FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour 7-13-24
I don't want to hear no more of that goofy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masters. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stay by it. It's time the hell song for Andy is a good child on the way. Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. It ain't time to brighten up y'all's days. We got to lean up in the house and the rock's beret play is on the way. Jolene, it's mama, is somebody in there with you? Yeah, it's time to have some fun, there's a good time on the way. Yeah, it's time to laugh and sing, time to brighten up y'all day. We got Jolene up in the house and the rock's beret play is on the way. Juleen and the rock's beret play is on the way. This week, Jolene and the rock's beret play is on the beach. We now join Cousin Brooks as he arrives at rock's berry farms to find no one home. Where is everybody? Well, let's see here pulling up the arrows and I still don't see nobody. It seems a phone call to Jolene is in order. It seems that a phone call to Jolene is in order. Uh, that's your cue, Brooks. All right. Why did I ever give up my job at Taco Bell? Hey Jolene, this Brooks. Hey. You're on the road? You okay? Where are you? I'm here in the farm, but ain't nobody around, where y'all at? We're in Florida. We're all at the beach, what do you mean? You do realize that my 50th birthday was Tuesday. Oh, honey, yeah, I realized it. I just got wrapped up and packing and everything. I'm sorry. We all had this trip planned and, you know, just kind of got caught up in it. Well, you just completely forgot about me. One of the cousins called it all? Ain't nobody called. I'm really sorry. Well, not a y'all call. I'm sorry, okay? And we left earlier this week. Earl didn't say anything to me about y'all being gone. Yeah, who knows why he doesn't mention stuff. So, I mean, is it that big of a deal though? What's going on? Well, I got all this chicken and these steaks and they frozen, they need to get in the freezer. What? I can't sit here and let them run in my trailer forever. What did he tell you we were going to be doing for, did he tell you we were going to be doing something for your birthday at the farm? He knew we were leaving. What do you want me to? I, I want you to talk to Earl. Hang on. I'll get him. Hey, Earl, now, I don't care if you got a sand castle going, get over here, get over here and talk to Brooks. He said you told him we were doing something at the farm for his birthday. Brooks, I'm going to put you on speaker. Oh, hey, Brooks, dude. He said you told him to go to the farm and he brought perishables. Talk to him. What are you doing at the farm, man? He's supposed to be at the beach sandy dune area there. He said you told him to come to the farm. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. I never told you to come to the farm. I mean, why would I tell you to come to the farm when we're all at the beach sandy dune place? Well, don't you dare. It ain't nobody's fault, but yours, Earl. This whole misunderstanding is your fault, right? Brooks, I'm sorry for all this. I hope your feelings aren't hurt. Well, what beach are all at? Are you close enough? Will you come to the house? No. We're all the way down in Rosemary Beach. We've been here all week. Guys, we'll be back in a couple of days. Tell me where the key is at. Don't you all got a key outside somewhere? Earl's got a key to the bunkhouse. Earl, where's your key? Okay, yeah. There's a key to my place in the box that says "Spare keys, clever, huh?" No, that's not clever. It's dumb. I moved it away from there. It's under that big flower pot to the right. Well, uh-uh. I'll find it. I know it's somewhere around here. It's under the big flower pot to the right. I've been there a whole bit of a job hiding this key. Okay, you found it. Just let yourself in to the bunkhouse. Okay? Well, I'm just going to get up in here and take me a nap then. All right. Who's popcorn is this? Can I have his kettle corn? Oh, yeah, man. That kettle corn has been there a while. You can have it if you can force it down. Don't eat it, Brooks. Look, I'm sorry for the Constitution. Just wait for us to get back and we'll have a post-birthday cookout. We'll smoke some meat and maybe something else. All right. I'll see y'all at a while. We'll be there Tuesday morning. All right. Well, don't leave me hanging now. We love you, man. Love y'all too. Y'all take care. Wait, wait, Earl. Don't let him hang up. