Successful
A Process for Finding & Achieving Your Unique Purpose | Simon Sinek
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Granger, for the ones who get it done. Every single one of us knows what we do. Some of us know how we do it, but very, very few of us can clearly articulate why we do it. We do. The realization of the why was my loss of it. And I realized I knew what I did and I was good at it. I knew how I was different or special or stood out from the crowd. And that was my differentiating value proposition and I was articulate about it. But I couldn't tell you why I was waking out of bed every day to do it, you know, and I would give some nonsense entrepreneur answer because I want to be my own boss and be like, yeah, sure, but that's not a reason to get out of bed every day. So a why is fully formed by the time we're mid to late teens. And what I've learned from just doing hundreds of these over the years is that a why is always positive. It's always striving for something. So like, we're not inspired against something, we're not inspired to stop something, we're inspired to build something or create something or advance something. Though it may have been born out of trauma, especially trauma that happens in the middle of our life, you know, we are who we are. Like I said, we're fully formed by the experiences we have when we're young, you know, at a pretty young age. And now the opportunity life presents us is to make decisions that either keeps us in balance with who we really are or not. And I think one of the reasons most of us feel discomfort or don't feel ourselves or don't know who we are is because we're making decisions that are inconsistent with that true cause, with that why. So you raise the case of individual athletes who become champions and then suffer depressions. Fairly common story, you hear this from Olympians, you know, Michael Phelps becomes the most meddled Olympian of all time, immediately suffers depression. Andrea Agassi becomes the most storied, you know, tennis player of all time, immediately becomes depressed. And what I've learned from talking to some of these particularly athletes, but I think it happens in the business world as well, which is from a very young age, they set themselves a goal that in my words would be a very selfish goal. I want to be the best at X, the best tennis player, the best golfer, the best whatever. And their entire lives from pretty young ages, every decision they're making is to help them advance this finite goal and all of their relationships are, can you help me achieve my goal, right? And if you can no longer help me achieve my goal, I don't need you anymore as a coach or even a friend. And there's huge sacrifices, missing of birthdays, missing of Christmases, you know, missing of major life events because I have to practice so I can achieve my goal. And when they get interviewed on the news, you know, why do you do it? They all say, well, I'm doing it to inspire the little kids, which is complete bullshit. You know, if you look at all of their vision boards from when they were younger, of pictures of podiums and medals and money and Lamborghinis, not a single little child on there of the people you're doing it for, it's just a lucky strike extra. I mean, absolutely, you do inspire children, but that's not the reason you did it. You just got that, you know, like I said, it's sort of a, it's a twofer. And then when they achieve or don't achieve this thing and then can no longer compete for it, they've set their entire path and all their relationships on this one, these finite selfish goals. And so when it's complete, they realize they don't really have a lot of friends around them. They don't really have a lot of close relationships. They don't really even have a sense of purpose because they've been spent the past 20 years or so with one purpose, which was this finite goal, which now has run out. And so they're very purposeless. And I see this in Broadway performers, who set their whole life to be on the Weststand or be on Broadway, you know, every class, every tap dancing class, every singing class, they make it, they get there and then depression or at least malaise or senior executive. Same thing if I just, or if I just make a million dollars, you know, if I just become a millionaire, then I'll feel. And the problem with all of those things is, as I said before, they are selfish. It is your goal for your reasons, which is not fulfilling for any social animal, for any human being. You know, our sense of joy and fulfillment and love and purpose comes from our ability to serve another human being. Have a child. Tell me how your life changes. Fall in love. Tell me how your life changes. You know, think about all the stupid things, irrational things we've done for love. And it all feels worth it. And the sacrifices we make for a child all feel worth it. But these are no longer for us and these things will live on beyond our own lives. They are not finite, they are infinite. And there's nothing wrong with personal achievement, there's nothing wrong with setting goals. But it has to be in the context of something even bigger. In general, team sports don't suffer this because you had to do it together, you know. It's usually individual athletes who suffer this more often. And so there's one of the athletes I would point to as a guy by the name of Curtis Martin. Curtis is a Hall of Fame NFL footballer. And he only started playing football basically to stay out of trouble. And when he realized he was good at it, he realized that by being good at something, it will give him the power to actually give back later. He made this realization, especially when he went to college on scholarship and then made it to the NFL. He realized the better he was at the sport. It wasn't about propelling his own career. It was about when he leaves this career, he has a platform that would be bigger than the platform he has now. And so he was driven and driven and driven not so that he could be the best, not that he could make the most money. In fact, he made a lot less money than a lot of other players of his ranked. Not that he could be rich or famous or any of these things. He did it so that he could build his platform so that he could give back later. So when he retired from the NFL, he wasn't lost, he wasn't searching. He knew exactly what the next step was because being an elite athlete to the highest level possible was only step one. And to see one's life as a continuum rather than an event is much healthier. What is the floor of creating arbitrary goals in our lives and how do we create