Galen Call's Sermon Library
"The Ten Commandments: Honor Your Parents" - October 11, 1998
We look today at the fifth of the commandments of the Lord in this series on the Ten Commandments. And I read for you, and you follow along, please, in your Bible, the twelfth chapter of Exodus 12, excuse me, the twelfth verse of the twenty of the chapter. There we go. Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. That is one profound sentence. I hope you'll understand this morning as we talk about how profound it is. This week for only the third time in the history of the United States, the House of Representatives, has voted to investigate whether there are grounds for the impeachment of the President of our country. Two of the three occasions have occurred within the lifetime of most of us who are here this morning. That's a rather sad thing to have to acknowledge, isn't it? We are in a crisis of authority in this nation. For the last 200 some years we have been a nation governed by law. And now we're being subtly asked to become a nation that is governed by the people. And we have to decide whether we're going to be a nation that will be in subjection to the Constitution, or we're going to be a nation whose people are governed by the polls. There is a world of difference believe me between the two. My opinion is that we have a present administration in Washington that is guilty of several things in the first place of corrupting the constitutional process. I think that this has been pretty evident in the last several months. But to me there's a far greater crime that this administration is guilty of, and that is that they are corrupting the morals of the people of America. Corrupting the morals of the people of America in the sense of the attitude of men toward women, the attitude of husbands toward the covenant of marriage and sexuality, and the attitude of all of us toward lying. And sometimes it's okay to lie even in a court of law in order to protect oneself. That is a far more serious crime, in my opinion, than the corruption of the constitutional process, which is a high crime. And all of this is being done to preserve the skin of the present occupant of the White House. It is a very sad day for America to behold what we have in the White House. And we are being asked because of the polls to forget what the Constitution says. And because of what the people think regarding the economy and other things, we're to overlook the moral fabric that has made America great. This cannot be. It is a crisis for America. It is a watershed event. And depending upon the ultimate outcome of it, so will the future of this nation be. You say, well, what has all of that got to do with honoring your father and your mother? Well, I'll tell you what it is. What God says in this one sentence in verse 12 is the bedrock of societal authority. It is at the very heart and the core of law and order, when God says, "Honor your father and your mother." Today, not only in the political arena, but in other arenas, the home and the family and the authority that God has established in society are being undermined. So it is absolutely crucial that you and I grasp what God is saying when he says what he does in the Fifth Commandment. So let's look first at what this means that we're to honor our fathers and our mothers. The word honor comes from a Hebrew root that means to be heavy. In a bad sense, it means that something can become heavy as a burden. It becomes burdensome. But in a good sense, as here, the word has the idea of giving weight to Walt Kaiser and the expositors Bible commentary says that there are three ideas associated with this word honor in Exodus 20. The first one is that we're to prize our parents highly, prize or value our parents. Secondly, he says, "We are to care for them. We are to show affection for them. Just as the Lord does for those who trust him." In Psalm 91 verses 15 and 16 it says, "He will call upon me," God says, "and I will answer him. I will be with him in trouble. I will rescue him and honor him." So God is saying he will honor the one who trusts in him, how will he honor him by rescuing him, by coming to his aid, by caring for him and showing him his loving kindness? The third idea that's involved in the Hebrew word for honor says, "Walt Kaiser is to show respect for reverence." He takes this from Leviticus chapter 19 verse 3, where this commandment is stated, restated but a little differently. It says there, "Every one of you shall reverence his mother and his father, and you shall keep my Sabbaths. I am the Lord your God." And so the word is not honor in Leviticus 19. God uses a different word there, reverence. The word means to be in awe of, to be in awe of another's power or another's position. And so he says that we are to be in awe of our parents, to show respect and reverence for them because of the position that they have. So all three of those ideas are wrapped up in this package of honor, your father and your mother, to prize them highly, to care for them and to show affection to them and to show respect, reverence because of their position. Then let's ask the question, "To whom does this apply?" When it says honor your father and your mother, who is in view? Well, in the first place we understand that it applies to dependent children. Now there are three streams of thought that come together when we say that. That this idea of honoring mother and father belongs to dependent