We Are Douchebags
Do Not Use This Episode to Judge the Rest of Our Show
Trump if you can hear us please Donald Trump please save me please save me Donald Trump please I'm asking you please save me please save me please get these people away from me They're gonna stay please welcome to we are douche guys the show where we are douche bags I'm your host CJ swim my gender pronouns are they them and identify as race gender and beaving fluid hello my name is Pave as in pavement my gender pronouns are concrete because I'm rock hard and as a child I always wanted to be a bank robber I'm Andre my pronouns are that negative and I identify as a Shyse DS nigga wonderful so uh how you guys been we've been good been all right yeah I think we've all been on a little bit of a demon timing lately haven't we yeah I would say so yeah like uh to just today I uh I went shooting and had a you know the glick with the dick 30 rounds and a had a beam on it and a and a switch so I really went into I was in my thug era today where I had a switch I thought switches were illegal what color button was it black yeah that's basic it's fine though whatever whatever gets the job done I got kicked out of the range for for shooting full auto I thought you got kicked out of the range for pointing your gun at someone well tomato tomato pretty savage you can't say yeah I mean that kid he was threatening me with what I mean bro I was at a gun range everyone there was armed he was literally asked if you could like donate to his school and he was about to sell you chocolate he came up to me exactly threatening me for money yes for donations you slapped the chocolates out of his like hand and said bomb and like started to shoot at the fucking boxes of chocolate for some reason now you owe that kid like hundreds of dollars I don't know him anything first of all I'm a hero hero is that what they yeah they named you on the front of the the business I thought it was not allowed it back in I mean heroes are what we were supposed to talk about today but our guest uh kind of didn't show up but I was I guess by the way that was I guess yeah who didn't show up uh he was a very important guest very important pretty sure they're very busy as well with the job yeah yeah with the job most definitely they'll they're probably the most well-known respected guest that we've ever had on uh Matthew oh I thought you meant someone else okay I was picking up where you're going down but um anyways like what did what did you do that was pretty edgy this week pave um pretty edgy well I had a light okay so I was at a fast food line the other day and this was at the same place that you know has the uh the not really smart kid you know that one again yeah yeah going there we've talked about this I was going there right and um they gave me they gave me my bag and I ordered two sauces to make muffins but in the bag I only saw one mm-hmm and so I was like hey you you forgot one dude oh I'm sure I'll get that right for you show he gives me the other one and he throws in a hash brown and I'm driving back home and then I realized that oh shit he gave me the full food this entire time but I just didn't look deep enough into the bag so I just had an extra sandwich that I took from a down syndrome person it's kind of based okay never never mind I was going to say why do you keep going there but you hit a lick on that place so I get it now yeah honestly like they fucked me over so many times on my order so it's about time I took a little bit of a rebellion you know yeah I get it I understand completely and uh you Andre oh I robbed the plug for a pound of weed give some light to the like a pound of weed yeah we broke we met at the part yeah then he gave me the pound and then I threw marbles on the floor and then I ran away oh and then he slipped on the floor and I got away from the classic so you didn't try and get back up after falling on the marbles I was too fast they gave him captain up to me and and you forgot how to pay is like they always slip like two or three times before they're able to catch their footing yeah that's why I chose oh yeah so like a banana peel or something yeah the banana peel is easily dealt with people usually only fall on that like once or twice but the marbles it's like I saw it three minutes they're sitting there trying to get out of it yeah have you guys ever been mugged like robbed no never um no no I've done a lot of robbing well if you were being robbed at gunpoint if I was to rob that gunpoint what would I do yeah um I'd probably disarm them and then rob them and then rob them yeah like I take their gun rob them of their gun but then also steal your wallet or I would like just put my finger down the chamber so when they squeeze it just explodes on them oh yeah yeah yeah I forgot you could do that it's pretty smart I don't know why people don't do that more often yeah I think if JFK did that he would have been alive that day like you still would be alive if he put his finger in the barrel of the assassin's gun yeah or if he like um held up his hand just in time and blocked the bullet oh simply blocked the bullet it would have been yeah I don't think he was expecting it yeah I was gonna say how would he have known where like I'm pretty sure even today they don't know where he was shot from so how would he have known that's fair how like explain that to me again like how many shooters were there allegedly allegedly I think they're saying that there had to have been two shooters at minimum two shooters because he got shot once in the chest and then the second time in the head right I think the first one was through the neck uh the first shot was the first guy was the suck dick god he really saw me the next the neck shot still would have killed him just slower yeah the the head the bullet to the head was just to seal the deal just to make it like more like uh just to give a show you know that was to give the first one was to send a message and the second one was to get the job done yeah message sent indeed I mean if you think about it shooting somebody in the neck is a lot more impressive than shooting someone in the head because it's a much smaller target you know I'm trying to think like what if there was just like a another world war right and like our president was captured by like um the enemy let's say like we're either gonna we're in war with North Korea right how fucked up would it be if like a