We Are Douchebags
We Are Douchebags Pride Month Special Part 2
We're bringing the studio this morning one of the gay rights activists mister. Should I call you mister? Pepe Julian on Zima. Thank you for coming in. Thank you for good morning. Why are you gay? Who says I'm gay? You are gay Welcome to we are douche bags the show where we are douche bags I am your host CJ squimm my gender pronouns are they them and identify as race gender and And Colorful fluid Oh, yeah, I'm going next song keep it you're so retarded You're so bad at this Ajay I'm Andre okay pronouns are that nigga and identify as a Miami mint deep bar and This week sadly We are back to square one So we will never succeed Go ahead and I guess fuck you. I'm back guys back to we are douche bags You know the the one that only mattered the star of the show and it's good to be back here with Everyone I guess you weren't the star of the show first of all. It's like you said. It's my show, right? Yeah, I mean, I agree, but you know other people can be stars and other people show I mean look no run day. She became the star She only became the number one star because pedophiles thought she was hot. Oh, so you do agree that I'm the number one star No, I'm just saying what you just said that sometimes like like you chose the one example that kind of like outed you as being a weirdo I Are you on a grande? Yeah, like don't you know what Dan Schneider did to those poor children? But I'm not dancing either. I said I was basically Ariana. You're right. You're you're worse. You're Jeffrey Epstein You're back. You're back. Anyways, yeah, whatever any who Okay, so you're back. Sadly. He's back. You be As you guys know, we had a new co-host last week named Pavel and Tragically, he suffered an accident. So he will no longer be able to record Andre and I were frankly shocked after hearing what happened. He he mentioned last week he was going on a camping trip and thankfully he sent us the episode before the trip, but He went camping and he suffered a horrible accident a run into wildlife where while he was sleeping a bear snuck into his tent and Slit his throat while he was sleeping and he's in a coma now But the doctor's pretty much confirmed. He'll never be able to speak again, which honestly his voice was pretty fucking annoying So maybe that's a good thing but a tragedy for our show because now pays back Well, I mean I wouldn't call it much of a tragedy he was kind of annoying Name one good quality about him other than he was willing to work for you for free dude You're always so annoying about the oh for free shit You don't have to be here if you if you're not happy with not making anything, you know that right? Oh, I know but you know I'm not you know complaining about it or anything. I'm just voicing my opinions like calling it illegal almost Almost as illegal as you going into my office and stealing my laptop and opening it up and looking all through my shit You know You edited that you fucking towards it like I Hold the old version of the spreadsheet, you know, okay. What was it before? It was best movie actors That's so not true because they weren't even actors some of them No, no, they've been in some stuff. You're just uncultured. It's okay No, actually you're right. I did change it. I actually Changed it to make you look less bad on you because before it was ten hottest little boys No, you're a goddamn liar and that's still slander and I could use this in court against you by the way Can you yeah? I can't you're gonna use a comedy podcast in court against me. I will Okay, yeah What about the what the love letter page love letter you wrote that love letter that wasn't Okay, he claims that it was only ten pages, but yet he only said like what ten words you're right I claimed it was only ten and again. It was like a hundred pages and I only Said that so I could protect the privacy of you my dear friend, you know, sadly I wasn't there to defend myself again another episode where it's all about me I guess, you know, how many episodes do we have of that of that now? I'm sorry. Thank you Not the star of the show, you know, no, you're not the fucking star. You're the local of the show a false information No successful than a local More successful actually you're wrong. Chris Chan is known and feared by millions of people you're respected by nobody No, he's feared because no one wants to be around him. They don't want to be sexually assaulted That's why exactly he's infamous. You're neither famous nor infamous. You're simply a neutral party and you're just a nobody Who the fuck are you Andre? I'm not saying I got a cloth though. He's the trimmer master that you will Yeah, the drip master had bought a BB belt, but fucking Fucking had his shirt over it over all the way over to his knees like a retard I don't think and you're so right That complete dipshit right now Everybody in his town knows him cuz he works at the Walmart and you're saying he doesn't have clout No, everyone in his town knows him because he's the only black family there in that neighborhood Exactly. That's more clout than you'll ever have. That's probably true. I mean, I don't know I'm known as the only Mexican around this neighborhood You still got hot topic drip, bro That's actually true every time we hang out. He has to go to hot topic. So they have great 24, bro Come on go back to 2012 man. They have great deals you garbage dive The only thing I would do in a hot topic is go get a thrift store or something is go get my chemical romance and Lincoln Park shirts And that's about it Do you have any? I have a Lincoln Park shirt from like 15 years ago when I went to a concert of theirs You still fit. I don't think it should I try it on? I'll try it on after probably will still fit. I was a bad kid, so We'll see it's it's all torn