children. In the first place, they should do this for the good of society. It is vital, you see, for children to learn to respect their mother and their father because in doing so they are learning to respect constituted authority. The Apostle Paul writes it this way as he thinks of it in Ephesians 6-1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord." Learning to obey mother and father is a basic lesson that all children must learn. Now where we got into trouble in my opinion, at least in part in our culture in the last 50 or 60 years, was a guy named Dr. Spock, no relation to the Vulcan. Dr. Spock basically said, "Let children do their own thing." And he diminished the authority of the parents over the children and said, "Let children express themselves." Now of course there are some truth to that. But the point is that it was abused, it was taken too far and the result of that is what we have in the baby boom generation. Children need to learn to respect authority. Their attitude toward the parent eventually becomes their attitude toward authority in society. And unless there is a basic respect for authority in a society, what you're left with is anarchy. And free societies, democracies cannot exist in that kind of an atmosphere. What is required then will be a totalitarian government to handle the anarchy. Now we're not at the point of anarchy today, but what is taking place in Washington I think is a step in that direction as we move away from constituted law to the law of the people, the law of the Poles, the law of what's popular. Children need to learn to obey mother and father for the good of all society. But there's a second idea that this streams into this and that is for his own good or her own good a child needs to learn to obey mother and father because that obedience builds character. It provides some sense of security and accountability for its child. When a child learns to honor authority in the parents, it provides for that child a certain freedom from adult responsibility and the cares of adulthood. A child is then free to grow up to be a child. He's able to grow until maturity comes and the character is in place to carry him or her on into a successful life. And so it's for the child's own good that he or she learns to honor mother and father. To honor the parent means that there are parameters around the child which yes limit the child so the child can't do everything he or she wants to do. But those parameters also provide a security for the child. And so the most loving thing that a mother or father can do is to throw away Dr. Spott and to pick up the Bible and to see that as for the child's own good that the child be taught to respect authority in mom and dad and teachers and Sunday school teachers in every realm of life. There's a third idea that comes screaming into this and that is a child needs to learn to obey mother and father for the glory of God. Children should honor their parents simply because God said to do it and obedience honors God. Parents in a certain way in the child's mind are in the place of God. And as a parent nurtures that child in what it means to honor them the parent is helping that child also to grow up to honor God. And so it is for the glory of God that a child needs to learn what it means to honor mom and dad. G Campbell Morgan said what God is to the adult. Parents are to the children. Lawgiver and lover provider and controller. Well that's an awesome thought isn't it mom and dad that we are in a sense God to our children. The Lord Jesus Christ set the example for dependent children for Luke says that he continued in subjection to Mary and Joseph. He the creator of his parents continued in his childhood in subjection to them and honored them. Now there's a question that arises at this point in most discussions about this matter and that is is a child to obey or to respect his or her parents if what is being required is morally wrong or dishonoring to God. The answer to that is a very clear no. You see the whole presumption of this command is the appropriateness of that parental relationship and the parental requirement of what is being asked of the child. The parents in Exodus 20 are viewed as those who are within the covenant community and who themselves are living within the values of that covenant community. But if a parent requires a child to do what is wrong a child is not obligated under God to obey the parent. Ellen E. Larson in the curriculum that she's written for children called value builders says this to boys and girls. We are to obey when those in charge of us are not hurting us or other hurting us or others. Remember that some people disobey God's laws and do hurtful things. If you are not sure about obeying someone talk to an adult you can trust. I think that is sage advice especially in the day in which we are living when there are so many predators of children being created by the way by the cultural decline and the moral decline around us. So there's that important caveat that we give as we talk about dependent children obeying the authority that is over them. But this command to honor mother and father is not only for dependent children it is also for adult children. There is still an application for those of us who have long left the nest. We too are to continue an attitude of honoring our parents throughout life. That does not mean that we are to obey them because we become adults and establish our own homes. But