This is the Hope Cast Network. Stories and shows you actually want to listen to. [Music] We'll welcome back for another edition of Movie Torture. We are in the month of July and this month is Shark months. Are you scared of the water? I know I'm scared. If I know Brad told me beside me, I know more like I'm going to drown. Because that's my size and there's no way he could pull me to safety. Well, Raj, the thing about this shark month, man, we did not pick shark movies that you would think of. I mean, we could do Jaws 4. Yeah, we could do that, but we're not doing that. We are celebrating Christmas in July today. But before we get to the movie, we need to welcome the lady's favorite guest. You know, Movie Torture Dad loves him some Hannah, but I love me some PG. Producer Gary is in the house and ladies, he has watched the movie. PG, we've been missing you, bro. What have you been up to? You've been traveling the world? You've been jet setting in your white shirt? Yeah, well, I sure still hung up for a while now, but I have to get back out sometime. Glad to be back. Well, you know, you're always welcoming. Hey, Raj, let's go ahead and announce something here because PG is in the episode. Let's go ahead and announce that PG is going to be hosting. He's going to be ready for this. We're going to get him trained. He's looking at me weird. He's going to be kicking off something that we used to do. We haven't done it in a while. A little made up movie. So be looking out for an episode of that to drop in the next couple months. We're going to relaunch made up movie. Producer Gary loves it. The thing about PG is we'll be sitting there chilling because we're bros. And he'll be like, we need to do a made up movie. We haven't done that in a while. He just randomly, he loves the made up movies. We love it because he struggles to read the made up movie. So it's fun. I struggle to read your handwriting. I type it. I type it, Gary. I type it. It's typed out. And it still doesn't look right. Have you ever read any of your texts? No. You use and see where there should be essence anyway. Oh my God. Anyway, Raj, what movie are we watching tonight? Movie is very low loose. That's a loose word for this movie. It's Santa Jaws. It was released in 2018. And you know, I go to the Wikipedia to get a little backup knowledge. This movie is, I guess, so off the charts. It's not even got a Wikipedia page for it. It doesn't. There's no wiki. Yeah, I typed in Santa Jaws and got nothing. I got Santa Paul's instead. Santa Paul's over Santa Jaws? Yeah. That is crazy. This calls gets when, you know, she turned to certain age. Santa Paul's. Oh, gosh. Gary likes to date the ladies who already have Santa Paul's. I'm just throwing that out there. PG likes the older ladies. He's looking for wife number five. So if there's a wife number five out there, PG is waiting. I love his look in his face when we do this. You know, when we were in the old studio garage, I couldn't see PG that very well. But now that we do this from our house, I get to look at PG's face the whole time. And I can just see it. Nothing's blocking it. Yeah. Yeah, he's right in our faces. Yeah. So this movie was a sci-fi original, right? You know, I think the way that TV had listed was, uh, I'm a comedy sci-fi whore. No, I mean, it was on the sci-fi network garage. It dropped on the net was made for a sci-fi network. That's what I'm in. It's a sci-fi original. I just found the estimated budget. Was it five dollars? You guys guessed what the budget was. Okay. I'm going to say $80,000. I'd, I'd say, yeah, I gave it, I gave it $100,000, but like 80 to 90% of that was, was spent trying to make a sure, trying. I think it was $700,000. Well, okay. So you weren't too far off. You said 700,000 and I said 80,000. I was a whale. She said 800,000. No, I said 80. I don't know. No, no. It was simply went up there. What did they spend 700,000 on? Yes. 700,000. Probably the CGI from the shirt. There was, oh, hold on. Yeah. That CGI from the shirt could have been filmed in my, in my bathtub. Well, I'm just saying, I, I didn't say it was good. I'm just saying it's like the only thing they could do would, it's been my, um, I, I don't understand. It wasn't like good. I mean, I would have said there's, this budget was, was $30,000. It could have been 20,000 for all I care. It didn't look budget wise. It looked cheap, but it doesn't matter. It looked cheap. Anything else you got on this, uh, Raj, before I kick off the old. Not what you had