for me raised a larger question which was so difficult and it's just it's just been ruminating in my brain as I've been thinking about Japan and that concept if you look at the world we live in today social media and travel has meant that we have contact with other people in ways that we never did we share the world in ways that we never did with other people right and so because of that we're constantly butting up against people in ways that we never did before so back in the day if you had an opinion about another culture it was very rare that you would come up against that culture do you know if you had a disparaging view of people from Finland all right and then what let me tell you about these finished people we'll be like yeah okay keep going go for it but now you might bump into a finished person you might meet them on social media they might encounter your views on social media and now they go excuse me how can you say that about me and this is the thing that that I've been trying to understand is like I go because you know these days there's been a lot of conversations about like oh people are easily offended and then other people are like ah people have become more mean people I personally don't believe I genuinely just believe we've been we live together more than we ever have complex living complex living we are all in a complex and so because of that it's not that you've played your music louder it's that you share walls with your neighbor now and if we think about society and social media and the way we live our walls are so close to each other that we now hear everybody's music that's playing all the time and so because of that you feel like it's coming to you and then obviously whereas they were just walking past yeah you feel like they were walking directly to you to offend you so that you can you know feel some type of way about it and so that's when I then ask the question I go is it then possible and I don't want to say this in like a doom and gloom kind of way but like is it possible for the world to exist in a cohesive way if we're all connected because in Japan they're able to do it because they're all Japanese but I I feel that the reason you know the the extremes of happiness and and absolute somberness yeah within Japanese people and this is a huge assumption but I think it's exactly that that their own rules are you know coming out to get them I'll give an example about what I what I picked up yet there is no romance in Japan like did you see anyone hold hands hug kiss no it's not a big thing yeah I yeah I mean like it's it's actually they said it's frowned upon to be like overtly PDA that's not a thing yeah I just think there's so many one of the well I suppose because I like romance right one of the things I saw that they're very linked on is exactly that and I don't think any good can come of that I don't I really don't think any good can come of suppressing any part of what you desire well maybe or any part I would disagree yeah because you see it right yeah because you you the one who spoke about how they are you not as extremes maybe they they suppressed it in public and then in private maybe it's something else so okay I don't know wait a minute I had a fascinating conversation at 2 a.m. in the streets of Tokyo in Shibuya yeah we met a group of and it was like friends and they were all half Japanese so they're really open and they were sharing their experience and my one friend you know who it is I won't mention names he said he said what about your sex do you guys even have sex and then they were like they all got very shy and they were like but then they're like actually we're not open with our sex but they're like but when we get behind closed doors people go wild and then one of the women said one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard she said I actually find I have more intimate experiences with Japanese men because they have a more honest expression of what they like sexually than Western men whereas Western men it feels like they're doing a performance it's performative because it's blended into the real world so she said because of Japanese man is never speaking about what he does is never showing off what he does sexually when he comes to the bedroom one on one of the women all of it and he's also like this is what I like this is what I like no but that make these sounds it turns me on but it's also no no clock because he has to go back to work it's true don't go anywhere because we got more what now after this you know this is where I'm conflicted in life generally as I go there are moments where I like to believe that I know what's right and what works and what but then I realized if we're honest about it as people we don't know anything we only know what we know right and we believe what we know is correct because it's what we've been taught a simple stupid example is how people hold their phones if you're from a certain generation you hold your phone in a certain way and then when you're from a certain generation they hold their phone hold it like it's deceiving you know what I mean they hold their phones anyway people talk I've seen people have conversations like they do then I'm like what are you doing and then like yeah but this makes sense to me because I speak when I speak and I listen when I listen and I speak when I speak it I listen to you do so I always have to tell myself I go as society as people we should never forget that the thing that we think is right is only right because we are used to it not because it is definitively right it's different it's different it's just what we've been taught and it's what has been accepted by society that's the only reason it is right or it is more crazy I'm not saying it's good and I'm not saying it's bad I'm just like I'm throwing parallels to you know the older generation back home right in South Africa because you and yes in South Africa because you and I had this conversation about the parallels between Japanese people and because the people whiskey red meat you know and then as a silent you know so it's your point when the Japanese said we love red meat you said I I'm completely agreement then when they said I love whiskey you said wow these people are fantastic I'm with you with you they were like then they said but we keep quiet while we're doing it then you're like whoa you guys need to change your culture now but I imagine if a Japanese person was saying you can cause people are almost perfect if only we just keep it down okay I suppose I'm trying to say back to the six thing is that I think six starts long before we get to the room yeah but maybe does this maybe starts differently exactly it's not the same as you because that's how you've been taught you know like the idea of sex what is romance what is flirting what is connecting what is all of this you know so not foreplay but but you see what you just said now it's like because you say foreplays them in the menu I like this I like that's possible yeah but it is and this is what I'm this is what I mean like okay if we live in a world where everyone believes they that their way is the right way because it is the right way and we know this because countries and societies have moved to a certain point they've been like that for hundreds of years so clearly it's not wrong yeah right there's no works for them there's no right language there's no right food there's no right music there's no right dancing there's no right romance there's no no there's countries that existed for hundreds of years doing it their way and now all of us are doing this and now it becomes a battle of which one is the right way are you loud or you too soft are you too prudish or you too sexual you know what I mean are you too overt or you too subtle which one is it and Japan has showed me that it really just is the