The BIGG Successs Show
When A Co-Worker Bad Mouths You
One of our listeners, David, recently overheard an employee bad-mouthing him. We offer him tips on how to handle this difficult situation the right way, listen to the show and read the summary here.
- Welcome to our 24th Big Success Show. Today we'll help a listener deal with a bad-mouthing co-worker. - The Big Success Show with George and Mary Lynn. Last time we talked about the communication debate. When should I see your lovely face? When do I need to hear your sexy voice? And when can you just email me? - And today we're gonna address the difficult situation. David sent us this email. He's a manager and recently overheard one of his employees saying some pretty negative things about him to other employees. Now David does plan to confront him, but he wanted some advice since this employee has been with the company for many years and is about 10 years his senior. - You know, Mary Lynn, I remember the very first employee that I ever had to offer constructive criticism to. And she was a pro in the industry. I mean, she'd been around quite a bit longer than me. And she was about 20 years my senior. And I remember, you know, as about 23 years old, very nervous about this discussion. - All right, so you're gonna be able to give David some real-world advice here and some real-world dialogue to use. - Unfortunately, I've been here before. - So what should he do to prepare? - Well, I think the first thing to do is to make sure before you go into the conversation. And it is a conversation, not a confrontation. When you go into the conversation, make sure you understand what you're trying to accomplish. Maybe you're just gonna, you're ready to fire him. Doesn't sound like that's the case. That's one possibility. Most likely you're trying to figure out, okay, I wanna find out the underlying problem. - Okay, what else? - Secondly, when you talk to the employee, report on the situation. Don't say, well, you did this and you said that and you wanna keep the word you out of the conversation so that you don't make them defensive. - Okay, don't back him in a corner. - And third, we want to role play. - You know, here's where you can use the role playing techniques that we talked about in a previous show where you can practice some of the scenarios that might come about, like, you know, if the person cops an attitude, if the person denies the situation, if they become overly apologetic. I mean, what do you do in those situations? - Well, if they cop an attitude, you probably know you do have a problem on your hands. So, you know, you may start now veering in a different direction, okay? But that's good information. Now, the other thing would be though, I think you just gotta make it clear to them. Look, I'm just trying to find out what's the underlying problem, what's creating the attitude that I witnessed. And so you just keep asking questions until maybe you get them on your side. That's what you're trying to do. If it doesn't work, you're gonna have to let them go. If you let them go, odds are, you'll hear from your other employees, what took you so long? I've heard that before. - Okay, all right, what if the person denies the situation? - Well, I think in that case, you just have to say, look, I heard this, it's a fact. This is an opinion, this isn't here, say, I have first hand knowledge of this situation. And once again, you're not back in the corner, you're just saying, I have knowledge, I know the facts. And it's not gonna do us any good, we can't work together, if we can't trust each other, if we can't trust our word, what's going on here? - All right, what if you're not able to get that dialogue in because they're just being overly apologetic? - First of all, understand, it could just be, they were having a really bad day and you just happened to take the brunt of it. You know what, that happens with all of us. But it may be that they're one of those people that, you know, when they get caught, they instantly overcompensate, now they're all apologetic. Well, that's probably not going to work long-term either. So, you know, it may take time, but you're gonna have to kind of determine, is it just a bad day or is this kind of an ongoing thing? - All right, and obviously the best case scenario is when they fully admit what they did and they actually tell you what's wrong, in which case you may have to address some problems 'cause they're gonna be honest with you. - That's right, and those problems can bring up a whole new set of possible role plays as you consider what might the underlying issue be. So, you know, it's just a matter of getting prepared for the conversation and then executing. - All right, so let's review. - Today we answered a question from a listener that applies to anybody who manages people or even perhaps just you dealing with other people. And we said that before you're having a difficult conversation, know the purpose. When you're thinking about how you're gonna say it, make sure you're reporting on the situation, not placing blame, and then third, role play beforehand. - You can get a summary of today's show on our blog at bigsuccess.com and also a link to our role playing discussion where you can practice the role playing technique. And thank you, David, for emailing us. We hope this helps you out. Let us know. Let's get our big quote for the day. - Our quote today comes from Aya Kema, and she said, eventually we will find, mostly in retrospect, of course, that we can be very grateful to those people who have made life most difficult for us. - It is difficult to see a difficult situation as an opportunity to grow, but if you do, you'll thank yourself for it later. - And on our next show, we're gonna talk about intuition. Marilyn, you think you have intuition, don't you? - Of course I do, too. - Well, so do I, see. It's not just for women anymore. We're gonna talk about knowing when to trust your instincts. - All right, and until then, here's to your big success. The Big Success Show at B-I-G-G Success.com. (upbeat music) (bell dings) (bell dings) (bell dings) [BLANK_AUDIO]