The Buzz - BuzzWorthy Radio

BuzzWorthy Radio: Julie Spira!

Cyber-dating expert, author and radio host, JULIE SPIRA, is launching
her new book THE PERILS OF CYBER-DATING: CONFESSIONS OF A HOPEFUL
ROMANTIC LOOKING FOR LOVE ONLINE (Morgan James Publishing.)

Spira's romantic tell-all memoir is "Sex and the City" in a Web 2.0
world. Over the last 15 years the sexy and sophisticated Spira has
been on over 250 online dates, received several marriage proposals,
and was divorced from someone she met online, who she should have done
more due diligence on before tying the knot. Ever the optimist, Julie
jumped back into the cyber-dating world and after a fairytale
courtship became engaged to the doctor who saved her father's life–
but later broke up with her in an email. You’ll follow her journey as
she skillfully navigates the web, hoping to replace what she once thought
was the love of her life with a new Internet mate.

Duration:: 31m
Broadcast on:: 05 Feb 2009
Audio Format:: other

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Now at Chumbakacino.com, sponsored by Chumbakacino, no purchase necessary, VGW Group, void where prohibited by law, 18-plus terms and conditions apply. Law told the radio. So it's live. It is buzzworthy radio, where you can get the latest buzz. And all your favorite shows inside, buzzworthy, right now. Edison's buzzworthy radio right here on your internet. I'm Lance Smith of CMT. And this is pretty much where I hang out all the time when I'm not on the air, so you should too. See ya! How did you like that, Julie? Was that okay? That was terrific. Welcome everybody into a new edition of Buzzworthy Radio. We are your host, Matthew Preston and Novell J. Lee, coming at you live this Thursday, February 5th, 2009, 5 p.m. Eastern time to p.m. Pacific time here on balltowncredio.com. We are joined right now by Ms. Julie Spira, who is basically has penned this book called "The Parals of Cyberdating Concessions of a Hope for Romantic Looking for Love Online." I have to say, this is like the perfect opportunity to be talking about this, 'cause we just had on the comedy duo, Frangela, on our show two nights ago. They're actually going to be in the movie that premieres tomorrow on the big screen. He's just not that into you. And we were actually just like talking about this. And it was so surreal that we were even mentioning about cyberdating online. I mean, it's one of those things that I see practically all the time when I'm on my space, or on the Facebook, is people wanting to get the look up through the book face or on my space. And I just think that's kind of scary yet creepy. But before we get into all those semantics, how did you get into wanting to write about this book? Well, that's a really interesting question. I actually came up with the book title, "The Parals of Cyberdating," way back when, in 1995, when a lot of people weren't online dating. And I came up with the book title because, you know, I got a marriage proposal for a man who was already married. So a friend of mine said, "You know, you should really write a book." So I came up with a book title. Yeah, but I didn't write the book. And then years later, after four marriage proposals, one husband, that included one husband and one fiance, and a bouquet of some very interesting stories, I finally decided that I was going to write the book. And no one had written my book with my title, so it was mine. It was ready. There you go. There you go, exactly. And let's bring out my co-host here. I know he's been sitting here waiting patiently. Mr. Massey Preston, how are you doing, sir? I'm doing good. And Julie, I have to say with all that, it sounds like a country song. Oh, twang, twang, you broke my heart. I had my heart broken, but then I broke some hearts to along the way against my life. So what kind of advice would you be giving to someone who actually, have you ever had anybody come up to you and go, I actually have this relationship going with this guy or this girl that I met online? And I think it's going great. What would be the first thing I would come out of your mouth if someone actually came up to you and said those words to you? I'd ask if anybody's put down their profile yet, or they still have their profiles online, because it's going so great, then it might be time to retire that account. I mean, I know someone who is a very good friend of mine and lives in my town, actually got into a relationship off of match.com. And it actually works for them, because it's interesting to see what works for some, doesn't work for others, because you then have those people that kind of leave out a little bit of information that they should have put in there for like, I actually do have the wedding ring on my ring finger kind of information. So it's very, very interesting to be hearing different stories about that stuff. And I'm sure it's interesting to hear that as well on your end too. Oh, there are a lot of stories, and there are a lot of chapters, and some of them are funny, and some