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. Jolene says you've got a tagline. Let him turn the road, info. Earl, you can head back down the beach now. You've caused enough confusion for one day. Okay. Time to put the finishing touches on this sandcast. Oh, no. Oh, man. I need the tyco, sir. Oh, the humanity. Okay. So, welcome to the show, everybody, and as do you have Gabby. Okay, so, welcome to the show, everybody, and as you have gathered, we're not, we're not in the studio this week. We were actually going to just launch right into a best of, but as usual, we kind of got off track. So, what we did, we went through our emails and Facebook messages and text messages and phone calls and everything. Um, heck, ever since we brought the show back on the air here on FM Talk 1065. And we combed through everything and we just picked out a bunch of stuff that you guys said that you really love and that really made you laugh and that you would really like to hear again. So that's what we're going to do. So get ready for the best of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour from all the Roxbury players to you. You are listening to the best of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. No, really. And now, another song parody by the Roxbury players, which means we didn't write the good part. Hello. Hey, Adeline. It's me. Listen, my mom was coming over dinner and I thought- What do you mean your mother's coming over for dinner? You heard what I said. She's coming. Yeah, I just got in from the beach. The girls and I've been gone all day. Yeah, I think a nice catch roll, maybe. Yeah, but you must be out of your mind. That hot kitchen is the last place I want to be right now. There ain't no way I'm going in there to throw a meal together. Listen, you get your temple and little tuck us into that kitchen and cook up something for mom. Honey, I ain't no shape to cook right now. We'll be there at seven. No, whatever. I've had several beers. Now I'm too lit to boil up the rice. I mixed the cornbread with red wool and threw in a stale pizza slice. It looked good to me. Instead of every day seasoning, I just poured in some of his old fives. Hey, honey, I'm hungry. Hell, my husband has pissed at the smoke from my kitchen fire. What's going on in here? Well, I guess I was too stoned. I should have stopped drinking hours ago, but then I remembered that last night he called me a ho. But you know, I meant that as a compliment, honey, my insurance man said he canceled our policy. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Now my husband has pissed at the smoke from my kitchen fire. I like bringing in some ale beer. Dang it. What's the number for 911? Where's the phone? The broccoli, potatoes, the salad, ain't happening today. Calm down, mama. She's going to fix something for her. The dishes are stacked up, sinks backed up. I'm jacked up. I just don't care. You know what happens? You're always all done, bitches. Because I used his chew toy for a centerpiece. Is it all right to eat cream puffs that have been on the ground? You're being a beaten dog. Just dust them off a little bit. They'll be all right. Your husband has pissed at the smoke from your kitchen fire. Your husband has pissed at the smoke from your kitchen fire. My husband has pissed at the smoke from my kitchen fire. How can I make it up to you? What do you mean get you a bear? Hey, it's Dan Kelly to New York. Jolene, if you're listening, just remember, you guys are not allowed back in our offices. I'm serious. Your pictures are still posted in the lobby, and that video of Earl T taking a whiz in the fountain out front. Not funny. I'm kind of dumb posting it up on YouTube. You probably won't make it past security this time, but if you do head this way, just call me first. Okay? It's the Jolene Roxbury show. Serving you is what's most important at A&A. A&A vacuum. This is David. David, it's Jolene. Hey, my cousin bought a vacuum from you guys last year. They took it with them when they moved to Northern Idaho. They got a caribou farm now. She said her husband had used their bright, shiny vacuum cleaner to vacuum out where the caribou sleep at night. You know full well. When he walks around there, he's getting caribou poop on his shoes. So now it's all up in the vacuum. There's nobody up there who does service like A&A. There's nothing like the personal service you'll receive from A&A. She's going to ship the vacuum cleaner to you guys poop and all. Can you take care of it? It is dirty. Yeah. Thanks. We can get rid of that awful odor. Apologize from sending you something so nasty. We get that all the time. We do not mind it all. Whatever's best for you. A&A vacuum. Cottage Hill Road, just west of university. Guests of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour stay at that big fancy hotel