into your minutes, not system. Let's see if you do actually make it a minute. I never make it a minute, Raj. Uh, should I do this, you know, it was the night before Christmas, all through the house. And a Jaws came a knocking and killed some people and eat them out. And then they were eaten by the shark on the days before Christmas. What do we do? We've got Edward Furlong from T2, who looks like Edward Furlong. Trying to get, he gets a magic pin from his papa and he draws Santa Jaws. And then the Jaws of Santa comes around. He starts eating people. And they've got to figure out, but oh no, the comic book, uh, shop owner draws himself a girlfriend and lots of money. And then they get the pin back. Santa Jaws eats his whole family up, but he draws a different ending and he gets to see his family. That is Santa Jaws, but the Jaws, we're going to get to the zoo. There's so much I want to unpack in this movie, man. Towards the night before Christmas, Santa Jaws went eating. What's up? Yeah, um, first of all, the whiteness movie even begins. Is just, it told me in within two minutes, I was like, this is going to be horrible. Mm hmm. Wait, why, why did you feel that way, Roger? Bad acting? Bad story? Bad story? Wait. Bad acting? I, I think there's story here. If you could get a pin that you could use to draw anything you wanted, would you want the pin, P.G.? Would you want this pin? Well, I mean, yeah, I would use it, but I still have to, like, yeah. But I have that good artist, so I don't know how well, like, if I just stick figures walking out or something. Oh, God. Yeah. You have to be good at drawing. We got the pin and couldn't draw, right? That's what you're getting at. But let's say we could draw much like the artist drew me back there back in 1996. And what would we, what would we, would we want this power? Yeah, but I feel like that. Well, I don't want to say it end up like the, the comic book store owner. Like the guy that drew, what did he do? He drew herself a girls' home, but it didn't. But made it a session in speak English, so he didn't have to talk to her or something. Yeah. He made it, so you wouldn't have to talk to her, but... Get himself a car. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Roger doesn't even have anything to say about this right now. Well, I'm just doing, doing a little research on the side here. The, the, the guy who went in the comic book store. His name in real life is Scott Allen Perry. Okay. No, his, his list of movies were pretty bad. What are they? Keeping up with the Joneses. Oh, it's like he's on one episode, one episode of NCIS. He actually lists Santa Jaws as one of his credits. That's how bad he is. Wait, if I was in Santa Jaws, I would list it as a credit. Um, for one, this is, you cannot, nobody is sitting down to watch Santa Jaws and expecting a masterpiece. I mean, we're talking a shark that cruises around in a lake. It'll, it'll, it'll, it'll, it's gonna be a lake that has a Santa hat on his dorsal fin. So anytime he's cruising in the water, you see the Santa, the Santa hat. Rod, you're watching this for like Oscar-worthy performances. You're never going to get that out of Santa dolls. No, I'm just, I'm just saying I've seen better acting on bad TV commercials. Mm. I mean, really? Yeah, but this was filmed in Louisiana. Mandyville, Louisiana. I'm just just learning things as we're talking about. It's like, so they were down in Louisiana. I just feel like it's really like, there were a lot of really confusing parts that like, hey, there's all that, it's the same fishing trip. They're like, that's like, just some of the stuff they did. And it's funny, it was like, it was just kind of confusing. Well, Gary, my thing is, is when Papa, is it Papa or Pawpaw? Pop, pop, whatever they called him. When he dies, no one in the family seems to give two craps about it. No, it was sad. Like, let's imagine a world where Roger came to me and said, producer Gary just got eaten by a shark, he's dead. I would be broken in despondent. These people, that lady's dad is dead, and she doesn't seem to have any urgency. Yeah, they didn't believe the kid. He was like, yeah, Papa's dead. They're like, oh, he's not. It's like, they were coming back to life. So there was no like, finality in the dead. Nobody went to look for him. Yeah. I was sort of conch it. They go looking for the kid and they come back and said, yeah, Papa, Papa's not here. Yeah, the kid told you he was dead 12 hours ago. He took him 12 hours. Like, Roger, if