are sad, and some are actually heartwarming and happy. So it's not all doomsday, but it certainly was a bit of a perilous journey to get where I am right now. For you, what is your favorite chapter? If you can pick out any chapter that you wrote in this book. Oh my gosh, any chapter that wrote in my book. I actually, I think there's a funny chapter in the book that's relevant to social networking, and that's a combination of the New York Times wedding announcement followed by and then came Google. And the reason I put that in there is because I spent a lot of time involved in the technology world as an Internet executive, and when I was a little girl, I really wanted my New York Times wedding announcement if I was ever going to get married to be in that page. I mean, way before the Internet days, it was that little girl, Barbie girl, dream. So I did everything I could to get into that New York Times, and this was in the 80s when there was no public intermittent. Nobody was online dating. Maybe there were a few message boards, and I was very excited about it. However, 14 years later, I was divorced from this man that I wouldn't even recognize today. Suddenly, the number one entry under my name in Google is this New York Times wedding announcement, and it was haunting me. I was embarrassed. I had a little mini marriage. It didn't even last a year. The number one entry under Julie Spire on Google is this New York Times wedding announcement. So I bring it up because it's really important to see how technology has changed the way that we communicate in a romantic level and in an information stage. Wow, pretty cool. So as an author, I'm actually wondering, do you forget those times where you're just like, you know what, I am maybe having a little bit of a writer's block. I just take a little break. What do you do to overcome a writer's block? I never had the writer's block. I sat down one day and said, I'm going to write this book. I got very lucky. I went online to see if my domain name was available for perils of cyber dating and boom, available.com. I grabbed it and I put my entire life on hold, and I just started writing and writing and writing. I became very passionate about this book until it was finished. So I never had the writer's block. Pretty cool. Let's get to here. I never heard that. I never heard. I mean, I mean. We don't know, maybe the sequel, and I'll have to follow up with you on that. If there's a sequel, I get writer's block. I will let you know. There you go. That's what I was kind of thinking. I'm like, no, wow, someone didn't have the writer's block. That stumped me. You actually stumped me. That's good. And I saw also in your biography that you actually did meet someone who saved your dad's life, but then also did the thing of breaking up in the email. That's another thing we talked about. That's another thing we talked about, too. You know, I have these rules of an etiquette, and one of them is I think the send button rule. When you write an email, when you're upset with someone, you should probably either sleep on it or send it to yourself because you might feel differently about it when you wake up in the morning. And this one was sent, and I received it, and oh my gosh, did I cry like a baby? That's kind of like the reverse action of what I was saying. This is the booty call. And then all of a sudden, this is like, it's right there in your face. It's in black and white. You can't get away from it. I think, I know, it'd probably be a little easier to sink it in if they were right there in front of you, but then just to see it and print on a computer staring at you for maybe hours on end. It makes it harder. It makes it very difficult, and the love affair that started online ended online, and that's what the book is all about. It's about how the technology affects the way we communicate in our relationships, and sometimes there's some rules some people should think before they break that rule. Yeah, that's definitely true. So maybe I definitely want to know, what do you think is the proper way to break up with somebody? Well, I think it depends on how long you're together. I mean, in my case, we were engaged and we were together almost two years. So I think in person would have probably been better. However, in the chapter that I write about him, he's still the hero. He's the hero in my family because my father is still alive to this day, and that's because of, you know, my relationship with him. So I try and take the good out of every story, and there is good out of that story, and that's that he saved my father's life, and I will feel forever grateful. Cool. Very, very wonderful. You also host your own radio shows, actually. I am very excited. I am starting a new radio show, Ask the Cyber Dating Expert, also on Blog Talk Radio, and the first show will be on Valentine's Day, how appropriate, next Saturday. Saturday. I'm going to have to check that out. Do you have a linkage for the site? Well, it would be on Blog Talk Radio under Ask the