FM Talk 1065 Podcasts
Jolene Roxbury Variety Hour - 6-29-24
[music playing] The following broadcast is brought to you live and in color. I don't want to hear no more of that goofy talk. Shield of the talk and all you got to do is be a good listener. Popular radio entertainment for the masses. Sweet Jesus, please let this work. Stabilize. Yeah! [music playing] It's time the hair song for Andy is a good child all the way. [music playing] Yes, it's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up y'all's days. We've got to lean up in the house and the rocks barely is on the way. Jolene, it's mama. If somebody had bear with you. It's time to have some fun. There's a good time on the way. It's time to laugh and sing. Time to brighten up y'all's days. We've got Jolene up in her house and the rocks barely is on the way. [music playing] Welcome back to the show. Hope you guys are having a great weekend. And Jolene Roxbury, thank you for sharing some of your time with us. We really appreciate it. We know you have lots going on. You know the weekend is the time where we have to cram in everything we can't get done during the week. Or at least we try to. But you know, I have tried not to try to do so much. You know, that kind of, I found myself stressing out really badly during the week. Because I had this list and I would add to the list the things that I needed to do on the weekend. And I realized that there wasn't any room for me on the weekend. You know, so if your honey do list for yourself is really long for the weekend, give yourself a break. Take a couple of those things that are doable. And get those done. But you got to make room for some fun. If it means go purchase a slip and slide, I hope they still sell those. Do they still make slip and slides, Jim? You remember the slip and slides, don't you? The long strip of vinyl, you stake it out in the grass. Not the driveway. That would hurt. You put it in the grass, scored it down with some dishwashing soap, a little bit of water. There you go. Slide your travels away. You put the sprinkler on, kind of close by. Point is, have some fun this weekend. We are officially in the summertime now. The official summer season, which for us, you know, down here, that's hurricane season too. Oops. Didn't mean to say that. But hey, it's a reality. We have to deal with that too. But just make sure you have a little fun this weekend. Plan a short trip, even if it's just an overnight trip. Do a little boating, a little fishing, a little swimming, a little drinking of the adult beverages. And just a few. And I've been trying to get my mom on the phone because I have a box of beach wear. I had, for some reason, I still have it over at her house. I think I took it over there when I was painting one of the bedrooms. See if I can get my dad to bring it downstairs. Jim, has she called back? Oh, she is. Great. True. Hi, Jolene. It's Mama. Have you been trying to get me? I have. I have. I just need to come by the house and pick up a box. It's a box of clothes. I think I left in the guest room closet. Well, I'm home, but, you know, I can't climb up in there and get anything for you. My back's really hurting me. That's OK. Where's Daddy? Oh, he's upstairs playing battleship with the dog. Oh, come on. He's not playing battleship with the dog. What's he doing, really? No, seriously, he taught Smockers how to play battleship. Why do you do this to me? What is he doing? You don't believe me? I don't. You don't believe me. I do not believe that Daddy is playing a board game with the dog. No. Well, just lift up. Hey, Jolene, sweetie. Yeah? Are you coming by the house? Wasn't planning on it. No. You sunk my battleship. No kibbles and bets for you tonight. Can you hear it? Yeah. Yeah. So can everybody else. You believe me now? No, I don't believe it. Well, you just need to come over and see for yourselves. Have you talked with your sisters at all? Not everybody. How about your brother? Yeah, but about what, specifically? Well, we've all decided to go on a vacation and we need you to do a few things while we're going. Where are you going? We're going down to Miami to see your friend Jade, the one with all those Italian Greyhound dog things. Yeah, they're not things. They are dogs. They're whippets. So what are you doing? Are you all going to fly down there? All of you? You know your dad can't fly. You're confusing, can't and won't. Okay, well, excuse me. He won't fly. So you tell me you're going to drive? Yeah, I will be taking your sister's big ass RV. I asked you to stop saying big ass on the air, would you? RV. Who's RV? You didn't know your brother-in-law bought an RV? No. Well, they got an RV. Well, good for them. It's not just any RV either, it's a big ass RV. Hey, would you stop? Class A, baby. Okay, it's big. Nothing but the best for them, you know? 40 feet of rolling