up in the back because I Used to wear not never mind. I'm not adding myself on the show No, I'm not gonna give away. I'm not gonna give any more identifying features of who I possibly could be Yeah as if you didn't fucking have your own you know back pictures out there or a Picture of both of us at the five nights. I've read he's premier. Oh shit. I should probably delete the back picture. You're right But um What did we talk about last week? Hot dudes hot dudes Yeah we talked about sexy ass dudes and The reason for that obviously was Pave was gone So I'd have decided to invade his privacy and make Like that the entire point of the episode to go through my laptop and then like even edit through my spreadsheet and make it false No, I think it just as it was I Mean like you look we can look through the data and it says Most edited by recent and then it'll show that date. It was recorded by so that's so weird how I was fired Yeah, the day that the office that finalize the drought is spreadsheet that day so weird That's when you finished um I Mean you seem so angry. Why don't you go ahead and tell me what you hate this week, babe Hey, I fucking hate you. What do you mean? Why I'm so tired of this bullshit shenanigans you got on CJ all about me all about me listen You're the one who wants to be the star of the show listen listen listen listen listen You replaced me with Pavell so easy. How many other people do you have that are gonna replace me in the future? I don't know. There's a whole fucking laundry list. Why don't you test me and we'll find out? All right, we'll find out soon very much bag it. Okay. That's fair. Yeah, the next one might have to be an Indian guy I don't know an Indian guy. Yeah, I don't think there's a whole country of people who will work for dirt cheap In fact, there's two whole countries with like two billion people in that I Was gonna say maybe a Jew, but they're not very known for being cheap. Yeah, that and I don't think me and them would be very compatible Just let you know. I'm going to Sign up to a Jewish church and I'm gonna be putting down your address. So you'll get mail about it So good look with that it's kind of evil. Thanks. Yeah, no problem. What about you Andre? What do you hate? You're always you're always happy man. I didn't in a good move this week. It's been a good happy or too boring like Yeah, too boring because I don't hate everything I mean, we're not emo anymore. We're supposed to be douchebags. Sorry too much of a happy guy I need a douchebag in another way what way my calling off is calling I already tell Are you doing interrupting under the substance at work obvious monkey behavior? I mean stop My friend a monkey you're fucking big head motherfucker. Fuck you short faggot. Fuck you big faggot Was mowdock talking this whole time? Yeah, he was talking sorry It sounds like a buzzing a buzzing in my ear like my ears were ringing just sounded like a dog Pop the sist on your fucking head. Yes, maybe you're a little bit closer to your mic you're a little bit too far away from it You know walk over to you know rock a little bit closer to it I mean you are recording from you're standing on your desk, right? I'm guessing No, I'm actually sitting in a chair like a normal person. Do you do you with your leg swing? Do you report standing because the chair can't support the weight of your fucking head? No, I'm standing because I have a standing desk actually Why would you do that? Yeah, I gotta get my cardio up Sorry, I don't fucking nerd neck like you faggots. I'm actually laying back in my chair. I'm actually very like I'm done relaxed Hey, you're laying back like I'm gonna beanbag chair exactly you God having a fucking standing chair is like some shit. So Pavel would do Yeah, or a standing this it's almost like you guys are the same people ignore that this nigga retarded You're gonna censor that because you're a pussy. I already know Pavel would have Pavel would have stood on that shit. Oh God I thought we were gonna blow up and like You know, I mean you could argue there's still time for that, but I don't know man I think there is time for us to blow up still We still have it, you know, there's people who record for years with no listeners, okay? We we have eight now we have eight okay, if we get those people did just share our shit like Paves Ma pay I mean Paves on Paves mom Paves brother. Do you still listen to this? I don't think so, but I'm good for it. You said I don't blame him Okay, he could share it to his friends though, right? He's like popular with the cool kids. I'm pretty sure he'd be like an outcast after that No, edgy jokes are popular now. Haven't you seen like Instagram reels? I Mean our reels probably because they're suggested towards us, you know Not everyone has the same reels is that but it's kind of shitty fucking analogy DJ I've seen some that have like a million views on them or a million likes and they're like low key racist jokes Like the kids are coming back man The kids are coming back. Yeah I went to my hometown my the my little his brother was really racist He just yelled swear to God. I was just outside garage door open. He just sealed the hard R See I think See the youth is coming back to their senses like like Andre said I think you should share the podcast with your youngest brother then Fuck no, I'm not doing that. He said not a chance If you guys talk about way too much weird Think like 15 16 no no no no no pay tell tell your brother if He shares it with his friends, and I see the numbers go up. I'll give him 20 bucks I'll pay him 20 bucks money that you never get paid. He never watches it. You said what? I'll just pay him 20 bucks myself just to never watch it Pay him 20 bucks to never watch it. You're a horrible co-host Would you okay, you know what that's true? We