Cyber Dating Expert, and Saturday, 11 o'clock, Pacific time. Okay. And I'd love to have people call in and tell me about their perils and their happy stories and all of the above. Absolutely. I'm looking forward to that. So next Saturday, 11, I got to get my time there. Valentine's Day. 2PM, 2PM Eastern time for all you East Coastmen. So make sure you guys check that out right there. I never actually have tried it. I mean, I had issues where I've been asked to be in a cyber relationship, but I just don't see. This is why it's so interesting because it's like, I don't see cyber dating as something that would be particular for me. Because it's like, what is it about you that would be appealing to me is that I need to know what everything you're telling me is true. Because I don't think I would have that in a cyber relationship. I mean, that's how I feel. I know others might feel differently. I don't know how my co-host feels about the situation. But I think like, how do I know that what you're saying about yourself is real? How do I know you really don't? You really don't. And truth be told, over half the people that are online dating are stretching the truth here and there. There are married people that are saying they are single. There are people that most commonly do not describe their correct height, weight, amount of hand or head, age, oh, age, the women. We don't like our age. We don't fit into a search. We sneak off five to ten years. Yes, it's very hard. And I think that it's important that if you sort of want to stretch the truth a little bit, that you come clean on the first date because the information is out there, that you will get Googled. People will find out. So it's best to be honest and upfront, either you tell your accurate age or for some reason you're that insecure, that you make up the, you know, I'm still in my 30s, when I'm in my 40s. Just let them know right away. By the way, my friend told me I had to do it. Blame it on someone else. I totally agree. And since Michael has actually asked me about the my perspective on it, I have sort of done it. Yes and no, when I was younger. I was like, oh, okay, it's just for fun. I like to be an adventurous and just to see what things are going on. And if it didn't work out, just I think that I think that in the same sense, it wouldn't have worked out even if I had met her upfront. Because I think that it still would have been like, you know what, I'm just not that into you. Oh, just like a movie. It's like the movie in the book. That's right. So besides that tip, it's basically being upfront. What other things can you suggest to make a cyber relationship work? I think the first thing to do is to have a terrific profile and to get your photos professionally done. And I recently had my photos redone by Look Better Online. And I was thrilled with results. So thrilled that my age is accurate. And I actually think that if you can put up some photos that look good, because there are so many people online, it's a needle in the haystack to find the right one. Your men, you guys are visual. We're women. We want to be found. So if we have a pretty photo up there, or at least one that, you know, is a close up and looks, you know, within the last few years, please know high school photos, then that's a good start if you're going to be accurate with your profile. I also think in the profile, if you can be very specific about what you're looking for. And I keep a very short profile because men don't like to read novels. They want to know, "I like this face. I don't like this face." So my profile is very short and very specific. I'm a relationship kind of a gal. I'm looking for a serious relationship. Other people have different agendas. And if they're looking to hook up, then they need to kind of make that clear. They do. And it seems like a lot of the Facebook and MySpace profiles aren't very visual. So what does your take on this whole MySpace and Facebook phenomenon? I love Facebook. Facebook has 150 million people on Facebook. I'm on every day. I have a ton of friends on Facebook. I'm in more groups than I even have time to notice. I think Facebook is fabulous. And it takes a while for people to feel comfortable about sharing their entire world and their family photos and where they're going to have dinner and what concert they went to because we all start off as being private. But once you embrace social networking and the Web 2.0 world, Facebook is fabulous. It is. And you were saying, because this is a very good point that you have brought up, have your photos professionally done. And when I see that, especially on the MySpace, not more so on the face, but more than MySpace, I kind of think that when they're professionally done, that leads me into a point where I think, "Okay, maybe this is not a real picture of said person." I mean, that sort of would put me off. I'm more or less like I'm looking for just like a picture of them outside in front of a beach setting or in their room kind of setting. And I