lively video of like Donald Trump being beheaded by a North Korean soldier is just like roamed the internet w gore video hi that yeah I think it would be like people would use it do you think people would feel like me about it yeah that shit would be memed in some they put like this model filter on them and instead of the screaming it's like it's like music in the background like dandy s music but uh it's fine I was going to say something I just completely forgot what you were gonna say okay well you were gonna like talk about what you hated this week that is what I was gonna talk about actually um I what do I hate this week how about you guys go first since I'm feeling very kind I don't I really hate the boys I really hate the boys why do you show why because they made frenchy gay and I just can't stand it now whoa whoa whoa I'm trying to it's not even that much of a spoiler you're just making out with the dude first episode into the new season wait you still haven't seen it Andre no this conflict is like we just watched it five different times but you'll gladly watch like other shows he's already watched I've been watching anything bro finish it what do you think of the show so far though yes gas I mean did you like watch it before or you're just getting into it like binge watching it um I got into it like three months ago and I just watched the first three seasons like two days bro that shows so fucking good I'm not gonna lie it's kind of funny like seeing all the people complain about it and starting to figure out that they're actually being made fun of this entire time the the conservatives right yeah yeah what the hell is this woke loop like liberal piece of media on my television this wasn't what it used to be I mean when the show started out it did make fun of both sides pretty equally but slowly and slowly it started making fun of the right more and this season they just went full out making fun of the publicans yeah honestly like I mean I said I don't I don't like mind it but I would like to see a little bit of a lip tarts being owned you know it'd be nice I mean didn't you didn't you vote for Biden I voted third party actually oh it's not get her done anymore well on paper he was me but I wasn't the one that actually put it on there so are you admitting to election fraud uh it was like it was Biden's idea so it was his fault you have direct contact to Biden yeah why haven't you like gotten us like a secret like White House position then like made our show the official American show um I feel like why don't we have a CNN spot that a CNN spot like we don't have any credentials to even start something like that let alone like a budget I don't you know I don't know Biden we don't need a budget we just need a computer some microphones like if you're close with Biden I mean I wouldn't say I'm gonna edit cool though I edit for free yeah yeah I'll see we don't even need salaries well I mean like when we're kind of using a space in the white office we pretty sure we are gonna like we're gonna be charged more likely you know that right no we're not what are you talking about bro every white how every room in the White House is important you know that right yeah I know it's important but if if we were making something for the government they would cover all those charges we wouldn't have to pay a dime oh yeah let's put that back us in fact the government you know the the people you don't have too much of a kind uh how should I say uh opinion on them like yeah relationship you know there's been many times where you've talked about bombing their planes and uh shooting up on their planes places oh let's not shooting their planes down and pointing lasers at them okay not bombing them get it right let's not forget about the um let's not forget about the intro where you say I'm not a big fan of the government over and over again 30 yeah what about it you don't think the government saw that are you trying to blame me for the fact that we don't have a spot like in the White House to record I mean almost it came out of your mouth I mean you never mentioned this so-called friendship with Biden before so how would I have more anything it's on you you're just overthinking path you'll fag it yeah I'm just gonna go walk over to him how many months does he have left anyways five I hope oh wait like to live no for his election dumbass oh oh well he has until January right I thought November well that's when the election starts yeah November is the election and then January is when the next president is is in office which is probably going to be Biden again if we're being honest dude that shit was so funny the first time Biden was elected all the fucking Trumpies were like crying I will never forget the fucking Donald Trump saved me Donald Trump I got in his car the hands up all the cops coming over to him you've never seen that video before I've never seen that video I'll put it back in banger I'll put it on as the intro but it's like the hilarious this dude is stopped by the cops you can hear me I think it was for like reckless driving I think he was drinking and driving and he for some reason like went live on Facebook and like he has it like positioned to a way where he can see his whole upper body he has his heads up as like the cops are coming and over and over he's just repeating Donald Trump please save me Donald Trump Donald Trump Donald Trump and like it's slow like as the video is progressing he's like just breaking down crying and it's getting worse as the cops like did they break down his window because he wouldn't open the door I can't remember oh I didn't see that for him now it was uh that guy was a little a soycock if you will like literally crying to his daddy Trump he was like shaking shivering I thought Trump would have saved him if he knew yeah he wouldn't like seen that video I saw the video what they did to it was terrible I'm going to absolutely horrible I think I'm going to bond him let him out three like an American that's a that's a great impression pay if I'm glad you did that I know um if we're gonna be honest like I think Trump's gonna die first before Biden probably I'm not even gonna cap that man is fat have we seen his diet and like how much diet soda he drinks apparently yeah but what if he ends up like those old ladies who smoke like a pack of cigarettes a day and live to be a hundred I mean those people I have no idea how those women