luxury. I swear, Julian, the bathroom in that thing is nicer than the guest bathroom at your house. And they always keep plenty of toilet paper in it. You know, you really should keep an eye on that bathroom a little bit more often. Okay. Your cat poops in the bathtub in there. Okay. Look, really? Please, I'm begging you. Would you get to the point? You've got to stay over here and watch the house after we're all gone. I don't want to stay at your house. Hey, and how come I wasn't invited? We figured you had to work. I can work remotely. Well, we need somebody to stay over and watch all of the houses while we're gone. Everybody's house? And you're going to have to pick up all the mail. All of it. Please. You know, I'm not doing that. What makes you think I could? Because you have the most flexible schedule. That's why. Again with the flexible schedule. You know, it's not as flexible as you all think it is. Honey, have you seen my bedazzler? You're what? My bedazzler. Mom. The last time I had it, we were over at your house. I whole sheet threw that thing out. And I think I left it over there. No, I don't have it. Well, it's not here. Well, it's not here either. I've looked all over the house for it. I guarantee you, it's not here. I believe a stray bedazzler would stand out around my house if it was just laying around. What do you need it for? I need to add a little bit more bling to my new athletic suit. Oh, the dark one. Black is very slimming, you know. Yeah. It's a good look. Oh, yeah. We're all riding in the RV to Miami. Ain't no way I'm riding locked up with you in that RV. Hey, would you guys please don't call the show and do that on the air. It's horrible. It makes me think of my childhood. I'm getting a really, really bad headache. Can I do something for you, Mom? I guess I'll be coming over for you to give me a spray tan before I go. No, no, no, no. Yeah. You've still got that airbrush tanning machine thing, don't you? Uh-huh. With that big pop-up booth with the fan in it and all that. Yeah, yeah. How about I come over tonight? Oh, no. Yeah, we'll kind of do a run through. No, don't do that. You're going to get an idea of how many coats you're going to need to spray on me. I'd really rather not do that. Really rather not. Oh, whoa. I'll call some of the girls from my bridge club. No. And I'll bring them too. No, no. You don't, please don't do that, Mama. That way we can all have a nice, healthy glow for Bingo tomorrow night. No. You know, they have salons that do that sort of thing. I just do it here for convenience. Joe, would you go get a box of wine out of the garage? Oh, great. More alcohol. That's always a good idea. Yeah, all right, baby. We'll be there about seven. Oh, good. Now, let's say you put out some cheese and crackers and maybe some nice deli meats. We'll probably be hungry when we get there. Diane, I'll leave the gate open for you. We're going to be in Myrna's Escalade, so make sure there's room in the garage. Okay. I don't want her leaving her luxury vehicle outside and having your dog pee all over it like they do my car. Yes, ma'am. All right, honey. Okay. Thanks for being such a sweetie. All right. Where else are you so? Okay. Love you, baby. Love you, mom. Joe, you better go get that wine before it gets dark. That's when the mice come out. All right, all right, I'm going to quit your yappin. Hi. I'm a high-strung teenager, and even I listen to the Jolene Rock's very variety hour because they're all unbalanced, emotional, and weird. Just like me. You're working my last nerve. You know that. You're playing on the microphone, Jim. Finding great candidates to hire can be like, well, trying to find a beetle in a haystack. How do we get in the haystack? He notices wrong. We can put a haystack in the studio. You could post your job to some job board and hope you come together with something that makes you say, "I want you." Are you sure this is hay? What else would it be? Well, let's smoke it. But with Ribs of Pruder's powerful technology, it searches here, there, and everywhere across the universe for the person you've got to get into your life. Whether it be a permanent position or a day-tripper that says, "Hello, goodbye." Let it be Ribs of Pruder who finds you a quality candidate as quick as yesterday, because tomorrow never knows. Slowing me hay? Fucking suck. There's bugs in here. Skip the long and winding road. When the boss says, "Don't let me down," make him say, "I feel fine." Back to the best, or the Ringo. When you need help, Ribs of Pruder finds you the beetle and the haystack. Hey, you know what? If you haven't already done so, you need to download the FMTalk 1065 app. One of the things I love about it is I can plug it right in while I'm driving and go back and listen to the shows I wasn't able to catch live. I mean, there's so much stuff to choose from, 