somebody said PG got eaten by a shark in the river up the road, I feel like you and I would just be fascinated enough to want to go see if the shark was in the river, right? Yeah. They made one phone call to the police. One phone call to the whole movie. They had police in this town. Like, yeah, or the fact that like, they grabbed the kid and they ran like, even before the grandfather went missing, he's like, no, let's do a fish. It won't sneak out into a fish. It's like, what do you think? The parents, how do you get a sneak out of the house? And if nobody's found others, you're not home. Like, you know what? That didn't make any sense to me either. You knew pop pop or pop all. What was his name? It was pop pop. You knew pop was like, you know, shark food when he said let's go fishing, right? Like, you knew it's over. And he was a terrible actor. He was probably the worst actor of all of them. And you knew the Asian kid was going to be gone. He was going to be dead. He was going to be gone. Custom horror story style, you know. Yeah. The kills in this movie, better, more kills in this movie. Guys, then the mag, too. Mm. Like, I'll tell you it must. I was just saying, everyone was the guy that, like, got his legs eaten. I was like walking down the pier. And then he waddles up and crawls into the wire. That was my favorite. When I watched that guy envision producer Gary as that guy. And then the legs in the water don't even look like legs. It looked like, like, beast in the wood. Yeah. But that's 70,000 hour leg. So the shark is smart enough to hit the boat dock to knock the legless dude into the water. And they just watch it. Like, I feel like I'd be scarred for life if one, I saw a dude with no legs screaming, walking up here, hopping up a pier towards me, right? Wouldn't you not be scarred? Yeah, you think so. Yeah, that would be weird, man. That was the best kill, though, because he ate his legs and then knocked them in the water. The old girl. Okay. So the dad's brother shows up. He has this, is she Instagram or YouTube star? I can't remember. What was it, Instagram? That's, it was Matt's to Graham. And I wrote that down because I remember, because that's like, I love the very obvious, like, social media platform that we can't use. The real one figures the statement. Yeah. That's just Matt's to Graham. They were going to make a fake movie torture where they couldn't use our name because producer Gary would sue them. What would they call it? Smoothies torture? Yeah. To be more sure. I mean, what would they call us? Because we definitely would file a lawsuit if you want to steal us. I mean, yeah. If anybody comes on as producer Gary, you trademark that name. So, so he gets, he is, his papa is dead now. And his uncle shows up who seems to be like a tool bag, basically, right? But he has a young, a young girlfriend who's all about herself. She's constantly filming herself. But when she's in the water, she loses the phone, right? It drops the phone in the water. You'll never see her want a phone again in this movie. Like, I feel like if you're that addicted to your phone, you would want to get another phone before the movie's up. Am I wrong? Well, she pretty much dies pretty quickly. It's just a couple more things. No. Does she? No. Does she? She sticks over for a little while. She goes back to the comic book store with them and then comes back to the water and then dies pretty quick. You know, she has a candy cane in her mouth. She loves the candy cane guy. Y'all like candy canes? I'm not big. What? I like the ones that crack a barrel. I like the ones that crack a barrel. They're like the sticks that have like cherry flavored and orange flavored. I want to make a mad person. But, well. Yeah. I love the candy cane. My wife knows it. Christmas time. I'm going to get me some candy canes. That's my move. But, okay. So anyway, I love how the girl gets out of the water rod. Do we ever see the uncle die or do we just see that he's missing? He just gets pulled in. Yeah. I think I'm done with that right here. It was really quick. So I love how she goes. It was hard when she goes. Let's talk about that before we get to that. I love how the girl goes to the comic book store with the bikini top on. She doesn't put a shirt on. So it's weird. Like she's standing here basically in a bra while they're in this. I mean, you're a woman in a bra basically at a comic book store. Can you imagine those dudes have probably never seen that close up. I see around