should go send your sisters these podcasts then feel like they'd really appreciate the No, my sisters don't have any friends, so I can't share it with them Why not? Because then it would be useless. What's the point at least your brother's popular at least they'd at least they'd fucking like boost our numbers When you say and then our show get suggested more often No, I don't think about it like that. They're women. They wouldn't even understand it. They'd probably just cry I wonder how many female listeners we have. I mean, I don't have any nugget listen to the podcast a lot except you're on Yeah, it should share a fucking shit. I hate that bitch I hate her too, man that cut we can like both all agree on something You know like she was on our show and she didn't even go to her army of fucking samps on the who's rights over to share it That's fucked and then like fucking Andre didn't even he's not even saying anything because he's like secretly in love with nugget I'm hitting my baby right now, bro. If you didn't deny it was a yapper didn't deny it Did it all against still no denying it no denying it some of the some of the conversation was interesting but 80% of it was yapping. Yeah, and I had to listen to it over and over and over again He listened to it like three times. That was funny as fuck It was terrible like I hated it every second of it and nugget if you're listening to this I don't like you Yeah Yeah, that was a little that was a little mean, but it's okay. I said my piece Do you guys want to get into the spreadsheet now? Yeah, oh, yeah sure. Okay. Wait, did I even say what I hated? No, I didn't. How did we go from things? We hate to whatever that was. Oh, no idea. Oh, yeah It was because I said the Andre is not enough of been of a douchebag and then he proceeded to be a douchebag to pay And then we both kind of jumped paved like cowards So is that self-reflection I'm doing can't possibly be I just think you're mischaracterizing what happened. Oh, okay? Yeah, that's probably it was We were just putting paid in this place. What do I hate? I mean pay this a given. I always hate him. I Guess I can say it's like a freebie. Yeah, I hate the heat It's hot as fuck and it makes my balls sweaty Think like over a hundred yeah, I think it was like a hundred seven today Where I may be Yeah, yeah, it was about a hundred seven. Okay, but anyways Let's go ahead and get into the spreadsheet. No one wants to hear me talk about the weather like Several times talking about the snow. How oh, I love the snow and then everyone knows no What gives a shit about talking about the heat tell me They would probably think it was funny that I got sweaty and my abs were glistening in the heat It's pretty funny Yeah, yeah, and I lifted up my shirt to wipe the sweat off my face all sexy like Yeah, and then another torta walked by and said too short Yeah Do I take down tortas at this point Yeah, dude. They're underrated, bro. They're underrated. I might have to I don't know She would have to be a bad fucking torta though All I'm saying is that you need a spar before you start going into the big fights You're right if she ain't 280 She ain't a lady, you know Yeah, exactly as bars And I just make sure you're able to carry her I'll go to don't go to that too far. I think maybe like 500 would be my limit. Maybe six Yeah, I don't think that's a torta, bro. What is that? Sportburdly obese You know, I don't know that's a torta deluxe Tortorito Okay, but anyway This week So last week was technically the pride special But we decided in order to celebrate our LGBTQ brothers and sisters and arms that we would do two pride Specials so this week we're gonna be ranking gay things from bottom to top. We have single-ply toilet paper Gatorade gay dar hand sanitizer gay men Super tight jeans gay MERS people who do cardio target and in the number one spot we have mini coopers For the attributes this week. We have speech intellect reading math dildo size pride lubricant edging Loosenous metrosexual so so fucking this protection handsome Andre slash Palestine and make a wish do we have any questions about the things on the left? So the categories this week Why is Gatorade on this list it has gay in the name? Where people who do cardio on the list because people who do cardio are gay explain Any other questions Not about the things on the left Nothing about single-ply toilet paper Understandable you know single-plying yeah, like it like it'll ripen your finger slips in your butthole Isn't children you don't have to explain it CJ. I was just making sure I think sure the one fan I've talked to was severely autistic so just had to make sure he understood. Wasn't he also a banean? Yeah, but that motherfucker was also a liar and he lives here in the United States Yeah, I think he said he was going back to the motherland and that's probably why he hasn't texted me in a while back to the Yeah, he said he was going on bait. I think he said he was going on vacation. There's something but Yeah, that guy's a little bit of a nut job Scares me a bit and he's one of our fans. Can you believe that? Yeah? What about for the things at the top the attributes? Do we have any questions about those the fuck is Andre slash Palestine mean That's how much that's how likely Andre would be to send those things to Palestine And What's so so fucking this mean how much so so would either fuck those things or use those things to fuck? Well so far. I'm seeing like some 9s and 4s. So honestly, that's not accurate, but we'll get that later. Okay anything else That's it. Okay. Yeah, everything else is pretty straightforward. I'd say We have any problems right off the bat Super tight jeans, I think the intellect should go up. Why should the intellect go up for super tight jeans? The skinny jeans is like maxed your