50 hours or more of local shows for you to listen to. And since FMTalk 1065 is all about making your voice heard, all you got to do is tap on this little handy-dandy microphone they got on there, and it sends them a message from your mouth to their ears. That sounds creepy, but you know what I'm trying to say. You're taking a quick break, you're going to be downloading the app, right? And then we'll meet right back here. Yep. Mmm, steam shrimp from D.I.P.C. food for dinner. It doesn't get any better than that. Let's see. How many pounds? How many pounds? Hey, hey, lady! You've got to leave some shrimp for everybody else! We got out of a customer, you know. Oh, you again? Well, do you have anything else that would be easy for me to prepare? Are you kidding me? Have you seen our freezer? We got crawfish pie. Boom! This chicken breast stuffed with crab meat. Ooh, undoing sausage. Crawfish pie. Oh, pork or crawfish, boudin. Yeah, and how about some shrimp and crab chowder? All you've got to do is heat it up. Yummy! Oh, oh, oh, oh, try some turtle soup. Turtle soup? Do you mean like with the caramel, the nuts and the chocolate? It's like a heart attack and a bowl. Not those kind of turtles, lady. Oh. And remember that D.I.P.C. food has the best boiled crawfish around. Hands down the best boiled crawfish. I got enough now to host my own seafood festival. I think you'd need a permit for that. Mmm. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Close that freezer door. Okay. Are you raised in a barn? You need to chill. I don't-- Get it? Freezer? Don't go eat your chill. D.I.P.C. food 4790123. You are on the air for David and Tony Lord's show. A&A vacuum? Hello, everybody. So, well, you see, my house is really messy, ever since my alpacas inside have had a terrible problem with fur, and for that other problem, I just use a shovel. You got a question here? I need something with an attachment that really takes care of unwanted fur. He does have alpacas in his home. I've seen it. Ricardo hasn't anything with a blade on it yet. They actually have a product called the fur get it tool. The coolest pet hair attachment, and there is nothing like it. Anything you've ever used, it can attach really to any vacuum and make even crummy vacuums look pretty good when you're through. And I promise you, there will be no hair. Sometimes you can't even see the fur. Dog hair can really hide in a couch cushion. Welcome back to the show, everybody. Hope you had a good week, and that you're having a good weekend. Maybe you're getting into some Fourth of July festivities. Maybe you're just taking it easy. Thanks for taking us along with you, because we enjoy coming along for the ride. We really do. You know, speaking of festivities, some of my guys around here are planning. Exactly that. Some festivities. I try to stay out of their business, except where there are safety concerns. And I always know when they're planning something, and I start to worry about it. They don't always make the best decisions. It's similar to if you have already gone through the teenage parenting years, you know what those were like. Some of us had it worse than others, but the worry, okay, so that worry never goes away, really. I don't have teenagers to worry about anymore, but I worry about these grown ass people who are making decisions on their own, very near to my house. They're not that bad. I'd just like to give them a really bad time. What you got? Jim? Is that okay? He's here. Okay. Hello, Jim. How you doing? I'm doing okay. How you doing? I'm doing good. Okay. Hey, look, Jim told me you've been worrying a lot about this liability, you know, on everything with regard to the upcoming outdoor summer fund projects that we got planned. Summer fund projects. Yeah, I'm worried about liability. I'm always worried about that. Right. And I just wanted to show you. So you ain't got to worry about it. It's all a hundred percent planned out. Is it safe? Everything up to code. What code? What code? To my code. Uh-huh. Did I do? Oh, wow. They didn't know sticks. They didn't know what to kind of, you know, poke your things on the ground. Were they going to spread out all the slipping slide tarps, you know? Slipping slide tarps. You didn't buy a real slipping slide? No, we didn't buy real slipping slides. Why? You know, they weigh too much, Jim. Yeah. And they, you know, you really just paying for the name. No, you're really paying for a better product. Plus, I believe they had some issues with the slipping slides. You know, some people didn't fare too well. Kind of like Jarts, you know what I'm saying? Jarts. People would realize them big old metal darts flying in the egg, exactly a children's toy. You know what I'm saying? Not really. I don't know. But anyway, but we got to dig it out because we're going to use tarps. Okay. Because they're going to