creepy Clark. Clark? He's one of the most creepiest characters we've had in a movie towards her recently. Yeah, I was thinking Clark is doing possibly some molesting. I mean, there's something's going on here, right? Like he's a weird creepy dude. He's two best friends. He likes the boys. Yeah, he has two best friends with the boys in the store. Yeah. And he likes them. Like it's weird. You know, I always say, look, if there's anything to do with spending nights with children and a man volunteers, then that's the tale. You don't want that, right? Like you want the guy you got to force to do the overnight scout trip with them. You don't want the one that's raising the hand. Just the rule. The one that's raising, if you're too eager, it's weird. But anyway, let's get back. So the guy's boats, my gosh, is named Juniper. Now Raj, what you don't know is we love to tell. There's a sketch on the YouTubes. And it's about a guy who has an imaginary girlfriend named Juniper. So when I saw that, I screen-shotted it. Listeners, send it to Gary and Raj, and to producer Matt, who's been on once or twice. He's Gary's archanemesis on Batman and Robin. Juniper is the imaginary girl's name in the sketch. And we're always like, producer Gary's going to get a girlfriend. Her name's going to be Juniper. And Matt. Yeah. Yeah, Matt says we should name Gary's car, Juniper. Gary, what say you? Do you want to name your car, Juniper? They changed their car. People really do. Like, people do that, but why? I feel like the naming of the car is more of a girl move. I don't think he's naming cars, right? Mr. Call's her car, Pearl, because it's Pearl. For a shot, Pearl Gray is a color. So she calls her car poor Pearl. Do you call it Pearl? No. Do you say I'm going to go ride in Pearl or what? No. If I could say that one, then... Gary. But Gary, what would you date a girl named Juniper at this point? Do you have braids in your house, Gary? No. No. Who's got birds in your house? Do you got birds in your house? I feel like you have a bird in a cage, Gary. Roger. Good. First off, Gary, bring the camera up to your face a little bit. But, uh, Roger, couldn't you see Gary being a bird guy? Yeah. I feel like I hear the birds chirping in your room, man. Right. Like a harem, but they're not in here. Yeah. Do you have a sound machine that's birds? No birds. No birds. Anyway, would you date a girl named Juniper? I mean, I don't know. It's not just never about somebody's name. I think if you started, you'd be embarrassed to tell Matt not. I, I just thought it would be, like, it would be a little weird. Yeah. I don't like, but also that can't be that common of a name. Right. Juniper? Yeah. I pray at night that you'll meet a lady named Juniper. That's my prayer. I don't, I just don't think you ever lived that one down. No. Never let me live that one down. Okay. Okay. So back to Santa Jaws. So Santa Jaws is attracted only by Christmas in the evening or Christmas stuff. Right. It's so stupid, man. And it's only for, by Christmas weapons, which is Christmas weapons. They got a decorated weapon. And look how the spear became a weapon, like, gave them, like, a unicorn look. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've touched it. Yeah. That was pretty weird. Let's talk about the weaponry in this movie and the pathetic throws that these people have. Well, I feel like I could do better than them when it comes to shooting. Yeah. They just found a box labeled explosives in, like, somebody's basement or something. You'll then put all the, they're at the marina and, and put those in Christmas or nuts. And yeah, they were, they were pretty bad at throwing them. You would think, it's on, they're just trying to throw it in the water. Yeah. That was pretty good. Even when they were trying to shoot the crossbow or throw the spear, it was terrible, man. And it looked like a, a six-year-old was playing that. And the one team was trying to, like, fish them back out. After, like, they saw, he talked a bunch of them, they saw them in the water. But again, the friend was, like, trying to take them back to up. But I'm like, and just, they're going in the water. If you get in the water, Santa Jaws is eating you, right? Yeah. All right. Let me get near the water. Yeah. Okay. So conventional wisdom would be, let's just not get near the water. Let's stay in our house because Santa Jaws cannot get us in the house. Why are we going near the water? Exactly. Oh, there's no need. Okay. And here's, here's my struggle with this whole pen thing. I'm like 30 minutes in the movie and I want people to start dying. I'm like, dude, just use the pen. Dude, just use the pen. And then especially when the guy has the money and the girlfriend and the car. I hate to interrupt what you're doing now, but something very important I need to let you know about. When you purchase serious coffee beans, we want you to try to enjoy each brew for two reasons. 