made it to be honest do you think it's like they didn't smoke they would be older like they'd live like a lot longer even longer yeah um I don't know there's a conspiracy I don't know if you guys have heard it there's a conspiracy that cigarettes are actually healthy for you and that the government is hiding it and and they're pushing cigarettes out of the mainstream because they give you health benefits like what um fuck I forget what it was that they say exactly but yeah they say that cigarettes are one of the keys to a to living a healthier life smoking cancer lives like wait I'm so confused who the cool who thinks of that well where's the science in that I can't I can't fathom he probably smokes like two packs a day he's just trying to justify it yeah they say that humans have been smoking for hundreds of years or whatever so our lungs are adapted to it and that tobacco actually treats stuff and it actually can fight certain types of cancer that's something I'm gonna hear off of my uncle's facebook post like him trying to derail the government him constantly posting fucking 9/11 conspiracy theories on his like page but all of those are true no not having guys seen the the fucking the flat earth shit that gets sentenced to our group chat how they talk about the different realms of earth i didn't i i'm not like very active on the group chat but there was this one guy who was a flat earth or and he was like trying to explain to the camera and you can just see his wife in the background she's like can you just stop this fucking bullshit and then like you could just see the sadness come down on his face as he's like but i love this she's like this is fucking stupid let's be honest so if the earth was flat what would it change i was just my last it wouldn't really change anything we're still fucking stuck here we're not going to space either right well if we were on a flat earth then technically if we were to dig down deep enough it would fall through the other side other side how would you do that oh my god i just came up with a brilliant idea okay we go to the deepest point like you know how the ocean has like the deepest points on earth the deep like from the boys he gets back to the boys but we go to the deepest point and since that's already the closest to like where the earth would fall off we just start drilling there and slowly drain the earth of all of its water so we cause a mass extinction event so wait they think the earth is flat very curious so theoretically speaking if one side of the earth like work to go on the half of it to make it heavier with the earth like tumble and fall would it like flip around you know what i mean it's like a plate you have too much food on one side i think so the plate is going to get too much heavy and it's going to cook you know tumble you know that you know the flatter if there's don't even they don't believe gravity exists either they don't believe gravity exists yeah yeah they believe it's like some electromagnetic so like everyone can fly but we're just like we were removed like that ability was just removed no no they say that since humans are heavier than air we uh we sink below the air but that doesn't work without gravity something to pull us to the bottom like we like attached to strings or something i don't know what the hell they believe they just they just believe that gravity is fake and the density is the only thing that matters i want to meet a flatter there one day you know yeah they say the sun and the moon or electromagnetic because i drive these just magnetism but there's nothing down in space so density still wouldn't really matter like especially if we're on a flat earth how would we be pulled towards the earth i don't know that you know how skits a frontic flat earth is are they probably thought of that question and have some crazy ramble answered to that way we do need to talk to one one day you know that'd be so interesting if any of our listeners are flat earth there's reach out to us paves on you seem like the type reach out to us she seems like the type but i don't even know what that means i'm just kidding you're trying to pick your brains both go okay but uh Andrea did you even say what you hated this week oh no we went on a tangent i hated humidity humidity yeah in the summer that shit is gay it's gay as fuck yeah it's not straight i mean it's pride month bro so it's kind of like the time for that thing yeah fuck that though i don't care you're outside for two minutes and you're mostly already pride month is really true going by like a flash i'm so glad that you know i'm with this one because been going by so fast so we don't have to celebrate gay peoples for too long i mean babe you know what they say right what time flies when you're having fun oh yeah you're right and i have a lot of fun when i'm unemployed you've been having a lot of fun this month yep what have you been doing well i got fired so that was one thing and like i was so i was like unemployed and then played again and then i went on on a journey to find myself i went to Kansas City you went to a music festival oh okay yeah it's a Kansas City to find yourself and uh two two in Kansas City eat corn dogs that actually sounds hard as fuck yeah corn dogs are Kansas City and it was nice came back to my house and you know i got the call saying that i'm back on the job so now i mean i'm still unemployed but not until like an extreme extent i mean if someone asks hey you have a job they'll just say yeah i'm a freelancer i mean technically like being employed implies that you're paid so i wouldn't say that you were employed fired and re-employed i would say that uh you were enslaved freed and then re-enslaved like i bought you again you bought me you didn't even spend a single time the most you've spent on me is like the dinners you buy me when i come around whenever i eventually do and even then you know all the masters they have to feed their slaves so yeah the bill came out to like fit like 110 bucks and you put down 20s said it's on you or another source on me i'm like okay thank you you be a bee you know i don't this is unethical i don't well your people have related to it for a long time haven't they Andrea yeah so i i'm noticing that it's unethical i mean but wouldn't you consider it getting it getting back at the white man yeah that's a that's a different perspective i'm fucking with that perspective actually yeah i'm