swag But like we're talking about like the picture that tight Do you even have the leg size to be able to pull them off? You want me to show you? I mean, I guess you just asked me for 50 Okay, let's say we're fucking pants tight enough for your skinny ass legs Clearly niggas I've seen you and they've been baggy as hell like all right. There was the skinny pants you've been talking about no no no no no Hey, everything just looks loose on him because he's that skinny. He gets fucking tights and they look like Like those fucking I don't know pants That was about to say every single clothes that I've seen you have like been baggy. They look like boot cut pants Yeah Now I gotta show you the skinny true religion. Oh, no Okay, but it Yeah, the intellect show could should go up because it's fashionable wasn't that like 10 years ago? Maybe that it would have been fashionable Like 10 12 years ago like party rock anthem era Yeah, but I feel like they could be brought back for sure. I don't know bro honestly when all this like This new fashion trend started coming out and people were wearing loose ass clothes. I think Billy Eilish started it like I Thought it was dumb as fuck, but now like if I see a dude who's wearing like super tight jeans I'm like oh shit. He's out of touch right now. Like I don't think he's fitted up anymore You think you can be brought back He's not a follower Yeah, people also try to buy pants or like clothes They just like sometimes just keep on wearing the same thing and they just like outgrow them sometimes They thrift everything or go through like a dumpster to find whatever looks the dirtiest Yeah, they go through a dumpster, I guess cuz they can't even afford a thrift store pants Yeah, I mean in this economy No, not not in Biden's economy economy. Thanks by the way, babe. They're done Get her done. I can't wait for Sosa fucking this Gatorade for Sosa fucking Honestly, yeah, why is that so low? He would use that as fucking like lubricant and to like fuel up mid-sex And then like for the four single ply TP at four like he'd use that to like clean off Himself and then the thing he's fucking You said the thing Yeah, you're right. That's not a hard argument at all. You just You took the two easiest one and then gay Yeah, you're right. That's 20 as well Actually, I don't know. I think Gator could go down because he says that fucking a trans Girl isn't gay even if they have a penis But this isn't his math This is your math and don't you say that trans and fen boys are gay? Yeah, but uh That would mean his Gator is bad So if the Gator is high is that That means Yeah, that means that he wouldn't Well, okay the the the the the attribute means how much he would use that thing to fuck Is a gay or a physical grinder? Oh He could use grinder and that is a gay dar. So Basically, I mean no in my head I was thinking that gay dars kind of like a mental thing like you know when you look at someone you're like damn that motherfuckers gay as fuck That's the gay dar, but it could also be a physical thing like like grinder like like pay was talking about Your grinder scares me so much I was hanging out with my gay friend and he was just showing me these men that were like Matching on him with grinder and like they would say like oh two miles away 300 feet away fucking Actually showing exact location What would you do? what would you do if like You popped up on that app and he matched with you Right there. I wouldn't pop up on that app because I I'm not on the app Mmm didn't sound very convincing. I mean you can go through a phone if you want What you say you can go through my phone if you want oh I mean I already went through your computer or so why might not right and guess what you're ready. You didn't find anything you just I mean I did go through your email and I saw like grinder notifications And there was even more illegal stuff that you just admitted. Thank you CJ This yeah definitely use on the the case that I'll have against you, you know once This show goes down illegal to look through your emails on your computer legal to look through my personal information I mean it was a it was a work computer with a work email, so I'm your boss. I kind of have the authority to do that personal laptop dude that had my name written on it It had your name written on a sticker like a company sticker that we are douchebags LLC I literally had it engraved in that laptop. That was a special laptop, bro You're dying grandma gave it to you my dying grandpa actually oh I Mean you could call it whatever, but at the end of the day you did donate it to the company So it became company property. I didn't donate it to the company kicked me out and I forgot it on my desk And when I said exactly no good buying yeah, you donated it exactly You know what they say right like when you throw something away Like it becomes public property anybody could go grab it like that's why like dumpster diving is like illegal or is legal because Wait repeat that repeat that or what did you just say illegal illegal dumpster diving is illegal? No, you're not gonna My little slip up Okay, it's illegal because if you didn't want it anymore than like someone else has every right to take it Okay, just Cool, this definitely wouldn't be headed at all so Okay, whatever as long as you don't have me saying I have committed many crimes and this is me admitting to all of them Like as long as you don't have me saying something fucked up like we'll be okay. Yeah, definitely yeah, so What does loose this mean? I forget that totally just brushed past me That's how loose the asshole is of the person using that thing or that person People who do cardio why is that only at a zero for that like a lot of people do cardio Just fart a lot because their assholes would get loose. Oh, I didn't even think about