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Thank you, and back to our scheduled podcast. ♪♪♪ Okay, I know I just interrupted a great conversation, but my name is Brad, and you may be listening to me or any of the other talent we have on this network at HopeCast. We want to thank you for listening, but also, we want you to like and subscribe to the show you're listening to. So, when you're done listening, go on the iTunes or the Spotify and leave a great review if you like it and follow the show on Instagram and any other platforms that it's on. I think we're on TikTok, so follow us on TikTok. But make sure you leave us a review. We love good reviews here at the HopeCast Network. Now, I guess I'll let you get back to your show. I'm thinking you have time to draw all that. You know, he just wrote it down. Just write down and bring back everybody alive. So, you have to draw it, or can you just write it? He wrote it. That's how he came back. Yeah. I was wondering how he got that, because I was like, "Just don't think I threw all that stuff that well." I didn't know he wrote it. I didn't think he wrote it and break that down. Well, gosh, if we could write things, that'd be a nice pen to have. He's 7 foot. Rad is 6 foot 5. Gary has a girlfriend named Juniper, and he names his card Juniper. And then I meet him, and he's like, "You want to take a ride in my card Juniper?" And I'd be like, "Oh my gosh, he even puts Juniper on a tag." "J-U-N-I-P-E-R." Yes, Juniper. So, they're trying to get the tens from the toddler there, and he drove off like in a car, and they all get on their bikes like they're going to catch him. Like they're going to catch up to him. And then he drove to the water, because I don't know. Why? There's no other roads or something in that town. It was a drive out of town. It was a drive out of town, away from everything. Let's drive to the one place everybody's got. The water. Yeah. That water was kind of like the old insect zappers. You know, like, you know, the flies. We sitting there on the back porch, you hear it. Me? And you're like, "Got me two flies." That's really what the water is to this town. They just are drawn there. So, Santa Jalls can take, can feast on the town. I love Santa Jalls' eyes, the red eyes. Like he's got the red eyes. And he's just glowing. He's a different kind of gray. I feel like Santa Jalls would be fun to kick it with and talk Christmas stuff. Like if he wasn't going to eat me, we could, you know, play some Christmas tunes. I imagine he has like a tree in his little, like, what are they? What are they sleeping in? Maybe a little, little great white cave. Santa Jalls probably a big hit with the ladies. He comes in, they come in. He's sitting there swimming around. He turns on a little Rudolph. They're like, "Santa Jalls always loves Christmas music." What do you think? Can you imagine Santa Jalls with a lively Christmas party? And would you go to it, Raj? No, no, no, no. Redneck Santa? The killer Santa? Yeah, I'd do the party where he was hosted, man. We're just a redneck killer Santa, but not Santa Jalls? No, no, two games. But I feel like, I feel like Santa Jalls' wife of the party, man, he's telling Santa jokes. He's constantly wanting you to do Christmas stuff. You bring up Halloween, he gets mad. You bring up Shark Week on Discovery Channel. He's like, "I don't want anything about Shark Week. All I want to do is talk Christmas." And he puts that, wearing a Santa hat, producer Gary is a professional Santa in real life. Producer Gary has been Santa a few times. The hat is hard to stay on, right, Gary? The hat does not stay on very well when you're wearing the wig. Well, that stays on time. I'd say the beards of it, itchy. The beard is itchy. But Santa Jalls keeps that hat on, and it doesn't get ruined. It's not wet, it's not soppy. It just looks like it's kicking it on that fan, right? It'll be nice in 10 or 15 years when Gary's able to grow a beard and not have to use the fake one, you know? I don't think PG could actually grow a beard. I really don't. And we