work way better than the hefty bags, you know, that we used last year. Oh, yeah. You did use hefty bags last year. I think you used generic bags. Right, right. Yeah. No, I don't care what the commercial say and things ain't too hefty, hefty, hefty, you know what I'm saying? Well, you know what was hefty, hefty, hefty were some of your relatives that were jumping on those bags. I see why they busted. Anyway, go ahead. We go here by the sign of waiver that way, before they do a slipping fall on the slipping slide, you know, we got it covered. But we're going to make sure it ain't nowhere close to the grill this year, too. Oh, that was terrible. They were children traumatized and it stunk last year. I know. Right. No, I know. You know, I agree with you. That was regrettable on my part. And the smell, Reggie, hitting the grill like that. And I feel bad about the armadilla. That was traumatic. And anyway, don't you worry none. We got this figured out. Matter of fact, to make you feel better, I want you to know I have taken full responsibility of all safety concerns. You know, whenever you say that, my blood pressure starts going up. You don't ever really think anything through. No. We got this. You know what I'm saying? No, you don't. No, you don't. I'm all right. Don't worry now. I'm not. I'm just going to get my attorney on the phone now. Really? Ah, I need to call our insurance person. Okay. See, see how I get off track and these sorts of conversations distract me. Although I will say that when I was a kid and even, you know, teenager coming up and stuff, we would do absolutely crazy stuff. Nobody ever really got hurt or we'd say, ah, just put some duct tape on it. We'll get to the hospital before you bleed out. So I don't know. I don't know. Now fireworks. That's another thing altogether that I stay away from that. Too many of my friends lost too many fingers, had to get glass washed out of their eyes. Just that kind of stuff. And we weren't exactly careless. We were more fearless, I guess. Yeah, maybe in stupid mixed in there too, but yeah. My blood pressure's up just a little bit, but these guys and my guys have become a little bit more responsible since we've been up here at Roxbury Farms. They've taken on more responsibility and stuff like that. And a little bit of pride of ownership, you know, their, their individual little quadrants, giving them their own space to be proud of and make sure it doesn't burn down. So we'll see if it survives the fourth. Geez. Guests of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour stay at that big fancy hotel downtown, the rest of us stay at the Motel 3. A way she never has any guests. Right now, let's check in with our own Martha Stewart. Martha good to have you here. Hello, dear. It's great to be back. You got some July 4th ideas to share? Well, you know, I have many tips for the holiday to make sure your July 4th is a respectful one. Definitely. Remember to display the flag only between sunrise and sunset on buildings and stationary flagstaff. The flag may be displayed for 24 hours if illuminated. Make sure the Canton of Stars is visible on the upper left-hand side. Okay. Just a reminder, dear, the Canton of Stars is not a Ryan Seacrest production. I know that. Remember, do not let the flag touch the ground. Last year, I attended a veteran celebration on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and personally witnessed this rule being broken time after time. People were dragging flags on the ground? You might say that, dear. Several of the women who served in World War II were wearing halter tops. Halter tops at their age. Let's just say they weren't successful at halting anything here. I wouldn't think so. But unfortunately, they also come to gravity during the parade and all of the flag-fashioned halters fell to the ground. I think we get a visual on that. Trying to get rid of it now. And finally, before flying a flag at half-staff, hoist to its peak for an instant before lowering it. Aren't those the same instructions as on it? Let's move along. Here's something for the kids, satisfyingly loud and sparkly. Confetti-filled balloons are a fun and safe alternative to fireworks. And unlike the real ones, they can be set off by kids indoors, dear, and they're easy to make. First, pull a balloon over a funnel. Okay, okay. Funnel. Funnel. Jim, do we have a funnel? We need a funnel. Make sure not to use the one on Grandpa's beer game. Okay. Gotcha. Lord knows where it's been. Corinne Confetti until balloon is a quarter full, inflate with hand-pump. Leave it alone, Jim. Use a sharpened pencil for popping. Safety note, be sure to supervise as children should never be allowed in the house because they're irritating. Um, what was that? What did I say? You said don't let children in the house because they're irritating. Be sure to supervise