think that's great. I think that's great. And I think that you should do both. I think you should put a one terrific headshot and then some casual shots on the beach, on vacation, on a boat, something that just shows that you're fun and you're interesting and you're real. That's exactly what I would like to see. Have one professional shot done and then have one terrific excursion shot. That's what I like to see when I look at this profile. And you are absolutely right. We all like novels. We want it short and to the point. Just get to where you're going with whatever you are saying and that's it. Because really no one really wants to sit there and actually read of five paragraphs monologue about yourself. Right. And you can save that for follow-up emails. Should you go down that line and start communicating with someone? Of course, there's actually what's going on in your next question. So say you meet somebody online and what should be the next step communication wise? Should you maybe talk to them on the phone or see them in person? What in your opinion is that should be the next step? In my opinion, I believe in a little bit of an old fashioned courtship with a modern day twist. So I immediately will provide somebody with my personal email address to get off of the site and start to communicate and maybe have a few emails back and forth and where's your favorite travel spot and talk about personal things and what people like to do in their spare time. And then maybe after one or two or possibly three emails, graduate to a phone call where I will provide my phone number, my cell phone number, and then we can start talking on the phone. When you talk on the phone to someone, either you connect and have a fabulous conversation or you have dead air and you don't and then you know whether to go and move to accept a date or not. Or you could totally call your blog talk radio show and talk to you that way. Absolutely. Free advice on my show. That's exactly it. It's like love connection except for the internet set. So that's kind of how I'm looking at it. So you know, there you go. And I just think, I think it's absolutely fantastic to hear at least some success stories where there's like I said, you know, I have a success story here at home. Have you, do you have any stories that people just ever came out to you and go that this relationship is working so well and that we've been together for such and such many years or such and such many months and we finally met. It's going so well and everything. Have you ever been approached with something like that or? I hear stories like that every day. And on my site, cyberdatingexpert.com, I have a section on relationships. So I have the cyber love story of the week where I feature a couple that was successful that met in an online dating site. And I have the cyber wedding album for people that got lucky in love and tied the knot and they sent me their wedding photos and I created a video for them. So if anybody out there has met online, I would love to hear from you and just contact me at cyberdatingexpert.com. But in the real world, it's not also perfect. There's also the peril of the week. Right. That's exactly right. And you said, have like the photos that would you suggest also if they were presenting themselves out there to the public? How about a video? I don't know what we thought that too. What about a video on this site? Should they not wait for that? Videos are becoming very, very popular right now. A lot of sites have video chat or they have web cam. My brother actually met someone online that he met from a webcam and had a girlfriend for a few months that he met only because he, they both had a webcam and they started talking on the webcam at midnight one night. So I think videos are terrific. Not everybody is that tech savvy. But if you can do it, I think it's a terrific thing because again, it becomes more personal, becomes more interactive. And it's about developing a relationship without snail mail. Right. Definitely true. And like you said before, technology has come so far. We started out with what AOL to CompuServe and now we have so many other servers. What do you think is the future for cyber dating? I think more and more people are going to be doing video, video, cyber dating video and webcams. There's a few interesting sites now, Womie.com. They're terrific. It's towards a younger demographic. And it's mostly all videos. I know that I think speed.com has speeddating.com. They have a video option. I think that's the future of internet dating. It's not sending a text message and a photo. Has there ever been, you just mentioned speed dating, has there ever been some sort of cyber speed dating? That seems like really interesting, I think. Well, actually there is. There's that one site I was talking about, speed.com. I think it's speeddating.com. How does that work? How do you do that online? I just met them recently at the internet dating conference at iDate down to Miami where all the internet dating