that I was thinking because they're constantly doing cardio their leg muscles are jacked so that would inter make their butthole tighter But not while they're running You have more of a chance to shit yourself while you're running. That's true What do we put in that fucking picture of that? Lady down her legs. Yeah, that shit is so disgusting, bro What do we put it at like a 15 if it's that bad to shoot yourself imagine how loose it is? What do you think Andre 15 I agree with the logic fuck, okay, damn That went and that wouldn't put fucking people who do cardio at the gay is over over gay men It's a good thing. I've stopped doing cardio Metro sexual should go up as well. I think Metro sexual for people who do cardio. Yeah, put it to 20 That's fair. I feel like If you're not gay when you do cardio, you're at the bare minimum Metro sexual gamers you put it on for tight jeans nigga with the focus No, I didn't see if you're gonna for gamers. Yeah, if you're gonna insult my spreadsheets skills at least get your insult, right? I'm sorry. This is just like a lot that's paying for you That's a pepper moment keep your two cents That's our page Either way We've been working on spritchets for how long now and you still can't get it right You've been working on podcasts for how long and you still can't Whatever man, yeah We've been recording the taser. Yeah Put Andre Palestine so It's a 15 I'm gonna say he minitarian aid Everything else should just go down to zero because I don't see Andre sending anything to Palestine They wouldn't be able to fight They wouldn't be able to fucking squat down and pick up their dying teammates So they can't run when they're being Israelis Yeah Beautiful fuck. Oh man. I mean if that's it ends of being a by-product measure You just want them to be dressed out be the cost. Yes You're trying to bring it back. So you're sending it to Palestine because you know all the like trendy bitches are hopping on that shit I'm God one war zone at a time It'll take over isn't there like another genocide happening in Africa - maybe you should send skinny jeans that way - Should I might I have to be some research I've ever heard about that. Oh and the fucking how the Chinese are like Killing or locking up Muslim send them to the Muslims - I'm gonna here. I'm gonna keep a list Research not yeah, all the places suffering so you could send them skinny jeans That's gonna do so much of a battle I Think it'd be about battle it might give them the push they need to fight back Exactly they'll feel so Little booster Yeah, like they're gonna get in all the hoes they want They would be pulling bitches from the other side and it would make so many like Romeo and Juliet stories that would stop all the Confliction nationwide or like worldwide exactly or like Make them like stronger soldiers because they need to get back To their their wife the jeans would be so tight that it would reinforce them standing Okay, it's like kind of like armor. Yeah is there anything else you want to like Put up in Andre Palestine Gamers, I think I should put that down. Oh, you wouldn't want to sacrifice them. Nah. What do we put it to? Put it to nine Okay, so you'll still sign the box Depending on how I feel Number dude, you know that right if it's like redditors. He'd send them type shit. Okay. I Feel like they could use people who do cardio because you want soldiers who could like walk long distances and stuff like that It's not 17. Do you think it would need to go up? Yeah, but in the 20 Okay, if you do cardio, sorry, you're going to Palestine That's fine. They'll survive and Target is that like the whole store? Yeah, it's the entire store All right, raise it. I'll put some targets in Palestine as well Yeah, but like don't have it free. They still have to pay for shit. Yeah What would it be 20? 20. Yeah I love the idea of just fucking air dropping targets. It's what I'm just gonna gentrify a Palestine Targets, it's just gonna get bombed down everywhere No, they would avoid them. They don't want an international crisis They have a missile defense system No, no, since Since the Jews would be attacking them they'd already be invested in those targets So they'd leave them alone and they would become like safe havens for the Palestinians Yeah, because target has such good prices. They wouldn't want to get rid of them Yeah, they wouldn't want to get rid of all the profit What were you gonna say before though tape? You don't say that's really fucking stupid because like every single target would be just obliterated and you'd lose a lot of money No, but I think you thought this through He knew that that the Jewish community of Israel would be heavily invested in target So you're not gonna send any game into a Palestine Send them to their death Yeah, because every fucking LGBTQ faggot that loves like free Palestine is just like not gonna get executed As soon as they go and there or anything, right? Send them there I'm not gonna send them to their death Put that down actually put it to it too It's pride month bro. How could you be so fucking insensitive? Exactly Shaking my head - You would send some but that's only it's only for the other gay men that are already there so they have company Um, can you explain metrosexual? You don't know what metrosexual is. No It means that So metrosexual is a man who acts gay, but isn't gay So like a dude who like really takes care of themselves and does cardio and likes going to the mall But they're not actually gay Uh, so that's how much Metrosexuality like applies to these things I knew a dude that like really loved to act gay and he loved drinking Gatorade every single day Oh So put that up in metrosexual Yeah, that would that definitely puts that number up You weren't just on hand sanitizer Hey bro, I was finding it. Okay. Can you get