This is the Hope Cast Network. Stories and shows you actually want to listen to. Hi, this is Erin Mayer, your host from the Everyday Runner. This show where we love to chat about the unfiltered side of running. Everything from why the first mile is always a liar to chafing and why you should never trust a fart. Just the things that people don't typically talk about, we're going to talk about on here, as well as bring on other everyday runners to share their running story. So don't forget to like and subscribe on iTunes and Spotify and leave us a review. And also we have an Instagram account if you want to connect on there at the Everyday Runner. And to kick off the show, I wanted to talk to you today about my running story because I think it's going to surprise you a little bit as I share how I went from being somebody who absolutely hated running to now I love it. Here we go. Hello and welcome back to the Everyday Runner. I'm so excited today because I have Krista Hardin on who is not only a runner, which surprised me when you follow her on Instagram and learn about what she does. But she's also an expert with any grams in marriage. She does coaching and she's just an amazing person. So make sure if you're not, follow her on any gram in marriage. And she just had a new book come out and I promise I want, I want to ask you about the book, but we've got to get to the heart of talking about running first. But she did just have a book come out called the Enneagram Marriage Book. And I cannot wait to hear about that. And more importantly, talk to you about your running journey. So hey, Krista, how are you today? Hey, Erin, I'm so happy to be here and talk about one of my favorite topics, running. So excited. Awesome. So have you always been a runner? Like, did you do sports growing up? Or is it something that happened later in life for you? Tell us about that. I have always been a runner ever since I was little, I had a lot of energy and not like forever energy like not one of those kids who can't stop moving, but just bouncing around and loved running. And so as soon as it was offered in elementary, I was one of the better mile runners and then middle school and high school for those gym events. But as soon as I could get into track ninth grade, I was ready to go. So I started with long distance. And in track, you guys, probably many of you know, it's like, you know, the longer distance people are half mile, mile to mile. But I really discovered a deep love for the mile run. And then that just grew to taking jogging in college and then beginning to do like five mile runs in the morning. And then when I had kids, get out the double jogging stroller. And then we had a little bit too much energy going and I'm sure we'll talk about that too. Yeah, that's amazing. So the mile is the one track loop, right? Like that's just the, or is it the four track? Is it the four loops? What is the four? So four. So did you do when you line up on the track where you did you have your feet on like those metal things for our listeners? Because we have some folks that maybe runners never ran before. You know, I've seen people use the metal tracks. I don't even know what they're called that they put their feet on that they look like an Olympic athlete about to sprint. But then I've seen if my daughters track meets, they've done nothing underneath their feet. So I'm just curious, what did you use? So yeah, you don't. We didn't either. Now that might have been different for those sprinters on our team. We did if you were in a relay, you did have to pass the baton and often the person doing the mile or the half mile is the last leg. So you have to get good at the baton. Obviously the gun goes off, but just like your daughter, it's they know you're going to be going for a mile. So even though you feel like you're going for that full sprint, they're like, it's not really that fast. Yeah. So let me ask you, did you ever do the relay race? Yes, I did. So were you like a runner? Were you the anchor? What were you? Usually the anchor because I would be doing the longer journey. So it was a lot of fun. And I couldn't do cross country because that was during tennis season. And I really love tennis as well. So it was really a gift to me to discover 5Ks and runs after high school because I hadn't missed a deep love for these longer journeys that I've seen you on. And so that's fun too. Awesome, awesome. So let me ask you this. Have you for our listeners that are listening in that maybe have never run before or they've never consistently trained for something? Is there any piece of advice you would give them? Maybe a mistake that you made that you've learned throughout your running journey, something that you've you've maybe you've under fueled or you didn't rest properly, something that you've kind of jumbled along the way and figured out that you would give them as advice. Yes, I would say make sure you get enough protein and water. And I think that those can be very undervalued because people are really into the gels. And I know why they're helpful for a quick boost. But if you're going the distance, you need to fuel up with food too and not just carbs. And I love that we know about pre night race kind of vibes of having the spaghetti dinner and things, but I just want