there is to be a spirit of respect for our parents all the days of our lives. That becomes exceedingly difficult when parents become old and when the parent becomes a child and the child becomes the parent. But even then in that relationship that is in reverse so to speak there needs to be that spirit of honor toward the one who has cared for us in childhood helping to provide for the needs emotionally financially and physically. And I especially want to underscore providing for the needs emotionally. I will never forget in high school one occasion when our church was holding a service in the the nursing home as was called in those days. Have you noticed the progression? It was the old folks home and then the nursing home and then the rest home and now the retirement center. His names change all the time and those days it was the nursing home. That's how far back it was. And on that Sunday afternoon as we were doing the service we saw this big fancy car drive up with license plates showing that it was from Kansas City about 50 miles away. And out of it came to adult people helping an infirmed parent get into the home. It was very clear that they had brought the parent to this home that she might be cared for. They were apparently unable to do so in their own home and that occasion does come sometimes. But what was so unforgettable about it to me was that I could see the decline in that lady every time we went to the home. And very rarely did she ever receive visits from her children. It was almost as though that they put her 50 miles away from Kansas City to house her there where she would be cared for but she would be out of sight and out of mind. Now maybe I've misjudged them and God forgive me if I've done that but my point is sometimes that is the case. And never should that be the way that we treat our parents in their older age out of sight and out of mind. We need to remember our Lord Jesus at the cross. For even there in his anguish among his concerns was his concern for his mother. And he said to John that he was to care for her, "Behold your son, behold your mother," he said. Now there's a word here to parents that is foundational to all that I've said. God tells our children to honor us but we on the other hand must seek to be honorable. If we parents in raising our children fail in the appropriate way to honor them and to respect them as little people by loving them and caring for them, we should hardly be surprised if they grow up then to disrespect us. John Locke made this statement. Parents wonder why the streams are bitter when they themselves have poisoned the fountain. Let us seek before God moms and dads to be the kind of parents that our children will desire to honor. We'll want to honor because they see God in our lives. There's a lot of application here for all of us but I want to move ahead and look at another part of this verse because there's a promise here too. What is this promise that is given at the end of verse 12? That your days may be prolonged in the land which the Lord your God gives you. This is the only one of the Ten Commandments with a word like this, such a promise. Essentially what the promise is that there will be prolonged life in the place of blessing. This verse does not guarantee necessarily long life for each and every child who honors and respects his parents because the fact is that in the providence of God there are some who die young. I've been amazed this last week to see a number of children's obituaries in the Saint Paul and his paper and it's a reminder that children are not guaranteed a long life nor are we parents guaranteed that they will be with us a long time even if they are respectful and they honor us. But what is really at the point here is not the lifespan of the child but it is the lifespan of the nation or the society that practices this honoring of parents. Why? Because it produces a morally strong fiber within the citizenry of that nation or that society that obeys this command and it is because of that moral fiber that is in place that there is a prolonged life of that nation or that society. Conversely when that fiber is rotted away the life of that nation is shorted. You see that's where we are today and that's why I'm so concerned and I began this message the way I did this morning talking about current events in Washington. It is because the moral fiber of this nation has been under severe attack for the last 30 years or more particularly regarding the home and marriage the sanctity of sex and now the very administration that has said that it will guarantee and preserve the law and order of this nation under the Constitution is itself attacking the moral fiber of our nation. That's why we're in such a crisis in this nation and we will not have a long life if we allow this to go unchecked. Our nation will collapse of its own weight unless this is corrected that's why we're at a watershed that's why we're at a crossroads and the way that we choose to go from here will determine the future course of the United States of America. But having said that about what verse 12's promise is I also want to say that there is a tendency here for a personal application too because you see as a child grows up learning respect for authority as his character is shaped in a warm atmosphere of love honor and obedience to parents it gives that child direction in life that will tend to enrich his life and prolong his life. On the other