technically like i'm helping you out broder yeah in the long run like i i believe that black lives matter and i stand with my brothers brothers and sisters on the other side you know oh yeah so this is how this is how i'm being an ally we're to put your soap right for that for black accent black excellence but speaking of uh black excellence what did we talk about last week last week we talked about gay things again part two part two yeah because this this month is so amazing that we had to do it twice so what won uh destiny two players were the gays thing oh i forgot about today yeah and i still stand by it still stand hard oh yeah i i can't really say anything about it because that's what the numbers came out to right right so you would agree destiny two players are really gay unfortunately yeah there's a like fucking non-binary creature in the game and it's really admired it's really annoying because it talks like this and it fucking pisses me off it talks really flamboyant that's what just sells it for you you just can't it's because of your sexual urges right bro he's like he's like a seven foot thing right like seven foot god thing right like built like a greek god yeah and it where's the fucking gayest clothes and where's like fucking space lingerie i'm gonna look this shit up so you guys can see destiny two non-binary character space lingerie his name is nimbus okay nimbus with an amnimbus yeah nimbus yeah look i'm sending you right now so those of you who are listening look up destiny two nimbus i fucking hate this thing so that's that's what it looks like and very clearly it's a dude but uh it just sounds like like this like a complete fucking like like slur and fucking me and matthew playing destiny two we just fucking shit on this thing the entire time completely irrelevant character by the way what is it like have you seen the voice actor yeah it's an NPC have you seen a voice actor what the fuck you guys see the picture yeah yeah this is it that's the character yeah and this is the this is the voice actor wait let me see yeah so gamer gate spawn that's the state the destiny two is that right now and they made two of the most badass characters gay with each other they made saint 14 and Osiris gay with each other and those those dudes are supposed to be like super badass so it's it's like the boys except not self-aware i mean i'm not gonna lie to you uh cj everything with space is kind of gay i'm not gonna lie what are you talking about dude okay c2s space cowboys every single space thing i've seen it always has a gay character this is not new hold up let me give you an example new disney star wars doesn't count no no no it's way before that okay well i need to find brother there's an article from five days ago oh never mind okay i think they just updated five days ago but there's an article from a year ago the title is destiny two ads non-binary character nimbus fans hate them fan hate them yeah oh my god do you uh you guys know about sky does minecraft oh dude i used to love that guy you know when he used to call the gold butter so uh i watched a hour long video yesterday it was critical reacting to like the fucking rabbit hole that that dude went down yeah so you guys know about the drama right or no yeah i vaguely okay so another gay alien by the way basically let me see this with his wife and kids the hell is yeah what the hell is this thing babe honestly um i have no idea what that is that's an alien i know he he wears eyeshadow on the show so what is it from stargate oh some really fucking old um really old show from back in the day i only know about it because someone that i know watches it like all the time oh only all the time we'll talk about it later okay but anyways uh so sky does minecraft yeah he went he would get like fucked up on drugs or whatever and then he would abuse his girlfriends and like he would do shit like uh he would lock his dog up in a cage and surround the cage with mirrors so the dog would have like a panic attack oh my god there was pictures uploaded online where his house was or not not pictures videos he would be in a messy ass room with like fucking just garbage all over the floor just repeating i'm pickle rick i'm pickle rick for like a minute straight oh fuck what and uh and there's allegations that he would smear his blood on the walls and he would abuse his girlfriends when they were pregnant like he would hit them in the stomach type shit so critical was hearing about all this information and he kept referring to sky as a he and then i guess in the chat they said sky goes er his name's adam they said adam goes by they them and instead of arguing he caved right away and he's like oh i'm sorry i didn't know that which sky does minecraft is a they them now yeah he's a they them oh yeah because that that that shit pissed me off because they did the same shit with uh oh who else did they do that with it was that shooter from actually i think there was a couple shooters where they literally did a mass shooting and people would refer to them as what they were born as like a he or a her and then you would have people like they're actually a they them or they're actually trans trans it's like it's like dude why the fuck do you give a shit if they're a horrible person if they can't respect anybody else why the fuck would i respect their pronouns x just because they're a bad person does mean you shouldn't like not respect their pronouns that's very efficient of you no that's literally their argument they're like it doesn't matter you still have to they're still human and like what the fuck and the amount of times this is our suspect explain that to someone where i'm like i don't give a shit what they think they go by but legally or they have like their dude and they have a dick and then god it pisses me off because they will literally fight you about like someone who murdered children and they're like actually their pronouns are this this and this it's like fuck off that's so dope it is dope kill them still should be that just proves like how um this lgbtq shit is just like mental illness in disguise they just can't understand like that human life is more important than someone's pronouns i mean all the people are like that though that are in that community okay let me let me train trans i would say never that that the lgbtq you guys are wrong both of you they're all like that so i was supposed to fucking