sites, all the folks showed up. And they really are taking that speed dating concept on the internet with a video option. And I think that's really forward thinking and I think all the other traditional paying sites are probably will follow suit. I've never saw the speed dating. I mean, how do you really get to know somebody within five minutes and then you got to go to someone else and then 12 of them for five minutes? Maybe that's just me. Maybe I'll take you. Maybe every time positive. You have to go with a sense of humor. I think my attitude, when I first started internet dating way back when in 1994, I feel like they'd die in a sore. I was like, oh, I need to replace the guy who didn't marry me. Oh, I need to find the one. I think everybody looks at internet dating very differently now. And I think they look at it as an opportunity to expand their social network, to expand their business network. It's not all about getting married or getting a steady boyfriend or steady girlfriend. So it's really a medium now that you also expand your social network and your business network. And see, if you get lucky and you click, that's fabulous. So I think if you've gone with that attitude, then you can have a positive experience with just about anybody that you talk to. So, Nivel, I want to know, if you were to do an online dating site, what would your profile be? And let's see if your facility agrees that I have a profile. You're going to have to look it up. Of course. I just want to know, Nivel, what would you do? Maybe, maybe join, you know, she can comment on it too. What would you say in your profile? Like, make it quick, make it fast. What would you say about you? Oh, I'm a hopeful romantic, looking for the love of my life. Oh, wow. Well, I'll take that. I'll say that about myself. I'm a hopeful romantic, looking for the love of my life. I'm not one to throw stones. I'm just one who's looking to go out, have fun. If we click, that's great. If we don't, and that's fine, and we'll just go on to the next thing. I'm just here to have a good time. And if you like to have a good time, call me up. I think that's a great attitude. There you go. There you go, Matthew. What about me? Oh, you put me on the spot. Well, you asked me. I know. I told it. What would I say? Well, I think that I would definitely say, hey, what's up, everybody? And also, like, you know, toaster off my profile with saying hi to everyone. Because I would think that greeting is very forward and very polite. And I would go on to describe myself. Like, truthfully, I'm six foot, 150 pounds, brown hair, blue eyes. I enjoy going to the movies. I enjoy hanging out with friends. Quiet dinners are always cool. So if you're interested in the same thing, you should definitely hit me up. But I actually would avoid the hate and the weight thing. I mean, I have more. I'm being honest here. I know. I know. You're doing your thing. My thing would be, I would not even say, I will put my agent there. But then I would mean that. My friends put my agent there, duh. I would mean out my weight. Because then I would actually say, I thought myself was like, if you really want to get a good idea of what I am and what I look like, take a look at the photos. I don't have to describe any more of them myself. You can see who I am. I would just put a little text. I totally would do text, text, videos, whatever. You know what? Let's do it all. Here's the deal, guys. If you don't put in your height and your weight, a woman won't respond to your email because she's going to think that your photos aren't accurate and you're lying and you're short and you're fat. Oh, and I lost all that weight, you know? Yep. And you'll lost that opportunity of maybe meeting that one special girl. You need to put your height. You need to put your weight. It needs to be pretty close to accurate. If not accurate, you don't have to get on the scale. We might have shrunk or grown a little. But it's really important. I do not respond to someone who doesn't provide a photo because I wonder why. And so I feel like-- Oh, well, you have to have a photo. Definitely have to have a photo. Right. If you have a photo, you're really, you know, you're really at a disadvantage in the cyber dating world. I'm five foot nine. I'm five foot nine. I'm five foot nine and a half. There are weight 156 pounds. My waist size is 32. Oh, we don't need to be that specific. I love it, Nivel. You're so into it. I have to throw that out there. So right now I just basically told you my height and my pants size. Might have to change the rating to M. But that is good to know. I mean, I never really would have thought about something in my height anyway. But, you know, I never really thought about that angle, especially if you don't have it in there, then they won't respond to you. We won't write back. And here's another tip. Women, when they're brand new, it's almost like it's a real estate listing. And it's like this hot listing and it's priced well, and everybody wants to come for a