to emphasize how our bodies, especially as we get older, like now I'm in my 40s and I need more protein as I'm running. And I also like how you err and tell on your Instagram, like don't also eat right before you run so that you're not like getting yourself sick on the road. So I think that like getting enough food, giving you know your body enough time to digest and enough water are great tips for before and after. But I would also just add make sure that you are not running so hard, which was what sort of started to happen to me as I got older, where I started to get really bad migraine headaches because I was pushing too hard. And I had to come to learn to do it for a love not to just push. Yeah. Yeah. So let me ask you about food. What is your favorite like thing that you love to eat before you run or after you run? Like do you have like a go to protein or meal that you have that you love? Yes, I do love our X bars. And I just think they're simple. And I've already had mine this morning. It is so economical in terms of just the small space. It fits into your purse. It fits into your car so easily you don't have to do anything. And yet it has the egg whites, a little bit of nuts, just a little bit of sweetness. And so it's been just such a nice workout pre or post for me. Now I do eat meat. So I do like to have meat most days as well. But I would say more than meat would be these bars and also eggs. Because eggs are just a great way to start my day with plenty of protein. And I usually have an avocado with it as well. Awesome. So talk to me a bit more about what happened as far as you said, you know, you you kind of had to learn to slow down a little bit because you were struggling with migraines and realizing, you know, you had to adjust your running. Tell me about that a little bit more on what happened. Well, I have a competitive edge, which we may get to talk about when we have our personality type combo as we think about my job, too. But I guess I just was raised in the generation like late gen X early millennial, where we were taught, just do it, just keep going. And I just decided to be a human guinea pig sort of experiment, where I said, you know, honestly, I feel like I should just push through everything. Every sign my body is giving me because that's just what you should do. So I did it specifically knowing I'm not feeling well. Sometimes I may have a headache or I will get one, but just keep doing it. And I pushed through two kids that way with running. And I kept getting more and more competitive entering races where I'd be like, Oh, I want to place in this one. And it was just too much on my body like my body isn't wired to do that much sprinting. Because as we all know, once you start to do competitive distance, it becomes a bit of a sprint. And so it just was, I wasn't designed that way. And I had to really receive that after I would say early 30s to just finally admit it. I started to have anxiety and panic attack symptoms. And when I could really pinpoint what it was, it was from running too fast, running too hard. I was nursing my second daughter. I was working putting my husband through medical school. I was working as counselor, by the way. And then trying to also run and win races. And it wasn't that I needed to leave running. I just needed to leave that competitive edge that was that big and just start acknowledging who am I and just allow myself to start listening to my body. Yeah, because I think that's a struggle for a lot of runners is that we get trapped into, you know, wanting to the next PR, the next personal record is so best, pushing yourself, comparing yourself to others online, and wanting to just go, go, go, and not allowing yourself to stop and slow down and recover and know that we're in it the long game. And sometimes gets missed on runners that we beat. I think it's like, yes, it's like people are in like a space of wanting something for themselves, especially parents that start running. And they don't realize that, you know, you don't have to get wrapped up in the finish line time. It's about the journey of the whole run. Yes, you named it. And even this week, I'm recovering from a cold and we had Mother's Day this weekend. And my husband and I went on a run and it was so beautiful. But after a few, I would say 15 minutes were in Florida. And it was very hot and very muggy. And I just go, you know, I just need to walk. And he was so gentle and generous with it. And far more than I would have been on him in my 20s when I was pushing so hard. And I just was really grateful that I could still enjoy a run, but it could be at my pace now. Yes, yes, absolutely. So I'm curious, let's get into talking about any grim stuff. Because I feel like, you know, that obviously is something that's a huge passion for you. And I'm sure that people listening might find a little bit about themselves, like learn about themselves as we chat about this. So let's talk kind of about what you do and how you help support people. Oh my gosh, thank you. This is one of my other passions because I love helping couples. And when I discovered that it's not just the general marriage tools or relationship tools that we need, but nuanced personality tools, it was such a gift to me. And I think I discovered that early in my clinical