downtown. The rest of us stay at the Motel 3. Mmm. Stame shrimp from D.I.P.C. Food for dinner. It doesn't get any better than that. Mmm. Let's see. How many pounds? How many pounds? Hey, hey, wait. You've got to leave some shrimp for everybody else. We got out of a custom as you know. Oh, you again? What do you have anything else that would be easy for me to prepare? Are you kidding me? Have you seen our freezer? We got crawfish pie. Bone is chicken pressed stuff with crab meat. Ooh, onto a sausage crawfish pie? Oh, pork or crawfish booed in. And how about some shrimp and crab chowder? All you gotta do is heat it up. Yummy. Oh, and remember that D.I.P.C. Food has the best boiled crawfish around. Hands down the best boiled crawfish. I got enough now to host my own seafood festival. I think you'd need a permit for that. Mmm. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Close that freezer door. Okay. When you raised it up on, I gotta pay for that electricity. You need to chill. I don't. You. Get it. Freezer. Chill. D.I.P.C. Food. 4790123. This portion of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour is brought to you by Ricks on a stick, where everything is fried on a stick. You pick a stick. You go to the buffet table. Stick your stick into what you pick. Chicken, hot dogs, apples, candy bars, then you take what you picked on your stick and stick your pick in the deep fryer. When it's done, pull it out, then link what you picked for your stick and stick it in your kisser. Sicks on a stick. They're thick with hicks, getting their kicks with sticks. This is Earl T. and you're listening to the best of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. This is Earl T. and you're listening to the best of the Jolene Roxbury variety. Yeah. The best of what? Please leave message after toll. Hello, Jolene. Yes. This is Bill. Bill of Davis. I hope you're doing well. I do have to tell you, Jolene. Mother and I really enjoy your show. Mother especially likes you personally. Well, you know how mother doesn't really care for anybody. Anyway, nothing much going on up here, just sitting on the deck listening to your show. You know, and mother decided she wanted a garden this year, Christopher and I, we're looking to go to a pickle making class tonight up at the community center. You should come up there, Jolene. I mean, you've got plenty of time to get up here. You know, we ain't leaving until about four o'clock because mother still has to pick up her teeth. We've been waiting on them for about a week and, you know, she just won't go anywhere without them. But, you know, at her age, I don't see how it really matters, but, you know, she's got her vanity, you know. But she says every time she goes out without her teeth, you know, she always runs into somebody that she knows, you know. So, anyway, we're picking those up. But we're making mimosas and putting them in those big, high-lying tumblers, and it's just a good time we're going to have, and, you know, no one will know what they are, you know, in those big tumblers, the mimosas, no, but anyway, thanks a lot, Jolene. Hopefully we'll see you. [Music] Saturday at Walmart, 20,000 people pushing 20,000 cards. Where do all these people come from? Perhaps I'll find a short line. Hey, Express means less than 20, that looks more like 99. Hey, hey, Aquanae. What in God's name is going on up there? That woman has way too much stuff, and just look at all that hair. Hey, Aquanae. She's talking on her cell phone, cussing someone named Clayton because he's always stoned. Hey, Aquanae. Nobody wants to hear all that. A 12 pack of beer, three pairs of underwear, and a hacksaw, 50 cans of old Roy Dog food and a silk ficus tree, and stay-free maxi pad. Four pounds of Velveeta Mexican style, some headache powders, and some X-lax. Where are the cigarette, five sippy cups, some ham hocks, and a fitness magazine? There's just too much stuff going on up there. I'll be in here forever. Good news! It's time for our annual vacation. Hey! Where would you like to go? I want to go to the Grand Canyon. Oh, I'm sorry. We can't afford to go to the Grand Canyon. Aw. But we can't afford to go to Larry's Canyon. Yay, Larry's Canyon. Hi, I'm Larry of Larry's Canyon. 