way you're seeing it and it you only appreciate it when it works for you you know i'm sorry just to go back now um because you asked us a question us is that you know what about you do you know that you should change but you know Japan as the second time round because remember the first time I came to Japan it was all honeymoon and I had nothing wrong to say about Japan yeah if we'd done the podcast in 2019 yeah it would have been a silent podcast because i'm like tremor you're talking about yourself huh you're not wrong actually i love media people i love you but now because i'm here for a second time you know the veil's been taken off and and now i'm going through it i'm like maybe that maybe that we better with us with us but that there's something very wrong about me but i i've gotten better at it since i turned 40 so is that um i'm very if you if we don't stay in honeymoon then we it's gonna end very quickly right like so so yes yeah what do you mean we who's we like me mean a friendship mean a relationship oh interesting so we i i am can't even at work i'm constantly always finding ways to stay in honeymoon phase right huh and as soon as that is done then then then we're done wow yeah and what what what i must give it up to the Japanese people and what i've learned about myself in Japan the second time around is that like you know what there's actually such a a deeper jam a gel a honey is stickiness to be found to be found past honeymoon stage hmm you know if you just like stick at it beautiful and stick in there and and that that has become me now in the last day three years coming up to 40 is that i'm doing my best to to to just constantly realize that that's fine that that face of that person is gone you know find you know find comfort and and and find solace and find joy and find happiness in this face it's very interesting what to say because i found that the the women i don't know i make another example but women yeah that i have asked out if i said will you be my girlfriend okay what i've done is i've waited just just after the honeymoon period because then i know it sounds crazy because i think that if i still like you after the honeymoon period i really like you okay because i'm not just depending on the little you know the newness yeah the newness of the thing because now i'm like a great there are some things that i know you about me and there are some things that i find but despite those things i'm still here for you and i think i but i also allow what to say where you constantly finding the honeymoon period i don't think there's something wrong with that at all but i don't know what you could call it but i love that idea i have a hot take on that too i think because of technology birth control etc we found a way to hack the thing that really forced us into having kids and making families and that was the honeymoon we call it the honeymoon period now i believe personally the way we were designed as human beings is that you're supposed to meet someone your pheromones click off yeah your body's basically go this one can fix my things this one can fix my things you come together you make children and then it's like it's finished and then you sort of move on that's what i honestly think it was supposed to be but then you're supposed to keep on doing it keep on trying get it genetically diverse as much as possible as much as possible as much as possible and then once we found ways to not get pregnant from having sex we now use up our honeymoon juice we use up our honeymoon juice having sex and then at the end of it there's nothing that ties together there's nothing to find us yeah and then you like all right on to the next one cheers bye yeah do you know what i mean there's like there's something in that for me it's like oh i just imagine having a child if one of us except oh my god how many how many kids that are regressed oh i would need a little country you wouldn't be allowed with your family in japan they'd be like no more than two no more than two we don't take 60 people oh man oh but you know i look i'll say this guys thank first of all thank you um there's a one one of the things i love most about hanging out with you guys and taking trips and doing these things is that i find myself having fewer and fewer answers and more questions yes which can i tell you is probably my favorite thing in life because i find myself leaving a trip going like like if now if someone said what do you think about japan i'd be like i don't know yeah i'll be like it's amazing it's one of the most beautiful places you'll ever go it's one of the cleanest cities you'll ever be in because you have to carry your own trash which can i tell you had an immense impact on me as a hero when you are responsible for every piece of trash that you put out into the world there's no trash cans yeah if anyone's coming to japan i'm warning you no no one warned us there's no trash cans when you walk in the streets you eat something you hold your trash and you buy a cup of coffee you hold your trash and you're just walking around with your trash you'll be shocked at how much your ability to discard yeah influences your ability to consume yes and i think that applies even on a metaphorical level yeah you know like with dating imagine if we all walked around and we could be the baggage that i carry yeah imagine if everyone you dated or hooked up with you had to walk around with oh my until you could like properly put them down i think we would date very differently and in a weird way down yeah and in a way i think that's something japan did like on this trip it hit me with like a hey man be conscious of the trash that you're creating and don't assume that you can throw it away for somebody else to deal with yeah don't assume that oh my lord yeah that is that is deep man don't assume that the best line was literally that there was a japanese guy and he was he was really great asset to him i said where's the trash can and he was like treasure can and i said yeah trash can he's like treasure can he said who what is treasure can't afford i said for the trash and he said oh tourver son who must empty tresher can i said well the trash man he's like oh are you tresher man am i a tresher man i was like no then he's like who in our society is a tresher person guys i have never felt a packet of chips heavier but he hit me hard with that yeah and i was like damn i didn't want these chips no for real i was like yeah actually if we live in a world where we constantly assume that somebody else's position in life means that they should be picking up our trash metaphorically and literally then we live in a world where we one day may be burdened with somebody else's trash asking ourselves how it came to be but that's the biggest thing that i that japan left me with as a positive as oppressive as is in one part i was like damn the conscious of the tresher could help me is that your what now my what now my what now is we plan our next trip friends ah hey i was still debating columbia columbia let's get you to the airport kaya kaya thanks for joining us now thank you so much fun thank you thank you we're doing we're definitely doing it again we're definitely good thank and thank you so much thank you for listening thank you for joining us thank you i know another episode of what now a special episode by the way is not another one Trevor and friends this time all the way from japan arigato goes arigato arigato what now with Trevor Noah is produced by Spotify Studios in partnership with day zero productions and full well 73 the show is executive produced by Trevor Noah Ben Winston Sanaziamine and Jodi Avogan our senior producer is Jess Hackle Claire slaughter is our producer music mixing and mastering by hanis brown thank you so much for listening join me next thursday for another episode of what now you