around children, ingesting broken balloon pieces can result in an unexpected trip to the emergency room. Okay. Okay. Our clock is ticking down. What else you got that's relevant to July the 4th? I'd like to share with you a recipe for two of my favorite July 4 cocktail. Yum. The first being watermelon basil margaritas. First you will need a seven and a half pound seedless watermelon, rind removed, fruit cut into one inch cube, four teaspoons of super fine sugar, six ounces of silver tequila, 24 basil leaves, plus sprigs for garnish, triple the sex. What? What did I say? Triple the sex. Three ounces, triple sex, six cups, small ice cube, place the 24 watermelon cubes on a baking sheet lined with percocet. Martha. What did I say? You said percocet. Line it. Line a sheet. Line it with parchment. Okay. Cover and freeze at least one hour, puree remaining watermelon and the sugar in a blender until smooth. A sieve lined with cheesecloth into a bowl, placed tequila and basil. In a pitcher, crushed with a wooden spoon, durin watermelon juice and triple sex shake, and enjoy with a plate of turkey nachos. Mmm. Delicious? Disgusting. And finally, what could be more refreshing on a hot July 4th afternoon than an apricot vodka martini? For this you will need two ounces of mandarin orange flavored vodka, three ounces apricot nectar. Everybody's got apricot nectar hanging around the house. One tablespoon of simple syrup, ice and two to three dried apricots soaked in meth. But soaked in what? What did I say? You said soak it in meth. Combine vodka, apricot nectar and simple syrup in a cocktail shaker with ice, shake and strain into martini glass. Slow to dried apricot in the drink and serve, with a luscious plate of cold sesame noodle. Love me some cold sesame noodle. Those are not a favorite. Yeah. It was wonderful speaking with you dear. And remember, 4th of July celebrations can be a kind of sort of good thing, sort of. Kind of sort of. Can't afford the real celebrities, but we make our own and that's more funner. Hey, when we come back, Larry Carey is going to be with us. This is actually one of Larry's classic segments on July 4th safety. I don't remember how bad this really is, but he's here anyway. And we're going over some July 4th safety tips. Don't know how that's going to turn out. But again, flunner, okay? So don't you go nowhere. Roxbury. Hey, this is Rusty. When I study in Jolene through Monoculars, I'm listening to her on the radio on the Jolene Rockbury variety hour. I love doing shows around a holiday because everybody's doing so many different things, you know, different activities. And we get to come along with all of you. Just be safe. That's all I ask. Be smart, be safe, and have fun, as Ginger Pointer says. You know, in years past, one of my most favoriteest Roxbury players has been Larry Carey. Now, he started out, he would include us in his eBay auctions. Well, I should say he would include us in the drama that surrounded his eBay auctions. He spent a lot of time inside. One of those guys you say, "Oh, are you playing video games in your mom's basement?" Still, you know. He wasn't, though. He's selling things on eBay and watching vintage items. That's just what he loved to do. And he was the nephew, or he said he was, the nephew of the famous baseball announcer, the late Harry Carey. I couldn't see this guy doing any sort of announcement for anything, announcing for anything. But anyway, let's check in with some vintage Larry Carey pertaining to the 4th of July. I hope. Howdy, Joe Lane. This is Larry Carey. Hey, Larry. How you doing? What you got going on? Oh. Larry. Larry, you okay? You okay? What's going on? Sorry, Joe Lane. I had an action figure in my mouth. I don't even want to ask. Well, the cellar on eBay said it was in mint condition, so I figured it might help with my bad breath. Oh. But all it's done so far is choke me. That's a shame. Oh, God. There's cat hair in my eyes. Larry, do you have anything going on for the 4th of July, any fireworks you're going to be doing? Are you-- Larry. Ugh. Fireworks. Are you out of your mind, Joe Lane? That's so dangerous. I'll never touch another firework again after what happened last year. Do you get injured? No. I was sexually harassed at the firework store. Oh, God. Yeah, I was buying a bunch of rockets and the ladies said I should stick them in a-- Larry, let's move on, please. Anyway, sometimes I'm kind of a role model to the kids around here. Uh-huh. Do you mind if I talk about 4th of July safety a little bit? Safety? Not at all. 4th of July safety. Let's go. Hooray. First of all, if you're swimming, make sure you do it in a supervised area with a lifeguard present and never alone. Also, if you're under the age of 53, wear bubble wrap, two life jackets, and don't get in the water. Ugh. As for fireworks, never give any to small children