15 years ago, I dug the very first Larry's Canyon, and now the franchise has grown to canyons in seven states. Now we're looking to expand again. If you think you'd like to own your very own Larry's Canyon Canyon, all you need is a desire to succeed, a shovel, and $30,000. We'll send you everything you need to get started, including blueprints of your canyon, red pre-printed tickets, and of course, the legendary Larry's Canyon name. Turn your backyard into a tourist attraction. Join the Larry's Canyon family today. Then you too will be earning big bucks from people who don't know quality attractions from a hole in the ground. Weather emergencies can strike like a bolt from the blue. Storms, floods, hurricanes, tornadoes, is your family safe? Is it? The adventure outdoors, tuned into Big News Weather Central, now with live-in-fear Doppler. Only live-in-fear Doppler warns you of storm conditions that could snap telephone halls like matchsticks, flinging them through the air at hundreds of miles an hour. Mom, I wait for soccer practice. Don't open the door. Don't open the door. Check first with live-in-fear Doppler, only from Big News Weather Central. Mom, it's starting to rain. It's your lean-rock spirit of Orion Hour. Coming this summer, a warm summer's evening in the south. People enjoying a pleasant conversation, then they appear. At first, there is just a few, then there is thousands, millions, millions, don't miss the kiddos. Hello 911, where is your emergency? I'm in the bathroom. Sir. Ma'am. Sir. Ma'am. You're gonna have to talk a little bit louder, sir. I cannot understand you. I can't, this is Bill Caddo. I'm in the bathroom, a condo. When's the problem, ma'am? My husband has overdosed on those man vitamins, you know? Man vitamins. Are those pills that make men happy? Oh, okay. You talk about those pills on the TV where that ugly man is playing golf with that really big club, with that goofy look on his face. That's the one in his overdosed, and for the past four days he's been just enhanced. I can't stand it anymore. We're on vacation. I must ask you again, where is your problem with that? Well, then we're on vacation. I've got friends over. What would you like for me to do? Would you like for me to send over some other people or perhaps some cocktails and food to your house or something? Absolutely not. I've got shopping to do. Well, ma'am, where are you at? I'm in my condo. I don't know. Good use of track and charge. Well, we do not have that. This is not Lieutenant Uhora, okay, ma'am? What? You're gonna have to let me know your location. I don't know the address. I've got shopping to do. Well, ma'am, I am not being rude, okay? I am simply trying to help you. I do not understand that this is not an emergency. Here's to me. We're trying to play cards up in here. I'm looking at my bulletin board right now and it's saying this did not make the list of emergencies. I mean, I don't say nothing about a woman being locked up in her bathroom with her husband wanting to get his freak on for four days in a row, okay? Well, that's just... You have to just go home. No, I'm not going home to HR stiff and stuff. He's making me crazy. I'm just going to go home and take care of your business. I'm trying to. Like everybody else does. I need some help. I've got to hang up now, ma'am. Don't you dare leave me. I cannot talk with you anymore, ma'am. It's against the rule. Don't hang up. No. Don't hang up on you now. No. Don't hang up. No. Hell. The best of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. I know it sounds kind of silly when you start thinking about it too hard, huh? Thanks to the new social media like Facebook, people are communicating more than ever before. With just a few clicks, we can learn what folks are doing anytime of the day. Eating, brushing teeth, watching TV, walking the dog, and all sorts of boring, tedious details that nobody cares about. If you're sick and tired of all this social media bringing you a never-ending stream of blather, then try out the new, anti-social media. If you're tired of Facebook, we have But Book. When somebody sends you a message, I'm currently cleaning between my toes. They receive a picture of you giving them the moon. If the bird brains on Twitter are driving you nuts, try Buzzard Squawk. Every time someone posts some inane comment, I just want a precision typing our watch. A virtual truck runs over and it's devoured by a virtual buzzard. Then there's the ultimate anti-social media program, Hermitware, install it into your computer, and it ejects the motherboard. Ah, now that's peaceful. To order your anti-social media, go bother somebody else. Leave me alone, don't talk to me always. Springtime, stress time, pollen on my mind time, Gotta hide and stay inside. Bad allergies can't go outside. CBS or Walgreens think I need some histamines. These cough drops taste like apple pie, I'd better ask the RX guy. I don't know what I'm buying. I've started hearing voices, there's too many choices. Points and tails meet over there. I just stand and start to stare. What a list! Look at this! Can't