transition into our spreadsheet this week which was made to our very own that was actually a great transition and i didn't even pick up on it but uh andre you made our spreadsheet this week yeah and do you mind telling us what the black man made the spreadsheet on this week um the best place is the wrong or the best place the wrong yeah so why don't you go ahead and uh read off the uh the categories for the week can we just explain like why we decided to have andre make the spreadsheet um i think back and forth it's okay it's okay you could go ahead go ahead go ahead you know it's like we were having a little meeting after last episode when we you know we started to figure out like how uh how much andre does on the office which is very little so we gave him we gave him a spreadsheet and we said hey you didn't do you need to do i didn't do shit what have you done you need to do anything i cleaned up on you every single time i leave the office gave it to you in a flash drive i thought i already made my spreadsheet no no no you can't put this on me now you can't blame this on me another black person activity right here to blame the put the blame on someone else when that is so black of you i'm not blaming you you are blaming you but anyways um so i literally told them just do whatever makes you happy yo are you gay and it was placed to rob so i guess robbing things is what makes andre happy all right you're goddamn right all right from the bottom we got jewelry stores lego store game stop slash best buy iris offices minority neighborhoods nutrition store gun store sam's club slash costco strip club and in the bank and then what are the attributes up across the top attributes via speech intellect reading math bag of money bags security equipment bitches free planning speed stealth red crayons blackness and survivability yeah so what's the difference between like bag with the money and then bags um so bags is like um if the bank carries like those stereotypical uh bags with the dollar sign on them like you see in cartoons uh-huh and then bag of money stuff is just like how much money is in that bank or in that place oh so it's like how much you'd be able to steal from there yeah oh okay okay i get it i get it um what what does red crayons mean um i just went on random water generator but you got red crayons that's not how you're supposed to do this and yeah where you want it blah blah blah blah okay you know what i just came up with a better reason than you off the top of my head that's how much you use red crayons when you're planning like the when you have the blueprints of the building like that's how much you would mark stuff in red crayon since when do black people pre-plan out their fucking robberies you're right that's probably why andre couldn't think about red crayons man there's no idea what to do with that all i do is prepare you feel so i do all i do okay i mean well you should have had a plan for what red crayons man seems like oh you have a plan i just there was one more slot and i'm like i can't think of anything so let me just get a random one of these okay that's fair but then you went you came up with blackness and survivability straight after that oh yeah actually okay makes a lot of sense for you don't want to explain it man i'm just saying like if you're working on the spreadsheet then like then you should promise that we don't have any more comfort for marriage i don't think so paves do you have any more questions oh yeah i have yeah you probably want to go ahead well can you explain to me what does blackness mean in this context um how often how likely a black person would rob this place they should all be 20 then uh i don't accept for the uh i don't give you my point as we get home okay okay fine we'll get into it later any other questions babe um why is the nutrition store there what do you what would you rob from the nutrition store that's easy created vitamin vitamins no i want to know what Andre himself is picking out from this nutrition store uh vitamins pre-workout something yeah that's just expensive as fuck that's fair okay i think i'm already now okay i'm inquiring did you ask me again yeah i just wanted to say pave you had like a a cute little laugh there that you did you it and you sounded like a redneck oh you're redneck yeah i think you should do that more often and it would appeal to like our southern audience oh okay like you sounded like a dude from louisiana louisiana it's cajun seasoning on everything i fucking hate cajun seasoning i'm sorry why what i don't like it i don't like it it's just it defines my tongue this is why he's enslaved Andre this is why he's enslaved from the fucking getting our get back i like to go to mexican restaurants in order nothing but plain fries with fucking chicken tenders no no no chicken uh dinosaur nuggets oh dinosaur nuggets are good though i can't even blame you if you do that if they were regular nuggets what if they were regular nuggets no thank you if they were regular nuggets then yeah at that point i could that sounds good right now i could go for some chicken nuggets or dino nuggets right now don't make me hungry mid-podcast bro sorry um i would like to go to the guns uh no not the guns so i would like to go to the sam's club for intellect okay sam's club yeah sam's club friends like that have a little bit of a problem why is it only out of four can you explain that to me andry um i mean i think it's i think it's pretty obvious actually well hold on i'm getting like turbo lag right now okay take your time brain lag that is hello you hear me hello yeah i could hear you okay so and select that four yeah i think it's a little hard to rob them in my opinion why is that you have so many good Samaritans that work there that are just sitting there smiling at you uh that's great i mean my logic was you have to have a membership to get in so you wouldn't even be able to get in to rob the place so you don't just walk in not unless like you plan it out like going in from another way you have to be very smart it's a pretty damn big deal someone else's membership but you have to have a membership because like when i was in high school they wouldn't let me into sam's club because i had a backpack and they're like where's your membership card and i was like oh i don't have it but my parents are members and they're like okay yeah you can't come in i was like fuck you guys there's some old black