-Moustics. -Testing. -Mock clicks. That sounded great. Get ready. We're going viral. Get ready. We're going viral. Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another installment of the viral podcast. I'm your host, Chelsea Lynn. And I'm your host, Paige Jen. Hello, welcome back. How are you? Good. How are you? What is your name? Well, my name is Chelsea. And I'm doing great because you brought me Waterburger this morning. Oh, dude. Waterburger prices have really shot up. How much was the bill? Only like 50 something, but I'm just saying like in general. I know. Because I swear when we went there in Texas, it wasn't as expensive. Well, we went and did a muckbang on Maggie's YouTube channel. And it was me, who was it, me, O.D., Libby, Beth, and Beth. So what's what? Five people. Five people. And we all got like one little meal, like one plate meal, and it was 90 something dollars. Oh, my gosh. And that's fast food. Fast food. That's nuts. Insane. Yeah. So, but I'm good. I had a Waterburger tequila, so I'm feeling like a water. I put water. One in each hole. Yeah. And also, wait, were you going to tell the pot about? Oh, yeah. I got a couple about what? Your little. Your little. Your little Scott. Oh, it's Libby. Your little muck slipped it. I just have a hurt back. Yeah. So Chelsea's moving a little slow today. Yeah. Yeah. We were cleaning up Maggie's garage yesterday. Gary's scratching at me. We were cleaning up Maggie's garage yesterday, and I was setting. We were stuffing boxes that need to be organized. So I was setting in a chair and kind of going through it. And I simply not even do it, not even lift anything or whatever. I just bent over to pick something up. And whoa, something in my spine went malt sleepy. Malt sleepy. Malt slippiness. And this was yesterday. I've been in pain. And I said, I am calling the chiropractor first thing in the morning to see if they can get me in for a good crunch or something because I'm like, I couldn't sleep last night. I woke up this morning and fell and screamed. You should have filmed it. I wasn't even thinking. I couldn't grab my phone or nothing. It was, yeah, not good. That's scary. Now you can just slip a disc. That easy. The most simple way. Aunt Chody did it for real. Just grabbing a dish out of the dishwasher. Shout out to Aunt Chody. And your mom, they both listened. Thank you guys for listening because we know my family's not listening. So thank you guys. Sad dude. Dang. That is sad. So every time you say that your mom said something about the pot or was watching the pot, it makes me happy. Yeah. I was like, that's really sweet. It is. I guess you do have that Gala. Yeah. I don't think she listens though. No. She doesn't listen, but somehow will know. She likes to get on the Facebook group though. Excuse me. Oh, she prowls. I think Mitch listens. Everyone. Like Mitch a lot. I slipped a disc. Gary Allen. Gary. What? I was fucking. I was like 10 minutes. Gary. Gary ruined it. Gary. You ruined our monetization. You ruined our 10 minutes. We still got six minutes, bro. I'm sorry. Gary. Oh, what else have we been doing? We went to Arkansas. We did. Hey, let's tell them about malt creepy. Which one? The old guy in the. Oh, yeah. In the bathhouse. Oh, yeah. Malt sticks. Malt sticks and malt creeps. So here's what happened. We had a malt stick, malt, click, malt leak. Before I get into that, I do want to say I have a couple of things to say. This is the last pod before our summer vacation. We are taking the first two weeks of July off to malt leaky. Yeah, a little vacation. We've done that every year. We need that malt lick. We'll have that malt lick. We're going to take time off. We're going to go, you know, try to relax. We will resume on July 16th. I think those dates are correct. Yeah. Sounds good. We'll resume July 16th. So if you're going to miss us, we will still be posting slits only to our OF and patreon. So go over there. Find us over there and malt clicky on that. You guys August 11th. My only two shows this year, August 11th. Halifax Nova Scotia, the Grey Outdoors Comedy Festival, I'm opening for Theo Vaughn. Gang, gang, baby. And then August 17th. Grantville, Pennsylvania, Hollywood Casino, me and ginger, Billy, baby. How far is that from here? I don't know. But I'm excited and you guys better be there. I think they're going to come. Some people are going to try to make the Canada show and go to my website to get tickets, eat my trash. Yeah, I'll go do that for sure. So here's what happened at the bath house. Oh, gosh. If you've never been to a bath house or like a something like that. Spa. Yeah. Usually they have like men and women separated. This is the only one I've been to that the common area was both. And this is the only one I've been to where you could bring kids. Me too. I thought that was weird. Way weird. We were in hot springs, Arkansas. You had to have wear bathing suits. Usually there's one I like to go to in Colorado. You can be full and fully nude. So we went and we got there early right when they opened and it was filled up fast. We went midweek and there's probably, I don't know how many people would say 20. 50, 40, 50. Well, towards the end, it definitely started to get more people, but there were some people. Yeah, probably like six little pulls in total. There was like kind of upper death, but you could still, you were all still really close. Could see each other. Yeah. So you go in, you go to your locker room, you put all your belongings in the locker. You have a key and you go out to the pool area. You're not suspecting your phones out there. There are signs. There are signs. No phones. You keep your thing in the locker room. So we get out out there and we keep, you know, our phones are up and everything and we're enjoying not soaking. I don't know, man. There's this guy, this old guy and well, we all left you. Yeah. You were like the only one down by the old guy. Yeah. I was by the old guy. Everyone else went to the upper pool. You were in the hottest pool. Yeah. They got too hot for us. So we had to go to the. They went to the cooler pool. So it's just me. When I'm sitting there, I got out of the pool, me and this old guy got out of the pool and I noticed he had his phone and I, that's what caught my eye. I was like, what'd you do? What'd you do? What'd you do with your phone? You know what I mean? And he was trying to be sneaky, but I was literally, I was probably from here to oh god, it wasn't far. Probably like 10 feet away. Not even probably. Yeah. Five. Five, six feet away. Okay. And I could see him, you know, when like someone's like acting on their phone, but they're trying to take a, either take it, obviously take a picture. Yeah. You can always tell. Yeah. I go, he's taking pictures of people. I could, I could tell. And he had one of those phone cases that you could like fold closed open up. Yeah. Like a book. So I sat there and watched him. I sat there and watched him and he was, and I knew that's what he was doing. And I go, I'm gonna get up and kind of walk behind him and act like I'm, you know, just kind of stroll behind him. So I get up, I walk behind him, I give a look, sure enough, he's taking pictures. He took like seven to nine pictures at a time. And he's taking a picture, he was taking a picture of these two men in the pool. And I go, that motherfucker is taking pictures of people. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I said, damn it, we got two minutes left. Dang. So he was marked clicking. He was marked clicking. He was taking pictures of people. But then I sat back down and I was watching him, dude. He either texted him or emailed him to someone. And I'm pretty sure he was deleting them from his camera roll. Sending them to his self. Yes. Yeah, deleting that evidence. Yes. And that's when I went up to y'all and I go, y'all, that guy down there is taking pictures of people. And so we just kept our eyes on him like the entire time, like all of us. He knew we knew because I was like this, watching him. Yeah. And then a guy and his daughter and his wife were walking by and the old fucker pulls out his. Oh, shit. Oh, there's the fucking swerve. Okay. So he pulls out his phone, starts malt clicking at the little kid and the wife. And we're like, hell no. So Daniel's went and said something to a worker and then the husband and wife and kids started coming up to the upper pool that we were all in. And I go, Maggie, should I say something like to the guy? And she's like, well, don't let the wife and kids hear you because it might creep them the hell out. Yeah. Yeah. So I waited for the wife and kids to walk by and I was like, hey, man, I just want to let you know that creepy man was taking pics of your kids and wife. And he goes right over to his kids and wife. Hey, that guy. I know. I was like, why would he do that? But whatever. Yeah. I know. And he's like, I'm just going to point at him. And yeah, everyone in the freaking room knew he was like, by this point, because we were pointed out everyone was alert. So I saw a worker come over and say something to him and I heard him go, Oh, I was taking pictures of the chair. Mm hmm. Yeah. I saw only those pics of the chair. And he wasn't. I was taking pictures of the chair for my wife. Anyway, after that he put his phone up. But malt. Yeah, we got a hold of the malt pervy and I guess they did allow what phones in that house. No, I didn't. Then why the hell did they even? I know. Fuck you creepy motherfucker. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Yeah. If you're part of your public pervert for you, you have one of those phone cases that you looks like a book. Fuck you. Hey, Brett. Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Man. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck you. Oh, and we farted a lot farting in the hot springs. Maggie's gallbladder really was shining, shining, shining bright like a diamond, baby. If you have not seen the video that I produced and Maggie starred in of her farting, please head over to my Instagram, I take talk, whatever, you will be blown away. It's all over the internet. It is all over the internet. Check out my chain fart, too. Oh, and you posted a chain fart. We were farting all weekend. Hey, yeah, they gave us some Millie views on it. Yeah, that's awesome. How do you do a non-sexual fart, though, you know? Well, it depends on how you view farts. Right. It seems like if you fart by yourself, I feel like that's too sexual, maybe. You have to have a friend's farting. They have taken off. I had one time a fart that was so long and I put a censored thing over it and they took it off. You had a fart with your friends, I think. So if you fart with multiple people in the video, they'll leave it up. Chain farts? So we all got to stick together. Yeah. We do stick together. That would be crack the code. But I was alone in that video and they haven't taken it down yet. Well, Chelsea's hand was in, my hand was in it, I was laughing at it. She was making it funny. Okay. Yeah. That's true. We just got to be careful with our farts. Yeah, we're saying. We got to protect them. Yeah. Oh, and if you guys are wondering where to get mulch sticks, a tractor supply, stop it. Tell them the story. Tell them. I'm mad we didn't record it. I know. I was thinking about recording it, but I was like, you know, I just kind of want to just be fun in the, in the moment there was a guy. Yeah. We were on our way back from hot springs and we stopped that gas. I went in to use the bathroom, came back out. Yeah. Yeah. Me and Maggie stayed in the car and I opened the door. This guy was pumping gas. He was probably like early 20s. Hold on. Can I say something? He was young. Because you know, we've been saying on this podcast, malt leaky, well, it has morphed into our life. We'll go, malt sticks, malt icky, baby. We'll say malt sticky, malt sticks, malt, malt ick, malt icky, malt, pix. Malt, malt, pix, malt sticks. And we said, oh, they were going malt pick, malt stick, malt, malt pick me up, malt pick me up. So that's, that's where anything. That's where the malt sticks comes from. So go ahead. Yeah. Pretty much malt anything. But malt sticky the most. Yeah. I opened the door and I go, Hey, do you know where I could get some malt sticks? And he like lifts his head up above his car and he goes malt sticks and he goes, yeah, there's malt sticks down at tractor supply and started telling us where they are. Yes. And then so we looked it up and people have actually like looked up malt sticks at tractor supply. And so I don't know. I guess they sell them. Malt sticks. Don't even know what that is. We googled it. What is it? It just popped up that they are at tractor supply. Yeah. Yeah. Malt sticks. And the fact that he knew. I know he goes malt sticks. Oh, it's a snack. A dog. It is a snack. Yeah. It was like a dog treat. Oh, my God, and he knew they were at tractor supply. Arnett's TV. Just hearing people repeat malt sticks is so funny. Arnett's TV snacks malt sticks are coated in a smooth layer of chocolate, which melts in your mouth as you bite into a light and crunchy biscuit center. Pop open a pack with friends and family for delicious bites of pure fun. We're going to get some malt sticks. We got a sponsor. We got a sponsor. Please sponsor us, please. Can you imagine pumping gas in the girl next to you in the car goes, hey, you know where I can get some malt sticks? I was so directly to him. I said, hey, do you know where I can get some malt sticks? He literally told you and he knew. That's what's funny, dude. Oh, my God. And he goes, malt sticks, malt sticks, yes. I turn around and Maggie's trying to like shuffling to get her phone out. She was like, why didn't you tell me to record malt sticks? Because he was so invested. I know. Damn. Missed out. That's really funny. Mm-hmm. We should go around though and ask people. You didn't, hey, we're going to get some malt sticks. I love that. I love that we don't say malt sticks. We say malt sticks. Yeah. You have to like do a malt sticks, malt malt sticks, malt, oh, he's bending over for my mom. Oh, yeah. I'm posing. Why did they say bend it like Beckham? What was he doing? I'm just bending it. I've never heard that in my life. He was a movie. Oh. Oh, really? Well, it's how he kicks the soccer ball, like, you know, the curve that's bending it. Bending it. Bending it. Oh, yeah. I don't know if his cock was curved a lot. Oh, yeah. Brett, how are you? Really good. Thanks. How are you? I'm pretty good. Good. I'm really good. Good. Yeah. Malt sticks. Well, I saw you this morning. I said, hey, Brett, you miss me? What do you say? And you said what? I said, yeah. Of course. And I said, scale of one to ten. Ten, yeah. Hm. And I hugged you and put my armpit. And it did not smell. Right. So malt measy. Hey. What? The benzoyl peroxide works pretty good. For what? Biodes. Yeah. Why not? Oh, no, no. Hydrogen peroxide. Why not just put deodorant on? I don't want to do that. Okay, Brett. Thank you. Chemicals. Okay. And there's no chemicals in peroxide? What is peroxide? Hydrogen peroxide. I don't know nothing about that. I bet there's a chemical in it. But, like, you know, sometimes even baking soda, they'll say baking soda is natural. And then- Some is not. I just don't understand it. Mm-hmm. Some has bleach in it. Yeah. Some is not natural. You have to be careful. Yeah. Hydrogen peroxide is just H2O2. Oh. Yeah. But how do they get baking soda if it is natural? Like, where does it derive from? That's a great question. Brett, can you look that up where baking soda derives from? Boy. But I will say this. I love putting hydrogen peroxide. And peroxide. Sodium bicarbonate. Which is what? And natural gas. Sodium N-A-B-2. And then carbonate-C. Okay. I'll go go. Also, I love putting hydrant peroxide in my ears. Oh, gosh. I need to do that. Yeah. I do that. And people say it's so bad, but my mom did it to me all my life. I don't do it often, but I don't care. I don't care if it's bad. It feels good. I'm going to do it. Mm-hmm. The bubbles. Got to get that mop-bobbly. Okay. Baking soda is a naturally occurring crystalline, crystalline chemical compound that is often in powder form. Three, three, it is mined and then created through a chemical process. So it's actually like a- Like a- Like a- Like a- Like a solid crystal. That's mined. They mined it. Dang. That is interesting. Whoa. I never knew that. But they're going like deep underground for that. Wait a sec. Are you saying baking soda is mined? Yeah. Yeah. Baking soda. I am baking soda. Says pharmacist Valentine Rose. It's just a chemical compound. Like I was saying. Okay. You know. pharmacist Valentine Rose, the younger is credited with the discovery of sodium, carbonate. Bicarbonate. Yeah. That's in Berlin in 1846, two American bakers, John DeWy in Austin Church established the first factory in the United States to produce baking soda from sodium carbonate and carbon dioxide. What? Interesting. How would people know to do that? That's wild to me. We set around a fart. That's all we know. Oh, that's a little chemistry. Well, in our own way, but we're not going to sit there and think to- We're artists. We're producing that gas. Yeah. Yeah. In a way. It's crazy. Chemists are pretty cool. Yeah. You know. Mixing and- Yeah. Look at Gary. I know. Athletics. What does he think I have? Gary. You want to hit page? Gary. Get over there. Gary. Go ahead. Yeah. I think whoever has the best chemist is the best athlete. What do you mean? Like they just found a way to- Steroids? Yeah. Okay. They felt okay. Like ketamine. Everyone's telling me to do ketamine. What? Isn't that a drug? It's a horse tranquilizer. Why are people- I've heard several people. Who? Mm. And why would you do it? Well, I don't know if I want to say their names. Oh, but strangers are people you know. People I know actually on strangers. Pretty much everyone. Veterinarians. No. Some- Yeah, everyone you know has told me to do it. Honey's y'all are- y'all just sit here and said you're scared of chemicals and- and arm deodorant, but you don't want- you don't want ketamine? I'm not- I'm not doing it. No, I'm not doing it. I need to learn more about it. I'll do mushrooms and smoke all the marijuana, but- Sure. Yeah. I'm not- I don't know. Ketamine kind of scares me because it's not natural. I don't know. I've never heard it my life. These are all natural chemicals, though. Okay. You know, like sodium. Which can still be harmful. I think anything too much is probably a bad thing. Sure. What about blowjobs? I mean, it'll probably not feel as good. Yeah, that might catch some wear and tear. Yeah. Okay, that makes sense. Maybe every other day would be better. Okay. But not like five times a day. Ten times a day. Twenty times a day. Mix it up. Okay. Makes sense. Okay. Well, great little talk we had here. Gary wants to take up so he backs up. Oh, Gary. And Gary's always on my desk. I never get to see him over there. I know. I'm