and make sure the person lining them is plenty of eye protection. Eye protection, OK. And if there are untrained amateurs using them, then just get the hell out of there, Joe Lane. Finally, make sure to supervise the barbecue grill while in use and only use them outside to always follow the manufacturers and instructions while cooking, Joe Lane. I'm going to do all that. You got any folks coming over to the house? Any family, maybe? Oh, yeah. Me and my siblings, Barry and Mary. Barry and Mary, Carrie. Aren't they the ones that blew the boat up last year? Get ready. I have to go now. I'll talk to you later, Joe Lane. Oh, I'm sorry, guys. I didn't get anything out of that, not one thing. You know, at Fourth of July, it always makes me think about when my dad used to man the grill, bless his heart, he really did not do a great job, really burn up a lot of food, and he would try to cover it up with the barbecue sauce. Thought that would make it a little bit more edible. It didn't work all the time, but we had to eat it anyway. I think a lot of families go through that. There's always somebody who chooses the family cookout as the time to learn how to cook meat on the grill. If they end up doing to that meat, it's a low-down, dirty shame. Something's burning, the holidays ain't time to be burning. You just can't cook, and it's just a shame. All your food causes intestinal pain, your guests are going to say, "And our restaurant is where I wanna be, I wanna be." Your vegetables are mushy and plain, and the way you cook that meat is a shame. You've got no one but yourself to blame, you should have called the catering. That looks interesting, what's in it? Looks like corduroy. What you do to that food? Seriously, yeah? Ain't no good reason. It's moving. I think I'm allergic to that. Honey, honey, you've got the keys? Yeah, we gotta go. Nasty, nasty, nasty food. Oh boy. You think KFC is open? Honey. I actually ate a bite of whatever that was. Oh, maybe I told you not to eat it. I don't know if I'm going to make it home. That stuff is toxic. Is that it? I don't know, it's weird. Here. It's the Jolene Roxbury show. This portion of the Jolene Roxbury variety hour is brought to you by Hannah's Banana Cabana. You get everything banana, banana pudding, banana splits, banana lema CDs. You can even get a can of Hannah's banana, Santana, bandana, Rosanne, Rosanna, Dana, Vanna, white manna, don't monkey around elsewhere, Hannah's banana cabana, where the bananas have a peel. Oh honey, I'm really excited about our new GPS. Yeah, well. And especially excited. You went ahead and set it up for me. You know how I hate all that technical stuff. I'd want a big deal really, let's turn it on. Greetings to you both and thank you for choosing the new straight arrow navigational system. Oh God, no. It's the same company that has worked with NASA for 12 space missions and it's now available for your luxury automobile. Roger, I thought you took care of this last month. I'm going to file a restraining order against him and then divorce you if you don't do something. Caroline, give him a chance really. You know the acting job's just me hard to come by in this economy and come on, he's a senior citizen. This is better than working the carte corral like your uncle Rupert, isn't it? Oh come now. Putting in an honest day's work for an honest day's pay can strengthen the character of any man as long as- Freeman, could you just let it go please? I guess you're right. What is our destination today? Okay, let's see. First, we're going to the suit corral for men. Um. Well, let's get going. Come on. I, uh- What's the problem? Roger. Yo, Freeman. You want the young lady driving after she dented the tailgate of the truck last week? Get you- What? Oh, he's lying. Did you get- Roger, he's lying. Fine. We'll talk about it later. Just drive, okay? Let's just skip the suit corral. They make a mighty cheap suit. I always thought nobody cares what you think. Nobody cares what you think. Now, now. No need to get your bloomers in a bunch over such trivia. Trivia. Just take me to the new chowder kettle restaurant at the new food court. This caroline. You know what your doctor told you about starch. We're never leaving the driveway, are we? Now, how do you think the baby is supposed to get all the nutrients it needs with such garbage coursing through your veins? Baby. Caroline! Exnay on the abbey. I had a vasectomy. In fact, I've had two vasectomies because you didn't want to have children. Would you like to tell me when and where this happened? Do you remember the name of the town of Mexico, right? Mexico? Fine. I'm out of here. He's locked the doors. I can't get out. I think you both need to stay here and talk about this, don't you? Caroline, where are you going? I'm getting as far away from here as I possibly can. Caroline, come back and tell me