Mojo In The Morning
Mojo Left His Wife To Poop!
This is the Mojo in the Morning podcast, powered by Michigan Auto Law, auto accident attorneys. Visit autolaw.com. That's autolaw.com. I had a very embarrassing moment happen to me yesterday, and I could be called out right now as being the worst husband ever. And I think that I'm actually, I don't know, out of 10, I'm an eight out of 10. I'm not a nine out of 10. I'm not a 10 out of 10. I'm not going to go that far, but I'm an eight out of 10. I think I would be a catch if I was a single guy today, and I'm going to tell you why. Look at my wife. I take very good care of this lady. She's an awesome person. She's my best buddy. And I think I'm a good husband, except for yesterday. So Chelsea and I, we've been so we're trying to look for things to do since we don't have kids at the house anymore. So we're trying to actually like find like some, like a commonality between the two of us. So she has decided to come over to the dark side of me and try to become a golfer, like she wants to golf. And she thinks it'd be fun to be golfing together, which by the way, most husbands and wives when they golf together, it's basically the end of their marriage because they end up fighting the entire time. Chelsea and I don't. We actually have a very nice time when we're together and we're, we're both super competitive people, but we know we're not great golfers. So we just have fun when we're out there. That's so cool. And we're spending four hours together with no cell phones, right? Lovely. So yes. And you haven't killed each other? No, it's amazing. That's impressive. It is really impressive. It's like a shapil show. So yesterday we were golfing together. And just before golf, we decided to have a little lunch and there was something on the menu that I ordered and I'm going to say what it was just for the sake that if I ever tried to order this ever again, you guys are to tell me no. I ordered egg salad. And egg salad, I haven't had egg salad since I was a kid. My mom used to make egg salad, you know, um, yeah, yes, I know I'm about 80 years old. Exactly. Well, never let me eat that again because I ended up getting so sick. I got a gluten attack that happened to me and I don't know where it was. I have no clue where the gluten, I may cross contaminated or something. And I do have a gluten allergy, a celiac allergy and with my celiac allergy comes in, it comes on, it comes on fast. So let me tell you what happens. Oh, no, we're, we're on the hold on. I don't know. My Chelsea was not feeling good this morning, too, and I wondered if maybe the egg salad got to her too. Well, so what's an egg salad that has gluten rate? That's the thing. I don't think there's any. Or did you have it on like a bread? No, I had it in a cup. I asked for no bread at all, too. What happens when you get a gluten like an allergy attack? I have to go to the bathroom. So bad. Chels. Are you feeling better? Um. Okay. Yeah. You sound like you have a cold or something. Yeah. I'm nasty cold. All right. So let me. So I'm telling the egg salad story. Oh God. So we're, we're getting up to the eighth hole and we're going up there and Chelsea actually had a really good shot. Much better shot than I did. I pretty much was giving up on the whole. I drop her off at her ball and just then oh, like that, the bubble gut starts happening. And as the bubble guts are starting to happen, I have no idea what to do and all I keep thinking to myself was there's only one more hole after this. I could probably make it to the halfway house, you know, or the clubhouse and go to the bathroom. Yeah, but you could have Delta Airlined it. Well, here's what ends up happening, Megan. I think to myself, okay, I can kind of do this a little bit. I get up off of the seat of the golf cart and just then when I got up off the seat, I'm like this. No, it didn't think. Thank God. But I said, I don't think I'm going to be able to make it through the hole in another hole. Chelsea's walking to her ball and I take off, I start driving away leaving my wife abandoned on the golf. Okay, question, thank God. Thank God. There were friends of ours, Alan and Heather that were there. What did you tell her when you were driving away? Nothing. I had to leave. I told you to go. You're making it down. I was hoping it was going to be a bright made moment, but I, Chelsea, it was awful. It was honestly the most, it was probably the most unbelievable thing I've ever had happened to me. You know how bad it is, by the way, by the angle at which you run into the bathroom. If it's this, if it's this, if it's this, it's like, if you're at a nice degree angle running in there, it's no way no. So here's the craziest. You know how sometimes I'm a talker, right? I'll talk to anybody. Chelsea gets mad at me. I'll like randomly just talk to, you know, as many random people as possible. I was praying I didn't see anybody at that time. And then you got to pray that there's nobody in the