going to set him on my lap because I don't know what flour. Gary. Gary. Yeah. Yeah, so where were we? I don't know where we were, but you know what I think we should do? What? A little malt-like. A little malt-like. Two truths. One lie. Oh, I love that. I love that bang. Faking soda. All right. We got two truths in a lie where we list off two things that are true. And one thing that is a lie. And the other person has to guess which one is the lie. Okay. Is everyone ready? Oh, gosh. I'm kind of not. You want to go first? Here we go. Yeah. Here we go. Two truths in a lie. My first kiss was in a car. I hate sunflower decor. I had an orgasm while riding a horse. Fuck. Oh, an orgasm while riding a horse. I'm trying to think of when you were on a horse. Yeah. I think I never, I can't say things. I used to cut it off. I used to cut it off. Okay. Don't say okay. No. I'm going to believe that one. Okay. Maggie. Okay. And then. Well, don't, don't, don't believe Matt. Don't believe that. The outer block. You everything else. Start from the start. Fresh. I might be trying to throw you off. I'm on the judge and I'm just, I'm ordering the court. Strike that. Okay. So we have horse come. I hate sunflower decor. And my first kiss was in a car. I'm going to say that. Which one's the lie. I'm going to say your, your lie is the, fuck man. You know Maggie. Maggie, do you know? I think, but I don't, I'm not a hundred percent. So you guess first and then I'll have, and then we'll have you guess. Okay. I think. She's thinking. I think that you didn't wait, you didn't come on horse. I think the horse didn't, didn't make you come. All right. I'm just going to fucking go with that. What about you Maggie? I think your first kiss in a car is the lie. I take the first kiss in a car is a lie. I think the horse is a lie. Who's right? Page is right. Fuck you. And you. The horse made, didn't make you come. Yeah. Can we get some claps? Come on. No. The claps are so hard to fucking find. Hold on. Yeah, it is kind of scary. I need, I have my own little sound board over here. I think I'll get shit rolling over here. No, you don't need to get those plastic clap things and just hold on. Yes. Yes. So my first kiss I think was in a car. The first one that I can remember. Who was it? Yeah. Yeah. How old were you? Better not be Greg. No. There is a, I was probably 10 or 11. And I think I had, this was like my first like real kiss. And it was, we're living in sulfur by the deaf school. Jesus. And the neighbor, remember we had that old lady and her grand sons would always come over and visit her? Right? But the old lady lived behind us. The one you found dead? No. That's a different lady. And her grandkids would always come over. Okay. I barely remember that. And we would all play together. Yeah. Well, dad had an old car in the, in between our two houses in the backyard that had like grass. It was not even working, rusty grasses growing around it. And him and I would always go in there and make out and draw hump. Whoa. Did you know that back? Damn. I've told you all this before on the podcast. Yeah. That's funny. That's what I, I think I had like, you know, like maybe, but this was like, I think it was my first like, you know, we used to do, I, I remember going in that car and getting those, uh, Q tips and we would get lotters and act like we were smoking them. And we would actually light those fuckers on fire. Who would? Me and some neighborhood kids. You know what? I used to smoke. I used to seriously get sticks. I mean, my friend, we'd cut them. We'd light them. We'd smoke them. That's funny playing with fire. I was in there playing with fire and you were in there, dropping up and I think I was full blown orgasming too, which is wild. Whoa. With the jeans. Yeah. With the draw home. Would you tell him? I just can't. I don't know. I didn't know that's what I was doing. Was he getting hard? I don't know. Did you ever touch it? Y'all. Did you fuck him? We made out and draw humped. That's it. That's funny. And to me, that was having sex. Yeah. I mean, to me, I was like, yeah. How old do you think you were? Like what grade? I was probably 10 or 11 because before we moved to, it's before we moved to Marietta and I was 11 or 12 when we moved there. It was right before. So I'm thinking I'm like, 10, 11, could have been nine, but I think I was like 10. Well, what grade are you in? Did you miss him? At 10 or 11. When we moved? Yeah. No. Did you think about him? No. Who it is now? I know. That's funny. You don't know. You don't remember his name? No. He's out there somewhere. What if he's like a fan and watches my videos and not knowing I'm the one that humped him? Well, if you were his first, he probably remembers that too. But he probably remembers it, but he doesn't remember me. Well, what if he's listening to this podcast and he's like, hey, I used to do that too. Oh my God, reach out. If your grandma lived by the deaf school. And you'd go to that car with, and sulfur around it. And you'd go into a car and make out with. But how long are you at nine, 10, 11, like how, or nine, 10, 10, what grade is that? He was just a doll to you. Yeah. Yeah. They might have been like fifth grade. That is crazy. And we were, I mean, every time they come out, we were also trying. I can imagine the kids doing that. We grew up, I feel like so different. Yeah. Parents are just more. I don't know, man, but I think they'd be doing it. Just saying. Yeah. Well, we don't have neighborhood kids and stuff. There's ways. But you can find a slide. You can find. There's there's ways. Yeah. You stop mid mid slide and get a little touchy feeling. Okay. Here we go. Two truths. One lie. Here we go. My first car was a stick shift. I've been bit by a snake and I have been to a Winona concert. You did the Winona concert last time. Okay. Let me do this one then. You ever did that. Let me do this one then. The car. I remember hearing the car. Yeah, you did. I dropped out of college. Okay. Okay. That will be my last one. Oh, so. So I dropped out of college. I've been bit by a snake. Oh, you need a different one from that. Okay. I've met Tom Green. Okay. Give me the three because you listed like eight things. Yeah. You just said I did those last. You did. You did. And I have them crossed off. I've met Tom Green. Okay. I've met a snake and I've dropped out of college. Well, you've dropped out of college. You've met Tom Green. The lies you got bit by a snake. Sad. I thought you would think I've actually been bit by a snake. Fuck. I would die if I ever got bit by a snake. Oh, I know. I would tell everybody every day they got bit by a snake. If we walked outside, I go, y'all, we know, we know you got bit by a snake, be careful. I would tell. Oh my God, that's my worst fear. If it's latched on and then you see it's long body attached, what do you do to people try to rip it off? I fucking karate it. Do you bite your ass? Do you leave it on your arm? They're quick. Not always. Not at all. But they stay. But you never rip because they're they're teeth are curved. Ooh. So you never rip out because you'll know, can let them go out. Oh my. I didn't know they were all kind of like that too. The teeth are like this and they have rolls. I guess I didn't know. They have teeth. You mean? Hold on. Rollers. What'd you say? Rolls. Well, bacon rolls. You said rolls of teeth. They have rolls. Like sharks. Rose. Rose of teeth. Yes. I did not know. I knew that they have smell from their tongue. Like that's why their tongue comes out is because they're sniffing. We've seen two snakes here within the last two weeks. The working man that came to my house the other day, I said, Hey, watch out. There's big ass snakes down there because we had just seen that one. He goes, man, that's like my fifth snake today. I go shut up. Prevaling out here. They're everywhere. Watch out. Watch your teeth. They're tall grass. How'd you tows? How would you deal with a snake? Just, you know, suck out the poison. No, no, no, no, not if it bit you. If we were out in the yard right now or out in this port or whatever and there was a snake there, how would you react? I'd just start running. That's what I was looking at. Yeah. I'm fast. Yeah. When the snake, my cousin, lost when we went to Lake Powell and you went downstairs to the room and it was just, Oh, yeah, we did have to, I was looking for a snake. We left my hand. Jody in the house all week long with a snake and didn't tell her it was missing. Hold on. Was it in a cage? A pet snake? Yeah, but it was like a very big yellow snake that she didn't even know my cousin had. That got out of the cage and was in the house. We were looking for it before we left on the trip and we, we never told her nothing. Good thing she didn't see it. She would have shit, dude. Yeah. Well, she gone down now. Yeah. She found out later. Okay. Good. Good. All right. Well, damn. Very, very interesting. I think, I think we should do some calls and then we got a little bit of something else towards the end. Right. Do you smell that? What is it? Right. It's not your pits. Bad. Roll that beautiful bean footage. Hey, honey, it's got a woody rather here. Would y'all rather have mashed potatoes playing for the rest of your life? No butter, no salt, no, no gravy, nothing. All right. Or would y'all rather never get to be able to eat salsa again? All right. Bye y'all. Oh, yeah. Oh. So. Some potatoes, mashed potatoes, or no salsa? Or no sauce ever again. I'm a sauce. Oh, I thought she said