comprehend my brain's a beast. Gay quill, night quill, gel caps and some purple pills. Creomotion, sign your tab, plain Tylenol. Just makes me mad. Row with tuss and seep a stat, white mini skirts make me look fat. Alka, seltzer, cold plus, Advil, cold and sinus. They're a flu, vapor, steam, phenyl, propanelamine, a hot shower, works best to just go home and get some rest. I don't know what I'm buying. I've started hearing voices, there's too many choices. Glow-a-septic nucinex, if I can't breathe, I can't hit six. A conicia vitamins, I'll stock up on some claritins. They're the drillin' suit of FedEx 44. I'll take a hit. Took a bunch of airborne, but that stuff isn't worth a sh*t. Going into the airborne or all the Kleenex, I'm throwin' across the roof. I've ordered kinds of nasal spray, hauls and honey citrus. Hey, effervescent tablets, gotta take what I can get. Expectorin', and I could then bear is a vintage brand, comtrex, chorosied, and starve a cola fever feedin'. Fluids, anguofenicin, racole cubes, and shots of gin, my Cajun family starting me on homemade herbal therapy. Took sutifedrin, HCL, post nasal drips, too bad as hell, confused I don't know what to buy. Is this how I'm supposed to die? I've built a water-buying, I've started hearing voices, there's too many choices. I have a high-strung college student, and I listen to the Jolene Roxbury variety hour, 'cause, I mean, they're all weird and unbalanced, just like me. That's it. And my tuition costs so much money. There's the answer I was looking for. The best of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. I know, it sounds kind of silly when you start thinking about it too hard, huh? No, Jim. It's not really. Not really. There's some best besteses, whatever. Welcome back, everybody, and this is the bestest of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour, because every Roxbury player and some extended extraneous marginal people are at the beach. So what we do is we comb through the emails, text messages, Facebook Messenger, all the little requests we get along the way of stuff that you love, stuff that you'd like to hear again. Honey, 'cause you turned that down just a wee bit. Thank you. So keep in mind that you can reach out to us, and we will get you on that list. And when we go back snorkel and looking for favorites, we will have yours, because it really comes in handy when we need to put something together quickly, you know, if something happens and somebody's sick or somebody's out of town, a very integral person, or in this case, when we are all gone, which rarely happens, but sometimes it does. I needed a break after everybody got away from me after the July 4th extended stay, but guess what? That's right. They followed me to Florida, so ever what? It's fine. I love them all. We sure hope you're enjoying the show, so let's keep rolling. This one was sent in by a lady that said she needed some refreshers on a couple of Alec Neiman recipes, and I think one was for meat rub. So that's coming up too. So here we go. Greetings everyone, it's Belle Cajoe. Welcome to Belle's Beachside Kitchen. And over to my right, the only man allowed in my kitchen. The inevitable Mr. Alec Neiman. Hey Miss Belle, how you doing today? Fabulously. How do you have donations for us today? All right, now I've got a wonderful strawberry avocado salsa. Oh, you can do anything with it. You can dip your chips in it, you can serve it over your fish, you can serve it over your pork chops. Oh, it's just wonderful no matter what you do with it. Well, first you start off by taking some jalapeno peppers. Now I advise you to wear some rubber gloves. I have some right here, they're fresh out of the package, Alex. And believe me, they've never been used, they're for housework. She doesn't do any. Mind your business. And you remove the stem, you take the seeds out, you cut it in the ribs, you know, just a little julienne slices. And then you finely chop that up, and still don't touch your eyes because they'll put you on fire. In a bowl now, you want to stir in those jalapenos, chop you up some fine strawberries, get you some good chopped onions, some fresh cilantro, some lime juice, some sugar, some salt, and of course an avocado. Now you just take the avocado, your peel it, your deseed it, you scoop the pulp out of it. You mix all this together, you chop it up really, really fine, you mix it all together with a little zine lime zest and some salt. And next thing you know, you got your wonderful strawberry avocado salsa. It got a little bit of savory, got a little bit of sweet, serves over anything really, really nice. I like to grill some fish with this