goals that are more based on that idea of a continuum? You know, I'm not a huge fan of the term self-improvement, right? But I do like the idea of awareness, self-awareness. You know, we all live with blind spots, we all live with missing gaps and pieces of information which will buy the way it lasts for the rest of our lives. And there are some people who choose to live a life where living with those gaps is acceptable and they never fill them in and we would say that they remain stagnant. And arguably either mentally or physically unhealthy or getting unhealthier as they get older, for someone, for anyone who wants to be a better version of themselves, a more aware version of themselves, you, we, I, seek out information. And that comes in all kinds of forms, right? It can be in a relationship. So for example, I went and took a listening class, actually I should preface with, I was dating someone and she accused me of being a bad listener. And I was like, you do know what I do for a living, right? Like, I'm a really good listener, so I don't know what you're talking about, you know? And then I took this listening class, turns out I'm an absolutely brilliant listener with people who I'll never see again for the rest of my life, but amongst my friends and family, appalling. So I had this basic skillset that I never applied with the people closest to me and gave myself an out because, quote unquote, I knew how to listen. And so I realized I was a terrible listener. This was a blind spot, this was a gap. And having somebody love me tell me that didn't work, didn't believe them until, you know, this objective outsider, or at least I just took this class and came to this realization. That was brilliant, that awareness of the blind spot and the awareness of the skills that I need to be a better brother, son, boyfriend, friend, I had to learn how to hold space for someone and then practice, that's awareness. And I think our health is awareness, unfortunately, some people wait for the breakup to learn that they're bad listeners. Some people wait for the heart attack to realize they're eating poorly, you know? That's awareness, you get awareness by getting a punch in the face. I think it's a responsibility for every human being should they want to have value in the lives of others. I see being a better listener, being a service, I see everything in terms of service to others. There were benefits to you as well, of course. I was in this meeting once and there was a woman next to me who was this big-timey yoga instructor apparently and the entire meeting was a big group of us. She was on her phone under the table and I sort of sneaked over a look and it's not like she was like, there was a family member in hospital and she wanted to just, you know, stay in touch. She was on social media, I could see. And at one point the conversation at the table turned to being present and she popped up her head and said that's why I love yoga because it helps me be present, of which I'm thinking you're an idiot, you know? And I started to realize we've confused things here, which is we don't get to decide when we're present. We get to practice being present, but you actually are not present until someone else says you are. You know, you don't get to sit with a friend and be like, I feel present. If they don't feel it, that's like me saying, I'm a great listener, except I'm not, right? I don't get to self-assign these accolades, especially when they're social. They can only be assigned by another. And so for anyone who's ever practiced meditation, there are absolutely benefits to us without a doubt. And it is in those are important mental and physical health benefits of meditation and mindfulness and we should practice those for sure. But there's also that what I think is the primary reason, somewhat consider secondary reason, which is if you practice meditation, for example, you learn to focus on one thing, your mantra, a sound, whatever it is, your breath, you don't think of nothing, you think of one thing, focus on one thing, right? And if something interrupts that thing, you have a thought. Can I leave the washing machine on? You know, you label it a thought and you push it out of your head and you say, I'll deal with it later. And that's the whole, the whole idea is total focus and the ability to put your thoughts out of your head to stay focused on this one thing. Now think about when you're sitting listening with a friend who's going through a hard time. Are you listening? Are you waiting for your turn to speak, right? The whole meditation practice that you've been doing is now valuable in this moment where you are focused entirely on what they're saying to you. And when you have your own thoughts of advice you'd like to give or things you want to tell them, oh my God, me too, that happened to me as well, right? You say, no, that's not important in this moment and you put it out of your head and deal with it later. And at the end of that conversation, your friend will say, thank you. I feel heard, or thank you for being there for me, or thank you for holding space for me, or thank you for listening. And those are all indications that congratulations you've been present for another. And I think what gives our lives purpose is not to wake up every morning to learn meditations so that we can be present for ourselves, though that is valuable. What gives our lives purpose is to do these things for another. There's nothing wrong with doing things and enjoying the benefit of those things yourself by all means, but the sense of the deep feeling, sense of purpose and meaning to one's life or to one's work only comes when those things are for another. And in my view, primarily for another, where our benefit is secondary, you can't have equal. There's no such thing as equal because at one point one of those things will have to be sacrificed for the other. I will delay so that you can have. And that's where the joy and love of business, relationships, friendships come from. There's a great irony in all of this, which is to sacrifice for another really is the most beautiful thing we can ever do. I mean, that's kind of what love is. It's sacrificing for another. It is Ryan here and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist-pumper, a woo-hoo, a hand clap or a high-fiver? If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. Choose from hundreds of social casino-style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly plus free daily bonuses, so don't wait. Start having the most fun ever at Chumba Casino.com. 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