don't need to talk about mine and PG's trip when we went to Texas last year. I was talking about it. Yeah, we don't need to talk about that. But we had some fun times in Texas, right, PG? I can see now you've started, and I've got a hat. What? See? No. Why did you do that? He was like, "Let me open you up. Let me see if Roger takes that." What did you say we removed some of Gary's chin hairs? I'll just say we did that. Oh, because of his date. He had a hot date or met somebody, right? He did meet the lady on the airplane. He did meet the one that could not speak English. And he was just, you know, that's when he snapped at me. He's like, "Get me the translator! Get me the translator! Get me the translator! Get me the translator! Get me the translator! He could not speak to the woman that he had a little crush on. It sounds like something in this movie. Exactly. Did you know that? So it was Gary's creepy clerk? Can we already decide if he's Gary's creepy clerk? Oh, man. Oh, man. Yeah, in this movie, Roger. Why are you doing the show? It's too easy, Gary. It's too easy to decide. You're like a woman you didn't have to talk to, just like Clark. Yeah. Why wouldn't Clark had taken the money with him when he got in the car? He just left all that money he drew? And the girl. Like, I want to take the chick and be like, "Hey, man, I'm getting out of here." I would have gave him the pen. You got the money and you got the girl. Why do you need the pen anymore? What happened to the girl? Did she get erased? Like, what happened? At the end, it was a dream, right? No, it wasn't a dream. He rewrote it, right? No, you woke up. Yeah, at the very end it was a dream. He woke up on Christmas morning. Did he rewrote that to wake up on Christmas morning, right? No, he wrote Sarah Jaws, woke up and then showed the car to the girl, or Sutton. She gave it back to him and he threw it in the sire. And I'm going to send this to him. Grandpa never got the seven rolls out of the oven. Yeah, he said something about the seven rolls, but he won't actually go around. My gosh, it's time to do some quotes because I have some quotes. Yeah, that one from Cody. Ho, ho, ho, you saw the fish. You saw the fish. That was my favorite. That's the one I was going to read, I mean. We're the one with the dialogue of the parents and Clark and walk in the comic book store. Are you Clark? Who wants to know? We're Coney's parents. Hey, well, there's a shock attack in Port City. Where's Cody? This is classified information. Access grand. That was pretty good. How about Clark going? Whoa, this elf kill. It's savage. And Steve said, sometimes you've got to jump the shark. Yeah. Yeah, the Asian kid was upon a minute. Yeah, he was. The most famous life in this movie is Ho, ho, ho, you saw him in the fish. I mean, that's, shorts are not fishes, right? So that really doesn't make sense. Oh, they're mammals. They're mammals. So it doesn't really make sense. But yeah, it is what it is. I feel like this movie could be a made up movie. Like, I feel like this is something we would read and made. Gary would read on made up movie. My first thought is that two 12 year olds, you know, put this together and write this movie. You know, this stuff like a movie PG and I would put together and we're like, you know what? I got an idea about a shark and he's going to come in and he's going to be attracted only to Christmas music and Christmas weapons, Christmas weaponry. Now, do you think violent nights, Santa could beat Santa jaws in a fight? I might get with yes. I might, I might get with yes. I'd just drop something. It's on my phone here, Bill. It's like, okay, Rod, she could disagree. That's fine. Yeah, you disagree, Rod. What about when the girl like stabs the eye and pulls the red eye out? Oh, yeah. It was just, it looked like an ornament. Yeah, a little like an ornament. His eyes were ornaments, right? Yeah. I guess. There's not a lot that the special effects of this movie were not great, right? But there's just, I'm with you, Gary, you're bringing up the bike thing. How did they catch this guy in a car in their bikes? I've been wondering, I've wondered that when I was watching it. Like, how is this happening? And why would anyone jump into the water? Like, when that dude Clark falls in the water, why does the girl he like, he likes jump in too? Cause you know you're dead meat. It just, you're not, you're not living. Yeah. There was a lot of this. I did. I thought it was just like, um, like, set up. Like when