one, so this is a good recipe, keep this one in your hands. Sounds absolutely delicious, Alec, I've got some amberjack in the freezer, and this will go perfectly with it, and a nice bottle of chardonnay. We'll see you next week, darling. Yeah, darling, we'll see you next week. And for other great recipes, you know, you can contact Alec at namenscatering.com. Belle, I'll see you next week. Yes, you will. Ciao, ciao, ciao, girls. Oh, man, we got a good one here, but we can't tell her. Why not? If they just post a smoke. What on earth are you making? Tell y'all how to make some magic dust. Oh, my gosh, if this is the same magic dust you put on your ribs, delicious. What other meat says it good for? It's not a wonderful recipe, any pork, chicken, steak, fish. It's easy, it's two tablespoons of each of the following items, so listen up. Pepperica, chili powder, dried mustard, kosher salt, sugar, cumin, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, and black pepper. And there you have it. Once more again, paprika, chili powder, dried mustard, kosher salt, sugar, cumin, granulated garlic, cayenne pepper, black pepper, and there you have it. Oh, yeah. Good day. I'm Regina Wainwright. This is lesson number 41A on how to converse in Alabama, USA. When conversing with an Alabamaian, you must keep in mind that it is a common occurrence for consonants to be left totally out of a word for no apparent reason. Whereby, leaving behind a conglomeration of vowel sounds likened only to the sound of a mother-wielder beast defending her calf against a pack of wild dogs. These words are often referred to as condensed words. Try to identify the condensed word in the following sentence. Skeeter was sick today, but I'm certain he'll be I tomorrow. Did you identify the condensed word? Let's listen again. Skeeter was sick today, but I'm certain he'll be I tomorrow. If you said all right, you're 100% I'd. Let's move on to this lesson's definition. The term "tor up" is in itself incorrect grammar. As in the sentence, while on her smoke break, Diane was served with a restraining order, but it was "tor up" by the time she got back to her post in the toddler room. The term "tor up" can also function as an adjectival phrase in the same sentence, meaning broken, upset, thus, Diane was "tor up" over the fact that her smoke break was ruined when she was served with a restraining order. There is also an occasion for a condensed version of "tor up" when, as is tradition, the central consonant "r" is removed, resulting in the term "tor up", a phrase that carries essentially the same meaning and can serve the same functions. However, the term "tor up" is most often used to describe the state of being exceedingly intoxicated, as in "loid" came in at four o'clock this morning "tor up" as a homeless person's bicycle. Did you notice that the term "tor up" was actually comparing two nouns? In this sentence, it is made clear to the reader that "loid" and his bicycle were both exceedingly "tor up". That's it for today's lesson on how to converse in Alabama, USA. I'm Regina Wainwright. Join us next time, won't you? It's the best of the Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour. Greetings, Sean. Did I say your name correctly? Yeah, you did, and I gotta say, I'm pretty fired up about having you on the show when Dalton said Miss Piggy was on the line. I really didn't even believe him. Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait just a minute, and Dalton, by the way, good job on the beeping on the fly right there, the sensor there. Miss Piggy, this is a live show for a general audience, families, and all that. At least I'd try to keep it that way, so you're gonna have to tone it down, and I'm assuming you're calling in to talk about the Muppet Show. And wait, wait a minute, yeah, I don't even know what that is. Oh, God. Megahertz, more commonly abbreviated as E-M-H-Z, is a unit of alternating current, AC, or electromagnetic E-M wave frequency equal to 1 million Hertz. Kermit, is that you? The Megahertz is commonly used to express microprocessor clock speed. I would think with your expertise in the field of radio, you would know when Megahertz is shown. I'm familiar with the word, I've just never heard it used in that context, so it's good to have you both on the show. Oh, stuff a sock in it, Sullivan, and hello, 1979 called, and they want their stupid song back. Stop playing it, I'm sick of it. I heard your comments this morning, not funny, just like all the other bottom feeders in the media. Oh, I may be a pig, but I don't like mud slinging, and you media types are always looking for dirt. What do you make me sick? Ms. Piggy, wait. Do