about Mexico! Ah, yes. This is your one to nail. Oh, shut up, Morgan. And how do you know what the city was? You couldn't know unless... Unless... I'm Morgan Freeman. What would happen if all the acting jobs dried up? Morgan Freeman... Well, he's got a few bucks. But you know, in our brains, what would he be best suited for? Yeah. We did a bunch of those back in the day. He popped up all kinds of places. Calvin Klein, fragrance counter, drive through. I need to take this call, Adeline's on the phone. She's out shopping. I might need something. Adeline, hey! What's going on? I'm laying out in the sun to try to even out my tan. Laying out in the sun? Why? My spray tan dripped and got all jacked up. Oh, okay. Dripped and my legs looked funny. Ooh. So it was kind of funny looking. Yeah, it was. I did a song about it. Okay. You want to hear it? That's what I thought. No. You want to hear it? No. Do you know Weber said he's going to play it anyway? That's what I thought. That's what I figured. Fucking go into a party tonight, and I want to look just right. I got new highlights and a little black dress and a pedicure, but I just hate my skin type. I'm scary looking too white, going to treat myself and go get a healthy spray on tan. I love the way it looked on me, real natural, as far as I could see. It looked real good with my new bamboo paint lip gloss from Clinique. The girl said don't take a shower and don't get wet for at least six hours. No problem, I said, and skipped on happily out that door. I'm into my hubby's truck and my butt stuck to the sea. I looked down and saw my sandals had rubbed half the color off my feet. I thought if this weren't such a hot day, then I'd be doing okay, but I'm sweating like a hooker in church and my spray tan's coming off. How much did you spend on that again? This sh*t ain't funny. Oh yeah, it's funny. Looking like some fifth world country flag from I don't know where. This is embarrassing. Look like a melting ooshy bar. Oh yeah, sh*t up, jab. I'm trying to look real cool as I'm standing out in the heat and I can't sit down nowhere because I might leave a butt print on the sea. Who laid? It's tough to feel real stunning when you're feeling that running my my spray tan's falling off. Looked like somebody'd run a drag race from the sweat rolling on my face. Is that right? Maybe I could wash all this cough if I'd jump in that beer trough. I just don't need to be here, but maybe I'll just have one beer, but I'm still my spray tan's falling off. Look, I know there's bigger problems in the world, but right now my spray tan's falling off. And I am none too happy about that. Hell. Are you looking at me? I've never seen anybody sweat in orange before. Okay, my apologies for that one as well. Maybe I need to just put my apologies on a loop. This episode. Just kind of roll it. Oh, man. I don't know. I think it's a wonderful idea. Hey, we're going to take a short break, but we'll be back and you need to meet us right here, right there, meet us right back there, boom. We heard you're having a birthday. And so we'll sing Happy Birthday. Oh, happy, happy, happy birthday. Hey, it's your birthday. Happy birthday to you. Yeah, I got to do this really quick because quite frankly, I forgot. I forgot this week. Oh, I'm so bad, but a big birthday. July 5th, our very own Shawn Sullivan. Shawn, we love you. Happy birthday. Hope you have a great one. And you're going to be the only birthday in our birthday segment this week because I forgot to do all the other ones. Love you, Shawn. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. I hate your lane. It's Billy. Hey, hey, how are you doing? I'm fine. I'm doing good. Good to hear from you. I figured you're calling to tell me about your plans for the fourth. Right. Mother and I are planning to come up on Saturday, right after May. So she's going to Mass on Saturday. Mother wants to go ahead and get prayed up so we can leave out for Roxbury's arms or right away on Sunday morning. Get ahead of the traffic. Right. Well, the heat's been so bad. She said she thinks she'll just hang out on the sleeping porch with the girls inside your main house. Girls what girls? Does she bring in people with her? The girls. Ain't that what you call the little pom-a-maniums? Pom-a-ranians. No, you got it. I do. I call them the girls. Peace and Josie Rose. Right. Well, they took a shine the mother last time she was up there, so she's just going to hang out in the main house with them where the condition there is, you know, it's nice and cool. I can understand that. Anyway, by the way, I was so sorry to hear about Earl T's mama. His grandma. That was his grandma, Grandma Pearl T. Yeah, so sad. Well, Earl says her last wish was the big cremate and fired off in some kind of big splash if I were her thing on the floor. Is he really going to do that? No. Okay. Well, would