showing. It's exactly the same for an online profile. So if a woman doesn't write back to you, she's not being rude. She's getting a hundred emails a day and just trying to figure it out and gets overwhelmed and sometimes doesn't write back to anybody. I recommend that people don't write to the brand new brand new people online, the brand new photos, because if you write to someone, it's gone for a couple of weeks. Well, they're inboxes and as busy and you might have a better chance of getting a response. Very interesting. I never thought of that. So don't go for the movies and go for the professionals. It's a numbers game. It's a numbers game and there's over 40 million people online dating right now and it's kind of everyday life. That's very true. That's a lot of stuff to think in, especially for us, young blood like us. Especially if you want to get out into that scene, especially now and you're looking for that commitment. So it's a lot to think in, but it's a lot of good advice to get you need to do and there's a lot of stuff that you've got to stay away from. So it definitely has the advantages and also be disadvantages. Like we said, there are parallels to this, so don't think that it's the best thing to do. But if you don't know, let's try it. Go ahead and go for it. I think go for it. You should try it. Put up a profile if you don't like it. You just take it down. Experiment with it, but have fun. Take it lightly. Don't get too serious about it. Just enjoy it. It's also entertainment. This is true too. This is very true. And then you'll have stories of how you're kids and grandkids. Oh, and then I can write about you in the next chapter in my book. There you go. There's some motivation right there. And speaking of your book, where can people get you to go to Amazon? You can get my book at cyberdatingexpert.com. Amazon.com. Barnes and Noble.com. Officially launching on Friday, February 13th, but I think you can buy an order online now. And if anybody's in Los Angeles, my kickoff book signing event is going to be in conjunction with Step Up Women's Network. And we're having a fabulous party at Social Hollywood on Thursday. The 12th at 8 o'clock. And 10% of my net proceeds will benefit Step Up Women's Network. So if you're around, show up to, this is fabulous party. Couples and singles. So Valentine's worry. Awesome. And also tell us again, where can we catch a show that is premiering? Block talk radio. Saturday's 11 o'clock. Pacific time. Starting on Valentine's Day, February 14th. That's right. Thank you so much for joining on the show. I'm just basically just going over with us what we should be putting on our profiles for cyberdating. I was fun. I enjoyed it. Yeah. Thank you for having me as a guest. Thank you very much. Anytime you look forward to hanging out on your show next Saturday. So we'll be there. Absolutely. All right. Well, as always, you know, I like to know what are we going to do on next? So we have a huge show coming up. It's tomorrow. We have a huge show. Well, let me correct that. We have two shows tomorrow, but we have a huge show here. We have two shows tomorrow, but we have a huge show, our first show. I am so excited. Our first guest in the morning at 11.30 a.m. Eastern time 8.30 a.m. Pacific time. We are first going to be joined by Mr. Alan Dick, who may fans remember from him playing the role of Dr. Jason Siever from Growing Pain. He's going to be on our show in the first half hour. He's going to be joining us for about 15 minutes. And then at 12 p.m. Eastern time, we're going to be joined by the man amidst the legend, Eric Braden, who plays Victor Newman from CBS Daytime Young and the Restless. He's going to be on our show talking about his movie that just came out on DVD recently. We're going to be going about talking about that. He's going to be joining us for a whole half hour segment. And for those of you who want to know what his movie is called, it is called The Man Who Came Bad. So you can make sure you can find that out anywhere. You can get him on Amazon.com. Make sure you guys check us out tomorrow. And for all of us here at Buzzworthy Radio, we just want to thank, and Julie, thank Julie, for coming on to the show. I want to thank my co-host, Matthew Presley, for always being here, being a good sport. It's a great time. It's a great party. And I want you to come back tomorrow. Join us at 11.30 a.m. Eastern time with Alan Dick and Eric Braden. We'll get the latest Buzzworthy Radio. We'll see you guys tomorrow. Take care. It is Ryan here, and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like, are you a fist-pumper? A woohoo! A hand clap or a high-fiver? If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. Choose from hundreds of social casino-style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly plus free daily bonuses. So don't wait. Start having the most fun ever at Chumba Casino.com. Sponsored by Chumba Casino, no purchase necessary. for a VGW group, or prohibited by law, 18+ terms and conditions apply.