off my ass? I'm tired of you Bob. You've been back for one episode and I'm already tired of your shit I Protection I think math Oh, go ahead I was going to say Protection for gamers. Why is it only out of four? Uh, because gamers don't get late so they wouldn't be using condoms I think that's hot that number is a little bit too high though I was giving them the benefit of the doubt, but I think you might be right We had two two Yeah, like put it. I think it could even go down to a one because it's like One in ten gamers maybe get laid if even that we could put it down to point five I'll be one on super tight jeans Can you shut up? Can you kill yourself, please? You're not the spreadsheet master. Okay, you're the fucking editing master So you need to learn your place. He's even a master at that What the What little skill he has I will qualify him as a master just out of pure like pity and pity Yeah, I've never seen Skills Andre believe it or not. I've heard your music before and I gotta say I've heard better I don't I've never made music bro. I need more since he quit since you were so bad at it Or sorry, like I never made music at all Stop being a liar like at all. Don't try and like I mean Andre to be fair. You did freestyle rap a couple times But that was good. And so I don't know what he's talking about Well, I think he's talking about a mix I made Is he talking about the diss track we made against him Maybe Is that where you're talking about pay Well, that was also shit. You're not wrong about that. But hey, I will literally write a diss track against you right now I don't think I think everyone would just click off the the podcast if you started doing that again If I started freestyle rapping. Yeah Hmm I think they'd actually enjoy that Well, leave in the comments below if you'd like to hear cj rapping or not. We don't have a youtube channel There's no comments retard Should send us a DM Seeing if you want to hear cj rap again Wife or yes and for no I literally don't even have to check because I know they would want me to Please don't put me through editing that bullshit again. That's all I ask What the fuck up bro? I'm tired of you. I've said that like three times. I'm already tired of you. I'm sick of you Sick and tired, but you won't take any medicine. You make me you make me sick in my stomach fam My word My word them If you're from toronto, we want you on the show, please, please, please, please But you have to be like one of those ghetto toronto people who talks like that What fun You're a cheese didn't it Cheese man person from toronto to read me a bedtime story to sleep And they just replaced random words with slang. Yeah Like I said up, he was very angry. He was very cheesed She was a beautiful woman He's a bear fine. Gail them Oh Okay I'm fine Why is protection for many coopers only at eight? I feel you should go to zero Because I feel like the people who would drive in many coopers Would be the type to use protection I think the exact opposite. I feel like they wouldn't use protection. Really? You think I only know one would get blade with a mini cooper dude I only knew one I knew one person with a mini cooper and she was one of the most fucking like nice people ever Not to talk Not to sub tweet, but she definitely would have used protection That's another rule. She's the exception Yeah, I don't know Anytime I think of many coopers. I think of just a wholesome motherfucker now I'm thinking of like two mid-20 gay dudes fucking bear back in the back seat Okay, what would you say should go up go down to zero? Yeah to zero Oh no That's horrible The only reason it's not in the negative is because of that one girl I knew Hasn't target done make a wish foundations before I think probably But that's how much of make a make a wish kid would want that thing You think a make a wish kid would like want to go into an unlimited shopping spree at target I don't see for what they wouldn't they wouldn't get to live to enjoy any of that stuff. You go to target Exactly, that's why targeting target is giving it to a dying child because they're not gonna be having it. Oh, they'll just take it back Yeah, it'll it'll be like half of it will be unused. So yeah What should that go up to? 15 15, okay target make a wish 15 that makes sense I mean, I don't know. I still think A make a wish kid wouldn't want to go on a target spree. They always ask to go see celebrities are like to make a memory Yeah, like they don't want like things Though they'll just go on a target gift spree with fucking iron man or something. I don't know Okay. Yeah, since you put it like that that wins the argument Going to target with their favorite celebrity wins the argument Then they can get like a little personal pan pizza from pizza head after bro. I love those shits. Those were so good How much were they the fuck I wish they're ridiculously expensive I think they're like I think you could get an actual pizza for what they sell them for I think they're like eight or like six bucks or some shit seven bucks That's Criminal Exactly. That's just horrible. I went to target like two weeks ago with my sister and she wanted to like get a What she want a pretzel or something and I was gonna get a pizza and I looked at the president I was like this she's fucking ridiculous. I remember when I used to work at the arts and craft store There was a target in that shopping center And I would walk over sometimes during my lunch to get food and I would waste like half of my hours pay or like an entire hours pay on the food there Ridiculous That's crazy. That is just so depressing thinking about it like that like wow I just like spent an hour's worth of work on this fucking shitty meal on this little pan pizza Yeah, the size of my hand Yeah, that is pretty bad Oh, I think didn't somebody have