they, they just find a box that's just marked explosives when they're looking for weapons to put in that. It's like, oh yeah, not just your average every day. Random box of dynamite weren't, weren't. Oh, explosives. Like in some guy's base, wherever they found it. And it was like, yeah, a lot of this, I thought was. Set up. Well, it was obvious everything set up. Okay. I thought it was believably set up. When his brother gets speared and then the dad jumps in to, to find the brother and he gets eaten. It's like, oh my gosh, I think the best kill other than the dad, than the guy on the dock who lost his leg was the mom. When he's just sitting there just eating the mom hole. I mean, that shark's going to tell mom like, oh, what, what, what? That was, uh, that was brutal. Definitely the most, that was the most intense one. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, but it was stupid because why is this shark is. What she, she was like, you took one family. He took that secret. Yeah, I'm taking the teeth out. Remember he took the teeth out. Yeah. That's why I was eating her that way and not biting her. I thought, yeah, it was like, he was bleeding out of her mouth. So he was. Yeah. I don't know. But yeah, I thought it was. This is quite possible in the shortest part I guess we've ever done because there's really not a lot in this movie to talk about. Yeah. Nothing good. It's absurd. There's no character here in this movie that like, hey, I've seen them here before. They were all, uh, done bit parts. Um, I've seen the dad and the couple of things. Um, yeah. And just nothing else was, uh, was now bought. Yeah. Nobody else. I would love to get one of these actors own work advice and just find out about Santa Jaws. I just want to dive into Santa Jaws. The name is amazing. The name itself is amazing. Nobody can deny that. Santa Jaws is a great name. Yeah. I mean, it's one of the coolest names we've done in this on this podcast movie was. Uh, so what does Santa Jaws do? If, if you were author, like, some part in, in the movie that you're pretty sure is never going to do anywhere. You're like, you know, yeah, Santa Jaws. No one's ever going to say this. It's a, it's a straight to, straight to straining one. Like, would you take it? You think, you think you do it. A hundred percent of do it. You wouldn't? Yeah. Because like I said, nobody, nobody, you know. And to the point of like, yeah, finding this movie is going to kill my career. You know. Yeah. So. And, and would you, would you tell everybody, you'd be like, oh, yeah, I was in Santa Jaws. You got to watch it. Oh, yeah. I would drop that. You, you see Santa Jaws? I'm in Santa Jaws. This is a great movie. And then y'all will be like, I saw Santa Jaws. It's, uh, behind my back. That's all it happened. Um, Roger, do you have any reviews for this movie? Yes. Well. Go ahead and jump on yours. I have this review from. Linked universe discord movie club. From 2020. We were not expecting this to be the best movie ever made. Went into this expecting hilariously bad holiday shark movie. And acquired a new son, Cody in the process. Absolutely great movie. Ten out of ten, most realistic portrayal of a teenage boy in cinema. My gosh. And we claimed a shark for the gays. So that was very also fun. Okay. You did. Oh, no. This person said, uh, an instant classic says Jake. Not going to lie. I had low expectations. Imagine a limbo bar in Hill. That's how low we're talking. However, I'm happy to say that my precon set, my preconceptions were born. This movie has it all amazing CGI, all star cast and a hundred percent genuine M 14. If you watch this movie and don't honestly fall teeth over tail with a genius story line. And pickable delivery. I think Steve wrote. I think the guy wrote this in the movie. A holiday spirit. Five stars. Seriously though. Christmas and film locally. And we watch it every year. Okay. That's from Lisa from 2022. Roger, you have anything? Yeah. Betty's girl says just no. This movie was so bad. Yet I had to watch it till the end. Then another one said, um, Elmo. Elmo. Okay. Elmo's lively. Said it was terrible. This ridiculous action for our comedy for the tweens set makes the short NATO movies look like Oscar winners. Why are there some a positive reviews from this jingle bells trash? Almost. Was it great? So yeah, that's kind of happens. Jingle Bell trash. What is this better than? Is this better than the, uh, the better I can't with that movie. What was it? Was it kinkled all the way