bitch she always pissed me off she would stop me every single time i wanted to go in just to get pizza so i had a second reason okay are you gonna say the reason or no god this guy you gotta stop smoking when you come to this podcast man god getting turbo lag again oh okay so cj how was uh oh geez how's your week time thousand paying nine thousand pay what were you saying pay so i was doing fixes his internet how's your week been like anything exciting recently um not not anything that i can talk about on the show oh yeah that is true because this guy's gonna become a mall cop hello hello hello my god you're not robots all right are we now we're good are we second yes you couldn't go in stealthily and rob the place i feel like if you're gonna go to sam's club or corsco you're gonna have to make a show because there's so many people she could have to go in guns blazing cause of mass shooting while your friend robs tv's yeah so yeah you would have to have a high intellect in order to pull off some like stealing from a big place like corsco and the pre-planning as well would have to go up to 20 because that just sounds like too much damn work not like a normal place you could just walk in no you know i mean pre-planning yeah i think that should go to 20 but intellect i'm pretty sure is how smart it is to actually rob that place so for makes sense because it's not very smart at all so the the action of robbing the place is like what's smart not like how smart you have to be in order to rob this place yeah okay so then yeah it would be dumb to like rob a corsco yeah robbing a corsco's crazy guess who finally answered oh let me guess oh let me just say it's in the math year yeah tell him to kill himself okay i'll tell him and he went into our discord and wrote boo tomato i mean is this the fantasy only so that's the new character okay that's that's fair i can't get mad at him for that but anyways back to the spreadsheet um i think the intellects for game stop actually no that has best mind there too there's like actually i don't think it would be very smart to rob electronics aren't they all tracked until they're bought is that true how does uh that one guy in our group get away with stealing so many electronics time ago allegedly allegedly um good question how does he get away with that he just says he just buys things and says he didn't get them or he'll like so it's a risk from people that do it to literally just like a door to scam me just like get them like soon as you get the food just say all right and get the food and then it'll just give you your refund yeah so that that blows paves they track it argument completely out of the water i mean they'll have this year you're going in there you're going in there and like actually stealing from them yeah that's like they wouldn't be able to track it afterwards that's fair that's true it's possible that's fair okay okay bitches at uh hats wait what is that you'll restart any bit like does that mean how many bitches they're going to be like the story you're robbing or is it like how many bitches are going to be screaming while you're robbing the place how many bitches you mean how many yeah that's damn you and me are fucking synced up yeah i feel like if you were to rob a jewelry store there's tons of bitches in jewelry store so they'll get super turned on and wet see you walk in with a gun like masked up that has to go way up and every woman loves a fit guy so like put the nutrition store up to like 20 as well okay so jewelry store i think that could go up to at least an eight what are we thinking about that eight yeah that's fair and nutrition store you walk into a nutrition just kidding rob it doesn't mean you're fit i mean but that's the other thing too every time i go into a nutrition store it's mostly dudes i think i've only been in a nutrition store and seen a girl like once that's we're gonna have to feel like a lot of the anecdote gamers go to nutrition stores just to get their g fuel to be careful they still do if you want a nutrition store at gnc they do i mean does like sprouts count as a nutrition store because there's tons of bitches that go to sprouts i think that's like a monster grocery store yeah it's a grocery store but it's like healthy shit that's still just like a grocery store like calling a whole food a nutrition store okay fine okay that's fair so uh i think too like that that accounts for the one woman i've ever seen at a nutrition store that's as soon as you saw as soon as you saw you she decided never to come back fuck you she decided never to come back because she'd never see another man as good looking as me yeah that's how it totally works she's like oh i'll never see him again i'll never see him again i guess i won't go as come out oh yeah i guess well as me i'll never come again because i'll never have an experience as good as this uh the the bank at six for intellect yeah there's tons of money there oh yeah i'd probably go up yeah i think i'm tweaking for that we should i put that to like a 15 15 yeah so i think it's up here i because put it to a 20 it's only like 20 lines you're planing out high subtle work i i wonder your way stop for you what the hell is the mystery category it is like the lowest on the board so far do you give us a hint Audrey no oh okay i mean we only do have 50 minutes left at heart half 50 we're almost about to be in 50 minutes anyways uh i guess i can wait yeah just be patient yeah it's just uh a patient is a virtue why is the like for a 12 act gun store uh because there's hell of guns in there retard yeah and you will get shot out by like literally everybody in places like if you will never run out of ammo if you rob a gun store and get in a gunfight with police it's literally a hack okay so okay okay okay walk me in how do you rob a gun store like walk me through it oh so if i if i had to imagine walk in yeah and you point a gun at the nearest employee uh-huh and you say if you don't give me all your guns i'm gonna blow your brains out yeah and then the guy behind you that was like in the store pulls out his own gun and shoots you then what well that that's why you take in a team dumb dumb you have like three or four guys with you so they each person is assigned their own victim you didn't disclose that information before but okay go ahead and tell you you have a team on you the group before right yeah yeah okay could you argue that you also have a team