a problem with math I didn't Oh, yeah, I said, uh For gamers I hate you think what's wrong with math for gamers. I think it should go up. Why would it go up? Does I feel like gamers are usually good at math? I don't think so everybody's a gamer now Even women are gamers now Or I would say a good amount of Yeah, but they're always seeing numbers That's true like damaged numbers, but they they don't like add it up I'm pretty sure they do if they're gonna like For example, if they want to boost their stats They're gonna have to read and like do math on certain items that will boost their stats and see which ones are better They do their own certain type of math for sure Okay, I could put it up to maybe an eight Is that fair i'd say nine I think it's about a good Okay, that's two of us in gamers that are bad at math Like me like when I play destiny two I I don't do any math like Matthew yells at me because Matthew. Yeah, Matthew yells at yours is about to say Matthew yells at me for not optimizing my build, but i'm just casual like dad player now So I don't know what's going on anymore Like bro, that game is so fucking complicated cow Like when was it like eight years ago when I was still playing destiny two that shit was It was simple right now. They have all these artifacts and You have certain builds Like okay, whatever. I'll just throw on whatever looks cool He got mad at me because I didn't I didn't have any mods on my armor He's like you don't have any mods on your armor and I was like well if i'm gonna switch it out What's the point? He's like oh my god. You're you're fucking retarded I was like i'm sorry bro. I'm I'm stuck on destiny two from like four years ago when they didn't have any of that shit It's got to give it the times Yeah, I do. I'm boomer pilled. I was still using a bubble and nobody's used bubble in like six years You are cooked you are onk status I am officially onk status in destiny to you I'll fully admit that and I'm proud of it because I'm gonna rock a fucking bubble wherever I go I know you guys don't understand that but well you do heard Pave don't you? You remember the bubble from d1 Yeah Okay, so you know shield right yeah, okay. Okay, and you Andre you never played the d you never hopped on the d before Except for that the hell you talk about That one like two week little thing that we went on where I made you install it and then played with you Like twice and never played with you again. Andre will never touch any game like that's not leave They get I don't want to play that lame ass dark and darker game, bro Get tarkov and then bite for me. I'm not fucking getting tarkov Andre I will send you 200 dollars for destiny two and all the dlc's Word no Wins your birthday didn't it already pass No, it's in like September, yeah Okay, possibly in two months. I guess I will send you 200 dollars for destiny two and all the dlc if you play with me and matthew I'm down down for that if i'm being paid to do it sure You said if i'm being you're basically a process to you're buying it for me Your man fucking panhandling right here I didn't ask for heat. Hey, he offered Okay, but if I if I end up backing well, I should be rich by then. Okay, maybe You're gonna be moving out here. So Are we all the numbers? Oh Are we didn't you say that reading for gamers should go up to? Yes Okay, we can put that at a Nine because there's a lot of lore and destiny too Well, no, I think you should put it up because a lot of gamers have to do reading to understand anything Especially how to even play the game. Okay, 18 Okay, let's get in there um All right, we're gonna go ahead and get into the mystery category Mm All right, um Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa Whoa, what the fuck What destiny two players did somebody hack my shit. Hold up. I I can't change it Destiny. Well, okay. They have the lowest score. So I guess destiny two players aren't that okay No, those sides needs to be a 20 pride out of 20 math 20 as well because you have to add up like, you know All the new items that always release and shit Okay, that's fair. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You're going too fast. Okay Sorry Okay, uh speech that has to go up because you have to be a good communicator in order to do raids Intellect, I am a retard. Look destiny two players are the most retarded people on earth because They get scammed out of their money every year for between at least 60 to 100 dollars for the new dlc And the game is always shit. So they're complete retards And on top of that, I have a I'm a titan main. So that makes like I eat crayons. So I think until x good at two or negative two The deal those sides should also go up because that all the destiny two players do is get fucked over and over again That's completely fair and reasonably yet Pride 20 because they have pride skins on destiny They don't have prides off, but they had a pride like emblem fuck edging should go up as well Why edging don't the raids take a while They do also They take every time you get you get good loot. It's basically like edging like doing the stuff is like edging until completion, which is when you finally get the good What do you think that should be? Uh, how long be raids usually 12 12 raids can usually take I don't know. Some of them get done kind of quick like two to like four hours. Maybe I don't know. It depends on your group That's quick. That's quick two hours this quick. Wow. Yeah, fuck no, uh 17 Okay Um protection at a negative 20 No, I think I should go all the way to 20 because all the destiny Two players don't have sex if you don't if you don't if they don't wear condoms and they're gonna get an STD Yeah, but they don't have sex So they don't mean protect what if they were to have sick they wouldn't use protection Why do you say that? I