you want to know the real reason Kermit and I are splitting up? It, didn't you have an affair with Beaker? That is not true, we're just friends. Sean, I have to agree. Well, Piggy does have an affection for Beaker-shaped accessories. She remained true to our vows. The truth is, I am a Hollywood liberal, and my Kermit is quite the conservative. Sean, the only thing I am liberal with is the barbecue sauce. You say what I have to put up with? Wait, I had no idea you enjoyed discussing politics, I'd love to have you back on the show. I can have you over for dinner when you're in town. Just remember, don't make a pig of yourself. No! There have been many great improvements made in automobiles in the past few years, mostly due to the use of plastics. Now the ultimate car is here, introducing the Tupper Car. Pull it into the plastic seat and close the plastic door. Don't forget to burp it and make it airtight. Inside the Tupper Car, you and your passengers will stay fresh, even on the longest drives. And we can take any amount of snacks with this and they won't spoil. Say, honey, how about a little kiss? Fresh! Wow, even I'm fresher in my Tupper Car. The Tupper Car's unique design allows you to stack several Tupper Cars in your garage where you could originally only park one automobile. Let's see, should I drive my lime green, lemon yellow or peach peach Tupper Car today? And the Tupper Car is tough. Let's run this Tupper Car into a brick wall at 55 miles an hour. All right, open her up. Everybody okay in there? Gosh, yes. And we've maintained our original color and Christmas. The Tupper Car sold only at Tupper Car Parties. To be a Tupper Car dealer, just call 1-800-555-BERP, Tupper Car, automotive excellence is finally all sealed up. This is your OT and you're listening to the best of the Jolien Roxbury Variety Hour. I mean, right now, me talking, that's the best. It is not. Stay tuned, we'll be right back. The best of the Jolien Roxbury variety hour. I know it sounds kind of silly when you start thinking about it too hard, huh? Welcome back, everybody. Thanks so much for spending time with us. It's a lot more fun when you're around. I don't care what anybody says, don't you believe them? You're fun. And you know what, even if you're not, we're still glad you're here. Because we know that if you're listening, you need us. You need endorphins in your life. And like we always tell folks, endorphins, they're not in the water. They are released when you laugh. In the same way, endorphins are released when you exercise, for example. But we don't want you to lift a finger. Endorphins just, they're there to make you feel better. Some of you may really be sick of hearing me talk about bugs, you know, we talked a lot about the cicadas, and we're going to continue to do that. I have not heard the first one yet up here at the farm. But I know they're there. I know they're coming. I have spies, people reporting in all up and down the I-65 corridor. I thought I heard one last night. But it wasn't. It was, I think it was a frog. I'm not sure. All of this, this move has been a bit of an adjustment. And we were on Dog River, the studio and everything, was on Dog River. And you know, we had bugs down there, but not like this. This is completely different. And you may remember this. I actually reached out for help, some guidance in that department way before we ever moved up here full time. Yeah, hey, good morning. My name is Jolene Roxbury. How you doing this morning? I'm going fine, how are you? Doing great. Um, I got a radio show. We have a bug problem in the studio. I've got a lot of folks that eat in the studio and you know, I know that's attracting bugs, but also maybe the seasons changing, doing something, I don't know, but it's grabbing me nuts. Okay. I was kind of hoping you could go over a list with me of the bugs you treat, because some of the stuff that's coming in here, I've never seen these bugs before. I mean, not even on Discovery Channel. So do you have a list you could run down? I'll be glad to do that. We treat roaches and six week spiders, rats, mice, silver fish, military trigger, earwigs, everything. Earl who? Earwigs. Earwigs. You mean like they go down in your ear? No. No. Uh oh. Well, my grandma used to tell me about this bug that would crawl down in your ear while you're sleeping. He used to scare me to death. Hey, if they're bad and it's your like little roaches, it's your bite. Roaches will bite you? Whew. And a good friend of mine has a cosmetics company and she said, "You know how you'll sleep in your makeup sometimes?" And she said, "You wake up and one eye has mascara on it and the other one