you ask him if he'll make some of those little brownies like he did last time was up there? Earl did some baking, did he? Right. The little chocolate brownies. And he gave those to your mother? Yeah, mother said they was the best she ever had. She said her lumbago went completely away. Well, we can't have her back aching, can we? Oh, no. So, yes, please make some more though. She loves them. No nuts this time, though. Please tell them no nuts. It gives her the wind some awful. She just could not stop dropping lilies all day long. Believe me, that's not pleasurable. Disgusting. Christopher, and I'll be, of course, bringing our king size lounger for the pool looking for. We don't have a pool. No pool. No pool. Okay, well. Is that a problem? That's fine. We just thought you had a pool. No, I got a big hot tub and I just turned the heat off. I call it my splash box. Okay, well, we'll bring it anyway and we'll just get under the sprinkler. I'm sure you at least got that. Anyway, I just can't wait to sit out there with Christopher's magic frozen drink in hand and he puts the STP, the liquid STP, he puts that in there, I think. What is that? You know, what they get from marijuana, the little F. CBD. Oh, CBP. CBD. Now you got me doing it. Okay, I got you, whatever, but you know what I'm talking about. Okay. All right, sugar. We'll see you soon. Looking forward to it. Bye. Okay, more guests than I was planning on, but that, you know, I'm used to that. Why is Earl calling in? What? Earl's calling in with a question. Okay. Jolene. Yep. How many vehicles do you think we can park back here under that barn shed, lean to that thing, your husband got built? Well, I don't know, I'm sure several, but you know, there are other things that are going in there. Well, yeah, I figured it was meant for something specific in particular, but he ain't using it for nothing now. So I thought we could tell our friends to park under it since it's, you know, so hot and everything. Well, there's four bays. I guess you could get two vehicles in each bay. Okay. So what eight or so? Probably. Yeah. Yeah. That should be enough. Okay. What else? So am I allowed to shoot off any fireworks this year? I got some really cool in loud ones and no, no fireworks. How about plain old firecrackers? That counts. No. Not even sparklers? No. How about those things you light up and they look like little snakes for a few seconds? The black things that curl up and turn to ash and get all over you. New. How about those little plastic bottles you pull the string and they buy confetti and streamers? Come on. Not cleaning that mess up. No. Not even silly string. No. No silly string. Have you looked in the corner of the mud room there in the bunk house over to the left? Oh, oh, oh, wow, man. I knew you'd have some special plan for me. Let's see here. What's this? I did. I put a box together of some things I thought might keep you busy. Sidewalk Chalk. Yeah. That's something fun to do. We don't have any Sidewalk Chalk. Come on. It's a treasure box of vintage fun. Just keep digging through there. A big bottle of bubble stuff. Yeah, that's a big bottle of bubble stuff. I love blowing bubbles, don't you? Yeah, there's no wand in this one. Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe that's why it was so cheap. I guess you do need a wand. Well, I guess I could make my own out of the tea strater. Maybe. Let's see. What are pistols? Silly putty. I know you like silly putty. Oh, yo, yo. I also know you want a Dunkin' Yo-Yo championship in 1978. Hey, my old edgy sketch. I found out in a box when we were unpacking. And some crackers, man. I haven't seen these in years. It brings bad memories of my trip to the emergency ward. Yeah, but these aren't glass. They're plastic. Sorry. A Mr. Potato Head. Uh-huh. Keep lookin'. A Mrs. Potato Head. Oh, get busy. And a rock of soccer robot set. Pow, pow. Hey, you knock my block off. Yeah. Oh, did you leave? Real play. Surprise, I got the fun factory, too. And it's non-toxic, so if I accidentally eat some, I won't throw up. I know. I'm lookin' out for ya. You really went through a lot of effort to make sure I had stuff to do while everybody else is outside doing fireworks. Yeah, I didn't want you to be sad. You're setting things on fire. I think I might go pour some of your hubby's quick concrete stuff and make myself a sidewalk for my new chalk. You might want to check with him first before you use any of his stuff. And let me know where you're going to pour that concrete. Later, dude! As always, thanks for taking us along with you. Be sure to listen out for us every Saturday afternoon at 4 right here on FM Talk 1065 with a replay on Sunday mornings at 7. We need us right back here next week. See ya soon! Join us next time for more Madcap Adventures on the Jolie Roxbury variety hour. I'm Mr. announcer.