training as a master's level psychologist. But then later, once again, like the running, as I sat in life more, I realized, you know what, those tools were good and they were important. And yes, I love the general marriage tips and tools for everybody that are so great, like get your date nights in or your date days, you know, making sure you have intimacy so you don't just become roommates, like all these things are so important, right? But then to nuance, like who am I and how am I wired? Oh my gosh, that's such a game changer because it gives you guys a new perspective to see not just your strengths and their shadows, but their strengths too, and your shadows, because most humans have this fundamental attribution error, where we're looking like, oh my gosh, I'm just healthier than my partner. And after the honeymoon, we just take that on, all of us do it. And so it's so important to be able to say like, oh, I actually have things to grow on too. And they actually have strengths that I forget to celebrate sometimes. So it gives us these post honeymoon lifts that we need. Yeah. And like my husband and I have been married for, she's picked up married in 2005. So we've been, we've been married for a bit. And it is, it's true that like there may be some things that I'm really good at, but I know that I'm awful at these other things where he's really great at certain things. And it's just, you have to balance. But I do think for me personally, because of years of personal development, I've become almost awakened to the fact that I'm really good at some stuff, but I'm not great at other things. And luckily, we complement each other in that way. But I think sometimes too, though, is we get so distracted in with just ourselves that we don't slow down to like see everything. Does that make sense? Like see the big answer. Right. As women, we're tapped out with work and kids and trying to fit in our fitness. And so opening ourselves up to see them takes concerted effort. It's so worthy though. So I'm really glad that you do that, that you stop and you pause and you notice these ways that you're different, but that, oh my gosh, we do need each other in these ways too. Yeah, I tell my husband, I can't do life without you. You keep me organized. I hate to interrupt what you're doing now, but something very important I need to let you know about. 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Thank you and back to our scheduled podcast. Okay, I know I just interrupted a great conversation, but my name is Brad and you may be listening to me or any of the other talent we have on this network at HopeCast. We want to thank you for listening, but also we want you to like and subscribe to the show you're listening to. So, when you're done listening, go on the iTunes or the Spotify and leave a great review if you like it and follow the show on Instagram and any other platform videos on it. I think we're on TikTok, so follow us on TikTok, but make sure you leave us a review. We love good reviews here at the HopeCast Network. Now, I guess I'll let you get back to your show. Oh my gosh, and what does he say to you? Do you bring him fun or excitement with your guys? He's like, you just keep us together. He's like, you just are organized as far as like, so he's paperwork organized. I am a chaos coordinator of like the kids and like keeping that balance piece of it. So, like he's the the people organizer. Let's put things in the calendar and I'm like the executor of the of the chaos. So, that's kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, that's what we do. So, talk to me more about like, what's your book about and what can people expect from it when they when they grab your book? Well, I first go ahead and I explain the nine personality types. And of course, you can take Myers-Briggs where you'll get a four-letter combo or other tests. Those are great and I like almost all of them. But this one is the Enneagram has just nine types. So, it's a little bit more elegant and it's just like, I may type one. And there's plenty of work to do right there. Now, is there more extensive work you can do? Can you learn bigger parts of it? Like, I won't expect you guys to know this, but like, yes, there's tri-type, there's wings, there's arrows. For those who do know their Enneagram type, you might, yeah, I'm a seven-wing six or something. But just knowing the one type gives you so much liftoff because in my book, I explain, what are you like at your best? What are you like at your moderate? What do you like at your worst? And what are your core fears? And so, it gives you a little bit of understanding to say like, oh, sometimes I thought I was doing great. But for me, instance, Krista here, as a seven, I thought I was at my best when I was running, running, running as you heard, both physically and also mentally and not stopping. And when I can learn about this test, it shows you like that's actually a seven in very average or lower levels. And a seven who's healthy, knows how to rest and come into sobriety, and knows how to find healthy self-soothing so that they're not running all the time. And that is such a gift to me. And to my spouse, who he had to learn that too about me. And then he's a type one, a perfectionist. And so we've learned, you're not