to? Um, we watched like. Yes. Um, what's this better than that? Well, we'll get, let's get to the review. Before we, before we answer that. I want it. But before we get to that, Raj, where would producer Gary be in this movie? I wouldn't already clarify, but I asked creepy. You think it's, you think it's that part? That's who he is? Yeah. Yeah. You're talking the, yeah, he's the, uh, comic book guy. Yeah. I'm telling him, but Gary. Creepy Gary. Okay. Producer Gary. Movie torture, movie gold. What is it? I can't imagine telling anybody yet to check this out. I was, I can't imagine telling anybody yet to check this out. Us. No, it was torture. But it was. Movie torture, movie gold. So I watched part of this on my lunch break. And I followed to myself. That was the most wasted lunch break I've ever had. And then watched the end of it later after dinner with my wife who watched. 45 seconds of it and walked into the other room to watch something else. 45 seconds. That's how cute. That didn't even watch cocaine shark yet. You got to watch cocaine shark next for him. So. Well, all I know is this movie, you know, we're going to soon do a. Top or worst five movies we've reviewed so far. And this once made the top five, I'm going to go ahead and cook the clarinet. This, this is on the top five of worst movies we've done so far. Wow, Roger. You disappoint me. You're movie torture in it, right? Yeah. Okay. As the great Charles Barkley once said, this is terrible. This is terrible. Okay. I need to just throw it out there. Look, this movie is campy. This movie is straight bonkers. This is movie gold, Roger. I think it's good, man. Like, I would make this a tradition at Christmas. I've seen this movie before. I watched the second, my second viewing of this film. You've seen this movie. You've seen this movie before. I've seen this movie before Hannah recommended it. And I was like, Oh man, she wants, she's throwing out Santa jaws. Then I'll watch it, man. This is the second time I love it. It's amazing. It's so bad. It's good. I feel like we could act as good as these actors in this movie. But you know what? It's fun. You don't go in here expecting Jaws, but you get your Christmas. I would rather watch this than some of the Christmas movies on Lifetime or Hallmark Channel. You said it's your top five worst. This is probably in the middle for me. It's not the best, not top five best that I've seen. But it's definitely not the worst. And I got to say, it's better than the Meg 2, 100 times better than the Meg 2. Hour and 26 minutes, way more kills. This movie had this movie way better than Meg 2, man. Way better. Okay. So I've already got an idea before we close here. Since you like a lot of these movies and they're so horrible and you know it going into it, I declared December Hallmark. Oh, you have to watch. You have to watch at least four Hallmark Christmas movies. So we're doing this Christmas. We're doing nothing but Hallmark Christmas movies. I think that would be cool. I think that would be so cool. You're going to depress me. My wife will actually watch it. Exactly. We can come up with funny things they have to say about it. And we can do like, you know, typical Christmas movie lines and stuff like that. Yeah, we can do that. But yeah, this and answer your question. PG, this is definitely better than than what's it called with Larry the cable guy? The Christmas. All the way jingle all the way to is better than that. Mm hmm. Oh, I would love to see the shark. Larry. I'd love to do that. I have to take some Larry over this one. Oh, really? Y'all are great. There is no way you go Larry over this. At least not what it was like. You know, during the Larry movie at some point. What are you going to do when we're into Sharkula? Because we're going to be doing Sharkulas. What are you going to do when we're in the Sharks of Vampire? Roger. I'm going to be thinking like, I can't get any worse. I think you're going to be thinking Santa Jaws is a masterpiece. We'll see. We'll see. This is probably the masterpiece of all the movies we're watching this month. This one. This is the hot watermark. It's downhill after this. Oh, my God. Well, hey, for Santa Jaws, you know, I still think it'd be fun to party with Santa Jaws. Just throw it out there. We'd have him. He probably has the best eggnog, man. Like, no. Anyway, for producer Gary, for my good friend Raj, my name is Brad. We'll see you next time on Movie Torture. 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