doesn't." She said that there are these bugs, these little micro bugs or something that will actually eat the mascara off your face. Okay. I know mice getting your hair and mice can't getting your beans and mattress, too. I don't know about the mascara, but that's true of mice you can't do, mice can eat your whole mattress. Are you saying mice? No, mice. M-I-T-S. Oh. M-M-M-M. Oh gosh. You all got pictures of them things at your office? Oh, yes, we sure do. Yes, ma'am. That's really true. They're awful. Okay. And my contract will cover every bug all of them. Oh, just every day. Just every day. Sympied, millipede, everybody. Sympied and millipede. Is that like, is that metric measurements of bugs? Which means? Well, like, metric, like milli and I can't. Yeah, it's like a lot of leaves on them. Yeah. Yeah. Which one of them has more legs? Millipede or centipede? That's a good question, ain't it? Yeah. One I'd like the answer to. All right. Let's talk about the roach coverage. What you got? Yeah, five different type roaches and they include like, um, American roaches, brown roaches, German roaches. German roaches? German roaches is real bad. Like on Hogan's Heroes. Just like all rental roaches, mocha brown roaches and you know the tree roaches, I think I'm the big, I'm thinking that's a miracle roaches, I believe. Miracle roaches? American. Okay. And I'm covered for all of them. Um, yeah. Okay. Now, what about those big roaches outside? Oh, yes. Okay. And then most time when they come in, they die and find a way to do the, where the tree roaches are, no definite. Tree roaches? The ones that fly? Yes, ma'am. Oh, gosh. This is, this is not good. We've got some bugs coming in here. Look like they're wearing football helmets. Oh my gosh. Yeah. They're huge. What's your name? Jolene Roxbury. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right. Well, I'm sure we're going to use you guys. I've heard a lot of good things about you. So, um, I'll get with you later on. Yeah, just give us a call. And look, thanks for all your help. Oh, you're welcome. All right. Talk to you soon. All right. You know, it's starting to interfere with my routine and I think sometimes the bugs try to lull you into a false sense of security. They'll go away for a few minutes. I stepped outside late afternoon, a couple of days ago. I was going to have Adeline over, uh, we're going to grill some chicken out on the grill. And these gnats just descended upon me. This big black moving cloud. And they go straight from my face. I left a message with Adeline telling her, "I can't deal with this. There's bugs out here. You need to turn around and go back home." She wasn't having it. Hey. The same look. I know you told me there's some bugs flying around up there, but look, you're just going to have to put on your big girl drawers and cook the food anyway because I'm on my way. All right. The plan was to grill chicken Friday night. I thought, "Hey, it looks so nice outside. Wasn't long before I changed my mind." Look, there's an old beekeeper suit around here. A zillion black gnats invaded my space. This outdoor spray is such a wave because they're still in my face and citronella does nothing. This country life takes acclimation, y'all. The only time I like is fall. The other seasons blow. Maybe the bugs are getting ready for the holidays. These bugs have taken a toll on me. Nothing I buy will keep these things away. Okay. I won't let them get the best of me. I have no choice. I want a grill because I don't fry anymore. Not even shrimp? No. They have some oysters for a poll boy. No. Told my potato chip. No. Well, I think that's just terrible. The rest of us have to suffer just because you're watching what you eat. That is just totally unfair. Are you going to eat your chicken tenders if they taste like deep woods off? Hell no. Okay then. Did you know that Joe Lean and the Roxbury players do their entire show in the nude? It's a good thing we never installed that with him. Y'all, the struggle is real. I'm sorry. It's going to do it for us. We will meet you guys right back here next week. Remember to go to FMTalk1065.com. That's where the podcast lives in addition to our Facebook page. You can still catch us if you miss us. Or if somebody was making a lot of noise or talking to you the whole time you were trying to listen to the show. Podcast. There you go. Have a great week. Meet us right back here. See you soon. The Jolene Roxbury variety hour contains copyrighted material and cannot be duplicated or rebroadcast in whole or in part without the express written consent of Macadow Productions. Join us next time on the Jolene Roxbury variety hour. [MUSIC]