just a perfectionist, but you're a world improver. He does medicine for a living. So he literally can detect the tiniest problems in people's health, even by looking at their neck. And he can, or any crazy stories that I've heard from him on his details. But then he can literally also miss important positives at home or with me if he's just scanning for negativity. So we've learned with him, oh my gosh, you thought you were doing this right thing by always correcting your wife or your kids. And then it was like, no, that's actually hurting them because I'm putting this before the relationship. So it's really important that we all look at ourselves. And that's what I have inside the book. But there's so much grace wrapped around it because it's not like once you learn your type, you become perfect. It's more of just kind of noticing now, like I'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm in my seven, I need to slow down. Or he'll be like, oh my gosh, I'm in my one. And I need to stop judging other people. So whatever your type one through nine, you're gonna find your strengths better. And also even lastly, a bit more compassion for why your partner is the way they are. Because we also, as I said, touch on the core wound or fear. And mine was, I have to do all the running because nobody will help me. So when Wes learned that, he was able to say, oh my gosh, like let me help you to feel supported. And so I just think that's very key because it's hard to have compassion on your spouse if you don't know what's underneath the behavior, if that makes sense. Yeah, that makes total sense. That makes absolute total sense. So with the Enneagrams, you can be mainly a one specific number, but you can pillar based on who you are. Because you might not just be a one or a seven or a three, but you can pillar through. But at least it gives you understanding what your main core one gives you like a starting point. Yeah, delve into yourself more. Is that how you would describe it? Absolutely. And if you want to learn more of your bigger type and you know, get really detailed like archetype yourself for career. Yeah, it's helpful to say, okay, what is my type in this range? What is my type in this range and etc. There's plenty of ways to do that, which I talk about on my podcast and such. But in my book, I really just try to get couples to learn this basic part of not just how do you look as a person, but how do you look in relationship? Because usually when we do personality assessments, it's like, how do you look at work or as a person? But here I'm getting really detailed. This is what marriage looks like. And also, here's what it looks like in conflict. Here's what it looks like when you need to forgive. Here's what it looks like when you need to walk through sorrow. So I give you different movements to take and steps that I've learned over 20 years of helping couples. So I'm really happy. Then I also have at the end a dictionary for every single one of the 45 pairings. So if you're a 1/7 like us or a 9/8, which is a very common pairing, whatever your pairing is, I give you steps from the early years to the best years of your life where you're learning like, oh my gosh, we got through the honeymoon season, we got through the dark night of the soul, and then the shadows. And now we're emerging. So I give each pairing just sort of an understanding like you're not alone if you've experienced this or you're walking through this. And here's what's expected in the middle, hard years with little kids. Here's what you can look forward to. And here's how you can get there. So it's basically like the dictionary is like a mini treatment plan for every parent. That's amazing. So what do you find is the biggest challenge for couples when they consider exploring this or maybe one half of the couple is considering exploring this. What do you find is the challenge for them? I think that usually we start to pick at our spouse and say like, you're being a 3 right now. You're being an 8. I see your 8. And it feels really limiting and dishonoring. It feels like, you know, you're not doing person-first language. But what can help is if you instead start with you because you're the only one who has power to change your marriage. And so to say, I'm in a work on me, I just discovered that I'm a 6 and I tend toward worry. And here's some steps I'm taking that will bring your spouse more toward doing their work. And that's what happened in my marriage too. That West was like, okay, yeah, finding out I'm a perfectionist like one more coal heaped on my head. When I'm like, yeah, but hold on, I also found out that I have work that you've been telling me about for years to do. And I'm starting to look instead of just kind of shouting at you for what you need to do. I'm looking at me. And I think then your spouse really feels like, oh my gosh, maybe there's hope for us if you're starting to do your work. Yeah, I would imagine it's like, just like any type of conflict conversation, like, that if you go into it being on the offense and throwing out, this is what you need to do. People's walls go right up and they're not, they're like, just picking me apart. Where if you take ownership to say, this is what I want to do for myself to be better for us, then maybe their wall