bathroom, right? No, I thought, I thought for guys you're allowed to do it, no matter what. What do you mean? You do a courtesy flush. Sometimes if you really have to go, like, go ahead, Mike, but you're literally outside of that. You don't want people to hear you. You don't know, but you don't ever want people to hear you. So there's a role in girls bathrooms that don't get about and that's, you must sit on that toilet and wait until everybody clears out the bathroom. Yes. And you know that if a girl is sitting there and she's not going to the bathroom, you have to get out. Yeah. She, she, it's going to be loud. Yeah. I've, I've destroyed some bathrooms. Yeah. And I've had battles with guys and other stalls that felt like they're just going at it. It's like, it's like versus like you play your hit, I'll play mine. The thing, the thing I think is the worst of this whole thing is that I've made so much fun of that Delta airline story that had to emergency land, that it was happening to me. So I thought I was good after that incident happening because I did go back and I met up with Chelsea. She was on the 9th hole so that she was good, but then we decided that we're going to continue to keep on playing, which by the way, yesterday Chelsea was divergentized because tell everybody what you did. Chelsea. I got 18 home. She did 18. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Cool. She, by the way, posted we on the We Don't Podcast Instagram and on Mojo in the morning Instagram, you can see our scorecard. Chelsea doesn't keep score with numbers. She keeps scores with smiley faces or frowny faces. It was great. It was great. I added a couple. Wait. Did you put a poop or what did you put on there? No. No, we just put stars. You have to go poopy yourself. Well, it happened again then on the 11th hole and I, oh my God. Interesting. You didn't know I did it. It was a gluten attack. That's why I knew it was. You missed my second best shot on the 11th when you were gone because you left me again. And I had my driver so my second hit I had to hit with the driver again and I got one of the best shots of the day. That was amazing. Now you can see that. If it wasn't for me almost, if it wasn't for egg salad, what's up, Boston? How you doing? Good man. How are you guys this morning? Good. What happened to you, Austin? No, I'm just saying this is, this is why women have long, long lines in the bathroom. You got to get in, do your job, get out or you start backing everybody up. If you're all sitting there waiting for everyone else to leave, no one's going to leave and then there's going to be a line. Yeah. Go off, Austin. Right. Listen. You're over-complicating this. I didn't say it was the right thing. I just said it was the way life is. You don't even get a cough so you don't even go too much. No. No. There's even a weird trick. There's a trick of flushing the toilet at the same time. Right. But then everybody knows what's up and it's embarrassing and then you can't leave the stall until everybody is gone. Yeah. Because then you have to flush again. Mm-hmm. So they know. No. You just sign it. As you get out before anyone knows it was you. I am not going to lie to you, Austin. I felt for my wife and I only kept thinking to myself the entire time was on a golf course. Have you ever just peed on a tree when you've golfed? Oh, for sure. Well, what do women do when they have to go? Chelsea. They have to go back and they have to go back. Yeah. You guys don't ever go. You guys don't ever just pee on trees, Charles. Mm-hmm. No. All right. There's too much of a factor of ending up with pee on our clothes. Exactly. All right. All right. All right. I will talk to you. Chelsea. I love you. I love you too, Austin. Bye, Chelsea. Bye. Bye. Bye. What's going on? I want to just make a comment about golfing at the course and having to go. My husband, father, and brother and I were golfing early one Sunday morning. I mean, we got there at like 7 a.m., and it was so early to grab coffee. Well, the coffee hit me so hard that I had to run the bathroom before going to the golf before getting on the course, and I'm the only girl there, so the bathroom was completely empty, and I had to go so bad that I forgot to pull my underwear down. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. What did you do? We just talked that bad boy in the toilet early about garbage can and we ran right out of there and we just continued about our day. So you were, you were panty-less the rest of the, the round? Don't make that text. Yeah. It was a, it was an accident. Okay. It wasn't a sexy accident. It was a gross accident. Your car accident. Yeah. I mean, the skirt had shorts underneath, so I was totally fine, but yeah, I had to be. There was no saving though, so. Oh, God. All right. By the way, coffee and did you have egg salad the night before? I'll never eat it ever again. I'm telling you, I'm done with it. Mojo in the morning. We've polished the turd, and this is what we got.