was asking you oh if they if they think they wouldn't use protection I don't think so. No, not the Titans. Maybe the maybe the warlocks. I don't think hunters would either I think if anything only warlocks, so a third of the fan base would use protection Andre, are you gonna send destiny two players to palestine? Yeah How many are you gonna send all of them? No Like a good chunk like 40 percent 40 percent so this would be like uh Like uh like a 10 yeah, I'd say 10 Okay This category makes you feel so powerful Being able to send troops and supplies to an active war, so Just banish people of palestine or send things I think sexual should go to 20 because a lot of destiny two players are kind of gay I knew it's already in a night though I used to I knew one destiny two player that um used a plunge as a dildo Fuck you're right. I forgot That's a 20 he him alone brought metrosexual up to a 20 Do you think he used lubricant? I don't think he used lubricant when he did that No, I'm pretty sure he did. I thought he said he used lotion. Oh, no, you're right. I don't remember that eating That's a seven It's not the best, but it was something I think it should be uh They should be 11 a lot of people use lotion But it was only him. I don't think other like destiny two players are using it Lubricant when they're getting fucked over by bungee, but they don't use lubricant when they're jerking off wall edging to the raids No, they're typically a very painful experience All right, and uh make a wish Zero That's actually not true. I'm pretty sure So there's a gun in destiny where it was like a dying fan Like did some shit and they put a gun in the game to like commemorate that person. Oh fucking hell yeah, then 20 That's a 20 easy But I don't know if it was make a wish it was some like dying person stingy Well still that's like a wish if I'm pretty sure like every destiny two player has cancer anyways I'm pretty sure they were something about them in the game so the countless hours that they spend was worth something That's true Um Can you raise up can you lower down? I think negative 17 is a little bit too harsh Can you just like put it to like a negative three or something? I don't think I don't think I'm like not that ugly I mean, I am a destiny two player. I could probably single-handedly raise it to a 15, but that wouldn't really help me out If you took all of the destiny two players And put them against me in terms of attractiveness. I think the number would still come out to like a positive 15 Uh, I think you should go to maybe a five if you're there then they are definitely a five but 15 too high You're being compared to like ogres. So of course you're gonna shine That's true. You know ogres are a type of enemy in the game too So if I'm literally being compared to actual ogres, I guess five I think that I think I'm done You think you're done. Yeah, I think I'm done Um, you Andre, do you have any other complaints? Um for single ply tp Yeah Uh lower it to 10 for Andre palson I thought that you're focusing on that category He's trying to set he's trying to send them to ply at least Yeah, he doesn't want the war zone victims to suffer any more than they have to he's sending a whole He's sending mini coopers and target but dancing fucking Single ply They could they could use the mini coopers and combat All right, I'm just going to worry to fucking mini cooper Let me fucking sing a mini cooper like Armored front Missing turn on the back. That's exactly what else thing that go hardest. Fuck if we could put it over 20 I would because that goes hardest shit Okay, if that's everything i'm gonna go ahead and order them How do I do that? Hold up the spreadsheet master is having a some type of Problems right now. Why is I could tell you who won? I've already done the math. Oh, you did the math already? Yeah, I already did the math The winner This week is destiny two players there are the most gay things. What the fuck Well, the math doesn't lie dude. I I think it was rigged a little bit. You guys did go a little bit hard on d2 players I mean when I'm all about rigging right When I no i'm not a rigor. Okay. I'm not a fucking rigor. Don't call me that Look I may say that I'm going to hop on the D every single time I play that game But I don't mean it like that. I spent countless hours on the D Every single week and I've probably spent I think in like my first the first D I spent three three hours of my life on that thing At no, not three hours three months of in of real-life time on the D. Okay I don't even know how much time I've spent on the next D It's it's just like addicting. I love getting on there And playing you know, dude. I'm so happy you're coming out to us What are you talking about? You're a slut bro. Yeah, what? I don't get what you guys are saying. Anyways, uh, thank you guys for listening It was a yeah, excellent week. That's it If Pave wasn't here, it would have been like a 10 out of 10 episode, but he is here so sadly Oh I hear you drooling over yourself. You knuckle scraper You're a fucking window liquor. Okay, so you can shut the fuck up Thank you guys for listening. Go ahead. Please. I am begging you share our shit I'm tired of being a fucking nobody. Please we need a patreon with one person on it So we can make five dollars a month. Please Want to send us money Share our shit Okay, follow us on social media Uh harass Pave on twitter And thank you. I have a twitter now. I made a twitter and i'm like Posting shit. I think i'm posting a couple bangers to be honest Wonderful wonderful Andre still has no social media. So He's still an active on everything done for the show. So Yeah But uh, thank you guys Thank you catch catch you next week. Oh, also straight speak should be back soon. So look out for that as well All right. Bye. Bye. Bye Peace