hand if a child's character is formed in a vacuum of these and his shape rather by dishonor and rebellion and insubordination to parents it paves the way in his life toward trouble and crime and pursuits that will shorten and waste his life and so you see there is a personal application that we can draw from that promise and it's an important one. Now the fifth commandment is God's gracious protection for you and for all of society. It is given to protect us from the corrosion and the collapse that can come in a fallen world when there is the degeneration of authority and the family. So the fifth commandment is God's gracious protection for us we need to see this. It is not some terrible burden that God is laying upon us. He is saying I want the best for you. I want the best for your children. Therefore honor your father and your mother. Teach that throughout your generations. Teach respect for authority and that will protect you from the calamity that comes to those people and those nations that do not learn respect for authority. This speaks to young children. It speaks to teenagers. It speaks to adults. It speaks to all of us. How might you honor your parents? Well you can answer that in dozens of different ways but I want to encourage you today particularly if your parents or you have a parent who is still living to do something special to honor your parent. To show that parent your continuing love and respect and the gratitude for the years of sacrifice for you. Now I recognize that listening to me right now are some people who were raised in homes that were abusive and my heart goes out to you because of the emotional damage frankly that that has done to you and the kind of conflict that this sort of message puts you in I can understand. I hope that you can come to the place in your adulthood now looking back up on that childhood that was just miserable and abusive. I hope that you can come to the place of forgiving your mother and father. That doesn't mean that you you acknowledge that what they did was okay you're just putting under the rug and forgetting about it. I'm not saying that at all but whether they are living or they're dead I hope that you can come to the place of saying I forgive you meaning I will no longer hold you accountable to me for what you've done. I disengage from you emotionally in this sense I'm not going to hold you accountable to me I commit you to God and I forgive you and if it is possible to establish some sort of positive relationship I encourage you to do it however for a very few people to even do that would be dangerous and I don't encourage you to do it if it's going to be dangerous to your life. I have tried to cram a whole lot into this hour I must confess that I was in great conflict coming to the pulpit because I have so much I want to say about this that I think is relevant to where we live today my time is gone but the thing that I want to underscore in our hearts this morning is this there is an underlying principle that is embedded in verse 12 and that is the principle of submission to God's appointed authority in our lives and whether that be our parents it be the elders of the church it be the political leaders that God and his providence has put over us if it be those who are at work who are employers or supervisors there is a principle here that God wants us to write in our hearts and that is to be submissive to those who are in authority over us very frankly we Americans don't do this very well we don't do this submission thing you see right back in the very heart of who we are is the declaration of what independence and right in the very psyche of what it means to be an American in our culture is this whole concept I don't submit to nobody can get us into real trouble that is an ungodly value in our culture we need to learn the value of submitting to authority that God places into our lives and this morning we need to declare dependence upon God upon God's providence and his grace and dependence upon the authority that God has placed into our lives so may that be our attitude as we go this morning let's pray together if there is in our hearts on spirit of ungodly independence or even rebellion or in subordination may the Holy Spirit convict our hearts right now so we can bring that to the Lord we want to be the Lord's people we want to learn what it means to submit to God's authority in our lives Lord Jesus I pray that wherever this message may find us and it's many many facets this morning that you will bring some point of application to us whether we be little children listening or we be grandpas and grandmas on the other end of the spectrum may we learn this morning what it means to be submissive appropriately to those that you have placed over us in our lives and may we remember that you've done that for our own protection for our own good and so may we live under the lordship of Jesus would you stand with me please with your head bowed Lord Jesus we begin this service this morning by talking about you as the rock upon whom our lives are built we declare that to be true we want to build upon your lordship in our lives so give us wisdom in doing that give us the kind of values for our lives our home our church and our society that will be consistent with what you've said in your word so that we may build wisely and when the storms of life come the house that we've built will not collapse but stand. In Christ name I pray, amen. [Silence]