salsa. Just sauce in general. I'm a sauce. Yeah. I can't not do sauce. Yeah. And I don't like mashed potatoes, so I just do that playing. I love mashed potatoes, but I'm not going without sauce. You can kiss my ass. Yeah. Fuck mashed potatoes, dude. You can kiss my ass. Cocktail sauce. Oh, horseradish sauce. Orbi sauce, diablo sauce, malt leaky sauce. I bet sour cream counts, because it's kind of like a side sauce. Just any, I'm a sauce that every bite has to have a doubt of sauce. Yes. Yes. Every bite. Yeah, I'm going with the sauce. I can deal with it. I can handle no mashed potatoes in my life. Cannot handle no sauce. We use sauce on everything. Yeah. So some people eat chicken strips with no sauce. And my freaky, or with just ketchup. Don't trust people who don't use sauce for real. Sauce to me, I use food to get to, for the sauce. Food is the vessel for the sauce. Exactly. In fact, if they don't have the sauce, I won't get the meal. Correct. We are sauce, horseradish sauce. And I just found this new sauce. Well, I guess it's more of a dressing, but I know you hate Chipotle, but they have a vinaigrette dressing that I never knew about, oh, it's like a sweet vinaigrette. Yeah. I'm not a Chipotle fan. I'm not. Yeah. Can't do it. Yeah. It has a weird flavor. It doesn't. It's not good. You know what is good that we ate there before Maggie, and I want to go there again, that caava. Yeah. Never heard. Oh, let's go this week sometime. It's like a, it's like a Chipotle you go and order, but it's like almost like Greek. Oh, it's so good. Food and hair bowls and flatbreads and stuff with lots of sauce options. Very good. Sauce options are another really cool thing. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was a great question. Yeah. Thank you so much. Yeah, I hate sauce. Actually. That's why we don't trust you. Yeah. Yeah. That's why. I heard everything you guys said. That's rare. That is rare. That's rare. That's rare that he heard everything we said. Yeah. No, you're doing great. Hey Brad. Hey Brad. Hey Brad. Hold on. I got something to ask. Oh boy. Am I a killer because of any sauce? No, no, no, no. Oh. You trying to start a fight? Yeah. Brad, are you? He's trying to be a victor today. No, I've been told that it's serial killer-ish. But what's your question? Hey Victor. Are you mad at me? No. Do you really hate sauce, Brad? Yeah. I see you eat it all the time. What sauce? Diablo. You know Diablo. I like Diablo sauce. And Chick-fil-A. That's salsa though. And the Chick-fil-A sauce. That's salsa. And you love salsa. That's just salsa. That's just salsa. I don't like sauce. He doesn't like sauce? Like enchiladas. Or what? You'd rather have a plain burrito rather than enchiladas. I don't like Texas peats. Okay. So you left some sauce. I don't like Barbies. I don't like... Anything that's sauce when you eat it. When I first met him, he would eat his Taco Bell without sauce. And I went, "What the hell are you doing?" And now he likes Diablo. But... Yeah. Can't trust it. I don't know. He can't trust me. My trust level was already low, and now I have none. Right. Vicky. I like how they use mayonnaise though. Hey, Brad. That's not a sauce. Brad. It's a spread. Were you a valid Victorian? Uh-uh. I didn't even know they had that. Valid Victorian? Yeah. Can you imagine Brad was the valid Victorian of your class and gave a speech? No. Can you imagine that? Hey, Brad. I think about the grades though. You know what we should do for the next podcast? Will you do something for us? Sure. Will you rot and perform a valid Victorian speech? Yeah. I will. Hmm. I had to speak at my graduation. I had to welcome everyone to the graduation and do a little speech, and it was right after I did a fake fall, so my hat was all messed up. I was trying to fix it. What'd you say? I was probably just like, hello and welcome to the class of 2013, probably something like that. That's pretty good. Just say. I can't remember what I said, but don't. Brad, give a valid Victorian speech next part, okay? All right. Thank you for thinking or something. I like to thank all my teachers. How do you even say the word? But you got to do it. Okay. We'll talk about it. How do you say it? Valid Victorian. How do you spell it? Valid Dick, Torian. Yeah, make yours a valid Victorian. Valid Victorian. Brad's going to give a valid Victorian speech. Mm-hmm. Okay. Good job, Brad. Just the difference between that and a salute, a Torian. Is it a salute, a Torian? A lot of Torian is topic-class, salute is the one below it. Mm-hmm. So the top two smartest. Okay. Hello and welcome to the MooMoo commercials. Who wants better sex? Me. Well, do you know how to get started? I do. I'll tell you what. What? I usually go to one of my favorite websites, Adam and Eve.com. Okay, they got everything I'm going to need and you're going to need to help you have not only better sex, but just better nuts, even if it's alone. They offer lube, cock rings, dildos, small dildos, clitsuckers. You can keep going. Butt, butt, plugs, yeah. Even smaller cock rings, cock cages, y'all. They got it all, okay? And Adam and Eve.com is offering 50% off just about any one item, plus, plus, free shipping. Okay, which includes rush processing. 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Here we go. Hey, Molly. Cheyenne here. Um, so about a year or two ago, I got called down for jury duty and I actually got paid because the person I got paid ended up being a murder case. Um, there was actually somebody happened to record a snapchat video of the entire murder. So we were watching the video the first day. It was really emotionally draining and hard. We did end up sentencing him, sentencing him guilty and we did get him 50 years. Um, so I was just wondering if you ever had the chance to be on the jury of a murder case. Do you think you can do it? Thank you, honey. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. And thanks for calling in. This is a great question. Yeah. Jury duty. Oh, do we think we could do jury duty in a murder case? Yeah. Yeah. Hell yeah. I could help out for sure. I'd be invested as hell. I think I could. I used to want to do that. I used to want to be a juror in a murder case. So, the older I get, the more I'm like, man, I don't really want to dedicate months of my life to that. And it does have to be energy draining. It's got to take a big effect on their mental health. Yeah. Like, how do they even get through that, you know, dealing with death? But we watch murder every single day and that and we're always looking for the next best case. I know. I don't know. I think. Yeah. Maybe this. When I got summoned for jury duty out in California a couple years ago, a few years ago, I was excited because I was like, oh, I hope it's like something, something, you know, like a, yeah, but it wasn't. It was something weird. Traffic ticket. Yeah. Or something like that. I got called for jury duty and I didn't show up because I had moved, like, I got it after. Oh. And I, so every day I was thinking, am I going to go to jail? Never happened. I don't know. Just. I didn't call anybody, didn't do nothing. That's funny. I wonder if there's a warrant out for your arrest. In California? Probably. I think it got called twice even, but every time they would send it after I'd move. You got to update your license stuff. Yeah. Yeah. You got to do that. Guess we'll find out. Yeah. I guess we'll find out. How dumb though, you know, that you have to, I didn't, when I was born, I didn't sign up for this duty. This is the, this is, yeah. I never even knew about jury duty until after I graduated and then like, like, I didn't know they could just send it to whoever, like, you got put on a list. I thought you actually had to go like sign up for something, you know, isn't that wild? Like, they don't tell you when you're in school or anything. And in my small town, I didn't hear of anybody going to jury duty ever. That's funny. I feel like I've always known that. Yeah. It's like a lottery. It's like a random mix. And they, yeah. I've never gotten called one time, should have took mine. Yeah. It's coming, Maggie. Oh God. Knock on wood. It's coming. I'm going to get it now. Yeah. It's coming. Just know that. Interesting. All right. Thank you for calling in. Honey's love. Yeah. Hey, honey. Mad here. So my husband just called me and he said, you know, something along the lines of, you know, I'm going to be cleaning today on my day off. And he says, you know how, like, the dog hair gets really, like, caught underneath the couch? Like, make sure you clean that. I was already like, okay, like, of course, I was going to be doing that. And it was already bothered by him even bringing that up. Then when I said, like, yeah, I'm going to be doing that. I hear some of his coworkers laughing in the background. I said, did you just call me to show your coworkers that I would do whatever you say? And one of his coworkers says something about me being trained. What would you guys do? What would you say to my husband, if that were you? It's honey's. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, that motherfucker. The hair's not getting cleaned. Not only that hair is staying. Not only is the hair not getting cleaned, but the whole entire house is not getting cleaned. And I'm sitting on my house watching Datelyn all day, and there's going to be food wrappers all around me, and when he comes in, my feet going to be propped up and I'll go, oh, no, no. And I'm not kidding. Fuck that guy. Dude, what a, what, what are you trying to do? Throw some manpower at work to your buddies. I'm not kidding. I'm not kidding. I'm not cleaning nothing. Nothing. Why are, why do you think gives the men like the satisfaction of like, is that just a control thing? Like, oh, look, what my wife will do? I don't know. I don't know. Because I feel like a lot of men. People, even like back in the day, you know, even the whole like, make me a sandwich like that mentality. Yeah. Like what? I wonder what gets men off about that, like, I don't know. I don't know. But guess who's not cleaning the house? Me. Would you say something though? Would you? When he was on the phone, like, fuck you, Andrew coworker, or would you say, like, get home and lick this, every pussy. That's a good one. I'm putting myself in that situation and I'd probably be like, I probably would have said the same thing. Like, what do you, did you just call me? Am I on speaker? Like, you know, call him out. I would have said like, okay, you can clean the house when you get off work. Click. Mm hmm. And I'm setting all my ass all day on my day off. Yeah. And suck your own dick. Yeah. And suck your own dick. Yeah, his ass. That would piss me off. Oh yeah. And, and honestly, it would piss me off even if he wasn't around his friends and he called me privately from work saying, are you going to clean the house, make sure and clean under the couch, that would piss me off the friend, him calling in front of his coworkers wasn't added. Oh, yeah. That's so disrespectful though. I'd be like, okay, I'm going to clean how I clean and how I want to clean it. And if you want that cleaned, you do that when you get home. I just, that's how I'd be. But I'm also, I've never been in that predicament because I'm a very like, I'm a, I'm, I'm like clean under stuff and behind stuff. So that's like normal for me anyway, it bothers me if I don't. But if Greg was cleaning, I would never tell him, make sure you get, you know what I mean? I'm not going to control and micro manage the way someone cleans. I'll just do it the way I want. Yeah. He's probably one of those husbands that doesn't do anything. Yeah. Doesn't clean, doesn't do anything. That's what I'm saying, just like, oh, I'm the man of the house. You'll listen to me like, nah, man, you'll, you'll be here doing that yourself. Yeah. Mokleke, baby. Ooh. Yeah, that pissed me off. Oh, wait. Can we go back to the jury duty thing? Yeah. We can do whatever wants our podcast. Yes. Right. Um, when somebody stole a bunch of stuff out of my car in California, they wanted me to go like testify against the dude, you know, but just because like he stole a bunch of my shit and they were going to send him to jail or whatever. And I was scared though, my sisters are like, don't do it, you'll, because like the family could go after you if they're there, like if you're sentencing somebody to jail, you know? So imagine if you're on jury duty and the family's there, like they could go after you. Yes. You know? Yes. So I guess that's a different way to look at it. Whoa. And it has happened. They don't do interview. They say quiet. They, their names are not supposed to go out like, yes. Yes. Also, how they found the guy that stole your stuff because my papers were still on him. He stole everything. So they just, you, you filed it, you called over. Yeah. No, I called and made a police report and then so they were like on the look for the sky and then they found him like months later and he still had some of my stuff and like papers with my name on it. Interesting. Hmm. Very interesting. Yeah. I was going to go. They said, do you want to go testify against him and my sister said, don't do it because it's not worth your life. Right, right, right. Okay. Yeah. We're going to go to truth one life. That would have been a great to truth one life. Next time. So wait, you said that it happens all the time. People will go after like the family or somebody who testifies against them. Yeah. I mean, it depends on, it depends on the case and if it's a high profile, high, yes. Like people will like stay quiet. Their names are not supposed to be really like the O.J. Simpson jury. Like they, a lot of them didn't do interviews. Some wanted to be in the spotlight like, yes, that's a big jury protection is a big thing. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. You'd be good at it. Thank you. I think you should sign up. Sign up for duty. Just go put your name on a list. Sign up for jury duty. No, you would actually be good in the courthouse. I feel like. I went and they had to go the jury select. I think I had to go. I think it went two days. One or two days of jury selection. I was pissed. Like I don't want to be here because they had, they make you wait. A lot of sitting around. They make you wait in their room for three hours and then you come in and they ask you questions. Are you willing to do that? I'm just like, oh my God. How do they keep you from staying off like the news or whatever? Like looking stuff up about the case. It depends, some, so like once again I'm going to go back to the OJ Simpson. So the OJ Simpson, they were not allowed and I may be wrong. They were not allowed to like go home. And I think that the, it lasted nine months. Mostly be at the jail. So nine months they shuttled them to and from a hotel every time and the floor they were on was protected and they couldn't leave. They could only watch, they had TVs with like VCRs that could watch. They didn't have like cable. They couldn't watch stuff. As far as I know. I mean. That's like being in jail. Yeah. That's why a lot of them were like, I, I, this was horrible for nine months. I didn't talk to my family, you live, breathe, breathe, eat the case. Dang. That's a good thing to bring up because you just never really like put yourself in those, you know? Yeah. You don't really know what they go through. Also that's a long trial. Mm-hmm. Normally they're not that long. With social media though, they're such a different aspect on it. Even the Johnny Depp case, you know, didn't one of them get in trouble for, or was it the prank over her? Somebody was getting in trouble because they're like, oh, we know that you saw some of the case on Twitter. I think that was the Johnny Depp case. Yeah. Yeah. That's freaking, yeah. Did somebody fucking shit their pants? I got Gary. He farted. Yeah. Gary's on your lap. He smelled over here a while ago. They fart and it'll hit you. Gary. I'm catching eggs, dude. Gary. Look at him. Ah! Oh, sorry. I farted. I think you're just trying to join the group. I ate that. Oh, don't say I ate that. Hi, baby. Sometimes I wonder if there's, like, jury orgies kind of, like when they're in the room taking forever. Oh, yeah. You know they were probably fucking. Yeah. Brett. Lock doors. You said sometimes I wonder. So this is not the first time you've wondered that? Mm-hmm. Wow. Because I've never thought that. I've never thought of that either. Jury people fucking. Yeah. How many people are on a jury, a juror's, isn't there usually a vote, a raise of hand or something? Like 12? I was going to say I think it's 12, but I may be out of it. We may be wrong, but 10, 12, something like that. Right. And they all have to agree. I mean, look at that. Depends. Depends. Oh. Depends. Sometimes it has to be unanimous. Sometimes it just has to be a vote against. I feel like the whole court system is so messed up. Like every rule or every, it just all seems so. Yeah. Big time. Yeah. Yeah. It's interesting though. True crime. So I think that. Most Dicks. Yeah. Most Dicks. Mote Picks. Mote Picks. Thank you for calling in, honeys. Yeah. I love you all. Hey, honeys. Moo Moo commercials here. Since vacation season is officially in full swing, I want to take a second to talk about about the things that I just can't travel without. And most importantly, I need to bring a deodorant. I can trust. Okay. That's why I love loomie whole body deodorant. Hey, honeys. Mote sweaty here. Hey, honeys. Summer here. Hey, honeys. Super hot out here. Big time. Okay. And that's why I love loomie, you guys. But thanks and loomie. I don't spend a single second of vacation time worrying about whether or not I smell. Okay. Because I know I'm always going to smell mote fresh. So if you're taking a trip this summer or doing a little summer road trip or whatever, a little weekend thing, loomie makes the ultimate travel partner. They've even got travel size minis. Okay. And they're really cute. Gary. Momma's doing an ad. You shut that. You shut that. Gary barks. The best that you can't hear him. But he did bark. All right. Back to the ad. The little minis are so cute and they're perfect for your toiletry bag. New customers get 15% off all loomie products with our exclusive code and link use code viral pod at loomie deodorant.com L U M E D E O D O R A N T dot com. I love to put it. I'm just going to say it on the sides of my food. Okay. Cause for me, that's what gets sweaty. That's what gets moist. That's what can get real rank for me. And I should do after the shower, a glide here and a glide there and I am good, bro. That's right. Oh, tea. You put deodorant on your vaginal area. Yes. Loomie is seriously safe to use anywhere on your body pits under boobs, five fold belly buttons, butt crack, vulvas. I love saying vulvas and feet and you guys, they got sense like clean, tangerine, lavender sage and toasted coconut. Mmm. Yum. This starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like mini body wash and deodorant rips and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all loomie products with our exclusive code and if you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack that equals over 40% off their starter pack, use code viral pod for 15% off your first purchase at loomie deodorant.com, that's code viral pod at L-U-M-E-D-E-O-D-O-R-A-N-T dot com. Hey, honey. Would you rather hear, um, I was listening to the episode with, um, Alan and getting his dick stuck in the zipper, so it made me think of one. If you'd rather have your pussy lips stuck in a zipper or have your pussy lips pinched by a crawfish, let me know. Ooh, I'm jam. I'm going with a crawfish, a hundred percent. Yeah, a crawfish because that's just one pinch of zippers, multiple little holes. Bridget. Yeah. And he may do it. The, the pinch may be firm, but it may be hard. You know what you're getting it with a zip in the lip. That's too compact. You're actually, oh, oh, it might come off. If it's zipped. Yeah. My sister zipped up her lip, I think once, but when I got my dad's dick out of his zipper, man, I, that was something I never want. You helped him though. You were there for him. Dude. Oh my God. You were there for him. I can't believe I did that. It's like a movie. Well, Brett, would you rather get your ballsacked, zipped up, zipped up or would you have a crawfish pinch it? No. Ah, crawfish probably. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's not going to feel good. It's still going to hurt. Do you watch that girl on TikTok who does a crawfish boil every night by herself in her kitchen pretty much? I mean, I watch a lot of crawfish boils on there, but I don't know of one specific person. I think her name's like Madison or she's like known as like the crawfish queen. She puts sunglasses on it. Oh no. Dude. And she just like, it loves them. People let them just pinch them and stuff. Oh, I'm kind of scared of crawfish and stuff for you. No, I'm not scared. I don't like crawfish. But would you be the type of person to like let them pinch you and? No. I'm busy. Yeah. Well, if you had a hold of one, if you did get a hold of one, though, not even for like content, maybe. I would. I would do anything for content. It was good. It was good. If we came up with a good idea, that was a good content idea, I'd probably fuck around with one. We'll do this. Do this. Do what? Just bite your pussy lips. I don't want everyone nothing. No. Is that cruelty to animals? Well, I'm not going to do it deliberately. I'm not going to do that deliberately. I'm not going to let it sit there and play with my pussy and then boil it up for dinner. We don't eat it. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh, I love watching people eat on on those crab, those, you know, how they get dirty. They're the slurps. Not the slurps. More so it just looks good. But I've done some seafood boil muck bangs, but I've never done any on TikTok, and I'm thinking about doing it. Yeah, you just did a live one. Yeah. I did a live one. What else? Yeah. I would probably let a little baby gator bite my nipple. Mmm. They got natal teeth. Oh, dang. Natal teeth. Yeah. Don't do that. Do something else. Have a crawfish do it. It's just have me twist it. Yeah. Let's just stick with that. Yeah. I'm just going to twist it. Uh, what's my, what's this call? Elbow skin. Yeah. Why isn't there filling here? I'd let any. Pack a derm skin. Yeah. Pack a derm? Yeah, like the rhinos and the elephants. That's what it's called. Yeah. Pack a derm. Oh, wow. Right there. Only. Why do you want something to bite you? I don't. Just for content. She's been biting me a lot lately. What? Like my ankles and stuff. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. All right. I'm sitting here thinking, okay. What is she telling? I'm sitting here thinking, oh, she's biting your ear. She's biting your neck. The bitch is biting your ankles. No. You remember that guy who chased me around and I missed dance practice because he was acting like a dinosaur. Yes. Yeah. That's what I've been doing. I'll do it to you later. I like it though. That's funny. I'll get to you guys. Okay. Get me. Watch your ankles. Get me. Uh, interesting. I love, I love the wood you rather is in the F make F M K. I love those. Maggie. What would you rather? Lip or crawfish. Or crawfish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. To the lip. Big con. Way easier. Yeah. All right. Next call. Okay. This is the last call. Last call. Then we've got Truvio. Hey honey. Crazy college roommate here. Quick story from my college days, but I had a roommate move out mid semester and we had a replacement come in like the next day. And when she came in, it was absolute mayhem and she told us the story about how she quote unquote left her sorority with, you know, not so great terms, came in with like three bottles of alcohol in her hands that she stole. And she told us about how she got revenge on them before she left. So for a couple of weeks before she was planning on leaving, she had been peeing in water bottles for like weeks during them all waiting until the day. And when the day came and everybody was gone out of a house, she poured all bottles of urine all over everything like people's beds, couches, floors, carpets, all of it, pasture shit and left. Would you befriend this crazy new roommate or would you try to avoid her at all costs? Because my house is divided. I don't know. I would want to run that crazy on my side. I don't want to have her unlocking my doors and peeing on my bed. How about you, honey? Oh, yeah. Love you guys. Love you, honey. I love you, honey. Storner piss to pour it out. She was planning that. Dang, you could probably get so many bottles a day, but why here's my thing. Why would you tell your new roommates? Yeah. Is that like a warning? Smart. Yeah, don't fuck with me. This is what you'll get. Part of me is like, not cool if it was one person, but you did the whole house. What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What did they do to her? They either fucking deserved it or she psycho. I mean, I'm leaning towards the psycho. I can't imagine just storing up piss. If somebody fucked with me or did something I like, my first thought wouldn't be like, OK, from here on out, I'm storing piss. Storing piss. And pouring it every-- That's not-- All that smell. That's a smell that falls me away. You'd have to gut the whole fucking house. Oh God. Because the carpet, dude, hopefully they had wood floors. It'd be hard for me to-- after hearing that, it'd be hard for me to live. I would lock-- I would put bolts on my bedroom door so she ain't getting in there. I'd say, hey, no cups are allowed in rooms. And also, I get what she's saying, like, hey, if she's crazy, you want to have her on your side. I get that. But also, if she's crazy, it don't matter if you're on her side. She can be crazy to you. Mm-hmm. Who-- She can flip it in. You'd feel like you're walking on eggshells around her. Exactly. Well, now, how-- but how do you slip out of that? I don't-- She's probably hard to get by, you know. She said her house is divided. I'm going to go with-- I would not get too close to her. Keep your distance, but definitely don't get on the bad side. Maybe just make something up if you ever have to, like, get away from her. And get some locks. Yeah. Get some locks and-- And just be alert if you smell piss. Maybe have a, like, say, OK, well, since we know that, we're going to have to do daily checks and weekly checks on your room. Since we know that. That's my thing. That's my thing. I would never-- I would never do that to anyone, no matter how bad they were and how bad they screwed me over. But let's say, hypothetically, they did. I'm not telling nobody. I'm not telling my new roommates. Exactly. Nah. You're not normal. What you doing? So-- That means she's cray-cray. Yeah. She's telling. Yeah. I feel like everybody always eventually tells someone, eventually. But not the-- True. True. Not when you're moving in. Hey, just so you guys all know. I did 48 hours ago. Yeah. Can't think-- She could probably get arrested for that. I don't know. But get-- Damage to property. I've told this story on the pod. When we moved out of our house in Kingston, Oklahoma, Mom was dating this guy. I don't know who he was. And I didn't see it, but she told me. We moved out. And our landlords were always-- I remember them being nice. They were an older couple that lived right behind us, do you remember that, Mae? By the-- Yeah. Karate. Yeah. They were older people that were really nice. Now, I don't-- I wasn't an adult, so I don't know how they treated my mom, but they were always nice to us. Anyway, if we all moved out, Mom told me that her and her boyfriend went back and shit on the kitchen floor. I remember that. Right. I loved them on Amber Turd. Just-- Dude. Yeah. Yeah. They were under her boyfriend? Mm-hmm. And I remember being like-- Amber Turd. Like seven or eight years old. I remember thinking, "Why would you do that?" Mm-hmm. Yeah. They didn't say why. As a little kid, I remember thinking that. I remember going to that lady's house and we were always asking her for food. Yeah. We did that a lot. But we asked her for food probably every day. She probably hated us. The fact that your mom told you guys though-- I know. That's what I'm saying. A mom was play psycho. No, I don't know if she was. Oh my. And the lady was feeding you and your parents were shitting on her floor? My childhood. I don't know how it turned out half-decent, for real. What did the lady say? Do you remember how she found the shit or anything? No, because we were gone. We were gone. We moved out. We were gone. I know nothing. I love the shit and dipped. Yeah. Yeah. I know nothing. But just create people, dude. Oh, man. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I remember being a kid and thinking drugs. Just cry. How would you do that? I feel like that was the worst of it in that house. Yeah. The worst of their drug habits? The worst of our childhood. The worst of our childhood. The worst of the drug habits. Yeah, you're right. In that house, it was the worst. From what I remember. Yeah. That was the height of it, I think. That was the height. Yeah. A lot of bad shit happened there. Did it just seem like a day's almost like when a lot of people coming over, just their friends and stuff, and you kind of probably knew but didn't know? Yeah. Oh, I knew. Oh, yeah, I knew. Yeah, I would say that. And right before there, we lived in sulfur. And that's when it was so sulfur to there that those like a couple of years, a few years, that was the worst of it. The worst. You're right. Yeah. They would just, it's hard, everything. They would just like the drugs, the alcohol. They were always high. They were always drunk. Mom would leave for days or weeks. And dad would leave because he would go look for her, he would go find her. Yeah. He'd be drunk, he'd be, he'd be, he'd get sometimes violent when he was drunk. We never had food in the house. You were saying that they're, they'd be gone for so long. You would have to just wake up, Maggie and Beth at like 7 a.m., get everyone dressed. Yeah, but I had to set an alarm as well as old little alarm clocks that like are, but the boxy ones. I would set the alarm as like seven years old, I knew what time the bus came. I'd get us up. I don't even know how I did that or what, you know, I know. You were just freaking snapped into mom mode. Because we love going to school because we got to eat the lunch, the breakfast and the lunch. Yeah. So we were like happy to go to school. You guys are going to make the fucking crowd. You're so fucking. Hey, we're doing good. We're doing good now. We got that, we got that lunch money. We ate so good the other night. Oh, we be eating. You guys have me cheering up. That's so sad, dude. Can you imagine us as little kids rolling around town looking for food? No. Hey. You're going to make me cry. You're literally going to make me cry page. We can't talk about it anymore. But it's okay. We're okay now. Oh. That's so bad. Holy shit. We're all right now. We're all right now. Oh, gosh. Yeah. Bro, like I said, and me and Maggie were talking about this the other day with you, it's like, I remember being a little kid and I remember we were living in sulfur. I remember having this thought I was sitting on the front porch of the house. I used to go dry hump that kid. I remember sitting on the front porch and I don't know what was happening at that moment. There was some sort of chaos or turmoil of either them being gone or no food or something. And I remember just looking around as about 10 years old and I thought, this ain't going to be me. This is not going to be my life. If I don't care what it takes, this is not going to be my life. And I think it just lit a fire under my ass and as sad as our childhood was, man, I don't think I would change a thing. Right. Yeah. It really just fucking made us good people in a way in a fuck up way where they say like comedians and stuff, like they usually have like the most trauma or like, I don't know, even successful people, they just had to go through some shit to get where they are. Yeah. Damn. You guys got me. Aw. Fucking up. Being on a hunger and shit. Fuck. Do we really want to play trivia all night? Yeah. Yeah. Well, even like the stores the other day, I'm just like, fuck. Yeah. And yeah, I'll definitely, I'll try to think of some other stuff that happened as when we were kids, but I remember like, that's why, you know, I don't spend money on fancy shoes. I don't like expensive clothes. I, you know, I'm not most everything in my house is like antique store, thrift store used, Facebook market, I spend money on some stuff. But one thing I will not not spend money on is food, man. And I think that stems, I, we want to go have Mexican right now after the, let's fucking go. Yeah. We drop money on food now. I just, you know, I will go to the grocery store and it is the biggest, like when I go to the grocery store, this had, this feeling has never gone away from me. Same. To this day, I'll go to the grocery store tomorrow when I leave the grocery store and I have a car full of food and I didn't have to check prices. I didn't have to put nothing back. Like we had, I mean, I've had to do that as a kid, even a younger adult, put stuff back. You know, do you ever fear though that like, oh, this could go away? Yes. All the time. Yeah. And when I come home and I put groceries up, man, I could cry right now thinking about how just I'm like, fuck, I just bought groceries, bro. That's a relief. Dude, we went to Costco the other day and I text Chelsea and I go, man, having a fully stocked house. There's nothing better. No. No. I don't know. And you can go get whatever you want in the kitchen cause I, cause I've been there and I know that even people listening don't have that and can't have that and I've been there and I, I know what a big fucking deal it is. I know. And sometimes it makes me feel, well, you know how it like can be like, I'm feel, I'm so grateful because we do this and then it's like, yeah, some people still don't have that. So then it's like, shit, you like, I don't know. You feel guilty. Yeah. I just feel guilty. I do. Yeah. I will admit that. Yeah. I do too. I was saying that the other day I feel guilty just just even saying like, oh, I'm so grateful for having parents like not everyone has their parents. So like, how do you not feel guilty, you know, but then you want people to know you're grateful too. So right. Yeah. It's a big one. Hey, got it. You just got me. Got it. Got it. He's like, we love going to school because it's the only time we got to take you. I'm just like, yeah. We, I know you've said that before, but fuck it's just all the shit you guys were telling me the other day and I'm like, yeah, oh man, they're so much shit. I don't even know where to begin. We got stories for days. Even just kids now, you know, and it go back to the lunch ladies like all their stories and seeing, you know, kids are fucking hungry. They know the kids that are hungry and we'll feed them extra. It's like, fuck. Their schools now that will still keep the lunchroom open because they were saying most of the kids now that's how they eat. They don't get to eat at home. Yeah. And so all summer long, they were saying that the kids can go up there and get food for free. Yeah. And that's why when I, when I did the, I did a giveaway for the crews. And to where people could enter and they could, they could enter for free, but if you wanted to buy, if you wanted to enter more entries, you could donate to them. And I picked the second harvest food bank of middle Tennessee. And we ended up raising 20 or 30,000 a lot. Yeah. And I was so proud of that. And I got shit for choosing that. Why? You could have chose some, I got messages. You could have chose something better. You could have done this. Why didn't you help these? It was just ridiculous. And I go, that means something to me. Yeah. No matter what you do, people say some, yeah, but that's personally, like, we, we lived off food banks, food stamps and food banks, church food banks, city food banks, like, the schools going up there and getting, like that is like, people said your mom would sell. Did you want to say that on here? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, yeah. I remember my mom selling our food stamps for drugs, for drug money and alcohol. And that's when we wouldn't have food. Like, I distinctly remember there was this lady in sulfur, Oklahoma, and mom was friends of there. And I hated going over to her house because I knew that mom was going to sell her our food stamps and she would sell, you know, $100 for the food stamps for $30, $40, $50. And I remember, you know, thereafter, after I caught on to what was going on, every time she would want to go over there, I'd be like, Mom, please don't sell our food stamps. Please, like, I'm going to cross something about you. Yeah. That's what got me the other day for sure. Yeah. You know, please don't sell our food stamps. And it's like, and she, the thing is, like she didn't do it. If my kids were begging me not to do something, getting upset, you're not going to do it. But it was, it was probably drug money. People, you know, shit on people on food stamps so much, like, they abuse the system. You know, they're selling it. And I get that, but there's kids behind that, that, you know, need to, I don't know what I'm trying to get at. But you know, like there's like, it's beyond the person just taking advantage of the system. And that's why I picked the food bank and I, when we were in California, we did a little, I did a little thing where I, you helped me go and buy the food. We did like, uh-huh, I used to do this. I used to start doing it again, where if like, oh, this month's proceeds from this t-shirt on Eat My