for like every one of these situations what what about all these situations could you argue that you also you brought a team with you yeah you have a team for all of these oh okay so except maybe nutrition store but i feel like you could take a nutrition store game stop as well you could take a nutrition store and a game stop by yourself because usually there's only like one or two employees in those places i feel like the employee at game stop is like waiting for that dude someone tries to rob them so he can be like a hero like he's gonna do he would nothing he can't do anything he'll just like try yeah yeah but he'll like be thrown around very easily until he's shot like he'll be like he'll get slammed down on his head but he keeps getting back up and like running out the guy just to get like fucking dodged yeah just to get like dodged and like he like just he starts doing more damage to the fucking store than good you know like starts breaking everything yeah honestly i could see a team stop employee doing that yeah um what were we talking about oh yeah robbing a gun store yeah so i think it's pretty smart you would you would literally walk out with like thousands of dollars in merchandise that is if like you don't cause a gun fight in the middle of it yeah you're probably gonna have to kill like four people yeah i mean i don't think they're letting up on you rob them it's just uh it's just part of part of what comes with the territory you know but to be honest i don't think those white people are ready for a gun fight that there's a one old dude shot this fucking robber on the arm you fucking had a heart attack right afterwards hey he was ready for the gun fight he just wasn't ready to have a heart attack he wasn't ready for the the guilt that came with it i don't think he felt any guilt um so minority neighborhoods for uh for bags you you think that they're gonna have like bags of money laying around like that fuck no maybe in the walls not in bags they'll have it in like bank rolls like rubber banded up okay so uh okay that's that's fine um minority neighborhoods speed out of five you think you can rob an entire neighborhood like pretty quickly a minority neighborhood have you seen how small the houses are oh you're right so the number should go up yeah lived literally fuck houses are they're backyards are fucking bigger than the actual house themselves that's true don't be retarded Andre you came from the suburbs you know no shit about minority neighborhoods yeah you just actually lived back yards into my name minority neighborhood yeah there's backyards into minority neighborhood backyard it's sorry to tell you but the one i grew up in had a big ass backyard maybe there's a lot of different kinds not that i was surrounded with not that you're surrounded with any button all right he lived in the white personhood Andre so in reality that means he grew up in like a million dollar home clearly yeah the white ghetto where like they don't have any sort of like form of Starbucks in the next 20 minutes yeah it's like when you came over to my house Andre and you were like your backyard's bigger than my entire house i'll never forget that i thought that was so funny it's real shit though oh my bad it's minor flex all right you're ready for the uh mystery category yeah the mystery category already okay i would say already it's almost about seven minutes away all right mystery category is paves house paves house yeah well i could see why it's such a low number this man doesn't have shit to rob yeah not really he is a large sonic plushie collection it's about it cute and you would not get out of my house yeah they probably caught you trying to steal that and he has like a shadow the hedgehog skateboard and a display display case it's kind of insane that's also autographed by the way don't forget that autographed by who the Jason Griffith and the hedgehog like the actual hedgehog no Jason Griffith i don't know who that is the voice i should be shadow for shadow well i mean that was the answer it wasn't i mean i don't know what it was i mean i i guess dude but i wanted to hear him say i'm a voice actor i have a signed autographed voice actor paves is the only man i know who would actually get excited over meeting a voice actor i know it is cool i don't know what you're doing i would get excited over meeting is uh like anyone from regular show maybe i think those are the only ones but i can't name them by name except for jay mark hamill because that motherfucker was Luke Skywalker and yeah jay g quinto those are the only two people i would be like oh my god this this voice actor is actually cool what about the voice actor oh yeah that guy what about our few voice actors make names for themselves pay and you know like 80 of them that is not true first of all i know so what's not true oh 70 okay yeah but to be fair most of them like i have no idea why i know their names i just know i just know you know that's just your hyper autism it is i don't know i can't remember your name like for the life of me sometimes but you asked me which voice actor was the fourth sonic i tell you oh that was roger creeksman what the fuck you're on christian levels of autism bro i wouldn't say so there's a lot of people like me that's scary yeah i think we should round them up and genocide that i wouldn't do that for no i guess i'll round them up first and we'll cause a rebellion taking the summer camp see see that's why we have to fucking annihilate them before they can focus their autism together but yeah back to the spreadsheet it would be pretty retarded to try and rob me i have nothing uh so what do i think that means you're hiding something i mean like i'm hiding nothing but i think it would be actually smart to robbie you know what the most you can do is steal my dog and even then you can you can take him if you want i think it's smart because you wouldn't do shit if robert tried to like rob you and rape you okay rape me is like another thing you know i think i would do something if someone tried to rape me if someone were to hold like come in with the gun fucking hold you down for eight minutes while they have their way with you you would just take it your your caged up you wouldn't do anything no not until like i use my strength and slam them on their head or i just headbutt them so hard that their whole like head just like decapitates you forget that i'm pretty strong you'd