might come down a little bit, hopefully, hopefully. Yes, exactly. And couples also need their physical self care so much. So running and whatever else I do for fitness has helped me so much, even just walking and talking with my husband. These physical elements are so good for every couple too. So I do really recommend that usually every single one of these pairing guides and also in the definitely inside of the nine types when I walk through them like, you when you're healthy, you're having something you can do to physically digest your anger. Because sometimes it just sits inside of us if we don't allow itself to be expressed through communication and body release, as we know from the book, the body keeps the score. Yep. Yep. So let me ask you this. You mentioned that your husband and you went on a run on Mother's Day. So your husband runs as well? Like is it like a family kind of thing that he does? Or like, does he run his own? Like, I think it's great because my husband does not run. And I would love it. Okay. He ran. So I'm curious, like, do you guys have always run together? Do you run separate? Tell me. Well, our journey starts really, really young because we started dating at 16. So we were actually on the tracking together. But he did hurdles and he did it for the purposes of football at the time. And he is so embarrassed when he thinks back on his story because he's like, I only do track for football. And now he realizes like, Oh my gosh, like football was so bad for my brain. And like, running was so good for my brain. So now he over many years. So for those whose spouse has not done it, it may happen. I would say it was literally until like now we're 44. It was probably over 30 when, you know, he decided this was a good fit for him. And like you said, it's not for everybody. But he has a runner's build making it very easy for him. And so even before 30, he would occasionally do runs just because I wanted to do them. But after 30, it's become a bit of a healing agent for him too. So he will often digest frustration on a run or just let off steam after work. And he really likes it now. Oh, that's awesome. I'm so glad to hear that. Well, that gives me hope. Maybe, maybe eventually we'll come around. He's done a couple of like five days with me over the years. And he has a beautiful ride. Like my children, my oldest daughter has a beautiful run, a beautiful stride. It's not for me. I'm very short legged. My husband has very long legs. And he has a great ride. And he has a great form. He just doesn't have the motivation yet. So maybe, maybe someday. Yes. And especially with hearing that, that's very helpful, especially if he ever just isn't a season of stress. You could say like, just check it out. Just try it out. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. So where can people? So let me ask you, what is your next goal for yourself? And where can people follow you? Where can they find you? Because I'm sure listening, they're like, well, wait a second. I need to learn more about Enneagrams. I need to learn about how I can implement this in my marriage. What does Krista offer that I can look into? Tell us all the things. Where can we find all your stuff? Thank you so much. Well, you can find all of my stuff at Enneagram and marriage.com. I have a free typing guide. I have lots of freebies. I have my book there, my podcast with over 400 episodes. And I also am at Instagram where I met you, Aaron, and that is Enneagram and marriage. So it's both the same Enneagram and marriage wherever you go. And then my goal is to begin for running. And now that the summer is here, just about, I am hopeful to start running when I can indoors, because now that we're in our hot season here in Florida, I'm using my treadmill more in our gym. So that's my goal is to start out my weekday mornings in the gym. I also do pure bar. That's one of my things I do a lot of. And it's indoor because I live in a very tropical area. Yes. Oh my goodness. I love trail running otherwise. Yeah, I will run outdoors in the winter months here. Yeah, I can imagine running in Florida consistently outside. It's just so hot. And now in Massachusetts, we get really hot and humid. But like that's a few months out of the year where Florida is yesterday's warm. I could nine months of that. And then a few months that are just delightful for running outdoors. I can't. I would be on the treadmill. I would be watching TV show and just going on the treadmill. So yes, that's why we do our pure bar as well. You have to have, but there are people who are diehards, maybe some of your listeners in Florida, like there are so many people who will do it and they just sweat and you see them everywhere. Oh my goodness. Yep. Yeah. I know. I can't get them. Well, thank you girl. Thank you so much for coming on with us today. Thank you so much for sharing your running story and what you do as an Enneagram marriage coach. And I'm just so grateful you're on today. So thank you so much for hanging out with us. Thank you Aaron for having me. It was so great. Hey, thanks again so much for hanging out with me this week at the Everyday Runner podcast show. Don't forget to follow along on iTunes and Spotify and even check out the Accountant Instagram at the Everyday Runner. See you next time!