Trash, like, and we'd go and we would literally go and buy, we'd fill up carts and take it to the food bank there in Escondido. I should do that for the pod one month, like, like, that's like a big deal to me. Like, it's, you know, I, yeah, I got shit for picking that, that, uh, damn, but I don't give a fuck. I mean, fuck you. So, um, I can't imagine giving somebody shit for, for helping. I got told it wasn't a good enough cause. You could've picked up. Fuck it is. Yeah. Fuck you. So, for real. God. Oh, God. Anyway, I love you guys. I love you. Uh, let's do some trivia all before we, before we get out of here. Yeah. Before I cry. I don't know. If I could bend over and get it in my back. Oh, yeah. It's time for smiles. Hey, Scott. I'm just going to call Kelsey Scott this. Look at her moving like a spot. I could've got it. We could've got it. Oh, and also, thank you guys for clicking on the pod every week. Thank y'all for, um, bringing food to them when they're out on tour. Oh, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. People will break, but they do. I saw some good shit. Thank y'all for watching the YouTubes and, uh, if you're audio listener and not a, not a YouTube listener, you know, we've got some fun edits on the YouTube. Ben's doing great. So be sure and click, um, the YouTube and click that download button, help us take over the world. Oh, yeah. Those downloads are, those, they're meaningful, but we don't know how and, you know, we're really trying to take over the world and I will say this. The podcast has not grown substantially, but it has stayed. So you motherfuckers, you rock fuckers out there that are die hard listeners. Y'all have not gone away and we fucking appreciate you. Oh, love you. You know what I'm saying? We're not like climbing. We're not like, we're not Joe Rogan numbers, gaining and gaining, gaining, but the ones that are here have never left and that is enough. So thank you so much. But also keep being a super spreader. Yes, please keep being a super spreader. Spread the good word. Okay. Spread it. Alright. Shreddoo. Oh, here we go. Hold on. Here we go. Trivie. Get Trivie. Get Trivie. Get Trivie. Oh, fuck me. Get Trivie. Get Trivie. Ooh, buzzer. Alright. Trivie all. Everybody? Buzz Aldrin. You got your buzzer? Buzz Aldrin. Buzz Aldrin baby. Here we go. Oh, gosh, I'm scared. And we also have not gotten smarter through this entire podcast. True crime. Here we go. True crime. White. Okay. True crime. Right. You're doing great. Thanks. First question of Trivie all. Where did Ted Bundy commit his last murders before being captured? I'm just going to say Provo, Utah. It was somewhere. You know it. Those were some of the first. Yeah. For some reason, I want to say Louisiana, but I may be wrong. How do you not know this? I feel like I... Hold on. It's a freak. I watched that. Colorado? Mm-mm. Okay. As soon as you say it, I'm going to... Wyoming. Mm-mm. Where was it? Florida State University at the Chi Omega. What did I say? I knew it. Somewhere down south. I'm so glad you didn't get that. I'm sorry. Ted traveled. Oh, yeah. He started up there, Paige. He started up there. That's where... Mm-hmm. And then... He was ahead of his time with the fake IDs, too. God. Wait. He started in Florida, went to Utah. No. He started up in Utah... Utah... In that area. Uh-huh. And then went down before... Robinson, Washington. Yeah. I think a lot of states are there. The Pacific Northwest area. Yeah. And I knew it was somewhere south. God. Oh, even though it's on my family. Here we go. Because that Provo highway is like very small and like... You drive it all the time. Animals. Yellow. Okay. Question number two of trivia. What type of pet did Harry take to Hogwarts with? Did he take... Um... Owl? Yes. Whoo-hoo-hoo! God, honey, it's a good job. Dude, why was I going to say a pig? I was thinking of a little pigtail. Yeah. Open the closet door. Good job. Here we go. Chelsea, did you know that? No. You didn't? What were you going to say? Yeah. What were you going to say? I was going to say something small, like a little bird or a lizard or something. But I was like... Oh, I went in there. I guess I don't know. Okay. Here we go. Remember when I asked your mom so you like owls? Owls? Yeah. It's a nice restaurant. Owls? But there were a lot of owls in our house. Oh, capitals, U.S. orange capitals. I'm nervous. Oh, God. Oh, God. This one scares me too. Oh, gosh. This is going to be fun. Which of these is not a U.S. capital? Oh. Hartford, Springfield, Franklin or Dover? Franklin, what? Well, is that a capital or not? Wait, say it again? So, which of these is not a U.S. capital? Hartford, Springfield, Franklin or Dover? Springfield is not a state capital. That's incorrect. I'm going to say Franklin. That is correct. Okay. Wow. That's correct. Okay. I didn't know what state they were talking about. So, that's why I was kind of like hmm. Yeah. Good job, Chelsea. And it's Hartford, Connecticut. Yeah. I knew that. Springfield. I thought it was Illinois. I couldn't think. I haven't heard of this. Dover, Delaware. Yeah. Good job, everybody. All right. Here we go. I need to learn capitals. Earth. Green. Well, you're back. Before you hit 30 and learn capitals. Here we go. Okay. Which country is the world's leading producer of Cork? Ireland. Nope. What's a place with like wine? Nice. I'm trying to think like maybe like Italy or something around there. Okay. Wine. Germany. Portugal. How would I want that? Interesting. Yeah. Page. I'm going to get some. Or let's call those cards. Oh, okay. Some flash cards. Let me get some flash cards for you. Oh, yeah. And we're going to learn capitals. Oh, hell yeah. You can beat breads ass. You can do that on a slits. Yeah. We'll do it on a slits only. Everybody ready? Sports purple. Sports purple. Sports. Okay. How much does an NFL football weigh? Half a pound. Incorrect. Okay. Gosh, don't they weigh it by like what's the weight under a pound? What ounces? Yeah. Isn't it like frickin? 1.5 ounces. I'm trying to think of when the Tom Brady stuff was going on. And they said it was like 19. The deflator? Yeah, the deflate gate. Is it 23? I can't remember. Just think of how much maybe a football weighs. You pick it up. How much do you think that weighs? I'm thinking like a pound and a half. Incorrect. No less, I feel like. Okay. What is it? Two pounds. Okay, it's a pound. Oh. We're close. I said less than one said two. I couldn't think. Yeah. I'm not good with pounds like that. They said my dog weighs five pounds. I don't know what that means. All right. Here we go. A couple more. Okay. Let's go. Spinny baby. Dang. One pound. Sports. Sports. Here we go. I'm getting this one. A sporting event is held every year on Memorial Day weekend. What is it? I've already done this one. We can not remember. Okay. It's Memorial Day. Didn't that just happen? I don't know. PGA tour. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Beth. Wait, a sporting event? Uh-huh. What is it? It's not the. You can't buzz. It's not the basketball playoffs. Is it? I'm freaking confused. Oh, NASCAR. Race. Race car. Okay. Racist. All right. Nice. Let's do one more. All right. Here we go. All right. The world and shit purple. The world and shit purple. Okay. Which country is known as the land of the rising sun? Oh, we're just a sunrise. China. No. I'm thinking somewhere down by the equator. So. Oh, God. Brazil. Ecuador. Japan. Oh, my gosh. I. Cause that's what they're. Yeah. Yeah. We're not. It's over there in the east, maybe. So listen, you guys, we're taking the next two weeks off. Vacation. We hope you guys enjoy your time without us. When we come back, Brett, we'll have a valive Victorian speech written. And maybe it'll lean forward too. We may let him lean forward. We may let you talk the entire. We haven't let him lean forward for a long time, have we? I think so. Oh, yeah. There's lean forwards, my favorite part. That's my favorite segment. Maybe just keep him yearning or keep your yearning. Yeah. I could lean forward now if you want or just save it. Make it real good. It's whatever you guys want. It's your podcast. Well, we could end it with a lean forward and then and then no dialogue after. We'll just end it with a lean forward and then we'll say bye. And then we'll just start saying the number right after. Okay. Well, we're going to miss you guys. Love you. Sorry I was crying. Like, well, bitch. No, you weren't, honey. Let's do the lean forward. Brett. Brett. Honestly, I feel like ever since I got my prostate milked, I've had way more pre come than usual and post. I feel like it kind of opened up a lid or something. So if that's happened to you, it happened to me too. I see this guy running down the hill every day and that's like the dumbest thing you can do is run down a hill because it'll hurt your back. So if you're going to run, run up the hill and then walk down for a workout, man, val Victorian, I didn't even know they had that until ninth grade, I got really good grades till ninth grade. And I got like a C and I was like, okay, Brett, it's your dad, lean back. All right, make sure to give us a call at four, four, two, seven, seven, seven, three, three, three, one. No, he's remember you're doing great. You're looking good and fuck what everybody else thinks. Get ready. We're going viral. Get ready. Ready. We're going viral. Get ready. We're going viral. You guys fucking got my ass. Brett, why are you still talking about getting milked? That happened seven years ago.