clench your butt cheeks so hard it riffs their dick off not not happening but okay um i don't know why we're not robbing your house you're you have the most shit out of all of us yeah it's not true i don't know how to read that's not true exactly that would be more profit lego's that he hasn't even opened mind you so they're still fucking still and pregrated trying to dox me this is about you have an open i have called up let me count on one two three four five that's five i think i i think i probably have like maybe 15 maybe more legos in their boxes exactly would be way more smart to rob you and and then you have like firearms as well so you wouldn't even like just leave with legos and guns easiest lick ever yeah but that's exactly why they wouldn't rob me because i have so many guns and blow their head off in like 20 different ways i mean hasn't stopped them before i was sleeping that wasn't fair i was sleeping and it took them less than a minute take my card that literally doesn't cowl can we talk about it can we talk about that yeah can we have plenty of people have had their cars stolen so i think i'm safe yeah so uh cj was sleeping one night and he got his car taken from him they uh hot wired it and everything the whole shebang yep literally gone in less than 60 seconds i i timed it that shit was so fast it was ridiculous kind of impressive not even i have been robbed all things considered after the fact yeah looking at it that's pretty impressive of them yeah they they they are really like smart when it comes with like sealing things but but now you you guys you've seen my booby traps now if they try it again they are they're leaving with holes this man has a fucking like plate of nails that he puts underneath his seat cover so like if anyone tries to like sit down and steal his car they only get stabbed in the ass he's actually like almost sat on it like three times my my phrasing is it'll pop their balls just so we're clear just be careful it doesn't rub nails this this may incriminate me so i'm probably gonna have to take this down one day but for any of you who are worried about your car getting stolen buy seat covers take a little piece of wood uh put nails through it and then cut them so they're short but extremely sharp and then just put it under the seat cover every time you leave your car the ball ball popper and make them ball popper five thousand put little curves on them so like it's hard to take it out oh yeah that's what i did i curve them and then i put hooks in them so that if they tried to take it out it it would rip more flesh thank god sent through this please babe uh if i remember the sensor that i will send up the bigger traps or if i could even like because sometimes when i censor i miss it like obviously i shall so hopefully i can get a right like i miss every time i say a racial slur no let it be known last episode let it be known last episode was not a thing i didn't i decided not to put a single sensor on last episode so perfect uh yeah think yeah um honestly i just want people to rob you babe i'm trying to look for you you live in a small house so it would be fastest fucked to rob you so that's a 20 change the stealth up because his head is so big he gets filled with vibrations from even outside when you're walking so you have to be like really sneaky so like robin if you suck okay is that what the the word means like how stealthy need to be or how much stealth one would like have how stealthy you got to be to like get the heist fully completed red crayons i bet you would have to have hell of red crayons like four blackness robbing houses is like what black people are known for and i'm trying to do it so the 20 and survive ability to go that down and edit 20 and pay won't do shit as we already discussed so you'll probably just nag at you for a minute yeah anything that's a 200 so i'm being robbed basically oh yeah well good luck with that i practically don't live in my own house anymore did you oh you live on the streets because you're not getting paid for this i forgot yeah pretty much i forgot that you have to edit from the public library and you record in there because you have no access to internet anymore yeah that's why i'm like usually very quiet is because i can't be too loud or else they'll kick me up oh that must be why andrae doesn't speak as well don't make a lot of sense actually you know what i would not hold andrae for it if like we just found out that's the reason why he barely talks at all that's because i'm fucking your mom in the background trying to not make noise trying not to like scare her yeah oh okay that's brilliant so i'm sorry paid so it looks like this week the winner is uh paved's house that would be the best place for you to rob so he lives at the address i'm about to say right now it is beep beep beep beep beep beep uh so if you want to rob him go ahead and do it yeah if you're trying to run up on like some figurines and posters yeah i could because i'm definitely not like this but it's like an excellent sensor bang his house up yeah so uh that's it for this week thank you guys for listening sorry for the uh low energy but i was very tired today yes and i was pretty upset that our guests didn't show up yeah we're from the new one so uh thank for listening share our shit hopefully last week's episode uh holds you over because this one probably wasn't the best i thought it was pretty good but uh oh you thought it was good well i didn't so fuck you all right it was actually kind of terrible yeah i was actually kind of shitty i don't know what la la land you're living in paved mostly happens when you're with andrae bee in charge of all spreadsheet yeah you know what andrae you're never in charge of making another spreadsheet again thank you you know you know like we give you one shot and it's fucking best places to rob do you have to play into every single stereotype possible first you don't first you don't have a dad next you get dreads and now this the hell's wrong with you the three p just under your p can i say no one's your people can't overcome their fucking situations because of men like you you're a problem you're part of the problem andrae you're part of the pen all right i've literally i literally enslaved a white man for you he couldn't even do that i'm sorry please yes i'm in a piece of shit all right thank you guys for listening great thank you peace out this is all our shit bye