The BIGG Successs Show
Are They Hearing What You Are Saying?
How you say it matters as much as what you say. Find a written summary of today's show at biggsuccess.com.
Welcome to the Big Success Show. Today we ask, "Are they hearing what you're saying?" The Big Success Show with George and Mary Lynn. When I was in junior high Mary Lynn, now that's going back a decade or so. You're being generous. I had a teacher and I'll be generous again. She was a sort of a curmudgeon, shall we say. That's the big word of the day. Well, she made us write a report on what we wanted to be when we grew up. Now, this was seventh, eighth grade, I don't remember. I didn't know what I wanted to be. Just grew off in class. Something like that. Well, I already was that. You know, the best thing I could really think of was I wanted to be a big league baseball player, right? Yeah. I wasn't going to do a report on that. So I did the report on what my dad did. My dad was a bricklayer and a business person. So I decided I'd do a report on being a bricklayer. Well, when my teacher saw the title of my report, she looked me right in the eyes and I'll never forget this. She said, you mean with your brain, you're going to be a bricklayer? Wow. Yeah. I don't exactly know how to take that. You never did I. It seems like she insulted your dad because as you've told us, he was a great bricklayer, a brilliant mind. Well, he was. And you know, I also felt insulted myself because I wasn't sure that she wasn't saying something bad about me and more than anything, I thought I wouldn't get a good grade on the report, right? It was your number one concern. Let's cut to the chase here. But over time, her comment resonated with me. And it actually, when I was a young person, trying to find myself, it helped me be more confident in my mental abilities. She made you feel smart. She, well, and it turned out she kind of did. But what I think your story does a great job of illustrating George is that both the statement and the delivery are important to communicate effectively. And so today we're going to talk about the four ways you can choose to get a message across. Well, in the first way, which is the absolute worst way to communicate a message, is to have a negative statement with a negative delivery, right? And Marylin, if I say something to you in a negative way. You're in trouble. (laughs) Yeah, I wouldn't be talking now, would I? I do lose a lot, I'm not going to build you up and I'm also not going to enhance our relationship. Right, and in return, I'm probably going to get defensive, maybe even angry, depending on what you say. And that makes me think of a quote by Dr. Lawrence Peter. Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. (laughs) I think I've made a few of those, actually, unfortunately. And number two is a negative statement with a positive delivery. Now, sometimes the message just isn't positive, that's life. But we still need to get the message across. And how you say it becomes incredibly important, like Donald Trump on "The Apprentice." (laughs) Okay. I love the show. I want to see where you're going with this. Well, okay, whenever he has to fire someone that he really likes and admires, he'll say, "You know what? "I like you. "I think you're a great guy or you're a great gal, "but you're fired." (laughs) Yes, I guess you're right, Marylin. Yes. Well, it's a great illustration of the fact that negative messages do have to be delivered, but you can choose to frame them in a positive way. Number three, positive statement, negative delivery. And I think that's what your teacher did, George. Okay. You took a positive away from it, but you could have just been insulted. So you risk diminishing the real message you're trying to get across when you have negative overtones. And number four, positive statement, positive delivery. We almost don't need to say anymore, right? Obviously, this is how you want to frame as much of your communication as you possibly can. These kinds of statements are what draws people to you. Well, if only we could live in a world where it's always positive. That's called Richard Simmons. (laughs) That's almost goofy. All right, coming up, we're gonna turn the table and discuss how we respond to the messages we receive. Today, we've talked about four ways to communicate a message. And the key thing to think about is you can't control what your message is. The statement itself may be negative, but you always have control over how you deliver it. And you can also control how you respond to other people's messages, no matter how they deliver it. So let's take the worst one. Someone may hit you with a negative statement and deliver it in a negative way. Best thing to do is pause and bite your tongue. (laughs) Consider your response because the conversation can either go into a tailspin and be very unproductive, or you may be able to turn it around by how you respond. Yeah, we can be inspired no matter what the message is or how it's delivered. And Marylin, I think one of our best friends remembers being told in high school that he was too small to make the football team. You're too small and you can't do it. That's right. And that negative, negative inspired him to go for it. Not only did he make the team, he was a starter. Awesome. See, sometimes the negative, negative can really spur you on. It can. And I don't know why we're talking about junior high in high school so much today, but you know. It's a good old age. I guess so. Fortunately, my voice didn't crack. (laughs) You can get a written summary of today's show. At Big Success, that's big with 2gsuccess.com. Next time, we say that Ben Franklin got it wrong with one of his most famous quotes. I don't think we said that positively. (laughs) Until then, here's to your big success. The Big Success Show at B-I-G-G Success.com. (crowd cheering) [BLANK_AUDIO]